Life with Nat - EP202: Tony talks #18 - empathy, stranger kindness, and the drivers who send you into a rage!

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Nat and Tony are talking all things empathy and being aware of not knowing what others are going through... That said, if you're cutting in and causing mayhem on the roads, then you can *HONK* off. Also, is lip balm a conspiracy? Enjoy!! xx Please subscribe, follow, and leave a review. xxx You can find us in all places here; ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podfollow.com/lifewithnat/view⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ We're on Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/lifewithnatpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Nat's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@natcass1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Marc's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@camera_marc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Niece's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@natsnieces⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tony's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tonycass68⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Linny's insta: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@auntielinny.lwn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ MORE LIVE SHOWS! 25/02/2026 Folkestone, Quarterhouse ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TICKETS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 28/02/2026 Colchester, Arts Centre ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TICKETS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 07/03/2026 Manchester, Fairfield Social Club ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TICKETS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 22/03/2026 Leeds, The Wardrobe ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TICKETS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 29/03/2026 Bristol, The Gaffe - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TICKETS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Book Club: February's Book - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠anything by Sophie Kinsella ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sophiekinsella.co.uk/books/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Nat’s solo chats - any rants always welcome. We're talking big career changes, the constant comparisons with others on social media... and the audacity of teenagers! Scraping the Barrel - SCAN AND SHOP VIRGIN NO LONGER! Bonce vs list! - Are you a list maker? Always collecting for Nostalgia Fest! What’s brewing with the Nieces - AGEING & non-negotiables Things we’re nagging with Linny about - More lateness stories and some cleaning questions, please! The Tony talks chatter - Keep your DIY questions coming. What are your favourite films & albums? What’s the show Tony’s going on about? And is there any way they'd legally be able to continue their holiday if that happened on the boat? Cold water swimmers and shower’ers… convince us A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, hello, welcome to Life with Nat on this wonderful Thursday afternoon where I am always joined by family members discussing life, the mundane things, and having a bit of a laugh, really. I'm joined by Tony tonight. We've got a little Tony Talks. How are you? I'm not too bad, how are you? Yeah, not too bad at all.

Good. Actually, my lips are really dry. Are they? Really bad. Because of the weather. Lipsail, isn't it? No, it don't work for me? Does it not?

No. What do you put on them then? I try and not put anything on because someone told me years ago in the makeup department if you keep feeding your lips, if you keep moisturising them, it soaks in and they're desperate for it and they'll get drier and drier.

It sounds like a load of cobbler's to me. Do you think? Yeah. Sorry. Daddy used to put Vaseline all over his. I know, yeah, yeah. He used to look like Cocoa the clown. Well, if that was true,

and the whole skin care industry is worthless. Because if you've got dry skin and you're trying to prevent wrinkles and you're putting creams on it and it's just soaking in and it's desperate for more, then what's the point? Yeah, that's true.

No, I do put things on but I don't really, I haven't found anything yet. All I would say is, odd times before when I've had a cold, you know, and whatever, and you do get dry lips, for me, a bit of lipset or whatever

definitely helps. Yeah. That's for me. There's a lovely lady. Her mum came to one of the shows. Okay. Actually a book club thing that I did. Right.

A little audience with, you know, talking about the book. It was book promotion time. Lucy B. Cosmetics. Local girl from Hartford. And her stuff, I have to say, she gave us a little goody bag of stuff. Really nice lip balm. And a fantastic face oil. Right.

Okay. And I've not really used a face or I've used sort of moisturizers as you do. But this is a proper oil. Lovely on the skin. Right. Very, very nice. So I would highly recommend that. Well, Sharon's mad for the old lip balm.

Yeah. And Evie. They've got little pots of it. I know. I walk in and it's smothered all around their chops. Marie is the same. Row row. It just gets dry.

Also, I'm very prone to a cold sore. Yeah, yeah. Very, very prone. Yeah, that's a shame, isn't it? Mommy was, wouldn't she? Was she? Well, someone's, I remember one of the family. I don't remember having cold shoes.

No, I remember you. I know you. I remember her top lip was very fine. Right, okay. And I don't know. For some reason, I've got a memory of her saying or genie or someone saying, when she was younger, she used to have a little cold sores and it, you know, made her lip lock. I don't know.

But I've always had them, haven't I, since I was little. You just, it's one of those things you've got them or you don't. I'm afraid I've never had a cold sore, such would. Very good. Do you suffer with ulcers? Used to, not so much now. Terrible as a kid. Really?

Yeah. Terrible. We both did, didn't we? Yeah. Terrible. The last bad one I had was probably about five or six years ago now. So I've sort of grown out. Yeah, touch wood. Oh, here we go. I haven't had one for a while.

What's that? Touchwood a whistle? You never heard that? No. Yeah. Where's that from? That's an extension of touchwood. Really? Yeah, touch wood and whistle.

There you go. Never heard that. Well, you've learned something new today. It sounds like something out of an Edie Blighton book. Probably, yeah. I'd like to know where it comes from. If anyone knows, let us know. Wood and Whistle. Oh, I started reading a book actually for a lot of

Joni the other evening. It was an Enid Blyton that I had, one of my books. Which one was it? It was the wishing chair again. Oh, right, okay. They're a bit outdated. I think the fact that they was written in about 1926 is probably something to do with it.

They are outdated. Yeah, of course they are, yeah. I started reading it, I thought, I'm a little bit bored by it. Yeah. Which is a shame because I used to love those books, you know. Yeah, but it's, you know, I had a famous five and all that. And, you know, they used to have fun running around castles or whatever it was.

I used to bring them. Back in the day then, it was probably the height of enjoyment for kids, wasn't it? It's crazy when you think about it. Yeah. How old, you've got to be, I'd say, sort of seven to 12. That audience, I reckon, in the age that Enid wrote those. Enid, like she's my mate. Yeah, like you know her.

Old Enid. Did I meanid? Old Enid up the road. Enid B. Yeah, she does a bit. of writing, that eamid. She loves it, she does. Very creative.

But when you think now what children expect. Yeah, it's not their fault, just the world. Yeah, it's just ridiculous. It's madness. But, you know, reading about the faraway tree, a moon face, there's sort of the highlight of the evening. Yeah, yeah. And now it's, you know.

