Life with Nat - EP183: Nat's Chats #6 & Clapham Live - Merry Christmas!

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

The live show bit of this ep contains a little Christmas Magic spoiler, and some very adult humour, so avoid listening to that bit with kids. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! We hope you're having a suitably lovely day. Nat's doing some solo chat, listening to some messages, and then we've got a lovely big chunk of the Clapham Live show for you all! Enjoy! xx Please subscribe, follow, and leave a review. xxx You can find us in all places here; ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podfollow.com/lifewithnat/view⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ We're on Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/lifewithnatpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get the merch!: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifewithnat.shop/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Nat's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@natcass1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Neice's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@natsnieces⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tony's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tonycass68⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Linny's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@auntielinny.lwn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ THE BIG CHRISTMAS LIVE SHOW 7th December ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- claphamgrand.com/event/live-with-nat-at-christmas/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Book Club: November's book - All Together for Christmas by Sarah Morgan & December's book (optional extra for the speedy readers) - A Heart for Christmas: Advent Romance by Sophie Jomain Nat’s solo chats - any rants always welcome!  Scraping the Barrel - SCAN AND SHOP VIRGIN NO LONGER! Bonce vs list! - Are you a list maker? Always collecting for Nostalgia Fest! What’s brewing with the Nieces - are we all skipping the end of summer, all of autumn and going straight to Christmas - Nat’s door is! Group chat ettiquette & pranks. Nice Lorraines… get in touch! Advent calendars & gift recommendations v. welcome! Things we’re nagging with Linny about - More lateness stories and some cleaning questions, please! The Tony talks chatter - Keep your DIY questions coming, also open to some saucy two paragraph stories for Tony to read out at the Southend show - think cheeky postcards (both in tone and length)! Can we make Tony an influencer and get him any freebies?  TBC Cultural differences ep - inspired by Linny’s Mediterranean heritage and her & Ellia's Italian trip, we'd love to hear about the cultural differences you've noticed between the UK and basically ANYWHERE else!  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody. Just a quick Christmas magic warning for the live show section. Skip listening to that bit with the kids. Thanks a lot. Merry, Merry Christmas to all of my listeners. Christmas Day, I hope you're all of my listeners. Christmas Day. up early with a little Bailey's coffee or perhaps a nice cup of tea, lighting a candle, chaos going

on, kids everywhere. Perhaps it's really quiet and you're just you and your partner, your dogs. Whatever you're doing this morning, I really, really hope that you're calm, you're happy and that you can just relax today. This is my favourite day of the year, apart from yesterday being Christmas Eve. And it's really a pleasure that it's fallen on a Thursday. And I never, ever want to let you down. So I have put out a very special Christmas Day episode. And you're going to hear snippets from the live show in Clapham. So I hope you really enjoy those. Lovely Emma, as a piece together for me, a little treat for all of you that couldn't come. And I hope you really enjoy it. I've had a few beautiful messages that I wanted to play this morning, just before we

get on with our Christmas. Debbie from Wembley said, I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope you have a wonderful time and a happy new year. So thank you, Debbie, for that. Lots of people have sent me at the board, which says, off my tits on M&S picky bits. I must confess that lovely Camilla, long-time listener, has actually bought me one. So for all of you saying, need this, I have it. And it'll be out today. I shall chuck a bit of cheese on there from M&S and have a great time. So thank you, especially Christine from Ramsgate, who was the last person to send it to me. So thank you. I had a lovely, lovely message from Laura, British Kiwi. And she said, I'm so sad I can't see you live, but that's the problem with living on the opposite side of the

world in New Zealand, still loving every single pod and really appreciate how real you all are, wishing you all a very merry Christmas and only the best things that life can offer for 2026 so thank you for that laura right back at you right back to everyone actually um but i will be doing obviously a little rundown of christmas and what we've all been up to as a family i've got tony coming today with his family which will be lovely so you know tony well it'll be a great day i'm going to start getting the old uh veg peeled turkey on potatoes were done yesterday so that was good so yeah in for a cracker lovely helen uh from where where she went to the palladium pantomime and she told me it was so good we did that it is absolutely amazing i've never

