Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Monica Lewinsky joins Chelsea to talk about the perfect temperature for sleeping, getting better about road rage, and why you should never answer the door naked.  Then: A friend is ghosted for having a baby.  A government worker struggles with the precarious future of her job.  And a gay man loses his mom, his dog and his relationship in one fell swoop… but can he see the light again? * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Okay, Katherine, what do we got today? Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest, one of our favorites.

It's Monica Lewinsky. Okay, ladies. Hello. Hi, Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show. Hi, Chelsea. Thank you. So happy to be here. Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming Everyone, which is a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wondery, which by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that I've ever been in. Oh, thank you. It is actually the Amazon Music Studio podcast-y thing, so not my design yet. But one day I'll have a set, so.

Okay, well, whatever, they hooked you up. It was, it looked, it was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup. Yeah, we call that the good room. I'm like, we have to have the good room for Chelsea. I loved having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've heard from people, friends of mine

from around the world, how much they loved your conversation and are big fans of yours, so. Oh, well, thank you so much. I mean, I'm really happy for you in this like phase of your life that you're in right now, because I think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are from what I know of you, and you're having really meaningful, cool conversations with

people. And it is called reclaiming because why? So in many ways, it's both personal to me and I think the way that I see the world in the sense of like the kind of narrow definition of reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or taken from you. And I've had that experience personally, like they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice and my narrative after having lost it 27 years ago was a big thing, but there are so many ways and so many elastic definition or, or I guess what's a better way to say it. It's like, I like to use an elastic definition in the show. So it's really, I feel like I could sit down and have a conversation with anybody and there will be a thread of reclaiming in there because they're big ones

and little ones. And I really see it in some ways as in that wave that mindfulness came in, and we all started to sort of look at our world through a lens of mindfulness. I think reclaiming is like modern trauma. I think reclaiming is sort of one of those things that we're going to be thinking about and seeing our world through that lens a bit more of this idea of what are the steps to try to pull something back in, whether it's big or, for me, I don't know about either of you, I have really bad road rage.

So, like, it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone a fuckface, but then I don't flip them off. I'm like, I pulled my calm back. I found my center again. You know, especially LA, you have to be careful now. Like, someone, I think the other year, someone had a gun pulled on them on Sunset

and Crescent Heights. That's crazy. I have rage about temperature. I have rage about, like, the temperatures of, like, refrigerated items. When I get something out of a refrigerator that's not my own because all of my refrigerators are set to 34 degrees Fahrenheit. That is as cold as you can pretty much make it. And that's the temperature I like. When I go into a refrigerator, I just did this here in this podcast studio.

It was fucking medium warm, like a tiny bit cold Diet Coke. There's nothing grosser than that. You know what I mean? A hundred percent. If you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold, then there has to be ice close by. I fucking hate, I have temperature rage. I hate medium, like, cold drinks that aren't, like, cold.

Like, I want condensation on the outside of the glass. You know what I mean? Make your teeth hurt. They're so cold. I need to see the cold. I need to see the temperature before I have the drink. Like, even if someone's bringing me a cocktail in a restaurant, if there's not the right amount of ice in the cocktail, I already know I'm going to have to send it back. Yeah.

And, I mean, I have to be high maintenance in that way because I just need to be pleased. Just that way? Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes. The same when I sleep. It has to be at 68 degrees. Oh, I'm even colder. 68.

That's like I'm boiling at 68, girl. What temperature do you sleep in? Like 30 is what I would like. Yeah. That's what I would like. But I mean, as cold as I can have it, I like cold with blankets. Lots of blankets. Yeah.

When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have, I put, like, even in the dead of winter, I will open the windows and the upstairs, you know, part of the house so that I am freezing. And then I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I'm in my bra and underwear and I'm like, but then I get back into that cold, you know, that little den, that snuggle den, and I just love wrapping myself up in lots of, lots of, lots of blankets. It's the best. You know what sleeping game changer for me without batteries is a – like a heating pad has been a really big game changer of just, you know, they turn off after two hours, but it's like a little cuddle. You know, you can put it on your tummy, put it on your chest.

And it doesn't get you too warm because if you like to sleep in 30 degrees – I know, but I keep it on low, and it just – I don't know. the one I have, it just somehow feels nurturing and it calms me down. Well, heating pads tend to feel that way. That's true. I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where basically you can adjust the temperature to heat or cool. Yeah. So because Doug, my dog won't sleep in bed with me because he has so much fur. So he gets so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put this on full blast, he can sleep in on the cold next to me because you can do it for either side. So I'm going to try that when he comes back. Right now he's vacationing in Canada. So once I, once I

retrieve, you know, Doug is a jet setter. He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we were fighting with them. Well, he did very well with the election. So, you know, thank you so much. Thank you, Doug. It's so funny you mentioned that though, because somebody, I've never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing and someone just mentioned it last night to me. So I feel like the universe is telling me to get one. Well, they have those fans that like go right under your covers and like blow right at you. I haven't tried one of those, but I'm like,

I think maybe I need one of those. A fan under your covers? Yeah, it's like got a little nose that goes under your covers and then... Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too. I need a ceiling fan on.

