Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Tio & Tio with Ross Mathews & Wellinthon Garcia-Mathews

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Ross Mathews & Wellinthon Garcia-Mathews are here to talk about RuPaul’s best advice, early bedtimes, and putting a saddle on life.  Then: A drag performer wrestles with a change of heart about their artform.  A 30-something wants his firefighter boyfriend to open up. And a year-long relationship gets put back in the closet when one woman struggles to tell her family she has a girlfriend.  * Pick up your copy of Tio & Tio in English or en Español! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Adina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, D.C., Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus, and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee,

Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and Port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June, so go get your tickets now. If you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi.

Hey, what's happening? I'm in Whistler. You are in Whistler. You know what? I feel very connected to Canadians right now because I have started watching Heated Rivalry. Have you heard about this? No, I have not. Is this a Canadian show?

It does feature hockey players and it's... I've already lost interest. Truly, it is like a... It's like popping off everywhere right now. Is it stupid? It sounds stupid. It's a romance novel, but a TV show, basically, about these two gay hockey players, and she's steamy. Like a Canadian gay telenovela.

Yes, but not a lot of plot, if you catch my drift. No, I catch it. It is. I catch it. It is very fun. I am in Canada. I represent Canada now. I'm going to be representing Canada in the Olympics with curling.

That's a winter sport, and that's something that I excel at. So I just want everyone who's listening to look out for the Winter Olympics in, I think they're in Cortina. So yes, I'm in Whistler. I haven't skied yet. I think we're going to venture onto the mountain today and just find out where the freezing level is. Yeah.

Me and the girls, because I've spent about the last 48 hours watching movies in my cozy, cozy, cozy cabin. And guess who comes up on the couch with me here? Doug. He doesn't do that. He does that here. We went for a huge hike yesterday. He fucking loved it.

And he came home and he was like, he fell asleep in my lap. wet soaking wet I feel like Whistler is his happy place but also your happy place it's like cold and he's got all his friends there I love to bundle up that's so lovely

well I mean if you can't ski today at least you can operate right? well that's right that's always an option so we have two very special guests today we have Emmy award winning host and producer Ross Matthews and educator and professor

Dr. Wellington Garcia-Matthews, who is married to Ross. They have a children's book that is out. And Ross has also executive produced a short film called Poorless, which is currently shortlisted for an Academy Award nomination. That's exciting. Please welcome Ross Matthews and Dr. Wellington Garcia-Matthews. Hi, I'm sitting here with my good friends, Ross Matthews and Wellington Garcia-Matthews.

They are a very handsome couple. Very handsome gay couple. sorry ladies yes they're both taken um ross we know from well we go way back from chelsea lately days and then ross lately yeah and then ross lately and ross you know now from he's on the drew barrymore show he's on rupaul's drag race and his husband is a professor how what is your title exactly you're a professor of education yeah yeah oh well there we go i just like he's super smart he's a doctorate he you know is in schools he's got his shit together everything like a real job and wellington has his shit together i can attest to that yes and you guys

were living in la and then you moved here well i was living in la i met wellington on vacation in puerto vallarta back in 2020 on a gay cruise i wish i mean i wish too you were on a gay cruise one day i was landlocked at the time i was uh at the pinnacle which was a resort in puerto vallarta and i ordered a breakfast burrito at breakfast and then out walked wellington and he was on vacation too and then we got married and so he was your breakfast burrito ding ding ding that's why it's wellington beef wellington oh my god he didn't it doesn't seem like he did know that actually no i knew anyway that's true i i was i ordered breakfast burrito we met and then i moved to new york or i came to new york to see him and then the drew show happened and i've been here for

five years now do you still have your place in palm springs no we're full east coast now full east coast because this was an unexpected transition for you you were never going to move to new york i had no plans no i was palm springs i was caftan i was happy hour i was i was there and i was happy and then you know you i say you put a saddle on life and just see where it goes and so that's what i did yippee yay and they brought me here and now you love it i do love it and you have a house in westchester yes so we were here in the city but you know me i've always been like a little like more more palm springs in la i've always been a little removed so i like the farmland up there i love the country we're in the middle of nowhere it's like wooded

it's like you're turning into martha stewart ross that's when i tell you something we live near here we were just invited to the house we went to look at the peonies oh oh oh did you okay so yes not even a joke we live near her and we see her well she's very social she likes action can i tell you something she is out and about all the time absolutely you have to be at that age listen if you don't fucking get your shit together and wake up every single day and move around you're gonna fucking fall apart you're right you have to get more active the older you get Are you active? I prefer day outings, and I like to be home at night.

For sure. I like to drink, have cocktails during the day. I don't love to drink at night and then be hungover. You know what I mean? I like daytime events, socializing, and then being in bed at a reasonable hour. Okay, what time do you make a dinner reservation? What is your dinner time? Well, it depends where I am in the world.

Understood. If I'm in Spain, then I go out to dinner at 8 o'clock at night. At night? If I'm in L.A., I can have dinner. I'll turn it into happy hour. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. I prefer that.

We like a 5.45 reservation. because then we can like dilly-dally at dinner and we're still home by seven, you know? Yeah, there's still daylight. Yes, yes. But like I was in Ibiza for a couple nights and of course I had dinners at 9 p.m. God, that would give me anxiety all day long.

But then you're on a different schedule. Like, and then you also wake up at three in the afternoon because you're out till five in the morning. You know what I mean? It's a whole different, when you get older though, like my wake up time is 5.30 and I can go to bed at 9 p.m. or I can go to bed at midnight and I wake up at 5.30.

You know what I'm saying? That's aggressive. Yeah, it is aggressive. So I'm very specific about bedtime and at dinnertime, and I don't color outside the lines, Chelsea. It's funny, as we get older, like all the things that kind of either cement into habits or don't. Like, I went through a phase where I would wake up, like, I'm definitely a morning person, and most people would think the opposite is true. They think, oh, she'll be up at night. For a long period of time, I would wake up every morning, 6 o'clock, 6.30 in the morning, wherever I was in the world.

