Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Sherman Oaks SVU with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

This week, Chelsea and Catherine talk about ugly breakups, what happens when you take a break from weed, and how to live with it when your best friend marries the wrong person.  Then:  A foster parent goes back to work after a heartbreaking loss - and a series of lies.  An ex-fiance discovers there’s a statute of limitations on getting the ring back. And an aesthetician struggles with her clients’ trauma-dumping. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, what's going on? Chelsea, I have a couple of follow-ups for us.

Okay, great. We love this. This is our favorite. So our first follow-up comes from Katie. She called in on the Ethan Nadelman episode about she was taking some Xanax because she was in a really stressful job. She smokes a lot of weed. You had told her like, you know, if you need to take a break, take a break just to do a little reset like you had done last year. So she says, I added a link at the end of this message to a video that I apparently recorded when I got back from Greece and was so stoned that I forgot I made it. I started to record again and my friend

said, why are you doing that again? Taking a break from weed definitely worked and I'll be taking more regular breaks. I have still not been able to get my hands on chocolate mushrooms, which you also recommended to her or she was curious about. Thankfully, my new job is infinitely better than my previous job and I haven't had a panic attack or needed Xanax in a while. Oh, nice. Yes. Thanks again for such a cool experience katie great i'm not even sure how we helped her but it sounds like she's doing great she's doing amazing she couldn't get her mushrooms i remember she lived in the northeast right yes and she didn't know if mushrooms were legal blah blah blah but she stopped taking xanax that's good i always have to taper my xanax because when i travel especially i

love i fucking love xanax but it's not good for you and so i can't take it as frequently as i would like yeah so i'm gonna actually share this video with you she's she's very stoned she's very very stoned so quick video update our conversation in after 15 days off and smoked my first joint as you can see it did the trick so she took a break from weed or she She did. And this is her first time back. Her first time to take smoking it again. That's how I looked when we did my interview with Ben Bruno.

Good work, Katie. Good work. Way to go. I mean, and you know what? Now that I've tried the chocolate mushrooms, they were a very chill experience. Like I felt them, but not in a way that I didn't feel like I could be having a cocktail at the same time sort of thing. It was not overwhelming.

Yeah. They were very light. I felt like it was just a good time. like you said, it's very giggly. I noticed the lights were a little bit strong when I went inside. I was like, wow, those lights are so bright sort of thing. But really, I could feel when they tapered up and when they tapered off, like at the end of dinner, basically. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you take the, you took the chocolate? Or the gummy.

Gummy, gummy. Those were light. Yeah. I doubled up the next night. I took two. Yeah. And I felt it then, but one was mild. So yeah. yeah it was perfect so we went to a party that was out in the valley and a friend of ours had some mushroom caplets fun mushrooms caplets or capsules well capsules but I think it's something that they like made at home like measured out sort of thing so I had said to Brett did you like ask him how much is in these and he said no but I was sort of thinking there might be a microdose in there right so I tell Brett I'm like well you have to find out is this a good time or is this

like a micro dose like we just need to know kind of what we're getting into but he refused he was like no you can't ask about that stuff or you're from your drug dealer I was like this is not a drug dealer it's like a friend from he's like well I'm not gonna text him that like that does make sense to me you don't want to like put that in a text message or like you know he's like what if he doesn't know the measurements I'm like but he'll know if they're like one is a good time or five is a good time you know what I mean yeah what do you think about that as far as like asking oh I mean I'm always the person that everyone's asking because I'm always the one doling out the drugs and everyone's like how many milligrams I'm like who cares you're fine but I actually

took mushrooms on Vancouver Island and I had a terrible reaction to them but I was so jet lagged I think it was the jet lag because I don't ever have bad reactions to drugs. And I was like, wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's fine to ask. Who cares? I mean, I mean, yeah, you sound kind of like a pussy, but I mean, it's good to know.

I'm okay with that. Yeah. You're okay with that. So you just want the information. So yeah. Exactly. I'm someone who researches something to death before I like pull the trigger on it. I see.

I'm, that's what, I'm the opposite of whatever you are. You're like, just put it in your mouth. I don't want, if somebody hands me drugs, it could be a stranger. I'm like, this isn't going to put a dent in me, you know? That's how I feel. Although I've become a little bit more of a lightweight in recent years. So I guess I'm just transitioning into an elderly lightweight person. Well, and also right now there's a lot of like scary shit and drugs out there. Yeah. No, no. You can't do cocaine. You can't do like ecstasy.

They put in all the stuff like fentanyls and everything. So you can't really. And no one knows how much. Like apparently that was what killed Tom Petty is. he had gotten, I think, some sort of painkillers or something, like not crazy drugs, just like some sort of painkillers from the internet. And they had fentanyl in them. Oh, is that what happened? Yeah, that's yeah. I was once at a friend's birthday party and Tom Petty and his wife showed up or his girlfriend as a surprise to the birthday girl. And it was so weird. It was so he was so weird looking, you know, in person, you're just staring at him like what a strange

looking man yeah he is kind of like unique yeah yeah not strange I guess isn't the right way to say it but maybe different than you'd expect yeah strange to me was there anyone who you've ever met that really you got starstruck probably Tom Cruise because he's like bigger than life I was walking out of my agent's office and he was walking into my agent's office when I was at a CAA and I was like wow like I just couldn't even believe him I was like whoa and like it you know because he's like so ridiculously yeah famous that you're just and then it was like hello chelsea you know like very intensely looked in my eyes and i was like oh me at the time all i did was make fun of him and katie holmes like on my tv show so i was just like fuck i don't want to even have this

interaction like please be nice to me yeah so luke was our one straight guy who called in oh my god I'd say yes. Tokenism, everyone. Yes, exactly. He called in on a Ferris episode and had a friend who was dating a girl who was pretty controlling, and he didn't know if he should confront his friend about this. I think the advice was, we've already sort of mentioned it a few times. You might need to lay off because it's sort of his choice to make. But Luke followed up and he said he actually ended up getting engaged. I decided to follow Chelsea's advice and not bring up his relationship to him again and i let it go it's tough to stand by and watch but at the end of the day it's his life luke oh yeah there you go yeah well that's the right thing yeah i think so

