Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - You’re Not For Everybody with Yvonne Orji

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Yvonne Orji joins Chelsea to talk about hearing God’s voice, why she’s still a virgin, and the big risks that paid off when she trusted a higher plan.  Then: A comedian feels defeated before she ever gets her start.  A 30-year-old virgin is terrified to date.  And a pageant king struggles to choose his deepest truth over his family.   * Find Yvonne’s book Bamboozled by Jesus here. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.

I am in Estoy, and Mallorca. I've just spent five days alone. Five days alone. And Carla, my assistant, is here as well. But my first guests didn't arrive until the second. So I had five days of no drinking, utter seclusion, exercising, eating healthy. The thing about being on vacation is it's impossible to get on any sort of program. So I got my shit together.

I didn't do anything. I did Glennon Doyle's podcast, Glennon and Abby's podcast. I recorded that. So look for that. That's coming out shortly. we were trying to figure out a time this summer and I'm like you know what I'm alone for five days I think that's the best time for me to do a podcast yeah since I'm all podcasted out I'm like I have my own fucking podcast to deal with but yeah so I have a full house of comedians so yeah

you can follow me on Instagram for all the sorts of shenanigans and then at the end of this month I go back on tour I start my little big bitch tour which I'm really excited about I've gotten so much rest and relaxation and aggravation and I need a vacation for my vacation but what else is fucking new. Yeah. Now, do you do you restore your energy alone or with other people? I restore my energy mostly by myself. But I go to bed. Listen, when I was in London, I stayed in London for a month in like the month of July. I think I was pretty much in London. I had a blast. I went to bed probably between 2 and 5 a.m. every single night. All I did was go out and party. And it was so nice because I was in a hotel and I could just I had so many friends in London that I could just

join other people's action. You know, like whatever my friends were up to, I'd be like, OK, I'm going with them. I'm going with them. I'm doing this. You can float. So it was perfect because I wasn't in charge of the entertainment. You know what I mean? Right. In Mallorca, it's my house. I'm in charge of the entertainment. But I have a new policy I'm putting in place. Like everybody has a free day throughout the week. Go do whatever you want to do. There's no organized plans. We all will have dinner together every night, obviously. But breakfast and dinner and then anything in between, I mean, get your own fucking party started.

You can hang out, you can leave, but don't rely on me. Yeah, no, that's smart. Yeah, so that's that plan. And then, yeah, so that's what I'm in. I'm in. I have three different weeks of guests coming. So we'll see. We'll see what happens.

I'm working hard on my book. I got a lot of writing done. I have this great title for my new book, which I can't wait to share with people. But it'll be a few months before I can do that. And, yeah, I'm feeling very productive. That's so good. Are you able to share any themes of the book, like kind of the angles you're working or keeping that under wraps for now? I think it's just about female independence and freedom.

Nice. Freedom. I love that. Child-free freedom. I feel like that is absolutely something that people who love you respond to. Yeah, I think it's definitely underrepresented. You know what I mean? We have so many people that are just not. The reason why it gets such a big reaction is because there are plenty of people talking about it now more so than there were. But, you know, it's not enough and it'll never be enough that women have choices and that we can choose to do whatever we want and become whatever we want as long as we get all of this nonsense out of our heads and stop listening to what people are telling us.

Yes, it makes me think about what Elise Lohnan had said about, you know, the whole not just our culture, but like the energy of the universe basically is like swinging more feminine for the next who knows how long. But it's just it feels like it's coming to pass. And I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Great. OK, so our guest today is she's a real piece of work. She's an actress, a comedian and author of Bamboozled by Jesus.

How God Tricked Me Into the Life of My Dreams. Please welcome Yvonne Orji. Oh, yeah, baby. Hello. Oh, yeah, look at you, cutie, patootie, fresh and fruity. Let me take one to know one. I was excited. I thought I was seeing you in person today,

and I was going to do a little dry hump and say hello. I was going to jump on you, and then she said you're virtual, and I was like, oh, what a bummer, but that's okay. We're happy to have you. I'm pretty bummed about it, too, because I was like, okay we can do a body roll I've been a huge fan of yours literally when people asked me I was like about like they were comedians they were showing them like Chelsea Lately you've not seen Chelsea Lately I'm like every night I tuned in before I even moved to LA it was you're fantastic thank

you honey well likewise right back at you you're fantastic and I'm so excited to have you on and to be talking to you because we don't have a lot of religious people on this podcast we have a lot of spiritual people. But as I was reading your book, I realized that it's kind of one in the same. It is. It's a belief system. And I love that it's like modern religion, what you're talking about in your book. And I want to talk to you about that first and foremost. I want to talk to you about your belief in God and all of the signs that you, I guess maybe early on, the signs that you got that made you believe in God. Not just that was instilled from your parents, but from your own young adulthood, I guess. Yeah, it's really, I like to say it's really more like a

relationship. So with my book, it was my faith. It is very much more faith relationship board. I think when you have a relationship with somebody, it makes it more personal. Like if your mom tells you like, come home and you know, she loves you and you love her back. You're like, you know what? I'm gonna come home. Even though I want to stay out, I'm gonna come home. Versus like, if it's somebody you don't have a relationship with, like that aunt, that's always your business and it's like you should come home you're like to your hotel not you know you're just you're not really about that life and so I think when people try to use religion to like force people to do stuff and like there's no understanding or no relationship behind it

it doesn't stick and it doesn't also feel good like what the heck like why would why would why would we do this so that's just kind of like where my center of faith lies this is why I've been able to be a Christian person, because I have. But yeah, no, I got saved when I was 17. Like, I was not laying on going to anybody's Bible study. I grew up Catholic, but... From Nigeria. Well, your parents are Nigerian.

You were born in Nigeria, right? I sure was. I was born in Nigeria. We immigrated to America when I was six. And my mom was a nurse at Howard University Hospital. And, you know, back then they liked immigrants. And so they gave us green cards. Now they're like, you can go home.

