Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Stimulation Junkie with Kristen Johnston

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Kristen Johnston is here to chat with Chelsea about her occasional foray into cocaine before she got sober, her new role on Leann (on Netflix), and why fame initially terrified her.  Then: A sister worries that her brother’s drinking has gotten out of control. A new girlfriend finds that beans and boyfriends don’t mix.  And a daughter grieves the father she cared for, whose personality changed at the end of his life.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. The new Red Bull Dragonberry and Tropicberry Energizers, now at McDonald's, made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers, now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details of McDonald's.cai at participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec.

I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life, exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island to serve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture, with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay guys, here are my dates for the High and Mighty Tour. In September, I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho, and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies, I'll be there.

And then in December, I am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at Chelseahandler.com for the high and mighty tour. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hello. You're back in the States. I'm back in the States. Fantastic.

You got your little pookie off to college this week. Oh, pookie. Pookies in college. Yeah, one of my poopsie-whoopsies just entered the college chat. Oh, my gosh. So she was just facetiming us. You're such a supportive auntie. You're just like being there for her.

It's very sweet. I'm her father. Auntie. Sorry. Excuse me, her stepfather. That's right. That's right. We're back in Los Angeles.

I'm home from Majorca. I did sets last night at the comedy. Oh, I added dates in Florida, by the way, for our listeners. By the way, I have one listener who has been like emailing and texting me for a long time being like, can she please come to Florida? I'm like, you know, a DM is great. Let her know. And then he was so excited when you added Florida dates.

Yeah, we added Florida dates. We're adding second shows in Tampa and Vancouver also. I'm going to tape my. special, I think, in Vancouver. So for anybody, all of our Canadians listening, those shows are going to go on sale at the beginning of next week. And yes, I added Orlando, no, no, not Orlando, Tampa, West Palm Beach, and Hollywood, Florida. I'm coming. I'm coming to Florida. I decided the fans are more important than the state. I think that's great. I think that's great. And now, you know, they're hungry for Chelsea. Yes. You haven't been there in a long time. So I think it'll be really good.

And the next, my first show back is September 18th in Santa Barbara. So get you. your ticket, September 19th is San Diego, that sold out, but September 18th is Santa Barbara, and there are tickets. Philadelphia has tickets, and New York still has tickets. So get those. I loved our guest today. She reminds me of an old friend that I didn't know I had. You guys know her from Third Rock from the Sun, Sex and the City, and Leanne, which is back for Season 2. Please welcome Kristen Johnston. But then mother comes whenever I move in somewhere and there's a bird's-ness. fly. So, oh my God. Oh, right. Yes. I totally, I totally get that. She just brought me a beautiful

tray that she put, it's in the kitchen. A tray which she put wallpaper on with these beautiful birds. It looks like a starling. Is it a starling? I don't know. You're going to have to ask mom. I know. We're going to have to ask. I have to get it in my bird watching era. Oh, no. We're hitting that. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for bird watching. I'm just going to watch dogs for the rest of my life. I don't need to. I heard watching to me seems like a very slippery slope into wearing Velcro sneakers. And I am not, I'm not. It's so true.

In fact, I might be close to the Velcro sneakers. Do you think you are? Well, I'm a side person now. Okay. So I'm moving there. I do actually own a pair of Velcro sneakers, but, you know, they're like cute and trendy, I think. That's what you think, though. That's when we start becoming attracted to it is the problem.

They got like 80s colors on them. Yeah, I know. I think I know which one. you're talking about. And those are passable, but I do have a problem with Velcro on clothing. No, Velcro is bad. Velcro's bad. But if we can figure out a way, like, that's why I like the slides.

Like, even, do you ever wear eyeshades? Do you know how they have the Velcro band in the back of ice shades sometimes? You mean like the tennis, that one? No, like, eye shades where you cover your eyes and so it's blackout. Uh-huh. So there's a Velcro in the back there. And that even, like, for some reason, the feeling of Velcro. Is it the feel of it?

It's just like it rips at things like your hair. Like I don't have any hair to lose. So don't fuck around with my hair. You know what I mean? I'm trying to add hair, not to subtract. You have a nice head of hair. Thank you. It's my one, yes, it's my one shining.

I thought you were going to say it's my wig. No, I don't know why. And thank God for it. My mom has a nice head of hair. So, yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Because for blondes, it's not easy to maintain a thick head of hair.

God help us. No. No. So I want to talk to you about the scene in Sex and the City, that famous scene, which is... Surely, it is one of the most iconic scenes. I'm so bored I could die. Your last name is Featherton and that?

It's Lexi Featherstone. Lexi Featherstone, which is a great fucking date. Featherstone is pretty much where it's at. It was a scene in Sex and the City. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Yes. The best iconic scene where... where you're talking about,

because it's, first of all, it's very emblematic about how I feel about L.A. Right. The parties has ended in L.A. I know. It's sad. Or is it that we're old? I don't know.

It could be both. I mean, I hang out with a lot of young people who party too. But the party, so like if I hang out with them, it's still happening. Yeah. But as a general,

there's a general malaise, I think, that has set in into L.A. I agree. Which you're describing and talking about in New York. But it's happened there too. Yes.

It's all the gentrification and there's no more funk, just mess. And I think she represented that because clearly it struck a chord, because people still come up to me. It's the first thing people will say to me. It'll probably go on my gravestone. I mean, falling out the window was pretty iconic to your death. And then Sarah Jessica Parker's reaction was also pretty iconic.

Yeah, yeah. And then I think what... Whoops and doodle, basically. I think what really nailed it was the cover of the post that they had, is me in that, some photo they got of me with the word splat. And that's the episode. Yeah. It's pretty cool.

Yeah, it is pretty cool. I'm not mad at it. Were you sober when you shot that? No. You weren't. No, no, no. No, I was a hot mess. And were you, like, would you, when you were using drugs, I know you've been sober

for a long time. And I know you lost your sister. Yes. To addiction. And, yeah. So when you were using and you were filming scenes like that, would you use drugs in alcohol or opiates or whatever? No, no, no, no, never, never, never. I was just kind of messy, like, late at night after,

I was doing a lot of theater, a lot of drinking after theater, lots of wine. The occasional foray into cocaine, but not like her. Right. But I, you know, I knew what I was talking about. Let's just put it out. Well, I just think in those situations, like, first of all, it's kind of all goes together, like acting, theater, waitressing, restaurant life, all of that stuff. Like, you get off so late at night or you're so wound up by the time you're done with your job that you have to come down. So it is a very tricky area to not get into a situation where you are abusing drugs or alcohol or both things. Yes, exactly. And, you know, I think from I was an addict since I was a kid,

even though I wasn't obviously doing it then, but I like, I just needed to escape always. I did not like being in my skin. So one of the first things I really had to figure out was how to be in my skin. And I know like I brought you that tray and I make, I have hobbies, but at a certain point at like five o'clock, you're like, what do people do at night if they don't get drunk? Right, right, right. So I had to come up with crafts. Right. Well, she made me this beautiful tray and she, and then there's wallpaper on it and it's two birds. It's like a big bird on the bottom and a little bird. And, and then she covers it in an epoxy, right?

