Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Someone’s Getting Their Period…

Episode Date: July 1, 2021

A perimenopausal woman stans Harry Styles. An ex-employee remains disgruntled. And a recovering codependent is too eager on a second date. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello. Hello, Brandon. Hi. Hey, what an exciting time to be alive, right?

Everything's opening. People are pumped up. Everyone's just got a little bit more optimism. Feels like it's spreading around the air or something. Is in the air, for sure. Summer is underway. I know, summer's underway. I'm a new homeowner.

I bought a new house that I'm renovating. That's exciting. You know what my friend said to me the other day? She was like, this is so good for you to have a creative outlet that is not related to work. And I was like, oh, my God, I never thought about it that way. And that is such a great way for me to look at renovating a house. And it's going to take nine months, just like a pregnancy. So when it's over, I'm going to have a baby in a house.

What are we doing today? Today, we're going to be talking about obsession to some degree. People who either can't move on or just a little too into something or someone. A very Lifetime movie-esque. Exactly. sarah colonna would love this and we have an update we have an update from the gluttonous who was in an episode a couple of weeks ago so i don't know a lot of people if you listen out of order we'll throw back and hear from people that we've given advice to or get updates from so it's

always good to listen to every episode so you kind of know what we're talking about and this submission she had an issue with overeating but she would just go through phases where she would kind of binge and then she would get back on track and you know feel like she was living a healthier lifestyle so it's a real pendulum that she just swings one way or the other but she writes in after hearing us on the episode she says hey guys i listened to the episode this morning and heard my submission being read oh my god how fun i know it's not fun i'm a single mother to a son and i have never once considered thinking about him as a tool to stop myself from binging he doesn't see me do it but has seen my emotional struggle with my weight gain he tells me i'm not fat and that

He loves me no matter what. After hearing my email being read back, I cried. I got the answer I needed. I signed up for Venice Nutrition, and I'm going to start my journey and keep you updated. Isn't that nice? I could climax. I could seriously climax. I mean, oh, this is amazing.

And I think it's important to acknowledge here that that episode was not about being thin. It wasn't about losing weight to be prettier or better looking. it was about being healthy so however that looks to you whatever that change might be in your life just to feel better about yourself just to feel like you're making healthier decisions and again whatever we talk about here you know take with a grain of salt because it's just through our lens two grains of salt right i would like to make a note that there's another great resource for binge eaters and chronic dieters and it's a podcast it's called half size me with heather Robinson. So she gives you a lot of like good tools for sticking with like new ways of eating

and learning to break the cycle of starving and binging. So that's a really good podcast to listen to if you are struggling with your weight. Well, I mean, this is a huge victory. So another problem solved. And I think after that, we deserve a break. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell

connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo,

and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz,

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip this around okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something

like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every

episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts who's our first caller sweetheart well we have multiple callers today and the first one her name is anya is it the singer i don't know that's anya and yeah she's a 50 some odd year old female from florida and she writes in dear chelsea i'm currently in pre-menopause and i'm starting to seriously this is taking a turn we haven't talked about periods in a long time so this is almost like the universe manifesting periods we also talked about you recently how i would love for you to go through menopause and how i would love for you to get a period hi hi any moment now hi how are you is it anya yes okay anya i haven't read your

submission so why don't you just give us an overview what's going on so back in november I started hearing about Harry Styles a little bit more. That was at the same time premenopause was creeping in, hot flashes, mood swings, everything. And I started to obsess with him. So since I'm usually not a stand person, more a modest, quiet admirer, I was wondering if this has to do with the pandemic, premenopause, and lack of travel? Or do I need some serious help? With your obsession over Harry Styles? Yes. I think an obsession with Harry Styles is pretty typical for people these days.