Well, the innocence has gone now, and let's be honest. Yeah, yeah, it is. Trust me. The innocence has gone. Do you think so? supposed to too much, too young. Yeah, my Joni's quite good, though, tone. Kids are not kids, I don't know, a lot of kids are not allowed to be kids,

can't be kids, can't be kids in the environment. It's very hard, isn't it? Very difficult. Yeah. And if you try a bit of kid and try and be normal, you're a nerd. Honestly, I just, yeah, there is, I think kids have lost her innocence. But I have to say, Joni loves playing, I always say this. She loves her toys still.

And she's 10 in August. Yeah. You know, I've had this conversation, but, you know, She likes playing. She likes imaginative play. She doesn't sit on an iPad all day. She does play a few games on there. Yeah.

But I think, I mean, she's 10, isn't she? In August. Yeah. So, but I can remember, you know, from sort of 10 to 13, 14. It was still, it was playing football on cricket and whatever else. And then, you know, you obviously started to discover girls and whatever at an age. But I just think that's all much sooner now. I think all that is put in front of them now.

Interestingly Got to tell you this story And hopefully when she's older She won't listen Because she doesn't listen now But it being Valentine's You know, a little while ago Week before

Half-term, Joni Absolutely obsessed About Valentine's But I think I think what it is now It's a It's just a day You look like Halloween or

Yeah It's seen as a theme day. Yeah. But she came home and she said, I've got to get a bear. So who for? She said, I need a bear. Because me and, I won't say his name, we've said to each other that we're Valentine's. I said, does that mean he's your boyfriend?

She went, no, no, no, no, I don't have a boyfriend. But I'm going to be his valentines. And we've said, we're going to get each other something. So I said, but I'm not going, I ain't spending bundles of money on toys and all that. We're not doing it. Get one in proper bears, you know, like on a collar and that. Proper. A live one.

Oh. Isn't that shocking? She went to school with that. Massive grizzly bear. No, no. A little furry one. A real one? Yeah.

Yeah. You say it like they're really cute, but they're not, are they bears? No, they're going to bite you. Absolutely ravaged in the playground. In the playground, yeah. But it was very, very funny over the course of the. evening from quarter past three. And then she'd sort of be sitting there.

She'd be in the bath. And then she'd go, I'm really excited about tomorrow. And then I hope he does bring that bearing for me. And I thought her whole, it's so funny that her whole evening, you know, all of her thought process was taken up by this Valentine's thing. And I thought about it. And I thought, when I was nine, was I thinking like, that?

No idea. And I don't think I was. When did I go on school journey and break my arm? That would have been... Wasn't it, Leavers? You'd have been about 11, yeah. 10-11. Yeah, I was in love with...

Norwich. I was in love with Julian Cole when he pushed me down the hill. Right. Did he break your arm? Possibly, yeah. You never told me that. I don't think it was his fault.

No. I remember driving all night to Norwich. And then driving home in the morning and going to work. Nightmare And nearly falling asleep On the way home About about 5 o'clock Yeah, I remember that

The only time I ever went anywhere Yeah Yeah If it was leave of school journey You'd have been 10-11 Very accident prone child Wasn't I Yeah, a little bit yeah

Yeah Talking of bears Do you remember Teddy Rucks been Love Teddy Yeah He's in the loft Oh, he's still got him Yeah

Oh brilliant Still got Teddy That was I think That was I think Love Teddy Yeah And we're Woody the woodpecker.

Yes. But Woody, I haven't got any more. Oh, really? No, I think Woody got lost in transit with some sort of move that our parents did like to do, didn't they? Oh, yeah, they did, like to move about it. They did like to move about it, yeah.

I always thought in the end we should just got in a caravan. Yeah, and they could have just pulled up somewhere and see if they liked it and stayed there. And if they didn't, rather than spending $40,000 on stamp duty and legal fees and moving fees, they could have just took the caravan up and away you go. A mobile home would have really been good. Yeah.

I don't think it would have suited Mummy's interior design and pride for her home. No, no. No way would she have had a portal to lose. There's no chance or that. I don't think so. No. But it would have been beneficial.

It would have saved them a few quid. Yeah, definitely. I could see her now putting up the net curtains on the one window. And laminating the floor of the mobile home. Dad on his hands and knees bashing it in. Yeah. It will go in a minute lies, don't worry. I was about to say,

She still would have had lots of jobs for him. Yeah, definitely, yeah. 100%. Yeah, she'd have found it. Oh, don't. I want you. The Hyundai-A-Lontra hybrid inspires a special type of love. The type that makes you slow down and enjoy the ride.

With best-in-class fuel efficiency and a best-in-class new car warranty, it's made for the long run, wherever the road takes you next. Because some relationships are built to go the distance. It's that Hyundai Alantra type of love. So what I did for this app, I came across something on Instagram. Jay Shetty. I don't know why he came up.

It's, you know, he's quite influential man. Right, okay. I don't know him, but I'll take your word. I say that. I've heard him on the diary of a CEO. Okay. So he probably is quite influential. Yeah, yeah.

But anyway, this post came out. It was very visual. and it was of a train station, kind of a bird's eye view of all these thousands of people rushing about running around. And above their heads was text and it said,

just found out they got cancer. They're faulty today. Getting married at the weekend. All life scenarios. And it just said, you never know what people are going through. And I just thought it was a really clever picture. And I thought it sort of spurred me on to say to the audience, to our listeners,

and for me and you to have a chat about, you don't know what's going on in people's lives. I know that sounds really obvious, but when you're in your own life, I do think it's sometimes easy to forget about the people that are around you. Oh, yeah. So easy. I think it's deeper than that.

I think it's human nature. Do you? Yeah. Not for everybody. there are people on this earth that want to help other people and want to, you know, do worry about other people and if you're in a medical profession or a nurse or a caring, sort of empathetic. Yeah, all that.

So I think there are people like that, but the vast majority are so busy chasing their own towels that they're only worried about their little world. I might have going to go at that either, because life is like a gerbil wheel. Yeah. When you've got a load going on, it's hard to look outside of that

and I do get it and I think it's probably only when certain life events happen that you think about it or if something happens to you so I'll give you an excuse I mean I didn't know we were going to be talking about this but I'll give you an example Years ago

Probably 20 years ago Yeah One Sunday morning I had to go to Sainsbury's And terrible when you've got to do that on a Sunday morning Oh no it was necessary Yeah It was probably nappies or something For the kids

I don't know So our local Sainsbury's, it's quite a big Sainsbiz, and they were doing some promotion and whatever. And they obviously got some young kids in who are either trying to be actors or performers and probably from a stage school somewhere and they're all sort of laughing and joke or whatever and doing this thing outside.