Oxy, yeah. But the trays can be anything from West Elm or they can be from Etsy or yeah. Right. Well, it's beautiful. Thank you. It goes with my house. But I had this, my friend who I call Sissy, sent an energy healer to this house yesterday. And she came and said, oh, there's a bird's nest. And I said, oh, that's my mom. My dad always makes a bird's nest wherever I am. And she looked at me and she's like, tell me more. I'm like, there's not much more to tell. She's dead and that's her nest, I guess, you know? But so you bringing that tray in was just like right on the heels of that. I really, like, could not decide. There's this other tray I made, which is like, it's a skeleton of a cowboy at, like, at a bonfire. And he's just smoking. And it's so funny and cute. Oh, my God. I feel like I deserve too.

I mean, yeah. Did I bring the other one? I might have. I got to check my car. I'm going to have to check your car. I'm happy to leave you, too. I assumed you rollerbladed over here. So I'm just so happy to learn that you have your license.

But I guess you do have to pick up hobbies, though, when you get. sober. Well, you have to just think of other things to do with your time because you can't, you don't realize until you quit how much time, if you're a real active addict like I was, how much time is spent figuring stuff out, how to get this, getting that thing, getting this delivered, you know, it takes a lot of energy. And does it, what, like when you first get sober, how long have you been sober? This time, 10 years, but there was a little burble about 10 years ago. Okay. And then before that was 10 years. So all together, probably 20. Oh, all together, 20.

Oh, so 10, you're in a little verbal. I got it, you got it. And when you start that journey or, like, I know it's different for everybody. Some people really lean heavily, like on the program or some people. Yeah, that wasn't for me. Wasn't for you. Initially it was, but yeah. Did you have people that you were able to lean heavily on, though?

Like whether they're a sponsor per se or not? Not really a sponsor, but really good. My great friend Joe Shrank, who were still buddies. He really helped me. I know. He's a great guy. He's a good name's flying around here. He's actually professional.

like sober companion and does a lot of yeah but he so we're buddies but he really helped me initially and i got sober in new york so my whole home group is there and i did go for a year pretty diligently and then i just kind of was like let me just try to wing it try this on your own because i feel like with with drugs and alcohol there's a period of time where you really believe that they're working for you yes and i think it's true initially they do whatever your thing is i need more confidence i want to feel comfortable or whatever it is. I need to escape or come down for my performance. So there is a small window where they're helpful, but unfortunately that lasts very briefly. And if you're a real addict, it just goes south so fast. Because within a week, you're like, you know, buying bags of Coke

or it just, it doesn't stay at a nice sane level very long. Right. So what are you? I know that you, like, You say you were waiting to get back to New York? Yes. You're a New Yorker. Yes. Yes. Forever. And what do you think?

Tell me the things that you love about New York City. Well, New York City, I mean, everybody. You know, it's the theater and your friend. All my friends are, a lot of my friends are there. I do have some really good friends here. And it just feels like home to me because I went there when I was 17 to go to NYU. And so I was there for years, which is where I met Mary McCormick. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. She's one of my oldest friends in the world. Oh, wow. And I love her. And she, so we, you know, I knew all these people there and then had kept coming back to L.A. to do work. And it always feels temporary to me to be here. Yeah. But I end up staying, like, I've been here now nine years.

Oh, wow. So this hasn't been super temporary. But my real. It does feel like a transient town, though. It does. It does. It does. Yeah.

And especially here, like, it's very, you're either in with this young crowd or everyone is like talking about their kids in college. And so there's, I don't know, New York feels probably there's a bigger gay community for me there. Yeah. I don't know. I love that crowd. So, but I don't think I want to live in the city. I think I'm more like a farmhouse upstate New York kind of vibe. Yeah. Yeah, because if you think that's, you're in that phase of your life, kind of. Yeah, I want to go to my, I want to like, find my forever land. Farmhouse. Farmhouse rescue dogs. Yeah. I want to be, you know, just let my hair go full gray and just maybe have some whiskers. Right, right.

Well, they're coming. I mean, they're coming for all of us. My friend made me feel her chin. My sister has this habit of going like this and feeling for her whiskers. And I was like, you have to stop doing that in public. She goes like this. She's like, mm. And I'm like, stop doing that.

I think I do that with my upper lip. Yeah, I do go like this to find their hair here because I always get these little whiskers right here and what do you do to get them? Do you have like, I have a magnifying mirror tweezers sunlight out in my backyard. Yeah, the sunlight is. is key. The key, whenever I have these little eyebrow raisers and I just shave them off. Oh, you do? I did then cut my skin. You didn't cut your skin? Well, sometimes I do, but I try, you have to be a little gentle. But they're like the little eyebrow raisers. But when you get the right light to shave the

hair off your face, and obviously like I'm blonde, so lawns have fuzzies. Like you have fuzzy faces. White go hair. Yeah. And so this like area here, when you can get after that in the right light, And then you, like, I have so many friends who I've assaulted, and I've been like, listen, give me your face, because I have a son, I'm like, I'm seeing something. That's a good friend. And then you show them the buzz, the buzz that comes off of the razor, and you're like, this was on your face. And you're like, what?

No fucking way. I'm like, yes, I'm your friend. See, I worship women that do that to each other. You have too many people secretly let you have like an eight inch hair growing there. Oh, God. I hate it. It's so unbecoming to age as a woman with the things. that are sprouting.

I know. You know, you really have to nip it. And if you're blonde, you can't get lasered. I know. Oh, really? No. It only works for dark hair. Yeah, exactly.

It doesn't pick up the light hair, but the other good news about aging is as you age, for some reason, you start growing thick black hairs in random places. So those are laserable. Like, for some of my sitting at my day, I'm like, why are these, why do I have black hairs inside my thigh? Like, there's like four. But we can it tell what's different, the laser? Yes.

It'll go and so you can go and get dark follicles removed. It will actually grab those, but the light air, not so much. Right. I have a lot of experience in maintenance. Not that you don't, but if you have any questions, I'm sure I probably do more than anybody in this world. If it's available and it's on the market, I've done it. You know about it.

I know about it. All right, good. The new Red Bull, Dragonberry and Tropicberry Energizers, now at McDonald's, made with freeze-dried fruit. an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers. Now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you.

High in caffeine, details at McDonald's.cai at participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember, this. low taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say, yes. Yes, without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the

latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. You're passionate about animals. You have how many dogs? I have, well, I had four, and unfortunately lucky past last month, but I have three now. Okay. I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you. I had a dog for a week that passed away too. I rescued, yeah, well, we rescued him.

I was trying to give Doug a little brother, and then he wasn't neutered. And so we went in to get all of his, like, you know, stuff done, and they put him under and his heart stopped. So, but it was okay. I'm not, like, highly emotional around that. I wanted to give him a good home. And luckily he had a week of, you know, safety and security and good food. I know, that's so terrible. I'm sorry.

