Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Mothers Part 2

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

In this two-part debut episode of their brand new advice podcast, Chelsea and co-host Brandon Marlo take some roads-less-traveled in discussions about motherhood.  Chelsea and Brandon hear from a few mothers struggling to manage their young children’s R-rated behavior, with special guest consultant Charlize Theron weighing in with some advice of her own. And a young woman asks about the ethics of having her 18 year old brother donate his sperm for her and her wife to have their first child.. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors

who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in. Well, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to part two of our Mother's Day episode. There was so much to discuss, we had to do part two. We did, and plus it's our premiere episode, so we wanted to give people something a little extra. So we have people calling in with advice about their children, which is obviously going to be my wheelhouse. And you can pick your own wheelhouse, because that's mine. I picked it. It's just like a Monopoly piece.

We'll figure out what mine is as we get going. I think yours is gay. That would make sense. Yeah, so these are women. They've got some kids that are kind of fucked up. Well, we don't want to say fucked up. You know, just because there's a situation happening doesn't mean your kid is fucked up. It means your kid might be behaving in a fucked up way.

Yeah, it's a fucked up manner. We don't want to say you're fucked up. Nobody's fucked up. That's a permanent description of somebody, and everything's temporary. So that's the first thing to remember, everybody. Everything is temporary. Even if you're an asshole, that can be temporary. Even if a kid is an asshole, that could be a temporary asshole kid.

And that's what I call a TAK, T-A-K, temporary asshole kid. Okay. Well, then today we have a couple T-A-Ks, temporary asshole kids. Oh, good. These kids are up to no good. Okay. Okay. Laura is our first submission.

She is in her 30s. She's a newly stay-at-home mom. And she says, Dear Chelsea, how do I get my toddler to stop swearing? I don't know what sort of advice you're going to give on this topic. Well, I mean, I personally like when toddlers swear. That's why. so I don't mind it and I as far as parenting goes like they're gonna find out what fuck and you know and all these words say cunt well it looks like it was on the tip of your tongue

because I've been saying that word a lot lately for some reason but you know they're gonna find out fuck shit piss whatever pussy they're gonna hear these words yeah they shouldn't be throwing them around but it is entertaining and I feel like the entertainment value aspect of it outweighs the moral one because it's not really a moral argument it's just like do you want your kids cursing or not obviously you don't but i think from like until they're five it's fun well so she goes on to say he typically says oh shit with conviction and in perfect context he's almost three so he's old enough to understand that he shouldn't be saying these words i've explained to him that he shouldn't and later that day he said what the hell any advice hi laura hi chelsea

hi is it funny him cursing yeah it sounds funny it is funny my husband and i usually look at each other and kind of do a little giggle and decide whether or not we're going to say something to him or just try and ignore it. And it's just kind of a, we never really know what to do. Yeah, I think just go with it. I had a friend who had a similar situation and she told the kid, you can only say those words at home. So I don't know what sort of impact that had, but set it up that like, hey, you know, there are certain things that you do and don't say in public and those were if you're going to say those words you only say them at home like you don't say them at school you don't say them

to another kid i don't know how that worked out for them but i would just like to provide you that sort of insight it's what another parent is doing and also i would enjoy the comic relief of it yes it is very funny however one time he did it when we had family members over and they kind of shot us some weird looks so we were like well we're just trying to ignore it right now yeah but you know what fuck people like when family members are so judgy about like your toddler and about other people how they raise their children that is reason enough for your kid to be cursing in my opinion there's more serious shit going on like you guys have bigger fish to fry when you have a kid this is the thing chelsea is not ever going to have kids i'm on the fence i really wanted

them and now i can't imagine having to deal with them so i give like the utmost kudos to anyone who is willing to give of themselves to raise children that is the least of your fucking worries is this kid swearing like is he kind that's something is he pushing kids down on a playground if the answer is no then like who the fuck let him say fuck if that's the worst thing this kid is doing it's probably not that bad he'll grow out of it he'll be able to understand later that's like not appropriate in certain settings but I would think also the less attention you draw to it the less it's going to have impact right yeah like if you're laughing at him like he sees he's getting your attention then of course he's going to want more of it so if you're laughing which I you know

encourage I would look away and laugh with your husband and then you know just appreciate those little moments use it as foreplay sounds good okay thanks for calling in thanks Laura thank you so much. If I had a kid, he would be such a dick. Yeah, but not a dick in like a celebrity LA type way. He would order cocktails at dinner and stuff like that. He'd be a dick to me. You would have one of those kids, though, that people want to be around. Right. They engage in adult conversation like they know what the fuck is up. I'm just so, so glad that I don't have children. I know. I'm so grateful that that never happened to me. I'm so grateful that I don't have someone at home when I get home, except for you and my bell and. And even, and even my bell is limited. And I really

