Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - You’ve Got a Tone with Lake Bell

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Chelsea is joined this week by director and actress Lake Bell to discuss using her on-set voice with her kids, the assumptions we make about others based on the way they sound, and the perils of the Sexy Baby voice.  Then: A girl with a *tone* is desperate to be taken seriously.  A law student suffers from imposter syndrome.  And a burlesque dancer is feeling lost in life and wants to take the next step in her career.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, Katherine. Oh, hello, Chelsea. Excuse me. I took some chocolate mushrooms last night and they were very strong. I actually, I took them the other night too. My friend gave it to me. We were going to someone's birthday party and we walk into the party. We get out of the car. I was with Billy, my driver. We get out of the car, walk into the party. I was with like four people and somehow I got separated from them. And then the mushrooms completely hit me so hard. And I was like, where am I? And who am I with? I was like, who, who, who did I come here with? And I'm looking around going oh god and I was like you're with someone just look around for a familiar face you did not come alone you are definitely with other people and then I saw my friend Alice

and I'm like sissy is it you and she's like yeah I go oh my god I just lost you she goes we just walked in how could you lose me I go I don't know but I don't know I'm fucked up let's go sit down were you also the only one on mushrooms who knows but somebody uh somebody's mother the birthday boy's mother cornered me for about 20 minutes yeah and she had three heads while she was talking to me and I was just like these are so because she gave me a little chocolate square my friend which yeah the best mushrooms ever I'll give some to you if you want awesome but you have to take half of that I will take a quarter last night I took half and I had a good time too so wow and you can still just like relate to people and you're fine yeah you know what I love about mushrooms

they just make you laugh you know they're up and they make you laugh and yeah we went last night We hung out for, like, four hours just sitting around laughing, talking. Yeah, I love that. It's the dream. It's the dream. Oh, you guys, I'm performing this weekend. Tickets are still available for both shows. So buy some.

Okay, bye. Our guest today, she wrote and directed In a World, which is all about voice acting. Her fascination with voice goes way back. And so now she has an audio book out called Inside Voice, which dissects your voice, how you come across, how people change their voices. And the title of the book is called Inside Voice. It's published by Malcolm Gladwell's company, which is called Pushkin. And then she has a lot of famous people on it, Drew Barrymore, Susie Essman, Pam Greer, Jeff Goldblum, and Malcolm Gladwell. So please welcome Lake Bell. Hi, Lake. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I'm great. I'm better

now, now that I'm here with you. A long time no see. Are you in New York? I know. I am. You look beautiful, Chelsea. Oh, thanks. I just had Wendy's. Maybe that's it. I'm glowing. I think it's the Wendy's grease glow. I came, I was like, you know what I need today? Once I found out we were recording at this studio, I'm like, I need some chicken nuggets from Wendy's. Did you really? I did. I did. I allow myself to do that about once every three or four months. Okay, so it's Wendy's okay for me my my guilty one is is Subway I want a Subway sandwich in a pinch yeah I do I like it I like the combo meal I like to get a drink and you get a chip I like anything with like a combo you know I'm into combos as well I like a combo platter I like to think that I don't

like I want to opt out of the fries because that's just like putting gasoline inside your body but then I'm like you know what fuck it I'm here and I'm I'm gonna enjoy myself and it's your privilege It's my white privilege, actually. Okay, and there we started. Okay, Lake, I was listening to your book. Lake has a new book out, an audio book, in fact, called Inside Voice, which is a great examination of all the different voices that we use in different situations. Talk to us a little bit about you. You've been fascinated by this subject for quite some time, right?

Yeah, I'm pretty openly vocally obsessed. I love voices because I think they imbue so many different characteristics, but also kind of, it's a roadmap of everything we've ever endured. So it's like, your voice is incredibly recognizable. And it is, I'd be so curious to hear you at like 14 or 16, you know, because you, as you are right now, Chelsea's voice, I love where it's come because it has, this tremendous evolution and all these tapestry markers of like, oh, okay, you fucking any traumas or delights or whatever. It's really kind of this thing we don't pay attention to. Sure, we look in the mirror. We're like, what kind of fucking crew neck am I going to wear? Where's my part? Do I have a good lip? Is it matte? Is it glossy? Okay. But the point is, our voice is the something that connects to humans in some kind of communication. So the second you open your mouth and you're learning about somebody, sure, you're going to look at what they're wearing and how you're going to make some snap judgments perhaps. But when they open their voice, that's when

you really start to get to know someone and you are going to profile whether you want to or not. You're going to have some preconceived notions just based off their pitch, their regional dialect perhaps? You know, do they come from a certain borough? Are they putting on an affectation that feels inauthentic? There's a multitude of different things and cocktails that we add on whether we're aware of it or not. Some people are so vocally self-aware, like myself, that they are obsessing over it. And then other ones are like, don't play that back for me. I can't, I can't, I can't. Is that me? You know, there's this real self-loathing. And I love this disconnect. It's so interesting to me from a sociological point of view. Yeah, I think people get really freaked out by their

own voices, especially like because everybody has a variety of different voices that they use, like, you know, your phone voice versus your angry voice versus your when you're trying to be for me when I'm trying to be soft, I always have to modulate my voice like, okay, because I know I can come across as much harsher than I mean to just by just by my, you know, physicality, just because people know that I'm a bitch. But when I was a little girl, I remember doing standup and hearing my voice made me cringe

because it was so high and it was so unmodulated, I guess, would be the term that comes to mind quickly. And I remember always going, no, don't talk in that high voice. Like you don't sound serious. You know, lower your register, lower it. And it is an evolution.

