Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Temporary Mormons with Bridger Winegar

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Bridger Winegar, host of the podcast I Said No Gifts!, joins Chelsea this week to talk about psychosexual intrigue, using your love language, and the costs of delayed emotional intimacy.  Then: A couple of bears are frustrated by a friend’s awkward invitations.  A wife struggles with her husband’s lack of effort when it comes to gift-giving. And a Jersey girl can’t stop daydreaming about her personal trainer.   Have a question you'd like to ask Chelsea? Send us an email at [e-mail]   * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to

offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman Adam Scott Danny McBride Ben Stiller and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus

or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine, how are you doing? I'm amazing. I, yeah, oh, good. I haven't been able to get warm for two days. I had a celery juice yesterday, which I used to drink all the time, but then I stopped drinking it because,

I don't know, who knows why I do anything. And then I drank it and I have been cold since. Oh no. Have you ever done one of those juice cleanses where you are fucking freezing by day three because you have no food in your system to warm you up? I don't, maybe there's something in the air because I've been hot or at least when we were in New York together, I could not stop sweating. I was so hot. Maybe it was the humidity, but it was like 64 degrees and I just was so hot constantly. Yeah. That's annoying too. Hot or cold. I mean, I guess the only thing about being cold that is annoying is that my nipples get so hard and that's painful yeah you know like i'm

breastfeeding or something that's a very annoying feeling so i don't like that but i do i hate when i go on stage like if i don't have the right jumpsuit for the right climate if i have too much material on and the air conditioning isn't on the up and up then i have a real problem i had to perform a few weeks ago in a backyard outdoor barbecue for a corporate gig that i did And that was very, in Austin. Oh, it was sweaty. And it was very moist is the word that I would use to describe that environment. Moist is a troubling word.

Speaking of shows, though, I have shows coming up, stand-up shows. I just added 30 new stand-up dates for areas all over the country. So make sure to check those out. And there are still tickets for my second show in Nashville where I'm taping my next special directed by none other than my lover, Jokoy. Excellent. Okay, so I want to welcome our guest today, comedy writer, actor, and host of the podcast, I Said No Gifts. Please welcome Bridger Weiniger.

Hi, Bridger. How are you? I'm doing pretty well. How are you? I'm pretty well. You know Catherine because you're sitting right next to her. Of course. Yeah, so that helps that.

I wanted to talk about that we have Mormonism in common somewhat. Oh, sure, sure. I'm happy to talk about that. I know that you came from a Mormon background, right? or you come from a Mormon background? I guess kind of both of those things. My family is Mormon. I grew up Mormon, no longer Mormon for a variety of factors,

but the big one being my homosexuality, which is a tricky— Yeah, that's a big no-no for Mormonism. Yes. I didn't grow up Mormon, but my sister converted to Mormonism. My mother was Mormon, and then she dragged my sister down to Mormonism with her. And then my sister slowly has snapped out of it over the years. When did your sister convert? Well, my brother passed away when we were kids and she was older.

And then like they say that, you know, a lot of people come down with illness after somebody dies in their family, you know, because of the internalization of everything. And so my sister got lupus when she was in college. And when she came home, part of the ordeal of having that kind of, and we believe it was misdiagnosed at this point because they put her on so many meds and so many drugs that she was just a zombie basically for six months she didn't leave the house she lost all her hair she was on steroids her face you know it was she just was unrecognizable and I think in that my mother thought okay let's you know she had turned to religion after my brother died and then my

sister she thought that was kind of going to be the salve for her as well so she converted my sister to Mormonism. And then my sister, over time, and once she had, you know, got married and had children of her own, I think realized the absurdity of Mormonism and how exclusionary it is. Oh, yes. And wait, so did she marry a Mormon as well? No, no. And that was a good thing because, you know, he's not, yeah, it's always helpful to try and shake that out of your system. But yeah, growing up, it's funny that I meet so many Mormons that are homosexuals. It's like... I think those are the only Mormons that are going to be coming into your general... Into my orbit.

Right. I don't think you're going to be getting any just regular Mormons. Yeah. I also have an issue with the proselytization, you know, the constant infringing on your personal space with talk of... Like what missionaries do, showing up at your door, teaching you the word. I have a problem with that kind of bullshit too. It's like, back the fuck up and I'll let you know what I'm interested in learning about. Of course. I have an incredibly big problem with it because I did it. Oh. I went to, I was in Malaysia doing it. That was the breaking point for me.

It was? It was like, what am I doing? So what happened when you were there? Tell me about your breaking point. I grew up in Utah and obviously my family was Mormon. And in Utah, it's kind of just a given, if you're, at least if you're male, that you'll be going on a Mormon mission when you turn. At the time, it was when you would turn 19. I think it's younger now. But so even if you're not that convinced of it, you're going to end up going somewhere for two years to do the proselytizing and trying to convince people to get on board. And also keep in mind for those people

who don't know, you're not, well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not allowed to even call your parents, right? Except on their birthday or something during this time. Right. You get to, I believe you get to call them on Mother's Day and Christmas. And this is all, of course, based on my experience, I don't know, even how many years ago, 15-something years ago. So I do think they've kind of adjusted it, but not that much. You basically are cut off from the rest of the world. You can't watch TV. You can't listen to popular music. You can't read the news. It's essentially the one thing you get to read is the Book of Mormon or the Bible.