don't want my own when I get home all the time. This is something that everyone should know. When Chelsea comes home from a trip, she hates if anyone is home. She's like, I don't want to see people when I come back. Mind you, I always have to be there to make sure like things are on the up and up. So he could help me turn the lights on. Usually what it is, is I'm bloated and tired. You want to decompress. And I want to get in bed and sleep. I'm so glad that I, like there's no accidental pregnancies in a gay relationship but i thought for sure i was going to have kids by the time i was 25 that's all i wanted i never even thought about that that you guys don't have to deal with the the threat of an accidental pregnancy no so it's you know it

has to be much more organized if you're going to have kids but even then yeah like you have to do not want i cannot imagine having kids and just having to sacrifice yourself and your time and the questions that they ask, repeated questions about the sun and the moon and answers I don't have. And I don't want to pretend to know shit that I don't. That is so funny. My nephew called the other night and asking me how the moon got its glow. And so then I had to fucking figure that out. I'm like, oh my God. From the sun. From the sun. Yeah. I am way late on the fucking moon and sun being two separate things. I learned it from Google about three weeks ago. I thought the moon and the sun were the same fucking thing until like late in life. I thought Chicago was a state

until i was like 19 so that's it's not saying much but this seems to be a common problem these kids swearing but guys like there is so much else to worry about in life than your child saying shit so sweetheart you're oh my god you keep exposing yourself my breasts are exposed and i didn't even know they have popped out and they're fucking huge right now i mean they're always big i'm gonna get my period okay well speaking of parenting styles this next submission comes from Lindsay A out of California she writes dear Chelsea my goddamn four-year-old says some crazy shit usually I can respond to him and help him understand I speak to him like an adult he's allowed to use swear words which many think is fucked up but whatever the issue that I'm having

is he now tells me and anyone who will listen I feel like I want to suck my penis now if he's into penises that's cool but I don't believe he is I asked him why he thought that and he said that he wanted to see what it tastes like please help what the fuck do i say to this little weirdo well it sounds like you created this weirdo probably and i want to suck my penis isn't okay to say even if he is into penises like who wants that's like me sitting there i want to suck my own beaver in nursery school no kids aren't supposed to be talking like that for a reason so you can have your kid cursed all the time i also think kids cursing is funny but i mean you've made your bed. Now you have to lie in it, right? I guess so. I mean, this isn't a situation I'd

ever want to encounter. I don't, I don't know what you say. Seeing a kid saying, I want to suck my own penis. Can you just shut up? Yeah, exactly. Who are the moms in your life that you know, that like you watch their parenting style and think like, that's a good fucking mom or that's someone like, that's the mom I wish I had. Yeah. It's like long-term, right? I mean, I like kids who behave. So I like their parents, like kids who aren't like throwing iPads at their mother's faces like that you know you could see the difference in parenting and the effect on the child like children who say hello goodbye please thank you or even more exciting as children that engage in conversation you know where you can connect with a kid instead of them just like

looking at you as an adult and like okay you know so which of your friends do you feel like their parenting style is closest to how you would parent i i don't think about that ever there has to be one of your friends I just I like the way Charlize parents Charlize they're on she's like fun and cool but again I'm not there all the time so I don't know like Charlize just has that attitude that I would want from my parent like you know she's strict but she's totally real like yeah like if it's really funny it's really funny you know like she's not gonna be in front of you doing that like she's very she's more private about it like when she has to have real talks with her kids she's just like she's a real person all around so i respect how she behaves in general but related

to the kids yeah i i like those two kids a lot and i think that's a direct result of her and her mom's parenting okay well we can call her right to get her let's get her on the phone well okay we're gonna take a quick break and then we're gonna see if charlie's their own or thrown Theron is around, and Theron. Charlize Theron. Theron? We'll find out when we get her on the phone. Okay.

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney+. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto-pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never let go of that. I have never set expectations for something like that. It seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it.

I'm always going to accept, you know, Danny McBride. Fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding. i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my

life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hi we're back and guess what we do have charlize their own on the phone sweetheart are you ready to speak to our friend yeah since we just discussed her parenting style yeah we should wish her yeah a happy mother's day hi charlize hi chicken Oh, we were talking about you and we've decided to call you to wish you a happy Mother's Day. What?

Oh, you guys are so cute. Happy Mother's Day. I had asked Chelsea who amongst her friends has a parenting style that would be most aligned with how Chelsea would parent should she have kids. And she said that your parenting style was the one she appreciated the most. Well, just given that we all know how little she wants to do with kids for herself, I take that as a real compliment because you really just don't want your own kids. So, I mean, that's like a really high compliment to get from you. Thank you.

