Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - So Gay For You with Leisha Hailey & Kate Moennig

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

The L Word’s Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey are here to talk about their new memoir documenting their groundbreaking show, why the L Word was made for the female gaze, and the truth about whether or not the two of them hooked up.  Then: A crush distracts and Alabaman from what could be her true love.  A lover’s ex won’t stop posting about them on tiktok.  And is lesbian bed death just a myth? * Order Kate & Leisha’s book here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i'm hoda kotb host of the podcast joy 101 with hoda kotb you know i'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy like when my friend henry winkler offered advice to

aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea, how are you? How's Europe? Hi, Catherine. Oh my God. I honestly, first of all, I don't even know where to begin. I just walked, I think, 27,000 steps. We're in Edinburgh today. My cousin's here, Molly, as you know, Molly. Yes.

Her husband has crashed our party with their four-year-old. And I split off with them after her four-year-old said mommy for the 700th time in under one hour. I was like, you really are patient. And it's not enough to walk 20 steps ahead of you. I need to go listen to a political podcast while I walk home. But I honestly feel like one of my hips, like I got this great SI belt thing because my SI joint always pops out when I was skiing all winter.

It was kind of annoying me. So it's been amazing. So anyone who's listening who has SI problems, like where your hip kind of pops out, you got to get one of these belts because it keeps everything in place. I don't want to really be promoting Amazon, but I did order it on Amazon. And when I say I ordered it, somebody else ordered it for me.

So I want to be very transparent about everything I say. But we're having the best time in Europe. We've had the most amazing shows. It's been so wonderful to be able to apologize on behalf of our administration. And just America as a whole. And really convey my apologies to our former allies. We have hit the ground running in every city.

Every time we land, they say it's going to be raining, and then we land and the sun is out. It happens everywhere. Reykjavik, Paris, we had two days in Paris. We had an amazing time in Amsterdam. Stockholm was absolutely gorgeous. Oslo. Then we went to, oh, Belfast.

We were in Belfast with Sonny. Sonny Yamanika was in Belfast with us. So they didn't know what the fuck hit them. London. London was incredible. We were in Glasgow two nights ago. So today is a day off in Edinburgh. We had yesterday off.

And then I think tomorrow we go to Zurich. All right. So it's been absolutely wonderful. The crowds are amazing. I'm just, I really feel so happy to be here and to be spreading like, you know, the vibes. I'm so glad. Thank you. How are you?

I'm great. I'm, you know, I've just had a couple weeks of like a little bit of downtime, had some barbecues. It's been really, really nice. So very relaxing. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. We've had some incredible food here, incredible food everywhere.

And Edinburgh is like one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I hadn't been here for like 30 years. I came with one of my boyfriends when I was like 20 years old and it is so old and so preserved and they don't have high rises and it's not gross with all the stores. I mean, they have sections of like, you know, Gucci and Fendi and all that, which is fine, but they don't, it's just beautiful and the cobblestone streets and the castles everywhere. And it's just been gorgeous here. So we went on a long, long walk today and I had a big blood blister when I came home.

So that was really satisfying to pop. And then I am going to take a Xanax tonight and prepare for, I'm taking the day off of drinking, even though I already had a drink at lunch. That counts. Taking the night off of drinking because I need to have a clear head since tomorrow night I have a show. And I'm just, just really grateful. I'm just, I'm reading great books.

Yeah. Oh, we got to do a Minnesota book roundup. Well, if there's anything you want to mention right now. There's a really good book. This isn't a new book that's out, but I just read it. It's called Red Notice by Bill Browder, and it's all about Russia. And he's this big finance investment guy who started investing in Russia after it changed from communism to, quote, unquote, capitalism, and they privatized everything. And it's a fascinating read.

So, of course, you know, I sent that to my half of my family. I'm like, here's the country you defend. And then I got that book, The Emperor of Gladness. Oh, Xian Vong, did you hear about this book? No, I don't know this one. It's heavy. I know her, but I haven't read that book. Yeah, this just came out, and this is supposed to be great.

And then I read Morality by Jonathan Sacks. We'll go over all of them. I just wanted to remember what morality was in these times. Anyway, so everything's great. Doug is living up a storm in Canada. He's going from house to house to house. There's a waiting list to hang out with him. And I won't see him until I do my show in Vegas on July 5th.

So that's when I come back to America. July 5th, everybody, I'll be in Vegas. Awesome. What other dates do you have coming up in Europe for the next week or two? Everything in Europe is sold out. So, oh no, Barcelona, I think, has tickets. Barcelona, I believe, is June 2nd.

So if you're, yeah, Barcelona has tickets, but everything else is sold out. And I didn't want to add any second shows because I'd have to do them the same night. And I'm like, I just can't. I can't do two shows in a night when I don't have to. So I'll have to come back sooner than later because I've just been having the best time here

and I'm just so grateful. That's the word of the day is gratitude. Well, listen, you're bringing joy and apparently literal sunshine to every city you go to. So that's great. I know my cousin keeps going. Every morning, Molly goes, oh my God, can you believe we keep changing the weather?

It's supposed to rain and we keep changing the weather. And I wanted to go, it's not you, it's me because I've been doing this since I was born. And we were on the phone with my sister. we're going to Greece in a couple of weeks for my sister's big birthday, like 12 of us, of the girls in the family. And my sister goes, well, if Chelsea's coming, we're going to have sunshine. Molly goes, oh, everywhere we go, there's been sunshine and it's been forecasting rain and everywhere we go is sunshine. And she goes, oh yeah, Chelsea always brings the good

weather. And Molly's like, no, I thought it was me. And I was like, well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it really has nothing to do with it. Sorry, Molly. Sorry, Molly. And you know if you can't get tickets to Chelsea's sold-out shows in Europe, you can check out her special. Oh, yes. You can check out my special, The Feeling, which is so funny. All these European people are like, we didn't want to watch Your Feeling because we thought it was going to be the same material as what you're doing now. I'm like, no, no, no. I have a whole new hour, bitches. I'm ready to rumble. Excellent. I have a whole new hour about not vacationing with your family.

Okay. So today's episode, we have, well, you know our guests from The L Word and their podcast, Pants. They have co-written a new memoir and it's called So Gay For You, which I read, which is delightful. And it's all about their experiences on the show and beyond the show. Please welcome two captain lesbians,

Alaysia Haley and Kate Menig. Congrats on the book, you ladies. Thank you. Yeah, how exciting. Thank you very much. Yeah. Wild. I know.