I need multiple, I need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then I need an overhead ceiling fan and then I need air conditioning or a window open. Right. That sounds pretty good.

What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to a noise machine at all? No, you know what's funny? So my niece and nephew have now started sleeping over, and they use a sound machine, and I can't sleep with the sound machine. Oh, dang. I don't know what's wrong with me. So what are you doing? Putting on Beats headphones when you go to sleep?

No, I just – I basically sleep for 20 minutes and then wake up panicked anyway, like, is everybody okay? Is everyone still sleeping? Are they still in bed? You know, so I don't have a sound machine. But I do love – well, actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when I'm at the ocean. So when I can hear the waves crashing all night long. Yeah. That was my sound machine for a while were waves crashing.

And then I moved to rain and then I moved to thunder, an actual thunderstorm. I like to have it be as disturbing as possible while I'm sleeping. Slightly afraid. So Monica, what are some of the things? I mean, you've had some really interesting people on that you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast. So what are some of the things that you've learned that have been inspiring to you from some of these guests? Oh, my gosh.

Every conversation, I think I have had a moment where I've either said out loud or thought inside, wow, you know, whether it's a moment of someone sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who told me a story of how they had torn a muscle performing on stage and there was an article the next day saying they were drunk on stage instead of like even understanding that she was in pain. And so those kinds of stories that people have to, even though that doesn't sound like a quote unquote reclaiming story, they're part of these, I think, bigger narratives that we're seeing of what people go through and how they just sort of

get back up the next day, you know, and move through something. So not sure that I haven't had enough coffee yet. No, no, no, no, no, no. I understand. I mean, it's a large, it's a broad question and it's hard to always like pinpoint everything, but it is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right? Like interviewing people, learning how to interview people, learning like the conversations that you're having and like the meaningfulness behind those conversations, you know, what people are revealing. And I think like, obviously podcasts right now are one of like the biggest number one ways people are listening and getting their information, you know, especially if they want to like bow out from the news. So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to?

Well, I love your podcast, but I wanted to go back to something for a second from when you were on, because I had a question for you. We had what felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood. I was asking about if you thought from, you were sharing about with your brother and stuff. And later on, I realized that was I doing to you the thing that just in a different version of trying to find a way that yes, you actually maybe secretly did want kids, but here was this reason, there was this reason why you didn't. Did that feel that, did it feel that way to you after? No, not at all. Okay. So I don't owe you an apology? No, please.

Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm not like that at all. Things go in one ear and out the other, and I take very little personally. Even if it's personally directed at me, I still don't take it personally. I'm pretty good at that. Yeah, no. I mean, I think we all have to get a little bit better at that.

It would be a much more sane way to live. I know that I'm saner when I pay attention less to what people are saying. But I think it's always very interesting. It's such a privilege, right? To be able to have these kinds of conversations, to be making a living and, you know, talking to people about things that are interesting to you. So, I mean, what better platform to be able to get up every day and bitch about the temperature of ice or bitch about the temperature of my Diet Coke, you know, that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place. I was just thinking about the gym at my hotel that I stay in in New York. Like, I walked in this morning and the lights were so bright, right?

And I was like, oh, God. And so I texted my contact at the hotel and I'm like, is there any way we could just dim the lights in the gym? Like it's part of a there's a there's a hotel part and then there's a residency part. OK. And they're like, so it's used for both. Right. And I was like, it's just very fluorescent and very early. It's like, I don't think anybody likes this. And there's like 15 people in the gym and that manager text me actually was actually we've had requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well, is there a time where I can go in where the fucking light is off?

Like, these are the things that I'm sitting here. And I was like, I can't wait to get on a podcast today and bitch about all these things. I always forget. And I want to know who's with me and who's not with me. So I thank you for the audience today, Monica, because you get to hear this. I'm with you, girl. I am with you. It's so funny because probably a big overshare, but I don't know why I was randomly thinking

about someone I had dated a long time ago. then it was, we reconnected after probably over, like he'd been married and had kids and everything in between. And it was great because the tables had sort of turned where I was kind of more into him before and now he was more into me on this date. And we ended up, you know, spending part of the night together. And when he was leaving, I was like, oh, I'm going to do that confident girl thing where I'm going to like walk him to the door naked. And I totally forgot that the lighting in the entryway in this little studio I was living in in New York at the time was- It's terrible.