And I just walked in and this bloke said to me, car, blimey, mate, cheer up, you're miserable this morning. Something along those lines, right? And I just looked at him and I said, what the fuck? It's Sunday morning, right? I just want to get in and get out. Yeah. I don't want to talk to anyone.

I don't want to have a conversation. And this bloke has literally just like... Sort of jumped on you. Yeah. And called me out for being... I mean, I do look naturally miserable, I know. But he sort of actually said it. Yeah.

And we had absolute murders. Did you? I went home. I told Charmin, and she found... phoned Sainsbury. She phoned the manager. Oh, was it a staff member? Yeah, it was a staff. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Well, not a star, it was either a staff member. It was someone that was employed by Sainsbury's. Okay, fine. Sorry, it wasn't sort of like, I don't know, save the children outside. No, no. It was an actual Sainsbury's promotion thing that was going on. Okay. And we had murders with him.

And she said, you don't know what's going on in my husband's life. He could have just had a bereavement. He could have found out something horrible. He could have been, he could have not been well. That has always stayed with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so sometimes when you're being a bit of an ass and you think, I think, no, hang on a minute, you don't know what's going through people.

I mean, I used to be very judgmental as a young man. Yes. Very, I had my point of you and, nah, you're these shit and that's wrong. And as you get older, you realize that that's, you're not right. Can I just hold my hand up and say, I think that's lovely of you to say, but not everybody, you know, people do remain like that. I do. I do.

I do. I do. You may have learned a lesson. I've tried for a mixture of being around the right people sometimes or whatever. I've tried to become more tolerant, which is probably rubbish. I'm probably not. But I've tried to, at times, think, hang on, that's not right. You know, being like that isn't right or thinking about someone in that.

I'll give an example, again. Like having a family member like you in the public eye. Yes. And you hear the nasty comments. So when you're exposed to those nasty comments. Really interesting, you brought this up because at the live shows. Yeah. That was a question from the audience.

Oh, right. Okay. To Roro and Elia. Yeah. And they said they've been in an office, you know. Yeah. And someone will mention me and else will go, oh, no, they're going to be. And then straightway, she'd jump in and go, oh, that's my answer.

Yeah. So she doesn't hear a negative comment. That's right. It's your mechanism for dealing with. with the comment before it happens. But I've been in situations where I've seen, heard, read negative things about you. And when you're exposed to it and it's part of your family, you then think, well, why, you know, someone comes on the telling you go,

I can't stand him. Yes. All the time. Yeah. I mean, there are people I can't stand. Sorry. And I'll never change my view. Yeah.

But I think as you get older, I think you just try and tone it down a bit and try and be a little bit nicer. but I think the other thing as well, which is, again, is it right? Is it wrong? I don't know. What sort of life has taught me over the last, however many years is when it really comes down to it and whether we like it or not and whether we're trying to flower it up, the only people that care about you are the people in your four walls and your immediate family.

That's my truth anyway. Yeah. I'm being honest. No, no, no. That is your opinion. That's my opinion. I would add to four walls, immediate family around. Yeah.

I would add a very few friends, which I think you can do as well. Well, I can probably put two. Two. But I'm saying there are a few friends in there as well. But I know what you're saying. So the point I'm making is that ultimately you've got to guard and provide for your little weld. and that at the moment for most people I think that is an overriding factor for most people.

I think where the world is today, where this country is at the moment. The overriding factor is we've got, and you think, I'm not sorry, it's terrible what I read and hear. I can't worry about it. No. It's not my family. No, no, no, I understand. And that might shock some people.

Yeah, no. I'm afraid that's how I feel. And I think that's bit, I think you're being really honest by saying that. I'm not, and it's not having got empathy. And I would say, you know, like that's happened to someone or this has happened to that person or this person's been attacked or that one's been. And I'd think, I'd just think that's terrible. It's really terrible. But I'm sorry, I can't think about it.

I just can't think about everyone and worry about everyone. So you have to, you have to sort of rationalise it and say, well, actually. Well, I think there's something to be said in, I think there's two ways of looking. I think you can go a selfish route, if you like, which is what you're saying, but this is all I care about, but missing out the, oh, that's terrible what's happened to them. Some people just don't even care. They won't think about it at all.

They won't think that's terrible because they're just absolutely solely concentrating on their life, which I know people need to do, but also you can have a little bit of empathy for others. Yes. It doesn't take much. It's not a lot of headspace. It's not a lot of headspace to give someone a smile in a supermarket. It's not a lot of headspace to say,

would you like me to help you with your case? Oh, I think we're talking about two different things. Yeah. Sorry. I think that's two different things completely. What I'm talking about is the sort of the news, that type, the mental side of it. Yes.

I regularly help people up the stairs at a station with the case. I regularly say to someone and say, do you want some help, Yeah. That's just being a nice person. And that's, I suppose, what I'm talking about with this image. Yeah, yeah. Got to tell you what happened to me today.

True story. And it was brilliant because it happened and I thought, how funny that I'm going to talk about. I'm at the station. I'm sure people think we make this up. I promise you. I know. You couldn't make it up.

I know. You won't be able to write it. No. Am I mad? You'll be proud of me. I don't know what it is yet. No, you're going to be proud of me. I am going off peace for two minutes.

Had to go to Liverpool Street Station today. Yeah. I bought two items of clothing from Oliver Bonus, which I love, lovely shop, quirky, nice, a pair of trousers and a dress for the christening. Right. Neither of which were nice.

Right, okay. But about £175 worth of clothing. A lot of money. In the boot of the car. Old Natalie, who's running around, don't think. That would have been in the car, would have forgotten about it for a month.

Yeah. And then I can't return those items. That's right. And then it's in there for six. months and then you just chuck them in the bin. Really bad. Yeah. So I thought, no, I've got the morning today.

I'm going to go straight to Liverpool Street, take the clothes back, get on the next train back. Do it in an hour because I had a lot to do today, a couple of hours. And that's what I did. Sitting at the station, a bit of blue of sky, weren't raining this morning. It's quite nice. Yeah, it was quite nice. I thought, oh my goodness, I haven't seen this for four months. And there was this old lady

She was walking along Sat next to me Well actually she put her case Sort of near the chair I was at A little bit sort of not sure And I said hello love I said come and sit down Oh thank you

Sat down She went oh I know you I said oh do you She went yeah you're from Islinton I said I am She said oh I come from Judge Street Oh right

I said oh yeah She went no I know you are She went I used to walk my dog With Phil Daniels Anyway we were chatting away and she said, oh, Copenhagen Street. I said, my, our nanny Dole lived there. I said, we used to live next to Millers and she said, oh, I lived here and have a chat, chat, chat, chat. Chat, chat. Lovely lady, full of beans. She said, I'm off to see my son. She's going to

Scotland. She went, I don't know. I'm used this with the trains. I said, you're going to getting off at Tottenham How? She said, no, I'm not going to get off at Tottenham How. She went, because don't like the tube. She went, I'll go to Liverpool Street and I'll get a bus. I said, oh, fair enough. And then the train came. And she said, and she said, She went, oh, you ain't got to do that. I went, no, come on. She had a case, quite a big case, got that on. It was a weird experience.