been to the pantomime um at the palladium which is quite ridiculous but it was so camp so brilliant julian clary katherine tate everyone in it was absolutely outstanding and i just had we had the best night as a family of four. It was a really lovely thing to do and I think I'm going to start making that a little tradition. But lovely to hear from you, Helen, and you have a wonderful Christmas also. Someone said, when is the book club coming back? I miss it. It's not gone anywhere. It's just that I'm doing a little double whammy for both books to let you into a little secret. I'm about halfway through the second book. So I've really got to crack on with it and get a nice book club episode out to you for both books but i promise i will liz that's liz from

rochford jemma said emm and s cherry liqueurs thank you so much for bringing them into my life a piece of bliss in the mouth i've already done three boxes not on my own but yeah there's a few left i also love the um cosco tiny little bottles you know they all look like alcohol bottles um um and they go in lovely, beautiful chocolates with a little bit of liqueuring. They're nice as well. But yeah, the cherry liqueurs from M&S are my favourite. Have a little listen to this. Hi, Matt.

Just a quick message ahead of Christmas. Just want to say thank you to you and your family, your amazing family, for letting us into the world of the pod. I mean this year's I'm insane for you and yeah it brightens up all our days when we're feeling rubbish

or you know just gives us that little boost and obviously the live show you's done this year we're amazing but yeah wishing you all a very merry Christmas and can't wait to see you all in a new year

sending loads of love Mattie from London love back to you Mattie thank you so so much I'm so pleased for everybody who's been to the live shows this year. There are lots more next year. Let's get those up for you actually and have a little go through. Give me a sec. It's Christmas Day, do you know what I mean? Right. The 7th of February,

I'm in Brighton at the Forge. The 8th of Feb, I'm in Newcastle-a-Pontane. I don't know why I do accents. That's at the stand. 25th of Feb, Folkston, at the quarter house. 28th of Feb, Colchester Arts Centre, the 7th of March, Manchester Fairfield Social Club, 22nd of March, Leeds, the wardrobe, and the 29th of March, Bristol, the Gaff. Going to be in the Gaff, aren't I? So have a little look. Tickets are available at off-the-curb.com.uk. And there's a link in my bio on Instagram. So please have a little butcher's and get those sorted.

Between Christmas, between Christmas, between today and New Year, get your tickets booked. Get some people together and come and see me. It is a good laugh. Now something I wanted to touch on, which I really, really loved, was a message from Natalie. And as you know, I don't shy away from subjects that may be difficult, but I think are important at this time of you especially. And Natalie just said she was having a bit of a moment. and she said if she's honest they're quite frequent at this time of year and she said would you ever consider talking about the grief you feel at the life you don't

have now natalie couldn't have children and she's 45 and it's starting to hit her and she thinks it'll be our biggest regret and obviously at this time of year you have a lot of magic and it's all about the children so i just wanted to just say that my faults are with everybody who feels like Natalie because I get it I'm not in that position I've been very lucky but if today you think I do wish I had children or maybe you're missing somebody as I always say I'm not with Linney but I know Linny would agree if she was here but I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and it isn't all roses all the time and some people might not be having the best day today but my thoughts are with you here's a little voice note good morning nat and nieces and

mark and tony and lini one for all of you i hope you all have all have the most fantastic christmas i'm sure it's just going to be a blast with you all um and yes thank you for keeping uh entertained and a part of your lives for the whole of 2025 because of our whole big proper year it's just been fantastic getting to know you all and feel very, very privileged that you are

a show in your lives with us. Thank you so much. Have a great, great Christmas and looking forward to the new year and to all your new pods and everything that's going on with you. Have a great time. Bye.

Thank you so much. I love that. Absolutely brilliant. Done it again because, you know, I'm your best friend and you know who I am just by my voice, of course. It's Sean from New Addington. Take care. Bye-bye. Thank you, Sean. I do know your voice, actually, because she sent me lots of messages, which is brilliant. So thank you for that.

To all of you, I've got loads of messages on here, but to all of you, please now kick back and relax. Get the dinner on. Get some presents opened. Have a little bucks fizz. Do what makes you happy. perhaps you're going to go for a lovely walk maybe you'll pop over the pub like Tony will whatever you do today enjoy yourselves and kick back

and have a little listen to clapham a little bit of the live show enjoy wow how beautiful is this how beautiful is this It's a gorgeous, gorgeous theatre, isn't it?

