Life with Nat - EP159: World Mental Health Day Chat with therapist Lucy

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs, with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. Hello everybody and welcome to Life with Nat on this very lovely Monday morning.

Starting point is 00:00:49 I hope everybody's had a really fantastic weekend. And this morning I'm really, really excited because I have a loyal listener joining me. And this is the power of the pod. because Lucy has been listening for a long time and we'll ask her now but she runs her own business called Space to Talk and because it's Mental Health Day this week I wanted to celebrate that and have a chat with Lucy

Starting point is 00:01:13 so Lucy welcome Hi thank you Oh it's so nice to be able to do this so thank you for your time Oh no it's lovely I thank you so much for having me That's all right So we can go back to the beginning

Starting point is 00:01:26 before we get into the nitty gritty of it. When did you start listening? From day one. I'm a day one listener. Yeah. Yeah. And you've never missed one. Don't think so, no.

Starting point is 00:01:39 No. No. And you've always messaged me. You've always been really supportive of everything. And then obviously you've got mates with Naomi as well who helps me out and does a lot of the pod squad stuff. Yeah, we've definitely part of the little pod community for sure. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. And you came to me and said it would be really lovely to just have a little open chat about therapy and, you know, what we deem okay to talk about and not. You know, we want to keep it light, as we always do. But I think it's really important to have a chat about what you do. And I've also got some really lovely messages from some listeners that you've seen as well that I've popped on our chat. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:26 So Lucy, tell me about space to talk, counselling, what you do when you got into it, and go from there. Okay, so I run space to talk. It's a mixture of in-person and online therapy. So I'm based in Eastley, in Hampshire. And the reason that I got into therapy, and my background is initially in early years. So I was working with three and four-year-olds. How did you find that? I mean, yeah, ups and downs, definitely.

Starting point is 00:02:58 Definitely. I always think about people who do that job in kind of nurseries or reception years at primary school. And I think having one or two is enough and they're your own that you love. To go into a space with 30 of them that aren't yours and spend six or seven hours with them, I think you all deserve medals. Oh, bless you. But I think for, I mean, the setting that I was working in, there were a lot of children who also came to us with additional needs, some really quite complex. So I was working quite closely with the families.

Starting point is 00:03:34 And for me, what I was seeing was these people are coming in, speaking to specialists, going to meetings, and they're talking about their children, which obviously that's what they're going to be doing. but nobody is necessarily giving them the space to talk about themselves, share their struggles. And I was seeing more and more parents kind of loitering at the door, wanting to have those conversations. So it sparked me to go and do my training. Brilliant. And I did work for a while some days in the nursery and then some days as a therapist. I initially set up in the nursery car park in an old converted church bus.

Starting point is 00:04:16 She's a bit random. Did you really? I did, yeah, and I got a grant. Just chatting about that for a second. It's a brave thing to do. Oh, thank you. Isn't it? You're plodding along and you're doing the early year stuff

Starting point is 00:04:28 and to see something where you're working and think, actually, I feel like I could make a difference. And you actually go off to do that training. You know, it's not like you've got it already and it's sort of, it's linked up and it goes arm in arm. You know, you've made a choice to change your career. to help people, it's a really big thing to do, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, I suppose I didn't necessarily think about it like that at the time,

Starting point is 00:04:56 but certainly I looked back after doing the training because it was three years of training and it's difficult to explain to somebody who hasn't trained as a therapist what it's like. I mean, you're on your own education training journey at the moment. So you kind of understand that you do have to throw yourself into it. But because when you're training to be a therapist, you have to learn so much about yourself. So it's a really intense, you know, you have to go to therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's a lot of journaling.

Starting point is 00:05:27 There's a lot of inner stuff. So, yeah, doing that while still working. And my daughter was, I can't remember three, four at the time. Was she really goodness me? That's a lot to do. Not on your plate. Certainly was, yeah. It was a ride.

Starting point is 00:05:39 I think my house was a tip for about three years because there wasn't any time to do any housework. but as we say Lucy you can't do it all absolutely and I certainly didn't I did what I needed to yeah yeah yeah so yeah you know that was that was the the start of it all in this little converted bus got a grant and started seeing the parents so the grant was paying me and they were they were not paying anything to come and I did that for as long as the nursery wanted me and the grant was there and then COVID hit I just found out I was pregnant and was sort of forced into doing some stuff online.

