Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - When It's Time to Scoot

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon discuss friendship breakups, Chelsea’s highly unsentimental nature, and the absolute perfect way to snuggle a dog like Bert.  A gay man worries he’ll be left out now that his ex-turned-best friend is dating someone new.  A girlfriend needs advice on how to navigate a breakup when the relationship is long-distance.  And a wife is concerned about the consequences of telling her husband - and her kids - that she’s gay.*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, good morning. Oh, hello. Welcome to today's podcast, you guys. Hi. Hi. Hi. Welcome to today's episode.

We're counselors. Couples counseling, but we're the couple. Yeah. That's what people are needing to understand. Yeah, it's a two-for-one deal with us. Right. So you got the, yeah, two birds with one stone. I don't know.

But anyway. You know what I was thinking is how many advice series or shows or content, how much advice content there has been. Do you have- Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit, Sarah? Oh my God. I think I choked on my protein bar. Oh, sweetheart.

You have to use liquids to get that down. Hold on. Let me take a sip of water. Do you have a favorite advice show that you have watched? I was thinking about this recently. I'm like, oh, now we're just one of many that have come along. Couples Therapy on Showtime is good. They put out a COVID episode.

Yeah, I like that show. So it follows real couples going to therapy with this one therapist. And then she consults with her superior who's ever in charge of her caseload. So she kind of talks through her cases with her counselor. so it's kind of there's dynamism in it also it's dynamic because there's so many different people like you end up liking certain couples and disliking other ones or disliking certain partners you're like oh this one's a fucking asshole like she starts shit all the time you know you know what show i used to love i don't know do you remember this do you remember sex

with sue where couples are you know a person would call in from a relationship with very specific like sex questions or yeah it was like dr sue dr sue i just remember it being called sex with sue and that was the first like advice driven content i'd ever seen and i will never forget the very first call i heard a woman called in because her husband wanted her to poke his dick with needles that that like turned him on and i was probably 13 and i can remember waiting for everyone to go to bed so i could watch sex with sue and finding it so fascinating like the dynamics of sex in a relationship because you think of it

being one way and then you're like, oh no, people have really fucked up relationships with sex. I've heard, yeah, you hear weird stories too

about certain people and what kind of sexual acts they're into and you're like, what? I'm not into any funny stuff. Like the Richard Gere gerbil story?

Yeah, the Richard Gere, what, that he shoved a gerbil up his ass? Yeah, that's like, there's a name for it.

I don't know what it is. Funneling? No, that's not right. there's a name for sticking a gerbil up your ass? I think so. Nick,

do you know what i'm talking about our producer and our producer in the booth i know the story i'm not sure the term can you look up what that's called funneling sounds like an overstatement or an understatement someone anyone i would just like to know because i'm there's a term for everything i would also like to know the term for someone who looks cute from the side but it's not cute face on well there's also there should be a phrase for people who look worse when they smile have you ever seen one of those people when they smile you're like oh oh stop that how terrible is that because everyone i thought looked better even if they have great teeth so it changes the structure doesn't matter what kind of teeth you have well it does sometimes but i mean it doesn't

matter like tammy remember my dog she had fucked up teeth so when she smiled it was actually really she looked like she was from london i love tammy i just i wish that we could get some dogs in the fucking house that act like dogs i know i know it's so hard on you it's so hard on everyone actually none of my friends like my dogs and they you know i've always had dogs that are only my dogs but even these dogs aren't my dogs they're my bells they don't so i think that we just need to let my bell take them over i would like to get i can't like a rescue golden retriever a dog that wants to be pet and wants to go on a walk like i would love to be able to take your dog after work for a hike i don't want one of my own your nephew jake he had a dog named tucker who was very vocal

which i didn't like but was the sweetest fucking dog yeah well we had to remove his vocal cords for good reason we didn't do that i thought i dreamt about doing that didn't we have to do something like that with chunk where we did not remove his vocal cords but we did something with his oh oh we pinned his larynx because he was dry heaving oh poor chunk we were trying to get him more air oh yeah he couldn't get enough breath so they had to pin his larynx and then they couldn't he couldn't bark after right this is that was a nice little byproduct this is advice that i had given you because when people have i won't put this on you because i think it's a lot of people when people have a certain amount of money they want to do whatever they can for their pets but

it can actually have an adverse reaction because then we're doing too much and so i said hey we need to like cut it down with what we're trying to do for chunk let's just let him live his life and he died like a week later poor buddy luckily he wouldn't have suffered for very long but the thought of my dog i'm just such a bad parent is what it comes down to you love your pets though And that's really all we can ask of anyone. I just wish I could care for them, Brandon. I wish I could care for them. Loving them is one thing, but not having the ability to do anything that they need is another.

You know, I love them, but I can't. I don't care for them. Well, you were away for four months with them. We have a different timeline of how long you were gone, but you were gone for a while with the dogs and you did take care of them. Well, I had a dog walker that would come at four and I had to do the bare minimum. Yeah, I did. I did take care of them. But, you know, I don't play with them. I don't play fetch with them. Mind you, those fucking doggies don't play. They don't fetch. No, but you throw it in one direction and Bert walks in the other direction. I mean, they want nothing to do with playing fetch or any sort of games or any sort of camaraderie.

But I do my favorite thing. And Chunk wouldn't do this. Bert will lie in my lap like a shape shifter. Like, I could pick him up off the ground. He's, like, 50 pounds. I pick him up, and I can wrap him in whatever contortion I want. He's malleable. And he will lie on top of me like that until he comes to. And so that I love because Chunk would never have let me. Like, I could put his head under my body, over it,

and Bert will just let it happen like a contortionist, you know? He just lets me do whatever I want to him. You love to fondle that dog. I love meat on dogs. I love when their meat is covered with fur and there's all these different pockets, especially when we cut their hair short with Bert and Bernice. You could see different areas of meat that I hadn't seen before, like under their arms. He has a little flap there that I like to rub when I'm going to sleep. It's like self-soothing for me and for him, probably.

We have a new dog groomer as well. I mean, this is now becoming a dog episode, but we have a new dog groomer. And this groomer has shaped them in a way that I didn't know was possible. You know what it did? It made me forget about every groomer I've ever had before this. They look like little puffs. He turned them into teddy bears. Yeah, they look like stuffed animals. It's like my dream haircut for both of them. And it's happening right now, actually. We just left the house and they're at the house.