It felt really nice. So I got on with this case, and there was one seat. I said, go and sit down. She went, oh, no, I'm all right. I went, no, go and sit down, and I'll hold your case up here. And then the man next to her saw what I was doing, and he got up. I mean, you come and sit with her. I said, oh, thanks very much.

Honestly, it was like a fucking episode of Mr. Ben or something. Everyone was really nice. So I sat down next to her And we started talking And she said Well I'm 78 She went And I love Harlow

She said it's absolutely brilliant She said It would have been my daughter's birthday today She would have been 58 But I lost her She went by I had two girls And I lost both of them

And I'm going to see me son But she had this sort of She was really happy And I could have cried my eyes out But she did That's the way it is. She said, my husband was disabled, but he passed away 10 years ago. And I thought, you've been through so much within your life.

She's had it rough, and she? She's had it really, really hard. Yeah. And it just made me think about tonight's episode. Because I thought, what a wonderful woman. And I had a really lovely journey. I was so pleased that I did what I did. Yeah.

Because that was a really nice journey, you know. But we've had loads of messages about it. it. So I'll play a few of these. Hey, now. It's Laura from Bath. I have not messaged or have voiced noted in for a long time because my life has been wild. But I just saw your Instagram story about people not knowing what's going on in other people's lives. And it really resonated with me and just brought back a memory of mine from when my stepdad was really, really poorly and unfortunately passed away in the end. and he was suffering with throat cancer and he had had major surgery

and a lot of operations on his throat and his jaw and tongue and mouth and things. And I always remember him saying to me once that he stood in a petrol station and obviously he lost his voice and his ability to speak properly and he was struggling to speak to the cashier. And somebody behind him in the queue

just shouted, hurry up, mate, like that. Yeah, it just really stuck with me and I can feel myself being emotional by that now. But like you said, you never know what's going on in anyone's life. And I think, yeah, you should just always, always be kind because Batman was trying to carry on with his normal life as best he could.

And somebody gave him a nasty shove to get on with it. So, yeah, always be kind. Still love the podcast. I'm just so, so busy. Send a love. Thank you so much, Laura. Thank you. And that just shows you how much it's had an impact

to know that story. You don't know what's going on with people. No, you don't, you don't. And I have to say, I definitely have times where I think, oh, you're miserable. Oh, yeah. I do.

I'll hold my hands up. That's what I'm saying. I think it's actually a lot of hearing will default to that position. If everyone sat and thought about the way they are and their friends and their fact, honestly, how many people do you know will look at someone and go,

oh, they've got a, must be having a nice day or whatever. They don't. Everyone goes, well, look at her. Look at her. Look at her state of him. Come on. Oh, wow. Well, don't you have a smile.

Lively, mate. Yeah, blah. It's crazy, though, isn't it? Because we're all impatient. And also, I haven't got much tolerance. which is a very, very bad trait. Not a lot of patience, not a lot of tolerance. No.

Pends what mode you're in as well, you know. If you're in a good mode and life's good, then I've got far more tolerance. But if I'm cranky and tired and in pain as usual... Or you're rushing. You're rushing about or whatever, yeah. That has a big effect on it. Also, I just...

Whilst you've mentioned, because I know your back's not great at the moment, but I wanted to let you know you had a few questions in Newcastle. You were missed in Newcastle. Oh, that's nice. Honestly, you were. I was gutted.

No, I know, I know. But the journey would have been too much. I just could not have done the journey. No, no. But you'll be at the local ones. I will be. Yeah, that'd be really good fun. Yeah, that's nice.

That's nice. Yeah, but you really did. You had a few questions and I did a, I'm sorry Tony's not here, and they went, ah. Well, everyone, anyone that was at Newcastle and whatever, I'm very grateful, so thanks for that. It's a nice one. Hello, my name is Jeannie. Like the genie from Aladdin.

Hello, Jeannie. I had a time when I was in town and I was really down and suffering in silence. And I'm one of those people who love wearing wacky outfits, so I'm different to everyone else. A lady this particular day said that she loved my pants I was wearing and it made me very, very happy. And even that, not that I'm a psychologist,

but if you wear really bright colours, if I see someone who's in a really wacky outfit, I immediately think they're happy. Yeah, I agree. Isn't that mad? I agree with that. So if I see someone in pink and orange, and they've got a furry bag,

and they're in a bit of a mad hat, I think, oh, you're an absolute climate. You're out there. Yeah, that's right. You're having a great day. Yeah, regardless of what's going on in the world. You're loving it. Yeah.

That's funny. Here's a message from Victoria, and she said, Hi, Nat, just seen your Insta post. This happened to me today. I was shopping with my 16-year-old son, who has complex needs, which is never straightforward and I tend to avoid it. At the till, he was getting a bit fed up, and he was becoming quite vocal and started to stim.

He's a rocker. Some people touch and shake their heads. Some people stare. I'm used to that. What I'm not used to is someone approaching me while I'm putting the shopping in the car, giving me a smile and a friendly touch on the arm, almost as if to say it's okay. She didn't even need to say anything. I've got good at the dead pan facial expression so no one can see the anxiety I'm constantly feeling. Something so small can go such a long way when you're feeling overwhelmed.

And isn't that lovely? Yeah, I think I'm a big believer in a random act of kindness, if I'm honest. Yeah. I'm a massive believer in it. Again, which I still think is slightly different to, I think they're two slightly different things. Yeah. We default as humans to, we don't see the good in everybody

and walk around thinking that everyone's having a good or whatever. But I think, yeah, little random acts of kindness don't go amiss, and I think that's quite nice. I do it often, actually, sort of if I'm out and about, I talk to everyone. So I can't help it. I talk to everybody. But if you sort of stop and if someone looks nice, I always say you look nice. I like your dress or I like your bag.