It means you're doing something right with those two. What is it specifically that you think that I'm so good at? Because it probably, if it comes from you, it probably means I'm doing it wrong. It's a good note, Charlize. I would say like I like that when you get mad like you have long serious talks with them almost like they're you're equal like they're adults that's how I would describe it I feel like we do parent a little bit like we were parented and then we also I don't know whether it's trauma or what it is that makes us kind of erase some of that stuff but I do know that my mom

brought that into her parenting and I always appreciated it because it always that was my first introduction to respect was my mother treating me that way and it felt very respectful and I remember being a young girl and being like wow my mom has so much respect for me like she's sitting me down she's having this discussion with me and so I try to do that with my kids and they respond to it I only do what works and this seems to work I think your dryer is is done and your laundry is ready well I'm doing laundry okay this motherfucker over here cleans your house you don't have to try and prove yourself to be real and down to earth okay charlize nobody has any time for that we need your advice we had a caller call in and she has

a little boy that curses and says we had a couple of submissions yeah children who are cursing incessantly and then one child who is like getting to know his own anatomy and is very fascinated with uh his own dick and he really wants to suck his own dick he says that he says i want to suck my own dick. And I was like, well, I really don't know what to say about that because that's actual real parenting. So do you have any advice for them? Both of them? There were two. How old are these kids? One I think was three and the other was four. They were like old enough to kind of know what was going on. Like one who was swearing knew how to use it in context. Was the three year old or four? So they're both like really young, right? So they're off to a

strong start is our point and then i guess my other question would just for us for context do they have siblings or are they only children do you guys know they did not preface a great question and if we were actually good at this we would have asked it i would say that with young kids i think to lean into anything too much is a mistake i think you know sometimes we worry when they say inappropriate things or when they touch themselves and then i think it's purely just innocent to them it's exploratory they're just they're figuring shit out and some of it is uncomfortable for us to watch but you have to always remind yourself at that age they're not hurting anybody and I you know not to embarrass my children but there was definitely one of my kids

who loved like just the feeling of things touching down there a lot of like grinding on pillows and she would say blatantly say, she's like, that feels so good. And it made me so uncomfortable. And I knew that she was doing a little bit of preschool. And so my conversation with her was just like, that's awesome. Like, I want her to have like, really just love how good things feel on her body, but to know that maybe she should just keep it in our house and not, you know, there are certain things that we don't take to preschool so I and then it went away like I think when you make a big deal out of it it makes it becomes a bigger thing and with her as soon as I told her that it was fine to do it it's almost like she lost interest and then she stopped doing

it the swearing thing is is interesting because I think my youngest one struggles with that more than my older one so that's why I was asking if there was siblings and well like if there's a sibling and I don't know maybe I'm like a little bit more lenient with my older kid Jackson and so the little one really wants to join the coolness I mean I let Jackson every once in a while I'll be like I'm okay with you saying there's certain words that people think are swearing that I'm just like that's not swearing I don't know like but you can say but you can say like they're just they're like the s-word I'm like what's the s-word shit and they're like no stupid and I'm like it's like we're just getting a little too like just speak normal and then every once in a while

because we are very big RuPaul fans in this house there's a lot of expletives and the one reason the rule that I have is like when you get your swear license when you're older you can talk like this but up until then you're not going to talk like that and so every once in a while when we watch it they'll say like can i just say the b word just once can i just say it once and also they're surrounded by you and gerda so i mean where do you think they're picking this up in the first place from you guys and gerda just so you know is charlize's mom and they basically co-parent together i'm gonna blame it on rue and i'm gonna say it's not us uh-huh the swearing thing goes a little far right it's like i've had kids say to me like you can't play that song

because there's it's not the clean version you guys won't know this because you don't have kids but literally kids will talk like that be like no we can't listen to this it's not the clean version and i'm like we're listening to this it's playing in my car we're listening to it so do you think it's like an overcorrection is it about teaching your kids how to like just respectfully communicate that like these are all words that we're all going to use at some point and it's just about how you're using them like you're not going to go out and call another kid on a playground a bitch no listen i am probably not the right person any advice that when it comes to swearing, because like Chelsea said, I really, I really love to

swear. And I learned it from my mother and my mother is 10 times worse than I am. So I'm sure my kids are either going to go the complete opposite and not swear at all, or they're going to totally lean in and like, you know, strap their flak jackets. But I feel like it's language that when you're older you can just like i i don't feel comfortable with my kids up until like way into their teens you know saying bitch every once in a while like i do think it's funny and i have to watch myself like the little one will say it with like she's just lost her upper tooth so she's got this big cap and she'd be like beast every rupaul she gets one try there's one chance like and then she knows she can't say it again she's like can i say it can i say it i'm like all right

