Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Sextuple Threat

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon discuss what Chelsea is like on a movie set, and why you should never date your ex’s sibling. A bookkeeper from Milwaukee wants to get rich quick as an influencer. A girlfriend is concerned when her boyfriend makes plans without her. And a family wonders whether to put down the cat that cost them $25,000.  *****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. okay welcome to the podcast it's called dear chelsea and we are here today to take advice from callers from writers in from anybody who needs it i am performing at the santa barbara bowl on august 21st everybody it's happening and i'm going on tour tour on tour tour on tour tour so I'm very excited because I'm getting ready to go shoot a movie in Vancouver in a couple

weeks and I'm also performing in Canada actually at Edmond in Edmonton Canada at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival on August 15th I will be performing in Edmonton and then I go to Santa Barbara and in between then I'm playing a principal with great shoes who hates children I can't wait to be on set with children that I can openly despise. Yes. I can't wait till I have to be in a scene where I can just tell children exactly what I think of them, you know, but I can't say in real life. Obviously, that would be really inappropriate and probably punishable. But I can say it as my character and I plan on exercising that muscle to a great degree. I hope maybe I'll meet a lover on this film. That would be exciting. A child lover. Can't say that. Maybe I'll meet a lover

on this film you've done a few movies you did this means war with reese yes my personal favorite hop hop hop was great because james marsden and i laughed so hard on the set of hop i that's an easter movie yeah he's really cute james marsden yeah he's great and he and i we had a day of filming where i think i peed in my pants from laughing so hard and i don't know what we were laughing at but we could not get it together and every time we had to interact it was a shit show and we're bonded from that ever since that because we just knew it was like being at summer way camp sleep away camp summer camp I combined summer and sleep away and said summary anyway it was sleep away camp it was like you know when you come back from camp and nobody

really understands the experience that you had except for you and the people that were there it's kind of this ineffable understanding and so I have that with him and yeah this means war was Reese and I did that movie that was really fun too they lowered me I had they had a stunt woman for me because there was a big car scene where my car falls in this big pond of water that we filmed in Long Beach and I told them I wanted to do my own stunts but they didn't take me seriously and I didn't do my own stunts and how does it work on these sets because you've said before that It's hard for you to say other people's lines that they are writing for you. So are you able to ad-lib?

Do you have some sort of like creative freedom when you're doing these? Or are they very stringent on you saying the lines as they're written? Well, I don't know about this movie I'm going into. I guess I'll find out. But, you know, when you add a little button or you change a word around, most of the time they don't really care unless it's like something that needs to stick to. If there's sticklers about it, I will. But, yeah, I'm not very good at that. I like to improv and just kind of do it off the cuff.

but if you run a scene a couple of times you kind of memorize it so you did will and grace and they were very specific will and grace was a disaster i yes that is a very tightly run ship and i was and i don't know what was wrong with me that week i could not remember my lines i was scared and nervous i went in not caring about doing it really like kind of flippant like oh this will be fun i didn't really think about it and then i got in and i'm like wait wait i'm working with a bunch of pros. I need to step it up. And then I was just too late. By the time we filmed it, it was great. But I, I mean, I was yelled at. I was, they were like, what? Learn your lines. I couldn't hit my jokes. It was bad. Luckily on tape, it did come together because Deb

Messing and Sean Hayes and everyone was so nice to me and felt so sorry for me that they helped me memorize my lines. When that happens, does, does it make you want to flex that muscle more? After you had that experience, some people would shut down and say, I don't want to act anymore. That was very unpleasant. But for you, I feel like when that happens, your reaction is to be better. Like, oh, now I need to get another acting role to prove to myself that I can do this. Well, I mean, I was just embarrassed. Like, I walked in like the cool girl and left like the not cool girl.

It was how it happens. You know, everyone was excited for me to be there. And then I just kind of fell apart at the seams. I must have been going through a very difficult time at that moment. I don't remember what was going on, but something must have been because I was not myself. But anyway, no, I was done with that. And I just thought, oh, I can't do sitcoms. I can't like hit the marks like this.