And then the rest of the world is very, unless you're like in a restaurant and there's a TV playing the news and you're like kind of stealing a glimpse of what's going on in the outside world, you have no idea what's happening. Yeah, it's slightly eerily similar to The Handmaid's Tale with less forced, I guess, seclusion. You know, I mean, you're also not allowed to have caffeine. You certainly can't have sex. No drugs or alcohol, which would be really hard to deal with. If I was going to become religious, that would be the first thing that I would need are drugs and alcohol. Just completely give us that. An exorbitant amount.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take a quick break. Okay. Sounds good. We'll be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save.

Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club,

part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators

to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers

who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

First, I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And so what about your siblings? are you in touch with your siblings at all? Oh, yeah. I mean, my family, for the most part, is like, I came out extremely late when I was 30, largely because of Mormonism. I had left the church. I had been out of it for maybe a decade before I came out. But the reason it took me so long was I was afraid I was going to lose my family or lose connection with them. And then

most of them were oddly cool with it. My parents were very, they were able to catch on pretty quickly. And then some of my, like, my younger sister and I are, like, best friends, and I think she saw it coming and was totally cool with it. Then I have two brothers who are on board for the most part. So it's, and then, like, extended family seems pretty good with it as well. It's been very surprising. Yeah, well, that sounds like a great experience then. Right, because that's not the typical Mormon experience. I mean, it can really go in any direction, and that's what I was prepared for. So for it to have worked out this well and for them to have embraced my boyfriend the way they have, it's been pretty amazing. Sometimes I'm like, does my mom still

think this is a phase and that eventually I'll just break up with my boyfriend and then find a wife? But I think for the most part, they've just been lovely. And do you think that having to wait until you're 30, coming out till you're 30, do you think that had a deleterious impact on your growth as a human being or do you feel like that was just your road oh my god it's I mean it continues to impact me within my relationship I'm still like there are still things I struggle with just intimacy in general with friends with people in my life is still very difficult for me because I held so much from the people I loved for such a long time it's hard for me to share feelings with even with my boyfriend will have to drag information out of me because I'm just used

to having the shield up. And then it affects other things too, just like making decisions. Just in general, I probably have another decade of therapy before I feel like I'll feel like a complete operating person. Yeah. And I think that is the point for any listeners who are parents with children who may come to you with a decision that you may not like or approve of. You have to remember the impact that you're having on them for the rest of their lives. Postponing, doing something at 30 that you could have done when you were 20, or if you were really lucky and felt secure and even younger, you could have been completely honest about your situation and not have stunted your growth as an individual, as a sexual being, as somebody who

could be vociferous about their feelings towards the same sex and your pursuit of a relationship. like these are all things that we should be able to be open about and our family should be open and loving because that doesn't preclude you being a lovable person that just means you have a different set of interests than your parents do or that the people that you're surrounded with do and prolonging that and stunting that has a negative impact on anybody's life and that's something that would be helpful to remember and to think especially when you disagree with somebody's lifestyle it's like as long as there's not doing anything harming another person there's no reason for your judgment to cloud your loving and acceptance of that person your love and

acceptance of that person so i would hope that anyone who finds out that they have a gay son or daughter or their son or daughter is interested in things that they are not interested in to try and just accept and love that person for who they are and their individuality you know 100 yeah so So your relationship now, you've been in a relationship for a bit, right? Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. Ooh, that's the lucky number, seven years. Do you feel a seven-year itch or no? I feel like a 30-year itch after the last two years of the pandemic.

I truly feel like we could have celebrated like our 25th anniversary this year and it would have felt normal. It's like putting 20 years into a time capsule if you survived the pandemic together. Right. I mean, thank God, knock on wood, we're doing all right. But it's been a very challenging two years. I mean, especially the first year of like, this is the one person I get to spend any time with. It can be a little tough. Is that when you started your podcast? I started the podcast in December of 2019.

We recorded our first episode. We banked 16 episodes. And then we premiered on March 12th, 2020, which was like literally the day of lockdown. So then it was this weird thing of like releasing 16 weeks of episodes that were recorded pre-pandemic. The pandemic is not mentioned in any of them. It's like being sent from another universe, essentially. I then was right into like getting on Zoom and being like, well, we'll only be doing this for three or four weeks and then we can get back into person. And now it's been two years.

Yeah, right. A lot has changed since the beginning of the pandemic when we were washing our food with Windex when it got delivered to our house. I mean, we did a process where my niece was living with me, and she would get the takeout food. She has OCD, so we'd let her clean the food. And it was about 45 minutes before we could even get the packages open because she would clean them for so long. And I look back at that time and think, what a bunch of assholes. But we didn't know. Right.

It did feel like the dark ages. It's like superstition, essentially. Yeah. Yeah. And I have to say, when that first happened, there was a sense of like, oh, it's like, it was like a snow day for two weeks. Like the first time you're like, oh, nobody can leave their house and nobody can socialize. Like I, that was such music to my ears. The idea that I was forbidden from socializing or leaving my house because if left to my own devices, I would love to just bop around in my own living room,

popping a Xanax here and there, taking mushrooms, reading books and watching TV because I'm being ordered to by the government. There is no better elixir for me. But then obviously after the first initial two weeks, it started to get a little bit dicey. That's when people started to get antsy. And then here we are. So hopefully we're on the tail end of things.