Like, you told us to come here. I love switching the rules. It's like, yes, yes, we'll take the tired, the poor. And now we're like, no, no, actually, we take it all back. We didn't mean that. For sure, like, nobody wanted it. There was a nursing shortage. So, like, that's why every time you go to a hospital,

there's going to be a Filipino or an African nurse. This is why when you see hospital shows, you're like, no, this is not representative. There's got to be a Madame Oluwano or, like, a big public cast. Like, what are you talking about? Like, if there's not a Filipino nurse or Nigerian nurse, I don't trust this hospital. So anyway, so that's how we got to America. And, you know, we, again, we were Roman Catholic, but I remember just going to church more as

like a ritual, you know, like, and after you go enough, you're just like, it's going to be a 55 minute service, 60 if the priest is really feeling it. But, you know, I just love God and I'm also afraid of my parents. So I'm going to go to church. but then I got to college and I was I was like let me tell you right now we about to go all the way wild we are in DC I'm a grown woman let's go and I was on my way to the club and my friend was like why don't we go to this bible study before we hit the club and I was like I mean I mean I guess that makes sense sure it's like it was like you know I'm not in a bible study attire I was

probably supposed to be a hole in my heart you know I mean like I feel like in Jesus that and gotten me as early as he would have. It'd be a different story. So anyway, we go to the Bible study and the woman preaching, she was just so in love with God in a way that like being a Catholic, I'd never seen someone who like understood the Bible, knew scripture or whatever. And I was just so drawn to it. And before I knew it, I was over there giving my life to Jesus. I was like, we were supposed to be on a pole tonight. Why am I now like in tears? Like I do love you, Lord. I surrender. her. So she got me. So it was in that moment what you decided to commit to your relationship with God. Yeah. Like I like that's how I got bamboozled by Jesus. Like I was prepared to lose my virginity

at 18. I knew I was I knew I wanted to lose my virginity at 18 because not because that necessarily religious purposes, but because I was like, if I get pregnant, I just want to be able to make decisions as an adult, because if anybody calls my mama, I'm going to be dead. So I mean, can you imagine your parents working, probably sacrificing everything to come to America and then their daughter has a teenage pregnancy what a fuck you I was like I can't I don't want my mom to go to jail for 35 to life I don't want that to be her testimony so I just was like at 18 like I don't even know what decisions I was making but I just supposed to feel more of an adult to do that right and so I remembered when I was 16 I went to see my like my primary care physician and she had

to call the mother of a 60 year old to tell her that her daughter was pregnant I remember that I just sketched in my mind, like, oh, nobody will ever make that call. So that's why I had the 18. And God was like, cool, cool, cool. I'm going to let her have this timeline because I got a surprise for her. I got saved when I was 17 and a half. So he got me. We're going to take a quick break and we're going to be right back.

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When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations

everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Are you still a virgin? I am. Oh, my God. I love this. This is the most original guest we've ever had on. And what are you, 39?

I am. Oh, my God. That dam is going to break one day, baby. Let me tell you right now. Like, people are like, oh, you know, Yvonne, I was like, pray for him. Whoever he is. A lot of pets of energy up in here. Okay.

Oh, my God. And you're going to hit your sexual peak when you start having sex. So, yeah, you're going to need a couple of men, probably. Yvonne went from being a virgin to polyamory. Like, that would be a very interesting type of event. I don't think that's a testimony. But I will say, like, hurry up. If you don't need good men, Chelsea, send them my way, please.

place. You know, it's funny. I know this Nigerian man, he's married to my girlfriend, but I have so much experience with their family and Nigerians. And I know how dedicated Nigerians are to education and becoming a doctor, which you cover in your book as well. And it's just couldn't be more true. Like it's very serious. You know, you have to be loyal and you have to like, it's almost like being in a family can also feel like work for somebody who's like me, who gets to do whatever they want all the time, you're like, oh, oh, this is a serious situation. There's always like an outlier. I'm the outlier in my family. I was like, yeah, I feel like I'm meant for more than just what everyone else is doing. And so, yeah, yeah, no. And also, as a Nigerian, you're supposed to

be married at 23. Also an outlier. But no, I'm actually really happy. I feel like I don't think I could have ever gotten married before this moment. Like, honestly, maybe like 35, I thought I was ready. But actually, I think I feel the most ready to be in the committed relationship now. Like that will actually last. Everybody here got married at 23. They are probably not together anymore. Yeah. How do Nigerians feel about divorce? I mean, it's happening more and more now. So it's like maybe don't tell your daughters to get married and just find a good man. You know what? They know themselves. And how many siblings do you have? I have three older brothers. Okay. And are they in the States? They're all in the States. Yeah. They vary. Like

I have one brother who lives in Nigeria, goes back and forth. I have two brothers who are in the States. So yeah, we're all over the place. And you're the baby. The baby. Isn't that kind of the best place to be in a family? You know what? I feel like if they listen to me more, I would really appreciate this position. I think with more, the more success you have, the more they will listen. That's my experience with my family for sure. They respect me way more than they did when I really thought I had some smart ideas. So talk a little bit. I like some of the stories about your faith and belief being reinforced, right? Signs of faith, taking risks and knowing that God shows up for you. So can you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah. When I was getting my master's in public health, there was a pageant called the Miss Nigerian American Pageant. And my friends were like, why don't you join? And so I did. And I just thought I was like you know what I can wear a dress I feel like you know body conscious I'm fine and then two weeks before the pageant they were like well what's your talent I was like oh I don't I'm a child of immigrants I don't have one like we're not raised to have hobbies and talents and they were like well everyone who performs needs to have one so it's two weeks people have bought tickets my mother and like like cousins are coming and so I'm just like well what the hell I can't like I can't mess up because again the Nigerian in me is like we got to be

excellent and I prayed I by this time you know I had a relationship with God now for like five or six years I was like hey God really need a solid it's me I need a fucking talent fast start and God was like do comedy like I've heard the voice of all these people saying do comedy and when you say you hear the voice of God what do you hear how does that present itself you know it's it it's one of those things where I don't say out of body but it's almost kind of like a almost like a closing in because I know it's not me like that was not an idea that I could ever come up with on my own and it just sounds very clear do comedy it wasn't Louis it wasn't James Earl Jones it was just you comedy and I was like what and I remember me like that's that's not what I would ever do so

I was like nah I'm good and then I was like god no for real like it's me Yvonne like like give me something i can actually work with and he said either you're going to learn to trust me or you're not and then the books went away like it was like i was just like whoa you guys just dropped i was like did they leave what the hell but it was just so clear and i was so scared that's also how i know that it's him when he asked me to do something that completely takes me out of like the realm of logic out of the realm of something that i feel like i can do i know there's nothing but god because I wouldn't normally come up with that. That's stupid.

Why would I, why would I put myself, because Nigerians, like, Americans are actually nice. Like, just so you know, you have white friends. Like, when you started doing comedy, they were like, I mean, that was good. You know, they'll clap, they'll support, whether it's good or bad. When you bomb, they're like, you'll get them next time.

