Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Night Thoughts with Kumail Nanjiani

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Kumail Nanjiani (OH MARY!, Night Thoughts) joins Chelsea to talk about building trust in a relationship, surviving the loss of his cat Bagel, and why working out is actually very nerdy.  Then: A doggy deal breaker is just the tip of the iceberg in one man’s troubled relationship.  And tension around tipping leads to an embarrassing situation for a restaurant’s regular.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. i just announced all my tour dates it's called the high and mighty tour i'm coming to washington dc norfolk virginia madison wisconsin milwaukee wisconsin detroit michigan cleveland columbus and cincinnati ohio denver colorado portland maine providence rhode island springfield

massachusetts chicago of course indianapolis indiana louisville kentucky albuquerque Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now. If you want to come see me perform, I will be on the high and mighty tour. Happy New Year, Catherine. It's New Year's Day. Hi.

Hi. I'm hoping it's nice and frosty in Whistler. It is not frosty here in LA. It is. It's nice and frosty. Unfortunately, I have to head back to LA today and leave Whistler, but that's okay because I have to prep for the Critics' Choice Awards. It's going to be so great this year. I'm really excited.

I'm excited. I'm excited. It's always so fun to do. So we'll just get right into it. This guy's another comedian. He's probably now one of my favorite comedians after watching his new special and after spending time with him. I was doing a shoot with him a few months ago, and he is an Oscar-nominated writer, Emmy-nominated and SAG Award-winning actor and critically acclaimed producer and comedian. Who's a critically acclaimed producer? Please welcome Kumail Nanjiani. for Christmas, everybody. We brought you a Jew and a Pakistani. Yes. And, you know, jerked over a Mennonite. That's, you know. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Please welcome Kumail

Nanjiani. Did I say it right, Kumail? Yeah, you said it right. You just didn't say it with a lot of confidence, but that's okay. Well, I mean, the confidence precedes me, so I don't even need the confidence. Kumail Nanjiani. That's right. Oh, I did. Yes. I got the pleasure of hanging out with Kumail, we were working on something with Kevin Hart, you know, that little nugget who just got nominated for a Golden Globe, by the way, for his standup special. I can't think of anyone who deserves it less. And well, I, I also got nominated. Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. I did not expect it. My special is not even out yet, but yeah. Oh my God. You know what? I was watching it yesterday. I watched Kumail's special. It's called Night Thoughts. It's going to be on Hulu, right?

Yeah, December 19th on Hulu. December 19th, it comes out, you guys. And I was watching it, Kumail, and I was like, I can't believe that you got nominated either. I thought you wouldn't, if it's not out yet, you wouldn't qualify. Yeah, the cutoff is like December 31st. But yeah, I had such a great time doing that thing

with you and Kevin. Well, first of all, let's, okay, now we're getting all carried away. Okay, let's go back to that. We filmed something with Kevin. We'll probably, you'll hear about that later. And another friend of ours, Keegan. And I hadn't really hung out with you, Kamal, I guess, ever, which is weird, but I assumed I had.

Anyway, we had a blast and Kevin just wanted me to be there because he needed somebody to drink with because Kamal and Keegan were, you know, acting like normal people. But we filmed something around the standup world and we had, I had a great time with you, Kamal. I had a great time with you. it was so funny and your and Kevin's dynamic is so funny to me I was laughing so much because you know it's Kevin Hart's obviously he's a he's an enterprise right he's not even a celebrity he's like an enterprise rent-a-car to be specific a compact he's but so he's surrounded by all these people that he's the king of right and then you're there and the entire time you are just picking on him. It's so funny. I loved it so much. Oh, I'm so glad. I'm so glad you were there to

witness it because it is really fun when he and I get together and do stuff together because he just, I think he really enjoys the abuse. He does. He does. I don't think he gets it very much. He's just, you know, what's surprising about him. And I don't know him that well either. That's the most I've hung out with him, but I had hung out with him more than I'd hung out with you. He's a true comedian like he's like loves comedy he approaches it like a stand-up he really like so so the ball busting and stuff he's not like an actor who does stand-up I know he started off as a stand-up but he's still a stand-up yeah he and he really respects the art of stand-up and he really wants other people to succeed in stand-up he enjoys watching it and he'll spit when you see

this project you'll see him watch comedians and then spit back out their material to him I was impressed actually with him that day and that doesn't happen frequently so so that was fun but let's get back to night thoughts your stand-up special which is just nominated for a golden globe I didn't even look at the list I just saw Kevin posted to congratulate himself so congratulations to you Kumail and when I was watching it I was like this but you should definitely get nominated because a you're so fucking funny and you're so funny in a non-bro-ic way. You're just, you make everything. Listen, I'm not into cats at all. I don't want to see them or talk about them. And you have a bit about cats that is just hilarious. And it was the

only time I've been actively listening to a story about a cat for more than about 10 minutes. Thank you. You know, you texted me yesterday, like the opening, as soon as I walk out, you sent me a video of it. And I was like, oh, Chelsea's watching it. And then I got really nervous because I think you're really funny. I respect you, of course, and all that. I'm a fan. And I feel like comedians are the best critics of stand-up comedy because we see people getting nominated all the time for stand-up. And you're like, well, that person should have been nominated, should not have been nominated. They shouldn't have been nominated. But other comedians really, really know what good comedy is. So I was really nervous. I don't care what critics say. I care

what comedians say about it. Yeah. And also I would say as a comedian, it's very hard. I don't know if this is true for you. Tell me. I find it hard to watch stand up on TV. Like live, you can get down with it. But watching people's specials can always be a little bit tricky. So that's why it was an extra pleasant surprise. I mean, I just was sitting here at my kitchen counter watching on my ipad and the very first thing out of the gate that you talk about is the very first thing i mentioned to you when i saw you um when we were doing our project which are the muscles that are coming out of the back of your shoulders i don't know are those called rhomboids or are they what are those called that's funny they're called trapezoids which is another shape so you were

close there's well there's two sets cabal there's two that come over here come out of your shoulder And then his arm has an extra like series or like it's like a mountain range, like a mini mountain range of muscles that comes out that I haven't seen before. I'm actually trying to bring it down, especially the traps. How long did it take you to acquire that body? Because you had to do that for your superhero movies, right? Yeah, I did it for my superhero movie that took about a year and a half. But when it really went nuts was in the pandemic. Like I had a full freak out in the year and a half that I did not leave the house. I talk about it a little bit in the special.