So talk about your I Said No Gifts is your podcast. It's called I Said No Gifts. Tell us about your podcast because somebody brings a gift to your podcast, even though the title is to not bring gifts. That's exactly what it is. once a week, somebody shows up with a gift that I did not request. And then it kind of, you know, it derails conversation. We end up having to talk about whatever they brought me.

And how much you dislike it or like it. Extremely frustrating. Yes. Right. And so you got discovered by Jimmy Kimmel. Is that right? I did. Yeah. I had been in LA for like four and a half years and had been tweeting kind of as my job. I had been working as a PA and I was like, the one way out of this might be Twitter. I don't, because I didn't really know anyone in the industry or anything. And I was ready to give up. I was like, well, I gave it four and a half years.

Maybe it's time to move back to Utah. And maybe a month later, Jimmy DM'd me and was like, I like your tweets, and then hired me. Wow, awesome story. It truly turned my life, yeah. Truly, I owe him so many things. Like at this point, I've probably said that so much, he's like, back off. But I don't care.

He's such a sweetheart and started my writing career. Oh, awesome. How long did you work there? Or do you still work there? No, I was there for a year and a half. And then I went and I worked on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and I've worked more in like scripted TV. Good for you. Good for you. Okay, well, you know, this is an advice podcast, right? So people call in asking for our advice, and we're just going to give it to them straight. Catherine, what do you have in store for us today? Or what do we have in store for us today? Well, we have some dramatic stuff, but I'm going to make you wait until after an ad break.

and then we'll get to it. Okay, we're going to take a break, and we'll be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family.

It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. So our first email today comes from Heather. Heather says, Dear Chelsea, I don't know how to tell my husband he fucking sucks at buying presents. I have to always send him links to gifts I want, which takes away all the surprise. He's a great husband,

father, and best friend. I think it bothers me so much because I'm so thoughtful with my gift giving and take care of everything when it comes to birthdays and holidays. I buy all the gifts for the kids and his parents. I don't need expensive items. A card and flowers would be nice. But once he bought me microsoft office for students for my birthday and i couldn't stop crying for an hour because i was so disappointed i was pregnant and hormonal and in grad school at the time he's sensitive and i know his feelings will be hurt how do i tell him i need more thoughtfulness when it comes to him buying me presents without sounding like a materialistic asshole heather oh okay well actually yeah this is your wheelhouse gifts unwanted gifts yeah i mean

Let's just first of all say buying anyone Microsoft Office for any occasion is an attack. That is... An assault, if you will. An absolute assault. I mean, there's no excuse there. That's just a flat out bad gift. But we should also say to Heather, some people are, I think, are just not good at giving gifts. It's a skill.

It's like not being good at playing the piano. It's like you can't be mad at somebody for not being able to play the piano. But this guy sounds somehow worse than not being good at gifts because he's like Microsoft Office. But giving gifts is so important, especially if that's your love language. I mean, I know a friend of mine who a series of bad gifts, it wasn't just one, but a series of bad gifts and lack of thought about these gifts was one of the things that led directly to her breakup. For example, for a significant birthday, this guy had gone to the jewelry store and bought her something that was just like kind of weird and sort of dowdy. And he gave it to her. And as she's trying to sort of like put on a happy face and like say thank you, he goes, oh, well, yeah, I know it's not really your style, but the jewelry store was closing.

So I just had to pick something. Like I actually said that. Like truly, I think there are people who are just really bad at that. And for some people, it's a really important thing. Right. This might sound judgy, and so be it. I would just argue, like, if gifts are that fucking important to you, then that's a need for some reevaluation, you know?

Because like you said, I like what you said about being bad at playing the piano. Like, it is a skill set, and some people don't have all the skill sets. It shouldn't be the basis of whether or not you stay with or break up with somebody. And to the question, to Heather, I'm sure your husband has caught on to the fact, I I mean, that you're not impressed because you cited various examples of that. But in a very loving way, what you can ask him for is something that shows love, you know, something that shows your intimacy and that demonstrates that he knows and sees you. And Microsoft Word or a blender are the same thing in that category.

My driver, Billy, is the worst gift giver ever with his wife. And this is a lot of straight men's problem. like they don't have that attention to detail you know they don't care they i mean the guy leaving the jewelry store like oh i just got that it actually sounds like the person that your friend is katherine that you're talking about it sounds like their partner's like you know what fuck you maybe that was what really led yeah maybe so but for heather you can say in a loving way like it doesn't have to be a big production but it has to be something that you've thought given thought to about what my reaction will be. Something that you know that I'll enjoy. I just need to show,

