Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Season 3 Premiere: Not Very Maternal with Katy Perry

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

In the Dear Chelsea Season 3 Premiere, Chelsea and Catherine pay a visit to Katy Perry’s recording studio to talk about the elusive maternal instinct, being forced to hug other people, and the practical use of *medicinal herbs*.  Then:  A girlfriend can’t seem to stop yelling at her boyfriend.  And a twenty-something worries her new guy will judge her for her former partying lifestyle. * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater September 28th. get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone

who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman Adam Scott Danny McBride Ben Stiller and

a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi. Hi, Katherine. How are you? Hi, Chelsea. We're in a different studio today.

We are. It's all a little bit different. We have a tiny dog friend visiting us today. I feel like, but it's all in the same color scheme as our studio. Is that intentional? You know what? Katie really prepared for us.

She made sure she got a new sofa. Yes. But this is a good backdrop for us. Maybe we should move our studio over to here. I'd love that. We're recording right now from Jim Henson Studios, which is very exciting. There's lots of Kermit the Frogs everywhere. I also didn't connect the dots when you kept mentioning Kermit via text, the relationship to Henson Studios.

It never once occurred to me that it would be Jim Henson Studios. I know. I thought it was being all cute, too, because I was like, Chelsea, just meet me by Kermie. I know. I'm like, what? What the fuck is Kermie? I'm like, is that a street? How are you, Catherine? I'm doing great. I just got back from Mexico. I went on a little girl's trip to Playa Mujeres, and it was delightful.

Oh, oh, oh. You know what? Mr. Coy and I went on a little jaunt to Mexico. You did? Yeah, we did. We just got back from Mexico. We went for a few days, and we went to Cabo because we hadn't had any time in the sun. And after he devoted so much time in the snow to me, I have to just give in to his every whim.

which means I have to go to Cabo like you know every two every two and a half months which is no problem yes yeah is that one of his favorite places to be it is now it is now after this trip he's like oh oh this is awesome yeah we did a couple's massage he loves that shit you know really he isn't a fan of a massage he likes the fan of anything we can do together oh you know it's one activity after another together juntos as they say in Spanish do you get to a point where you want to be separados well i don't i don't want to be separated but when we are separated i don't hate it i'm not upset that we're separated we're separated a lot when we're on the road so when we come back together that's a nice you know it keeps the honeymoon phase going for a

while but yeah he definitely but joe's a person that also likes to be he wants to be around his son or he wants to be around friends like he's not going to sit in his hotel room alone for three hours right i am yeah eight hours give me eight hours and i'll still need more time alone like I'm down. And you love him even more when you come back. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I definitely have I have an active alone relationship. That's a good way to say it. Well, there is something nice about that. I know my husband, Brad, went on tour a few years ago and he was gone for like four months. And I thought I would just be kind of devastated because we're a little, let's say, interdependent, maybe not codependent. It's a healthy way to put it. Yes. But I was like,

wait, it's really nice to have the house to myself. It's really nice to just do whatever I want all day like it was great and then I was happy when he came home too yeah yeah I know I know it's it's very interesting to see people who enjoy alone time versus people because I used to never be alone and then I got a taste of it during the pandemic and I was like oh I like me I like alone me yeah I was into it I was like this is a good time I'm having a good time with myself like we were both on the same page yeah you can do your secret single behavior just like maybe be a little messier than you would normally be like a little lazier than you'd normally be and that is the one good thing about joe is that he's so fucking messy that no mess i could make is worse than his you

know we're both kind of a hot mess oh but i always felt before i had a serious boyfriend i just always felt like oh it would be nice to have a boyfriend that wanted to spend all of his time with me yeah so i remember that anytime i think wow this is a lot i go just remember you thought that would be nice because it's better than the opposite you know a person who wants to avoid you and is like constantly making plans oh my god it's way better than the opposite yeah like anytime I'm available for anything Joe's right there he's like let's go and he's like game to party yeah to have a good time yeah he follows my lead yeah so that's that's a good setup for me do you find when he's not there that you're sort of missing the rapport that he brings to the table like if you're

out with friends or are you feeling like it's great? Yeah, no, he definitely adds a nice little slice when he shows up at things. Like with my girlfriends, we went to a party the other night and it was so funny because I said, oh, you know, my friend was saying, oh, I said, don't tell all of our drug stories to Joe. Do me a favor. When you meet him, he was coming to meet us at a party and they go, drug stories? I go, he's coming tonight. There were four girls, friends of mine. we all worked on Chelsea the show on Netflix together so we traveled all around the world together so there was a lot of shit that went down and my friend goes drug stories this is a mushroom party that we're going to it said mushrooms on the invitation and it was my

invitation but I looped my girlfriends in because we were supposed to go out I go why don't we all just go to this party together and I go really did it say mushrooms I was like I didn't even see that and they're like that's classic Chelsea like you don't even know that you're bringing us to a drug party and that you just invited your boyfriend who you don't want to talk to drugs about about you know to a mushroom party so he gets there my girlfriend proceeded to tell one drug story after another about me she's like and then we were in columbia and chelsea i was like all right shut and we're all looking around i go are you what is wrong with you i just told you to do the opposite of what you're doing oh no and it was so funny and i looked at joe and i go just so

you know honey like i told them not to tell you all these things he's like why why you think i'm so judgy I go I you are judgy like I know you don't think you're judgy but you're judgy about drugs he doesn't like when people like you know at his birthday party we had people there and like people were really partying and he he was like it's too much I don't I'm like people are in Vegas for three days they're allowed to do whatever they want to do yeah and if somebody got a little sloppy or got a little messy it happens that's their release you know what I mean stop judging that. And it's happening in Vegas. So it stays in Vegas. Exactly. I know. So he's not, I don't want to paint a picture that he's super judgy and that, you know, anyway, after that night,

