Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Three Dads with Kate Hudson

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

Chelsea is joined by actress and entrepreneur Kate Hudson to talk about what fame can do to sour a relationship, embracing her new chapter as a singer/songwriter,  and why she doesn’t care if she catches heat for her very modern family.  Then: A former teen mom worries that her daughter will turn out just like her.  A Canadian considers taking her kids to the backwoods.  And a thirtysomething must decide whether adoption is truly a deal-breaker when it comes to raising kids with her partner. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today i said i don't know that must have been why you didn't get it plus john stamos hayden christiansen from star wars and more and i guess i can share that uh listen to the latest episode of hey jonas on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone

who thinks pride and prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello. Good morning. I don't know why I say that. People can listen anytime, Chelsea. I had, I got an epidural last night. Last night? Last afternoon.

Oh my goodness. What for? For my neck. I have a dislocated or an impingement on my spinal cord from two discs in my neck. Possibly. I did a big, pretty big face plant this winter. So that could have definitely been it. But anyway, I was experiencing shoulder pain.

And then I did one of those body MRIs. And then that told us that I had to do a spinal MRI. And then we found it. And then I was like, oh, now I'm really in pain. Oh, my gosh. So then I got my epidural, and I was really excited about my epidural because I've spoken about this ad nauseum about how much I enjoy being put under. And my assistant had emailed me yesterday, the day before, telling me that I couldn't eat all day, which it was at, like, 3.30. So I was like, oh, that's hard, but, of course, doable.

And then I was excited about being put under, you know, properly put under. Yeah. But it was just a twilight. and I don't so you didn't get that like real good no I felt them poke it in my neck

I felt two injections like it wasn't the magic carpet right I was excited about all day that got me through the day I was excited about

you know I love that just like a body buzz yeah and when they put me on the table it was funny because they had to put me down face down which is really

where I belong but because they had to have my neck exposed for the injection and I remember thinking like this is gonna be funny when I like

I'm out of it No, when I, like, go under because I'm going to be doing a face plant. Anyway, so I got home at, like, 4.30, and they'd given me some Ativan. So I took that right away and had a nice little goodnight party. Woke up, thought it was the morning, and it was 11 p.m. I got in my hyperbaric chamber. I slept in there for three hours. After 11 p.m.?

After 11 p.m. You're supposed to do two and a half hours, so I don't know. I'll probably have to drink some extra water this morning or something. My girlfriend the other night was so funny. We were at my friend's house. Somebody was like, you have to drink water. Drink more water. And my friend Wendy was like, I'm so sick of everything.

She goes, why is water so trendy? She goes, when I grew up, nobody offered me water. She goes, I would play all day at school and I would come in and have a juice box. No one said anything about water. And now everywhere you go, it's like they're fucking shoving it down your throat. I mean, we are made, what, 97% of water? So why do we need so much more of it? Because it's there.

Like, it's not going anywhere. And I'm always, I get an IV every week because I'm always dehydrated. I never drink enough water. But I, like, in the last year, two years, I've drank much more than I used to. But water is in everything else you're drinking, too. And then when they tell you that you're so dehydrated that not even water will help you, I'm like, well, then what will? And they're like, oh, you need an IV or you need electrolytes.

And I'm like, all I do is put electrolytes in my water. water in the first place. My doctors, doctors are telling me, every doctor is like, the reason you have this issue with your neck is because you're too dehydrated. But I do see that drinking water. I know. I mean, it's the flavor, but sure, it's still water after that. It's never enough. I mean, it's never enough. And it's like, it is being forced down our throats in a way that it wasn't. That is true. Nobody offered me water. The reason I don't drink water is because no one gave me any when I was growing up either. If someone's mother gave us a water, I was like, don't go back to that house. Like, where's my glass of milk? When I was in high school, I started getting chronic

headaches. And my mom was like, well, how long have you had these? I was like, months. Like, every single day, a headache. Let me guess. They told you to drink water. She sure did. And I had a little pitcher that I had on the counter every day. And I would drink the whole thing. And then my headaches mysteriously disappeared. Oh, well, then there you go. Water's great for you, everybody. We're back on track. Drink more water. Chelsea, Do you have any sort of skills or talents in your life that you have chosen not to pursue since you had sort of other big talents? I mean, I guess acting I never really seriously pursued because I don't think I can pretend to be someone completely different. Sure.

I don't have that skill. But, like, I've been in movies. I'm doing a movie, actually. I'm doing a cute little role in this movie. In a couple weeks, I'm filming that in Syracuse, New York. And that worked out perfectly because when I'm on tour, I can never do anything. Right. Right. And they were like, oh, and it's right. I have a date in New York. And so I was like,

yes, perfect. Like, I would love to. But, you know, people don't think of me as anything other than like a funny character or like, you know, a big sister, best friend type like that. So I don't want to play that. You know, I don't play J-Lo's like sidekick or something. But I like to change it up. But I'm not I don't love being in a trailer all day waiting. You know, it's a long process I I like to use my own language and so I like to improvise on set too so it's got to be a place where I can have fun like this movie I'm doing they're like we want you to come and have fun do your thing this is the role but like do whatever you want with it so that's fun so I'll do that but yeah I've never really pursued acting just because I never was really an actress yeah

or is it something you're passionate about or like not really it was just a means to an end Yeah, I feel like being a comedian and, like, kind of creating my own oeuvre is what I've done, you know, with all my books and my stand-up and my talk shows and the podcast. Like, I get to do what I'm doing rather than having – being placed in someone else's project. I feel like I'm very autonomous that way and I don't particularly – not that I don't play well with others, but I like to be in charge of my own stuff. Yeah. And there is something really wonderful that you get to make these sort of creative decisions. You get to be in a position of power rather than just sort of going out and having to read the lines that somebody else has written for you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can't sing or dance. So like, those are not options for me. I can't really play a musical instrument. I don't have I mean, anything that I'm interested in is athletic. Like, yeah, I love to ski so that I made sure I said to myself, when I was like 25 years old, when I rediscovered skiing, I was like, I want to be successful enough to pay someone to make me a great skier. Yeah. And I did do that. Are you someone, when you're learning a new talent, that you are, like, okay being bad at it for a while? Or do you want to be great right away?