I know, I know. It's not, I know. But losing them is so hard. I don't care if you've had them a week or 10 years. It's just the hardest. It's funny. I wonder what's wrong with me because I just feel like it's such an understood and expected thing that I don't get that emotional about my dogs when they pass away.

Like it's sad for me to see them age. Yes. I hate that. Yeah. I hate when they start struggling and I hate to see them in pain. But I always think, and I guess this was how I felt when my mom passed away, which was she was out of pain. And I just think that that's a superior.

notion than living in pain for that I understand and I think like my dog lucky who just died she was old and like yes in pain and she was on a bunch of meds and whatever but it's when they're young like that kills me it just kills me yeah yeah yeah no like I still have one being this little yorky I had who had a club foot and oh my god I loved him so much and I can still like actually cry about him and that was like six years ago yeah do you do a lot of dog activities like are you a person goes to dog parks. I do that a little bit, but mostly it's walking. My neighborhood's very, very dog-friendly, walkie, so we just do that every day. Do you do it? Well, off-leash? Are you allowed to do that with your dogs? No, I mean, they do it, but not with mine. I want to live in a community where all

the dogs are off-leash, and everyone is just playing nicely together. Yes. My next-door neighbor has a dog, and they have play dates. Oh, really? And your dog gets along with them. Yeah, my dog gets along with pretty much any dog, except for the one that I brought home. We had to, I don't know what. I was like, I'm getting you as a sibling because you're so hard up for one. But he got really jealous. But that, you know, that was okay. I mean, he could have gotten over that. I was not going to let that stop our integration. Right. You know what I mean. Well, how do you feel about children? I feel really good about children. I do. I really like them. About the direction that they're headed. I really love them. I love being around them. I just didn't want any.

Did you, do you feel like children are smarter today than when, than they were, when we were children. In some ways, but also in some ways not. Like how? Well, like when we were kids, what area did you grow up in? I'm from New Jersey. Okay. So I'm from Milwaukee, like the outskirts. And we would just, I just performed in Milwaukee. I mean, Milwaukee. Yes, it is. It's a great city. It is the fucking best. It is a great city. It's one of the best cities in this country. It is. I agree. I think it's really in the canals that they've done. It's amazing. But anyway, growing up, we were all the neighborhood kids, you know, we'd be out until like, I don't know, 11 o'clock at night with no one checking on us. And, you know, I think there was like, I don't know,

just less screen time. I mean, there's no screen time, but just so much more of an innocence. Yes. Like there's innocence now in like, there's almost like sexual innocence now because everyone's, the kids are having less sex because they're more like, I guess they're exposed to it so much earlier that they are maybe repelled by it. Right. But, but they're also not innocent in the sense the way we were innocent where you could be out. 11 o'clock in the night playing in the street and read a book and fall into it. Yes, that's a big one. Yeah.

Like even now as an adult, I find it so frustrating that I read a chapter of a book and then I check my phone. Yes. Like I'm so disappointed in who I've become. Yes. Here's what's how, because I was like, this year, because when I'm on set for the show I'm doing Leanne, and I would check between each scene and, you know, you kill time. Right.

And I realized I was doing like four hours a day on that. Yeah. And I just know more. So I let myself check threads once a day. Okay. And I keep everything else logged out. I do that for mostly news stuff. And I just, I keep the phone away.

I just... Good for you. But you've had to like work on it. Yeah, yeah. It's hard intentional. I'm not there yet. So do you have like a screen limit time on your phone? Like does it give you?

No, it doesn't do that. But I just decided like I didn't want to do more than an hour a week. So I've been a little good. I mean, I've had days where it said six hours and 13 minutes and I'm like, what the fuck? And I don't always hit that. So just so you know. But yeah, because I just realized I was like it's this whole world that has nothing to do with me. I know.

But why like, okay, we understand that it's addictive. Obviously it's addictive. Yeah. I don't know why it is. And why does it feel so important to like, okay, the news is important to be informed. Yes. Right? Yes.

We can agree on that. it's not that important to be informed about everybody's personal lives. That's the ancillary part, like the social media aspect. That's not important. But the news we could get in, like, I have friends who are off social media who only digest the news in the morning. They like, you know, and then that's it. And then they spend their day not knowing about the rest of the world and what's going

on in the world. And I'm like, I want to be like that. Yes. I think you can do that. Yes. I think it's really hard. Yeah. But I think you can do that.

It's like kicking drugs. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. It's absolutely as addictive. I mean, that's what I've read. Yeah. If you're not using your phone in between takes and stuff, are you like picking up a book? Are you just chatting?

Like what did you replace that with? Well, now this was something I tried to work and I didn't always get it this past season is I tried to just be okay being bored. They think that's like the healthiest thing you can do for your brain. It's like have moments of boredom. Just be. Well, it's the healthiest for me because I'm a stimulation junkie and that was part of my addiction for sure, just constantly needing to do something and escape my head.

So to have this scenario where I'm in a doctor's office, I'm waiting, and I don't look at my phone. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. And it's, I don't know. It's kind of great. No, I know what you mean. I've done that before.

I have moments like that where I'm like, don't pick up your phone. It forces your brain to just go, chill. Yeah. Stop. I think that's the addiction is the constant cycle of information, just gathering information, whether it's helpful or unhelpful information. I don't think, like, we need to see, you know, what's happening around the world. world, I think if you see that, like, I don't think you're supposed to see that 17 times a day.

It's so traumatizing. It's emotional whiplash, too, right? Because you're seeing, you know, war and horror. And then you're seeing a cute dog. And then you're seeing a starving child somewhere. And then you're seeing, like, a starving child somewhere. Exactly. You know, it's exactly it.

Yeah. And it desensitizes you to all of it also. Yeah. Right. Which I don't like that because you look at it and you, like, scroll past something that you should actually be paying attention to. And you're like, I don't even care about this. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a kid. Yeah, yeah. A kid with no limb. And you're like, I don't want to see that. So you scroll so that you can look at, you know,

who's dating whoever, Taylor Swift or whatever. And it's just, I think it makes you a little crazy. And it definitely makes you less caring and less an empathetic person. Yeah. And it's funny because like in the pursuit of wanting to know more, you're having diminishing returns of knowledge. Yeah. Like I remember I dated a guy once who wasn't really up to speed. on like, you know, the news or like the political situation. This was many years ago. Yeah. And I was like, it's not.

And when I would tell him about something, even if it was like, you know, a tragedy that happened in Somalia or something. Yeah. He would be like, that's such a bummer. I don't want to hear about that. And I'm like, it's our duty as human beings to lay witness to stories that are not pleasant. Yeah.

Like, isn't it? Yes. I think it is. It is. I think we have to. Just not every second of the day. But temperate so that we're not inundated and desensitized. The other thing that is troubling is like we used to have, you know, from five to six o'clock,

you'd watch the evening news and you'd get all your news that way. And now that whole situation is now so weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't really want to see that. So you then you do turn to your phone because you follow this, you know, independent news person. I don't know. You know, so it's hard to get that hour of trauma over with it. It kind of ends up spreading throughout your day.

