Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Our Worst Advice Yet

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

An ex-Mormon has trouble making a romantic connection, even though he dates both men and women. A law student feels the pressure of losing a year to Covid, and debates whether to focus on her education or building a family. And Chelsea gives expert advice on dating during lockdown.*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the podcast, everybody.

Before we get started, I would like to reflect on this podcast. well, actually on the podcast, but I would like to reflect about something else. I would like to reflect about my vacation with my family this year, because I didn't really say enough about it. So to give you some context, last year, we all went on vacation for two weeks to Martha's Vineyard, and that was too much time together. And at the end of the vacation, I wrote my entire family a long letter saying, these are the rules moving forward, and gave several examples of behavior that I was not accepting of or will tolerate anymore in the future and made sure that everyone knew that, you know, please thank you. And making eye contact are important things

to have going on in your repertoire as a human being. So I sent that letter. I mean, it took me a long time to write it because I had to edit it because, you know, the first version of that letter is like, fuck you. The second version is like, fuck you guys, but I love you. And then the third version is I love you, but not, but I love you. And so I started out with a lot of love and I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my family and they received it really well. My whole family last summer felt really badly that anything had gone wrong or nobody seemed appreciative or gracious or, you know, whatever my complaints may have been. And it was good because it was like, you know a post-therapy letter like I would not have had the tools to write that letter

if I hadn't gone to therapy I wouldn't even be here if I hadn't gone to therapy I would probably would have just started having road rage and eventually murdered somebody so they received the letter really well which is great and then this year we had another vacation and the women who came in to clean the house in the morning came up to me and this woman was like I just have to tell you, like your family is the most polite, nice family we've ever worked for. And I just thought, oh, my God, I had tears in my eyes. I was so I was like, well, meanwhile, you should see the letter I fucking wrote them last summer. And that's why they're acting like this. But whatever, whatever gets the horse to the water. Right. So that was a good therapy before middle

and after thing for me. And I thought I would share it with the audience because it really works when you take the time to think about sending something and not just firing stuff off even when you're texting like I was texting my friend the other morning and she kind of was going back and forth and that I just could tell that the texting the tempo of the texting was no longer fun or in jest or like it just became like angry texting and I just noticed it and I thought this isn't fun you know those people you see at the airport that are like pounding into their phone as they're walking down like the corridor or whatever the hell it's called.

I guess it's called a hall. That's not a hot look either. I think I've mentioned that before, but it's once you get some self-awareness and realize, oh, you're guilty of doing these things too. You're like, oh, I'm not doing that. Anyway, I thought I would share that personal story. Anyway, Brandon, what is our subject matter today, sweetheart?

What are we going to tackle and who are we going to tackle? Well, you already tackled somebody this morning. Well, sweetheart, it's people that are on a little bit of a time crunch and we all feel that way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, great. So we have we have a caller who feels like the biological clock is ticking, paying bills. I mean, it's a wide variety of issues. OK, we're going to take a quick break so I can have some of my medication now and we will be back so we can take some questions. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there is a lot of suspense.

Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society,

the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture

conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like,

you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help

me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's It's fragile masculinity.

Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life.

And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode. but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our first submission comes from

Jeremy from Salt Lake City. Oh, we are familiar with the area. Yeah, I love Salt Lake City. Well, I don't love it. Well, we like Utah. No, I love it. Well, we like Park City. I don't like the alcohol problem

in Park City. Well, the non-problem, really, because they barely let you drink. It's so annoying to order a fucking drink in Salt Lake City in Utah. and then it's like I don't know an eighth of a shot that they put in a drink and so if you can't order a double and you can't order two at once and you can't order two drinks at once so I can't

even go to Utah oh it's problematic remember the show I did in Utah I was performing at some theater there last year and it was dry yeah it was a dry theater and I almost flipped out I'm like I cannot perform I cannot have my fans come and not drink turned out it was like one of the best shows I've ever had so meanwhile because they probably all got really fucked up before they got there Yeah. I just think it's so unfair to go to a venue and then not be provided with alcohol. I agree. I mean, that law is so, so stupid because it's the Mormon state.

Yeah, well, it's archaic. I have a love-hate relationship with Utah. Anyway, so Jeremy, he's 37. He's an Instagram traveler. What a great occupation. He probably travels and posts it on Instagram. I want to be an Instagram traveler. Well, you kind of were on Netflix.

He writes, Dear Chelsea, here's my dilemma. I'm 37 and I've never been in a serious relationship. I just can't seem to find anyone that I like better than my amazing single life. Whatever should I do? Would you give up your ski trips to do something they want to do? So, like, would you give up your ski trips to prioritize something that you were dating? Like, if they wanted to go do something else? No, no, no, I doubt it.

I think we both knew the answer to that. But Jeremy's on the phone, so let's see what's going on. I feel like there's more to this situation, and I bet he is a former Mormon. I have a sneaking suspicion. hi jeremy he is how are you hi how are you wow i'm good you are cute wow i'm very much a former mormon are you keep your pants on well i mean i just i can just i can appreciate when someone's cute i know but it was like you're throwing yourself at him through the screen well that would be painful hi jeremy you are cute hi nice to meet you both of you are cute too so i can

relate. Okay. So you're a former Mormon, former Mormon, BYU graduate, return missionary as Mormons say. So I've, I've done all of the things they asked me to do, but surprisingly they never did anything that I asked them to do. So it wasn't really a mutually beneficial relationship. Well, how do, what were you asking them to do? I was asking them to answer any of my prayers, my questions and why everything is the way that it is. Why can't we do this? Why can't we do that? But yet they never really gave me anything in return for all the things that I was so diligent in doing for them, like not drinking, for example. Uh-huh. Right. So what's the point?

