Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Skinny’s Not a Compliment with Hunter McGrady

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Model and activist Hunter McGrady is in the studio today to talk about body neutrality, being trolled by the Trumps, and how the loss of her brother brought her family close.  Then: A wife decides between her husband and a gun-free home. A 30-something struggles with body image after gaining some weight.  And a daughter decides to break the cycle of abuse in her family. * Check out Hunter’s podcast Model Citizen here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Hi, I'm very excited about our guest today because she's a Sports Illustrated cover model, entrepreneur, and host of the Model Citizen podcast. Please welcome Hunter McGrady.

Hunter McGrady, welcome to the podcast. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Oh, you're so cute she hunter arrived with her sister and her mother in tow which is my favorite thing yes they come with me everywhere whenever i'm in la yeah that's and whenever i'm in the san francisco area my sister my sister's seen me perform probably like 16 times i love so she can't be interested you know what i mean like they're not interested she doesn't even come backstage anymore she stays in the dressing room i'm like what's the fucking point of being here no she cruises the audience to see if there are any single men i'm like there will never be any single straight men coming to see my show so stop looking no one if they are that would be a tip off

yeah right right right yeah anyone straight out there it's like he's coming to meet women actually it's a great guy it would be it's a great place to cruise for women because my audience is so female heavy i love it hunter how are you i'm doing good i'm actually in on vacation and we're like i was like of course i'm gonna do charles are you kidding with doug charles yes yeah yeah where were you where were you vacation oh you're on vacation this is your vacation i'm born and raised here i love your eyebrows they're they're they real they're real but i'm wondering if it's eyebrow blindness which i'm seeing on no no no they're perfect and i'm afraid i'm gonna look back and it's gonna people are gonna be like that was eyebrow blindness that means you can't see

your own eyebrows it means that you've done them so gnarly and so crazy is that what i look like no yours looks like i'm using a new product that it feels like there's semen in my eyebrows because it's hard and gelatinized. It goes up. But I like the look of it where it's kind of fuzzy and it looks like hair. You know what I mean? I promise. OK, thank you. You're well, you're a model. So you need to tell me the truth because I'm not. I'll tell you the truth. Here's the thing. I will be so honest that it sometimes hurts the feelings, but I will be honest. Congratulations on your Sports Illustrated. Thank you. And I was interested in speaking to you because you talk so much about body positivity. Right. And I want to know what you think about the term plus size model.

So it's funny. I'm kind of like even with body positivity, like now I'm just like body neutrality because we can't always all be positive all the time about our body. Right. Like you can also be neutral about it. And that's also so cool. And I think the word plus size when I first started out because I was in this such as toxic diet culture mindset, I was like, oh, don't call me a plus size model. That's mortifying. And now I'm like, I'm so proud of it. That's that's what made me who I am. And that's what gave me all my success, you know, and now I take it. I could take it or leave it, whatever anyone wants to say. That's interesting. Body positivity versus body neutrality, because it is true. How are you supposed to be fucking positive about something all the time? No one's positive about anything all the time. Right, right.

Well, that's the thing also is I think that like media has also taken it and really spun it in such a negative way where like so many brands are saying like we're inclusive, we're positive. and then you really go in they don't none of them make my size you use the token plus size girl and it's just gotten so muddied but why well i don't understand why these brands don't make bigger sizes it's not like there are only small women they're leaving money on the table and now brands are even pulling back even more because we are in this ozempic era which fine you i cannot sit here and be like staunch pro-choice and then say but you can't do that to your body do whatever you want right like literally take do whatever you want take whatever you want but know that you could lose the weight and still not feel a hundred percent confident and it starts with your mind

right like it starts with here first I actually had I was talking to my sister about this I had a girlfriend of mine and she's on ozempic and she was like I've lost 15 pounds I'm at the weight that I told myself that I would feel confident in and I just don't feel good and I was like well yeah of course because you bought into the lie that thin equals confidence that's just not the truth confidence is like a journey it comes from within right i'm not a thin woman but i'm a confident woman and you would never take ozempic no i have not ever you know but i'm not against it right i'm really not whatever anyone wants to do it's not my i can't say anything about your body you do what you want to do you know but i think that like you do what you want to do but

just know that confidence is a mind thing and that's like that's work right and therapy has helped you helped you with a lot of that confidence right i'm such a proponent for therapy we have been in therapy since i was 15 years old well i mean it's so fucking obvious that if you can go to therapy you fucking should go like no one goes to therapy and be like and it's like it ruined my life right you know unless you end up fucking your therapist which we advise against listen yeah 100 it's like when people say you had sex with a therapist there was a lot of hesitation there hunter i i did have a hot therapist once well that's the first time no you can't have a hot therapist i once went to couples therapy with a boyfriend and i was attracted to the therapist

right away and i was like this is not a good idea i'm just telling you right now this is my type he's older at the time i only liked older men and i was like i'm because i had daddy issues yeah and i wanted i was attracted to him and i was like oh he's gonna fix me this is the exact dynamic that i need to stay away from any sort of mentor figure i will become attracted to run for the Pills. A hundred percent. And I always think about like therapy, like when, when people tell me they're getting a divorce and they're like, I'm so sorry, but like no happy marriage ends in divorce. So I'm like, good for you. You're fucking, you're doing the thing. It's the same with therapy. Yeah. You're not going to ever go into therapy and it's going to be bad.