Right, yeah, right. So let's talk about Leanne. She's Leanne Morgan. Yes. Her show's on Netflix. Leanne, which is your show too. She is a breath of fresh air. She is.

Do you have you met her? Yes. Yes. Yes. I was going to say you guys would love each other. Yeah, absolutely. She's just the best, man. I'm so proud of her.

Like what she's learned and become super naturally great at in a year, it's shocking. It really is. Like she is a really good actress. Wow. She had never done it before. That's a beautiful. compliment coming from you. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

She really, really, I mean, we were sort of partners together in that, especially the first season. Because you play her Hot Mess Sister, which is your favorite role ever. My favorite role, too. Yes, it seems to be the one role I'm really good at. So that's fine. But yeah, so she, but she didn't know what she was doing. So it was fun for me and also kind of scary to kind to try to help her with that. And she was just amazing. And now she's off to the races. She's incredible. So how do you compare your experience?

I know these are completely different experiences. But talk to me about working for so many years on Third Rock and then doing a sitcom like this. It's the same. Is it? Just different casts. Oh, yeah. It's a multicam, which is basically you put on a 20-minute show every week. You know, and you shoot it in one week and it's done.

And that's what Third Rock was. Same thing. And when Third Rock blew up in the way that it did, what was that experience? What was that experience like for you? I didn't like it initially. I loved the job. The job was always gold. But the insanity surrounding it was really hard for me.

It really was. It felt very scary. It just felt like malevolence. People recognized it. It didn't feel like I thought it was going to feel. It felt really overwhelming. And then I'm fine with it now. But it was scary for like five years for me.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. It felt scary. Yeah. I don't know if it was, but it felt. And how did you get through that? Drugs. Drugs and alcohol.

Of course, I guess stupid question. That was a big part of it. And then when that was over, I moved back to New York. And that's when I, in some ways, it got messier with alcohol. But I at least had my friends there, like real friends. So. What is your ideal neighborhood in New York? Well, I spent a lot of years in the West Village.

And that's probably my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. if I lived in Manhattan. I mean, you must be looking at New York in this moment, especially with all of the stuff happening with the NICS. Yeah. With the mayor, Montpadani's first year, the NICS.

Well, first of all, that... How crazy is that? I know. What a good omen. I know. It really is. And all the billionaires who were like, I'm out of here if he wins. And they're all like, oh, it's fine.

We're okay. I was in New York this weekend. And my driver was like, no, but it's not good. It's not all good. I go crimes down. Yeah. Murder's down. Everything's down.

What do you mean? This is a good thing. and he's like, all the billionaires are leaving. And I'm like, but did they actually leave? No. And A, they didn't leave and B, what the hell are they doing for your city anyway? Who cares? That tax that they implemented on people's second homes that are vacation homes in New York,

they already didn't live there. Yeah. Like, that's a tax on people who already don't live in New York City. She's killing it. The other thing is the reason he's so scary to people, even Democrats, is he's actually doing the thing. He's like, oh, no, you just flip a switch. And then all of a sudden everything starts working again,

as opposed to, well, we have to. go through years and years of pain. He's just doing it. Yeah, hopefully that can happen in L.A. like hopefully we can get that kind of energy. That would be great. Something happening here because this system doesn't seem to be helpful to people.

It's not, I don't think. But yeah, I think it's a harder city to run, L.A. For sure. The new Red Bull, Dragonberry and Tropicberry energizers now at McDonald's, made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new

Red Bull Energizers. Now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details of McDonald's.ca. At participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first. trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots

between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is the Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. We were talking about the beautiful tray that you brought me and my mom's sign.

I'm very curious about what a house cleaning, spirit clean. What is that? Well, I went through a lot of drama with this house. So it was a long time. So my friend gifted me this. It's like they bring sage and they do a sound bath and they bless. They go through the house.

and they light candles or I was in my hyperbaric chamber when this was happening. So I don't know exactly what went down. You are the most L.A. person. But I met with her for about 20 minutes beforehand and about 20 minutes after. And that's all I did. I was like, do you need me for this? Because I would rather opt out. And she was like, no.

She said, just tell me a little bit of history about the house. And I told her, I said, listen, it's feeling much better. I feel like much calmer. and it's like becoming the sanctuary that I had envisioned. Because for me, I travel so much. I also feel like L.A. is a place for me to just to like tap down and like get my sleep for three days and then I get back out into the world. But and so, and then afterward I came and she said just, you know, there's like lots of magic

happening around this house and like the trees or you've got to look at the trees for energy and they're dancing. And there's a lot of dancing happening because it's not. about the structure, it's about the property. And she kind of broke down all the kind of like, you know, stuff I had to deal with, which is just bullshit, you know. Like renovation stuff? Renovations, contractors,

liars, you know, money, not being, you know, taking... Are you the one of our mixing stories? Are you the one that RFKJ is saying, okay, I read about that. Yes. How crazy it was. I bought this house from them and it was a disaster. But that wasn't the only problem. Then I fixed it and that guy was a disaster.

Okay. It just was like, and I got into not victim mode because I'm not a victim, but I just got into this mode of like, is anyone going to help or protect me? Yes, but also it's your home. It needs to feel safe and taking care of and good. It shouldn't feel. Especially when you're bopping. I mean, not even if you're bopping around.

Just feeling rudderless and feeling listless like you're just unmoored. Yeah. So that was it, really. Yeah. So, but anyway, my first. friend had gifted me with this, with this woman. And so she said, oh, you know, there's a bird's nest right above your house. And I said, oh, that's so funny. Wherever I am, a bird comes into the house. And I go, that's my mom. I, that, you know, I mean, I think lots of people feel that way about

birds, right? I mean, I'm not obviously the only one we've talked about this. But do you have a sign for your sister? Do you? My sister, she comes to my nieces in the form of a butterfly, especially my niece, Emma. So we've talked a lot about that. So now when I see butterflies, I think of Julie. Yeah. So that's another common one, right? Yeah, yeah. And I just love the feeling that that kind of belief system sets up for you. Yeah. For, for people to, because it doesn't matter what's real or what is it real. Yeah, no, it doesn't matter. It matters what you believe is real. Because every time you connect with that creature or seeing that, it's, it's your mom. And that may, it's so good to feel her. Yeah. It's so good to, I hope I show up as like a tiger for people. No.

But, you know, like I hope I show up for someone is some sort of creature just to represent me in their heart. I love it. Yeah. And I'm so glad I made you. You're like, yeah, weirdo. No, no, no, no. I agree with you. I believe in that stuff.

I believe in energy. I think it's all energy. And I think when people pass, like, when you have someone that has such a big impact on your life, that they're never gone. No, that's exactly it. And so whether your mom is a bird or not, doesn't matter. It's she, you see her, something about a bird reminds you of her. And that's, I love it. I think that's really good to believe in that.

Yeah. And also, like, I don't think of anything. Like, I don't know how you feel about this, but I don't think, I think the more I'm learning, even though we had, I didn't learn that much from Neil deGrasse Tyson, who was on our podcast. Because he's too smart. I'm like, wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. Because I like to learn about quantum physics and understand this whole, you know.