No, I know there is no point to life without cocktails, honestly. So when did you leave the church, as they say? Yeah. So actually, the last week of December in 2008, when I graduated from BYU, I told my family that I wasn't sure if I wanted to date men or women. And it just didn't go over very well, as you can imagine. That's another archaic. Yeah. Well, I like to frame things in a pre-Glee or post-Glee world because for a lot of people, like I graduated high school in 2008 and there was like an acceptance or media focus on inclusion of like LGBTQ people that kind of broadened people's scope or viewpoint on gay youth. And that was a very tricky time, I'm sure, to tell your family, because that was before we were kind of seeing it everywhere. Like, look, the inclusion is so important for people of a certain age.

So are you into guys, girls, both? What's your story? So I'm into both, actually. Fun. That's fun. I've dated women. It's fun. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'd do that. You should do that. Guys and girls. Why not? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can imagine flipping a coin and heads or tails, and you're like, both, because I win heads or tails.

Yeah, right. I get it. Do you prefer one over the other? I have a much stronger emotional connection to women, the women I've dated, the women that I have in my life. But I have a very strong physical attraction to men and not necessarily as strong to women. So you kind of get stuck in between with wondering, well, which direction do I go? Because I'm not necessarily attracted just to individuals. There's characteristics that I like of both. And so I find myself going on a lot of first dates. And I'll explain to a girl that yes,

I have attraction to men. And they're like, ah, that doesn't really vibe with them. Then I tell a man, yeah, I still enjoy going out and dating women. And their response is exactly of the same. So you really don't know how to be authentic when something that's at your core. Most people don't understand. I can. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that being an issue because I'm just trying to think if I went on a date with a guy and he said he was into guys, I would my first reaction would be like, oh, no, then you're not into girls. But it's not that way. Like we're you know, as we're all learning and growing up and getting, you know, aware of the situation, it's really not that way. It's another societal construct, you know, that men are supposed to be

with girls and, you know, and then you have a baby. Like, yeah, I guess, I guess as we move forward, there's going to be more and more people that are going to like having sex with both sexes or attracted to a non-binary person. Well, and I keep telling you, you could become a late in life lesbian. I know, sweetheart. We talk about this all the time. Well, when I do it, I'll let you know. I'll let the whole world know. I'd like you to open yourself up to that possibility sooner. So do you want a relationship, Jeremy? So it's interesting because I don't have anybody in my life that I look at their relationship and I aspire to live like them. I feel like a lot of people in my life aspire to live the life that I live. So it's very hard for me to say, yes,

I want a relationship, even though at my core, I feel like I've been programmed to not be fulfilled and complete unless I have somebody else by my side. Like, what do we do? I want to go skiing this weekend and every weekend and every day. And you don't. But yet, I like this about you. But it's not a complete package. So I'm stuck trying to figure that out. Yeah, you are. Yeah. I mean, it's confusing when you talk about it. So I can understand And you being confused also. I'm confused slightly. Are you, sweetheart?

No, I understand what he's saying. Because I think that relationships are framed in a certain way and we are conditioned to believe that they must maintain a certain structure in order for them to be successful. And what we've seen is that that's not true. And you embracing your individuality and autonomy in that way, like, I would like to maintain these aspects of my life. what that means for you is that you're going to have to find someone to fit within your current lifestyle that you would like to maintain which is possible hopefully it's someone that loves to ski on the weekends some weekends but then wants to take a trip on their own with their friends like that is the best possible outcome like that you are two individuals who can come together

but still live somewhat separate lives like that there's longevity in those types of relationships someone told me one time that their relationship had lasted so long because they worked in entertainment and that they both basically live totally separate lives like that that's that's one way to keep a relationship alive is to not live together but I think you know I don't ever think if I'm going to be in a relationship long term or I just I try and appreciate my singledom while I have it because I know eventually there's going to be guys around you know like there's always somebody popping in and out of your life so I really enjoy every day that I'm alone because I'm like, just enjoy this, enjoy this, enjoy this.

I mean, I might enjoy it a little too much, some would argue, right? I am selfish and I've become more selfish as I've gotten older because I realized what I like, what I want and how I want it, right? I mean, Chelsea, I've mastered everything you just talked about, 100%. For both of you, then it's a good reminder

that when the right person materializes, you're going to find the adaption and inclusion of them into your life much easier. It's not going to feel like work. It's going to be much less effort. Yes. Yes. Because and then you don't have to think about it as a compromise. Like I wouldn't let anybody into my orbit unless they were an additive, unless they were like adding something to the situation. I'm not going to get into a back and forth tug of war with like a guy or a long distance. Actually, long distance is a good I like that because obviously they're not around all the time. but I remember being in a real troubling relationship that I was in for a couple of years and he was in New York and I was in LA and we would just go back and forth and it was just constant like who's doing what and how can I show up for you and how can you show up for me and it

was like it was just so depleting like all of that negotiation and the compromise so I understand what you're saying about compromising things it can be depleting to an extent if that person isn't primarily just adding something to your life I wonder about long-term relationships too because i can't even make a short term or short distance or long distance that's the tricky part is saying well i want my own time but yet i want to see this person and i want it to be convenient but i think the right person for you changes throughout the course of your relationship so it's about how you can change together and keep that relationship going as you're both changing and evolving because if you had to constantly worry about the right person at each moment you

would be going through relationships on a cycle like your opinions of people change how you feel about them change you have to weather some of those things so like you may wake up one morning and like a woman you may wake up one morning like a man like that's going to happen in your situation but it's about if you find a relationship and knowing that that person is who you want to continue to build a life with that minutiae doesn't matter of like well right now they don't feel like the right person, but long-term are they like, you have to see kind of, you have to use some forward thinking about where you see your life with that person. Yeah. Like my psychiatrist, Dan, when I would talk about this, he'd be like, do you want to be in a relationship? And I was