It doesn't surprise me, because you achieve a lot, and I think people that do that wake up early. Okay, well, thank you. You're welcome. But now I'm going through this phase, and maybe it's because I'm a little jet lagged and I've been traveling, but now I'm going through this phase where I just, like, I'm getting up early.

Like, I will get up early, but I have to set an alarm. Like, I never have to set an alarm. Like, I just know when it's time to go. Sure. You know? Yeah. But, like, I crave sleeping in. Same, same.

Like, I want to sleep in until, like, 10 or 11. Nothing past that, because then I get a little anxiety. Yeah, that's never going to happen. I accept that I have lived my life as an active senior since I was young. You know what I mean? I love a sensible shoe. I walk.

Do you take Boniva? Not yet, but fingers crossed. And who doesn't love a Werther's? I love a hard candy, a caramel. Are you still allowed to have hard candies? I thought older people are not allowed to have hard candies. Take the dentures out, Chelsea. It's easy.

That's nice for a couple of other things, too, taking the dentures out. Do you know what that's called? It's called a blowjob. Do you know what that's called if someone takes a denture out and gives you one? Do you know what? It's called a velvet rub. I learned that in Palm Springs. Yeah, you like that?

It's true. You're welcome. That's pretty. It is pretty. And romantic. No, but I never enjoy. Anyway, the point is this. I love the way I live my life.

Isn't that funny when you get to a certain age? For me, it was like right now, like mid-40s is like, I always thought, God, I should be living a different way. And I realized like, no, this is how I live it. And I really love it. From afar, watching your maturation and like life since I've known you for over 20 years. Weird that we've learned.

I think it's great that you've adapted to all of this stuff. You kind of have just gone whichever way the wind blows and that's the way you should live life. Yeah. I don't want to fight it. I don't want to fight the universe. I think you should just sort of pay attention to what opens for you. And if I think if you're present and you make the most of it and you pivot that it can take you life can take you extraordinary ways. I think people are so rigid and what they think they should be doing or who they think they should be or who someone wants them to be. And that is exhausting to me. Yeah. How do you see it, Wellington? Like,

how do you look at like, because I think this is an interesting conversation, especially for our listeners, because so many people are so rigid with their goals and their this is what's going to happen by the time I'm 25. And this is what's going to happen. And then I'm going to be married by the time I'm 30. And then I'm going to have a baby by this time and dah, dah, dah. And I find all of that rigidity to be very hostile. Well, it's also, it's narrow. It's narrow. Yes. And I think you miss out while you talk. I totally agree with you. I think it's limiting and, you know, because then you're ultimately just caught between a little box that you're trying to like check off all the time. And so, you know, I'm all about like just getting rid of all that and just doing what

you need to do for yourself and whatever makes you happy. Right. Yeah. I do think it's important to be goal oriented. But then I just think you will miss stuff if you're not paying attention to everything and open to anything. Yeah. Being open, though, like you don't have to. Plans can change. Absolutely. And even goals can change. Yes. And by the way, you can change and you can change your mind. Right. But and how do you feel? Well, you guys just wrote this book, first of all. Congratulations. Thank you. It's called T.O. and T.O. Right. So cute. It's which which means uncle and uncle in Spanish. Yes, because you're practicing.

I speak Spanish. Yes, I have studied for 10 years. Oh, wow. But I don't speak perfectly. No. But I'm learning. No, very good. You're saying it very well.

I try every day. Oh, that's good. Fill me in. I mean, I'm just trying. Like, I try really hard to learn the language. I'm not there yet, but I get better and better. My issue, I mean, I take classes all the time and I go through phases where I'm just constantly immersing myself in Spanish. But my problem, I can understand it, I can read it, I can write it, but I can't speak quickly back and forth.

I love that you're doing this, though. It's the one thing I can do in English that's like the easiest thing in the world. It's like, because I'm such a grammarian, I have to say everything perfectly. And as soon as I get into a conversation and it goes too quick, I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you can write it because you can delete and perfect? no I can write it because I'm looking at the whole scope

of things and I can really take my time so if I'm talking I have to speak like yo tengo necesitar

hablar despacio like I have to speak slowly to get all the words right so I can't just like math it up I think it's so hot

that you know I love that he knows Spanish when he speaks Spanish it's so fast and good and I'm totally lost that's where I'm gonna get

at one point I'm never giving up so I'll get there well I'll be your private tutor thank you I appreciate that mi maestra de espanol

I can't even roll my R's. Do you know that? I believe that. That's as good as I can do. So Wellington, well, wait, first I want to talk about the book. Okay, so T.O. and T.O., it's two uncles. You wrote it for little children who have two uncles. Well, it's about, it's not even about us. It's about our nephews.

It's a true story about our nephews who were our ring bearers at our wedding. And Wellington saw them doing something at our wedding day and told me after. And do you want to tell them? Yeah, so they were literally so nervous walking down the aisle, like practicing, rehearsing. And I saw my brother-in-law kind of just saying, you know, we have to rehearse, we have to practice. And they were just literally, no lie, just nervous, out of their minds. Like practicing, like, how do we walk? How do we do it? And the fact that they wanted to take it so seriously and wanted to contribute to the wedding in like a profound way, like they really wanted to do a good job for us. We just thought that was like kind of a great lesson for kids that no matter your age or the impact that you're allowed to have as a kid, you matter to your family in a big way. And taking that role seriously, we thought was a great lesson. And Wellington as an educator, there's a lot of meat on this bone in terms of having a conversation with kids about their importance and their value. And, well, not only of their importance and value, but it's also nice that they cared so much about it, right? Correct, correct. Like, that's also a good lesson.