I need you to demonstrate your thought and care for me. Right. And that's not something that's going to blow up. You don't have to have an argument about it. It's just like, please, you know, instead of crying, I understand you were pregnant and your emotions and hormones were all over the map, but like, that's not the way to make your point either. The point is just to say like, listen, I need you to demonstrate and give them some examples of things that would make you happy. Noticing something that you need or that you're missing or that something that you've mentioned you've liked before or on a friend or something like that. You can give the examples and also not hold everyone to the standard that they're going to be the best gift

giver. I'm sure your husband has other qualities that you enjoy and you should really start focusing a little bit more on those things. Yeah. A rule in my marriage is I don't want something I need, I want something I want, which may be a love actually quote, but he steers toward those things. Whereas he wants like an ice maker for the kitchen. Like he wants stuff that's useful. Yeah, he wants hobby stuff. Yeah, my general thought is I just am very loud about the few material things I like to my boyfriend. I make it very clear. They're like three categories. I just repeat them over and over, especially near holidays or my birthday. And it makes it easy. for him. He's not a great gift giver. He is a decent gift giver, but because I've given him

all of the information. Give him the tools. Gave him some basic building blocks and let him go ahead with it. Yeah. I'm not good at gift giving. Luckily, I have an assistant who does that for me and then kind of does small amounts of research with my relationships to find out what those people need. But if I didn't have that, I wouldn't be great at it. With Joe, I had one milestone with him, which is Christmas. And I got him a fancy watch because I know he loves watches, but I'm already like, fuck, what am I going to do for his birthday? Like that was my one gift. That's my one idea. I mean, he loves sneakers, but he buys himself pairs of those like all day long. So I'm already like, oh, and he got me, you know what he got me for my birthday just that just

recently passed. He got me this because I said, please don't get me a gift, please. You know, I don't care about gifts. I have everything I need and I don't want for anything. And so he got me this huge amethyst stone that's got good vibes and all of that. And I was like, oh God, that That really made me think I better step my game up because that was a great gift, something I didn't know I needed. But, of course, I would welcome it to my home. I always want positive vibes around me, you know, especially with my negative attitude. Now, let me ask, if he had just straight up not gotten you anything, how would you have reacted? Would you have felt kind of bad?

I wouldn't. I just don't care about that. I don't. I mean, it's nice to get gifts, and I appreciate it, but I don't require it. I'm going to get myself whatever I need. You know, I'm an independent woman and I've been doing it for so long that it's going to take me a while to be able to really like loosen up and get excited. That's the thing.

I don't get excited about gifts. So I feel like it's fake. When I open them, I have to go, oh, oh my God. Oh my God, I love this. Like that is the part that I desire the least. Yeah. What would you say your love language is? What are the love languages again?

There's acts of service. So it's like doing things around the house. There are words of affirmation. Quality time is one. Gift giving and... Physical touch. Physical touch. I would say quality time is my love language.

Yeah. I would say probably acts of service. Yeah. I feel like that going both ways is a nice thing you can do and it helps the other person. It's always personal. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one too. I do that too. I like to show up for people, especially when they're in need. Make sure they

know they're not alone, that kind of thing. And so few people do that. Yeah. Right. Exactly. It's not a two-way street a lot of the time. Well, Heather, I would say look into what your husband's love languages are. Let him know that gift giving might be really important to you. Also, if all else fails, recruit a girlfriend to be like, hey, here's what she wants. Get this thing. So it still feels like a surprise to you but or like one of your kids right yeah or just say write me a nice card and give me money then i'll just buy the damn thing yeah actually i say that all the time i'm like please just write me a card i love that that i love to read a card i love words and i love language that always moves

you when you can read something sweet about yourself make a list of my best qualities put it in a card with money and then write a fucking poem i'm rhyming them all okay get on it all right well heather let us know how it goes and if you get better gifts maybe next time yeah we are going to take a quick break so uh you can hear an ad and then we'll be right back there's no shortcut for saving time but saving money is simple just combine your car and home insurance with bel-air direct and save get a quote at bel-air direct.com When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots

between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people,

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler

offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, we have a couple of callers with us today. Our next question comes from Ezra.

He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you about a problem I'm having with this one friend who I think doesn't understand certain cues. She and I have been friends for about four years. It's a solid friendship, but I think there are things we can work on. She's known my boyfriend for about three years and she gets along with him well.

Him and I have been together for about seven years. She made a point to me that she considers him a friend separate to me, which I'm totally cool with. My problem is sometimes I'd ask her to hang out and she'd say she's busy at the moment, but later would text my boyfriend to hang out at a bar with her and her boyfriend

so they can all hang out, watch sports, except for me. Now, I don't know if it's intentional, but it makes me and my boyfriend really uncomfortable. He'd come to me with a text, and he wouldn't know what to do out of respect for me. I personally think it's weird and hurts my feelings a little bit because I always include her boyfriend when we're doing a group thing. I love that she loves my boyfriend, and I don't want to make it an awkward thing between us. She's very German and can sometimes be a bit bitchy, but I can too. What do you think I should do?

sincerely Ezra and he's here with his boyfriend, Nathan. Oh, hi guys. Oh my God. Two bears. I love it. Thank you. Are you guys on a standing? Oh my God. You guys are so cute. Look at this double the fun. I love it. I love it. Yeah. I think that's weird. I mean, it's so funny that you say she's German because I'm German and I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly that kind of abrupt social cluelessness that comes with that. A lot of my family members have it where they're just like, it's a little harsh, but it doesn't make sense for her to be doing that. It is exclusionary. Like, especially if you have the foundational relationship with her, which you do, right? Which one of you has the relationship with her?