like, I don't know. Do you want, you tell me, do I want to be in a relationship? Cause I really don't fucking know. Like, and he was like, you have to think about that. And so we had conversations. I go, yeah, I want to be in a relationship. And this was like two years ago. And he said, okay, well you need to put yourself in situations where you're going to be meeting men, you know, men that you wouldn't normally run into. And he was like, I want you to go to this conference. I want you to do things that are outside of your comfort zone to meet men. And literally like a weekend, I'm like, I don't, I don't want to meet anyone. Like after having to put that effort forth, I'm like, it's not worth it. I don't, I don't want

to have to make such an effort to meet someone, you know, either I will or I won't, but I'm not going to actively pursue it in that way. It's just not part of my DNA. And I'm getting the same vibe from you. You're not actively pursuing a relationship because you probably are not ready to have one or don't want one. Well, it's also I have so many amazing hobbies and activities and friends and you feel your life with your time is is finite. Right. We all have 24 hours in a day and it's like, what do I want to spend my time doing, trying to create an experience with somebody I don't know and I've never met, but I want to meet them or use that same time to have incredible experiences with the people that are already in your life and hope that at some point somebody

crosses your path when people say when you least expect it. My final thought on this is I know you're saying that you're not having luck in this area, but I think you're gonna have much more luck finding a gay man or another bisexual man who's going to give you the ability to still have connections with women also like maybe it's not gonna be a monogamous relationship like that's also something that's happening all the time now that's already that i already made that determination and i would say what i would say is like oh yeah don't open with telling people you're bisexual but like girls but then i'm like no because you have to be upfront and honest you have to tell people the truth right away i'm all for that but it's clearly scaring girls off so he

can't even pursue you know and does it scare guys off too oh yeah 100 i think authenticity scares people in general yeah no tell me about it sister how's your family now with your bisexuality are they better i haven't spoken to them in almost 10 years actually you don't talk to any of your siblings oh what a shame that is so heartbreaking i'm so sorry it worked out for the better so they are very conservative they're not progmos very conservative but it worked out for the best because they were inhibiting me from living my best life. Yeah, it sucks, but I'm so happy today. How can I look back and say,

oh, I'm so mad that happened, right? Yeah, that's the right attitude, but that's a big injury. Even if it worked out for the best, it is really hard to have your parents desert you in that way, abandon you. And how are you vulnerable in a relationship when your most vulnerable moment in your entire life, you got kicked to the curb by the people

that were supposed to love you the most. Yeah, so maybe that's a bigger issue for you. It might be, yeah. Growing up Mormon, you're basically trained to lie and be really good at lying for your entire life. And when I left the church, I was like, I don't have to lie anymore. I don't have to be dishonest.

I don't have to get up in front of people and tell them that I believe in all of this and feel that pressure and make these covenants that they talk about. And so at the same time, I'm done with that phase of my life. I don't need to lie anymore. I want to be authentic.

And that's probably been the biggest challenge in dating for me, is that my desire to be authentic and my best self is not met with the same excitement that I need it with in my life. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. But I think you're on the right track. You know, I think that you can't alter your behavior because of anyone's reaction. Right. You know that. So I think you are on the right track and your appreciation and joie de vivre for life is impressive.

And I think it. Yeah. And I think it does. It's intense. You're an intense guy. Right. And people get scared of that. I can relate to that for sure. But I would just say, what are we saying, Brandon? What advice are we giving here? That you really don't need to make any sort of correction. I mean, you seem to have a really good outlook on where you're at and that, you know, if someone comes in, they're going to have to be kind of that missing puzzle piece for you. You're not going to rearrange to make them work into your lifestyle. But I think more people need to take that outlook.

Yeah, I think you have a great outlook. You're only 37 years old. You have plenty of time. So don't worry about that. And from what you're saying, you don't even want to be in a real compromising. I do and I don't, right? It's like you do and you don't. You want it, but you don't want it all.

I feel that too. I want it sometimes. And then I'm like, oh, no, please leave. Yeah, I know. Good luck, I guess, Jeremy. Good luck. Hopefully we'll see you in Utah and we'll see you in Park City one day. Yeah, we'll continue the conversation on the slopes.

That's that's where every problem is solved. Yeah, I'll do double duty. I will find you both. Or we'll both come to Salt Lake and you can have sex with both of us. Really? I don't know if that's within her purview to offer me up for, but she'll do it for basically anything else. So so anyway, yeah, sit with that.

I'm going to. I'm going to sit with it, sit on it, sit around it. Yeah. Sit on top of it. Okay. Yes. Okay. Have a great day, Jeremy. Bye, Jeremy. Bye. Nice meeting you. You know what I don't like about men? Everything? Well, the smells. The thing that I have a problem...

I feel like we didn't help him at all. No. I don't think... He was confusing. He was a little confusing. There was a lot going on there. That's... He was... He's very intense, though. He reminded me of Christian Grey. Who is that? From, like, Fifty Shades of Grey. Like, he was, like, very unwavering, but also very...

Also not specific. Right, but very broad in what he was looking for. That may have been our worst advice call so far, sweetheart. He was really cute, but I could see why going on a date with him would be a little exhausting. Well, yes. Because imagine sitting down and having all that information unloaded on you right away. You're just like... Yeah, I know.

But, I mean, he has to be honest. I respect that. I respect his honesty. What do you think about someone like that, though, who it wasn't a woe is me or like a victim mentality, but the idea that nothing and no one is ever going to come along that will. He didn't have that. I see. I felt like he did have that. He's like, I don't I can't find this. This isn't happening no matter what I do. Like it's not happening on an app. It's not happening in person. To me, I'm like, that's that's certainly not true. Like, it has to be happening somewhere.