and also i really firmly believe that from an outside perspective you can never truly understand what's happening in someone's relationship and for example i had a friend who i wasn't super like worried for her getting married to this guy but someone that close friend of mine married who was sort of very vanilla ice cream, you know, like not offensive, but not very exciting, sort of boring. I thought she'd get very bored. And like, now, several years later, she's very happy. They have a family together. And she's like living the life that she wants, I think in in most ways. And so people do mature, maybe this girl is going to mature and become a better partner. Yeah, you never know. Like, yeah, you could grow to like somebody after a bunch of

times. And your judgment over someone else's situation is just pretty invalid anyway. Yeah. Or, you know, they might get a divorce and there you go. And then you can really lay into her. Exactly. Our next follow up comes from Marcus. He called in when Monica Padman was on the show. And he says, Hi, Catherine, I was just thinking about how I needed to update you guys on what happened. He had a really conservative family, the Orthodox. What was it called? Yes, I remember. The really orthodox family. And he was contemplating moving out?

Yes, exactly. And we told him to get the fuck away from his family? Indeed. He said, I did in fact move out, and it was super dramatic. Basically, my whole family turned their backs on me for a portion of time. I set firm boundaries with everyone, and Chelsea's advice was ringing in my ears to keep me moving forward during the darker times. As of now, my family is not thrilled about my move, but we have a cordial relationship and I visit them from time to time, which I think is perfect.

That was my commentary. Although moving out has not solved all of my issues, and my roommates can be a lot to navigate at times, in many ways I believe the universe is forcing me to learn boundaries, I am incredibly excited and empowered that I took the initiative and made this move. I do have mood swings and definitely depressive episodes alike, but I'm incredibly honored to say that I am alive. The feeling of, quote, living is not something I can say I felt for a long time. I feel like I'm a participant in my life again, and I feel hopeful for the life I'm creating. A main driver in this decision was the podcast, and I can confidently say you guys changed the trajectory of my life.

I have a new therapist, a new apartment, and a new lease on life. Best, Marcus. Oh, my God. Home run, Marcus. What a great update. Yes. I'm so thrilled for him. And navigating roommate stuff is very normal. That's all just the stuff you deal with in your 20s. But I'm so happy to hear that his family has already come around. Yes. Right. Exactly. That's the best news. Oh, my God. I love it. I love it. I love telling people to get away from their families and then they take that advice and then it ends up all good and moving in the right direction absolutely marcus i'm so happy for you ah it's just great it's just great i loved that email almost made me to tears well chelsea should

we get into some oh yeah we're not having a guest today we're doing some episodes without guests to see how you guys like that yeah i mean some guests are great and actually all of our guests have been good. Yeah. We haven't had any doozies. No, no duds. Oh, I can think of a doozy. I'll tell you after. Okay. I can actually think of one too. I wonder if it's the same one. I bet it is. I like having guests and I also like not having guests. So I'm open to either way. Absolutely. I mean, some guests are great. So they're worth having. Some guests are good and some are great. Yeah. Juliana Margulies is our, people are so in love with her. I hope she becomes She is our ride or die.

Yeah, I love her. I think she already is our ride or die. So pleased. Oh, my goodness. Well, let's take a quick break because we have to. And then we'll come back with some emails. Okay, sounds good. Let's go take a bath.

The Jonas Brothers are running it back. We live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brother hits that have defined a generation. one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level

of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm I'm so obsessed, so obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network.

Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head?

How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. Let go of that. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept

you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this david everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever

you get your podcasts and we're back uh sudsy very sudsy i just want you to know katherine before we get into today's episode that i'm heading straight from here going to my ophthalmologist to figure out how to replace my eyes because i can't fucking see anything now after six o'clock if i get a little stoned i can't see anything if i have a buzz i can't see anything up close distance is fine because i had lasik but there's a thing you can get called monovision which one eyes short and one eyes long and I'm like but that's a little dizzying it sounds so I have to go today

to see what my other options are and I'm hoping that I could just get an eye implant just have them swapped out for a new one I want to take Bert's vision and install it into my head so that I can see through his eyes gonna have Bert's brown eyes

while Chelsea I actually have one follow up that I wanted to share from Kat and And she wrote in and said, can you all please shut the fuck up about the Kardashians? If I hear an update about the Kardashians on another platform right now, I will shoot my ears out. Seriously, what the hell? All the best, Kat.

That's so funny. I read this and I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny. Speaking of the Kardashians, I shot a Skims campaign. I used to make fun of the Kardashians and now I'm working for one. Kat, you can't escape them. No, it's ridiculous.

You can't. You can't. And now there's a new generation of them coming. So what the fuck? Yep. You just have to sit down and bear it. It's pretty. But yeah, I hear you.

I can't believe it either. In like 30 years, North is going to be running for president. Don't even worry about it. They're here to stay. Isn't her name North Star? Northwest. Oh. Whoopsie doodle.

I hope her middle name is Star, though. I think that's great. My favorite these days, though, out of the Kardashians is Kourtney. She just seems really real. You know what? I feel like. I'm like a bitch, and I like that. Yes, but also, like, having just binge-watched all of the Kardashians, she is somebody who, like, did.

I love that this woman writes in about listening to Kardashians, and now we're fucking talking about them. Kat, look what you've done. No, no. Out of respect for the writer, let's end this conversation. As much as you want to talk about that, you'll have to save it for another episode, Katherine. I will. I will. We have to be loyal to our viewers.

That's right. I mean, listeners. I don't know if you're fucking listening or viewing. And if you're viewing, please tell me how you're viewing because we don't record this. Exactly. It is actually on YouTube, but it's just a still. The video's not out there. So you can watch a still photo while we talk.