I was like, all right, sweetie. So I guess it's all out, you know, you know, everything. And he's like, I just worry about you when you're not safe. And I'm like, I know, honey, but I'm here. I'm alive. Everything worked out. Don't worry about me. Like I know how to do drugs and I know how to survive. So when you say people, quote unquote, were doing drugs, there's maybe one person that he was concerned about more than others? No, actually, no, it was a friend of mine who was a bit of a hot mess. She's probably listening to this podcast right now. So no, it actually wasn't me. So I got in trouble for my friend's behavior. And then eventually, you know, we had to sort that out. I was like, you can't be mad at me for something that someone else did. Yeah, sorry. Anyway,

You know, the trials and tribulations of a new coupling. Right, exactly. You know, I read something recently, and they said all they had asked the universe for was a super hot guy who partied at the same speed as they did. And I was like, that is perfect. That's what we're all looking for. A super hot guy who parties. That's good. I should have put that in my list.

Yeah, and at the same speed. It's like, not too much, not too little, just right. Yeah, it sounds like you guys have that going on for the most part. Yeah, we do. Yeah, that's great. I'm also cracking up, Chelsea, because you have not looked at the script yet today, and you have covered several things that we're going to talk about today with our callers. How prescient of me. Yes, it's pretty amazing and exciting.

Oh, wait. I have stand-up dates that I want to promote, you guys. Today's May 12th, so tonight I'm in New Orleans. Tomorrow, I'm in Birmingham, Alabama. And then I'm in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday night. Then I'm coming to Montclair and Huntington. And I'm shooting my stand-up special, my next stand-up special in Nashville at the Rhyme Inn. So please, there's an early show.

There's a late show. Please get your tickets. And this is our first episode back for season three. It is. Can you believe it? How fun is that? It's really exciting. Since it's season three, we decided to bring on a very special guest

who is currently judging her fifth season on American Idol. She has a Vegas residency called Play at the Resorts World Theater. And she also has a new song out with Alesso called When I'm Gone and has the title track on Thomas Rhett's new record, Where We Started. She recently bought out her joint venture with her shoe line, Katy Perry Collections, and now totally owns the line, which just debuted their spring collection at the end of March. And she is a co-founder of a new line of non-alcoholic aperitifs.

Aperitifs? Aperitifs? Aperitifs. Right? I actually don't know the answer to that. I actually don't know either. Aperitifs? Call Desway.

Please welcome Katy Perry. Yay! There's no shortcut for saving time. But saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations

everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed, so obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages

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See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people,

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler

offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, guys. Hi, Buddha.

Aw, Katie brought her dog. Hello, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha. Hello. Are you a little Buddha? Hello? Hello? I can't hear myself. I love to hear myself talk.

The last time I talked to you, we were talking about ayahuasca. Oh, yeah. No, I never unwrapped my core, but you sure did. Oh, you didn't? No, but I know. I thought you guys were doing that. Orlando did. He went deep.

Yeah, he gets deep. He's a deep person. Well, he's a seeker. Yeah. So what are you? I'm a seeker as well, but I'm just also, you know, I've got like that artist brain that is just a little bit more temperamental sometimes. So you think you have sometimes bad reactions to things or sensitive?

Oh, yeah. I don't smoke. I can't smoke weed. Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm one of those, like, catch me in a corner. Yeah. I get that.

Weed isn't for everybody, and that's something I had to learn the hard way by giving it out to people who couldn't handle it. I saw that. Yeah. I've done that a lot. I'm like an enabler. Did you ever have a bad reaction on your show when you would, like, have your round table with the weed and the food?

No. No one? No. Oh, wow. Everyone's on their best behavior, huh? Actually, you know, I take that back. Maybe somebody had a slightly bad reaction, but when you're on camera, you know,

you kind of have to temper that reaction and just try to keep it together. But we once ate a cannabis dinner on one of my episodes of my show, and I was high for three days. Oh, wow. That's saying a lot for you, because your tolerance must be...

My eye was shut for three days. I couldn't open it. I was like, ah, ah, ah. Okay, we have Katy Perry here, finally. I'm so excited to have you. It's our premiere episode of season three, and I'm excited to talk to you about all things. And I can't wait to hear all the advice you give to our callers that call in and write in. Advice.

Advice, yes, coming from both of us, because, well, I think you have a lot of wisdom to impart. Oh, well, thanks. I mean, I've got to see a lot of the world, so that's a little perspective, maybe. Yeah, and you've had a lot of experiences, different experiences. Sure, sure. and I was just telling you I'm living like in Kentucky and I have for almost a month now and that's quite a amazing experience because it reminds you that Hollywood is not America uh-huh and yeah you need to remember that because I think you can understand people better

yeah right it's nice to get outside of what you know to be normal in your reality yeah I mean they're living in a bubble of sorts we're living in a bubble our bubbles are completely opposite but they're yeah it's interesting but you've been in different bubbles because you grew up in a bubble you grew up super religious yeah and that's one bubble then you came into this industry that's another bubble right yes there are bubbles anthropology study of humans yeah I bet sapiens three so talk to me about motherhood motherhood best decision I ever made in my entire life really yeah I wasn't very maternal and I think that probably stems from some childhood stuff and we talked about you know going on certain journeys whether that's plant-based or