And either you're not allowing it to come in or you're, I don't know. Like, I know my problem is when I actively look for somebody to have sex with, it happens right away. When I don't actively look, it doesn't happen. So it's hard to get the stamina to pursue all the time. Like, my sister Simone was on a date the other night and she was telling me, Shana and Simone and I are on a text thread for sissies. and she says i went on a date from you know bumble or hinge or whatever site she's on and she's like it's just i can't i can't keep doing this it's just too depressing the men out there and i'm like i know the effort you have to put forth in the pursuit of someone is not

something i'm willing to put forth i'm not willing to put forth that i get that and i told simone i said you should just give up like i think we should call it just wrap it up and she can come we can live together and just transition into our elderly lesbian state. I do think things can happen more organically than people assume anymore. I think that they think the only means is to have these minor, very surface level interactions online. And I don't believe that to be true. I think you have to recondition yourself to having in-person interactions. Everything is online. So I don't see people walk up to someone in a bar anymore. Like unless you are on the phone and they're in your area and you're on that app, there's no interaction.

If people had the confidence or stamina to maintain in-person conversations, I think you'd be much more likely to find a partner. Well, but then what do you mean? You're supposed to just go and start talking to someone. Yes, you give someone a compliment. You start a conversation. Oh, right. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you're right.

It can be done. It used to be done. So there are other ways and outlets to find someone you're interested in. Join a club. Find a hobby. Join a club. What, like a lawn bowling club? You could.

And maybe at least then you know that there's a hobby in common. Well, you know what I thought? I thought, oh, I'll meet someone skiing, you know, on the slopes on the chairlift. Like it's easy. I'm like, this is perfect. And it was so hard because, A, everyone's faces are covered. So you don't even know what you're talking to. You can't see the person that you're talking to.

So then putting the effort forth and maybe not. But that's a very specific example of you doing something that you like. Like, yes, the chairlift is not going to be ideal for finding someone because you can't see what they look like. it's hard to hear them. But what about app rate? You see a guy that you find attractive. How often do you walk over and start a conversation with him if he's not part of your immediate friend? No, I would never do that. No, but I'm shy, actually. If people put themselves out more and that is an attractive quality that someone just walks up to you to start a conversation. Yeah, yeah. I get shy around guys that I like. I don't know what that is. It doesn't match my

personality. Like I want them to take the lead and I want them to take control and I want them to come over. But if everyone waits for that, no one gets anywhere. And then you're all fucking on these apps get off the app i know the apps are so annoying i was like texting with some guy on raya and i was like i can't do this even that was like i'm like it's even opening the raya app is like too much for me but people also this is advice for anyone who's dating because this is something i deal with with all of my friends who are on raya or bumble or tinder there's conversation but there's no setup to actually get together like i would exchange two messages like hey we both liked each other's profile how are you how's your day going whatever hey i'm available

one night this week do you want to grab dinner like you need to set it up immediately because there are too many people there are too many other sources to grab their attention you need to get them on the fucking hook if you're that interested in them you need to set a date to do something they're just like no we've been talking for three months i'm like for what are they your counselor i think it's like i like what the fuck are you talking about for three months on an app i wouldn't talk it's like a modern day pen pal i also don't want to talk on the phone before i meet the person i want to see them and if there's anything to talk about we'll find out about it You know what I mean? I don't want to be on the phone. I don't want you to FaceTime me. And I don't want to FaceTime you. And I don't want to talk for a long period of time before we meet up. That is not going to happen.

I also have a proposed setup for dates is that everyone should set it up for a drink and have a reservation made for dinner just in case. But you don't tell that person that. So you both know that you're going to drinks at a specific location. You find a restaurant nearby for a reservation for dinner in case it's going well. So you can say, hey, like I set this up. Do you want to go grab dinner? But you haven't out. We're like, you know, happy hours are going to last so long and you got to get out of there. Yeah, I'm going to do that tonight. I'm going to if I see someone cute at Hotel Bel Air, I'm going there for early dinner tonight. I'll go up to them. And then I realized, oh, I'm in L.A. I'll already know people there. You know what I mean? Like L.A. is there's something about L.A. that makes it very hard to to be freestyle like that. Like L.A. is. Well, I would like to challenge you. That's my advice to you. I would like to challenge you that in a social setting next time with people you don't know, if you find someone attractive, that you start a conversation. Okay.

And you are good at that. You can go give them a compliment about something. You will find a way, sweetheart, without a doubt. I know. You're right. I'm going to do that, actually. We're going to do that. I'm going to go up and approach men now from now on.

I think that's exactly what I need to do. You just have to put it out there. Because I could do it for anything else in my life. It's just that one area that I'm like a little girl like. Well, and there's no reason for you, sweetheart. You're beautiful. Oh, sweetheart. Oh, God, stop it.

Our next mission comes from Marissa from San Diego. She's 29. She's starting law school. She writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm almost a 30-year-old woman and I was hit really hard during COVID-19. Before coronavirus, I was in a two-year long-term relationship. I had a job I loved in the entertainment industry and I lived in an apartment in a cool part of L.A. Since then, I've lost my job, my apartment, and broke up with my boyfriend after I found out he was cheating on me. As of right now, I'm struggling with what to do on the relationship front.

I'm planning on starting law school in the fall. I also want to get married and have kids at some point. I just feel like my biological clock is running out of time. I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out how to balance education and career and trying to have a family. How can I work through all of these things? How did you prioritize your career? These are struggles we all go through. Marissa, are you on the line?

Yeah, I'm here. Hi. Hi, Marissa. Hi. Sorry about your boyfriend cheating on you. It's okay. It happens. It does happen.