It's fabulous. How are you both feeling sitting out here? Oh, just... Yeah, it's just like any other Sunday, really, in it, you know? In all series, we have a chat, you come round to mine, we've got the podcast studio at home, and obviously that is to thousands of people, don't get me wrong. Yeah.

But being in front of a crowd like this on a Sunday afternoon is a bit different to your day jobs, isn't it? Well, I was a little bit different, yeah. I mean, what were you doing on Friday? for instance. I was up on a scaffold. And you're an estate agent manager? I mean, it's... Taking on beautiful properties. But this is like

an ordinary Sunday for me at home, with everyone over for a bit of long. Well, that is true. You have about these numbers, don't you? Yes, kind of the norm. How are we prepped for Christmas? Oh yeah, I'm all sorted, me. I don't do soddle. I mean, I've got a problem this year because we're renovating at home. So as well as me doing a

building stuff in the week. I'm renovating at home. So we haven't got room for a Christmas tree. Ah. Come on, guys. I know it's not a pant-o, but help it out. Oh. It is pantos season. So what we're going to do, we've got a really large evergreen bush at the bottom of the patio, and we're going to decorate it. I love it. We're going to decorate our bush. That's what we're going to do.

Take it off. Take it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, celebrating the bush this year, why not? Didn't even mean that, reference. It was a highlight of my year, playing bush, so why not? How of the fuck no one got it was you? I've got no idea. No, I know.

Like the most distinguishable voice in the world ever. Yeah, you're right, but I think a lot of people thought Morgana Robinson. Because she did all the... Just doing this now, I know. So I got away with it for quite a few weeks, which was very good. So what are you putting on your bush? Oh, that's a very personal question So, it's all right, we're amongst friends

We bought some festoon lights So we're going to light it all up And we've got some big baubles And we're going to try and find some candy canes Oh, lovely That would look really, really nice It'll be shit on Christmas morning But I don't care

It's fine, isn't it? It'll piss down with rain The lights won't work, that's right, yeah Have a go Talking of lights, you'd be proud to meet home Last weekend I thought, I want some outside lights Yeah. So I thought, I can do this.

So I bought all the hooks, bought the lights, got the old step ladder out. You didn't get up a ladder, did you? On my own. Really? This is a surprise. And guess what your brother was doing? He was watching. Oh, I can hear him up.

I can hear him laughing. Can I just say, we have got some family in tonight. I do want to say, it's so lovely. Pod family here, but all of our family are also here. So big welcome to Big Brother Dave up there. We got Dominic. Dominic, who you heard for the marathon episode, who run the marathon

as well, and his wife, we have Jack. It's lovely to have everyone in, isn't it? Evie and Toby up there? Yeah, where's Eve? She is? Lovely Evie, my niece, so great. And Toby? I want to finish my story. Toby said, I want to finish my story, so I'm up there.

Honestly, I can't get a word in it, right? So I'm up there putting the lights up and your brother's sort of loitering around me. I said, could you sort of just hold me, please? I am of an age guys and I'm really proud of myself and he's like to go and he's gone to me can I leave you now I've got to go and watch the match the neighbours had to come out and help me

you did it on your own though I would never ever get up a ladder we had a question didn't we'd have a day about that about ladders yeah about shall I do my own lights and and what did you say I said oh no I can if you don't if you've never been up a ladder do not get up one Christmas and start putting lights all around your chimney no there's a trip to A&E if I've ever seen one Yeah, I didn't quite go that high.

No, and I just think, I know people want it to look like home alone, but you don't want to kill yourself before Christmas, do you? No, I do not, no. You can put nice lights in the windows we were saying, didn't we? Yeah, little bits and pieces sort of from the inside to make it look nice, even upstairs. I just do what I do and don't bother. It's just easier. You're so miserable, you know, at times.

I am. You're going to be miserable all afternoon? Probably. Funeral face is out again. You know what I was said before, you do know what one of my nicknames is, didn't you? Well. Funeral face. It's true.

and baboon ass as well is another one so if anyone come into the meet and greet I'll show you personally that's a surprise yeah why are you called for you in my face because my natural demeanour is one of quite serious so I came down the other day and Evie was having her breakfast and she sort of looked at me and said you're right dad

and I said yeah she went very serious face and that's just my natural face yeah resting face yeah so one of my best friends Sue's, they won't find his body ever again but he started the funeral face thing and, yeah, and it's stuck really. Yeah. So there we go. All right. I don't mind it now.