So you haven't been with the same therapist since you were 15 or? No, I haven't. I've bounced around. I've gone. I like that too. I have a grief therapist. I have, you know, my own personal therapist. I'm very much a proponent for it. I think even if you think you have no reason to go, go and they'll find stuff to work past. And I know that it's not affordable for everybody, which is why we're constantly sponsored by BetterHelp on this podcast, because anyone can access like affordable therapy and it's worthwhile. And that's not an ad. That's just a side note. Yeah, of course. So I know you lost

your brother. Yeah. I also have a brother that has passed away. Yeah. How old were you when that happen gosh this was just three years ago oh so it's yeah it's very new we were actually talking about this because my mom and i we watched your special i think it was when was your most recent special oh no you're talking about revolution on hbo max where i talk about my brother yeah and it was so healing to me oh thank you i'm so i mean i'm glad yeah it was because i'm sorry but it is it's like it's something that is just going to change you forever you know yeah and And it's like sibling loss is very nuanced and not talked about. So it was very healing.

I'm glad to hear that. It's almost like with siblings, I think the sentence that I learned the most from was celebrating someone's life instead of, obviously you have to grieve your brother. We all do. And I can't even imagine what that's like for parents. But when you can move into the celebration of their life and to allow them to, as a guiding light in your own life. Yeah. When you're making tough decisions and you think of the person you lost that you love so much. Yeah. And infuse your decision making with that loss and that love for

a person. I think that's when the grief starts to move into a place that you're like, you know, we're always going to be upset. There's always going to be emotion tied to it, but it can be the most useful and loving way to accept someone's departure is to make sure they're with you every step of the way yeah well and that's why i you know i often like bring up my brother when it comes to even my like when people talk about weight or their body or the way and i'm like life is so fucking short that is so goddamn boring to talk about if you're always worrying about that like you can be gone tomorrow but i mean even back to what you're saying this is not related to grief but how much time i wasted in my youth focusing on my body yeah and the way that i looked the

amount the hours of like brow beating that I did to myself if only I were five pounds lighter I won't go out tonight because of how much I weigh I'm gonna run six miles tomorrow and then I would weigh myself when I went running before I went running and then I'd sweat for an hour and a half come home weigh myself then I mean this psychotic behavior around our body images like I can't wait for a generation of women to wake up and not have to deal with that me too it's happening now because Hunter I know you when you first started modeling you were like real thin and were told like it's still not enough you gotta lose what was three inches on your head yeah and I was 114 pounds and I'm six feet tall like it was it was crazy and I grew up my dad's an actor my mom was

a model and I grew up in this industry I grew up in LA and it was like that was just the norm right and so I thought well okay I'm just gonna have to be the smallest version of me if I want anything to do with this dream of mine. And finally, there was a breaking point where I showed up to a job and I was so thin. I was in a very massive calorie deficit, working out hours a day, miserable, had severe depression, anxiety. I showed up and everyone was kind of looking at me and they came over to my mom and I and they said, we're so sorry. We don't think you're going to fit in any of the clothes. We didn't realize how big you were. I was 50. I wasn't even a full grown woman i was 15 years old i haven't even like fully developed yet but i was

smart enough to know in that moment a i need to get help because i'm severely depressed b fuck this because if this is what it takes for me to live out this dream of being a model like i'm out so i took five years off and i did immense self-help work and that's when i kind of fell into the plus size modeling and then once i got sports illustrated i've been with them for seven years since I was 22 and it was just a massive like pendulum pendulum swing for me yeah isn't it interesting that women are always told to become smaller and men are always trying to become bigger do you want to know something so funny the other day an article popped up and it was like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman are promoting an unrealistic body ideal because they're so jacked

I'm like, you can't win. You literally can't win. No, no. I can't win. I have Donald Trump Jr. talking about my body. I have Fox News talking about my body being too big. Then you have Hugh Jackman being too, I'm like, you literally can't win. I like how political you are.

Tell me about your, like, history. Like, when did you get involved in politics and when did you start really caring or have you always? I've always cared because my sister and my mom are very, very political. they're like strong powerful women my sister is very vocal about it and for the longest time I was like I have to kind of be in the background because it's not good for the image to pick it and my sister was like if you don't stand for anything like you stand for fucking nothing so pick a side sister and like let's do our research and so you know in the last few years I think in

the last election when trump came in i got just really riled up and i was like i'm done and especially this election all of a sudden fox news started posting me donald trump jr posted me saying you know go woke go broke sports illustrated you want to have someone who's you know big on your in your magazine little did he know that i was going to get the cover a month later so like that's that yeah because there's too much on the line there's too much on the fucking line and i'm i'm a woman in this world where my rights are on the line and i have people in my life where their lives are on the line when you have children i have fucking children where their lives are on the line and like i send my son to school and i'm worried every day like

it's it's it's too much is at stake i have a platform and i'm gonna use it and i think that we all have that responsibility honestly like we should be using our platforms you use yours so brilliantly because a lot of people are afraid to. They are afraid to. And I also think that is a learning curve as well. I remember when you're talking about Donald Trump becoming elected. Listen, I was with you there, sister. I almost had a fucking nervous breakdown. I may have had one. I'm not sure. But at the time, I was so angry, angry, angry, angry. And like and it became so divisive, divisive, divisive. And then you realize, oh, like there's been an evolution in my messaging because I want to be happy and positive. Yes. I don't want to be hateful and

vitriolic I want actually to spread the good vibes yep and I've realized to not be hand in hand with the candidate all the time to actually be speaking from my own platforms where it's not like you can confuse or obfuscate what I'm doing with being paid to be promoting a candidate or this candidate no one's fucking I'm not for sale so no one's paying me to do fucking anything right I was just invited by the Harris team to her rally in Pennsylvania and I got so many messages from people being like oh this is paid this is so classic it's paid and i'm like no listen i don't agree with all the policies that kamala harris has i don't and i definitely don't believe with any of trump's but like i'm here to say like you're saying i'm voting at what what i align with

and i agree there is so much divisiveness and that's why we are having the issue that we're having i believe there's three parties there's the republican the democrat and the trump supporters And they don't care if I'm mad. So why am I going to sit here and be mad? I have two children I have to worry about. You know, I'm going to be positive. I'm going to use my voice for good and speak out about that and try to make a change where I can't but not let it affect me so much where I go down with them. Yeah.