He's a genius. Yeah. But I'll never understand it because I'm just not that brain. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm like, wait, what? He said something like you can look to the future. You can time travel into the future, but you can't go into the past.

Like theoretically, technically it is possible. Yeah? Or was it the opposite? No. You can go to the future. The past has already happened. Yeah. But the future hasn't.

So you could time travel to the future. Anyway, we're talking about like, I always get my things confused because I could get quantum physics confused with like a simulation or the matrix or when people talk like that. Is that all sort of what it is? Is it connected? I mean, we can't seem to get. a straight answer. Like different, yeah, I think it's like the multiverse and quantum physics, I feel like are

kind of related. I thought the multiverse was marvel. Yeah, me too. They use that, they use that like terminology. Oh, but it's a real thing. It's a real theory of like every time you make a decision or everything that happens, basically there's two realities where you did make that decision or you didn't make that decision. So it splits into another reality.

And so it's like a choose your own adventure. Kind of. But are you living those two lives separately? Yes. So there's like a million of you out there, like living different paths. Well, that's really hard to get on board with. It's a lot to rep your mind around. But that's one of the theory. That's the theory of the multiverse. Got it. What do you think you believe in? Well, I was going to say this is a kind of a tangent, but I was nervous to come here today because even though I've seen you around and met you before, but I am so, I might actually get a little emotional about this, but I have admired

you for so long because I know what it takes to survive. this business and thrive. And then thinking of you in the 90s or early 2000s surviving and thriving stand-up comedy world and what you've done with your life. Like, I just think it's the coolest thing ever. And you have absolutely bridged. You have formed careers of so many people coming up behind you in a way of how to be a really funny, really smart woman and not, I don't know, get gross I don't know I just admire how you've

lived your life I really do admire it I think that it's so sweet thank you so much for saying that those kind words I mean I don't know what that has to do

with quantum physics it doesn't but I was like wait a second are you trying to deflect you know what you were saying that Neil deGrasse Tyson was intimidating

and that made my brain jump there but I will say I have no idea what the hell either of you are talking about but what do you believe like what do you believe Like, what do you believe, do you believe?

Karma. Karma. I do believe in karma. Yeah. For sure. I believe in karma for sure, too. Yeah. But that's the only thing I'm sure about.

Do you believe in energy fields, like that people have energy fields? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because sometimes, you know when you can see a dark cloud coming or you can see someone who is like a glow. Yes. Yep. But not always.

Not always. You can't always tell. You can always, I totally get that. And I feel that a lot. I feel it a lot with a lot of people, especially people who are too nice. I get really freaked out by that. Do you consider yourself to be an empath? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I pick up on people's. That's what it means, right? You pick up on other people's energy. Yes, completely. Probably to a fault. Yeah, because as an actor, I think that would be probably, you're probably very sensitive

to other people's energies, other people's vibes. But it's why I'm like, I'm one of those, you know, what do you call it when you're outwardly gregarious, but you also need chill out time? an extroverted introvert? Thank you. I'm an introverted extrovert. Oh, maybe. Is that a word?

Ambivert. It's like ambidextrous. Like I love to have fun. I love people. And then I have to shut it all down. Uh-huh. Yeah. Because I get, I'm too sensitive to people's vibes, I think.

I also think like some people start using because they are so sensitive to other people's vibes that it's like overwhelming and they have to find a way to like shut that down or calm it down and like not be a sensitive. And one of the things for me too. was during third rock it was so much press stuff and i'd never done anything like it and you know red carpets and stuff and i felt so like an imposter and i felt unable to do it really without medicating myself i think probably that's very common yes yeah yeah it's just scary it felt scary now i think it's a hoot but you know i can't believe i said who we're gonna get into this advice portion of

this podcast where we give advice to people. We have real people. Can you remember either some of the best advice you've been given or some of the worst advice you've been given, either or? Yeah, weirdly. I think I'm one of those people that for some reason nobody gives advice to, weirdly. Well, you seem like you've got your shit together. Well, that would be nice if that was the reason. I don't know why it is, but I do know that I either got this advice or just learned it, which is no is a complete sentence. And I wish I had learned it earlier. But I've started figuring it. that out when I was like in my mid-40s and it's really changed my life. It really has. And are you using that now? And you say it and you're done. And I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. No more toxic people.

It just goes with a whole bunch of stuff that I just don't allow myself to get sucked into anymore. Right. Right. I think as a woman, that's all any of us really ever like, I mean, I'm sure men suffer from this to, to a lesser degree. But like there's a big freedom in being able to. Yeah. to say no period. Which is weird because since we're kids, all we're taught as women is to say yes or figure out a way to make everybody happy and please them. So to learn that, I just wish I'd learned it earlier.

I really do. I think everything we learn as women after the age of 40, we wish we had learned when we were young. Yes, that's true. Like there needs to be, but I don't know how to impart that wisdom to the young people because you don't really gain the wisdom until you've gained it and earned it and grown it.

You have to learn it on your own. You can't be told that you're not, you know, not to chase out. Like, I was talking to my girlfriend this morning who's like chasing after this guy. Right. And I'm like, and she's old enough to know better. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't understand how you could be this age and acting this way. I go, I mean, with all the judgment in the world, I'm telling you, you've got to pull it together.

And she's like, and she's like, I know. I go, it's funny. I go, it's like you haven't had enough romances in your life to understand this is not a big deal. Like, it doesn't matter if this guy's blowing you off. Yes. Don't let him wind you up. He doesn't get to take over your day's emotions. And also, do we ever stop and ask ourselves, is he even worth it?

No, right, exactly. Usually it's just the chase or making sure. But yeah, I love no longer worrying about any of that bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very liberating and very freeing. But it is something I've learned like there's, there's, you can't, you don't learn it until you grow it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, our first question today comes from Alex. This one's just an email. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a single gay man living in a major urban area who who's 46 years old. I'm very happy with my life and completely financially independent. I can travel whenever I want. I have a great group of friends. I stay very active, both physically and socially. I've been in a number of long-term relationships, but I've also had long periods where I'm

single, and I've been single now for about a year. I'm perfectly content. I can have sex whenever I want, and I don't necessarily feel the need for a relationship. Unless someday I meet somebody who's really bringing something to the table, I don't want to be in a relationship, just to be in a relationship. Chelsea, I know you have similar features. feelings to me when it comes to relationships. I'm completely content, but some of my more traditional-minded friends still feel a bit like, oh, I need to fix you up, or, oh, you need to be with somebody to be happy. How do I convince them that not everybody needs to be in a relationship to be happy and content? Do you ever feel this from any of your friends or people you know, Alex?

First of all, Alex sounds like he has a great life. I know, I know. It's like he's bragging. It's like he's bragging. It's like a diary entry. It doesn't sound like he needs a lot of advice. It's true. I just don't think it's important or worthwhile to spend time trying to convince people of something. Like, you have to live it and breathe it and exercise it instead of saying it. Like, I'm so happy. I'm so single. Just show people that you're happy and that you're single. Or just tell your friend, I don't want to be set up anymore.