She's my friend. Okay. And she's been friends with you way before you were in this relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, that is weird. And, and, and there's a nice way to say it and it should come from both of you. Hey, it makes us both uncomfortable. It's not you being paranoid or jealous. It's like, we're both a little bit weirded out by that because why would one of you want to go hang out with them as a couple without both of you? Like what, what is, you're not a throuple right yeah it's really strange that she's doing that because um we're totally

fine hanging out with the group like all together and she's been doing that like recently i feel like yeah in the last like year i would say she's been reaching out to us like reaching out to each of us individually and especially me and kind of yeah and not less me which i'm like what did i do yeah it just feels so and i don't know if like i should be the one to like say because she reaches out to me or like he should bring it up like it's kind of like but you say no every time to her i say no because i'm like i don't want to make it awkward i think there's a little i mean you could do that too i mean somebody should say something to her i like the idea of you guys going together as a united front so she doesn't get it twisted at moving forward that she understands you guys

are a pair you're a unit you're a couple and there's no more of that and as a united front it's like parenting you know an errant child like then there's no question about what what the next move is I mean do you feel comfortable sending it an email or just like having is it something that you would sit down and have a conversation with her about it's funny because she kind of she didn't bring it up she was like Nathan he's never available she's like it's it's weird he keeps blowing her off and I guess that was like my way in to say like by the way I think this is a little strange but I just kind of froze I'm just kind of like yeah I think it's just it's just busy or maybe he feels weird about and then she didn't say anything and she kept doing it afterwards so

So, yeah, yeah. I think in person is probably the best way just because then we can like see her and have the conversation and not get it misconstrued with text and stuff, you know? Yeah. Bridger, what do you think? Well, Ezra, I don't want to point any fingers, but maybe you're a little at fault for getting a boyfriend that she likes more than you. Damn. Did you think about that before entering this relationship? i feel like this woman socially is just very strange she is yeah yes yeah what are either of you getting out of this she's very direct and she's just saying things sometimes and like

some of her reactions sometimes i'm like if i ever cross her there's gonna be like this she's gonna do something really drastic so i try not to like get on her bad side even though like i really do like her as a friend we have great conversations and i love her honesty but yeah there's a part of me that i don't feel 100 comfortable with everything with her yet yeah well hey she should not have that kind of power over you she's a friend you know what i mean she's not your employer and that your employer shouldn't even have that kind of power over you so yeah that's why it's even better to go at her with a united front bridger i'm sorry i interrupted you i couldn't control myself well it's a very odd situation i mean if you love conversations

with her she seems like a bad friend but she could make a good like co-host to a podcast the three of you could host conversations and then you know you're scheduling everything together it's very formal and she you know i feel like she's trying to drive a wedge between the two of you and if you've got a podcast contract there's more legal issues that she's going to have to get around i'm just setting up some i'm thinking about some outside the box options because this woman seems out of control yeah it's a little a little weird i also wonder if you could just joke with her and be like why do you keep doing that that's so silly and then start a group chat a group text chain so it's like come ask us both if we want to hang out and ezra like you had

mentioned on our call together they like sports a little bit more than you do but like it still will be fun to be invited so like just be like girl like why don't you i'll come too even if I'm not into sports you know yeah but you know what I will say I know what you're saying Catherine but I find with people like who are direct and abrupt they respect being you know when you're direct and abrupt with them they don't expect it because they know that they've got power over you they know she knows she's intimidating she knows that she's a strong personality so if you come back at her with the two of you in a united front and you're actually very direct about it there's no room for any misinterpretation yeah yeah it's like you have to bully a bully almost

yeah yeah i didn't think about that approach but no i didn't go for it yeah yeah don't be worried about retaliation or getting on her bad side that's not a friendship anyway if you feel that way so this isn't going to be a good exercise for you guys for you as or two if you feel that way about her it's good to stand up to a bully in a way you know i mean i know bully is a strong word for what she she's doing but it is a little bit bullyish and the good news is if she blows up she's losing two friends and you each are losing half a friend so you have numbers on your side here that's true it's a good way to look at it that's a good thing to tell her too you're half a friend yeah yeah because my way to deal with it was just to not because i haven't reached out to

her at all so i haven't seen her was just like i didn't ghost her i just don't i haven't reached out because i just i've been feeling weird towards her and i know she told you happy birthday a couple days ago and she said she wanted to hang yeah but i haven't heard from her so i don't think she is aware she's kind of mia right now so we're we're keeping our distance i think if she comes back we should have a conversation with her together i think that's a good yeah yeah yeah sounds good that sounds good let us know how that goes we will we'll do thank you okay you guys go have sex okay okay well that woman sounds like what is that what is that behavior it's yeah so weird right i'm not gonna figure it out like they live together i know i know it seems a little

bit twisty yeah there's some psychosexuality happening there it's uh it seems dangerous Psychosexuality, that's a good term for this podcast Psychosexuality Define that for me, Bridger What does psychosexuality mean? I feel like there's just some real basic instinct type You know, somebody's gonna end up There's some danger

Somebody is playing games, mind games Mind games, right Yes, I agree with that She obviously knows what she's doing Yes And she's got two very attractive men That she can kind of toy with And she's using them as her pawns.