Yes, they're getting groomed. So there you go. The mobile service is on site. What a day. What a day. What are we focusing on today, sweetheart? Well, I feel like there's some good submissions today. These are submissions that everyone has to deal with. People needing advice on knowing when to leave a friendship or a relationship or a job. Just there's this certain pocket of time that you kind of start to reflect on if you're still in the right position. And so we all go through it. Sweetheart, is that? Yeah, yeah. You've had this with jobs before. You've had it with relationships. My problem is that I have no impulse control. So like when I think about quitting, I've already quit.

And I'm the exact opposite. Yeah, you probably over digest at all, right? There's nothing that gives me, I don't quit anything because I want to find a way to make it work. And for better or for worse, it's one of those characteristics that I catch myself in where I'm like, I know I shouldn't be doing this anymore, but I don't want to give in to leaving. I just think people leave things so easily now, like friendships. You know, we've kind of talked about this. Yeah, that's like an underline under my name is a friendship ender. I'm a friendship ender. I've ended friendships. You've been much better, though.

Okay. Well, I've had friendships ended. It works both ways. It's not just that I end them. People will end them with me because, you know, of something I say or do or whatever. And I end them a lot. And I also have, weirdly, very little sentimentality towards people who are no longer in my life. You have zero. What is that? I don't know. This is also something that we joke about because I'm so sentimental and not in like a memento type way, but you're not sentimental at all with people or things. Like we sold my house. I came home from Whistler and into a new house. We're in a rental and I haven't missed my house one single day. I thought about it and I thought, do you miss that street? And I said, nope. I'm so glad to be done with it. so in a sense it is cause for concern that i have no sense of mentality because it feels like i have that gene is missing but in a sense i'm always open for a new newness like when you were gone

i asked if you missed someone and you go no and i'm like but you love this person so much and like you guys have such a good time together she goes i know i just don't think about it i'm like what there i would like we need to get someone to assess that aspect of you maybe we'll have dan call in one day we can have him talk about it dan who of course is my therapist i don't know what it is i don't know but i if you if you have similar i'm sure there's a lot of other people that have the same thing because it can't just be unique to me so it's got to be a chip or a gene i have a sneaking suspicion then that all these submissions are going to be answered very quickly because it's going to be a leave just go ahead yeah because i'm all about i like taking a big

leap of faith and i like new adventures when everything's on the horizon when anything's possible and sometimes when you're stuck in something nothing's possible yeah well this is our opinions are probably going to differ on these okay so the first submission comes from farah out of lebanon she's in her 40s she works in the fashion industry she writes dear chelsea hi chelsea the advice i'd like to get is how do you move past friendships that have done you wrong friendships coming to an end and unsupportive friends during difficult times how do you separate the head from the heart after 10 plus years of friendship again something we all go through and this is this is your area okay well 10 plus years of friendships means that you have

been given all of the proof that you need that that person isn't a good friend to you right 10 years is long enough to make an assessment yes so there you go you have all of this room right and you have all these experiences with that person it's like what bernie brown says about the marble jar. Do you know what she says? I'm familiar. Like if, you know, a friendship or any relationship is like a jar of marbles and every act of kindness, every act of reliability, every act of compassion puts another marble in the marble jar. So if that person once screws up, it doesn't matter because there's so many marbles in the marble jar. But if they consistently screw up and they're taking marbles out at a rapid pace, then there maybe never was a marble jar to begin

with. And if something doesn't make you feel good over a period of time, then that's all the information you need. And talking to your friend at this point, I would say after 10 years is probably futile. Well, there are so there are multiple layers to this. So let's start with the first one. How do you move past friendships that have done you wrong? I think it would be based on the consistency of those wrongdoings, like, you know, the scale, because people make minor mistakes all the time and you can't just get rid this goes for you can't get rid of friendships over annoyances like you have conversations about what needs to change in that relationship or that dynamic and then if both people accept those conditions you can move

forward and you've had to have a conversation with one of your friends recently actually about that which one which one are you talking about without saying who it is where they're they wanted you to be more excited about things and you're like but that's not how i oh right how i digest it yeah somebody said yeah yeah for added context so you know chelsea had been very politically active um prior to the election and because we did not have the results of the election and we didn't have the senate seats there was not a oh yes instantaneous response like fuck yes like we did this like i didn't feel celebratory i felt and they wanted you to feel so yeah and my friend really wanted to celebrate and was kind of annoyed that i didn't want to celebrate at least that's how i was

perceiving it and i was like i'm not there yet i don't want to celebrate with you you know like i don't want to celebrate with anybody because we have to wait to see what happens with georgia and then we can celebrate yeah so yes i explained myself and she understood me totally and she and i have an open communication though so we can always talk about things like that because she and i have we are so different you know she's a planner i'm not a planner she likes to make plans I don't like to make plans. But she is also, and I've said this before, she is the best friend you have. Oh, yeah.

The best friend. The best friend I've ever had in my life. Would do anything for you. And she's just one of those people, she would do anything for anyone within her power. And when that was going on, you had called and you're like, this is what's going on. Like, what do you think? And I basically said, like, this is one of those moments where you need to appreciate what she's bringing and that she wants you to be excited, that she wants you to feel

that. And it's the exact opposite of how you feel. But we love that about her. Oh, and I also really hurt her feelings because I said something like hollow enthusiasm and she was really offended by that. She's like, how can you say that hollow enthusiasm? I'm not it's not hollow. This is so exciting that Biden won. And so that was not correct of me because I was characterizing what she was saying in a way that was unfair. So that I had to apologize for. So this happens in friendships. So to your point, Farrah from Lebanon, is that you're going to really need to take this case by case with your friends, as we all do. Unsupportive friends, for me, that is kind of the worst type of friend. Someone who can't enjoy your successes with you or be there when you call upon them. Yeah. No, that's no that's no good for you. That's no good for you. And one thing to remember is when you're making decisions like this, when you get like we talk about this all the time, when you get rid of dead weight in your life, so to speak, that's not the right term for this. But if you get rid of that in your life, you are opening up yourself to more positive vibrations. Like you are saying no to this. This is no longer acceptable to you. And you want a standard level of friendship that is going to operate at this level from now on. And then that's what comes to you. I think that's important to remember that you're not saying goodbye necessarily to a person. You're saying goodbye to a version of you that is no longer acceptable also. Right. Because you want to be supported. You want to be loved and you want to be supported and you want your friends to have compassion for you and what you're going through. And that space, when you do that, it opens up opportunities for different people, different personalities, different perspectives to come in. And so we talk about this with Chelsea's friends because I'm so particular about her friends because some of them fucking suck or, you know, they did for a while.

