Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - TMI with Martha Stewart

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

Chelsea heads to the Martha Stewart Omnimedia offices to discuss losing a favorite sibling, dating in your 80s, and the very different types of advice they give to their audiences.  Then: A singleton wonders if she’ll ever find love again.  A lesbian struggles to gain the support of her parents as she comes out.  And Martha’s curious about Chelsea’s constant reinvention. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time.

bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, good morning. Good morning. How are you, Chelsea?

I'm well. We're in New York City today. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Joe and I have been exercising like two fitness fanatics since we've been in New York City. That's amazing. We have walked, the other day he walked 35,000 steps. I don't know why I didn't, but I guess. I know. He's so, he loves it. You know that little app, your heart app on your phone?

Oh, yes. And you can track your steps. And we rented city bikes yesterday. Fun. And we drove all the way, well, we rode, not drove. I hate when people say they drove a bike. We rode all the way up to Central Park, all the way around Central Park. First, we got our little bagel because we've been trying out different bagel places all over the city.

Do you have a favorite? Yeah, I do, but I don't know what it's called. Okay. So that's helpful. And we rode our bikes up. We got a bagel, cream cheese, and lox, and the whole thing. And then we drove a road through Central Park, stopped at one of these little pools, ponds. It was more like an algae pond, but it was pretty.

We ate our bagel. Then we rode our bikes all the way down the West Side Highway to our favorite little restaurant, Grand Banks, where we sit on a boat and we had like a strawberry mojito. And then we rode our bikes all the way back uptown. And it was just glorious. I mean, New York City is just so much fun. That is delightful. Especially when you don't live here.

Like, it's always a vacation. Yeah. And Joe has started a laundromat in our hotel room. So he does laundry pretty much from, I wake up and the dryer is going every morning. So he must wake up in the middle of the night and then put another load in. So you guys actually, you have a washer dryer in the room. In our hotel room, yes. And it's more like an apartment than a hotel room that we rent.

And he does our laundry and then I hear the washing machine. He does laundry constantly and then he irons it all. And then he does it again. He starts again. I mean, at least he's clean. Everything's clean, but it's, everything's a mess. Like everything's shrunk or tie-dyed. So the other day I got a jumpsuit out of the dryer and it just had chocolate stains everywhere.

Oh no. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Is this like a tie-dye situation that you're trying out? Like what? He goes, honey, that must have been something in your pocket. I like a piece of chocolate, which is so me, you know, to have like a chocolate nut cluster left over in my pocket. Like so my mother.

So gross. yeah so one of my jumpsuits was ruined and one of my sweatpants a pair of sweatpants was also ruined and that one had a big chocolate stain right on the asshole so I could definitely not wear that one and so I told him to put a pin in his laundromat yeah and learn how to fucking do laundry before continuing yeah and then he told me that that's racial profiling because all Chinese people run laundromats and I said but you're not Chinese so what how is that racial profiling You're Filipino. He said, you know what I'm talking about.

I mean, I was going to ask if you said that he irons. I feel like it's a known thing that white people don't iron their clothes enough. Like, I am currently wearing an unironed collared shirt. Oh, that's funny. Well, that would make sense. It's my privilege. Like, we don't even think we have to iron our clothes. We could just go out looking like schleps.

I do have to say, at least my husband is one man who I told him at the beginning of our marriage, I will never iron your shirts. If you would like them ironed, you must do it yourself. He does. Well, this is the 50s. Yeah. I mean, nobody should be ironing anything for anybody else. Unless Joe wants to continue ironing my things, that's fine.

But I would appreciate him taking out the laundry part. Yeah. Because he's ruined a couple of my jumpsuits now, either by shrinking them. Like, they're too, you know, some of them you're not supposed to wash. You're supposed to dry clean. But I did send, like, three of my jumpsuits down to dry clean at the hotel that we stay at. And I have to say, I got back and I just caught the number out of the corner of my eye. Yeah.

And I said, it was $586 to dry clean three jumpsuits. And I was like, you guys, that's not right. Even I know that's not right. One of my girlfriends, she lives in West Hollywood. I'm sure she was getting this done in Beverly Hills. She said she took several sweaters and two blankets that you need to dry clean to a dry cleaners. She got the bill, went to pick it up. It was $1,600.