Oh, that's lame. Yes. Shout out to all our YouTube listeners. We had an email come in just like a day or two ago from Emma, and she was so sweet. She said, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of seven years, technically a little on and off, but three years straight now, broke up with me this week. We'd been struggling for a while, but working through it, I thought. During our last disagreement, he told me he couldn't do it anymore and that he's felt this for a while, but didn't know how he could tell me. He loves me, but isn't in love with me.

I'm blindsided and indescribably sad. Our town isn't tiny, but small enough we'll run into each other. I'm supposed to be starting grad school for a therapy program in a week and don't know how I'll focus. I'm afraid I'll never move on. How can I move forward and heal? Because right now it seems impossible. Emma.

Oh. I know, Emma. Oh, that's sad. You're so sad. But first of all, you're going to grad school. Why do you think the timing is as perfect as it could be? That's exactly what you need to do is go to grad school and get, first of all, an education, a higher education and get a huge pivot in your life he just told you he doesn't he's not in love

with you like there's no other way to say it the only victory you can have now is completely diving into yourself and going to school focusing on yourself focusing on your career ahead and grieving with it but knowing that you have something else going on in your life otherwise you're just going to sit at home and cry about this and be depressed because he doesn't he's not in love with you anymore. No, that's not an option. Yeah. Give yourself a little bit of time to feel this. Eat some chocolate ice cream. Do what you got to do. But, you know, you're going to meet so many new people and not just, you know, potential romantic people, but new friends. You're going to have new experiences as you start grad school. I think, you know, she doesn't want that

though. I know you're listening and you don't want new experiences. You want your old experience. I know. But I'm here to tell you that this is a huge opportunity for growth for you and that you are going to be fine you are going to be okay and you're going to get through this and the first step is going to grad school that's exactly what you should be doing and you're going to run into him great every time is going to be easier than the last time but you have to think of this as an ending and for that relationship and a beginning for the rest of your life I love that I think that's wonderful and it will get easier like I think maybe not every day but every week it just gets easier. Don't you think Chelsea? Yes, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. Thanks for writing

in Emma and all the best. Let us know how grad school goes. You know, when you break up with somebody and you kind of go back to all of your people, it's like very nice and you feel very grateful. You're like, Oh wait, I wasn't as present before. You know, when you're in a relationship, you're never as present, but I don't like to think of myself as, as that, you know, like I like to think that I am available even when I'm in a relationship. But when I think back about my most recent relationship i'm like oh i was on tour so that took up like 80 of my time yeah and then the other 20 was always with my ex-boyfriend and i'm like wait i had no time for any of my friends or any of that stuff so that's like interesting and the other thing i am conscious of watching

like have an awareness of now is like phases of grieving or getting over a breakup yeah like once you have the vocabulary and you understand what's happening yeah you understand that the more distance you get the more perspective you'll have and the more clarity you get you when you're in such a state with somebody and especially if the relationship dissolves you're both not thinking clearly at all you know and so when you get the perspective and you allow enough time because people people think time is bad but like the longer that you have away the clearer that you are able to see things yeah and understand exactly what transpired instead of being emotional about it you know so it's nice to see the different phases of a breakup or grieving or whatever you

want to call it because you know I didn't want to ever lessen I didn't ever want to take away like meaningful things that I said I didn't want to like it doesn't mean they're not true right I don't want to do anything to negate me being my best possible version of myself during this breakup being able to conduct yourself in a way that you feel respectful of is a really great lesson to learn. Yeah. I mean, and it usually probably wouldn't come to a person until they're in their forties because we're so stupid, but I really feel like, okay, this is one way to conduct yourself and it's the best way. Yeah. And you're always, you're not going to have any regrets and you don't participate in any, like I have a couple of girlfriends who read, you know, they will go on

someone's Instagram and then go to the other person's Instagram that they're photographed in their picture with to research that person and yada, yada, yada. And these are grown women and they're my close friends and I'm like you guys and they're like we just need to know we need to know like I don't like that

but you don't like give yourself space I know I know they don't but they think they do they think they're collecting information

that's their answer they're collecting information but I think it's good not to collect information to have a separation be a separation like you're now separate and there's no reason

to be going doing those things not because they're childish because that kind of sounds judgmental but it is childish and it's better because it doesn't matter

yeah what's what that person is doing or thinking or saying about you it doesn't matter exactly and also like you don't get the headspace that you would if you were just like giving yourself time away from thinking about that or thinking about it but not engaging with that person their instagram whatever i mean but when you talk about as we mature we react differently i had one friend a few years ago who got divorced from her husband. They had been together for 12 years, married for five. And she actually went through her whole Instagram and deleted every picture of them together. And like, it wasn't a particularly nasty divorce. It was pretty amicable. But I was like, you can't just erase somebody from your life, you know? I think it's interesting when people

want to do that. Well, that's being angry or reactive or well, I guess she wasn't being reactive because it was after that. But it is being reactive. It's like, just honor the what it was. You don't have to erase it. Exactly. Exactly. But I mean, I think something that's totally undervalued is the value of giving yourself space and time. Like people want to rush things. I know I certainly do. I'm very impulsive. Like I want answers and results quickly whenever I'm interested in something or the outcome of something. But that adult-ness to give yourself space and time to actually reflect and digest and get clarity is like, oh, okay, now, you know, I feel like a woman. Yeah. And it's a gift to yourself to be able to

like, give yourself that clarity, give yourself time to heal. But also, you know, like you said, healing doesn't necessarily mean that you're like totally moved on from that person or you're, you know, you don't ever think about them anymore, or there's no chance of getting back together. That's not what it means. Healing means that you get that different perspective and you can think about it differently. Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, that's a good point, too. People confuse that word a lot. What do you think about closure? Everybody talks about closure. I mean, listen, it's not fun to be like, you know, left in the lurch and not know what happened. That is not ideal. But I don't know. How many closures do people need?