Yeah, those two are very cute. I'm going to say that as many times as I can during this hour. Yes. Well, our next call comes from Em. She's 33. Dear Chelsea, I have a huge crush on my personal trainer, and I don't know if I should do anything about it. I've been training with him for six months, and my feelings haven't changed. I'm aware in his type of work he gets to know all his clients and that it's part of his job to help them feel good.

but I almost feel like sometimes he's trying to see how I'll respond to some things maybe find out if I'm liking him too or if it's all just fun and flirty and nothing more. I know this probably happens a lot with people in the fitness industry but he doesn't seem like the type of trainer out here just to hook up with clients. On the other hand he's the best personal trainer I've ever worked with. He teaches me a lot we talk about nutrition he really keeps me on track and I'm finally seeing results. So part of me doesn't want to ruin a good thing by opening my fat mouth. I feel like a little girl with a schoolyard crush, and it's getting to the point where it's consuming my thoughts day to day and becoming a major distraction.

I need to know if I should let this go or tell him how I feel. Em. How long did she say she's been having these feelings, and how long have they been training? Six months. The whole time she's had a crush on him? Yeah. Right. Yes.

Right, Em? Yeah. Yep, that's right. Hi. Oh, Mom, you're wearing a Joe Coy sweatshirt. I love it. I thought you'd appreciate that. Oh, Joe, come up here. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm great. How are you? Thanks for having me.

Bridger's here today. Bridger Weiniger. He is our special guest. And then Catherine is my co-host. So say hello to them as well. Okay. So you've been training with him for six months and you felt this way since you started training with him. Yeah, that's right. I actually had a trainer at the same gym previously and she moved on to another role and I had the opportunity to pick my trainer. And I like, you know, I had taken classes with him and kind of knew like he had a cool personality and everything. And then once we started having like our one-on-one sessions, I was like, Oh, okay. I think, I think a little bit more about him. You know, are you from New Jersey or Philly? South Jersey? Yeah. Oh, I can tell you.

She said, you sound like my old roommate, Colleen, who we have on the podcast. That's funny. Well, Bridget, do you want to go first on this one and then I'll chime in? Well, let's just say, first of all, finding a decent trainer at all is such a nightmare So the fact that you found one that you like You liked him from day one He must be good looking Yeah So have you had any conversations outside of anything that you know about his outside life

Outside of being able to lift weights or do cardio? Yeah, during our sessions, sometimes we'll talk personally Just kind of get to know each other But I feel like that's probably typical, getting to know your clients. Sometimes we'll text outside of the gym, but it's always gym-related, nutrition-related, things like that. So it's still kind of keeping it professional. Right. And would it be a huge loss if he went away as a trainer? That's the thing. I feel like it's really hard to find a good trainer.

So that's why I'm torn inside on if I want to do anything here. Because, yeah, I think there's plenty of great trainers out there. Okay. Well, just my initial gut instinct is he's not your therapist. You're at the gym. I think that it's okay, at least flirting with the idea of asking him to hang out. I think that's perfectly fair. And if it goes south, you'll move on to another trainer. Chelsea, what do you think of this situation? Okay, I'm going to disagree with you because I think a good trainer, especially now that you're seeing results and you're getting your act together and that he's doubling as a nutritionist, I think all of those are such valuable components to have in your life because they will shift everything that's happening in your life when you're healthier and you're stronger. like there's a mental gradation that happens and you're just kind of now starting to feel it six months isn't that long of a time if something is going to develop between you two I mean your feelings may pass is what I'm saying a lot of people have crushes on their trainers and then after nine months three more months could happen you're gonna be like what was I thinking you know

so don't sacrifice a relationship that's working for what it is on the surface it's working for what you hired him for right he's working in that sense don't sacrifice that for six months of like feeling you have. You just have a crush on your trainer. That's not a big deal. You'll probably get over it. If you're not over it in a year, things will develop and progress if it's a mutual thing naturally. If he's into you, you'll find out about that at some point as you become closer and as you guys spend more and more time together. But I would take the benefits of having a good trainer over the benefits of exposing your crush and maybe having to get a new one just when things are clicking on that level. Right. And to that point, I will say you're only interacting with

him in a professional way. For all we know, outside of the professional atmosphere, he's horrible. He's giving you his very best self. And he's probably in shape. He's obviously good looking. And then you go to his apartment. It's a total shithole. And this guy's obnoxious. And you have nothing in common. That's the risk you're taking here. Yeah. He might just be great at getting you in shape and like he's pleasant enough. Yeah. And also as time goes on, you know, yeah, there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, do you want to join me in a group of friends or do you want to go to a concert or whatever you're interested in doing with him and get a read on it, you know, but you don't have to be like, I have feelings for you. You know what I mean? You can

kind of get your answer without digging too deep, but focus on all the good things you're getting out of the relationship and be content and happy with that. Because a lot of people work a long time to get a good trainer and to get healthy and to get stronger. And that's going to be a benefit you more than anything else that we're talking about right now. Yeah, yeah, no, that's really good advice. And it's one of those things I've been thinking about. It's like, I don't necessarily want to go out of my way and say, Hey, you know, I'm having these feelings or whatever. But at the same time, I'm like, this is a really good thing that we have going on. So maybe it's worth just letting it be that. And then if something comes of it in the future, great. If not, like you said,

like I might in a couple of weeks or a few months be like, I can't believe I had a crush on him and be over it. So I've done that with almost every trainer I've ever worked with. In fact, the trainer I use now is somebody I've never had a crush on, which is why I'm still with him. But I mean, I felt that this way that you're talking about, which is why I'm giving you this advice like with a bunch of guys that I'm so glad I never did anything with I once had a tennis coach and I texted him we had gone for drinks and I texted him this was years ago and I was like hey do you want to come over and let's get this party started and he wrote back no I don't and this is a totally professional relationship and I can't believe you even sent that text and I was

