Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - My Love Language Is Vasectomy with Ashley Graham

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

This week, Chelsea and Catherine are joined by Ashley Graham in NYC to talk about the elusive nature of body confidence, how Ashley’s children seem to be multiplying, and what to do if romance makes you cringe. Then: A new mom is crushed when her best friends avoid meeting her baby.  A singleton wonders if she should lose weight before looking for love.  And a bartender is haunted by the consequences of cheating.    Do you have a question and you need Chelsea's advice? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time.

bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.

The last time we saw each other was at the Wiltern at my show in Los Angeles. It was so exciting to see you actually doing your thing. Did you come to the first show or the second show? The second show. Okay, good. The second show was in A++. Amazing. You were fantastic.

Oh, that was so fun. Thank you. It's always nerve-wracking in L.A. because I have so many friends and family and industry that come that you're just like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. and we did two shows in one night and then we went to San Francisco the next night and did two shows there. By the end of that, I was like, I can't think anymore. Spent, I'm sure.

I'm spent. But I want to promote my Nashville show. Oh, I just announced a whole slew of new stand-up dates. Yeah, I announced 25 more dates to the Vaccinated and Horny Tour. So if I haven't come to your city, check my website, chelseahandler.com, for new dates. And there are tickets available for my second show in Nashville

where I will be taping my special on June 10th at the Ryman. So we also have merch for sale. Yes, we do. At ChelseaHamler.com. We have Dear Chelsea merch and Vaccinated and Horny merch. Yes. And that is all, all really cute. We're not selling flip-flops, contrary to popular belief. No. We thought about it just to say, fuck you, but we did not do it. We did not pull the trigger on that. Yes. COVID shipping delays really made that not possible. Yeah. Yeah. One other thing I was going to tell you about your show is that totally randomly, my husband accidentally bumped into a woman. And then the person she was with said in a fun, jokey way, do you know who this is? This is Chelsea

Handler's housekeeper. And I was like, my bell and gave her a huge hug in this huge crowd of like thousands of people. I'm like, of course he steps on my fucking my bell. I went to my bell is so funny I went to a pet psychic I'm hosting Jimmy Kimmel's show the week of June 27th and we were doing some pre-tape segments right so one of them was me taking Bert and Bernice to a pet psychic and the pet psychic told me that Bernice loves me more than anyone that she's just upset that I leave all the time and that she loves me the most and that she's always playing hard to get which is has been my suspicion I've always been suspicious because Bernice is tricky and just like a girl right she comes in she'll come into my room come right up to my bed sniff around

and when I put my head down to scratch her nose or her face she runs out and hauls ass like like I'm accosting her I'm like bitch you fucking came in here and but I know that that's it's her she's insecure and she's just trying to like get my attention and then she wants me to come out and play with her yeah so the psychic confirmed all of those beliefs for me and I told Mabel and ever since then, Ma Bell has been treating Bernice differently. Oh, yeah, she's definitely she sent me two pictures of them at the park this weekend. Bert was on a blanket and Bernice was in the dirt. So is Ma Bell jealous now? Well, she should. Yeah, she she was jealous when I told her that she didn't smile or laugh. She takes her ownership of Bert pretty seriously. Yeah. And when I came

home from filming that bit, I said to Joe Coy, I was like, so I went to this pet psychic and she said this. And then Joe goes, well, did she he goes, do you think she looked you up beforehand? I'm like, Jo, it's a pet psychic. I don't give a fuck what she did. Like, I'm not going there for some real information and feedback, even though the one piece of information I did like, I decided to take with me. Exactly. Yeah.

Keep what works for you. Get rid of what doesn't, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's very exciting to be in New York City together. Juntos, as they say in España. Yes. I can't believe it.

It was this weird thing where you had today available. I was randomly going to be here in New York, and I'm heading to a plane in a few minutes after this. But there was like a one hour and a half window where we could come and also our fabulous guest today could be here. I know. We're very excited about our guest today because we've been trying to do this, but in person only because she's the type of person you only want to be in person with because she's that kind of girl. And we made it happen here in New York today. She is a supermodel, a body activist, an entrepreneur, global ambassador for NYX. She just launched a new lingerie campaign with NYX, and it's called the Big Strong Woman Campaign. And she just joined

a skincare brand where she's an investor and partner, and it's called Fig One. Please welcome Ashley Graham. Thank you for having me. Oh my God. Thank you for coming because, well, we're in New York today. Yes. And we wanted to do this in person. And I know that you have been a baby making machine for what seems like, she's had about eight babies in the last six months. Seriously And it feels like, and every time I look at them, I'm like, there's more of you. And it feels like they're just, they're just, they're growing and growing and growing. Anyways. Good?

Yeah, we're good. Thanks, baby. Love you. Thank you, Joe. Are you leaving? No, he's just supervising always. It's like now you're like really working with people that you're sleeping with. I love it.

Why would there be any other way to do things? The guy who was just on screen there, he's my husband. No. So we're all sleeping with everyone we're working with. now that women are now that women are allowed to is that your mom yes that is my mom oh yeah hi and my sister oh she looks just like you how cute oh it's a family affair today I love that okay now did you dye your hair and have your eyeshadow in the same tones on purpose it's a I was telling my mom we used to have to tell her not matchy matchy it's not in anymore like after

the 90s it's over and you know we were just talking about it I'm like I'm sorry mom matchy matchy is back in again she's like i just learned to stop doing that like it's called monochromatic now i love a monochromatic moment yes you look cute thanks your mother must be stoked though okay so there's you know she's like there's grandma and then there's caretaker grandma and she's caretaker grandma so she really likes her days off oh yeah it's different it's different like being granny who like just comes in and like sees the babies and like leaves she's like okay another day of work great love you guys you know I had Isaac in 2020 and then I had my twins the top of this year in 2022 and it's like right when I stopped breastfeeding I got pregnant with

the twins it was just boom boom boom my body I've given it up to love that's what Justin said you gave your body up to love I'm just I'm ready for it to come back like to see myself again but I look at my little angels and I say I did it for you so were you planning on getting pregnant that soon after or did you we talked about it yeah we said okay if we're gonna do this again let's do it and it wasn't like a hard decision because we knew we wanted a second but I didn't know it's gonna happen that quickly and I did not know it was gonna be twins if I would have known it was gonna be twins I probably would have waited maybe another year I am glad I got it over with I always wanted three kids I didn't want a middle child I didn't know how that was gonna work but why do

