Life with Nat - EP233: Tony talks #22 - Parenting- scratching the surface.

Episode Date: June 7, 2026

Nat is surprised to learn about Tony’s new found freedom and they discuss parenting with lots of listeners messages. ENJOY!Get in touch with Nat, buy tickets for upcoming live shows and find the family on Instagram: https://lifewithnatpod.komi.io/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You see, what you don't realize is I purposefully didn't have you up here last week. Well, I'm very glad to hear that. Because she'd have been out of boil eggs in here last week. It was so hot. I know it was hot. It was ridiculous. I was working in it. How was that?

Dreadful. Absolutely awful. But I've got a revelation. Go on. I was so uncomfortable. I've gone Commando. No pants. Now when you say no pants,

I'm envisaging an red N21 T-shirt Yes. With nothing else. No, that's not going Commando, that's getting arrested at work. Or as... Earlier said on the Hartford LivePod or Marie, I can't remember,

you look like Winnie the Pooh. Yes. No. What's the difference with being come on, though? How does it help with the heat? So for us men, as you know, one of my nicknames is baboon ass. Yes. So I've got quite a large derrier.

I've got little dangly bits. Yes. And quite big thighs. And I've never ever found a pair of pants, trunks, boxer shorts that are comfortable. So question number one for any listeners out there, that are remotely interested in this conversation is, do you know of any men's undergarments, briefs, pants, whatever, that are actually comfortable?

No, no, Marx's ones? No, I've got Marx's ones, and they just drive me up the wall. They all cut into me. But I am a certain shape, so it could be the shape. Anyway, I got so fed up with it last week that one day I thought, oh, I'm going to dispense with the underpants, and just went shorts only. And there's only one word for it really.

Revolutionary. Fantastic. Yeah. Not got on here at the moment. With the... Sorry. Probably didn't need to say that last bit. Though I like it.

With the shorts, we're talking sort of... I know your work shorts. Sort of baggy. Yeah, sort of Nike, baggy, down to just near the knee. Near the knee. Yeah. They're not over the knee though.

No, not over the knee. Now, if you are in a certain situation where you are, for instance, up on a ceiling. Yes. When I say up on the ceiling, sorry, I don't mean Willy Wonka upside down. No, no. Sorry, you're on a ladder or whatever. Out of all the other boys or girls feeling underneath you. They're fine.

Can't see anything. Can't get an eye full? No. Fine. Absolutely definitely not. Fine. Those days are long gone. Okay.

Fair enough. Yeah. No chance at all. I have to agree with you. being your sister, I can never find any knickers that aren't very nice because of the shape I am. Yeah, I know. So there you go.

I know. So I am on the lookout. Yeah. There's all this stuff I read. You know, there's these biofit, what are they made out of baboons or something? No, bamboo. Bamboo, that's it. Yeah.

Sorry, they're not made out of bamboo. And then these other ones that people were going on about was made out of bamboo as well. But I'm thinking, I'm just going to try them and they're going to be rubbish, and they'll end up in the bin. So need a recommendation or a sponsor. If someone wants to chuck a few at me, give them a go. I'll quite happily review.

But at the moment I've dispensed. And, yeah. Well, I think it's fine for this time of year. Yeah, yeah. I feel that in the deep, dark months of winter, when you're out for a curry in your jeans, I'm not sure what that's going to do. Probably not a good idea, I'd say.

So I'm going to have to, but I've got, you know, I've got a few months to try and find a solution, whatever that may be. So anyway, this is a national issue, and I'm fully expecting some positive and constructive assistance. Feedback, welcome. Oh, 7,000, 28, 20, 1919. I hope you're all having a lovely Monday. It's Auntie Linney's birthday today, so don't think I've forgotten many happy returns, because I know you listen all the time. you'll be on your way to work, no doubt, or listen to it about 2 o'clock in the morning

because you don't go to sleep. But I shall see you later, and I hope you have a lovely, lovely day. Yes. What else has been going on? How you been? Yeah, all right. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm back fishing. Yeah, which is incredible. Brilliant. So I just want to mention a mate of mine, Butch, Butch Murphy and his wife, Kim. Yes. So Butch is a very good friend of mine. In the last two years,

when I haven't been able to go because of my back issue and whatever, which is sort of, it hasn't right at itself, but it's got easier. Yeah, it's good. And I'm managing to get out, which is great. There is, when I say there's a handful of people, it's probably two people that used to ring me in Sierra was,

and Butch was one of them. So I was very, I'm very grateful for that. And I phoned him today and said, look, I'm going to come back out fishing. We've got Canal League coming up, and hopefully a big, what they call a national, it's like a 90-team event. Brilliant.

In Northampton at the end of September, I'm hoping to fish that with him. And he was really over the moon. So, and he said, oh, I saw you on the telly the other day with your sister, because his wife Kim was watching. and Kim is now listening to the podcast. Excellent.

Well done, Kim. And was converted by their daughter, Olly, who's a teacher. Ah, that's great. Yeah, so I've got two listeners there who are quite close to me in terms of, you know, because I'm mates with Bush. So I want to say thanks for all that. And Butch, thanks for being a good mate, really appreciate it.

And had some terrific news. Paul Hyde and his partner, Lisa. Yes, who he spoke about last time. Yeah, well, I spoke to Paul today. And Lisa's had all her stuff done and all her surgery. and she's 99% clear, which is absolutely amazing news. He's really, yeah, they've had a really, as lots of people have with that sort of illness, they've had a terrible few months.