And all I did, I worked out about four hours every day. I got really obsessed with it. And that's when I like sort of got really, really super big. And you just did that because you had nothing else going on, right? I had nothing else going on. it was the only thing I could do where I could feel any kind of progress. I was like, oh, I can lift this weight today. I couldn't lift it last week, but I can lift it today. Nothing else was happening. Nothing else was real. I couldn't feel like I was moving in any direction except for

working out. It's really the thing that kept me tethered to sanity. I understand that because you talk, you do address this a little bit in your special, not related to the muscle building and working out, but in being like nervous for your wife because she was immune compromised during COVID. But I understand that too, because isn't it interesting and not to sound like a gym rat, but I just want to say I am from New Jersey, everybody. So we already know this. So I have a predilection for physical fitness. When you do a set, when you do three sets of something and you do the first set and it's really challenging and hard, and then you go back and you do the second set and it's easier, you realize how quickly you can gain strength. And it is quite a motivating

factor I think what I've learned most from it is like we limit ourselves all the time I can't do that whatever and with working out you realize how much of those limits are based on our own the way we look at ourselves and not what other people tell you or what even the world tells you so yeah it's I mean I never thought I'd be buff you know and the fact that I am I was like oh maybe what else is like available to me that I thought wasn't available to me accomplishable right Do you guys have more sex now that you have a bigger body? No, we have the same amount of sex, which is a very good, healthy amount of sex. But she does say it's like fucking the corner of a building.

I like that a lot. You know, I hugged a buff guy the other day who was like buffer than me. And I was like, I know exactly what Emily means. yeah yeah and what how did that make you feel when you've touched his body like that against your body I didn't it didn't feel good it's not like you know Pete Holmes your buddies with Pete I'm sure he in one of his sets he talks about how like a good hug is important and he mentions me and says there's no catharsis like you need like cushion for a good hug and I finally understood what he meant when I hugged this buff guy I don't listen as a woman I have to say I disagree

completely I don't want to hug a cushion I that I could do on my sofa when I want a man who's got some muscles on him he doesn't have to be a beefcake like you but I wouldn't turn that away I like muscles I don't I mean you know knowing somebody's spending that much time in the gym is a different story yeah yeah you want them to just be naturally physically fit without doing anything it is nerdy to like spend this much time doing this it's like you you have to have Emily was like if we first went out and you look like this I think there was something really wrong with you okay so let's talk about okay first I want to talk a little bit about the special because in this special you really do get emotional two or three times you were teary-eyed at the at the

gratitude you were feeling towards filming your special back in Chicago where you started stand-up you filmed it at the Vic theater so you started out as a stand-up and you remind people that you're not an actor trying to do stand-up or attempting to do stand-up off of the back of your success as an actor, but that you began as a stand-up. And you also talk about, you mentioned therapy a lot during the show, which was really nice to hear from, as a woman, hearing it from a straight man. It's always refreshing for men to be talking about therapy. And then your cat's name is bagel so let's start with your cat how is she she is not with us anymore okay great great great way to start so this is a great beginning and hopefully you'll be able to i don't know maybe

you will cry maybe i can make you cry come out you know we got a new uh you you don't like cats so you this won't be we got a new kitten a month ago and that was the first time i was like oh it's okay. I don't, you got it. I, you know, I've got a new thing to focus on. And literally yesterday when the newness of the new kitten sort of went away and I love this kitten, I started missing bagel again and I hadn't missed her for a month and I just miss her. So, but you know what? She was 17. She led a great life and you know, it is what it is. Are you, do you have dogs? Are you a pet person? I do. And what I want to say to you about this is I always have, I always have a dog. I always have one dog and sometimes I have two dogs.

But as soon as one of them starts to go downhill, I acquire another dog. Always because I don't have time for grieving. I want to transfer my love to another person or dog immediately. And I find that to be in a great approach to, you know, listen, rescue animals or cats or dogs, whatever, even if they're not rescues. They're not going to be here forever. And we know that going in. So you kind of have to like, I just want to kind of get ahead of it. And it's not like it's a person.

I don't grieve for my animals like they're people. I don't think that my dog crosses the rainbow highway or whatever when he goes to heaven. I don't talk like that. I just want them. I love dogs. I love having a dog in my house. And so I'm very pragmatic about it.