Cheer yourself up maybe in the second half, who knows? Yeah, I'll try and give it a go. Anyway, that's, yeah. There you go. Sorry, can we hurry up? I've got some skirting balls to finish at home. Yeah, yeah, no, we won't be long. We won't be long. Did you see me on the wheel last night? Yeah.

Hey? Don't she look lovely in pink? Well, Mark didn't think so. He said I looked like Lady Panette. Delopi. I thought I quite like, Maria got me that. She styled it all for me and I felt really like a million dollars.

And you didn't look lovely. Bit disappointed you didn't get your parents in question, right? Oh no, but come on. Be honest. You've got a 15 year old daughter. You're not getting out of this one. I know, but what's the most popular word of

2025? Sigma, Skibody, Slay. And what was the other? I can't even remember the other one. I didn't know, any of them. What was it? No, that should have been on it at 6.7 and it wasn't.

I was searching for it. That wasn't there. But I got the crisp question, right? Which was quite good. What was the crisp? What was that? Cheese and onion. The most popular flavour.

Oh, cheese and onion? And I beat Dermot O'Leary, which I was well pleased about. So he's got a badge for being really good. So it was quite good. But talking of parenting and obviously doing that, I thought it would be really lovely to just have a chat about raising kids I know it's Christmas afternoon

but we've got plenty of that to come we've all got different ages and different stages is that you Eliza? Was that Eliza? Is that my 15 year old? But we have all got different ages, different stages and coming up to this time of year

and, you know, no one really I hope no one else believes in the room. No believers, have we? have we got oh a few oh well I'm fucking it for you but you know

it is hard and I do get a lot of messages on the pod regarding keeping the magic of Christmas you know

finding that magic when your children are growing up and it's so heartbreaking heart wrenching like how do you keep it up and I just wonder

what happened with yours what do I do I mean I've got three adult children and five grandchildren so I'm called Linnie eight stockings. So my three still believe. Yeah. And they're in their full 30s. Yes, very good. Maria would kill you there. You nearly said 40s. She's going to

kill you in a minute. But yeah, no, you keep it up with stockings and all that sort of thing. But what did you do in your house? Do you remember that sort of time of them, you know? What, the kids you mean? Yeah, yeah. I just remember wine-fueled Christmas Eve trying to put together various toys and I just yeah like four o'clock in the morning still trying to put a noddy car together and I couldn't get the wheels on and stuff like that

that's what really it was great when I got older because it was phones and iPads it was easy but you know all that crap they want when they're young oh my God you can't leave it in the boxes some of it you've got to if you've bought them a car you've got to make the car or if you bought them a princess castle yeah

can't leave it in the box you've got to get it out of you sort of fix it all up it's really funny you should say that you know because I remember we got a pool table. One of those pool tables, hockey table things. It was so heavy. Mark put it all together when we tried to move it and we both broke a toe.

I swear to you, this fucking table, it was not the highlight of Christmas Eve, shall I say. But parenting, I mean, we've all lost a parent as well. Yes. Which, I'm not bringing the mood down. We do grief pods. It's our highlight, isn't it? of the year. They go down so well

because you're bringing people comfort. It's not to sit here and cry and moan and say poor me but we are all affected by losing people, losing animals, close friends, loved ones and we love doing the grief pods, don't we darling? Well we've had such

amazing response from our grief pods and it means the world to us doesn't it? It really does. Because we feel like we're giving something back from a experience that we've had losing our parents so young our mums in particular so we're so happy

and happy is the right word because it doesn't have to be a morbid subject it's good to talk it's good to know that you're not on your own and we love the fact that you voice note you messaging it's truly overwhelming it really is and to share that and the stories you give us

well that's the same as this in the whole afternoon none of this would not happen without you guys because it's such a listener based pod and it's your ideas and your stories and honestly it's just amazing isn't it so what I did want to do some of you in the audience and we've got together some pictures as well we're just going to play a really special little montage of picks so we can all sit here with a little warm smile and have a little think about the people we've lost but the people we love