you say that are you I'm the oldest and I am the bossiest I'm the loudest I run the show and I have seen how my baby sister acts and my middle sister acts and I just never wanted a middle child didn't want anyone like your middle sister yeah I'm a little child you are and do you feel like you're handful um maybe less so than my sister who's in the other room right now love you diana uh-huh it's hard when your family's listening to the podcast in the next room to be quite frank i love my sisters but i have met so many middle children and i just that was my one request so i feel like god was on my side and he said boom you get twins and they're two hours and seven minutes apart two hours and seven minutes oh god that sounds like what the fuck happened in those two

hours and literally laboring in a tiny ass new york city bathtub because i was having my birth pool set up and it just wasn't happening fast enough and then boom roman was like i'm coming out mom oh my god yes so yes i have been pregnant for two years breastfeeding for freaking two years i'm on there four months now i'm looking at six months and i'm gonna check in mentally with myself see how i'm doing and then either stop or yeah but i'm supplementing with formula so it feels like there's no formula shortage so don't worry about that it is such a thing but yeah it's a tough situation right now for all those families that need formula yeah absolutely well tell me a little bit about what your experience has been because it's not just like

you had one baby it is kind of like you had three babies and you're done now because you know the statistics if you have three boys in a row you automatically get a girl oh because my mom what yeah well no everybody keeps telling me you know you're gonna have a fourth of if it then it's going to be a boy. Oh, no, no. Once you have three of one sex, the chances are higher that you're going to have the opposite sex. My mom and all of her sisters had three boys and then girls. Wow. Yeah. My mom had three boys and then three girls. Okay. So you're telling me maybe I should try it again? Well, if you want a girl, you know, I mean, unless you're counting on one of the kids to transition, you know what I mean? Right. You have to hedge your bets. Like if you really want

a girl, I think three is a great number for kids and a family. I do too. But four is also a great number. I come from a big family. How many are there? There's six. And you come from like you either make what you had or you abstain altogether. You have a sister. Yes. But we're two of four. So we have brothers on either side. And my brothers are actually 14 years apart. Same parents, like same mom and dad. We're really spread apart. But yeah, we all like each other. So I could just wait another 10 years maybe. Exactly. Have a caboose. How does Justin feel? What are his thoughts about he got a vasectomy oh well I guess that answers that well then I guess you're not having another baby you can reverse it the doctor who gave it to him said he's done as many reversals

as he's done actual vasectomies so that's like where we're standing right now I knew I loved Justin for a reason you know what it really takes a real man to get a vasectomy yes I think that it's important to have that conversation in your relationship but he didn't have to have the conversation with me he just told me I'm gonna do it I don't want you've done enough He said, you carry these children, you push them out. And I saw what you went through. I can get a vasectomy. I know.

I didn't even have to ask him. I wish there were other straight men listening to this podcast to take this advice. You know what I mean? That's a real man. And you guys have a beautiful, beautiful relationship that anyone who's ever met and either one of you or even watched you on social media can glean. He's such a sweetheart. I feel so blessed to have him as my husband.

We're about to celebrate 11 and a half years. So I guess, no, we're about to celebrate 12 years. Yeah. And three kids later. I mean, I don't know what we're going to do for that 12th year celebration, but it's going to be something fun. I mean, you're about to have one year celebration. One year celebration, which is a lot different. You have to celebrate one year.

Oh, Joe will want to celebrate one year. He's all about celebrating. Is he the romantic? Yes. Yeah, he's the romantic. I have a hard time. Oh, well, actually, you know, the first time Joe and I got together, I went to Nashville. I was performing in Nashville and I was staying at a friend's house and I got there and my

assistant called me. She goes, walk outside. There's a delivery for you. And I went and I saw three dozen long stemmed roses. And I immediately, my first instinct was like cringe, like roses. Don't send me roses. And then I thought, no, Chelsea, Chelsea, that's the old you. You've been to, this is a man who's demonstrating love.

Accept it. He loves you. I had to say it like in my head three times, like, this is a nice thing. you like and I was like okay okay I love this and then I embraced them and thankfully I did because he kept sending them over and over again and then we started sending them back and forth to each other before each other's shows and performances and then finally I was like hey can we put a pin in this it's getting really expensive it's like fucking 500 every time I'm like this is a waste I'm like we're not taking them with us we leave them at the venue have you

figured out what that thing is in us because my mom has it too and it's like she's she's not a romantic so and then I feel like I picked it up from her like I don't I feel like there's a part of me that wants the romance but I don't but I don't want to see it overtly in my face and I'm more like acts of service right we all know the five love languages no no no actually what are they because I always forget the fifth one okay so acts of service physical touch time spent gifts and words of affirmation and mine is definitely acts of service and maybe words of affirmation Like, I don't need to hear that I'm great because I know I am, but it is nice to hear it from my husband, like, I'm really proud of you or you did a great job. Or getting a vasectomy.

Right. That's an act of service. That's why I was like, wow, you're amazing. There is, like, this period after you get a vasectomy, though, you have, like, 16 ejaculations that you have to go through before the sperm is dead. So. So we're literally, like, we have one, two, three. So during those 16, you can still get pregnant? Pregnant, yes.

Oh. Yeah. And did you freeze any eggs just in case you want to? No. He actually put some sperm in a bank. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. He's not making me do anything.

I'm telling you. It's amazing. He did all the hard. He did that part. I did my part. I was going to say he did the hard part, but his part was definitely not that hard at all. Yeah. That's so interesting that you get 16.

That's what the doctor said. 16 ejaculations. 16 ejaculations of time. It's like a number. He said it's like 16 or like three months, something like that. Yeah. So I guess it's like in three months, maybe people have sex 16 times. That's what I was like, whoa, we have three kids.

That's not happening. So anyways, back to the love languages. Yeah. That's where I am so confused at myself. Like Justin is like, Joe, he's Mr. Romantic. And now what I have noticed, and my mom has had to train herself with her boyfriend, is to accept the love, right? Accept the romance. Otherwise, we train our partners to not be romantic.

And then we start looking for it. And we're like, wait, you're not being romantic anymore. Why aren't you? Where is that? so I've actually had to reel back my like hard shell and and accept it and then try out to step outside of my comfort zone and send him flowers or like you know just write little cards and like put them under his pillow you know like things that you think of people in their late teens do maybe in their early teens whatever I like late teens I like that distinction I just didn't really

have a boyfriend in my early teens no I think that's it's it's really all about accepting you know, like Joe is melting me. Everyone says it, everyone like sees it. And I, usually I would be resistant to that. I'd be like, stop it. You know, like, but I've just given in because why not? Why fight it? Right. And, but I think it's just being a tough chick. You want to be a tough chick and you don't, you know, it's a very common thing for anybody who's independent, fierce, and really successful. You don't show a lot of vulnerability because that's not what it took to get you where you are this is true so I think that bleeds over to our relationships but once you know somebody means what they're saying and it's not bullshit I think what irks me a lot about that is that it

feels insincere many times and when it is finally sincere then you can be like oh like I had a boyfriend this he he was a real asshole and he would send me flowers like anytime we got into a fight but I I didn't I hated that it's like don't send me flowers you say you're sorry and mean it I'm not just like some chick on the side. We're together. So when flowers are coming from an act of love and it's just saying, oh, here, I'm demonstrating more and more love to you, then it's easier to receive, I think. I agree. I agree.

