Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Where Are We on Kidnapping? With Sean Hayes

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Comedian and actor Sean Hayes (Smartless podcast, Will & Grace) joins Chelsea in the studio this week to talk about Sunday dinners at Maria Shrivers', their mutual mistrust of technology, and setting goals to go after your dreams.   A worker at an animal rescue wonders if her future will be as bright without a better-paying job.  A husband and wife can’t seem to break out of a cyclical argument.  And a Guncle is crushed when the mother of his godsons cuts him out of their lives.  *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space.

You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. It's me, Chelsea. Hi, Chelsea. It's me, Katherine. Oh, hi. It's so nice to be in the LA studio again. Look at us here. I know. I know. And yet we're still Zooming from other rooms today. I know. But doesn't it feel nice to have the nice fall weather? I came back and I'm like,

finally, it's season. It's season. A new season. I know. I put my heat on in my house. Yes. I just had my heater replaced in my bathroom in my apartment. And I like literally thanked it out loud today. I was like, thank you for existing. It's just so warm and cozy. Oh, yeah. Nice and cozy. That's right. I got a coat.

I got a new coat in New York. Oh. Joe bought me a new coat, a winter coat, because we were there and we were not prepared. Joe goes shopping in every city we go to. He just, he starts, it's like basically he starts out with nothing and then just acquires clothing while we're there. So every day is a shopping bonanza. I love that he loves to shop and you don't.

I know. I'm like, we can't go to Prada. I go, I cannot go to Prada again. I just can't deal with it. He's like, come on. I mean, every couple has that issue, right? I know, right? Exactly.

It's like totally the reverse. I love it. It's like I'm the male and he's the female. But he's fine with that and so am I, actually. It works. And you wind up with having the things you need. And maybe some Prada. Yeah, some extra things that I need.

Yeah, while there are people starving in the world, we have as much shit as we need. Well, Chelsea, I have an update from one of our previous callers. Oh, I love those. This is from E. she is the gal that we talked to whose boyfriend was occasionally drinking and he would say nasty things to her like oh this is why i don't want to be with you yeah so she says oh my gosh i just heard my email response in the episode thanks so much for the helpful advice i wanted to update all of you and tell you that i gave him one more chance and he fucked up so i broke up with him

And guess what? Yeah. Since then, my career has skyrocketed and so many other things in my life are coming together now. It's crazy what happens when you respect yourself enough to know when someone isn't giving you what you deserve. Chelsea, I bought tickets to your Vancouver tour and I am so excited to see you live. I love you and thank you again, E. Oh, my God. How fucking awesome is that?

It's just delightful. I love people taking their power. You know what I mean? Like, I love saying don't fucking settle. Do not settle for shit. We don't have to settle. When you settle, then you're not creating a higher standard for yourself. And we always want the best of what we deserve.

And we deserve the best. Every single one of us deserves the best. So good for you, E. I love it. And it sounds like she just, like, unblocked some energy, like something that was not so great in her life. And all of a sudden this flood of wonderful things came to her. Yeah, right. Exactly.

and we should never be caretakers in our lives you know what i mean not for romantic partners unless you know something terrible happens then that's a different set of circumstances but when somebody has a drinking problem that they can't control that is not your fucking problem right exactly and you know i mean we talked a little bit about this on the episode but it is a little bit of that in vino veritas like if somebody is saying something to you when they're in an altered state that like it might be what they really feel that they really they're really not into it and guess what you don't have to be into them either what is it what is the phrase you used? In vitro fertilization? In vino veritas, which is

in wine there is truth or something to that effect. So sort of like how you say what you really mean when you're half in the bag. Okay, got it. Yeah. And so she is doing great. I was excited to tell you about that. Well, I love updates. Please, if you've called in before, please, we love to hear updates, especially positive ones. And even if they're not great, then I would like to hear that feedback too. Also, when you want to write into the show, it's DearChelseaProject at Gmail. So make sure you are writing into the show because we get all kinds of submissions. So don't think that your problem isn't worthy of being talked about or it's not appropriate. Like we'll find a way to talk about it based on who our guests are. And

we kind of curate the shows for, you know, the topics for the guests we have on. So you never know when your topic will be relevant. Exactly. So we have a really exciting guest today, Chelsea. Yeah, he is. Yes, he has a couple of podcasts actually currently going. Everybody knows him from Will and Grace. And he is on the smash success podcast called Smart List with Jason and Will Arnett. Jason's last name is Arnett too, because he and Will are married. And he also has his own podcast called Hypochondriactor. Hypochondriactor. Hypochondriactor. He'll tell us when he gets here. Hypochondriactor. Hypochondriactor, which I've been a guest on Smart List and I will be a guest on Hypochondriactor as well. So please give your attention to one of

my funniest friends, Sean Hayes. I saw your friend Deb Messing at my show at The Beacon. She came to my show at The Beacon. I love her. Yeah, she was cute. She's cute. Can we touch? Of course, I want you to slide in here. Come as close as you want. Okay, there we are. I just want to be able to feel this little baby right there. Boop, boop, boop, boop. He's at attention today. Why are you so tired, honey? Your muscles feel nice.

Thanks. I got up at like, yeah, I got up at five today. I don't know. So did I. I drank too much this weekend, I think. Oh, me too. And I got up at five. Really? I got up at five. Today? Yeah, this morning.

I got up at 5 and I said to Joe Coy, he goes, are you getting up? And I go, yeah, I think I'm going to get up. And he goes, I'll get up with you. And I go, all right, I'm going to get on the Peloton. And he's like, I'll get on the treadmill. Then we did that. I go, I'm going to my trainers at 745. And he goes, I'll do that with you too.

And I go, this is fucking awesome. I go, you just do whatever I do. I love it. For two years. And then you're like, guess what? Maybe we need to be codependent. I need to get a new boyfriend. I need to start dating.

That's when I'll start dating women. because that's going to happen at some point you mean it hasn't well i mean you know just for a night or two nothing serious are you enjoying your podcasts that you're doing smartless you sound like you yeah yeah oh my god i i laugh so hard it's so fucking funny so is this one oh yeah this is well newsflash you're funny hey how about how about 30 minutes we talk 30 minutes we nap and then we wrap it up yeah don't worry it's going to be like that we go an hour and that's our limit so don't worry about going over you know what's so funny is podcasts that go for two hours like dax's yeah i don't

dax thought he was going to be here for two hours too i had to cut him off i was like nobody nobody's going for that long by the way for me and i was on it for me for me to catch up with a podcast in my car i have like a 20 minute attention span i don't have time to listen to a two-hour fucking interview when people are like did you listen to so-and-so on stern i'm like or mick jagger was just on stern i tried well that was because he's also you know like well he's experiencing dementia or something because he couldn't get his thoughts like oh really is that true yeah i think he's old he's like 80 yeah but i was like i cannot listen to this for two hours it's too fucking long yeah well and you know i don't have um rolling stones on my playlist okay

so any you have abba mostly absolutely did you hear the new one uh god it's fantastic my friend today goes by the name of sean hayes just for today he is he is an actor extraordinaire he is a flaming homosexual are we allowed to say that anymore i doubt it i don't give a shit but he's also well he's so talented so fucking talented likewise remember well we've talked about this so many times so maybe we don't need to revisit it but remember how talented you were on the set of Will & Grace and how, what a basket case I was on the set of Will & Grace. The only part I don't like about rehashing this with you is you pretending that I wasn't like that. No, no, I'm agreeing with you. You were a basket case. Okay, thank you. No, but what I'm saying is it's hard to come in any