go for it. She's like, bitch. Hey, you know what I was talking to Brandon about the other day that made me want to talk to you is we were talking about apologizing and how like one of the first times I learned to apologize was after you and I got in that really stupid fight in South Africa. We went to South Africa for your charity, CTAOP. Charlize Theron African Outreach Program. Which everybody should know about. I was just being crabby or bitchy and everyone kept using that phrase 100% and you and Mary kept saying 100% 100% 100% and finally I was like can you please stop fucking saying 100% and Charlize was like whoa whoa whoa what's your problem dude and we got into like this fight because of because of that because you guys have been

friends for a long time was this your first fight or disagreement pretty much yeah for sure definitely yeah I feel like that was the first time that we spent like we were together for close to two weeks I feel like right we were traveling and I feel like the old saying is true like you really get to know somebody when you travel with them like that's that's when you see them not just in an hourly period in a weekly schedule like you see them every single day and especially on those trips we do everything together we have breakfast together we eat dinner together we ride in vans together you know for five hours and then we get on a plane and so The whole it's intense travel. It's exhausting. And there's so many moving parts to it.

So so then you're on this trip and this like even though it seems a minor conflict or conversation, what happens? Does it escalate? Who addresses it? Well, we left the trip and we were like I had bad vibes going at the end of the trip. Like I kind of blew up at dinner and then I like went up to my room and then we just all kind of like played nice for the rest of the trip. But we didn't really talk about it. So we flew home. And then when we got home after a few days had passed, I was like, one of us said, let's talk about it. And I went over to Charlize's and we had that really nice long talk. And, you know, that saying about being able to apologize is so liberating is cheesy, but it's so true. Being able to apologize is like such a friendship builder also because you end up you do become closer because you're more honest.

You know, you can say I fucked up and I'm sorry and I won't do it again or I hope I'm not doing it again. You know, that sort of thing. So we were talking about that the other day. I just thought that was a sweet memory and I wanted to wish you a happy Mother's Day. So I thought, let's call my baby Kate. You know, the thing that I remember the most was, listen, your role, I hate this word, but your journey with Dan is really inspiring. My therapist, Dan.

And was then even to me because you were just the evidence of whatever he was sharing with you information wise that was just, I thought, really powerful because you changed. It was a deeper thing with you. And I think that was the thing that freaked me out a little bit was because nobody gets that upset about anybody saying 100 percent, maybe way too much like I did on that trip. But, you know, having some perspective on like what we were doing there and like the conversations that we were having, part of me was like, who gives a fuck if I say 100 percent a thousand times? We're talking about investing in youth here and like future leaders of Africa, like, fuck you. So when we came back and you reached out to me, it just, I think the thing about good friends is that you reached out, came over, was not defensive at all. Told me a little bit about Dan, but didn't say it in a way that felt like you were justifying your behavior.

And then I just remember you being so sincerely sorry. And I was like, fuck, like that's grace right there. And deep down inside, I thought, thank you, because I don't say 100 percent a thousand times now. And I'm sure I sound way more intelligent. But I didn't want to let you know that in the moment. But, yeah, I mean, I think of you almost like Chelsea pre our Africa trip and then Chelsea after our Africa trip. Like, it's really like that's how I think of you. You've really changed so more than anybody in my life.

actually, you are the person in my life that has definitely made the biggest changes. So now looking back on this, do you think that you would have apologized immediately after like, or do you think you still would have needed some time to decompress from it? If I know if I hadn't been in therapy, I would have been defensive still like I would have just been, you know, but now with your knowledge and your experience, like, is that something you would have had this altercation at dinner? Oh, yeah, I would never get upset at dinner for somebody saying a hundred percent but would you apologize quicker yes of course of course yes yes i wouldn't have held on to it i would have been like i'm so sorry about my outburst that's the best type

of relationship the ones that you can and want to apologize for yes you know what you just brought up was my bigger problem with her when she eventually came over because remember chelsea i said to you i was like it's the fact that you just stayed there and like never addressed it and I felt like the rest of the trip was destroyed. I was like, we were like so weird with each other and then we'd sit on planes with each other and it was so fucking awkward and there were other people there.

And I was like, I love that she calls me out on shit. I love that that's who she is. I hope she never loses that. I don't mind her calling me out and be like, you sound like an idiot, don't say that. But there was this aggression behind it and then she hung on to it. And I now know for a fact that that's not Chelsea anymore.

Like, I know that if something came up between us, Chelsea would address it. She wouldn't be defensive. She'd be sincere and wanting to know what the fuck it is. It's really, it's incredible. It's really inspiring. Okay, so can I ask for other people who are listening? What was the reasoning behind, Charlize, you not addressing it, like giving her the day and then being like, hey, we can't go on the rest of the trip like this.