I want to be a good student. So I want to – I don't want you to have to tell me twice. I like very specific instruction. Like Spanish. I'm very passionate about learning Spanish, but I'm not as diligent as one would be if they really wanted to be able to converse in the language. Like I'm always trying – my bell and I are always working on my Spanish. I'm on Lingo Dear. I have my classes I take each day.

I have a tutor. but I'm still not fluent. So clearly something is amiss. That takes practice. Yeah, but I've also learned when you're learning new things, as I've gotten older, stop being so anal retentive about getting it right.

Like it absorbs, learning absorbs. It doesn't always hit you in the moment, but once you build a strong enough foundation, you can, stuff starts to sink in without trying so hard. Yeah, I'm someone who's very, I'm very fine with being bad at something until I'm good at it and sticking with something. One of my nieces, she gets so frustrated and angry when she's not just perfect at it the first try.

I'm like, no, it's okay. You build skills. You build muscle memory. And then if you keep doing it consistently, you'll be great eventually. Yeah. Yeah. It's consistency and not flogging yourself for not getting it exactly right. That's a young thing.

That's youth. Yeah. Okay. So our next guest is a good friend of mine. I love her so much. She is Rhea Sunshine. She has a lot of stuff going on. So let me inform you.

And all of her stuff and products that she is involved in, I have tried because she is a friend. She is the founder of InBloom, which is a supplement powder. And she has a vodka brand called King Street Vodka. She's the co-host of the Sibling Revelry podcast with another one of our favorite guests, Oliver Hudson. So please welcome actress and entrepreneur, Kate Hudson. Yay, Kate! Look who's here, my buddy, my sister. Do you know that I grew up pretending, in third grade, I lied to all my schoolmates

so that they would respect me more and said that I was going to be in a reboot of Private Benjamin and playing Goldie Hawn's daughter? I just lied to the whole school and everyone believed me. So when I grew up and I became friends and I met Goldie and Kate for the first time, I was like, you guys, I'm part of this family, whether you accept me or not. But it was really a fast acceptance. It was a very smooth entry. Perfect. It just felt right.

It just felt right. Speaking of fast entries, I just saw Kate last night, actually. We were celebrating one of her magazine launches. We did. She's on the cover of Flaunt magazine. And so she had a party for that because it's her first magazine cover ever. And so that's exciting. Yeah, it was.

Yeah. Number one, number one. Although it was a King Street vodka party, too. So we did celebrate with my vodka. And I am a big ardent supporter of King Street vodka because of Kate's relationship with them. She introduced me to King Street vodka. And you know that I'm very particular about my vodkas.

It's either Belvedere or King Street for me. So, yeah, exactly. I do get a little jealous when I see Belvedere. I'm not going to lie. I know. Well, that's because I don't have any King Street left because I drank it all because it's so delicious. So you have to send me another case.

I suppose I could order one myself. Well, it's also like very beautiful. Like the bottle's gorgeous. It's perfect for a gift. Like, yeah. Yeah. You're such a, you're such an entrepreneur, Kate. I mean, look at you blossoming into womanhood.

You know what? I just have so many things I want to do. There's this really funny post online where this girl's, like, fully ADHD, like, my ADHD self. And she's like, I want to do everything. Like, I'm going to do this. And I'm going to, like, make wooden spoons. And then she basically is like, I think that's who I am. I think I'm just massively ADHD.

I have to do a million different things. And somehow I'm able to, like, figure it out. Do it all. Are we allowed to talk about what you and I were talking about last night? Music? Yeah. Let's talk about that. Cause I think that's speaking of doing a bunch of different things. So Kate is musically gifted. And if you didn't know that she has a banging voice on her and she loves to fucking sing. She loves to do everything. She loves to dance. She loves to

sing. She loves to meditate. She likes to have children with multiple men. I, I, I love to sing. I mean, honestly, when I was younger, I thought that's what I was going to do. You know, I thought I was going to sing and dance and musical theater was always my favorite type of acting other than like improv but really I thought I was going to sing and I never thought like oh I can't do all of it until I started auditioning really young got very famous very fast and then it was like you don't break what's not broken you don't go from being an actor to like now I'm you know a musician. So I just kind of kept it to myself forever. I just, I just wrote music my whole life and I have never shared it. And then in the lockdown, I was really writing music. And then I

was like, what, what's, I can't keep going and not put this out there. I'd, I'd, I'd really regret it. So I started writing and then started writing with Linda Perry. It was amazing. And we really hit it off. And then it's just sort of unfolded from there with no expectation. It just sort of was like I'm just gonna make a record I'm gonna make a record and here I am like two years later it's been a great really great massive creative experience for me and I can't wait for it to come out and when does it come out I can't say that yet not yet but it's coming you know and did Sia influence this at all this decision because when you guys worked together on your project you did with her, I felt like she had an impact on you musically. Is that accurate?

Huge. Sia gave me this huge hug of confidence. She really was like, you're a singer. That's what you really are. And kind of gave me these incredible songs to sing that were really powerful and where my voice likes to sit. I like powerful songs. And yeah, she really gave me that kiss of confidence. I had a hard time really believing in myself as a singer for a number of different reasons. But over the years, as I got older, I got more and more kind of closed off with my singing. And then Sia really opened it back up again for me, for sure. Wow. Like feeling confident, actually just being able to share it, you know?

Yeah. And you're going to go on tour when your album comes out, which is something we were talking about last. Well, she has experience being on tour because she's been married or dated men that have toured my whole life so she knows what that's about right a little bit the only way i'm going to get back on tour is if i do it myself but another thing that i love about kate which i want to talk to you about kate is that you do have three different children from three different men and i was we were talking about that last night because you said it's you oh who else has that kate winslet has that and then there was another third person who was the third person melanie griffin yeah there's a couple

people. Were you saying that you thought you take a lot of shit for that? Because I was saying I don't think you take any heat for that. Not that you should in any way. I don't take any kind of, I would say, respectable heat. Right. It's probably the same heat I get for not having children is the kind of heat you're talking about. That's right. That's right. But I do get like I do get a lot of, you know, the little peanut galleries out in the world that like to kind of on certain days, like Mother's Day, you know, you'll see it in the comments. Like, you must be so proud to have three kids or three dads, you know, little things like that. And I'm like, well, yeah, actually I am because it's great. But yeah, I don't, I don't catch like any big,

