Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Nineteen with Ziwe

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Happy New Year!  Chelsea’s back in-studio this week, joined by Ziwe Fumudoh to talk about walking alone in the woods, the secret ingredient to the best conversations, and their mutual love of chow-chows.  Then: A wife worries that her husband’s porn preferences are too young for comfort.  And a New Yorker’s dating life runs afoul of a wicked curse.     * Books in today’s episode: Cassandra at the Wedding  Black Friend: Essays * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine.

Hi, Chelsea. Can you see my background in Whistler? Do you see how beautiful it is here? It's a snow blizzard. It's a blizzard. It's like the snow is falling so softly behind you. It looks like a quaint little town because there's snow on the rooftop. It is.

It is. Do you know, first of all, I'm sick. I'm still sick from the last time I saw you. I've been sick for a month straight. I don't know what's, I think I have monkey pox. I don't know what is wrong with me. So excuse my sniffling, everyone. but I can't get well.

And you know what the cutest thing was yesterday? What? My friends, I was having dinner with my girlfriends here. I have a crew here, you know. My whole family was here for a week. And then my two of my nieces stayed here for another five days. And my one niece woke me up at three in the morning.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and Seneca's like, Chelsea, I've been throwing up all night. And I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it? And so of course I get up, I'm in my bra and underwear. I put her in my bathroom. She's still throwing up. I'm trying to shove a Zofran down her throat. I'm like, here, fucking swallow this.

And you know, when someone's vomiting, you can't, like, they can't even drink anything. And I'm sitting on the side of my bathtub in my bra and underwear. And I'm like, thank God this isn't my life. You know, like, I don't even know what to do. So I'm just sitting there watching her vomit. And then I get into my bed and I'm like,

okay, Sunny, you know, come in my bed. I moved over. She got into my bed and stayed in my bed for 24 hours. And I'm like, oh, this is what it must be like to be a mother. But I guess I caught whatever she got. And then my other niece, Charlie, was here. She's a dream boat, too. She's skiing like a maniac.

But we didn't have a lot of snow. And so it was kind of depressing. There was enough snow to ski, but you can't ski in or like to the bottom of the hill. And it was a little light. And now we are in full blizzard mode. So as soon as we are done with today's episode, I am getting my boots on and I am taking my sick ass out on the slopes. Amazing.

Just drink a lot of bone broth when you get back. I'm going to bring a camelback of bone broth on the mountain, but I've just been, I love it here so much. I can't tell you the unadulterated joy I feel. I'm sitting here. I write my book every day. I'm working so hard on my new book. Everyone is going to be, well, I mean, I hope everyone's going to love it because I'm starting

to love it. I'm sure they will. Actually, you know what? Speaking of books, well, first of all, I'm curious if you've been reading anything, but I've gotten a few emails asking where people can find the books that we talk about on the show. And I usually try to pop those into the show notes. So for anybody who's wondering where can I am listening in my car and you guys mentioned a book and I don't remember what it was. Go ahead and look in the description of the show and you'll usually find the book that we were chatting about.

I just started this book that Tanner gave me called Cassandra at the Wedding by Dorothy Baker. Anyway, it's really good. It's about sisters. It's a short book. You know, when I'm writing a book, I don't read as much. so that's been an issue. So this morning I got up and read two chapters of it because I was like, I need to be reading while I'm writing. I don't like when I don't read for long periods of time. And when I come to Whistler, I just kind of avoid the news and I avoid, well, all things that are

real. So I'm just in like this fantasy land. It's like you're Disneyland. I'm coming home tomorrow because everyone needs to watch the Critics' Choice Awards on Sunday night that I'm hosting and I cannot wait. Yay. That's going to be so exciting. I have watched every single movie. Oh my God. There are so much horniness in the movies this year. So many penises, so many prostheses. Horniness, queerness is great. There's tons of that. Horniness, queerness, everything. It makes me horny to watch all these movies. I can't wait to get on stage and talk about it. Do you have a favorite or a couple of favorites? Saltburn was pretty twisted and I liked that. It was like kind of a modern day talented Mr. Ripley. It was a little analogous to

that. So I liked that a lot. I really liked Oppenheimer. I mean, it's really long. Killers of the Flower Moon took me about seven hours to watch it. And it was three and a half hours long because I had to take breaks. Yeah. I think Saltburn is the most compelling. I watched Stranger from Us. All of Us Strangers. Yes. All of Us Strangers. That guy in it. I love him so much. He's so sexy. And it's a really sexy gay love story. And it's nice to be straight and appreciate gay sexy love stories yes indeed and like sometimes they're a little sexier yeah yeah i know i was like should i masturbate i'm like don't get carried away and then wait what else happened oh i have my little baby here my buddhas you know kelly's daughters are here that's just so fun i

just am like i love being a stepfather to them and we announced some new shows we announced shows in australia and we announced a really fun show that i'm doing with fortune feimster and mateo lane and Sam Jay at the YouTube Theater in May for the Netflix is a Joke Festival in Los Angeles. So get your tickets for that because that's about to sell out. And that is going to be a wild night and Vanessa is going to be there as well. And then, yeah, I've added five dates in New Zealand and Australia. I have Canadian dates coming up. I'm going to be January 19th in Edmonton and then Saskatoon. And I'm coming to Kelowna all over winter, Vancouver, Kelowna, Calgary. So yes, please go to ChelseaHandler.com, get your tickets because everything is almost sold out. So maybe

I'll be adding second shows, but I'm not sure. We'll see. I like my winter time. Did you wind up getting a new dog? Did that wind up working out? I didn't. You know, I rode up, I got that CO2 treatment on my face, which we should show a picture of at some point, even though this is a podcast, because I looked like Mike Tyson just got done with me. I got a CO2 treatment. I drove from Los Angeles to Whistler. So it was like two and a half day drive because I took my time. And I stopped in Bend, Oregon to visit a friend of mine, Melissa. And she saw my face and she's like, holy shit, what the fuck did you do? And I was like, listen, I have done a lot of shit to my face. This one was otherworldly. I looked crazy.

Not only was I black and blue, I was bleeding and swollen. Oh, God. And so, like, the seven top layers of your skin just start peeling off after, like, day three. So I'm driving, and there's just, like, little gray matter all over my seat. Like, when your clothes shed. Like, I was shedding like a reptile. It was so disgusting. But meanwhile, my face is like a baby's ass now.