I think it probably just has to do, yeah, your hormones are just probably right in line, it sounds like, with the teenage girls' hormones, because they're also in love with Harry Styles. And so are older women. Harry has a way with older women. His girlfriend, Olivia Wilde, is older, and he definitely likes and appreciates older women so I mean I think your fantasy is it could be because of menopause but I would think that menopause is when you start to lose your sexual feelings towards people you wouldn't gain an obsession so maybe you're not really even in menopause yet that could be well that's why I said like kind of like pre-menopause like perimenopause but I think perimenopause can last for many many years but I mean I think it's good to have an

obsession. It gives you something to like masturbate to if you're into that. It gives you something. Harry's really cute to look at, obviously. I mean, he's like adorable. Are you attracted to Harry Styles? Oh, very much so. Yeah. We should have Harry call into the show. That would be really funny. I have been just dying to see him walk in or out of the building. Yeah, he's funny. He's very funny, Harry Styles. I'm going to actually take a picture of you and send to him and say, you don't want me to? Okay. Well, he'd be delighted to hear that he has another fan in you. Anya, if that's even your real name. That is my real name. All right. Well, that's great. Look at that. Crush received, reciprocated. So just pretend you're dating him and start telling

people. Well, don't do that, obviously, but you know, just enjoy it, Anya. Just enjoy your new relationship i'm trying my son is not happy about it oh i didn't realize there was a son involved i'm sure he's probably like i don't need my mother to be into harry styles exactly yeah but fuck your son he's you know what this is your private life perfect thank you so much you're welcome okay thanks anya bye thank you this is a term that i don't understand all this fucking lingo but i think stan is like a super fan oh yeah i didn't know what that meant either god sometimes i feel so stupid i'm like what i know i feel so old well yeah yeah right exactly but i also don't like anything trendy like you hated when everyone said hundred percent or when people

say obvi i was like or anyways anyways when if everyone's saying anyways anyways it's like no it's anyway there's no s at the end of anyway and like i i know i'm such a stickler like it actually makes me it irritates the shit out of me when people say that word because as soon as they say And I lose respect for them. I have such respect for you correcting grammatical issues. Yeah, you appreciate, but most people don't want to be corrected. I don't want to sound fucking stupid. No, but other people don't mind sounding stupid.

People don't care, you know? Like, I'm such a stickler for grammar because I didn't go to college, obviously, so I'm overcompensating. But I take it very seriously. Just like last night at dinner, I said to my girlfriends, I used the word platitudinizing. And they're like, uh, not a word. I said, you want to make a bet? And so I just had you look it up on the way in and then sent them all the link to the definition of platitudinizing.

And you're almost never wrong. And then I said, guess who went to community college for one semester? Me. Do you have a celebrity crush? Like, who has been your biggest one before you became famous? Was there someone that, like, you really loved? Bon Jovi? Bruce Springsteen?

I mean, I liked them. I didn't love them. I was never, like, wanted to, like, sit on Bon Jovi's face or anything like that. Like, Simon LeBron from Duran Duran was, like, big. That was a big deal for me. That was, like, my first major man crush. I loved him. And my sister liked Nick Rhodes.

Then I had a crush on a famous baseball player. And then I think, yeah, that was it. I always liked older men, even when I was, like, a child. I liked older guys. Would you date an athlete now? Yeah. I could see you with a baseball player. Yeah, sure.

I'd date anyone. You know how open-minded I am about dating. Well, I like to keep that out in the open for everyone listening. Yeah. That you are looking. Yeah. And you're ready to receive. Receive penetration.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What is your feeling on people abbreviating things like California? Nothing. Cali. Oh, it makes my stomach turn. I thought it annoys me. Cali.

Nor Cal. So, ugh. I like hashtags I find annoying. Anything that you abbreviate. I don't abbreviate even in text messages. Like, what does everyone say? It's dead now. Dead.

Dead. i'm dead or period in the sense of like yeah like conversation but then the conversation's never over no i wish it were i know i know so many times people are taking so long for like what could be just a quick transaction you know they take it so it's just so slowly and and you'd end up talking to someone for way longer than you need to what about these fucking people who want to get on a call when it could be an email there is nothing worth or a zoom now like let's let's do zoom no send me an email it will take two seconds right and you'll get an immediate response i also on that subject matter don't really like to facetime anyone and i know people really like it

but you have to sit there and hold the phone like without your airpods in like when you're on the phone with somebody you can get a million things done like if you have your airpods and still pay attention or stop paying attention you know and get a million things done but facetime is really hard it's annoying for me to like you know it has its time it comes in handy yeah right for brief interludes like when you were in canada and i would facetime you and show me how to turn the oven on yeah and i would facetime your two daughters up there that you've left behind yeah fatherhood was good that was good as a father i am their father still so that's why they call me dad and just so happy you don't have kids if you had kids i don't those girls