set that's been like around that long because you're coming into the quote-unquote house or the home of these people who have relationships already. So you're trying to figure out your place in a week. Yeah, but that's not what that was about. I was going through something and that was a different you threw it yeah i'm through okay yeah yeah i'm through it if that was still going on i'd probably be fucking dead wait how are you uh-huh i'm great yeah how many of these do you do a day this is my second one today but yeah i usually do two maybe three a day is that hard for you to keep it up two is not hard three gets a little bit tricky and then what do you do kind of check out uh well in the middle of somebody talking yeah no i'm not like

that usually i can pretty much focus but yeah that couldn't happen on the third hour yeah i'm much better at focusing now than i used to be like when i did my talk show if somebody was fucking boring i would literally just be thinking about lunch really yeah like what did you how did you wasn't it scary to kind of like have your mind wander and then how would you get back because i and my mind wandering was better for the show than me listening to their dribble it's so funny so you've had so many talk shows have i yeah and i think i've only had two oh i feel like you've had more i've had two but i they've i've done them both for chelsea lately chelsea and everything else was documentaries and then after late like other shows nothing

talk show well you're so good at it why did you never want to do like a daytime or a nighttime i know chelsea lately was a nighttime thing and chelsea and chelsea was streaming but didn't you want to do something mainstreamy no all right i don't want to be told what to do by a bunch of old white guys all right i'd like to tell them like this is how it's going to be and blah blah blah and by the way sean this is not an interview show where you interview me this is an interview show where we talk about your sex life for the first 30 minutes that's about you don't need that long i want to tell you well i know that yeah he's not lying everybody his lover partner lifesaver actually husband yeah husband extraordinaire yeah he loves he lives for you his name is scotty and

he's exactly how you'd picture him yeah adorable yeah and sean is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle when it comes when it comes to domesticity oh yeah i mean you are worse than i am because i've been over to their house i learned it from you well you didn't learn it from me because we just met as adults so i don't know where the fuck you learned it but you come from a big family with a lot of kids where you had to fucking yeah for sure earn your keep in a different way i don't understand why you can't do anything i was the youngest no no but see i remember reading i remember you telling me and also reading about you saying i don't know how to turn the tv on i don't know how any text things work i got this house thing like i don't know if a door breaks

i don't know how the fucking you know knob works and i'm exactly the same way if i get a google doc if i see something in an email and it says google doc i shut my computer down because i'm so scared that i that i will get in i will get in there and i will delete another person's work or something untoward will happen and i just am like fuck if i get a drop box i just give my phone to my assistant and i'm like what is this i know i can't do it but it's such an indicator of our age now that i want to fight against it you know how old were you when you got your internet like your first like computer i was living in la i think i was 19 first internet yeah i meant computer and like email address and all that.

Well, by the way, I have the same email address I did when I was 19 years old. AOL? Yep. No. Yeah, I still pay $6.95 a month. You and me are the last two people

that pay AOL accounts. We're so lazy. I know. It's so lazy. First of all, I would love to cut off all the people that have that address. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like there's so much motivation to change my email. How have they not been hacked? It feels like that's the easiest one to hack. Well, what are they going to hack for me? I'm already, like, hacking myself. I clearly buy, like, Dropboxes and Gmail.

Well, yes, but there's nothing interested in attachment. Anytime I see an attachment, I just delete the email. It's like a contract, a super important contract. You're like, I never got it. How's it going? How's life? These questions are amazing. It's going great.

Yeah, yeah. Sean is a fucking asshole, by the way. So just prepare yourself for that shit. No, no. How's it going? It's going great. Busier than ever, you know. So you figured, you know, during the, oh, my God, I almost said something horrible.

I almost said during the Holocaust. We've lost them. It's over. It's over. During the pandemic. During the pandemic. For some people, it was like a Holocaust. It was.

That's why I probably thought of that. During the pandemic, during the pandemic, you know, like everybody, we pivoted because that's a real popular word. Were you triggered? Were you triggered by the Holocaust? No, I was. No, I wasn't triggered by the pandemic. As you know, I do Smart List with Jason Bateman and Will Arnett. And we were literally just like, hey, let's do a podcast literally just to hang out because nobody could go anywhere. So we set it up on Zoom and we just did it for like, let's just do like five of these and be done. And here we are. Oh, my God.

Yeah, super fun. And then I do hypochondriac, which you're going to come on because I'm an actor who's hypochondriac, as you know. And I can show this on the thing. Right. So I got my now I got a foot boot. because he has a his toe hurts so he's wearing a foot boot yeah it's pretty dramatic and it falls right in line with being a hypochondriac actor hypochondriac actor hypochondriac actor hypochondriac actor right okay i didn't really i didn't realize you and will and jason were such good friends oh

yeah for a long long long long time yeah those guys are so fucking funny oh my god they make me laugh so hard oh yeah yeah so that's how i've been that's what i've been doing i'm also doing a play called Good Night Oscar, where I play Oscar Levant, who is George Gershwin's best friend. And the story is very kind of Salieri-Mozart, a very contentious, you know, love-hate relationship between Oscar and George's music. But the whole play takes place backstage of The Tonight Show when Jack Parr hosted. And Oscar Levant is very famous for talking about mental health publicly before anybody else did in the 50s. And it was super shocking to hear it back then. And he ended up in mental institutions and he was addicted to prescription drugs he used to say things like

he's super super super witty and funny anyway so i'm doing that and where where where can we see that play that's at the goodman theater in chicago oh that's your hometown that's my hometown we opened there and then i think we're going to broadway after that oh how exciting and smartless is on the road because i was just in boston performing at the fillmore and i saw that smartless was at the wang i think right you guys i don't even i mean i have to i don't i didn't memorize the theater are you going or did you go already no no it's it's the first two weeks of february oh how exciting is that yes i do that and then i do the first two weeks on tour of smart list in february then i go do the play for probably six months and then i have this other big project

that if it goes i'll go right into that okay and is that a transition that is um yeah and so for the smart list podcast you guys are gonna what are you gonna do bring guests on for the show so we're going to do it just like the podcast which i don't know if people know the conceit of our show of our of smart list it's called is one of us brings on a guest that the other two don't know about and it's a surprise to the other two so they interview them without being prepared or anything they just ask questions in real time like we're doing right now and so we'll do this tour just exactly the same so which is going to be really fun to try to keep it hidden we're gonna have like somebody backstage like yeah and and they're huge big names oh how fun is that how cool yeah i

had a great time being on the podcast. Thank you for asking. Thank you for coming on. You were so funny. Oh my God. That story about that car ride, the road trip with the guy in the hotel and. Oh yeah. The cocaine. That was so funny. Yeah. That cocaine story was a good. Wait, I want to ask you something though, because you, you seem to have like unbelievably boundless energy. You are always, and it, I'm not just saying this, it's really inspiring to me and I'm sure other people that want to do this, but you just seem to be always on the road, always creating something, always writing a book always just in it and creating and creating and creating why where do you get that from don't you ever get exhausted and want to quit like what's the deal i think that's uh a question

for the end of the show when you're supposed to ask me a question okay this isn't the end no no you just got here so a way to try and get the fuck out of here as soon as you sat down this is just like hanging out with you in real life i want to tell the story about bringing you to chicago with me that was so fun that was so fun but you were such a pain in the ass about it because remember i was doing my book tour for life will be the death of me and you and scotty were coming i you were nice enough to say yes you were going to interview me somewhere in chicago really quick i said do i have to read the book you're like i'm not talking yes i said yeah you got to read the fucking book you asshole like i mean how hard is it to read a book but apparently in this town it

is fucking hard but i read the whole thing and i was fascinated yes because then you realized we had so many commonalities and similarities in our upbringing and just like kind of mayhem and you come from a large family that's dysfunctional as well i mean i don't know many families that aren't dysfunctional at this point right and then we had a couple drinks before we went on stage yeah yeah which was the theme of that tour everyone who i brought on that tour needed to drink before they got on stage so by the time we got on stage with half the people like leah Remini did my L.A. one, and she had Fireball for the very first time in her life. She had four shots of Fireball.