Of course. The worry. Yeah, yeah. She's got to have a bit of chemo, a bit of radio, they just want to be sure if they want to kill any nasty bits off, little bits that might be left, but they're very pleased with the outcome. That's really good. So that's really good.

Absolutely thrilled. Yeah. Frilead for you, Lisa, honestly. And I'm hoping, I'll speak to him, but I'm hoping. We might be able to get them a couple of tickets one of the shows later in the year. Of course we will. When they can come along

and they can meet us all and we can have a little drink and we have a little celebration. Absolutely perfect to me. Absolutely perfect. I had a lovely, lovely voice note from our lovely friend who we met at Clapham

who has cancer. Sarah, yes, yes, yes. She went for a big scan and it was on my birthday and she messaged a picture of her going into her scan saying, you are going to bring me luck. Right. So I sent a load of a heart.

hearts and I've got a fantastic message only today saying that all the tumours, the seven tumours that she has have shrunk. That's brilliant. And it's just brilliant. So there's loads of good news around at the moment. So yeah, just positive, positive vibes on this pod for anybody going through something, feeling a bit low, it's Monday, you might feel overwhelmed today. Or whatever day you're listening, you might think, oh, I've got loads of things that are

piling on top of me and I'm not sure I'm going to do it. You'll do it. You'll get through whatever it is. Yeah, that's right. And I hope that our dulcet tones can help you through the next hour. Yeah. There you go. And if thinking about me,

when I'm not parents has put you off your breakfast, I apologize, but it is what it is. These things have to be said. And there we are. Going back to your friend Butch. Yes. And you're saying that only a couple of people

have sort of really kept in touch. Yes. Isn't it a funny thing? that. Sorry, no, I know we've got stuff to talk about, but I want to, isn't it funny when you really do find out who sort of thinks of you and cares about you? I think that's one thing, but it's a little bit deeper than that. Some people just don't know what to say. Hmm. They don't know what to say, so they don't get in touch. And also, people's lives are very busy.

Yeah, yeah, but a lot of the time, you know, I've got people I've worked with who have not been well, but I've not been in touch because I don't know what to say. Yeah, it's very honest of you, yeah. And I honestly don't know what to say. I get things, I ask, how are they? And I know one guy, I know his brother, and how is he? And he tells me. But I can't pick the phone up directly because I don't know what to say to them.

That's a bit, I think it's a bit cowardly, really. But that's just how I feel. No, I think it's really honest. Yeah, I think it was some of that as well. Most of it was because people don't really give a phone. fuck, but that's just how it is. They don't, they don't think of you, they don't worry about, which I understand. Which is absolutely fair.

Which I understand, but I was, if I'm honest, I was quite shocked that there were people that I have been around for years. And what, what do we say in the season, a weekly basis, so to speak? At times, other times, infrequent, but keep in touch, and, you know, fish big competitions with them and, not naming no names, but. No, no. And these people won't even know that, but I was quite shocked that I never got a little phone call.

Or a text. Or a text. How are you, mate? You know, urge you not well. Urge you not been fishing. But there you go. It is what it is. It is what it is.

And again, it's very different. I think it's the same if you leave a workplace. Yeah. I'm not mentioning any names. Yeah. But I was in a place for such a long period of time, seeing people on such a regular basis. Yeah.

And you think there's a handful of people that are my closest people and the people I get on with the most. But part of me went, oh, people just, they just get on, don't they? Yeah, they do. We just get on. However, I've not text them either.

So it's my fault too. Yeah, maybe, maybe, but I don't, you know, they're still there, you've moved on, you're doing stuff different. So I think it depends what, who's on what side of the fence as to who should do the contact him maybe. I've said it before.

Years ago, I'd friends. Odd ones might listen to this, probably not. They might know people that do. We're best, best mates. I thought we're in touch forever. Some of them I haven't seen for 35 years. Real shame, but you just lose touch and stuff, you know? I think there are people that are very good at keeping in touch.

There are, and do you know the ones who annoy this survey, this, again, this is a bit of a tangent, but I like people that keep in touch. Yeah. It's quite nice. Yeah, a little message or maybe a little card at Christmas and birthdays. But what really used to piss me off, not piss me, just I just didn't see the point of it. We used to get Christmas cards from people that Sharon used to work with.

Yeah. So she left work when she left work, yeah. And she didn't get in keeping touch with people. She was just on a Christmas card list. And we used to get Christmas cards And in it was a review Of that persons and their family's year Oh, okay

So they would They would make a What would you call it? I don't know, year in the life of a leaflet Right Would go all through What they've been doing And who's been that

And this one went to college And the dog died And what holidays they've been on Hang on a minute, I'm going to stop you Okay Was this before social media? Yes, it's way before social media They were on to something, weren't they?

They were. Because every bastard, now we're looking at everyone's review. I completely understand that. Every day of the week, they're very clever. They're clever, but for casual acquaintances, I used to open it, and I used to think, what on earth makes this person think, I give a flying fuck about what's been going on in their world?

They were doing Facebook before Facebook existed. Well, where are these people? In a round of back. They're probably currently writing this year's Christmas leaflet to put in their Christmas card, I would imagine. Or they're making a fortune online. No, they won't be. No, they won't be.

They're too boring. And I just, honestly, we used to get two or three Christmas cards from people who I've never met and were only passing acquaintances of Sharon's, and they would have this thing, and it was chapter and verse about their whole world. And it's nice if you're their cousin or you're their, you know, mumbling law or whatever it might be. But so just send these stuff out randomly to people that they hardly know. Well, it's probably a bowl called. in it and they just smash it in every car they send.