But I understand that other people are much more sensitive. I was. I mean, she's the first pet I ever had. And Emily and I have been married 18 years. and she's been with us 17 years. So it was always the three of us, you know? So yeah, and I'm with you. I don't think my, you know, people will be like,

oh, she's still with you. I'm like, she's not, she's not with me. I remember her, her memories are with me, but there's no like spirit that's around. So I completely agree with you. I was talking to Emily yesterday. I was like, we should wait a few years and get another cat just exactly

for the reasons you're mentioning so that we have like another cat after this one decides to go you didn't cry you don't cry when your dog dies oh i cry but i don't mourn like i my last dog was actually a really ugly kind of death and uh i was sorry thank you and i just i i cried i you know took her to the vet it was awful it was dramatic and it was like a three-day event but i was able to recuperate pretty quickly and i also had this new dog a new puppy that I had rescued. So it was a, it was, it's a good buffer, but I just do want to say on behalf of Bagel, because I feel like I speak for her now, you, that tribute you made to her

in your standup. I mean, this is a beautiful way to go out and it's a beautiful bookend to your love story with Bagel. Oh, thank you. Yeah. The way it happened was so weird. I was in New York doing this play. Oh Mary, right? Oh Mary. Yeah. Really? Have you seen it? No, I have not seen it sorry yeah I've seen it I thought just I think maybe just before you were in it but I saw it with Titus it's really really funny and I just love being a you know you fucking kill every night you get a standing ovation and it has nothing to do with you it's incredible you're like I'm literally just saying the word someone else wrote and you think I'm a hero it's so fun but the weird thing was we've had her for 17 years you know she's like such an important part of our

life. She passes away Saturday morning. Emily has to fly an hour later back to LA to get a monthly treatment she has to get for her autoimmune condition. And I have two shows that day. So my cat dies at 9am. I'm on stage at 3pm and then again at 8pm. And I never, without Emily, and I never imagined it would be like that. I thought when she would go, Emily and I would like cocoon and be with each other for two weeks. And we didn't even see each other for another week. So It was like really, really intense. And I had this feeling, this is weird. As I was doing the first show,

like four hours after my cat died, I was like 10 minutes in and I wasn't really feeling it. It wasn't going well. And I was like, you know what? This show is my tribute to Bagel. I owe it to her to be funny today. And then that went great. And then the second one went great.

Because of that, I was like, I'm doing this for her. And then Sunday was terrible. I was terrible at both shows because I'd spent all night now alone in an apartment without my cat or my wife. And I was just miserable. Oh, well, it's nice to know that you're so sensitive, Kamal. I like that about you.

Well, you know what I realized? This is interesting. I realized I'm the same person I was when I was 14. And I always hated that part of myself. I hated how sensitive I was. Like my feelings would get hurt all the time. And that's not how men are supposed to be. You know, it's not what strength is.

And I was very aware of it. And all through my 20s and 30s, I was like, I'm a different person. I've gotten over that. I understand now I'm stronger. I'm cool. I dress cool, all this stuff. And I realized only a few years ago, into my 40s now,

I'm still the same guy I was when I was 14. I'm just as sensitive as I've always been. And it's not good or bad. It's just what it is. And I have to accept it. I have to accept that my feelings get hurt very easily. And I have to acknowledge that because trying to like get past it

has not worked for like fucking 30 years now. Well, so tell me what it was like when you were a kid growing up. Were you able to communicate with your family and like have this kind of emotional conversations or was that a no-no in your house? It was a no-no, but I think it was self-limited. Like, my parents were not like that. My dad, actually, is a very emotional guy and always has been. And I've seen him cry, you know, like, I know people like my wife was like, I've seen my dad cry twice, when his mother died and when his wife died. I've seen my dad cry hundreds of times.

And when I was a little kid, I really hated that he would cry. I was like, oh, my dad's like, I was like, my dad's a pussy. I did not like that he cried and he was always very affectionate like he would kiss us and you know was very like emotionally very very communicative but for me I did not like that about him and now when I look back I'm so grateful that I had him as like a model for how to be like a man who is connected with his feelings I was not connected with my feelings and I had a real anger issue I would say probably from the age of 10 to kind of all through my 20s and a lot of my 30s as well but really when I was 13 14 15 I was a nice guy nobody saw it except my parents but when

I would get angry and I was so angry I wanted to burn the world and I could not it was this horrible feeling of being completely out of control and I think all of that came out of not being able to address the fact that I was sensitive that my feelings got hurt very easily and and that anger was something that I really started didn't start working on until I was in my 30s when Emily and I were together and sometimes we'd get into fights and I would just go to this place that did not feel like me and what I had to do I would feel like I'd have to get to the point and say the thing that you cannot take back and then that would break it it would break the spell and then I would feel awful and the guilt would be just like punishing myself for what I said and then

so it was like this cycle I was in and it wasn't until like you know a few years ago in my 40s when I really started late 30s actually I would say mid to late 30s when I started like trying to be like and it started in acting class I was taking an acting class and I was like oh there's a lot more in here than I realized and I need to start excavating it because that's I owe it to Emily first even before I owe it to myself yeah it's it's so nice to hear you say that because I can relate to that like it's like it's kind of unskilled emotions like you don't know yet what you're dealing with and you address this in your special too which is really beautiful beautiful moment and don't get confused with beautiful moments in a stand-up special they're allowed

for our listeners I love that I love that it's you know not just all joke joke joke joke joke It's plenty funny with a lot of like feeling in it and a lot of messaging that needs to get through. But I think, you know, you're talking about a cycle of anger, which whichever, you know, so many people have. And it can escalate to a level where like that's the same cycle as an abusive person. You know, when somebody is abusive physically, they go, they go and they go, they get mad, mad, mad, mad. Then they pop and then they're overwhelmed with guilt and they come back and they're apologizing and they're so sorry. But it's it's something that everyone can relate to. It's just different varying degrees of anger and how you express it.

And then finding out, finding out from a therapist that your anger is really fear or sadness. You know, it's like the, it's the, it's like the, the jacket that your fear or sadness wears to protect itself. 100%. So this is something that you, because I always think of you as like, you're like a badass strong person, right? Like I've never thought of you as someone who was soft or anything. Is this something that you sort of figured out about yourself too?