Oh, amazing. But the skin is so sensitive under my eyes. She really zapped me under my eyes for my crow's feet. I like to keep my crow's feet around, you know, to stay grounded. I don't want to Botox those or anything. Yeah, you got to at least like look like a human, you know, just live the little life. But I am excited about my dresses for this Sunday because they are, I didn't know if I was going to be able to top last year's outfit changes for the Critics' Choice Awards

because I was really happy with my dresses last year. And, you know, I don't really give a shit that much about clothing, but I am fucking banging it out again this year. You looked so good last year. Are you able to give us like a preview of like, are they sparkly? Do you have color? all the above. No, I don't wear sparkles, Catherine. You know better than that. I don't wear sparkles. I like one color, one dress, and I like to show my body off. There you go.

My body, my choice. Excellent. Chelsea, are you a resolutions person? Is that something that you get into at the beginning of the year? No. No. I'm not. I mean, I think it's, I don't know. I don't like when everybody's doing everything. You know something. That's true. You know how I feel about trendiness. I don't like New Year's resolutions. I just get better every year and we all should be getting better every year. Honestly, that's what I kind of realized a few years ago. I mean, I would set these like grandiose resolutions and then I would realize at the end of the year, like, oh, I actually like started doing a few of those things, even though I thought I didn't do the resolution because I didn't I wasn't real strict about it. But like after a few years,

I'm like, oh, I'm actually like doing these things I wanted to do on a regular basis. Yeah. I mean, we can always I mean, I'm always just trying to improve. I mean, sometimes I take a couple breaks you know but I've been better like I had family around me for three weeks straight I had guests and family because I had some friends come up too and you know I did that in Mallorca this summer and I just know my patience has gotten so much better you know when they leave I do have to take like a Xanax and sleep for fucking 12 hours or actually I slept for 20 hours the other day I woke up took some NyQuil went right back to sleep But, you know, I my patience has got is improved. My self awareness is on point. I'm aware. I'm calm. I don't yell at people anymore. So like, I'm, I'm happy with myself. That's really good. And I would imagine to like, since your patience has gotten better, everyone around you is having a better time, but you're also having a better time.

Yes, I'm having a better time. And I'm also enjoying, you know, I always used to like, imagine when I was younger, the kind of aunt I would be like, I wanted to be this like, bad ass woman that my nieces and nephews looked up to and came to. And that's happening. They come to me for advice. And they tell me secrets. And they tell me things that they don't tell their moms. And my sisters are probably both listening and wondering what. But but that, you know, it makes me feel so good to like have these relationships in my life with children at this age because they're all getting older now. You know, they're not like 18, 19, 20 somethings. And now we can have like adult relationships. And I just I love that. And I my relationship with my sisters has always been really good. And I had a great time with my brother this year. I mean, there were a lot of mushrooms going around in our family, a lot of mushrooms, a lot of edibles.

We're that kind of family. we had a dinner out where it was just a complete disaster we could not stop laughing for about three hours so I mean this is kind of what I dreamt about you know like I wanted I wanted a big family like this but I didn't want to make one and I have one you know like I don't want to make my own but I I took what I had and we we all like come together and we have there's so many of us now with the kids and their boyfriends and their girlfriends and it's just awesome well and I think when you imagine something the way you had been you see it in your mind's eye it's so much more likely to to come to fruition to actually happen you know and you've yeah made that happen in your

life yeah so it's a it's you know manifestation can sound like such a corny word sometimes because it's like but so many of the things that have happened in my life are have been manifested by me unconsciously or subconsciously you know like I've just always envisioned okay you know when I grow up I want to have a ski house I want to have this I want to do these things like you know and and and to feel really secure I feel very secure and I feel calm I've started working with a new therapist a woman fun yeah because I wanted some like feedback on some things and so it felt really good to reach out to a new therapist that felt really empowering to know that I needed someone to talk to that was outside of my circle and I've been working with her and she's a real like very

different than my previous therapist which is good because I you know I did that and I wanted something different and a different fresh eyes on something and so that's been good and my kind of approach with everything like romantic liaisons and men and all of it I have a I have I feel really good about all of that stuff that's happening too yeah like I'm open to love but I really like I'm also open to casual encounters with lots of different men and there's nothing wrong with that they're like that's fun to have a guy in a place and I have another guy in another place and to be honest and upfront never lie about what you're up to but to have an understanding like yeah we're friends and we're gonna have sex and we're friends and we're gonna have sex and

this is going to be a romantic relationship and it's not going to be exclusive. But if someone does come along and I and I feel that strongly about it, I will enter into a monogamous relationship. But I also just want to use my body and share it. Yeah. I mean, how great is it to be just like living in the moment where you're at being like, cool, whatever comes my way that's positive and feels right. Let's do that. Yeah. So excuse me. I just took a sip of my bone broth without my friend. Oh, and so yesterday, I was sick. I was supposed to go to dinner with like six of my girlfriends here. And I arranged it and then canceled. I was like, can you guys go without me? I'm just spreading germs, basically. And then three of them came over with soup. Like

three different people dropped off lentil soup, bone broth, and then this guy brought me flowers. I was like, what? This is like my little village of happiness. Yes, you have community there. I do. I do. I feel so loved. I just it feels so nice. I'm soaking it all up. Yeah, that's wonderful. I think something it's not really a resolution, but something I want to be more intentional about this year is interacting in community and sort of like getting off of my screens, which I've pretty successfully done this last year. Like, I don't keep Instagram on my phone just because otherwise I just keep going to it. But getting off of screens and getting into real life. So, like, rather than having a Zoom, going in person, scheduling, you know, like, going to trivia night tonight with some of my girlfriends, that sort of thing.

So, trying to be intentional. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice, too. I mean, it's always nice to be off your phone. I don't spend nearly as much time on my phone as I do when I'm home, when I'm here. Because when you're skiing, you're not sitting there looking at your phone. Right. And that feels good, too.

i don't want to be like that it says i got an a thing on my phone that says your screen use time has gone down 37 oh that's from last week and it keeps saying that every week it keeps going down i'm like exactly that's and bernice and bernice oh my god i'm missing the whole point bernice is this we bernice and i are bonding like it's nobody's fucking business bernice i rest i took up with me to drive because i thought i was going to rescue that other dog we went to the rescue the dog bit me. So I was like, okay, well, obviously I can't get this dog. But by the way, what business do I have having more than one dog anyway? Bernice is all I can handle. And she pees twice a day and that's the schedule I'm on. So she is so cute. She sleeps in bed with me.