Then you're like, oh, thank you. When you are in front of Nigerians, they do not care about your feelings, okay? If I were to bomb, they would be like, whose daughter is this? What nonsense? And these are the parents, okay? and so I definitely was like hey okay I'm very nervous I'm very scared I also know that I don't

want a regular life like I just once I got saved that I started like really understanding the Bible I was like oh I think I'm destined for more because for me I think what when you don't have friends and when you were bullied and you feel like oh man all I wanted to do was belong and then you read the Bible and it's like a blueprint to like belonging it's a blueprint to like finding of discovering yourself and your purpose, I just, I think I clung to it in such a way that like I needed it. And so I was like, well, maybe God knows something about me that I don't know about myself. And it scares me so much, but I would, I would hate, you know, even in the book, there's a chapter called fear is two voices and regret is herpes. And for me, I'm like, I would hate to like

regret my life because I just didn't do what God said because it scared me so much. And so I spent the next two weeks writing down what I thought was funny with the dual identity of being Nigerian-American and people who laughed. And I was so scared of forgetting my lines because I didn't do it like, you know, when you get familiar with comedy, you're able to improv, you're able to go with the jokes, do all the crowd work. That was not my case. I was like, y'all, can y'all please stop laughing? Y'all gonna arrest me up. And that was the first time that I was like, wow, I really, really trusted God to do something out of like the norm for me. And it worked out.

But I was so scared. So I was like, hey, God, I want to do this again. But if I know I'm good, if it's not an audience of Nigerians with the same material. And so that I did DC's Funniest College Student Competition. I ended up winning for GW. And part of winning means you perform at the DC Improv. and so I was like oh my god I think I can do comedy but it still scared me yeah I like that story uh talk about the story when you moved to New York though what happened with that when you

had no money or you oh my god so that was the like well those were like one of the first moments and then of course like you you keep going and then and this voice becomes more familiar to you as you hear it absolutely like I know like anytime I take a bath I always just bring my notepad and a pen because when I'm still and I'm like saying like God I need to hear from you that's when I'm like so tapped in and so tuned in inevitably I'll come out and I'll write something that I know Holy Spirit is like waiting to download with me on because he's always talking and sometimes it's just kind of like a feeling like I should go there or I should go do that and then sometimes it's like audible direction so when I was trying to avoid going to med school by going to live in

Liberia, which had just finished a war because it's easier to like go to war-torn countries than to dismantle your parents' hopes and dreams. And so the last weekend I was there, I met this woman named Jackie and it was at a wedding. It was literally, I met her one day. She was from New York. She's like, you want me to give my daughter? And that was it. We went our separate ways. A couple of months later, I was like, I want to move to New York. If I'm really going to do this comedy thing I gotta try it so I just have enough to like buy a bus ticket right I'm like I don't know where I want to stay all I know is like I gotta get out of Maryland so I get on the bus it's four hours I'm texting everybody I know like hey are you in New York can I jump on your couch

for a little bit then I just post on Facebook I was like coming to New York need a place to stay and that was it two hours into my ride I get a message from Jackie that says call me she gives her number and she goes are you on your way to New York I'm like yeah she's like you can stay in our basement apartment my daughter is away at college so it's yours I lived with this woman that I had met once before I left war-torn Liberia for six months rent-free those are the things where I'm like you don't have all the answers before you go I was on a bus heading somewhere and I had no idea where I was going to stay and lay my head and as I went without all the information without every t cross and every i dotted my answer came so that's where like

my faith really like that's why like i don't accept those i've seen too much like i can't back down like it's just it's just it's just wild to me because i know how he works i know how he operates and even now like even bringing on the relationship where people like you think you're ever going to meet someone like bro i'm an immigrant who's living out our wildest dreams in Hollywood. There's 8 billion people on earth. I feel like finding me one man is the easiest thing I could do. It doesn't even cross my mind that it won't happen. Yeah, that's the right attitude to have. I think a lot of people would describe that also, not to say that you're not, you know, have a relationship with God. You obviously do. But a lot of people would say, oh, that's instinct

or the knowing, like your intuition, when you can sit still and really hear yourself and hear your desires, whether it's someone telling you or whether it's an innate feeling or an instinctual intuition, whatever. I think a lot of people can relate to that. I love though, I love the way you're talking about it. I love the way that you believe in it because I think when we believe in things, it becomes true. A lot of people are like, I don't believe in that. I don't believe in that. I don't believe. It's like, you don't know what the fuck is going on. Nobody knows what is going on in this world. When somebody's like, there's no UFOs. I'm like, you don't know that. What are you talking about? There's plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise.

eyes. You have this belief and it's closed and shut. And that's the end of the case. You know, like your opinion is valid because it's yours. I feel like the one thing that is certain in life is you live at the level to which you believe, right? If you believe, you know what, there are good people in this world. And I've just, I choose to be optimistic. And yes, even in the face of like bad things happening and bad people coming to you, you're still like, yeah, no, I really hope that they find joy in their life. But I'm going to still choose to believe that there are better people out there good people so you just live at the level to which you believe and some people from a young age have been like stunted to like be like the world is trash everything's trash

and they're like all right to have to have limited belief systems you know that are that aren't always growing always expanding like the idea the key to i think true awareness and enlightenment is to have your opinion changed constantly to start believing and i'm not talking about q anon i'm talking about But like learning as you grow, like, oh, I actually I'm open to this or and I accept this. And yes, that might be a possibility just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it can. But I love the attitude. I love all of it. Like I can totally relate because when you have high vibes, you get high vibe things, you know, things come your way for sure. I love what you said about seasonal because it's like none of us are are the same.

Like I'm not the same as I was when I was 17. like there's some character traits that are like these are the things that make me but like with new information when you read new books when you when you go to therapy when you have different conversations your world enlarges and expands and you're able to be like oh you know what I didn't like doing that like now I like doing this I just wasn't ready to bring that into my life at that point when you first asked me but like that doesn't mean like oh you a flip-flopper it's like no I just have new information that like I just enjoy growing and learning and then some things I used to do, I don't do anymore. Like God really got me to a place, especially in the pandemic. He

was like, I need you to trust you as much as you trust me. So I'm going to be a little bit more quiet. And you have to know that because I love you and you love me and I'm in you, that the decisions you will make will be from a place that make me proud. As opposed to be like, God, is this what you want? God, is this what you want? And so it's just like, whoa, that was like, okay, you're not on the tourney reels anymore. Like you have the bicycle, go. And I think sometimes people just like are chained even to like, well, this is what our relationship was like.