Yeah. Yeah. I had to go to, I had like a real break at like when I turned 40, I was like, I was so angry. I was so angry. And I like, I was, I mean, it was like Trump got elected. So I, it was like, I had some place to place my anger. I was like, that's why I hate this world.

This is it, you know? but really when I delved into therapy, I found out it was a lot about my childhood. My brother died when I was really young. I had delayed grief. I had never spoken to anybody or anybody that could really unwrap that with me. So I learned very early on that my emotional outbursts, much like yours, were just me being scared or me being really sad and not feeling comfortable with expressing either of those emotions. So you find the emotion you are comfortable with. And for many of us, it's anger because then you're like, oh, okay, well, this is still protective.

I'm protecting myself. But it does feel like shit after you lose your shit. It does because anger is facing outwards. You know, you're like, instead of dealing with your own sadness or fear, you're like directing it outwards. That's something. And I've noticed this a lot on social media. Obviously, there's a lot wrong with the world.

And there's a lot of like righteous anger that should be directed at it. But I see certain people that I'm like, okay, the target is right, but there's a lot more going on with you right now. Like this isn't just about politics or whatever we're headed or whatever it is. Like there's stuff inside you that you need to deal with because it's, and you've decided that it's really about this thing, but it's more about you. Yeah. I would say that's an astute observation as well, because, you know, you know, you go

through, like, I went through like a jaunt of therapy that was like two years intense. and then after that I was like okay let me take a break and try to absorb all of this and like apply it to my life so I can soften my edges and be more of a whole person rather than just kind of coming across as like this bulldozer and strong and then you you know that takes a bit of time too to adjust your personality because you're like who am I now am I the same person or am I a different person and you're kind of trying to take the best parts of your personality and bring them into the into the present and then you're like but how do i get rid of the bad parts you know and it's it's not it's like it's just always a moving puzzle yes that's very well put but i was

reading this book recently and it was talking about intergenerational trauma which was something we all suffer from and i'm like oh fuck now we've got to deal with my fucking generation all these families like we're in the holocaust i gotta go through this now i'm like intergenerational trauma That's too much for us to deal with in one lifetime. Yeah, that's not my shit. They should have dealt with it. That's the other thing you realize is like, you know, how much we get from therapy. And then realize like, my parents have never had this once.

They've never once had a therapy session. And it's like, it'd be so much, we'd all be so much happier if you guys were able to do that. Like my, my dad, who's absolutely wonderful, really in touch with his feelings. But there was like, like I mentioned this car accident that he was in. and he for two weeks he was just like really depressed because he got so scared and I was like dad you should talk to somebody he's like nope nope nope and then he just kind of muscled through it and then a month later he was like okay I'm fine now so whatever the process was he did I don't know how how deep he buried it or whatever but it's like they just it just feels like to a

lot of people therapy is a defeat and it's really not it's just what is required we're really fucking complicated. And we're dealing with a lot. I know. And we're dealing with a lot, but there's been so many generations that have come before us that never dealt with anything. So the argument that we have to deal with it is kind of like, well, why? Maybe I could just go through my life and not deal with anything and be a miserable son of a bitch for the last, you know, 20 or 30. Like my dad, his last 15, 20, 30 years, he was just angry, just angry, angry, angry. And I'm like, oh, well, if he had had therapy and become like a self-actualized person he probably would have been a lot different but to what avail right like we sit here kind of

like you know like navel gazing people are like oh it's and you know especially LA as soon as you come to LA it doesn't matter what country or cultural background you're from you end up in therapy yeah it's too much people here are too self-actualized some of these people need to start bottling shit up again do you and your wife go to couple therapy we have we don't anymore we did i think we started in the pandemic and we did it for about a year started off every week and then every other week and it was really really remarkable first of all you know emily and i are both very smart people and we pride ourselves on that and we were talking to this therapist and we were like i think she's smarter than us like she really fucking knows us and it and it sucks

It sucks that she's so smart. But she gave us basically the tools. We realized, if you really want to get into it, that as couples, we were stuck in the same patterns from like the beginning of our relationship. And there's two sort of things. One, we met, she was in the audience, I was on stage. So even though there's never been a hierarchy between us, there's never been like a dominant one. But because of that, she had a day job, I was following my dreams. That pattern became very established in our lives where like she basically makes sacrifices for me and we'd been living of that for over 10 years that thing where it wasn't equal it was kind of one way and the other thing is when she got sick which we you know we we made a movie called the big

sick about it and it's mentioned in the special when she got sick that pattern that developed from that ultimately ended up being replayed over and over and over and over in our relationship and we didn't realize that we thought we were over it but it wasn't until talking to the therapist that we were like oh all our all of our problems go back to those two things one that she sort of sacrifices herself for my needs and goals and two I sort of feel like I need to control her so she won't get sick again oh yeah that's that's really interesting and how do you address that I think trust I have to trust that she understands how to not make herself get sick I was just very judgmental when she was like you know be out late at night or whatever where I was like any of these

things can trigger another episode how dare you do this to yourself like that was the thinking that was the feeling and it just got to and she's been for years being like you have to trust me i know how to take care of myself over and over but understanding that like oh that's what this is it's really it's really about trust that's what it was and the other thing we did was you know as as a traditionally a very closed off man there was just a lot of times i would not admit things to her like if i'm starting a new job i'm nervous am i good enough are they gonna find out i suck whatever it is I would keep that to myself and I was just really anxious all the time and then I started like really telling her like hey I'm starting this new job and I'm really scared and