Yeah, never thought this would happen. Really? Yeah, this was never on my bucket list, but let's talk about it happening so welcome to the podcast thank you thanks for having us very excited about your new book so gay for you i was reading this on a plane and then i and then and the gay flight attendant who was male he was like and i'm like uh-huh and i'm like i had no idea what he was talking about and then when i put when i finished it and closed it i was like oh i Like, see what he's talking about.

But I love this cover. Like, self-help. Yeah. I love this cover of the two of you. Thank you. And what took you so long to write a book about how you met, how, like, how the show started? What took you so long?

I mean, we're like a couple of dum-dum actors. No one ever, like, we never thought we could do this. And then... An opportunity got brought up to us and we thought, sure, why not? Yeah. But you seem like you don't think you can do much of anything because in the book you didn't even think, like, what's up with you? like self-esteem issues i don't know it's really funny that's your takeaway you always yeah it's

true you always say that the dum-dums but we never thought well writing i mean listen well we barely graduated high school and we didn't go to college i barely graduated high school and i didn't go to college and i just wrote my seventh book so that is not a barrier no i'm not an intellect what i think of you and i go oh she's great i fucking love it i hope my sisters are listening but no in the book you talk about you tried to turn down this role yeah so you didn't think you could do that right you were in a band you're still in a band but you were in a different band then right yeah and you got the offer for the role turned it down one two three times i think it was three times you said in the book it was three times i thought it was three no three yeah i that

i i didn't turn it down because i didn't think i could do it it's because i was in like a codependent band relationship. And I was like, I'm going to leave my band mate and ruin her life and go. I don't know. It just felt wrong. Right. Well, that's wrong. You know, that doesn't make any sense. I know. I it was a choice I was about to make that would have changed my life forever. Right. I think that you had a friend who like saved you from that bad decision. Right. Yes. Yeah. Like told you, do it. You got to do it. Yeah. And no fault to like Heather, who is my bandmate. We just we were in something that we were like, we're going to do this forever. You know, when you're that young, you're like, yeah, have you ever been in that

where you're in a working relationship with someone that you're like, this is for the rest of our lives? I mean, I feel like that almost about any relationship, right? Like when things are going well, you're like, we'll be together forever. But the reality of that actually coming to fruition is like, no, you know, there are breakups and all the time and then there's creative evolution. So you move on to other things and other outlets and then you're like, okay well obviously you can't work with everybody it's a great idea but it's kind of like a marriage which is you know why those typically don't work yeah okay so let's start at the beginning so you guys open this book with your with your auditions for the album yes and so what year was this do we

remember to june 2002 june 2002 okay so that's like 20 20 something it was a long time ago yeah Yes. And you met each other, or you saw each other. Yeah. Yes. At the audition, because you were auditioning for the same role originally. Yeah, I was told, my manager said, there's only one other person who's going to be reading for this part.

And I said, okay, because it was a specific kind of character. And you came out from New York, you flew out from New York. I flew out from New York, because I was on the East Coast then, and my manager was like, I can do some digging, find out who it is. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, let me just go there. This is pressure-y enough. and I walk in and I saw the back of her head

and her hair was like whispering out in the back. Well, you remember this look. Yes. It was winged. I was like, he flipped. You know what I'm saying? It's like we had a lot of layers. Yeah.

We had layers and the whole thing. And compared to every other actor out there reading for another role who had long hair, I just saw the back of her head and I thought, that's it. That's it? I was like, that's her. Oh, that's her. I was like, that's it.

I was like, that's my competition. And so they ushered actors reading for another role to one side, we went off to the other side, and then we just sat in an echoey, quiet hallway for about 45 minutes, just kind of nodding and smiling at each other, trying to be polite. And a lot of people find this hard to believe that I was up for the role that Kate ended up getting, because it's like this sexual Lothario, like, but I think it might have just been my, like, funky hair. I don't know why I was up for this role, but there was something about me, but there was no way in hell. funky hairdo there was no way in hell i was meant for that part right absolutely right like it was kate's yeah of course but i didn't know that i thought oh she's got this in the bag because you have the the comb right i had a comb because like the fawns yeah yeah she showed up with the prop and i thought that's it i was like that's the secret to this whole thing and i never thought

of doing that and i schlepped all the way out here from the other coast and it's over before it even started like i thought i was done auditioning fucking sucks it's horrible i mean it is really one of the most i think i mean that's what turned me off of acting when i got out here thank goodness i could do other things because i was like i don't know how i'm gonna nail this like it's so unnatural what an unnatural environment and it's degrading it you know you're sitting there like cattle waiting outside a room and then going in and everyone's competing That energy is so bad for the soul. Yeah, and everyone's trying to pretend they're not competing, but you all want it.

And then you get called into the room, and it's whatever the circumstances that you're meant to be reading for, it's always going to be unnatural. But you have to somehow make it look like, oh, no, this is completely normal, and we're in this intimate experience, and we're not. Yeah, now we don't even do that anymore. No, now we go on Zooms, and we control it ourselves. Which is better. Yeah, it is. Totally better. But that has its own set of problems.

But yeah, it's easier. I want to hear about your audition process or what you were – Well, let me – I once auditioned for a Nike commercial. I mean, this wasn't a serious thing, obviously, but I have tons of audition stories. But at a certain point, I was like – Commercials? That was your thing? No, it never was my thing.

I never booked one. But I once auditioned for a Nike commercial, and they had me – and I had to wear short shorts. So I remember getting up in the morning in Santa Monica, and I ran six miles so that my legs were like, you know, like a throbbing penis, basically. like they were at peak muscle like you know you know after a run was when they're like the strongest and I was young I was like in my 20s and then I got it and they were like okay

you know this is a dance commercial so just like do whatever you know just dance and I cannot dance I have no rhythm I can't sing and I can't dance anyone who sees me dance is like oh wow stop now I'm like I'm 50 so I'm like fuck it who cares

if I'm a bad dancer I've already proven that I'm good at other things, not dancing, but that's not going to stop me. You know, I'll just take whatever drugs I need to, to get me on the dance floor. And, um, and I remember in the moment, not knowing that I had to dance and, and them telling me, and it was a bunch of Asian people and that were, and I just basically blacked out. Like I blacked out and just started running and doing aerobics and just whatever the most humiliating version of that could have been was what I did and I didn't look anyone in the eye I just kept spinning around I was doing at one point I did a jumping jack and then I was like two stepping and then I ran in certain directions

but that there was a wall and all I remember is when is this going to be over when is this going to be over and I remember just running out the door I said thank you goodbye ran out the door and I called my agent and I was like I don't want to audition for commercials anymore and I know dancing and after that I stopped auditioning for commercials because I was like this is too sure I can't do, I can't subject myself to this kind of shame. Yeah. Like I'm too confident of a person. This will ruin me.