psychological or drug-based or drug-based yeah well plant and drug I mean the same thing right some of it and I did a lot of work behind that stuck feeling of not being maternal although I was very maternal with all of my friends I mean my fans and and my friends they all called me mom because I love to take care of people I like I find joy through other people's joy like if they're having a great time I'm having a great time but still there was a little bit of a disconnect and so I did go on that journey and found the little spots that needed some tuning up. And Orlando, I got to see what a great dad he was with his first child, Flynn, who's now 11. And so that definitely primally influenced me. Like something inside of me said, you mid thirties, this man is

nice, must breed. He's, you know, he's a kind man. He's a love machine. He's a love machine. I don't mean that in a sexual way. I mean that in a personal way. Like when you meet Orlando and you have a conversation with Orlando, he is filled with love and spreading love. He's like a love machine. I always say when he walks into the room, he has this joie de vivre about him. And he really does.

And, you know, some people are like, what is that guy on? But he's just really got this kind of like happy, posy vibes, you know, and I'm a little bit more like heady and prone to depression in some ways. And so it's good for me to be around him because he gets me out of my head a little bit. Yeah, that's funny. I have a similar dynamic with my boyfriend, Joe, because he is all positive vibes, all happiness up, up. Yeah. And I could be much more cynical than that. Correct. Where I'm just like, no, that guy's a fucking asshole. Why are we hugging him? Yeah. I used to think people like that were like losers, like they didn't understand the fullness of life because I don't know how could someone be that happy all the time

but maybe they just haven't you know had as much trauma as us or maybe they have and they are just willing to turn it into positive vibes sure yeah whatever you want to tell you but I feel that way too because Joe hugs everyone everyone we meet like and so all of a sudden he's living in my house hugging my cleaning lady every morning before he leaves he hugs the landscaper and now I'm hugging everybody because otherwise I look like a total bitch. Well, I know. I know. I know how that feels. I wasn't really a hugger for a while and, you know, had to kind of work through that. And then when COVID came, I was like, hmm, I'm kind of okay with this. Like no touching? Fine. Me too. I felt the same way. Totally. But I am. There's two parts of me. When I am on stage

and doing my professional life, I'm really a hugger. But at home and like in domestic life and personal life you know I'm on the matriarch of the family and just like you just like keeping everything in order dotting the i's and crossing the t's and blah you know uh Katie I mentioned Katie's show in Vegas which I was trying to come see when we were in Vegas two weeks ago but you weren't performing that was it it was going to be a one night only for you though but I'm going to come and see you anyway we're going to come back and see anyone who's listening it's a really fun fun time so tell me about how what are you noticing about yourself becoming a mother like what are you surprised about that you're able to tolerate or your patience or whatever area of your

personality that you've discovered? Well, I think that your definition of success changes in life as you get older. And, you know, as Coachella has just passed, we observe the definition of success for Gen Zs. And Easter. Easter, Passover, and Coachella. Yes. And, you know, I think your definition of success coming up in your 20s is very outward and material and ego driven and all that jazz and then 30s hits and you care less and there's a kind of an inner confidence and respect for yourself that starts to grow maybe and then with the motherhood you know your definition of well my definition of success is just her happiness and again her happiness really gives me that joy But a lot of like BS just falls away. Stuff that you thought was important really was never important. And you just don't, you know, you don't have time for any sort of energetic drama that's not important in your family. And, you know, your family really starts to become first.

because you know like when you're dating someone you don't have any kids you've got like your posse and this posse and like a couple few different posses for different things and like you meet all the time and although I still have a lot of those friends if something for some reason becomes a little too complicated I'm like I'm out I gotta leave this chat this chat I'm out because I'm I gotta make sure my the health and wellness of my child is always in the a world yeah but i think that you just feel a lot more grounded and you focus better you kind of there's a lot of lollygagging before kids and you know that your time is limited outside of being with them or or that if you spend two hours doing something it better be of real value because

that's two hours you could like engage with the person that you love the most that loves you the most so there's a lot of fulfillment and and truly and i'm in a really privileged place i get you You know, I have a wonderful nanny and all that stuff. So it may be an easier time for someone like myself than anyone else out there. But I've seen, I've got to see a lot of views of many different mountains. And professionally, I started to see some of the same views. You know, I've been on tour, traveled the world three times. I got the opportunity to play the Super Bowl.

All these things that I'm so, so grateful I got to check off my list before I had a child. But then you start doing them over again. You don't get the same high. Yeah. And so you're like, well, what's the next level to life? And then you start doing like a lot of plant based medicine because you're like, there's got to be a better grid out there. We need to see the next dimension or whatever. You know, it's just and children for me definitely are that.

I mean, my daughter is that for me. And has it had an impact on your relationship with your mom or your dad becoming a parent? Yes, for sure. For sure. there's there is profound respect and also profound anger not anger but just like what and also just like amazement that how did we just how did three of us survive because like you turn the corner yeah for two seconds and you're just like how did you get there what is in your mouth and i give you all the toys you ever could want but you still want a an electrical socket whoo

Like, you know, the dog chew toys that are like the Rolex or the Starbucks cup and stuff like that. They need to make like a, an electrical outlet toy for kids that they're really attracted to. That's maybe like bedazzled or something so that they go to that one first rather than like the, the real ones. Yeah. That's probably a good idea. Along with a bunch of other sharp objects that kids love to play with, like steak knives or things like that. But I think I have seen a children's steak knife collection because I think I tried to use one accidentally because that's how domesticated I am. And I don't know you can't cup with a rubber knife.