She follows me around because she doesn't know where the fuck she is. I mean, I can't wait to see what happens when we bring her back at the end of winter and see how she reacts when she sees Felix because I mean, she'll probably drop me like a hot potato, but we are bonding. She gets into bed with me on her own. And then she comes in when she wants to pee, she taps me on the shoulder and she's like, come on, let's go with her paw. I mean, I'm like, oh my God. And the other day I was walking around, I posted this on Instagram. I took her for a walk and this little kid was on his balcony and he goes, daddy, daddy, come outside. There's a little baby bear. i mean everyone stops to talk to her which is also you know very annoying yeah right we're

right it's like oh this is so fun and then you're like too many people i'm not looking for any extra any extra attention or conversation i'm like back off back off she does fully look like a bear like she looks like she should be hibernating i know she's so fucking cute so sweet well should we introduce our guest today yes yes we have a guest today whose book is called black friend and she had a very funny show on Showtime called Z-Way. And that's her name, Z-Way. So please welcome this hot potato, Z-Way. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, take your time, take your time. I'm so sorry. Hi, honey, how are you?

Hi, nice, how are you? Good, good. Let's get this party started. Yeah, sit down. Let's go, bitch. Are you fucking ready? I'm ready to go. Let's do it.

Look. No, I'm good. Raw dogging it. Oh, I love a raw dog. I like it a little moist. It's okay. This is Catherine. She's on the thing.

Hi, Catherine. How are you doing? I'm great. How are you? I'm great. I'm chilling. I'm coming from an interview with Penn Badgley of You Slash Gossip Girl fame. Oh, yes.

He has a podcast as well, so I just did that. Oh, good. And how was that? It was great. I can't complain. Okay, great, Ziwe. Great. Of course.

How are you doing today? How many people did you interview already? I've interviewed one person so far. Okay, great. Yeah, but I can't stop clearing my throat today. It's almost like I smoked a joint last night, but I didn't. And I don't smoke joints specifically because I hate fucking going, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Yeah, it's not cute.

So I don't know what happened, and I'm irritated, you know? I'm sorry. I would offer you a lozenge, but I don't have one. You don't, no. Well, of course you don't have a lozenge on you. Why would you? You know, sometimes I travel with cough drops, but not today. We have a lot in common, Z-Way.

We do. We have a lot in common. We're both blonde. Yeah, we're both white, blonde, big-breasted women. Oh, yes. BBW is what they call me. So that's what I've been calling you behind your back, actually. Thank you.

So I first heard about you when you had your show on Showtime called Z-Way. Yes. And they they were trying to book me on the show. And my publicist at the time was so confused about the format of the show that she goes, I just don't feel comfortable sending you here because it seems like a setup show. And I said, I can handle a fucking setup show. Like, I'm not worried about someone setting me up and catching me out. Like what? I mean, it's already all out there. Wow. And so and then I never did it. But then I was watching your show and I had forgotten that I was and then I was like, oh, I wanted to do you. I would have totally loved to do your show. It would have been really, really great. And by the way, I used to watch you every day after school on Chelsea Lately. I love that show. I really did. So it would have been such a fun meeting of the minds. But you know what? Next, next path. We'll have to do it next time. Exactly. And how was that show for you? It was wild. It was wild. I know. Yeah, it was wild. I mean, what was the nicest part of that show was that the guests were so uniquely different. like Andrew Yang versus like Chet Hanks versus Fran Lebowitz. Like they're all so disparate. So I felt like I was learning a lot about American culture. Oh, right.

You needed an update on American culture. Yeah, just like a heat check. Like, okay, what's popping? Okay, Andrew Yang. And so I read that you studied Oprah's interviews to see who you wanted on your show or did you study her interviews to see how to interview people? I mean, I definitely think that Oprah was really good

at capturing like sensational interviews like they were always so ecstatic even the Tom Cruise is like such a lightning in the bottle that interview and so she really taught me the value of like creating a moment with the guest yeah so that's something that I really also she would interview a wide plethora of people so she talked to like Tom Cruise or a different celebrity Tony Tony Braxton and then she'd talk to like oh the mother of a serial killer and it'd be like all in the same episode so she had really wide range but she's a journalism background so I think that was really important yeah and she also is a great fucking listener yeah that's what's so good about yeah when she's interested you're interested and that's actually the key ingredient I believe for

anyone to do a decent interview is to actually fucking listen and stop thinking about what you're going to be saying 100 and it sometimes takes a long time to relax enough into that like I was talking to a friend of mine who has a tv show or has had several tv shows and he's a talk show host and I've been a talk show host and we were at drinks last night and he was saying it's funny when you you haven't done it for a little bit and then you do it there's a rustiness that comes with it because like you can do it for many years and you think it's like in your pocket but then you actually need to warm it up again because like talking and interviewing people I feel like I interview people wherever I go if I'm at dinner I interview them I can't stop with the questions

and then I will badger them if they don't you know if they're if they're shy or they're resistant I go in harder. Oh, really? Because I'm more curious about what's up, you know, what their story is. You're like, what are you hiding? Because there's a natural curiosity, right, that you have with people. Totally. I mean, I might have an unnatural curiosity because I like to get involved in people's business. Do you feel that way? I, yes and no. Like, I like to mind my business. I like to let people tell me things on their own. And that's part of why people feel comfortable maybe is because I will sit quietly and that is enough to make people feel uncomfortable comfortable enough to speak. I see. Yeah. So a very different approach. Different approach. Yeah.

