Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Struggle Meals with David Oyelowo

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Actor and Producer David Oyelowo joins Chelsea to talk about mispronouncing Oprah’s name, preparing for a character who suffered through solitary confinement in his new movie NEWBORN, and the kindness of good friends. Then: A sheltered 30-something is ready to date, but doesn’t know the rules.  And a new mom prepares to leave her toxic marriage.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Celebrating 70 years, family-owned and operated. Visit plazaautogroup.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survived what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable. Abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Adina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, for the High and Mighty Tour, people, we are rocking and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up. Chicago. April 10th, I start Chicago. Then I have Indianapolis on the 11th and then Louisville,

Kentucky on April 12th. April 16th is Albuquerque. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis. April 30th, Nashville. May 1st, Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina. May 6th in Los Angeles at the Saban Theater for Netflix is a Joke. April 15th, I will be in Saratoga. April 16th, Monterey. April 17th, Modesto. I will be in Port Chester on June 4th.

June 5th, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts. June 12th, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June 13th, I will be in Seattle, Washington. June 27th is going to be Hyannis, Massachusetts. August 6th is Red Bank, New Jersey. August 7th, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey. August 15th is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September 18th, Santa Barbara.

September 19th, San Diego. September 25th, I will be at the Beacon in New York City. September 26th, I will be in Philadelphia. September 27th, New Haven, Connecticut. October 2nd, Atlanta, Georgia. October 3rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 4th, Saginaw, Michigan. October 9th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

October 10th, Toronto, Canada. October 16th I'm coming to Boise, Idaho October 17th Spokane, Washington November 7th I will be in

San Francisco and November 13th Salt Lake City November 20th Austin November 21st Houston, Texas

November 22nd Irving, Texas December 5th I am adding a second show in Denver for those of you who couldn't get

tickets to the first one and on December 6th I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada Okay, those are all my dates for the High and Mighty tour. Go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Hi, Catherine.

Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I'm coming to you from my brand new house. You know what? Your assistant said that you are loving it. And I was like, she's loving it? Who said that? Who said that?

Karen. I am. I am. I am so happy about that. It's actually very quite, it's quite peaceful considering all of the hullabaloo. I guess maybe I just needed to get out my last vomit bath about it. But it's really beautiful. I mean, it's very.

It is gorgeous. Serene and beautiful. And I spent the last two days, because I've been on tour, as you know, I spent the last two days sleeping. I slept 13 hours, two nights in a row with the help of a little Xanax and edibles. I texted you at, what, 640 yesterday? And I was like, I know she's gone. She's not responding. I was like, wait, I was done with my day yesterday at 230.

And I was like, how long do I have to wait before I take my Xanax? I watched the new season of Euphoria. I watched three episodes of that. Amazing. And I was like, wow, it's fucking awesome. Good. And yeah, I'm just, I was just having a great time. I'm having a great time recuperating.

I love bed. I love bed. Me encanta mi cama. I just can't get enough. Also the feeling when you wake up, like I wake up to pee at around midnight and I'm like, I look at the clock and I'm like, oh God, this is amazing. I have like six more hours to go. That is the best feeling when you're like, it's not almost dawn. Like I have so much more time.

No. And I have shows this weekend. There are tickets still available for the Indianapolis show on Saturday. I'm at the Marat Theater. And then on Sunday, I'm in Louisville, Kentucky at the Palace Theater. And there are tickets still available for that too. So Friday, I'm in Chicago at the Chicago Theater. That's sold out, thankfully.

I've got people coming to see you in Chicago, you know. My sister-in-law is going to be there, her girlfriends, yeah. Oh, fun, yes. And they're all here, Chelsea fans, so. Oh, and I'm also doing an Owls Brew event, people, on Thursday afternoon in Chicago. So look that up for Owls Brew for my vodka lemonade. I'm going to be in person, in store, in person. Chelsea, where are you playing this weekend?

Is it the Chicago Theater? Chicago Theater, yeah. Nice. do you know that the first time I asked Catherine out was after a show there I was playing and uh there was an after party and I asked her out for the first time there so it's a really special place to us that's true it was the IO 25th anniversary that like will go down in infamy like every famous person who went through IO or ImprovOlympic like came back to the city and like none of the audio worked at this 5,000 seat theater so people just like left and Brad was

playing a show I was seeing a show and then went to the oh that's funny that's funny yeah well I'll be celebrating your love while I'm there you guys thank you Chelsea think of us oh and also for those of you in Chicago I'll be at it's called the Jewel Osco is the uh liquor store that I will be at for the event from 1 30 to 3 p.m on April 10th they call it the Jewels and I also spent a lot of Oh, is that your place, you guys? That's pretty funny. It's like the Albertsons of Illinois. Okay, great.

Well, I'm glad I'm getting to hit that spot. Enjoy. You know me and liquor stores. I love it. Enjoy. Well, I am thrilled for our guest today. He is, I think he's one of our great actors of our time. Yeah, he's actually really, yeah, he's definitely one of the great actors of our time.

And our interview with him was really, I really loved speaking with him. and he gave great advice so i always love when a straight man can do that he gave really great and thoughtful advice like really great yeah it's very nice when people are thoughtful our guest today is an actor and an executive producer of the new film newborn please welcome david oh yellow oh hi david hello so nice to see you nice to see you too again i don't know remember when at the Critics' Choice. I think that's the last time I saw you. Yeah. Yeah. Backstage. That was right. Yeah. Yeah. That was like two years ago, right? That's right. That's right.