And a lot of people aren't even aware of the sound of their voice or think about it. Because I can think of a couple of people when you were just talking offhand whose voices just made me disqualify them as people. Like, I can't listen. There's somebody in my life that I can't listen to talk because I can't take her seriously

because she talks like this in this kind of voice. Okay, so this is the next step, which is like our own vocal profiling. I mean, you hit the nail on the head there because I also have really conflicted feelings about some female voices which yeah it sounds you know we talk about the sexy baby voice which is you know like why do we have to go so high and like so much fry and up talk and it's like jesus christ and yes i have had things where i'm like i can't hire you you know and that can like i can't

hang i don't even know if i can be in the same room with you you know what i mean and that for me is that's where I am in conflict because as a woman who you know loves women I love women I mean fucking love women I have sisters I have daughter you know I just I'm a girlfriend kind of gal and I don't want to I don't want to isolate anyone I don't want to be that person however it is problematic for me because it is it is hearkening back that sexy baby sound is hearkening back to a time when we were little girls. And it's a submissive voice. It's taking that little girl submissiveness and marrying it with bedroom talk. I'm like, say what? And that for me is like woesers. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, yeah, I mean, I'm with you. It sucks that we do

profile, but we do. I mean, even with regionalism, okay? We're all guilty of if someone talks like this and they're coming from you know you're gonna have what you might think okay what some people i've talked to they're like yeah well that person's from deep south right like if you have a really beautiful deep south farmland accent okay that accent is unfuckable is it depends where you're sitting but no i mean you might say that's unfuckable and then you know it's it's interesting it's like do you do you not want to hire that person are you making assumptions about that person's socioeconomic or education status. You know, basically, I'm just making the assumption that I don't want to fuck them. But I wouldn't. But I hear what you're saying. And I think that

it's interesting as you go through life. I mean, I don't know. Does everybody have enough introspection to actually think about how they're coming across? It's almost like a rarefied topic that you would you need the luxury to even discuss. But here's the deal is like it goes across the board. So we all enjoy we have a couple of drinks. Everyone wants to do an impression, right? They're like, oh, I have a great, just last night, there was someone who was like, I got a great Christopher Walken. You know, you're just like, okay, drunk person, like go for it. And people have these like, oh, I've got a good Drew Barrymore. I've got like a great Jeff Goldblum who are both in the book. You know, these are iconic voices. We enjoy voices. We relish in them. We enjoy playing with

them. You know, people are, they enjoy doing accents. Even if you are not a professional, You are using your voice to find love, to find connection, to work, to interact with the person down at the fucking gas station. You're always using your vocal tool. Like you right now revealing that your voice is going through evolution from the younger girl who is perhaps just getting up on stage and finding her voice as a comedian. And then you made a conscious decision to try to lower it. And I bet you've now arrived at a place where this is your voice. I mean, it sounds so deeply authentic to you. It doesn't sound like you're pushing it down, though we could, you know, you can do vocal warm ups to kind of find it. Because I used to push it down. Also, I did like, hey, I want you to take me seriously and take me as an authority. And now I find this is me. This is just who I am off the truck. I have a lower register than I did. And in the book, I reveal where I was vocally. But I really love that pliability. I love that that has the ability to kind of like, we vocally change, you know, you move to a certain borough, you move out of a certain borough, you have a partner that speaks a certain way, you smoke, you start smoking in your 20s and you do it throughout and then all of a sudden you've got, you know, some, I mean, you have a beautiful kind of texture to your voice too, but that's

your history. It's also interesting to dissect how one person, how we say things, right? Because something can come across as argumentative in a certain tone and the same exact sentence can come across as inviting or you know if you take a sentence and you experiment with five to ten different ways of saying something they all have a kind of different out impact and outcome I have a very specific issue with that in my own life where like some people have resting bitch face I and my sister has the same problem we have what we call resting bitch voice where especially with the people we love the most, like my husband or whatever, I can be just telling him a piece of information, like what time is it? And my voice will go, it's 1030. And I'm not pissed, but I

sound so rude. And sometimes I have to be like, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant it's 1030. Yeah. I mean, that's intonation, right? So that's, I mean, it is interesting when we start to think about performance versus voice, right? So style, because in the book, it's very kinetic. It's not, it's active, you know, it's like, I want your participation as well as just like sitting on your butts. It's, it's, it's an active participatory experience. And trust or bust is this game we play. And I have anonymous readers of all different socioeconomics and from different continents, read with all of their accents, because even I have an accent, right? We all have accents, we have strong American accents, generalized or what have you. And then I have

anonymous judges be brutally honest about whether they trust that voice or bust it. And that's not based on performance, right? Tonality, curtness or whatnot. It's about just voice. Do you trust that voice or not? It was really extraordinary because people, boy, I mean, it's all over the place and people have such strong profiled opinions about if you hear a Deep South accent Or if you if you hear a British, you know, kind of like an estuary British accent, you know. And it for me, it was just like, God, this just goes on. It's like we're walking through life and you're going, OK, I'm going to go get a fucking Starbucks or whatever, like macchiato. And the person who hands it to you, if they're like, you want milk with that?

You know, it's like you're immediately like, OK, I know where they're from. I know that they have a big family. You know, you're just making some assumptions. You could be totally wrong. But you are gaining a lot from just the voice alone. And so how do you apply this to your work? Because you were talking about directing specifically, right? Giving people notes versus...

Yeah, I think in work, like you said, I do lower my register a bit to just wield kind of pure attention and respect, right? I'm not trying to... It's like instead of being bitchy or whatever, you know, it's like I'm just like I'm going to wield a very direct authority sound. right? And that sound, you know, if I was up here, even without doing Sexy Baby, but I just was a bit higher, you know, if I'm up here, that really, you know, would be a harder sound, I think, to wield power. And so if I said, okay, everyone back to one, thank you so much, you know, versus,

okay, thank you, everyone back to one, let's go one more time. Very different experience. And so how do you apply that with your parenting and your little girl, especially? I mean, both my kids, Nova and Ozzy, know when I'm using directing voice when I'm fucking pissed. And so sometimes, you know, with my kids, when I read them a book and when I talk about, hey, how was your day? That must have really hurt. Oh, okay. So let's go back to sleep and let's just really take some deep breaths. And then it's like, you know, we do not bite in this house, you know, so it's like there's a there's a big flip. My voice is utilized. And then my kids, they don't like it when I put on like accents and stuff. They you know, because I love doing that. And I thought they would think that's so fun.