What's Fireball? Exactly. I didn't know this until then either. Is that the thing you light or something? Well, you don't even have to light it because it tastes like it's lit already. Now I know it from skiing because my friend from skiing likes Fireball. So it's a great, like, warming drink, like, if you need to warm up and you're fucking cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a hot toddy. Yeah, something like that. And they say it actually has, like, a little bit of antifreeze in it. Like, not real antifreeze, but it's banned in Europe. It's like hot cinnamon is very bad for you. Okay, well, I don't mind drinking a little bit of antifreeze. I mean, there are worse things that I've put in this body, that's for sure. It cures COVID, doesn't it?

Yeah. Did you get COVID, by the way? No. Uh-oh. High five. Did you? No, I didn't. Right?

Right. But wait, we were talking about the tour drinking, and we came out. Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm a bit discursive today because I'm so excited to see you. I'm so excited to be here. I haven't seen you in so long. I know. To be here and on you and in you.

and inside of me yes it's such um a dream come true i remember the first do you remember the first time we ever ever ever met it was at a charity yes it was backstage yeah and you and you were i remember there were a lot of balls well weren't there it was uh i think it was an alzheimer's benefit okay and you go and this one goes never met and she's sitting in the like you're sitting backstage up against the wall with your legs crossed kind of slouched over with a drink in your hand kind of like just a real judgy look and i walk past you go hey jack is will here and i was like i don't that doesn't sound like me at all totally that's what you said i think when i met you you told me that you weren't out of the closet i did i think you did i think you

were joking oh right and i was and that made me laugh you were like i said something about you being gay and you said i'm not out of the closet and i started laughing hysterically i was like Whether you are or not, you are. No, I was, I mean, I've been out since I'm 12 years old. Well, ever since, yeah, ever since you started, well, expressing yourself, really. Chatting. How was, I would imagine that you enjoyed COVID with Scotty because you're antisocial. No, I'm not.

I mean. Yeah, you are. No, not really. I mean, are you? Sometimes. Yeah, no, I'm. No, I am antisocial because of COVID, quite frankly. No, let me tell you something.

I learned a lot from Maria Shriver, who's, you know, is such an incredible. over there, by the way, Sunday night dinner. She's the greatest. No, we have to go hang out with her together. I'll make sure it happens. I swear. Okay. Let's do it together. Cause she's keeps asking me to come over with Joe Coy and I'm like, Oh, I'm never, yeah, let's do it. Let's put it in the calendar. Bye. Okay. No, but for real, she's like, you know, what a massive advocate she is for the Alzheimer's movement and educating people, especially women about the risks and how women, they don't know why women are more susceptible to get Alzheimer's than men. Like I think it's three to one or something like that. Don't quote me on that. But one of the

things that she always talks about that's really stuck in my head because my mom passed away of alzheimer's is and i'm kind of a woman is to force yourself to be to be and remain social right so when you say i'm kind of anti-social don't go out i sure of course i'd rather sit home on pajamas and watch a movie but i also find the challenge of meeting new people really fun and and getting to know them and i think that's why i enjoy podcasting and interviewing and stuff like that because I like people. I really do like people. I like learning about them. And I remain curious, which I think is really, really important. But anyway, it's one of the biggest things to combat Alzheimer's is to force yourself to remain social, especially the older you get.

That's good. That's good to know. Yeah, for sure. Because nobody wants to. So you have to, it's like going to the gym for your brain. Uh-huh. Yeah. The mental gym. We like that. That's good advice. I'll remember that the next time I'm about to cancel a dinner. Yeah, for real. Well, right now, the thing is, I'm on tour, so I'm so fucking depleted and exhausted. Yes. So when I come home. And then you're doing this.

Like last night, I had dinner with my three girlfriends set, and then I was out with Joe, and we were having a snack, and I was like, I just don't think I can make this dinner. I just don't think I can go, because it's going to be all about me, because no one's seen me in a long time. And then that pressure, I don't like that pressure. Where it's like, oh my God, tell me how it was. Yeah, and then they want to see Joe and me together, because my friends are really excited. Right.

I want to meet Joe. Yeah, yeah. No, I want you to meet Joe, too. We'll do that at Maria's one night. Because right now he looks a little photoshopped, but that's just— Yeah, well— So I don't know if I believe that he exists. I know.

Well, when you see him in person, he'll look the same. He still looks photoshopped, so we've got that to go on. And I was very honest with my friends. I said, you guys, you know what? I'm just—I don't have the bandwidth. I'm really stretched too thin. I'm really sorry because I—you know, I want to show up and see my friends, obviously, but when I have such—I have two days home of a turnaround.

Right. And I squeeze everything into those two days, and I'm just like— And then you're exhausted to go back and think. And then I'm like, I have to be refreshed when I perform. I have to be well rested. It's kind of like when, when God forbid, you know, something awful, like somebody is sick in your family or you have a sick friend or you have, or God forbid, somebody passes away that you love.

It's, you're now at the age where I don't really tell people because then as much as they care and we're blessed that they care, it becomes a second and a third job to answer those texts and those emails and take care of them for trying to take care of you. Right. And it sounds kind of ungrateful, but it's not. It's just you're exhausted and you're depleted, right, from dealing with whatever situation. Like all the updates I had to give my mom's friends, my friends, my family, everything. When I took care of my mom, I was like, plus I got to take care of my mom.

So now I'm doing, and then I got to work. So it's just endless. So now if something like my, one of my brothers passed away from COVID in December, last December. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I didn't really tell a lot of people, of course. telling everybody, but everybody knows by now, of course, it was almost a year ago and it was really sad, but yeah, that's the thing. So anyway, that's related. I'm relating that kind of stuff to

overworking yourself. Hmm. I hear you. I hear you. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. That's terrible. How did you guys find COVID together? I mean, you guys spend an inordinate. Well, we looked, we shopped, shopped all day and night. Online? Yeah. Online. We found, finally found it. What did you find? COVID? You said, how did you find COVID? Oh, oh, oh. So stupid. What a stupid, stupid response. I don't know if you know what this podcast is, but people basically call in for advice. Oh, let's do it. And they want real advice. Okay. So how did I find, like, what did I do? No, no, no, no, no. You don't have to answer that question. You already blew it. You already blew it. And by the way, I think your brother passing away takes the cake on that subject

matter. So let's not hear a crazy story about that. Yeah. So my sister, so my brother passes away. The memorial is like three months after that. And my sister did this great thing where I grew up in this house in the suburbs of Chicago, and the address was 846. And so she made hats and T-shirts to give out to family and friends that said our address on it, which I thought was really touching. And so I have the hat on right now. And I was going around, like I'd go to the gas station and the grocery store, whatever errands I was doing, I would always have this hat on in memoriam of my brother. And people would kind of like give me a heads up and a nod and like, way to go. And I was like, I don't understand.