I won't like corner someone and be like, tell me your life secrets. But maybe I should. Honestly, like I'm really I want to see what that tactic does. Well, there's also like an anthropological element to interviewing. Right. It's also just like you're trying to understand everybody where everybody's coming from. And I always give I notice when I'm talking to people and I'm curious about them, like I always think there's some big mystery behind everybody. And sometimes and more oftentimes there isn't you know what i mean people are pretty fucking basic so sometimes you're like creating this story in your head where you think somebody's gonna like reveal some thing or you're wondering a lot about and it's really not that complicated i feel like um for me it's about

connection like what do we have in common like as disparate as we seem like what is the thing that we can come together on and that is how i find gold and what's your background so where did you grow up Massachusetts okay where are you from I'm from New Jersey New Jersey that's right yeah and you live in LA or New York New York oh yeah you know you texted me about your chows yeah yes do you get your chows yes and he is so sweet so cute I dropped him off at daycare today what color is he black oh I want a black one he is so sweet he's oh they're so they're quiet and clean I know you know what they don't bark and they don't fucking want anything no don't you just love their faces and the way that they like it's real yeah and then the lips that they come down like i

can't control myself and i have a little one at home oh chow as well yeah i only have chows let me show you bernice sorry i know that the listeners can't hear this but it's well they can see it on your social i can i tell a story about chow chows as you search oh yeah but that's bernice oh my god okay so she's groomed she's kind of cut shortcut yeah she's so sweet how old is she she's like 11 or 12 her brother died last year and I like older dogs because I'm good at transitioning them from that age to death you know like that's my sweet spot like I want them to feel loved and attention and I also they're gonna no one's gonna get a five-year-old dog no and usually when dogs are around me for a few years they tend to pass away wow wow my housekeeper like she has Bernice when

I'm on the road so she is like only Spanish speaking now Bernice oh that's so funny well Well, I speak Spanish a little bit now, too, to communicate with her. I love that. That's so modern. Okay, tell us your chow story. Well, my chow story, this is not my personal chow, but so the chow chow, basically, like, in ancient China, the emperor was like, okay, what dog can kill a bear? And they brought them 13 different dogs. And he's like, okay, this dog, chow chow, is the cutest.

And so he made that the official chow chow dog. And he had, like, 3,000, and they would, like, hunt and kill people and, like, be warriors. The chow chows? The chow chow. Google that. Oh, my God. In fact, they're regal, beautiful dogs, and they're killers. I was going to rescue this other big fat nugget that I found at this park.

Ooh, a chunka? Oh, he was a big fatty. I like a chunky. But he nipped at me twice, and the guy said he's going to nip at everyone. He goes, that's his personality. I'm like, well, that's not going to work. I have too many people coming through my house. I can't have him biting everybody.

Because, you know, I don't care if a dog nips at me or bites me, really. I really don't, unless it's like, you know, a lunatic and it's like carving up my body. Oh, my gosh. But I don't mind a little bite, but most people get freaked out by that, you know? I've never been bitten by a dog, I'm going to be honest. How did you get into chow chows? Beautiful, like research. And realizing that they were the dog of Chinese emperors.

I identify as an empress, so I decided that this was the dog for me. I also honestly love the temperament of like quiet and clean. Like barking gives me agita, and so it was really something that I needed for my roommate. Well, fucking barking is so fucking annoying. It just gives me agita. People have dogs that bark. I want those dogs to shut the fuck up. And I want other things to happen to those dogs too.

No! No, no, I won't say it on air because it's obviously not nice. And I don't mean it, but I just, barking is so annoying. And it's just such a bad quality, you know? I spend a lot of time with my dog. Like, I spend, because I write all the time. So my dog and me writing. And so if my dog was barking, I don't think I could get any writing done.

But dogs that bark, hey, God bless you. We love PETA. I mean PETA doesn't love me PETA will bite you fucking in the ass the minute you do something wrong

they will come back they act like they're your best friends when you rescue a dog and then they're like we saw you on your plane with your dog to whatever

is that appropriate to fly a dog 14 hours I'm like back the fuck up oh my gosh I'm like listen my dog and I are traveling together back it up

so you grew up in Massachusetts yes and then how many brothers and sisters do you have two siblings one older

one younger they're both boys I'm the only girl a middle child Okay, so you're a middle child. That doesn't really track. What do you mean? Because usually it's the youngest of siblings that are in this business.

Really? Especially in the role that you play. Because, like, for people who haven't seen your show on Showtime, I want you to describe what the premise is. The premise of my show is that I interview guests and I bait them into saying uncomfortable things. And it's pulled from this like this hardened trope that we see in like Fox News where they would talk to like Barack Obama and accuse him of wearing a tan suit and how that was to the destruction of democracy. And similarly, I kind of take my guests at their worst word possible and exploit that for comedic relief. And then how does that work out for the guest? Comedically.

Does it? I mean, yes, it's chaotic. It's funny. But every guest is like a consenting adult. They know what's going on. They know. they're briefed entirely on what's going to happen and the people who do the best on the shows are the ones who sort of surrender to that chaos and like like double down on it yeah i like

that format it's very new thank you and original thank you yeah i mean i you know i never thought i would say tucker carlson inspired me but here i am i know what he is such an inspiration let's talk about your book a little you wrote essays right i read that you don't want them to be too personal? I mean, who wants to share anything? Well, you actually have so many books. I've read your books. I mean, you've written five or six books. You've written a lot of books. I don't even know if I have that many stories. You do. I do, but I don't think I'd ever share them. But I respect that. I respect that. Honestly, it's really chic. Culturally, Nigerians, it's like, why share any of your business when you could simply not? So that is where I'm coming from.

but my book was due. I did sell it. And so I had to finish it. And I didn't want to give back the advance because there was a strike going on with the writers and the actors. Did you think about giving back the advance? A hundred times. Because you didn't want to write it? No, I wrote it. I wrote it very quickly and I didn't want to release it into the world. Oh. Yeah, I wrote it. I mean, I'm a writer. Like that is the easy part. It's the idea that people are going to perceive me. That is very Nigerian. Yes. Shout out, Niger.

So you were resistant to releasing it because you were exposing a part of your life that you wanted to keep private. I was exposing any part of my life. Yeah. I mean, I'm lucky enough that when I interview, I get to hide behind the artifice of a character, right? So she's being devilish, not me. I'm the good guy.

I'm the friend. I'm the kind-hearted woman. And so when you have a book, you can't hide behind 200 plus pages. You have to say something of value. And so finding out what I said that was of note and what to share about myself that is worth my reader's time is something that I really toiled with. Yeah. And then how did you feel about that once the book was out and you got the reception that you did? How did you feel?

Did your feelings change at all? Of course. I mean, I was called a genius. So it's like, yeah, I was just dabbing. I'm dabbing through New York City. I mean, it's a sense of relief, right, that anyone can connect to any one of my stories because that was my fear. that I was, like, writing into a vacuum. So I really appreciated it, for sure.

Yeah, I read one of them that talked about your walk. You're walking in the woods in this cabin you rented. And this guy, this white guy, pulled over. Yeah. And, well, you tell the story. I don't want to tell your story. I mean, the story is so deeply creepy. So I went, I go, I have to write in silence.