I was like, where are you taking it? She goes, oh, it was such and such. I'm like, if your dry cleaner has a name and it's not just dry cleaner, then you should not be taking, especially your blankets there. A blanket? I didn't know you could dry clean. I guess that makes sense, dry cleaning blankets. Yeah, like giant comforters and stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Ugh, I don't know. I'm just glad that I don't, I, you know, laundry feels good when it's done because we've been on the road now for like three weeks, the both of us, and we have so much accumulation of dirty stuff. So it does feel good to have it clean. Yeah. But it doesn't feel good when it's all different colors and different lengths when you get it out.

And you can never wear it again. Yeah. So, you know, there you go. There you have it. That's the crux of our, that's what our relationship is about currently. Dry cleaning. Or laundry. Sorry.

Okay, everybody. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates. I'll be at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal, July 28th. Hosting a gala. A gala? Also pronounced as gala. I am in Vancouver, August 12th. Two shows in Vancouver.

I'm in Calgary, Saturday, August 13th, and Sunday, August 14th, that's Calgary. And then I have tons of dates coming up in the fall, starting with Saratoga, California, Niagara Falls, Long Beach, California, Bakersfield, California, Paso Robles, California, Wheatland, California, and lots of places in Florida, Tampa, Fort Myers, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida,

and the list goes on and on. And oh, and San Diego and Riverside, California. So lots of dates in California and Tucson, Colorado Springs. Anyway, go to ChelseaHandler.com for your tickets. I will see you guys all there. These will be the final dates of my vaccinated and horny tour. And I can't wait to see all of you in person now that everybody, well, most people are vaccinated and officially horny.

That's with three E's at the end, Catherine, just in case you didn't know how to spell horny. Perfect. Okay, so today we have somebody on who is very, you'll know her when you hear her. Her website is called Martha.com. The Bedford by Martha Stewart is her new immersive restaurant in Vegas. Have you heard of that yet? An immersive restaurant.

She's got CBD. She's got a CBD line. She has 19 crimes, Martha's Chardonnay. And her name is Martha Stewart. She's the founder of Martha Stewart Living OmniMedia. It's the dream to have an OmniMedia. Martha, welcome to the show. Hi.

It's always such a delight to see you. Well, I'm so happy that you're here at my office and that we can talk. You know, we've never really just talked. Yes, we've interacted before. We've had some social media interaction. We bumped into each other most recently at Jimmy Fallon's show. That was so fun. I think it was Seth Meyers, though.

Oh, you know what? It was Seth Meyers. It's so hard to keep all these men straight, isn't it? Very hard because you do get mixed up. Late night is late night. And there's like at least three or four of them that you have to keep track of. Yeah. You know, and I was just- Who's your favorite? Oh God, don't ask me that. I would have to say Jimmy Fallon just because I do his show the most often. So I would say that, you know, he's a real sweetheart. I like all of them. It's so hard. I miss David Letterman the most. Oh, well, you guys had a nice rapport.

Yeah, and we worked together a long time. And now I think I've appeared on Seth Meyers more than any other guest. Oh, really? That was a record for a while. And now, I don't know, I think, I like Stephen Colbert. Do you do that show? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Do you do it? I've done it, but I don't regularly. I do Fallon more regularly. He's a little more difficult. Yeah? But he's really smart. But Letterman was difficult, no? No, Letterman and I had a nice relationship.

And did you guys have a relationship off screen? I wish. Yeah. Well, because a lot of, you know, I was reading this Joan Rivers book because I was, I recently inducted her into the Comedy Hall of Fame for Netflix. And I was reading this Joan Rivers book and she was talking about her dynamic with Johnny Carson. Did you ever do Johnny Carson's show?

Oh, yes. Yeah. That was a hard show to do. That's what she said because everyone thought they had this great relationship, but it was only for on camera. Right. There was nothing going on off camera. Did Joan Rivers have any affairs with anybody?

Not that she spoke about in the book, but I mean, I guess, you know. She seemed to be like a person unto herself. I don't mean narcissism or anything like that. She was just so powerful. Like her presence was so strong that it would be hard to team up. But I think she did. I think I went, I think I ate at her house once and I think there was a man around. Oh, well, that's good to know.

Speaking of men, what's going on in your love life these days? Nothing. Absolutely zero. I had two mad crushes in the last month, which is really good for me. Yeah. But it turns out, you know, one of them is married to the mother of some friends of mine and he's so attractive. But you can't be a homewrecker. No, I'm not. I've never been a homewrecker.

No. Never. And I've tried really hard not to be. It's hard to... I've had the opportunity to be a homewrecker and I have not taken anybody up on it. And that's really where I meet men. They're all married to friends of mine or something like that. Well, it's very difficult because I think there are certain ages we go through where it's very tempting because you want to believe that, oh, maybe this relationship that they're in is temporary.