what's happening and it happened all the time i was at the gym and people like way to go and i was like what is that so i was watching a news conference about one of the many many many african-american kids shot by a police officer wrongly all those kinds of things and i'm watching this one of those stories and on the press conference all these guys had a hat on that said 8 46 and i was like what and it's the amount of time that george floyd was being held down, which is tragic. And then I was like, Oh, and I put, I put two and two together. So they were all kind of thinking it was one thing and it was another, but I was like, Hey, it's got two great causes in one. Yeah. Yeah. And then you didn't have to lift a finger or go to any

marches. There you go. There you go. Problem solved. Problem solved. We can cut that whole story if you want. No, I like that story. It's cute. It's sweet. Okay. Yeah. So we basically give advice, people call in and surprisingly they're pretty sincere and earnest. There's not a lot of fucking assholes so you have to dig deep into your reservoir of knowledge i know you've been to therapy yeah i still am and yeah well you should be and after this and we have especially after this abusive hour and so you have to do you know you we want to give them sincere life advice and how to how to get to the next positive place so i just want you to be prepared i love it you need to be as involved as possible okay i love it and hopefully thematically we will be able to have

matched some of your interests or lifestyle choices to our callers. Yeah, because it's a choice. Yeah, no. And Catherine, our lovely producer, will introduce us to each and every write-in. Some people will be live and we'll see them. Oh, for real? Yeah. And some people just write in. Okay, great. This is super fun. You get to see their lovely faces. But before we go to some callers, should we take a quick break? Sure. Sure. Let's take a quick break.

Excuse me, Sean. We're going to take a quick break now. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head, right? How about we flip the script, okay? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird?

Adam Scott. this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh it's so stupid everyone's so dumb and fake

right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us, not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is, and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Excellent. We look like such a happy couple.

Ad breaks should always be for selfies, I think. Did you get it? I got it. It's erect now. baby shark is up so our first email comes from michelle and this is a little bit of relationship and marriage advice dear chelsea i'm hoping you can give some advice for my husband and i we seem to have the same repeating argument for context we've been married for three years have two young daughters and we still really like each other the problem is i will regularly load both girls into my car to take them to school or wherever and my gas light is on i instantly

become furious and rage call him because I've run out of gas before in his car. Luckily not with the girls, but I still held up traffic and had to sit on the side of the road looking like a dumb blonde. I know he innocently forgets, but it still makes me feel like he doesn't care about me or my time. He cannot understand why I'm upset and will just tell me it's not that big of a deal and I can just go get gas, which yes, obviously that's all true, but it's frustrating that it keeps happening. I've also tried to explain to him how it's ungentlemanly and dangerous for me to have no gas with the baby in the car. I hate arguing over stupid things, but I also hate that he doesn't take the effort to remedy the one recurring issue we have. What do we do? Michelle

and George in Denver. Okay, Michelle and George in Denver. Do you want to go first? Do you want me to go first? Go ahead, take the lead. So I think that marriage and relationships about compromise, Scotty and I always say that you need to fall in respect with somebody not in love. Because if you fall in respect with somebody the love will happen after because everyone's like i want to be in love no you don't you want to be in respect if you really want a relationship you want to be in respect with the person so that's the first thing if you respect each other and you like each other sit down and make a compromise it's not that hard hey if the thing is below this level of the gas you know whatever go fill it up you fucking idiot and then so i'll be and you know what i'll do the

same for you when i don't have the kids in the car exactly this isn't a difficult i mean yeah The fact that he is being difficult, this is as hard as it gets. If the fact that your husband is being resistant to like understanding why it's A, ungentlemanly, that is ungentlemanly, but B, unsafe for your children, you don't want to be in a position where you're ever going to run out of gas. I think a practical way of addressing the matter, as annoying as it may be, is offering to do the same for him. Yes.

And you've got to come up with rules. You have got to come up with rules. so the rule is the second it goes below half who's ever driving when it goes below half fill it up and you can't be a dick about it and be like well wasn't i still yeah above the half when i yeah and it is about respect and so you should drive that point home you know a little bit and say that it doesn't feel good that you're telling him that you need something that you feel unsafe and that he doesn't have the time to deal with that or he can't see it it's like just you saying that doesn't make you feel comfortable or safe should be enough so I

could totally understand your frustration and if there's something that you can do for him that's a compromise other than the gas like I mean if the gas isn't an issue for him then maybe he doesn't care if there's a full tank or not but if there's something else you can do you know always offering up your part in it is a good way to compromise to say like you're not the unreasonable one I'm also willing to do this but fall in respect to each other is a really beautiful thing that you should take to that conversation as well. For sure, yeah. It's so annoying to have disagreements like that

with your husband. I know. To have your husband be like, no, I don't see the problem with coming home with an empty gas tank. Yeah, yeah. Like, why not? That's an issue.

I mean, that wouldn't, Scotty and I would nip that in the bud. Yeah, but they already have children and they're married. How fucking annoying to have to be like, now I have to explain to you that you, I would prefer that you didn't cheat on me. Like, what?

Yeah, right. Yeah, because it's like that common sense, yeah. And I love the idea of setting up rules. You're setting up systems for yourself. I think the one thing that stands out to me, too, is he can't understand why she's upset, but she's also rage calling him. So take a time, sit down when you're not upset about it. You know what? From a logical perspective, let's just do this.

This is the new system when it gets to a quarter tank or a half tank or whatever your rule is. And you always have gas in the tank. Yeah. It's not what you say. It's how you say it. You can't just be like, can you fucking put when I come? Nobody's going to listen to that. I'm going to use the best example I have in my most recent situation with my relationship

is I never have my ringer on on my phone. Never, ever, ever. Cause I, I just would prefer not to get phone calls, you know, but you never have your ringer on. Never. Same. Oh yeah. Right. So I never get text alerts. I mean, I look at my phone frequently, so it's not, it's not an issue, but like I miss calls all the time and I like it that way. But my boyfriend really likes to FaceTime and likes to connect several times a day, which is not something that I'm used to but it's something that I'm totally happy to do for him because I love him and he's so sweet and that I'm yeah I'll do it but when I when I have it off and I miss it like a FaceTime he gets really annoyed he's like did you not what did you not see it I'm like well I don't have my

ringer on so I didn't see it also what if you're working yeah well I mean am I ever really working I mean I wouldn't yeah I have my ringer on right now because I'm just waiting for something to interrupt this i only put it on when i am working so i can have interruptions but i you know now with him i do put my ringer on because it's just easier for him he wants my ringer on yeah and it's not like a controlling thing he just likes to be able to connect when he wants to connect and i and i'm like yeah no problem it's no fucking problem it's not my inclination but of course if it means something to someone else just fucking do it yeah you have to meet them where they are Yeah, or meet them across the street and then go get a drink.

And turn your ringer off. Yeah, I used to fucking hate FaceTime. I used to think it was like an assault. Really? Well, yeah, if you got like a blind FaceTime without any warning, it would be like, what? Well, it depends who it's from. Well, yeah, but I'm also like half the time I'm in bed not feeling like I want to be seen by strangers. What if it's your friends?

Well, if it's your friends, yeah, I mean my friends. Well, Arnett will always FaceTime. I love that. Oh, you do? Yes. If I literally just woke up, I'll answer. I'm like, hey, man, what's going on? He's like, busy day, whatever.

Yeah. Okay. I can always solve that. My mom will spring a FaceTime on me, and then she'll turn the phone to whoever she's with and be like, say hi to Karen. Oh, that's so annoying. Like, you're aunties. You know what?

Yeah, that happens all the time. Joe will be like, look how beautiful my girlfriend is to a group of people. And then I have to, like, look at these people and say, you are beautiful. Yeah. I'm like, oh, God, Joe, that's so painful. So our next caller is Josh, and he is here with us. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm afraid a very close friendship of 28 years may have ended. I'm 46 and met my friend when we were seniors in high school.