Starting point is 00:06:18 Yeah. Like we all were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, it didn't work for some people, obviously, because it's, you know, it's impossible to do certain jobs online. But for you, I would imagine it was quite good, actually. And you could see quite a lot of people from home. And people felt like they could sort of just get away from the madness for a minute and sit on their own in a room and have a chat with you, which I'm sure people found really beneficial. Yeah. It was nice to be. able to just make it work because for some people it wasn't necessarily what they wanted so you know we did lots of kind of working it around you know shorter sessions sometimes phone calls sometimes camera on

Starting point is 00:06:58 sometimes not because you know during that time people were sometimes just needing short check-ins sometimes people were needed in longer sessions so it was nice to still be able to kind of have the means to support people in a way that they needed it, which was nice. Yeah, I bet within that time, you know, in the COVID times, like you say, it sounds like you were really, really good at sort of giving people what they wanted, be it 10 minutes, be it no video, be it on the phone, sort of what you want to hear when you're in a bit of a state, that, you know, there's no rules or regulations and that you can talk to someone however you want to, which I think's really, really important. I think a lot of people think

Starting point is 00:07:40 about therapy and think of sitting in a great big brown chair in some kind of stuffy office for hours on end, you know, what we kind of see on television shows or what we've been portrayed. Do you know what I mean? Definitely. Definitely. And I'm glad you've said that because I think that's a massive obstruction in my field. Because it's such a, you know, confidential, sensitive area that I work in, you can't kind of witness therapy happening. unless you are the guy or the therapist. Absolutely. And, you know, and I think it's really tricky

Starting point is 00:08:16 because obviously when TV is portraying it, they need a kind of, you know, short, sharp segment and therapy doesn't work like that because it can take so long. So it's really difficult for TV shows to portray therapists in a way that's real. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's just...

Starting point is 00:08:35 Do you know what though, Lucy? It's the same in kind of any, you know, when I was in East End. is doing, say, I don't know, a scene where something's happened and you're near the ambulance. You'd always have paramedics there going, oh, it's a bit quick. It's not quite right. But, you know, you just have to get on with it because it's telly or it's fair or more, that sort of thing. Absolutely. I had some therapy, online therapy, after my dad died, which really helped me.

Starting point is 00:09:00 I had five or six sessions, sort of 45 minutes with a lovely man. and it really, really helped me because when I lost dad a lot of my grief from losing my mum years and years ago came up which I'd not dealt with so I found it really, really helpful and I think it would just be lovely for people to hear that

Starting point is 00:09:25 I don't really talk about that often but seeing as it's a special week really in mental health I think it's so important to people to know it's fine to have a bit of therapy I think the other thing that's really important actually as we sit here is a lot of people are maybe waiting for therapy through the NHS and that could take them two to three years to get and they haven't got the money to do it privately. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:55 Which I'm again really sorry and annoyed about. How do you feel about all of that? Yeah, me too. Yeah. I think it's difficult, you know, working as a private therapy. I'm acutely aware of that all the time that, you know, there was a whole kind of section of the community that I can't see because we just can't make it work. But I think that's one of the other reasons why I wanted to come on and talk to you about

Starting point is 00:10:23 this today, because I think if we can open up any of the barriers that people have around talking, whether they're talking to their family, their friends, their therapist, whatever it is, we need to be talking. and yeah there's a lot of stigma and misconception around therapy and I think like you say a lot of people don't really know what they're walking into so they don't go because they imagine it to be something that it isn't but I think it's also about the

Starting point is 00:10:54 I'm going to use the word shame and I know it's not always shame for everybody but there is a lot of shame or difficulty or complex stuff around asking for help or saying do you know what I'm not okay I'm struggling I think really important. Let's just take it back to basics for everybody because I think people listening this morning. They may have had a crazy weekend at home. They may have had a list of things to do. Here goes with the lists again. I've made my first list this morning, by the way. Have you? God. I have because I had so many messages. Everybody makes bloody lists apart from me. So I've made my first list. Wow. What a time to be alive. Yes, so I'm making lists. What I wanted to say was people may have had a bad weekend. They might have argued with a family member or had a bit of a crap time with their partner over the weekend. And I think when they do get to work or see a mum at the school gate and they say, are you all right?

Starting point is 00:11:52 The answer is always, yeah, I'm fine. So true. Yeah, I'm fine. It's a full answer. Yeah, all good. Whereas you're right. We need to go, actually. I mean, you're not going to do it to kind of a mum

Starting point is 00:12:05 you don't really know at the school. But maybe just pick up the phone to one of your best friends or one of the mums that you do get on with at the school and say, I'm not okay. Have you got time for a cup of tea? Yeah. I'd love a chat. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:20 And you are right, the space to talk, which is such a brilliant name that you've come up with. But it is having a safe space, that little bit of time to share how you feel. It will make you feel better. So that's what this is about today, like you say, opening it up. If people can't afford therapy or don't know where to start, start by having a chat with someone or dropping someone a text and saying, have you got time for a chat?