and she did what I called thinning the hurt and now her group of friends she has like I don't know 10 really great girlfriends that are incredible that like they're all very supportive of each other they all like want to be there for one another in a very authentic way and they have a good time together there's no expectation like you can cancel you can show up you can tap people on like they're always thinking about who's going to add something to the dynamic not like you know they want to bring a live wire and occasionally to spice things up but those interactions are never exhausting exactly yeah and they never make you feel less than you want to when you hang out with your friends you want to feel great about that otherwise why would they

be your friends you want to leave there feeling confident fun secure and supported and so you have to only have people in your life that really represent that unless you know somebody in your life that you're talking about is going through a really difficult time i mean 10 years sounds like a long time to be going through a difficult time but it's not impossible and also putting a little distance between you and that friend during that time you can still be supportive from a distance if you need to be with that relationship so does it sound like she's talking about multiple people in her life or one person well she says friendships right so that yeah and the the last part of this which i think you know is impossible to some degree is how do you separate your head

from your heart i don't think you really can but you can accept the current state of things Like, once you have a level of acceptance of where you're at, it makes things easier to process. So don't try and, like, not feel one of those things. It's okay to not want the friendship and simultaneously miss it. Yes. There you go. Right? Let's go out on that, please.

Problem solved. Okay, we're going to take a break, and then we're going to be right back in My Sexy Voice. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month.

Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something

like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you.

And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next submission comes, sometimes I feel like I'm just going right from one to the other, but I just really like to get into them.

Our next, yeah, our next submission comes from Nova Scotia, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Ryan, he's 29. He writes, Dear Brandon and Chelsea, I dated this guy. I think it says Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I mean, it's funny how you switch that around so quickly. Well, you know what? I feel so illiterate when I read these because I'm reading them through the mic and it's italicized. So I'm constantly missing letters or words.

So I'm going to have to figure something out. But dear Brandon and Chelsea. Oh my God, I did it again. Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I dated this guy a few years ago and it was amazing for a year. And then we both got a little too busy with life and it hit a standstill. Six years later, we are best friends and see each other all the time. But now we are in a gray area.

He wants to start dating someone new and I'm a little heartbroken. How do we keep our friendship intact and still move on with other relationships when our feelings are involved? Well, this is a good question. Ryan? Hi, Ryan. Hey, guys. How you doing? Hi.

So wait, what's the situation here? It seems like a friendship materialized. Right. So that's the problem. So it was great a while ago, and then we were both too busy, and it kind of hit a standstill. And we just said, OK, well, let's call this what it is. But nothing really changed. And now six years later, we're best friends.

But now he wants to start dating somebody new. But are you having sex? No, I mean, I can catch a dick wherever. So, I mean, that would be the easy part if there was sex involved, but it's the friendship that's the hard part because now all the stuff that we do together, he's going to now start doing with somebody else, which makes sense, but that's the part that sucks. So you guys dated, segued into a friendship. Yes. Now you've been friends for six years. Yeah. And in that time, he's not dated anyone else. No, neither, neither of us have. Was that like a tacit understanding between the two

of you? I think it was more of like an unspoken like thing that neither one of us were seeing anybody else because we would have brought it up. And now it's kind of come to the forefront where he's like, I want to start seeing this other person. But for six years, you guys weren't fooling around and you weren't seeing other people. No. Well, but what is that? That's a friendship with no benefits, with no benefits, right? Feeling like it's it was it's a weird situation because we got along so well. We spent so much time together. And the only thing that we weren't doing was fooling around well to me sounds like it's time for you first of all you have to be supportive of your friend trying to find somebody else you have to so that's 100 and if you need

time to adjust to that then that's your personal you know choice to take some space and say okay let me i want to be supportive of you i just want to get my head in there is it a specific person he wants to date or is it just kind of oh i see yeah and do you know the person uh no okay okay well yeah you've had a kind of uncharacteristically unhealthy attachment to each other for six years based on false information right because you don't know if he was hooking up he doesn't know if you were hooking up did he did you guys ever discuss that no no and it's not like i said it's not the hooking up like it's not that part it's the friendship that is going to change because the stuff that you know we used to do together like hanging out and going to beach and all that

kind of stuff he's now going to want to do with his significant other which makes sense that's what you want to do with someone you're dating it's that part that i think that sucks but you still do that stuff with your friends and you bring your friend in like when you're dating someone part of that excitement is to be able to have them meet your friends and do things with your friends and now you have this like other person to add to the mix so yeah have you guys talked do you have other mutual friends is it just you two all the time no we have other mutual friends but the two of us spend time a lot of time together were you under the impression that you were in a relationship with your friend for the past six years? Did you believe that? No,

no. I mean, I did kind of always think that, you know, maybe after a while, like maybe we'll, you know, rekindle things or things will come up, but I just never did, which is fine. Right. I think you're putting a lot of pressure on his new relationship when there isn't really any proof yet of what's what that's going to look like. Right. Like you're worried and you're projecting all of your worries onto his new relationship. That doesn't mean he's not going to spend time with you anymore, that doesn't mean that he's not going to want to incorporate you into his life with the guy that he's dating or that he's not going to want to spend time with you. Yeah. He's not just going to dump you for the boyfriend. You're just assuming that's what's

going to happen. Have you talked to him about any of this? Have you vocalized either one that you thought that maybe something would happen down the road? Have you talked to him about your perspective on the situation and your fears of what is impending if he does start dating someone? It's I mean, it's kind of already started. I mean, we haven't like we don't text every day anymore, which things are starting to change. I just don't want to ruin the friendship that we had. The only way you're going to ruin the friendship that you had is by holding on tightly to him.