To care about something means, or to be nervous about something means that you do care about it. Exactly. And that it's okay to be nervous, and it's okay to take it seriously, and that, you know, you can have an important role no matter what age you are or whatever role you play in the family. And it was great to write it. And, you know, he's, like, really smart at what he does. And so when we decided to write the children's book, I was like, I know how to write a story. Let's go. and I was missing out on so much when he would read what we wrote he's like there's a lot more

conversations you can have in terms of well like as a teacher you know as a primary teacher that used to be it's important to ensure that we have vocabulary in there right so that way our kids are exposed so the best way to kind of really get kids motivated to actually read is teaching them background knowledge right and also bringing up vocabulary and so in the book I made sure to like use big words so that way the parents can actually have a talking point, you know, or teachers to have an actual talking point. So a lot of things are in there, especially like even science terms that I put in there about whales and ballenas. So those kinds of things just come alive in the story, especially the illustrations that Tommy Doyle did. They're just

phenomenal. Honestly, the colors just, they just sing. Are you like when you, when he talks about kids, it's right. I don't, I don't know if they talk to kids at all. I get anxiety. You know what kids always say to me are you a boy or a girl oh my god all the time that's so funny i know so i'm always like hi all right i try to butch it up for kids you know so they're not confused yeah but you're butching it up it's basically like an angry woman doris day right no i turn into b arthur well tell me about like to to circle back to what we were talking about about like taking life and and being open-minded enough when there are changes tell me about like your relationship with russ did that happen for you did that change any of your plans in life because you had your career

before you met him you were already living here yes so it was very serendipitous that he actually got that show right to come here yeah it really i mean it worked out in terms of my life and what's changed i still you know have the same kind of like nine to five kind of schedule i work all year around so not much has changed the only thing that has changed is that we've been relocating you know, in terms of finding that place that we can really call home, you know, and it was important for me to have him really grounded, you know, and to feel like this is his home because I know how much he's left behind in order to bring himself here. So I wanted to make sure that that was just part of the equation. And so he's just phenomenal. As you know, he's

genuine, the sweetest person I've ever, ever have encountered in my life. And that's, and I'm not lying he's hysterical hilarious Ross Matthews there's a reason why he's always always makes me laugh no matter what you know that's our love language honestly and I think that's what really keeps us together and he's so

positive and honestly I thought that it was all like a gimmick but no this is him this is him 100% and I really do enjoy that wouldn't it be fun though if I was awful like when it all turned off Well, I'm sure some people are, though.

I'm sure some people are acting nice. I mean, hello. Yeah, hello, yeah. We were, like, nodding because I think we know. But, I mean, everyone knows that, you know? There's a big facade that people put on, so it's really nice to know that there is a genuineness, that you can actually be an upbeat person and mean it, that you're not faking it, you know? Totally, and not a Pollyanna.

I don't want to be a Pollyanna. If something sucks, we can say it sucks, you know? But, like, right away, pivot to what can we do to make it better, you know? I've always, it's served me well to always sort of vibrate in a place of happiness. It's always served me well. Yeah, it really has. And by the way, he does too. And I think it's important to me to be with somebody who is very, really, that, you know, that's always number one.

Good looking. Good looking. No, but really is fluid in their energy. Does that make sense? Like somebody who's like really rigid in who they are and want it their way. That's not fun. It's not for me. It's not, because I like to sort of say, like, how do we feel about this?

Let's talk it out and work it out. Oh, God, you would hate being with me, Chelsea. You would hate it, I think. Yeah, I forgot I wanted to. Yeah. Right? I mean, yeah. I don't have the attention span for that.

Do you think if I was straight back in the day that you and I would have hooked up? I can't even imagine a possibility like that. You've never thought about it late at night? It's very hard for me to suspend my disbelief in such a way. Okay. am i right but i mean i do appreciate i do appreciate having the attitude of like not the attitude of gratitude a that's that that is true life is better when you're in a better mood period as soon as you're in a shitty mood everything goes wrong yeah and you can control

that a little bit you can perspective a couple breaths you can decide how you react to things like if you you know you missed your flight like there's two ways to handle that if you fucking want to throw a fit then you're going to be in that space for a long time you're going affect other people in a negative way you're gonna you know or you can be like whoopsie doodle I missed my flight now what let's go to the bar let's go to the bar let's go get a book or let's go have a good day at the airport yeah so like there's two ways to handle everything but it's hard to remember that sometimes it is it is but I don't know it's really served me so well I think in life yeah absolutely as we can see and so what was your biggest thing that you was there anything

when you guys got together that you had to overcome that was like a problem oh that's fun hmm trying to think what do we fight about

like what's our biggest Wellington's big penis in your tushy oh my god was that a big fight was that a fight madam I'm sorry

we're talking about a children's book now madam do you know the worst thing that I do what so I have a small chihuahua of course Audrey

she has bold eyebrows she's named after Audrey Hepburn and I take her out for poopsies and peepees every day multiple times

to the back door and I lock it when I leave, when I come back in, you know, because I am a protector and I want to make sure everyone's safe. And so whenever Welly goes out to the pool, I lock the door, you know? And so he tries to come in and multiple times a week,

he's pounding on the back door to be let in because instinctually I just lock it. That is the most annoying thing that I do. It really is. That is annoying. That is annoying. I'm like, it's just us. Seriously, right.

What is going on? So can you stop doing that? I tell myself to stop doing it all the time. Maybe you can get hypnotized. That's my new answer to everybody who's got problems. Oh my God, I would get hypnotized. I don't want to do it like on a cruise. There's a hypnotist for everything.

But I would want an independent party watching me get hypnotized. I don't want to be alone in a room with somebody hypnotizing me and then wake up what happened. Right. I want it filmed. I'm sure there's that too.

You could probably hire a third party person that watches you get hypnotized so that you don't get like finger blasted while you're getting hypnotized. Oh my God. You know what I mean? There has to be. Do you know how long I've heard the term finger blasted?

I want to thank you for bringing it back. No problem. Single-handedly. I know. Single-figuredly. I was with this woman the other night, this German woman, who was telling me that she had this adult-onset fear of flying, that she's flown all over the world and she's never had an issue.