Or maybe they'll die. I always think, oh, gosh, couldn't that person just die? The wife. Yeah, not painfully, just die. And then slowly pass away. Yeah. But it hasn't worked out. No, it hasn't worked out.

But what I would say, I mean, I find it curious because when was your last relationship? A while ago. Not too long ago, but a while ago. Okay. So it's not that far in the distance, right? No. It's not like 100 years or so. Well, we know you're not 100 years old, Martha. Nobody thinks that. And speaking of, you have a lot of years ahead of you, but I would like to know what do you think is the most important thing in terms of legacy and leaving behind? What is the thing that is most important for you to be known for? I would like to leave, and I think I am in the process of leaving a vast library of good, authentic information for good living. That's really, it sounds kind of high-minded and blah, blah, blah, but it's actually a serious thing.

You know, growing up, I had The Joy of Cooking, and I had maybe The Better Homes and Gardens, a book of household management. but I didn't have the Martha Stewart books, which are so phenomenally useful. And I didn't have the ideas and the videos that we've created and produced over the years. So leaving that kind of legacy of really good education, but also with a flair for friendliness and joyfulness and beauty, because I think what we do is pretty beautiful. And all that information we've created, that's a good legacy. And did you know when you were a little girl that this is what you were going to be doing when you grew up? No. Actually, I always wanted to be a teacher. I was brought up loving my teachers. I was encouraged to be a teacher, to help little kids. I was always doing the birthday

parties and creating all kinds of interesting things for the children to do, even when I was a child. That started when I was about 10. So teaching was always ingrained in me as a very high-minded profession and that I could do it to millions of people via television and via the internet and via magazines and books, that really has been fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really, could you have ever imagined that you would have such an empire like this? I don't think like that. I just think that, and I just work day to day and build and build and try to try to fix and build and fix and repair and build and create. That's how I go. And what do you think the most influential relationships have been in your life

that have contributed to your sense of self and your sense of success? Well, first of all, I guess it was my parents. And I had a nice relationship with both parents. I was my father's favorite, which didn't make me happy all the time because I don't think parents should have favorites. How many children did you have? Six. Same as you. Oh, yeah. What number are you? I am number two. Two, okay. And you were the baby.

I'm number six. Yeah, well, you're a spoiled brat. Yes. And you got what you wanted probably. Yeah, exactly. But I got nothing that I wanted. I had to work for every single- Well, number two is a pretty hard position to be in.

Except that I got my father's attention and none of the other kids did. He somehow fixated on me. Ooh. And he and I were really good friends. And I felt uncomfortable sometimes because he liked me better than the other kids. And everybody knew it? Yeah, they pretty much knew it. And I'm sure they held it against me and they probably still do.

But my mother was the egalitarian and she was great. She had no favorites at all. And that kind of irked some of the kids, but she was, everyone was equal. Everyone got the share. You know, when my mother died, it was so amazing. her will was down to the penny divided amongst the six children, you know, kind of nice. Well, I think that's what a mother is meant to do is to love all of her children equally. Because if you ask any woman who their favorite child is, they all say, oh, that's impossible.

And if you ask any man, their questions start to vary. And they'll say things like, whoever needs me the most, you know, men love to be needed. So how does your relationship with your siblings, do they still feel that way? Do they still make fun of the fact that you were the favorite well no because we're i mean my two closest siblings died oh unexpectedly the two youngest children died and um not not after they were married and after they both had children and they just died from stupidity i i think i think they were very careless about their health oh yeah so they did not have to die i that's my theory and i think it's their children's theory also. So they've missed out on the grandchildren and they've missed out on the success of their

own children. It's sad, but they were my favorites, my brother George and my sister Laura. And Laura worked for me for a very long time. And George was a builder and he did a lot of projects with me and two fabulous kids. And I'm friends with all their children, nice friends with their children, which is important to me. But the others, my sister Kathy. I married a man that hated me. So, you know, we don't even go there. We try to have a relationship, but not a very close one. Is this too much information? No, it's great. And then Brother Eric. Brother Eric, he's my older brother and we've always been friends. Yeah. And he's a fine craftsman and I really admire his artistry and he knows it. And he's older than I am. And

he's, you know, complaining a little bit about getting old. And I don't like that. I don't want him to complain because he's a strong guy and then we have the brother that that brother i guess every family has i know which one you're talking about i have one of those you have one yes but he had a good reason he went to vietnam oh okay and so he has a very good reason for being the way he was yeah my brother does not have a good reason he did not go to vietnam so i'll have to follow up on that later yeah yeah but i wish my brother would write a book about his experience in vietnam Those guys don't want to write books about their experiences. Yeah, because they don't want to talk or remember it.