Yeah. David, happy birthday, first of all. Thank you. Thank you. It was yesterday. I had an amazing time. What did you do to celebrate? So I've been shooting a show in the Canary Islands and I've been there since January. I love my home. I love my kids. I love my wife and I've missed them all terribly. My wife and I actually have a two week rule. We're never apart for more than two weeks. So she's been toing and froing from the Canary Islands, but I haven't seen my kids for a while. So just being here to celebrate with them. And then we had this extraordinary circumstance whereby my

eldest son got engaged three days ago. And this happened while I was on the plane from Tenerife to LA, my wife sent me a text saying she said yes. She sends me the video. I couldn't download it on the plane. It was infuriating. Oh, I know that feeling. I know. I know. So the glow of all of that was in the party yesterday. It was a phenomenal time. Oh, that's so exciting. Congratulations on all fronts. I know. It's really great. I'm very happy. And having a family that likes to spend time with their parents also.

I know. Who knew? on that. I know. Yeah. It's, it's actually something happened with our family. We were always close, but during the pandemic, even though that was such a devastating time for so many people, for us, we just kind of coalesced as a family. We just, you know, everyone's going to school and I'm going off doing jobs and my wife and I run a company. And we had this year and a half, two years where we just kind of went together, you know, in this, in this really amazing way that hasn't abated and so yeah we really love each other's company that's so sweet and you and your wife have been together since you were teenagers correct we met uh when we were 17

and 18 uh doing youth theater and we've been we've known each other we worked out for nearly 32 years now we've been married for 27 27 years 32 years together four children yeah nice this is all nice Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm very blessed. And she's also a member of Mensa, which I think is worth mentioning. Can we just take a moment to give my wife some props on that? Yeah, so she, very late diagnosis for ADHD and went in for the testing for it. And the person doing the testing was like, by the way, this testing we're doing on you signifies very high IQ.

Have you ever tested that side? And she went, no. And so incredibly a byproduct of what could be perceived as some kind of deficiency in terms of ADHD is what illustrated that she has this off the charts IQ. I love that. First of all, we were just talking, me and my friend were talking two nights ago about getting tested because we couldn't decide which disorder we had, ADD or ADHD. I believe I just have ADD. I don't have the hyperactive part, but he was saying that I do.

Anyway, this is a great incentive for everybody listening since we all have some form of this because you could find out that you're a member of Mensa. Exactly. Exactly. Such great bragging rights, by the way. That would be a real feather in my cap, quite frankly. so speaking of your wife she's also a producer on this movie no she so we run a production company together and so our production company produced this she's not a producer on it but she is a

producer and we've produced stuff together in fact this is how much love is in the air chelsea so upstairs this is my office building we are preparing for my assistant who fell in love with our art director on a show that my wife and I produced called Bass Reeves. And I'm officiating their wedding on Saturday. Oh my God. You just spread love around town like it's nobody's business. Watch out. I know. I know. There's not enough of it in the world. So I feel like when you find it, you got to talk about it. That's true. We got to double down on all sorts of love and all kindness, especially to strangers everybody listening be kind to strangers people need love right now i couldn't agree more let's talk about your movie which is called newborn it's out now in amc

theaters so this is a story about a man who was in solitary confinement for seven years and i know you're a method you're a method guy is that accurate well it's i would say i whatever the the part requires, I feel like I'm in service of. So, you know, I definitely would not apply what I guess people call a method to, you know, a comedy or something that doesn't require that level of, as I say, giving yourself over to something. Sometimes you're playing something that's closer to yourself. Sometimes it's very far from yourself. And so, yes, to your point, in playing Chris Newborn, a guy who had endured seven years of solitary confinement, which is something I simply cannot personally get my head around, given my own very blessed

circumstances and experience. I read a lot about it. But you know, I read a book called Solitary by a guy called Albert Woodfox, who had endured, believe it or not, over 40 years of solitary confinement for something he didn't, a crime he didn't commit. But I also shadowed a guy called Richard Rosario, who was wrongfully convicted of a crime. He served 20 of the 25 years he was convicted for. Seven of those were in solitary. And in talking to him, I started to get a sense of what the role requires. And so, yes, to a certain extent, I had to sort of give myself over to that

in order to come close to telling the truth of that awful situation. So what did you learn from these guys? I mean, fill us in. Like, how does someone move on from, I mean, as you can see in the movie, which is really beautiful. And Denzel Washington's daughter is in the movie, who is absolutely fantastic. She's gorgeous, a gorgeous actor. And you guys are great together. And as you depict in the movie, you can see, what did you pick up from them in, like, researching this role that really helped inform you that you were maybe surprised to learn?

So many things. I mean, there are so many things that we don't know that we should know, one of them being that there are 80,000 people in solitary confinement today in America, men, women, and children. So it is widespread as a practice. You know, in talking to Richard and in studying up on this, after 13 days, studies have shown you're never the same again. There is a psychic break that happens that you will just never fully recover from because it's 23 hours a day, every day. Fluorescent lights are on all the time. Almost everyone in those wings are dealing with mental illness. So there's screaming and, you know, it's just sensory overload with complete isolation.

So let alone seven years of that. And what I learned from Richard, specifically outside of generally what happens to people, is that our connection to humanity is literally what defines us as human. So it is the ultimate form of dehumanization to not have connection with other human beings. And the only thing that kept him remotely sane was knowing his wife and two kids were out there. They loved him. And that was the only thing that gave him any kind of modicum of hope. If you don't have something to tether yourself to, it is being alive but dead, so to speak. And, you know, he has now been free for 10 years. He's still dealing with, of course, the effects of it, but he attributes his ability to still function as a human being to the love that he knew was out there for him from his family. Yeah. Was it hard for you to get out of that character after filming such a demanding kind of mentally anguish-filled movie? It was very intense for me because on the first day of shooting, unfortunately, my dad, who had been dealing with stage four colon cancer, passed away on the morning of our first day of shooting.