Like, I can't do it. And then I'm like, of course, I'll do a sitcom again if it's the right thing or if it's the right role or if it's a guest star. You know, I'm not going to be on a sitcom sitcom. But if it's that, yeah, I mean, it's just a different beast. But this is film acting, which is not live. Like you're not in front of an audience. So it's a lot different. You're in front of a film crew.

So there's a lot more intimacy. Well, this role makes sense for you. At one time, you were offered the role of Aunt Hilda or Aunt Zelda on the Netflix Sabrina the Teenage Witch. They wanted you to come in for that. And I remember reading the script thinking, how would she ever take this seriously? Because it was so far-fetched. Well, you know, it's magic. So anytime you read something like that, you're like, you're going to really have to stretch to make this believable.

I mean, I'm not going to be in a movie just to be in a movie. Like, I'm not going to just do that, but I am going to say yes to things that are fun. And, you know, this idea of being on a movie set right now, I haven't been on one in a really long time and it's not my main thing. So it's a nice it's nice to kind of be able to incorporate that with all the other stuff I do. It's nice to change it up. So I'm looking forward to it. And, you know, obviously it shoots in Vancouver, which I've said before, which is my favorite place in the world is Canada. And I just can't wait to be reunited with all of my girlfriends there. it's going to be magical and they're going to have to be on set with me as my hair and makeup

artist, stylist. I don't know what other things I can punch them in for, but. Well, it's nice that you have these different creative outlets now. So you're going to be acting, you're redoing a house, you're playing construction worker, interior designer, wearing multiple hats. Wearing multiple hats. I mean, I'm really a jack of all trades. You know what I used to call myself? It's kind of like David Hasselhoff. He was a lifeguard. He was a musician. And he was a night writer. He was a triple threat. I am a lifeguard also. I'm not a night writer, but I have a podcast. And I do stand up. Wait. And I am doing movies. So I'm a quadruple threat. Wait. And I write books. I'm a quintuple threat. What else do I do? I don't know. But I don't know the next term for

six things do you let's just stop at five well great i do think it's a good idea to stop there because we've got some quickies your favorite excuse my swallowing yes okay i'm ready for a quickie okay the first quickie is dear chelsea omg fucking cats i loved your discussion at the end of mcdonald's anyone and had to validate brandon on his cat issues i'm spending twenty five thousand dollars to renovate my basement for the second time in four years because i have two cats and one will only pee on the baseboards not in the litter box i feel like i've tried every suggestion out there for it to stop i feel like i've given the cats an excellent life and anyone else would have given up on this peeing cat by now putting it down or sending it back to the

shelter where it came from i think i could bring myself to put the peeing cat down but my husband says absolutely not and is willing to put us all out on the street for this cat what should we do love Kelly. I mean, I think cats are your department, Brandon. Well, if you've tried everything, it's hard to say what else you could do because I don't know what all that has entailed. There are a lot of sprays that you can put on the area where a cat has been urinating. In our house, we use diffusers. We have one in every room. We have a multi-cat and they are supposed to calm. They're supposed to help cats to stop spraying. What's a multi-cat? The diffuser is for multiple cats in a home because a lot of times that is why a cat is spraying to you know obviously

market's territory so we have these diffusers through the house that let off the pheromone of like a mother cat and so it's supposed to help keep them calm help them stop scratching stop spraying and we've not had any issues the only time that we've had a peeing issue is when we bring them back from being boarded it is very unpleasant what is spraying exactly is that like like climaxing well kind of they back their butts up against the wall and just spray spray what pee all over the wall to let you know they are here and this is their spot how do they get it on the wall though cat spray i don't understand how a cat's is it comes out of their vagina work well i think the hole is right under the butthole so they lift yeah they're and their

tail shakes and they just spray sometimes it's a lot of pee sometimes it's a little pee but it's just, they'll go around in little spritz different areas. I feel like Bert does that. Bert sprays. Bert does spray. Oh. Now that I think of it. Well, tell me I don't know my son and I'll tell you that I do. So I don't know, Kelly, I don't have any good advice for you other than if you've not tried those diffusers, they have been great in our house. Something else, Kelly, is if you're cleaning your baseboards and using bleach, cats are attracted to the bleach. So I know that that can be a source for their spraying as well. So just maybe take a look at the cleaning products that you're using and if they have ammonia in them, cats are attracted to that and can mark