They don't. Yeah. And you know what? It would be so interesting now, in retrospect, to know what they went through. I mean, Vietnam was a hard war. Yeah. Yeah. Vietnam, for our generation, it was Iraq and Afghanistan.

And we still haven't even seen the after effects of what those soldiers went through, right? No. And kids don't know anything about war. That's the thing. Well, yeah, and it's happening all over the world. Every generation right now doesn't know about war and the effect it has on people. It's so crazy to me that they don't know it. And yet Ukraine is happening right now and they don't know.

They don't understand how devastating it is to a population. Yeah. Seeing those pictures coming out of Mariupol or any of those cities, you're just like, it's the most senseless act of destruction. Women with their babies crossing borders for food and shelter. And the children carrying their little white kitty cats on their shoulders. Yeah, yeah. It's so horrible.

So to pivot, I want to ask you something about your experience. What do you think is one of your favorite things about growing older? A favorite thing? Yeah. I don't have one thing. Yes, you do. Oh, I do. Come on.

Not one. Because first of all, I don't think about age or aging. I do not think about it. Some things happen to you. You step in a hole and you rupture your Achilles tendon. I did that last year. And that was a stupid thing because it's hurt me for a year. And the least favorite thing is getting into any kind of pain.

Yeah. My favorite thing about getting older is absolutely not one thing. And there you have it, everybody. There's not one favorite thing about getting older. I thought we would impart some positive wisdom from Martha Stewart. Not a thing, people. Okay. Well, on that note, we're going to take some callers. I give advice. It's just off the cuff. I'm not a medical doctor. You're not a medical doctor, unless you are a medical doctor, and I don't know about that. No, I'm not, but I know a lot about medicine.

Yeah, so do I, actually. I love medicine. So, Catherine, tell us what we have in store for this episode. Well, we have all kinds of questions that are right up Martha's alley. We'll take a quick break, and we'll be right back with Martha Stewart and Chelsea. there's no shortcut for saving time but saving money is simple just combine your car and home insurance with bel-air direct and save get a quote at bel-air direct.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because

it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me,

you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and we're back, and Martha brought some Easter eggs, even though they're not Easter eggs. They're just eggs from her chickens. Who laid different colored eggs. Yeah, I thought they were Easter eggs.

And then upon closer inspection and Martha telling me, I realized they are not Easter eggs. Well, our first question comes from Heather. She says, Dear Chelsea, knowing how much you and your family love Martha's Vineyard and that you go every year, I was hoping you could share some suggestions on where to go and what to do. My husband and our two-year-old are joining another couple and their one-year-old at the end of July, staying in Edgartown. What are the places we should absolutely visit, and where are the best places to eat? The more outdoors, the better. We can also find some adults-only time without the kids. Stay well, Heather M. And I just have to say, Martha, you may already know this, but in researching this question, I learned that a very vast portion of the internet thinks that you own Martha's Vineyard.

As, by the way, all my nieces and nephews growing up thought it was Aunt Martha's Vineyard. And they would say, when I'd say, oh, I'm going to the vineyard, Aunt Martha's Vineyard? They all thought not only was it my island, but it was also I had a vineyard on the island. And that's why I stay far away from Martha's Vineyard. I don't ever go to Martha's Vineyard, so I couldn't offer any advice whatsoever. That's a brand disruption. She's got her own thing going on. She doesn't need to be tied to some island.

Exactly. If you're staying in Edgartown, you're going to find plenty of things to do. Most places to eat are the Quarter Deck, which has like outdoor total vineyard food, like fried clams, fried shrimp, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, all that stuff that you can get that's fun for kids. If you go down to the Wharf, there's tons of places for kids, little candy stores, lots of shopping, all down Edgartown, up and down Main Street and around. The Harborview Inn Hotel is a great place to have a drink and look at the sunset,

Harborside Inn. and then there's the wharf and everywhere you go around there you'll find places you can't go wrong on Martha's Vineyard and then you're going to want to go up island too to like see the more quiet parts of the vineyard which is West Tisbury and Tisbury and uh the three main towns are Oak Bluffs Vineyard Haven and Edgar Town and then up island there's some really pristine beautiful beaches like in Chilmark and Menemsha those are places you want to go and get a great lobster roll and watch the sunset, especially, specifically the beach in Menemsha. So you're going to have a beautiful time in the summertime.