But I love all that you're saying. I have to say from a personal perspective, like for me watching your Instagram and watching everything, obviously I see you all the time hosting Idol. And I know you post about Idol a lot. And that's fun. But you seem like you're ebullient. Like you have a nice. What does that word mean? Like a big light around you.

like everything is you seem like you're in a great place well don't thank me thank the wellbutrin quite honestly well what is well is wellbutrin over the counter or is that a prescription prescription oh and it's an antidepressant yes oh okay because i thought that well i must be confusing it with some other medication that you can buy over the counter well whatever wellness something yeah no but truly i think my daughter has reshaped my life my perspective and given me a love I've never had before it's a love and kind of a not a validation but I guess validation in its purest form is love I've always been wanting that love that's always been my number one currency and then when she came it was just like I love you for for no reason

just because you are and I'm like what you don't need anything from me I mean obviously some food just a little a little okay i actually breastfed katie's baby mostly i produce almond milk out of my breasts and she's lactose intolerant so it worked out perfectly also don't you think that uh thank you first and foremost don't you think that like the longer that you can live and observe and survive in this world of spotlight and you know i guess we will say industry and fame and celebrity and navigate it, the more you just kind of, you get better tools and you learn how to play it better. Yeah. Play it better. And I think you also become less ambitious once you've kind of solidified a place for yourself. Sure. It's like, there's definitely not another Chelsea ever.

Oh, that's sweet. I mean, I think you really start to become right. Like you, you're not as driven. I mean, some people seem to have that drive inveterately. They just go on and on and on and on foaming but yeah but I think you know the more confident you become the less you need from the general public and the more you think the more introspective your work becomes yeah and the higher integrity that your work kind of gives off you know you're like it's a better quality of work I agree because in the beginning I think of all of our careers in the spotlight you're making art for yourself to kind of prove and then somewhere along the way you're kind of listening to the stuff and, and it can, it can affect it. And so sometimes the art gets painted

by the noise. And then, like you say, at a certain point you let go of the noise again, and then you go back to just like creating that art out of feeling, which I think is what usually gets you on the map in the first place. Yeah. Yeah. I have a question for both of you about that. Does it feel harder to be vulnerable the longer you're doing it? And the more you listen to that noise i think it becomes easier to be vulnerable what do you think well i think you can be vulnerable but i think the higher you get the harder you can fall there's a lot more to lose i guess and in a world where you can go down pretty easily by anything i think you have to be you know just more aware there's got to be a lot more awareness which is yeah i think i was thinking

of it in the sense like being vulnerable like allowing people to see who you are becomes easier I think for me especially because I didn't realize for a long time that people didn't understand that we're all multifaceted we all have different parts of our personality and just because you're not demonstrating at all doesn't mean it's not there and when I was like opening up about my brother dying or like serious things people were always like oh my god we've never seen this side of you and it's like what do you think I'm just a fucking bitch all the time like obviously I'm a obviously i'm a human girl like obviously there's more depth i mean if you believe in like the idea of like masculine energy i think we just operate with a lot more of that and it can be less soft

if soft is feminine but you know all those things are moving right now those sayings are being kind of investigated again because what is masculine energy and why does it belong to only male or whatever you know you don't want to put a gender on that type of energy but that energy is just strong it's like dominate and black and white you don't seem like a person that like minces their words no and that also can come across as harsh like i've been i just had a conversation they're like can you be nicer to so so and so and i go are you serious i sent an email asking just for a bunch of questions i go what do you want me to do fucking blow them on the in the email like what and they're like oh no you just have to be a little bit softer in how you ask that's exactly

what they said softer and I was like okay I mean all right but I don't know if like people would expect that quite honestly from the opposite sex no one I've never heard any of that said hey can you be softer in your email totally but anyway especially not to Orlando they wouldn't because he's already he's already he's he's the softest yeah and we're prickly okay so we're going to take callers. We have a caller calling in for advice. You have to put on your advice cap now, Katie. I've done a lot of therapy for this moment. I know. All of our therapy comes together on this podcast, and then we give it out, and we give back. Exactly. Well, we'll take a quick break for some ads, and we'll be back with Katie and Chelsea.

when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations

everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite BookTok creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space

where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always

searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family.

It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. We have our first caller, who is Stephanie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently got into a serious relationship, my first since college. For years before meeting my new boyfriend, I was in a big partying phase with plenty of flings and hookups.

I mean plenty. I've been in therapy over the years and have been cognizant of why I was drinking or hooking up with guys. Really, it was just a fun time in my life, and I was just figuring it out. I was always known as the, quote, fun girl of the group with plenty of stories about my drunken escapades, terrible dates, and minor fuck-ups that are more cute-slash-hilarious than damaging. Right now, where I'm at is—actually, Chelsea told a story very similar to this before you arrived. I'm going to call her. Yes, I call into my own podcast. She gives great advice to herself.

So where I'm at right now is I'm introducing my friends to my boyfriend and feel uncomfortable with my friends sharing stories or bringing up past times in front of him. I don't want to lie to him or pretend that I wasn't like that, but I also don't want him to think less of me or judge me. He's an incredible person and I don't think he ever would. But how do I accept that for myself? Have you owned yourself in your past relationships? Though I'm not going out as much or drinking at the level I was before, how do I still share that part of my life without scaring him? Stephanie.

And she's going to be joining us on Zoom. Oh, great. This is perfect. Yeah, I just told that story. Too bad I didn't save it for when Katie was here. Well, I want to hear it. Well, hi. Hi.

Hey, girl. Hi. Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. This is Katie. Hi, Katie. How are you? Good.