You know, that's my thing. It's like if you're broken up, you're broken up. Do you need to break up twice? Yeah. Everyone thinks that they want closure, but I'm not positive that that's true. Yeah. You want to know what happened. Yeah.

So I think that also it's so nice to be with your family, you know, and be reminded of like the people that have been in your life forever and will always remain on your team and be with you. It's very nice to have that familiarity with family, especially with my sisters because, you know, brothers are useless. My one brother, Roy, is the sweetest thing in the world. He's adorable and so loving and just a sweetheart. And then I have my brother, Glenn, who's just an idiot.

You know, he has no concept of how he is or cares. He doesn't care because he's fucking, he just thinks he's killing it. He's a straight white male? Yes. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, over 50. That's the key ingredient. I mean, it's a different dynamic.

Like, it is nice to be around people who obviously they loved your ex and they loved being around him, but they love being around you. Just you, you know? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, that's it. I mean, how many times can I say? Yeah. Well, yeah.

Yeah. Family is great. Family is great. Everybody write that down. Write it down. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite?

Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book

talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages Hey, this is Hayes Davenport And Sean Clements

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners Each week we talk to someone in show business, aka The Biz And try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's

acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my

life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next email. Chelsea, this is a juicy one. Oh.

This is from Shaina. Should I get my water wings? Shaina's 29. She says, Dear Chelsea, About 18 months ago, a friend of mine ended an engagement with his girlfriend of many years. They just wouldn't have been able to make it work. The breakup was super hard on both of them, and he feels bad he let the relationship go on too long.

He's been talking to a therapist and believes it was the right decision to end things. He just wants them to be able to have closure. He recently contacted her to get the ring back, as well as some of his other stuff. Well, she returned his stuff, but not the ring. He tried to contact her about it and got radio silence. Legally, the ring should return to him. Since the wedding didn't happen, the ring doesn't officially become a gift. But before he takes legal action against her, is there any way I can help him get the ring back peacefully?

Shayna. First of all, Shayna, you better not let you, if you're influencing him at all, do not let him take legal action to get his fucking ring back. Yeah. He just broke up with her. She's allowed to keep the ring. The ring was a gift when he gave it to her, not when they get married. So you're letting him influence your thinking because you're a woman and you should know better. Do you know what I think?

I think Shayna is the new girlfriend. Yeah, obviously. I thought I really had like a moment there. Like honestly, you're going to sue to get your fucking engagement ring back? Who does that? Yeah. And especially because like he broke it off. And here's the big thing to me is Shayna says he broke off an engagement with a longtime girlfriend.

Not girlfriend. Fiance, first of all. But second of all, he let 18 months go by without bringing this up. 18 months, that's too long. Even if, like, and I looked up the laws on this, too. Laws differ from state to state. So some states have a law where, like, it becomes the woman's, like, as soon as she gets the ring. Look at you, Sherman Oaks SVU.

Look at you. I love to research, Chelsea. I actually really do. But so, you know, it depends on the state. It sounds like in their estate, it does legally revert to the giver since the wedding didn't happen. But if the wedding had happened, here's my thought. If he had asked within a month or two, maybe. First of all, it's not up to the man to ask for the ring back.

It's up to the woman if she wants to give it back. And any other man or a non-binary person that has been proposed to and is returning a ring. It's up to the person, the recipient of the gift. That's at their discretion, not the person who gave the gift. You can't ask for a gift back. You know what that's called. We're not allowed to say that term anymore. Right.

But what are you going to do? Give it to your next girlfriend? That's gross. Like a used engagement ring. No, we just want some money back so we can go buy her another one. I know. I heard a story about that too recently that somebody proposed to his next girlfriend with his old girlfriend's engagement ring.

Fine if you need a deal on a ring. I think rings should just be taken out of the equation altogether. It's a bit silly. Go on a vacation. Yeah. I'm going to go to Bora Bora. I gotta figure that out Every time I see pictures

On Instagram of Bora Bora I'm just like Holy fuck I went there once With my girlfriend Sophie And we spent a week there And I was like This is like a honeymoon

I'm like This is what I would want My honeymoon to be like My girlfriend And myself Amazing And just drank Every time we came out of the water

They handed me a mango margarita Cause that would be The last thing that I drank I love it They came It was just It was heaven You could be in that water

For seven hours a day Oh I love it I gotta get back there It's a long trip and I cried the day we left. I did. How long were you there? One week.

It was heaven. Heaven. Where is Bora Bora? By Tahiti. Okay. Okay, just, yeah. I know exactly where Tahiti is, so that's great.

It's like French Polynesia. Okay. So that whole area. I think I have some research ahead of me when I get home. Bora Bora. Oh, no, maybe that's by Indonesia, Bora Bora, because when we came from,

no, we came from Papiete. No, yeah, Tahiti. Okay. Tahiti. Okay. I have been to Indonesia. They take you, did you go to Bali? We did.

Yeah, that was cool. Bali's cool. Yes. It was interesting to see the two different sides of it, like how there's like one side that's so beachy and rustic. I've just never seen that much pollution in my life in Bali on the beaches. Yeah, it was all washed up. So the beaches were covered.

I went for a surf competition. Oh, we must have been there at a different time because they were pristine when we went. Oh, yeah. Well, I think parts of the island, but there's those big pyres, right? Is that what they're called? of garbage in the ocean and then they like washed ashore yeah so they had a massive my friend used to run that WSL so they had like a massive cleaning of the ocean thing where everybody in the same day went out to clean the ocean and get bit by sharks oh god attacked by sharks

fucking sharks are everywhere now oh no I know there's like a shark app that tells you where all the sharks are because many of them are tagged yeah in the Cape Cod area and if you look at it It's like, what the fuck? It's just the entire ocean. Into the ocean. Yeah. Yeah, they're all up like in the Northeast now because they're like, eh, we like this better. Yeah, and they're coming closer and closer.