And so, weirdly, even though that was definitely not what you would want, it instantaneously put me in this place of intense retrospection, intense focus just to get through it, combined with, you know, the great scripts that Nate Parker had written and was directing. but honestly it was it was about trying to be in service of Richard and others who I had spoken to who had dealt with this I felt a real burden of responsibility and so you know we just did everything we could to tell the truth I mean the good thing is I'm a father I am a husband I have brothers and Chris Newborn has a brother in this film which is also a key relationship for him. So I could identify with all of those things. Obviously the gap in my knowledge was the extreme nature of dealing with solitary confinement. Yeah. I mean, it is a, it makes you really think about why that's necessary in a prison system. Like putting someone in a room alone without

fluorescent lighting is bad. Like why add all of these things that turn a person crazier than they are. It makes, it's just, everything is so backwards. Speaking of your father, I'm really sorry to hear that. I know that I read that your father passed away on the first day of shooting. Your father had some, I know a lot of people have trouble pronouncing your last name, Oyelowo. Oyelowo. Got it. Wow. That was impressive. You've literally disproved. I got it. That means anybody can get it. Yes, exactly. Moving on. But your dad had a problem pronouncing Oprah's name. He couldn't get that right. literally it's it's so hypocritical he would get so upset about the mispronunciation of of our name

and then he would always call it opera opera winifred opera but then he met her and like to her fate opera oh my lord well you can just attribute that to a nigerian accent can't you I guess so. But, you know, like literally one of the most famous people on the planet. Let's be clear that he had heard it enough to know that it is not opera. So it slightly discounts his his annoyance at our name being mispronounced. My SUV is worth more than ever. Time to upgrade. There's never been a better time. At Plaza Auto Group locations, get top value for your trade and shop hundreds of new and pre-owned vehicles across 11 locations.

And if you can't come to us, we'll come to you. With best-in-class pricing, unbeatable trade values, and 70 years of trust, it's easy to see why families choose the Plaza Auto Group. Plaza Auto Group, celebrating 70 years family-owned and operated. Visit plazaautogroup.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live

through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks

Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting

weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen

if the universe allows for something like that to happen i am open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of

other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i know that oprah is like a very close friend to you and you kind of used her as a a gut check at different times in your career can you talk about that yeah we have a very special relationship i i met her doing a film called the butler which lee daniels directed and we played mother and son in that film and that dynamic just never quite changed. Something truly beautiful happened even before we started shooting. We were at a

party at Lee Daniels' house. We shot it in New Orleans and he had rented a house and we were having this party and I was sort of stood in the corner. I was a younger actor then, still fairly new to Hollywood. My wife and I had moved here from the UK. And in all honesty, I felt quite a bit of isolation. There were other, to be perfectly frank, there were other Black actors who I felt there was resistance to me. There was this sort of, I don't know, this Brit coming over here, taking our jobs kind of vibe that I was getting. And I had gone into this role that was a significant one. And in all honesty, I was kind of trepidatious about, is this going to continue to exacerbate this feeling of isolation I have from a community that I really want to be a part

of and all that kind of stuff. So slightly stood in the corner and Oprah noticed this, came over to me and said, are you okay? I said, yeah, you know, I'm just dealing with a little bit of anxiety about these things. And of course she famously has the ability to get the truth of your soul out of you instantaneously. And so I started talking to her about this and then she was just so open and honest about having had the same syndrome coming up as a Black journalist in the South. And at that time, feeling the same thing from other Black women, to be perfectly frank. And that feeling of isolation, both from her own community, but also from an industry that told her she was too fat, she was too ugly, she was too Black to, you know, be anything in that

world. And then she happened to meet Sidney Poitier, who expressed also having the same thing, having come over from the Caribbean and was starting to forge a path, had back in the day forged a path in Hollywood and feeling the same sense of isolation. You know, people are threatened by success, especially when you're from a marginalized community and you feel like the pie that you want a slice of is very small. And so there's this sort of crabs in a barrel thing that can happen. And he had said to her, Sidney Poitier, this is, I know exactly what you're dealing with and I'm going to walk you through it. And he became her mentor. And this was like the first major interaction I had had with Oprah. And she said, what he did for me,

I'm going to do for you. And that was, I don't know, 15 years ago now. And she is, that has just never abated. Wow. That's amazing. That's a really beautiful story. thank you for sharing that yeah thank you have there been times in your career where you've gone to her at other times for advice when you're thinking about choosing projects or just navigating Hollywood after that all the time all the time because one of the things she said to me is basically she didn't say it like this but but she basically was saying you're only allowed to make new mistakes not old ones i'll tell you the old ones i'll i'll i'll guide you through the potholes that i stepped in so that you don't have to basically which is as extraordinary as an offering

as you can make to someone as i think is possible and so yeah whether it's financial literacy which i had i was very low in because my parents spent every day sort of scrabbling to put the pennies together. And, you know, they were amazing parents, but really bad business people, you know, just constantly on the precipice of bankruptcy and bailiffs at the door and, you know, just never could find enough financial oxygen to not be stressed by finances. And so, you know, I just, that was the only example I had. So I associated being a father, being a husband, being a working man with that. And one of the things she taught me is do everything you can to get out of debt as quickly as you can. Focus on that fastidiously because the difference between wealthy people and

people who are not is that they have somehow managed to get to the point whereby they can look down on their issues and have the space to strategize. When you are down on the ground I'm scrabbling to make ends meet. That's when you just inevitably make financial mistakes. You're caught in the rat race. You're caught in all of the things that keep you in financial debt. So do everything. And obviously it's not an easy thing to do, but if she, she said she was just very conscious early on, how do I get out of debt? And I took her at her word and practiced it. And by golly, she was right. You guys moved over from the UK. How do you, why, why did you move over from the UK? Um, a myriad of reasons. The primary one being when I was coming up, you know, I

mentioned Sidney Poitier, uh, obviously earlier, you know, that was my hero. Denzel Washington was my hero, but we literally had no equivalents of those in the UK, uh, with me growing up. There were no Black actors I could look at and go, that's my North Star. You know, I truly believe you cannot be what you cannot see. And I didn't see anything I could aspire to. And it's also why my parents were very resistant to the idea of me being in the arts, being an actor, because I think for them, it's like, you know, there's no evidence to us that the hard work we're putting in as immigrants here in the UK, that's going to be a better life for you. And so even though I defied my parents and I went to drama school and I did all the things, that continued to be the case.