Yes. And it wasn't long after that, that I stopped auditioning for television stuff too. Like if it was an audition situation, I'm like, that's not my strong suit. You have to audition so many times to be good at it. Except in your case, you weren't auditioning a lot to be good at it. You just kind of nailed it. Well, yeah, I guess it was meant to be, but I've, since that role, I've never really booked much of anything.

Like, that's the funny thing about my story is, like, I got this, like, iconic show, but have, like, failed as an actress ever since. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, like, and then the reboot happened again, and I was like, okay, I'm back to play this part again, and then crickets again. It's really, and I've made peace with it. I'm like, I guess that's what I was supposed to do. Or I can't do, I don't know what it is, but it's wild. You made it count.

Thanks. That is wild. Yeah. Yeah, that is frustrating also. It must have been really frustrating until you made peace with it. Yeah. I mean, when the show ended, I thought, okay, great. I'm going to go on to do – I mean, I did do a –

But Leisha did a thing where when the show ended, the original show ended, Leisha had a band. And she said, I'm going to go off touring with the band. And any time you're coming off a long-running show, everyone – not everyone, but sort of this unspoken thing where people realize, oh, you have like a season to kind of see where you can take that influence. and maybe be directed into a different – into another job. Right. And that's when you took off. Yeah, and everyone else went on to do other things. So everyone else was, like, trying to utilize that little momentum we had

to say, oh, let's see if this is going to – How many years was The L Word on? It was six seasons. Six seasons. The original was six, yeah. And then three in the reboot. And three in the reboot. And did you direct one of the episodes for the reboot?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, which was something I always wanted to do. But, yeah, it's the life of an actor kind of – It's not for the faint at heart. And now it's shifted in a completely different way. How do you think it's shifted now? Well, for one, you can't get into rooms anymore. So everything's just based on your Zoom audition.

So there's never any feedback. And because there's so many mergers and all these companies are either forming or breaking apart, nothing is safe. I think part of the reason why our reboot got canceled is because of a merger. and even when a project seems like it's going to be great, well, maybe not because either a company is going to fold into another one or that's no longer the direction or a new president is coming in and it's just nothing's settled yet. Yeah, it's so weird.

It's like there's so much money in entertainment and there are so many platforms now, yet there seems to be like a contraction happening. A severe contraction, yeah. And it doesn't really add up because all the money is at the top. You know, they don't want to distribute it down like evenly to anyone. So it's just like greedy, greedy, greedy. I guess it's a reflection of what's happening in Washington, really.

You know, it's kind of the same thing. It's like people are so greedy they don't want to pay. But so let's talk about the experience of being on The L Word and what that meant to you because it was really the only show about lesbians and such a huge success on Showtime, right? Did you ever see it? Yeah, of course. You did? Of course, yeah. And you don't think only lesbians watched it?

No, actually, no, we know for a fact a lot of straight women watch it. Yeah, yeah. They really identified with the friendships, I think. Yes. Yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk about the friendship. It's so funny because with heterosexual people, like, I just had this conversation the other day, like, or maybe it was somebody who called into the podcast. And we were talking about like you wouldn't be talking about these feelings if it wasn't a straight man and you were a straight woman and they were both like in other relationships and they were talking about their friendship and if there were feelings.

And it's like you can have male friends without having sexual feelings. But at the inception of meeting every man and woman, when they're both heterosexual, there's always the glance over of like would I fuck you? Am I attracted to you? Do I find you attractive? Like, that's the first thing that comes to your mind because of how we've all been trained, you know, in this routine. But with lesbians and friendships, I want to explore that more and talk about that because that was depicted on the show so well. Well, people assume that, like, if you're friends, obviously you're either hooked up or you're not. It's the same thing.

Like, everyone's shocked that Leisha and I have never crossed that line because it's such a rarity, actually. You think it's rare? I do. I think, kind I do, yeah. It's normal for like two women to like be together at one point, break up, and then 10 years down the line, they're best friends, like to the point where they're family. You and I, we never crossed that.

And we never wanted to. It never occurred to either one of us. No, that would just be unnatural. I find when lesbian, all of my lesbian friends, when one of them breaks up, like six of them break up. It happens in seasons. And they break up with a partner, a long-term partner. it's a domino effect

right now I'm experiencing three sets of lesbian couples that are breaking up out of major relationships I'm going to pay attention to that I've never noticed it before I know it's very strange I think that's the advantage of being a straight person

and being so immersed in the lesbian world I have so many lesbians in my life so I get the best of both worlds I assume at some point I will transition into being a full blown lesbian just because the writing is on the wall there so I guess they're just waiting for me to come over you would be a great one

you'd be welcome to open arms you really would be everyone would love to have you so what was the experience like of being able to depict that in a truthful healthy way like sharing that experience together

well it's interesting because I think the perception outside of our show is that it was so it was only designed for the male gaze and that was a lot of critique we always heard really yeah everyone thought oh it's only for straight men to get off on and to like and it's clearly being directed why is everything everything's for to serve up to straight men precisely and the irony is that the whole show was run by women and written by and written by yeah and so it actually had like you said this before and it's true that like women can sexualize

each other as well it wasn't just for objectify and objectify each other it's not just for men And so that was sort of a disconnect that we on the show always thought that's so off base, actually, to what's really going on here. I mean, if you guys had a male creator and a male director, I mean, can you imagine the shit you would have gotten? Well, maybe not back in that time. We did have it, too. It would have been fine, actually, because people wouldn't have called it out. Right. We did have male directors, and they were all great.

Like, everyone took it really seriously. Like, everyone felt the pressure to get it right. It was like, okay, this is like the one chance. The male directors were always saying, is this right? Is this okay? Like, I don't want to make you – I don't want to push it or anything. And so they always – Or does this ring true?