So for people who have that dynamic with a friend or a family member, where one of them responds differently, like, you know, they need either more time or they hold on to things longer I don't feel like maybe it's always the person's responsibility who isn't holding on to it but in that instance why didn't you just address it knowing that you had these extra days oh I listen I should have yes I should have no I think you did you came up to my hotel room the next morning I went to her room and and I tried but I would also be very honest and saying that I was really pissed and I felt like there wasn't there was so much and this is again you know you have to watch yourself when you talk about this stuff because I don't want it to sound like I'm

making excuses but like part of me was so pissed that I went to her room and I was like instead of going to her room and be like what's going I did say what's going on and I knew we weren't going to get there there was a lot we were basically packing to get onto another plane but you're right Brandon like the thing that I learned was that I am a little bit scared of conflict I'm scared of rocking the boat right and there was some stuff going on with my mom we were home we were kind of reminiscing about our family lives. And like, there was just some deeper issue stuff going on with me as well. So part of me going to that room, I wish I went to that room and just said, I'm not leaving here until you can actually just sit down, be quiet, look me in the eye,

don't move, make eye contact, and be fucking have a sincere moment with me where we look at each other. And we're like, what are we doing? This is ridiculous. Well, because when I think of you two, that's how I see you and your dynamic together. Like I always compartmentalize her friends into her celebrity friends and then her real friends. And you are like that centerpiece. You are a real friend who happens to be a celebrity. And a lot of times that wouldn't be a conversation

that you have with another person who's just in the industry, you're on this trip and like you'd come and go and you'd never speak again. I think our connection is very, we became really good friends because i think we appreciate that directness i think we appreciate that directness that no bullshit like a lot of people are scared by that i think chelsea would speak that to you too like i've met women in my life were like fuck i'm just scared like you're too direct you're too honest

like i don't know what's going to come out of your mouth and i i think when you meet a like-minded person the way chelsea and i met each other we're like fuck okay i'm not scared of you she's like i'm not scared of you bitch as a matter of fact stop saying 100 because you sound like a fucking yeah that's not our problem but I think in that moment I also realized like if we were gonna fight we were gonna be both stubborn right and like that's my problem I have to work with that like I find that sometimes I'm expecting way too much from the other person instead of just like bringing my end to it my part and then like letting it be and like then going okay I did what I was supposed to do instead I'm like what are you gonna do how are you gonna fix this but again that's kind of

the perfect way to wrap this up because that is you always go into these things with the intention to fix your part. Like you can't fix the other person and you can't make them respond the way you want them to. So you just have to operate in the best way for yourself, knowing that you're doing what you can in that relationship. And so you can't always expect the other person to meet you halfway. So you kind of have to go yourself. And if they end up meeting you, great. And if not, like, you know, you've done your part. What a beautiful wrap up, sweetheart. I don't know what I would have done if you and Charlize would have broken up. Am I going to see you later tonight?

Yeah. Oh, awesome. I can't wait. You guys, I'm so proud of you for doing this podcast. This is so awesome. Thank you for taking the call. You never know who's going to pick up. So wait, do people just call in?

Like people just call in and ask questions and stuff? People call in for advice on stuff. And we either talk to them or we read their question and then we chime in. Yeah. Sometimes you have to bring an expert in. Yeah, sometimes we have to bring an expert in, a celebrity guest, you know, that kind of thing. You guys should probably make them sign some kind of a liability. Like, I mean.

We try and preface to take all the advice. A non-disclosure agreement. Well, happy Mother's Day. Tell Gerda happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, baby. Thank you. And don't take any of my kid advice, please. All right.

Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye. See you later. I just love her. Let's tell people about Charlize's charity, please. Yeah, so it's Charlize Theron African Outreach Program.

They provide schooling and education for people. They provide scholarships for young girls to go to college. And they do a lot of HIV prevention. And they serve tons of adolescents in all of Africa. So it's really, really important work. Anything else, sweetheart? Well, they can donate online if they want to go to Charlize Africa. CharlizeAfricaOutreach.org.

Yeah, they can donate right on the home screen. It's really easy, and the money is actually going to— And we donate, sweetheart, as a family. We donate every year. Do your part. Donate. That would be a very good Mother's Day donation for anybody who's listening that's a mother and for anybody who's listening that's not a mother. We should all donate for Mother's Day.

I'll make a donation in your name, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart, thank you. You're not a mother, and that's for the best. Yes. Well, it seems like you and Charlize had very similar— Parenting styles? Yeah, very similar takes on the swearing and not drawing attention to it, keeping it in the home. Yeah.

So, I mean, maybe you're onto something. Maybe you could be a mother. I just know if I had a kid, I'd want them to be cool. Like, I want them to be cool. Don't be a dick. Don't be an asshole. Don't throw your iPad ever at anybody or even I wouldn't want a kid like that. So I would have to be really diligent.