in those places. Yeah, sorry. This isn't like, yeah, I mean, we have an in-house cat specialist, but I don't have any advice for you because I don't really know anything about cats and I'm not interested in learning hope your p problems stop the next quickie says dear chelsea i need some advice regarding my nightmare of a sister-in-law she is straight up a total bitch and goes out of her way to make it known that she doesn't like me i have a one-year-old son and when she holds him and plays with him it makes me feel uneasy my baby daddy and i are getting married and i have serious anxiety about being forced to include her in my bridal party i come from a catholic traditional mexican american family and feel like everyone will think i'm a

traitor and petty person if she isn't part of the bridal party. Do I have to include her, Christina? No, she doesn't get invited to be a part of your bridal party because of her behavior and because she's made you feel uncomfortable and not welcome. So that's very simple and straightforward. And you can say that kindly or you can say it like, hey, you've been mean to me. I don't want you in my bridal party. Sorry. That's it. I mean, I'm sure there's two sides to this story, but since you're writing in, you know, I would say that in a nice way, But I also think you have all license to say that in a like forceful way. There's no reason to scream or yell about it.

But you can be like, I'm sorry, this is just unacceptable for me. Like, you don't make me feel good. This is my wedding day. It's the most important day of my life. And I want it to be pleasant. So there's, yeah, no, don't stand for that. And don't put yourself in a situation where you're not going to feel loved and happy and celebrated on your wedding day, period.

Okay. And the next one says, Dear Chelsea, my ex is 19 and I'm 21. And I recently realized that I actually like his brother more, who is 26. What should I do? Should I follow my heart's desire? I don't think so. I think you stay away from brothers and sisters, people. Unless it's the love of your life.

They had that storyline in Malibu Rising, this book I just read. And I don't appreciate that. I don't want to have sex with anyone my sisters have had sex with. And I certainly don't want to have sex with two brothers. So I just don't think that's good. You know, it's like, are you in love with him or do you just have a crush on him? If you have a crush on him, you'll get another crush on somebody else sooner than you think. OK, we're going to take a break right now.

Well, I don't know what's going to happen, but you're going to hear an ad break. finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live

through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love

island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed so obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to

visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's It's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean?

Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode. but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever

you get your podcasts i've read this book that talks about being like open and shut you know when you're open to a person when you're open to them when you're open to a new idea or when you're like being adventurous and you're being open when you say no to new things you're shutting down and then that's a whole other kind of space that you don't want to be in so you had a good result with this where you felt like you were pushing someone pushing pushing because you were just exhausted. And you're like, as soon as I let them in, the amount of energy I was putting into it was totally different. Yes. Right. Right. That's true. I had a friend who wanted to hang out a lot and I was like, you know, not that into it. And, but she's an old friend. And so I did,

but I was resisting it, resisting it. I didn't want to deal. I didn't want to deal. And then I did. And it was so easy. And it was just like, you know, two hours of my time was for her what she needed and wanted. And I just had to like, give in and do that. You're putting so much energy into saying no to things that sometimes it's easier to say yes to them yeah unless it's a sexual encounter you can never be pressured to say yes to that okay does everybody hear me means no my body my choice oh i learned a cute dance about my body my choice uh no don't touch me there this is my no-no square no don't touch me there this is my no-no square so say that if someone comes up to you at the bus stop that's gonna be great content of you for tiktok i think

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks. Always thinking. All right. So, dear Chelsea, looking for advice on how to safeguard my emotions. I just had a fight with my partner because I've been feeling sad about numerous life events and it's all sort of come crashing down today. The sadness lingered and overall he was there, but not in the way I need him to be. I came to realize tonight it's because he doesn't want my sadness to affect his good energy. He impulsively bought a three-night streaming concert ticket to one of his favorite artists. Sweetheart, are you okay? Yeah, sorry. I had a seizure. Konzer took it to one of his favorite artists while this discussion was happening. But where does this leave us? When one of us is sad and can't seem to pull themselves up, and the other is doing their

best to stay happy and doesn't want to risk your feeling of sadness. How can you be there for someone and not let them, quote unquote, harsh your mellow? I hope this makes sense. What's her name? Caitlin. Brandon, would you like to take the lead on this or shall I? I think you should start with this one. Okay, well, first of all, what's her name again?