And that's why I have a very quiet dog. And so I also like to go to the woods of upstate New York to write. And so I would hike up this trail at this place I read, Airbnb'd. and every day we'd hike with friends and the only time we ever encountered people were like desperate census workers being like please please fill out the census we need to know who's living here

and we tell them sorry Airbnb destabilizing and so one day this I'm walking the trail by myself my friend had just left my other friend was coming the next day and this Subaru pulls up beside me and I think oh hey it's not I'm not on the census it's okay and he's like what are you doing here

and I'm confused like walking and he's like you know you're not supposed to be here i own this property you're trespassing i'm like oh you own this property well thank you for having me at your beautiful airbnb it's so nice i love the pool oh so you're staying at the airbnb so i realized he was lying and suddenly my heart skipped a beat because now i'm alone in the woods with a man who is a liar and so i'm thinking like jason born style i'm thinking like oh should i calculate like how fast can i run what should i do and he keeps asking me what's your name what's your name what's your name and this was like right at the time when I was starting to like become more prominent and so I'm like afraid to say my

name like what does he have this is like during the like 2020 summer where everything was so politically fraught and I noticed that there's a blonde woman next to him and she's saying like it's okay it's okay Justin it's okay and I'm like I'm just walking and you have to understand like it's really weird for me to like tell you my name in the woods like I'm alone I'm in a like a purple fur hat like this is strange and she keeps insisting that it's okay and he's like don't worry i understand like the political climate we have a black friend in the back but in the super room dead ass dead ass it's so creepy dead ass but the windows are up so all i see is my reflection and i'm thinking oh my god when do i run like the tinted windows are who else is in the back of this

car like am I going to be murdered for this Jordan Peele fantasy and I say I would say hi to the black friend in the back but I can't see them and then the two the couple starts arguing and I'm like this this should be my chance like I should run right now and then they slowly roll down the back window and it's this emaciated little black girl and she's sitting forward like this and it's so still and I say hi they're like hi I'm like I love to go swimming at that pool they're like oh she loves to go swimming at that pool that you're staying at I'm like yeah I would go swimming more but it's cold and they were like yeah it is cold and that was the first moment when they realized like oh we have a shared humanity like we can agree that it is cold too cold to

swim and then the little girl who's facing forward just turns and screams lucky and i jump like i was not expecting such like a low tombra to come out of like this like nine-year-old tiny girl and i go yeah i guess i am lucky i guess i am lucky and then this guy justin goes hey just so you know the side of the woods you're staying on is on this side the side you're on is belongs to elliot spitzer i'm like elliot spitzer elliot what the like i know that name but i don't remember so i'm like okay thanks they're like just so you know okay thanks okay bye thanks and they drive up the hill and the little girl does not break eye contact with me until they're over the hill I run back to the Airbnb I google Elliot Spitzer I'm like oh like if I was caught in the woods with

him I would be a problem I would be worried and then you know you Airbnb you have to clean the place whatever it's super expensive $400 cleaning thing you're still cleaning it whatever and so I like comment on the Airbnb like oh had a lovely time it's such a beautiful place just so you guys no like i did have this get out experience i do not judge the host however don't hike alone and then the host texts me and he says it's so weird that you said you had that experience like who is that guy he said and i'm like oh he said he was your neighbor he's like oh that's not my neighbor and that was the end of that story oh so you think that little girl was their adopted daughter it seemed like how old was she she was nine she was like a young kid she was like nine or maybe

seven but tall but but but he wasn't a neighbor he was just a stranger yeah i love it i love that people just want to get involved in fucking shit that has nothing to do with them i mean who would care about anyone walking down the fucking street and why would you ever get involved in that like What are you doing here? It was 100 acres, and there was nothing I was disturbing other than, like, leaves, dried leaves. And so that he elected himself as mayor of the woods is unwell. I know, and, you know, I hate when I hear that there's a woman with them that just sits there and, like, lets that go on. It's like, why are you letting your husband act like such a fucking asshole?

I know she knew enough that she knew what he was doing was bad, but not enough to stop him. Say something. All right, well, we're going to take a quick break, and we're going to come back and give advice, okay? Are you ready for that? Yes, please. The Jonas Brothers are running it back. We live the burning up tour

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When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Okay, we're back.

We're back. That was it. We're back. What do we have in store for Z-Way today, Katherine? We've got a lot of stuff. We've got a question about porn. We've got a dating in New York question. Okay, great.

Let's start with porn. Okay. Do you watch a lot of porn? No. No. This comes from Tina. Tina says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my mid-40s and my husband is a few years older, closer to 50. We've been married since we were in our early 20s and have two daughters who are now in their early 20s.

I'm finding the aging process to be brutal. Yeah, you think? Yeah. I want to embrace it and still feel beautiful and desirable, but I generally don't. I look in the mirror and I see someone with what feels like rapidly sagging skin, wrinkles, and gray hair, and it's all such a bummer. I find it completely unfair that men are not held to the same standard as women. I recently started therapy for the first time, but there's one topic I don't want to bring up with my therapist, and that is porn. When we were younger, my husband and I watched porn together occasionally, and it was fun.

As we got older and had kids in the house, that's kind of faded away, but we've still had a very active sex life. Over the years, I've known that he still watches porn, and now that it's so easily accessible on our phones, I'm pretty sure he watches it very frequently. I know this shouldn't bother me, but as I'm getting older, and so are our kids, I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable because the females in the porn are now the same age as our children, and it feels a little creepy to me now. Of course, they don't make much porn with women our age, and if they do, I'm sure that porn with women in their early 20s would be more appealing to him and most men anyway. So my question is, do you think there comes a point when aging men watching porn with much younger women gets inappropriate? Do I just have to accept this fact, even though we're both very much aging and he's always going to be attracted to young women and accept that as normal and not creepy? Anyway, love your show. Look forward to hearing your opinions.