I thought saying it out loud would would make that thing more real it's the opposite it makes it less it takes its power away um and then we did this thing where I think for a couple months every day we had to share three vulnerable things about ourselves that we had not told the other person about. Big things, small things, whatever it is. And that really, really helped. And now the goal between us truly is 100% transparency. Like, and that could be, you know, I'm scared, or it could be like, hey, I was at this place and this girl hit on me. Like, all, everything, we say everything. Wow. And how does that, so I'm sure that makes their relationship even stronger. It's interesting what you just said about naming something and saying it out loud because you know there's a

philosophy a lot of people have that whatever you focus on gets gets bigger right or whatever you focus on gets bigger and and and actually even saying something out loud can make it bigger but I also am of the same I subscribe to the same philosophy you do that when you do say it out loud it also can dissipate so it's interesting because Catherine this has come up a lot on the show you know, like whatever you focus on gets bigger. Like if you're obsessing over something like Camille, I guess this applies to keeping it in because like Camille, if you're obsessing about being not good enough for a role, or are you going to fit in? Or is the director going to think you're, you know, good enough. If you're focusing and hyper-focusing on that, then that will get

bigger and you will kind of, and it will impact your performance. But I guess by saying it out loud, there's a way that you can release that. Yeah. And you're inviting another voice into the conversation because otherwise it's not silence it's you talking to yourself judge you know you know myself talk towards myself has traditionally been so negative like i heard someone else say this like if my friends talk to me this way i would not be friends with them anymore and so it's not silence it is a it's a dialogue it's a monologue just me saying all this shit to myself inviting another voice into it to counter that was really really helpful because she can bring perspective, you know?

Yeah, yeah. So talk to me about your two other projects. You have a movie, Ella McKay, and you have a show, a TV show, Fallout. So Ella McKay is a movie directed by James L. Brooks, who's one of my favorite filmmakers. I mean, you know, Terms of Endearment, Broadcast News, as good as it gets.

Terms of Endearment is my favorite movie of all time. There is no way to get through that movie. It's like watching Hamnet. Have you seen Hamnet yet? Not yet. Oh, God. I mean, I just love when something makes me ball. I was watching it.

I'm up in my house in Whistler and I was watching it last night and I was just bawling on the sofa and my dog, Doug, kept coming over. But I love crying like that. It's such a release. It really is. Terms of endearment is the same. There is no way that hospital scene with Deborah Winger saying goodbye to her children that you can keep your shit together. And if you do, you're fucking evil. that part where she's telling the son is angry and she's telling him like

i know you love me you're gonna beat yourself up over this don't you're being shitty to me right now but i know you love me that's such a cry right now i know i asked jim the director about it and he's like that scene is why i made the movie so i could film that scene yeah it's beautiful and so he directed it and it's got a wild cast it's got albert brooks and Jamie Lee Curtis and Emma Mackey plays the lead and she's phenomenal. Jack Loudon, Woody Harrelson. I don't know if I mentioned Jamie Lee Curtis. Anyway, it's incredible cast. I have not seen the film yet, but that one was just like, you know, got to meet a bunch of my heroes and really, really, really exciting. And then Fallout is a TV show based on a video game. Video game I love,

and I love the first season of the show. I'm in season two for a few episodes. And the creator of that one of the creators of the tv show was a guy who wrote for silicon valley and before that he wrote for portlandia and i just made this decision a few years ago where i was like i'm just gonna be shameless about this i watched the first season i texted him and i was like hey man i love the show if you ever got anything let me know i just asked people directly that i like want to work with them and then a couple weeks later he just called me and he was like hey i got this part he pitched it to me he's like do you want to do it and i was like yeah yeah i'll do it And that's what that was.

Really, really fun. Oh, wow. I like that. Yeah, I like asking people directly, too, for things. It's just cuts out the middleman. Yeah. And then, you know, like, you know, if they don't want you in it, they won't put you in it.

And that's fine, too. Do you feel like since you've been in this industry now for a good amount of time, do you feel like your confidence has you've gained a lot of confidence? Oh, what a good question. You know, I've never felt confident. I did this show years ago and one of the other guests was like, and this is going to sound like a negative question. And it wasn't.

She was like, how are you so confident? And it does sound negative. I was like, oh, I guess that's something I project. And at that time, especially, I did not feel confident. I just sort of seemed confident, I guess, because so much of my life was like, it sort of comes from wanting to be a man and not feeling like a man. I changed my walk. You know, I changed the way I talk when I was a little kid, like I wanted to be more manly.

So I think it sort of comes from that. I feel more confident now in that in the last few years, I've learned that, like I was saying earlier, the limitations I've put on myself were just exactly that, I'd put them on myself. And I've grown more confident in my ability, in my ability to learn things and to learn things from the people around me, you know. So I would say that's really, it's not confidence. It's a more, I trust myself to be able to pick things up because I know I can work really hard. Like I've always had that since I was a little kid.

I was like, I'm not the smartest. I'm not the best at sports. I'm not the best looking, but I can work harder than anybody else. And so that's kind of where my, I guess confidence comes from is my ability to learn and my desire to learn. And also just knowing that I can work really hard.

And your traps and they come from your traps and we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and do some calls with Kamal Nanjiani. september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook on the big money players network our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and

no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott

this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something

like that to happen i am open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told

us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone

that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Kumail Nanjiani. Let's go, Catherine. What do we got? Okay. Well, our first caller is Dylan and he's 28. Dear Chelsea, I started dating this guy this year and things have been going great. I drive an hour and a half multiple times a week just to see him. I never ask for gas money or anything, and I do it because I genuinely care about him.