And if they don't respect that, you know. I really like your hair color. It's really not brassy. I know this is a little off topic, but it looks, it's nice. Alex is like, I know, Alex is like, wait, does this have to know it. It does nothing to do with you, Alex.

Yeah, I just think like, you know, you can tell your friends you don't want to be set up. If you really don't want to be set up, then yeah, you should tell them. But also, it's hard to tell people what they don't want to believe. People want to believe that everybody wants somebody and needs somebody and that's their like, you know,

that's when everything is going to come together. And it's like, sometimes that's when everything falls apart, quite frankly. Yeah. You know, some people get together. And then the whole, and I was like, well, nobody ever, like, you know, nobody talks about the upsides to divorce.

Yeah. Like, which there are many. Like you have, I have girlfriends that are going through, they have gone through divorces and realize that they get like half a week without their children. Yeah. And they're excited.

Yeah. They have like singledom and alone time. And I've always felt that's the best way to parent is like part time, right? You get a divorce and you have your kids half the time. I'm like, that's ideal. And then when you do have them, you're putting in 150% because you're having, your time is less frequent. And most parents want their kids.

you know, more than they get them. And so then you're really actually doing the great parenting that you could probably be more lazy about when you have them all the time. Or too tired or whatever. And there's also something to be said for never having gotten married. And you don't have to deal with all that financial nightmare of divorcing and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's like, I think you just want to, Alex, you just want to tell your friends like, don't ruin a good thing. Don't rock the boat. You're having a good time. Yeah. Also, your life sounds awesome. Yeah, it does. People would kill to be you. Yeah.

Alex, you're doing great. The new Red Bull Dragonberry and Tropic Berry Energizers, now at McDonald's, made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers, now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details of McDonald's.cai at participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life.

exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed. And I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus. or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is pros, Society. The weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. Yeah. I'm obsessed. So I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, and that is the Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. All right, well, our next one is a caller, and so May says, Dear Chelsea, I lost my father a few months. ago. He was my best friend, my protector. He was incredibly gentle and kind. He carried me through

every low in my life and celebrated every high bigger than anyone else ever could. He loved me in a way I don't think anyone ever will again, and I feel so lucky to have had that. He worked out every day until Parkinson's slowly robbed him of his body. In the last few months of his life, his symptoms took over. He was diagnosed with dementia that affected his frontal lobe, causing hallucinations, delusions, and eventually aggression and violence, which was so far from who he truly was. I felt like I was losing him before he was even gone. I'm struggling a lot with grief and I feel incredibly alone in it. Some of the people closest to me who have also lost their fathers

aren't showing up in the way I thought they would. I understand that it may be too painful for them, but it's been really hard not having support. I'm also struggling with the end of life and that I didn't get a peaceful goodbye. I didn't get that moment where he told me everything was going to be okay, that he was ready and that he loved me. I didn't get a clear last conversation with him,

and if I did before he got really sick, I can't remember it. I know many people don't get that kind of closure, but I'm having a really hard time understanding how to accept that. I miss him more than I can put into words, and I'm trying to figure out how to keep going while carrying all of this. How do you move through grief like this, especially when it feels isolating and unresolved? May. Hi, May.

Hi, May. Hi, sweetie. This is our special guest, Kristen Johnston. Hi, hon. Hi. Oh, I feel for you. I really do. I could feel the pain in your writing.

and I can understand that you're going through really, really difficult, probably the hardest time of your life so far. Are you single? I have a boyfriend. Okay. And how long have you had him? About three years. So he knew your dad? Yes.

So he's seen you go through this loss? Yes. He just, you know, hasn't lost his father, so he doesn't really understand. Yeah. Like, you know, the grief of it all. I think the thing about grief is that it is such a singular. thing that you can't expect people to show up for you in the way that you would want them to because no two grievings are the same.

Like your loss is not the same as someone else's loss. Your loss, what you're saying in your letter, what it feels like to me is like you feel like you were robbed a little bit, you know? You didn't get the goodbye that you hadn't had hoped for. You didn't get the ending that you had hoped for. You didn't want to see him in that state. He didn't want you to see him in that state. And that's really, really painful.

When you love someone so much and so hard, like you loved your dad, it is so hard to see them suffer. And so I would say to you to really, in his memory and out of your love for him, to really, like, write down some of the best memories that you've had of him. like the highlights of the times you've had together or things that he said to you that really impacted you, just like the best of him. Because I think what you might want to do or what might help you through your grief is really holding onto the good parts of him and not letting go of those and letting them be overshadowed by the end. Because that's not what he would want, you know?

And I also think it's really important we were just talking about this, is picking out something that is signed from him and making an agreement with him that he's going to show up for you in this way. Like for me, it's an orange with my mom when she died. I was like, you have to show me an orange out of place. It can't be at a grocery store. And I saw this big, fake plastic orange somewhere. And again, these things don't happen in the way that you want them to every single time, but they do happen. And like, you have to choose to believe that he is in a better place because he's no longer suffering, you know, and seeing your father turn into a man that he was never is, is even more disturbing sometimes than the loss itself. Right. Do you, can I just ask,

do you, is there somebody in your life, whether it's your boyfriend or friend, that you could have a conversation with about what it is you need from them? Like, what would help you in this moment? Yeah, I think I have a little bit of a hard time kind of verbalizing what I need in that moment. Like a lot of times, like I do internalize it all a lot and I try to figure it out on my own, which I'm trying not to do so much. Yeah. And so I do try to like express to him like what I need sometimes it doesn't always come out in the right way because I might be after like, I don't know, I'm feeling a big wave of sadness or something. I do have a therapist, which I'm like, she's helping me kind of work through that where

I'm trying to express myself more and tell people what I need more. Like, I'm good at doing it with my mom because she's like my mom. But with like friends and my boyfriend, I am really trying harder to like express how I'm feeling and like what I need. Yeah, because like if I was your friend right now, I would love if you said to me, Kristen, can you, you know, check in with me three times a week or, you know, because sometimes I think when you go through a loss, people don't necessarily want to be like, how are you doing? Like, they don't want to, they don't know what to do a lot of times.

No, it's true. People don't know what to do, especially if they haven't experienced that same kind of loss. And I know it's disappointing when people have had losses and they still don't show up in the way that you expect them to. But it's also, I think, you know, that's all well and good, you know, expressing yourself and saying what you need. but it is a real inside job for you to like talk through like these feelings with your therapist too to really to accept that he's gone and to do the work to remember him in the best light you know because that's really what he wants he wants the best for you he wants you to be happy he doesn't want you to be grieving you know so hard which is obviously unavoidable but you know you want to just

be able to think about him and like kind of beam your yourself up in a sense. Like him, like thinking of him as like a buoy for you in a sense. Oh yeah. That's great. Like when you have his support and you're thinking of him, it's almost like he's helping you, you know, like through it. And it's totally fine to have your breakdowns and times because as soon as you let yourself cry, it's like you're better. You know, like it's a release. And you give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes or an hour, whatever it is you need. And then come back and you're like, okay, that felt good. I can move on. And those things are all fine.