Yeah. I always wondered if it was a learned behavior from my mom, but I like your explanation way better. But I'm sure it is learned from your mom because your mom's a tough cookie also. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes, she is. You're a gem.

You're a gem. You are. And Joe is such a sweetheart. The two of you together. I love it. And I know everybody's expressing it on social media like, oh, my God, you guys are so, like, ah. It's so true, though. It's so sweet.

We were walking through the city last night, and, I mean, a dozen people must have run up to us. They're like, you don't understand. We love you together. We love you. And I'm like, we're like, oh, thanks. They're like, you don't understand. And we're like, we do. We understand.

We're together. But it's nice because women, especially, you know, like, that are my age are like, oh, wait, if you melted and you found someone, I was the ice queen, then anybody can, you know, it could happen. It is such a big deal. And it also makes me believe in that for everyone. I believe everybody, as long as you don't settle and you say, like, these are my standards, these are not moving, regardless of whether I'm with anyone or not, then somebody will meet you right up there. 100%. And, you know, standards with men the last few years have had to get lower and lower and lower. That's why it's so funny that I ended up with, like, you know, a Filipino man because I was just so out of gas with white guys.

I was like, listen, I have no more juice left for you guys. It's too much. You know, you're married to a black man. I know. Did you have a non-negotiable list? Like, this is my non-negotiables. And if he doesn't have this, like, I'm not even going to see him. No, I made a list once with Sarah Silverman.

And she and I and my sister actually all made lists because somebody had told me that they had made a list and they had met their person. That's what I did. You did? 100%. Before you met Justin? Yeah. It was important. I had just broken up with a guy and then I realized that if I didn't make a list, I wasn't going to meet the person that I wanted to.

And then I also wanted to be single. And I got basically everything on that list. I don't remember the list because it was over 12 years ago, but I wish I still had that list. Oh, yeah. Now you probably wrote yours in your phone, right? Mine's in my notes section in my phone. So my list, everything I put, skiing. It's like you have to be a skier.

But I made it. It was a really long list, but it wasn't shallow at all. Like it was deep stuff, like values, morals, blah, blah, blah. You have to be willing to like stick your neck out for people. Don't be an idiot. You know, the interest in traveling and the ability to make it happen and the desire to make it happen. But the one thing I put on my list said a man with a full head of hair. that was that was the one the one shallow thing that I wrote and so I fucking circle that and I

was just like I sent it to Joe I'm like that is so funny that I said a full head of hair like I don't even think that that was important to me and then obviously it's not which is why we're making Joe a hairpiece oh no you're not we're not no we're not I would never do 20 rule it's the 80 20 rule. You get 80% of what you want, 20% you can live with. I only date bald Filipino men from now on. That's my thing. But he looks good bald. I know. He has a good head for it. Yeah, exactly. Well, you'd have to. And he has some hair that grows in, but he just shaves it, which is exactly what I would want a man to do. You know, just once things start getting dicey, just shave it off. Yes, agreed. Okay. So Catherine, tell us what we have in store today. Ashley, you know, we take

callers some are live some write in and then we just give them life advice i love it it's really good i think you guys are really good at this by the way oh thank you likewise oh well we all try right yeah right well we have some extremely exciting cheating questions we have two people from the midwest calling in uh some mom stuff dealing with friendship oh god uh we have some weight loss stuff and some beauty stuff. All kinds of questions. But we'll take a quick break and we'll come back with some callers. Okay.

Sounds good. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped

and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots

between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out.

You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Actually, let's talk a little bit about NYX before we go in because I know you have a partnership with NYX and you're promoting your new lingerie line with them.

Yes. Tell us a little bit about that. First of all, your box is in the mail. I cannot wait to shoot that lingerie ad on my hotel room bed. Oh, baby, it's coming. Kelsey, please. I mean, talk about rocking body. And you are such goals.

Your boobs. You don't even know the conversations I've had with my mom about your boobs. Really? No, you have no idea. Oh, I love that. No, seriously. It's just like the perfect handful. Anyways, NYX and Ashley Graham.

Yes, we just launched my collaboration. NYX is really an amazing company. they they actually started with the period panty and it's like a leak proof panty and they turned it into then a leggings and they've got amazing bras and underwear but everything is supportive they go up to 5x and they go down to an extra small so we're very inclusive but it really like I wanted to have something a little bit sexier because they're very performance and solution based. So this is their sexiest line yet, but also my most intimate line, because this is one of the first times I came out after shooting three kids out, first lingerie campaign,

embracing my stretch marks, embracing my postpartum body, but also just excited to have something that feels sexy and cozy. You can wear it wherever. Yeah. I mean, you have done so much for women in promoting your body and accepting your body and loving your body. and it's inspiring to me to women everywhere i mean you really have opened the door for people to really be themselves and to embrace all their little shortcomings or anything that they think isn't deemed worthy by a man joe once said to me he said we were in hawaii and i was putting on a bathing suit and i said how bad is my cellulite and he's like honey cellulite is what makes a woman a woman the more cellulite the merrier oh i don't think he said the merrier but he said

something like that. And then I, and, and I was like, honey, I didn't even know that was a sentence. I said, I said, every woman needs to hear that because who doesn't have fucking cellulite? I mean, there are anomalies out there, but the stretch marks, the cellulite, the, the, you know, we all fluctuate up and down, you know, and what we see isn't seen by the world. It's all like an inside job. So you really are, I know, you know that already, but I wanted to tell you that personally, because yeah. It's good to hear it now, especially living in my postpartum body and like trying to get out of my head. Even today I showed up

and I wasn't supposed to wear these pants with this shirt and I was running out the door and they're really baggy on me and my stretch marks are just hanging out today and that was not the plan. And I called my stylist and I said, meet me outside of Chelsea Handler immediately with new pants.

And he said, babe, I'm not in town. And I did not realize that. So I just sucked it up and I embraced it and I'm just like, here we go. And it's probably something neither of you even notice, but it's in the back of my head. And that's the whole thing with body confidence, with body neutrality and just loving where you are in your life is it's in your head. It's not in the person's head that you're speaking to or that you're around. Yeah. Something I've done more recently, and this is partly influenced by you, is when I'm looking through photos for approvals for some shoots, you know, or press photos, when they send me a selection, I don't even look anymore like to go and pick through them.