people don't shame me. I don't feel like I get shamed very often about it every once in a while. Yeah. Well, talk to me about a little bit what it's like having these kids at such different stages in your life because last night you were saying that Ryder's going to be 32 years old when Ronnie gets her driver's license. That's right. I mean, well, honestly, it's like for me having Ryder, I was so young, but I know. Remember? Oh my God. I remember that pregnancy. I didn't know you then, but I remember your pregnancy. I was huge. She's like a monster truck. I was like, I got pregnant and I was like, I am, all I wanted was, was burgers, fried food, fried chicken and ice cream. And I would eat a pint of ice cream. My mom, I'd like sit at home, like eating. And

my mom would like come and I'd see her hand, just like, I kind of pull it away. I gained almost 80 pounds. I was so happy. I was just big and happy. And, and I thought I knew what I was doing. You know, I really wanted to have a baby. He's really a 9-11 baby. You know, 9-11 happened. I was married to Chris. We were so happy and I just wanted a family and, and, and I was ready. And, and then, and then, you know, six years later getting divorced going like, wow, I'm a, I'm a mom of a toddler. My friends are still just like out and about and single. And, and so I had to figure out how to manage being a mom and actually enjoying being young and out and single and having a good time. And so I never knew what life was without having that voice in the back of my head going,

like, you need to go home and wake up at six in the morning and make pancakes. Like you should go home now, you know? So my first rider was like all trial and error. I wrote a song about it in on my album he was like my witness you know he was there the my whole adult life and then that relationship didn't work out I'm single and then I met a new guy was that a difficult separation or divorce for you I mean obviously they're all difficult but oh yeah oh yeah on a scale of one to ten yeah it's really it was really interesting when you're when you're going through relationships especially when you're young in the public eye I don't really get into all that stuff but that was hard for me. Like I really, really, really loved Chris. We had a great relationship

and the things that got in the way for me of sort of growing together, I knew we could never grow together for the rest of our lives. Like he just fundamentally, we saw our values were different in certain places that I would never have been able to stay on that train with him. and he's exactly where he's supposed to be with a beautiful wife and I'm where I'm supposed to be. But, you know, even now, when I look at Chris, I have so much deep love for him. Like he taught me everything about love. He loved me unconditionally, you know, and I think deep down still maybe does, you know, but he really, he taught me so much, but it just wasn't meant to be, we weren't meant to be together. Right. I was type A for her. I get it. And then you had

Bing. Then I had Bing. So how old were you when you had Ryder? 23, 24 with Ryder. Which is so young. Oh my God. Yeah. And then I was 31 or 30 with Bing. He was a happy oops. He was my little, my little like, Ooh, pregnant. And he's just my little cuddly, incredible. Oh, he's the best being is just, I'm so proud of being, he's so funny and so smart. He's like the kid that I had that I don't recognize meaning like he's good at school, everything he does. He's he can sit and read for hours. He's almost 12 years old, no learning disability. Everybody in my family as learning disabilities. Bing just came out. But those are from Oliver. So, I mean, that's not anyone's fault, but Ollie's really. I don't know. I don't know. It could be a Hudson Hahn real

lineage. But, you know, Ryder got all that. I got all that. Bing just came out like he is just a rocket ship. He can do everything. And so I watch him and I see him. He already judges me. He already looks and he's like, well, she's really like underdeveloped mother. And then Ronnie, her little golden female that just balanced everything out in the house. And she's. Which I said to Kate last night, I'm like, what does it feel like to have a daughter that looks nothing like you? Oh, my God. And she just honestly like her.

I stare at her sometimes and she's talking to me and I'm just lost in her. you know mom mommy and yes I'm like looking at her just everything her and her nature is so different than mine you know it's like I was like so tough she's very everything's about beauty she's all in the air I mean sometimes she's so in this like beautiful world that she lives in that she runs she literally runs right into things you know and I'm like the person that like sees everything I could run into first, you know, is just all, you know, soaks everything in all about beauty. She even wakes up in the morning. I mean, from when she was like, could start talking, she'd wake up and like, she'd look at the sunset and go, mommy, isn't the sunset beautiful?

I'd be like, yes. I have to slow everything down, Ron. Oh, that's so sweet. I mean, I think it's so fascinating to think about all of the changes that you've gone through as a parent, right? Learning how to parent and how your parenting has changed probably over all these years and the three children. Yeah. And it's weird because sometimes I, when I'm really trying to be a witness, like I'm trying to figure out what I've done right, what I maybe could do better. I'm a much better parent now. Like I have it down, but I'm also a much more, sometimes I have these anxieties that I didn't have when I was parenting rider you know I had this full big happy family and you're like I just don't want anything

to interrupt how good it is right now so then you get all the anxiety you get all the anxieties whereas before I never had those things I just sort of was way more spontaneous and so as I've gotten to become a better parent I've also kind of have different attachments that I'm also now trying to like, you know, as I get older, I want to like, I kind of want to remember what it's like to have more freedom and more spontaneity to let things be a little messy. It is interesting how it changes, you know, and it does ebb and flow and like some things are better. And then as you get older, I think you also can certain things become a little too tight as a parent, you know? Yeah. I think the more aware we could become, it's like you get smarter and better at your job,

but then you also are, you are wise enough and experienced enough to know that anything can change in a second. So you want to protect what you have. Whereas I think when we're younger, we're not as conscious about what we have in the first place. We kind of take things for granted more, right? Especially with your mom too, because obviously you guys have a very tight knit family and your relationship with her must have changed so much when you had children. I think so. I don't know. I mean, sometimes my mom, I'm like, I think you become more apologetic of your own behaviors when you become a mother to your parents. You're like, wow, like, they didn't know what they were doing either. you know, and I, you know, must have been there have been times where I must have just drove them insane, especially Oliver. I mean, I was actually good. You know, I wanted them to be

proud. Oliver just wanted to hide everything that he was up to. But now, yeah, I mean, I think I think the relationship where it changes is that as you get older, you kind of emulate the things that you really love about how you grew up and then you really want to walk away from the things that you didn't. I think every parent has that moment when they're reflecting on their how they were raised, you know? Yeah. And I think whether you're a parent or not, as you get older, you start to understand how you're mimicking the very things that you couldn't stand growing up, whether it's your mother's or father's behavior, because the mindset, well, this is a separate thought, but the mindset when you're growing up is my parents are in charge. They're in control.