Tina. Wow. Wow, Tina. right yeah wow well z-way what do you think that question makes me sad so the reason why i don't watch a lot of porn is because i get we're in tv right so i get caught up in the ethics of it i'm like is it a safe set i start to unravel the actual production of it and so that i i can't i can't get off if i know my girlies aren't getting put on and so so for so if the question is is it inappropriate for her man to watch porn with young women I'm going to say yes but not

because of what you think it's because of the ethics of how they shoot it yeah so you're getting into a different area yeah I would say with regard to her husband it is creepy when your husband when when the porn actors like I think that's a very valid point to bring up to your husband yeah like you're gonna want you want to watch porn fine you know that's what you're into that's fine but there is an issue like if if the porn actors are their daughter's age like that is disgusting there is something very creepy about that and that's reasonable to convey to the husband like it is i think so yeah i don't know can you police people's desires well you can i mean if they respect you and say and you say hey this really bothers me like i don't i mean i i understand you

like porn but these girls are so young and like i'm aging i don't feel great i feel like you'd rather you're more attracted to that which is nothing i can change yeah but i'd rather you you wouldn't you know there's a couple of reasons watch milf porn instead there's yeah there's i'm sure there is milk yeah i'm sure there is i think i've seen that but i think you totally have to say something just because it's like self-preservation you have a good sex life you seem like you have a good relationship you've been together for many years if i can just say this doesn't make me feel good i mean he's gonna watch it anyway and he's just gonna hide it more but so is that a resolution if he hides it that's not a resolution no it's not a resolution well it could be because i mean

And let's say maybe he does it. Ignorance is bliss. Well, no, no, no, no. I'm saying maybe he will listen to her and take that into consideration and go, oh, OK, be sensitive about watching it or maybe watch less of it. Or at least she's even if he ignores it and just sneaks it more and make sure he's more discreet about it. He is at least she's getting it off of her chest and saying it. I think bottling that stuff up is like that adds to the you know, you're feeling bad about aging. I agree. And secondly, I just want to make a comment about aging. Like, obviously, you know, I have access to all sorts of things that help me anti-age. But there is something very, like, when you look in the mirror and you say, I don't like looking at the saggy skin and everything. Like, those things have an impact on your well-being. Like, you know, you have had a long, like, it sounds like a healthy life, a healthy marriage, healthy kids. Like, there's a lot to be proud of. And there's yeah, there is a lot of elegance that comes with naturally aging. Like I look at people that naturally age a lot and think I wish I were more, you know, natural about it. I believe in natural aging, but I think everyone is entitled to do what they want with their body. Who cares? Who am I to judge? But to your point, there's so much to be like the wrinkles that you have are a reflection of a lifelong lived.

And like they are a reflection of like you have a beautiful family, as you just said. You have a beautiful husband and you have such a great, like, conversation and community. And that is something to be proud of. Like, do I want to age and die? No, but it means that I'm lucky enough. I'd rather be old and die than die young. So I think that it's a privilege. Yeah, it is a privilege.

But it's hard for me to say that because I'm, like, 19. Well, it's also, you're not 19. How old are you? Goo-goo-ga-ga, 19, Chelsea. No, you're not. Yes, I am. You're 19 years old? Yes, I was born in 2003.

Oh, my God. Goo-goo-ga-ga. I didn't know you were 19. Wow, wow. Wow. You have a lot of stuff happening at 19. You haven't seen anything yet. No, not even the bottom of a beer.

Really? Really. You've never had a drink? No, I'm— Nigerians don't like that. They don't like to drink. Who have you dated in Nigeria? You know a lot of Nigerians.

My best friend's married to—I mean, my old best friend. Oh, no. No, we're still friends. Okay, cool, cool, cool. She was my bestie for a long time. Her husband's Nigerian. And they are just like, yeah, no drinking. very very bright they're all doctors and lawyers because there are no other choices you have to be

a doctor or lawyer and successful when you're Nigerian there's no room for any failure it's like Tucker Carlson Piers Morgan doctor lawyer it's like that same scenario exactly yeah okay Catherine what's next we just told that woman to oh oh let me wrap that up I just want to say like yeah you need to start talking in a nicer way to yourself you know and as long as you're living a healthy lifestyle like whatever it is you're going to do to make yourself feel better about the way you look, drink more water, exercise more, eat healthier food. That shows up in your skin and your face every single day. And when you're feeding yourself and you're feeling healthy, you do look better and you do feel better. So it's all this kind of like psychological structure

that you need to get on board with as we age, because there's going to be plenty of things that you don't like about yourself. No one gets to escape from that physically. Okay, Catherine, we solved that problem, I think. I think so too. I'm trying to switch my bracelets over to my other wrist and it's really not working because I'm already, because I have to do, I have to go to this event tonight. Yeah. Yeah. I knew you'd understand, Z-Way. I can't believe you're 19 years old. Goo-goo-ga-ga. Can you help me with that? Yeah. Since you're 19, you probably have great eyes. I do have great vision. And dexterity. Well, our next question comes from one of the most thorough callers I think we've ever had. Oh. Oh, wow. We've had some really fucking thorough

callers, too. Hey, shut up. She starts with her stats. Age, 29. Gender, female. Ethnicity, black. Location, NYC. Sexual orientation, straight. Topic, dating, and specifically what to do when you lose hope. Straight but not for long. Here's my situation. I'm a 29-year-old female living in New York. I've been single and actively dating for the last two and a half years. I have been on a lot of dates, 65 first dates to be exact since May 2021. She was keeping a spreadsheet, by the way. Some of these dates have turned into second and third dates, and there was one guy I dated for a few months, but nothing has turned into a committed relationship. In my most recent experience, I went on what I thought were three great dates. After expressing a lot of interest,

this guy disappeared. I understand that no one owes you anything early in dating, but one, we were intimate, and two, this man was 35 years old, so you'd think he'd at least send a text. Typically, I would dust off the rejection and just keep moving. I've been ghosted before, but for some reason, this one got to me. The accumulation of trying and trying with no success has had a bigger emotional impact than I thought. Outside of dating, life is great. I've been working with a therapist for the past five years. But there's this other thing. I recently saw a psychic for a tarot reading a few weeks ago, and she told me that someone who's jealous put a curse on me, and that's why dating has been such a struggle. I enjoyed the psychic and other energetic

readings, but I also know it's not all fact. Although maybe she's onto something. A curse would explain a lot. LOL. I'm taking a break from the apps for now. My question is, how do I keep going. Polly. Hi. Hi, how are you? Hi, we have our special guest Z-Way here today to help. Oh my gosh, my two favorite people. Hi. Oh, this is your story. Yes, it's Polly. Wow. Okay, so I had a similar experience. I had a dry spell for a long period of time where I was not connecting with guys or the guys that were interested in me, I was not interested in and the guys I was interested in would seem interested and then either like back off or get scared and I thought I seriously was like I feel like I'm cursed I said that to my