Horrendous. And I literally saw the look on his face change. And the invitation for him to cook me dinner when I got back from my trip never materialized. I mean, it was that bad where I- Because of overhead lighting? Overhead lighting. But it was also kind of fluorescent-y. Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst. I've seen cellulite on my forehead under overhead lighting literally I've seen things that I'm like that can't possibly true truly exist on my body there's no way that exists I mean I whoever came up with overhead lighting I dated a hotelier once Andre Balazs and he explained to me who doesn't who he explained to me the

I mean he understood he's a sprezzatura a tastemaker he knows how to make every place really warm and like he makes good hangs you know hangout spots but he explained to me why you never have overhead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier. You don't ever, you always have side lighting, always have side lighting. So at my new house, there is very little overhead lighting. It's all on the side. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I was told if you have overhead lighting, that the light needs to go up, that there sort of needs to, the sconce needs to kind of hold the bulb in a way so that it doesn't, it's not putting down like a can light. It's exactly. Or it's diffused somehow. That's a really disappointing story, though, that you just shared

from someone. I mean, that really sucks. Sorry. That's horror movie lighting. It's okay. I've had way worse, you know, but it was one of the—it's just so—I mean, it's just random because I think that happened maybe 10 years ago, and I was just thinking about it this morning, so. It haunts you. Yeah. All the ways when we try, I think as women to try to heal and grow and, and mature and evolve all those things. It's like, at least for me, I find I'm, I try things on like, oh, okay. I read about this thing or so-and-so told me this story. And so I'm going to see if that works for me. And it's like, I'm going to be the confident girl who just, you know, walks over to the door naked and um and it you know didn't work it didn't quite pan out no that's okay it's good to know

it's good to edit those people out of your life no matter how they get edited out you know what i mean that's okay what we did talk about when i was on your podcast was i felt like you were really curious about my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to kind of not replicate that but how to how to have that be more of I mean it is a pretty big character in your life already your niece and nephew right yeah yeah but you unlike we discussed that I'm someone who's never wanted children you you actually did want children and you don't have children but we were talking about focusing and what it does what it means to be present in children's lives without being a mother so how is that working for you with your niece and your nephew how do you see

your role in their life? They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world. And I think it was, I imagine you felt this way, most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born, even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I will get in front of a bus for this human being, like hour four, you know, or hour 10. That is already now an establishment. There is just this deep love and bond. And I hope, and I think I'm a safe place for them to come and just kind of get loved up. You know, I think that that's, but also, you know, set boundaries in different ways, encourage. They're both so creative and really different and extraordinary children. I just feel so lucky. And probably the best thing I did as an auntie is get car seats. So that allowed me to

have my own relationship with them. And I get to help out a little. It makes it a little easier in moments for my brother and sister-in-law. But more importantly for me is I think we just developed our own routines. We develop our own experiences together that I know I look forward to and they look forward to too. So it's very special. And now, as I said, they spend the night on occasion and they each have their own little nest in my bedroom. And there's the routine of that, which is great. And then by 8.30 the next morning, I'm like, okay, bye. After pancakes, Bye bye. Yeah. I speak about these three girls in my book that I call them poopsie whoopsie and oopsie in my book. And I'm able to apply this more to them than I am to my nieces and nephews.

Although I do judge my nieces. I'm more my nephews than my nieces. I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously. But I really think like the lack of judgment, I think is such an important thing to to bring to the table with relationship to children so that they can come to you with anything. And I know in my experience with the three girls that are in my life that I talk about in my last book, they will and have told me they feel, you know, like they will tell me anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex related, they will come to me with anything. And I never, and for some reason I I'm able to reserve judgment with regard to these three people in my life. And I feel like that is something as a child that every child needs,

right? They need someone that they can tell anything to that there are no repercussions and there's, and there's just no shame put on them because it's so, it's so important to be able to just share stuff without being judged. And I'm a pretty judgmental person. Like I have to really work very hard on my judgment. I judge people all the time. So when I can really, like one of them said to me, she wrote me this birthday thing and said, Oh, you know, it's so funny. I could tell you anything I could tell my father. I know I can see she calls me father. She goes, I know I can tell my father anything. I always tell you, you know, there's no judgment, blah, blah, blah.

And it just made me feel like, oh, that is, okay, that's something to focus on, you know, something that's been pointed out. And I want to get better at that with all of my relationships, children and adults. Yeah. I mean, I have a very, I've always had a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my mom's sister, my aunt Debbie. And I, in fact, when I was in my early 20s and was getting, going to, or needed to get a termination procedure, an abortion, however you want to call it, I told her before I told my mom. You know, I didn't tell my mom until the night before.

But my aunt felt like that safe space between a sister and a mom. And I've had different relationships. I have two other aunts, one of whom passed away, but that I've had, you know, different relationships with and more feel connected to both of them through aspects of myself that I see in myself, the artistic. One is an artist and the one who passed made jewelry. And so I think that I see parts of them in me from that and in my formative memories from my formative years, too. Did you have aunts growing up? Yeah, I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to. She lives in California.

I have a whole set of cousins that live in L.A., so I'm very close with that side of my family. And my aunt is my, yeah, she's who I lived with when I moved out here when I was 19 years old and told me that I would have to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. And then she denied that she ever said those words, and then we found it in an act. I would say year after year after year after I became successful, I'd be like, see, you told me that I had to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. She was, I never said that. I never said that. And then we found the actual footage on video of her saying it to me. And my cousin Molly put it together and sent it on our family thread and was like, here, mom, this is exactly what you said to Chelsea, by the way.