That is the only way you have to let people go. You have to let people do and explore and do their thing and let what's that stupid saying? They say if you love someone, let it go. If they come back, it's yours. That's how you know that's Christina Aguilera. Oh, well, that wasn't what I was thinking of. but same, same idea. Same idea. If it never comes back, it was never yours to begin with. But yeah,

you have to practice letting go because you can't hold on to that. Your friendship is only going to stay intact if you let people do what they're going to do, you know? And if your feelings get hurt, show him a little grace because he clearly cares what you think if he's asking you about dating someone, right? He was getting your input. Did that happen? No. He just kind of brought it that one day, like, Oh, I'm going to start seeing this person. Uh huh. So he knows that you kind of have your feelings about it. So I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, you have to do whatever you need to do to take your space to get past that. And it might take you longer than you think. But I think a good practice of exercise is to really just be supportive of your friend and of his new

relationship. And just try and be that kind of person for him. Because really, at the core of all of this is a friendship, right? And you want that to stay intact more than the sexual relationship, just because he's dating this guy doesn't mean you won't end up together in six more years but that's not what you should hang your hat on the idea of you guys maybe being together at some point you should just treat it as an adult would treat the situation theoretically which is you want to be supportive you want to help him feel supported by you you don't want him to tiptoe around you because then you won't be in his life if he has to be scared when he's around you or not hurt your feelings with the new guy but you have to take the time that you need to feel okay with

that relationship also because you don't want to sacrifice your own self-worth or dignity or whatever you're wrestling with or crush at the expense of his happiness that's not your responsibility either your your responsibility is making yourself be able to deal with this right in a normal healthy way also embrace this forced change this is giving you more time to explore other things for yourself so although it seems like oh what the possibilities of what could have been that's not the possibility of what is actually happening right now so take this time you should go date it's been six years go catch that dick buddy go do it right i mean what are you waiting for the world is awaiting what people do is they cling to these relationships these

friendships these dynamics where there is like some sexual tension but it's a friendship open yourself up to other possibilities and you are going to realize like what you thought was there or what you wanted to happen was just of circumstance. It was just because that's what you had been investing your energy into. Invest that energy into something else and you will immediately realize like, oh, that was not as dramatic, as intense as I thought that it was. It's just because that's what's in front of you right now. And here's a good saying from Eckhart Tolle or somebody, whatever you resist persists. So you have to accept change. If you resist change, it gets worse and worse and worse and worse. So you have to move to a place of acceptance

and figure out how you're going to get there. But I think that's great advice is going out and catching a bunch of dicks. Why not? Because you're making him the focal point of your attention and you're the focal point of your attention. You're giving him too much power over your life

when you're in charge of your life. So go make things happen for you in your personal life so that he's no longer your focus point. Right. That's great advice, guys. All right, Ryan. It was great to talk to you.

Bye, Ryan. Love you guys. Talk to you later. Bye. you don't change your life for a man ever and you don't let someone else control your emotions this is i'm really big on this with other people like well this person's doing this and causing me to feel this way no no you're allowing yourself to feel that way you you are only in control of how you respond in those situations yeah i'm thinking about you know i had an experience are you

fingering yourself no sweetheart i'm just trying to button the bottom part of my dress because it came out open and then i have my boobs and my caslapa and so i don't want that to happen We should just start doing this naked. We kind of get obsessive about things, right? Everyone does. Where you kind of obsess over a person or the way you want a situation to play out. And when you realize you're not in control of other people's behavior, there's nothing you can do about other people's behavior. So you can hope and dream all you want.

I've definitely broken up with boyfriends in the hopes that we would get back together one day. I know that game. But that's a coping mechanism for a fresh breakup. Like to be like, OK, it's OK. You know, maybe if all works out, you know, in a couple of years we'll get back together. It's it's just kind of bullshit that you feed yourself in order to get through it. I think. Do you have any of your exes that now since so much time has lapsed that you could possibly see yourself like, oh, it would be nice to like try and date them again or like see where that goes? No, no, I don't want to date any of them again. But yeah, but I think they're all an option to date again because they all come out of the woodwork. you know they do that's so true about exes like especially for women i don't know how it is in

the gay world but they always come back yeah but always inopportune time well that's because you're not supposed to be with them so by the time they come back you don't care so when you're what you know you're wishing for revenge or whatever immature feeling you're like i can't wait till he sees me with another guy by the time he does you don't fucking give a shit anymore no they've aged and you dodged that bullet yeah yeah yeah i dodged a lot of bullets we should call it the Cuomo bullet. Cuomo bullet. I'm so glad you dodged that one.

I would like to see 50 Cent Ricochet back into your life. Ricochet is a good word for that. Andrea. And again, we're just moving right along. Andrea or Andrea. I never know. Just go with Andrea. You know why I get this fucked up is because your Spanish teacher's name is Andrea.

Listen, I can't even speak anymore on this podcast. So I can't even correct your grammar because mine is so out of whack. Well, we have Andrea from the UK. She's 22. She's a student. Oh, she just popped up on screen. Hi, Andrea. I'm going to read your submission.

So you write in, Dear Chelsea, I'm 22 years old. I'm from Ecuador studying in England. My boyfriend is from Colombia studying in Germany, so covering a lot of territory here. We've been together for three years and everything has been fine up until recently. I've been wondering if I should be single and just enjoy being by myself, exploring opportunities and living life without relationship responsibilities. I'm going to say yes. Should I be taking advantage of my 20s without a partner?

There are no plans of us living together after graduating. I've never met their family and he has never met mine. It just feels like maybe there's no actual future with him. But I don't know if I'm overthinking it. Should we just keep going? First of all, don't pre-ejaculate, okay? Don't give advice halfway through a letter. We have to get through the whole letter, Brandon.

We agreed on this. I know, it could have taken a turn. You're right. Okay. Hi, Andrea. Is it Andrea or Andrea? Andrea. Andrea.