And she's like, and now I'm scared to death of flying. And I'm like, you have to go get hypnotized. And she's like, hypnotized? What do you mean? I'm like, there's hypnotists all over the world that help you with flying, especially if it's an adult-onset thing. like if it just started yeah you the sooner it start like the sooner you nip it in the bud the sooner you can get rid of it is my philosophy sure i would think if you all of a sudden have

this crazy fear that you can anyway this woman emailed me this morning and she's like oh my god i found a hypnotist in germany i'm going it's three sessions three separate weeks i have to go for three weeks in a row and she's like thank you so much i had no idea about hypnotists and i'm like really i'm like are we just only getting are there only hypnotists in los angeles apparently I've never heard of them. What about Switzerland? They've got to be up to some shit like that too, right? I'm sure, but it's not the first place I go to to think hypnotist.

Have you had a hypnotist experience that really worked for you? Yeah, for smoking. I mean, now I'll smoke once in a while, but I didn't smoke for 10 years. And a hypnotist did it? Yeah, three times I went to Dr. Cary Gaynor in LA. Okay. And he was for smoking, but I'm sure he did planes too. You know what I mean?

Can I ask a question? When you're hypnotized, do you feel what's happening? Are you aware of everything as it's going? I was. But you are involuntarily responding to them? you're you're in a very relaxed state so while you're like going okay 10 9 8 you're going down the stairs you're going down another set of stairs they're just getting you to the most relaxed state and you're still conscious okay like you you're you're aware of what's going on

you're just trusting the technique like you're just like it's not like he could have fucked me and i wouldn't have known i was i was awake but choosing to go along with it like i was like there's no way this is going to work, but it did. And on the third time, the third time is the time where you're done. Like then you quit smoking. Like the first time he tells you about how disgusting smoking is, blah, blah, blah. You're gross. You're polluting your lungs. You're putting, you might as well be like breathing in carcinogens. You're like, Oh my God, I feel like such a dirty whore. And then on the third time he's like, okay, you won't, you won't. I'm like, can I hang out with my friends that smoke? Do I have to avoid them? He's like, no, no, no. You'll

never want to have a cigarette and for 10 years i really did it wow now once in a while if i'm in europe and people are smoking i'll smoke a cigarette here europe doesn't count yeah i don't think you can get cancer in europe i don't think that's what i keep telling myself this is fascinating chelsea that you did i want to try it but you could do it for all sorts of things like if people have like i have arachnophobia i don't have arachnophobia i have snake i'm scared of snakes yes i don't like but i'm not going to a hypnotist about that because it's not like i'm running into snakes exactly who are you stevie erwin it's not happening right yes i've actually been to Erwin, okay?

Oh, are you? Oh, wow. Okay, I love that. I relate most to her. Understood. Out of the family. You could go for like, if you're a picker,

you know, you pick your skin and your nails and you need to get hypnotized for that. I would do it. It's all sorts of bad habits, basically.

I wonder if they have a hypnotist specifically for people who lock the door behind their chihuahua. You know what I'm saying? I think you just need to hide a key for that.

Good point. I think we need to change the lock. Or you could get a collar for Ross to wear and every time the door is locked, you zap Ross. Yes.

Like a chihuahua collar so that you don't go out of bounds. That's actually a much quicker way to get to the point because I bet you he won't make that mistake more than twice. Or I'll just keep making it

because I like it a little bit. Or you put the collar in a different area and then we start to run down. But I would try hypnosis. That sounds fun. Yeah, I think, well now Ozempic

or whatever GLS5, whatever anyone's on, I take terzapatide. But now those things kind of cut out all of the bad habits too. So if you have a, like, if you're a sugar addict, if you're an alcoholic, if you're a drug addict, a lot of people take those and then they don't, they don't have like, I know when I started

taking Ozempic, I completely could not drink vodka. I was so grossed out. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not going to stop drinking. Like I'm going to find a workaround. Yeah. Get this medicine out of me. So then I started drinking gin, Tanqueray gin. And I was like, oh, I can drink this. So I'll drink that. Yeah. So it kind of like changes your appetite for things. Interesting. But if you're an addict, it can make you really not want anything. Fascinating.

So that's good, you know. I mean, people, that's the biggest problem, I think, is the food, alcohol, drugs, sugar addiction, all that shit, right? Thank God I shared that riveting chihuahua locked door story. It brought us all the way here. I know. You know, it's a full circle moment. What a risk I took, and it paid off. Time to take a chihuahua break.

We'll be right back with Tom Brokaw, everybody, and Tom Selleck. Okay. we'll be right back with tom and his chihuahua the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what

should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files you just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like

that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy

listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back okay we're back with wellington and ross and who are a happily married couple how many years have you guys been married now we got three years now oh we've been together five years yeah oh it feels like longer than that it does it feels like I mean it doesn't it doesn't seem like a short time five years together but I do feel like life really began when I met Wellington for me it really in terms of it all coming together and being myself and finding home yeah really finding home great way to say it really I feel that way too because when I think of you I always think of Wellington like you're a fixture you're you're like a cup you know it's

not one or the other you guys come together as a package and I understand what you're saying when you say life began with him because I think a lot of people who are in really healthy grounded relationships do feel like that's when their life began I remember being young and not thinking my life was going to begin until I was successful like that for me was a marker I'm like oh this is all just practice until I begin my real life totally and that's not to discount who we were before we met each other all of that was important we mattered we were there but in terms I mean RuPaul told me one time that life begins really when you're 40 and I didn't understand what that meant until i was 40 and i happened to meet wellington then as well and it really is about

you you um you have made all the mistakes right you know and so you've touched the stove you know it was hot you're not going to touch it again you stop doing this the well most of us most of us some people don't stop doing anything well when i think that's when you become a grown-up like locking doors yeah when you start doing stop doing the shit that that hurts you that's when i think you really become a grown up? Yeah, I feel like when I turned 50 this year, that was like, okay, I'm a woman, like a full fledged woman. Like you can't tell me not that you couldn't tell you could tell me what to do before. But there's a different there's a different maturity. Like I'm not responsible for your feelings. I don't overthink things. I'm not over analyzing anything. You're

not going to break me. I'm too strong and fierce. You know, what is that you describe what it's like but what does it feel like to be in that place to be to have that sort of power just feel so strong like i just feel like muy fuerte you know like like like a tree like i just feel like a real like sturdy tree like i can be annoyed i can be tired i can get bad news i can be all of those things but you're really like i'm kind of unshakable at this point and not kind of i'm i am unshakable at this point like you're not gonna get me you know what i mean knock me over before Or I felt like, oh, I could go through phases where I was weak or I was emotional or I would be fragile. And it's like, no, no, no, I'm not.