And people go, oh, do you, you know. Because I don't, I do think. this society now, in this day and age, I think there's a lot of fear. I think there's a lot of fear in talking to strangers. Well, I think it depends who's saying it. You know, people sort of not know you are, whatever, if they, you know, and so you can get away of it. If I went around saying to people, the girls, that's a nice dress,

and like your shoes, I'd be in prison. So it's relative, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose so. But if I was going around constantly, you know, saying nice things, to strange women. Yeah. I'd get a name for it. No, that's true.

What would your name be? It'd be the local, something or other. I'm not going to say what it might be. Here, I'll have a listen to this. Hi, Nat. I've just seen your post about when you're having a bad day or a good day in someone's kind or rude, and one thing jumped out of me,

which I actually completely forgot. When, about, I don't know, maybe a year after my dad died, I had went down to the cemetery which I really struggled with the fact that he had had a burial because I just felt like he was there and that really kind of fucked with my head in all honesty but I remember going down and I braved it and I went to the graveside and I was an emotional wreck

and I left and I got in the car and I was driving home and I probably shouldn't have been driving and I went into the back of someone very very slightly at a set of lights but I still did and I just thought oh my goodness jumped out the car. I was like, I'm so so sorry, I'm so sorry. And I think the woman was like,

okay, you're having a shit day. And she could not have been the nicest. Thankfully, there wasn't any damage. Like, there was a little scratch, but she was like, you need a cuddle. Like, you just need to get yourself home, get the kettle on. I think she realized that, you know, it wasn't just because I was crying,

because I'd went in the back of Ireland. It was just a really, really tough day. And I'll never, ever forget her kindness, because I was like in my head it was snowballing and it's something, you know, I was going to have to sort the insurance and I was going to have to sort this and she was just lovely and I wish I'd got her number because I would have loved to have, you know,

being able to pay to get the scratch fixed. But just in that moment, I think she'd just seen my raw pain and just thought life's fucking bigger than a wee scratch on my car and I just remembered that and thought I would share it with you. Anyway, have a good day. Bye. Thank you so much. Isn't that lovely? Yeah.

And I do think you can sense that's the other thing. And I might be talking out of turn. But this is a very, like you say, very complicated subject. And I think, well, I don't know, do I? But I feel like I can tell if someone's just miserable and horrible. Or if they're going through something. And that's probably ridiculous to say, because I don't, do I? No.

No, you're not psychic. even though you'd like to think you might be. Look, in that particular scenario, she's just lucky who she's bumped into. Yes. She's bumped into a nice lady that's having probably an all right day and has seen the tears

and it's another lady that's bumped into her. You know, if she had bumped into a horrible bloke, he'd have got out and started shouting and hollering and swearing at her and calling her all the names under the sun and it would have been one of the worst things as ever happened to her. That was just... Fate. Fate, yeah, circumstances.

Maybe it was her dad looking after her. Who knows? Never know, do you? No, you don't. You don't. Hi, Nat, Susie here. Hope you're well. The Jay Shetty Insta story you shared really struck a call with me.

I vividly remember one Friday in May 2006. I'd had a phone call that morning to say my dear grand didn't have long left. It was completely unexpected and I left work in total shock. I remember being unable to keep the tears from falling and get it. some funny looks on the tube. But what sticks with me most was waiting for my train at Tottenham House station. Not having the capacity to stand, I had perched myself on a small ledge on the platform close to the ground and this bloke wall passed, looked down at me and said, cheer up, love, might never happen. I couldn't respond. I was totally numb in that moment, but all I could think was

little does he know, it is happening. I suffer from resting bitch face, and And it's not the first time I've been told to cheer up. But that one sticks with me. And I just always think you never know what someone is going through. So try to be kind always. Sorry, it's a bit of a morbid one, but just had to share. Love the pod from Susie. It's not morbid.

A lot of people's stories are going to be where they're going through something upsetting. Yes, right. And someone doesn't know that. But she's got a resting bitch-faced tone. Yeah. Remind you of anyone? Yeah, it does, yeah. Sorry, a cheer-up love it might never happen.

Yeah. I used to know a bloke who sat to every girl we used to ever meet. Stop it. Yeah, literally. He'd say it to every person. Cheer out, like mine ever happened. I hope he was going to get some wonderful response like, oh, do you think so?

Oh, maybe we should go out for a drinking and get married. That was his sort of... Yeah, normally it was bollocks. Yeah, that was his first line. Normally he'd get a bollocks or whatever or buck off or whatever it might be. So resting bitch face yet. look, you know my nickname is funeral face. Yeah.

So I've got that look, and I don't know I'm doing it. I've just got a miserable face. But I think I've got a miserable face when I'm not thinking about it. It's that sort of aimless, when you're resting. Well, no, what it is, I mean, for instance. What's my night? Let's have a go. Let's try and do it.

No, no, it'll be funny. But let's really think about it. Right, I'm going to relax. That's just gormless. Sorry. You look like you just take a vote. five Mogadon and a bottle of vodka. I've got a gormless resting face.

Gormless resting face, yeah. So this is me. Few more face. Oh dear. But so much so that I've had people close to me would say that I'll be just sitting there thinking.

Yeah, yeah. They'll be going, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I'm going, there's nothing wrong. No, but I do that. Your face. Mark does that? Your face.

Michael says to me, what's wrong? You're right? Go, what's the matter? Case, no, you're right, you're right? I promise you, you're right? I promise you, I get that quite a lot. Probably because I think that I'm going to have some sort of attack of some sort. Well, if I'm FF, funeral face, you can be FFF.

What's that? Female funeral face. Gormless face. It's just that, yeah, some people have just got that resting. But then I don't know who, when relaxed, it's like that. I think what it is is that you might, there's. some people just might look naturally relaxed and some people look really serious.

So for me, I'm normally... But I feel like mum and dad were both, when they were relaxing, they both had serious faces. But they were like us. See, I've normally got a million of one things going around in my mind as well. But I feel like David's the same.

Yeah. Because we're thinkers as well. When I'm relaxing, I'm not sort of... Maybe I should meditate. That's what we should do. You know that, don't you? Do you reckon? 100%, because our brains don't stop.

Right, okay. So meditation, the breathing, and you're meant to get to a place where you're not thinking of anything. You should be in a place where you're not thinking of anything apart from your breathing, touch, feel where you are. I have tried to do it. I must say I probably prefer a couple of bottles of wine.

No, me too, yeah. Probably do the same thing. and much more enjoyable. Some would beg to differ. You don't need AI agents, which may sound weird coming from service now, the leader in AI agents. The truth is,

AI agents need you. Sure, they'll process, predict, even get work done autonomously. But they don't dream, read a room, rally a team, and they certainly don't have shower thoughts, pivotal hallway chats, or big ideas.