The receipts. Yeah, exactly. I was like, yes, you fucking said it. Yeah, it's just, but I think there is something, too, about the way aunts, like I think about when I was in 10th grade and I wanted Doc Martens. and people weren't really wearing Doc Martens very much yet. And I wanted to wear them with dresses and people weren't really doing that yet. And even my mom was like,

there's no way I'm buying you those shoes. And my aunt, you know, took me and bought me the shoes on Melrose. You know, I remember. And so it was, she just had a way of, and has a way still, we're still really close. I stay with her often when I'm in New York and, you know, it's fun, it's great.

But, you know, I think just the different ways that I think she would see me, you know, and also stretch those boundaries a bit. I saw my first R-rated film with her, you know, so it was Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Yeah, that is a special relationship. I remember growing, I had also, I had one uncle, well, I had a couple of great uncles too, actually.

But yeah, it is a very special relationship because I think about my nieces and nephews and they all have two aunts between my sisters, the three of us, and we're all so different. You know, we all provide something completely different. And on that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Monica Lewinsky. for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped

and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it

takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's

Like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back with Monica Lewinsky. We're going to take some emails or callers. Catherine, what do we have? We actually have three callers. So we're going to try and get through,

get to all three of them today. And then if we have two extra minutes, I have a quickie at the end, just an email. So our first caller is Jules, and she is in DC. She says, dear Chelsea, thank you for all you do, your advocacy, and your light, seeing you at the Kennedy Center will always be one of my highlights.

I'm a federal government employee, and it's really tough right now. I have lots of anger, uncertainty, and resentment toward the current administration, my agency's leadership, Americans who voted for what's happening right now, and those who are misinformed about how awful it really is. I literally cannot escape the news cycle. As I live in D.C., I work for the government, and since my agency leadership has been silent, the news and Reddit are the only ways to learn what's happening in my future. I'm tired all the time from my new commute thanks to the return to office mandate. I feel like I'm bleeding money because of all these extra costs I didn't expect. Gas, lunches, dog walker. And on top of it all, we've been told that, quote, no one is

safe from a reduction in force. My boyfriend says I'm getting irritable, which I am. Who wouldn't? I'm on a contract where I can't quit the federal government for another eight months without buying myself out, so I know I'll be here until I'm fired or things settle. The way things look, supposedly my contract will terminate in January. Do you have any advice on how to cope with all this uncertainty and find joy in this chaos? Thanks for being such a light in these wild times, Jules. Hi, Jules. Hi, how are you? This is our special guest, Monica Lewinsky today. Hi. Oh, hello. How are you? Doing well, thank you. How are your other colleagues dealing with this? Do you work closely with a lot of other people?

Like, are there other people who are feeling the same the same way that you're feeling? Yes, for sure. I think a lot of us, no matter what like organization you're in, it's kind of the same vibe. People are pretty down. Yeah, I understand. I feel you. I feel like, you know, we can all relate to feeling pretty down, especially now, regardless of what I mean. obviously you're in a different situation with a government job. But I think the best way to so that all of the stuff that you're putting into your brain is not all related to what's happening with this administration is is kind of a goal. You know, like I start my day either meditating or working out without before I listen to any podcast or the daily or read my Politico like I just get up and I'm like, OK, this is going to be a good day for me. So whatever it takes to get

you there. I mean, if you have to get up and read a book for an hour to just put you in a different place, I would suggest trying to like create some different habits so that when you go into, because work is going to be work and that there's going to be people around you with that energy and everyone's going to kind of be commiserating and that's fine while you're there, but it shouldn't take over you. Like I always think about negativity as a component of your life, but don't let the negativity run you. You know what I mean? So what are some things that you can do that will make you happier as a person? What are some things that you know make you happier as a person? I definitely try to make a separation when I get home. And honestly,

one of the silver linings is this is because we can't telework anymore. There now is like a distinction of like work and home. So when I do get home, since I can't work, I do a workout, try to get my mind off things to like have a reset, do like walks, things like that. So I do appreciate that. I feel like I wasn't just like a slump, especially for the first, you know, month where I was just like kind of in my own like little cave. So I'm emerging now to like do things that bring me more joy, like seeing friends, being more active. It's spring now. So like just seeing the sun is nice. Yeah, totally. No, I mean, the season alone is a reason to be happier. It's like it's more upbeat. Everything you're saying is great. I think you should really

like do that for yourself as an assignment. You know, when there, when an hour or two goes by, when I don't think about the administration or the government, that's a home run. Like if I can get through an hour or two and go to a dinner and it doesn't come up and I'm not thinking about it, I'm like, okay, mission accomplished. It doesn't need to be 10 hours of the day that you're not thinking about it. You just need a break from the constant. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a really good point. Thank you. And also really try and find some books that you can escape to like books to me or myself always monica do you feel that i mean i think we've spoken about that right yes how important it is to have like the this is a new book that i want to recommend also it's called

the mirror and the palette my friend gave it to me and it's fucking amazing it's about female history and it's all it's all about like it's just it's such an inspiring like every time i read that i choose to read that rather than to watch the news or read the news i give myself an hour a day to read a book. And since, since this, um, administration began, when I started to get really just immersed, immersed, immersed, immersed in it, I was like, okay, you have to do something differently. And that's why I decided to do that every day. I'm like, I have to read for one hour every day. I'm not on my phone. I want to think about something else. I want to have my brain stimulated in a different way. So I think you just have to really figure out what those things are.