those girls really no you couldn't and if you couldn't do this job well i guess we wouldn't have never met brandon i don't even want to think about such things that's just like a bad nightmare all right the next submission comes on and right onto the next submission it comes from steve who is from chicago he writes dear chelsea i had a rough job lost a few years ago and i'm having a hard time getting over it i can't let go of the anger what do you suggest uh move the fuck on buddy tell him that because he's on the phone okay great sweetheart look i'm gonna should i open my movies yeah well he mentioned skiing naked with you so great i'll have to close i don't i don't know if you should do anything to egg him on steve where are you i'm here steve hi we can't see you

where's your turn your camera on what the hell all right steve listen we don't worry about it i don't need to see you i can hear you it sounds like you're stuck in in a victim mentality sort of yeah i uh had a bad job loss about four and a half years ago and some things were used against me that were sort of spun in a certain way that made me look bad. And I never had a chance to defend myself or even explain what had happened. And even though I had the full support of management, it was a job I had pursued for about three years, finally got it, super happy. Thought I'd worked there for about seven, eight years and retire. And then, you know, six months into it, that was that. Well, what happened? Essentially boiled down to a woman in the office. I sort of

hesitate to say this, but thought I was creepy. And like I say, I had full support, but it got up to the CEO and said, we can't tolerate this stuff. And my opinion was, what are you, can't tolerate what, right? And I never got to defend myself. My boss, his boss and his boss said wrong, but then that was that. Was it against one woman or multiple women? Well, I don't really know exactly, but I was able to get some details sort of after the fact. And so it might've been, I know there was one specific person that was pushing this. And I also heard from somebody else that their idea was to replace me with someone else in the office who was much younger than I was. Well, that can't feel good to be called creepy.

No, it was horrible. But what are you going to do, right? Yeah. So you need to move the fuck on because that is old. That's history. There's nothing you can do about it. And the only thing you can do is let go. You have to let go of your anger.

That is the past. It is behind you. and you just have to focus on having more positive vibes moving forward so that you can secure another job. Do you have a new job? No, so I've been in the digital space for a long, long time. It's an extremely young industry. This company was in the movie business.

I've been in sales. It was a sales role. And at my age, I tried really hard to find work after this happened and things weren't following my way. And so I do printed shirts and apparel for organizations businesses, et cetera. I've been doing that for quite some time. It's a decent little source of income, but I just started Ubering four and a half years ago and I've been pretty much doing that ever since. Well, that's good. That's something you're bringing in some income with

that, right? Yeah. It sometimes requires a lot of hours. I was out till three o'clock on Friday and 2 a.m. on Saturday, but you can make pretty good money if you push it. Well, Steve, I think you need to give yourself room to grow and you're holding onto this thing that happened four years ago. It's not serving you. So it's taking up space. Anything taking up space is not going to allow you to like you know really invest time or energy into moving forward and whether that be emotionally mentally or with finding a job so the longer you hold on to this it's just going to hold you back and hold you down so i think you just got to fucking throw that out and focus on what you can do moving forward yeah and take pride in your job like be happy that you have a job some

people are starving you know yeah you're working at uber you have the ability to work harder to make extra money these are all good things too you know you don't have to hold on to somebody what somebody said or may have said or may have not said somebody may have not even said that about you you know that could have been an excuse to replace you with somebody younger it's just it's irrelevant really to your future right and that all makes a lot of sense and you know I get it and it's not something that I hang on to all the time but it sort of flares up you know like a like a like a virus that's inside you know and things will trigger it so I hear what you're saying and I know I need to do it yeah but you need some tough love you need a nudge in the

right direction like that's just coming from a loving place you can't just immediately fast forward and have it not be there but you can have it come up without it bringing you down you know like you can have it come up so that it diminishes each time it does come up so that in a year from now it's not an issue at all right okay do you smoke pot here and there yeah well maybe smoke some more enjoy yourself you know right just enjoy yourself have a nice time okay yeah try and find a girlfriend you know i've got a wife oh well then definitely don't try to find a girlfriend i don't want to be giving out advice like that that's how we get into trouble around here so around here in our doctor's office okay well good luck to you steve and i'm glad you

called yeah sorry about the video i wish i could have uh yeah see me that's okay take care maybe his pants were off and he didn't want us to see that he was exposing himself well we know that All men do these Zooms without pants on them. Men are just such a disappointment with the way that they pull their penises out. I would also like to state, though, about Steve's specific situation, is that men have to err on the side of caution now in their interactions. I understand. I'm not telling him to go assault a woman.