He always tries his best to make me happy and constantly tells me he loves me. Until today, I felt the same. I brought my dog over to his house, which he said was totally fine, but when we arrived, his entire mood suddenly shifted. He got all quiet and weird, and suddenly he started telling me that my dog was no longer welcome in his house and that he's interrupting his space and peace. I immediately left. There are some cultural differences between us, but my dog is my best friend and has been with me through everything over the past five years. My dog is not going anywhere. Is this a deal breaker? P.S. I'm a people pleaser learning boundaries. Thanks, Dylan. And Dylan, I think, has some updates for us, too. Hi, Dylan. This is Kumail Nanjiani,

our special guest. Hey, nice to meet you guys. Thanks for having me. Sure. What are your updates? so okay I found out he's been married for like I don't know how long he never told me but he told me like eight months in and I was like why do you tell me now and he was like oh you seem like you're level-headed and I I didn't go off like I normally would I've tried to grow you know as I get older but I was like why wouldn't you tell me and he was like it's not a big deal like why are you mad what wait wait was he had he been married or is he's married now he he's still married technically but it's for it's for like he says for like documentation but he kept it a secret so I'm like if we're being honest which we told each other like in the beginning like that's what

we're gonna do I was like that's a big thing that you should tell me in the beginning you know what I mean yeah I had the balls for him to be like why are you upset that I'm married and didn't tell you yeah and he he acted like so nonchalant about it and I was like that's a huge thing to me because like I've been nothing but honest with him well it's a huge thing to anyone yes absolutely him being nonchalant about it is him like trying to like dial down your reaction to that yes like oh I'm married I also you know have STDs just herpes like it's just like throwing something under the carpet I have a I have a follow-up two follow-ups yes you said cultural differences what do you mean by that he's Punjabi I was gonna ask if he's Indian or

Pakistani and so there's a couple things there one at least Pakistanis we don't have dogs as pets like that's very very rare and I grew up with dogs on the streets of Karachi like rabbit dogs chasing me so I was scared of dogs and did not like dogs until I moved here and then a few years ago and now i love all animals and i love dogs as well it took a while to reset that relationship and so i think for specifically the dog part of the equation it's just he needs to like understand and get over it because it's not coming from him it is genuinely a cultural thing and that stuff takes some deprogramming another big thing is he works seven days a week like 13 hours and like I've told I've asked like can I get one day of your time and he'll be like

yeah I promise and it never happens so like he's so family focused which I love but he's convinced that like if he doesn't support his family like something's bad gonna happen and in doing so he's pushed me away like he's not willing to put in the effort like I feel like I want him to understand me and everything but he doesn't even understand or know himself he hasn't had the time because it's so like survival focused. Well, let me ask you this. Is he married to a woman? Yes. And is it like a visa situation? I believe so. He's been kind of quiet. He hasn't really filled me in a lot on it, but he's not like romantically with her. Yeah. So that's a thing that happens where people marry for green cards and then it really is like a business relationship. So I see he should have

still told you from the beginning because in his head this relationship is different from the way the relationship is to the way it sounds is different than it is in his head in his head it truly isn't a big deal he should have told you i'm not apologizing for him but i i know this situation um the other thing is he so he has like a punjabi indian family have you ever met them no but he's told his cousins that i he has a girlfriend so i'm the girlfriend in his mind So see, that's the other thing is, sorry, Chelsea, I feel like I'm really monopolizing. No, I fucking love it. It's like, first of all, I had no idea you had ESP.

So this is perfect. He's like a palm reader. Well, I just have been through this. Like for me, you know, my wife is white. My brother is getting married to a white person next weekend. It took, it really took, I heard from my parents that I was dating her. And because culturally it's not okay. And it didn't come out until my wife got really sick, like when we were first dating.

And at that point, I was just too emotionally exhausted to not tell them about her. And that's what prompted it. Otherwise, I don't know how long it would have taken. So I think that's the stuff. He may not be out to his family. And if he isn't out to his family, yeah. So, you know, there's like a weird thing here. Again, not taking his side.

Emily took years to figure out that she's never going to understand the cultural the relationship that we have with our culture and the relationship we have with our parents and family because of our culture and this is something that I'm seeing my brother who's now about to get married I'm seeing I'm seeing his fiancee dealing with it where you're trying to sort of understand this stuff and at some point for Emily it was like you just have to accept that there's some stuff that you just do not have access to like there are so many things that I can't be honest in front of my parents about and she's like well it's going to be complete honesty and I'm like it's really not like that like it really isn't it's kind of impossible so for him coming out you know that's

a personal journey like somebody people have to decide when they're ready to do that of course he's being a coward about it but so it's it's I would say it's sadly got nothing to do with you It's got to do with his own situation and it is a complicated situation. And of course he should come out, but there's a lot at play culturally. Like this is like heavy old shit, you know? Yeah. Like for me, I don't mind that like, he's not out to his family. It's more like he keeps telling me, I'll make time for you.

And it's like the empty promises. Like I keep getting resentments for him and I don't want that. It's not good for him or me. No, that's fear too. You know, it's how I was with Emily when we were first dating. I was scared of getting too close to her. We had this rule. Emily mentioned it to me two days ago.