Caitlin. Caitlin. This is going to be a problem because you know how bad I am with names. Ever since I accused of my friend of not remembering names, I haven't been able to remember anyone's. Caitlin, no one is responsible for your emotions but you. So that's the first thing. You cannot expect your partner to keep you emotionally afloat. I understand you want him to comfort you and to be there for you in a way, but like that is an inside job. That's your job. So as a partner, you can only be there so much for your partner as well. Like he should

be buying tickets to the concert. You guys should be doing your own things to make yourselves happy and then worry about how you're going to come together and make each other happy. But you cannot expect somebody else to put you in a good mood. Yeah, you can't allow someone to provide you your happiness. And I've been in a long-term relationship, so I understand this dynamic. And I think as long as your partner is acknowledging how you feel, like, hey, I get that you're sad. I understand the reasonings behind it. that is really all you can expect of them because you're not living the same life you're going through things separately like he's internalizing this pandemic differently than you are and as long

as he's doing that and not making you feel like you're not being heard or seen in your emotions you can't rely on him for much more than that like you have to be able to pick yourself up from whatever point you're in and there's also nothing more unattractive than managing another person's emotions right this came up with us even though i was wrong i thought you were sulking about something that I said which was not true because it's about the house and it has nothing to do with you but anyway I didn't like something in the house and I told Brandon and Brandon didn't respond and I thought he doesn't he's taking it personally and he wasn't but it goes back to the point of managing other people's emotions is so fucking exhausting having to walk on eggshells

around somebody because they're going through a hard time or not saying the right thing knowing that you disappointed them and then trying to redirect your attention in the right way to make them feel heard or seen can be an exhausting endeavor so it's like be careful about that too and have realistic expectations of your partner as well because if you are both going through things which from your letter you understand that he is like he probably needed this outlet to just watch his music whatever the fuck it is zone out for a little bit you as a partner should also want to give him that time and let him have his three days whatever it is you know there are other people in your life that you also can leverage, like a girlfriend, a family member, someone else

to confide in or talk to, or just get out of the house with. No one person can provide you everything you need. So assuming that your partner is going to be there for all of your emotional roller coaster. Yeah. And also assuming that your partner should be doing what you would do is irrelevant because you're not the same person. Your whole set of experiences, your childhoods are different. Everything leads to a different human being. So you're two separate individuals so how on earth can you expect him to behave in the way that you would behave like it's just that doesn't make sense when you really break it down well okay and so for this specific example for me reading this i would have tried to use that concert to pull myself out of it

like be excited for him that he got that watch it with him you know there are other ways to retrain your brain yeah when you're emotionally yeah it's emotionally distressed to say oh let me embrace this moment or embrace his decision making flip the switch on it because yeah I agree with that there's more positive ways to look at everything and I think that we you and I have both had that in different ways with work or personal where people have had to say like look at the positive things that are happening don't focus on those one yes thing that you wish you could change yes yes that happens a lot where I'll be like bitching to my manager about something I'm like well you know and she'll be like wait why are you focusing on that you're focusing on the thing

that you don't want to do instead of all the things that you do want to do or the one thing that you didn't get with all these other things that you do have. So that's always a good reminder for me because I can get on that like little victim-y pity party sometimes. I mean, I used to do that a lot growing up and obviously I'm trying to shake that habit. But yeah, I can get negative and it's like, no, no, no, you can't. Getting negative is just breeds more and more negativity. Yeah. You acknowledge it, you accept it and you move on. And then maybe give your boyfriend or husband a blowjob i don't know end it in on a high note for him right sorry yeah caitlin well let us know how that works out for you all right so i think we hit that one out

of the park high five on that so this next one is just a write-in from nikki she says dear chelsea your recent special evolution fucking slayed me such vulnerability and truth here's my question i like drugs i like alcohol i'm not dependent on either i'm a mom a corporate citizen and an anxious depressed mess trying to hold life together while battling for custody and dealing with the day by day 40 is around the bend and i want to make changes and actual growth how do i do this without the bullshit and what weed edibles etc do i take i finally just got approved for my medical marijuana card in new jersey i want to be creative energetic and free thinking who i was before all the bullshit and rage set in send me your advice well this is good news because she's

