Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - My Love is Unconditional / Conditional with Jake Tapper

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Chelsea is joined live in Washington, D.C. by Jake Tapper where they jovially dive into therapy, funky smells and the story behind the oranges on the cover of Chelsea's book. Credits:Host: Chelsea HandlerGuest: Jake TapperExecutive Producer: Conal Byrne Producers: Sophie Lichterman, Jack O’Brien Writers: Jamie Loftus, Anna Hossnieh & Sophie Lichterman  Consulting Producers: Nick Stumpf, Miles Gray, & Anna HossniehEngineer: Billy KleinThis episode was Mixed & Edited by: Danl Goodman Music by: KingsburyOrder: "Life Will Be the Death of Me"Available in stores and online now Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. Abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the Death of Me, a production of iHeartRadio. Hi, this is Chelsea Handler, and you're listening to Life Will Be the Death of Me podcast,

which is about me having life beat the death of me, I guess. Well, it happens to everybody, so just watch your back. Anyway, I went on the road. I started my book tour, which is unlike any tour I've done because I'm having interviewers in different cities interview me. So I'm going to share with you one of my first shows, which was in Washington, D.C., at the Warner Theater with my friend Jake Tapper, who interviewed me,

which was great, A, because he's a journalist, and so he's really good at interviewing people, But B, because he's a friend of mine and I don't have a ton of professional friends. So I consider him to be a professional friend, even though I've seen him be unprofessional. So this is kind of the first conversation for my book tour to kind of talk to everybody about the themes of the book and all of the issues in the book that resonated with people and where I was when I started writing it, where I am now and where Jake Tapper and I are going. I'm going to bring out my buddy that was kind enough to say yes to interview me tonight for this book. And he's interviewed me before, I've met him several times, and I like him a lot, and I

know everybody in this room likes him, too. Please welcome Jake Tapper. Jake Tapper, Jr.: Hey, everyone. So the, you know, Bob Mueller followed his report, right? My love is not conditional, Jake. I'm waiting to see the full report. I know what you're implying, and I believe in him. And we may not get what we want when we want it,

but I will continue to believe in him until I'm proven to be wrong. This is a true and undying love. it's an unrequited love is what it is as far as we know i mean we don't know bob somebody told me backstage or somebody told me at dinner who that his nickname is three sticks and i was like really and she's like yeah three sticks you know because robert muller the third i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah of course it's like that's not information i need at this point with my relationship like i'm already crushing hard i don't need to be visualizing that sort of equation where did this thing come from

that he has a six pack or an eight pack where did why do you think he's a marine and they don't let themselves go and he's and i've seen when he walks with his jacket swinging the way it swings around there's stuff under there it's muscle and you see the six pack or eight pack I know what's going on underneath men's shirts you can tell by the rest of his body just trust me it's there

if we ever see him with a belly I'll pay you I want you to be happy I want it to be right I'm just I thought maybe somebody had photoshopped something and sent it to you and you thought it was real

Okay. No, I don't get fake news. Good. Good. Well, I read the book, and it's great. This is your sixth book. Yes. Correct?

Sixth book. And it's intense. It's not all comedy. It's not all laughs. And I want to get to some of the intense stuff. So you got Joe Biden. I really want to know what you think about Joe Biden. I am so burnt out from this whole you know situation and the midterms that I

want to be really ready to rumble in 2020 when we do have a real election so I'm not paying attention to any of this noise right now other you know I'm reading the news I'm not listening I'm just burnt out and I want my life back before I have to really hit the pavement before we all have to hit the pavement so I'm not getting excited about candidates let them figure out who's the candidate at this point i will take a rock so you'll take what i mean did you have any reaction to this story a few weeks ago of women coming forward saying that that joe biden had you know touched their shoulders in ways here's what i think here's