No, I'm not. I don't think you are. But like anyone listening, that is the way men have to operate. Oh, yeah, right. They have to assume that you've already been accused. Fucked up. Yeah, that you've already sexually assaulted someone. Come from that place of apology and reform.

Because, I mean, all men aren't bad, but there's enough bad ones that you fucked over everybody. So now all men have to pay the price. White men have to pay the price for your advantage-taking since the beginning of time. And you can only just say, yes, I'm sorry, please tell me more, and I'm willing to listen. Because we have been mansplained to for too long. So you need to listen to what we're telling you. We want you to succeed. We want you to stick around, but you need to listen.

The thing is, it's like, OK, so that guy could have been a creep also and he could have been in the wrong. And, you know, maybe we should have delved into that a little bit further. But even then, I want people to, like, pick up and move on to a different point. Right. Right. Like because we all make mistakes and we have to learn from those mistakes. Opportunity to grow. People calling you creepy is like you would have to think about that. Right. But yes. Yeah. We need additional context for some of these.

We couldn't offer well-rounded advice. Well, he still needed to move on. Well, we're still growing as a counseling couple. So we're growing. We're having growing pains. That was a growing pain. That smell of that beef jerky that you're eating is a definite growing pain. It's so fucking gross.

It's a turkey jerky. It's so gross. I hate having to eat on a fucking schedule. I love eating. And I can't stop eating. And now we know it's because... Do you like truffle? Like the taste of truffle?

Yes. I love it. This weekend, I think I'm going to make mac and cheese, and there's this truffle. I don't want anything to do with macaroni and cheese. You love the big macaroni and cheese with the charred edge. Right now, I'm at my steep end of things. So no macaroni and cheese for me. I fucking love.

One day in Whistler, when I wasn't skiing because my knee was swollen and hurting, I made myself Annie's macaroni and cheese. Oh, the organic. Yeah. And it was just like a vat of cheese, and I just ate the entire thing. and it felt so cozy and warm and it was one of those days where I was just like

you know sitting by the fire oh I just love fucking macaroni and cheese what is that is that your meditation reminder or medication reminder it's letting me know that your period

is on the approach no it is not it should have a much louder notification that's the blaring horn it's like get ready get ready the next few days

are going to be rough I can't come in down the street. Do we have another caller? I don't know. I wasn't listening. Oh. I'm just kidding. Our next submission is from William.

He's in his 30s. He is a teacher from California. And he writes, Dear Chelsea, I recently had two amazing dates with the same woman and we really vibed. We had conversations about another date. We made out. Couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Ew.

She asked if I was looking for a friend with benefits. I said I'd be open to basically anything. and so we decided just like any man we're fucking open to anything right but we decided to keep it loose we really connected we both love hockey we have the same taste in beer we have the same degree how many dates was this two two dates but this is where things take a turn he said it's been it's now it's been three days with no contact okay is he there well are you there yeah i got it working finally thank you yeah oh okay cute beard i like your face thank you thank you yeah it's all that's in the picture right now but yeah no i like me the rest of me is pretty good too

okay well let's not get carried away so let's so what happened on the first date and what happened on the second date break it down for us okay like on the first date we met on bumble you know and so is that a good dating site because i need my friend kelly from whistler to get on bumble well like it's good because uh women get to make the first move and so it so it avoids a lot of awkward situations that women have to deal with like i have a lot of female friends they tell me like the horror stories of you know tinder and everything else but at least there you got ladies get a little bit more of a filtering option for themselves you know yeah and it takes the pressure off the guys to make the first move so it helps out a lot in that kind of way okay bumble's