I just let my publicist pick what they think the best one is. And I don't go nuts like over if I don't like a photo of myself and it's out there. It's like, who cares? Who gives a shit, you know? So that's important. And I think that also comes with age. It must. I mean, for me, it definitely has.

I can only imagine like walking into my 40s how much more confident I'm going to be. I'm kind of excited. I'm not one of those girls that's like, oh, I'm going to be 35 and I'm going into my 40s. I don't care. I'm so excited to get older. Yeah, I think that's the right attitude to have. Because I'm 47, and I was like, I keep thinking I'm going to be 50 soon. And I'm like, I can't fucking wait to be 50.

How I feel about 60 is going to be a different story. But I'll get there. I'll get there when I need to get there. If I make it that long, then I'm going to be fucking happy I'm alive. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag blessed. Okay, so should we take a caller or a letter? Well, our first email, the subject line is, we both cheated.

It's from Maureen. she's a bartender in her 20s. She says, Dear Chelsea, A couple years ago, when I was 21, I was bartending at a big bar where I live. As on-brand as ever, I hooked up with my manager for a while. Later, I found out he was still dating his girlfriend, who he had told me he'd broken up with. I did have my speculations, but I honestly wasn't serious about him and wasn't thinking about her enough to find out. I was selfish. She found out. Fast forward to now, they have a kid, are engaged, and he's almost two years sober, which I'm sure had something to do with it. I'm happy for them. My problem is she goes to my gym now. It's awkward and obvious we

both know who the other is, and sometimes I wonder if I should confront her and apologize for the whole thing. Complicating things, she started a blog and in one of her posts discusses his alcoholism and their relationship story. I support the blog, but it's hard because I'm the undertone as the toxic person in the posts while he's seen as the alcoholic boyfriend that was just, quote, going through so much. I'm willing to admit that I 100% fucked up, but what are your thoughts on the narrative that I'm the monster? Do I reach out? Her whole blog is based around kindness, and it doesn't make sense how she can give so much forgiveness and understanding toward him, then paint me to be toxic and horrible, all in the same post.

We both cheated. In respect for her, I've often not gone to events I know she'll be at since we have mutual friends. I'm no angel, and I've made lots of mistakes in my 20s, but I'm also willing to admit them, especially if they hurt someone. I finally want to stand up for myself, but then again, a part of me wonders if I'm being selfish and just want to defend myself. I can't be the only one out there that's felt this. Maureen. Do you want to go first, Ashley? I actually really want to know what you think. I've never cheated and I've never been cheated on, I don't think. Yeah, I've been cheated on and I don't think I've cheated, but maybe. Who knows? First of all, no, don't do anything because it's all in your head. You're having this whole

narrative. You're letting her dictate how you feel about yourself and just let her go do her blog. First of all, stop reading her blog. Block yourself from that blog and don't try to correct the situation because that's ego and that's any sort of defense is ego. Like you don't need to be bigger than that. That was a long time ago. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were. It doesn't matter that he was an alcoholic or was going through an alcoholic phase or however she wants to frame it. And however she wants to frame your relationship, she's just trying to make herself feel better about that period of time. And there's nothing you can do to change her narrative. So the only thing you can do is demonstrate that you're also a different person

and act like a bigger person and then be a bigger person. I think sometimes when you start acting like a bigger person, it naturally happens that you become that. You know, it's kind of like fake it till you make it. 100%. It works like that. So yeah, you don't want to go and correct the story. That's only going to result in more icky behavior.

And I think it's good that you don't show up to parties that she's at, but that also shouldn't be your rule of thumb. She's irrelevant kind of to you. You've moved on. You both had a past and that's not the present. I 100% agree. I think that I would just erase the blog, never go back on it. She's tormenting herself.

I don't even know how to read a blog. Like, how do you find blogs? Wait, is it a blog or is she, like, posting this on Instagram? It says blog. I didn't know people still did that, right? I know. Is that on MySpace? It's GeoCities.

I mean, it definitely feels like this is my problem and I'm 20 years old because as you get older, as you mature, this is not going to become your problem. Right. And also, it's not her problem. It's his problem. If she really wanted to talk about it, she should go to him, not her. Yeah. And, like, she knew what she was doing was wrong. But, like, I kind of take umbrage with the phrasing of we both cheated because he's the one who cheated.

She wasn't in a relationship, you know? Right. She knew what she was doing, but the phrasing is a little funky for me. And anytime you want to go correct a situation where you screwed up and so much time has elapsed, all you're doing is reminding people what you represented during that time instead of setting new impressions on those people, which it sounds like you have the opportunity or it sounds like she has the opportunity to do between the gym and mutual friends parties. it's like just go in there and be your new self and so that they know that's not who you are anymore and you don't have to correct any of that narrative i was talking to a friend the other day and she's like oh i should apologize about this thing that happened like three months ago i'm like don't bring it up again nobody you know you're just kind of doing the opposite of what your

intention is so yeah zip it get off her blog and then find out why she still has a blog exactly there's no shortcut for saving time but saving money is simple just combine your car and home insurance with bel-air direct and save get a quote at bel-air direct.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live

through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks

Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm gonna have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts.

You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. it was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Shannon, and she is calling in from Iowa. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 25-year-old new mom to my daughter, Salem. I'm looking for advice on how

to handle my friendships because not one of my friends have come to meet my baby. I'm stuck wondering whether or not it's my responsibility to schedule these meetings or if my friends are being kind of shitty toward me by not making an effort to meet her. Salem is now five months old. I have a very small group of friends, two from high school and three from college. They were all either in my wedding or in attendance, and they all attended the baby shower. One lives five hours away, everyone else is a one- to three-hour drive. The two from high school come home every couple months, sometimes more. All of these friendships are pick-up-where-we-left-off types, but I regularly Snapchat all of them and send pictures of Salem. I sent everyone a message

when she was maybe two months old, saying that I was sad none of my friends have met her yet, and I hope they get the chance to meet her soon, even if it's just for a quick lunch. Everyone responded, of course, and that they were so excited to meet her, and yet nothing has happened in the three months since. I told myself that that message would be the last time I would try to force meeting her on them, and if they chose to not try to see us, then it's their loss, but I'm still sad that the people I consider my friends haven't shown up for me. I understand that we're in different phases of life, none of them having kids and only one being married, but I'm confused as to why I haven't had any support. Not everyone is excited about kids,

but this is such an important part of me. My husband says I need to drop them, but I don't want to do that and be left with no friends. And I do care about these people. I hate that this is negatively affecting my mental health during such a special time in my life. Lots of love, Shannon. Hi, Shannon. Hello. Hi, Shannon. This is our special guest, Ashley Graham today. You have got two of us. Well, you've got three of us because Catherine's here and she's running the whole operation. Yeah. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah, it's been kind of tough. I totally understand where you're coming from.