girlfriends in London because I would like hang out with these guys for like two and a half hours at a bar and then I'd be like all right you want to come home with me and then like they would they would disappear or they were scared and I'm like what what the fuck is happening first of all I'm ready to rumble I you're never gonna have hear from me again I mean this is my experience I'm not speaking for you anyway I went through this whole thing and then I was talking to my new therapist I have a new therapist and she was saying something to me I said I don't know what kind of energy I'm putting out there I think I'm putting off the wrong energy or some weird energy and she said I just really want you to think of like what the essence of you is really who is like

the best version of yourself and I and I was like she's like can you see that person and I was like yeah absolutely I know exactly who that person is and she's like okay when you are on these dates or you're having these interactions she's like I just want you to always remember like the best version of yourself, like the essence of who you are. And I think if you're getting tarot cards readings or any sort of psychic readings, you probably understand what I mean by essence, right? Yeah. And it's important to think of that because we all have like, what is our essence? Who are we? And she just said, I just want you to hold on to that version of you instead of getting into like, you know, because sometimes we have all these like guardrails up and these

invisible defense mechanisms. We're trying to self-preserve. We're trying to protect ourselves and different exchanges. And usually it really has nothing to fucking do with you because all these men are fucking batshit. I had a guy reach out to me a few weeks ago chasing me down on DM because we had matched on Raya and I didn't respond.

Chasing me down on DM to go to a drink with him. I finally make a plan with him and he ended up blowing me off. I'm like, excuse me, you fucking moron. But again, that has nothing to do with me. You know what I mean? That is something to do with him. That's somebody that I'm glad I never went on a date with

because if that's how he handled the situation, you know, good riddance. But, A, take some of the pressure off of yourself by understanding that men are all it's a hot mess out there and it's a numbers game. And I understand you went on 65 dates, which is a lot. But that attitude is right. Like, it's fun to go out and experiment and just keep in mind the best version of yourself. Like when you were a little girl, like the most innocent, joyful kind of version of yourself, not to act innocent, but be playful in that way when you're in these situations so that you're not waiting for them to, like, blow you off or walk out the door. or that you're not going to hear from them again.

Like, don't set that narrative up. Go into each situation with an open, healthy, like, exciting mind. And if it works out, great. And if it doesn't, good riddance. Thank you for sparing me, you know, another person that's not going to add to my life. And I think if you just adjust your attitude slightly when you're dating, are you dating a lot?

Yeah, I'm dating, but not a lot, but I'm dating. Yeah, and I've been dating a lot lately, and my attitude has totally changed. And that advice she gave me, and you have to do a little bit of work to figure out, you know, who, what your exact essence is, but we all know who we are deep down, like, and we all know what our best qualities are. And so you just want to go into all of these situations with a lightness instead of a worried kind of feeling or paranoia that it's not going

to work out or are you good enough? All of that is irrelevant. Curses are real. I would say that you should pray or do whatever thing that you believe in to help protect you against that, because they are real i don't know if your friend really did that but people curses are real well how did she say to remove the curse how do you remove a curse so she gave me like very specific instructions about like little rituals that i was supposed to do which i did because i just felt like i had nothing to lose lighting this candle and putting a bay leaf in the water things like that i did everything that she asked like i filled a water bottle with salt and like put it in my window to like catch the moonlight and then i

lit a candle and then asked for the universe to remove this curse. Like I did everything that she asked me to do. Basically, you just carried that out and asked the universe to release the curse from you. So that's what I did. Yeah. Well, that's going to work then. I mean, you're doing all the things that you can do and also, you know, meditate and pray on it. Just like do whatever your thing is. Do you meditate? I do. Not as consistently as I would like to, but I'm trying to build a more consistent practice of it. And I think when you're meditating, when you think about radiating light, like I always think about that when I meditate, like I'm such a good vibe, like I'm just have light around me. And anyone who comes in is going to also get light. And

anybody who doesn't deserve that light that will be rebuffed by the that by the strength of that light, you know, and like, I want you to think about that for yourself, too, because you want to keep like any sort of negative energies away from you. So what's the latest? You haven't been on a date in a few weeks so there is like a little update to the original email that i wrote actually you're married now i'm fully married so i actually ended up seeing that guy two more times but it was like the same result like i think it was kind of like an inevitable result people tell you you know yeah yeah yeah exactly like he i don't know i mean it was just like very surprising because this man is truly like 36 years old and like did not have the emotional maturity to be

like hey like this has been fun I'm just like not interested like that like he sort of tried to do like a slow fade and I confronted him about it and he got very uncomfortable and then you know tried to say oh like I'm really busy and I was like okay say no more got it good like I'm ready to move on I don't know I haven't been on a date since then because like the thought of going on another date just made me very anxious and like frustrated so I was like that's not that obviously this is like not bringing me joy right now so yeah you have to be in the right head space so you have to get yourself like do that little talk with yourself before any date about your essence about your intention about being light and not having huge expectations yeah because that's also

something we fuck up we go into dates sometimes and be like oh I wonder if this is going to be my boyfriend and it's like not everybody's meant to be your boyfriend some people are just meant to have fun with some people are just meant because they're going to be friends you know and on and on. Can I tell you what I do with dating? I like to approach the people that I'm potentially dating the way I poach friendships. So it's like, oh, I wouldn't let a friend talk to me this way. So I wouldn't let a potential suitor talk to me this way. I wouldn't engage with this way with a friend. So I wouldn't engage this way with a suitor. So it's like for me, it has to be in the words of Kim Cattrall. I don't even want to spend one hour not doing

something that makes me happy so like you said it yourself you took a break because you weren't feeling it that's cool and then ease into it however you ease into it but I think you have to lower the stakes every single person is not going to be the perfect person in the same way that when you meet potential friends every single person isn't your bestie all of a sudden like it has to happen like you have different friends that you ebb and flow with so allow that to be as organic as you would allow your dating life to be because again you're in theory when we date we're looking for a partnership that lasts more than six months right that is supportive to both of the people in that partnership so it has to be like a healthy organic exchange yeah and also

it's a great exercise in communication like it's really good to that's it you know it's not for not if you don't if you go on a date with somebody that you don't click with because you're getting better at communicating. You're getting better at being in an uncomfortable situation and making it natural. So there's advantages to going through the process, regardless of whether you end up with a boyfriend right away, you know? And it's like, I feel like if you, you know, you put that much effort into it, you're going to yield results. Yeah, I, I hope so. I think something that the psychic said to me that was like a little less esoteric and actually like really resonated with me was she was like, I feel that you have been like searching and like really seeking and like