No, they've done it at work and photocopied it and printed it at work so it don't cost them anything. If they've got the time to do it, good luck to them. Yeah, yeah, but I just, I showed no interest on the phone. Fair enough. Whatsoever? We have a Christmas card list. Yeah.

And I think there's a lot of people on there that I don't really talk to throughout the year. I love a Christmas card. I know it's a dying art, but I love getting a card through the post from, I don't know. Diane and Jim or Diane and Jim or Ian from work who's a cameraman who I've not seen

and Mark's got his address and you get a little card through and I like that in fact this very week I got a beautiful card I'll show you later and it was a beautiful handwritten card

long card from a lady who lived in the village when we first moved here that's nice she was a lovely lovely lady and she was at the village hall and she did bits and pieces with the brownies and all that sort of stuff.

And it was when Eliza really wanted to learn to sew. So I asked her if she'd come round once a week to help her sew. So she's obviously kept my address and she used to have a chat with Dad. Yeah. And she's watched the care documentary. Lovely. And she sent me the most beautiful card with her memories of us. That's different.

That's the personal. Lovely. Memories of us, of watch your show. Your dad will be proud. I hope you're all well. we've moved here now and a bit of info and I am going to sit down and I'm going to write her a letter. Yeah, that's it right one back.

She's taken the time. Yeah, that's just common courtesy. It's really, to take the time to sit because she's watched something, she's thought of us as a family. And on that exact sort of sort of vein of thought or whatever it is,

that subject. Yeah. If I get a moon pig card, it goes in the bin, don't even open it. Oh, shit. Shut up. Not interested.

If someone cannot buy a card, open it. I do a moon pig card for people. Right, 10 words in it, right? And put a stamp on it. I don't want to know. I hear you. And I know we're probably never going to get sponsored by Moon Pig as a result of it. No, because I use Moon Pig all the time.

Well, then... I've just done James, my brother-in-law. Jenny, Auntie Jenny's husband, James, was 40. And I did a Moon-Pigiegall. card with all the bits and pieces and I've sent him a lovely card he thanked me for the card he didn't frat in the bin I know what you're saying

but if you are like oh my goodness me I can't get to a shop I'm there tomorrow I've got that tomorrow I've got that Moon Pig is absolutely brilliant I'm not as organised as I should be no I'll temper that with okay it's got his place and I think the fact there are no decent card shops

anymore don't help because they've all gone skin or they've all been burned down because of moon pig, yeah. So it's got his place, but for me, sorry, I'm old-fashioned, and I just think, as soon as you get one of them, it's sort of, I used to get it off of an estranged family member that I won't mention. What a moon pig card? I used to get a moon pig card from an estranged family mentioned.

Hang on, Emma, just do a little noise. Who was it? Did a moon pig? He used to do a moon pig card every year. Oh, right. Okay, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah.

And I used to... No, you see, every year's a piss take. I will do one... I just, I'm not organised enough. Oh, okay. But yeah. Maybe I'm doing them down, but I just... No, I do get it.

For me, right, so a close family member... Yeah, agreed. It's basically like them saying, look, mate, I can't be fucking bothered to buy you a card. So I've done this shitty thing online. That sort of... That sort of does the job,

but you know it doesn't do the job because it's very impersonal and it's not, doesn't say happy birthday in any way, shape or form it says here's something I got off the internet because I couldn't be bothered to walk down the shop. There you go. Well, each to their own.

I'm terrible now for James's card. Oh dear. Oh dear. I do moon pigs all the time. Oh, my friend Teresa. Yeah. She sent me a moon pig. for my birthday.

Well, I'm very happy with it. Maybe you're happy with it. I was very happy with it. The thought. I was pleased to have been thought of by someone I've not seen for six months. That's fine.

Which is quite nice. It's quite nice. Thoughts. Thoughts on the card. And also, I'm talking about at a time, sorry, this was a few years ago.

Yes. Because we haven't really spoken. And that was at a time when you had Clintons and you had this one and W.H. Smith's was still open and, you know. They're all knocking about, actually. Well, I'm not sure.

They're all vape shops and stuff now and betting shops. So there were still options. You know, you go at Sainsbury's had a decent card bit. Sainsbury's got a decent card bit. Mark's is good. Yeah. And we've got a lovely independent shop in Ware. Where?

That's Open an Iris, lovely girls in there. and they've got some cracking cards, some really nice cards. But yes, I have been known to Moonpigate. Well, all right. There you go. Let's leave it there. Let's leave it there. We had a lovely message about the care documentary

because obviously you and I were on it together yesterday. Yeah. Hi, Nat, it's Julie from Somerset. Nothing to do with the pod, but I've just been watching your programme, your caring program, and seeing the episode with you and Tony. I can really relate to it was like watching friends

have a chat because I know you both from the pod so seeing your little chat on there just now was just heartwarming and I just needed and felt the need to phone in and tell you so keep doing what you're doing love the pod

maybe a subject for one of your pods would be the program you did and what you got from it. I did social science years ago so I can kind of relate to what you're doing and what you're learning and at the time when I went through my course I was going through bad stuff with my kids so what I was being taught like you with your dad you can relate to it because you've done it I was going through the same stuff with my kids as what I was learning. So it's been a great program. It's lovely to watch it.

And like I said, it was really good, really heartwarming to see how close you in Tony are. So keep up the good work. Love listening to you. Take care. Love from Julian Somerset. Bye. I love Julian Somerset. A lovely message.

Really great. She is. Fantastic. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, it's gone down. It just shows that you pulled a ball over people's eyes, though, really, isn't it? Because we can't fucking stand each other again. Hate you.