what i think about that sorry to interrupt you but you know how good i am at that i think that people who come forward with stories about having your hair blown on diminish real victims who've actually had sexual assaults and been a victim to sexual assault and we're losing we're losing the plot of this conversation and we're all kind of sacrificing each other so i really wish people would get over things that aren't going to damage you for the rest of your life and and respect the people who have been through something um so there are a few things in this book uh that were just interesting little revelations that i didn't know one of them actually is a quality that you have that I actually share, which is you have a very keen

sense of smell. You write in the book and I have that as well. And it is a curse. It's so annoying. It's the worst thing in the world. It's so annoying because as soon as somebody like I'd prefer BO than perfume, when people wear perfume, I want to hit them. You know, I don't like fragrance and flowery smells obviously. And I don't like, uh, I don't know. I have it, but I've, yeah, I have a real problem with smell. It's almost like the gross smells that really gross everybody else out, I don't have a problem with.

Like deviled eggs, I'm fine with. Right. Or like, you know, I don't know, what's another bad smell that comes out of their fridge? Like, I can handle that. Spoiled milk or something like that. Yeah, right. Right, can you handle that?

I just, it's just such a horrible quality to have, just this ability to smell things on people. Does it trigger you? It's just, when I, you're the only, the second person I've met that acknowledges having this curse. What is the smell that grosses you out the most? You know, just anything

having to do with the digestive system. Anything gastrointestinal. Well, yeah, no one, that's not ideal for any of us. No, but one time I interviewed a guy and it was like he has poop in his pocket or

something. I don't know what I don't know what's going on, but I am not putting this interview on TV. It's in a vault somewhere at CNN. I don't know what happened. Well, wait, on that note. I'm eliminating it.

Let me, on the poop in the pocket, I... That's a theory. It's not verified. No, I think he probably did. It sounds like he did have poop in his pocket. I did ayahuasca,

which I talk about in my book. I went to Peru and I did this drug, this plant that they brew into tea and it's called ayahuasca. And we filmed it For Netflix, I did a special on doing drugs. And the shaman, you know, they warn you that you're going to go to the bathroom,

through your tushy, and you're going to vomit. So I'm like, on camera, I'm like, really? I'm like, can't we just pick one of those two things? Do I have to do both? But I didn't go to the bathroom. I didn't go to the bathroom. It happens to a lot of people. I did vomit.

it. So my dream did come true that I could pick one. But the shaman went to the bathroom the entire ceremony in his pants and never left the room we were in. And you have a keen sense of smell. But I was so into the ayahuasca that I was able to go put that smell where it belongs in the woods. But I did go through that entire ceremony. I had one camera woman in the room with me and she was like after she goes oh my god how could you focus and I was like I was on another planet but I smelled it and she goes he just kept going and I go oh more than once she goes yes it was repeatedly it's on she goes you can hear it on camera so don't do ayahuasca Jake that's the moral of that story I'm sure

CNN is offering that as a side course I'm not going to Peru anytime soon but Thank you. Okay, we're going to take a quick break, and we'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish Episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney+, from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying,

Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. When I did your Netflix show, I have to say,

it was shortly after president, it was in the first year of the Trump presidency, and you were traumatized, honestly. That was the, like, you asked me if things were going to be okay. You were really worried. And since then, and this is what the book is about, since then you have tried to understand why you felt that way and tried to get through the process.

And one of the things that is so interesting to me is how many times you talk about in your book how Donald Trump reminds you of your father in some ways. Talk about that, if you would. So I went to this psychiatrist. I had interviewed him on my Netflix show, Dr. Dan Siegel. He's in my book, and I went to him because I... Do you know Dan?

All right, great. Who's clapping for Dan Siegel? Probably Dan's agent or something. I don't know. Thank you, Mrs. Siegel. Dan's mom is here proud he just talked about the brain in a way I was interested in

or I could pretend I was interested in it was science the prefrontal cortex and vortex all of that stuff I could talk to him he knows what he's talking about I went to him

and for the first six sessions I bitched and moaned about Donald Trump I was paying somebody to listen to me because everyone was so annoyed by me. My friends were like, oh my God, can you fucking stop talking about it? And I'm like, you, you better pay attention. You know, I was like straight out of The Handmaid's Tale

at every turn, I'm like, this is it, it's over. The world is ending. You know, I was just out of hand. My rage was so high. And I would wait, I would watch CNN and MSNBC and be like, when are they gonna do it? Like it was gonna happen any moment that they were going to drag him out of the White House, you know what I mean?