It does happen. And it's not the end of the world. But I would say right off the bat that prioritizing your education and going to law school is, A, you'll probably meet somebody in law school. And B, that's more important than meeting somebody right now. Like you have to take care of yourself and get yourself on the right track. So that takes priority. You know, so that's your first point of operation is going to school, taking care of yourself, doing what's best so that you're able to take care of you. yeah that's I mean that's kind of what I'm trying to work through is like focusing on myself but also just freaking out like am I running out of time am I just gonna get lost in like fun like working to become a lawyer well you have to remember that the time construct is being placed on you so you think that you need to achieve these things by a certain point because that's what you've seen but you're still young like you'll go through law school you'll get through law school, you will have plenty of time for a family and to find a partner. And I think once you get through law school, you'll realize that it's not as critical in terms of timing as

it feels right now, because you just have so much going on. And you know, you're about to enter this new stage of life that you want to be able to check all these boxes. But that list will still be there to check when you get done with law school and you're in a better position. And it's very likely like every lawyer I know, well, not every lawyer I know, but a lot of people, you're going to meet so many people in law school, you don't even know what your life is going to be like in four years, you know, and what your priorities are going to be like. And if you're going to want, if you're going to feel the same way that you feel right now, and it's a difficult time, you're coming out of COVID, you know, you've said you've been really hit hard by this. I

believe you, you know, and so this isn't a time for you to be worrying about making sure that you're ticking all these boxes. You have to take it one step at a time. And we get overwhelmed when we think we have to do everything all at one time everything there's an urgency for all of it when your life is kind of unraveled in a certain way and you're trying to weave it all back together everything feels like it has to be done right now right now right now and it doesn't and you're doing the most important thing right now which is setting yourself up for success later yeah think about how much easier it's going to be to have a family and kids once you're an attorney yeah that's true yeah i won't be in like a small apartment just trying to figure things out right yeah

no that totally makes sense that's very calming actually and very helpful and we we both feel that way in different ways like we both there's an urgency with work or there's this has to be done right now right now right now and sometimes she'll have to say it to me like hey you're wound tight or i'll have to tell her like it's on the list but this isn't urgent there are other things we need to get done first and so it's not just you everyone feels this way and everyone's personal life feels like it's not where they want it to be but it will be yeah yeah and just feeling like I lost a year because of COVID but trying to realize like everyone kind of was going through the same thing so yeah that and everything is temporary listen everyone is coming out of COVID

and it has had a hard year everybody some people have been hit really hard and some people less so but you have to be okay with not knowing what is going to happen you have to get comfortable with that because you know if you're tied too tightly to a plan and it doesn't work then it's you're causing yourself suffering. You know, you have to be okay with like, okay, this is the step I'm taking here. This is what's happening now. And maybe later down the road, you can think of that, but it's not like it doesn't have to happen immediately. You don't have to find your husband and have your children and, and, you know, and check that box. It doesn't, it's just not necessary. Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much. Was that helpful? Yeah, that was really helpful. Okay. Like

helped me put into perspective like not trying to do everything at once right right make sure you remind yourself of that yeah for sure okay thank you marissa take care thank you so much you too bye bye our next submission comes from alex from nyc uh they're a music teacher i'm not saying there because i'm not sure their preferred pronoun or where they are on that spectrum oh oh hi oh alex i was just about to read your submission but since you're here why don't you just why don't you just give us a breakdown of what's going on now okay hi guys hi so um i guess the biggest thing i'm dealing with right now is that in late november my dad got diagnosed with cancer he's my only living parent and he lives on his own on the opposite coast from me so we

haven't been together through the pandemic and then the other thing i'm dealing with is i kind throughout the pandemic before I even knew that my dad was sick, I was falling behind in my rent and that felt like a normal problem to have during COVID times, I guess. But my, I think maybe since I emailed you, I've been kind of given a letter from my landlord's attorney being like, you maybe served with something in 20 days or something like that, some scary letter. So I just feel like I have a lot on my mind and it's hard to feel productive and it's hard to figure out whether I should just say like fuck it and go like be with my dad or I think a there's something called pandemic of love my friend runs this organization and they help with relief with money and they pair

you up with somebody who will help you financially so how do we get in touch with Shelly it's Shelly Tiglieski's organization it's at mindful skate girl is her instagram handle and you have to say i sent you and they'll pair you up with a sponsor who will help you financially for you know however long you need to be helped okay so there's one thing that's one thing you could do you just have to give them your situation and explain you know it's covid relief it's helping for all of it's called mindful what sorry okay so the organization is called pandemicoflove.com and her instagram handle is mindful skater girl my mindful skater girl okay yeah definitely just say i sent you okay okay they've helped millions of people and they are continuing to help millions of people so

that's one thing you could do wow well thank you so much i really appreciate that wow problem solved on that front now as far as far as your dad having cancer what so you're on you're in new york or he's in new york oh you're in new york i'm in new york yeah and he's in long beach okay so you want to be with him right yeah i mean hopefully it would be safe to think about traveling again yeah for sure so yeah i think you want to be with your dad during this time you know yeah so what are your options are you do you have a job right now like how can you make that happen yeah i'm yeah i'm pretty much back to the workflow that i had pre-pandemic it was just the first three months or so that i kind of fell behind and yeah but i'm back to yeah making money

i just i don't know if i can come up with you know whatever the money that they want me to come up with in the next 20 days or something well and have you what i've realized from a lot of people who are in similar situations is that there is just not enough communication between the landlord and the tenant or whoever is responsible for obtaining the funds for your unit and just saying like this is where I'm at this is what I can afford right now either to add additionally to what I am currently paying on my rent I feel like communications can be had because you both want the same resolution you don't want to have to leave they just want their money so have you gone through that protocol of trying to figure out what that would look like to get them additional