Would you really do this? Yeah, they always left it up to us to decide, oh, you're, like, pushing the boundary. And they'd listen if we had extreme critique to an idea they had. They'd go, okay, fine. Yeah, and it was way before intimacy coordinators, which are, like – Now it's, like – It's a whole thing now, but – I mean, we're going to have intimacy coordinators in our real lives.

Oh, my gosh. I can just, like, come on right now. I mean – Welcome in. I mean, that's how serious intimacy coordinators have gotten, you know? back then we were just like we would work it out with each other with the director like it was all just like it was always on the day it was like we'd be on set and we'd say all right let's figure this out how are we gonna yeah how are we gonna do this yeah but to answer your question earlier

like because i was out and like i was like the only gay one at the time even though yeah you were still dating men right when the show started not really no like i had i had dated guys but i wasn't i don't think i was dating anyone when that show started you'd just broken up but maybe i just I stopped, like, dating some guy, but I was sort of – it was nothing serious, serious when I got up to Canada. But go ahead. Oh, that's right. Canada. Canada.

Yeah. Yeah, but – We're all going back there, so. Yes, we are. I'm just slowly transitioning into Canada permanently before they become the 51st state anyway. Oh, my God. Let's not talk about that. No, it's not.

Let's keep things happy. Yes. Back to pussy. Yeah. No, I felt this responsibility to represent our community correctly, but I didn't even know the impact the show was going to have. I thought it was going to be this really underground indie TV show that nobody saw. But everybody wanted to get it. Yes.

We had a sexpert show up during the pilot with a big binder talking about sex toys and how— And, like, a toolbox and all these, like, dildos. Yeah, all of these, like, all these apparatuses to be like, okay, so here are all the options one has. And everyone was sitting there like, oh, okay, okay. And, like, there was a whole seminar about it. So everyone had a really clear agenda. No one wanted to fuck it up. Yeah.

I don't know. I think we all did. I'm like, I thought you were going to continue. No, I was trying to add in. Yeah. But with the recognition, I mean, I'm sure here in town, right? Obviously you were being, people were approaching you all the time. No. They weren't?

No. Really? In LA? No. We were in Canada. No one cared about us. Oh. We lived in Canada for like nine months or something. Oh, I'm sorry. So you weren't living in LA at all? No, we were during hiatus, but when we got home, I don't think anyone really seemed to care that much.

Really? Yeah. Unless you went to a gay bar. It was that was a different story. That was different. Wandering down the street. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. It was kind of like a like an insular fame. Like it was. It was very. You know, you know. Totally. Kind of. It was very big in the gay community. But like if you go to like Ralph's supermarket, you're fine. Yeah. Like Perez Hilton wasn't didn't care about us. it after you. No, he didn't care. When is Perez Hilton going to go away is my next question. I thought he didn't go away. He's the most repugnant. I mean, honestly. He did go. Didn't he go away? No, he went away, but he's back. I mean, he's not back, but he's in the ether. And every once in a while he pops up on my algorithm and I'm like, this guy is like, what are those lizards? Lizards that just recreate and you cut their tail off and then they come back and they grow. I mean, talk about toxic. Talk about

negative oh my god he's the worst anyway that's a sidebar okay so after the show ended it's when when it did end and you went on tour where did you go on tour I yeah all all around the world it was really fun I had a band yeah called uh-huh her and it was a blast and I loved doing it and I felt really like at home in a band so that was great I did yeah I just didn't concentrate on getting another show and like kate went off to do um i played a doctor oh yeah you played a doctor and then you were on ray donovan forever yes yeah yeah yeah and so how did you how do your other acting experiences compare to being on the l word it was like night and day really completely i went from well i went from our show which was on cable where you could get away with anything

to network television where you couldn't get away with with a single thing and so it was very controlled. I don't think they knew what really to do with me necessarily. I didn't have that kind of look that would cater to their audience. And so I was sort of shoved off to the side a bit. And do you think you, but did that, do you think you got that job because of the L word? I think I got that job because of a producer named Curtis Hanson who fought for me. I don't think I got that job because CBS was like, yeah, let's get her. Absolutely not. And that was a very short lived job. And then I luckily landed on Ray Donovan that just kept going and going and going and that was back on Showtime so at least I didn't have to prove myself right so I

showed up and I was like you guys know me yeah you know what I can do so I felt more at home there than I did on mainstream yeah that's interesting I mean not surprising you know mainstream television is just like such a cudgel it's just so it's like first of all getting notes from a network well that was the thing I was yeah it's so obtrusive it's like you're not a creator at all Like the whole system seems like it needs to be broken. Yeah, it was – yeah, everyone gave notes and assistants of people gave notes. There's always notes getting thrown around. And sometimes the note-giving is just like an exercise of giving notes.

Precisely. Like they're just pretending to be doing a job. Right, yeah. Because they have to give you – they can't be like we have no notes. Oh, yeah. And they have to justify their existence basically, right? Precisely. Yeah, it's – yeah, exactly.

And don't they have like catchphrases like Easter egg or – you know, like they have things – No, it's more like, can you not? Oh, it varies. I mean, it can go from like appearance down to how you're delivering a line. God only knows. But it gets to a point where you have to say, I'm not, no, stop. Like, I'm not doing it. And they're like, what? You're not doing it. And it's like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Kate's great at that. That's good. That's great. She's always been good at the no's. That's nice. I've been, yeah, it's been like a lifelong, like since we've known each other for what, like 20, a long time. And I've been trying to teach her the word no from day one. Yeah. I can see that. I can see that from reading your book that you guys, that you're good at no

and you're not. Yeah. Like no is a complete sentence. Absolutely. I love it. I mean, even I've had to learn how to say no and people would be surprised to hear that. I am surprised right now hearing that. Yeah. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Because I want to be generous with my time and you get confused about what that means. You know what I mean? Generosity with your time doesn't necessarily mean saying yes to everything. You can be generous and also say no. So that took a long time to understand because I, yeah. And I wanted to be one of those people who you could rely on to do anything like the outrage. I'll do that. Don't worry. I'm easy. I'll deal with that. Or you can handle it. I can