We were laying in bed in the morning and she was like, remember when you had this rule that we couldn't see each other two days in a row? And I was like, oh my God, why did you put up with this? Yeah, it was fear. It was fear. I was scared. Like if I get too close to her that I have to tell my parents and my parents accepted her and they're wonderful and they're very close but with some families from pakistan india the

threat of being excommunicated from the family is very real like i know situations where they're like they just never talk to each other again yeah i have a lot of friends that are like hindu and sick so like i i get that but like i struggle with i feel like i do everything for him and i mean i do it because i want to but also there comes a point where you gotta you have to meet somebody in the middle and I feel like he cares about me but like he's also like his behavior is like I don't care how long have you guys been together a little over nine months that's a long but he asked me out and in my mind like now I'm like why would you do that if you know you're not emotionally developed or ready I think he lacked that because I called him crying the other night

and he was like I'm not gonna talk to you if you're crying he's like oh he was like I hang up on my mom when she's crying i don't want to deal with that well so i guess there's two there's two things here one a lot of this behavior has nothing to do with you it feels like he has some personal growth to do and a lot of cultural stuff to deal with that can only be dealt with once he's achieved that personal growth and two i guess you decide whether that's something you want to hang around for. Yeah. Like he's such a good person, but I don't know how much I can deal with more. Listen, Kamal has shed a lot of light on this. A lot of light that I would not have been able to shed. So I'm very grateful that he's here to help you today. So Catherine, great for lining

up these questions specific also for, for this episode where we have someone who is more well-versed in all of this cultural stuff that you have to deal with. So while you can have compassion for for him and understand that his culture is plays such a big role in his life his relationship with his family all of these things even the relationship with dogs like camille telling us that it's like it really sheds a lot of light but it doesn't really excuse it doesn't really make you you're not there just to wait until he starts to get his shit together there's a couple of things that are not really tolerable one is like an unwilling to be open to trying to understand your relationship with your animal because that's your dog is not going

anywhere. And the other thing that is real, like really not acceptable is for you to be upset and him not to be able to have the emotional bandwidth to deal with your upsetness. Like you crying can't be a reason for him to hang the phone up. So I think like there are some boundaries that he's crossed that it might be helpful for you to write it right down rather than having a conversation about and saying, these are the things that I'm not okay with. It's been nine months. I understand culturally, even relay what you learned on this phone call, but also just say, these are kind of things that are non-negotiable for me. So if you can't make the effort to actually figure out how we can take the next steps and you can be more open to my personality, to my lifestyle, to my

culture where we can kind of join our cultures together then there's a lot of red flags here and i understand where you come from but you also need to do some work yeah i need to i need to get it together because like not you him he needs to get yeah true but you do need to get it together too because you're letting somebody be craven around you like yeah cowardly and you're letting them cross into your emotional space and it's it's not making you feel good so you have to actually set a boundary and if he can meet it great if he can meet it and say okay i'm ready to do the work you know this has been nine months we've been you know shown that we have a lot to work towards and build on great but if he can't then that's your answer i don't know if he's willing to put in the

work and i think i i think i know in my heart what i need to do but it's that people pleasing part of me that like wants to hold on to the littlest thing but in doing so I hurt myself and it's not worth it yeah you have to be if you're not advocating for yourself no one will so you you really have to prioritize yourself in every relationship that you have to be the best to be the most honest to be compassionate to be empathetic all of the things that you're bringing to the table you need returned I was gonna say I mean you know him not being able to talk to you when you were crying says about he's terrified of his own emotions obviously he doesn't know how to deal with that that can come from cultural stuff but it like chelsea saying part of me when i

became a grown-up one of the things and this is going to sound this is not applicable to your current situation but i realized like just because i know this is again not to your situation just because i know why someone sucks doesn't mean they don't suck so for instance i would see someone who was a dick and I'd be like oh it's because you're like scared of this other thing doesn't matter you're still affecting me the same way and you gotta deal with your shit and I look at every relationship I have in my life romantic friends whatever very practically I look at it and I think am I putting in more than I'm getting out of this and obviously there are times where your friends are going through the thing you know and there's an imbalance and that's totally fine but overall

I've I've ended friendships because I'm like it's been years and I've just put in more than I get out and I just have to end this friendship. And I think it's extra truth for romantic situations. Yeah, no, I completely agree with you there. I think just sticking to what I know and what I need to do is going to be something I need to focus on, especially like if I want to be happy and like have a good future. You know what I mean? Absolutely. You set the standards like for how people treat you. So I really would advise putting in an email like and really just a thoughtful explanation of where you are and what you expect. And if he can't deliver it, no problem. But we're not going to continue in a romantic relationship. No, no resentments. It is what it is. You know

what I mean? No harm, no foul. Yeah. All right, cool. And keep us posted. Will you please let us know how that goes? Yes, I will do a follow up. Thank you guys. Okay. Nice meeting you. Bye. Thank you guys. We're going to take a break and come back and wrap up. Maybe we have a quick one, katherine to wrap up yes okay great okay so we'll take a break and we'll be right back with kumail nanjiani the new red bull dragonberry and tropic berry energizers now at mcdonald's made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor the all-new red bull energizers now at mcdonald's this product may not be right for you high in caffeine details at mcdonald's.ca and participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held

captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could

smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share

the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits,

change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Kamel. Kamel, that was very insightful. So first of all, thanks for fucking bringing it. Because if you hadn't been here today, I would have been like, yeah, I would have had no compassion for that other guy. Well, I just understand the situation. However, what you said is very right. He's got to figure out what's right for himself,

whether dealing with all this like cultural baggage, whatever it is, it's all real. It's there for a reason. However, if this person's not meeting you, they're not meeting you. You know, it is what it is. Right, right. Okay, Catherine, what do we have to close out?

All right. Well, I've got a question about tipping. So Regina says, I try to be a good tipper, tipping at least, but usually over 20 percent. My dad, on the other hand, is a horribly embarrassing tipper. Anytime we go out to eat together, I over tip on my bill and hide money under my plate to make up for what he shorts them. A few weeks ago at a family dinner, tipping was brought up and I explained that you should tip well, especially if it's a slower day for the restaurant because of

how little waitstaff are paid by the hour. Minimum wage where we live is two dollars and fifteen cents per hour. He couldn't believe it was so low. He and his girlfriend Googled it and were blown away. She even said, wow, that's not much at all. Fast forward at dinner with him and his girlfriend the following week at a restaurant that I visit weekly. He offered to buy my meal. It was super sweet of him, and I was really thankful. He's known to be really frugal in general, so him offering to buy mine was a pretty big deal. Anyway, after receiving fantastic service, when it came time to tip, he looked at his girlfriend and said, I didn't bring cash. Do you have tip money? She pulled a thick stack of cash from her purse and handed him a $5 bill.