Those are all worth acknowledging. But I think it's really important to write down all of the things that your father meant to you. I love that. And get that all out. That's such a good idea. And so then you have that and you can look at it. And you can keep adding to it and you can keep remembering things. And then it's kind of like a fun memory game of like, oh, God.

And then it spurs another memory. Like, oh, remember when I was in fourth grade and he took me to this dance? Or he dropped me off and he said this funny thing to my friend. like once you kind of train your brain to get on that bicycle, you will start to think of all the different things and the ways he impacted you, which you probably have forgotten because your grief is overshadowing all of that. Yeah. I do a lot of journaling and stuff. And so I do really like that idea because, I mean, like you said, like his like passing and everything before, it lives so presently in my brain. And like I get like flashes of that. And it's like all of a sudden it's like I thinking,

that's all I can remember about him and that's not what I want to remember him. So, like, I do like that idea of, you know, digging deep and writing all the good, positive, silly things about him that I miss. Yeah. And I would even challenge you as well when you do have one of those, like, traumatic, very recent things pop into your mind to not reframe, but to take a different step and say, like, okay, right now I'm going to think and focus on something that was wonderful from our past. So it trains your brain that when that comes up, you actually give yourself a reward of something beautiful or like a funny joke he would tell or something fun that you guys would do together.

But to Chelsea's point, Solica Joad, who we had a few weeks ago, she has the alchemy journal. And that basically every chapter is a story and some prompts for your journaling. So not all of them will apply to stories with your dad, but a lot of them do. And you can use them as sort of like prompts to be like, oh, yeah, this time we went to such and such. or something to do with this that reminds me of my dad. So that might help with like specific prompts as you kind of work through. And it'll jog your memory like Chelsea said about like things you didn't realize you'd forgotten. Yeah, I love that.

Yeah. And instead of thinking of it like just really get into your mind the visualization of instead of thinking of it as sadness and darkness and grief, start to move into the territory of like love and energy like and healing and that he's still with you. you. Maybe it's like every night you can spend a little time like having a great time with your dad, you know? Because that, I think that's what I would want. Yes. I mean, him being buoyed by you, like you letting that happen, I think sounds like such good advice to me if you can do it. You can. You can. You can do it. Yeah. And I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know that you're in a lot

of pain, but you're going to be fine. Thank you. You'll get through this. All right. May. Will you check in with us in a month or two and let us know how things are going? Yes, definitely. All right. Thanks for calling in. See, guys. Bye. Bye. Hi. Hi, honey. Oh, that made, that was so moving. That letter was really moving. Yeah. It's really tough when someone's personality changes end of life. I have a couple family members that. No, I mean, who wants to go out like that? Nobody wants to be remembered like that. So hard. Or even just, it's, I mean, that's like a double whammy because people get sick and weak. and die, you know, and nobody wants to be seen like that either.

Like when my mom was dying, she was like, I don't want anyone to see me like this. And we're like, we're not leaving you. She's like, I wish you would. Like, I don't want to be seen this way. The new Red Bull Dragonberry and Tropic Berry Energizers, now at McDonald's, made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers, now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details at McDonald's.com.

Canadian restaurants excluding Quebec. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people. And they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for-you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed.

Someone says. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to pro society on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

See you between the pages. All right. Well, our next caller is Megan, and she has an addiction question. So I thought... It's a very serious episode, dear Chelsea. We have a real stupid one to end on, so don't worry. Is it about epoxy?

I need something lighter. Well, our question from Megan, she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the oldest in my family of three siblings. I have two younger brothers. We grew up very close and remained close today. The middle brother lives a couple hours away from the rest of. of the family. He seems to always have been the one to take drinking and other substances too far. He's married with a successful career, so it's been unclear whether or not his substance and

alcohol abuse is problematic. He does shift work, where he works for multiple days straight, and so he's not drinking. This means he often drinks heavily on his days off. Recently, his wife admitted that he drove while intoxicated for a couple of hours. This revelation was obviously very concerning. I feel like we've reached a point of likely needing an intervention. He does not have kids, but he wants to have kids in the new. near future, making this behavior all the more concerning. While my family's close, we've never dealt with anything like this before, and I'm unsure how to approach this with my parents and other brother. I want to show compassion and concern without feeling accusatory. Should I have

a conversation with my other brother, the non-addict? Should I speak to his wife, my sister-in-law, about her thoughts on the situation? I feel like going to my parents together with the two of them with these concerns would be beneficial. Any advice that's appreciated. Megan. Hi, Megan. Hi. Hi. This is our special guest, Kristen Johnston. Hi, Megan. Hi. Nice to meet you. You too. Hi. Oh, how old is your brother? Early 30s. We're all in our 30s. Okay. Yeah. Obviously, this has been going on for a while, right? Yeah, yeah. It's always been kind of like the known thing that, oh, he's the one with a little bit more of an issue compared to the rest of the family. And it's getting worse, right? It's hard to say if it's getting worse. He is very private, so I only hear about things like from his wife. And if we're at a family event or something, obviously I'll see him drinking excessively sometimes. But it's hard to say whether or not it's getting worse. He goes through like ups and downs. And has he ever had any counseling or therapy? No, no. And he's had no negative impacts on his life from.

using? I mean, that's, that's the hard thing. He, he did have like a DUI when he was younger, but that was, that's it. He hasn't really had many other negative effects, I would say. And that's what's tricky about it is because of the work he does. He goes like days at work without drinking, obviously. Yeah. But then on the off days, it's like, oh, well, I have to make up for the time that I haven't been. So he's, he's a highly functioning addict. It's, I was like, I'm super high functioning, which is the worst kind, honestly. It is because you can keep your addiction hidden so much longer than if you're just a hot mess. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Well, and they say like when you're having consequences, right? That's when you know it's quote unquote an addiction. But I would argue, even though he hasn't gotten into an accident or anything like that, driving for a couple of hours drunk and his wife being upset about it is a consequence. Yeah. For sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I fear is like, I don't want to. to come to a serious consequence. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

I get it. Kristen, where do you think the conversation starts? Is it with the rest of the family? It's just very difficult when there haven't been, and by negative consequences, I mean losing a job, losing a wife, and you want to nail it before it becomes that. So I understand that. And I certainly am not an expert in addiction, although I have my own personal history with it. But I would say definitely talking to others in the family very quietly, kind of trying to get

an assessment is, is it me alone? Like, am I the only one worried here? Or how can we fix this? And getting kind of a team together to see where all of you feel so that you're a team about it and not alone with it. Yeah. Yeah. Since I wrote in, it's been a while since I wrote in, I did kind of breach the subject with our other brothers. Uh-huh. And he seems to be totally in denial about it. Oh, wow. Okay.

Yeah. Huh. I think it's just they are particularly close. So it's really hard when, you know, like you're, you're so close to someone to really see things for how they are. And I'm a little bit more on the outside. Yes. So I think that's why I notice it more. What about his wife?