But they're very they're very specific about it. And they don't like it because it sounds like someone else. And I realized the beauty of our voices as family members and dear loved ones is that we really count on those sounds. Those sounds are more important than we realize. The voice of my mom, even. I'm 43. I still, ah, the voice of my mom. She's alive. I could cry right now. I love it so much. you know and she's soft-spoken and she you know it's like there's just something about it and when I asked my daughter in the book I say trying to get a good sound bite I was like Nova honey what does my voice sound like and you know she's like I don't know it just sounds like you mom you know and I was like oh god that's sweet I'm gonna cry now but it's true it's it's like the voice of my brother it's terrific it's just him and it's indelible more so than sometimes these senses

you know like a smell or something you walk by a wendy's and you and you smell whatever you smell something you go that reminds me of an exact time and i think voices for me have that same oh that same powerful pull yeah it's like when you think about people who've passed on you know my mom i always can remember her voice and it was quiet she was german but she was not your stereotypical german woman she was very demure and shy and quiet and so when i came on the scene i remember her always going where did you get this voice from where did you get this voice from but she meant it literally and metaphorically like where did you get your attitude where'd you get all of it because it feels like a package and when you remember people who've passed on my mom

you know I don't remember my brother's voice really but I do remember my mom's voice and when you remember that's one of the things that never goes away in terms of your memory your senses of smell the other day I was talking to somebody like and we were talking about the smell of smurfs right? Like I remember the way the Smurf smelled and I remember the way Cabbage Patch Kids smelled and I remember the way the school bus smelled and the first, you know, like going to school and all those smells. And it's like, voices are similar to that. You hear a voice and you're like taken. And sometimes when people sound like each other, you're like, whoa, I already know this person. Yes, it does. That's a really beautiful thing that you brought up because yeah, you feel

all of a sudden like, wow, I feel kindred with you. I just met you, but you sound just like my sister I mean I don't know what to tell you or whatever it is do you have any recordings of your mother do you have any of her voice uh yeah we have some videos from yeah but she was you know whenever there was a camera on or anything is when she just kind of disappeared so it was very hard to yeah I have to ask my sisters about that actually talk to me about like so Drew Barrymore Susie Espin some of the people that you talk about in the book Malcolm Gladwell who actually published the book right with Pushkin Industries right are you guys friends you and Malcolm Gladwell? Yeah, Malcolm and I have known each other for many, many years, and he is acutely

aware of my obsession. And so I would kind of talk to him a lot about, you know, coming at it from a sociological point of view. And I think that that I come at it as an academic, you know, it's like, I want to learn, you know, so it's like, I ostensibly created a postgrad course in linguistics, you know, and the sociology behind it as even a cultural conversation, like, let's talk about it. Let's talk about all the like, pop kind of fun stuff. And then also, delve deeper into things that I don't know as much about. And with Pushkin, obviously, I had access to just a tremendous amount of professors and linguists and doctors to kind of even just peel back the kind of architecture of how sounds are made, you know, and then roll into

kind of people's case study story, you know, stories that that are just moving. For instance, Pam Greer is in the book, and she talks about losing her voice, actually physically losing her voice going ostensibly mute it's called psychogenic dysphonia in response to trauma in her body and that she's very moving and revealing I'm very close with Pam and she was very giving to kind of go there and talk about it but it's extraordinary that the voice can imbued with so much oh emotion and also history you know yeah and becoming self-aware of it like Drew has had the same voice since the beginning of time like she's not trying to develop any sort of differentiation and even though she gets so many people do so many impersonations of her

she's kind of stuck with her real voice and never put on an affectation and that's not an affectation either that is her real voice in real life yeah it was really fun to talk to her because drew she has a sense of she's wildly unaware of self-aware of her voice she she sort of is a little shocked that people are so interested in mimicking it. And now she's in on the joke and so generous with her. Her spirit is so fucking great. And she was talking about even the kind of architecture of her face and mouth and how it's framed. She speaks from one side of the mouth and that affects the sound. And she said that actually Adam Sandler called her out on that one time, like as an improvised line in a movie. He said, I love the way that you talk on one side of your

mouth or something. And she was like, I do, you know, and like, and it was one of those things where in the book, she goes on a ride with me and we kind of like dissect and talk about all the delights that are in her very, very specific, iconic sound at this point. And why people who are related sound so much like each other, you know, sisters always sound alike. Like I always can, people always are like, oh my God, you and your sister sound exactly alike and you're like well how's that happen well my mom and her best friend frankly my mom's best friend can call me on the phone and I'm like hey mom and she's like no it's Linda and I'm like what oh god sorry you know like they sound so alike they're like voice matches because they just

spend so much damn time together and your voice starts to it just attaches on to certain it sponges qualities and you start sounding like your sister you start sounding like your chosen sisters you know yeah that's interesting it is wild yeah I mean it's like you know when somebody has a really sonorous booming voice too like I read my dad's voice is just very uh commanding you know just like I could hear I mean that that's one of those voices where you're like that's probably where I got mine too just as a mixture because I looked at my mom and I looked at my dad I think I was like okay I'm gonna go with you I'm gonna take the dreidel over the Mormon bush Chelsea where were you born like where were you raised and born because I'm hearing

I mean both of you I mean let's just do it where's everyone born and raised because what are you hearing tell us what you think well I hear from you I hear I've known you for a long time but now we're really dissecting it I just hear some hard d's and t's in a way that I'd never noticed before which makes me feel like it's like New York borough tri-state yeah and that was just interesting to me in this moment where you know it's like you've got a little bit of that kind of tri-state area. Yeah, I'm from New Jersey. Okay, there it is. Okay, beautiful. Okay, so tri-state. Now, Catherine, your turn. Yeah. Catherine, what do we got? Well, a friend of mine who was doing voiceover for a while, she was like, couldn't nail a Midwestern

accent. And then she heard me say like, I think I'm going to have an apple. And she was like, apple. That's it. She couldn't get the A until she heard me say it. Yeah, but I'm from outside Chicago. Okay. Okay. So that's really interesting because, yeah. So you're closer to like that quintessential generalized american accent which it does have kind of midwestern notes in it but i would say i lived there for four years and i was at drama school so it was definitely like everyone's listening to their fucking voices and you know when i got there was the only american in my college and they were like oh my god you've got to get rid of your accents so strong you know and i was just like oh no no i was like i'm american so like you guys have accent and they're

like no we're fucking english you've got the accent we were here first you know so the whole thing was me trying they were trying to iron out my strong american accent so that was an interesting kind of reframe right because as americans we're like well we're the baseline right we're america you know totally and um we're not it's like there is no baseline we all have accents every single one of us and they can change at any time ask madonna just ask madonna she's somebody who went to England and you know had a British accent in six weeks so there you go but that's great look there it is again right I'm like very pro vocal evolution I'm also pro regionalism I want people to lean into their like boroughs and their fucking regions and they're like real deal authentic voice