Starting point is 00:12:49 And the other way around, we're all busy, we're all getting on with stuff. But just remember maybe that friend that you haven't spoken to for a while to check in with, you know, drop a little text, how you're doing. It's really important, isn't it, that we all look at. after each other. It's so important. Yeah. And I think the more that we can get used to being authentic and talking about these things

Starting point is 00:13:12 and normalising the fact that life is never ever going to be straightforward all the time for everyone. We're all going to have our ups and downs. You know, the more that that gives people freedom to not be on their own, to be supported. Yeah. I have to say that listening to Rob and Josh on Parenting Hell really help me. Oh, yeah. Because Rob and Josh,

Starting point is 00:13:33 talk about their kind of anxieties or just mental health stuff that they've been through. And I think for me, because I've grown up on the telly, I always, always feel like I shouldn't moan. That I'm very lucky and I know that I'm, you know, really busy and but I should always feel good, should always feel on top of the world. And actually, I've mentioned that I felt quite overwhelmed in the last few weeks but about I would say two weeks ago or so I had really bad anxiety I'd say for the first time ever

Starting point is 00:14:12 honestly I felt my chest was very tight I felt quite panicky and that anxiety that I'd not had before I didn't really know what this feeling was and I did I told Elia and Maria I phoned him I said I don't feel great I feel really anxious you know but talking about it and sharing

Starting point is 00:14:32 in it did help. Yeah. But I suppose, yeah, going back to Rob and Josh, they're very successful comedians, they're really busy, but they still talk about not feeling great all of the time. And I thought, well, that's quite nice to hear because I think when you are in the public eye and you have got a book coming out and the pod's going really well. And I am really good, but you can have bad days. You can still have bad days and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Starting point is 00:14:59 So it happens to everybody. Absolutely. It happens to us all. yeah you're right we need people in the public eye talking about that if they're able to because it does remind everybody that we're all in it the same it doesn't matter what we see you know with the rise of social media we're always constantly comparing each other you know look at so and so they've got life made so it can feel really difficult to be the one that stands up and says actually do you know what i'm not feeling like that and you know there is there's never you can never be all right all the time even if things are going well And I think that's one of the things that I love about the therapy that I do is that obviously people will come to me for a whole range of things. And they might be talking about, say, sort of childhood trauma, a bereavement, anxiety, something that's happened. But the type of therapy that I offer, which I think people don't necessarily realize or associate with therapy, is about you coming in each week and talking about whatever it is you need to talk about. about. So you say in there, you know, people might be listening to this. They've had a really

Starting point is 00:16:06 tricky weekend. They've had a, you know, bad day at work, argument with a partner. That's what my clients come and talk about. So they might have had the previous session where they've talked about, you know, something that happened when they were, I don't know, age five. But then the next week they come in and they talk about the argument that they had with their partner that morning. Yes, I understand. And I'm sure there's lots and lots of therapists out there like this now that people can get in touch with. Do you know what I mean? I think. I think it's getting better in terms of online therapy and who I saw and what you do and there is a lot out there but again it is expensive it's a lot of money for people yeah and again it's that kind

Starting point is 00:16:44 of the haves and the have-nots as my dear old dad used to say all of these things it's like if you've got the money to do it then you can do it and if you haven't oh well never mind then that is so sad which is why it is so important I think for people even to have pods to listen to or yeah The radio that they like, you know, they're connecting with people. And I mean, I get, you've heard my messages. I get a lot of people saying it brings me a lot of company and a little bit of warmth when I'm going for a hard time. And I think, well, that's just brilliant, you know.