Andrea. Well, right, because she's, yeah, because she's South American. can. So yeah, sounds like you're ready to give this guy the boot. Yeah, I think so too. Do you feel badly about it? For some reason? I mean, of course, but for him, not for me so much. Yeah, right. It feels like if you're not growing together, and you don't feel like you are, and it only takes one person to not be growing together, then it's time for you to open up your life to more possibilities, right? And explore what's Yeah, so you it sounds like you've already made your decision and that you just need a stamp of approval so you just have to figure out how

you're going to tell him right yes okay i mean lucky for you he's in another country so there's there's no pressure of it being in person or what sort of response you're going to have to deal with with him being there but i do think that this is something as soon as you make your choice you're not doing him any services by keeping it going so now that you know right Very, very confident. Like, I want to be by myself. I want to embrace my aloneness and explore that. Which is a beautiful feeling, right? That's such like, you should feel so like bold in that decision. Freedom. It's freedom. It's like, oh my God, the whole world is a possibility.

Yeah, it does feel that way. It does feel that way. I'm excited for you. This is going to be a fun adventure for you. Yeah. And it's so empowering to make a decision like this, to know that it's time to excise someone. well, the excise sounds a little bit harsh, but to get somebody out of your life and, you know, it's out of fairness to him. And I think you have an opportunity here to really handle yourself with grace and dignity, you know, and make yourself proud of yourself. So when you look back at this 10 years later, you're like, I handled that exactly the right way. You know, I didn't take advantage of him. I didn't string him along and be respectful and honest and have integrity in the way that you say goodbye to him. And then you're setting yourself up for even more success in the

future. Yeah, I totally agree. You just need to do it soon. That's that's the only thing. That's the only advice that I have. Yeah, I think soon is better than later. I think to bring him along for longer, it's not fair to him. I think you just have to tell him I'm ready to be single because there's nothing to debate about that statement if you think about it. But if you just keep your first opening statement very simple so that there's no need for clarification about what you're asking for which is basically to break up you're not asking but you're basically telling him you're breaking up and yeah make it short and sweet and succinct and then let him talk yeah and i think that if this were me going through this breakup i i would say that you

gave enough reasoning behind it without having to explain yourself yes don't over explain yourself you shouldn't have to do that you vocalize like i'm just ready to be alone like i've been thinking about myself and prioritizing myself and that's all you need to say and yeah he may have a rebuttal or he may have a question and you can't let his response influence you because you've made that decision and again if in three weeks you're starting to rethink that that's also okay but you just need to stand firm in your choice to be alone yeah i'm kind of afraid of his reaction that's mostly it well are you afraid because you're afraid that he will be mean in his response that he'll be overly emotional i think it's more the emotional part

I don't know if I can handle like me being sad about it, too, because I am sad, but also dealing with how to comfort him when I'm ready to also move on. Yes. But that's part of being in a relationship and part of breaking up. You know what I mean? You can't be like a cold hearted bitch and be like, OK, sorry, you're feeling bad, but good luck with everything. I'm going to date. You do have a certain responsibility to somebody that you've been with for three years, I would argue. Yeah. Yeah. It's not fun. But this is what you have to go through in life. you know it's called adulting for a reason like we all have to kind of sometimes have really difficult conversations no one wants to break up with anyone but i think that you can present it that way as well that now you guys need time to process this separately but you're still there

and that you know you'd like to continue a friendship and that communication is not cut off but it's important that like over a certain amount of time that you reflect on this alone that you're processing this alone. That's good. Write that down. And how long it's healthy for after a breakup to not talk after talking almost every day. Well, I think that's really going to depend

on your dynamic, sadly. I don't know that we're going to be able to give you a specific date or time. You have to be compassionate that he's going to be going through a difficult time, but I'm sure he's going to come to the point where he's not going to want to talk to you either for a period of time.

But also I would like to say that you are not responsible for his emotions. When you break up with someone, it's like they want to take the last bit that they can from you and so you need to be supportive of him in the break of like we're both going to be going through some emotions with this again we need to process them separately but you can send a text like hey just checking in i'm not looking for a full conversation just wanted to let you know i was thinking about you i hope you're doing well like those little things mean a lot but again you're setting like a very specific precedent like

i'm not here to talk i just wanted you to know like no need to respond to this boundary and as As a friend, I'm asking as a friend, somebody who cares about you as a friend, how you're doing, checking in, you know, that might be a little bit less harsh than saying, I'm not looking for a full conversation. Well, and also say, hey, I'm checking in on you as your friend. You know, I care about you and I, you know, I still love you or whatever you feel comfortable telling him. But yes, so you can be compassionate to a degree.

I said earlier, nobody wants to break up with anybody. Nobody wants to have the conversation of breaking up with anybody. Like nobody looks forward to that. And if you do, then you're fucked. Like if that's what brings you joy in life, then there's a real issue. Totally. Yeah, no, it's true. Nobody looks forward to that conversation. No, but you're going to feel really good about yourself after you have the conversation. Maybe not in that moment, not maybe in that conversation, but in the weeks that follow that, you're going

to start to feel your power and you know you're doing the right thing. Your decision's already been made. We're reinforcing your decision and it's going to be good. The future is bright for you and for your future ex-boyfriend yes thank you so much let us know how it goes i will thank you okay bye bye bye i'm trying to think of who your last breakup was well you had to break up with somebody well that's true i did aspen remember that guy that i went to aspen with and i thought i was so excited i thought there's been two actually i've had to do that for Oh, really? Yeah.

Banff and Aspen. It's always a ski trip. Sweetheart knows immediately on the ski trip if it's not going to end well. And then she has to loop me in. Well, the guy that I met in Aspen, I met up with in Aspen. I had met him in New York a couple times. And then we went to Aspen together. I just, after one night, I was like, I cannot share a hotel room with this man for three days.