Sorry to jump in here, but this is exactly what happened to me. Just FYI, I had a very, very, very small friend group. And the people who wanted to meet Isaac, they came over and they met Isaac and they said, when can I come? I'm coming. And the few people who didn't really reach out, they're just not a part of my life anymore. And it's really bizarre how these big life moments can cut out the weeds. And when I say the weeds, I mean the people who really aren't in it for you.

I will say I did have to put it on myself and say, hey, hey, if you want to come over, like, here's your parameters. I would give everybody, like, two-hour windows because when you have – you know, you're a new mommy. You're exhausted. Your baby's tired. People like to overstay their welcome. So I definitely gave people two-hour windows. But the few people that were excited to come over made an effort. Some people even flew in.

It was some of the local people that didn't make an effort. And I will also tell you, I only speak to two people in my wedding. And I had six bridesmaids, just to put it in perspective for you. So that also happens. It sucks. And it feels so isolating. You feel like you have no one. You feel like it's kind of this place where, how am I going to get out of this?

Who else can I speak to? you will get out of it you just have to stay strong and I started journaling like actually like pen to paper journaling instead of on the computer yeah I mean you're in such a transitional part of your life I know when I lived in a different city than my friends it was like when you're home and you have just a couple days or a week it's really harder than you think to see everybody you know I mean I think I would say like giving them that specific time of like you know what why don't you come over on Tuesday we'll have a little brunch come over for mimosas or whatever giving them those specifics I think might make it a little more accessible for them to

to take you up on the offer rather than having it just be a broad invitation of like come over whenever yeah and I think coming from somebody who doesn't have kids whose friends have kids like anyone who is meaningful to me I would make the time there definitely have been friends of mine that have a baby and it's all consuming, which it is. It totally is. But it doesn't feel like there's going to be any friend time. So I feel like everything we do is always going to be around the baby. Right. Which is totally reasonable. I mean, your baby said your baby's five months old. Right. So obviously that is going to be all consuming. But I think for your friends that don't have babies that maybe can't relate to that, you can offer them up like, hey,

I want to see you guys regardless. I want you to meet the baby. We don't have to spend the whole day with the baby but I want it's meaningful to me as you guys are my close friends for you to meet the baby and then we can have a nice group lunch or do our own thing you know and you can have the baby if you have a babysitter your husband can watch her for a couple of hours so you guys can go to lunch and catch up but you know so that you can get both of those things in so that you still have your individuality within that group and they're also paying you the respect of meeting your child which is an important thing for you to have them do because it's important for you to have your own individuality outside of mommy world too. Yeah. I think sometimes single

women who aren't parents are sometimes overwhelmed by people when they have babies because of their inability to relate to that. Yeah. So just keep that in the back of your mind and just try to like give them specific options. Like when can we do this? Let's set up a time. You guys can come over and meet the baby and then we can either have lunch at the house or we can go out, do our mimosas, whatever you and your girlfriends like to get up to. Yeah. I mean, that sounds good. I have just been struggling with the fact that I have reached out and I have been like please tell me when you're in town so we can try to schedule something and then they never say anything that's specifically like my high school friends my college friends on the other

hand they don't have a reason to be here other than for me and you know they all say that they're so excited to meet her and then just nothing ever happens so it's kind of a weird predicament that I'm in, whether or not I need to be the one stepping out all the time or if they need to take this on their backs too. I feel like, I mean, speaking from experience, it's going to be on you because you're the one with the gift, right? Your child was a gift to this world and you want to share your gift with the people that you love so much. And the people around you are going to be so excited, but they also don't understand what you're going through. They don't understand the sleepless nights. They don't understand what you're going through with formula, breastfeeding,

whatever's going on in your relationship. And so they can't see that. So you really have to put yourself out there in a way that feels maybe uncomfortable for you right now. But if you are so adamant about these college friends meeting your gorgeous little daughter, which I love her name, by the way, that is truly going to be on you to show your gift to the people that you love so much and then once that door is open then you will see who really like wants to be a part of her life and still be a part of your new life because your life is completely changed now and there are probably some people in your life or that were in your life that you don't want in your life anymore and this is just showing you everybody's cards and i don't think you should

be offended by it i think that you're young and you're figuring it all out now and you should actually be grateful. Yeah. Yeah, it definitely is going to be very eye opening to see who is wanting to stick around in our lives and who just really doesn't care anymore. And that's what my husband's been saying to me. But I think it's just been kind of hard to come to grips with the fact that those people who have always been here for me so consistently just haven't made the effort. And that's just been hard to come to terms with. Big life events, big life events, weddings, kids, divorce and funerals. That's where you figure out who your real friends are.

Yeah. And, you know, I like that you said that, Ashley, that you're not speaking to half of your bridal party anymore, because I think that's more than half. That's so true. It's so true. And it's like it's definitely true for me. I have friendships that have ended throughout my entire life and I always have new ones sprouting up. So there's always a revolving door in my life. I have some very old friends, but a lot of my friendships, you know, are for short periods of time or 10 years and then we kind of drift off or something happens and we get into an argument or, you know, who knows. And but I think you should just I know it hurts, but it's also the cycle of life. Like people come in and out for different reasons and you should be open also as a new mother. I'm sure you're doing lots of things that involve other new mothers.

you know you have the opportunity to meet new friends and make new relationships and cultivate those things and there's going to be exciting relationships within those relationships as well so you're holding on to kind of holding on to the past in a way and you can definitely call them out and say like hey this is it i really need you guys to step up and then now's the time and just be prepared for some of them not to be able to do that yeah i'm definitely prepared for my heart to be broken a little bit by those friendships. And I guess this is just kind of where we're at in life. I'm just in such a different place, I think, than everybody else. And, you know, they go out and they go party and everything like that and take trips and enjoy, you know, not being tied

down like this. And I'm at home and I'm really content doing that. I just wish, you know, I had little more support but i have a great family system around me my husband's parents are in town my parents are really close by so we do get a lot of time with them and that's been really supportive over you know these past five almost now six months that's what you have to focus on yeah be grateful for the things that you do have so many people don't have their parents right when you're raising a child you have two sets i mean that's really lucky so focus on the positive you know that you like your in-laws wow that's really great Yeah, no, they're, they're an awesome support system for us. And my mom takes her multiple

days a week. And, you know, I couldn't ask for anything better. They really are the best. And also these phases, they go away, like enjoy this phase. And then the next phase, you know, it's, it's all about the phases. That's what I keep telling myself, at least. Yeah. And always remember, like, whenever you're going through a difficult time, there's sunshine around the corner. Like, you don't know how quickly things are going to turn and who's going to show up for you surprisingly or what new people are going to come into your life. No like bad phase or feelings hurt last for that long.