but with a warm smile so let's have a little look at this there we go how you all liked it so special thank you so much for sending all those in and it is it's important it's important to have a little think and just remember people but talking of remembering that picture there

well we had a debate Linda and I I thought it was Nanny Dole's 80th but I think Linda's pretty right it was mum and dad's 25th wedding anniversary yeah yeah but we've had some amazing Christmases haven't we yeah we have growing up i mean i think i love Christmas the most you do i love it the most because of how you're brought up and how those Christmases were for you growing up and then i think you do bring that on and you take that down the line and it's not really about believing or not i suppose going back to what i was saying

it's about having a loving warm household spending time with the people you love and you take that forward and you take that with you. I agree, yeah. I think Christmas is wonderful until you start having to pay for it. Had to put a dana on it, didn't it? A few more face strikes. No, you're right though. No, yeah, it was at the magic of Christmas stop for me when I used to have to look at the bills and think, oh my God. Yeah. No, that's not true actually. No, it's a wonderful time. It becomes more expensive as the old grandkids come along. Thanks, Lynn, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Welcome. yeah thankfully at the moment we're not in that territory no so yeah but we've got that to come but it's interesting you talk about um you know what do you remember as a kid at christmas and stuff

and talking about the grief thing so mummy had um i think it was seven great uncles so we had seven great uncles yeah they were all the drow family and for some reason and i don't know if it's just me looking back and associating it incorrectly but they always seem to pass away near Christmas. Lovely. Honestly, that phone would ring and then someone

had answered it and you'd say, oh my God and you'd think, well, another one's gone. They were like skittles. No, it's true. And it's funny that I said this to David the other day and he doesn't remember it. So obviously it strikes a call with me

but not with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But it is something Stuck in your memory. And also, like, my first proper experience of grief, if you like, was when Dad's Dad died. So my granddad on Dad's side passed away. I think that was November. So that was all the way through Christmas.

Yeah. No, it can. It can be sad. It can be sad. But have we got any happy memories? Because fuck me. Everyone's going to go in a minute. Merry Christmas all. you got a funny story for me time well I'll be as quick as I can sorry right

in your own time so we um in the 1970s when we were growing up we you know we used to love all the anticipation of Christmas we used to love you know obviously the presents getting up at one o'clock in the morning being told to go back to bed which happened quite regularly and one year we got a chemistry set all right so and when I say a chemistry set this was actual test tubes, glass test tubes, full of stuff. And it was about 40 different things in there. And as well as that, it actually came with a punts and burner. And you put mephalated spirits in this little glass bunsen burner.

The 70s were great, were they. I was about nine. Like health and safety did not exist. And so one day I thought, oh, I'll have a look at this. So I opened it up. And there's all the instructions. and I thought, fuck that, I'm not least, we're not going to read any of that. And I thought, well, I just have a go, and got the Bunsen burner, going,

Nick's one of Mum's lighters and got, this is in our bedroom, by the way. This is not in controlled environments in a laboratory. Is that why you had a fire extinguisher in your bedroom when you were older then? No, that was a weapon, Lynn. So anyway, I decided to mix up loads of stuff, because you're supposed to do it in certain ways so it changes colour. Of course you are, yeah. It goes pop or whatever.

So I mixed up all this stuff, and I'm heating it up. like this and all of a sudden it's just fucking exploded it's gone bang and all this brown stuff went everywhere it went all over it went all over the bed spread but worse for it went all over the ceiling oh dear so we had polystyrene tiles and we had all these brown spots all over the ceiling so I thought shit what do I do so I put it all away stuck it under the bed and then just sort like like this sort of sat there opened over the notice and when dad got home from work he come in and he looks at the ceiling and he said Liza that fucking ceiling

leaking again and for the next two years he thought that our roof was leaking because because of these brown stains on the ceiling and that's true and I only told him that a week before he died as well and he laughed and we had some lovely boxing days as well didn't we? That was sort of our day wasn't it wasn't spent Christmas day together it was our boxing day but I always remember being little and that was my highlight because I knew you were coming up and seeing all the kids. But we've got no photos from those days. Because we didn't have mobile phones in those days.