If you're not a reader, force yourself to fucking read. Like you will get into it. Just find a book that's great. And you will get into it. Start with this book. It's going to be fascinating to any woman. So it's called the mirror and the palette, but just really make sure you're getting outside. You're getting in fresh air. You're doing, you're exercising, doing all the things, meditate, write down things that you're grateful for. You know, there's a million things you can do to lift your spirits. And those are all mood lifters. Monica, do you have anything that you do to lift your spirits? I do. I don't know if this would resonate with you at all, but I'm very impacted by the aesthetic of my environment or pretty things or cute things, just things that

make me smile. And so I will go out and I'll get some new mugs. I know it sounds so dumb, but it's like one of the things you're doing in the morning is I'm making my coffee. When I open the cabinet and there's a mug that makes me laugh, I have one from Lala. What's it called? Lala. It's the yellow coffee place. And they have this mug and it says, don't be a dick. And so, you know, it's like it makes me laugh. And I think just even it's such a tiny thing, but laughter in particular or sparking joy, as they would say. You know, I was at Disneyland recently and I got a great mug from there to remind me. I love that.

You know, so. I just got a set of mugs. Someone sent me a set of coffee mugs of me skiing in my bikini with my dog on my back. And I was like, oh, my God, what a great gift. So cute. You know, also writing, if you're a writer, spending an hour a day writing, I would just seriously carve out an hour of your day that's not socializing, that's not with anyone else, that's doing something like specifically that feeds your soul. And it should be something whether it's like, I mean, for me, it's a reading a book, but for whatever that means for you to just really be diligent about that, especially now when so much of our time is taken up and attention is taken up with you know what. I'd also, do you have a bathtub?

I do. Yeah. I would, you know, something that's maybe a little less having to do because I'm listening to Chelsea and I'm like, wow, you're so disciplined, Chelsea. I'm so impressed by you. And I'm like, I'm lazy compared to that. Or I would figure out a way to not do that. But I take baths a lot as a way to and I make a ritual of it. And that sometimes can help too. I mean, your mind can wander to the dark places. And just the idea of saying to yourself, repeating to yourself that you want to be positive, that you want to be optimistic, you know, finding optimism in the dark is a skill set like that we have to work on and fine tune, but it is an important quality. And it's also contagious. You know, when you can really find

optimism within dark times, you can also help other people feel better. So that's something to think about as well. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I didn't think of it in that light. So that's a really good perspective. So yeah, I appreciate it. Okay, cool.

Thank you so much for calling in and stay strong. Stay strong during this fucking fiasco we're living through. Well, thank you. Thank you for your time and the advice. I really appreciate it. And if you want to cheer yourself up,

you know, all these judges are ruling against Trump every left, right, every time. So there's that's joyful. George Santos is going to prison for six years. That's fun. You know what I mean? There's some good news happening. I didn't hear that news. When did that come out? Oh, yeah, it came out the other day. He's got it sentenced to seven, six or seven years in prison. Yes, I did a little PSA about it because I was so excited about the good news. I was like, I could use some. So I

mean, sure, Trump will probably end up pardoning him. But who gives a shit? You know what I mean? At this point, there there is a gal who's on TikTok. It's Amanda's mild takes, which I think is a hilarious name on TikTok. But she talks about, like, all the things that are actually going right. So, like, take a look there. She's got some good stuff to say. Yeah, Amanda's mild taste.

Okay, great. So, all right. Thank you so much, Jules. Thank you. Bye, Jules. Bye. It's also a good reminder to sort of, like, leave work at work.

Like, these are the sorts of things I think that probably are keeping her up at night and she's roiling about them. But, you know, something that helps me sometimes if there's, like, something stressful or I'm, like, worried about something is saying like, oh, I'm off the clock for that right now. Whether it's like a work thing, a family thing, whatever.

Like, I actually don't need to be thinking about that right now. I'm off the clock. I'm like in bed, it's four in the morning. Yeah, there is something nice to be like said about being so divorced from your work, like that you really just don't care anymore about your job. It's just a paycheck.

You know what I mean? It's better than having to bring your work home with you, you know, because at this point, that's what it is, is a paycheck. How can she be passionate about something that's being threatened, you know? Right, right. Well, hopefully we were some help to her.