I'm godfather to her three boys, ages 14, 13, and 9. I'm their gunkle, gay uncle, LOL, held each of her boys in my arms when they were babies and have babysat them countless times. I love them dearly. They're the closest I will ever come to having kids of my own. About five months ago, my friend cut off communication with me. She felt two other friends of mine and I were judging her parenting. She felt betrayed because we raised reasonable concerns about very stressful home life dynamics.

I understand the friendship may never recover, but I'm heartbroken that I'm forbidden to contact my godsons. I feel like this is what divorce feels like, and my partner has run off with the kids. Thanks. That's Josh. Hi, Josh. Hi, Josh.

Hi, Sean. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, how are you? Are you at a standing desk? I'm at a standing desk, yes. Yeah. I like it. I do, too.

I would say, can we dive right in? Yeah, dive right in. I'll ask questions. I think, I totally know what you mean. I have got kids too, and their parents were very, very, we're like family. And I'm always careful to say things like, I know I'm not the parent, but have you thought about, or, you know, and give them that respect of knowing, you know, there's a line and stop me if I'm going to cross it, always giving them the control of that they deserve because they're the parents. And after

that disclaimer than diving in with whatever my thoughts are so that they so it disarms them almost. I think, though, that that's already happened, right? It's already too late. Yeah, we have. I feel like it's myself and two other very close friends. We've been friends for decades. I think we have really walked the line really well with her in telling her about our concerns. And, you know, it's more of like when she tells us that we're you know, you're not parents you don't understand it's like kind of sticking the knife and twisting it like it it feels more like that but sean i i agree with what you said that's a really good point and and i would say like maybe there's a way to say what i just said or your own version if you believe in what

i just said i always start if somebody's if i'm feeling somebody's not receiving yes i always say are you open to talking about this issue right oh yeah that's good or are you open to hearing something from me right now because if they say no great let me know when you are because then again giving them the control to let you then say how you feel that way it's not your it's there's no fault to be had so yeah that's true that's great advice but so what happened like did you collectively tell her because people don't like that either right right so we're all kind of in a very close-knit group of friends and there's there's three of us in this group and we we each went to her with our concern i had a friend who reached out to her via email saying

You know, I have to set some boundaries. Here's what I'm seeing. I can't be witness to this behavior. There's a lot of yelling, there's throwing of objects. And then another friend of mine, who's a single mom, coming from her perspective of, you know, that she had been through this. She had had people come to her and say, look, this is getting out of control. So she came at it from a standpoint of, I've been in your position to my friend. And my other friend, who's the godmother, she works with family dynamics. She does this for a living. And so she knows a lot about kids and family dynamics. And I was the one who actually just told her in person. I said, hey, these are concerns that we love you. This is coming from a place of love.

And she just shut down. I mean, it was just a complete shutdown. How long ago did this happen? So this happened in February of this year. Wow. And it's been kind of rocky since then or just silent since? It's been pretty much silent. I have had a little bit of communication of the three of us. I've had probably the most communication, which is not much at all.

But I was able to talk with two of the boys and they both said, Josh, I miss you. I miss you. It just it brought me to tears. And I just like it's like, how do I, you know, like these kids, I want to see, see her kids and they want to see me. So I feel like the kids are really, they're not, they're being punished and they shouldn't be. Right.

Was there, is there any kind of way to say, to ask her if she'll take your call as long as the ringer's turned on that, uh, is that necessary? Is there any way to say, I'm sorry that we're bringing our personal stuff into this call. Anytime. Is there any way to say to her, to ask her the question again, to give her control, to say, is there any way to rectify the situation? Is there anything I can do or say, would you want to meet? Would you be open to meeting to maybe discussing it? And I can hear how I can do better and, and learn from you. And then hopefully you'll be open to that, you know, because who could,

who could deny that? Right. I think that's a really good point. I think, and one of the things we haven't explored a lot of is saying, well, can we, can we talk about this in person? I mean, this is, you know, we're talking decades of friendship and, you know, lots of experiences and, and knowing these three boys since they were babies. And it's like, we can't let something like this just go and maybe, you know, email and this sort of it's juvenile behavior. And, but, but again, aside from that, like maybe we just need, can we sit down and can we talk? Yeah. And I think maybe not as a group, you know what I mean? Because she obviously feels ganged up on and got and shut down because of that reason so i think like instead of doing it as a group think or it's

a different group thing than you and i josh are used to yeah got it sean i'm picking up what you're putting down got it but like you know really talking about you know the kids like i miss the kids you know and making that it like why do we have to punish the kids i understand that your feelings got hurt and you're right i'm not a parent obviously that approach didn't work with her you know this is important to me and this is important to me and there's no how old are the kids now the kids are 43 49 9 14 and 15 yeah and is she married yes uh-huh so how has your communication been with her like what is the short small like what have you communicated with her since so she had sent us three of us an email saying look i i don't want you to reach out i

don't need your advice i don't want your advice and i actually about a month later said hey can can we talk? And we did talk on the phone. It didn't go that well in the sense that I didn't feel like there was any movement forward. And then she actually reached out and wanted to meet with another friend of mine, two other friends separate from the group, but she ignored me the whole time. And I tried, I really tried to make conversation to ask her how, how things were going and it just didn't go anywhere. Yeah. It sounds like she's pretty emotionally shut down. Yes. And she's probably having a really, really challenging time raising three boys, it sounds

like, because she doesn't know how to handle it, right? And doesn't want any advice, which means she knows she's doing something wrong or she feels like she's doing something wrong. Right. I think that's accurate. Yeah. I think you have to look at the situation as if there's nothing you're going to be able to do to help her parenting.

you can only influence those children by your own actions and your own relationships with them. So your main goal here just has to be to revitalize that relationship, not try to, you know, get her to admit that she's got any problems with her parenting. That's futile. You know, she's not going to realize that through anything from you saying anything to her. Obviously, she's going to have to come to grips with that at some other point in her life, if at all. So the only way to, to, to try, I think you should move forward in trying to salvage your relationship. Yeah. File, try, try to file for, for sole custody of the children. Like the worst advice you could ever give. I hadn't thought about that.

Well, that's why you called in. Hello. You're welcome. Problem solved. That's why we're here. And we are here every day between 11 and one. 11. Actually, we're here every day between 11 and 1115. We only work in 15 minute increments. So you've got to call in. It works if you work it. And you are. No, I think that maybe you've got to try a different approach, right? Like that didn't work. So now you have to try a different approach. And if enough time has elapsed, which it does sound like it since it was February, that's several months for you to just write her a heartfelt email or call her and just go, listen, I am really, really missing you.

And I'm really missing the boys. You know, I'm missing you. Let's just forget about that conversation. Do you think she wants to reconcile as well? I think so. I think deep down she really does. Yeah. I've seen it in sort of some of the actions, but hasn't gotten to the point where we've really been able to move on.

But, Chelsea, I think that could work in terms of doing it in that way. Yeah, like she just is somebody that's not going to admit that there's an issue, right? it sounds like she's stuck so that what you have to do is pretend that you were wrong to even bring it up and say i'm sorry that i even brought that up i overstepped i can understand how you'd be so upset with me but the truth of the matter is i miss you i miss the boys and just remember you're saying this to make sure that you have that connective tissue to still explore your relationship with the boys don't say explore that sounds strange but i mean you know what i'm saying like to continue to sustain it and, and, and make her believe, you know, and it is about her too,

because you have had decades, a decades long friendship that is important to you as you've already stated. So yeah, I think you just have to be like a bigger person and just pretend you fucked up and put it all on yourself and don't make it about you and your other friends. This is just about you. You're going to go clean up your side of the street to reclaim this relationship and they can do whatever they want. That makes sense. That makes sense. And what's her husband And then what's his situation? Is he like, are you friends with him? Yeah, yeah, I am friends with him.