And God like, why would you leave me? I need you. It's like, I'm not a good parent if like you're connected to my hip all the time. You have to trust and know my voice and my love is in you. So move accordingly. What was the last book that you read? Oh my goodness.

You mentioned books. I'm a big booker reader. We talk a lot about books on this podcast. Your last favorite book. Ah, Yagyasti, Tristan and Kingdom was a really good one. And then Seven Days in June was a really good one. What's that? I haven't heard of Seven Days in June.

The last time I checked, there were 30. Really? I'm done with you. It's by Tia Williams. It's a love story by these two authors who spent seven days in June when they were younger. And it was just like a whirlwind. And then they separated. But then all of their books are, like, low-key about this intense love that they had.

And then they reunite. Oh, I like that. That sounds cute. In summer, I like to dip into a lot of fiction. What about you? Give me some recommendations. I'm reading Covenant of Water right now. I'm reading Andre Agassi's autobiography.

Oh, I have a good book for you, Lucky Girl. That's a good book. It's about these four queer women. Well, some are non-binary. and these four queer friends that live together and they work at like a magazine that's about to get canceled, not canceled, but they'd have no money,

you know, so they're about to get shut down. And then these new people come in and there's kind of a lot of affairs and they're all good friends. So it's fun and it's fiction. So it's nice and light. And then there's another one that I read that was really good.

Wait, that's Lucky You. Lucky You is a great book. It's okay. Yeah. It's about a girl that grows up in Kenya, moves to America, and she has a really overbearing mother and then she's kind of confronting the racism in America compared to where she grew up in Kenya where she doesn't feel that kind of she doesn't feel

American racism she's like when you grow up in Kenya you're surrounded by all black people so shut up and stop complaining it's kind of what the vibe she comes in with and then the transformation after spending so many years in America and how different it is here when it's not all black people you know and what you're up against so that was a really good book I learned a lot from that. It's fiction, but it's beautiful. I can relate. I can't wait to get into that. Okay. We're going to take a quick break and we're going to be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty,

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without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's Like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

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And we're back. It happened so fast. Are you ready to give some advice? Are you ready to give some advice, Yvonne? You want me to give some advice? Yeah, that's what this podcast is. We have people that write and call in, and we give advice.

So get your shit together, girl, okay? Katie writes, Dear Chelsea, I have two questions, really. First, does Chelsea have any advice for someone who has public speaking anxiety but wants to try stand-up? my anxiety surrounding public speaking is pretty intense. I typically physically shake and my voice

gets stuck and garbled. I love to write, however, and I've been working on some jokes, but the thought of speaking in public and being in front of anyone terrifies me. Does this mean that maybe trying this just isn't in the cards for me? Eventually, I'd like to submit a writing packet for a show or comedian, which would be a dream come true, especially due to the slim chance that anything would come from trying standup, which I know isn't logical or very realistic. Given that the dream outcome would be to get a comedy writing position, should I start there instead? This idea actually makes me a lot happier to even contemplate. So maybe it's the route I should try first, even knowing that it's an extremely competitive field and I know nothing would

probably come of it. At least I wouldn't regret not trying. I'd be so grateful for any sort of direction or advice. Let me start. From a medical standpoint, you can talk to your doctor about beta blockers. You will not shake. I've used beta blockers. My sister, everyone I know has used a beta blocker at some point in their lives when they're too nervous. So that kind of cuts off that signal that your brain sends to your body that makes you shake or you get dry mouth or it solves a lot of problems. If you're comfortable doing that, I would highly recommend it because beta blockers work and you don't have to take them forever. They kind of rewire your brain to stop getting so nervous. I would also recommend that, I mean, to any person that really wants to face

their fears, doing stand-up comedy is a great way to face your fears. You're always going to be happy that you did it, regardless of what happens. You're going to be happy that you took the step towards making that happen. But if writing is also like something that appeals to you, I think there's a much better chance of success with writing than there is with being in front of the camera. I feel like the odds are slightly lower for being in front of the camera than they are being a writer. And, you know, with writing, you can do that. And that doesn't make you nervous and it doesn't make you scared. And so there's a lot of benefits that come with that to following your path. And it sounds like that kind of feels like it is your path. But I would still try stand

up just to try it because it's so exhilarating to do that. And I, too, have experienced shakiness on stage and stuff. And that's how I found out about beta blockers. I don't use them now because I don't need them now, but I did have a period of time where I did need them. And so they can help in that way. Yvonne, what do you think? A couple of things. So I would say if you're really interested to get into the root of your social anxiety and you're able to, I would try EMDR therapy because that actually like gets right into like, where did this fear come from? Like, what is it rooted in that makes you feel like whenever you get in front of people, like it's so present that it blocks you. So if you're able to, I would try that because I think that's not

just showing up in public speaking, that's showing up in other areas of your life. And that's getting to the root of the matter rather than putting a bandaid on it, which is what a beta blocker propranolol would do. Yeah. So I mean, that's just like for life because you're going to be around people for as long as your life, right? So whether you just want to figure out like, why do I feel like this? And is there ever, like, is there any freedom from this? That's what I would say first. Two, I would be more mindful and cognizant when you say things like when you just read, even though I know nothing will ever come of it, you have what you believe. So words are so important. For me, I'm like, I'm huge on whatever you say is like an arrow. So if you're

like, I just believe that something could come of it, even if you're not sure what it is. If you're starting a sentence would be like i i know that you know nothing will ever happen it's like well nothing will ever happen you're right so it's like a self-fulfilling privacy so that's that just on the just the general terms but then i would also say like sometimes we just all started listening to our body like the things that make us feel better like do that like i think like so we somehow society has been like push past your fears go and it's just like what i want to do like I don't like it you know I mean like I I have a fear of blood and I was still like majoring in freaking biology thinking I was gonna be a doctor like I don't like blood like so

there's no version like and I was gonna be an OBGYN the hell was I thinking so like that didn't bring me joy I loved talking to people so I got my master's in public health I love traveling I got my masters in global public health. So it was just like those things actually made sense and they brought me joy and I was good at them because they made me feel good. So it's like, yes, you can push past your fears. And there are some times where fears are crippling because it's stopping you from doing the thing that you're supposed to do. But then sometimes I think people like just do the hard thing because it's hard and someone told them that they have to do the hard. It's like, baby girl, from what I'm hearing, I feel like you're going to be a really good comedy