Starting point is 00:17:17 If people can just hang on to something, which makes them feel that little bit better, every little helps, doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you're so right. It's funny, isn't it? Because we live in a world where we are almost. given all of the tools to numb ourselves there is you know with the rise of like TV subscriptions and gaming and social media where we've almost become really disconnected you know you could

Starting point is 00:17:45 not leave your house for weeks on end because you've got entertainment at your fingertips and what podcasts I think do is that they give a sense of connection they give a sense of realness you know particularly a podcast like yours because it's not just your voice and your family's voice you are hearing from your listeners, the communities and the connections and, you know, the people that you call back or you get on multiple times or, and that is for some people who aren't leaving their house regularly, who don't have that sense of connection, it's real. So that's why you get so many messages of people saying they feel like they know you or they feel like your family is their family. That's real. They're not just saying that. Yeah. And that's why, you know,

Starting point is 00:18:26 your podcast is special because it does give to so many people that sense of connection and just a reminder that they're not on their own even though you don't know what they're going through. Thank you. No, you're right. You're right. It is important

Starting point is 00:18:42 and I do love it. It is special. Should we read some of the messages out that we've received for the pod? So here's one from Joe and it says So Therapy. let's just say it literally saved me was the absolute worst at the beginning I was scared it made me feel vulnerable

Starting point is 00:19:02 but at the same time I knew it was my opportunity I was lucky to have private health insurance and I looked back and shudder to think what might have been I don't think the NHS would have helped me in the same way you do need to find the right person for you though I think that's incredibly important and I can't thank my therapist enough that's from Joe

Starting point is 00:19:23 I love that So what did you think about that? I mean, brilliant. But again, she had her private health insurance. She was a fortunate one, wasn't she? Yeah, very fortunate one. And, you know, I think, like you say, it is a bit of a lottery, isn't it? Even if you are on the waiting list for the NHS, if you get a therapist that you click with,

Starting point is 00:19:44 then that is honestly half of the story. You know, I think you can have a very skilled, very, you know, trained up therapist. But if you don't get on with them, If you don't like them, if they remind you of, you know, teacher you hated at school or you're just not going to progress in the same way. So actually finding somebody that you can sit in a space with and be vulnerable because, you know, ultimately that's what therapy is about. It's not always going to be comfortable because you've got to do the work. So you have to be able to sit with that person, whether it's for, you know, five or six sessions or five or six years. Yeah, I think Joe's spot on with that.

Starting point is 00:20:23 Finding the right one. message here from lovely Claire and Claire said hi love Lucy is fabulous looking forward to the pod she is always grateful for contacting space to talk and does always get back to you if you know you know

Starting point is 00:20:41 therapy keeps me sane and I have it as part of an MOT to keep doing what I do as a bereavement care midwife however as it's well mental health day soon I just want to give you an extra special squeeze and you've got this to all those supporting a loved one living with MH needs. Being the one watching the crisis is so hard and often isolating in its own way, not to take away anything from those who have had a crisis,

Starting point is 00:21:07 but Lucy will know what I mean. Being the carer has its own journey and I urge anyone who supports those with needs to get support and keep yourself healthy as well. You're always on edge watching to see if a dip is occurring and I've been there many times with my son and you think you can't go through it again but you do because you need to be the strong one

Starting point is 00:21:26 when a crisis dive hits and that's from lovely Claire oh Claire I love that and she's talking about the auto message that people get back if they send me a DM right that's what she means bless her yeah and that's so true

Starting point is 00:21:43 isn't it is that you know when you're going through something difficult or you're navigating your mental health that's one set of challenges but for the people around you that are attempting to support you through this can be such a mind field

Starting point is 00:22:00 and I have worked with people who have been in that situation and that feeling of desperation or inadequacy or struggling to know what is best to support their loved ones and I think I just want to say to that I mean obviously there's a whole breadth of areas that you might be supporting someone through

Starting point is 00:22:20 but if you just keep showing up in whatever way you can that's what people need and you're not always going to know you're not always going to know what to say but it's all right to say that you know I can see it's all right it's like that famous Winnie the Pooh picture

Starting point is 00:22:39 isn't it where Piglet's just sat next to him and it's quiet and that's enough just to be in a room with someone or to send them a kiss on the text message because you don't know what to say all those things are enough Yeah. And of course, the other thing, I think, when we think about mental health, it's really interesting because I've been doing my course, health and social care, and we had a whole day on mental health.

Starting point is 00:23:01 And immediately when you think mental health, you think of bad mental health. Yeah. But we played a game in the classroom and we put up a big string, sort of imagine a fishing line, washing line. And it was mental health, different things, placed them where, you know, good being at the end and bad being at the other end. and then put all the things in between and it was so helpful because actually when we talk about World Mental Health Day

Starting point is 00:23:25 or our mental health it's about just keeping your brain well and healthy isn't it? Again I think the phrase mental health for some reason

Starting point is 00:23:38 sort of sits with me in a negative manner and after doing my day with the college I feel better about it but do you agree with me do you think that's true? Definitely. Definitely. And I think, you know, often it's painted in a certain light, isn't it? It's that kind of negativity thing as, you know, that person is struggling with their mental health, whereas actually they might be doing really well with their mental health because they're really working on it. They're doing all the things that they know supports them and self-care and all of those sorts of things. So yeah, you're absolutely right. I think there is a lot of misconception, isn't there around it?