Like, I feel like the Trump administration almost stole four years of my life. Like, you're not getting me again. You don't get that anymore. No. You got me once. Good. Good on you. It's like an abusive relationship.

It is. Right. It is. And that's literally how I feel like so many people feel. I feel the same way. I was so me and my sister were like out there on the lines with signs. And, you know, after a while, you're like, OK, you know what? I'm going to change my messaging and spin it and be positive and say like, OK, we have this here. This like future can look bright. And I think that's circling back to talking about your brother's death. It's almost like it's analogous in a way. It's about taking something devastating and turning it into something inspiring. Right. And actually making positives out of fucking mincemeat. You know what I mean? and it can happen. And I think that's such a powerful tool to be able to do. Like I'm sure even in the three years since you've lost your brother, you've seen the dynamic between your remaining family and how that's shifted, right? Oh, the moment it happened, we all got together and my mom and my dad said, listen to me right now. This can either make us or break us. It's not going to break us. So we're all going to come together. I'm literally, my parents are divorced

and we spent, we've spent every single day on this vacation all together with their grandkids in the house my dad's remarried like we're going to the beach together and of course along the way we're like oh I wish my brother was here I wish China could be here to see it but like we have gotten so close we spend Christmases all together like we have just I would have never thought my dad and my mom would even be in the same room with each other at one point and now we're spending Christmases together and again it comes back to this like what are we really going to worry about here we're going to worry about the small stuff the like I'm annoyed with you because of this no when you go through something that devastating and huge you realize like how that stuff's just

minutiae it's so minutiae yeah well for for it should be it should be but it reminds me of a story that i need to share because and it's not funny at all my cousins lost their brother and i was there in the room in the hospital after he had passed away we were all sitting there and my aunt and uncle had separated we're not on speaking terms and and then we're all gathered around you know it's a horrible day one of the most horrible days in everyone's life if not the most and I remember my uncle putting my his hand on my aunt's leg and was like you know we need to come together and she's like get the fuck off of me this is not your opening our son is dead and I still don't fucking want anything to do with you get out yeah no 100% well that's what I mean right

yeah but I mean it the spirit of it should be what you're describing but I think my uncle was actually trying to get back together in the hospital room. So that was also tonally way off base. But that's exactly what you're describing sounds like. Did it make your family come together? You know, when your brother dies, you feel like you're the only person in the world that is such a rare thing. And then as I've talked about it, as I've written about it, so many people have come to me and you're like, God, it's not something that's so common, but it's more common than you think yeah and so many people have lost brothers so I think experiencing my cousins losing their brother I remember just all I knew was how to help the

situation yeah like I've been through this I'm gonna take care of whatever you guys can't deal with in this moment I'll take care of the funeral I'll take care of this arrangement I'll take care of get buying a casket I'll take care of all this stuff no one is has the capability to deal with something when you someone is pulled out of your life unexpectedly yeah no one has any idea what to do. So somebody has to step up and do that. Yeah. So I was, I think it was useful for me to have gone through that because I was at an age when my brother died, I wasn't in charge of anything. I was nine years old. Right. But you kind of, you kind of like immediately get equipped with this armor to deal with life in a different way. And I mean, at nine, you're, you're, that's

like such an impressionable age. And I'm sure a lot of people were like, oh, she's nice. She's going to get over it. But it's like, no, this is now I've created this armor for the rest of my life of like how I'm going to move through life like I moved through life differently than I did three years ago I can handle things now that I would have never that would have broken me you were pregnant with your first child right when you passed so what was the experience going through this extreme grief and then suddenly having this huge amount of joy in your life yeah that was very weird because you know I called my doctor and I was like I'm flying home and she was like you're giving birth in like six weeks you can't and I was like I don't fucking care

i'll give birth on this plane when i got back you know i gave birth pretty much gosh yeah five weeks after it was very weird yeah it was very weird but it taught me so i didn't mean to cry so i'm fine with tears if you're gonna learn anything if anyone our listeners are gonna learn anything we are not apologizing for our tears anymore that's true that's true and i'm listen i'm always a crier on any platform um I think it made me realize that extreme sadness can only be known with extreme joy right and vice versa like I I it was the weirdest time because I was like how can I be the most devastated and honestly before I had my son I was like I don't think anything will be able to make me happy again you know but then he came out and oh my god and I would never want to

put this on him but like he saved a lot of us and i never want to like put that pressure on him and i'm not you know i never i'm like you're the you're the one who saved us but he brought so much healing and he's so much like my brother yeah well i think those things happen you know it's kind of like these rainbows in life when you lose someone you love and then a new there's someone always has a baby right it's so weird the way that works in a family like you can lose your father and then you have a baby you lose your brother and you have a baby and it's like there's a transfer of life and there's like you think about reincarnation and you're like is that a possibility oh my god what is this you know where because like i look like my son has my brother's