So it was such an effort to get a camera. No, it wasn't that. Mummy, our mum did not like photos. She was camera shy. I'll never forget that. And I will say that today. I don't care if you don't like photos. Take as many photos because they're not for you.

You don't need to look at them. It's very selfish, not even photos, I would say. My message. Yeah, very true. Like, I need to tell my shavanagh, because she's the same. Yeah, you've got to. She doesn't like photos either. You have to.

Well, it's not around to me, is it? Well, you've got to just take loads of photos. Oh, right, okay. It's very important. All right. I do. I'll take loads of photos of things like bridges and ceilings and stuff, but not of people. Just take some of your wife, Tone.

I think it would be a good idea. Okay. Right, on that note, I'm going to cheers you. I'm going to say, I will. see you in the second half because I have to get on a few other people. So please could you give a round of applause to my brother and sister-in-law who aren't married? It's confusing isn't it? Thank you darling. See you in a min. You ready for some chaos? Please welcome Ells Bells, Ro Ro, and Mark.

Extra Fizz here. How we doing? What's the matter with you? What are you puffing for? It's just a little bit weirdness for me. Just don't look out, don't look out. As soon as he comes out, he's having them puffing. He's been playing with,

the old electric sockets with what he's had his fingers in a socket your hair lovely no I was sweating backstage I just put my jumper on he was doing star jumps

was you psyching yourself up he's been called as a cucumber so for anyone who hasn't listened to the pod Elliot and Maria are my nieces so that's Linnie's daughters and this one I am engaged to. Don't whoop, it's not new.

We just haven't bothered to get married yet. Keeping my options open. You are very warm, but I like the jumper. Thank you. Nice bit of Christmas. I mean, yeah, it's for wild. He's been smarter on a Tuesday night when we've gone round there for a takeaway.

Come down in his shirt and his shoes, honestly. It's a Christmas show. I thought I'd wear a Christmas jumper. Hmm. Thank you. He has come down in a shirt, though. However, go on. Where the fuck is your bowl of fruit to whack on the head?

Old Carma brand up. She has to say something. You know why? Because she hasn't bought the dress. She hasn't picked the dress. But no, actually, I did put it on. And I thought, no, it's my shirt. I'm going to wear what I want to wear.

And then I looked, and I thought, yeah, lovely. I looked like a toilet roll holder. But I like it. No, it's lovely and you can use it for strictly. I've been there, done that, shame, isn't it? Have you seen what she's wearing? Well, all I'm going to say is how you can comment on what I'm wearing. You've got some...

Leadnhodden. Only, only, only, oh, hey, he. What the fuck are those shorts? I thought it was October. What does October mean? October Fest. I don't know what that is. I'm sorry.

The German? You wear the Leaderhausen? Mel, where's my friend Mel? She'll know. And the shoes as well. Fluffy? No, they're very nice. They're lovely. I mean, are you having a laugh? I know.

No, you look beautiful. Thank you. No, you do. So do you look lovely. So do you look lovely as well. No, you do. You look absolutely cracking to be fair. Just got a little glittered bow to keep up with the festivities.

Well, lovely. A little bit of understated. I mean, Marie is actually really not festive at all. Okay, can we, it's fine. I bought two dresses. They were shit, so I've had to wear this. Fair enough. I mean, it's better than what I'm.

I looked like earlier, so... True. True, true. Yeah, not worried about that. We have got a lovely question, actually, from Dawn. Hello, Dawn, from Southampton. Yeah, I know, I just thought that. I thought, hello, Dawn, there could be fucking ten Dorns, couldn't they?

Anyway, Dawn from Southampton has asked, what's the best or worst present you've ever received? Which I really liked, really, really liked. so I've prepped for it. Oh, that's out of order. Why? Why have you been able to prep, and we haven't? Well, you know, it's just, it's my show, isn't it?

Shut up, Els. Would you like to get out the best present that I've ever bought you? Come on. Okay, yeah. This is scary. Why are you scared? Come on. Eli is scared about this.

Best present I've ever bought him. A good wrapping, do you not think? Yeah. Just open. the present, baby. We haven't got long. Oh, it's not this year's present. People at the back can't see this. Okay. So explain what I'm doing. He's unwrapping a gift.