And we've all known each other about the same amount of time. She married him after college when we had graduated. Very nice guy, a good dad. We just don't know what's going on. So I haven't really taken that angle to reach out to him. But don't, don't do that. Because here's the thing, you're already like, she has a problem with you guys having spoken behind her back.

That's going to be, you know, the crux of her issue is that you guys are talking about how bad of a parent she is together as a group. That's what she's got in her mind because she's heard it from three of you. So you've got to divorce yourself from talking about her behind her back to anyone anymore. You know, that's just going to make it worse. So just, you know, redirect now and just you have a whole new approach and just make it about your friendship. You love her. You miss her.

And it's not your job to tell her how to parent anymore, you know, and for the sake of your relationship with the children and for your relationship with her. And I guarantee you, she's going to be able to hear that, what you said before a lot more clearly once you guys have stabilized your own relationship, you know, and she's reminded of the goodness that you bring and, you know, you just have to leave your judgment at the door. It's, it's not, they're not your children. Right. Right. That makes sense. To think of all of the, what we've all been through and and the great times we've had to let something like this derail it yeah right i think even if you go you know if you've had so much history find a great picture

find something you know and just send that to her and say this popped up in my memories today and it just made me remember like oh my god i can't believe that we haven't spent this time together i miss your boys so much i'm so sorry i overstepped like can we just forget about that where's everybody on kidnapping i mean are you open to a kidnapping uh josh no i thought about it i i and i i would like to hear more about this potential yeah we have a call we have a number we have a kidnapping hotline that you can call and we can arrange for three children to be kidnapped it's usually terrible it's yeah i know i know i knew sean was going to be terrible at giving advice and that's why i invited him here today but josh i think you got some good advice but will you

please let follow up with us and let us know how she reacted. Yeah, absolutely. I would love to. You're a good you're a good guy to care that much and to love that much. That's really, really great. I appreciate you saying that. And this has helped a lot because I hadn't thought about some of what you brought up before. And it's nice to get new perspective. And yes, I would love to follow up and let you know how. And I would also, you know, just moving forward in success that this relationship does get back, like get out of the habit of commiserating with your other friends about her parenting style.

Just that kind of breeds a whole bunch of other negativity. It's a situation you have very little control over. All you can control is your interactions with her and your interactions with her children. And, you know, lead by that example. Well, yeah, I'm ready to try it and see what happens. Yeah, I would love to know what happens. Yeah, so interesting.

I'll give you Sean's personal phone number. I'm actually gonna announce it at the end of this podcast So you can feel free to text him at any time or FaceTime him. Actually, he just he loves to answer FaceTime. I love it. Sean, that'd be great. That'd be so helpful. Yeah, for sure.

For sure. Then we'll develop a relationship. Absolutely. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Chelsea, thank you. Thank you so much, Sean. And Catherine, thank you.

OK, take care. See you. Take care. Bye bye. Bye bye. God, Sean. At first, suing for sole custody, and then a kidnapping as your backup plan. I'm just trying to come up with ideas to help them.

Well, I mean, listen, we're spitballing. Isn't that what this show is about? Yeah, we're spitballing. We've got to come up with all angles. The more ideas, the merrier. The season is upon us. Merriment. The season of merriment is upon us.

And giving and taking. Yes, and receiving. Yeah. Topping and bottoming. Yeah. It's the most wonderful time of the year He has a good voice Can you hear him?

It's delightful Can you hear his melody? Oh, yes Yeah, he can really carry a tune That was vibrato That was a little vibrato It was like Can you do it?

No, I can't sing at all Are you a tenor? Baritone? I'm a little right in between, yeah Love it Colanda Kidding Yeah, we know

Please don't be Please continue Yeah, I just hope for Jess that, like, she hears this and hears how much he cares about her. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I know what it's like to have—I don't know what it's like because I'm not a parent, but I can imagine what it's like to have somebody—you know, when you are a parent to children, that's your best number one job of the whole world, right? And for somebody, anybody, anybody, family, friends, whatever, to come in and kind of—

how it's received is probably tell you how to parent, but they're probably just making suggestions. But here they're dictating how you should maybe parent is a very, it's like, that's the line, you know, that's because number one job is parent to mom. You don't know what's right for best friend. And a lot of times that people had a better approach about the advice they want to give to you as a parent is the softer, the. Yeah. I was saying, are you open to, Yeah. Within all of your horrible advice, there's always one kernel. There's one gem. You just have to dig for it. Asking someone, are you open to hearing this, is a great opener.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, our next caller is Alex, and he is calling from the UK. Oh. Oh, long distance. Wow. Fancy. Who can afford that? Yes.

yes alex says dear chelsea i'm currently in a copywriting job that's closer to my dream job than anything else i've done before and i'm happy in a relationship with my boyfriend of two years but for the past couple of months i've been feeling pretty unsatisfied with life and had no motivation to do anything at all it's led me to struggling to do work whilst in the office and having to do it at home in the evenings to catch up i'm constantly distracting myself from doing anything productive because I can't focus at all. It's so annoying. It kind of feels like I'm writing a to-do list every day and then turning it upside down and doing the least important things first. I'm hoping you'll have some advice that can help me focus on what's

important in order to be able to enjoy my free time. Alex. Hi, Alex. Hi, Alex. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Oh, I'm good. This is Sean. Hi, Sean. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Such a pleasure. I love your glasses. Oh, thank you very much. I thought I'd make the effort. Sean has never met an English person before, so he's very excited. I'm reading the subtitles as you talk. So wait, so the main issue is prioritizing your kind of life, right? So you have more free time for yourself and you're not, and what you're feeling overworked or? Not so much overworked. I'm just, I've always been a procrastinator, but over the last few months it's got a lot a lot worse yeah and um it kind of just feels like like I said

I've got a list of all the stuff I need to do and I'm kind of scared about doing the most important stuff so I do the basic things instead and so what what about that just scares you what about the things what goes in your mind when that makes you scared I guess it's not knowing what I'm doing And I guess I'm like scared of failure or something like that. And this is a new feeling? Yeah. So it's happened a couple of times before, but it's a lot stronger at the moment. I've done jobs before that I've not really cared about.

And I've always wanted to get into writing. And now I'm in it. I feel like I just need to try and put my best foot forward all the time. So yeah, I don't know. I just feel a bit frozen sometimes when I'm trying to do work. Yeah. I used to, I know how you feel because you do, you feel stuck, right? A little bit. And uninspired.