How are y'all doing? Good. We're good. you've spoken to Catherine before this. So that this is very perfect timing, because I was just discussing this. I have a very sordid past with all sorts of drug use. And I love to talk about it. And my friends love to tell stories about me, and blah, blah, blah. And I'm with a person who doesn't have a big history with drugs. He has no history with drugs. He doesn't do drugs. And I think it's a very valid question. And I think you should not be lying. I don't think you should

ever lie about who you are. I think you know, you're going to be with somebody who's going to love you because of who you are. And in spite of who you are, if you take your drug experience as a negative thing, when it doesn't have to be that way, it could be a period of your life where you learned a lot about yourself, you know, that was positive and that you explore that it's a matter of moving forward. Do you still want to do drugs like that with your partner? Or are you over that phase of your life? I mean, I'm always open and willing to anything. So I don't think it's a phase. i think it's more of like you know a lifestyle but i think just to be clear was it more just like a partying just like having fun hookups in drinking and stuff like that the drugs thing was

yours and hers is more the the the alcohol blame it on the alcohol and the fun whole bit sitch right yes yeah more going out and you know partying and you know all those fun things that come out along with it yeah and your 20s yeah listen i wrote my first book was called my horizontal life a collection of one night stands so i've not only done it i've documented it which was not a smart move if i was thinking about potential suitors like no man reads that book and is like i want to date this girl or great i'll date this girl so she can write a fucking short story or essay about me you know what i mean but i'm assuming you're not going to do that do you know what your boyfriend's like drug history or partying history is um I mean he

likes to go out but I would say he's much more tame and laid back and you know not out until four in the morning ever but he likes to go out and how long have you guys been dating a little over a year okay so he must have some sense of your past right yeah but it was also covid and so we were you know shutting doors a lot and then now that things are opening up it's proving to kind of open a, like a different door almost. Uh-huh. Did something make you feel like, oh wait, maybe he's not loving this information or something? Did something happen? No, I wouldn't say exactly something happened, but you know, when you're telling a story and like everyone kind of is quiet afterwards and you're like, okay, maybe like shouldn't have

released that information. Or like a friend is telling a story and I'm like, maybe I don't want my boyfriend to know that happened so yeah it's more more just like me feeling not almost feeling bad I think it's my own personal struggle rather than like an external one yeah I mean I don't think anyone loves to hear voluminous stories about someone's ex like how many people you've slept with like that's not really something that anyone wants to hear so there's no reason to really even get into that detail just almost out of respect for the relationship correct yeah you don't want to like i mean nobody wants to hear that if and i asked my boyfriend about anything in his past which i am curious about he refuses to tell me he's like i'm never wasting energy

talking about any of those people yeah because it doesn't even exist anymore yeah it's so in the past but i mean you going out and partying and having a good time i think is fine i don't think it always has to lead to you don't have to divulge that information to him it doesn't necessarily empower anybody to know that their person beforehand was out and about and sleeping around you're totally you know everyone's allowed to do that of course but it's definitely not a necessary thing you want to do i would definitely i would parse those stories too because you're not lying it's almost kind of you're lying for their benefit and you're not lying you're withholding really which is lying well i've been told a mission is also lying yeah i i agree with you

I mean you don't need to share all this stuff it was it's a journey it's a journey and he wasn't there for it so he doesn't need to you know he doesn't need to be a part of it it sounds also like you are kind of starting a new phase in your life not a new phase it's not like you're gonna not do stuff that you like or have fun or get wild or be loose ever again but maybe it's a little bit more balanced with him and maybe those stories are just like they're stories from the past from when you weren't really that person or you were just younger and you're wiser and you know older a little bit more and it's just a journey that you've been on and also he's probably going to see this podcast so he's going to know hey what's up yeah we have a ton of straight guys listening

to this podcast exactly i would just say to your friends like they're telling these stories because they're kind of trying to brag on you right they're trying to say like look how fun she is she's the best these are these crazy stories maybe just tell them like hey let's keep the hookups to a minimum but like tell other fun stories about me yeah yeah and hopefully you won't be like my friend who did exactly the opposite when I told her not to oh she was also yeah that was she was having a hard night that night so I don't blame her because I couldn't otherwise it would be too ridiculous I told my girlfriend basically to recap what I said earlier I was like hey my boyfriend doesn't do drugs don't tell too many drug stories about me and then she

proceeded to go from country to country to country about different drugs we did in countries where those drugs aren't legal anyway. So she's hurting me on two levels. But yeah, I think what Katie said is right. You're in a different part of your life too. And that's also worth mentioning, you know, at certain points in your relationship, like I'm so glad I met you at this time in my life. Like I'm finally mature enough to appreciate this relationship, to reinforce that that behavior is kind of not necessarily a thing of the past, but more of like part of who you were before you met him. And now you're going into this phase. Obviously you're not going to go around hooking up like that when you're in a new relationship or a newer relationship, I should say, but there's

no reason to go into detail about any of that stuff. Just one little thing to add. I mean, how young are you, Stephanie? I'm 27. Okay. 27. Okay. You're getting to that, you're getting to that age where like you're starting to have real serious commitment relationships or have, or every relationship starts to feel like more serious. But I would just say in the relationship I'm in now, I've never been more myself than I have. And that feels so good. And I've been in other relationships

where I've had to hide parts of myself and play second fiddle or just be smaller or like hiding, right? And it all starts to like erupt. It becomes a volcano and it comes out and it becomes hysterical And because you've suppressed it for so long. So if there's a way, especially since you're in the new part of your relationship, where you can kind of like drip feed him some of the truth so that it doesn't all explode at once, because you've been like trying to play a different part just so you can keep the relationship together. You know, I think there'll probably be a lot more acceptance and it may not scare him as much.