really putting your energy out. And she's like, I wonder what it would be like for you to just sit back and like let people come to you. And that really struck me. And I am, I'm just like now in the process of trying to figure out what that looks like in real life. Like how do I sort of just like sit back and let people come to me, you know? Yeah. How do you make friends in real life um I mean this is a good question I it's something that I'm working on honestly I luckily like my job I spend a lot of time meeting a lot of different people I manage a Pilates studio full-time and I teach there and I've actually like made friends with some of my clients basically they started out as clients and then you know we would just spend a lot of time talking after

class and then I just was like hey I think you know we should hang out I feel like we never have time to like finish our conversations anyway so like I've been able to meet people that way outside of that it's a little bit of a it's been a little bit of a challenge for me to like make friends like as an adult as I imagine it is for a lot of people but that's been really helpful I've also been trying to like go to events and stuff yeah I mean it sounds like from Pilates at least these are people who have your shared interests and you're able to have like a mutual connection so it's like I hope that as you find a prospective partner you're looking at places where you actually want to be yourself where you're actually having fun and you're attracting that

energy to you in those spaces but you're not changing anything about you or what your wave is but simply being yourself and doing the things that you like yeah I think my biggest struggle is like the things that I really love to do there just like aren't a lot of straight men there and I think a lot about like is the reason why I like it and like I feel more comfortable is because there are no straight men in that space. I mean I think you speak for lots of women when you talk about preferring areas spaces without straight men I think we can all relate to that when you're on dates are you very like are you do you sit back and let it happen or are you like controlling or steering the conversation um it really depends on the person i try to i try to

be conscious of like not talking about myself for the entire time and also because like i do i am curious about the other person but there are times when i feel like if i don't ask a question this person is just going to sit here and like let it be dead silence and honestly like do people do that on dates do people just sit there in fucking silence yeah well no they just they just kind of wait for you to ask them a question like I'm I'm interviewing them and sometimes like if I get frustrated I will just sit there because I'm like this is not like I'm not going to interview you but I really try to like let there be a conversation but occasionally yes they're just that's pretty fucking awkward when you're on a first date with somebody and you're sitting there

in silence that's like yeah well then you're not a good match no yeah not at all it's a hard thing to hear but you know but anyway you're going to get rid of this spell if you haven't already you're going to get rid of that that's going to you just have to think of that as gone you did everything you're you had to do to get rid of it and you're going to just kind of adjust your expectations and understand that you're going to go into these dates with just a little bit of a lighter attitude about it and not look at it as a reflection of you each date and also get out there more do other stuff in your community so that you can meet other people go rock climbing go to one of those classes you'll find some straight guys there you know go to play tennis

or you know you could join a book club to make girlfriends i mean i'm sure there's no straight guys in a fucking book club but um just be actively trying to like widen your circle of comfort and put yourself out there a little bit more and i think that will yield results also it always does yeah what city are you in i'm in new york oh well hello there's plenty going on here sister. Lots of action everywhere you look. So just go down to the pier. There's men there all the time. Just go to the pier and wait. All right. All right. Thanks for calling in. Keep us posted. Thank you. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Bye. We'll take a break and we'll be right back to close out with z-way the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the

biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.ca. Jonas Brothers, the burning up tour all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives,

and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And we're back. She was real cute. It's amazing how women are so worried about men. Even me, like a woman like me, you would think wouldn't have issues with men. And I do, too.

they're so they're just it's a hot mess situation dating yeah i'm sure the older i get the more you're 19 so from what when you were six from when i was seven thank you a year after that i'm trying to get to a place where i don't need a man and i just like whatever comes into my life is cool yeah well i'm at that place and eventually you need penetration that's true and i what i said to my therapist, she goes, what do you want exactly? What about toys? That's not as fun. I like a man. You know, I like a man's body. But sometimes

you have sex and it's like not that good. No, that's true. I'd rather be alone. I would rather be alone than have bad sex also. But what I would like, and this has happened once in my life before and I like that set up. I like having men, just all casual men in different places. Rotation.

Like different New York, LA, Spain, London. Just different guys to have sex with and real fun flirty yeah no like no serious commitment if I fall in love with one of them great then that could become a serious commitment but to go I and she and I started laughing because I thought as soon as I said that she was going to go uh first of all no one really wants that and she's like that sounds awesome she's like that sounds awesome I go that's exactly what I want I want fun and flirty and light and like you go and you have fun with someone and you're not stuck with them long enough for anybody to get on each other's nerves you know what I mean

that's how I would like to and when I'm single and I have money and I can do what I want there's no reason I shouldn't be doing that you know I don't want this body to go to waste

I mean so why aren't you doing that I am doing that okay so you have a perfect life yeah I started doing that as soon as I talked to my therapist

about it I'm like okay and just to clarify at the end of this episode I would just like to clarify that Z-Way I did fall for her bullshit but she's 31

so she's not 19 she's half of she's half she's twice as whatever you get the drift older than that 19 times 2 is not 31.

Okay, well, that's it. That was the episode. Yes, yes. Thank you, Z-Way, for being here today. It was very nice to meet you. Thank you for having me, Chelsea. You're an icon. You're a legend.

Oh, thank you. Chelsea lately, Chelsea presently. Yes, thank you. Okay, so show dates coming up. Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January 19th, Edmonton. January 20th, Saskatoon.

February 9th, I'll be in Winnipeg. February 23rd Calgary that is almost sold out so get your tickets Victoria BC is March 8th March 9th is Kelowna also almost sold out not sure if I'm adding second shows yet because of my schedule Vancouver is March 29th and that is almost sold out then I will be in Salt Lake City April 4th and Denver April 5th I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April 12th April 13th I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino. And then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April 14th. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on April 20th. Gary, Indiana, Pryor Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May 3rd and May 4th. I will be in

Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled WinStar World Casino date. I'm coming to Englewood, California, Saturday, May 11th. At the YouTube Theater, this is for the Netflix Is A Joke Festival. I'll be performing with Fortune Feimster and Mateo Lane and Sam Jay and Vanessa Gonzalez. And then I will be in Verona, New York on May 26th. And then I'm coming to Australia in July and New Zealand, July 5th, Auckland. And I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, and then Thursday, August 1st, which is a long way away, and a date I am just seeing that I am not ready to announce. Okay. So those are all my dates that are up and available. So get your tickets. I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com, and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, Executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable,

abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture. with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out.

You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.