They know what's best, even though I disagree with them most of the time, in my case, anyway. But then as you get older and now that I'm my age, you know, older than my parents were when they had me, I'm like, they didn't know what the fuck they were doing either. Just like I barely knew what I was doing. You know, you don't know what you're doing until you're in your 40s or 50s sometimes. I'm just not so sure we really ever know what we're doing, to be honest. Because like the other day, too, it's like now I'm in this place where I'm like, you know what? I've got it figured out and Ryder now that Ryder is turning it is an adult I mean he looks at me the way I looked at my parents like you know what this is my mom's issues I'm not gonna feed into

the now I'm watching Ryder do that with me and I'm like whoa aren't I doing good how about he's like mom this is I don't think there's any parent in the world that's gonna get through raising their kids being anything but having that thing where their kid goes, I don't want to be anything like my parent. There's this, but I don't want any of that to be a part of what I'm going to end up becoming as a parent. I can see it in Ryder already. He's like, yeah, I don't like that part of my mom. And you're like, oh God, I thought I was going to win this one. Yeah. Yeah. That is true what right just when you think you have things sorted out even in relationships you know you're in a great relationship with your partner Danny for and have been for many years now and

you were also saying last night you know how great this relationship is for you how you have space and he's respects you and you guys have a great time together and also a healthy relationship when you're apart and those things when they happen in our lives it's there's just so much gratitude. I feel like when I have somebody in my life that I can be completely myself with, I'm like, oh, this is such a nice gift. It's the best. It's all about safety, isn't it? I mean, at the end of the day, like if you feel that real like yummy sense of safety, you feel so much more freedom. Danny is the first relationship I've had where I really feel free, even though we're in a monogamous, intimate relationship. I don't feel any part of me that feels like I need to

break out or feel like, you know, I, I, he gives me so much freedom and my life and in the kind of world that we travel in and we travel all over the world and we're meeting incredibly interesting people and beautiful people. When you have someone who has such a deep trust in you and gives you so much freedom. It's just like, it feels so nice. It's like, you never want to do anything to hurt it. You know, it really is the first time I felt that kind of safety. And I also think with Danny and I don't know if you've felt this before in any kind of relationship, but Danny has no interest in being the center of attention of anything. Like he never wanted to be, you know, a rock star or a famous painter or a famous writer or, you know, an actor, like he never

wanted to be in that spotlight. So when we're doing things together, like I could be on a red carpet and I've never felt that thing where I never had to worry about someone else or feel like I was making sure that we were doing something together or that, that it wasn't going to cause any kind of friction or insecurity. Like I'll look around for Danny and Danny will be like talking to anybody and he's so happy. And I just, there's something so lovely about not having to be with anyone who feels a sense of insecurity when you're the center of, even though it's all bells and whistles and doesn't mean anything anyway, it still can create, I think a lot of insecurity in men sometimes or women. Well, especially in this industry, because you're

coming up against the same thing you know if people are involved in the same business it's like obviously there's going to be a little bit of conflict no matter how evolved you are you can pretend but it comes up I mean I've had it come up other you know all of my friends who have been dating other celebrities it comes up all the time whether you think you're above it or beneath it or whatever there are moments where it's like when is it my turn to be at the center of what's happening to my partner right now you can't sometimes you just can't help but feel like wow it's happening to them? Like, how do I always just, it becomes a sense of insecurity. It becomes a conversation piece. It becomes like, I'm trying so hard to make this happen. And it can just like eat away

at any relationship where you're in the same field. I think it can be challenging. Yeah. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a couple of calls. Kate, we're going to give people advice. That's what we do on this podcast. So put your therapy hat on. I know you have it. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. the hard rock bet casino app is here ontario it's safe secure and crystal clear with fast payouts and 24 7 local support you can play over 3 000 games right here including hard rock bet casino exclusives the hard rock bet casino app is here ontario roll with us must be 19 years of age or older to play ontario only please play responsibly concerned about your gambling or

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started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself

because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive

to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back! We are! Well, our first email comes from Bets.

She writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 32-year-old woman with a 13-year-old daughter who's in the seventh grade. I've always given my daughter a ton of credit because I was, in fact, a teen mom, and I never really had my shit together up until the past handful of years. Recently, we've started a new school at a new district while making a move to live back with my parents, and my job requires so much of my time that my parents do all the running for my kids, thus making this most logical decision for my family. Since moving, my daughter has basically spiraled. I allowed her to get Snapchat after waiting for so long, and she ruined it within

a week as I caught her having sexually charged conversations with strangers. This past weekend, she had a school dance, and after doing some very light monitoring, I noticed she'd been having a conversation with a classmate about weed. I decided to drug test her, and sure enough, she was positive for THC. And although I'm not anti-marijuana, I feel like she's way too young. Sometimes when I find myself up in her business, I hear your voice, Chelsea, in the back of my head reminding me I don't own her and that she's her own individual self, but I still feel like she's too young. My biggest fear is that she'll get caught up with the wrong crowd and eventually move to taking pills. Hell, I didn't wind up pregnant in high school because I was a good kid,

but the amount of fentanyl-related deaths in our stupid-ass Midwestern city is astronomical. What are your thoughts on keeping herself aware and safe while becoming her individual self? Side note, she started therapy literally two days before the discovery of this newest incident. That's Kate. I'm going to let you take this as a parent. Well, I'm just I'm just really impressed that she's she hears you when it comes to her parent. I'm like, no shit. Whoa.