Like, there's just no fucking way I can do that. I've never, I haven't done that in years. And you were so excited. And I was so excited. I was like I this is what I why I still have an immature brain because I believe that every time when I get excited about a guy that it will I'll be like this guy's different I'm gonna like him like I'm gonna stick with it and then of course within I slept with him one night he slept in my hotel room and I was like I've you've got to get him out of my room I don't know what you're gonna

do the way you were acting leading up to this was like when you're in high school and your parents are going out of town for three days like over the weekend and you can finally have your boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over that's how you were just like oh my god I'm gonna have three days and then my girlfriends are going to come to town because this is why, because a, yeah, my girlfriends were coming. So that was like even better because really all I want to do is be with my girlfriends. But you know, again, why you can become a lesbian. Yeah. But I had already had sex with him in New York. So I knew he was a viable candidate because my fear is always that like, there's going to be some weird sex thing that I don't like, or I'm not going to, you know, we're not going to have

chemistry in that way. So once I had a successful sex with him, I thought for sure Aspen was a no brainer, but I did not like having a man in my bedroom. I don't like the sense S C E N T S that comes from men in the morning, not specific to him, specific to men. I don't like any funky smells. I want just, I want to smell me and Bert. So that was a mistake on my part. I put the cart before the horse a little bit again. So yeah, instead of saying, Oh, Hey, maybe, well, we were supposed to spend one night in the hotel room because he was meeting up with his friends yes but you if i remember correctly you went in early because it was only supposed to be one night and then you're like no i want to go in the extra day before that was a mistake yeah yeah that was a

mistake and then and then the bamf guy well that guy was a real fucking i had to tell him that all of his stuff had gone down to the front desk and he could pick up all of his belongings there he he had just texted me the funniest thing about this was i was in spain working and i was getting the house ready and he had just sent me this really nice text message about like hey I see all you do for her I'm really excited to see where the relationship goes with her and you know thanks for everything you've done yes yes he did oh so lame he must have been high I'm sure sure he was but it was nice I'm like oh this must be going well because you had seen him multiple times and the next thing I know you're texting me hey I need you to do something I need you to break up

with this guy for me I can't do it like I don't want to see him again just tell him all of his stuff's downstairs so I have to reply to his text message speaking so like you know nicely about you and then I'm like hey uh just gotta let you know everything I don't have context for this but I guess your stuff is at the front desk so should I go up and go I don't think so no no no I think you should just get it and you should yeah you should go he was yeah that was justified on my behalf because he had some serious mental issues and I have some serious mental issues so it sounds like we were a perfect pair we all have mental issues as we're seeing in these submissions and as we've talked about with ourselves the next one comes from jen jen lopez jennifer is it jennifer

oh oh this must be about ben probably is if this is all these are all your dreams coming true oh no you don't like them together right no i love them together oh okay yeah yeah and can i just say something about a rod please please do can we cancel him i mean he is such a fucking asshole i mean everybody he's dated he has cheated on and he's notorious for it and he's not fucking cute hey he's not sexy or cute at all at all and and he tortures women you know why is he out there he doesn't play baseball anymore what's his value oh oh hi oh hello hello jen hi jen hi how are you we haven't read your submission yet but since you're here why don't you just give us give us the update live in action yeah absolutely so i guess right now i'm dealing

with this entire situation where i was laid off from my job last year due to covid sorry about that i started helping out in the family business which my parents have owned a restaurant for 15 years and it's been operated by my mom and my dad i started helping out i became involved now I'm in a place where I'm no longer happy being there I'm having to deal with their constant arguments and I'm just not happy and it's taking a toll on my mental health and pretty much I'm just not happy there so now I'm just debating on whether I'm making the right decision to leave the family business knowing that leaving them means that you know they won't have that extra health that they need. And I'm kind of debating like on what I should do. Should I leave or should I stay

in, you know, where I'm not happy? And I'm most of all, I'm pretty much jeopardizing my happiness. Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounds like you are jeopardizing your happiness. First of all, can they find someone to replace you? They can, but I think right now they're just become so used to me being there where I've gone to job interviews and I've applied to great jobs and I've got offerings. But as I'm getting ready for all of these exciting things in the back of my head, I'm worried that they're not going to be able to do things. And I'm going to receive a phone call that, hey, this is not working. Can you come fix it? Can you do this? Can you do that? So that's my biggest worry. So I don't

know what I should do. Well, it sounds like you need some serious boundaries and you need to get away from your family dynamic because the way to keep a family intact is to not jeopardize the dynamic, right? And by working with them together, you're becoming interdependent. And then so you're affecting the dynamic in a deleterious way, right? You only want to enhance that dynamic. So by leaving and not working with your parents, you will enhance your dynamic with them. It may not feel that way right away. And you probably will get a bunch of those calls saying this person isn't working, but there will be somebody who does work for them that will take over the responsibilities that you're feeling burdened with. Because right now, what I see on your face

is you feel burdened. Yes. Right. One hundred percent. And I, you know, I'm thinking I'm like, am I going to be a bad daughter? I know I shouldn't have to worry about what other people think about looking at your daughter. She's leaving you and leaving you behind. And I know I shouldn't worry about that, but I'm still part of me still cares. You know, I don't want them to think or anybody to think that I just gave up on them. No. And I don't think that they will. If you put this in the right way you can explain to them that your relationship with them is so important to you that it's important for you to move on work-wise in order to salvage that relationship you don't want to harm your relationship with your parents and you feel

like working for them is you know muddying the lines there's really nice ways to put that and nobody thinks you don't care about your parents you're not responsible for your parents's business like that's just not the way it is right and you've put in your time right you've helped them So this is kind of like, if you look at it, like this was always a bridge for me. This was always just kind of during COVID, during the pandemic, like we have to all get on with our lives. And if we want our relationship to thrive, it's not going to be working together. Right.

Just making sure I'm making the right decision to go back to my normal life. At the same time, I'm just not happy. Yeah. Well, that's more important. That's your number one issue is your happiness, right? You have to make yourself happy. And the way that to be a great daughter is also to have your own life, you know, have a job where you're meeting new people, you're meeting new friends, you're hanging out in different environment, you're stimulated, you're learning something new and acclimating to a new surrounding of people is going to be helpful in your relationship with your parents. And you're going to have more to come together on if you don't work together also, which is a good point to possibly bring up to them.

What are your parents like? Are they going to receive this news well? are they? So really funny, quick story. In early 2000s, my dad actually worked with you in Chia Venice. And I have a lot of old Polaroid photos of you and my dad when they used to bartend together in Chia Venice. Who was your dad? His name was head out of the way. He used to call him tattoo. So oh, my God, tattoo is your father. Yes. So well, my dad would always tell me these stories about how you were one day, you would remind him that you were going to be famous, you're going to be famous, and you were going to get out of Chaya and you were going to be famous.