People do. And people, when given the best AI platform, they're freed up to do the fulfilling work they want to do. To see how service, ServiceNow puts AI to work for people. Visit service now.com. What has lovely Mari got to say? Hi, Nat. I just saw your post, so I thought I would tell you a story of when someone kind of caught me in a bad moment. Basically, I'd had an argument with my husband. I was going out to

work. I was quite flustered in a rush, a little bit upset. And when I got to the car park at work, it honestly took me 25 attempts to get into this fucking space. and I was going a wee bit forward, a wee bit back, a wee bit forward, we bit back, and I could see this guy was, like, stood at his car watching me. And when I got out of the car, I heard him shout something over to me, and I was like, oh, what was that?

And he went, oh, God, you got there eventually. And it was something cheeky like that, like, because I've got a really small car, I've got a Volkswagen up. So it was pretty pathetic from me. But I was just, I was not, he caught me at a bad time. And basically, I went,

Not today, mate, like that. Because obviously I was like, oh yeah, of course it's a man commenting on a woman driving. Usually I would maybe do a little jive back or have a laugh. But I was so upset that it really just caught me at a bad moment. And I do just think, like, you just never know what's going on with anyone and always be careful of that. Sorry, I've gone over a minute. Love you, girl. Bye.

Mari, I'll tell you something. You handled that well, because I tell you now, if I'm parking and anyone is to especially a bloke and were to make a comment about my parking, I'd fucking go in on them. No, I'm sorry. Fill them in. No, I'd say, you take, excuse me, I'd say if you've got a problem. Sorry, are you Jeremy Clarks?

What's going on here? Damon Hill over here. What do you want from me? You worry about your car, you worry about your space, and you worry about your day. Don't worry about my parking. Oh, it's robbed me right out there. Oh, you're in the mood now, girl.

But I don't think a... I might be wrong again. But I don't think a woman would make a comment to Mari like that. No, I don't think a woman on... Again, I'm generalising. I don't think so, no. I don't think so. But...

Maybe I'm wrong. I've had loads of shit from women. Have you? Yeah. Yeah. Loads. Loads. Well, I'm just minding my own business.

I'll get bib, that, shout at that, sworn at. Why? I don't. Shut. You've got to be doing something wrong. No. You're sure they're not recognised. You're sure your window's not up and you're like this and they're like,

Terry talks? No. No. You think they're having to go. It's never. I've never, ever, no one's ever spotted me ever. I'm like a completely invisible person. No, I remember, what was it, a few months ago,

there was a, there was someone in a great big Mercedes behind me. Yeah. And I was doing a left and I slowed down because it's quite, tight and there was a car there. And as soon as I slowed down to her left, I thought, she's going to bid me. Right? Because I'd slowed down to not hit someone,

another car in this tight left-down turn. And I just thought, I know she's going to bit. And I literally went like that, and I heard her on the on. And I just thought, you silly person. I didn't. I said words much worse than that, obviously. But yeah. And then there was another time when I was,

I was sort of, because I've got the van, I went to a, pull into a space to try and make sure that there wasn't a traffic jam. And this woman really gave it to me. Like, what do you think you're doing, mate? Just because you're a bloke in a van. Don't mean you can go where you just drive where you want. And I said, well, if I hadn't have done this, I said there's going to be a traffic jam behind me.

So what do you want me to do? And the best one was I was on our hit. You know we live on a hill. Yes, yeah. With a school at the top of the hill. And it's really tight in the morning. It is, yeah. and the best one ever was I could see there was lots of cars backing up.

At the roundabout? No, no. So where the school is, it's quite restricted. And you can only, at that time, you can only really get one car down at points where there's, but obviously there's points where you can pull in and stuff. So I thought, well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to pull in a bit so that the people behind me will see me pull in, open a space up, so that some people can come up the hill so I can then go down the hill.

Otherwise, we end up in a traffic jam, right? Yeah. So I pulled in thinking the person behind me is obviously going to have the foresight to realise what I've done. And she overtook me. Oh, it's mad. She overtook me. Yeah. And then she's in this great big car.

No one can do anything now. No, she's sitting there wondering why there's a complete gridlock. Yeah, pandemonium now. Complete gridlock. We have some mad, mad drivers. I'm telling you. Oh, that lane way coming down yours. Oh, no, that's a different.

You take your life in your hands every time you do that. I go at 15 miles and out. I'm absolutely slow. Oh, I've been flashed and bib. Oh, yeah, I don't care. You have to go slow. But driving Elizard's school, you wouldn't believe it. Because it's a village, but it's shops.

There's double cars parking. There's, you just will not believe the people in the morning. No, there's just a bit. It's crazy stuff. That's the worst part of what we're talking about. That's people that really don't. I don't give a shit about anyone. No one.

No one. I've got to get there. And I'll tell you my worst thing about drivers. The fingers come out. Sorry, I'm not having it. This morning. Right. Two things I've got to say.

This podcast started. And very early on episode one or two, I spoke about the A414 and people cutting in. Oh, don't, don't. No, but it's still at me. But now we've had roadworks for over a year, and it's worsened. But this morning, when I was going to Liverpool Street, I had to park at the station,

I was sat in traffic. I left 40 minutes to get to the station because the traffic is bad. And I was sat in the traffic for around 12 to 15 minutes, if you like. And when I got to the top of that roundabout, there were three cars next to me, cutting in. Yeah. Do you think they look round? And I tell you now, I'm desperate. I'm waiting, waiting.

Now, I'm probably wasting my energy. Oh, you are, there's no point. There's no point. What you need is a big, you need a big old truck and just drive into them. Oh, brilliant, yeah. Where I live, if I come around the North Circular to get onto where I am, there's a roundabout. You come off the North Cirque, you go to this roundabout,

so there's this slip road. It's near the North Middlesex or Hospital or whatever. And I do what you're supposed to do, and I'll queue up, and I'll queue up, and I'll queue up, and then a number of, they'll come down, lost me and they'll be cutting in, bibbing and all the rest of it. And again, it's just people just don't care.

No one wants to live by the rules. They're not interested. But if they sat in the right lane, it would go quicker. Yes, of course it would. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what, you know. This woman today, she did not look round.

And you could tell she was really, I thought, please look round. Mm-hmm. I don't know what I was going to do. So that was number one. And number two, it was early than that, about 720 this morning. on the higher street of the village that I drive through.