exact feet like he has his exact humor he i'm like bubba you in there like it's so wild it's so wild and it does bring that like sense of joy and relief but it was really weird to to also like not great i i think i was definitely a different mom to my son than i am to my daughter because i was in such heavy grief it affected my supply you know my supply dried up like pretty almost immediately like i couldn't breastfeed him it's all that like up and down whereas my daughter i'm like oh it was easy peasy you know comparing like the two of them yeah and i think gabor mate this psychiatrist from Canada or psychologist. I'm not sure what he is. We've had him on the podcast before, so I guess I wasn't paying attention, but he always talks about that, that you're not the

same parent regardless to your children. Every child, you're a different parent too, based on what their needs are, their sex, their personality. Yeah. My sister was so, so freaked out by her daughter when she found out her daughter was having sex. Meanwhile, her son is the same age and she's like i'm like is he having sex you know now he's the same age and she's like oh i don't know maybe i'm like interesting reaction that you were fucking losing your shit yeah three or four years ago and now you have no reaction to your son i'm like do you realize how sexist that is it's insane it's really insane i'm the opposite with my daughter like literally we when we came out for vacation a couple years ago his first time mom i'm like we have three hours until hudson

needs to get home for a nap this time i'm like if they fucking nap they nap if they eat they eat Like, I don't care. And it's so much more relaxed. Like, I think the second time you're just like. Well, yeah. Imagine the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth child. Raising themselves. Because you come from sixth, right?

Yes, I'm the youngest of six. So I was basically fucking like, I had a job when I was like three months old. I was like, holy shit. I really got to pitch in around here. Yeah, right. I mean, talk about neglect. But yeah, my sister always, well, I always tell the story of my sister. I'm sure they are very appreciative of me sharing their personal lives with the world.

But, you know, again, I don't care. Right. because they're my stories too my sister when she had her third like you know how they always stick up like something up their nose children like at some age like in school they stick an eraser in their asshole vagina or nose and and my my sister's first kid did it and then her last kid did it and her last kid did it she has three was in like you know nursery school and they're like oh you know Seneca has an eraser stuck in her nose and Simone was like we'll just wait until Monday you know It's late on a Friday, late on a Friday afternoon.

Like before you're fucking at the emergency room thinking that they're going to have like, you know, brain damage from a fucking eraser, whatever the hell they stuck up their nose. And then cut to the third and you're like, whatever, you know, we'll give it a solid week and then we'll check back in. My sister has like a lead pencil in her leg. One of my sisters, because she like got stabbed with a pencil and my parents never even, she was number five and they never took her to the hospital. So she could still see the fucking pencil in her leg.

Isn't that weird? I think I also have that. That can't be good. That's like something I'm like, that cannot be good for poisoning anyone. All right, well, on stabbing yourself with pencils and putting erasers in your vagina, but even though Seneca didn't do that,

I just want to say she put it in her nose. We'll take a break and we'll be right back with Hunter McGrady. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at fellerdirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to

stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back with Hunter McGrady. We are back. Look at how fucking handsome Doug is, standing there like a lion. He looks like the Lion King. Can you see him? Yeah. He's so sweet.

So good looking. He's a good dog. He literally came up and I was like, oh my God, he's just so like, he's a lover. He's just on a snuggle. He's a lover and he's got so much meat. Yeah.

Oh, it's so comforting to just snuggle with him. Okay. Well, our first caller is Abby. And she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with my body image. I'm a 34-year-old woman of color, child-free, recently married, and I have a job I enjoy. For the first time, I've gained some extra weight, and I'm having a hard time with everything that comes along with that. I was an athlete in high school and kept reasonably active in university and in my 20s. My dog died at the beginning of

the year, and I guess I didn't realize how active he kept me or how hard I took this very sudden loss. He was my first pet and really taught me so much. I'm now trying to do very long walks three to four days a week. I've been at it all summer, and this week I'm incorporating weights. I try to make it fun and do active things with my husband and friends. The problem is I cannot stop hating what I'm seeing. I also understand that the weight I've gained is a lot for me, but I know I'm catastrophizing, and I can't stop comparing my body to other bodies I see. Big, small, whatever. I'm looking and I'm thinking, do I look like this person? Why don't I look like that person? Every time I get dressed for work and something doesn't fit like it once did,

I have a complete meltdown. My, quote, baggy jeans have now become the only ones that fit, and I have to dress nicely for work, so I enjoy being stylish and put together. I'm noticing these urges to do unhealthy things in an effort to lose weight, and it seems easier to try and starve myself or restrict my eating. This is all taking a toll on my relationship with my husband. While he has no issues with my body and is completely supportive of me, it's the meltdowns and the negative self-talk that are causing conflict for us. how do I stop hating my body so much? Abby. Hi, Abby. Hi, Abby. Hello. Hi, this is Hunter, our special guest today. Hi. You're gorgeous. Oh my goodness. Thank you. Thank you. Hunter,

do you want to start? You know, you're not alone. We all are feeling this. I think, you know, like I was talking to Chelsea earlier how I'm all about body neutrality, right? Like I think getting to that place in your body of knowing instead of seeing your body for the way that it looks right we're in the age of social media where we see so many different types of bodies all day long we are comparing you know our bodies to that we also have to realize that like facetune exists i always say like not even the models and the magazines look like the models and the magazines trust me i'm one of them but you know and also just comparing yourself is just going to steal so much of your joy and also realizing like your body does so much for you