OK. Well, there's a lot to say. One, I didn't hear anything about dad. So I'm not exactly sure what the deal is with dad. she says that they split when her daughter was one, but they get along great. I'm just not sure if he lives nearby or any of that stuff. Okay. So I think I can really relate to this because that's a really, really challenging thing when you are going through, when you start to go through puberty as a girl who, it doesn't even matter if you have a stepfather, because I had

a great stepdad, Kurt's the best. When you have dealt with that kind of abandonment and what really feels like a rejection, the individuation from mom becomes pretty intense during puberty. Well said. And so I think she's going through probably massive hormonal time, you know, and I'm glad she's going to therapy. Number one, I would be like, there has to be open conversations about dad and she needs to start feeling like she is worthy of being a great, healthy, beautiful young girl who doesn't need to appease boys or party to like seem cool or any of those things. And then she just needs the information. You know, I think like kids and weed is not great. Like you got to grow your brain. There's so much research on this. Like

you start smoking weed too young, too much, it's going to fuck your brain up. And it just ages. Your brain doesn't allow it to develop properly if you're too young and you don't give it the right development time, especially during puberty. And then there's the other thing, which is to say to mom, like we all were there. So we were all at that time in middle school where people were experimenting and looking at you know now we have this the snapchat and we have the thing like we were all flirting and we were like trying to be sexy and girls were trying to figure out what that looked like on them and it is the time where you experiment with those things so you want to remember what it was like for you which I feel like she does and then

take that fucking snapchat off of their phone i just think that social media for kids that aren't wait till they're in ninth grade like wait till they're a little bit older like they they just the research is so heavy on this now it's terrible for kids it's terrible so i'm not like i will not allow my son to get snapchat when he gets his phone i won't allow him to get instagram i won't allow him to get TikTok until he's 15. You can fuck around with it with someone else's phone, fine, but not, he won't have it on his phone. And I'm really strict about that. Yeah, you're strict. I like that. And I also think all you can do as a parent is A, set boundaries and over-communicate. The best parents I see are the people who actually have

open dialogues with their children. And I know your daughter probably sounds like she's in a place that she doesn't want to hear you talking to her about it because she probably thinks she knows better. But everything Katie said is perfect. She's hormonal. She's growing. She's experimenting. She's looking around like, oh, am I interested in that? It's all fucking completely normal. The only things that you can control are like the guardrails that you put up and getting rid of Snapchat. She'll probably try and start a fake account, but it's worth getting rid of and making sure that she understands that if she does have a fake account, there are going to be repercussions for that. And being in therapy is great. Thank God, because all she needs is the

information about what this is going to do what you can't smoke pot when you're 13 years old it doesn't work that way your brain has to develop and otherwise you're going to pay the price for a really long time and you should put that information in front of her you know and not necessarily i don't know kate what do you think about you know being a parent versus being a friend like i think that's a very gray area with a lot of parents where people try to be their kids friends and i think it's important during these kinds of times to really be a parent yeah i mean I really try to talk to my kids when it comes to drugs and it comes to sex. Like I really get very clinical and I come from a place of like what for me as a parent and what I wish for them in their

life, the seriousness of it. And that it might seem now that it's like fine, but what I've experienced and and my friends of mine that have gone down certain paths and being really really brutal and open with them about it you know I've lost friends to drugs it's been terrible and I've seen it and you watch it happen and and also like how much you love your kids I remember when I was a teenager like I love my mom so much I my hormones and where I was at I had moments where I just couldn't stand her. And it's not, it wasn't personal. It literally was a function of my hormones, a function of me wanting to be my own person and my psychology and all the things that were happening at that moment. And my mom's love and consistency in being there, talking to me,

communicating was what ends up showing actively what that love looks like, you know? Yeah. And I also think you should also treat this. What's her name again? Betts. Betts. Like this is a time in your life. Like it's not the rest of your life. She's just going through a time in her life right now. And so you have to parent differently during this time in order just to help guide her, you know, and you can also set up like stepping stones for her to earn your trust, you know, so that she's going to act responsibly. So when she acts responsibly, then she can be on social media when you can monitor her account and see that she's not

talking about drugs or sex or things that you're not comfortable with yet as a parent of a 13-year-old girl, which is totally acceptable. You can't control a 13-year-old. I mean, you're her parent at 13 years old. That's still your role. And when I say you don't own your children, I mean that in a larger sense. I think as a 13-year-old girl, you are in charge of her. You don't own her, no, but you are in control of the way she's going to be directed. And so you just take that part really seriously in this sensitive time, which is puberty. And you're not alone. Everyone is dealing with the same thing with a 13 year old girl, you know, if not exactly the same thing. I heard a great piece of advice where someone said, like, we don't need tough love. Like the

world presents us with tough. And I, I was raised with a lot of tough love. And when I, when I heard that, I was like, that's a really interesting approach. When you say boundaries, like there's a way to set boundaries that don't feel like you're coming down on your kids, but really feel like we need to meet each other. As our kids get older, I remember saying to Ryder, our relationship will change. My love for you never changes, but our relationship and the mutual respect that needs to start happening changes as you get older. And if we can't meet each other, we're going to have a complicated relationship and I have boundaries. And if this is going to be smooth, then we got to be able to talk these things out. And that I think is the best, the only thing you can do, you know?

Yeah. I like the idea of not looking at boundaries as a punishment, but actually as like an encouragement, like, okay, you know, if you meet all of these criteria, then you're going to have more freedom to make your own decisions. Once you prove to me that you're making sound decisions and responsible decisions for your health and your safety, et cetera. Like a reward system. Yeah, like a reward system. It doesn't have to be like, no, you're a bad girl. It's like, look, if you do this, you can get this, you know, and after time of watching her mature, which you will, like, don't worry, you're going to be fine. You've got her in therapy, you've done all the right things. So just be very, you know, conscious of making sure you're over communicating all the time, whether she wants to or not, you're available for it if she ever needs you. So that's the message you get across when you're always showing up for someone is that when they do need you, you'll be there. So parenting is hard. And that's why I've chosen not to do it and participate in that. It's not an easy job. Our kids challenge us so deeply and profoundly. They also know how to pick

and poke at all your weak spots. They see it. Even if they don't even know that they're seeing it, they know. I think the other thing is that our kids are our teachers. When we see our kids going through something, we also need to reflect back on ourselves. You know, they've moved, She's moved. She must feel it's destabilizing for her. She's acting out. And so I think mom, too, has to look and go like, what am I doing that's contributing to that? Yeah. I wanted to touch on the fentanyl concern. You know, there are those fentanyl test strips that are out there. And, you know, on the one hand, it feels like providing your child with that could be sort of seen as you're saying, like, go ahead, do whatever you want with pills,

whatever on the other hand like it's a real concern what are your thoughts about about fentanyl and safety oh god i don't know okay what do you think about that i a part of me just feels bad that kids can't live in the world that we did when we experimented you know where we didn't have this issue you were like oh well i guess i'll try it you know it was like you weren't afraid that like that that you could die and had to carry around like narcan and and have fentanyl strips i mean i've heard crazy story like the other day as my son we're talking about these kids that had fentanyl strips and they thought that it was fine and they one of them ended up OD'ing fentanyl in it and oh really terrible yeah and you're like this is at the end of the day we're just living

i i just say to my kids just don't do it just don't fucking do it yeah it's not it doesn't seem worth it anymore i i feel badly like i grew up in a time where you could try anything and it was pretty much going to be fine, but it's not like that anymore. And you know, it's a bummer because you do want to experiment and have a little fun, but you can't do that. It's just not worth the risk at this point. Yeah. That's, that's how I see it now. It's like, I do feel like giving somebody a fentanyl strip is permissive. It's like saying, okay, well, if you do it, then yeah, I don't know. I would, I would feel weird about that as a parent. Yeah. Especially this young, this young of a kid. Well, that's all from Bets, but let's jump to our first caller.