It's always just a little moment. It's ephemeral and it will move on and then something else is just around the corner. Yeah, I definitely try to keep that in perspective. It's kind of hard right now, you know, losing all the people that I was so close to, but that's great advice and I hope I can really remember that going forward.

I wrote a farewell letter to my one friend. I didn't give it to her, but I wrote it to her and it was heartbreaking. It was actually on Thanksgiving before I gave birth to the twins and it was really hard for me to write it. And it was like almost 20 year relationship. And I will say like it's it's important to write this out. It's important to get it out of your body because you're storing trauma right now. and it's not that big of a trauma but it's trauma that's going to build and that's not something you want to pass on to your kids because it's little now but it's going to be bigger later so get it out of your body that's a great that's great advice actually i'm going to take that because i have a friendship that ended a long one and a close one and i have so much i want to say you get all this stuff stored up and you just keep recirculating in your brain and like who wants that energy inside them no no and also you know when you write an email like i would suggest writing an email to all these girls you can cc them all or do it individually and just put your

heart on your sleeve and just be very honest without being necessarily needy in that you're more making yeah you're making a statement not accusatory but this is how this makes me feel this is what happened this is i'm so disappointed i really hope that you guys would have more interest or you know stepped up to meet my baby but i understand if this is you're not in this place in your lives I get that but I think you should show them you know let them know that you're hurt yeah most importantly yeah I definitely don't want to make anybody feel like I'm being accusatory or super mean or anything like that because I genuinely am sad and that's what I kind of told them a couple months after she was born is that I was just

sad and I said it in a nice way but maybe I didn't say it directly enough and I might need to go out of my way to say it a little more direct to them. People cannot read your mind. I have learned that one. Yeah. And it's back to what Ashley said about putting yourself in a kind of like uncomfortable zone, you know, just put yourself in a situation that may not be you, but you got to stretch your legs a little to get your point across so that you can feel good about it 10 years down the road or five years down the road. I mean, I think that's the key about getting older is when you have these kind of confrontations or conflicts to handle them with grace and dignity so that when you look back, you don't you're not mad at yourself for acting childishly.

Yeah, because I'm kind of mad at myself right now for not saying stuff sooner and not being direct enough. So, yeah, I think the email and maybe reaching back out again and giving them more specifics is going to be helpful. You just tell them you talk to your therapist, Chelsea and Ashley. and then maybe you'll get an email back yeah i think that'll be super helpful it's basically like talking to dr phil and oprah so hello pretty much yeah thank you shannon thanks shannon good luck with everything let us know how it goes okay follow up

yeah thank you so much guys i appreciate it congratulations yeah thank you bye thank you bye-bye that must feel so uh solitary like so lonely yeah you feel isolated it's a disgusting feeling but at least she has her husband like she said her family like that's a big deal but having that outside community also makes a big difference she just sounds like she needs to go out with some friends yeah she needs to join a mommy and me group or whatever the new version of that without the kids one night yeah just one night right right right so when you wrote that letter you were you planning on just writing it for yourself or did you think maybe you were going to send it to your friend. So I worked with my midwives. I did home births. And one of the

biggest things in doing a home birth is trusting your body. And my midwives actually make you go through this thing. It's therapy session called Havening. And it's touch therapy where you bring up past traumas that you deal with in the moment before you walk into home birth. And this is for any part of your life. It's not just surrounded by birth, but it's surrounded by traumas. and but you do it on the day you're gonna give birth no you do it beforehand so that your body is in full trust mode and that your baby which epigenetics they can feel everything you're feeling also is is in full trust mode so my twins were both head down and then one of them went head up breach and he kept flipping and they were like are you going through something and i'm like what

do you mean going through something and they were like is everything okay at home like what's up with your family and then Justin kind of looked at me and he said my friend's name and I was like it's not that and she looked at me and she said so it's that and I just started crying and she said these things happen like big life decisions or changes in your life like having a baby are going to move people in and out of your life and she said the only way to get around this and for you to have a successful not not unsuccessful birth but like an even easier birth is to get this out and and that's why I told her I was like you need this is like in you and it needs to come out so that you're not passing this along and and that's what I did that's when I wrote the letter

to her and it was all on Thanksgiving and it was like surrounded by the holidays because we always spend the holidays together and I my intention at the time wasn't to send it to her it was just to get it out I've been thinking about maybe sending it because I want something like I want a door closed because it feels still feels really wide open but I feel so good that it's out of my body yeah I'm gonna do that I have a similar situation and I think I'm gonna do that because yeah anytime I think about it it's just those thoughts that circulate like how hurt I am about this and how I can't believe that and that and and it's like god I know better than to have those kinds of toxic thoughts circulating in your body you're just doing damage everything you would say and all

those little things. It's like high school thoughts. You know, I can only compare it to that kind of like small, small mindedness when we let those ideas corrode our kind of like being. And it builds up in your body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at fellerdirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring

how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself

because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive

to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Quinn. Dr. Quinn, medicine woman. Let's hope so. Fucking better be. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently struggled with losing weight and all its implications. I've been overweight or at least perceived to be overweight most of my life.

Every time I begin my lifestyle changes and try to be healthier, I always hit the roadblock of this question. Should I be losing weight to try and love myself more and gain confidence or focus more on loving my current body and let the lifestyle changes follow? Dating also plays a part in all of this. Where currently I haven't had much luck dating, I fear that if I lose weight, I will in the back of my head always think, would they have dated me when I was overweight? I know no matter what, I need to be healthy and make these lifestyle changes, but I know that's not going to happen until my mindset is in the right place. Quinn.