Our bill was $83. Not only did he tip $5 on an $83 bill, he called for the waiter and handed him his tip to ensure he got it. I was so embarrassed, so much so that when they were standing up to gather their things to leave, thinking they were distracted, I turned to the waiter and said, my dad's a horrible tipper. I don't have cash on me, but I'll bring some back for you. Well, I turned around and my dad and his girlfriend were looking at me with a look of disbelief. They clearly had heard what I said. I could have crawled under the table. I came back later that day and gave the waiter a 20. Them catching me talking to the waiter has been weighing on me hard, and I feel awful.

He was being nice by buying my dinner. We had a great time until the check came, but he knows how I feel about tipping. I eat at this restaurant a lot. I know the waiter well, and I was so embarrassed. Am I the asshole for telling the waiter I'd bring him more money and adding tip money behind my dad's back? I know I should have waited until we left to avoid being caught, and we'll do that going forward, but really, should I let it go and move on, or should I tuck my tail and apologize

for lying to his face. P.S., my dad is not hurting for money. It's just who he is, Regina. No, Regina, you're totally in the right. In fact, I was going to say, make sure you humiliate him every time you go out to dinner and say, I'm so sorry about my father's tip. Here's an extra $20 to make up for it.

My father once came into a restaurant that I was waiting tables in and didn't leave me a tip. Like, that's how penurious my own father was. And wait, I have an even better story. A few months ago, I was doing some shows in the Hamptons, in West Hampton, and my crew and I went out before, right? I had a bunch of friends there, and my assistant, one of my assistants was with me, and he always pays, right? I get a DM. We go out to this beautiful dinner.

They sent us all this free food. They're so happy we're there. Couldn't it have been more pleasant? I get home that night, and I'm going through my DMs on Instagram, and the server goes, was something wrong with the service? You only left 15%. And I was like, what? No, all I do is talk about tipping and I've been a waitress, I know it.

And I run downstairs to car, we're in this house. I run downstairs, I'm like, Carlos, did you only tip 15% at that fucking restaurant? And he's like, what, what? I'm like, this guy just DM'd me, look. And he's like, oh my God, oh my God. I just tried to add it up quickly in my head. I go, you can never tip 15%.

It's gotta be, especially from someone who could afford it, 25%. 25% if you have money. I understand a lot of people don't have excess cash. I get that. But also you have to understand waitresses, servers work on tips. So like he went back,

he had to go back with an envelope with more cash the next day, walk into the restaurant and be like, I'm so sorry. I'm with Chelsea Handler. She got your DM. We're so sorry we didn't leave the right tip. But good for him for reaching out too.

Carlos goes to me, he goes, I can't believe that guy DM'd you. I go, I can. i want him to i want people to tell me if i'm misbehaving absolutely don't you agree camille it's better that he dm'd you and didn't tell his friends like chelsea handler is a bad tipper yeah like this is way better i could not agree with you more fuck that dad because i was going to be like maybe it's a financial situation if he can afford it you have to tip well it's a hard job they're bringing you your food it's a hard job and i've worked in food service and yeah

especially for us you know people know we can afford it we really have to but you have to tip at least 20 because they don't make a living wage otherwise right right 20 is like the minimum and you also are paying taxes you have to understand servers are paying taxes if you leave a tip on a credit card they're paying taxes on the amount that you tip them so it's always better to leave cash but keep that in mind like they're not just getting that tip scot-free they have to pay taxes on that in almost every state so it varies from state to state and that changes all the time but just keep that in mind when you are going out to eat and if you can't afford to tip order some fucking takeout then you know and then you can tip 10 or 15 yeah and i think one way around this

and maybe it will sort of like jar something loose for your dad is just to be like, even if you're covering your own meal, be like, let me get tip. I got absolutely, you know, to, to our person that wrote in, you should not be apologizing to your father for his bad tipping. He just learned how much they make an hour, which is less than $3. And he still wanted to tip $5 on an $83 bill. No, why are you putting your tail between your legs? His tail should be between his legs. I would encourage you every time you go out to dinner with your father to take out a $20 and go, Dad, you're a terrible tipper. I'm sorry. Like, it's embarrassing.

That's the truth. When I go out with friends and they're like, I want to cover it. I know which friends. I'm like, all right, I'm going to like have to hide and put some money down here because it is embarrassing. Tip is not extra. Tip is part of what you owe the restaurant. Exactly. Exactly.

Okay. Well, Kamal, you've been an absolute pleasure. I love talking to you. you're so great your stand-up special is so fucking funny i hope you win a golden globe it's called night thoughts you guys it's on you know you can watch it on hulu you can watch it on disney hulu either one and then he has a show uh did i say i said i think you corrected me fall out fall out you were right yeah fall out but then ella mckay correct mackay you said mackay but I think it's McKay. I think you're right. I think so, too. Okay, Kumail, have a wonderful,

wonderful day. And please extend my good wishes to your wife, too. You guys are a cute, cute couple. I will. Thank you. This was such a joy. I love it. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks, Kumail. The word of the week is predilection. Noun. An established preference for something. Your mother-in-law has a predilection for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. Predilection. I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June.

So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Do you want advice from Chelsea? right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page

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The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in.

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I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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