This is like that audio description you do for the video podcast. Just open the present. Keep describing one doing. Is this a new thing? Does he know what this is? No, it's not new. No, it's not new. It's not new. It's not new. I wish it was. It would be nice because it's Christmas to wrap it up. I've probably fucked it. It's not, it's not been new pretty often. It would have been better.

You're disgusting. You're disgusting. I meant I shouldn't have wrapped it up. I'm so sorry. Can I touch this? Just open it, please. I feel like I need to wait for the gloves to open this. Have you gone?

Oh, I love it when you go. There's nothing better than laughing, is there? That's why I held it for you in the first. place, sweetheart. I'm going to have to leave because this is getting on my nerves. You know that Eliza's up there. She's fine. She's 15.

Eliza, leave now. They're gross. No one can see what it is up there. So that is Mark's best present and it is a door stopper. Wow. And I put it in his stock in one year and he said it was the best present

we'd ever bought him. Um, reason being, obviously, it's just nice to know you're going to have no interruptions. Uh, so you were on the right lines. You're on the right lines, but not that disgusting, but it's true. Now, honestly, if you want to, you know, get a good present. Get a lock on your door. No, I would never have a lock. Wouldn't do that.

Don't want to lock. I heard Eliza then. What did you say, sweetheart? This is terrible. You're all grown up now. You think you're all grown up? You can deal with this, can't you? But it's a great present. It's a great present. You can put it under the door. No, it's mums. You know what it's like? Mum load. You never switch off, do you? So if you have one of them, everyone asleep, but it goes under the door, a bit of double protection if you want to have a nice evening. You lot of filth, I've had it. This is wild. So get your...

So this is my best present. Sorry, this is the worst present I've ever received from Mark. You never said that at the time. The worst present. Maria, over to you. Under commentary on this one. Have you fucked it? As a family, I thought we.

we were better than this. We're quite a respectable family. The ones that aren't in the show probably won't talk to us again. And that's why they don't do the pod because they're the respectable ones. When I saw this in my stocking, I was quite worried.

On Christmas morning in front of the children, I thought, oh, good, good grief, what is it? However, would you like? I'm alright, thank you. A knife sharpener. Really? Now that is boring, isn't it? It was better than a doorstop.

Oh. No! I know that voice. Not in a castle now, honey. But yeah, that was my... That was the worst and best. You guys? I know I've said this before

but I think one of the worst presents it was actually a joint one for me and Jack that you gifted us and what's the shame is you always get excited for your presents they're always you know so really nice yeah you know fun you know proper gift sorry from Natalie

yeah okay and Uncle Mark yeah and Uncle Mark that's why I said oh yeah he does bunder on the shopping Um, cutlery A cutlery set She got me cutlery before as well I was devastated Okay

I'm going to say one thing about that 100% You had sent me a message saying We need cutlery I would have not I would have not gone out And just thought I know what I'll do I'll get some cutlery for someone

I think Maria might say Oh she need some cutlery The worst bit was is that it was like A set of just sick So I had to go and buy another one because six is never enough. Oh well I'm so sorry so yeah pretty shit that what was yours then? Well I don't know it's interesting so I got this I thought oh lovely a lipstick and then it was my mother-in-law she said no if you oh there's a light there's a light on she'd press the button I thought oh my god she's got me a vibrator

Sorry, Dad, sorry, Dad. No, it's not. Rape alarm. Rape alarm. Perfect. I think that's a great present. Would you like one of those? I'm just asking, just for notes.

I don't think I need one. That one really comes near me, to be honest. I think I'm all right. I'm good. Apart from you, which is why I love you, you know. That's where we are. I'm sorry. You too, man.

Gross. Something I wanted to talk about very quickly. It's been bugging me, actually. This week, Eliza and I, I took her to school. So we were in the car, got heart Christmas on, as you do it, this time of year. And I saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus was on. And when it finished, Eliza turned to me and she said, Mum, that's a very weird song, isn't it?

And I thought we could just go through it together. because thinking about it, it is quite strange. Yeah, I turn it off. Do you? Yeah, because I'm like, it's weird. I've never listened to the whole song, so enlighten me. Well, I'm not going through the whole thing, but I'm just going to pick out the highlights.