Park cars in front of me. For people, hopefully you'll understand, I'm coming along, park cars on my right-hand side. There's a van and there's about 12 parked cars. Now, I'm sure it means that he's got to stop before those cars to let me go. Anyway, he doesn't. And I'm fine with that.

I'm not angry. And I sit and he comes down, one, two, three, six seconds. Don't even look up. No. Not a thank you, not a flash. And that winds me up. Yeah, yeah. What does it take to do that?

Yeah. Or a flash. We're not supposed to flash anymore. Why? It gets the R-way code apparently. Shut up. Yeah, true. I'm flashing every day of the week.

Oh, yeah? You're getting trouble for flashing. I love a flash. You should not be flashing. Really? Yeah, definitely. I don't think it's allowed anymore. I'm a massive flasher.

I might be wrong, but there was a change to the highway code. I would say it was six months ago. It was, it's probably 18 months ago. No, fine. And so for instance, now, if you're turning off of a main road and you're turning left into a side road, and there's a pedestrian, you don't stop.

You're supposed to stop. On the main road? On the main road, you're supposed to stop and let the pedestrian go. They've got right of way. Shut up. Yes, that's true. Well, I thought you shouldn't even allow a car to turn. I thought when you're on a main road, it's your right away.

So I'm talking about if you were on the, if you was on the A414. Yes. And then we're pulling into your lane. No, stop. If there's pedestrians there. No. If I'm on green lanes where I live. Yes.

And it's 30 miles an hour, but it's full of lunatics. And there's someone, there's a pedestrian that wants to cross the road as I turn left into a side road. You're supposed to stop. So what happens to all the... Well, you get it up here by the ass, by a bus or great big loggies. And then on the side as well? Yeah, and on the side. It's the most ridiculous thing I've heard.

I understand if you think someone's going to run out in front of you, you've got to stop. But you're actually supposed to stop. That was one of the things. And the other one that I'll remember was that not flashing your lights. If we've got any driving instructors out, their professional drivers put me right. But it was, I couldn't quite believe it. But it sounds like some absolutely fantastic rules.

And that's why, that was another reason I got bibbed. Because another time I turned left and I saw this person obviously knows the rules. So can walk out in the road and I've got to stop. I can't run them over. No, there's no zebra. There's nothing in the middle. Nothing, no, nothing like that.

They just literally knew that this new rule says, you know, it's like cyclists when it came in. Cyclists were allowed to ride four abreast on a road at 12 miles an hour, and everyone had sit behind them, you know, for 10 miles. If they wanted to have coffee and they're on their bikes and having a nag or whatever. No, but that's the rules. I'm not saying what's wrong or not different, but that was the rules that came in. So all these new rules came in, supposedly, And people, I don't really take notice of them, some do, some do, some do.

But I did this particular time, and I got the old bib, bib, bib, because I followed the highway code and I hadn't run someone over. So maybe I should just run them over and get nicked and be in prison. It is crazy. Yeah, I hate driving. I hate it. I'm not a very good driver. Really?

No, I have been in the car. I am a good driver. I'm a good driver, but I'm getting more nervous and more anxious as I get older. I don't like driving in the dark. No, no, no, no. I really don't. The light's really bright. I don't like it, although I do, I think I'm during an eye test.

I think my mintsies are getting a little bit. I can feel myself. Squinting and all that, yeah. A little bit. Yeah, well, you'll go, have an eye test and they'll do that and you'll go, oh my God. I could see everything. I could see. I was blind and now I could see.

I've always had really good. Every eye test I've ever had, has been 20-20 vision. I know, but it normally goes at some point. I think it, slightly. on the way. Slowly. You can have them big thick bottle bins, like olive from off the buses on the buses.

Big goggly-eyed ones where they'll go like that. That'd be brilliant. For great. That's just what I need. It is absolutely. Perfect for me. It'll just add to your persona. Do you think so?

Yeah, big goggly-eyed glasses. If I had to have those goggly-eyed glasses, I'd get really thick brown rims. Yes. And then I'd just wear sort of lovely woolly jumpers from charity shops. Yeah, green. And brown. Yeah.

Orange. Sort of 70s. Orange. Yeah. With flowers. Yeah. Yeah. And I put on my air in a bam, right up here.

Yeah. I probably look actually really stylish compared to what I look like tonight. You'd be all bohemian. Yeah, I like that. I love that. I wish I was more bohemian. You'd save a fortune as well in charity shop. Oh.

So good, isn't it? I don't have never been in one. Oh, so good to do charity shopping, but I'm just not good at it. I see people that look unbelievable. and everything they've bought from a charity shop. It's a skill that. It's an absolute art. Oh, I'm sure it is, yeah.

Plus you've got to have time to do it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But I sort of do have the time. I just look like I've rolled out of a tip if I put anything on that. You know what I mean? Genuinely, even sort of H&M, Primark, I'll say, where did you get your trousers?

They go Primark. They look like they're from Selfridges. There's just certain people who can wear things and they just look really good. Whereas I just look awful. I wouldn't say that. I do, honestly, most of the time I do.

Well, I don't give a fuck. It's fine. Here, I have a listen to this. Hi, Nat. It's Fiona from Mainstone. My first voice note, so bear with me, please. Absolutely love your podcast. It really helps me get through the week.

Thank you for all you and your family do. It's an amazing show. Really, really enjoy it. Regarding your Instagram about people helping you out, When I was training to be an accountant, I remember I got quite upset at work with one of the bosses one day. I think it was something I wasn't able to do or I was struggling with and he was putting stress on me. And basically I took a step outside, went outside onto the street and I was upset and crying. And this passerby saw me upset and just stopped, check I was okay and asked if he wanted me to have him go up and have a word.

my boss for me, which was a very generous offer, but I didn't take him up on it. But still, I remember it to this day, and it was probably, you know, good 25 years ago now. And it was just lovely, really lovely. So I just wanted to share that story with you. Thank you so much. Take care. Bye. Oh, thanks Fiona. And thank you for the voice note. That was so lovely. Really, really lovely. It's hard to do a voice note if you haven't done one before. It's even hard at a dirt when you're on the M1. walking along the hard shoulder. I do find it crazy that people feel the urge to message when they're in a rush, they're walking to work.

Yeah, yeah. It's great, isn't it? Yeah. I just hope she wasn't driving at the time. She was in a convertible? Yeah. Top down, winding her hair, on the phone. Is that now a part of the highway code?