not even 40 yet and so she I'm 46 I just turned 46 this year and I didn't even get my shit together until I was 40 so you're right on track I mean what state does she live in New Jersey yes okay as far as edibles go like is she didn't she say she's going through a custody battle yes okay so obviously you want to be alert for that during the day right you want to be like on your game so if you're dealing with something like that I would use edibles at night for if you want to hang out with your girlfriends and you just want to laugh your ass off and be silly or for sleep if you have any trouble sleeping. And as far as creativity, yeah, you want to use them when you have time set aside to be creative. Like if I'm going to write a chapter in a book or if I'm going to

write some standup material, like I'll set aside two hours and I will take the weed that I think is going to help me get there. As far as the actual brands and types, it's different state to state. So I can't recommend any brands, but I can tell you about strains and like, you know, a lot of the labeling that they now have on all of this cannabis will tell you the kind of mood that you can expect to get from it. It's not a guarantor of that, but, you know, it'll say creative or, you know, easy breezy or chill vibe, which, you know, obviously isn't going to be something that's going to keep you up. Sativa is also something that is supposed to give you more of a kick than indica. It's indica is supposed to put you to sleep. I feel like those two terms

to describe weed are kind of over, even though they're still labeled like that. I think there are so many more nuanced ways to describe it because there's so much more than taking the edge off or giving you energy. But you just have to do your research about what's available in your state and also really just start with micro dosing. I don't know if you want to smoke weed or not, but if you are smoking it, I would just smoke a little bit just to see how it affects you. And, you know, sometimes when we like a new thing, I always make the mistake of overdoing it and doing it all the time. And like with weed, it's very easy to get in the habit of just like, because you once you see the effect, you're like, oh, I'll take another edible in three hours and

then I'll take another one. It's really about minding and being mindful of how your body is reacting to the medicine. Right. And cannabis is medicine. It grows out of the earth. It's like from Mother Nature. So it is medicine. And so you should think about it that way. And when it has a nice effect on you, like when you're trying out strains, make sure you just make a note or take a picture with your phone of all the ones that you have a good time with and a good experience with. But don't overdose yourself. Just start very minimally. Start with two and a half milligrams or five milligrams. Do not go beyond that until you understand what you like and how you like it. Would you add anything on to that, Brandon? I mean, the only thing from her write-in was I would kick the alcohol. I mean, at this point, it's like, what is it really doing for you? It's a downer. It makes you blow. Yeah. I would say if you're looking for a major switch, that is good. I would also say you don't

have to think about it as like eliminating alcohol from your existence because I'm sure you think that takes the edge off. I know for me personally, pot does a much better job of taking the edge off than alcohol, but alcohol still has a very special place in my life. So even if you just minimize your alcohol intake for the week and just try using cannabis instead of the alcohol and that transition alone will put you really in touch with the way your body's feeling plus when you're trying cannabis you don't want to be under the influence of other things because you're not going to be able to identify what the cannabis is doing well and like she said that she is an anxious depressed mess and so for you telling her like the 2.5 micro dose of a mint or of some

sort of edible like sometimes you don't even know that it's working you think oh i need to take another but it is yeah it's doing its job that's the other thing you have to give it two hours and sometimes people will be like, I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. And then they take more. And that's a mistake. Until you have experience with it, you don't want to augment any anxiety or any reaction like, you know, by thinking, oh, this isn't affecting me. I'm going to have to take more. That's not a good solution. That's for a very advanced users like myself. Who can take a hundred milligram edible and go to lunch. I can take a lot of things and go to lunch, but I'm a very rare case and I have a very strong constitution and I've also had a

ton of training. So I would definitely err on the side of experimenting. You are a beginner in the world of cannabis and you are experimenting and nothing that I just told you about five milligrams is not going to make you go over the edge. Like these are micro dose for a reason. So there's a whole new world of cannabis now. But yeah, I would lay off the sauce for a while if you can or like limit to drinking one night a week. Also be excited entering 40. These are like where things can really take a turn. And you're already divorced. Most people have to go through their divorce when they're in their 40s so check that box thank you Nikki for writing in thank you Nikki so our next submission comes from John he's 58 we don't know where he's from but he says hi Chelsea trying this

out for the sake of sound advice I'm a 58 year old married man to a beautiful 62 year old female we've been married for almost 10 years we are both fit and used to be sexually active and still try to be intimate but my wife is going through some changes and we haven't been able to have intercourse because her vagina, for the lack of a better term, has shrunk. She's consulted her doctor, and he gave her a cream to apply to try and loosen things up, but it doesn't seem to work from her perspective. Intercourse is not my priority. I love sex, but she feels broke if we can't have sex. She's tried to force herself on me, and it hurts to see her in pain, so I end up pushing her back.