The truth really is a cliche in that if he doesn't love you for who you are, he's really not for you. yeah which doesn't mean you have to front load it I think what she's saying is right drip feeding is the best way to be like accountable so you're not a liar you know what I mean but you're also not over divulging yeah but you know just be sensitive it's like think about how you would feel if you heard about all the girls he hooked up with it's not necessary yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely not giving him a laundry list yeah yeah but but you know continue to be who you are and make sure you're not apologizing for anything you did in the past because that's you don't owe anybody an apology for anything you don't owe people first and last names either because sometimes we don't

remember those last names you know you don't owe anybody that either you're like you when you make the list in your 20s you're like shit how about when you make the list in your 20s and you make it with it like you're with a girlfriends you're a group of girlfriends and then the next morning you're like wait i forgot three people that came to me in the middle and then the next day i'm like fuck i forgot three more people now whenever i make any lists i'm like i said to my assistant that we were, I'm hosting Jimmy Kimmel for the week. She goes, put together a list of who you'd like to interview on the, on the guest list. And I made a list and then I was like, don't send that yet. I'm like, I'll, I'll come up with like 80 more names as I think about it. You know, like

you have to keep your list going. So when you make a list, give yourself three days for that list. Yes. All right. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for calling in. Good luck. Bye. She made it sound like she just like lived at Mardi Gras, you know, for the first 20 years of her life and like wouldn't that be fun yeah penetration pussy land whoa yeah doodle the ppp that is isn't that what they were called the oh no ppe your paychecks for covid was that ppe or ppp that's the protective gear payment protection plan that was ppp yeah not to be confused with penetration what was the word Pussy and Playground.

Land. Playland? That's your land. My land in Las Vegas is Perry Playland. Please come visit. Yes. Please come visit. The Jonas Brothers are running it back.

We live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brother hits that have defined a generation. one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up, don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there

someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet,

and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm says. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude

is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Paige. Paige says, Dear Chelsea, in a recent episode with Bobby Burke, you mentioned that you used to resort to yelling in arguments, but have since turned the corner. Really? I try. Sometimes I fail.

I'm like, you're better than I am. I'm in a relationship over a year with a man I completely adore, but I'm a hothead and I often yell, like really yell. It's causing a huge rift in our progress, and I'm looking for practical ways to stop. I've been in therapy on and off for years, and I'm frustrated that I keep getting the same old just be mindful answer. I definitely try every day and have for decades. Do you have any other practical advice, books, or workshops you'd recommend? And thank you from your fellow blonde-haired, big-breasted woman, Paige. She's in good company here today.

Yeah, we all have good babies here. Katie, do you want to go first or shall I? It sounds like you've got something rolling. Well, I just talked to my therapist about this very issue. My boyfriend and I went to our first therapy session together because I would like to avoid— You lifted up your arm because you're about to divulge you're going to therapy with your new boyfriend. That's a big one. With my regular therapist, though, this is the guy I used to see all the time.

and I haven't seen him in a while, but I wanted to learn about communication. Does his name start with a K? No. Okay, never mind. No, everything we talk about starts with a P on this podcast. Paige.

But he explained something that was very foundational and good for everyone to remember. When you are in a reaction mode, which is when you're yelling, you're not getting anywhere. It is pointless to yell. I mean, think about being yelled at and think about yelling at a child.

You are never going to get what you want out of somebody by yelling at them. That doesn't work. So you have to calm down. You have to take your time out, whatever you want to call that. I say I need a coconut, which means I need a time out so I can calm down and get into reception, which means— Get into island vibe. Yes, get into island vibe arguing.

I put on some reggae. Island vibe arguing. And you get into receiving mode instead of reactive mode. And when you are reactive, nothing can be solved in that moment of anger. When you are anger and you're yelling, also something to remember about yelling is it's a complete loss of control. Like anytime you yell, you have lost control. And so do you really want to be perceived as losing control all the time? It's better to like, think about it, internalize it, go sit by yourself, whether it's two minutes or 20 minutes or a day, whatever you

need till you can get back to a place of reception and receiving and just go, okay, I'm ready to hear what you're saying. And there's just no reason to let it escalate like that because nobody likes to get yelled at and you're gonna push somebody away by doing that i agree that's a lot of self-control god bless you and you've been in this relationship for how long shut up well everything is in the honeymoon phase sure we're just we're actually just phasing out of the honeymoon phase i have found that she's like i have found yelling to be very effective i found that you know i know sounds also like a cliche but like three deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth it just like expands your options in your brain to think differently than just like red red

red red and yeah i think you were correct about the whole like i know what it feels like to have been yelled at as like a child so like remembering that and kind of going oh that never worked with me and knowing it's not gonna work with the other person although your partners usually see your best and a lot of your worst sides because they are there to be your mirrors Orlando and I do couples therapy and we love it because it just keeps us like in tune and the resentment can get really strong when you're both working hard and god bless successful people in the in the spotlight and so when you want to come back to being normal in a domesticated world where you have a child and stuff like that. You have to like really learn how to be kind of different out there in the big

and in the small. And so we've had a lot of success with that couples therapy, but she asked if there's like a treatment or something like that. I went to this place, I'm sure you've heard of it called the Hoffman process. And I went there, Orlando went before me. Was this when you guys were married? He went? No, when we were dating. So he came back after going and wasn't leaning into all of my bullshit and so it was boring it became boring and I was like we're breaking up then and then I had the worst year of my life not just because of the relationship just a lot of different things were changing and shifting for me which I really truly believe was an opportunity for me to evolve and grow it's going to be like here we are the fork in the road