Starting point is 00:24:12 I think so, yeah. And I think the other thing is it hasn't got to be something huge. to make you feel low. Yeah. Everybody's different. We're all individual people. For some people, they can go and go and go, and it's only something catastrophically bad that's going to tip them over the edge

Starting point is 00:24:33 and make them kind of feel like they can't cope. Whereas there'll be another person that might run out of tea bags that morning, and they just can't cope with that. And that's okay as well. Yeah. And that's what I wanted to talk about that because I don't want people to think,

Starting point is 00:24:48 oh, it's got to be, This is kind of heavy and it's big stuff. It could be anything. It might just be that your daughter won't put her socks on for the fifth time this week that makes you go home and try your eyes out. Yeah. Yeah. And we all have a tipping point.

Starting point is 00:25:03 You're right. And that person who's run out of their tea bags, there might be a lot of other stuff going on. But that is, you know, the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. And I think that's, again, something that I come up against in my job all the time. of people thinking they have to be at breaking point. They have to be going through a crisis. They have to be depressed. They have to be suicidal.

Starting point is 00:25:24 To access any kind of therapy or, you know, kind of talking support. Yes. It's not the case. I mean, I know often that's the push for a lot of people. Or that's the thing that makes them decide to spend the money if it's private therapy they're accessing. Well, I was just about to say to you, right, I don't know enough about this. So, you know, people let me know. I always say this to you.

Starting point is 00:25:49 If I'm throwing things out there, you know, I'm not a professional in anything. So I'm just asking. But is it, I would imagine, is it not the case, when it comes to free therapy, that you do have to be at a certain point to say, be eligible to get it? Yeah. I would imagine that if you go to a GP and say, I'm having a bit of a, hi, yeah, you're all right. I'm having a bit of a bad dad. I'd like to chat to someone. They're going to go, well, you don't qualify.

Starting point is 00:26:16 Yeah. Yeah, you're right in many respects. I think the thing about NHS therapy is it does depend a little bit on the county or area that you live in to what your doctor can signpost you to. There are different packages, packages probably the wrong word, but different kind of options. I know where I live, you can be signed posted or referred to group therapy sessions, which are a lot more about learning about kind of anxiety, learning about coping skills, learning about,

Starting point is 00:26:50 I guess, the way that life can impact you and cause you to feel a lot of those things. Thinking about that, there are so many fantastic charities. There are so many charities and groups and phone lines. And, you know, if you are feeling low,

Starting point is 00:27:07 Emma will do it for me, I know she will, but let's try and, on the end of this pod, I'll pop up a load of bits and pieces, A bit of info regarding mental health and just maybe some pointers for people, you know, where they can go. And then I'll pop it up on a story as well, just some numbers and help lines.

Starting point is 00:27:24 But, you know, there are ways in which you could find something maybe to suit you, which won't cost you. And, you know, if you do have the money but you're busy and you feel shame, you know, pick up the phone and book something, talk to someone. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, it's important. Yeah. And I think the thing is that you won't know if therapy is right for you or that therapist is right for you unless you give it a go.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Give it go. And I think the other thing that people don't always realize is that you don't have to make a commitment to go to a therapist for a certain amount of sessions. You know, every time I meet somebody, we're going session by session. We're working on whatever it is they need to work on for as long as they want to be there. You know, so I think that's the other thing. No pressure. No pressure. There's no pressure, is there? You might find after a couple of sessions you think this person isn't for me or they're not getting me or they're just, you know, I feel like I'm wasting my time. In that case, you move on. Or you might even have two sessions with somebody. If you, you know, you could save up and think, I just want to talk to someone once or twice. And it might really help you, just those two times that you can afford even.