Even if I'm experiencing one of those things, that is just a little, like, it's not going to affect me. No, it doesn't mean that. It's not a point of weakness or someone could shatter something. It's just you're feeling it, but it's in the strength. I get it, what you're saying. And I notice it now more than I feel this way when I meet people who are very fragile or seemingly vulnerable, more vulnerable. I'm like, oh, I hope this woman gets to that place where she understands her, your essence and your worth. And yeah, your worth.

Like there's enough, you've gotten so far in this life and it's because of your actions. Right. Absolutely. And I think if people are listening to this and they're feeling weak or fragile, like just know that that's not a state that they have to be in forever. No. And you will eventually get to a place of strength. Right. And you also start making like, I like the decisions I make when no one's watching.

Like I'm proud of who I am when nobody is looking or watching, that I do the right thing, that I'm morally correct, that I'm actually doing what's best for everyone, that I don't lie, that I don't try to get out of things by lying. Like I'm always up front and I respect myself because of that. Uh-huh. I know exactly what you mean. It's like when I see a piece of garbage or something and I pick it up and no one's around And I think, God, I'm good.

I am so good. That's right. That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about. Your good deed of the day. What? Your good deed of the day. Yeah. You know, but it really is.

Those little things matter, even if nobody's looking, you know, in terms of what kind of person you want to be. I guess maybe in my head, I feel like somebody's looking. So I'm maybe. Well, if somebody is, you're looking. Yeah. I guess I'm the one who's looking. Like, I'm always like, oh, okay.

Because I'm like, God, you know, when you think about that, I think there's a period of time in your life where you're starting to you want to be accountable but you're like who am i accountable to and i think the answer is you're accountable to yourself really it's so i do that all the time where i tell him something that i'm doing because i like if we're out and we go to dinner i have a martini we come home and i have like i don't want to hang over tomorrow so i'll pour just i just want like a sparkling water with lemon but i'll say to him i'm not having a drink i'm just having sparkling water with lemon he's like okay okay right right do it why are you You live on the edge.

Go ahead. But I was like, I need to say, like, look, I'm doing the right thing. Isn't that annoying? Well, first of all, you can tell it's not a drink because there's no fucking ice in it, right? Well, no, I put ice in everything. Oh, you do? I don't like a hot beverage ever. No, no, no, no, honey, you don't have to tell me twice.

Thank you. But when it's cold, sparkling water, that's the only thing I don't need ice in. If it's really cold, sparkling water, I don't need the ice. Because I find that the ice dilutes the bubbles. Oh, you're right. Add more. I can be in the middle of a blizzard and I'm having an iced Americano. I don't want, listen, I just got back from Europe.

You don't have to talk to me about ice. Do you want to bring your own? I want, yeah, the icebergs are melting. And my big idea is to turn those into fucking ice cubes. Okay, what do we have going on, Catherine? We have a couple great callers. Our first caller is Joey. Okay.

He says, dear Chelsea, I'm listening to your podcast while doing my ketamine therapy dog walk. And I'm wondering if you have any advice for me. I'm a 39-year-old bartender and recovering drug addict, and my partner is a 35-year-old firefighter paramedic slash walking Excel spreadsheet. He doesn't seem to be interested in getting in touch with his quote-unquote feelings, and I've been pushing him to connect and all that to benefit our relationship over the past six years. But how do I, an ADHD, emotionally unstable piece of swamp trash, convince him, a successful and literal lifesaver, of the importance of emotional vulnerability and connection? He has literally said, it just sucks that the thing I need to work on, quote unquote, happens to be what makes me so good at my job. Am I crazy? He thinks that being a dismissive avoidant has given him a leg up in his career.

I think he's robbing himself in the long run. This man is amazing, and I love him to death. However, I can't seem to gain any traction with the idea that emotions are important. I'm not asking him to cry while he intubates a patient. I just think he could be a better human, partner, medic, and leader if he were able to allow himself to feel with boundaries instead of not at all. I don't know. Maybe it's the K. Should I lace his smoothie with LSD?

Cheers, Joey. Hi, Joey. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. Hi, Joey. Ross and Wellington are here today.

Hi. We can best guess. Yes. Hi. I don't know why I hear you guys. Hi. I mean, well, they can speak to being in a couple, but I mean, it's really not your job to get somebody else

to figure out what their emotional mindset is going to is or their growth mindset is going to be. Like everyone has to kind of come on to that in their own way. And if they decide to do it, some people never do it, but it's really hard to be told you have to get better with your emotions. Yeah.

Right? Listen, I think it's great that you have sort of said to your your partner like hey this is what i think you'd benefit from this but um it's kind of up to him to be who he or him or i guess him right yeah i just assume right yeah uh we don't have any straight men calling into this podcast but it's up to them to be who they are and like the truth is you kind of have to like decide that you just love them as is too if they don't have any growth you know you can encourage it but you can't dictate it yeah i i like work on myself so much and so when i see someone who's just like nope i like the way i like me the way i am if

you want someone more emotionally available you know go find them i'm like really well there's also this thing with like a spiritual like i'm not saying you're a spiritual narcissist but there can be people when they're working on themselves they can kind of have a superiority complex thinking oh look at all this work i'm doing you're taking ketamine walks with the dog you're in touch with yourself emotionally, like, oh, why you, you need to work on yourself. It's kind of like, you don't get to tell somebody else what, what work they need to do. If you're going to be in that relationship with him, you can leave him and then be like, oh yeah, you're not mature enough or spiritual enough or emotionally in touch with yourself enough. But if you're in the

relationship and you're choosing to be there and you're doing your work, if anything, you should be focusing on your work and that's it. And that's going to lead you to a place of either acceptance or you're going to be like, oh, I reject this relationship. I need somebody who's more in touch with their emotions. It's almost like just to relate it to something. If you were like renovating your house and you were really proud of your brand new kitchen and you went into somebody else's house and kitchen

and told them they needed to renovate it, it's just not fair. You know what I'm saying? Like that's their kitchen and they've got their choice with how to decorate. And so, you know, I think take care of you and decide if you can live with somebody like that. Yeah, no, that makes sense.