writer get a comedic friend and like write jokes for them so then you kind of get the best of both worlds of being on tour having your jokes be centered but then you being behind the scenes and then maybe enough breaths of that in a new season you get you see that it's not so bad and then you're able to come to the forefront it's fine like everything doesn't have to happen all it was there can be stages to your life into your dreams yeah and i think to you know stand up doesn't necessarily have to be like oh that's her end goal like she wants to be a writer but if she were to take a class or do a couple open mic nights get her jokes out there she would be able to see like what's working what doesn't like what does it actually sound like you know

when it's up on stage and it'll help her refine her jokes a little bit as well but I also love what like I think it was like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler I love how they were very much like yeah we couldn't be stand-ups but we can be sketch artists so like they're still very front and center you know them as comedic women but they're not stand-ups right and they are very vocal about like no that's a different beast and I love that because I think it shows that there's different ways to be comedic and to be front and center without necessarily like so the other day I was walking down the street you know like it's just like there's a different there's different itching points for everybody if you're really itching for that experience go and do it you

know try it a couple times if you really want to overcome that but again you don't have to but if it's gonna make you feel good it's gonna make you feel a little bit brave and it will only lend itself to your writing as well because you're gonna have a big appreciation for it after you try to do it you know yeah one of my girlfriends just tried stand-up for the first time and she was like newly out as queer she was like really scared to sort of like get up in front of a random room so she took a class that was all women it was super supportive and like even if Katie just took a class you know even if she told herself like I'm not going to do the final thing where I get up in front of people but just even like getting in a class and like seeing how that feels

and then also taking the pressure off like make your goal to just be to have fun because I think sometimes like what the intention you set like if you're like I want to do a five minute set just this is new for me this is scary and I'm actually being vulnerable and so really a win at the end of this class would just be to be able to talk to you guys for two minutes without feeling a little bit of fear. That's okay to set that as the goal. Even if somebody else in the class is like, yeah, I'm going to open up Madison Square Garden at the end of this class. All right, cool. God bless you. Amazing. Well, Katie, let us know how it goes. Our next question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice with dating. Full disclosure, I'm a 34-year-old

straight female and a virgin. I haven't had a boyfriend since college. I have no idea how to date. And to be honest, it terrifies me. Like, heart racing, literally being scared to go on a date. I recently got back on a dating app, Hinge, and I was asked out on a date. I immediately started panicking and told my friend, I can't do this. I'm too scared. What the hell is wrong with me, Chelsea? And what advice do you have for me to get past this fear? Please help Sarah. Oh, geez. That's terrible. Well, she needs to go to therapy too and figure out why she's so scared of a date. And listen, the only thing you can do to diminish fear is to attack it. I mean, I'm a perfect example of being scared of so many things and just going after it. And then the fear diminishes. Like for dating, I've definitely been nervous to go on dates. And, you know, I've definitely had too much to drink because I was too nervous to go on a date. and then I realized who the fuck gives a shit like you're putting too much pressure on the actual date you should the more dates you have the less anxious you're going to be about it so you

I would beg you to figure out a way to go on five dates in a week so that you can just get over this hump of fear and understand that it's not the end of the world like nothing is that important to be that scared about and I mean other than somebody being sick or dying like it's supposed to be fun And I don't know why you would, you know, be so, so scared unless there was a real deep issue that you would have to work out again with a therapist. But in lieu of that, I would say to practice it as often as you can, even if you want to just say, hey, we're going out as friends on the first date. I just want you to know that, you know, if you want to take the pressure off of the situation, I just want to meet somebody and get to know somebody first. I don't want any expectations to take some of the pressure out of it so it doesn't feel so intimidating. Yvonne, what do you think?

I agree a thousand percent. Like there should definitely be some therapy to get to the root of what's happening. Two, I'm curious to know what happened in college in terms of why she hasn't been on a date since college. Because like from 18 to 35, it's a long time to not have gone out with somebody, even if it's just friends. So it's just like, let's go grab and buy it. Let's go get some pizza. Let's go bowling. Let's do something.

And then I think what happens with a lot of women who are waiting, especially a lot of women who are virgins, because, you know, you have the folks who are, like, celibate or, you know, whatever, born-again virgin, they feel like it's the scarlet letter. They feel like, you know, what if he wants to have sex with me? What do I say? And then what if he doesn't like me? What if I tell him I'm a virgin?

It's just like, what the hell? It's so much pressure. And it's also like, I remember I learned this a long time ago, like it's actually very rude to the man to believe that all he wants from you is sex when he could just be like I just want to have a good time I just want to get to know your name and also see if like we vibe before we even get to sex right I've had long-term relationships and sex was not on the table and we have had a fantastic time and so I think too it's it's this is more almost a reflection of like does she think that she is worthy does she think that she's a good time

because I know like there were seasons where I didn't think I was beautiful I wanted to be in a relationship but because I didn't like really fully see myself as that chick that girl it was almost kind of like yeah you know nothing I used to say the stupidest things I'm like I like guys who like me bad and then I have no choice in this you know like well what if I don't like them like who the hell who said that I didn't have a choice and so it's like what once I got my bad girlish up it was like oh baby i'm a king builder i know we're not having sex but like you can have sex with everybody else but what you can't have is what i bring to the table and maybe it's a lot so you can still decide to not rock with me and that's fine because i'm not for everybody in that

way but i know that they're the people that i had been for been fire and so it's just now finding that fit so for her i would just say one get to the root of what what this is to ask yourself for Do you love you? Do you feel like you're beautiful? Do you feel like you're a worthy date? Like a guy is going to enjoy the heck out of getting to know you. Have you got to know you and write those things down that you are worthy, that you're a queen, that you're a boss, that you're confident enough to go on dates and, and actually decide if you like that person. Cause it's not about what they think about you. Just like Yvonne said, we get hung up on that. We want people to like us when we're too stupid. And then we realize, wait, I don't even like you. So you got to say to

yourself, you got to write down some, some positive affirmations for yourself, because I think you're in your head. I mean, I know you're in your head. If you're feeling this nervous about it, it's normal to be nervous about things like this. That's totally okay, but it shouldn't hinder you from actually following through on the actual date and set yourself up for success. Go to a place where you're going to be the most comfortable that you can possibly be. And I'm not joking when I say do it as many times in a row as you can do it to get the nerves out of your system and extinguish that insecurity that you're feeling. And clearly it's a bigger issue, but like all these steps that you take to sort of self-heal, they all start to build up together. And then things become much

easier because you're being proactive about your own wellbeing when you actually are like, no, I'm going to do this because it's going to be good for me, rather than fall into your nervous side and say, no, no, forget it. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to stay home. And also find your sexy too. And like, that means so many different things for so many different people. Right. But like finding that sexy, like whatever it is for you, I don't know, I don't know how tall you are, how short you are, how big, how slim, like that has nothing to do with the sexiness of the confidence. Because if you, if you know, like, yo, when I walk in a room, I'm the baddest chick in here. Like, and that's not just something you say, like, that's something