Starting point is 00:28:30 Yeah. So it's worth looking into. It really is. Yeah. I mean, I offer something called single session therapy, which is literally one long session. And that is often for people who are struggling with. one thing and we you know we tackle it in a slightly different way to the average therapy session so there is a bit more of a plan and we're obviously sticking to just talking about the one thing

Starting point is 00:28:52 but yeah that is for a lot of people who are trying to make sort of you know decisions that are affecting their mental health you know like do I leave the job do I relocate yeah do I move house do yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah my partner you know those sorts of things so things that are very sensitive but yeah sometimes um a few sessions is is all it takes or you know it can go the other way as well sometimes people come for what they think is going to be a few sessions and then they're still there several years later not because they necessarily need to be if we're using that way but they enjoy it they enjoy it they want to they're seeing it like a gym membership well that I was how are we I was just about to say it's like a gym membership you know you know we're all worried about our bodies and people are spending loads and loads of money on sort of the outside and what we look like but really something like that for £40 a month or whatever it is, it is like a membership to sort of keep your brain healthy, which I think is very, very beneficial. Just to add to what you said about, you know, potentially only going for a few sessions, those skills that you learn or that

Starting point is 00:29:58 information you learn about yourself is with you forever then. Yes. Yeah. I will often hear clients say, you know, I pulled out that picture that we drew in therapy or I got out my journal because I remembered that when we were doing therapy, it helped. So, yeah, because they're sort of learning, aren't they? They're learning sort of tools, tools to help them through. And once you've got those sort of little things in place, you can sort of always use them. Yeah. We've got a lovely message here from Alison.

Starting point is 00:30:32 She said, I think a pod on mental health is a great idea, so I hope you enjoy this, Alison. I have a son who is severely autistic and also has epic. I have spent years seeking ideas to support his development and give him the best chances in life. Through this, I was once offered a session with a counsellor, and it wasn't until I sat and spoke to a stranger about my fears and anxieties that I realised I needed help as much as my son. Some of the best sessions for me are when you are given practical suggestions to try and help with a problem. I like to be given coping mechanisms to help me regulate and really think through a problem instead of just panicking. best advice I was ever given you can't pour from an empty cup

Starting point is 00:31:14 if I am given respite I make time to do the simplest things like going for a walk baking or listening to a podcast to brighten my mood fresh air coffee and headphones are the perfect combo for my mental health hope the pod goes well love Alison

Starting point is 00:31:28 I love that that's so great isn't it and actually it reminds me of what we were saying at the start of this you know about how I got into it and that was exactly it is realising that actually, you know, we're sometimes we're so busy doing everything for everybody else

Starting point is 00:31:44 whether it's our children or other family members or our jobs or whatever that actually having that opportunity to sit down and for somebody to say, so what's going on with you? And then you think, yeah, what is going on with me? Yeah, open the floodgates. Yeah, and I make a point of making all of my clients

Starting point is 00:32:00 a hot drink because sometimes it is just that sitting down with that hot drink thinking, yeah, actually how am I? And, you know, it goes from there, doesn't it? Yeah, it's always a cup of tea But again, going back to normal friends, families, circles I'd said it ages ago, you know, I had this idea, but I just got too busy, but I had this idea of maybe renting out kind of the hall at school

Starting point is 00:32:25 And just having everyone, a mum group of an evening Sort of eight till nine, you know, once the kids are in bed, half eight to half nine For the local mums And we just popped in there and had a cup of tea Or a shared a glass of wine on a Wednesday night and just sat and had a little chat like a little bit of a therapy session and a few people did say to me I would so love you to do that I'd love to come but you know

Starting point is 00:32:48 never came to fruition but I do think even organising a little something with your closest sort of mates in the area I don't mean you're special people even in fact I'm talking about just the people at the school that maybe you're not overly connected to so you can actually talk about things with no judgment because sometimes if you are with your nearest and dearest, it is hard, do you know what I mean? It's hard to talk about everything all the time to your nearest and dearest. Yeah. Yeah. And it's funny you should say that because that is exactly where I want to take space to talk. You know, I'm in a position now where my youngest has just started school, so I've got a little bit of extra time. And, you know, going back to what you said

Starting point is 00:33:35 about, you know, the sort of postcode lottery and the people that can access private therapy. Because I'm so aware of that, that's exactly what I want to do, is to open, you know, start up some community groups. I don't want, I want to have any. Yeah, get in the village hall, you know, get around the village hall, say, right, this is an hour. You know, people go to Pilates, don't they have an evening or badminton club or why not sit around and have a tea and a biscuit and a chat? Yeah, it's powerful. Yeah, but bamboozles me. Bamboozles me, there's not more happening. But I would like to do it locally. I would do it tomorrow. But obviously I'm not, that's just a cup of tea in a chat. Whereas with you, it would be brilliant because you're

Starting point is 00:34:13 qualified and people know you're qualified. Yeah, but you can't downplay it. You know, a cup of tea in a chat is often where it starts and that's accessible for people, isn't it? And you know, you can leave after your cup of tea if, you know, if you're done. And so I think it is really important. And obviously, you know, if I'm going to run some groups, I will be able to kind of adding some of the kind of therapeutic knowledge but ultimately it will be about connection it will be about the meeting people and just talking openly