Like Saddam Hussein and throw him in something. Like, I really believe that. Like, oh. Like, oh, the shoe's about to drop any minute. So I went to this guy, and I was paying him to let me bitch about Donald Trump. I would have paid him double. It was a great exchange, actually. And then, finally, once we got past that kind of bluster,

he asked me what I wanted, and I said, I need more patience. I have no patience. Everyone annoys me. Everyone. And he's like, do I annoy you? I'm like, you will at some point you will annoy me. So I would like you to help me with that. And he goes, well, let's, let's talk about your life and your childhood. It's like, I don't need to talk about my child. My brother died when I was nine. My mom's dead. She died like five years ago, 10 years. I'm not sure of time, but every, my dad's dying. So like that's, I'm good with death. I don't need to go over it. Like I want to talk about right now. I need to be a better human being and I need to be like kinder and I need to be able to talk to people

who disagree with me without freaking out and my veins popping out of my neck and then one day he walked in to a session and he handed me an orange that he said he had picked from his tree and in that moment he goes hey I thought you might like an orange it's fresh from my tree and I recoiled in my brain I was like how annoying like a fucking warm fruit

who wants that now I have to peel it in front of him to be polite this is LA I don't even eat carbs you know and he handed it to me and I started to peel it and I just became undone

and I was like, I needed to tell you about the day my brother died and what happened to my family and I just cried and cried and cried and I was like, thank you for the orange you know, trying not to cry because I had never cried in front of a person, a stranger, no way and if I did cry, I would always pretend it was about something else because it couldn't be about me

or Chet, my brother, who died it couldn't be about that because it would be vulnerable and I couldn't be vulnerable and I couldn't talk to anybody about anything I just had to be tough and after many sessions he revealed to me how the world becoming unhinged with Trump was my trigger which I'm sure millions of us had and that that represented the world being unstable and my life not being safe anymore and my whole world falling apart and that's why I was reacting to Trump in the way that I was because I finally had something to put my anger on I could say yeah now this is why I'm at him you know and it was a huge eye-opener for me because if you hear my

story you can say oh of course that's your issue that's why you're so fierce and tough and strong and want to be independent. I don't want a man. I don't need a man. I don't need children. I'm going to show everybody I can do everything all by myself. Because my nine-year-old little girl never, ever dealt with that injury. It was just like a wound that became a canyon that became whatever is bigger than that. And anytime you go around it or near it, it was like, you know, this. And he was the first person, and it was the right time in my life where I was able to say, okay this is what happened to my family this is what happened to my father I lost you know my brother sat with me the night before he went away and he was the oldest and I was the youngest

and we were bookends there were six kids in our family and we were a team like it was in my head like that six and if we brought my parents it was two we usually didn't bring them because they were embarrassing but the six of us were a little team and Chet was the captain and I was the mascot and he said to me the night before he left for that trip you know I go why are you leaving I don't want to drive to the vineyard we're going to Martha's Vineyard my parents had a summer house it sounds a lot more glamorous than it actually was but it was idyllic in many respects and he said I um I'm going hiking with my friends he had just graduated from college he said I'm going hiking with my friends for two weeks I'm going to be on the vineyard in two weeks you're not going

to miss a thing I'm like I don't want to drive with mom and dad you know they listen to public radio. And he said, I'll never leave you with these people. I'll be back. And he never came back. So as a nine-year-old, what Dan explained to me was that that felt like rejection. Even though I knew he died, I thought he wasn't careful enough. And he didn't think enough before he went. He shouldn't have said the things he said to me if he knew he was going to die and to me it was like he it was rejection it was like losing my first boyfriend or being broken up with and you never see that person again and then after that what happened to my father who was also a great big kind of character he was never whole again I mean my my father has

