Life with Nat - EP234: Nat's Chats #12 - Carers Week Bonus

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Carers week special. Having just received a distinction in her level 3 btec in health and social care and her bbc one documentary on iPlayer now- Nat talks to Tilly from the doc, and some listeners who all have their say on care. An episode to shine a light on carers. Carers UK - ⁠https://www.carersuk.org/⁠Macmillan Cancer Support ⁠- https://www.macmillan.org.uk/⁠Carers First - ⁠https://www.carersfirst.org.uk/⁠Space -⁠ https://spaceherts.org.uk/⁠ Get in touch with Nat, buy tickets for upcoming live shows and find the family on Instagram: ⁠https://lifewithnatpod.komi.io/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to this very special bonus episode, All About Care. It's Carers Week this week and I thought I can't let this week go by when I've just finished my documentary for the BBC, Natalie Cassidy, Caring Together. The response I've had regarding the eight episodes has been overwhelming. I really can't explain how many messages I've had over Facebook, Instagram, and the WhatsApp number for the pod, and just family members and friends. It's been amazing. And really, that's all I wanted and all the team wanted. Lovely Ellie, who was with me throughout, who produced the show with me, and Jane, who was exec of the company that I worked with. All we wanted was to make an impact, and we wanted each episode to resonate.

And I think if you watch it from start to finish, it's impossible to not find something that you connect with or something that's happened to you or a family member or a friend that you're close to. And it's not a glamorous program. I said that when I did my press for it, when I did the one show and Saturday Kitchen and stuff like that. It's not sexy, it's not glamorous. It's about real life. And it's a daytime show. and I've had a lot of people say that they've got quite teary over it and I think that's because it's real and it hits home.

All of us are going to need care at some point or we will be caring for someone. And I'm just overwhelmed and thrilled that people have enjoyed it and I'm really hoping that I can say at some point we're doing a series too so I can delve further into it and shine a light on more people that are amazing. I love the experience and I did loose women last week and they surprised me with my final grade and I got a distinction which was absolutely

marvellous. I'm really pleased. I did. I worked really, really hard and to get that top mark means a lot for someone of 42 who to start this, well, 43 now, but to start this and having not been at school since I was 16 was acting all my life to take the plunge and walk back into a college and bring books home and do assignments when the kids are driving me mad. And at the time, actually, because I can say this now, because it's my pod, everything happens at the same time. So I decided to do the show and I said, yep, this will be brilliant, get stuck in. Then I got asked to do cooking with the stars. So I did cooking with, I started the dock, then had two weeks off to do cooking with the stars, which was really amazing. But

Bloody hard work. I did that. And I was also writing my book. So it was really, really busy. But it just shows you you can do things. I think if you put your mind to something, you know, we're very powerful, us humans. And if you want to do something, you do it. So yeah, I feel very proud about that. I am going to give a couple of people a call to talk about care. and the first person I'm going to ring is lovely Tilly. I feel Tilly is the star of the series. I was in the classroom with her. She was one of my fellow students,

and she's been a carer all of her life, really. And we'll have a little chat about how she's getting on. I've not spoken to her for ages and see what she's doing and see how her family is because she's really special. Hello. Hello, Tilly. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you?

Yeah, I'm really good. I just thought I'd give you a call. I'm doing a special podcast all about care because it's Careers Week next week. Yeah. And you came into my mind because obviously the documentary's been on and I think you've been the star of the show. Oh, thank you, Natalie. Have you enjoyed it? Have you enjoyed watching it? Oh my gosh. I have loved watching it, especially my. My mum, she's loved it.

Has she? Every single minute of it. She keeps watching it in fact. Oh, bless her. I bet she's so proud. I bet it made her cry. Oh, she was crying. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know about you, you can tell me, but the amount of people that have got in touch with me, message me or whatever, just to say it's really resonated with them or, you know, they've just loved it. They've loved the honesty of it. They've really, you know, I think, you know, lots and lots of people throughout the UK have loved the fact that we have done this programme.