I don't think that's ever been allowed to do. You can do voice notes on the phone. it's on the phone. That 85 miles an hour on the motorway? You can't do that. No, you can't do that. Anyone who's listening, don't do that. No, don't do that.

You can't do that. It's a different topic that I thought we'd end on, and then we can carry on for a few. Good morning, Nat. Loving the podcast, obviously. I have an idea for one that you may want to discuss, possibly with Auntie Linney and Tony, and you might want to get Nat's niece's view on this as well.

How do you transition from your children growing up, basically going from a child to adulthood. I have a 19 year old. She lives away from home for work, but not too far. I just find it really hard when she's not working and people invite me out. I don't want to go. I want to spend the time with her. But she also wants to go and see her friends.

Anyway, I hope that all makes sense, but just thought it might be an idea to get everybody's personal. from when they go from children to adulthood. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you. Sorry, I just realised I didn't give you my name. It's Caroline and I live just outside of Reading in Berkshire. Thanks.

Thanks, Caroline. I just think that's such an interesting question that we can talk about and talk about and talk about. But as we've, well, I think we've covered quite a lot tonight, but it's nice to end on something that people can discuss and we can carry on. Yeah. How do you deal with adult children? This is a real can of worms.

Mine are still at home. Yeah. So I can't yet relate to the detachment of the children from the family. So Caroline said her daughter works away, lives close, but she doesn't live at home. So straight away the dynamic changes because they're not under the same roof. and we're not all fighting for the bathroom or we're not all worrying about who's moody and who's had a bad day and who's had a great day.

So there's a big difference between at the moment I've got four adults in my house. Yes. So that I've gone from having two adults and two kids to four adults. And that is a massive change in the way that dynamics work. People are now, they've got their sense of their own, they've got their own point of view.

Of course, yeah. They've got what they think's right and what's wrong. There's things. do they don't like and I have to modify my behaviour accordingly, you know, and that's having grown up, kids growing up in the house. It would be completely different if they had, for some reason, gone and, you know, moved out. I mean, they both went to uni and stuff. Well, how was, yeah, but I was going to say sort of, you know, Evie was at uni

and you must have loved having her back. That must have been very different. Yeah, that was different. That's almost like someone's been away on holiday for a long time. Yes. She was constantly in touch and whatever. Of course. So it was more,

oh, Eve is coming home tonight on a Friday and we'd look forward to seeing her and stuff. Yes. And it was the same if James was away. It's the same. But her question about when she's asked out and she wants to be with her daughter

and whatever, my answer to that would be, you allocate, you allocate time once a week, once every two weeks, where you say we're going to go out for a meal on a Tuesday night, or we're going to, or you're going to, or you're going to come and I'm going to cook for you on a Wednesday or whatever it might be, I think the way to help deal with that is to have something in the diary.

In place for you both. On a regular, on some sort of regular occurrence. So there's no sort of guilt there? That's right. And then you know that that night is your night. Exactly. So she says to her friends, I'm around mum's tonight. I mean mum do this or me and mum do that.

And Caroline says, I'm around my daughter's. I'm seeing my daughter, I can't do that. That's what we do it. I understand where she's coming from because, but I'm not there yet. No, no, get it. But I think you're right, a regular slot. A regular slot, which is their time.

It answers everything. It could be coffee on a breakfast or brunch on a Saturday morning. Shopping on a, whatever. Whatever it is. But they just say to each other, look, life's busy and we make sure we get together once a week or once a fortnight. Yeah, Thursday lunch times our day. Exactly, whatever it is.

Or, you know, Wednesday evening. whatever. God, that frightens a life out of me. It's a big subject. I mean, a lot of, see, it depends. Again, it's so different. Every single individual case is so different. Absolutely.

And there are so many things to consider. There's so many variables. There's so many what-ifs and what can's. The way people grow up and what they grow into, it affects how you all get on. You know what families alike and stuff. Of course, but obviously she's 19 now, I say she's probably done all the,

she probably enjoys having time of her mum, but also got all her friends. So I think you're right, allocating a bit of time is probably really, really good for that. But I thought that was a really good subject that we can continue. It's a massive subject.

Massive one. So anyone who's got any points there for Caroline, how do you do it? Have you got, you know, older teenage children or children in their 20s, or even 30s that you miss, but you really want to see? They don't live with you.

How'd you do it or children that are with you? Maybe they treat the house as if it's their own, but you want them to be adult, but actually you're paying all the bills. You know, it's a really big subject. So sending your messages or any questions, and perhaps we can all answer them. Just to finish up,

a slightly lighter note was a friend of mine, he's got two boys. Yeah. And they've both now got their own flats somewhere. They work together as a family, but they've got their own flats. And I saw him at Christmas and I said to him, Dave, I said, oh, you must be gutted now.

The boys are left home and it says, like, you're on your own. He went, you must be fucking joking. He said, I couldn't wait for the pair of them to leave. That was his take on it. He said, I'd had enough of them. I had enough of them. They're washing and they're coming in demanding dinner, coming in drunk. He went, it's lovely.

We've got ass all to ourselves now. Yeah. So that was his take on it. And how old were they? Late 20. Yeah. Yeah, late 20. So I think that is a...

Right sort of age, yeah. Absolutely. I mean, and in this day and age, the average is about 30, 35. Oh, absolutely, yeah. And now they're saying, I say there, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's going to be no way to move out. No, no, that's right, that's right, that's right.

Financially, you're not going to be able to move out. Yeah. Yeah. So we better all get along with each other and then cross our fingers and out for the best. Yeah, and learn to change sometimes. Yeah. Don't pick your feet in front of your kids. I know you like to gnaw on them with your,

you like to put them in your gob. I do. Now, who asked me that the other day? It has come up in the past. I mean, I might have remembered you doing it when you were five. I didn't realize you were still doing it. No, but something came up the other day and I was asked about,

it hasn't been out yet, but yes, I did speak about the fact that I like to bite my toenails. So it's interesting, you brought it up again. And I would suggest that, in a few years time when you're doing it. No, the foot is getting harder. It is... Well, it is with a sock on.

It does. No, no, but it... Yeah, it's going to get to a point. You're going to have to start clipping them. You're going to have to start clipping them. Devastating. Right, and on that note, I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

I hope you've enjoyed our nata. And we can't thank you enough for listening. Nice. It was really lovely to see you. Thank you. As always. 0778-28-20-1919. Let me know your thoughts on the app.

As I say, have a fantastic weekend. And I'll be back with a scraping the barrel on Monday. Lucky you. See you all. Bye. Bye, time. See you. Bye.