And so I got a few roles that got me a bit of notoriety. I did The Last King of Scotland with Forrest Whitaker. I did a film of As You Like It with Kenneth Branagh. I had done a show called, It was called Spooks in the UK. It was called MI5 here. There were things that sort of popped a little bit in the States. So it just gave me just enough juice to turn up here and people had seen things I'd done. And then I just, even though it hadn't happened yet, I knew my career was going to plateau. I came up with actors like Tom Hardy and Benedict Cumberbatch and James McAvoy.

And those are my peers. We were all doing theater in the UK. we were all working together. But we love period dramas in the UK. And that tends to be the thing that will launch an actor into the American consciousness. So whether it be Atonement for James McAvoy, or it's Pride and Prejudice for Matthew McFadden, or Imitation Game for Benedict Cumberbatch, I just knew that wouldn't happen for me unless I planted myself somewhere else. And so we started the process of moving, and we did move in 2007. So we've lived here for 19 years now.

And it proved to be true. Within about two months of landing in L.A., this script called Selma landed on my doormat. The film didn't get made for another seven years after that, but at least it validated the fact that, oh, this is the kind of thing that I just knew wouldn't happen in the U.K. and was possible here. Yeah. So the transition from the UK to America, things started to open up for you career-wise and that was your main motivation for moving over here. How was it like culturally for you to come over here from the UK? Oh my goodness. The tricky thing and the thing that no one really warns you about moving from England, an English-speaking country, obviously, to America,

another English-speaking country, is the sheer amount of cultural differences. Like my wife and never had credit cards in the UK we couldn't do anything without a credit card when we moved here it was just like uh what's your credit score what's your credit credit credit credit you know we never said that word as often as we did when we first moved here in 07 and so that was something that we were like we're barely human beings without credit you know and and things like that and so bank accounts and all that kind of stuff the schooling system was so different for our kids You know, our kids were five and two when we moved. And, you know, my wife actually chose to homeschool our kids

and ended up doing it for five years because our kids just couldn't adjust to the American schooling system. And, you know, there was so, and the thing about it is the cultural differences are so slight and small, but huge because they are literally the thing that derail you from your child going to school,

you being able to open a bank account you being able to drive you know so that was uh that took us up a minute to adjust to but there are extraordinary things about moving to this country you know literally in the uk the attitude is can don't as opposed to can do and so that was life-giving you know I love warm weather and I had lived pretty much all of my life most of my life in the UK and never made peace with it and suddenly here we were living in LA and every day it felt like summer which it basically was at that time the weather's actually changed in LA by the way these rains we have that are so intense and then the heat which is like unbearable you know It was a bit more, you know, even before.

But that's a whole other thing. But the really tricky thing was we moved in 07 and then we had the economic crash of 08 and the writer's strike of 08. And oh my gosh, I think if we had made the move after 08, well, I don't think we would have made the move. It was so tough. My wife, we had two kids and she was pregnant with our third.

and I didn't work for 14 months and that was rough. Wow. Yeah. How did you guys get by? Like, how does that work? Good question. It didn't. It was like, you know, we were in this headspace of,

did we make the right choice? Like, what are we? It's just, but the good thing, I guess, is that it was everyone. Everyone was in the middle of this crash. everyone in the industry was dealing with that circumstance it was affecting not just america but the uk as well because of how interlinked those industries are and uh yeah you know we basically ran out of money i remember being stood next to the kitchen counter with my wife and we were down to three dollars in my wallet like literally three dollars and the reason i

remember is I gave her $2 and I held on to one and I went, this is us. You know, we couldn't go to an ATM because that would have just barked at us because there was nothing in there. But I will say, I remember us sort of sitting up in bed full of all the anxiety, but then just having this feeling of, well, at least we have each other, you know, and I sort of felt rich again because not everyone even has that. And I'm going to tell you a story I don't think I've told anyone under these kind of circumstances. Also, what happened? Do you know the actress Kate Mara by any chance? Of course, yeah. So Kate Mara was at the time dating a wonderful actor called Charlie Cox, who now plays Daredevil on the TV show. And they had become really good friends of

ours. And we were in the middle of this time where we just had no money. And we invited them over for lunch. And we clearly had given them the most hellaciously basic of meals because it's all we could afford. Seriously. I was just about to say, what are you doing inviting people for lunch? What were we thinking? I think we were sort of trying to pretend that our circumstances weren't our circumstances. But the next day, without us having expressed anything of our financial situation, they turned up at the door with a $400 Trader Joe's voucher and just handed it to my wife and I and said, just something we wanted to do for you guys. And I could cry thinking about it now because it was just it was we ran to Trader Joe's after we got that voucher and that's how how bad

it was and at the time I had done a film with George Lucas and I got a film called Red Tails that he had produced and was in stuck in post for a long time I was I I was on the precipice of what I thought was the Hollywood dream. And then this crash happened. And it was just like such a weird confluence of things. We were in LA, in Hollywood. I'd just done this film with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrence Howard and George Lucas was producing it. And my wife was pregnant with Arthur. And it was just like, what is happening? But, you know, between falling even deeper in love with my wife, because it's all we had, and then having friends like that, who showed up like that you kind of go oh i think i think we're gonna be okay and and we won that

must have been some lunch that you prepared that by the way i know how bad was the next day with a 400 gift certificate but they must have been like listen we don't know what's going on with you people but that is not it wow i know how bad i can't even begin to i think it may have just been like pasta with butter or something like that's a really sweet story though i want to ask you one more question about i know that john lewis our former congressman who's now deceased but one of the all-time heroes of of our country was on the set one day for selma when you were playing mlk jr so can you talk to us about that what was that experience like have you ever seen the video of him dancing you know oh yes i watched that video like once a month whenever i need to