That's my special spot, Martha's Vineyard. It is? Yeah, my family. We had a house there growing up. Yeah. Do you go now? Yeah, we go every summer. You sound like you're really knowledgeable about the place.

I mean, I couldn't even, I've been going to Maine for like 30 years and I couldn't tell you all those things about my island. I told you about my experience in Biddeford Pool, right? where I ran into the Bushes and then I went over to Kenny Bunkport to the compound and George Bush gave me a tour of all of his artwork and then wouldn't let us leave the house. We were captured

because Barbara Bush wanted us to come over to play pickleball. And so I brought my whole crew. I had my brothers, my sisters, like 10 friends. We went over, played pickleball and then I hear the former president go, Ms. Handler, is that you? And I thought, oh, I can't be seen with this guy

after all my political musings publicly. I'm like, I got to get out of here. You're such a staunch Republican. And then he dragged me into his house. He goes, you're not leaving. He goes, come look at all my artwork. And I had sunglasses on. And he said, I need you to take your sunglasses off.

And I said, I'm pretty stoned. So I think I'm going to leave them on. And he looked at me and thought I was kidding again, which I wasn't. And then shortly after there, we were able to skedaddle. But it was actually, he's very charming in person. I'm sure you've spent time there, right? Yes, I've met him. And when I was in Kennebunkport two years ago, I actually had dinner with Barbara, his daughter, and her husband.

Yeah. We had a very nice dinner. The Bushes were away that weekend, so I didn't get to see them. But I just saw George W.'s wife in Texas. So I went down to give a talk, and she was the honoree. So we had a very nice little chat. Yeah, I love Barbara, his daughter. Yeah.

Yeah, she's great. So, yes, have a great time in Martha's Vineyard, and those are the places to hit up. Wonderful. Well, we have one caller today. her name's Sabrina and she says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sabrina and I'm 24 years old from New Jersey. I came out to myself as queer in 2019, to my friends and sister in early 2020, and then to my parents in the middle of 2020. My parents were initially supportive, telling me they would love me, quote, no matter what, but quickly became dismissive, pointing out men they wish I would

date, which was really hard on me. It took so much courage to come out in the first place. I started dating my first girlfriend in September 2021 and decided to try and reach out to my parents to talk about my sexuality and see if I felt safe enough to come forward about my relationship. Long story short, they told me that this was my problem to deal with, not theirs, and that they did not want to know anything pertaining to that aspect of my life. It's been hard for me to deal with both the fact that my parents will not provide me with the support, acceptance, and safe space that I had before I came out, as well as not being able to give my girlfriend everything her family has given me, which is nothing but open arms and love.

Last I talked to them, they asked me to write down everything I needed from them, and they would tell me if it's something they could give me. I try to make them understand why the way they are going about this is simply fucked up and doesn't need to be this hard, but I'm still struggling to find the right words as well as a reason for why they've reacted in such a negative way everyone i have come out to thus far has been nothing but loving supportive and proud of me please help sabrina and she's here with us on the phone okay hi sabrina hi it's so nice to meet you by the way and martha short like what hi i know surprise surprise surprise well i'm sort of surprised about your parents yeah it's it's been pretty hard i think just especially since all of my

friends and like literally everyone else i've come out to has been so supportive i was taken aback for sure well other than going to chelsea have you gone to a psychiatrist to work this out with your parents oh yeah i joined a support group with other queer folks i have gone to a few therapists they all just tell me to like keep pushing forward keep reaching out kind of rip off the band-aid do everything I can so that's kind of what I've been doing but I understand she has a different perspective and a process so kind of giving her time I think has been the best that she needs but I still feel like I'm not getting anything back from her from your mom yeah my mom I mostly have like the most emotional connection with my mom my dad

is like, the sit back, I'm going to support you silently kind of person. So it doesn't feel natural for me to like, want to go to him first, which is also an issue that that I have. Yeah, I think what you're describing is just going to take some time, you know, and I think you should go where the love is. And when you have a supportive, welcoming family on your girlfriend's side, dive into that and lean into that during this time, because that's kind of the support you need, and you're taking care of yourself. And that's never wrong. Looking out for yourself and standing up for yourself and being honest and forthright to the people you love about what you care about and what you want in this life and your sexual identity and all of that