Like you're going to eventually have to believe because especially, I mean, Chelsea, you know, being in Hollywood, you walk in the room is like that's a lot of dollars up in here. My God. But then you're just like, that's cool. I'm also in here so that I'm also beautiful. I'm also that chick. And also trust and know that, like, there are going to be some guys who are not going to rock with you because you were virgin. And that's fine. They're lost. You're not for everybody. I would always say, like, I'm not looking for a thousand guys to like. That's also a lot of pressure. I need one good dude. Like, that's it. And I used to friend zone myself a lot because I did have that thing of, like, I would just crack jokes and I'd be the funny girl.

It's like, damn, how can I have another date in two years? Because everyone's your friend. And so it's like when I talk about finding your sexy, it's that thing of being able to, like, look at some dude and just be like, okay. I used to do the stupidest thing, Josie. When guys would ask for my number, I'd be like, you have my email address. That is so stupid. I love that. It's like, what does that mean?

Also, five bad dates are going to lead to a good one. The sooner you get through the bad dates, the sooner you're going to find the good one. And it's a trial and error. That's what online dating is. So you took the first right step with Hinge. And now we need you to go on some dates. And fuck your nervousness. Do whatever.

Take an edible. Have a drink. Whatever you want. Don't get wasted. But have something to take the edge off. Beta blockers. Yeah, take a beta blocker. Yeah, go to your doctor and get propanolol.

That's a beta blocker. That'll help your nerves. Don't get rohip. Yeah, don't get rohip. Rohypnol. Don't confuse Rohypnol with a beta blocker. Yeah. And I think a couple of just practical things that she can do on Hinge is set the expectation right up front, like looking for friends and maybe more. So like you're not committing, anybody who hits you up, you're not committing to anything more than like we're just seeing what this turns into.

I went on a date the other night and I was like, I'm a 48-year-old woman. And I was like, oh, I hope he doesn't think, what if I don't like him? And I was like, if you don't like him, you're leaving. And that's exactly what I did. I had a drink and then I was like, sorry, I'm going to dinner with my sisters. I'm leaving now. You know, and that was it. It wasn't happening.

It wasn't on. There were no expectations. And you're in charge. You're a woman. You get to decide what's going to happen. Yeah, we have choice. Supposedly. That's like, that's like, that's a moment right there.

This exact scenario happened to actually the same friend who just came out as queer. Turned out she just wasn't into guys. And that's why she was always panicking on dates. So, you know, maybe expand your search. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Expand your search. Really expand it. Okay, Sarah, let us know how it goes. And we have our caller. Our caller just came. So Felix says, I'm a queer person,

gay, demisexual, cisgender man, which means I'm a boy who likes boys, but not very often. I was raised in a very religious home. In fact, my father is a pastor of a megachurch in my home state in the South. My parents love me very much, but my sexuality has always been the rainbow elephant in the room. I was outed by some youth group members when I was in college, and it nearly cost my father his job. When it happened, I went back in the closet, but after college, I moved out of state and have pretty much been living as an openly queer person ever since. In fact, I'm a qualified contestant for Mr. Gay America this year. Pretty fucking gay. So I'm pretty much out, not so on social media. Whenever

I post anything queer-related, I have a setting that hides it from my friends and family and my church. I want to be proud of my accomplishments as the state title holder, which qualified me for Mr. Gay America, and when I eventually meet someone special, I want my family to be happy for me and come to my wedding. I love my parents very much, and they make a point to tell me they love me and pray for me daily, but they're convinced I'm on a horrible path, and living out my truth as a queer person will lead to ruin. I have an incredibly supportive sister and brother in law who are both licensed therapists and run a lot of interference. So that's helped a lot. But we've been putting off this conversation as a family for a long time. Not being able to fully

receive love from my parents because it's predicated on me being something I'm not has taken its toll over the years. And it's finally bubbling to the surface. My question is this. How do I convince my parents that they raised a good kid? Or I guess, how do I exist as a queer person without breaking my parents' hearts? And beyond that, how do I handle the backlash that i know is going to come from my old church love felix hi felix hi how you doing hi felix our special guest today is yvonne orgy i'd be licks oh my god hi how are you i'm good are you about the board of flight uh no actually just de-planed from one so you got me in transit good eye yvonne good eye i was like feelings do you work for southwest or i'm actually traveling for a pageant

Atlanta. For Mr. Gay America? Or is this a different pageant? Yeah. So this is a prelim to Mr. Gay America. So I'll be competing for Mr. Gay Southern. Well, we have two pageant queens here. Well, I wasn't quite the queen, but I was on my way. And then I decided to reroute. She was top 15 out of 15. So, you know. Excellent. I was top 15 out of 16. There you go. Anyway, Felix, so your family's Southern and religious? Yeah, pretty stereotypical Southern Baptist, religious, very anti-gay, anti-trans, all that good stuff. Okay, yeah. And they know you're gay? Yeah, it's kind of like the rainbow elephant in the room. We don't talk about it.

They never ask me who I'm dating or things like that. It's just something that we don't really talk about. Yeah. Well, I think that's probably why you don't have sex a lot or you don't want to have sex a lot because you probably feel so much shame because of the way that you were raised and everything around your family, which is very common, actually. But I would say to you, this is the life that we're given. You know what I mean? This is the chance that we get. If you're living your life for your family, then you're not living your life for yourself. And you have to really dig deep and figure out what's more important. Is it the approval of your family? Is it the approval of your church or is it your own growth and your own happiness and joy you know I mean it's not fair

for you to have to take on their opinions and their judgments and prohibit you from blooming you know what I mean into the person that you're supposed to be and it sounds like that's exactly what you're allowing them to do yeah and I've definitely allowed them to do it for a long time And I mean, I think for me, it's just the, you know, me coming out, you know, again to them and being like, listen, this is me. This is my truth. They would just take it, you know, so personally and would just cause a big rift in the family. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that.