yeah yeah yeah if you if you want a dose of joy you just watch that you know what is the song he's he's dancing to uh what song is it happy oh yeah that's right that's right he's got he has got some serious fucking moves. Tell us what it was like meeting him and having him on set watching you do that. Surreal, completely surreal. And yes, yes, Catherine, terrifying. Because look, you know, in playing Dr. King, I had interviewed Andrew Young. I had interviewed his kids, Dr. King's kids i had interviewed several of these giants of the movement i hadn't yet met john lewis and john lewis was featured heavily in our film and was being played by stefan james of course he's a busy guy i couldn't get to him in my build up to playing the role and i as you had alluded to

chelsea i i stayed in character i just felt that's what i had to do for that role uh we we were shooting in Atlanta. We were often surrounded by people who had heard him speak, who had worked with him, who had been in his orbit. I'm obviously an English walking around with this accent just felt like not the way to elicit confidence or to sort of stay in the pocket, so to speak. So, you know, I was pretty much in that zone all the time. And then I got a knock on my trailer door. And an AD said, just to give you a heads up, John Lewis is visiting set today and would like to say hello. And I just felt all the blood kind of just leave my body. What did that person just say? And then they had literally warned me about a minute and a half before he was

at the door. And so I was so in the zone of just staying as Dr. King, I greeted him as the character. And within a few minutes of our conversation, he just leaned into me and said, Dr. King, it is so good to see you again. And I could see that he wasn't just being cute. He went somewhere as he was looking me in the eye. And I just thought, how many layers can playing this role continue to afford me? It was just so incredible. But what went on to happen is that day, I was supposed to be giving a speech to 400 people in a church. and he decided to stay for me giving the speech and i just thought okay great to meet you thank you for being here that's a layer of pressure i just don't know that i want and you will never believe what happened so i don't know if you know this uh chelsea and catherine when you're shooting if because of the generators and all the electrics used for making a movie

the minute there's a hint of a thunderstorm you have to shut everything down just in case lightning uh or thunder hits the generator and literally ava duvernay who directed the film went okay everyone going for a take roll sound everything went dark literally and i'm not exaggerating i like have photographs of this thing. Everything went dark. And this thunderstorm just suddenly was over the church we were going to be shooting in. And by the time the storm had passed, he had had to leave.

And I just was like, there is a God and he loves me. I mean, my goodness. You willed that thunderstorm to happen. You're like, that's a fucking year before I have to shoot this scene. Leave. Exactly. Actually, no disrespect, but this doesn't help me. Get out of here.

Oh, he's such a legend. He is such a legend, John Lewis. Just the most awesome energy. So just the coolest. Okay, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back with David Oyelowo. The Hard Rock Bet Casino app is here, Ontario. It's safe, secure, and crystal clear with fast payouts and 24-7 local support.

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When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo,

and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We are getting into the advice portion of the show, David. So I want to know, you can give me a good or bad, if there's any, yet maybe bad since you've already shared some good advice that you've gotten from Oprah and others. Can you remember some of the worst advice that you've ever gotten?

My dad gave me terrible advice over the two things that I value most in my life. My dad was my hero, my absolute hero. And he endured quite a bit of racism in the UK when he first moved there in the 60s and 70s. So when I met Jess, who's white and who went on to be my wife, And I went to him and talked about the fact that I think this is the person I want to marry. He was so against it. And I didn't think then it was to do with, you know, all of the trauma of what he had faced from other white people. But his advice was, David, one day she's going to wake up and realize you are Black.

i was like okay um thank you for that i think she's aware and that doesn't help me one bit what on earth are you talking about and he just was like that they are they betray us they leave us they hurt us that's what they're predisposed to do and um and that was his reality and I had to defy him on that. That was his advice. And he also didn't get married till he was 40, didn't have me till he was 42. And I can understand it now that I'm a father myself,

but Jess and I got engaged when she was 19 and I was 21. And he was just like, are you out of your mind that she's white and she's 19? and uh you know that was advice which i can now understand having dealt with my own interaction with racism my own interaction with now being a father who has children who are similar to the age i was but at the time i was in complete defiance of that and then you know and then me telling him i wanted to be an actor you know the first thing he said why do you want to go and be a jester. You want to go and be a jester? I was like, okay, that's what you think

of actors? Yeah, they are jesters. Promiscuous jesters. I was like, okay, I'm not listening to you on that either, daddy. Did you ever share what he said with Jess, with your wife? I didn't have to because he would say it to her face. I mean, it was so upsetting. Like he met I introduced him to her. I said, do you know how many girls are calling David all the time? Huh? You think, you think, I was like, daddy. He said, and what do you eat?

Salad? Is salad the only thing you're eating? Salad, salad, salad. Why? You need to put some, some weights. Where's the meat? There's no meat. And I was like, I'm stood right there.

I'm like, daddy, please stop. But that, that, that was my parents. they would just say whatever was on their mind all the time that's pretty cute maybe not cute at the time but after the fact the the other thing so he completely fell in love with jess with time and then ended up living with us and you know with time my wife did become more voluptuous and uh she would come in she would come into the right oh yes this is wonderful yes hey I'm like daddy I'm stood right here that is highly inappropriate it's true now look at this wonderful I was like goodness me so that's good stuff yeah I like it okay we have some callers

and we have some we give advice David on this podcast okay I'm ready you're ready let's go Catherine what do you got all right well we're gonna start with a caller so we're like jumping into the deep end. Okay, great. And David, I know you've given dating advice. It seems like it was successful to your children. So we're going to jump into some dating advice. Okay. Nishat says, Dear Chelsea, My family immigrated to the U.S. almost 40 years ago from a predominantly Muslim country. I was born here a few years later. Overall, I'd describe my family as being quite liberal and progressive. With time, they've adjusted comfortably into American society. That being said, I'd still describe our upbringing as being more sheltered than our peers.