I hear you on that for sure. Yeah. I like your kitchen, by the way. Oh, yeah. I can see that. I've done tons of work on my kitchen. You don't need to do a single thing more. And if you don't like it, you can leave.

Yeah, understood. How long have you been taking ketamine? Probably like a year. How frequently do you take it? Maybe twice a month. Oh, well, that sounds good. How has that helped you? I don't know the benefits of it necessarily.

Can you tell us? So for me, I've always just hated myself a lot. And you get these lenses that you built up. and ketamine just like disassociates you from yourself and all those lenses that you have, like faggot, idiot, stupid, whatever you've got that you see yourself warped, you know, it takes them all away

so you can see what other people see, I guess. And it can be really powerful. Oh, that's beautiful. Wow. I'm so glad you're able to see what we see. We've known you for 35 seconds and I don't think any of those words, okay? So just so you know, I'm glad you can see that.

I appreciate it. It has come to that point where I have to either accept it, accept this man, which I always have. It just does get frustrating because I'm like, I go to therapy every fucking week and like look for things to fix about me. Right, right. But that's you. And also like some people don't run into that roadblock at the time that you want them to run into that roadblock. Like people only do the work on themselves when they realize something's not working for them. They're not just going to go like if everything's going great for him and his boyfriend is saying, oh, you need to go to

therapy that's that's not enough of a reason unless there's major problems between the two of you and then he would have a choice about whether or not he wants to go talk about it but like it's really not up to us to tell other people what to do with their emotions yeah i think you could suggest once or twice but then we just have to let people who they are you know it's it's when it like you know pops up say like um intimacy right is really hard if you're not willing to be vulnerable so so I crave that intimacy and that's whenever I kind of end up mentioning something about god like I just want you to be here present emotionally vulnerable yeah and he has a really hard time doing it and right and he doesn't want to change that because he's an

amazing hero wow well I mean it's also maybe you define vulnerability differently you know you and you can't dictate that for somebody else so I would just work on maybe maybe just seeing him for who he is and value him for that. Yeah, I know. I do love this person. I just, I knew that I needed some outside perspective. Well, I hope he gave it to you. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

All right. All right, thanks for calling in. Thank you, Joey. Bye, Joey. Bye. I feel like there often is like one partner who is a little bit more emotional and one who's less emotional.

Like my parents, my dad is much more emotional than my mom is. I'm more emotional than my husband is. Well, definitely there's different levels of emotion, but there's also being in touch with your emotions. That's true. Certain people, because that's a total lack of intimacy too. Before I went to therapy,

I didn't have any intimacy with any of my partners. There was no intimacy because I wasn't vulnerable. I couldn't, I was invulnerable. So like those things do go together, but some people go through life like that and that doesn't seem to be a problem. I mean, for them, you know, you have to hit a wall of some sort.

You absolutely do. I mean, well, that's life, right? And that's what we were talking about earlier in the show is these, you making those mistakes, you learning those lessons and becoming who you want to be do you feel totally vulnerable now are you able to go to that place when you're with somebody yeah but i mean i could go to that place with somebody that's a non-romantic partner but i'd have to really be yeah i can go there with anybody really yeah i don't have to be in love with somebody to be like vulnerable or like uh

yeah yeah but i'm also i'm just not that vulnerable you know what i mean i do know what you mean like like nothing that's why i'm saying you have to define it for each individual right it's like i I don't want, yeah, like if I think about my desires about connecting with a man, it's not on, it's not that level. Like I don't need to be looking into your eyes and you telling me how much I love you and I say it better. You're in the room. It's a totally different vibe for me. Exactly. Is love.

I think so too. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Like I don't need to be sobbing in your arms and weeping as we hold each other. Right, exactly. To be intimate. Yeah, that's a bit much for me. I'm good.

And for most of us, quite frankly. What else we got, Catherine? Well, our next caller is Heather, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I started doing drag in 2014, a few years after moving to San Francisco from the South. Perpetually a late bloomer, I was 39 when I started, and it took that long for me to realize I could be a drag queen as a cis woman. I quickly joined a weekly show at midnight on a Tuesday at one of San Francisco's oldest gay bars, The Stud, as well as other gigs as I could get them. It was never my full-time job, but it did use a significant amount of my time and creativity. In return, I discovered my sexuality, sense of gender, a great group of friends, a newfound confidence, wild creativity, and a best friend who became my wife, now of over five years. When COVID hit, both my wife and I stopped doing drag almost entirely. In 2022, we moved to Portland, Oregon, a place with lots of drag opportunities.

Both of us miss what drag brought to our lives, so we sought out some easy opportunities to perform, primarily at a community center, which has a great big audience but is low pressure. But some things changed. The problem I'm finding is that shows now cause me complete overwhelm, exhaustion, and a feeling of burnout since I'm doing just one show every few months. One of the big hurdles is the makeup. You know when you do bat-winged eyeliner every day and it's so easy, and if you stop for a while, it's a hot mess?