And uninspired. Yeah. And it's, it's the hardest thing to, it's not the hardest thing, but it's, it's difficult to come out of it. But I used to, when I was younger, and I'm just going to have diarrhea of the mouth until one of you interrupts me. When I was younger, I used to write goal lists, which is the same thing as to-do lists. And I would random, complete stream of conscious, randomly write stuff down. So it could have to do with anything with money, relationships, connections, a diet, exercise, anything. I would just number one, I got to eat better to really focus on my sleep because sleep is everything. Three, uh, call my mom more often for save, you know, a hundred thousand dollars one day, whatever it is. Right. And I would just

write them down and I put them away. I don't know if you do that or not, but let me tell you something. I'm a massive, massive advocate for doing that because I'm telling you right now, alex they fucking come true i swear to god i swear to god if you start and everybody is like well i don't want to do that why it takes five minutes to just sit with yourself and just write down everything you've ever wanted to focus on and do it could be a short-term uh goal a long-term goal lifetime goals i and then i had on my lifetime goals i had be on david letterman oh my gosh have a billboard on sunset boulevard host saturday night live all this stuff and they all fucking came true because i i wrote them down and i would i would recirculate them every six months and i

would open the drawer and go oh my gosh and i would cross off the ones that did happen and whatever didn't happen i would just carry over the next six months and what this does it is subconsciously makes you do one thing one thing towards those goals whether it's one phone call one email one text. So let's say one of your goals is I want to, one of your longtime goals is I want to publish a book, right? I don't know if that's what it is or is it script or I don't know. So that stays on there until you do it. Until you do it, always write that down because you'll write it down going, gosh, I should write at least just one page. Maybe I'll just write one page and that's it. Don't put any more pressure on yourself. Just write one or even one paragraph and put it away.

I think a lot about procrastination is a lot of it is about feels overwhelming, right? Some of these larger tasks that you're talking about, are they things that are doable within that day or are they broader dreams like career dreams? The stuff I'm really stuck on at the moment is specific things that could be done in that day. But I do also have sort of wider goals. So, right. I think part of the issue could be as well that the job I'm in right now isn't the exact thing that I want to do forever. I've got a lot of steps forward that I want to take. Because as soon as you start accomplishing even the tiniest goals, it builds your confidence to then accomplish the next thing.

And I know that step is, that first step is really, really hard. So nobody can make you do it other than you. But you just, it's all about baby steps. And also that first step is something that makes every other step much easier. You're looking at that first step as like every step is going to be that big leap and it's not. because once you take the initiative for the things that matter to you and are important in your life, it doesn't matter if your job isn't the perfect job for you right now. If you have a list of things to do, don't tackle the small, meaningless things first. Take a big thing every

morning as a way to change your behavior. You know what I mean? You're going to change your life. You have a huge opportunity right here to change the trajectory of your life instead of just sitting in a standstill and being like, I don't know. I don't feel inspired. I don't love this i don't love that you know you have the power to change what you're going to do and you can do this by just taking more of an initiative and just reorganizing your day and starting out with the bigger tasks because that same chip in your head that makes you eat when you're hungry is the same chip you need to activate for whatever it is you want because when you're hungry like when you're gone all day and you're fucking starving you you will do you will do anything to get food

inside of your stomach right and that same thing has to be whatever is small or big you have to activate whatever that is in the same way i think yes i agree with you and i think you you know you're in charge again of your activation right you're i can see it in your face you're uninspired you're bored you're in a state of ennui you can change that you have the power to change that so that's exciting like you can set okay tomorrow this is what i'm going to do you can get off this call and write a list what Sean just said write a list of the things of your broad goals and you can write a list of your shorter goals of the things that are like the practical things that you actually have to get done for your workload you're going to start to feel better about yourself

immediately you're going to start to feel more inspired it does work it does absolutely Catherine we've talked about this a lot on the podcast yeah absolutely and and I think too as a person who is also prone to procrastination specifically due to having some ADHD and some other stuff like that. One of the most freeing pieces of advice that I ever got was to, again, those lists are so important. Even if there's three things, you know, you need to get done that day, you know, doing those things. But what I would do is I would spend the whole day beating myself up about how I wasn't getting the big thing done and it was hanging over my head and, you know, just ruining my day. And the best piece of advice I got was, you're not going to do it until the

last minute. And you're also going to do your best work at the last minute. And so for some people's brains, like we need that pressure to sort of get us to take the take the movement and actually do it. So you know what, if you find that you want to be working on your writing or whatever in the morning, so that you can give yourself that pressure, even though it may mean that you need to do some work in the evening maybe restructuring your day depending on your job is something that you can do so that you still are having downtime you still are having creative time and maybe that creative time is first thing in the morning for you or maybe it's going to brunch with your boyfriend or whatever it is how's your sleep alex it's not ideal it's it could be worse for sure i

over the last week or so i've really made a conscious effort to if i'm not feeling inspired just putting a laptop down and thinking i need to go to bed now because otherwise it will just roll over to tomorrow but i do have a bad habit of sort of feeling like i need to do a task in that day and then not letting myself go to bed until i've done it and then obviously if that drags on i think the day i sent that at the submission in i'd been up until 4 a.m and then i had to get up at like 8 a.m oh yeah that sucks and it was so stupid because it ruined the next stay. And you're way past the point of diminishing returns at that point. Like you're not, your brain's not there. You're exhausted. Yeah. I think also for you, if you're saying you have

a lack of focus, the thing that helps me the most focus, focus the most is meditation. So that has helped me focus and stay like in a conversation, paying attention for long extended periods of time. So I think it can only enhance you to like, you're just going to create a couple of new habits immediately and start, download Headspace, download that meditation app, Calm, Headspace, find a voice that doesn't annoy you, basically. And by the way, over here, they're all British and they're fantastic. Yeah, and over here, Headspace is British. So you might like that guy or you might like the American woman from Calm.

But one of those, and just commit to five minutes in the morning because that just is saying to you like, hey, this is my effort to get myself on track every single morning, to get myself focused, to give myself this amount of time. who cares if you're doing it right or not? It's not about that. It's about setting yourself up for success for that day. And there's nothing that has helped my focus more than meditation. So you are going to get returns on that. You just have to be consistent with some new patterns of behavior. And I guarantee you, you'll turn around soon. I agree. And that's what this phone call, I think, is all about is this. So she's the first day of the rest of your life, right?

But but it's the first day of the rest of your new behavior. Because when I said, how are you sleeping? And you said four in the morning. That's, that's not good sleeping. So yes, what Chelsea said, but I promise Alex, listen to me loud and clear. I promise you, I promise you, if you start writing this stuff down, it will all come true. And one of them should be sleep better. I need, I need better sleep hygiene, right? Sleep hygiene, right? Which means you go to bed at the same time every night. I know it's hard. I know it's hard. Well, for you, sleep hygiene, I think means a couple of things. yeah yeah she's saying I need to take a shower before I go to sleep yeah um yeah I mean that's

that's great advice I'll take both bits of advice and board I've I've thought about meditation for a long time and I've tried headspace you've been procrastinating about meditation as well yeah absolutely that was like number 20 on my list you've been meditating on whether you should meditate yeah absolutely but yeah no I will put that right to the top of the list and I'll make list as well and don't use your job as an excuse like to not get things done like you just give yourself periods of time where you're going to be creative and sometimes it'll happen and sometimes it won't but if you get into these new habits everything's going to flow more easily for you like things are going to be easier it's not going to be such a like you're thinking you know it

feels like a mountaintop at this moment but as soon as you start taking the these little steps you're it's not going to be a mountaintop it's just going to be like a treadmill and you're gonna like it cool sounds good all right alex thanks for calling in thanks alex thank you so much take care bye bye good luck in england alex is a huge fan of mine i thought that he seemed to really be taken by you i don't know what you're talking about i don't know why you would react that way that's so typical of you to make this all about you when that's so typical of you to make this all about you when we have somebody in need across the pond it's called fucking chelsea whatever the fuck

this podcast is called Chelsea later Dear Chelsea it's called Dear Chelsea Dear Chelsea oh my god the AIDS what happened

oh my god did you wound her I scratched it was just the top of his penis hit me in the elbow and now I'm bleeding you're not the first

who put a razor blade on the top of your penis I just scratched no I had a I had like a bite and I scratched it too hard oh god I lost so much blood