And you can say whatever you want about sharks not attacking, but they attack. And that's what's happening. They're fucking hungry and they're attacking. Just sometimes. Only when they get a taste for it, right? Well, our first caller today is Wes. Wes has a pretty crazy situation. Wes says, dear Chelsea,

I'm a former foster parent who mostly took respite cases. One of my recurring cases were two brothers. They and all their siblings, ages 0 to 10, were in and out of care. I became close enough to the bio parents that I would occasionally babysit the kids even when they weren't in the system. The bio parents felt close enough to me to confide in me one day that mom was pregnant with twins. They wanted me to adopt the twins when they were born because they had the common sense to know that otherwise they'd be in and out of the system, too. After speaking with DCFS and my own family, I decided to adopt the twins. This essentially involved letters of intent on behalf of the bio parents and myself that the babies would leave the hospital with me and the bio parents would have no rights to them.

So there's legal implications here, too. long story short nearly seven months in we found out it was all a ruse the pregnancy was faked this was truly mind-bending and I approached my work about time off to grieve I had prepared space in my home and in my life for these babies and the sense of emptiness was profound their response was we have difficulty justifying this extended time off because there was no actual death. The next day, I quit my job. I had already had some qualms about the industry, and it's been 18 months since I quit, and I'm ready to go back to work. I'd like to obtain a position of similar title, senior director, but I feel that the 18-month gap in my resume will be hard to explain

and mean that I need to settle for a lesser position. How can I explain the gap in my resume without revealing too much information? I have no problem sharing my story when it's appropriate, but an interview is definitely not that. Thanks for your time. Hope to speak with you soon. be well, Wes. Hi, Wes. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. Good. How are you doing? Doing well. You guys look radiant. Thank you. I was going to say you looked ravishing earlier. Oh, thank you. Well, I'm pretty hungry. So Wes, that's such a fucked up thing to have happen. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. So So they basically faked it for what? To get you to give them money or pay? Yeah. I mean, that's that's the question I get a lot. It's like, why did they do that? And I think

one of the reasons why this is like such a, you know, difficult, confusing situation is like we didn't really give them a whole lot over that seven month period. I mean, we like gave them and their other kids presents at Christmas. We would babysit. I mean, like one time I bought them gas. And another time I bought them groceries. But when they announced that they were pregnant, we had in our care, their two oldest boys. And so I think, you know, it's one thing to fake a pregnancy, but then it's a completely different thing to fake a pregnancy with twins. So I think that they wanted to, in their minds, they wanted to swap these twins for and they thought that somehow they were going to be able to do that but if the if the pregnancy

wasn't real then there was there were no twins yeah so i don't think they thought that yeah and we talked and there's some like mental illness involved and it's like a pretty sticky situation yeah yeah the the entire history of the family involves like dcfs which is like the foster care organization. And the mother had trauma, the father, you know, had been incarcerated. So I mean, they're not rational, well-adjusted people. I mean, the children were brought into care for a reason. And are the rest of the kids still with them? So, you know, I'm not supposed to know this, but I do because I had some contacts in the agency after I released my license. But essentially what happened is this is really crazy are not adopted yet but the two younger sisters were the baby that

I babysat a lot of the time he got adopted and then just recently like a couple months ago we found out that that the mother is pregnant with twins actually actually like verified like the system has already taken measures to bring those children into care once they're born wow it is wild you can't talk about a manifestation yeah yeah so what's your status with this family you're obviously not in contact with them now right i mean how do you really get past a fake pregnancy yeah yeah and you know they told us that like if any of their you know other five kids came up for adoption that they would like immediately make moves for that and there were like a lot of like tearful phone calls and just kind of integrating their family with mine. And

you don't come back from that, like you said. No. And you made space in your life for them. Like that line of your email really stuck out to me because you would. I mean, you'd be planning baby showers and where they're going to sleep and all these things. Yeah. Yeah. We had this lovely nursery set up. It was so much fun to do that. And even, you know, with their existing real kids you know we would always have the because you have to have supervised visits when your children are in care and you come visit them so we would always have like all four to five kids in care meet at our place and so you know it was it was a place that the parents were familiar with it was a place that all the kids were familiar with so it was just like yeah there was like the

physical space and then like I I told my parents and all my family like hey we can expect one to like five kids in maybe a year like isn't that crazy and like you know it was just and then it turned out that it was all fake and I'm so sorry but let's talk a little bit about getting you back in the workforce because I know you took 18 months off and you have a pretty high level position right but did you say you rescinded your license yeah yeah why i so i love what foster care does for children because you know babies get adopted all the time there's like negative babies in the adoption space there's a there's a deficit of babies but in the foster system there's just this overwhelming surplus i think it's like 400 000 in the united states alone that are looking

for homes at any given that's just children like needing care. And so my aunts adopted a lovely boy who they turned his world around. And I became of age and career to support, you know, my own instance of fostering. Is it a different license in each state? But don't you need to get your license back in order to go back to work? No. I think the license was for DCFS, right? Like the foster license yeah yeah yeah like the license that says that like you know like you're capable and your your house meets all the requirements and sure yeah I think I mean in the last 18 months I mean you're not the only person who's lapsed in employment like I think you can there's so many things you can say you can blame it on COVID you can blame it on your family you had a family member

who had COVID who got really ill like you know obviously don't get into too many details but you can just make that the reason why you didn't work. Yeah. And even I think there is room to like get closer to the truth of I had a loss in my family. Like you don't necessarily have to say death. I had a loss in my family. And so I took some time to grieve. And some people may ask for more information, but you can also just finish that sentence and, you know, change the subject, ask a question. One thing that I did find, I did a little research on this as well, is for for example for women who have a significant gap in their resume you know this study was done with like gaps of 10 years for people who took time off to go back to school or raise a family