Hate you too. I can test you. I hate your face. Oh, he's coming up tonight. Oh no, not him again. Not pretend again. Oh, God, I've got to pretend. Fake smiles.

Hello. How's your week been? I don't care. Has your week been? Yeah, it's been fine. How's yours? But can't care of less. How's your been?

No. People have really enjoyed it. It's good. Brilliant. It's gone down a storm. Excellent. So what I wanted to say to everybody is there is a very special bonus episode on Wednesday

because would you, Adam and Evit, this week's Carers Week, the 8th to the 11th, which I was a bit, I thought, why have they put my documentary on the telly on Carers Week? It's odd, didn't it? It was just a bit of a shame because it's so close together. Anyway, by the by, if you haven't seen it, it's Carers Week, so download it on Eyeplayer, watch it on Eye Player. They're at 8 now to watch. They're all on there.

Natalie Cassidy, caring together. Have a little look at it if you haven't seen it. And if you have, I'm going to be doing a Natch chat solo episode, calling up a few listeners to talk about their experiences as a carer or being cared for or what they thought of the program. So that's coming up for you on Wednesday. Right then, I popped a message out about parenting earlier. I saw that.

My phone was on meltdown. Got quite a lot of research. I think what we're going to do, I'm going to make a decision based on what you said when you walked in the door. I think so. I'm going to make an executive decision. I like executive decisions. Is that right? I make them all the time, apparently.

So there you go. Okay. We're going to start this. We're going to have as many messages and we'll have a little chat about each message now. Yeah. And then what we're going to do is do a part two for our next episode. And we can do our little general catch-up messages, and then we'll go into part to a parenting,

because it's a bloody big subject. It's massive. Do you know what I think would be a really, really good idea? Go on. If we started up a podcast just about parenting, and we could call it something like... Oh, no, parenting. Oh, yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Oh, golly. I'm a parent. It's a cracking idea. Yeah. Do you think it to catch on, though? I think, well, I don't know. Probably not actually.

I mean, who's going to sit there talking about being a parent and get loads of listeners and stuff? It's just not going to happen, is it? I don't think so. No, we're barking up the wrong chair. Forget it. Forget that. It's a nice idea.

It is, no, no, I think it's, I just don't think it's us really. No. I think we're carrying about Tinder paint. And going Camando. Yes. Perfect. So I put the question out just about parenting. I did a podcast the other day,

and it's called If You Don't Laugh. with two wonderful girls. So actually a grief podcast. It's great. If you don't laugh, I'm plugging it, go and listen to it. If you like mine and Linney's brief pods, this is every week.

They talk about grief and they've lost their mum and they're lovely, young girls, great. But we got onto the subject of parenting. And I was thinking about myself as a parent and how I've surprised myself with how I parent.

And it got me thinking, thinking about it's because of how I was parented, obviously. And I think that is the case for everybody. In fact, we've got a really nice message here before I carry on. Hi, Nat. Hi, Tony. So I've just seen your message regarding parenting for your pod. You brought up a point in that whereby you said, do we feel that our upbringing has impacted on the way that we parent our children today?

For me personally, I believe that we're all a product of our upbringing. And I do believe that it does influence us in some ways, in the way that we parent our children today. You also ask, do you think you're a good parent? Yes, I think I'm a good parent. Do I think there's any such thing as a perfect parent? No, I don't. But at the end of the day, if we're bringing our children up to have morals, respect, you know, respecting others, and you're encouraging them and supporting them

to do well in life and to be successful, then I think we're winning. I think that's all we want for our children, isn't it, is for them to grow up to be decent people with respect, with manners, morals, and to do well in life. And I think if you're bringing your child up in that way, then I think we're all doing an amazing job.

As always, guys, love the pod. you both enjoy it the rest of your week. Bye. Thank you, James. Lovely message. Yeah, boys bang on really with what you want the outcome to be. Absolutely.

Or some people don't care about that. Well, yeah, going back to, sorry, I've played James' message because we've got so many to play, but going back to what I was saying is in a nutshell, I think, for me, I've shocked myself, and I think other people are shocked

at how lenient. Maybe lenient's the wrong word. I'm quite relaxed as a mum of a teenager. I've gone completely the opposite as to how I was brought up. Because I know what I did. I lied. I covered it up. I stayed at friends' houses where their mum's felt sorry for me

and they let me do what I want to do. And I did not want Eliza to do that because it makes me sad for mum. It actually makes me sad that I couldn't talk to mum that I lied to her makes me really sad so I would much rather have a relationship where

they're teenagers I don't want to know if you think thanks and there'll be lies and there'll be stuff that I don't know but the real basic I know where she is I know I do know I know where she's at all times I know if she's in trouble she would ring me

and I know the things that I feel that I need to know to keep her safe and I feel very honoured that she talks to me. Yeah. And I think that's because of my strict upbringing. I mean, it's such a massive subject. No, no, I know. Where do you start really? So what James has said there and he listed a number of traits or behaviours or whatever

you want to call it, how you would like your kids to grow up and turn into this rounded, intelligent, hardworking, respectful human being, right? Which I completely agree with. Yeah. The problem is how do you achieve it? Mm-hmm. And what are the lines that you draw? How do you balance your work with bringing the kids up

and instilling those things in them? Can you overdo it? Mm-hmm. Can you overdo the, I want them to turn out as wonderful human beings? and then in some ways make mistakes, which I think I have, without a doubt. That's interesting.