funds yes so it seems like i can't say this for certain but i requested a repair to be made in my apartment and then they like returned with this like letter saying like you owe us rent kind of so it just it feels a little like i mean new york landlords are assholes like yeah yeah donald trump as a new york landlord so too bad he's not your landlord oh well then there would be multiple oh you need to laugh more oh okay so that helps lighten any situation what are you gonna so i'm just confused like so can you go visit your father could you work remotely yeah i mean i i just feel so frozen and stuck and like it feels like a struggle i mean i'm probably not even giving my best to my clients these days i don't even know but what do you do for a living i'm a teacher

okay so you can do that remotely right yeah yeah yeah absolutely okay so i think what you need to do is you need to get hooked up with pandemic of love that's going to take care of your rent situation okay and then i think you need to make plans how long would you want to come out and see your dad for like do you want to spend like a month here or do you want to spend like what what's your game plan yeah i mean it's also it has to do with like my lease ends at the end of the summer. So I don't even know what that is going to look like, you know, depending on how this pans out with my landlord. That's it. The other thing is just, it just all feels like it's happening right now. And my dad just finished radiation. He just is looking really rough and

I want to be with him. Yeah. I think you should make plans, get yourself a ticket for two weeks and go out there for a set amount of time, whether it's a week or a month, like how much time do you see yourself spending in Long Beach? Yeah. I could see myself spending maybe two weeks there. I get little restless there, but I've never been there under these circumstances. Right. Okay. So I think you should give, give yourself two weeks to come out here, right? Just deal with what this situation right now, don't worry about your lease being up at the end of the summer. You're going to get this sorted out with pandemic of love. I think that's what I am kind of sensing is just like, I lost my mom to cancer at a young age. And so this feels like kind of a resurfacing of that trauma. And

I feel like I know, I know I'll be super, I'll have so many regrets if I don't spend time with him and God forbid, I lose him. Yeah. It is re-traumatizing. I know what you mean. It feels like an abandonment, right? You know, you lose somebody you love and you feel abandoned. And even though it's not their fault, that's what you're left feeling. And so of course it's a trigger, you know, I mean, word of the day or word of the year with everybody using a trigger, it's so annoying, but it's true. It is a trigger, right? It's a trigger for you. And you did lose your mom. And I'm sorry about that. All you can do is show up for the people that you care about in your life and be there for him. You know, that's what you want to do. You love your dad.

He loves you. All you can do is be with him and let him know that he's loved by you right during this time. And you can support him in whatever way you can. And that means to get to him. And as soon as you have that, I think when you have someone, you know, when you're close to a family member, it all kind of makes a lot more sense. All the stress in your life seems to simmer down when you're in close proximity to family members. Yeah. And I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how much of like what I'm feeling is just disconnection because I've been alone for the last year and change. So I feel kind of a vacuum with my own feelings and then things keep piling on. I think once you get something in place and a lot of it you have to remember is not going to

be solved overnight so once you just get things in motion for kind of each of these stressors seeing your dad once you know that you either have like a bus ticket booked or a plane ticket whatever that looks like and you have something on your calendar like okay i can alleviate this stressor with my dad i know i'm gonna see him at this time i know i've spoken to the landlord about this aspect it makes all those things feel a little less stressful because you know things are in motion yeah and it's the it's when you're stagnant that you feel like okay nothing's happening nothing's happening that's when you become more stressed you're left with just those feelings instead of an action so just keep the momentum going make a list today of the things

you know you need to address and then just make sure every day you're looking at that and that something is happening that you've either made a phone call you sent a text message you let him know like these are the dates put it on your calendar whatever that looks like because once once the wheels are turning it's going to put you back in motion you're going to be able to give a little bit more to your clients you're going to be able to give a little bit more attention to your dad you're going to know i'm going to be in a safe place with my home at the end of the summer you'll have answers it's the unknown that is so menacing totally yeah it's totally the uncertainty that is you know driving me crazy and just not knowing whether he'll survive not knowing whether

i'll have a place to live etc etc just like feels like a lot you can only control so much and what you can control is how you address each of these situations so once you take back that power and know that i've made the decisions in these areas you're not going to feel as overwhelmed yeah you're just overwhelmed right now i can see it on your face you're you're you're exhausted and you're not alone everybody you know so many people are just like fuck what the fuck and it's the lack of interaction with others also that's taking its toll on everybody so without that you're only alone with your own thoughts and you're only sitting there thinking oh yeah and there's so much inertia right now and so much inaction that it does feel overwhelming but

you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. You're breathing. You're going to be fine. You've made it through the last year. Like you've come, you've come out on the other side of that. So you're, you're in control and it's going to keep getting better. Yeah. And your dad, listen, you know, whatever happens with your dad, you're also going to be okay. Yeah. You know that like you're going to be okay. It's very difficult to deal with losing a parent. And it's, I can't even imagine what it's like to lose two parents. Actually, both of my parents are dead, so I can, but it is overwhelming, but all you can do is show up and be loving. Like that's all you can do is that's your gift to your dad, you know, is to be

there with him and do what you can. You're, you know, I understand how difficult it is, but even if your father, you know, has a really difficult time, even if he passes away, you are going to be okay. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. No, you're right. I'm sorry. You're, I'm sorry. You're going through this right now. I feel for you. You're, you're strong though. Yeah, you are. And that's what you need to remember that you have that strength within you and you certainly got that from somewhere. And I'm assuming it's your two parents. And my grandfather used to say, don't borrow trouble. And I try and remember that, that these things that you're worried about, especially with your dad, because that is something totally out of your control in all