or whatever when they addressed that gap right on their resume they had a 40 higher chance of getting hired so i would say right there on your resume even just say it and then it might not even come up in the interview like i think it would be hard pressed to find an interviewer who's like so who died like let's talk about it talk about the grieving process right right yeah no that's a that's a great point i never thought about just being bold and out there with it you know because i i want to be truthful to the point where you know i'm not lying that just feels like the opposite of like what the whole point of taking off time was but at the same time like i don't want to like destroy someone's day with this like terrible story i think katherine's advice is perfect you

get closer to the truth. I was just coming up with a blatant lie because, but I think I'm wrong in this situation. And Catherine, that was really good. Oh, because you can't say you lost a family member and let people and if, you know, they probably will think it was related to COVID. And then we both get our way. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, definitely. And if they press it, you can invent a family member, just like Chelsea said. Yeah, totally. Just a little bit of fun lying. Yeah. And also focus on, well, you're just talking about your resume, not the actual interview? Well, that's what I'm nervous about. There are so many topics or conversations about how aggressive the workplace is becoming. And bosses are demanding that people work in the

office, go back to the office. There's this conversation about quiet quitting, which is just basically acting your wage. And it just seems like the corporate hierarchy office environment in America hasn't improved in my time away. And I certainly hope that I'm stronger. But I think that that environment still seems pretty toxic across the board. But you're still ready to get back to work. I would like to. I mean, my partner has a lot of like I hear a lot of his conversations and I want to get back into those like decision making meetings. And I want to I want to do the financial analysis. And, you know, I want to, I want to be a mentor and a leader again. Well, it seems like you've really thought about it and had great thoughtfulness about it.

You sound like you really know what you're talking about in terms of what's good for you and the way you're going to like perform the best. So that's positive. And also, you know, focus on all of the things that you like. This is a great job interview right now. I feel like if somebody heard you talking, I'd be like, wow, you're so capable and you have so many things to add, you know, and just your awareness is, you know, impressive. So those are the things you want to sell yourself on anyway, and not harp on the last 18 months where you didn't work. It's like, that gave me enough time to reflect and figure out and have like a laser focus of exactly what I want to contribute. Yes, that's powerful. Thank you. I didn't think about it like that.

Thank you. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And listen back to this, because everything you just said is stuff an employer would want to hear. Like, here's why I want to be here. This is why I love being in corporate America. This is why it allows me to think creatively and problem solve. And I want to be in there. Yeah, I think I could use that to my advantage. Awesome. All right. Let us know what happens. Keep us posted. Absolutely. I'll send you an email. Have a good one. Thanks. Bye. What a whirlwind. Yeah, that was our longest caller, I think. In a while, it sure was. We learned about corporate America and here we are. Well, this is an email from Marie. She's 26. Dear Chelsea, this is a long, complicated story, but let me try to boil it down.

Impossible because I always end up going on and on. Five-ish years ago, meet John in my hometown, San Francisco, through mutual friends. We ended up becoming great friends. Six months later, John moves to L.A. We keep in touch through texts and phone calls once or twice a week, occasionally visiting while with friends. July 2020, so this is several years later, John invites me to come down to L.A. for six weeks to stay at his house with him. we gradually start hooking up. We spend the summer hooking up, but he's clear he only wants to be friends. He doesn't want to fuck up our friendship, etc. I'm cool with this. By October 2020, things

get weird between us and we're not really talking anymore. A few months later, we start talking on the phone every day for hours at a time. We'd talk in the morning, usually for an hour, and then again at night for a couple hours. He invites me to come stay with him for a week, and when I get back to his place and have lunch, we immediately have sex. Oops. We spend the summer going back and forth between LA and San Francisco. September 2021. I help him move, drive his shit from LA to San Francisco where I live. We're hooking up all the time, but quote, just friends. It's been nine months. I'm basically living with him. Haven't slept in my own bed since early April. We say we love each other. He paid for us to go on vacation. Looks and acts just like a boyfriend, but still

he's not he still won't commit he's not sleeping with or talking to anyone else I fully trust him on that he literally doesn't have time because we're together 24 7 I just don't get it he says he's scared he doesn't know how things will end up if he's going to move away or if we'll just end up with our hearts broken is he wasting my time I would literally marry this guy but he still won't call me his girlfriend so what does that say I don't want to give an ultimatum but I also need him to make a decision why would he want the cow me when I already give him the milk full girlfriend treatment for free last time I brought this up was a month ago and he said he just wasn't ready and couldn't give me what I wanted we ended up crying together and

things went back to normal Chelsea please help best Marie hi Marie hi how are you good so you You want to marry the guy that doesn't even want to acknowledge that you're his girlfriend. I mean, like, I feel really strongly for him. Probably not marriage right now, but like I would like I'd be open to a full relationship. I don't understand, like, why he won't. Because something's stuck in him. Something is stuck in him and you're not going to get it by sticking around. You're not going to get him unstuck by sticking around.

You have to lay down the law and say, listen, this is ridiculous. We're in a relationship. we have been, we're together all the time. I don't care if you're scared. This is now disrespectful to me. You won't even acknowledge that I'm your girlfriend. And if you don't, if you can't, then that's fine, but we're not going to continue this way. And you have to be strong and actually mean that this is beneath you. You know, if you want to be in a relationship with him and he's saying, no, this is beneath you and you're lowering your standards and what you are going to get in terms of respect from people. You asked, is he wasting my time? And I think

for my part the obvious answer is yes I personally think that wasting someone's time romantically is truly a cardinal sin of dating like I think that is one of the things that's really unforgivable because you are not only taking that person's time currently but you're taking that person's time keeping them from meeting someone else keeping them from healing keeping them from going and having adventures whatever the case may be what do you think about that I agree with you again Catherine I agree with you like I know you don't want to hear this I understand that this is difficult because you're in a situation, but I'm imploring you to get yourself out of this situation because as soon as you do, you're going to see things more clearly. And if he's ever going