I've discussed options with her, and she says she'd be willing to try and go to a toy store to find something to help our sex life in lieu of intercourse. This seems to go nowhere, and I'm trying to figure out if we just need to be celibate for now. Yeah, obviously. You need to be celibate for now. I mean, why are you torturing each other with this? Or let her do what she wants to do. I don't care about sex, I don't care about sex, but it's all he's talking about.

I know, but... Just leave her alone and go smoke some weed. She's in pain to have sex, and her vagina is shrinking. But she's trying to engage. Well, then he should finger blast her. Well, there you go. I mean, we don't know what you're working with. That's a nice compromise.

Yeah, if sex is painful, then try a finger blast. You can start with one finger and if things go well, add another. I love when we can wrap these up very neatly. So, John, there you have it. Just finger blast your wife quick and easy. Thanks for writing in. Poor John. Poor 58-year-old John.

He wanted a sex with Sue very specific way to alleviate this pain. And you gave him finger blast your wife. It was perfect. they need some of the relaxation techniques our weed mom from earlier is using they really do all right our last submission comes from i like the voice you use when you talk about submission you know all right this is the it's like the love boat rob reiner was in a movie where he played a radio host in his voice i wish i could emulate it was just so soothing he's got that jew uncle well i am vuncular voice i am jewish lo and behold once we found out my mom's adopted

and we found her birth mother and I'm Jewish. How convenient for you. I'm Jewish on the right side. It has to be the mom's side, right? Yeah, it does. I'm not Jewish on the right side. So I'm not even a real Jew, even though I'm a Jew. Wow.

You better, better know that. All right. Our last submission comes from Shannon B, 50, age 50, out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She says, Dear Chelsea, here I am suddenly 50 years old, married with one teenage girl. I work two days a week as a law firm receptionist and I'm bored. I don't want to look for just any job yet. I want to do something cool and make a ton of cash. I'm a big Instagram fan, and I see all these influencers raking in the dough.

I'm shy and reserved, so I'm a little scared to put myself out there on a social media platform like that, but I'm willing to do it for the right project. I just want to make money fast. None of this working 10-year shit to make the first big buck. I can do just about anything, and I'm willing to do just about anything. Basically, I'm a 50-year-old approaching menopause who is finding herself stuck in life. what do you suggest oh fuck brandon what do we suggest this well i mean shannon are you there i'm here hi shannon hi hi hi guys all right shannon what's going on we just we just read

your writing you're asking us if you should whore yourself out on social media to make a quick buck right is that basically yeah i mean why not everyone else is right i but it's so hard if you're shy. But I feel like if everybody else can do it, I can do it. I just don't know how to do it. Shannon, it's never too late. Look at all these moms on TikTok making a living, getting brand endorsements just for being themselves. Just lean into the shyness. You'll find your audience. You're not that shy because you called us. That's not a shy thing to do. That's cool. I know, but I'm scared and very nervous and shaking. Oh, well, who cares about that? You'll be fine in a while. But yeah,

lead into the social media of it why not and cash in so you don't have to work in an office job i mean did you say you work in a are you a paralegal is that i work in a law firm i work at the front desk law firms are depressing i know that for sure it's it's a lot and i do their billing so it's like it couldn't be more boring yeah it's like boring on top of boring how boring can you fucking get my sister was a lawyer and my sister was a health attorney and she worked at this like small firm in morristown new jersey and she was like this is soul crushing and i was like well so is your marriage but you're still in that and so she left her marriage and her law firm and now she works in health law in a different way but she made a big change in her life not when she