We were allowed to have friends and grew up consuming American pop culture and media, but school was typically first priority and dating wasn't allowed. I don't want to label my mom and dad as helicopter parents, but I'd say they had a tendency to be more overprotective than necessary. Due to their hesitation and expectations, I feel like I missed out on optimizing fun and exploration during my formative years. These reflections have now been having an impact on my views about dating and relationships. The irony is that my family would love for me to find a great partner to share my life with, but my insecurities about my inexperience are getting in the way, and I feel like my upbringing is somewhat to blame. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've never dated or been in a relationship before. Now, at 34, I feel anxious, frustrated, and scared about navigating this world. I've been on and off a few apps over the past few years, but they simply make me feel bored and disposable, and I find the infinite number of choices overwhelming.

There were a few flirtations that I bailed on and never connected with in person, including one guy I matched with three times over the course of four years. I finally struck up the courage to send a message, but alas, he never responded. I've been harboring a crush ever since. I know everyone's complaining about the state of dating in this modern age, but I genuinely feel unfit to tread these waters. How am I supposed to start playing the game when I barely understand the rules? Sincerely, Nishat.

Hi, thank you for calling in. This is our special guest, David Oyelowo. Hi. Oh, dating. Dating is difficult. It doesn't matter if you've been doing it for 20 years or if you're just... I would say it's great that you haven't been exposed to too many men thus far. I would say check in your box. That's a bonus. Yes. And your desire, A, is also great. The fact that you're interested and that you've taken steps

to make something happen is also positive. Do you have a therapist that you talk to? No, I do not. I'm considerate, but I haven't really taken the step in that direction. No. I think it's important to have a therapist. I think especially at your age, especially with everything that you're just, I mean, it doesn't matter where you're from or what your life experience is. We all need therapists.

We all need a sounding board and we all need to unpack our childhoods in some way. And there's all this trauma that some of us don't even know about. And whether it's like huge traumas or like little micro traumas throughout your life, it's very important to talk to somebody about what shaped you and how you come into this world to become the woman that you are. And also to just kind of help guide you along. Like I think as long as you're taking little steps in the direction of where you want to go, then that's a positive thing that you're doing. Being on the dating apps is fine. I know it's frustrating. Believe me. Like I hear it all the time. I'm a woman. I get it. But there are great men out there. There are,

there's just there's a lot of idiots out there so it kind of makes it look worse than it is but you have to just be focused I think on your intention which is to be in a loving happy relationship I'm assuming yeah yeah definitely it's I mean I'm hoping that everybody on the app says the same intention but unfortunately it's it's the wild west so you just never really know who's looking for something serious who's looking for something casual and who's just kind of there for fun Absolutely. And that's also, but like you can't control what somebody, you, all you can do is be as direct as possible. And like, you know, that's one of the things I just kind of started something on my Instagram. It was kind of an ingest, but it turned into this whole dating thing of setting people up. Cause I was like, where are all the men out here? I know so many incredible women and they're, where are the men? So I think there's just like, we're in a time in our culture where it's just like men aren't working as hard to try to meet women or they've forgotten how to connect with women. But there's definitely like, you know, I think, I think for you as a woman to be intentional, to be, to be upfront, to say, I'm not looking for something casual. I'm looking actually to get to know somebody and, you know, to see without any pressure on it. Yeah, that's a good way to take the pressure off.

Get into the art of practicing communicating that way and get into the practice of trying to go on dates. You know, use those apps and use those dates. Like do nice, innocent daytime coffee, meet up. I'm open to those things, absolutely. Not happening as often as I would have preferred. Do you have a good group of girlfriends, Nishat? Do I have a good, that's...

Or a couple, one or two? I have a couple. I don't like saying it, but I feel like the older I've gotten, the smaller that group has also gotten and people kind of get preoccupied with, you know, their own changes in their lives. They have new priorities. And so we just don't really get to keep in touch the same way we used to. Totally.

It's pretty limited to like texting or phone calls, but I do have one or two people I still keep in touch with from school and from college. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like right now what you need is a cheerleader and whether that's like reaching out to girlfriends and getting back in touch with them on a regular basis or a therapist, like someone who can walk through this with you and be cheering you on, because it's not just one step, right? It's like multiple steps and getting to know someone. And then maybe if things get more serious, it's really important to have somebody in your corner cheering you on.

Yeah. And I try to also learn from their experiences because they've also kind of gone, you know, through the whole process. I've heard horror stories. And so I think that's kind of pushed me away from wanting to engage in the experience. But you can only learn to swim if you get in the water. That's what I keep telling myself. So, you know, it might take a while, but I'm trying to stick through it to see what's the outcome. Yeah. And you don't have to feel embarrassed. Like I have multiple friends who were in their 30s before they really started dating and they're happily settled now. My one friend I say like I'm so glad you didn't make us meet a ton of people it was like the first person

she met that was her person and they're very happy now so it can definitely happen but also I just would say would say like don't give up and if somebody doesn't respond to you or whatever that's not your problem every no is closer to the yes that you're gonna find do you know what I mean so get rid of who cares about that guy if he didn't respond great who's next let's and get into that practice of going on really casual, innocent, like coffee dates, just to get into the rhythm of it so that it doesn't feel like such a big deal anytime you do it, that you're not giving yourself away. It's just kind of like, oh, this is what I do now a couple of times a week or once a week or whatever you want to set up, but constantly making efforts in the direction

you want to go, which is to be in a relationship. And I think it's wonderful that you have like accepted that. A lot of people don't even want to say that, you know, they're like, no, I don't It's too scary out there. It's good. What part of the country do you live in? So I'm in New York City. I live just outside of the city in the suburbs. And then I also think when summer coming up and spring coming up, there's so many things you could sign up for.