to wake up and stand up and say yes, it's going to be because of your absence. Yeah. I just needed to hear it from someone who wasn't in my life. Yeah. Totally. What do your friends think about it are your friends like stick around he's amazing or they're like dump him yeah well you can't dump him because you're not even in a relationship I know well they're like you need to bring it up you need to bring it up and I feel like I waited until like I said I was waiting until I was ready to like really walk away but I feel like that's not coming and I just have to do it yeah you do and then deal with it yeah Marie you seem like somebody who's very level-headed you're very chill and one of the red flags to me because I was in a similar relationship was you know kind

of you talk about at the end where you cried about it together and and I you know and that's not mocking at all but no I it's like just this sort of up and down and will we or won't we end like he's got these rules this to me feels like somebody who maybe is thriving on the drama of it all and he is addicted to the highs and the lows and all the highs are super high and all the lows are super low and like maybe there's a little personality disorder going on or maybe there's just like a bad boyfriend situation going on but that to me is kind of red flaggy is that what your relationship is like dramatic and highs and lows it was like two years ago and then the last like nine months have been really calm and like really good and honestly like perfect aside from

this whole thing of not having a label on it which is like the one thing I'm asking you know and it's not a lot no it's not it's totally normal and yes yeah honestly just get away from him break up and do it with meaning and I guarantee you your life is going to be incrementally better in three weeks okay three weeks three weeks you're going to start to feel the impact of making a strong decision and what that means as a woman and setting an example for yourself and for all of the people in your life that you're not a doormat and that what you're asking for is not a tall order for to be called someone's girlfriend is an everyday language that men women women and women men and men everyone uses it's not a big deal so he should get over himself or he's not going to have you as

his girlfriend right yeah yeah it's pretty simple so do it report back okay let us know i will i will i'm scared don't be scared be strong be strong step in your strong shoes like you have strength go find it thank you so much i appreciate it bye marie bye bye guys you know i think it's interesting that she mentions ultimatums i do you think that they ever work no it's so dumb ultimatum. Like, I don't even understand where that came from. Yeah. You're going to do this or else. So stupid. You know, I think like the only time something similar to that has worked for me is like when I'm giving it to myself. So it's like I in the past have been like, you know what, if I still feel this bad in this job or this relationship or this friendship or whatever it is

in two months or six months or whatever sort of the situation calls for. And I will actually put this on my calendar like get out of that situation if you still feel bad at this point because like things get good things get bad like things change but like I've given myself ultimatums and I think that's the only thing you can do you can't give an ultimatum to another person no I mean it's almost like a way to state that the opposite will happen and it's yeah as soon as you say if you do this you know it's gonna happen right exactly and if you just you know like Marie if you do actually just leave it's not an empty threat it's like okay well this is the boundary you're not going to give me what i want so it's done marie's going to follow up with us she's going to leave him

and then she's going to follow up with us she better find it in her courage machine to do the deed it's empowering to walk away from things i mean not in an arrogant way or like i'm the big it's empowering for your self-esteem to be like this is not acceptable for me anymore Like, I don't accept this. And you actually truly never know what good thing can come out of saying no to something that's not working. I had a situation recently where I was working on a show. Brad and I were actually both working on a show. It felt like the right decision to leave the show because of a few different things that were going on.

And we had too many projects going on and whatever else. So we left the show and I actually was able to find two people who are actually two of my closest friends to fill those positions and got them all set up. And the very last thing, like on my last conversation with the hiring manager or with the manager of the show was, you know, the host of the show just wishes he could do this show with you. And as it turned out, the other show that I was leaving for had fallen through. it had turned out to be a bad toxic situation so we got out of that and it turned into this situation I never could have realized where I got hired back to this show I get to work with two of my best friends who are brilliant at their jobs and I get to like help on this on this show that I just absolutely love and like all the bad stuff there has gone away so it just was like I could

have never envisioned that this was a possible outcome but like I got hired back with like a better title in a race. Wow. It's amazing. I know. Things do work out like that all the time. That happens all the time. They do. Well, we have one more caller today and her name is Jocelyn. Jocelyn says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 36 and I live in Austin. I made a career switch and became an esthetician a few months before I moved here, February 2020. And well, what a fucking time to move to a new city. Over the past few months, clients will come in, lay on the table for a service, and just start trauma dumping. I've always been an empath, and people have opened up to me a lot throughout my life. I value deep conversations. As my friends were gossiping in

a booth at a bar, I would always be found having a hard time with a stranger. It's just who I am. Lately, though, I haven't been able to deal with the weight of the trauma dumping my clients tend to do. It leaves me exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I have my own shit. I'm seeing a therapist and have even talked to her about this. So it's difficult dealing with my shit and having clients who I know feel like they may not have anyone to talk to. I usually go home and feel so drained that I don't want to do anything. I end up sleeping in, then get nothing accomplished before work. I don't necessarily feel depressed, just bogged down and in a daze of sorts. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this slump and get motivated to take action in filling my own cup

before i get burnt out all the best jocelyn hi jocelyn hi hi how are you doing well i see we both have beautiful curtains behind us yes it's a curtain podcast then we have curtains behind there because there's seven small people living back there so we have to hide that for publicity reasons of course there are so what is your line of work i'm a medical esthetician right Right. I would have to say, listen, I think that job just that's what that job comes with, right? Like people are always going to come in there and air their laundry. I think it's a matter of you getting your head in a different space about it and realize that you are serving a really important purpose in so many people's lives because that is when they do relax and

they are willing to be vulnerable and discuss their problems. And that's a far better option than people not discussing their problems. While you don't want to be the recipient all the time because you've got own stuff going on. I find that when you're there for other people in a generous way, which is part of your job, kind of, you know, it's not written, but it is kind of like a tacit part of your job. I feel like that's going to give you so much comfort and fill you up as well. If you have the right attitude about your being that you're there to help them instead of, you know, being annoyed by people's stories, which I can totally relate to. It's nice to flip the switch and be like, this person needs me right now. Yeah. Have you tried anything like