is important. So as long as you're being honest with yourself, then nobody can hold anything against you. Those are their issues that they're going to have to overcome. You can keep in contact with them and reach out and stuff, but it's going to be their own kind of journey. And in the meantime, time you know you should focus and go where the love is and just enjoy your time with your girlfriend enjoy her family you can get things from them that you're not getting from your own family and I guarantee you your mother will come around you're her daughter you know unless she's some evil demonic wizard like she's gonna come around she's gonna miss you and she's gonna want to be a part of your life yeah it's just for me specifically it's been hard because I am

such an empath and I do I have a hard time moving forward with things if I know that I don't have acceptance from my parents so just like me that's naturally who I am and I've kind of talked to my mom about this because she's been the type of person who's like I don't care what anyone thinks like I'm gonna do what I want that makes me happy but that's just not who I am like if I know that you love me and I care about your opinion, it's hard for me to like, accept that it hasn't really progressed. But that's not an empath. That's interdependency. An empath is just feeling what other people are going through. Relying on other people's opinions of you is codependency or interdependency. So those two things have to be delineated in your mind. Those aren't the same

thing, you know, and you're relying on your mother's acceptance of you. Like if every single one of us had to rely on someone else's acceptance, none of us would be accepted. That's the most important in your life. That's your attachment figure. It's your mom. You said you have the most emotional connection to her. So that's why you're affected by this. I know it's difficult, but you have to learn a way to move through this period of time without relying on her approval because you don't have it. And you're not going to do anything to convince her to give it to you except by living your life and demonstrating your happiness and your self-love, you know for yourself you respecting yourself is the only way to get other people to respect you

yeah so she's also told me that she doesn't want me to like come out so I have a younger brother he doesn't know anything about this and she's kind of making me wait she doesn't want me to tell like my family which I feel like I'm ready to do but I also don't want to betray her in that aspect, but now it's kind of like, I'm getting to the point where I don't care. How old is your brother? My brother's 17. He's, he's in high school. Right. What are your thoughts on that, Martha? Do you, I think your brother's old enough to hear your truth. It's your story. Like she doesn't get to write it for you. Yeah. I, I, I am so bad at things like this, interrelationships, interpersonal affairs.

I'm horrible at this don't ask me to comment leave me the fuck alone she's like I'm just going to be in my garden okay that's where I don't have to get involved with anybody's interpersonal affairs I mean in our family there's every kind of person

so we're used to it yeah and I guess in your mother's family there she's not used to differences yeah they're Jewish they have tradition Yeah. It's weird, though. Jews are pretty inclusive, you know, of everybody, especially gay people. Well, yeah, because Jews are a marginalized group in their own right. So, I mean, usually I grew up in a very Jewish community and they were welcoming to everybody. But, you know, you telling your brother is your decision, obviously. He's 17 years old. He's old enough to hear it. And you lying to your brother is really just paving the way for him to be upset with you down the road for not being forthright. And I think it would be in your best interest to also maybe instead of talking to your mother directly, maybe composing an email where you can really write down everything you want to say and that she's basically asking you to lie about your truth.

She's not accepting who you're saying you are. And that's so disrespectful to you. And it's really kind of like slowing down your process of growing. And her opinion is never going to change the truth of the matter. And that's that you're gay and that you love women and that you have a girlfriend that you love. You know, like that's never going to change. So I think it would behoove you to think about writing that down in a letter to her and saying, you know, I need you to think about all the things I say and then come back to me when you're in a state of acceptance and reception instead of reactivity. Yeah, for sure. I will definitely do that. Take your mom to a therapist with you if she'd go.

I've been trying for so many years. You don't even know. Yeah. If she hears Martha say it, hopefully she will. she'll say yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just record this part of the episode and just play it back to your mother. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Sabrina. Let us know how it goes, okay? Oh, thank you. So much love. Likewise. Bye-bye. Thanks, Sabrina. Good luck. Bye-bye. You get some heavy stuff here. It gets pretty heavy. Wow. I do. Yeah. I just have to answer questions like how to scramble an egg, how to peel an apple. Yeah. Well, I could use that information as well. Luckily, no one's calling me asking me how to scramble an egg because it

would be one hot mess. I don't think I've ever scrambled eggs without having to throw the pan away after. The whole pan. Yeah, basically. Well, our next question comes from single white female. She's 57. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 57 and still single. I've embraced being single more than ever and truly have never been one to have to have a man in my life. My parents divorced when I was three, and I'm an only child. I swore I would never get married unless I was sure it was right and would not have children unless I was in a happy marriage. Well, that's my fate as it stands now.

I've had several long-term relationships and lived with two of my boyfriends. My last relationship ended in 2020. I feel anxious about dating and have a really hard time being open to anyone or feeling attracted to most men I meet. Trying the dating sites, but I hate them. I'm pretty fit, petite, and was blessed with decent genes. Not to sound vain or anything, because I'm pretty modest, but I just have a younger look and attitude.