Monica writes, Dear Chelsea, I'm 36 years old and have been with my partner for two and a half years. When we decided to become exclusive, I asked him where he stood on having kids. He said he was indifferent. He'd be happy with or without kids. I was clear with him that I want children. All was good on that front, so we moved ahead. About a year in, he told me he actually wasn't so sure about having kids. He realized he hadn't really thought about it that much when I first asked him, and now he's having second thoughts. I was devastated. Our relationship has been amazing so far, and we decided to move in together. Per my request, we started couples counseling to help with that transition.

In counseling, and with his own counselor, he came to the conclusion that his doubts about kids were rooted in fears he had from his prior marriage and conservative Christian upbringing. Thank Jesus he's no longer religious or married. I'm delighted that he is back on board with having kids. Now the problem is, adoption has long been a dream of mine. He knows this, but it's not a deal-breaker for me. Not wanting kids at all is a deal-breaker. Over the last year or so, I began to realize how important adopting is to me for so many reasons. My partner does not want to adopt, and he's adamant. When I've asked why, he just says he's not interested. I've tried to respect his wishes, but I'm not ready to let it rest. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid to keep

probing the topic as I don't feel like I have a good idea of other questions to ask or what to say to convey how important this is to me. Please help Monica. Hi, Monica. Hello. Hi, Monica. Hi, Monica. This is our special guest, Kate Hudson today. Hello. Hi, Kate. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, cutie. Okay, Kate. Kate is passionate, so I'm going to let Kate go first. Well, first of all, there's a lot unpacked here because it sounds like you guys haven't been on the same page for a lot of years. It's like goes back and forth with the whole kid thing, but there's also, I mean, just simply, you can't also have babies on your own. Yeah.

If adoption is your life purpose and you want to do that as much as you love him, you need to go adopt a child and have, and you'll never regret it. I'll tell you that. Yeah. But you will regret being with someone where you to feel like you're not doing something that you're meant to be doing. Yeah. That's how I feel about it.

I mean, you know, really simply, like, if someone loves you, and you're in it together, like, then you figure out how to do it together. And if you're not on the same page, you're never going to be on the same page about that. Yeah. Yeah. Those are great points. It's interesting you brought up being able to do it on my own. Before this relationship, many years ago, I was very concerned about finding a partner at all. And I was like, I'm getting too old to start a family. And I finally came to the point where I accepted and was okay with and happy with the reality that I could go out and adopt children on my own and still live a full and happy life. So yeah, it's interesting you bring up that point. Which is a very salient point because instinctively I was thinking like, oh, he was already on the fence about having kids. You convinced him to do that through therapy and now you're throwing another wrench at him. It feels slightly unfair for you to be putting that, you know, you're kind of moving the goalposts for him, even though they've been your goalposts. It feels like it's unfair to him for that. But I think Katie's right. You're never going to regret a child. Nobody regrets having children. You know what I mean? But you will resent somebody for stopping your dreams to come into full bloom. And that's very valid. And if you think that's something that you can't live without doing, without adoption, then you absolutely need to let him know that and prepare to leave the relationship if he doesn't change his mind. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a great point. It's, it's, you know, everything is really great aside from this one thing that's kind of unresolved. And the idea of leaving him is really hard because I love him so much. Do you think, you know, the idea of the moving goalposts, do you feel like this is a conversation that's fair to have with him to like, hope that he gets there? Like, if I'm, you know. Well, you have to have the conversation because this is what you want. But did you convey this early on in your relationship that you were into adoption? Or is this a newer feeling that you've had? I definitely conveyed it within the first year. I don't recall that I brought it up when

I first told him that I definitely want kids. That was very, very early on when I said that. In hindsight, I wish I would have brought up adoption then as well. But yeah, he's known about it for a while and it's only been more recently like in the last I don't know maybe six months or so that he has said you know where I've kind of asked him again I brought it up at least a second time and he's like yeah I don't think that's something I want to do and yeah I guess I'm not sure how to bring this up again when all he's given me is I don't want to do that I'm just not interested yeah I'm curious like how to get like to what's underneath that my therapist always says, you know, when you change, then everything starts changing around you, you know,

because at the end of the day, this is really more about you than it is about him. I think you need to be really clear about what you want first. It's not, you know, if you really want to have an adoptive, you have the means, obviously really important to bring us and to pay for a child on your own and not something that is really important to you is adoption, then you need to like really lean into that as something that you need to do in your life. And the more sure you are, then you'll see it will reveal itself. Yeah. And people do warm up to ideas. You know, I don't think it's like, OK, we have to talk about this once and decide. Like if you're bringing it up on occasion and talking to him about how important it is to you, how much you love the

idea. Like he may warm to the idea. Well, let me ask you a question, Monica. Is it a deal breaker? Like if you want adoption is more important than your relationship. I mean, sorry to put it that way, but that's pretty much what it comes down to. Yeah. You know, and that's kind of something I'm trying to decide where I do think I need to figure out where I stand on this issue, whether it's a deal breaker or not. I previously thought just, you know, not wanting kids was a deal breaker and that I could compromise on the adoption thing. But the more that I've thought about it in the last year or so, I'm realizing that it, I don't know, I'm not to the point yet where I want to call it a deal breaker, but it is very important to me. And I would be sad to give up that dream.