because the authentic voice if it is who you are if if Madonna feels authentic in that sound then you know hallelujah I'll be it you know but this is what I find so interesting it's like as we there are more ways to listen to different voices right everyone's got a platform they can find access to it and that is opening our ears thankfully to different sounds and we're not even talking about singing and people who use their voice in that way and how they're able to change that and yeah i mean that's a whole other set that's a whole other book yeah yeah that's a whole other audio i think i think that people do honestly just like i think you're right but i do singing is often talked about you know nobody talks about their voice because they're just like

yeah but he's a fucking boy who gives a shit and you're like well the truth is is that it is 100 the thing that you're wielding to broker love to broker deals it's on you at all times and yet you're more concerned about do i like the high-rise kick pant or not you know which i do i really like and it's also you know when you're dating somebody and you hear like this is why I don't like FaceTime I like talking on the phone when you're getting to know somebody I find that to be much sexier than holding up a phone and looking at their face until you get to know each other better I think it's nice to because I think there's something very sexy about before you meet someone which I don't usually make a practice of talking on the phone very much before I meet

somebody if I'm being set up or whatever but I like I find that much more intimate yeah yeah like yeah there's a there's something very old-fashioned about that and i like that you get to know a lot about somebody when you're like just learning about them and learning their voice for the first time i agree completely yeah i mean i would just piggyback that which is like the voice it's kind of broadcasting how you want to be heard and so in that intimate setting when you're meeting someone and you're able to not just like be distracted by the visual right you're even looking at yourself on the fucking FaceTime. You're like, how do I look in the FaceTime? You know, how does he look? And yes, I agree with you. It becomes a more authentic exchange.

Okay. Well, today, Lake, we are going to use our voices to help callers who are calling in with problems. We're giving them life advice. Love it. Yes. And some of the questions are specifically about voice. Some of them are about, you know, how we move and operate in the world and confidence and that sort of thing. But we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with Blake and Chelsea. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies?

Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month.

Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring

how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

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Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head, right? How about we flip the script, okay? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going

to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app

apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back and we're back well our first email comes from kenny and kenny is a woman just fyi good to know dear chelsea for as long as i can remember, I've used humor as a defense mechanism. I've always been the, quote, funny friend, and I've pretty much accepted that this is my role in life and generally have leaned in and been okay with it. Now that I'm in my 30s, however, I feel like I've come to a realization that no one actually takes me seriously. I've allowed myself to be the class clown for so long that I question if I even take myself seriously. In general, it feels like when I speak, people will glaze over my words and just laugh at whatever I say, even when I'm not at all joking

or trying to be funny. I've also been told in past relationships that I have a quote tone, but I am still bewildered about what the tone is, how I can turn it off. In my current relationship, my partner has had to quote explain me to her family because they can't tell when I'm joking or serious. I guess my question to you, Chelsea, is how do I retain the best thing about myself without it also being the thing that I start to resent? I've tried talking about it in therapy but my unfunny therapist doesn't seem to get it either kenny huh question how old is kenny uh kenny is 30s okay well chelsea how would you start with this one because i have a couple things that are well you go ahead lake and i'll piggyback on you all right copy that i mean first and

foremost it feels like this is like an authenticity believing in yourself thing the problem isn't being too funny. I think the the problem is believing in yourself and owning it and and feeling secure and safe in a relationship and in a room. Wouldn't you agree? Yeah, I would say the more that you allow other people's opinions to sink into your psyche, the less grounded that you will become. So it's a slippery slope when you start taking it like there's one thing to be like, we don't know when you're kidding or not. Like, I mean, I've experienced that, of course, myself, too. But I think that what Lake is saying is true. There has to be a sense of ownership over who you are. And I think what's getting in your way is allowing other people's opinions to kind

of sway your own opinion about yourself. You have to stick to your guns and understand that this is your personality. Maybe if you take things too far or you're constantly offending people, there's something to reevaluate. But if people are just not getting whether or not it's a joke and it's not offensive. And that is kind of a, an other people's problem. Like your personality is your own and you should embrace it and you should celebrate yourself and kind of really just reject anyone's opinions about the tone of your voice, you know, unless you're screaming at people every day. Yeah. I mean, we're, this is a nuanced thing. We were not there, but I do, you know, I want to piggyback on what you just said, which is you can only be responsible for what's on your

fucking side of the street you know i mean so you can only be you and and then also be kind to yourself that you're participating in your relationship with all of the people around you in the way that feels authentic to you if you feel like that you're kind of you're playing a part or something that's on your side of the street and you got to fix that yeah you definitely don't want to be playing a role in your own life like don't do that you want to be authentic to who you are. And the people that really love you are going to get it anyway. You know, and it's really annoying to have to explain things to people all the time. I mean, a quirky personality is a quirky personality. And from what I can tell, I mean, by your letter alone, which isn't much because

you're not she's not on a zoom, right? It's just sounds like that's your thing. Like, you know, what I said about yelling, like I used to yell when I was doing stand up a lot, I was used to yell to get my point across. And I would watch that's what would make me cringe the most because it's like sometimes yelling denudes your point you know what i mean it kind of diminishes the whole point here would be i would just pop in here and say okay so here's a perfect like you could try this kenny which is slow down because the hardest thing especially when you're like a funny person or you have funny bones or you feel like you have to kind of entertain a little bit in a situation or you've been you've had the propensity to do that people pleasey you know like hey i'm

funny girl, Kenny. If you have that thing, slow the fuck down. Respect yourself enough to read the room, listen to the people around you, and then participate when ready. You don't have to fill the space. Fill the space with, I don't want it to be silent, so I'm going to say something wacky. That's a good exercise. If you are one of those people that likes to just insert yourself all the time, it's a good exercise to hang back. If there's a lull of silence, let someone else fill that anyway good luck with your voice yeah thanks kenny good luck with your voice kenny and your new relationship yeah well our next question comes from toro she's here with us she's 27 especially because you have had sort of a lot of different careers and you continue to have a lot

of different careers i thought this would be a good question for you and sort of like fighting your inspiration again toro says dear chelsea i'm writing as a longtime fan who has always admired your passion and drive for what you do. I'm a 27-year-old woman living in NYC, and I'm feeling completely lost in life. Growing up, I always thought I wanted to be a cosmetologist. I grew up neglected and poor, but put myself through beauty school immediately after high school. I quickly realized I was in a deadbeat job in a deadbeat town and moved here. I can't practice hair in New York because my license is in a different state, however. So I became a bartender, up until just before the pandemic when I left to become a burlesque

dancer. Since the pandemic, I've tried a multitude of different jobs to attempt to make ends meet. I've failed at everything I have attempted and dug myself a deeper hole than before. I'm currently trying to continue dancing and performing, but without any formal training and without any money to take classes, I'm once again stuck. I now have no self-confidence, no dreams, no goals, nothing inspires me, and on top of it all, I'm still unemployed. I refuse to go back to the restaurant industry because after seven years, I'm fed up. Everything I've tried that has interested me or inspired me at one point no longer does. But after months to years of putting my all into something new, I've never been able to make ends meet or come even close to being able to support myself.