Perhaps we can discuss. Perfect. Because I think it's quite a topic. So it starts with, wow, I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep downstairs. to have a peep, she thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast

to sleep. Yeah, it's weird. They need a doorstopper. They need a doorstopper. Yeah, but that is weird. But it's strange, isn't it? It's bad parenting that. That's a bit odd, yeah. So that's how it starts the song. I mean, we've all been there.

We have all been there. That's why we got the doorstopper. Goes on to, I saw Mummy, tickle Santa Claus. underneath his beard so snowy white now hold on can I just ask a question

is she a single mum I don't know where's the dad is he upstairs we're not sure we're not sure full on affair but what I wanted to talk about

what I wanted to talk about with the beard and seeing mummy tickle Santa Claus's beard underneath his beard. Was it his balsack? Was it his balsack? Just say it.

I'm pleased you did. Because no, the child is small. The child is small. So perspective here could look like the beard. I'm just... And is mummy standing up? Is she on her knees?

Who knows? We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. We're asking the lyrics, is it? I just think there's a lot to unpick. We can't do it now. But, you know, you can take it away with you.

You can discuss it. The last thing was, oh, daddy, oh, what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen. It would have been an absolute disaster. It would have been a travesty. Rewened. Gone. Finished.

But hang on a minute. Is that alluding to the fact that... She's having an affair? Yeah. Actually, the premise is Santa is Daddy. That's the premise.

Did you not know that? Oh my God. You're totally spoiling this for earlier. No, obviously, no, but I wasn't thinking like that. That's the premise of it. You've ruined it for earlier. Listen, I've not been there yet.

We've not had to do that whole dancer thing. What's weirder is the dad is dressing up as Father Christmas. What is that? That is a fetish. Go around there. on Christmas Eve. Oh yeah, you do the elf thing,

didn't you too? No, no, no, no. No, Maria, when we do the elf thing... I am surprised you didn't wear your elf outfit today. I'm not going to wear an elf outfit. You're joking. When we do the elf thing is for the children. Elf on a shelf.

We all know elf on the shelf. It's boring. We all know. It's quite... How is the elf on the shelf going for you, though? Fine Yeah He hasn't really been much I've read a bad year

Well just he sends a little You're on the naughty list letter Oh lovely What else? Hang on What else does he do? Just mate at the North Pole She's really into it Really into it

Yeah You are here in the car She went don't start doing Elf's chat I'm not doing elf chat No because I'm sick of people doing it they're moaning that they're doing it, putting it on Facebook that they're doing it, but they shouldn't be doing it,

either do it or don't do it, and shut out. Thank you. Give it five years. Five years. What I've done for James? I cannot wait. The videos we're going to be getting on those WhatsApp groups.

Jack's built in our village overnight. He's in the bar. I won't moan about it. You won't moan about it. That's fair enough. However, I did do a second elf for Roobes. I thought, oh, she'd have her own little elf. She went, well, that's not real.

Saw that in Tesco yesterday. I thought you... And that is why I think it winds me up. Yeah, it's true. I am with you on things, right? I know it's more I was thinking when I bought something from Amazon and then the sticker with your address is on the actual box. I understand they're trying to...

It's not going to be able to read that yet, babe. No, but I agree. I agree. Because then you wrap that up for Joni and she's like, well, that's got a sticker on. It's hard to get it. off, it's all a bit aggravating, tags, label. I so agree with you, I put miniature, she's turned into fucking Hercule Poirot

this year, it's the last year, everything, every little clue. I feel like I'm in a murder mystery. I'm cleaning evidence continuously throughout the day. She is having you right on by the way. She's having me on this year, she really is. She knows exactly what she's doing. She really does. She said, I really want a stall to sell my cake selves, whilst looking at me. I had to do that last night, 11 o'clock. Do it, though. I'd do it for a. Listen,

they'll all be grown up and I'll be on my own soon so, not on my own, but you know. All right. You won't need any more door stops, that'll be one thing. Just take all the doors off. Completely open plan.

Like glass doors everywhere you go. Just take the roof off and off. Just go for it. Well, there you go. Now you know what it's like. Get those tickets booked. I really hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought.

077-8-19-19. Merry Christmas to all. And I'll be back on the 28th with lovely Mark for a little Christmas debrief and a nice chat. Love you all. Take care. Merry Christmas once again.