I can barely see straight this will roll over this will roll over right in nicely to a hypochondriac for you it will let me just type that in 75 years old i had i had once had this showrunner that walked into the office and she had gotten you know blood her blood work done that morning and she walked in and to the writer's room and just was like this walked by like with that little

cotton ball like she had been you know to vietnam we were all just like okay we get it you went to the fucking doctor you fucking idiot like about to faint yeah look at this oh god i'm always oh that's right sarah silverman just told me that you have to get your shingles inoculation when you're 50 i had no idea yeah you don't want to get super important i don't i think i've had yeah you don't get a double you get a shingle oh okay but ironically you need a double of the shingle oh you do yeah you get one now and then you get one like in two to six months okay one shingle double shot yeah you do you don't want to get shingles I don't remember being invited to a 50th birthday party for you because of the pandemic oh are you gonna have one I think you

should have one I don't know it's kind of past now no I don't think so I got Scotty this massive trip for his 50th birthday we couldn't go come to a safari we're going on safari in August here's the last place I would ever go in my life Africa so no a safari and get like some disease oh no You get inoculated. You get all your shots before you go, so you don't have to worry about it. And then you just take doxycycline every day, which I always have. I'd rather turn on National Geographic. Okay.

Anyway. We are going to take a quick break, so you can hear an ad, and then we'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month.

Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering

me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever

you get your podcasts hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook on the big money players network our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicists for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've

been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other

big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us Personally, he loves the show, and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do we have anything else today, Catherine, or are we wrapping things up now? We do. We have one more little email, if you're up for it. Yes, for sure. I'm exhausted giving all this advice.

You're giving good advice. I like how you're jumping in. That's good. It's very proactive. And this one actually comes with a cute picture. So Chelsea, I know you've got one in there. This is from Jenna. Dear Chelsea, I feel as if I'm at a crossroads with my career.

I'm currently director at a nonprofit animal rescue in Jackson, Wyoming. I'm 29 and have worked in this field for almost five years now. I always thought I would only consider working in the nonprofit sector, especially in the philanthropic community I live in. but I've come to the realization that it will be hard to set myself up financially and pursue the passion behind it. I love my job, but I fear I've reached the ceiling in this job and I don't want to pigeonhole myself in the nonprofit world. I've been looking at other options so I can be comfortable. Do I continue working with my heart on my sleeve and trust that I'll be okay? Or do I jump ship and start over in a different field that will have more financial security? XOXO to

you your team and burton bernice jenna and her dogs gunther and pepper also say hi um i mean we both love doggies yeah i know but it seems like jenna has already kind of she's it seems like she's already pivoting get it do you know what i mean like she's already in her mind making this decision and wants confirmation to do it and i would say at 29 years old that is a great time to make a new decision and change careers just because she's asking her means she's already kind of yeah for sure you know yeah like the writing's on the wall so i think she just you want you're thinking about your future that's smart you're 29 years old you have all the time in the world to change careers and try a couple different things even if one

doesn't work out so i would definitely say yeah take a leap of faith and is there like a way to just kind of like go pursue what you want to do and make some money since you need to pay bills and stuff which i agree with your advice but can you just go on like a saturday like the first saturday of every month and go volunteer or something just to fulfill that need there's a balance right we always try to create find balance in our lives so just because you want something else doesn't mean you have to be done with that and i love these two pictures of the dogs that you sent of gunther and pepper they are so adorable yeah oh i love i want to get another dog i know me too how are they well they think that my housekeeper is their birth mother and

that i'm some slut that comes through the house every three weeks so i'm fucking over them but They have been cuter, but they're older, and I think Joe and I are going to get a rescue dog together. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you get another chow? I love chow mixes. So, yeah, I really love chows.

I'd like to get a full-blown chow, but those are hard to get. You can't, you know, buy a dog when you're a celebrity because PETA will burn your house down. Yeah. A full-blown chow sounds like a sex act. Well, it will be once I get a hold of it. That's so dumb. And on that note, I want to thank my friend, Sean Hayes, for being with me on my podcast today.

Thank you for having me. Always a fucking delightful pleasure to see you. Always. I love you. I love you. Before we go, Sean, I think you had a piece of advice that you wanted to ask Chelsea. Oh, yeah. Oh, the one you tried to blow earlier this week?

I wrote down like six. Oh, okay. Why don't you pick one? I'll pick one. So, like I was saying at the beginning, you travel so much on tour, and you're always, always, always, always going. And whenever I travel, I always eat like shit. because I'm not home.

I know, it's the worst. I'm not home where my, I know where to get the good food. I know how to make myself bread. I know where the pot, you know, so you just, you're in your zone, right? But the second I get on a plane and go somewhere, I'm just like, ah, fuck it.

I'll just have a burger or whatever. So how do you maintain healthy eating when you're traveling? Oh, it's so hard. I'm so with you. It's so hard. Yeah, it's really hard and I'm not great at it. I do lean on a nutritionist

because nutritionists are used to dealing with people when they're on the road. So like I have all these pre-packaged, like epics bars which are really lean and and i have my housekeeper she packs me all these like little snack packs so that i usually try to have only one off meal because it does like lead to a terrible like once you go off then you go off again and then you go off again and then you have sour cream and onion potato chips and then you're like i need a snickers bar today and then i need a diet coke and it's a fucking vicious cycle so it's really good to get into the habit

of pre-packaged food that is like healthy like you can get grass-fed or organic that's not going to last five months you're on tour no it is because you come home i come home every week and then you know i recap okay you come back before so i always have it on me i have a little snack pack with has an epics bar which is like these grass-fed really lean meat protein bar and then those my protein bars the chocolate bars that i like and then i have like dried fruit and all the stuff that's boring but i also have these kiani which is great like collagen protein packs so that if i'm really hungry and there's not healthy food and i can't get egg whites or chicken Caesar salad or something that's, or salmon, I'll have like these little, you know,

what are they called? It's like those little packets that you kind of suck. Heroin? No, it's not heroin. It's like little, uh, you just suck them. Like a gel pack? Yeah, like a gel pack. Yeah. And it's just filled with protein? Yeah. It's filled with like little things, like five grams of collagen protein to tide me over until I can get something healthy, healthy, because you are going through cities where it is, it's almost impossible to get decent food. I just found out the next, uh, the title of your next show? Uh, hot parenting tips, healthy Chelsea, healthy Chelsea. Well, that's sounds really fucking boring. Well, um, but yeah, I eat like shit too, but you know, the one thing I do every single day, no matter what is workout. So that's

so good. Well, that keeps up your, that keeps your energy high. Yeah, I know. But you can find a gym. You're never going to stay in a hotel that doesn't have a gym. Every, every hotel has a gym, you You know, so, but I know it's hard. Can your housekeeper pack me some weights, like some free weights? Yeah, and some bands. You can pack all that shit. Yeah, she won't have a problem with that. I don't see why she would.

Problem solved again. Okay. Thanks for tuning in today, you guys. We'll catch up with you next week. Bye. Bye, Sean. Bye, Chelsea. With regard to my stand-up, you guys, I have added 27 or 30 cities.

I'm not sure, but 27, 30 cities. We've added Des Moines. We've added your request people. people who requested Louisville, Kentucky, guess fucking what? I'm coming. We've added Montclair, New Jersey. We've added a whole slew of cities. So if you have not gotten your tickets yet, do it. ChelseaHandler.com. We just announced 30 more cities, 27 or 30. Niagara Falls, I'm talking to you too. So suck on that. I'll see everybody on tour. Loving it. Vaccinated and horny i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people

survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the

pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always

searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube.

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