Because of this, I've convinced myself that I'm mediocre at everything I do, and my sense of self-worth is completely destroyed. So I'm looking to you for some help regaining inspiration and self-worth. How do I find my passion? How do I find inspiration? And how do I find self-worth and confidence after being beaten down my entire life? Thanks for your time, Toro. Toro. Hi, Toro.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Toro, that's Fatty Tuna, Toro. That's me. Oh, you poor thing. This is Lake Bell, our special guest today. And you, of course, have spoken to Catherine. Hi.

Yes, hi. Hi, how are you? Oh, honey, how you sound. You've got to pick yourself up. First of all, you are giving yourself a lot of negative feedback that is going to keep you in a negative like spin cycle. So first and foremost, I'm going to give you one thing to do. And this is proven. I've had, I don't know, I take on a lot of patients, even though I'm not a medical doctor, a lot of people, there is a thing that you can do every morning. It takes 21 days. You write down every morning you get up and you spend one minute

writing down all the things that you are grateful for. And you know, you'll find things that you're grateful for. You have to write down everything that comes to your mind. It could be your sweater, it could be your apartment, it could be materialistic, or it can be a family member or your hair. It doesn't matter. Just do that every single day for 21 days and you will have an energy shift. This is proven. It's like data driven. I read it in a book years ago. I've employed it myself, my sisters, my friends, and people change and they feel it. You feel an energy shift because your energy right now is just going around in a negative circle. Secondly, let's figure out what you want to do and do it you know can you get your license to do hair in new york city

i would have to retake the tests but it's also been so long and because it's a different state i have to pretty much go back to school for it so it's something that i'm like not 100 sure i'm interested in when i left cosmetology school to go to the hair salon it was a lot of 40 hour work weeks with zero dollar paychecks because it was all strictly commissioned so that made it really hard on me so when I moved to New York I didn't even really want to go back to that okay of course I've juggled the thought like in the past couple of years since I've been so like confused but um I don't know it's such a big step to take because I'm still paying off school loans from cosmetology school like if I really want to add to that or I really want to like put my passion into dancing

it's just really difficult. Classes are very expensive, and it takes a lot of time and training. So is dancing the passion? Is that the North Star? Currently. It's been like every six to eight months, I feel like I'm on something new. But I've been trying to do dancing. That was initially why I left the restaurant industry back in 2019. I mean, I feel like, yeah, you are being really hard on yourself and there is it sounds like an extraordinary path of like you're looking at it from a negative lens but I'm like oh look at all those amazing experiences she has I'm like as a writer I'm like fucking write that shit down like I hope you're journaling and like every person you meet is an opportunity to just like oh my god this is wild like I have the

privilege of living I have the privilege of like getting to be here and experience I mean you're a young beautiful woman and you have you know what I mean like you have the the fact that you're dancing I mean dancing is one of my favorite thing in the world and it's so in body and so like that's such a privilege to move your body and I get that girl like I love that and so if that is even if it changes just remember I mean I always have to remember this too the terms can always change it's okay to change your mind and to try try new things right I mean who says you have to do one thing for the rest of your goddamn life like that's ridiculous that's not the human experience yeah it's like the you're a young girl what are you in your 20s yeah i'm 27 okay well

listen you have the whole world ahead of you i wasn't i was still waitressing when i was 27 years old i didn't you know get on my feet financially until i was like 29 or 30 so like i honestly feel like we attract great things when our vibration is high like when your vibration is low and you're like fuck nothing works nothing works then then you're just attracting negativity like you have to really focus on the energy that you're putting out there because then you're going to draw things into you and people into you that are going to help you achieve what you want to achieve now are you getting paid to dance at all yeah so I do burlesque and like go-go and it's pretty much wherever I can book if they have an opening spot but it's not a lot of money it's you know mostly

tip based so it's hit or miss on the crowds but I want to say like usually an average gig is like anywhere from 75 to like 125 dollars and can I just ask a question about the waitressing thing because I heard you were like I'm burnt out on that I'm just curious because I actually I did it and I I loved it because a smile can get you a great trip you know I just be curious why it couldn't be concurrent I know you're like fuck this you don't have to do it exclusively but it is like kind of a good gig if you can get it to supplement so that you can continue to dance yeah so i i had a really great bartending job that it took a lot out of me to actually leave it because i had like benefits and everything from it and i was making like a decent income

i had a savings and everything but when i got the dancing opportunity i said to myself like i have lost so many opportunities because of my bartending job because you have to work every night every weekend so all of the dancing opportunities or the classes I wanted to take I was not available to take those opportunities I've thought about going back because like of how financially strapped I am but it really was really bad for me mentally I was like crying every day on the way home from work because it was just so stressful I worked at a really high grand high-energy Lower East Side cocktail bar. The people and the mass amount of tickets that would come in for two bartenders, it just became too much over the years. On top of it, I was

drinking every day. Just being behind the bar, being around it, I couldn't control myself not to because of the stress. It's not a healthy decision for me to go back. Yeah, it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. But I think that's one like that's one experience like you can create a complete. Listen, everybody is strapped for servers right now. You can easily find a part time gig. I have no doubt about that in New York City. There's everybody is understaffed and hotels like a hotel.