a lot of issues or had a lot of issues um anyway he's dead too now everybody died when I was writing this book but um it's okay it was time for him to die but he he fell apart and he was never my father when you know you have you said shiva you know in judaism and people would come to our house to say they were sorry and i saw my father who was this great big strong man be weak and cry and fall apart in front of our neighbors and i was nine years old and i was like what are you doing what are you doing why are you doing good together you know what if you're gone Chet's gone and now you're falling apart and everywhere I looked everybody was a mess and I remember just knowing that I was like I'm gonna have to do this myself I'm gonna have to grow up by myself and I'm

gonna have to grow myself up really quickly so I have to get away from this family because we're broken and we're broken and we'll never be six again we're five and everyone's gonna know we're family and I had been carrying that albatross around me for so long that when it he unlocked that pain and when I started to I'd go home and I was like wait a second let me write this stuff down because doors were opening and I was like everything was connected to Chet dying I mean I'd sit there and be like this can't be about Chet too he's like everything's about Chet I was like oh my god this guy's taking over my life I barely knew the guy you know I mean it was like

relationships men my independence my you know my like just steamrolling through everything and saying yes to fame and all this money was because I didn't want to sit around and ever sit still I'd go on tour after tour I wrote six books in five years anytime there was like you do this I'd be like yes yes to everything instead of sitting and thinking have I dealt with everything that I need to deal with? Am I a full person? Can I actually, you know, what I wanted to do was go and campaign for people and speak to conservatives and go to the South, like thinking I was just like going to come in and change the world. But I realized you can't do any of that shit until you're healthy. You can't be of use to anyone until you get your shit together.

Okay, well, this sounds like a good time to take a break. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt

he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And, I mean, first of all, let me just say it's just remarkable to hear somebody talk so openly about the pain that they went through.

And it's, yeah, yeah, because it's not easy to do and it's a great example for everyone because we all have pain you know from our childhoods or from experiences it's fascinating so the kind of therapy that you did we just did regular therapy

you know he tried to get me to meditate and again you know I'm from California and I live in LA and I'm from New Jersey so I don't have a big high you know meter for bullshit I find most people to be ridiculous and when you hear words

like manifest and gratitude and colonic and you know and kale i mean if you fall for that shit you know you could end up you know there's retreats and about anything there's a treat where you can like go finger blast yourself in the woods and eat yogurt i mean there's something for everything it's just ridiculous and i always put i'm sorry jake That wasn't nice to do to you. Never heard anybody say that to me in an interview situation before. No, I've never said that to you. That's good.

That's a good thing. And I'm sorry you had to hear it right here in front of everybody. That's how we masturbate on the planet. That's right. Exactly. Manifest your masturbation. Anyway, I assumed therapy was over in that pile of garbage. Like, oh, how could you, especially for somebody, you know, who has success.

I have a TV show. I have books. I have tours. I do, you know, I basically have everything I could need. How can I sit and go to therapy and bitch and complain about anything? How can I? A, B, it's too narcissistic. I'm already a narcissist, obviously.

So let's not put a hat on a hat. Well, hold on. Dan Siegel says you're not a narcissist. No, he says I'm not, but I mean, I have to be a little bit of a narcissist to want to be in the public eye. I think that I'm not a narcissist where I act in my best favor all the time or I'm constantly thinking about myself. But I mean, there's a degree of narcissism. I mean, Dan, he told me a lot of other things that were wrong with me, so I think he was trying not to pile on. But I did look at therapy and I kind of thumbed my, you know, I was just like, and I went I would go and try you know give it like a college try or whatever and be like

anytime it got deep I'd just skedaddle and once I went to this therapist and I just could tell I was going to be able to manipulate him and he was and I was like this isn't going to work and I told my assistant I came one day she's like oh don't forget you have therapy at you know four today I was like I don't want to go today can you just go and and she's like okay and then the next week I was like you know you get out of a rhythm you're not gonna go back I was like you want to go again I don't I'm not into that guy and she's like well I don't have to go and I'm like no you go I might want to go back to him just take my session and then she went three times and finally I said so how's it going like I go how are you doing like