But you are strong enough. You are. We're all strong enough. We all have a reservoir of strength that we don't even know about until we have to get in touch with it. So you are strong enough. It's a matter of choice if you're ready to do it. And I would, are you in therapy?

I am. I'm also a person living with schizophrenia, so that's a whole other topic, but therapy is more geared towards coping strategies and things like that. You have schizophrenia? I do. I have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia plus a mood disorder, which is really fun. Okay. And you're medicated for that? Yes. Yeah. Medication definitely helps. I'm able to lead a pretty normal life, thankfully. Yeah. Yvonne, what are your thoughts on this subject matter? When we were hearing your story, there was something you said. You said, how do I get my parents to, or how do I, the reality is like, you can't make anyone do anything. You can desire things to people, but like, there's no version that you can make anyone see you as you want to be seen, love you like you want to be.

So I think there's going to have to be a separation of desire and expectation in order for you to fully get happy and joy. And this is not at all comparing my situation to your situation, two very different things. But I remember when I was, when I just told my parents I wouldn't do comedy, mind you, I had been the good Nigerian girl. I had gotten the math. I was in church, doing all the things. they i told them i was going to move to new york our relationship was strained for eight years i would call and like having others say i got it we got me get back today i'm like what the hell you sick you dying what's going on right and so it can't be my well right now for joy or understanding because they don't understand so i had to find my tribe i had to find the people

that i knew cared for me loved me championed me celebrated me all those things because like You need all of that when you're doing something that's different than what they consider to be norm, right? And so what I also had to learn after that, because in my mind, I was like, once I do this, then they will love me again. Then they will receive me again. Then they will accept me. And then everything will be great. And then I did the thing. And it was like, but your brother had a baby.

I'm like, what the hell? So it's just like all these things that I was still combating. And I had to get in my mind, I just love them for where they are. for as much as they can understand about me and what they can love about me. Everything else, I would be doing myself a disservice by trying to force my desire for how I want to be seen and loved upon them.

Sometimes it was sad because you're just like, damn, how come they still can't see all the things that I've been through? I wrote the book, you know? It wasn't like, wow, you really struggled. I'm so glad you made it. It was like, so why are you talking about us? And I was like, what?

That's what you got from this? That's a thousand percent my family. Like if I, you know, told them what I was struggling with or, you know, if they found out I was doing this, they would, you know, be like, well, why are we talking about our family? You know, like why we're bringing up, you know, we're very much like a suffer in silence type of family, which I need to break away from. I'm like, you know, my sister is a, is a counselor and so is her husband.

So like, we're a very therapy adjacent family, but it's just, we seem to not want to take our own advice. And is there anyone in your family that is on your side, so to speak, like with regard to you being gay and out as your sister is that someone that you have as an ally in your family yeah she's really the only one that I can talk to about anything related to you know being gay or anything like that and what about your friend community do you have some friends that are close to you yeah I've got a fairly strong support network I mean it's ranked over the past few years like dealing with some of my mental health stuff but I do have a core few people that I can rely

OK, well, I think you should really lean into that. You know what I mean? I don't think you should hide who you are. I really don't. It's so important for each of us to really embrace everything about ourselves. You know what I mean? And and really live out loud. And I know I don't mean that in like you have to wave it in their faces, but you can't diminish who you are out of fear for their reaction. they need to get on board with the fact that they love you and it's not a choice this is your life this is how you were born this is who you are and the more that you can lean into that I know it could be years but eventually most families come around Yvonne's relationship with her family eight years later after that strain isn't you know isn't as strained they did come around to the fact that she wasn't following through with what they wanted her to follow through with And I know it seems like a huge mountain to climb and I'm sure it is going to be, but the strength that you are going to gather from that climbing that mountain and the self-esteem that you're going to give yourself and the way that it will affect and impact the rest of your life and the way that it'll impact the rest of your lovers and friends and relationships, whether they're romantic or not romantic, is paramount to how your family feels about what you're doing. You can tell them you love them, but you can't be living in a dishonest way.

And I think there's a misconception about boundaries being something that we give to other people. But really, we can only set boundaries with ourselves. And I think it would be good for you to remind yourself on a daily basis, I'm only responsible for myself. And when you really believe that, you understand this backlash from your church that you're foreseeing, anything that anybody else does and says, you are not responsible for that. You're only responsible for what you're doing.

And when you can live your truth, that's the best way that you can represent yourself. Anything else that happens is not up to you. It's not your fault. You didn't cause it by coming out, even though they already know you were outed before. This might be the time to take your power back and tell your truth yourself. I will say I know it is not an easy thing because I mean obviously being in the church like it is beyond a community sometimes it's like it's so entrenched and especially with your father being the head of the church there are so many ripple effects that you know even the three of us on

this call can't fully know and it is that thing of your mind goes into like will I be on in Thanksgiving and like what if my dad loses his job and it just feels like all the compounding things fall on you. So I don't say it's easy or for us to be like this and this. It's like, no, no, no. It's very hard to be in your position right now. So I just want to affirm and acknowledge that because it is very hard to also dismantle all of the things that are connected to your one decision. So do you know that? And so it might be a process, a three-step process. And at the same time when you make decisions for you understand that it will not be the best decision for other people and you cannot control what they say about you what they do to you and just know that like

two things can be true at the same time this decision may affect them in a way and then you know you hope you desire you pray that they can be able to stand and say listen even if we don't agree with this. This is still our son. We love him. And so I hope you can understand our position in loving and protecting our son. That's what you would want them to say. I don't know that that's what they are prepared to say. And we cannot control that. We cannot know that. Right. And I know how frustrating that may be for you as a child who loves their parents, because there were times where I wanted that protection. Right. And not in the same way, obviously, but like you want that protection. And sometimes when you don't get it, it feels so sad because like, why don't they just

know me? Why can't they just see me and receive me? But we can't ask those questions. We're not them because we don't know what is in them that's preventing that. We only know where we are in the seat that we sit at. So I hope you have your tribe. I'm so grateful that you have your sister and her husband in your life that can affirm you because you really just need one good ally. You really just do need one good ally who can, like you said, cushion the blow for you. But It is a lot. I will definitely be praying for you. And I know you pray for yourself as well. And maybe by the grace of God, things change. But we're not holding our breath for that moment. Yeah, no, that's hugely affirming. Thank you. Just because it really is not just coming out. It's like basically saying to that entire community, I'm choosing, you know, quote unquote, to live this way and be outspoken about it. And just thinking about a life where everyone knows is just, I don't know, a little mind bending for me. I can't really wrap my arms around it. Is there a scenario where you can be revealing about everything that's happening on Facebook or whatever? Is there a scenario where you can just take a little bit of a break from them so that everybody has time to kind of absorb the information and that you're not subjecting yourself to their criticism or their rejection or any of that and you lean into your friend circle that you said you have?