I don't know. Oh, I think that was very helpful. Okay. All right. Well, our next caller is Jeremy. He says, dear Chelsea, he's having a really tough time. I'm a 43-year-old gay man, and I've recently had the hardest year of my life. A year ago, I lost my dog of 16 years.

Two months ago, I lost my mother, who was my best friend. And three weeks later, my partner of three years left me. I feel like I've lost everything this year. I have no kids and no parents. How do I keep going? What's the fucking point? Jeremy. Hi.

How are you? Hey, not too bad. How are you? Oh, hi. This is our special guest, Monica Lewinsky, is here with us today. Hi, Jeremy. Oh, Monica, hi. Hi.

I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things that you've lost. Thank you. While you want to honor, obviously, losing your mother, losing your dog, losing your relationship, but I would say, A, you got a good run out of that dog for 16 years. I agree. That's pretty incredible. Yeah. And how old was your mom when she passed away?

She was only 65. So she was on the younger side. Yeah. And were you able to be with her when she died? No, and I think that's the hardest thing for me. Uh-huh. Not being able to say goodbye. Right.

Okay. Well, on that front, everything you're describing with what's happening, I know you probably feel, I know how you feel because you just said it in your letter. But I want you to think about this as like a rebirth. You know what I mean? Monica has a podcast called Reclaiming. We've been talking a little bit about reclaiming before we got on the phone with you. And anytime something like this happens where there's a run of events in your life that leave you feeling more and more alone, I truly believe it is a sign for you to wake up and have a rebirth and reclaiming your life. And it doesn't feel like that you want to do that right now, but that's what this opportunity is.

You're at not your rock bottom because I don't really like that term, but I know that's how you probably feel. Is that an accurate assessment? It's pretty accurate. Yeah. And I want to tell you, this is a huge opportunity for you to grow and for you to heal and for you to grieve. And all of those things can happen at the same time yeah and so what are you doing to take care of yourself during this situation during this time and and like how are you getting through do you have a therapist like what's your what's your process okay yeah i've been i've been meeting with my therapist i've been connecting with nature as much as possible which is which seems to be helping i'm going to greece in a week for two weeks great that's really awesome i'm trying it's

just you have these moments where you just feel so lost and empty, you know, without my mom. That's the hardest part. Well, I also want you to look at your mother in a different way. Like your mother's energy is not gone. Your mother's energy is around you. You feel free to speak to her. Feel free to talk to her. Feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you. You know what I mean? Engage with her like she's around you because she is. I firmly believe that. I didn't feel my mother's presence. I felt my mother's presence more after she died than I did when she was alive, when we were separated, like when I was living in LA and New Jersey, like I cultivated a relationship with her when she died. That has been so meaningful to me. And you can do the same

exact thing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really trying to. Allow yourself to grieve. It's okay. It's absolutely okay. You've lost three really important people in your life. That is massive, But it's also an opportunity for you to, like, look ahead and see how you want to go through this grief and what you want to do on the other side of it. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want your life to look like? Can you answer a couple of those questions? Yeah. I mean, I want to be in a loving relationship.

I want to travel more. You're already doing that by going to Greece for two weeks. Yeah. Yeah. You know, one of the things I didn't tell you, too, is, you know, my mom had had a couple strokes that left her paralyzed for the past eight years. And I was also her caretaker, which I think was also hard for me because, you know, I don't have children. I don't want children. And it was like the universe gave me a child taking care of my mom. And I'm so grateful I had that time with her for the past eight years. But, yeah, that was hard, too, is, you know, that's also a huge loss, you know, taking care of somebody for that long.

And now I don't have that either. Right. So, but these are all things that you did that you were wonderful to do. Being able to take care of your mother is like, that's a privilege. And you were able to experience that. So instead of focusing on the fact that you weren't there when she actually died, focus on the fact that you were there so many times before that. And saying goodbye doesn't mean anything because you necessarily don't need to say, you don't

necessarily need to say goodbye if you subscribe to the theory that she's around you and she's with you. You know what I mean? Say hello and, and, and bring her with you. Talk to her all day long, you know, especially during this breakup that you're experiencing. Like you can talk to your mother about this, like, and assume that she's listening because I really believe she is and know that this is a period of time in your life and this is not permanent. Yeah. Right. You're absolutely right. This is a transition. And so just honor the transition you're going through, but keep your eyes up towards the sky. Don't be a victim. Like don't lay down and go, I can't take anymore. You can, you've, you've, you've taken all of this on and

now it's time to move through it and kind of lift yourself up out of it. And I think this vacation to Greece for two weeks is going to be exactly what you need. You know, I think that's going to be like, use that as a starting point. Like, okay, this trip is the beginning of the rest of my life. So how do I want to live the rest of my life? And write down all the things that you want out of life. Write them down and read them every single day. Make this stuff happen. But you just want to change the channel and you want to pick up the vibe a little bit and that's going to happen on this vacation. I know it's going to happen for you. I really hope so. Yeah. To use another tool from Chelsea's toolbox, maybe you don't call it a gratitude journal, but like writing down one