Imagine that, but a whole face that takes one to two hours. I also get too involved in helping run the show, which leaves me exhausted rather than invigorated. I love going to group rehearsals and thinking of numbers, then preparing, and during the show, I have anxiety and a sense of dread. Is it time for me to let go of drag entirely? I'm forever grateful for all it's given me. Even the few shows I've done in Portland have led to friendships and community.

meeting people in the dressing room of a drag show is my favorite way to meet people love heather aka bama slamma ding dong okay this ross this is over to you oh well hi ross is our yes our in-house drag expert well i i've seen a lot of great drag on rupaul's drag race up close hi heather how are you hi big fans of all of you thank you i love that you do drag drag is for everybody and it's such a beautiful art form but it is a lot of work you know these queens we have on Drag Race have spent years, some decades perfecting the art and it still takes them forever to do their makeup and think of the numbers and so much goes into it. Listen, I think, well, I know that drag has brought a lot into your life and you've loved it, you've enjoyed it,

but the truth is it is an extracurricular activity for you, right? And so those are meant to bring you joy. So if it's not bringing you joy right now, I think you have to adjust how you're approaching it. If you're liking the picking the songs and then that maybe you're helping out at drag shows you know there's the people that are so integral to those drag shows and drag brunches who help out in the backstage or carry the tip jar around or help the queens there's ways you can be involved with the art form if the actual art form itself isn't bringing you the joy you need what it brought you is still there whether you're in drag or not right and i have tried that i've done stage manager i've and things like that at the end of the day the spotlight is important

you know so okay i guess i'm trying to figure out yeah what is the next step where i can still be involved i see other drag queens do stand-up comedy or move on to other things music all that takes effort too so it's hard to put into words what drag brings to you you know it brings such a power and a different element can you tell us what it brought to you like what did it feel like when you were in that spotlight in drag like what were you drawn to it just it multiplies confidence you know so much and you get to live out every fantasy of you know look like barbie look like an alien um that that kind of extreme creativity i do love i feel like that it'll be figured out And I do agree with you. There's plenty to do to support the shows.

Chelsea, you've talked before about like having to take a break from stand up when it was like not feeling life giving to you. Can you talk a little bit about that and what brought you back to it? I just feel like sometimes if you're not feeling something, you shouldn't struggle with it. You know, don't like fight it to the death. Take a break and walk away. And sometimes you get a fresh perspective. Not sometimes, almost every time. It's almost like writer's block a little bit. maybe you're having drag block yeah yeah maybe you are I like that I mean that that there is truth to that I think it's always healthy to take a break I mean if something's not giving you the same vibes that it gave you then yeah there's nothing wrong with taking a break and it doesn't have to be like you're broken up it's just like you're taking a break you know art is work but it also should bring you joy and pride you know and so maybe it's a little distance would help

that. Yeah. If you miss it in a few weeks or a few months, you check in with yourself. Do you miss it? Do you want to go back? Do you feel the urge? Do you want to go see a show and not participate in one? Or do you want to be in one and just check in with yourself, even write about it, journal about it at night before you go to bed. Do I miss drag today? No, I don't. What am I feeling today? And just kind of keep an emotional kind of record of how you're feeling. And that'll give you all the indicators you kind of need to know. I think a lot of us are just not in the practice of listening to ourselves as well as we should. And if you really are with yourself and you give yourself time to digest something and to think about something and really like,

okay, I have an hour free today. I'm going to think about how I feel about drag. Like that really dedicate the time that it deserves to be thought about and considered and contemplate it. And then you'll come up with your answer, whether or not you're ready to give it up or you want to go back at it fully or in a different way. Yeah. I've had a lot of stress in my life over the last year. And one thing I am looking for is that kind of escape and outlet. So at least right. What you're talking about. I think it also would give me an opportunity to try other things. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. And it should be fun, right? You need to release. You need to have a good time. It should be fun, whatever you choose to do and how you spend that time.

sure sure all right heather thanks so much for calling in thank you heather good luck heather thank you is there an art that you wish you were like that you could do you know uh yeah of course anything i wish i could do anything i wish i could sing oh for sure i wish i could sing i wish i could dance yeah i wish i could be a good dancer this one can move like the wind i've seen i've seen you dance i've seen you dance wellington i would this summer i was like i i love drawing i I was like, I really want to get good at it. I want to become like an artist, you know? And so I got, I bought like the markers and the pen

and the paints and the things. And I'm just terrible. No, he's not. I sit in my room and then I crumple it up and I'm like, that is awful. And I throw it away. What are you doing? What kind of art?

What do you mean markers? I want to, well, I saw this woman on TikTok who is so incredible what she can draw. And I said, what do you, I messaged her, right? A total stranger. I said, what do you use? She told me the pens and they say, do you have any advice?

Cause I would love to draw like you. And she said, just start. so I was like oh shit so I went and I got it and I am just I'm so bad at it but I look at well I thank you but it's really it's not coming out the way I want to do it you know and it's so frustrating you've never done it before and you're over 40 you got to keep at it I guess so but I get visions in my head and then the execution is just yeah but you'll get there you have to you can't you're not just going to start doing something and be amazing at it well that's how it should be that's what I want but think about that you know what I mean if that were life then we'd all just be doing whatever

the fuck we want it all the time i guess you have to put in the time to get the results i guess you're true so don't give up on yourself yet okay but but to to heather's point like it's it is frustrated this art that i love i do find it also very frustrating so i was relating to to heather when she was talking about drag and i just think but if you want to love it to your point you've got that's how i feel about spanish it's so frustrating to me that it's taking me so long to become like fluent fluent but i love it i'm not gonna quit and i'm not there yet and i have to always go you're learning like even when i fuck up or i'm taking a test and i'm like oh i got eight answers wrong out of 20 and fuck at least i look like you learn something with every mistake

okay so like we're gonna make sure we give you the uh two and two in spanish because it comes and i read the audio in spanish and he does the english version oh nice So T and T-O. I'll send you a picture too. I'll draw you. Oh my God, that would be great. With your markers. They're good markers too.