So many activities that are outdoors in New York City where you can meet people that are going to be geared for people who are trying to meet people. You know what I mean? if you look up dating activities in New York City, they'll be like, oh, singles, women and men, men meeting women. They have all that stuff available. So you're in the best city in the world to do that, to make that happen. I keep being told that, but I think another issue is I'm a terrible flirt. I'm terrible at them like zero. I don't know how I would even navigate that kind of a scenario. I look forward to those kinds of exchanges, but because I haven't had any experience, I wonder how, how would I even perform and how would it feel like, you know? So

it's, it's like constantly like big, big butterflies in my stomach. Yeah. Well, I really, really encourage you to get a therapist and really have somebody in your corner that you can really bounce this stuff off of because she's going to help you. I'm saying a woman cause you should get a woman and she's going to, she's going to help you navigate this. And I think it's great that you want to put yourself out there. And that is a big step. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. David, do you have thoughts? Yeah, I do. You know, everything I'm hearing, which I agree with, is how can you be active rather than reactive, in a sense, and also intentional. You know, in terms of your upbringing, some of what I expressed on here today is my own parents'

perceptions that were being transposed onto me. And I could either reject them because I recognize that that's their experience and not mine, or I could internalize them and then be pulled into someone else's prejudices, preconceptions, fears, doubts. And before you know it, you have this sort of generational cycle that is a downward spiral on the basis of information that may not actually even be true anymore. That may have been your experience coming over to this country in the 60s or 70s or whatever, but the world has changed. I'm a different person. I have different beliefs, values, aspirations, desires. And so I think to actively recognize that you may still be living or reacting to your parents' estimations of what your life should be and who you are is one thing.

And then to Chelsea's point about therapy, you know, what are the things that you can intentionally do on the basis of the revelation you've had about yourself? And then the putting of yourself out there, in a sense, which is terrifying for everyone, of course. What I would also say is to get rid of any shame tied to the fact that you're in your 30s and you are you and your experience is specific. Because of how I was raised and my own belief system from a faith standpoint, I was a virgin when I got married and I got teased mercilessly for that. But it was my truth and it has proved to be something that is wonderful for me. And there were times where when I was being teased or mocked for it, that I could have been drawn into someone else's perception of

what I should have been doing. And to be honest, for me that I just know that wasn't the path I wanted and the path that was going to lead to my own specific brand of happiness. And so I agree with Chelsea, I have a lot of friends in their 30s and 40s who have dated a lot and are left with real scars that mean that almost the idea of them finding a partner is harder because it's that now they're bringing so much baggage to those relationships and again not to say that that isn't something that you can also still find love through but please don't think that you are now somehow damaged goods because of your age or your parental thing or even being shy you know there's going to be someone out there that's the very thing about you that they love easier said

and done, but what are the intentional things you can do? What is a team sport or a social situation that you can put yourself in that isn't necessarily tied to dating, but it's going to help with your confidence so that you're going into situations whereby, you know, you've just dealt with some of your social anxiety that isn't in a setting that is about dating, which is just like way too many uh anxiety induced yeah yeah yeah you know so what is that thing you know is it is it a board game thing is it a book club is it a whatever you know get outside of your comfort zone and then get rid of the shame you know dispel you know the projections of your parents and then yeah and then just keep on keep on getting getting on out there I was just saying

to these guys I'm literally officiating the wedding of my assistant on Saturday she's she's in her 40s her husband to be is in his 40s they met on set he was our art director and I just saw the most beautiful app-less cute convergence which is now leading to these two guys in their 40s getting married at my house on Saturday I love that it's app-less yes yes it can still happen it can still happen right and also just let letting people know you know that in that are in your life and in your work life that you're interested in meeting someone there. It's good to keep putting that message out there and letting people never know where you're going to be introduced to somebody. Yep. True. True. Yeah. So I'm going to try to stay open to those

things. Okay, great. I can't wait for your first boyfriend. Let us know. Will you follow up with us in a shot? Absolutely. Definitely. I'll, I'll follow up with you guys. Thank you so much. All right. Thanks so much. Nice to meet you. Likewise. Thank you. Bye. That was such great advice. I know. That was great advice, David. I loved everything you said. Now we have you on record giving dating advice. This is awesome. Happily. Happily. So Evelyn says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I can't seem to make the move to leave a situation that isn't good for me. I've been with my current partner for three years and I think about leaving almost every day. An overview, he cheated one year into our relationship

with an ex and also slept with his son's mother when we were broken up due to the aforementioned cheating and lied until it was clear he couldn't lie anymore. I thought I could forgive and move on, but I think about it often and obviously don't feel like I can trust him. He has a terrible relationship with his son's mother, calls her names, argues and fights with her often. Crazy that they slept together, huh? We don't have anything in common. Our conversations are pointless and he has a short fuse. But he's also a great provider. He loves our daughter and great with kids. I'm close with his family, so he has a good side too. That's where I get wrapped up in guilt, but I know that I deserve better. Oh, and he proposed on a trip recently, so guilt is at a

max. Even writing this, I'm like, girl, obviously you need to leave. The problem is I'm a mom to our 15-month-old daughter. I don't work, so I'm apprehensive to leave. I'm scared he'll be awful to me like he is with his son's mom. I just don't know where to start or how to leave or if I should. Do I leave and bite the bullet, put my daughter in daycare, I have a lot of anxiety about leaving her in daycare, and start to rebuild? I know what you're going to say, and my gut is saying the same, but I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand. Please help, I look up to you so much. I dream of one day being able to make moves within my own life that are aligned with my beliefs the way you do. Thank you, Evelyn.

Hi, Evelyn. Hi. Hi. This is our special guest, David. He's here today. Hi. Hi. Hello.

Hi. I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I can feel the pain in your letter. I understand that you're in a really difficult spot, but I think you obviously know the answer to your question because you do. And you have a knowing, we all have a knowing within us, whether you're a man or a woman or anything in between, we all have an instinct and a gut. And the longer you put off listening to that gut, it just feel like the higher of a price you're going to pay. Do you have any family? Do you have anyone you can go to if you were to move out or to leave that can help you? I think I would. Yeah.