And I think the minefield is achieving that outcome. It's achieving what you're trying to get to. When do you achieve that? Because your children are always your children? I think when... Your children are always your children, aren't they? No, they're always your children. But I think once they're always your children.

start, in simple terms, once they start to become reasonably independent, once they start to have their own thoughts and their own opinions, and they're on a level with you in terms of you're all adults, at that point, if you can look at them and say, well, I actually feel that person is in some way what I was aiming for as a parent, then you, you know, you. you can feel some sense of achievement. But that human being that you've brought into the world isn't necessarily going to be a human being that you agree with all the time.

I'm not saying it is. No, I'm just saying because I find, I go, oh, well, I feel like they should just, everything I say should be right. Yeah, I agree. I'm the same. You know, everything I've brought you up to think this. Exactly, but they'll come a point. So mine are 23 and 27.

And there comes a point when you actually, you can't think like that. No. Because they are their own people, they're adults, they've got their own minds, they've got their own ambitions, they've got their own opinions. And so, but if you can look at them and say, well, actually, if you frame it in James's words, if you can tick a couple of those off, and there's a couple that you're close to, then I think...

You've done alright? You've done okay. I don't think you've ever done your job. I don't think you've ever done it right completely. And I think what people forget is that you don't get any practice for it. Absolutely right. One day, you know, you decide to have a child and you go through the pregnancy and then this little thing turns up and you'd go and make a cup of tea

and go, what do we do now and look at each other. And then you spend the next 18, 20, 25 years, trying to work out how this all works. So true. Right? What do I do to try and make sure? I'm going to be blunt here. My kids grew up in an affluent area of North London.

They went to a nice parochial primary school just around the corner. Yeah. I was fortunate that they are both intelligent. they both passed the necessary tests at the 11 plus and they both went to a very good grammar school. 15 minutes up the road from us. My massive concern is, was and carries on to be drugs. My massive concern because I went to a school

that it was mixed, it was a grammar school and then they changed it to comprehensive. And I had friends who died because of drugs. I had friends who I thought were friends were, loose nifers and had solvent abuse issues. I saw them doing it. Terrified me. Terrified me.

So that's always been my thing. Your fear. Is drugs, risk-taking, you know, being in positions where you're compromised. And that was my priority. So one of my massive goals was if my kids could get to their mid-20s and not have indulged in that behaviour, they might have done a little thing of your thing. I'm not saying that.

I'm talking about kids who regularly, who are regularly taking, you know, ketamine and all that shit that goes on. And changing their life. And changing the path and their decisions. Yeah, and I know, and again, this is being brutally honest, I know of at least two hands on two hands, I know what I've been told or what I found out from their interactions of kids that have gone miles off the rails.

Their parents go old, they've had some issues. No, the parents are too lenient. Parents let them do what they want. Parents never put their foot down. Parents were scared to shout. Parents were scared to do what had to be done at the time to curb that behavior. Right? Yeah.

And I'm sorry, I feel very passionate about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All this bollocks about, well, you know, we don't know how they ended up sort of being involved with drugs. And then I'd say what, when they was 12 and 13 and they was out a weekend and you didn't know where they were because you wanted to go to parties or you'd go on holiday and find out they'd all had like four parties when while you was away. And you didn't ask where they were and you didn't know. And when they'd come home all goggly-eyed and talking funny and didn't smell of alcohol, you didn't think there was something going on. And there's all these stuff, sorry.

And I just, you're passionate about it. And I just can't, and I cannot fathom how, or what it is, it's them cleansing their soul, their conscience. They're going, oh my God, my son's addicted to ketamine and all this other stuff. And I don't know what happened. And then I think, well, we used to smoking drugs with them in their bedroom when they was 14. What do you think is going to happen? Oh, yeah, I mean, in those cases.

So, sorry, I'm going on a bit, apologize. The point I was always terrified of that and through a mixture of some sort of parenting, some sort of scaring the life out of them, some sort of threatening, the fact that they're not risk takers and they're both intelligent, I've managed to get them

to where I want them to be. And as a byproduct of that, do you know what, they are very, very good human beings? They are caring. They are respectful. They don't break the law. they do worry about other people. Yeah.

The road is torturous. Torturous. Well, I agree, but something I need to play, which I think is very important, is there'll be people listening to this chat now. And when they had a child, they thought they'd go through all of what we're talking about. But it was very different for them.

Afternoon, Nat and Tone, Oprah, this message finds you where I would just send on Insta about tone coming over for a chat about parenting. So my parenting journey hasn't been an easy one. I didn't have an easy upbringing. So I wanted to, you know, break the cycle and be the best one I can. I do think I am the best mum I can be for my son Jack. You've heard Jack in the background of the podcast.

Jack's non-verbal, autistic, epileptic. Life wasn't, isn't what I thought it would be. I had, you know, being pregnant, I imagined me and Jack riding to school on his little bike together, you know, going to his plays, his prom, bringing his first girlfriend home. But unfortunately, that's not going to happen, which is a process that I've had to go through.

Grief almost, I've had to, like, grieve the child I thought I was going to have. And I'm not going to be a grandparent. Jack is that only child. I'm not going to see Jack get married. So, yeah, their processes I've had to deal with because, yeah, it's not going to happen. So, yeah, parenting has been very hard, very challenging, that I have to always just celebrate all the positives, the milestones come later than your average child. But we celebrate them massively.

He is a wonderful, wonderful human being. I'm so proud of him. But yeah, it's definitely not what I thought. And he won't be flying the nest because, you know, he needs full-time care all around the clock. And we'll do. So yeah, it has been tough But yeah, he's my boy And I love him very much

I hope you guys are well And I finish my kitchen So I will send photos to follow Take care guys And there you go Well, how brutally honest is that Just so Make me cry, listen to that

And again, carers week So I thought it was really important to play that We can sit and talk about how many exams they're going to go through and what aggravation with friends they're going to have and, you know, there's always somebody worse off or going through something that is day in, day out care. And, you know, you have to love your children, don't you?