is he helping you and she's like me i thought i was talking about you the whole time and i was like okay this is stupid so she stopped going to that therapist and so did i so this was the first time i guess it's psychoanalysis or whatever you know the phrase the term is he's a psychiatrist um this is the first time i was willing to get real or maybe because i had the right partner to get real with and i think for most of us you know i'm yeah it's it's a bummer that it took me this long to figure all this stuff out and kind of unlock my pain and my, you know, cause it's a lifelong habit. It sends you into, I talked to him about relationships and I said, I don't need to, I don't, I'm not interested in a relationship. I just like to be

alone. And he's like, anytime I would say a statement like that, he would just look at me and go, okay. And then when we did talk about relationships and my kind of scorched earth tendencies I have with people when somebody would piss me off I would just write them off I'd be like you're not my friend anymore you're out never speak to them again guys if they didn't fuck up I made sure they fucked up so I could dump them you know reject reject reject before anyone could reject me always and I said to him I go I don't know why I can't why I get so mad at people and I'm not able to forgive them and he said because that's how you think relationships are supposed to end. Your first relationship that ended was, you know, black and white. It was there one day and

it was gone the next. So that's your pattern of behavior from when you're nine. And I'm like, oh, you're like, this is so stupid. How could I not pick up on that? You know, I'm sure a million people were looking at me or my friends saying, oh, we know what her problem is, but you don't, you can't tell someone what their problem is, obviously. But I will say that, you know, through all of the stuff that our family has been through and with my brothers and sisters it is just of such value to us and keeping us a tight knit group

and being close together and we just are together as a team that is broken but we have remained on each other's team and that is so valuable to everybody here who has a weird relationship with a sibling fucking fix it, life's too short and it

takes a big person to admit you're wrong but it feels awesome because then you can just apologize to everybody. It's like, oh, that was me. It's like going skiing and blaming everything on the altitude, you know? You're like, sorry I acted like that last night at the altitude. Yeah, you have one brother and three sisters? I have two brothers and I have two sisters.

And, yeah, and they have a bunch of kids, so I have a lot of nieces and nephews, eight. And, yeah, that's our family. and I'm finally proud of it. So, and you write some really nice things about your brothers and sisters. Speaking of family, I would be remiss if I didn't mention your dogs

because I'm sure there are a lot of fans of your dogs. Give us the update. Give us the doggo update, if you would. Well, I have dogs named Bert and Bernice. They're on the cover of the book. Bert is an obese, fat one. He's on the right and that's his little sister Bernice

Bertrand is his full name and I didn't give those names to them I went to pick him up at this I went to a chow chow rescue I like the black tongue situation and I like fucked up bodies on dogs so I went to this chow rescue in Northern California

and I said I want a chow mix show me what you got and then she goes I have a brother and sister combo platter that you know and I was like combo platter I'm like you're speaking my language i was like what do you what is that does that think what i'm thinking and then these two little fat beasts came running around the corner because she said they're going

to be harder to place because they're brother and sister i was like oh then i'll take them i'm like i don't even she goes their names are bert and bernice and i literally was like i mean i almost climaxed i was like oh my god what are those their names already like that's exactly what i would name them so and then she goes we have to do it we're gonna have to she didn't know who i was and she's like we're gonna have to do a home check and i was like all right whatever that means i was like i think you're good and she's like we have to make sure you have enough space i'm like can i just show you a picture of my house or something like is that necessary but i did it and i got these dogs and i've had dogs before and they've passed the two of them died while i was

running this book, too. This book is like a death rattle, but it's okay. No, it's okay. People die, and you have to just be able to deal with it in a healthy way, and my healthy way was by replacing those two dogs as quickly as possible. And so Bert is an asshole, and I've never had to work for a dog's love before, and so I took these dogs home. First of all, I shaved his body down so I could see what was really going on and get under him you know because he's meaty and he's got flaps inside flaps and underneath i mean it's like oh i love that dog and he hates me because i assault him you know and he loves my cleaning lady my bell and he so he he like literally sees me every time i leave the house and i'm gone a lot because i don't stay home i like to move around