great you met her she made the first move then right yeah yeah yeah yeah and we got to talking right away you know like i mean we were really like into each other and we uh went out we're both vaccinated so we were like feeling pretty comfy you know i was like it was my first time going out to eat like in a year conversation was rolling the entire time we had a lot of similarities going on we kissed it seemed like we were pretty into each other what do you mean just kiss like kiss on the street where were you in the car like i was walking her back to her car and just kind of kissed on the way back oh that's cute that's nice and romantic yeah yeah you know like that's what i was saying i thought everything was pretty good there you know and then the second

date what happened well wait so then you had you get in touch with her for the second so you knew leaving the first date you were seeing each other again oh yeah we were already planning the second date were you thinking though that maybe you would get more than just a kiss on the first date like were you thinking oh or you didn't even try to push it i don't know i try not to hold any expectations when i when i go on dates i was cool with whatever happened you know i'm a recovering codependent so like i'm trying my hardest to slow myself down i was even trying in the moment i was like okay make sure you don't get attached too quickly or anything like that you're a recovering codependent from what you were codependent with your last partner? I was married for seven years

and that was like totally what destroyed our marriage. We were both just totally codependent. It just devolves into this toxicity. Talk more about that. Like what do you mean? Can you give us a specific example? Because I think a lot of people probably feel that way in their relationships. Yeah. Well, you know, for me, my codependency was about affirmation. I needed constant affirmation that someone loves me. Yeah, that's annoying. Yeah, exactly. Right. Then her codependency issue was mistrust. She just thought I was cheating on her all the time. Sounds like you both had the same problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we did. Exactly. When we both decided to get help, we just kind of grew apart after that. There was just too much toxicity in that past.

Well, good. That's good that you moved on. That's good that you're done with that relationship. So we don't want you to repeat the same thing the second time. We want you to have success. So, okay. So the second date, what happened on the second date? I had reservations for a really nice restaurant in town, but it was outdoors and it started raining. So they had to cancel everything. And I had to reorganize like the entire date, like within like an hour. So like I took it down to like super low key, took her to my favorite pizza place and um after that we went to the drive-in we watched wonder woman 1984 how was it oh i liked it a lot but i like marvel movies more than dc but that was a good movie do you know what

that means no he might as well be speaking japanese but i know i know dc and marvel arrivals i do know that yes well i was going to do that marvel television show at one point so i did know but okay fine that's yeah we won't hold that against you you're a white male of course you love that shit so okay and then so you go to the drive-thru so how did the date end the second night it ended pretty well we kissed a few times we were talking about a third date and then the next day she was hanging out with some of her friends and she was like shooting me like photos of her brunching and stuff and i was hanging out with some of my friends and i was shooting her photos of us jamming because me and my friends are all musicians and stuff but oh by the way i

know i'm light-skinned but i'm actually chicano thank you for clarifying well it's just that me and her like that that's one of our very similar things that we have is that both of our ancestors come from uh the original settlers of riverside but we're not related you know like that that was like a running joke for a couple of weeks there it was just like okay well let's make sure we're not cousins okay so then you're not related check that box that's great to hear okay so everything seemed to be going fine the next day following the second date and then she just kind of ghosted you like there was no more communication and in your submission you mentioned possibly writing her a text to kind of recap like hey sorry if i did something sorry if you think

you're feeling a certain way what what happened there and what's the status well she told me that she had some stuff going on but she also confirmed that she was feeling like things were moving too fast oh she did say that yeah yeah yeah how did you react to that when she said that i mean like i'm kind of self-aware of you know that part of me god was just kind of like that's cool if i kind of turned you off that's all right you know and she was like you know i still want to be friends because you know we have so much in common and i was all like yeah me too i wasn't texting her a lot or anything like that i would just hit her up every once in a while and then one day on her instagram i noticed that she blocked me and like i was like oh okay i guess i did something so

i sent her another last text and i was just like hey i'm sorry if i offended you in some way or anything like that i'm terribly sorry and i was just kind of like oh i don't i don't know what i did okay so and i have a lot of feelings and thoughts on this scenario but what in retrospect like being self-aware are there certain things that you said or did that gave her the impression that you wanted more than she wanted or that you wanted things to escalate a little bit more quickly than maybe she had anticipated like are there certain moments that you see like okay i could have done this differently or that you'll take into the next interaction that you will hopefully amend in some way that's kind of like what i wanted to ask y'all what can i do to