I'm feeling embarrassed about being 57 and being still single. The past few years of the pandemic and living in a relatively new area have left me experiencing more solitude than I could ever imagine. I get in my loner, only child state and find the idea of having someone in my life constantly to be frightening and overwhelming. Leaving a little space for hope, though. Of course, I know you don't have a crystal ball, but will I ever find a partner in this world who I can deal with and who treats me with the respect and love that I want? Will this anxiety go away? I'm sincerely feeling a bit odd and alone in the

world. My mom never remarried and stopped dating in her 40s, and I don't want to end up like her. My dad found love at 70 and got married, so obviously it can always happen, right? P.S. How young is too young to consider? I'm embarrassed to let guys know my age, even though on some levels I should be proud. Yours truly, single white female. Single white female. Wow, they really open their hearts to you. I know.

I know. I know. You are a trusted soul. What do you think about singledom in your 50s, Martha? Well, she's lucky she's had a lot of relationships, it sounds like. So she doesn't sound like she's in terrible trouble. I have no idea about dating sites. I tried that for a while.

I mean, once. Did you try Plenty of Fish? No, I went out with three different people and the algorithm doesn't fit me. Does it fit you? Well, I mean, you're a special situation, Martha. I'm an odd situation. So are you. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, dating sites. But I found my guy at 46. But not on a dating site. No, not on a dating site. But I was on dating sites and I was definitely having sex through dating sites because well i thought that's what they were for and uh yeah like there are so many first of all if you really don't want to be single first stop saying that you're embarrassed of your age you're not you can't be embarrassed of your age that's who you are you're 57 years old own it so start

with that some positive affirmations every morning being happy about that the fact that you're still alive at 57 and that you're healthy and that you look good and you you're you seem to feel good about yourself i mean for heaven's sake right well she said i mean i don't know how good she feels about herself because she kept saying she was embarrassed of things about herself she's embarrassed she's single she's embarrassed she's 57 but then she says she looks good she's petite and she's in good shape you know she's okay she's okay yeah so go out you know just go out a few more times with different people yeah you've got to exercise the muscle of going out so get on those whether it's match.com or plenty of fish or i don't know what the hell all the websites are now

i don't even know about plenty of fish have you heard about plenty of chocolate singles.com if you're looking for black guys that's a good site there's plenty there's something for everybody for jewish people i don't want to fish that's for sure well i think plenty of fish isn't actually about fish but there i once put my makeup artist on a dating site called shit what was it and it was for fishermen and it was a it was misleading and i was like i said why is every person holding a like a bass in every picture i'm like who are they looking for other fishermen yes like are they looking for female fishermen? And then I was like, Oh, this is a fishing website. Like this is for people who fish and that want to meet each other, but get out there and practice the exercise

of dating practice, the exercise of being very owning who you are, that you are 57. Yes. Everyone's going through a weird time coming out of COVID. I mean, even people who have big social lives, I'm assuming you do too. Cause you entertain a lot. It's weird. Everyone feels a little bit off and it's hard to get back in but the longer you wait the harder it's going to be so it's better just to take the first step and then you know it'll flow more easily once you get back into practice and go on dates as an exercise don't even go on them thinking oh this is going to be this great love like if he's not the perfect thing that you're looking for or he's not handsome enough or he's not thin enough or whatever you're into if he's not meeting your requirements who

gives a shit just start going on dates to practice going on dates so that you get more comfortable with introducing yourself, telling your story and being proud of who you are because you just said a bunch of great things about yourself and then a couple negatives. So just get it in the practice of saying more positive and less negative and no negative if you can. I don't think it's hard.

I think there are so many people out there that are looking for a partner, men and women and everything in between on the spectrum, people are looking. And so you'd be surprised that you think you're alone, but you're never alone. Martha and I are alone. That's loneliness. Yeah, just be happy you're not famous and everybody knows your personality before you go on a date. Okay, think of that. Think of that before you go

on your date. Yes, I'm sure that everyone just assumes exactly what you're going to be like if you're on a first date for both of you. Well, I mean, it's imagine if you go on a date, like you're always presenting, even if you're not a celebrity, you're presenting what you think that you should be right you're not being completely honest about yourself and then when you're a celebrity it's like you're almost presenting what you think people think about you in a sense like it's a it's an even more of a trick and you're like wait this doesn't feel authentic or real even though as a famous personality or as a like celebrity I know what people think about me mostly is true like I'm not putting on an act this is pretty much who I am all the time and I don't