You want your kid to have a childhood and experience that and enjoy it. But you also want them to operate a certain way around adults. Like, don't be a fucking asshole. Yeah. I mean, I was a real fucking asshole growing up. Like, I was the worst that you could possibly be. I was I put my parents through hell pregnancies you know I ran away that cycle I can have a kid to break that cycle what cycle I mean the asshole cycle oh oh right I thought you meant my menstrual

cycle no your period is coming though it's coming it's always around the corner I thought we were gonna try and get me to get early onset menopause or is it outset is it outset onset well when you're On the beginning, on the precipice of something, you're on the outset of it, though, aren't you? You're the human thesaurus and dictionary. I don't know. You tell me. I'll have to look into it. All right.

Well, thank you, Charlize. But we should probably be thanking Gerda, her mom, because whatever sort of parenting. Yeah, thanks, bitch. That's what she calls me. Gerda calls me bitch and I call her bitch. Well, thank you, bitch. And thank you, Charlize, for calling and taking the time to do this. We learned a lot.

get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just

started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't

stop having. I'm gonna have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman not that great actually can Can you help me shape this?

How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell

it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this david everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the i heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

Well, our last submission comes from a Gabby. Is it my Aunt Gabby? Because that's like her to write in and propose to somebody else. Although I sure am posing as someone else. I would hope so, based on the context of this. Okay, read it. Okay. Dear Chelsea, my girlfriend wants kids.

Not now necessarily, but in the next few years, which as a lesbian couple would require some effort. I love kids, and she's always wanted them and I didn't, so it's a bit of an adjustment for me. My girlfriend's suggestion is using my 18-year-old brother's sperm to make this hypothetical child, causing my anxiety to quadruple i bought a book on the subject and honestly it covers too many batshit scenarios my mom had the same idea as my girlfriend and offered up my brother's sperm my mom recognized that my brother's too young to make that call and shared some of her own concerns how old is he what do you brother's 18 why is he too young oh too young because he's 18 my girlfriend is worried about picking some random sperm from a bank so i guess the question is how the fuck do

you pick sperm? I don't know, but I find the brother thing to be weird too. But it's something people go through. No, I, well, I get it and I get it. It's your genes, but like, are you that married to having your own? It's like, how important are those genes to you? I'm fine with someone else's genes. I prefer it actually. Just break that cycle. Yeah. I mean, she doesn't, she hasn't thought about that much about having a child in the first place and to have your brother's child. I mean, the brother's 18, that's really not fair to him either. Well, let's see, Gabby's on the phone. So let's see what sort of movement they've had on this. Hi, Gabby. How you doing? I'm doing well. And yourself?

Oh, well, we're just sitting here thriving as a couple. Thank you for asking. What's going on with you? So I just, yeah, I ran and just read me your submission. So you're a lesbian who wants to have a baby while your partner wants to have a baby, right? More so than you do. But everyone's contemplating now using your 18-year-old brother's sperm. Is that right? Yeah, that's what's going on. Does that creep you out a little bit? Oh, yeah. Yeah. First, we haven't even like talked to him. I think it's way too soon to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. And the fact that he's 18, it's like it's almost not fair to even ask him. It's inappropriate. Yeah, I would say it's inappropriate, too. And even in a couple of

years, even if he is 21, I still think that's way too young to make a decision like that. Yeah. I mean, first of all, it's way too young. You're not even sold on. Okay. So you've been convinced to have a child and all of a sudden now your whole family's being roped into having the child, like using a sperm donor. People do that all the time. Lesbian women do it all the time with or without partners. They use sperm donors so that it's not that difficult to find something that someone whose sperm will measure up to what you guys are looking for. I don't think I'm being roped into it. Like, I do want to have a kid.

I just wasn't, it wasn't necessarily something on my mind right now. I think it is a little early to be having that conversation. But as far as having, using a sperm donor, I think I'm more comfortable with that idea because it is, it just makes more sense. It's also your baby. So you get to decide if you're going to use your brother's sperm or a sperm donors. Right. I mean, this is your baby with your partner. So it's not like they can, you know, just go and steal your brother's sperm unless you have a jar of it somewhere. no no of course and yeah it's a conversation that we're having i just think that her concern or the reason she feels that way is because she wants it to be biologically both of ours you know she

wants to see our traits and the both of our traits in the kid and it just happens to be that as a gay couple that that's that's not a thing that's not real um but like i understand where she's coming from with that. I think that's fair. But I also think for me, having a kid does not need to be biologically mine for me to love it. Like, I don't even necessarily think it has to be biologically my partner's for me to love the child. I could adopt and I could be content with that. And does she feel the same way? No, she could not adopt. She said it would have to be at least half ours. Yeah, I don't understand that. I don't understand why. But this is, again, Adoption is just such a gift

You are saving a life You know Why are people so against it And why are people so attached to seeing their biological reproduction Well Why though what is that I don't know what it is Why not get surprised by a brand new personality

That has nothing to do with you A live wire Of course listen you can love any baby Obviously that's what adoption is I mean how could you not love a baby Even I could love a baby if someone dropped one off at my doorstep and I had to take care of it. I mean, I wouldn't, I would hire someone,

but I would take care of it financially, make sure that it was clothed and you fed and you know, I would do the right thing. I would have a baby. You would have a baby, Brandon. If somebody just, yes. But I don't understand the tie that people have to seeing by their own biological reproduction.