aspects. And so just being there for him and accepting his current state, but knowing that you're going to operate in a way that whatever happens, you've done the best that you can for yourself and for him it's going to give you a peace of mind yeah yeah that's absolutely true yeah i just it's weird when you feel like something happened when you're so young that you feel like of course like that's a kind of pain that i can conquer and get over and get through and then something you get a phone call that you know somebody has cancer and all of a sudden your world comes crashing down yeah but you don't you don't you don't really know the power of your own strength and being by your father's side is going to remind you of how strong you are because you're

going to be strong for him and you're going to be able to tap into that reservoir of strength that you have you are it's just right now it feels like a fucking shit storm but i think you're going to feel better as soon as even i think you're feeling better you know what i mean you're letting it out and you should also look look online and find an online counselor or someone you can talk to i have a therapist who's seeing me for free right now really generously oh that's great awesome look at that yeah i mean that's awesome so i mean you can go through all of this stuff you know these are life things that we all have to deal with everybody has to deal with a parent dying at some point and the fact that you already went through it i know like how i know what

you mean i know exactly what you're talking about you know i remember when my dad died i was so unemotional about it not emotional disconnected disconnected because i was like well this is just another death my brother died my mother died like we know how to do this death is the one thing i know how to do I can handle this I can handle that and I remember saying like am I gonna have delayed grief to my psychiatrist because my whole therapy journey was about delayed grief for my brother dying I'm like oh fuck am I gonna have delayed grief again and he's like no but and I go why aren't I having a reaction to this and he's like I think you've been grieving for so long like this on this delayed grief that's been living inside of you that you've been dealing with for so

long that you're a little bit out of grief. And I was like, oh, I'm like, that's interesting. And he's like, yeah, sometimes that happens. He goes, it might hit you later. Like, you know, you're reacting to the diagnosis, right? You're reacting to your father's cancer diagnosis, which is a completely normal, normal reaction. And just kind of the way he like looks after treatment. It's like not such a pretty. Yeah. He doesn't really look like my dad anymore, to be honest. It's jarring, but he is your dad. The aesthetics come and go for all of us. So whether it's old age or an illness, and I think you being there with him and feeling his presence, it gives you that security like, oh, this is my dad. What I'm seeing is an element of what he's going through.

And again, you'll feel much better being at his side and knowing that that's his physical state. But that's it. Yeah. Thank you, guys. I appreciate that. Oh, all right, Alex. Thank you, Alex. All right.

Keep us posted. Everything's going to be OK. You're going to be OK. OK? Yeah. Yeah, of course. thank you so much you're welcome bye and again these are serious fucking oh my god my tits are out again this is why i know i don't even bring it up anymore at this point this is why like people

are dealing with real things see this is why that's out because i have that but this bra should not be exposed like that i'm sorry you can't close it i know looking at it i know i know okay anyway i mean people have some that was heavy there's some heavy shit going on but again it's important to hear these things no i know it's important for people to listen because when you're at the grocery store and you're mad that your checkout is taking too long i'm not saying this to you even though this is you if that's the fucking worst thing you have to deal with today is your grocery line checkout taking too long think about alex and his dad like take into account what other people are dealing with i know it doesn't always change our irritation

but it should be something that we take into consideration too much time alone with your own thoughts is overwhelming. And I'm glad he's seeing a therapist, though. That's that's really good. That will help in prioritizing anything just to make you feel like something is happening in your life is also going to be helpful. Harlow. Oh, I wonder how this one's going to be. I hope it's light. We have Carlos C. We don't know where he's from, how old he is or what he does. But he says, Hi, Chelsea. I've been working from home for close to a year. I got my first vaccine. I've been timid in regards to going inside public restaurants and movies which is part of dating i'm very picky i do not currently have an interest plus i lean on friendships prior to romance my

question is are you dating and what have you been comfortable doing in regards to dating i'm assuming that means during the pandemic i'm up for taking hikes and walks but that's about it carlos that sounds like a question for me i mean well maybe he wants to date you okay well is he on the phone No. This is just a submission. So you're just giving blind advice here. We already talked about that and dating during the pandemic with the COVID testing. Yeah, but what should he be doing? Like what should people be doing who want to start dating again after the pandemic, but it's a little bit overwhelming with like what available options there are to date. So here's what you're going to do. You're going to call QHealth and you're

going to get the COVID machine installed at your house. No, it's like five grand. You can't do that. I can't offer that up. People. All right. Well, no, sweetheart. It was five grand for you because we had an unreasonable number of tests because. I wanted to test everybody. Yes, you did.

I think outdoor activities are great. I mean, you don't like a hike, but. No, I don't. But yeah, outdoor activities are great. And now if you're double vaxxed, then you can just use that as your requirement to meet anyone else. But wouldn't you just say go on dating sites, though? Like.

Well, I think that. OK, let me reread this. Maybe I wasn't listening, sweetheart. I've been working from home for close to a year. I got my first vaccine. I've been timid in regards to going inside public restaurants and movies which is part of dating I am very picky I do not currently have an interest plus I lean on friendships prior to romance he doesn't have an interest I'm assuming that means like an interest I do not currently have an

interest in a person is he talking about a Pinterest account it could be my question is are you dating and what have you been comfortable doing in regards to dating I will okay I'll answer that i do casually date people but i mean not no i would just oh my god okay sweetheart this is not that fucking complicated if someone was going to ask you on a date what is a viable option for that date activity find it out for a restaurant yes like every restaurant has a fucking patio now but he's saying he has no interest he has no one of interest that's what i don't know so we're gonna let's cover both topics if you don't have anyone of interest that's okay embrace being alone carlo see yeah if you you know if you don't have anyone you don't