your body does so much for you thinking of your body in that manner will just change your life I had a therapist tell me at 16 that changed my world I've done it every single day since she told me to stand in the mirror after showering look in the mirror completely naked slick back your hair like literally get down to your stubs girl like where you are no makeup nothing and I want you to have a full-blown conversation with yourself telling yourself five things that you want to love about yourself they're probably not going to be things that you actually love about yourself because for me it was really hard I had at first I thought this is the dumbest fucking exercise ever because I'm not going to do it but I went home and I was like my

therapist said to do it I'm going to give it a try I looked in the mirror and I said five things I wanted to love about myself my hips my arms my I had stretch marks I was 16 I had stretch marks on my inner thighs I had like ingrown hair bumps and things like that I broke down in tears so bad but I pushed through and I kept doing that exercise every single day and can I tell you Abby what happened instead of those being things that I wanted to love about myself they became things that I did love about myself because I was telling my brain that I've done that exercise every single day since i don't maybe get down to my stubs now but i look in my rearview mirror my car my husband at first thought i was crazy but now it's so natural for me to say god you know what i love

those things and now it's so much deeper even than just my body is i love my spirit i love my soul i love what i offer to the world strength my strength your strength of as a woman yes that is what we need to be thinking about you're just being a product of your environment like you the way you're thinking is a product of the way we've been taught to talk about and think about our bodies and that's just what we've been fed so like you allowing them to rob you of the joy you're first of all whatever's happening is temporary right like every situation we're in is temporary it's not permanent if you don't if you want to you know lose weight that's fine that's okay but you can't shame yourself for where you are in the current moment you're doing things to help yourself to

be stronger to be healthier I love that you're going for long walks walking is so fucking good for you weights are so good for you but you want to change and the framework to being strong not to being thin or skinny you want to be strong like I'm the strongest I've ever been and that's all I care about is my strength and because of that I'm smaller than I've ever been because I'm a huge into weights and everything and yes I have the same issues we all do about bodies but I know now that this whole narrative around women and their bodies doesn't get to control me and my fucking mood. I'm not going to have a breakdown because I don't fit into jeans. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's very honest of you to admit that, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Can I give you the best tip for when you have a breakdown because jeans don't fit? This is going to be life changing. Guys, ready? Buy a bigger size. Yes. Nothing will make you feel worse than clothes that don't fit and make you feel awful the number means nothing you're the only one who knows what the number in the jeans is and i feel like i'm surrounded by it right the way you described it of being like a stealer joy is this a real thing you know um i described with my letter that you know a lot of really great things are happening in my life but i feel like i am so distracted by this one thing so distracted by this like negative self-talk and just like this negative way I have of looking at myself.

Well, you just need to get up and write those 10 things down every single day. I want you to write 10 things down every single morning of what's going well in your life. Because I promise you that will change the channel of the way you're thinking about yourself. Because we can't miss the moment we're in. And when we're so preoccupied with the way we look,

we miss all of the good stuff, you know? So you have to know you're taking steps to get the body that you are more comfortable in. In the meantime, there's no reason to like self-immolate. you can't beat yourself up about that stuff because it's taking away from all the other good things in your life and so a great exercise and i've done this we've had so many people on the show do this really like start your gratitude list every morning and being like these are the 10 things i'm happy about and even say i'm on my way to having the body that i want to have

but there's no reason to again rob the joy of the present moment you know and look in the mirror and look how beautiful that is. Look at the strength that comes from within your body. Like it's not just about the outside of the body. It's about all the things that are working inside that give you the strength and ability to walk around every day, to want to lift weights, to have clarity of mind. You know, it's just, you're just changing the channel on your conversation with yourself. And another trick that's really helpful is thinking about how you would speak to your best friend. Like you would never say to your best friend, like, oh my God, your tummy is spilling over those jeans or like your thighs look really big today or like I hate the way you look

at that you would never say that to another person so when you hear yourself saying that to yourself change it around like I don't like the way my tummy looks right now but like think about what your tummy does it's nourishing you it's really like helping you live there are brain cells in there but also there's a sexiness yeah when you have a little extra meat on you it's fucking hot And it can be sexy if you think it is. Going out and getting a bigger size pant, you just said yourself how important it is for you to be stylish at work. Like if you're hiding yourself, you're not being stylish, right?

You're covering up because of the way you're feeling of insecurity. But if you actually get the clothes that fit you for this moment that you're going through in time and feel good about yourself every day, you're going to have a different conversation with yourself. And it's not like you've given up like, oh now that i bought these clothes i'll never get back to the size that you feel more comfortable in it's like no i've got a little extra meat on me that's fucking sexy flaunt it don't try to hide it you know embrace it like embrace what's coming your way and like the moment that you're in because

i feel like that's also a better way to move through everything and comb through who you're following on instagram there are a lot of girls out there who are different body types curvy girls who have so much good style and get rid of the people who do not serve you. Because I know, girl, I know you're scrolling on social media.

I know you're scrolling on Instagram and doing all the things and comparing yourself. Get the people who serve you, who make you feel good. And I bet your husband likes a little extra curve on you.

That's the thing he does. I don't have any complaints about it. I'm the one catastrophizing all of this. I know because of society, but like lean into that. Lean into the fact that he likes it. When you're getting dressed, dress for him.