Hi, Quinn. Hi, how's it going? Good, how are you? Hi, Quinn. How are you? Good. Well, we have the body positivity guru. in studio today so I'm gonna let you take the lead on this I was just thinking god I've totally been in your shoes and I've always wondered god if I lost weight would he be with me because I

lost the weight or you know it's like should I get even bigger and then start dating and you know just um just out of spite for whoever I end up with and then I realized god I'm really going at this the wrong way. I totally hear you. And I know how your brain is going a million miles a minute and you go to sleep thinking about your weight. You wake up thinking about your weight. When you go out and you're eating, you think about your weight. You think about your weight when you're getting dressed. I know that feeling. And the best thing for you to realize is that it's not going to go away until you face it head on. And there's so many different ways to face it head on where you can actually write out your affirmations that I have done and I have preached

about a million times, you know, have them on your mirror, have them on notepads, have them recorded into your phone about how you feel and how you want to feel. I always say, like, don't lie to yourself give yourself attainable goals in in your affirmations but you know this is something that's that's either going to plague you for the rest of your life or you can actually meet it where you are and I had to do that and and I have to say even now like I just popped out a few kids and I'm 40 something pounds up and I think about that number and I don't get on the scale because of it I don't put on certain clothes because of it because it's like this like looming thing in the back of my mind. Like, when is it going to go away? Will it ever come off of my

body? Blah, blah, blah. You know exactly what I'm talking about. But it's something that, A, you're doing a great job in coming here and talking about it because this is going to feel really good when you get off of this call. And B, you just have to like start an action, like whatever that action is for you, whether it's the writing it down and actually seeing the words or having the out loud conversations with yourself or making sure that you're not changing who you are for somebody else. I think that's really important to remember. But by the way, no matter what, your body is your temple. So take care of it. Don't change it because of somebody else's perception or even the perception of yourself. Yeah. And I think your goal really is to be

healthy and strong, right? That's what we all want out of life. We want to be durable. We want to last a long time and we want to be healthy and strong. So taking those steps to get there is going to help you feel better about yourself because you know that you're actually, you know, eating clean food and healthy food and not bullshit. I read this quote from Barack Obama once how he was he he's like, I eat for fuel, not for, you know, like and I was like, fuck you. You're a fucking guy. You know, not everybody's eating for fuel. I don't understand people like that. But there's a variation of that where it's like, what are you putting into your body that's going to help you be strong and fit? And that doesn't mean being a certain weight. It means

being healthy-minded about yourself and your appearance, knowing that you're taking care of yourself. I didn't drink water for the longest time, so I just hated the flavor of it because there is none. So I now have to doctor up my water with my little lemon packets every morning like a psychopath in order for me to drink a liter of water every day. But every day I'm like, every time I take a sip of water, I'm like, you're helping yourself. You're, you know, you're hydrating your body. You're hydrating your body. Like it's whatever your bad habits are. If you can flip those, the mental game that that plays gives you a lot of self-esteem and a lot of self-respect. But that takes a lot of work. I will say, because I'm at a place where like,

I am a rewarder. Food is a rewarder for me. I don't know about you guys, but like, this is how I was raised and so the the plate has to be clean and and if I did like a good job for yay whatever that thing was that day or week it's like what am I eating so I hear you but I'm still working on that because it's like oh fuel my body yes I can feel my body all day long I've got like a charcuterie board in the car waiting for me when I get out of here however however it's like Am I going to treat myself to a handful of peanut M&Ms later? Yeah, probably. So it's all about balance.

Everything is balanced and it's a hard place to get to. Yeah. And you're not going to be perfect all the time. I'm not. I mean, I was just telling Joe in my hotel room this weekend, I went to go open a bag of potato chips and I couldn't even be like a normal person about it. I had to bite it open and then the whole thing fucking exploded all over my room. And then I was like, oh, fuck those.

I'll go get a chocolate. they had this chocolate toffee bar and I did the same thing I ripped it open the whole thing crashed open on the bed and I just looked like a revolting pig and I'm like well see this is what you get for like eating in haste like that you know when you still eat it no no I had to clean it up it was all over the place I still would have ate it that's my problem well I've eaten things listen I've eaten things out of the garbage okay let's not pretend that I haven't I once had an egg McMuffin in my glove compartment overnight and ate it so let's I'm not gonna pretend I'm above that. But I think as long as you start to cultivate little healthy habits, they don't have

to be a mandate for your life. Right. Little healthy habits, you know, like you're going to end your day with this meal or you're going to start your day with this meal. And just think about nourishing yourself and giving your like last night we were at sushi and the last thing I wanted was spinach. But I'm like, no, I want something green at every meal. Like I have to do that for my health. You know, it's a good people have said instead of taking away add to the plate, right? Yeah. And when you eat all that stuff, you know, if you fill up on good stuff for your body, your body doesn't crave all the bad stuff after a while. So you just have to just start cultivating healthier habits and, you know, it will, it will get easier and it will make,

it will do the thing for your mind that all the things that Ashley's talking about in work in conjunction with that, you know, giving yourself positive affirmations, reminding yourself that your body's here to carry you through. So take care of it and treat it with respect. And also just get out there. Start dating. Right? Yeah. It doesn't matter what size you are.

There is somebody who will be like into you for who you are if you're ready to start dating and you're feeling good with yourself. Yeah. And then once you start fucking somebody that you like, you're not going to have that much of an appetite, okay? Anybody who falls in love knows that they lose 10 pounds right off the bat because you're just like, all I want to do is have sex. Yeah.

How much weight did Joe lose? Joe's lost 30 pounds. So now he's the hot body in the relationship. And I just keep putting on weight. I'm like, but back the fuck up with your body, buddy. Then you start eating in a relationship. Yeah, once you get happy, then you start eating. That's where I'm at now.

I'm like, when can we eat again? I'm already thinking about food. You're talking about it. I'm like, what am I going to have for lunch? But anyway, you know what I mean? Yeah, definitely start dating. That's going to be fun. You want to go have fun with guys or girls or whoever you're into.

Yeah, I think in listening to you guys and stuff, too, I've realized, too, that anyone that I want to be with is also just going to agree with, like, the values I have and, like, my lifestyle. I'm like, I'm not going to choose someone who's like, no, you look bad or, you know, I want you to get to this point. I obviously would just day one, that's a red flag, and I wouldn't dive with them. Day one. Yeah. I think, yeah, this stuff is very helpful, and I will definitely start to do some of that. Are you on any dating apps, Quinn?

Yeah, I'm on, you know, like the typical three, Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. And I go through waves, you know, it gets kind of boring. Going through the same questions over and over again, like, oh, what do you do? How are you doing? You know, what have you been up to? And I also get kind of loyal for if I'm talking to someone, I'll just like, oh, I'll just keep talking to them and then it'll fizzle out. And then I'm like, oh, I just lost out on all these other matches or, you know. No, you have to talk to like 20 people at the same time.

This is what I learned. My mom, like four years ago, she finally started online dating and she did a car ride from California to New York. And she had her bumble on and went on dates throughout the country and met and ended up meeting the guy she's with now. And they've been together for three years. And I have to say, like, you have to talk to everybody at the same time because that's what everybody else is doing. I don't have any experience in this. This is all watching my mother do this. I love that.

That's a great idea for any woman. I could do a road trip across the country and just meet up with different guys. She was with her friends. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Well, thank you so much, Quinn. We appreciate having you on.

Thank you. And congrats to Ashley on your twins. And Chelsea, I saw you in December, I believe, and Madison here. So it was a great show. Thanks for that. Oh, thanks for coming, Quinn. I love that. Yeah.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Oh, everyone just needs a little confidence booster, right? Right. Madison, Wisconsin. I love it there. You're from Nebraska. Yes. Midwest. Yeah. That was another great place. I performed in Omaha. I was just in Birmingham, Alabama.