you're going to take an L or you're going to take an R you know and so a year later I went to the Hoffman process and it is amazing because it's a week-long process which they do give scholarships out. It's kind of expensive, but I would say it's the best value. You have no cell phone and you just go kind of deep through different exercises with other people actually, which is great because they trigger you the whole time and then you work on those triggers. But basically it's a place you get to go to where you rewire the neural pathways in your mind and you get to the, you basically get to discover there's so much awareness you get to discover why you have these patterns and habits and where they're coming from and all of it's either coming from mom or it's coming from dad

so like if you're yelling who yelled at you and it's it's a learned thing everything that all the kids like your your babies they're really just regurgitating everything they see and from you So it's really about the patterns of our parents that you adopted. And so you rewire those patterns to have better success at life. And it profoundly changed my life. It's like the number one thing I always recommend when somebody is ready for that next level in life, for that shift. If they're just over, just like feeling stuck or depressed or traumatized or just like, you know, they're like, there's got to be more to to life. This is like this. I feel like it's where you find consciousness. It's where you find so much profound awareness. And it's great. Couldn't recommend it more. Yeah, I've heard a lot of great things about the Hoffman Institute. Is it Hoffman Institute? Hoffman process process yes another thing to remember is when you are in that state of yelling

when you're in flight fight or freeze which are those like things where you're being attacked or attacking you're not in a place if you're in any of those moments you're not in a place to discuss the matter that's when you need to time out if you feel like fighting if you feel like retreating and running away or if you feel like you're frozen those are three things to remember that you need to take a time out and so I would just really really recommend that you work hard on your yelling and if your therapist doesn't think that that's a problem you might need to find a new therapist that pushes you a little bit more yeah or digs a little bit deeper yeah because that's basic like yeah mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness I mean there's I

love mindfulness but like let's get into the nitty-gritty yeah let's get under the hood you no yeah have you been in any really big arguments with your partner yeah okay yeah we had one big one which is why we ended up going to therapy great because i was like well let's nip this in the bud right away i want to always you know improve on my communication and i'm an over communicator oh wow where he's an under communicator but he's never had you know he's somebody who's mad and doesn't say anything for three weeks and then it blows up oh yeah and you're like what yeah what is this about yeah he's like when we were in whistler i'm like whistler that was like a fucking month ago months ago like wait what so immediately not because he needs the therapy

he loves the list exactly it's because we need it you know as a couple and as my therapist said you know you're a Orlando's b together you're a b that's a different language than what you do by yourself and what Orlando does for himself so like you and your partner are two separate entities but when you come together you have to be mindful of the fact that he's not you he's a completely separate person that needs to be treated with like kindness and respect. Yeah. One other book actually that I would recommend to her is The Dance of Anger. That's one to read ASAP because it helps with dealing with anger, all that stuff that comes up. But also like one of the pieces of advice I always give to people who are getting married is do go to bed angry. I find that for

us, like my husband and I are both yellers, and I find that like we can get in these circular things when we're tired or yes tired hungry or maybe a little tipsy or whatever and if you just go to sleep you wake up and you're like what were we fighting about and you're just like well rested and it yeah makes everything better i like i'm always like so much nicer in the morning if i've gotten you know seven ish hours of sleep you wake up and you're like how can i like look at you and still be pissed i'm gonna like give you a kiss i'm gonna try i'm gonna try for the first five minutes but if you're still cold then we're gonna go back yeah right but if you level-headed yeah but if you decide to meet me on that soft sweet halfway then we're gonna be like okay because

some people like my boyfriend can't go to bed angry they need to talk it out they want to talk it out talk talk talk talk talk and it's like that that is a personality trait too so you have to be respectful when people do want to do that like I do want to go to bed also and be like I'll see you tomorrow but uh you know with him he's so sensitive that like i have to sit there with him and like you know figure it out together which you know is good i'm glad i have to be outside of my comfort zone and that's gross and compromise yeah that's growth yeah that's evolution evolution it's a life worth living yeah so there you go problem solved yay yay well we'll take a quick break for some ads and be back with chelsea and katie

There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you.

You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back with Chelsea and Katie. Fantastic. Well, Katie, was there any advice that you wanted to ask for from Chelsea? Ooh, that's good. Yes. Thank you. Do you find it's different for you compared to your male counterparts? Do you find that there's a certain line not to cross or that some people can be spicier comedians?

Do you find if you started out really spicy, you can stay spicy your whole life? Or do you kind of have to be a little bit more aware or what? I mean, I think that, you know, the boundaries that have been put in or the parameters that have been placed, you know, on performers and especially comedians, like, I don't have a problem with that. That forces you to be more clever, in my opinion, you know. It forces you to think outside of your own experience and to focus on the real issue at hand. Like for me right now, what I'm doing in my set is like, you know, I'm talking not only, but this is a big issue, is talking to white men about their resistance to accepting all different walks of life. Like they are the only people kind of prolonging this cancel culture, you know, the resistance to the cancel culture and arguing with it. Like, no, we're not being sexist or we're not being racist.