as we've discussed and when I come home every single time it's like a new introduction like he just goes like this like what and I'm like oh come on don't come on you know me and then I they won't come up to my room and I like to sleep with him in my bed because he's such a big cuddle ball and so I have to take them with leashes every night up the little up the stairs and then up the doggy stairs and then I get him because he's so lazy if he gets comfortable enough he won't get up for hours so I just have to get him comfortable and then slowly remove the leash so I'm not only because of the optics of it because I don't want to sleep with my dogs with a leash I have no problem bringing them up but I will not let people say that I sleep with

my dogs on a leash so they're not that into me but it's a good lesson for me to try he loves my cleaning lady follows her all around the house one weekend i came home we found out he had gained 12 pounds since we got him and i was like hey my bell what the fuck is up with that and i knew because he was in love with her i'm like i know you're giving him treats i i was following the rules for the first time when we got them i'm like no treats he's on a diet and she's slipping him god knows what and i said they need to he needs to lose weight because i have stairs in my house and you know he's a big fat ass so he's gonna lose his legs when he gets older he's a big dog I'm like, I'm not doing this again.

I lost my dog, Chunk. He wasn't able to come up the stairs anymore. When he got older, he was thin. People here love Chunk. Yeah, Chunk is the best. Chunk is the best dog in the world. Thank you. Chunk was such a stud.

And he was so cool, calm, and collected. And Bert is the opposite of Chunk. And I know Chunk, there is such a thing as heaven, which I don't think there is. But Chunk's somewhere around here. and he knows and he's he's laughing at my struggle with Bert and and so he had to go on a diet so I came back one weekend and my Bell was walking around the house in with ankle weights and Bert had ankle weights to match hers and when

they walk my cleaning lady has like a big butt and she swings her hips and then chunk well I mean and then Bert would walk next to her and swing his ass The two of them walking away together It was like J-Lo and Kim Kardashian So yeah That's my story about my dogs But dogs are the best They make like you know

I won't go home to a house without a dog in it I hear ya Too scary No no we have dogs too I know you wanted to read another chapter Our time is coming to a close We have a clock that's telling us we have a minute So I just wanted to read something

Before I leave you guys This is when I had my kind of wake-up at the end about my brother. I didn't know then that my brother's death was defining me. I didn't know that I had the ability to say no to being defined by death. Now I was with a person who could help me process what happened and turn the parts of me that acted like a nine-year-old into a self-actualized adult who had come to a better understanding of what it means to dig deep and admit your pain, thereby beginning the process of relinquishing it.

I was in a place where my brother dying no longer had to define my existence. It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part, and it may have helped steer me in a certain direction, but it is not all of me. I define me. No event or person does this. I define who I am. I decide who I am and how I'm going to behave and I choose to be better to look

more carefully to trudge deeper to think about other people's past and not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than I would to understand my limitations my shortcomings that is my growth edge there are bracelets that say I decide and t-shirts that say I decide out there because we decide who we are. And I want to thank you for deciding to come here tonight. And thank you to my very special guest, Jake Tapper. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Washington, D.C. Stay optimistic. Thank you. So how did it feel having Jake in D.C., getting to circle back to politics after taking some time off? Well, it was nice because, well, I guess we did talk about politics, but we didn't really

go. It was nice to be in D.C. and to talking about something other than politics is what it felt like, even though we brushed upon it so it was nice and I mean I like DC and you know until Donald Trump ruined that city

it was I like it it's old it's old school we'll get it back soon just like we're gonna get the orange back Brandon we're gonna take that

fucking color back and Journey I mean Journey is popping up everywhere on your social media so you've really just gotta grab it by the balls I've gotta embrace

the word Journey and the band Journey and I wanna thank CNN for letting Jake Tapper out of his cage I can't believe that they did that and I know

they'll regret it Thank you. Life Will Be the Death of Me is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.