And so my dad has kept this entire just box of photos. So that's my dad. He's a very personable person. And he started his own business with my mom. What kind of business is it? It's a restaurant. So they were definitely impacted with COVID. And we almost lost my dad last year due to COVID, which put me in the position that I had to take on the family business. So that in itself was already a lot for me. So, but my mom is really understanding and she's very supportive, but I still feel that

guilt of leaving the family. Yeah. Well, that's your stuff that you're going to have to figure out. You're going to feel better about that once you're in a new environment. And if you come, first of all, Tatsu was fucking awesome. Your dad was so much fun. We used to have so much fun working together because he and I had such a great little chemistry he was a bus boy at Shia Venice and I was like a cocktail waitress or we were always

at the bar so that's probably why it seemed like we were one of us was bartending but we would drink all the time while we were working and I remember running into him years later and he just had the best energy you know your dad has just like I can see you in him because he had he's just funny and like you know a practical joker you know would come in and like put a piece of food in between my billfold like I would love to eat these little goat cheese things that the chefs would make but you couldn't really order them as a server you'd have to just kind of steal them if somebody didn't eat them these little fried goat cheese and he would always put a little fried goat cheese in my billfold and he'd be like there's a present for you in your billfold so make sure you

tell him that please i'm gonna tell him tell him to call me i still have the same cell phone number by the way he still has the number but he does he has these amazing stories about you okay well what's the restaurant called so we can swing by and bring it some business uh it's called lolo's grill in the city of inglewood we're located less than a mile away from the new sofi stadium we've been there for 15 years and he is there every day okay brandon we'll go there one day after our podcast recording okay can i give you i want to give her my advice as an assistant okay and how you should handle this from a business perspective okay so do your family obviously like the intermixing business and personal is always going to be complicated. But I think that

there's something you can do to get yourself out of that position, but set your parents up. And what I would do and what her previous assistant did for me is when that time has come, you know it, you're going to have to pull the trigger. So you need to find two replacements. You need to find two people who could seamlessly take over what you've been doing. It's good to have two options. Then your parents feel like they're involved in the decision making process. But this also safeguards you because then if they choose someone and they suck you can remind them that you chose that person I just presented to the two options right so in doing that you're showing them like hey I want to set you guys up but I also have to get out of here like here are

two people I really believe are going to be able to enhance like do more than what I've been able to do because they have more bandwidth to invest in this like in the business in this role you have to remove like the personal aspect for yourself and imagine this is a job that you have to leave but you want your family you want this business to succeed so before you have that like finishing conversation with them you should already have these two people in your back pocket like i've already done this they're ready to meet you we can interview them together so you feel comfortable and then it feels like more of an inclusion more of a hands-on transfer into power right i mean hopefully that's the plan and i definitely will take that advice yeah i think you're struggling

with the guilt component you feel burdened and then that's normal i mean you're you love your parents of course you know you you feel a little bit guilty but like just because you feel guilty about something doesn't mean it doesn't have to happen obviously and and the guilt is okay to feel but you have to do something about it so that's why setting them up by bringing other people yeah that's good advice once you know that hey i've done what i can do to support you guys in this and to help alleviate the pressure of me leaving if it still doesn't work out you can no longer feel guilty because you've done what you can for them but you still have to live your life and you have to operate in a way that you are going to be happy and really that's all they'd want so there

may be a temporary you know battle of power or wills in that situation but inevitably they want you to be happy i think so too it's just a matter of me getting over the guilt and you know making sure that i am making the right decision because at the end of the day i don't want to feel like i'm the bad daughter i don't think i am and i'm very proud of what i've done but i you know what you probably your parents probably don't feel any of the things that you think that they feel anyway you know probably not they're not going to guilt you into watch they actually want you to leave they're just like can you fucking get your dad tattoo because he would always go to plane to plane like from fantasy island and he he's short and he's got this compact body and he oh my god

he would do it all the time for me anytime i was having a bad shift he'd go the plane the plane oh i loved his body so funny yeah anyway it's a small world we're gonna swing by there for lunch one day so let him know we're on our way hopefully yeah he is um very excited is he there certain days so we know she said every day every day okay every day most of the time yes okay definitely saturday and a sunday okay oh great we can go and then we can go rollerblade perfect perfect I'd love to roll a blade to, is it in El Segundo? No, where did you say it was? Englewood.

Englewood, yeah. Englewood. Yeah, we can roll a blade to the forum and then back. Perfect. Yay. Perfect. Have Irving open it up. All right, thank you so much, Jennifer.

So nice meeting you. Okay, yeah, so nice to meet you, Jen. Bye. Bye. Oh, God, those were the days when I used to get fired from working in restaurants. I love hearing about all the places that you worked. I love running into all the busboys that I worked with because that's who I hung out with. Like we had the most fun because everybody else was always so stuck up, you know, like I'd go in the back and we'd smoke weed together and we'd have fun.

And, you know, so many good memories from working at Roasty and Chaya Venice. Chaya, I was I was actually fired from every restaurant that I've ever worked at. But Chaya, when I got fired from that restaurant, I became one of their best customers. You know what we should do? We should start a Chelsea Handler bus tour where you just take people like you do with me when I'm in the car and you point out places like, oh, I fuck this guy. Like, oh, this is the apartment where this or that happened. I used to work here. I once walked into an apartment that I had. Oh, you think, remember you brought up this house that I had seen that we were like, that

I didn't remember I had seen and then tried to make an offer on it. Well, I once went to a guy's house after Halloween. We were walking up. We all went to a party, me and my friends. I was in my twenties living in Santa Monica. Did you dress up? Cause you hate dressing up. Yeah, that's a great question.

Oh yes, I did. It was one time I was dressed like an M&M. I think I wrote about this in one of my books. and i walked into this apartment and as i was walking in i was like this looks so familiar but every apartment in santa monica is kind of like is like that three's company vibe you know it's all the same so i was like this looks familiar and then the guy went and brought like a hashish pipe out and a hashish bar and i went i've been here before and i looked at him i go i and he's like oh yeah and i had slept with the guy whose house we were at and was in the

same apartment while he was hooking up with one of my friends and i was like this is a all-time low and i was wearing an eminem costume i mean that's that's the high point of it well that's when i left and i had to walk do the walk of shame basically without having sex in an eminem costume down montana avenue and i'd love to see that recreated maybe this halloween maybe we can make it into a movie sweetheart i'd love to okay we're gonna take a break right now don't worry We'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies?

Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed

them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators

to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show.

I would never let go of that. I have never set expectations for something like that. It seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept, you know, Danny McBride. Fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding. exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you

i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts i know you like the quick one off so i thought i could get your opinion on this one

we had a write-in that said should i leave my husband because i'm gay well sounds like it sounds like that's that's the time to go sounds like it's time to pivot is that is that it that's it do we have a letter well we do as a matter of fact so the writer says dear chelsea i'm 32 years old i've been with my husband for 12 years and married 10 we have two sweet boys together who are nine and four looking back i remember in preschool i had a crush on a girl i experimented with girls when i was drunk or at parties and enjoyed it but was so conditioned that it was wrong i kind of avoided it also before i met my husband i hooked up with a married couple for about six months after two years together i realized move after two years together i realized

how much happier i was when he wasn't around and planned on breaking up with him when i got back from vacation well when i got back i missed my period and found out i was pregnant so what do do in the South? You get married. He is a great husband and father. He provides for us, cleans house, cares for and loves our boys so much. I'm just not in love with him or attracted to him anymore. It would break his heart and my boys if I left him, but I can't be my authentic self with him. What is the right thing to do and how should I do it? Oh, that's just so hard. Of course you have to leave him. You're not attracted to him. You're not in love with him. You're not doing your children any favors. Every person I know who stayed together for the sake of their children

regrets it. Everyone. Because you're not doing your children any favors for them to see their parents in an unhealthy relationship. That's what's being modeled. It doesn't matter if you guys think you're putting on a good show. Kids know and they have a sixth sense of this. And so they know when they're being lied to. And they know when you're not happy and you're faking something that's just your energy and that's not something that you can pretend isn't happening you not being attracted to their father is something that they will be able to feel you not being in love with them same thing so I think it's really important a mostly for yourself to be honest and live an honest life and for your children but if you can't do it just because of

yourself and that you deserve this kind of happiness and freedom from the marriage that you're in right now then do it for your kids because they deserve to see their mother living her like full life and that means being with a woman so they're going to have to accept that and it's a hard road but like you only have one way to go there's no real other choice here you want to live an honest full life for everybody that you love including your husband it's not fair to him to be there with him and to continue what was a lie and I think maybe the way to soften the blow by telling him is not to include the stuff of you got pregnant and you married him you know because of that that's just that makes that's going to make him question everything so when

you think about how to tell people news that's going to hurt them or upset them it's important to think about what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. And it's not necessary to say, oh, like I, you know, I wasn't ever in love with you. You know, you were, or you could say you were, and that you've always had these feelings towards women, but you thought if you got married, you know, things would be different and that you loved him so much. And he's such a great father and such a great husband, but now you can't deny your feelings for women and they're becoming more prominent. It's something that you can't get away from and you got to go for it. This is important for you. This is important for your family. Brandon?

Well, it's been a while since I dated a woman, but I do. What was that like? Who did you date? Oh, I dated girls growing up. I, for me, it wasn't like the sexual aspect. It was always emotional for me that I just did not have as deep of an emotional connection with women as I did with men. So I do to some degree. You're saying you didn't have as deep of an emotional connection with women as you did with Right. Like the sex part was fine. Like that was not the issue. The issue was after that there was little vested interest emotionally. So I do understand what she's going through. And I feel for anyone who was conditioned and brought up in a society where these feelings were repeatedly told to keep secret or to not give into. So now, you know, she's living in a different time where sexual fluidity is a thing and being bisexual is more embraced. So I hope that she finds what she's looking for. And I hope that she makes the right choice because, as you said, you know, you only have one life to live. And she's doing a disservice to herself and her husband by staying in the marriage. And I think that they will both see a lot of growth when they come out of it.

And yeah, to everyone listening, this is the only life we get. So make it count. Don't live it for someone else. Just don't. That was very well said. Great. I don't want to say problem solved there because that sounds a little flippant, but hopefully the problem is going to get solved over the course of the next few months. Okay, well, I think there's been a breakup. There's been people leaving friendships, people leaving marriages. I really, really hope that this woman leaves her husband that is gay or bisexual or however she classifies herself. I really hope that she gets the courage. You already have the courage.

Every single person who's listening has the courage to do something difficult or to do, you know, something scary. Just try not to avoid the truth because it's not going anywhere. I just want to say As-salamu alaykum and Shabbat shalom, really. Actually, Brandon, what would you like to add? I just think it's important to focus on what you're able to find from a loss in these situations. Don't focus so much on what won't be there, but think about what will come in its place. There's a lot of opportunity in making space for new friends, new relationships, new hobbies. So just try and think of it that way.

Yeah, but I don't think she's looking at it like, I mean, I think she knows what's going to come in its place. Something great. Well, I meant even the people wanting to leave their best friends, you know, the guy who obviously needed to make room for other people or other things because he was still very focused on someone that he dated quite a while ago. I know it's really hard when you're obsessed with somebody or you can't shake somebody out of your system. It's really hard. And I know like when people say, oh, you know, this too shall pass. I want to take that saying and shove it up somebody's asshole because it's not helpful when you're going through something in the moment because it doesn't feel like it's going to pass. It doesn't feel like the pain is going to go. But a theme of this podcast has been to remind people that everything is so temporary. Nothing stays for long. The highs, the lows, the good doesn't stay either for long and the bad doesn't stay for long. So it's all ephemeral and it all moves. And so the one thing I always tell myself is like, even if it's bad, it's like this is only temporary. And I remind myself of that. And it's a good reminder because heartbreak only lasts for so long. And a lot of times it's not as bad as we perceive it to be. Right. And that's where we come in to remind you of that.

Making a jump or making a change is really scary. But that scary part, as soon as you step into it, you've got an emotion. As soon as you take the first step, it's happening. It's happening. And then that doesn't last forever either. That's a transition. So the quicker you get into it, the quicker you get out of it. Amen to myself, actually.

Amen. And if you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets at Ticketmaster for my shows.

I'm at the Santa Barbara Bowl, August 21st. So you can come see me there. and tickets are available and i can't fucking wait it's called vaccinated and horny so make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horniness and then keep them to yourself please i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.

And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.

And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.