like mortified so I never made that mistake again because that was more and more you know what I mean like that was just why would why just don't mess up a good thing right yeah and I know like younger version of me probably would have done something like that you know like sent a text never regretted it but older like me now I'm like you know what don't like don't make the same mistakes you've made before and just write it out see what happens maybe nothing happens I don't know but it's that thing where it's been in my mind and I'm thinking about it all the time and I just needed somebody else's perspective on the whole thing well good I'm glad you called in yeah thank you so much thank god we're here for you joe come say hi to the come say hi to our

friend from south jersey who's wearing a joe coy sweatshirt honey look she got you your merch she helped pay for that birthday present you got me honey look say hi yes hi joe oh my god this is crazy you were phenomenal by the way this is atlantic city a few weeks ago she said it was ac a few weeks ago and you were phenomenal oh thank you we don't have enough headphones for the both of us we can't afford that yet so i'm i have to translate but that's okay okay bye honey okay bye i used to be her trainer he used to be my trainer he said shut up honey there's a microphone i'm so confused about how my i can i can hear him I thought I was talking into the headphones.

Shut the fuck up and get away from us. I'm sorry, you guys. He's such an interloper. Okay, well, good luck with that. And keep training. Yeah, yeah. Go, girl. Yeah, I love it.

Thank you. But let us know if he ever makes a move on you, because that'll be a nice twist and turn. And then you'll be so happy you waited. Yes. I know, right? Yeah, I will definitely keep you posted. Great.

All right. Thanks so much, Em. All right. Thank you. Bye. This is going to be called Dear Chelsea with Joe Coy interruptions. People are always charmed by those, so, you know. Well, we have two more quick questions.

Our next email comes from Philip. He says, Hi, Chelsea. I really enjoy your podcast, and I love how straightforward and honest your advice is. I'm a 40-year-old single gay man, and I feel like I've been looking for a meaningful relationship for forever. I've used just about every gay dating site and hookup app from Gay.com back in the day to Grindr, Scruff, and Adam for Adam. It's relatively easy to find hookups online, but if you even hint that you want to go on a date, you're likely to get ghosted or get told

that they're just looking for friends. The amount of guys in relationships who are on dating and hookup apps is also truly staggering. I'm pretty happy being single, and I'd rather stay single than be in a bad relationship, but I often think about how nice it would be to have someone to come home to every day and experience life with.

Using dating apps exhausts me, and I'm not much of a bar person. Do you have any advice for how I might be able to meet some eligible single guys that might actually be interested in more than just a one-night stand? Philip. Well, if you're not interested in any of that, well, Bridger, I mean, you're gay. You probably have a better handle on this situation than I do. Yeah, well, I mean, who can say for sure? But I do have some experience in this.

I entered my relationship seven years ago through Tinder. And I think at least at the time, Tinder was, at least for the gay community, the dating option compared to Grindr. Grindr took care of hookups and that sort of thing. Then you would get on Tinder to meet people who actually want to meet you and have conversations, those kinds of things. I can't say – God knows what Tinder looks like at this point. But I'll say if you don't want to be on these apps – I don't go to bars. I'm not going out to parties and this sort of thing. I know a lot of friends who have had a lot of success going to like joining an adult soccer league.

like a gay soccer league, or what are you interested in? You get online and look up groups, and there are frequently, especially in the queer arena, groups of people that share interests that will meet up, and that's a nice, easy way to do it. I love that. I love that. And another thing you can also do is reach out to your network of people, other gay friends and other straight friends, and ask everybody in a very genuine, earnest way,

like, Hey, I'm having, I haven't had the best luck with all these dating apps. It feels a little slightly insincere. I'd like a more personal kind of connection with somebody vis-a-vis you or somebody that I trust and ask people like, do you have anybody that you think I could maybe connect with even on a friendship level? You know, cause some people aren't great at seeing who potentially would have chemistry together, but you know, you can ask your friends and the people close in your life, if they have anyone they can think of at work, someone they know fairly well, someone they know really well, just to try and get out there in a different way and meet people in a different way. And if they'd be comfortable setting you up. And another thing, I know we just talked about all

these apps, but like Instagram is a way that a lot of people are hooking up these days, DMing somebody. It is kind of the new dating app also, like, because you can see a whole person's vibe from their Instagram page. And then you can get a conversation going. And it's not necessarily like being on Tinder, you know, it's more of a casual kind of, and then if you click with somebody, it's a natural thing to say, Hey, let's go meet for a drink or let's go for a hike or whatever your idea of a date is. Yeah. Yeah. Instagram is nice in that way where it's not dating first, it's life first. And then you start liking someone's things or whatever you do on this thing. And then you can kind of casually get into it without the pressure of feeling like it's going

to be a relationship. You can kind of get to know each other. Yeah. I think that takes a lot of the pressure off because being on a dating site is like, there is something embarrassing about both of you being like, we're trying to find somebody, you know, like there isn't really, but it can feel slightly desperate or it can feel embarrassing because there's no chance of a friendship. Because, you know, if you're DMing somebody on Instagram, you could develop and cultivate a friendship that doesn't lead to anything. And that's nice as well. And the same with any of your friends or family members who may have somebody that they think of that might be a good match for you. That's a better way of networking if you're over the dating apps.