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that, like make a big long post and then go dark for a little bit and just focus on being around my people. You don't have to go dark, but I'm saying if their response is going to be, if it's going to hurt you and it's going to be hurtful, then you have every reason in the world to say, listen, this is my life. I have to live it. I want my family's support. But if you guys don't want to support me, then I mean, I have to take a break from you, you know, to kind of reinstill some confidence. You want to be loud and proud about it. You should be. Everyone else is. And also, I guess my question to you, a couple of questions. Do you still live back at home in that community? Like, do you still live down south? No, I live about three hours away. So it's close enough, but just far enough away. Exactly.

Is there a version where you can get on the other side of America or another country? Like, is there anything really keeping you so close to the community? Is there anything really keeping you in this country? Because there's versions where you can. Time and space and distances are a blessing. Those are also boundaries as well. And also no one's saying that you have to post anything about it. I feel like there's a version where you can just keep moving away.

And like, again, that's still going to be hard, but it's a decision to protect your mind and your heart space. I was like, New York wasn't far enough. I had to move to L.A. because I know ain't nobody get on a flight. But that was far enough. The space and the distance and then also choosing to not engage in certain conversations. Just like, hey, I hear where you are. I understand your point of view. I also have shared my point of view. It doesn't feel like it's being understood and I understand why, but also I choose not to engage in this conversation

because there's no, there's no answer. We're at an impasse. And so let's just not add the conversation. Yeah. And I think there's definitely times where I've considered moving, but you know, I do have two little nephews and a baby niece within driving distance. So maybe when they get a little older, think about maybe putting some distance. I will say as much as I know you love your niece and your nephew that is still you putting other people in front uh yeah that's true you know i'm not there i can't tell you anything about that like you're not but it ends you know that's still like hey i love my niece and nephews like we we love that you love them and at the same time they can still know that you love them my niece and nephew live

a hundred gazillion thousand miles away every time i see them i facetime them i you know whatever but I am not going to put myself in proximity to a bad family situation, but it's like they still know that I love them. But at the same time, I'm able to live what brings me joy. So consider that. Consider that impact that you're having also watching, you know, your nieces and nephew or nephews and niece are watching you. They're going to grow up watching you. And do you want them to grow up watching you live your life fully? Or do you want them to see you being a fraction of yourself because of your family's judgment. Yeah. And I thought about that a lot too. And Felix, as you well know, planes exist. So like you can visit.

Yeah. I think it would be empowering for you to get some space and time away from your family so that you can actually find out what your own thoughts are and what your own feelings are and kind of diminish the shame and work with a therapist definitely because this is so common among gay men, you know, whose families reject them and don't understand. But please keep in touch with us and let us know what transpires and give us updates because you should be empowered. And I hope you do feel empowered after us talking with you. A wait also doesn't mean forever. As long as you get to whatever point you feel and you can say, I'm okay with it. That's a very different thing than be like, I'm not okay with it. And I wish it was. So it's like, you can still

decide that what works best for you is to be in this version of yourself as long as you're okay with it and you're not okay with it because you're calling in right no this has been great i really appreciate you know all the affirmation okay well we love you and we support you and we are your allies so you know if you ever need us again call us back we will do thank you so much so much no love on the planet yeah that's fun oh yeah we'll do okay bye thank you for calling bye thank you guys sending you love do you know how many people call in with that how you could be a mother or a parent and say no to your child. Oh my God, I couldn't. You know what, Chelsea? It's one of those things where like everyone has a different POV, right? For Nigerians, sometimes we think

like, how could our parents do S, Y, and Z? And then I have to remember, they saw a war where people were like killed in front of them. So some of their decisions, and there was no like, oh, EMDR therapy available for them, you know, or like, they're like, what? They just tried to survive to the next day. So it's not like we're making excuses, but it's like sometimes to understand I would totally do things differently than like my parents were like, I have the privilege of being in America and like knowing that I have another home. Like my dad almost died in the war and like had to like put on plain clothes and like walk three days to like my grandfather's village to survive. So I was like, yeah, maybe there's a reason why he does X, Y,

and Z. Right. Or maybe there's a reason why like shame and embarrassment are so big in this community we don't know all the factors and then especially if you add in like deep-seated rooted religion and this is the word and the word is you know sharper than any two-edged sword and it doesn't lie it's like all the all the things that come with that it's just like it's hard to see just like love because again Jesus was still the same person when the woman who had all the husbands came to him at the well he was like hey girl get some water and I know the man at home was that your boo? And it was just like, wait, what? And then she was able to be like, come and see a man who has told me everything about my life because he didn't like judge her. He didn't

shame her. He just was like, I know what's up. You thirsty? Yeah. And like, that's just not what we as humans who are all the way flawed know how to do. So it is difficult and convoluted and a lot of times not right. But like, who's to say what's right and wrong other than just like having compassion for humanity. Yeah. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back to wrap things up. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus

from $94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters

and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone,

I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Yvonne Orji, what an ironic last name for you. It really is. I have questions for Jesus. When I meet him, I'm like, I think we're living out my wildest last name dreams. Here I am waiting till I get married. I love you. You're so vibrant and filled

with good stuff. I'm going to DM you. I'll DM you my phone number so we can hang out and have a night together. Perfect. And thank you for being on the podcast.

Thank you for having me. Thank you. Bye-bye. Okay, guys. We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch Tour. I added another second show in Toronto.

So I have two shows in Toronto now. December 7th, December 8th, December 9th, I'm in Ottawa. And two new shows on December 15th

on a Friday. We're doing a 7.30 and 10 p.m. show with Kevin Hart and Friends. That's in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows, you can buy tickets for at chelseahandler.com. I'm starting my tour back up on September 29th

in New York City at The Beacon, which is sold out. But the next night, there are tickets available September 30th at The Beacon. So for all fall dates, you can go to chelseahandler.com for tickets and you'll see me. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com

and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today?

I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Well, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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