slow things down how can i stop this premature excitement were you trolling her on instagram a lot like looking at her stories if she's not a public person she could probably look and see who's watching her stories it sounds like something happened after they went on the date that turned her off that she felt like you were all over her or something and liking all of her photos or you know sometimes girls feel smothered like that but like yeah you should totally take that as an indicator to chill a little bit out because clearly you kind of for her to block you on instagram i guess i know people do that a lot right i mean well okay so i have a friend that blocks people yeah but i think that there were probably things leading

up to that signs that maybe yeah right weren't accounted for and like you're a cute guy yeah and you're saying it yourself so that means it's true yeah like you obviously have something to offer you know you're you seem kind you're handsome you know that there is a problem that you're trying to resolve but there are also things that maybe you should be a little bit more thoughtful about in terms of your interactions like if you know that this is an issue implement certain rules for yourself like i used to have a two text rule where i would send to an initial one if i didn't get a response i'd send one more generically and then if no response that was it like it shouldn't take much more than that no one should have to get to the point of blocking you

i have a three text rule that's one text too many yeah i think you should subtract two texts maybe just bring it down to one and then slowly build back up to two that's sound advice Yeah, I like that idea a lot. I wasn't trolling her on Instagram though, by the way. That's kind of like why I was so shocked because I was like, I sent you a direct message once. Right, right, fine. But anyone blocking you on Instagram,

that should be the end of the interaction completely anyway. Like don't follow up on that. It's like breaking up with somebody and then having to tell them again. So yeah, next time the person blocks you on Instagram, hopefully there won't be a next time. Hopefully we can nip this in the bud. It was my first time ever.

Yeah, okay. You also have to give relationships or interactions room to grow. And I think sometimes what happens is people get so, like you, get so excited about it. They're just like, they invest all in. I do that with friends. And I've seen the negative repercussions of that. And Brandon has no friends because he- Zero friends.

For me, it's not the game of like, oh, what sort of friendship dynamic are we going to have? It's like, we're friends or we're not. And that's kind of that. But in a relationship, it's a little bit trickier because you have to temper those interactions. You have to give them space. So if you get to the point where you want to text this girl or not this specific girl because that's a rap on her. That's a rap on her.

But the next one, text someone else. Like when you go to reach for your phone to check on her or text her and she's not messaged to check on you, message a friend. Like just apply that energy into another relationship. And there's no point in like watering a dead flower. So if you can see that it's not blossoming, invest that energy into yourself or someone else. don't spend too much

time trying to make it happen. Yeah, go play music. Go write music or what do you do, you know, play an instrument. That's cool, you know. Put your channel, your stuff into that. Someone's going to love you soon. Yeah, you seem lovable. Yeah, you do seem lovable. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Especially from

Chelsea. Thank you very much. What about Brendan? Yeah, hey, there's no higher compliment than a gay guy complimenting you. Yeah, seriously. Oh, that's very true. That's very true. I just don't know you but I know Chelsea. Well, listen, she She has better taste than I do, so it's probably of higher value for sure, even without it being her. She just has better taste. I have no style, so I guess my compliment's void.

I didn't mean it in a mean way. Sorry. That's okay. Don't worry. No, you're fine. We're just giving you shit. No, no. Your compliment is totally valid, and I appreciate it. Yeah. And also, when you do have a lot in common with a person, that's nice, but don't take it too far with that. It's nice that you both have the same heritage, And it's nice that you both like the same beer. But like those aren't like cosmic signs from the universe.

It's just coincidences. So just like don't take all of it so seriously. You know, I like that a lot. Thank you. OK, there's hope. William, let us know what's going on. I would like an update on your next few dates on what's going on. So keep us posted.

And just just remember, take things slow. Like nothing's that serious. Yeah. Take things slow. And if I'm in that area and you still haven't met a girlfriend, maybe I could come over and have sex with you. I would so appreciate that. Yeah.