have anyone i thought he said he has no interests i see i'm bringing that he doesn't have interested you're not interested in people or activities so you're alone we see we know this we've accepted it i have no hobbies and i don't like people you know what you can do in covid you can also if you're worried about because a lot of people are just having sex right with masks on have you done that is that you have to get it from behind do you just allow penetration through the sheet no i have not done that what i do is make sure that i know who i'm dealing with and that they're vaccinated you know what i mean moving forward i won't be hooking up with anyone that's not vaccinated probably that that will be my move but you can have sex with your

oh my god you can have sex with your mask on but in my head it's a halloween mask like you're both in costume you can have sex with the mask on but you have to do it from behind and you cannot get closer you can't well is it is it a mask and face shield or is it just a mask you could do reverse cowgirl well yeah or but yeah so you can't you if you don't what what is my your advice is basically doggy style that's how to date during covid doggy style okay this is how i did it now this isn't reasonable for everybody because i did get a testing kit at my house the q health testing kit but it was like five thousand dollars wasn't it well the testing equipment is 800 just be very honest with the pricing is 800 and then each test is 215 but we had

an excessive number of tests because you were testing everyone and you are not technologically inclined so a lot of them had to be retested yeah i fucked up so i would basically have guys come over to my house and i would like that i met on i'm on a dating app and i would have them come over and i would hang out with them and i would give them a test immediately we'd be sitting outside and i'd give them a test and then i would wait 20 minutes and after talking to them If I decided like, oh, yeah, I'm into this guy takes 20 minutes to get the results. Then I would just, you know, if I liked him, I'd be like, OK, you know, if he was negative, he was negative. But if I didn't like him, I would just tell them they were positive and that they had to leave.

Bye bye. Yeah. So that's one way to do it. But I don't know if you want to buy the testing kit or what your financial situation is. The other thing that I would suggest, I mean, that's how I've handled it, because, yes, in the beginning of the pandemic, I'm like, yeah, who's going to hook up again? No one's ever going to anyone who's single isn't going to hook up. I mean, imagine all the people who were having affairs during the pandemic who had to stop seeing their affair. But after three or four months, I was like, well, fuck, am I going to have sex again? I don't want to. This could go on forever. So then I was I had to start thinking about what I was going to do.

And then also, you know, you could just be I have no advice. I mean, there's an accountability and there's accessibility to rapid response tests now, basically everywhere that the vaccines are in place. And there's no lines. It's quick. So if you find someone that you are interested in, you just both get tested before a date, find someone with a nice outdoor patio. Like, let's not make this more complicated than it needs to be. Yeah, yeah. It seems very straightforward. This is straightforward. Right. So problem solved again.

OK, we're going to take a quick break. I'm going to take a quick shower and we will be right back. Thank you. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

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I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman not that great actually can Can you help me shape this?

How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. Let go of that. I have.

I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did. universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's this david everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care

about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts so well to wrap things up for the day our caller from salt lake city jeremy was his name who's having trouble being pansexual i guess is interesting because it's weighted it's it's an interesting thing to look at that because that's not my reality so it's an interesting to know how how common that is to that perspective you know so hopefully we'll have more people like that calling in and always i think everybody should know by now that my

opinion is always going to be to take your education and career over babies that will always be my advice that's how i feel and i feel like more people need to have less children and on that note i think i don't know what do you think this was this was a heavy lift today with the advice it was it was hard today i'm not my thoughts are not clear i'm i have no clarity i have no mental clarity you were you were basically robbed too i mean i was robbed of my memory yesterday oh sorry sweetheart but we can make fun of your robber i bet you he did not remember that he robbed you he said that he did who knows we need to give him some advice i'd like to get him on the podcast i'd like to get him in jail first and then on the podcast you i wouldn't mind having

him call into the podcast maybe the next time you chase him down the street you can ask him my grandmother just called her i saw her name pop up on my phone we'll have to call her in the car on the way so that's should we call her right that's a little troubling she doesn't call often And when she does, she's got something to say. Oh, I see. I hear you. Copy that. Over and out.

Whoa. Well, over and out for us. It's a wrap on this episode. Oh, it is. Okay. Okay, but let's remember the one thing I want to take away is that you're going to make a move on a man in person. Okay.

You're going to start a conversation. All right. Well, I'm going to Hotel Bel-Air later. I'll see if there's any men around that I don't know. This is going to be TMI, but what's the youngest you've had sex with? I'm not really into younger guys. Oh, that guy from, yeah, 28, 26. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that guy who robbed me, actually. He did. That's a true story. So this guy, I was dating this guy. Well, I wasn't dating this guy. You were casually interacting. I was casually interacting with him. And we were skiing together.

And then he tried to use my credit card in a store to buy jewelry for himself and pretended he was buying jewelry for me, but with my own credit card. And even after that, I felt so bad for him that he had to steal from me. Like, a normal person would have been like, get out, get out. But I have no boundaries. And I was like, why are you stealing? Like, why do you need to do that? That's terrible. Kind of like, and I think I had sex with him again after he stole from me.

Yes, you definitely did. I did. I did. Oh, my God. I did. That was a very confusing time. It was confusing for all of us, as a matter of fact. I mean, none of us understood what was going on.

Oh, yeah. that was a that was right after the election remember when I was in a bad place that's exactly what happened 2016 yep I was in a bad place and uh not gonna do that again and definitely so we've both been robbed sweetheart we have different times well now we know what this episode was about don't rob your neighbor or the girl that you're fucking bye also I am on tour my tickets are officially on sale we've added a couple of extra shows we're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets at Ticketmaster for my shows. I'll be playing my next big show. I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st. So you can come see me there. And then I have

all the other cities that I have already released and tickets are available. And I can't fucking wait. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horniness and then keep them to yourself please if you want any assistance with your partner your best friend really anything you can write into dear chelsea project at gmail.com dear chelsea project at gmail.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out

alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Adina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.