thing, even if it's only one thing every day that brings you a small amount of joy can help you remember that like in every day there is some joy, even if it's like this cup of coffee is so good. You know, as many things as you come to throughout the day, writing those down so that you have that to look back on and have that present in your mind. Like, here are things that bring me joy on a daily basis. Another fun—not fun, sorry, wrong word. But another nice thing to do about someone when they've passed away is to take time each day to honor that person and to think of—write down one of your favorite memories or your most meaningful interactions with your mom. either when she was dying or when you were young or something that happened growing up,

whatever is meaningful. Like if you take that time in the morning and do that to honor her, and it's kind of a nice way to help you get through losing someone, you know, and reestablishing what they meant to you and why your relationship was so powerful and meaningful, you know, and I think that's a great way to honor someone.

And that way you're kind of taking care of that first thing in the morning, you know, or whatever time of day you want to do it. you don't have to spend your whole day grieving if you can really properly grieve for like 10 or 15 minutes a day. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I totally agree with that. Jeremy, is there a reason, is Greece significant for you or did you have this trip planned for a long time? I've been wanting to go and me and my partner were going to go. And when the day after we broke up, I was like, you know, fuck it. I am going to Greece. The next morning I was like,

I booked the trip. I planned everything out. It was a good distraction for me for a week, just planning all the details. I also, I direct high school theater too. And I, we did Mamma Mia this year and Greece was, you know, Mamma Mia takes place in Greece. Yeah. Yeah. So we, I was like, why not go to Greece? Fun. Where are you going in Greece? I fly to Athens and then I'm going to Mykonos for two nights, Peros for two nights, and then Crete for six nights. How fun. I'm going to all those places too. Really? No way. Go set the stage for me, will you?

I definitely will, for sure. Set the stage for my arrival. But I'm glad you're taking this trip. And I can hear the sadness in your voice. And I just remember, this is not a permanent situation. This is a moment in time in your life. And you're handling it well. I'm glad you called in. And I have very high hopes for your future as, as you should too. Thanks, Chelsea. I really appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. Have the best trip. Thank you. And go hook up with some random guys. Okay. Yeah. That sounds good. Okay. Okay. All right. Thanks again. Okay. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye. There's no better answer to when you're with someone and they break up with you or your

relationship ends and you take the trip anyway. That's always the answer is to go on the trip anyway. Well, let's take a break and we'll come back with one more color. Okay, great. We'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything

when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman

who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect

I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen i am open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that no i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like

They're like, oh, what's the state? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my wife. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Monica Lewinsky. who is the host of her new podcast called Reclaiming. So Jen is writing in. The subject of her email is ghosted for being pregnant. Dear Chelsea, I worked with a woman for nearly seven years in a very grueling and demanding workplace.

Over the years, we became best friends. She hung out with me and my husband, became an aunt to our puppies, and was one of my closest confidants. Once I left that workplace and she moved to another state, we remained close friends. Instead of daily interactions, we had monthly FaceTimes and visits every few months where we'd talk for hours and catch up on life. I always felt a bit like I was the one instigating the

communication. At the time, she had a much larger circle of friends than I did, so her time was definitely in high demand. But we maintained a close friendship. Then last year, I got pregnant. She was so happy for me and even said she'd be an aunt to my child. We had two planned visits early that year that I had to cancel due to a first bout of COVID and then an emergency vet stay for my pup. She said she understood, and we continued our FaceTimes. I sent her an invite to my baby shower, and she replied that she couldn't make it but would be sending something. Well, nothing ever came, and I never heard from her again. I also didn't reach out because I was late in my second trimester and had a scary car accident that complicated my pregnancy. I was

pretty hurt that she stopped talking to me, especially knowing I was pregnant and dealing with a lot. Now over a year has passed, and I have a beautiful baby girl. I still think about this friend and wonder why she stopped talking to me. I'm tempted to reach out sometimes to express my hurt and seek an explanation, but then I think that a friend who would ghost me during my pregnancy isn't a friend worth having. I have since created a close-knit circle of friends locally that were so supportive during my pregnancy and now my life as a new mom, but my mind does come back to this friend frequently. Should I reach out at least for closure or just move on completely and leave this former friend in the past? Sincerely, Jen. Hi, Jen. How are you?

Hi. Hi, good. How are you guys? That's our special guest, Monica Lewinsky, is with us today. Yeah, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I would let it go. I would let the friendship go.

I would say you kind of have your answer. You know, some people don't really – does this woman have any children? It sounds like she's single and child-free, right? Yeah, she's single, yeah. Yeah. Some people just don't respond or react well when their friends get pregnant. Like, they don't want to be in that scene. Like, I've seen it happen.