You know what I think it is, is that there is an element of wanting to correct issues that people had as children. And by having their own, they feel like, oh i can redo all of these things that went wrong in my childhood because now that i'm thinking about it in my own terms that would be why i want one of my own then i'm like no no no we're going to to amend all the issues that i went through and give you the childhood i wish i had right but i see it from both sides because my mom's adopted terrible scenario for her she had the

best parents who adopted her but she did not she was not happy with the adoption process like she did not she does not feel good about that your mother my mother yeah but you've already explained that your mother doesn't feel good about most things right my mom's a mess Gabby this is we cover this earlier but so from your partner's perspective a lot of times people do have a reason why they they saw something watch something talk to someone and they don't want to adopt for that reason or you know there's a more specific reason why they want a biological child of their own but so many gay couples go through this I mean I've had this conversation with my partner and I actually pulled an article up from online of another lesbian couple who did this with

their brother's sperm. And so the process that they went through, she says, for instance, it enabled us to have a child that was biologically related to both of us. And it was an amazing and unique way to keep our donor involved, which is an issue for a lot of people is do we have an open situation? Is it close? Right. Are you close with your brother? No, not really. I mean, I'm not close to them, but I mean, he's 18 years old. Right. I'm 29.

There's a big gap. We kind of grew up differently. And so, no, I'm not that close to them. And I also, like, I've read, I've bought a bunch of books. I've read a little bit. They skim over, you know, using a relative's sperm. I wonder why, because it's weird. Yeah, and it's just like, I don't think I would ever want the donor involved.

like I wouldn't see them as a parent like after like when the kid's 18 years old if they want to connect with the donor okay that's your decision but I wouldn't want to like use a friend's sperm and so like to be like at Thanksgiving dinner and it's like oh yeah there's your uncle dad like yeah yeah well it sounds like okay so your partner's the one that wants a biological child of her own so she can accomplish that with a sperm donor and it seems like you're pretty cool without having a biological child of your own so it seems like the right thing just get a sperm donor and you're just going to agree to love the baby that has no biological relationship to you well her qualms with that and i'm starting to agree a little bit i've been

reading on like sperm donors is um that you don't really know what you're getting a lot of these guys donate when they're young and they need cash and so it's not like you know i'm doing this necessarily out of the goodness of my heart. I'm doing it for 50 bucks because I'm broke. And so even if you have a medical history, like you have a medical history of a kid up to the age of 20, and he's not necessarily going to contact the sperm bank and say, oh, by the way, I found out like I have this medical issue or this medical issue. And then also you have these sperm donors who wind up helping a lot of couples have kids. So then if your kid is 18 years old and they want to connect with the donor dad then they find out that they have you know 100 500 half

siblings especially now when you're doing those like little dna tests you send in i have a friend like that she found out she has the son of another like this guy donated all the sperm and it was really popular because he was tall handsome and very bright so all these women picked his sperm and they all have his babies and they're all starting to connect with each other talk about fucking futuristic and weird does that i mean and will that creep out of kids like i mean i get all kids are going to have some sort of trauma like that's just unavoidable but it's a good way i mean why why not get the trot i think you have to lean into the fact that he's going to grow up in a diverse household anyway yeah and why not get the trauma out of the way right away like this is

what you can be mad at for the rest of your life okay you had to find anything normal as long as you frame it that way to them? Like, hey, sometimes moms need help. They get help from Tom, Dick, or Harry down at the sperm bank. Like, it's all how you present it to kids. So if you present it as this is the option, this man helped this many people, he's going to have a much different response to that than like, this is what you've missed out on to a certain degree. Like, oh, you have all these siblings. No, no, no, that's not how you frame it. Like, look at how many kids this man was able to provide these families who really wanted one. Yeah. And I've read what I read says that kids of gay couples do seem more receptive and understanding of the sperm donor process versus straight couples who had fertility issues and then had to go with the donor just because children of gay couples are cooler.

as soon as they understand how children are made realize that you know this yeah i think i also think finding like one people who want to get in touch with their sperm donor i mean that is a real stretch it's like that is somebody who got paid for their sperm like and you want to contact them and get to know them better it's like that's a really then that's people who did a bad job at parenting if your kid is that desperate to meet his sperm donor but i would agree with you that gay i mean children of gay couples do seem a little bit cooler and a little bit more progressive and with it. So, but I still would stick to the original plan, which is you get a sperm donor and in this day and age, you can get that background information about sperm donors.