Dress, I mean, I would never say that unless you were dealing with this issue. But seriously, think about the sexual nature of that. You know that your husband wants you. You know that he's turned on by that. When you get up and go to work, get dressed. Like it doesn't matter what the weight is that you are, but to embrace every single thing you have in that moment,

you know, in terms of your body. Embrace your curves, embrace your hips, embrace your belly, your breasts, all of it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, absolutely. Love yourself up. Yeah, you deserve it, Abby. Yes, you do. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Well, keep us posted, okay? Absolutely. I love the action items. I am going to do that. I do journal. So that's something I can kind of work into my cross-pass. And I like the idea of, you know, thinking about the things that I'm grateful for.

Because there really is a lot. Like, there's so much. It's just that I feel like I have my blinders on when I'm only seeing, you know, this one thing. Or fixating, I guess, on this one thing. thank you so much you're so welcome thank you again bye Abby bye you know there's something that happens too I know for me it happened during as for a lot of people it happened during the pandemic where our bodies especially when we go through a loss like she did with her dog you know it may be that she's not walking as much as she was before but it also may be that her body

is trying to put on this like extra layer of protection and comfort around her I know that that's like something that i've experienced in my life during harder times and you know i like that you said that it can be temporary like she may gain weight she may lose weight but you know she has to learn to love herself right now where she's at i think we put so much emphasis on it as a society right like as a plus size model if i'm on the cover of anything besides sports illustrated was the first time i was on the cover of anything where they didn't mention my body it's usually you know hunter mcgrady talks about how you know she's so comfortable in her body anytime there's an article written i'm like that's the least important thing about me that's just such a

stupid thing to comment on like it shouldn't even be a plus size model it should just be everyone whoever's a model is a model and then you see a picture of them and then you can interpret that however you want and see it however you want but to have to qualify because what's the opposite of a plus size model oh here's a what an anorexic comedian chelsea handler everyone take a round of applause people would be like this right that'd be such a weird way to say that yeah i know that my whole i know that i've been able to shift my mindset around weight because when you just said called me skinny that wasn't a compliment to me oh i love that you're saying that like that i don't want to be that you know what i mean like yeah and i i wanted to be that my whole life is i wanted to

be skinny and thin so that people thought i had an eating disorder i thought that would make me happy and i don't want that i want to be strong that's like i just my ben bruno just got me new weights because I lift and and I don't lift but I sound like I'm from New Jersey because I am but I don't I but he got me 30 pound weights and it's like oh that's a victory like I'm lifting 30 pounds I'm doing bicep curls with 30 pounds like that's fucking hardcore so that's what I'm excited about now and I'm so glad I just had that reaction to being called skinny because I was like no I'm not skinny I'm fit oh I love that we're like we're like just a breakthrough yeah and that's And so I know I've reframed my brain around it.

Yes. And even when I have gained five or seven pounds, for me, it is about my mental clarity is the most important thing. But when I put on five or seven pounds, I do not have the same reaction I used to have. Right. I actually do go, oh, you're a little bigger girl right now. Yeah. You know, show your booty.

Now you have a booty. Yeah. Show it off. I do embrace it in a different way. So I just feel like we can all do a little bit better about ourselves. Absolutely. And like I said to Abby, like comb through your social media. Yeah. Whoever is not serving you like get just mute them, block whatever you have to do,

because we're all whether we like it or not, we're all on it all day long. Well, and it does help. I know for me, it really helped me like finally accept like my body and what my body looks like and also like why my body is sexy and beautiful by following women who looked like me, who looked sexy and beautiful on Instagram. It took a while, but then one day it It was like, oh, I get it. Yeah, it really is powerful. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save.

Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you.

You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. it was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, this is a little bit more on bodies, but I kind of wanted to get the other side of the coin

of how to have these conversations within family. And especially, I know having kids, this is something you've said, you would never speak negatively about your body in front of your kids. So this question comes from Whitney. Whitney says, Dear Chelsea, my mom has criticized me about my weight since I was a child. She's never accepted me for me, even at my thinnest, a whopping 120 pounds in high school. The comments and bullying continued. I've never stuck up for myself when these comments are made. No one has. I'm now 33 years old and I've become an aunt to my three-month-old niece. My brother, his family, and I went back to my parents' house for a long weekend my mom began making comments to my niece her granddaughter she said how she needs to work

on her waistline because her shorts don't fit and how fat her legs are you know like we do like a little chunky leg baby um to a growing ass baby i got up and walked away these comments triggered so much for me and i have not talked to my mom since the trip i'm ready to talk to my mom after all these years of abuse my niece cannot be another victim of this kind of perfect good how do i talk to her in a way that she'll hear me and stop perpetuating the cycle Write a letter. Yes, I totally agree with that. Yeah. Write a letter and start from the very beginning. These are the memories of the things that you've said to me about my body, like your first imprint, your first memory of her saying that and list multiple examples and then describe

how that made you feel. And this isn't an angry letter. This is you clearly she clearly has no idea the impact of her words yeah she has no idea how damaging this is and you are never going to let her do this to another person yeah i think that's brilliant i also think like you're now a grown woman set those boundaries and tell her sister who is the mother of her niece you these are boundaries we can talk about anything we can't talk about this that's off the table no questions asked do not bring it up i think that that's so important i think as we're seeing the generations like our parents that was that was so something they talked about right like don't eat that eat handful of almonds like now they call them all my mom's like set that boundary we're not talking

about that mom and I think as you go into writing this letter have a moment where you realize like this was how your mom was talked to yeah and have a little bit of empathy for that and like as you go into it so you can release some of that anger when I say you're never going to allow that to happen to your niece, I mean that as advice to you, not as something that you need to tell your mother. I mean, you can say that to your mother, but you don't have to say it in that kind of language. You exactly go into this knowing that your mother didn't know better and you are going to be the tool to help her understand how to better behave in the future and what the impact of those negative words can have on someone's body image. Yeah. And also good on you for having