handle it. And then you realize you're just subscribing to being in the boys club. And then you're like, wait, wait, wait, I'm catering to men right now. I actually want to be catering to women, not to men. So it's like that. I had to go through that a little bit. Not a little bit, a lot but I yeah I understood it recognized it and then fixed it was there like an episode to you that really was more meaningful than any of the others

an episode in our oh god meaningful I don't know I don't know or profound to you it was so long it was like a soap opera too like let's not like over you know I know but yeah I mean it was silly and maybe the overall

maybe the overall series had more meaning than each individual the sum of its parts i think it like broke down barriers i think it opened eyes like it showed people not just one character like you always say like one lesbian or like one lesbian or they die or they're coming out it's always a coming out story but this was like no we're like functioning women in the world we have careers we have friendships we have relationships like that's what it did it and we like to eat pussy yeah and there's that you know and it's like I don't know it just was this well-rounded it's hard to think it's hard to think of one episode

because my memories no I can understand that it's so interesting when you look at especially in our industry there are so many women that become late in life lesbians yeah there are so many women who get divorced and they're like I'm done with this yeah I'm done with men and then they're lesbians and it's like it's almost I don't know if it's a sign of the times that we live in where men have just outworn you know they're welcome um and everyone all of their secrets have been exposed and we're just done with it or if this happens in every generation, you know, where a woman is 50 or 40s and 50s

and starts going, you know what? I don't want to be with men anymore. Yeah, I don't have to. I have choices. Like, do you think that happens during every generation? I think it's always been around. It's always been around, but now there's... Gay people are new.

But there's a less binary way of looking at everything. So, you know, I look at how teenagers look at themselves and they say I'm open to anything and that's translating into people our age and I think that's wonderful so it's there's not so much fear and it's just you can be whoever you are and you don't have to label it and who you love is who you love and that sounds like a super cheesy motto but it's true and I think the less labeling is I think helping people accept who they are more yeah I decided I was at a I got a mammogram the other day and they were asking like ethnicity And I was like, I'm not answering these questions anymore.

You know what I mean? This is outdated. You guys have to update your forms. It doesn't matter if I'm married or not. It doesn't matter if I'm white or Asian or Caucasian or, you know. I was at the doctor the other day. It's like, where are these? Yeah.

There was a line that said, what is the gender of the head of your household? And I was like, what? What? Like, what? In the 1950s? The head of your household? You should have put T for trans. I was like, what?

Like, yeah. Yeah. Unnecessary. completely unnecessary what kind of doctor a gp just like yeah i had an eye doctor i went to an eye doctor and i was asked something about my ethnicity and i was like what difference does it make and i looked at him and he's like sorry it's on the form and i was like why yeah don't you think that the political environment we're living in is a direct reflection of the fact that most people are coming to terms not most people but the majority of educated people are coming

to terms with the fact that all of this is such nonsense all of these labels are such nonsense like it is the death cough of white supremacy i don't know if we'll experience the end of it but it's definitely the last stages of it and that could be another 150 years i don't know but it's the old white man's reaction to women going no no we don't we don't need labels yeah we might like boys we might like girls we might like both we might like nothing like you know they're not willing to accept that. It certainly adds to the fear that they're no longer in power. Yeah. I got this great book, this friend, I'm going to do this when we do our book roundup. My friend, my makeup artist in New York gave it to me and she was going over all these women in

history, you know, who've gone unnoticed and all these painters and that there was a period in the 1600s where there was this explosion of female talent. And by explosion, there were like 13 really well-known painters in Paris during that period of time where all these painters were coming up. And there were 13 of them. And they were in history books in the 1600s. And then when you get past 1800, they're gone. There's complete erasure of them because men were so threatened by the few that got in and the successes that they reached, which were beyond the reaches of the men, that they decided, okay, we're going to take their work and claim it as our own. And women are no longer allowed to paint. Isn't that the same with Hollywood? Women directors,

they directed everything at the beginning of Hollywood. And then it was gone. And so, I mean, that's not a new information, but it's nice to—it's so funny how threatened they are by us, yet we're not that threatened by them. Right, how women have been the enemy to them since the beginning of time, essentially. Right, like, why are we—why are you so threatened by us? Because we're not threatened by you, so we'll threaten you. Like, we're— You know, we'll threaten your bodies, we'll threaten—yes, your rights, because, yeah. So, it's nice to know this has been going on for quite some time, at least we're not alone.

On that note, we'll take a break and we'll be right back with Leisha Haley and Kate Menig. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write in to us at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on. But this week, we're specifically looking for questions about family issues. If you have an issue with a family member or you need advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite?

Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting

voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club,

part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you

help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know

what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but He's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Leisha Haley and Kate Menig.

Okay, what do we got today? So many lesbian questions. Oh, great. So many. We did this on our podcast. Oh, you do advice. Yes. Awesome.

Oh, I love it. You're the role first in the advice, sort of. Well, this first one is just a write-in. We do have a couple of callers, so we'll spend a little time with this one, but then we'll move on to our callers. So this one is from Lola. She's not joining us.

She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been in a relationship with my partner, Bridget, for two and a half years, and her ex-girlfriend, Samantha, just never goes away. When we started dating, I knew things were complicated with her ex, but it was impossible to comprehend how the situation would impact me in the future. My partner, Bridget, was in a three and a half year relationship with Samantha, who is her sister's best friend and coworker. Wait, wait. I need a chart.

This is getting a little bit of a chart. Can you repeat that one section? So the writer, her partner, the ex is the partner's sister's best friend slash co-worker. The ex is the partner's sister's best friend. Oh, wow. So it's like if I'm the girlfriend, it's my sister's best friend. So like kind of around, like in the family, that sort of thing. Okay, okay.