was 50 right before she was 50 and she's real happy about it it's not the same as social media but like i think your attitude towards social media it should just be like yeah whatever i mean that's what everyone's doing do it but also i'm in milwaukee wisconsin like there's no like i have like two followers i i mean there's like no there's no but that's like that's the great thing about social media is it doesn't really matter where you are anymore everyone is connected everyone is accessible online and some of these people that have the biggest followings are in bumfuck nowhere like i'm from platte south dakota population 1300 someone there could do it you just keep posting see what works you gotta figure out what your shtick is like what is your shtick are

you like what's your thing are you going to be a tiktok mom are you a dance can you dance okay well Maybe you can make fun of them. You could be like, listen, this is how unlike this I am. Maybe that's your vibe. It's a hard one. And if it's not social media, what is it? Only fans. Only fans.

Only I could probably answer that, but I thought you guys could shed some really good wisdom. I wish I had better advice for you, but I would just say like taking a leap of faith in general, even though that's really lack specificity, taking a leap in general I think is a good practice to have as an adult woman, especially when you're 50, you need to kind of reboot, right? Like be like, yeah, motherfuckers. Well, and you're right. And Chelsea, you've taken multiple risks in your

career. You're not 50 yet. I'm not 50. But you've taken risks in your career and they've always worked out or benefited. You've either learned something or grown from it. So it's the same thing. Just take the leap. Try it out. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But you're not out. And don't limit yourself to social media because that was just like an idea put out there for no reason like don't limit yourself to that there are other ways to make money quickly like with the internet and like buying and selling things trading people get into that rather easily it seems like there are a lot of different like you know bitcoin go get some bitcoin like that's gonna pay off become a day trader i'm glad i got my bitcoin i got bitcoin about four years ago and

i don't get bitcoin me neither i'll never understand what the fuck bitcoin is but i know that i'm making money okay you're looking at me i couldn't tell you what it is either yeah you were gonna check my coinbase i have the information shannon let us know what you figure out let us know what you try what works what doesn't please keep us posted okay yeah just do something though okay make a change all right thank you thank you shannon bye shannon bye guys bye i love anyone who wants to make a later in life change well people have this is what we're dealing with we're realizing people don't have balls they need more balls they need that nudge they need people to say hey hey fuck go jump because people will retreat well that's why they need you because

most people are not courageous right people need to be you operate from that place i think people in general would benefit from being a little bit more courageous not arrogant courageous right right right you know what her question about confidence and arrogance makes me think of an update we just got from aram and if you remember aram she is the woman suffering from body dysmorphia and an eating disorder, and she wasn't sure whether or not to tell her friends and family about her recovery. So we're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we will give you a ROMS update. fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on

internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from

them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed so obsessed from best-selling authors and your

favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script, okay?

What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you.

I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're so stupid. Everyone's so dumb except for you.

And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us, not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. so again for anyone listening we spoke to aram during our mcdonald's anyone episode which had mark the nutritionist on and she sent over a little update so i just wanted to give oh this is exciting oh my god let's hear it it's so exciting when people i know we have like such good patients because they they come and then they return to give us an update i love progress reports well aram says hello brandon and chelsea i'd say that overall i'm doing well and although

recovery from anorexia has its ups and downs i am improving every day i took chelsea's advice and some of brandon's with a caveat brandon and i talked about how it could be a good idea to open up to more of my loved ones about my eating disorder and body dysmorphia in order to get more support i found this to be difficult because many of the people in my life unwillingly have fat phobic pro-diet culture beliefs. I mean just the other day my grandma bitched at my grandpa and called him a glutton for eating half of a watermelon which is fucking insane because watermelons are 95% water. So I decided to take Brandon's advice but with a lateral step. I picked a few of my most level-headed thoughtful and honest loved ones and asked them their opinions

on things like body image, confidence, and the role of food in their life. I feel like people gave me much more honest and thoughtful answers than they would otherwise had they known about my eating disorder and body dysmorphia up front. I think had I told them about what I was struggling with outright, they would have felt more compelled to filter their opinions and tiptoe around me in an effort to not trigger and offend me. And as far as Chelsea's advice goes, and Chelsea, do you want to remind them? Yeah, yeah. I remember, just to remind everyone, she asked us if she should tell her closest friends. She wanted to tell her closest friends, I think. She was ready to do that. And then you said it. So she was the one who brought that question. It wasn't like

your advice. You just said, confirmed it, you know? So she was like, so, but also I think I told her that this is her situation. She has no one to rely on really in this instance for this problem, but herself, like you can gather your support around you, but it is your decision to change your life. It is your decision to make a move. So I think that's pretty much what I told Well, she says, as far as Chelsea's advice goes, I was able to use it and build on it. For the most part, I can't really rely on anyone else when it comes to this disorder. And at its root, it's a problem that I have with myself. Chelsea said that this is not going to be the narrative of my life, and she's right.