the wherewithal to know that, right? Like to know that this really messed me up and I don't want that for my niece. Like that, Whitney, you've already grown so much from breaking that cycle and that trauma. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And so called a cycle breaker. I love that. Yeah. Cycle breaker. Yeah. Break the cycle within your family. Yeah. And that's what you need to do. Yeah. You're going to be it with me. I love that. Yeah. Okay. Great. Well, our next question is kind of a toughie. This comes from Colton. He says, Dear Chelsea, a few months ago, my little brother died by suicide. I'm 27 and he was 20. As a gay man from a very small conservative town, I've put some distance between myself and where I grew up. I have a little sister who's a teenager

and her and my mom are very much struggling with the loss of my brother. She doesn't know how to cope and doesn't want to share her feelings or emotions, at least with me. How can I support them and care for them when I don't live close? And Chelsea, I'd love your insight on being a young girl losing their older brother. Am I right to push her to confide in me and open up about her emotions? I'm still trying to navigate the grieving process myself while trying to move on with my own life. I adore my family and want to be around for them, but I also still need to work on figuring out my own identity, and that includes putting more distance between me and my negative small-town childhood. P.S., my younger brother and I would watch Chelsea Lately all the time.

He was probably too young, but those are memories I'll cherish forever. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Colton. I think whatever you can do to get your sister to start talking, whether it's, I don't know if you can afford getting her her own therapist or setting something up for her online, but forget about you having to create distance between you and your family in that small town. That's a separate issue. We're just talking about your brother's death right now. And that doesn't require you to even be there in person to go back home. That just requires you to keep a dialogue going with your sister. And that is something that you have to do for her mental health in order to get her to start talking,

because this will only fester and manifest in her life in a negative way if she doesn't get the conversation going. So you have to just kind of be tireless in your efforts to engage with her about your brother and to possibly, if you guys can afford it, start seeing a therapist. And even if that's something that you do on a Zoom with her for like grief counseling,

like you only have to do this 10 times with me. You know what I mean? You just have to open the door so that she can begin the conversation. And then you can either hop out of that or you guys can do it together as a family, which I think would probably be really healing. I mean, there's individual grief

and then there's familial grief. And you want you want to be able to be well versed in both of those things. But if you don't push your sister, you're older and wiser. So you have a responsibility to really try to get in there. And it doesn't have to be aggressive. It can be like a soft, safe place. you know, whatever. I don't know her personality, but I know how rigid I became when my brother died. I refused to talk about it because I wasn't allowed to be vulnerable. I couldn't allow myself the vulnerability and I didn't want to be, I didn't want to allow myself to cry. It was embarrassing. I felt crying was embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing. So like you just have to create a space and a dialogue between the two of you where she knows she can come there, where she can be vulnerable and she can cry. And it might require you to be

vulnerable to her first well I think that yeah exactly being vulnerable first being like listen I feel very sad about this I'm really struggling how are you feeling you know and even it doesn't even have to maybe be super sad at first it could be hey you know what I've been thinking about so-and-so let's do something together to celebrate him maybe like mom takes you out for ice cream today we could FaceTime while we eat it let's do something that he loved to do and really just celebrate him you know if if if the emotional is is hard because it is and do you say she was 13 yeah that's so that's so young you're still but it's such an important age it is such an important age because she's about to burst into womanhood yeah she's going through puberty you know she's

adolescent yeah so she but it's such an important age to actually build these skills and tools right now and say it's okay to be emotional like you said like crying is not embarrassing crying is like, listen, we all do it. And like you said, don't apologize for it. And I think her learning that at this age will be massively important. And grief therapy, I think insurance should cover some of that as well. Oh, yeah. Grief therapy if he has. If there's a way to have her or her and your mom come to visit you so like you don't have to go to a place that's triggering, but like maybe it's just your sister. And it's like that's a pretty big age gap, like 14 years. It's hard to know what to say to somebody who's 14 years younger than you, but even giving her something

to look forward to that's a month or two down the road of like, I'm going to see my like a cool gay brother in whatever city he lives in. Having that to look forward to, I think can be really helpful in addition to the therapy. And then also like not feeling like you have to talk about it right away, you know, give it a day or two and before you bring it up while you're doing an activity, whatever it is. Yeah. And I don't, when I'm saying be aggressive or be persistent, I don't mean to hammer her like you don't want to hammer because then people will get turned off but you have to like create a path of vulnerability between the two of you so that at least she thinks she has a confidant in you at least she'll know yeah like chickens hey how you doing today you know but

that's exactly it it's that consistency is so important like no one did that with me yeah no one said everyone was in their own grief so no one came and said we need you to talk about it And when they did try to talk about it later, too much time had passed. So I was like, oh, no, no, no, that's shut. We don't talk about that anymore. I won't talk to you. My mom would be like, don't you miss your brother? And I would leave the room.