Samantha is also a single mom, this is the ex, to a 10-year-old daughter. She was three to four years old when they started dating. My partner has a close relationship with her daughter, and this is something I've always tried to support as the child has nothing to do with me or their breakup. Or does it? They'll even FaceTime and it's a little awkward for me. Though I find her commitment to her ex's child admirable,

I do struggle with this, not because she's spending time with the child, but because Samantha is still deeply in love with my partner. At the beginning of our relationship, she would call, text, and FaceTime multiple times a week. I always found it to be weird, but it started making me uncomfortable when she began to ask my partner to give her another chance,

professing her feelings for her. Bridget ended up blocking her for over a year. I know this is immature of me but within the last year something told me to check out Samantha's social media and what I saw was bizarre and if I'm honest I feel a little embarrassed for her. She regularly makes TikToks about my partner where she's professing her love for her saying that she's her soulmate and that she'll do anything to get her back. Though I find it sad and embarrassing that this 37 year old woman is consistently making TikToks about a person who broke up with three years ago, I still find myself feeling insecure about this. When I express my concerns, my partner mostly validates my feelings, but also brushes it off. I want to find a way to be more

secure knowing that Samantha is always going to be around. Is it possible for Bridget to have a relationship with this child without having a close friendship with Samantha? And what, if anything, should I do about the social media obsession? Lola. Oh, God. That is deep. That's also very that goes outside of gay too it's just don't i mean you have like i don't i think this is all your problem you guys it is this is all about being gay yeah and like there's like codependency and toxicity and seriously boundary crossing and then there's a child involved i mean it's just it's a mess this is a mess i'm sorry no just that your partner i was confused because i thought bridget the partner blocked she had she did blocked her but then i think she unblocked

at some point okay but the but lola right the writer lola had not blocked her and fell into this awful habit of tracking her on social media tiktok is it tiktok whatever so that's a problem that you just have to break that cycle just yeah you can fall into that easily i think the issue lies definitely with sam at right you just have to know who sam is and that sam has some issues But I think within the relationship, they have to figure out, like, what boundaries are, like, going to be there. Because kid or no kid, and I don't have kids, I really can't speak to it. But, like, this woman seems a little unsafe. Totally unsafe.

And also, this is an issue that her partner needs to address with her husband. Yes, that's what I'm saying. And it should be also with relation to the child. like yes if you want me to continue to be in your child's life which is what i want and my partner wants you have to understand that i am in another relationship and you have to act in a mature way and respect that relationship yes the relationship that i'm in yeah like she has to honor that relationship she's tick tocks about getting back together what is she an eighth fucking grade like that's what i mean that's where you're dealing with something different yeah exactly that's not

the most stable adult but I honestly would say like I'm not going to have a relationship with your child unless you can act in a more mature way about our relationship that is over. Can you do that? Because doesn't the child suffer? The child does suffer but it sounds like you

have to give her put something up there like that's at stake because right now she's just getting everything she wants. You know what I mean? She's got her involvement with the child. She's probably using her child to remain in her ex's life. That's 100% true. And so when does that end?

You know what I mean? Yeah, some serious boundaries need to be. Wow. So it sounds like this is a conversation Lola needs to have with her partner and say, like, you got to put some ground rules here. Yes. Yeah. And they can do it together. They can go to her and say.

But you need a teammate. Lola needs a teammate in Bridget. Like there needs to be, you need to be. I would go as a unified front. Yes, precisely. To Sam and say, this is what we need from you. Oh, you would? You have to.

Yeah, strength in numbers. Absolutely. Well, also, it's like we're together. Yeah, so you have to – yeah, so a unified front to the problem at hand, absolutely. Otherwise, you're just – you're screaming into nothing. Yeah. Is this a letter? Is this an email?

What do we think? I don't think it's a text. Well, where do they live in proximity to each other? I think they need to sit down. I think this is a person-to-person. This is a person-to-person. Yeah, in person. In a public setting, not at someone's house.

What? Yeah, don't come over. I don't want to go to yours. Let's meet publicly. We'll come get the check. Or maybe it's screaming. Or crying, hopefully. Yeah, exactly.

You want to temper the... I mean, I would say it's her responsibility because it's her ex and it's her relationship. But you guys are saying that they should do it together as a unified front. I don't... Either way, it should definitely be in person. And it should be, you know, these are the new set of rules. Like, either you can follow them and you can't be making TikToks about me. Like, that's a boundary crossing.

Like, you can't do that. Find some fresher content. It's delusional and it's sad. And what does that say to your kid? Like your kid's going to see this one day. People don't understand when you make those videos, they're there forever. Like they're out there. And then everyone's going to find everything, you know?

Do you have TikTok? I do have TikTok, but I don't go on it. I mean, I have a social media team. Like I have enough addictions in my life, you know what I mean? I'm on Instagram. I'll go on Instagram, but I don't on TikTok. It's like, no, I don't have the bandwidth for that. All right.

Well, Lola, let us know how it goes. Poor Lola. I know. That's a lot. That's heavy. Well, our next caller is LK. LK has actually called in before. She called in on our Dylan Mulvaney episode, which we recorded a long, long time ago.

So LK says, hi, Chelsea. It's me again, LK. I have yet another crush to pick your brain about. I'm over the hump of working through some stuff back in the spring, so feeling a little bit more feisty. I've been working on myself relentlessly while engaging in a slippery slope with an old flame who I care about. Progress is being made, but I'm still not ready for a committed

relationship. Meanwhile, I've developed a crush on my hairdresser. Is this some gay rite of passage I've dodged until now? She's married to a man. Oof. But this gal is the poster child of closeted homos. I know it's not my job to jumpstart her lessee awakening, but on the other hand, that seems like

it could be super fun and gay. The problem is, she maintains she isn't gay while being really playful about how gay she presents to the world. I asked of my playfulness about it was offensive to her she says nope you're just hurting your own feelings she isn't wrong but my gut tells me she's for the girls deep down in her soul should i keep the playful flirting with hopes and prayers or just stick to my monthly haircut for a crush fix queerly confused lk um really simple can i just answer this oh go well she might talk

you're not gonna hear her sorry i have i have feelings on this first of all hi hi hello hello hi thank god there we go thank god okay kate has some very strong feelings about this um hi lk hello this kate and lisha are here today our special guest i'm having a little bit of gay panic hi don't gay panic please please but my word of advice is don't waste your energy with your hairdresser why because it's it's just it's too much trouble for no very little payoff i'm avoidant as fuck and um i think i'm using these crushes as a distraction from my real feelings you feel me you said there's somebody else that's like a long-term person you have feelings for right yes yes yes we've been on the walk again for at least a couple years now and i keep you

know doing the whole avoidant running away thing and i think these crashes why are you doing that well i don't know i'm asking you guys well walk us through that situation it's way better than the hairdresser yeah i know i move quick okay let's talk about what's going on now yeah yeah let's but what about the avoidant problem the other one the one that you're on and off with On that in therapy, I have made some progress. We're seeing each other now. I'm trying to be very slow and deliberate. Going to therapy weekly still, I do think I've made some progress, but I still have the tendencies of just to engage in avoidant behaviors, you know, when things get a little too real, a bolt. Oh, that's what it is. Because you try to avoid conflict, yeah? No, no. Intimacy.