And going back to what we were saying earlier and the passion, and I get it, I feel exactly the same as you. I think there are unlucky people that can get dragged into things. Yeah, I think I think with the thing, you know, the thing we were talking about, if you've, so you can have, it's like two ends of the spectrum,

you can have, you can be unlucky, not unlucky, but unfortunate that you've got a child who's easily influenced, hasn't got the power to say no. Peer pressure. Peer pressure, all that. There's that, and then you've got the other end of the spectrum where you've got the risk takers and the boundary pushers.

You know, my EV had friends that were, I mean, it was scary at 13. She wouldn't dream of even thinking about doing it, but they were doing this stuff and they, because they wanted to push those boundaries. So you're absolutely right. It's not all down to the parents. I'm not suggesting that for a minute.

But I think there are cases. But there are, but there are, but even then, I think I'm probably going to get shot down the slaughter for it. I think there are far too many parents that are not prepared to have those difficult confrontational conversations and situations. I think you're dicing with death if you're not prepared to do that. So the message that we just, you just played, when I say brutally honest, for someone to lay out their situation

and use the term, it's been a period of grieving, you're grieving, your child you thought you were going to have and you haven't got, is fucking heartbreaking. I mean, it's absolutely, I can't even imagine being in that position. Although I did work with a guy once, he was a lovely Scottish, he was an electrical engineer. He was a lovely man, softly spoken from Edinburgh or something, you know, one of those parts of Scotland where they're not like, you know, the Glasgow Asians are quite quite a very strong accent, isn't it? And we were chatting away and he talked about his son, Adam and, you know, Adam this and Adam there.

And then I found out that Adam was severely disabled. Yeah, yeah. It'd been denied, because of the way they delivered him, he was denied oxygen for eight minutes, and he was severely brain damaged, constant care, adapted home. And he never spoke about it. And then we was at a Christmas do once, and we just got chatting and whatever.

And he never drank, really, but he had a little drink. And he sort of said, and then he was honest with me. and it was the same, exactly the same feelings where they had to go through a grieving process and realise what they've got to do for the rest, what they've lost or what they've thought they were going to have and haven't got.

And then the reality of what they had to do for the rest of their life. Yeah. And he said it was, you know, it could break people. Oh, massively. But he got on with it. And he was an admirable, wonderful man.

Oh, it really was, yeah. Does he send you? a moon pig card. No, he sends me one of them things with a fucking A4 pictures in it. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. I haven't heard of him

for, I've never spent to him for God knows how long and probably never will. But he was a lovely bloke. Yeah. And lovely Jade, who sent that message, sent us some pictures of the kitchen. I saw, yeah.

What did you think? Lovely. She's gone for a, like a fern green, which is very, very de-rigue at the moment. My favourite bit of green. Jane? Yeah. Yeah.

And your name is Jade. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, and funny enough, we had a kitchen delivered last Thursday. Yeah, last Thursday, which is that same colour. Looking good, girl. We're putting it in as we speak.

So, yeah, lovely. Well done. Very on trend. Let's have a listen to this one time. Hi, Nantam. Thinking about your question, I don't parent as I thought I would. I thought I'd be a lot kind of, stricter and follow all the rules.

But actually I've turned into probably an easygoing kind of parent. I think my upbringing had a huge impact on me. I was raised really strictly and lots and lots of rules and said it made me rebel massively and do things in secret. And I don't want that with my three. I've got three amazing kids, two teenagers, one younger. But because I think I've got a good balance of I'm firmer, I need to be software, I think I should be. It means they tell me things and I don't think there's that much I don't know about what they're up to or what they're doing.

And I think it creates a bit of safety and stability as well. It's hard. Parenting is like the hardest job. And, you know, I remember when my first was born and I felt like I've been slapped around the face with a way, give her, God, I didn't know what I was doing. She's a worry all the time, and it just felt too much. But now, all these years later, my eldest being 16, my youngest being 8, I think what a privilege is, but how hard it is, and no manual can tell you, and every child is completely different.

I hope this helps that because maybe not, probably ran more too much. But thanks for listening anyway. Bye. Thanks, Lisa. So what Lisa said there again, we've touched on it. She's soft when she thinks she needs to be and then she, you know, ups her game and becomes tougher. It's where do you draw that line?

It's a very difficult line to draw. Very, very. And if I'm honest, I'm bringing, you know, with my, I was probably a little bit too tough at times. I would admit that as probably times looking back now well, I think, probably overdid it a little bit there. But I didn't want them to be the ones running around in restaurants. You know, and we had kids come home, and they'd come in and just start jumping all over the sofa.

No, I know. I know. They just never, I'd say it. They've obviously never been taught how to act in someone else's home. They did it at home and thought they could come and just jump all over the sofa. You know, when kids come home and bring their kids home, mates for dinner or whatever. But I do it. I do it.

Don't do this. You've got to do that. Yeah. Make sure you do this. And I think, is it bad? But no, it's good to have rules. And it's very, but that's what I'm saying. You've got to have boundaries.

You have to, but that line you draw between getting it right and in overdoing it or underdoing it. It's just so impossible. It's so difficult. But also, it changes. Every goalpost changes. So I was very, very strict, I feel, with certain things like that, I always shout. Stop jumping on the sofa. You don't do that.