Starting point is 00:34:41 and I've got all sorts of ideas Oh well I wonder if we can do some sort of collab Where we get people around the country Oh this is exciting So we could get certain people from different parts of the UK To say right I'm going to go to the village hall

Starting point is 00:34:58 Or the community centre or you know that space like the school, whatever it is, and start a little group for that 40 minutes, even an hour's too long for some people. We haven't got the time. We're busy. But, you know, that 40 minutes to an hour where they start that little group up and see how it goes. Maybe we could get that going next year. Yeah, community conversations.

Starting point is 00:35:22 You can do yours. I should start mine and next year we should just do it. Even if it once a month, because again, my cup is run a full if it's so big. There's too much to do. Yeah. But wouldn't it be lovely to see if we could get a few listeners starting a little cup of tea in a chat group? I love it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:42 It'd be good, wouldn't it? Yeah, definitely. Come springtime when everybody's ready to emerge from hibernation. Yeah. That'd be perfect. I love it. What brilliant idea. How are you?

Starting point is 00:35:52 You good in yourself? Life good? Are you busy? Yeah, busy. I'm, you know, I'm very lucky that I love what I do. I love the people that I meet and you know I am a people person so for me you know sitting with my clients every week is honestly such a you know it sounds ridiculous me saying it but it is such a blessing and I learn so much from every single person I work with you know I'm very lucky got a lovely family so yeah I am doing good that is good that is really really good to hear we had a message here from Danielle from North London And she said, hey, Nat, mental health, such a big topic. I have been going through the perimenopause and the horrible anxiety it brings.

Starting point is 00:36:39 Listening to your podcast has truly helped me through some tough days. Just switching off from the news, social media, and listening to you has made me smile and laugh through those tough moments. It's also helped me realise how we all often laugh about the same things in life. I love this group and often refer to you all as my friends. So thank you. And again, I just thought I'd say thank you to Danielle because going back to what you said, I think switching off from stuff is really good.

Starting point is 00:37:07 Yeah. And I wanted to ask you a question while we're here, and this is throwing it out to everybody. What do we think about video podcasting? I'm asking a question because everything seems to sort of be going that way. Whenever I put on my Instagram, it's all studios and lights. And do you think if everything was video that you would watch the pod or I feel 80% of my listeners are walking, traveling, yeah, they're out and about and they wouldn't sit and watch. And I feel like it's more of an escapism to listen.

Starting point is 00:37:46 But I just wondered what you thought. Yeah, I think there's pros and cons, isn't there? I think initially when you said it, I thought the same. Like, you know, I'm always doing something while I'm. listening but then also would it encourage people to stop and sit down get a cup of tea and just sit and engage in a different way so maybe if there was you know the occasional one recorded that you could either watch or listen to yeah well that's it i mean you've you're always going to have the choice aren't you out of the two you know there's lots of pods that are all video but

Starting point is 00:38:21 you know i might listen to in my ears and not watch so yeah i suppose it gives people the choice that's the thing, isn't it? But yeah, just a little thought of mine. Just throwing it out there. I think you'll always get some people that are up for that because they're maybe used to YouTube or they watch, you know, other podcasts. But I think you'll also get plenty of people that, like the old school way. Yeah, see, I think it's because I'm old-fashioned.

Starting point is 00:38:46 I don't watch YouTube really or... No, I don't. I mean, I don't think I would ever... I love the radio. You know, I still put the radio on on a Saturday night and listen to Lisa Tar, because I love her. You know, all those things. I do like my things in my ears. But yeah, the world is changing. I do understand. It's all good. We've got a lovely message here from Daniela. She's an Italian Scousa fan. She always signs off. And she said, hey, Nat, what a great

Starting point is 00:39:16 touch to dedicate an ep on mental health. Your pod itself is a way for people to feel like they belong. I'm a true advocate of mental health after experiencing really high levels of stress and anxiety due to an impossibly demanding job, lockdown and the loss of my mum. I reached breaking point. I had headaches so severe that my face would go numb. It was a scary time in my life but I wasn't going to let it beat me. I did a good nine months of therapy combined with acupuncture and reflexology. I regained control of my life and I've never looked back. I would have loved to have sent a voice note but I'm full of cold, been loving the pod since day one and look forward to meeting you in October. So thank you so much for sharing that, Daniela. Really,