I think I could make it work. Okay. Well, that's something. So I think also something to know is the people in your life that love you, they already know what the situation is and they're going to be more helpful than you know. When you reach out and ask for help, people really want to help you that really love you. They do. So I think it's a time for you to think about who those people are in your life and ask for help. You're not going to need it forever, but you're going to need it for the transition. And you really have to take care of yourself. And I also just want to say, this is about not just you, this is about the health and happiness of your child. So sometimes when we can't defend ourselves like the way that we would for a child, a daughter,

a sister, a mother, you have to think of this is her future. So you're doing the most loving thing for the future of her and the future that you have together. There's a whole world out there where you're going to feel loved and cherished and not in this situation, but it's going to take a couple, it's going to take some big moves on your part. Right. David, can you speak to, I know you've talked about listening to your knowing and can you speak a little bit to that and how you experienced that? Yeah, I mean, firstly, Evelyn, I can see the pain in your eyes.

I can see the conflict. I can see that what you're going through is very difficult and just not easy in any way. And as Chelsea has already alluded to, it's your child is part of a component. So, you know, I don't want to be glib in relation to that. This is tough stuff. Again, I think you know the answer to your own question,

but I think it's worth giving it context, which is that you have tried and tested this person and they are not to be trusted. And so you've already done the thing that is where love emanates from. I personally believe love is sacrifice. And that sacrifice sometimes manifests in, let me meet this person where they're at. Let me give them the benefit of the doubt. And if they have consistently not met that level of generosity and sacrifice to what they may be able to offer, then at some point, the ability to trust them has gone. and that's you having done your part. If it was gossip or hearsay and you didn't know it for a fact,

then we would be here saying, well, have the conversation, you know, have couples therapy or whatever. But it feels like that Rubicon has been crossed over, so to speak. And so it's about self-love. It's about how are you going to now love yourself and your child through to the other side of this? Because I've personally witnessed people recently, a friend of mine who stayed and everyone around them are just like, you just know this is not going to be good.

It's only going to continue to deteriorate. You're only putting off the inevitable because there's something that is broken, whether it's in the relationship or the individual and it sounds to me that this person there is a brokenness in them that means that they are constantly looking for whether it's self-esteem affirmation whatever it is that you are not providing them and cannot provide them and that is something that you must not beat yourself over because I'm sure you have feelings of insecurity, feelings of shame, feelings of why wasn't I enough? Well, you will be enough for someone, but you will only get to that someone once you have cleared this slate. And so, you

know, my hope for you is that you do make this step that you know you need to make and that the sooner you make it, the sooner you will get through what will be a period of mourning, a period of pain, a period of maybe even some doubt, but you will come out the other side into something better because hopefully you'll take the experience of that. You'll know what the red flags are. There'll be more self-love for yourself because you've made an act and a step that is based on loving yourself over your insecurity

that makes you stay in a bad situation. And that hopefully will be what will inform your next choices and your next relationship. Right. Yeah. And Evelyn, I just want to encourage you, like, this is big, scary stuff. These are huge changes that you would be making

in your life and in your daughter's life. But you are brave enough for this. You are brave. Even just taking these first steps of like, is this the right choice, reaching out, that is brave. And I believe that you're brave enough to handle this. Thank you. And I think my biggest fear is like losing time with her because right now I'm 100% of the time with her. And if I made this move, it would be working all the time and then 50-50 split. And then I think I go back and forth in my mind. Is it better for me to hang on now to be with her all the time? Or is that just me being selfish? I think the time that you're going to gain more time with her by making a healthier decision for both of you in the future, like this, this period that you're about to enter, maybe you won't be spending as much time with her as you want, but in the long run, it will pay off. like you're going to get the quality of time is going to be better than the quality of time you have now, because now you're kind of shielding, protecting her in a sense. And you're in this state, but your happiness is going to permeate her life and your peace of mind is going to have a huge impact on your daughter. So we want you to be happy and healthy for the sake of your

daughter. Also, not just for the sake of you, that is hugely important, but it's both of you that you're thinking about. So like, yes, like this is all gonna be, it will be the right decision down the road. It won't feel like it when you're going through these difficult things, but you do have the strength and you do have the courage to do it.

And you're gonna get your relationship with her is gonna show it in spades when you're in a different situation. So please keep us posted about what happens, okay? Let us know. Okay. Okay. Okay.

All right. Take care. thank you for calling bless you okay thank you bye my suv is worth more than ever time to upgrade there's never been a better time at plaza auto group locations get top value for your trade and shop hundreds of new and pre-owned vehicles across 11 locations and if you can't come to us we'll come to you with best-in-class pricing unbeatable trade values and 70 years of trust it's easy to see why families choose the plaza auto group plaza auto group celebrating 70 years family owned and operated visit plazaautogroup.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held

captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wow, that was pretty serious. Okay. Well, I thank you for your time today, David. You were so wonderful. I could listen to you talk all day long. Oh, thank you. Well, likewise, I love this conversation. I've listened to your podcast. What I love, love, love about it is the combination of lightness, but also how you just go straight for the guts of something. And, you know, people, you've talked to people who, you know, like you are funny people, people who you have this perception of who they are, but whether it's therapy or relationships or religion or sex or, you know, addiction or it's just, I just love that you get into the guts of it.

So this is, I feel honored to have been there, been on the show. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. And I can't wait to come over to your house for lunch. Great. David's newest movie is called Newborn and it is out and playing in AMC theaters right now. So go see it.

I watched it. It's fucking great. And David, I will see you soon. Yes. See you on Thursday at my house. I'll be there. Bye-bye. Thank you so much.

Bless you. If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at FlashCadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive

what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture

with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen.

What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh...

No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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