Try to avoid love. Love. Yeah. Okay. You don't like being vulnerable. Yeah. I'm an Enneagram 8. You sound like Shane, actually.

We're going to get real about it. I mean. You're an Enneagram 8. I'm an Enneagram 8. I used to have problems being vulnerable and being intimate, too. Yeah. And therapy is exactly where you need to be for those issues. Yeah.

You have to run. Listen, like, I know there's no fast forwarding these emotions, but, like, you recognize a pattern in your behavior. you're doing something about it. And every time you have an instinct that is your pattern, you have to try to fight that. You have to run towards what you're running away from, in a sense. Great advice. And you have to practice that on a daily basis because it is totally possible to create new habits. It is totally possible. I just got an email yesterday from Jane Fonda about something. And she said, we were talking about therapy. And she said,

it's like when you create new neural pathways, it's like you're changing the temperature on a thermostat because once you change it, it doesn't change again until you go back and change it. And I thought that was such a great way to put it. And it's so true. Doing the work of therapy is great, but you have to supplement that with the work that you're doing on your own. When you're out there in the real world, you have to practice running towards the things that make you feel uncomfortable that make you feel scared because those are just feelings that's a pattern of behavior something that happened in your childhood it could have been many things that happened in your childhood but what you're saying is you want a relationship right she died i have to say i think

a lot of people don't even recognize her patterns till late in life yeah like they don't even she's saying she's avoidant so she knows it she knows it but like that's the first step oh my god i think half people are like asleep until you're like oh i've realized now i've been doing this like my whole life and then as soon as it's like it's so it's so powerful to reckon to be told or to understand what your issue is so that you can go out there and combat it yeah like oh okay i'm this type of person i might identify as this i don't like this i don't like it i used to be like oh i don't like romance i mean i really don't like you know a lot of like kitschy shit you know like valentine's day i don't like when people men send me flowers like i'm just like save that i'd

rather get a nice note write me yeah give me a card write me a nice text i way more i value that way more than anything you could ever buy me or any kind of cheesy acts of love but that's not a fear of intimacy that's actually what i've learned is like my style you like things with intention my love language you know what i mean but i think once you identify what your issues are like her fear of intimacy yeah that is so freeing yeah to know that because that is the first and biggest step you get to correcting exactly like maybe with this girl she's with she's been this in this pattern of pushing her way of pushing her and maybe she just realized like oh i have an issue she's back did you get did we get too intimate for you did you drop the call on purpose

no my iPhone overheated i'm on my lunch break in my car in alabama and my iPhone overheated Oh man. First of all, get out of Alabama. Yeah, you need to get as far away from Alabama as you can. But we understand, you understand how powerful it is to know what your issue is, right? You know that you have a fear of intimacy. You know you're avoidant. Those are superpowers now. You use those as superpowers because you're going to use that and go, look what I'm doing right now. This is me being avoided. Even if you say it to your girlfriend and start calling her your girlfriend that is your girlfriend and you actively want to okay you want a relationship is that right that's right is it you tell me yes do you want a relationship yes great keep saying that

out loud i want to be in a relationship i want to be in a relationship i want to love someone and i want them to love me write that down every fucking morning put it on your mirror and say it to yourself and get comfortable with saying that it's great to say those things it's great to say I want to be in love. I want to be loved. I want to love. Say it. Just keep fucking saying it. And I love the practice of going towards what you're scared of. That's such a great. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a hat. There's a whole world waiting for you. There's a whole world waiting for you once you get over yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And identifying your issues is I honestly would argue is probably like 75 percent of the great of the work. Now you just have to

work at maintaining that because that's very very honest as when you were gone asleep at the wheel we were talking about you and and lisha was saying you said it and i was like no you said it you said it who cares no it wasn't me it was something you said oh but you were saying that we don't realize our patterns no oh yeah thank you thank you most people don't even realize that they're avoidant or that they have a fear of intimacy so therefore yeah i'm avoidant yeah okay great so this is there's so much power in that use it as power instead of using it as a as a crutch okay and you can even flip what you're saying like you're an avoidant maybe you start saying i'm i'm vulnerable i'm gonna be vulnerable that's a good one okay like change the script yeah there

there's something like fun and distracting about serial crushes that like keep you from having to get into the hard work of a relationship. Oh, sure. Because they're always going to be unattainable. That's the point. That's a very good point. No, you're not going to be straight or straight. Well, you won't be challenged.

Well, it's just not going to happen. It's just a fantasy. Well, I don't even want it to. Yeah. Exactly. You don't even want it to, but it's a nice distraction. Right. Also, she's straight, it sounds like.

So that's a lot of hard work. And more importantly, she's also married. So it's not that she's just going to. Totally. yeah like that's the that's the third thing we brought up she's straight and oh yeah she's married hey chelsea i want to say something to you real quick first of all the book signs found me because of you oh yeah and impacted my life so much great so thank you for being so open and vulnerable with stuff like that because i've got a lot of grief

a lot of help on the other side and that was amazing. So thank you. And if you have a lot of grief and you have a lot of help on the other side, it's also important to be crying in front of people. Okay. You know, you exercise that, cry in front of this person, let yourself be vulnerable, practice that and get better at it. I used to not be able to cry in front of anybody, anybody. I can cry in front of her, but she's one of the, maybe the only person that I can. just keep practicing it. You're going to get better at crying in front of people. You're going to get better at your vulnerability. It's a whole new world when you can do that. You're going to open up yourself to all these possibilities. Not everything has to be

tightly wrapped up and you don't have to present something. You're going to find all of these people that want to love you and love on you and be with you and be your support system when you are open and honest and vulnerable. And then you can do the same for others. It's like about spreading more love and more joyfulness to as many people as you can especially in this fucking dark time that we're all living in it's like you owe it to your you know you owe it to your community and you owe it to yourself yes that's powerful stuff okay good well you listen to this podcast back write down those things i told you to write down i'm not joking put them on your mirror and say them every morning say affirmations to yourself you're somebody who needs to do that