That is available. Okay. I have one more. I have a question. I have a follow-up. I would say to you, maybe they should use your sperm. You would have great. Someone's asked before. Oh, really? I'll tell you about that. Yeah. So Gabby, what about having your egg and her egg, her being the carrier inserted with the sperm from the same donor? So that way the kids look alike. and also look like both of you to some degree so now she has to have twins well you would i'm just i'm offering options what if you use both eggs and you just didn't tell each you just didn't know which one which egg actually ended up being oh no oh then it was like roulette no but i think you

can only do that with sperm not not eggs you have to use one egg right or no no you put in a bunch of eggs and a bunch of sperm and then whatever fertilizes so you could theoretically like ivf or IUI, you can do that. And that's something she's brought up. She said, like, you know, if we go the sperm donor route, then, you know, use her egg and the sperm and have a kid. And then if we have a second kid, use my egg and the same sperm. That way you can kind of differentiate what are the characteristics,

you know, like our characteristics in the children and what are the sperm donor's characteristics, being that you use the same sperm for each child. So it's just so multifaceted with all these gay couples. And I'm a lot more comfortable with that. Yeah, you are? With that idea, yes. Okay.

Oh, well, then that's, yeah, yeah, then do that. I think you have the answer that you came in with, which is get a sperm donor and do that. What you just described sounds perfect. Okay, okay, thank you. Do you feel confident about your decision now? Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've always felt pretty confident with my decision.

It's just the fact that it's not solely my decision. Yeah. But you're doing, I mean, I think you're contributing pretty much all that you're able to contribute. Right. Right. Without your brother. Leave your brother out of it. Yeah, no.

The only reason I even considered that, which I didn't consider it very highly, just because I think it was important to her, you know, to my girlfriend to have both of our characteristics. And obviously, like, I want her to be happy. and also you know there's a cost associated with like sperm donation so if you do it like at home like at home insemination they say to do like two vials every month and like frozen sperm for like healthy woman in her early 30s no fertility issues there's like a 10 chance of conception and they suggest using two vials so it's like two grand a month so like 10 chance let's say after like six seven months you finally get pregnant you're talking like 14 grand in sperm and like i don't know that's just a it's a lot of money and it's a lot of money for

the idea that sperm isn't free is absurd it is that's one of the things where i was leaning towards you know my brother i'm like yeah it'll make her happy and also me from a cost perspective rationally right with no regard. The more economic decision. Really with no regard for your brother's feelings at all on the situation. Keep us posted, Gabby. Please keep us posted. And if you find sperm donors, I would love to review those with you to see what's going on and help give you some direction that way. Yeah. And for next Mother's Day, I'm going to start donating sperm. Mine? Mine. You're going to pimp me out. Mine. Thank you, Gabby. Thank you, Gabby. Have a great Mother's Day

when your mother okay thank you yeah so i had a professor of mine after i graduated i'd probably been graduated from college for two or three years and she reached out asking if i she was with a girlfriend i think they had been long term at the time and she reached out and she said hey this is going to be a really strange question but would you ever consider being our sperm donor and i was about to start for you i just had so much going on and we had talked i can't have a baby. I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm about to start on my new life adventure with sweetheart. I'm not ready to be a dad, even a distant dad. Um, but the conversation never ended up really going anywhere. I think they had broken up. So, well, I tried to donate my eggs,

uh, when I was broke and I was in my twenties and I was waitressing and I went in and donated my eggs. I filled out a questionnaire, did an hour interview and they rejected me and said that I should seek a psychiatric evaluation. And did you? No, I just, I was so excited to make like the $3,500. So I was crestfallen when I didn't, when I found out that I was psychotic. I'll schedule it for this week. Yeah. Maybe I can donate my eggs now. I have a girlfriend who donates eggs regularly and you get more and more as you do it. Oh, you get more and more eggs. You get more money. Oh, so it seems like a pyramid scheme to me. I don't know how it works, but That's an egg pyramid scheme.

It sounds like something I want to stay away from. I don't blame you. Okay, well, that was part two of our debut episode. We did it, sweetheart. We covered a lot of topics. We launched a podcast. We did it. We have a podcast.

Dear Chelsea, I look forward to this little new home of ours, and I will see and hear. Well, you'll hear me, and I will see you. You get the gist. We'll be back every week on Thursdays. All right. And for anyone who does want to write in, they can do that at DearChelseaProject, D-E-A-R-C-H-E-L-S-E-A-P-R-O-J-E-C-T at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. That's wonderful. Okay. Thanks for listening. Happy Mother's Day, everybody. Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day, Brandon. Not anytime soon, sweetheart. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.