think you're really putting on an act either. I absolutely am not. No, she's not putting on an act and she's not trying to she's not trying to impress anybody. That's for sure. So I would just say get out there. OK, single white female, let us know how it goes. Let us know if and when you find love. We'll take a quick break right now and we'll come right back with Martha and Chelsea. Car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and safe. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to

stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Martha and Chelsea. Martha just taught me how to make an omelet. Oh, and you didn't burn the pan? No, it's still stuck on the side of the wall. Things got a little carried away in the break. Sorry. Well, Martha, this is the part of the show where we usually ask if our guests have any

piece of advice they'd like to ask Chelsea. Or you can give me a piece of advice. Since it's Martha, we can make an exception. I can ask for advice, or I can give you a piece of advice. Yes. Well, I was lying on the massage table two days ago, and I asked my masseur about you. And he said, oh, I really like her. I watched all her shows.

I know her pretty well, because he knew you a lot better than I knew you. And he said, how does a comedian change their act so often? you've changed your act a lot yeah and so he wanted to know why why you felt the need to change your act yeah i just think it's a evolution like you know you go through different phases in your life you want to tackle different subjects and you also you have to you shoot a special and then that material is out there so you have to begin again and then you like you know the hour i just shot my next special in nashville like three nights ago and it's a completely different set but it's all about it's about being single starting in covid kind of giving up on men and

thinking oh i'll either become a late stage lesbian or i will just be single and i'll do that because i why why a late stage lesbian why are you attracted to women enough to no but men were just becoming so disappointing that i would just thought oh my gosh they're almost becoming unfuckable so i thought i'm going to have to transition there's a mass exodus of adult onset lesbianism happening. So I called my sister and I asked her if she wanted to get a farm in Maine together. And she said, I don't want to be in a relationship with you romantically. So I canceled that plan. And so it's kind of my journey of coming out of COVID and then meeting Joe Coy, who's my boyfriend now, who I've known for years, but I didn't meet him online. He's been an old

friend, which is the best way to go. If you could ever hook up with one of your friends, that's the way, because this has been the most healthy relationship I've been in and just the sweetest. He's a straight heterosexual male. Yeah, but he's Filipino. So he's marginalized. And that's why like those kinds of men, I think, are a little bit more apt to understand women and the kind of dynamics. Marginalized because he's Filipino?

Well, he's a minority. So there's a whole different mentality than being with a straight white guy is what I'm saying. Straight white guys are a little bit out of style. No offense to the one sitting right across from me. But, you know, with the last five years, everything we've learned, it just seems like white men have a slow learning curve. They don't seem to understand or grasp the situation that they have been.

You're a generalist. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean, it's pretty, but you know, that's enough. It's the generalization is true. You know, there's enough men out there that have abused their positions of power that have taken advantage of women, whether it's in the workplace, whether it's out of the workplace, you know, women are capable of doing the same thing too, but not to the degree

in which men have. And so I, you know, I resent the resistance of that conversation. I resent when men go, well, you know, and it's like there's no argument, really. It's it's happens over and over again. You're in a position of power. So you are of a different experience, you know, because you're a woman running your own empire. But, you know, many women aren't running their own empires and have to put up with men and

and, you know, telling them what to do and what's best. And that it becomes old fast. So anyway, changing material all the time is kind of part and parcel of being a comedian you have an hour you work on it for about a year you do about a hundred shows tonight I'm going to Port Chester New York oh you are yeah right near where I live oh yeah I have a show there tonight and tomorrow night I have two shows there so what part of New York is that Westchester it's oh it is Westchester Port Chester somebody said I have to pronounce it Poitchester no I was like I don't think I'm gonna do that but anyway I guess that answer does that answer my the stand-up question

i think i think so from your masseur i will tell him well yeah tell him i'd like a massage after my show too swing by oh okay yeah he's good okay well thank you so much martha for being here today and helping dole out advice thank you and i'm just in awe about the questions that you get yeah i know i know really people are needy they are well yeah needy you don't realize that when you're doing the kinds of questions that you know ask martha doesn't get questions like that and so long. Yes. These are the cut-down versions, Martha.

Oh, wow. These are the abridged versions. Yes. Well, thank you for having me on your show, Chelsea. Yeah, thank you, Martha. Thanks, Martha. Thank you. So if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at dearchelseaproject at gmail dot com.

I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality

of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be right back. you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers

book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr.

I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.