I saw. And I was like, it was one of the best shows I've ever had. Another one was Omaha. And the other one was Louisville, Kentucky. Places where you think you're going to go and you're just like, oh, God, this isn't going to be. And every time it was awesome. Fun. Yeah, because there's those liberal pockets of people there that are dying for it. Right. They need togetherness and progressiveness. And they're living in a state like those cities are all always like democratic. And it's just the rest of the state that has issues. Anyway. Anyway, what's next? Well, so our last question comes from Travis. Travis says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 37-year-old guy who got many of the gay genes, design, decor, theater, etc., but not the skincare gay gene. In short, I could give a shit about skincare. I use a moisturizer with SPF but do nothing else for my face beyond an occasional splash of water in the shower. My skin is pretty normal, nothing problematic except my behavior.

I recently heard someone complimented on his beautiful skin and thought how nice it would be to receive such praise one day. Do you have any products or regimens you'd recommend to stop my uncared-for face from falling off or bursting into flames or whatever else is eventually going to happen as I slide into my 40s? Travis. Well, I'm going to let you go to the skincare thing because you have, I'm sure, more tricks than I do. I was going to say, don't you have skincare? Aren't you into it? your skin is always glowing oh well thank you but i would want to say to travis this is why you have everything to look forward to i didn't start washing my face i still don't wash my face let's

be honest i did my sisters i blame them and my mother for not teaching me how to wash my face i didn't wash my face until i was in my 30s and then i i then i just couldn't get into the habit because i never had it so if you start taking care of your skin now travis you're gonna see such a difference because you have so many layers of like of dermis that you have not exfoliated so all you need is a good exfoliator to wash yourself at night and then put on a moisturizer I use a serum and moisturizer in the morning and at night and that does the trick I have to say first of all just go go get a facial like you're gonna feel the difference from like when you before you had it and then after. And then secondly, I am such a fan of this new line

called Fig One. I invested in it. I'm not a celebrity endorser. I invested because it actually works. We should send you some, by the way. Yeah, send us some. It's scientifically proven to work on so many different skin types, whatever your quote issue is. And you can take an online test for free. There's dermatologists that'll send you the whole regimen, but like they play nice in the medicine cabinet. So whatever you're already using, you just add this into the mix but it sounds like he just needs like hyaluronic acid and maybe is hyaluronic acid good for everybody I think so all skin types it's not terrible for most people oh I thought it was I thought some people don't react well to that but I could be misinformed I I mean I use it twice a

week and Justin uses one once a week so that's two completely different skin types Justin's skin tone is like uneven and he wants it to become more even and then also being black on top of it makes it, you know, harder to figure out what products are right for him. And he's been using Fig One. So anyways, Travis, I don't know what your actual skin type is, but it just sounds like he just needs a little TLC. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Once you start a little bit, you're going to notice like if your skin is okay now and you start taking care of it, it's going to be good. Yeah. And then you're going to get that glowy dewy feeling. And also if you have dry skin, you can use a serum and a moisturizer. If you have oily skin, you shouldn't use a serum. You should just use a

moisturizer. And then get the hyaluronic acid from Fig One. Hello. But also like props for using the SPF. That's like the most important thing to keep your aging. It is so important. It is. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up with Ashley and Chelsea. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself

because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive

to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Welcome back. Hi, girls. Well, Ashley, I wanted to ask if you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea. Chelsea. Parenting.

Do you want some parenting advice from me? Okay, so my biggest thing right now is staying motivated in the gym. It's hard because I'm breastfeeding, and I know you like to smoke weed, and I'm sure that doesn't get you motivated to go to the gym. So what's that motivator for you? Because my crutch right now is breastfeeding. What just keeps you going? Because your abs, I mean, they're amazing.

Oh, you're so sweet. No, they are. I mean, I really do work out hard because I like to be strong. And I like to be fit also and look lean. But I just love, it's like addicting, you know? Now, even though I'm on the road, I hit the gym and I just do my own stuff with weights and stuff. And what I've realized so much about after 40 is that, like, cardio is not the thing that keeps you lean. It's weights, heavy, heavy weights.

and I think my motivation is just seeing the results. Like I know it works. I used to think weights were going to make me bulky. Even when I was heavier and not as muscular, I thought, oh, I'm just, I have to lose the weight first and then do the weights. And it's like, no, I just started weight training and the fat kind of came off.

So I know there's a lot of people think you have to do so much cardio and it's like, don't kill yourself with cardio because it stresses your body out, especially when you're breastfeeding and your cortisol levels, you want to keep them down, not up. because that makes you hold on to your weight. And the other thing that I think motivates me

is I can do things that a lot of people that I know who work out a lot can't do. So when I keep getting stronger like that, I'm just like, oh, I'm plus I'm older. Like I'm the strongest I've ever been at 47. I'm stronger than I was when I was 35. So like, you know, I can kick ass and I fucking like that. You know, that's it's like a part of me now. So it's the results that keep you moving the results like once you get yeah you know like you just feel like yeah it feels good have you done pilates are you into that yeah I've done a lot of pilates yeah there's a class in LA that I love forma have you tried it yet no no you'll have to go I'll send it to you okay yeah yeah but I guess that's my motivator I just like I like to feel yeah the results and I like to feel

like a badass when I get in there and I go no matter what it doesn't matter what shape I'm in that's how I was before with babies. And I think, I think I'll get back there, but it's like nice to hear it again. Yeah. You know, once you start seeing results, like you're saying you're up 40 pounds, I would not have known that. But if you're, you know, once you start you getting closer to what you want, you're like, oh, then you get really on the train. But I mean, you have little babies, so it's a different situation right now. Life is different. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. That's my, those are my two cents and you can suck on that pipe. Okay, well, all of our callers and writers in, please keep in touch with us because we love follow-ups. We love progress reports and follow-ups. I didn't pay attention in school, so that's why I feel like I like a curriculum and a structure now with this podcast. I like reportings after the fact, after we've talked to you. I want to find out what happened. And we've had so many positive outcomes come out of this. It's just like we're freeing the whole world.

Yeah, I love it. I can't wait to hear either. We love you so much. I love you. I adore you. I'm so glad we got to see each other. Me too. Yeah. I love in-persons.

I know. It's so good. I'm so thankful to see you too. Yeah. Come out to Jersey. I will. I definitely will. I'm performing in Montclair next week at the Wellmont.

I have two shows in Montclair. I'll be in Jersey. Fantastic. Bye-bye. So if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and

nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice

and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue,

The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.

And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human