Right. Well, I think what you can do is, do you guys go to a couples counseling at all? We have. We're not currently, but we were earlier this year. Well, you might want to enlist a counselor to kind of talk about it with you because it's always better to have a third party I think but I think there's a very natural sweet way you can bring it up without putting it's not like you're ending the relationship But you're introducing the idea that this is something that's really become more and more important to you Maybe you didn't even realize how important it was the adoption And you're at a time in your life where you're really thinking like I don't know if i'm going to be complete without doing this And I just need you to know that this is how i'm feeling and I would love for you to change your mind

but I'm also not here to make you change your mind. Like if you're not on board and I have to respect that, you have to respect his decision as well as you're respecting your own decision, you know, whatever that ends up being and give him the room to think about it and like soak in the idea of what might that look like as your future.

And that way you're giving each other room and space to breathe and contemplate a decision and a new life and all of those things without saying this, you better do this or I'm leaving. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be like that. Do you guys live together? You live together. Yeah, we do. I mean, there's also like, you could just be like, I really love you. I want to keep seeing you. I'm going to adopt. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to get into my own house and you don't have to raise this baby with me, but you know, I don't want to

end it. Yeah. Yeah. See what happened. You know what I mean? I like that option. That's a great option. Yeah. When he was uncertain about kids, my counselor suggested something like that, You know, just, you know, you can live separately, raise a child and still be together, which is something that I still I don't know. I haven't been able to fully wrap my head around because I do want to, you know, have a partner and, you know, a more traditional family. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that is that is an option that I should give some more thought. The truth is, the second the second it starts happening, you know, if you guys really love each other, he's probably just going to be all over that child. And, you know, I'm thinking the same thing. I think that I think that's a good move. That's a good sideways move.

I like that. We don't usually give sideways advice. Or actually, we probably do, unknowingly. Everything I've ever done is sideways. So yeah, think outside the box. You know what I mean? You're thinking about everything has to be in this perfect little unit. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way.

We live in modern times in some states. So you can chart your own course. And you should definitely be a mother. I can tell by your whole aura and energy that you're maternal. and you should live that dream out, you know? Oh, thank you. You're very motherly. I can see it.

Thank you. I just think that that's so amazing because there's so many kids that need homes. And I have so many friends who've adopted and it's just the best. And it's just, you know, everything. So, yeah. And of course, having your own kid

doesn't preclude you from adopting, Monica. You know, you might have a kid together, adopt and have another kid later. That's a great way to trap him. have the baby together and then adopt the baby perfect he won't know what the fuck hit him he'll be like whoopsie doodle how'd i end up here well thank you so much thanks for calling in monica good luck with everything keep us posted okay we'll do bye bye okay bye you just reminded me to drink my water yeah this is so fun i know it's so fun do this on my podcast with oliver i'm gonna

steal this kids uh kate's podcast is called sibling revelry if you guys haven't heard it i was on there with my sister as her the first episode of her first episode i loved it oh my god your sister's the block okay we have one more i was gonna say do we have time for the last one yeah should we take a quick break and we'll come back for our last call sure we'll take a quick break behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price

guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying,

shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, Without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations

everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. Julia is calling in from the woods somewhere. So I'll give you the quick and dirty. She really needs some unbiased advice. She's got a couple of kids, I believe around seven and nine, and they live near a city in Canada. But they're really thinking about moving up north, kind of in the middle of nowhere, get out in the country, raise their kids, be a little more rural.

Oh, goodbye. Yeah. So but she's truly torn because her mom and other family and friends are in the area that she currently lives in. And she thinks her mom is going to be really, totally devastated if they were to move. She says, please, Chelsea, don't say if you're asking, you already know the answer like you do a lot because I truly don't know what to do and feel split down the middle. So she's calling us from a cabin in the woods, but not the one they may be moving to. Hi. Hi, Julia.

Hi. Hi there. Are you in Muskoka? Oh, my God. I'm so close. Yes. I'm not right there, but we passed through it, actually, to go where we are. I grew up in Muskoka.

I grew up going every summer. Oh, my God. Do your parents still go there? No. No. We sold the house and everything. Okay. Yeah.

You guys are like the talk of the town up here. it's the most beautiful country honestly it's just the best i miss it so much so i know why you want to move yeah yeah it's tricky because it is so beautiful and you see the value of living like that and raising kids in that environment right yeah like i get that but there's so many other factors that it makes it a hurt it's harder than it seems how long is the drive are you like two hours or you long it would have been no we are just north of toronto so we are about four we're past muskoka we're actually on manitoulin island so it's um like four four or five hours okay so it's a long it's a long drive yeah but it's not yeah like it's not like undoable i mean

four or five hours people do that on the weekends all the time i mean i know i think that's the thing is i'm so conflicted with like it's not a big deal it's not like we're moving to the other side of the world. But some people will respond in that way as if we are moving to the other side of the world. This is your fucking life. What are you doing? You can't let other people direct what you're going to do. You're not moving to another country. You're moving five hours away. And while that might be a hard pill to swallow in the beginning, everyone will adjust that this is not a breakup. I know, but I have the same issue. Can I just like totally relate to this? Because I seven blocks from my mom. My brother is two minutes, literally, literally two minutes down

the street. My other brother is eight. And I'm always like, I don't want to live in Los Angeles. I don't, I LA doesn't move me and I can't move. Like I would be, it would be devastating to all of us. If one, like we have to move as this pack and, and if you don't, then like, you're like, something's wrong with you yeah oh my god you are literally describing the dynamic of the whole situation because while like i understand it and i could see it i probably like we could find somewhere that's like comfortable with both of us like i don't want to be too rural out in the hicks but like somewhere kind of middle ground that we're all happy with and it's like good for our kids and stuff but my mom will lose her mind because these are her only grandkids and that's

her livelihood her whole life revolves around my kids and so she'll never move up here no she will never move up here and like she hates driving like if it's like literally like if there's a if it snows she won't drive if it rains she won't drive if it's nighttime she won't drive like she so it's so hard for her to like travel four and a half hours in northern toronto in the winter is is brutal it's brutal so it's like i'd have to like go and pick her up and bring her back like she's retired so she could stay for with us for long periods of time and have nice visits and stuff but i just know that like having that conversation will be a disaster it'll be like devastating her and you're leaving me and all this stuff and how old is your mom she's 67 like she's