And, you know, and I've I've seen it happen to friends and stuff like some people just don't want to be involved in that. And if she really did care or was interested, you would have heard from her at this point. Also, because you said you have a nice circle of friends, I would focus on that. I always like to focus where the light is not, you know, you're not going to get the answer that you're looking for. You know, no one's going to say I didn't want to be friends with you because you were pregnant, if that's even the reason. You know what I mean? No one's going to say that. so you're kind of asking for something that you're not gonna get

and you're just gonna further your disappointment, I would really just focus on your friends that you have and just move on. And if you ever hear from her, great, but it's also not like worth a confrontation. That's what I think. Monica, what do you think? Well, where I agree with you

is on the focusing on your circle of friends that you have now, which is great because friends are so important. And I think as we get older, it can be harder and harder to cultivate new friends. So, you know, that's an important place to put your focus. I think what came up for me were my own experiences of difficulty when I, some of my closest friends got pregnant. And not that I necessarily disappeared, but what it meant to be confronted with watching someone I cared about get something that I didn't have and that I really wanted and that watching someone's life move forward.

And so I just, what I kind of wanted to interject into this is maybe holding some space for what she might be experiencing, because it may have, and I know you're hurt. I hear that's what you're saying. You clearly really care still about this person because you took the time to write this note. And so I just, I wonder what happens if you just sort of open it up about not to dismiss your feelings of having been hurt by what happened, but by opening the perspective of if you try to step into maybe a little bit of compassion for her. And maybe, I don't know this person, maybe she's not very self-aware. Maybe she isn't in therapy. I don't know. So I don't

know how much she might be able to see her own behavior as connected to that. Good point, Monica. Very good point. I forgot about that. You know, so it just—it just—because I've been—I've been that person. I don't know that I ghosted someone, per se, but I certainly pulled back. And sometimes it even felt embarrassing. Like, I couldn't even say to that person, well, I'm jealous. You know, that's all. I'm happy for you, but I'm jealous.

And so I also feel like it could just be, you know, with a couple of canceled visits, maybe she felt like, oh, maybe Jen doesn't have enough time for me at this point in her life. I almost feel like, like you said, maybe she's not super self-aware. I could see myself in this position just not having reached out and like not realizing the hurt that I had caused, you know? So maybe there, I mean, if you do reach out, I wouldn't necessarily assume that she's upset with you or doesn't want to talk to you ever again. I mean, if you do feel like you need to reach out, I would just kind of be cheerful and

say, hey, and how are you? Maybe for her birthday. Right. Without saying where, you know, like where have you been from something. Right. a year ago, just reach out in a general friendly way. Like, Hey, I was thinking about you. How are you? What's going on? That's kind of more, you know, I don't know about everyone else here, but I have, and I don't know how old you are. You look quite young. So, but I'm 51. And at this

point in my life, I've now had friendships that ebb and flow and I've had every, everything across the spectrum from you sort of have to have the conversation in order to move forward. And also one of my closest friends right now, we had a year or two where we didn't talk. And my perspective of whatever it was, her perspective, we've never really even had a long conversation about it. Like we just re-met each other in new spaces as evolved people. And, you know, so I think all those things are possible. The older you get, you just realize these things ebb and flow. And yeah. Yeah. No, that's helpful. I think I, you know, I am curious. And also at the time, it was such a meaningful friendship. Now that I have so much, my life is so full, it's just

overflowing with good things. I don't necessarily feel like it has to be that same thing if we were to reconnect. It doesn't need to be this huge, tremendous, meaningful friendship, but there is still value and care there for me. Clearly that the hurt is still showing up. So yeah, that's helpful to just reach out and do it friendly. And then I guess also I worry if she responds in a way of, yeah, let's pick things back up. I think I'm a little more guarded now, you know, not kind of jumping in feet first and throwing myself fully back into a friendship. You also don't need as much from her at this point, you know? Right. Well, do you feel like you have a path forward, Jen? Yeah, I think that's helpful. Thank you, guys. Oh, thanks, Jen. Thanks for calling in.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks. Have a good day. Take care. Bye. Okay, girls, we did it again. Another episode of Dear Chelsea wrapped up. Problem solved, left, right, and center. Some serious phone calls today. I think we handled it well, girls. Monica, thank you. Everyone can tune into Monica's podcast, Reclaiming, anywhere you listen to your podcast. It's a Wondery podcast, though. I do want to shout out Wondery. And it's on YouTube, too, right? And it's on YouTube. Exactly. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. Nice lighting on that podcast, I have to say, Monica. Very nice lighting. I saw myself. I was like, ooh, how dewy. Yeah, you looked gorgeous, darling.

Okay, well, thanks for coming into the studio, even though I wasn't there. I know. You owe me, girl. No, I'm kidding. Same time next year. Chelsea, you'll be somewhere else. We'll be here. We'll all wear pink.

Perfect. Much love to you. Love you. Love you. Take care. Bye. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year.

Summertime is coming, and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August 30th And then November 1st and 29th, November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay. Thank you.

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. Executive Producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your

for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really

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