Hotels are really dying right now. That's where my last job was at a hotel. And you don't have to be behind a bar. You can be a server. You don't have to put yourself in that situation. I know you probably make more money behind the bar, but there are plenty of serving opportunities. even if you supplement what you're doing two or three times a week you can easily get in a part time and just make that your mandate like I'm only available three nights a week or three shifts a

week or whatever it is that's going to help you financially sustain yourself until you can get more classes and until you can cast a wider net for the places where you can perform find more places and actually do the legwork so you can have more shifts at different places and possibly places where you're going to make more than $75 or $100, you know, dancing. So I think you want to put your best foot forward and just kind of suck it up for the time being. Like you don't have to look at serving, waitressing or bartending as a permanent ending to your life or like this is going to be a permanent thing. This is to help you get a leg up to get you where you need to go so that you can become a professional dancer and make plenty of money doing it. And I have no doubt

you will. You kind of have to make a couple of sacrifices right now, which is totally normal for being in your 20s that's what we always have to do we have to do shit we don't want to do because it sucks we want to set ourselves up yeah and also like you're very clearly smart you have a great voice p.s i love i love voices this episode is brought to you by lake's voice you do this woman is beautiful and strong and has a great voice you have you you come off very you're terrific you know so fuck this like you turn it around right fucking now you're gonna write in that thing that Chelsea told you to do that every day and then it's just this is just happening to you right now and this is the turn it just is it just I know it's weird right but this is what it is

I agree with that I agree with that you need a little kick in the ass and you know just you have to turn your whole attitude around and just move towards the goal don't resist everything that it takes to get towards your goal. Just move towards it. Yeah. And I think having some sort of supplementary income will help. When you're at that age, not to put everything back to your age, but when you are 27, you have this dichotomy of like, okay, I need to have enough money that I'm kind of comfortable and can afford to feed myself, but also enough time and energy to pursue these creative pursuits. And I very much identify with where you are. I felt the same way until a few years ago when I found podcasting, you just kind of have to like keep throwing shit at the wall

and see what inspires your passion. Like I did acting. I did voiceover. I did improv. I did writing. I did all these different things. And at the end of the day, it was the conglomeration of all those experiences that I had that led me to where I am now and really gave me this fabulous career that I love. Where she throws around words like supplementary. What the fuck is that? supplementary what no i love it though fucking yeah create some words she also carries hard boiled eggs around i in a ziploc bag on planes okay so let's just be clear what we're dealing with right now toro toro do not do that okay do not um i don't think i will thank you i'm not an egg person is uh is that short for something toro is that your full name or is that a nickname no

so that's um it's actually my stage name but nobody in new york calls me by my legal name unless they're like blood related to me so i don't tell people my legal name because i don't even respond to it anymore but no it's actually because i was a cheerleader growing up so the mascot in the movie is the mighty toros so that's how i chose my name back when i was a teenager amazing I feel like you got to write these stories. This is just cool. Like you have a lot of really, I don't know, I feel like you might use you talk like a writer. I think that you should be journaling and allowing yourself to own your stories and feel even if they go nowhere. It's a beautiful exercise to just be like, you know, you say you dance one night and there's just like some crazy, you know, couple that came in and they're just hilarious. And they're from, you know, you just start to catalog your experiences. They're yours.

They're personal. That's special. Yeah. And additionally, have kinder conversations with yourself. You know, like you cannot be so rough on yourself. If you feel that way about yourself, that's what you're projecting to everybody. You know what I mean? So you have to start with that inner dialogue and change the conversation that you're having with yourself into a loving, positive one.

It makes a huge difference. Yeah, thank you. Like it really all in my brain, I guess, coincides with obviously, as we all have the pandemic. I think because like that's I started doing this right before the pandemic and then nightlife and everything just succeeded. And that was kind of it for me until last year. and I think it's just been really hard getting back up into the industry so I just needed a push to like get that kickstart going again and I needed the inspiration because I was telling Catherine the other day I've tried like a bunch of different therapists I'm having trouble finding a

really good one right now and it's just been like really bad advice and I just needed to hear somebody tell me just do it yeah just do it just do it it's not an advertisement for Nike no you got this though i think you should also like you could dance in commercials and stuff you know like i think you should try and also put on your list of things to attain in the next couple years like finding a commercial agent and like going out and using your talent to procure money for commercials for films for whatever you know that's a great idea i have a question about commercials how do they don't they care a lot about tattoos because i do have a lot of tattoos they love it because no no no it's it's all that's like you're gonna get booked tomorrow okay cool because in my head

it's always no tattoos no that's old school and now people are into tattoos yeah okay yeah you should be going to like open call you know get a backstage west you know backstage east just like just say you know just try some throw some shit to the wall as she said you're like oh what's this okay they're like auditioning people for a fucking taco bell whatever it doesn't matter just go you just you're just trying some shit you're trying to like gain experiences and that is a fucking privilege you know i was a waitress too just fyi i loved i mean i thought it was because i love human beings and i love voices and all this stuff and it was just like a constant rotation of different people i did cocktail waitressing i did hostessing i then went back to cocktail

waitressing and then just classic waitress and i also waited tables for probably seven eight years I hated every single minute of it, and I was fired from every job that I ever had, but they were some of the best times and best friends I ever made, you know? So, like, I don't love the act of serving. Like, I don't like how rude people can be, but you also develop all these other relationships. I have friends that are, you know, I've known now for 25 years from waitressing. So it's not the worst thing in the world. You just have to find an environment that suits you and just start looking at everything and, like, try to just look at everything with just a little bit more of a positivity. And I promise you it will become infectious and then opportunities will present themselves that you didn't know that were there before.

Yeah. Great. Thank you. And I'm definitely going to try writing down gratitude lists. I've had people tell me to like talk to myself in the mirror doing it, but I feel like stupid doing that. So I think writing is the way to go, which I will try. Yeah. Make sure you keep track of it. Twenty one days it takes to change your energy. OK, great. That's good. Yeah. And I think there is something very powerful that both of these women told you to start writing, you know, so there's something there. I used to journal a lot, actually, when I was younger, so I guess it's a sign. It's a sign, girl. Wonderful.

Well, thank you so much for calling in, Toro. Toro, thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time. I really appreciate it. Yeah, good luck with everything, Toro. Keep in touch and let us know how things go, okay? Great, I will do. Thank you.

Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. I've definitely felt like that in my 20s. For sure. Felt hopeless, like nothing was going to work out. I mean, it's like she's right on target. like that's exactly at your 20s you're like especially when you're in your you're in the

late 20s whatever you're just like oh my god yeah you're like what if i hit 30 and i'm still working at this place yeah yeah and i feel like 27 specifically like you have so much stress on your age like that you don't even have in your 30s but you have it in your 20s like if i don't get this by this certain time everything figured out yeah behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with

a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them

they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird?