still young well why don't you do it for a couple years and see what happens i guess yeah because my husband's i feel like once we go we're never gonna come back though because my husband loves it up here and he's like i'm sick of where we're living i hate it i've sacrificed and lived there for you like we've we've done this now let's have another chapter let's try something new and part of me is like am I making a big deal am I being a spoiled brat and just like not want to do it because I don't like change or should I just suck it up and do it or is it my gut telling me not to do it like I have so many like friends are like you can't leave your mother and like yes you should move like every I'm so conflicted that I literally don't I'm just like at a standstill

because I don't know what to do I honestly I really think you have to just go do what's right for you and your family. And I think your mother will adjust and the conversation will be very difficult initially, but I think you'll be surprised by how quickly she turns around and starts driving long distances and starts spending more time with you and contemplates even, you know, spending maybe months at a time with you. Like I, I, I, it's just the conversation that's scaring the shit out of you because you know what her reaction is going to be. But the sooner you have that conversation, the sooner she's going to get used to the idea. Yeah, I think that's exactly right like floating the idea out before you're like this is what we're doing and when it's

happening it could be really helpful right yeah yeah we like we've sort of like danced around it but i can tell it's like not gonna go smoothly so we just like leave it but that's not a reason to not do it and also you can set up like hey this is this is our plan we're gonna come back every whatever once a month and spend the weekend with you you're gonna come we're gonna come get you for a week a month or whatever the schedule is like lay that out so that you know there's comfort in that and there's like some consistency and a schedule that's being set yeah yeah for sure i think that's the thing is just giving her that comfort but and frame it that it is temporary just say that for everyone's sake just say we're just going to try this for a couple years

so that everyone can warm up to the idea because that way if you do end up staying by that time everyone's going to be over it anyway families are resilient and they rebound from the trauma and they come back to you that you know if you're a close-knit family no one's going anywhere anyway it's kind of true my my brother moved to Colorado for two years and we were all like are you serious like this is it was devastating to all of us and before we knew it he was back and everything it's fine yeah I think it's almost just like the anxiety is like but before it even happens you have more anxiety than you even need to right that's what you're doing yeah do you want to move do you want to move or is it more your husband it's like if he said tomorrow like no

never mind let's just cancel everything and stay I'd be happy where we are like it's a lovely community it's a beautiful small little community like it's a beautiful area where we live now so I'm we're happy there but he's like I think we can do more we can like his business could do well here I can work remote I work from wherever so we have that like flexibility and it's just like it's beautiful up here so he's just like this is why what are we what are we doing like what we're in we're in our early 40s let's do something else so what the hell right so and i totally see it it's like more more money more opportunities better lifestyle i see all the pros but then i'm just like i just keep pulling myself back to like i hate change and like part of me is like can

i mentally go through a big move and like rip my kids out of the school and like start over and leave all our friends and part of me is like can I even handle that because that scares me it's not even just like my mom and stuff it's like the scary I don't like change yeah but you you can handle it and you will handle it if that's what you choose to do and you can handle it and this is a difficult conversation and this is what adulthood is about is about having difficult moments with people we love when sometimes you have to like give somebody bad news so it's like a testament to your like you know enduring strength as a woman and it's empowering so I think you should look at it from that like you're taking a stance for your family and you're doing

what's right for your family for this period of time and that doesn't mean anyone's going to be excommunicated you're all just going to adjust to it together uh if that's you know if you really feel this way and i think you should go i think the way kate described it the way you're describing it it just sounds beautiful and why not have an adventure yeah no it is and i think that's the thing it's like deep down i have that little voice like when we come up here it's like oh it is so gorgeous and it's like but i'm so scared right like i just don't like change they also say that when you do things like that you just you live longer yeah they say when you up when you change when you go into new environments and you have these like different experiences that it's actually

it like it literally rejuvenates yourselves yeah i could see that yeah it makes yeah i think i just don't like being out of my comfort zone and i just i think it'd be good though be a growth experience for everything right so just well you're saying it if you're if this is about you and anxiety then you need to go yeah you need to like be more fearless and just yeah i know i think that's what it is it's just like you're in your comfort zone with like your family and your kids and schools and everything and it's just scary to like start over and just move somewhere where it's brand new everything's brand new it's scary right so but anyways no everything you're saying It's like, I think deep down, I know all that and it's just hard to like come to terms

with it. Well, this is the kick in your ass that you're looking for. Okay. Yeah. Chelsea and I, we're really like the wrong people to say, cause we literally live on the road. All we do is we're like circus folk. I'm going to live till I'm, I'm going to live till I'm 150 for all the new environments

I'm exposed to. Yeah. Yeah. But good luck to you and let us know what happens. Okay. Keep in touch with us. Send us a postcard from up North. yeah nice to meet you thank you so much nice meeting you this was awesome thank you so much

bye julia bye how did you know exactly where she was that was so funny did i even say canada like muskoka well the lake country when she said up north like that's what we call from toronto all lake country and muskoka is like kind of the biggest sort of algonquin it's honestly guys it's like heaven up there it's it's the most beautiful place in the world to me that's where i'm gonna buy a bunch of acres for global warming is northern canada that seems to be the safest place to do it i'm gonna buy 100 acres and then tell anybody that they want that they can just come build and keep about 50 feet in between dwellings okay i'll show you uh where to go yeah you will you're a climatologist you'll know where to go uh-huh that's right kate this was so

much fun thank you so much for being with us today i love you you know how much i love you i love you so much and you gave great fucking advice on top of it i did you did i'm into it i could talk to i could talk forever on this how do you how do you even say goodbye i could like literally talk for an hour yeah well uh you contributed so thank you and i will see you soon thanks for having me love you thanks love you thanks kate bye bye okay guys also i have added more second shows to my little big bitch tour i added second shows in hollywood at the pantages i am going to be there two nights october 12th and 13th i added another show at the chicago theater october 27th and october 28th one of my favorite places to perform i added another show in portland

So I'll be there November 2nd and 3rd. And I added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center. So I will be there November 16th and 17th. I also have two shows in Seattle, San Francisco, New York at the Beacon, and Washington, D.C. I will be there October 5th and 6th. And a special shout out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday, October 14th. And then I'm coming to Cleveland, Columbus, and Pittsburgh. So suck on that, you guys.

I can't wait to see everybody. Oh, and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon, too, everybody. That's November 9th, 2023. And I will be at the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to be a very intimate show on Saturday, August 26th. So if you are in the Long Island area, that's where I'll be, the Clubhouse.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What?

For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Well, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way.

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