Does his wife, is his wife concerned? It's hard to say. She also drinks pretty heavily. Unfortunately, I think probably as a result of him, like they just do it together. It's an activity. They're enabling each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she has brought up concerns for sure. But like whether or not I haven't ever like said the word addict to her or like, oh, I think this is a problem specifically. Yeah. But she has voiced some concerns. Mm-hmm. And are you worried that there'll be no going back if you broach it with him or your parents or anybody? It's a hard thing to talk about. I'm worried about like being, you know, like the one to kind of break the ice because I already feel like I'm a little bit like of the outsider of the family and I don't want to be the one to kind of like disrupt the peace. And I know with addiction, it's just like if they're not ready to face it, they're not going to, you know. Is it okay if I connect her with my friend Joe Shrank? My friend, he's an addiction specialist. He's brilliant. He's

certainly helped me. But his big thing is doing interventions. So at least he's somebody who could talk to you about with a lot of actual knowledge as to what your options are. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, because it sounds like you're not, not everyone in your family is on the same page, exactly. So that's a problem with an intervention. Like your sister-in-law sounds like she's partying too. Your brother seems like he's in denial, the other brother. And then your parents, like, where do they? It feels like you don't really have like a coalition for to have an intervention. So it feels like you might want to, it might just require a conversation between you and him.

Like, hey, I'm a little concerned about your drinking. Yeah. And rather than a full scale intervention, just to put that noise in his ear. so that he's a little bit more self-conscious about it until your family does want to, like, have a come-to-Jesus kind of situation. And unfortunately, it's like what you said, like until there are consequences, there aren't consequences, you know, like there's no, they think they're handling it. And I just know from my time as an active addict, you will do anything to keep that steady, you know, to keep the ability to abuse these, whether it's alcohol

or drugs or whatever going. So you will, I mean, I would have fought like a tiger. Somebody was like, I'm worried. I'd be like, no, I'm fine. So I just don't want you to end up feeling like this sort of lone. Yeah, right. That's what I'm concerned about. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because then you're ostracized from the family for doing the thing. I was hoping that like another family member. And honestly, like my mom, I think she, if I really talk to her about it, she would agree with me. Yeah. But it's just one of those things, again, that's so touchy that it's like I don't want it to come from me. Like, I think she probably is aware and she just also probably feels similar to me. What can we do? What can I do? Like, I think sometimes you really need to have that massive negative consequence to really look at your life and stop. But I get why you're, you're wanting it now before there are any really terrible prices to pay. So, yeah, I can hook you up

with my friend. Yeah, that would be awesome. Thank you for, thank you for volunteering. He certainly has a lot of experience with it. Okay. Yeah, that would be great. And he's a sweetheart.

So, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Okay, I'll do that. Okay, wonderful. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, thank you. Okay.

Good luck. Okay. That's good luck. That's so hard. I know, I know. It's really, yeah. And especially when you're like, when you're not the family member

who's present, you know, she's a couple hours away. Yeah. Yeah, you're definitely the enemy, the minute, the first person that brings that up. Yes. So difficult. Yeah.

We have a really dumb question to wrap up with. Perfect. We need a less serious question. This has been a heavy show. I know. You come over here. This is going to happen. We put you to work.

Okay. So this is our one drink question for the day. Monica says, I've been dating my new guy for about three months. And I'm on a bean eating journey, thanks to the dense bean salad lady of TikTok. And the allure of regulating my whole. hormones. The only problem is that they are, as you suspected, the musical fruit. How do I soft

launch farting in front of my new boyfriend? Oh, wow. Soft launch. I love that your commitment is to the beans rather than to the- Is there such a thing as soft launching? I mean, I don't know. This is where I am with farting. I'm wrapped on farting in front of people. I don't think it's appropriate anymore. I used to be like, it doesn't matter. Who cares? You can fart in front of people. obviously if things slip out they slip out but I think we need to have a little bit more respect for each other I mean it's not the hottest thing it's not sexy it's not it's not the hottest thing thank you but I really think we need to we need to relaunch etiquette and that's not a good thing to be starting to think about but it's also so awkward if all you're

doing while you're watching a movie with him or whatever is like holding up or not to bar maybe lay off the fucking beans then I mean don't you're You think lay off the beans, lady. Like you're giving the beans away for the good. What's more important? I mean, isn't there something else you can eat besides l'jumes? I do have to tell you when Brad, this guy out here, when Bradney first started dating, the first year that we were together, he would get up in the middle of the night.

He would go in his bathroom, which shared a wall at the bedroom and fart the loudest farts ever as I can do. That's kind of romantic. But they were in the next room. That was considerate. That was considerate. I mean, it's hard to worry about it is.

It's hard to hold in a fart. That is true. It hurts your tummy. And also I think is bad for you. Yeah, but so are those, that amount of beans. Like, I mean, we shouldn't be farting all.

That's because you're not on social media. So thank God. Otherwise, you'd be farting too. I would edit the beans a little bit. Yeah. Maybe more. I don't know if you're, why are you eating it every day? These TikTok ladies, they're saying like two cups of beans a day.

For what? For what? But regularizing your hormones is supposed to help with pariamanipause. Oh, so there's a health risk. Allegedly. I know, but you know what? Next week, they'll tell you toothpaste works for that. That's true.

That's true. Bone broth. Yes. Yes. So, yeah, I would say lay off the beans. And then maybe once you guys get into a more secure situation, then you could be like, by the way, I'm going to need to up it to two cups of beans a day.

And this is going to be, this is the, this is the result of what it's going to be. What are your positions on farting? Yeah, I like that. Do you like it? Yeah, do you love it? Well, I mean, like, is it a huge turnoff or does it bother you at all? Or do you just think it's funny? Right, right, right.

I don't know. That's a good way to ask, actually. Yeah. Kristen, you're a real tall drink of water. And so are you, Chelsea. I love having you here. I'll come on anytime. I can come on once a week.

Thank you. If you love giving advice so much, well, like, I'll be back as a regular. Make sure you watch Leanne, you guys. It's on Netflix. Season 2 is on. And yes, you were a wonderful guest. It was such a pleasure to sit down with you.

I've had so much fun. I really have. Thank you. If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of IHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at Flashcadabra.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea Live at Chelseahandler.com. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island to serve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to pro society on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Let's go! The countdown is on to the most talked about music festival on the planet. Let's go crazy! Our Iheart Radio music festival. Presented by Capital One, September 18th and 19th, that T-Mobile Arena Las Vegas. 15 artists. Two nights.

One stage. Listen on IHeart radio stations across the country and stream it live on Disney Plus and Hulu. BTS. Benz and Boone. Cardi B. Sierra. Goo Dole. Kenny Chesney Chesney.

Leroy. Major Laser. Mewes. Snoop Dog. The Smashing Pumpkins. Weezer. A special performance by Breakout star Stella Lefty. Bring back to Boston and we're jumping the gun.

And never seen before artist collaborations you'll never see again. One wild weekend. Are you ready? Buy your tickets now at AXS.com. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.