I'm like, you don't get to talk to me about my brother. That's a lot. You have your grief and then you have the secondary grief of, okay, my parents just lost somebody. And for nine years old, you know, I don't blame you for having a scar over that wound and being like, I'm all set. don't open it please that was painful enough you know do you feel like that with your family too I mean I don't I would I would turn the question I mean yeah it was devastating to see my parents so devastated yeah so with my dad I was disappointed in him for not being able to get it together yeah and my mom I felt so badly for but my mom was able to get it together sooner yeah so it was

easier to watch than my father's basically emotional demise after my brother yeah which is its own grief well but i would actually turn the question back to you like how is it now that you're older seeing your parents grieve yeah it is it is its own grief it's its own grief for sure it's so many layers i think with grief it's the grief my kids don't have their uncle around it's the the grief of seeing my parents the sibling loss sibling loss in our society is not really talked about it's really not it's very it's its own thing also i think that back to colton like maybe saying to her like just so you know people say oh there's five stages to grief that's bullshit there's like so many stages saying it's okay if you feel angry little sister it's okay if

you feel sad it's okay to laugh too by the way like it's okay to to if that helps you cope just saying it's okay to feel these things you know i wish there was a good book to give her at 13 i'm trying to think of what a good book on grief is, but I'm coming up empty handed. I haven't read a book on grief. All I keep thinking about is Joan Didion's book, but that's not good for a 13 year old. Yeah, but it is a good book. Yeah. Well, why don't we have listeners write in and if you have suggestions, we'll pass them along to Colton. Good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Well, why don't we take our last break and we'll come back to wrap up. I have a question that's very specific for Hunter also. Okay. We're going to take a break. Hunter and I are going to take a bath and we'll be right back.

There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations

with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself

and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We are back.

Now, this question at first blush doesn't seem like something that you would ask a supermodel. At first blush. But I know gun reform is something you've been really passionate about. And you're going to the White House, right? Yeah. That's very exciting. Yeah. Very excited.

Which brings me to the question. So Alicia says, and she's actually written it a couple of times. So I'm glad that you're here to talk about this. Alicia says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 29-year-old female married to a 30-year-old male. He's in the army and I'm in sports medicine. I don't like guns. I believe the world would be safer without them. And he, on the other hand, wants multiple guns and stated I will have an AR-15.

I did let him get a handgun because he's been robbed and feels safer with a gun. I do not feel safe living with an AR-15 in the house or multiple guns. I do have a history of self-harm and mental illness, so that makes me very cautious around weapons. My husband says it's controlling that I will not live in a house with more than one gun. Yeah, controlling to your safety. Yeah. i do not want even one but he wants one for protection so he got one now he says he wants more and to collect them how am i being unreasonable alicia yeah you're being reasonable

you're a woman what woman wants fucking guns around right and with a history of self-harm this is a no-brainer this is hey bud get a new deal breaker get a new fucking hobby yeah get a new hobby you're not being unreasonable get a new husband you don't need a semi-automatic husband yeah or get a new husband exactly that's ridiculous that's not like that's not an issue that someone feels so passionately about in the way that like i need more guns to make me feel better i want to collect them yeah that's unreasonable it's not like i don't like cats don't get a cat it's like this is my you could this is right my safety uh-huh the go safe act is basically the act that needs to be signed to reinstate a ban on assault weapons we don't

fucking need AR-15s. We don't need access to them. It is a law that was already passed from 1994 to 2004. And the moment it stopped, you can look at all the stats, everything started to rise up as far as like mass shootings and stuff. As a mother, first and foremost, every single day I'm worried about my son going to school because you look at history and what these people are using, they're using ar-15s nobody needs access to an ar-15 unless you are in combat there's there's no need for it and again this is a non-partisan organization so it's not saying oh we're banning the second amendment we're banning your right to bear arms i grew up with my dad who was a hunter we were taught gun safety we were taught all those things but nobody needs it's so stupid yeah and

it's you know like you were saying an ar-15 is used for one thing and that's an act of war that's not something you need in your household i actually got into an argument over this with a guy on dms and you know he was like but i use them for hunting it's so great for hunting i was like get a better aim get a better aim and he was like touche because i'm like if that's really what you're gonna use it for i mean is that how you hunt by taking a fucking sawed-off shotgun into the fucking woods right and and spraying bullets right yeah exactly you're not a very good hunter then right oh my god any argument about a semi-automatic weapon makes me sick to my stomach i can't even believe people think that they need something like that self-protect i know right so

i would say alicia i think this is a deal breaker if he really feels like he needs that then he i don't think he needs to have you in his life this is like one of those ones where i would say give them an ultimatum yeah if you really feel so strongly about that then sayonara yep okay we're gonna wrap up but your podcast with your sister i also want to mention before we leave is really fun for listeners and you guys love doing it together yes we it's called the model citizen podcast we drop every thursday we talk about everything like we are here to talk about everything from sex to we get deep into listen we there's nothing off limits basically right like it's just it's girlfriends hanging out talking about the things that no one wants to talk about

out in the world and we're very bold and brazen with it and it is so much fun yeah and you're doing this series right now that's like self-love summer summer of self-love yeah we've had some amazing guests on basically saying like what are some tools that we can use in our own personal toolbox to love ourselves a little bit better like how can we do this and again we touch on stuff just like how can we do that in bed like with our partners how can we do that in life how can we we've had fitness experts on how can we get into the gym without feeling shamed for wanting to go to the gym and be better and and it really kind of delves into so many different aspects of our life and it's been really really cool that now we're kind of also going to go into the fall

with it since it's gotten such a great response. Awesome. Thank you, Hunter McGrady. Thank you. Have fun. Thank you so much, ladies. This was so much fun. Thank you so much. And you'll hear us again next week. Goodbye. Okay, so upcoming shows that I have, you guys. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,

check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number dear chelsea is edited and engineered by brad dickert executive producer katherine law and be sure to check out our merch at chelsea handler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The

Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired

just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube. 90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back.

I guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.