Yeah. If I see it at someone else's house, so you don't do that at home. Same as walking and out from the garden. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Johnny's coming with her shoes on. Yeah, you don't do that at home.

You take your shoes off. You don't walk through people's houses with shoes on. Yeah. So I can be very firm with stuff like that. Yeah, you know, I'll get a cab for Eliza from her mate to half ten at night on a weekday because she said she's got no homework and I go, all right then. Yeah.

So it's a bit mad, really, isn't it? But what you're doing all the time is you're picking your back. battles and you're looking, I read somewhere, I want my children to be more successful than me. Well. Right. I don't necessarily want to see other people be, but they will be. But I genuinely want my kids to achieve more than I have. But why is that?

Because you're a high achiever. No, no, no, you aspire. You're a great person. No, you aspire for your, no, I'm not talking about personal traits. I'm saying as a parent, you should aspire for your children to achieve more, to be more success. That's what I feel. Yeah, I want them to become that person that's, you know, you say, look at them, look what they're doing, look how good they're doing.

That's, for me, is, I think that's an achievement in my eyes. Yeah. There's no one else wants to see other people do well. It's quite rare, you know, they don't. They just, people are not like that. I do. Well, all right, sorry. No, we're having a discussion.

Yeah, yeah. I like to see people do well. What I'm saying is you're very, very, very rare. And I'm not talking about our listeners here because most of our listeners are writing or give us voice notes and stuff. They're really nice people. I'm talking about people I come across.

I've come across in the past and whatever. And most of them, they don't want to see you. Even people you think your friends, you find out afterwards, they don't really want to see you more. No, I've known a lot of people in my life that don't want to see you do well. A lot.

And they'll pretend they do, but they don't. No, you can tell my life also. Yeah. So the point I'm making is that I just, I genuinely, or let's put it another way, if my kids ended up doing much better than I did, I would be pleased from... Of course.

Yeah, I wouldn't be doing better than me. That's a bit embarrassing, you know. Oh, yeah, no. No, but there are people like that. Yeah, that's mad. I know. Yeah, that's crazy. So...

For me, I think the biggest achievement for me will be... And I know it's a cliche, and people won't believe it. I just want them to, I really want them to be happy. But I mean properly, proper content. Well, I think you're... I don't want them to be... I think that's, again, we're having a discussion, and we're being honest,

I think the chances of that happening in this day and age are minute. They're hard, aren't they? I think they're minute. Yeah. And the only way, as far as I can see, what that really means. and again there's probably going to be people screaming at their radio saying I'm talking rubbish contentment is almost impossible to find

unless you do exactly what you want to do in life yes you do you live exactly where you want to live you have exactly the friends you want you have exactly the influences you want the job you want exactly the job you want and you do that without any stress and interference it's nastiness. Mm.

And the chances of finding that are very, very, are minute. Yeah. Mm. So I say, I use the term I'd like them to be happy. Yes. And there are different levels of happiness. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. What I really mean is, I'm hoping they would, when, when they get to a certain point, they feel reasonably happy with how they've ended up and what it's given them. They won't look back on their lives and think, oh, won't great. No.

And I think, but I think people saying, I would, you know, I want my children be content and happy. Well, unless you're, you know, you love yoga and you're going to go and live in a yoga retreat in Thailand. That could be Joni. Let's be honest. Yeah, it could be, yeah, yeah. The way she is, I feel like she could.

I don't know what she's going to end up. No. But it's a possibility she could end up somewhere teaching some sort of dance. Yeah. Possibly. Yeah. Yeah.

I'd be devastated. Mm. Because she wouldn't be near me then. So I say all this shit. Yeah. I say to you, I'd love them to be content. Yeah. And I want them to do everything they want.

And they've got to go out there and follow their dreams. I just want them to be happy. Yeah. I'd be absolutely mortified if they moved away from me. Yeah. I want them to go up the road. Mm. Get a job up the road.

Yeah. So they're frowned there all the time. time. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Because I'm selfish. Yeah. You're not selfish. It's not about being selfish, about being realistic.

You don't want, you know, if you want them around you, you don't want them to move the other side of the world. I know, but a lot of people's contentment and happiness comes from traveling and, you know, seeing the world, you're meeting people. But I think that's slightly different, isn't it? You know, you can have a period of contentment and happiness. Yeah. So, you know, you might, there'll be a period in your life where you've got no worries,

you've got no financial issues, and you can do. do what you want to do for a period in your life. I completely, that's an absolute, that happens with most people, God willing. What I'm saying is, is to be happy and content for your life. Yeah, you're going to know. It's hard. Very, very difficult to achieve. Yeah.

I'm sorry, I'm in a bit of a realism trip to do that. I don't think it's bad. And I think what you said earlier hit a bit of a nerve because I think I'm extremely fortunate. Yeah. Because I sort of do what I do, what I want to do, I live where I want to live. Yeah. And I feel very content.

Well, then. So I think, like you say, that is, it's extremely rare. But I also, I also know how lucky I am. I don't take that for granted. No, I know. I know. I don't take it for granted. And I still have worries or I still have bits that you've got to go through. Yeah. You know, you have to, you know, there's all things that we go through.

but most of the time I do feel quite content That's good Not bad is it No, no it's really good And I think I've The other thing is when I say that You do have to remember

We have been for a lot We haven't got on my and dad anymore Yeah I've been on the telly since I was 10 I've been recognised all my life And I see it as a positive But when I talk to people They go, I know

But you have had a bit of a weird life Haven't you? Because you've always been recognised And you don't really know what it's like not to be and you've always been in the papers and people talking about you and you lost your mum young

but I don't, again, my glass is half full most of the time, I don't really think of those things as bad things. I feel well they're just things that... They're just buy products of what you do, right? Yeah. Hi Nat, it's Emma from Marsh Gibbon. Just seen your shout out about parenting

with Tony Talks. She's calling you Tony Talks now. Oh, that's good. So that is your new name. Tony Tox. Tony Talks. Tony Talk. It's Mr. Tox.