And I will say, I mean, speaking personally, I love matchmaking. I love putting friends with other friends. Don't underestimate, especially if you're gay, there's definitely someone in your life who loves doing the same thing. Start reaching out and somebody might be just waiting to set you up with somebody yeah that's a good point there you go there you have it problem solved i was waiting for that waiting for it well thanks philip let us know how it goes and our last question comes from jessica jessica says dear chelsea let's get straight to the point i'm hilarious i've been told that i need to do stand-up i know that i would absolutely thrive more than ever in the business i just have a problem with overstimulation another problem

I have with this career pursuit is the fact that I may have to relocate, which is expensive. What is your advice for getting started and handling all of the attention and pressure that comes with the fame? Cheers, Jessica. Well, first of all, if you really feel passionately about something, you need to go after it. It's like a bowling ball. You just got to throw it down the lane and then everything gets out of the way that's supposed to. So you have to be so intentional about doing it because it's something that doesn't always turn out exactly the way that you want, but absolutely can turn out the way that you want. And it's your attitude that is going to get you there. So the attention that comes from it, that's kind of part of the

equation. So handling it should be something that you're very comfortable with moving into that. You are going to get attention, negative and positive. That's guaranteed. And you have to be okay with that. And you have to be solid enough inside that that's not going to fluster you and it's not going to make you feel badly about yourself. You have to have a real strong sense of self moving into that and that you should get started sooner than later because your belief in yourself is great. And that's what you need to succeed is you need to believe in yourself because there's nobody's going to believe in you unless you do anyway. But there are a lot of people trying to do the same thing. So that belief in yourself may be the very thing that sets you

apart from other people and that does cause you success. But you just have to move in that direction quickly and start it because it's a process and it can be arduous doesn't necessarily happen in a couple years or five years it could take 10 years yeah i will say if you're afraid of the overwhelming attention if that's the part of stand-up comedy that you're afraid of that probably won't be a concern for five years you're gonna have a lot of people maybe a lack of attention might be a bigger concern right exactly but uh yeah yeah i think it's funny because she in her email there's only one option and it is like maximum fame and fortune which like I kind of love for her also like it's funny but it also like I love it for her because I do think you have

to be like well obviously this is the outcome Chelsea we've talked about this with you before we were like I just was gonna have to be rich because I like to go do fine things in life so you know I think that's great yeah exactly it's funny that you say stimulate like the stimulation it's like the stimulation is part of the job you want to be stimulated and you want to be stimulating to other people that's part of being a performer you know engaging and stimulation so you got to get on board with it like if i do this i'm going to be famous so like what are the what are the real consequences here jessica let us know how it goes and good luck good luck and godspeed yes well we'll take a quick break and be right back with bridger and chelsea

the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca Jonas Brothers, the burn it up tour all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Bridger Weidegger. So this is the part of the show where we usually have our guest ask for a piece of advice from Chelsea. Chelsea, I would love to be better at making decisions.

I feel like you're a probably pretty decisive person. And I am truly awful at even the small, like deciding on what I'm going to have for dinner can take hours. How do you get to a decision quickly? Honestly, I just don't think there are a lot of bad decisions. I think that when you make a decision, especially when you're talking about what you're going to have for dinner, I think that when you make a decision, you just have to forget about the other decisions and stick with that. You know what I mean? It's again like referencing the bowling ball. Whenever I've had trouble or I've been indecisive, which isn't an ongoing theme

with me, I'm very decisive. I can always say, yes, no, I want to do that. I don't want to do that. But if I am having trouble with something, I usually just say, okay, you just have to pick one and then stick with that and then go in that direction. Like if you're choosing, okay, am I going to have sea bass tonight or chicken? Whatever. Just pick one. That's the least of your worries. Have one and then enjoy it and forget about the rest. When you're talking about bigger decisions that are a little bit more nuanced, I think it's very beneficial if you are indecisive to practice just sitting with yourself quietly for a moment and just closing your eyes and thinking about your options because more often than not, your instinct will rise up and inform you what

you're supposed to be doing. Once you've made the decision, being the confidence to go forward with it, that's my concern. I feel like I continue to second guess until even after the result. I don't know how to get rid of that. Well, I mean, that's self-talk. That's your dialogue that's in your head and that's your ego saying, did you make the right decision? Did you make them. So you have to give yourself a little bit more self-love and be like, these are the decisions I'm making. Like, you know, it's a practice. It doesn't happen overnight, but you have to have confidence in your decision-making ability. Look where you're sitting right now. Look at your life. Look at the decisions that you've made that led to where you are. You're obviously capable at

making good ones. So have a little bit more trust in yourself. Oh, that's lovely. There you go. Problem solved again. So easy. Well, I'm glad I came. Me too. Me too. This was fun, Bridger.

I had such a good time with you. Oh, I had a wonderful time. I'm so glad you had me. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, take it easy, Bridger. Catherine, I will see you next week. Bridger, I'll see you at whatever house party we run into each other at.

Don't bring a gift. I won't. Don't worry. so if you'd like to ask chelsea a question email us at dear chelsea project at gmail.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The

Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our

show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman Adam Scott Danny McBride Ben Stiller and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast,

Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.

And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness, delivering happiness, and many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search delivering happiness with Nick Turturro and listen now. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.