So I have to take the toxic narrative that is currently occupying my thoughts and change it into one that is healthy. My focus the last few weeks and months has been on diving into why I have so much self-hate, what cognitive and behavioral habits I have formed around the self-hate, and how my psychologist and I are working on undoing them. For example, in the past, I would pedestalize and glorify certain types of bodies while degrading my own. What I've started doing instead is actively viewing all body types as neutral and equal to one another. That woman is not superior for having a flat stomach, or you are not inferior for having bigger thighs, or that person is not inferior, superior for having X, Y, or Z.

In doing this, I have begun to view my own body and other bodies with a little bit more indifference, as opposed to an immediate toxic opinion or judgment. Ah, I love what she said. That's so important. Inferior, superior. We always do that. You know, whenever you're judging somebody, you're thinking that you're better or smarter or prettier or whatever.

If you're judging somebody that didn't do something the way that you would have done it, you're like, well, I know better. So there's superiority in that. Anytime we're judging others, we are acting superior or inferior. So she spelled it out and she is on her way to a brighter day. I think. Well, she wraps up saying, so given this advice and working on erasing self-hate, a follow-up question I have is regarding confidence in general. What makes a person confident in themselves? How do you form it? How is it maintained? When does confidence

turn into arrogance? Thanks so much, guys. Aram. Arrogance is when you think you know better or you think you are better. It has a lot to do with superiority. So arrogance and superiority are linked in my mind. And to instill confidence in yourself, it is a conversation that you have to have with yourself either through meditation or positive affirmations. There's no reason to not be confident. You have to be confident in the abilities that you have and in the ways that you are able to change your life. And making this change is going to work towards instilling more and more confidence in you. You've already begun the path to get more confident because once you realize that you are powerful enough in your own life to make changes, then the confidence

comes because you're like, oh, wow, I just did that. I just changed my life. Wow. And so arrogance is just when you're an asshole about being confident. You don't have to do that. How eloquently put. Well, eloquent is my middle name or Eloise or Joy. Actually, Joy is my middle name. But, you know, I don't want to tell everybody about that. People just expect too much. Brandon, what are our Takeaways from today. I feel like painful sex is no bueno. That's no good. Nobody wants to be in pain during sex. It's supposed to be the complete opposite unless you're into pain, you know, and some people are. I kind of like it a little bit rough sometimes, you know, if I'm with somebody that I really like, like I like it if they manhandle me a little bit. I know that's out of style, but I do like a little bit of like, I like to be dominated in sex. I don't like to be the dominator. It's no fun. Well, it's good to know what you like. Yeah, it is good. It's good. There's so many straight men listening to this podcast, I'm sure. So that's great. And on that note, I guess I'll just look for DMs in my Instagram. I'm gonna have to scroll through them. And it's very unsettling. But a lot of guys talk about wanting to put their cocks in my asshole and that they want to fuck me and come on my face. So I mean, there's a lot of opportunities out there. And that's why we're gonna have to wrap things up because I got to get back out there, guys. oh yeah yeah slide into my dms also i am on tour my tickets are officially on sale we've added a

couple of extra shows we're going to be announcing dates as we go you can buy tickets at ticket master for my shows i'll be playing my next big show i'm at the santa barbara bowl august 21st so you can come see me there and then i have all the other cities that i have already released and tickets are available and I can't fucking wait. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horniness and then keep them to yourself, please. If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write into DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. I survived nine months in captivity and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive

what should have destroyed them I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your

favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman adam scott danny mcbride ben stiller and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on the new podcast solita

we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I

deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro.

It's called Happiness. Delivering Happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.