Adam Scott. this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's this

everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Emily. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Emily. I'm a 23-year-old currently living in Ohio. I jumped right into law school after graduating with my BA from George Washington University in Washington, D.C. I loved living on the East Coast, but the school I attend in Ohio gave me such a big

scholarship that it was almost impossible to turn down. I grew up in Ohio and the majority of my family still lives here, but I have a constant worry in the back of my mind that I'm going to get stuck here. I've had it in my head that I'll move back to the East Coast once I graduate and I'm determined to make it happen, but there's also a nagging voice in my head keeping me up at night at least twice a week, telling me that I'll never get a job as an attorney in New York City or D.C. When I go to send internship applications, oftentimes I don't even send them or apply because I don't think I'm going to get it, and I don't want to feel the rejection when it inevitably happens. I know a lot of female law students and lawyers also suffer from this sense

of imposter syndrome, like I'm not intelligent enough to be a lawyer or won't be able to succeed, And I think a lot of my intrusive thoughts boil down to that. Logically, I know I'm a very intelligent young woman. I'm a well-rounded candidate, and I'm only 23 years old with my entire career ahead of me. But right now, it's incredibly difficult for me to see all of the possibilities that will be available to me. Any advice on how to combat these feelings of imposter syndrome, or just any advice in general that you would give yourself in your 20s trying to figure out life and career? All the best, Emily. Hi, Emily.

Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I'm good. This is Lake Bell. She's our special guest today. Hi, I'm Lake. And you've spoken to Catherine. Hi.

Yes. We all have that voice in our head, Emily, that tells us that we are not good enough, that we're not smart enough, that we're not capable enough. And that's not the real voice. You're the real voice. You got a full scholarship. Yeah. You graduated or you're graduating?

I have my BA and then I'm almost halfway through law school. Okay. Yeah. You just need to flip the script with yourself. You're giving yourself an incredibly difficult time and you're not even done with law school. And you can't not send in applications because you're scared of rejection.

Then you're gonna end up exactly where you are. You have to take leaps of faith and you have to be prepared to be rejected. It's okay. The more times you get rejected, the closer you are to getting your real job. Amen. You know what?

Rejection is 100,000% about the human experience. So, like, you have to, if you didn't have rejection, you wouldn't appreciate anything. You, I mean, you know this even being in school. You're like, okay, I'm going to fucking try really hard on this. And then you're going to, you know, they're going to give you criticism. And then you're going to learn from that fucking criticism, right? So, that, that is, that's it. You're doing it.

But you got to apply. Like, the idea that you're putting up roadblocks for yourself and, like, creating your own, like, obstacle. you're you're creating a false story like a false narrative about yourself like you're basically out to get yourself is what you're doing so you need to get on your own team you have to be your best ambassador because unless you believe in you like how are other people going to believe in you you've got the skills you're getting the education you've got the tools you're good looking that's a bonus. Thank you. You're gorgeous. You're smart as hell. Listen, can I just ask you personally, what is it about that idea of staying in Ohio? I'm just curious, why is that negative for you?

I wouldn't say it's so much a negative, obviously, because I don't want you to get Midwest slander here. I love the Midwest. I loved growing up in the Midwest. But I think after I left and went to undergrad in DC. I loved DC. DC was home. I think I just realized that I don't picture myself living here or working here long-term. And so I guess I just kind of had it in my head that when I came back, I was like, oh gosh, I can't get stuck here. So it's not so much a negative and it's wonderful being close to family since I was away for four years. Sometimes when I get stressed about this I'm like this is such a champagne problem like you poor thing you're in law school like so what if you don't get a job right away where you want you're still

gonna have a job and these degrees um so it's not so much a negative it's just I think I'm so very type a focused and so I just I have to have a plan of where I'm gonna go and I think that uncertainty of not in undergrad I was going to law school so that was the plan I was that was always a plan. And so I think now it's just uncomfortable to kind of sit with it. I am type A too. So I just want to speak to this really quickly. I really freaking know what you're talking about. And all I can say is you don't know where you're going to end up. And I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but you could have opportunity in San Francisco. You don't know. You could be in Chicago for two years. You're in school right now. All your only concentration is

be great today. Do things that make you proud for the hard work that you're doing. Like pat yourself on the goddamn back and apply everywhere. It might be New York. It might be DC. You know, it might be San Fran. I don't know. I keep saying San Fran for you. I don't know why, but the point is we, you just don't know. And that's a delight. God, it's so cool. I mean, that's the thing. Another thing, like you young people do not understand how nice it is to not have your life mapped out for you. You're on the precipice of the beginning of the rest of your life. This is exciting. And being uncertain about where that's going to be is also exciting. I understand you're type A and that's not exciting to you. It doesn't feel exciting. But when you look at it from like a 30,000 foot perspective, everything is about to begin

for you. You don't know who you're going to fall in love with, how many times you're going to fall in love, what kind of cities you're going to get to experience, what kind of work life you're going to get to experience. And I mean, being present like in the moment is a very hard skill to develop as a young person, I'm sure, because I didn't develop it until a few years ago. But like, if you can just be present in the uncertainty, that's a huge gift. And it will be a huge life lesson for you to understand like, okay, this is a process while you're applying to

all these things. It's okay to just give it up and give it away. You know what I mean? And let it happen the way it's supposed to happen. And things will come your way. And then you'll make decisions about where you're going to go and where you're going to live. I don't think you're going to stay in Ohio. I don't think you have to worry about that. Yeah, I don't either. I just feel like you're, you're fine. People who stay in Ohio really want to stay in Ohio. Yeah, you just go out of you're not going to be in Ohio. We're both sitting here going like, she's not gonna even be in it. You don't want to be. So you're not gonna. So just apply everywhere else, you know, and let it and let the surf take you let the currents take you to wherever that's going to be.

And then additionally, you did say something which was, you know, it just feels so uncomfortable. and that i really relate to guess what yeah it's uncomfortable there are times in life where it will just be uncomfortable and that is harder as a young person you're like wait what like how do i fix it there's no it's just that ambiguity i know is torture but you gotta reframe and see it as promise for the unknown it's a wonder god damn it's cool you know yeah we're you know once again San Francisco could be, you could live in San Francisco. She's the ambassador for San Francisco. I don't know why I'm like really selling San Francisco.