It's like, hey, you're not the judge of who's being treated in a racist or sexist way as an individual white male. Your opinion is irrelevant because you're not the victim of it. You're the perpetrator. And that's not to say every man is a perpetrator, because certainly that isn't the case. Not all men are bad. But I think it's important to bring attention to the subjects that we're all kind of tiptoeing around because people don't want to say the wrong thing. it's like it's about i think it's a responsibility for every comedian to lift up all the people that aren't getting that kind of respect that aren't being treated like a white male that you know

like the entire trans community the entire lgbtq community it's like it is you know some people i've just had this conversation this weekend with the comic and he's like it's not my responsibility he goes i accept them i don't have to sing their praises i go acceptance isn't enough you have a platform that a lot of people are listening to and they're taking your lead on things and by not going to bat for those people, you're missing a huge opportunity for people to be accepted. Like if you accept them, then how many other thousands, millions of people are going to accept them? Right. So, and he was like, well, I didn't think about it that way. And I'm like, I know you didn't think about it that way and you're not a bad guy, but being accepting of

a certain lifestyle in this climate, I don't think is enough. I think you actively have to speak out about it and you actively have to let speak out about the injustice about the injustice about being welcoming to people so that they feel included that they don't feel like you know you how would you feel if that was your child that had to come out to her parents because she wanted to transition to become a man because she feels like she was born in the wrong body like how would you how would you do that how would you deal with that if you were your child you have to think about that on a global level right like you want to be compassionate and empathetic to everybody And especially the people that have the biggest targets on their back and are the most discriminated against.

And then he was like, well, you're giving white guys such a hard time. I'm like, because you guys are the last line of defense. You're in charge of everything. So if we don't move you, we're doing it all by ourselves. All like marginalized groups have to help each other. Right. So what if we just got enough of you guys to get on board? And you should be.

You should be fighting for our rights. It's, you know, economically, all this data backs up, you know, everybody does better when everybody does better, not when there's divisiveness. So I don't know if that answers your question, really. I mean, I think it kind of circles your question because that's my focus. I think what I've learned from this whole movement in the last four to five years between Time's Up, between Me Too, between what we've learned about men and everything, the advantages that they've gotten just by being white males. I think it is I have a sense of responsibility to buck against you know and say hey this isn't enough you know you got to do better yeah and I think your messaging well your comedy is funny messaging but it's layered I think we all get into this maybe because we want to tell a story

we want to represent someone or or what I see from you is you've gone from like okay how do I get that laugh to how do I like leave my mark or how do I help a situation or influence some change yeah Yeah. Invoke thought, right? In your way, in your funny kind of like pokey way. It's fun. It's a fun way to poke the bear. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I didn't have, I mean, you know, we all wish we didn't have to. I wish there were no rules that everyone can do whatever they want, but we've learned that look where we are today. That doesn't work. We have to be sensitive. You know, my trainer this morning goes, I just heard a story about this kid at school. They don't even, they don't even,

you know use points at in at sports in school anymore they don't there's no scoring everybody's getting so soft i go maybe because we're too hard you know i don't have kids so i don't know that but like where whatever we've done is got us to this place which isn't the best view of america oh yeah a lot of a lot of that is content and comments a lot of that is like never ever you know, in the history of civilization, were we ever supposed to, you know, digest and consume everyone's opinion all at once? Yes. So, I mean, that's really had a profound change on our minds and our wellness, our mental wellness. How do you handle that aspect of everything, like social media, reading things about yourself, articles? What is your philosophy on that? Well, it used to

get to me but i don't read it really and i like to say i post and ghost these days so i'm not really scrolling anymore and every once in a while i'll engage but it's it's so you know i personally think www stands for wild wild west it's wild out there on the internet you can you know you can have your confidence taken away from you in a second you can have your career taken away from you it's wild out there so you really have to navigate well but you know i just have a lot of compassion for these young kids that are going through it that have 13 to 20 followers that are all in their classroom and it's like they they go through so much emotion if someone doesn't like or someone doesn't comment or someone does comment or someone blocks I mean it's the end of their

world you know and I and not to compare but just to say like I mean you should see the the crazy shit I've had to block, you know, or like that I've seen or come at me or the Photoshop of some dark ass shit. Right. But it's really shaping these young kids minds and, and their, how they are in life, whether that is, I think they're hit over the head a lot on social media every single day. And so when they go into the real world and they feel fragile already because of, you know, their few hours every day that they are on social media, it's not building a confidence. It's breaking down their confidence so when they get into the real world they really don't have any confidence yeah man gen z has it rough i don't know i'm so confused by every generation i'm like

gen is gen x after gen z well my daughter's alpha oh that's the new generation that's the new generation yeah she's got her work cut out for her yeah she does she does but hopefully she's got some some good representation that yeah you know that goes to therapy and gets advice from chelsea Well, Daisy's going to be calling in the podcast in no time. Oh, no. I've already spoken to her a couple of times. She'll be like, excuse me, what do you think of Elmo? Katie, thank you for being here.

Thanks for letting us use your studio. Yeah, I know. And it matches our podcast colors. It's all about the aesthetic, right? So serendipitous, yeah. And I love that this is your studio. It's so cool. But thank you so much for giving me your time.

I know how busy you are and I love you so much. Thank you. This was fun giving advice together. Yeah. You're really good at it. It sounds like, you know, you said, you said you were like an over-communicator. You definitely like let people know what, what, what to do, when to do it and how to do it. I love that. Cause I'm a super direct person and I don't want, I don't want any gray area. I want to just know, you know, I like, we should hang out more. Although we probably would like tell each other too much of the truth. Who cares? I mean, there's a lack of

truth so let's be truthful just don't tell joe yeah great over a g and t well i'll see you at kentucky so okay i'll see you in kentucky thank you katie love you guys thanks so if you'd like to ask chelsea a question email us at dear chelsea project at gmail.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone

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Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other

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