Or maybe even go on a date, you know? Well, I don't think I need the date part. I mean, especially it sounds like you like to, you know, it would be more of a transaction. Her attention span, I'll save you the trouble, William. Her attention span is very small. So just stick with the sex and then it's a win. All right.

Okay, yeah, no, I'm taking that win. All right, bye. Bye. He was cute. He was cute. Cute in a Santa Claus, cute Chicano kind of way. Like, I love that. I love when men have like full faces and beards

and are playful you know so many women are like really hard up for a man yeah so many women really want to be with somebody they really want to be with a responsible person or you know somebody's got a job and has got their shit together and you know i don't know how much he's got his shit together because we didn't get into that but like i like to think that there's a lid for every pot there is and that's why i keep telling you we're gonna find your lid like you're ready for a relationship and i'm ready for you to be in a relationship i was ready for a relationship and have already changed my mind so I think I think I'm ready and I never will be ready for a relationship it all just seems like too much work and I don't I really I only because I'm very bored at this

point in my life when I'm in LA for some reason I find myself bored as soon as you got back you asked how to log into Raya I went right Tinder no I went on Raya and there were some hot guys on Raya but I did something wrong with my location so like it I had changed my location to Vancouver when I in whistler and then i never changed it back so i was missing all these connections and then there was one cute guy and i was like are you he had a bunch of pictures of snowboarding and i was like are you skiing or snowboarding he said snowboarding and that was the end of that relationship grown men on a snowboard yeah it really grossed me out i need a guy who couldn't ski it's like peter pants syndrome or arrested development like get on a set of skis like an adult and it's so much

hotter like men skiing is so much hotter than a guy on a snowboard well yeah snowboarding feels like younger like you're clinging to something do you when you have an interaction with a guy on a dating app and you're suddenly not into it for one reason or another do you tell them or will you just stop responding usually i just stop responding i mean i don't owe them anything at that point but i do like to tell people when they do things that annoy me like that guy i was i was seeing some guys sleeping with some guy right before i left when i went to whistler this year in like december and i got there and he and we was cute we hung out a bunch of times before i Yeah, he was a nice guy.

Yeah, you met him. And then he sent me in Whistler, like he made this big thing that he was sending me a gift, that he was sending me a gift. He said it like three times and then asked me if I found it at my door three times, which was also annoying. And then I found the gift and it was a black dildo. And I just thought, what? Why are you sending me a vibrator?

Like, that's not funny. Like, he thought it was funny. He's like, oh, you're going to love it. It's like, no, I'm not. Right. Because you're not like 12 years old. Yeah, I'm not 12. And don't send me, ask me about a gift, like a serious, like I thought it was something

sweet or sincere, like something like, you know. Useful. Useful. Exactly. Did you ever use those heated gloves I got you? Which heated gloves? The heated mitts. Yeah.

I use them all the time. Oh, you did? That's what I ski with. Oh, I wondered how they work. Oh yeah. I saw. See, so that's a fucking thoughtful gift. Yeah.

That's a thoughtful gift. I actually got a pair for Ange for her birthday this year. Oh, great. And then I got a pair for Kelly too, because she didn't have heated gloves. It's so nice to have your hands warm. So you always default to a heated mitt instead of a dildo, guys. Oh, yeah. It's just a dildo is just such a gross. And by the way, I've been sent so many dildos. I mean, I got three on my birthday in Whistler. I got three dildos. So he's not alone in his idiotic thinking. And then my friend was like, oh, I love this vibrator. And I was like, oh, my God, there's nothing more annoying than sitting around talking about vibrators to me. You got a fucking vibrator from your facialist.

Okay, so that's the next vibrator I was going to say that I got. Yeah, so Vanessa, who installed my neck with my own blood. Everyone, people are giving out fucking vibrators. And I just love, like, it's all, like, we're just, yes, like, we're all just trading. Like, here, why don't you, I just don't use vibrators. I just don't. Maybe I should start. But you don't masturbate, right?

I think you've said that before, that you're like, people of a certain nature are just like, oh, well, if you don't have someone. I mean, no, I'm not really big on masturbating. I mean, you would think, actually, that I have the time to do it. So sometimes, but not really. No. Well, I don't know how you could. You always have people at the house. You were either asleep or you have people at the house.