You should apply to a place like San Francisco. It's like you're looking down instead of looking up, you know? Look up. Yeah. My best friend, Liza, we always talk about it. And she's like, you know, you would never tell me, don't apply to that. You're not good enough. She's like, so why would you say that to yourself?

She's like, that's not fair. She's like, then you're kind of shortchanging yourself, which is true. Liza's correct. Where's Liza? God damn, she's lovely. You don't need to call here if you have a Liza in your life. Listen to Liza, a new podcast coming soon. She's like, it's Liza Minnelli, actually.

Oh my God, you know Liza Minnelli? So two things. I think the sending out applications is this thing that feels kind of like weird and uncomfortable and squishy and weirdly embarrassing because you think somebody's going to be reading it and like, you know, make it a numbers game. You know, the person who's reading this is going through a lot of different stuff.

And so they're not going to, unless it's totally egregious, they're not going to be looking at your resume or whatever and be like, oh my gosh, what a joke. So, you know, give yourself a number, make it kind of low and achievable, whether it's like two or three a week, just be like, I'm sending out two or three a week.

That's all I'm going to do. And like, just make it a numbers game. And after you get a certain amount of reps, it just feels like, okay, here's another one. Here's another one. And that stuff goes away. The other thing I will say, I grew up around lawyers. I know a lot of lawyers. My early career was in marketing specifically for lawyers. And I know a lot of very dumb lawyers. You are smart enough to be a lawyer. What kind of law are you practicing? So, you know, the ultimate dream I think would be, I majored in history in undergrad and focused on

holocaust studies war crimes all of that so i think the ultimate dream would be international human rights law wow even if that's something that i have to i have to work another job just to do that pro bono that's kind of ultimately where i want to end up no that's cool that's interesting i mean you could do that anywhere in the world you're terrific you're fucking great i can't wait for your career you have to get in touch with amal clooney and go do it with her in london she's a she's a human rights lawyer dc i think you got to get to dc oh yeah yeah yeah she was in dc and loved it right yeah let's get you to dc well we're gonna have our rights taken away soon anyway so you can just go straight and work within this own country you don't know yeah

perfect but anyway do you feel better do you feel like you have a better outlook on this or can start to cultivate one yes for sure and i think that's why i love your podcast so much it just everyone's questions are valid and so i think of course i think worrying about that i was again like i feel like it's a champagne problem like how dare i worry about that when i'm in like this no but don't even say that stuff to yourself you know what i mean you keep berating yourself why am i worrying i'm not good enough and now i'm mad at myself for saying i'm not good enough just go you just have to i know i'm saying you just have to it's it's a process but you have to believe in yourself you have to know that all of these steps are going to lead to something

there's no way that they won't right and just every time you have that negative thought just go uh-uh no and say the opposite thing to yourself yeah you know you are going to New York pretend you're talking to Liza you know like yeah like you wouldn't say that to fucking Liza you know so just be a friend to yourself yeah oh that's a good way of putting it yeah good okay I'm gonna get bumper stickers for that and send it to her just act like a man think like a man literally yeah well thank you for calling in yeah thank you and take care and keep us posted okay i will thank you so much have a great day cutie thanks again bye bye such a female support yes okay well we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with chelsea and lake

behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Lake Bell. We are concluding our episode today. Yes. Lake, do you have any advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea?

oh my god gosh chelsea to be honest with you i was sitting there looking at you and i was like some of your realizations sometimes i think come from plant medicine and your kind of openness in and around that and i really am curious about it and i wonder what are the prerequisites that you think one needs i've never done it and like ayahuasca and i would be curious if you could give me some advice. Do you take mushrooms ever? I microdose. Yeah, microdose mushrooms. Mushrooms, I think, are connected. You know, all those psychedelics, I think, are connected. I think plant-based medicine is a way to open up all sorts of things, right? I mean, I'm about to do a five gram sit with my friend who's going to guide me of mushrooms because the ayahuasca is a special

situation and it gives you this, you kind of look at your life outside of your life. Mushrooms, I think gives you a philosophy and you're able to open up and like get rid of judgment get rid of ego I'm always trying to get rid of my ego which is very difficult to do in this industry and business it's almost like futile it feels but I think ayahuasca for anyone who's open-minded as long as you're not on you know a bunch of antidepressants you can't do it on that stuff I think most people have a pretty eye-opening, awakening experience, and you walk away from it definitely different. I mean, ayahuasca changed my relationship with my sister forever, and it's never gone back to what it was. So I would always be an ambassador for anyone who thinks that they are open-minded enough, if you don't mind possibly vomiting. And some people shit their pants, so that's not a plus, that's a minus. But, you know, I always am an advocate for anything that's going to expand your thinking. Right.

Yeah, me too. I just I am somewhat in awe of it and excited by it and curious about it. But I'm a little scared. And so I was just that was my genuine. Yeah, I think scared is good also. You know, it's good for us to do things that scare us. It's good for us to go through that screen of fear that we all fear. Like, I don't want to be safe all the time.

There's a lot in our lives that are safe. And then there's a lot that are unknown. And it is good to walk through fear. I think when, especially when you are fearful of something, you get through it, you have a great experience. It makes you want to do more things, you know, it makes you want to understand it on a deeper level. So yeah, I'm always, I would say, yes, go for it.

The only person I've told not to do it is Juliana Margulies, because I think she's just good as, as good as she is. Like she's just set. She doesn't need anything. Okay. All right. Well, all right, guys, I will take that glass of ayahuasca. Thank you so much.

I just turned to the wall. Report back. you and the wall report back and let us know how your journey was thank you though that was very that was that was encouraging all right guys this has been so fun i just feel like this is like sisterhood oh i know that was nice we gave a lot of girls pep talks today yeah i like it thank you lake bell i'll see you soon see you soon bye so i am winding up my stand-up tour vaccinated and horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year i have my last dates coming up and these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website chelseahandler.com if

you want vaccinated and horny captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only our t-shirts for men in your family that say i'm sorry because they should be i only have a few dates left worcester mass wilkes-barre pennsylvania wilkes-barre pennsylvania there i said it and then San Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want.

Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. OK, yeah, yeah. Subscribe and and and and comment. Yeah. And follow. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at Gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and

nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube.

90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.