that yeah no I definitely have been working on it and trying to set boundaries in different ways it's more so the like constants of it like sometimes I'll have an hour facial and then a 15 minute break and then back to back where sometimes it's all day of just hearing really sad things and so I definitely know that I need to work on myself and changing my state of mind for sure. Like I said in the email, I was seeing a therapist, but I fired her last week. So I'm looking for another one. Why did you fire her? I gave it four sessions and every time I felt like I was the only one initiating any of the conversation. And there was a lot of lulls in between until I started talking again. And the last session with her, she confused me with

another client and brought up someone else's trauma with me that I was like, I don't think I said that. And so it was kind of awkward. Well, good for firing her. That's not a match. That's not a good therapist. So yeah, you should definitely find another therapist, but don't give up. And listen, we all go through different phases in our lives. We go through happy spells and sadder spells and listless periods where sometimes you feel super productive and sometimes you don't. But I really think if you can try and remember to be of service to others in a sense, and that you're doing job, like you're doing the Lord's work, you know, like, think about it in that sense, take it seriously on that in that sense, and try and separate your

personal life from theirs. You know, I think sometimes hearing a lot of sad stories makes me feel realize how lucky I am and fortunate not to be experiencing those things. So there's that aspect of it, too, you know, it can shine a light on how different your lives are, and how grateful you are to have the life you are even if you're not in the happiest state right now you never know that could be just around the corner and it's it is really an inside job to get ourselves to feel positive and happy and optimistic that doesn't just always come naturally definitely yeah and I think there might be some things you can do at the end of your work day to sort of like literally and figuratively like wash that stuff away so that you're not taking it home with you

Whether that's sort of resetting your nervous system by taking a shower or some people love to have light some sage, unsage themselves or whatever. But having some sort of a little daily ritual, even if it's just changing your clothes or taking a nap or whatever it is, to sort of separate those two parts of your day. Do you find it's a few clients in particular or is it just all your clients are trauma dumping? Not all of them, but there's a steady amount. amount like my co-workers and I talk about it like everyone's kind of going through it and it is obviously with our job it is a common thing and then with the last couple years and all the shit that everyone has been through there's even more yeah definitely trying to separate change my mindset and be more positive about it knowing that I am helping people I just feel mainly that I

carry it with like you take it on yeah yeah that will definitely be something to talk to your new therapist about like how do I hear this and be present with them but also like not have it affect me and like carry it with me every day there might be an opportunity for you to set the tone when you walk into the room so maybe that's asking questions that have sort of like a positive basis or even redirecting, like, I'm so sorry that happened. So maybe let's talk about something positive. What's one of the most fun things you've done or seen recently?

You know, setting up those conversations, even right from the beginning when someone walks in the door, of engaging them with what's something positive. Let's talk about this. What was fun this week? What are you liking to listen to right now? And just getting the ball rolling,

encouraging them to talk about things they're excited about. No, I love that idea. But because I, like I said earlier, I've tried setting boundaries. I have tried redirecting, but I haven't thought about the, like, asking them, you know, what's a positive thing going on? What's something fun you've done? And so that's really great. Like first date questions or third date questions. Stuff that's, like, light and positive, but it's, like, gets the ball rolling and it's very open-ended.

And, yeah. Awesome. Great. Well, let's say try that out and let us know how it goes for you. All right. Thank you all so much. Awesome. Thank you.

Good luck. jumping on oh she's sweet yeah of course she's a medical esthetician she was beautiful it's so funny though whenever i go to the doctor i feel like they're fucking trauma dumping on me any of my estheticians not trauma dumping but i'm always getting information that's because i ask a lot of questions yeah that's why and that's your vibe you're like tell me all the things tell me all the things well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back okay chelsea yes yes yes bye Bye, Catherine. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits,

change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello! We're back. Excellent. That was so easy. Chelsea, this is usually the part of the show where someone asks for advice from you, But I think since it's just you and me today, I think we can close with one last email that I got. And I wanted to share this kind of at the end. But it goes with our theme today of breakups and makeups.

Dear Chelsea, this is from Ariana. I'm writing this email to express my deepest gratitude for you as a role model. My ex and I broke up in June. And because it was my deepest, most loving relationship yet, it is now my most painful breakup. I've gone through many periods in life where I was sure that I probably won't find my person. Not really based on insecurities, but because I just didn't think there was a great fit out there for me. That all changed last year when I was swept up in love with the most amazing person I've ever met. We moved across the country together and went through rough patches and then had so much growth together all in a little over a year.

Things were never perfect, but as the saying goes, love is all about hard work. What saying is that? Love is all about hard work? No. Okay, anyway, marriage is all about hard work. That's accurate. That is accurate. In June, he had the courage that I didn't to say what we both knew to be true. It just wasn't the right fit. We hadn't lived there long enough for me to have a solid group of friends and I had no family nearby. My mom flew out and helped me pack up

and just like that, my new life and all the plans we made for the future were gone. I'm still picking up the pieces of my life, finding a new job in a new place, but this is the only relationship that has reached this level for me and just as I was starting to slip back into my pessimistic view of well this is as good as it could get and it didn't work so that's it for me I listened to your podcast hearing your hope and positivity for your future is healing a part of me I haven't touched yet in my journey yuck sorry I said journey we're all works in progress and to hear you speak and spread love helps make this all a little easier Ariana that's nice okay well this is our close then, you guys. Thanks for being here with us today. And we'll be back next week. Yep, we sure

will. Bye. So I am winding up my stand-up tour. Vaccinated and Horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates coming up. And these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website, ChelseaHandler.com, if you want Vaccinated and Horny. Captain's hats that say, we're the captains now for women only. Our t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry, because they should be. I only have a few dates left. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. There, I said it. And then San Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea.

that is our podcast and you can rate us if you want yeah that's a great idea it actually makes a huge difference for this podcast for any podcast that you like subscribing giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word okay yeah yeah subscribe and and and comment yeah and follow so if you'd like advice from chelsea just send us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law,

and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out.

You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube. 90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back.

Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.