and then i'm sure we'll hear back from you in another six months about a problem that you had four months ago yeah we're just gonna be like pen pals but like that's fine i'm down i'm down i'm down perfect okay have a great day okay bye bye bye thanks it's so funny you know those people who are always laughing and upbeat and like yeah totally she's like scott that whole vibe about her yeah like yeah everything's great everything's great and then you're like everything's not great everything's not good yeah yeah it's hard to it's hard to keep that going you know that for very long it breaks down it does down yeah it's it broke down on me at around 40 that's when i was like it's exhausting yeah it's a it's it's it's just this mask you hate headphones huh

that was just hurting my ears because my glasses they oh yeah i know you know and like the i know they hurt right now absolutely yeah and also there wasn't someone on the camera so i just gave my ears a break okay we're gonna take a break please tag me for the special because i get so many tags about my books but i'm not getting as many about my special and my special is the newest thing out. So I want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching it

and tagging me and I'll repost you. And yes, it's called The Feeling. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally

eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish

episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month

price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love

Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever

you get your podcasts see you between the pages on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to

a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts you have questions and we're back we're back from the break you guys okay alicia i'm hoping you don't have too many questions about this because we're hoping for advice yeah but um so britney says dear chelsea i'm not sure how familiar you are with queer culture but there's a common stereotype known as lesbian bed death this term refers to the inevitable decline in sex amongst long-term lesbian relationships one factor at play is my now absence of libido which is the direct result of antidepressants we've tried scheduling sex

without much success another factor that some may relate to is when you get comfortable in a relationship and it's easy to not keep up with physical appearance as you once did which has led to a decrease in attraction for us any advice on how to deal with this britney um i i have a straight question because this is this is a i feel like it's a myth i'm gonna say let's be in bed death or it's been put on us and we have this put on us right but doesn't that happen in straight relationships yes we get emails all the time it does happen i think it happens does it have a name but like i mean it's i think yeah i mean i've never heard the term bed death before but what do the straight people call it they don't call it anything they call it like i'm fucking

sick of you you know like it's hard to maintain a fucking hot sex life with i mean living together just i mean there are couples that have healthy sex lives and most of those couples don't have children a that's one thing b you get sick of people like the reason why i love long distance relationships is because you know it's something like you're not going to get sick of you're not going to annoy me in five days and if you are that's a big problem but like if i i like that sparing amount of time with someone i know my personality and i would experience bad death within the first year you know you have to be really into somebody and and you have to work hard at maintaining some sort of sex life that's like new and fun and original and that's really

hard to do right because you usually set up a dynamic with somebody and then you have that dynamic and so you're not creating new sexual like shenanigans with someone you have to that feels false and it's also awkward well that the scheduling of sex it makes me cringe no you have to schedule no the scheduling where you say okay on Tuesdays this is going to be our time yeah yeah that gives me the creeps right but people but people that is advised though it's it's been very like people say no it actually works I can't understand that but it also it's also helpful for people who are in a dry spell just to get back into the act of having sex because it's like when you don't use your vagina, you start to go, well, I don't need sex,

you know, like who cares? It's like women, when they hit menopause are like, well, I'm not, it hurts. I can't have sex. And it's like, well, you have to use your vagina not to lose your vagina. And also when you're with somebody for 20 years, most straight couples stop making out, you know, they're not kissing, they're not making out, they're having sex, but it's rudimentary. It's like, oh God. It's the scheduled sex thing on Tuesdays. Exactly. It's like, oh, come on. You want to meet me in the shower and we can get it done real quick. So it's like, check, check, got it done. I have a lot of friends who talk like that. And a lot of friends, when I say, do you make out with your husband? I would say 90% of my

straight friends do not make out with their husbands. They would love to, but that ship has sailed. I've heard that making out actually is more powerful than like scheduling sex time. I would say kissing is everything. Yeah. Kissing is like the most intimate thing. It also gets you going. Right. Yes, it does. But even if it doesn't get that far, it still like represents a level of intimacy that that um yeah sex doesn't always absolutely and there's like cuddling and like snuggling that goes along with kissing that goes a long way too like there is intimate that is intimate that is intimacy as well sex can be non-intimate you know yeah that's true but lesbian bed death it's like the lesbian bed death thing i think it gets put

on us because you think of two women and two women get together and they just want to like nuzzle in and stay at home and nurture and get a bunch of cats and never leave and order take out and order take out exactly and so i think that's how that stigma got put on on us yeah just the overall sex is awful but scheduling a date night where you can actually reconnect with your partner and like go do something novel and different i like i like it i i'm with you on the date night thing yeah if you make a point to like go have dinner or go out and have drinks and get out of the house rekindle intimacy rather than just the sex part of it i'll also say because of the antidepressant thing like you don't necessarily know like antidepressants are

tricky to get it right but if you're open to experimenting with some other stuff like talk to your doctor because and say like this is what i'm experiencing i have no sex life because of this what else can we try so that might be something to do too okay well on that very depressing note i would like to say i am very happy that i am single and that the next person i have sex with is hopefully gonna be a lot of fun well they'll be new yeah they'll be new it's like even when i'm breaking up with someone i'm like i can never be sad because i'm like there's just a new adventure on the horizon right you know that's a nice optimistic way of saying and it's just

but that's how I feel I'm always like well that okay that that served its purpose what other candy is out there you know

yeah that doesn't really help the caller but that's just my personal philosophy yeah the grass is always greener the book is called So Gay For You

it's written by Alicia Haley and Kate Menig and I think I said it better the first time but you know that's your fault for having that last name

I know it's a great book and these ladies wrote it together which is so cute thanks That is good. How gay.

Yep. So get yourself a copy and tune in. And you can follow them both on Instagram. And are on TikTok? Can they follow you on TikTok? No, not TikTok. Not on TikTok. Nope, not on TikTok.

That's what will be the name of the episode, not on TikTok. Not on TikTok. Can't see this on TikTok. Thank you, ladies, for coming in today. Thank you so much. Thank you for having us. Yeah. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas.

There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime. is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th will be the next date that I'm there July 5th August 30th and then November 1st and 29th November 1st and November 29th I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing inside myself at the Chelsea it's called Chelsea up to Chelsea for a reason. Okay. Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert,

executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for

anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out.

You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube. 90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land.

We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Thank you.