Starting point is 00:39:59 really brave. And it's brave to chuck a message out there about your deepest, darkest things that have happened to you. And I do appreciate it. I really do. Definitely. Yeah. And I think what Daniela has kind of said there is something else that I think is really important about kind of the foundation of therapy really being about kind of self-connection. It's about getting to know yourself and you know we get into these kind of patterns and we repeat these cycles and these you know the way that we see ourselves or we assume other people see us and so I think that's the other thing is that you know I often talk with my clients about therapy holding a mirror up to you and showing you yeah you're getting you to understand that side of things so I think actually yeah

Starting point is 00:40:41 if you're in a position to have some way of doing that you know and I think you're one of your other previous voice notes they were talking about kind of you know going out for a walk baking doing those things that you like anything where you're having some time for you and you're very aware that it's intentional and it's purposeful and yeah you could be doing probably 100 things but you are choosing to bake that cake or sit and read that book or whatever it is yes that's a connection to you and that's so powerful and we we don't do enough of that you know no we don't do enough of it yeah we don't do enough of it and it's just difficult to fit it all in And everybody listening will, I know, I just think life is so busy for everybody.

Starting point is 00:41:25 I saw something yesterday online, again, so ironic because I was sat on Instagram. It was something along the lines of we used to make years ago, hundreds of years ago, 5,000 choices a day. Now we make 35,000 choices, who we're getting back to, what email, but all technological stuff really. But our brains are tired. We're tired as a generation, I think. So tired, yeah. And I think the amount of kind of screen time that we're having, our brains were not designed to watch a terrible news story online and then straightaway switch to a funny meme, to a work email and back again.

Starting point is 00:42:07 So no wonder our brains are feeling so tired because we're not having the time to process and talk about all of the content that we're consuming. It's so true And those little pockets of things that we may see Are stuck within the brain And maybe that's, you know I just like you say I think we're quite a tired lot Yeah

Starting point is 00:42:29 I would say between the ages and sort of 30, 50 And then obviously I'm not even going to go into You know, 20s teenagers And what they have to deal with in this day and age Because it's crazy But I suppose look The reason for today's pod Was to have a chat

Starting point is 00:42:44 Thank you for what you do really lovely to meet you well I'm going to meet you and give you a cuddle soon I can't wait in Crawley aren't I which would be brilliant

Starting point is 00:42:54 so that's brilliant but today was about opening up the conversation for you to be in the car or on your walk or wherever you listen doing your cleaning and just think

Starting point is 00:43:06 oh do you know what I am going to give someone a ring and I'm going to tell them how I'm feeling and if we can do that today for even one person then the pod was a good idea.

Starting point is 00:43:19 Definitely. And can I just add to that that if anybody has got any questions about therapy, you know, anything you want to know or any worries that you've got or any, you know, assumptions that you make about it, I'm on Instagram. Yep.

Starting point is 00:43:34 Drop me a DM and I will happily have a chat with you or answer your questions because I think, see this is an opportunity to find out whatever it is that you want to know. know, and even if that starts you on your journey and you don't actually access therapy for another, you know, six months, however long, asking questions, getting us talking, normalising the fact that people are going to therapy for all sorts of reasons. They're talking to their friends and family. So if anybody wants to do that, please do reach out. Don't sit there and, you

Starting point is 00:44:06 know, worry about it and not go when we could maybe make that more possible for you. Oh, that's really brilliant. Yeah. And obviously all your details will be on the pod at the end of the app on Spotify or Apple you know all the details there and obviously we'll do a post once this is out so it'll be brilliant and I'll put everything up there but Lucy thank you so much I hope you've enjoyed being on oh I've loved it thank you so much for having me oh no it's a pleasure it's an absolute pleasure and on this Monday morning I have to tell you it is publication week for me my book is out on Thursday which would have been my mum's birthday, which feels like a really weird nod of mummy saying, I'm proud of you. When the book

Starting point is 00:44:51 people said it's the 9th of October, I thought, wow, that's so weird. So yeah, book is out this week. It's a super busy one. Lots of different things to be getting on with. But I thought this is a really lovely, grounded episode to start the week for everybody. No matter what you're doing this week, where you are, what you've got to take on, give yourself some time. Breathe. Have a little chat with people. And yeah, try and enjoy your week and be grateful for everything you have. And on that note, I shall speak to you on Thursday. Thank you, Lucy. Thank you. See you later. Bye. Bye, everyone. Bye.

Life with Nat - EP159: World Mental Health Day Chat with therapist Lucy

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