Catherine, do we have time for another call or what's our story? With your markers. We can take a break and I have one more question. All right, we'll take a break and we'll be right back. The new Red Bull Dragonberry

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When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam

sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other

big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Farrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with

T.O. and T.O. Remind me to send Ross a new magic marker set for his journey. And I'm going to use markers in my Spanish workbook also. I'm going to tell you to send you these markers. They're beautiful markers. They have a great flow. Are they thin markers or thick markers? Yes.

It's about how you angle your hand. There's a fine point. Yes, they're both. Well, our last question comes from Cassidy. This is just an email. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been with my girlfriend for a year. In gay fashion, we often talk about the future, marriage, and what to burn in case of

sudden death. For the last few months, she's told me for her birthday, she wanted to tell her family about me. She has four sisters. One I know and is fully supportive, and the second is deeply Catholic and not a factor we care about. The other two, however, are a different story. She told her youngest first, which was easy. She was curious, supportive, and kind. Then she told the oldest. After a long silence, she asked that their parents not be told since her mom is, quote, a worrier. My girlfriend's

plan is to bring me around as her, quote, friend. I declined this option. She deeply needs her older sister's approval for most things in her life, which is my main concern. I am, in other people's words, fiercely independent. Admitting these recent events made me incredibly sad. It was difficult. She swears it's not if, but when. I want to be with her, but how do I feel better about this? The reasoning seems trivial and like it's not her decision, but her sister's. What else will be up to her sister in the future? For context, she's 37 and I'm 32. She's never brought someone home, and they weren't aware she's gay. I get it, coming out is hard, but why am I so sad about it?

I'm writing this on my couch as she's at dinner with her family, the one she planned on bringing me to as her girlfriend. Am I catastrophizing this? Cassidy. Yeah, you are catastrophizing it a little bit, I think. I think that you should, just because this happened, A, you don't have to go to be with her family as a friend. You don't have to do that.

Like, I get that. But, like, assuming that her sister's going to make every important decision in her life is not true. Like, just because her sister gave her this answer, you didn't like that answer, it's unfair to you, it's not ideal, it doesn't mean that's the way the rest of your life is going to go. This is a very important decision for your girlfriend, too, and it's going to weigh on her, I'm sure, at some point, that she has to get her sister's approval for almost everything. And then she's going to start to consider, is she willing to go through life like that? She can't live a lie. So while I would stand your boundaries and not participate in pretending to be her friend

when you're more than that, I get that. I wouldn't do that either. I don't think you have to like throw in the towel and think, oh my God, her sister's going to be the arbiter of our relationship. I disagree. You do? I do.

I just think if my very existence is an issue that you're going to let your sister dictate, then we have a real problem here. It would be a deal breaker. Your sister is going to tell you to tell the world that I'm your friend. I would like to simply exist in your world as your partner. And if that can't happen,

then that's you making that decision, not me. I agree with that as well. You agree with that too? Because it's, you know, you have to be authentic. You have to be yourself. And the fact that she's not allowing her to even be part of the picture, it's problematic. I don't think it's too much to ask to be exist

and acknowledge that you exist. Well, it's also, yeah, it's hard when it's your own sister that you look up to kind of saying like her sister knows she's gay so there's not a lie there that's true like she knows she's gay she's just telling her to mute the thing so that's that's where the problem comes in she's not but she's not living a lie she's just not allowed to live out loud is what we're saying don't you think that that is simple human decency no absolutely right i hear what you're saying maybe it's because you know we spent a lot of time when i started on television it was back in 2001 and there was a lot of fighting for equality and insisting on

equality and we matter and and and that was important i i no longer have that fight within me i have if you don't want to give me equality god bless i just yeah right right i'm not going to fight you for that right so the fact that she's now having to fight to be recognized is exhausting to me and i would tap out of that fight okay that's fair well i mean yeah It's just dignity, you know, just having dignity. Yeah, personal dignity, that's right. It's not, I mean, for somebody to put you on mute is not a good feeling.

But I also agree with you that like, you know, sisters probably won't be the one, you know, making all those decisions. No, but she's letting her make this decision and this is a big one. But right, but she's just stand her ground and say, no, I'm coming to the stupid party or whatever it is. Right, right, right.

I think this could be, oh, that's a great point. Yes, Margie. This is, rather than being a red flag deal breaker by bitch, this could be a no i think this would make you better me better your sister better mom better and i'm gonna fight for it and get to a better place yeah that's good see why he's better than me i do i do see well you thought the moment we walked in okay well there you go there you have it my advice was wrong i think theirs was right i am reconsidered no no i think you're right you guys are right i didn't think you were wrong but i just but um i felt your neck crane as soon as i

started talking i'm like what's his problem i know i know oh my really i just it is a pet peeve of mine it is like i just i've had family members tell me to tone it down or something perfectly and i think that's beautiful you actually i mean you said it you're right nobody should exist and should be denied especially now it's like come on this fight has already happened yeah we already argued this out it's already been litigated it's exhausting that people want to take it back so anyway send a copy of this to her sister i love you send her a link so her sister can listen to this and realize that she's being inappropriate and she needs to let her sister

live out loud. And also mom lives in this world. Even though she's a warrior, she's not, what is she, in a bunker? She's fine. She'll be fine. My parents were very Catholic as well and they were all fine. And they're all fine. Everyone survives. And then I married the gayest human ever. And his dad spent the weekend at

our house and we were in the pool. We love each other. We've actually never had the discussion of we're gay kind of thing. It's just like this is my husband. Yeah. Or maybe he doesn't know. Or maybe he doesn't know.

Or maybe he thinks you're a woman. Maybe he thinks you're a woman. Whatever. It works. I'm fine with it. Okay. And that's your episode of Dear Chelsea for the week, everybody. Thank you, callers.

Thank you, listeners. We'll see you next week. Thank you, Ross. Thank you, Wellington. What a pleasure. We love you. Thank you. We love you.

I love you. I love you guys. The word of the week is grammarian. Noun. A specialist or expert in grammar. Grammarian. Chelsea is known to be something of a grammarian, which is why we do this segment, Grammarian. I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.

I will be touring from February through June, so go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every

week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions.

Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What?

For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way.

Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.