Tony. I find it so hard. Why was Sean Connery? I don't know. You weren't all Sean Connery? Colony, Chuck. I don't know. Sounds a bit New Yorkie.

You reckon? It does, don't it? A bit Mafiosa. Yeah. Bit Goodfellas. Hey, Tony? Yeah, a bit soprano. Hey, Tony, what did you doing?

I like it. I'm talking. Yeah. So if there's any film producer people out there, need someone for a bit of a role in a bit of film, you know. The building game's a bit slow at the moment. So that's, that's, pants, and films. Yeah.

I'd love to work with Craig Fairbrose. He's a hero of mine. Do you know, Craig? Yes. And? No comment. Okay. It was in his tenderest phrases, weren't he?

I don't know, do I don't watch it. He played Dan, who ended up being... Dan, the dustbin man. He was Carol's boyfriend. Yeah. But he ended up having an affair with Bianca. Nice. Quality.

But no, Craig was a nice bloke. Yeah. Why is he a hero of yours? I don't know. Just like he does them, you know, foot soldier films. Oh, does he? Oh, I don't know what he does.

Like his character. Right. I like all the gangstery stuff. I know a few of them, don't know, and whatever. So it's this not real life, but, you know, yeah, sort of. And I don't know. I just think it'd be a nice geezer. Fair do's.

I find it so hard. said Emma. I loved everyone else's babies and kids so much I thought I must be maternal. I am and I have two boys, four and six, but by golly it's hard. Turns out I'm not that patient. I'm shouting and it's impossible to parent gently when the kids aren't gentle. However, once they're in bed, I promise myself I'll try harder the next day. I'll shout less and be more present. That's until they wake up, have school, I have work and we start all over again. I think all parents are just trying their best. Loving the pod and your caring documentary.

So, insightful. Lots of love. So thank you Emma. And again, you're just being honest. I've had times where I have screamed so loud at the children and they go to bed and you think, I can't believe

that I've screamed like that, but my own child. But you don't mean it, and there is a situation. And also you know when to stop. that and it's only a you know a millisecond of time in which you raise your voice to a level i feel there's only it's not for long where i've been at a certain level where i know hang on a minute i've got to pull that's out of order you can't do that you can't scream like that at your child for that long

but yeah it's just hard we all get ourselves into her tears and we're passionate and we care and we love them and don't beat yourself up emma i think that's the thing as well is that um if you're in the I'm quite an emotional person. Me too, yeah. Which, some men are just not. So that's good in some ways, but it's bad in others. Because you can be over-emotional and you can not see, you know, you can not be relevant or you can forget what you're supposed to be doing

because your emotion takes over. But, you know, I know blokes who went over at the school and they were just like wet weekends. I mean, honestly, they're, they're, It must have been, for their wives, it must have been like they were parenting on their own. Yeah. Because the husband was just,

he'd go to work and come home and then build his Lego models or go play golf or, and literally just, it'd just be there to say hello and goodbye and go on holiday with them. Like literally, they just never got involved. Which again is an odd one, but it happens.

But I'd also like to say, given my sort of last 20 plus years experience, I have no idea how people bring kids up on their own. No. I just have no idea. No words. I can say no words that if someone brings children up on their own and they come out okay at the end of it,

there are no words I can describe to say how difficult and amazing that is because it's hard enough with two of you working together pulling as a team. Yeah. To be on your own and you're trying to do that and you're trying to work and you're trying to run a house and you're trying to, I just wouldn't be able to do it. It's absolutely, I just, yeah.

We had a message here from a lady called Emma. No, I'm not the parent I thought I would be, but I didn't think I'd end up being the mum and the dad. Single parenting is hard. Oh, don't. Being a parent is much harder than I thought. And the why question kills me every time. Yeah.

Because I said so. That's the answer to that one. I'm afraid. Yeah. Goodness, me. We're an hour and six minutes in. You believe that? We're not scratch the surface, have we?

Well, we're going to carry this on. We're going to carry on any more questions from me and Tony regarding parenting. What we've said tonight, 077-8-28-20-1919. We'll carry this on in a week and a half or so. And also have our usual funny catch-up. But I think it's brilliant having a chat about parenting. And people are also really excited to talk to you. Because, again, it's a man's perspective.

It's a father's perspective. And I think it's really lovely. We're at different ages. And I just think it's really interesting. So thank you. That's all right. Pleasure. Sorry if I've been a bit sort of, you know, overly, not aggressive,

but I am quite passionate about certain things. And if that's come out tonight, then, you know, maybe that's good. But it might not be everyone's a cup of tea, but that's how I feel about certain stuff. Well, this podcast is made in a real environment and we're real people. And I think people know that by now. and we're very happy to hear people that agree and people that disagree. Absolutely.

Because that's what it's about. That's right. So there we go. Yeah, yeah. Remember the bonus episode Wednesday, all about caring, which is going to be fantastic. We've got the girls back on Thursday, Nats, nieces, so that'll be a bundle of fun.

And I hope you enjoy the rest of your week. Thank you. 0778-1919. Follow, subscribe, and thank you, as ever, for listening. Tone, have a great rest of the week. We'll do, had you. See you later. Love you.

And show. Bye.