So I don't know when you would have time to fucking masturbate. I can't have my bell walking in on me jerking off in the middle of the afternoon. You can have my bell masturbate for you. Oh, God, Brandon. Come on. Talk about white privilege. Stop it. I think it's time for me to charge my Tesla.

We're going to go to a break. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus,

or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this?

How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never let go of that. I have. I would never set expectations for something like that. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it.

I'm always going to accept, you know, Danny McBride. Fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope. It's fragile masculinity.

Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life.

And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, sweetheart. Well, I feel like we gave some sound advice today. It sounds like we're going to wrap things up by the tone of your voice. I think we should. I mean, I don't know how we could top William, and he doesn't sound like he wants me to, so.

No, he doesn't want anything to do with you, but he definitely would have sex with me. It'd be funny if I had sex with every hundredth caller. Did he remind you of anyone that we know? It's a hardy body type. Yeah. We don't even know what was going down from the neck down because we only saw him from the neck up. So I could only imagine that his stomach matches his face.

Yeah. He just seems like a thick, like a hardy man. Yeah. I like that kind of look. I mean, I don't really, it's a kind of like a lumberjack look. Yeah. It's not really my thing, but I'm open to it. You don't like too muscly.

I like guys that are like really fit, but not muscly, but like fit. So I can handle a little stomach, like a little bit of meat. But I don't like when guys are like, you know, have a big belly. Like, I'm not into that. I don't like things flapping. No, you don't like excess persons. Right, right. But I do like them as friends.

Well, now we know. I just want to wish everybody a happy St. Patrick's Day, even though it's nowhere near March. You have no idea when any holidays are because you don't celebrate anything. I know that St. Paddy's Day is March 17th and that is not close. Let's just plan on our summer vacation, Brandon. Why don't you start figuring out where I'm going to go? I know where you're going. I know where I'm going to.

You know where I'm going? Where? Okay. So we have everyone also keep an eye out for Chelsea's stand-up dates because they're being added now that people are being vaccinated and things are opening up. So she has dates in July in Nashville, which I know off the top of my head, those are all sold out. Yeah. So if you're looking for something to do for your summer vacation, you guys, I'm performing all over the place. I'm performing at Humphreys in San Diego.

I'm performing at the Santa Barbara Bowl. I'm performing in Vegas on July 10th at the Mirage. Santa Barbara Bowl, I think, is August 21st. And then I'm doing a whole slew of dates all over across the country. And new dates will be added. So if you don't see her in your city. We're adding new dates, right. We just added two new shows.

Oh, and to my Canadian brothers and sisters. Well, that's really where I'm from now. to all my Canadians I will be touring in Canada I just have not announced those dates yet so don't you worry I will never forget you are you kidding me are you fucking kidding me you know what Canadians don't even say fucking they're too polite my point of that is we're going to Nashville for your stand-up dates at Zany's which are all sold out but then I'm gonna stay for a few extra days and I'm going to fucking Dollywood oh my god oh my god I wish you could stay but you're going on your family vacation at the same time you are going to climax as all day long at that

dolly so dollywood's like an is it like an amusement it's an amusement park she owns it and i guess she's there sporadically i don't know if there's a dolly calendar for me to check to see but i'm gonna have to get irving on the horn somebody to figure out when she's gonna be there oh yeah i'm sure they can help you out with that did you watch the dolly documentary i started i haven't finished it yet but i just love dolly yeah i know that adds up you like dolly too yeah everybody who doesn't you had a dolly shirt that you yep wore a lot till it was fraying you loved that you wore it to so many stand-up shows finally someone said something there's like what is going on right it was just more of a cute shirt though but i do love dolly i love dolly and

i love there's another good documentary on hba max tina turner and that's fucking awesome i haven't watched it but i hear you have a different appreciation for her oh yeah yeah yeah the way she can move her body the way she moves like when she was young starting out well i mean she still can move her body but she was like so much older when she made it she was like it almost you know 50 when she really hit it without ike when she left him so oh god yeah she was such an amazing performer well that's a great ending note it's never too late it doesn't matter how fucking old you are guys yeah get out there and do what you want to do yeah go after menopause like it owns you i mean like you own it you're gonna own it goodbye

I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture

with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.

And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.

And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.