And what did you say at the beginning? Do you remember what you said about it being? I said it's not just a documentary, it's a movement. I think it could be. The amount of people that have actually watched it is crazy. And then they've seen everyone's story. And I just think hopefully everyone's just going to have a bit more patience with each other now. Do you think people will hopefully they'll have that empathy?

that we have in the classroom and outside of the classroom. I've had lots of people say that they've watched stuff, and especially the dementia episode, I've had a lot of people message me and say, I'm going to have more patients now with a family member or when somebody's confused, even if it isn't dementia related, say someone's got an infection of some sort

and they're in hospital and they're confused. They've said, I realize now that I can't. You can't, you know, shout at them and say you're wrong. You need to sort of go along with it. So I think people have learned a lot from the series. Yeah, I think they have too, because people with dementia, it is their reality. It may not be our reality, but it is theirs. So what have you been up to?

What's going on? Well, I have been just doing my placement still. So I've been going to the hospital every week and going to see my patients. How's it been? It's been lovely, but since doing it, I've actually, it sounds crazy, but I've had a lot more empathy with my patients as well. Yes. Because it is scary being in hospital.

I think doing our course is really, really important because it just makes us more aware of other people. I completely agree with you. I think, well, I've had, you know, I've had a few people say they think this series should be shown in all schools. I think that is a really, really good idea. that children can see what goes on and again you have that understanding of what care is about and that that understanding and empathy for others. I think that can be lost, can't it? Especially with social media and bullying and just worrying about really unimportant things. I think this show really shows you what's important in life. Yeah, I think it does. And I think it will also

break down because with children, they don't really learn about medical conditions, do they, unless their family member has it. So I think this would be a way of like, because this is the TV show, it speaks a lot about quite common medical conditions and I think as a way of breaking things down to children instead of if a case of family member gets diagnosed or anything, of just then like kind of understanding it before it happens.

Yes, yeah. Just sort of preparing yourself, isn't it? I mean, we haven't covered all subjects, of course. it's such a wide-ranging thing, isn't it? Health. There's millions and millions of things that can go wrong. But I think to have that sort of overview from birth to death and just have a little bit more of a realistic view on what life is.

Yeah, 100%. How long are you at the placements for? Have you got more exams to do? And what are we aiming for? I would still love to be a paediatric nurse. I think that is my biggest accomplishment, hopefully. Yeah. And I've still got more exams to go.

But they're going well, doing your revision, revising, revising, revising. Good, good. And obviously for people that maybe haven't seen the documentary, who are listening to this, Tilly, you were a carer. When did you start caring for your mum at home? Probably about four years old. That's when I first started, my caring, I think, about four. And I still talk about you, when I've done interviews, I've spoken about you. I still find it

I can't get my head around the fact that you've been caring for your mom and family members since you were four years old you've gone through all of that now being 18 and yet you still want to go into the care sector it still blows my mind why do you think you want to do that I mean not just oh yeah because I like it

really try and tell me why you think you want to go into the care sector when you've been caring since you were four years old? See, I reckon it's because I've seen all my mum's carers and the hospital staff and the physiotherapists all have a massive impact on my mum's life. Without having that hospital staff and them nurses and them carers, my mum would be in a completely worse petition. And I think I'm just so grateful for the impact they've had on mine and my mum's life that I just think If I can have half the impact on someone else's life that they've had on my mum's, I'd be so happy. Oh, it's so wonderful to hear. So wonderful. The other thing that comes up all the time, and we're positive and we've made this show. But it isn't all roses, Tilly, is it? It's a wonderful thing to want to do.

But you're not, let's be honest, you know that you're not going to become a millionaire from doing this. Does it worry you, sort of the long hours, the hard work with very little money? Does that worry you at all? It really does worry me. I do think about it very often. They are 12-hour shifts, very, very long shift. And the money is not there. But then I also do think if you were paid like a millionaire for that job, anyone would do it.

That's right. You're so right. Anyone would do it. If the pay was really, really good, anyone would do it and then the wrong person would get into care. I know, but that's not right either, is it? No. No, it's not. I had this conversation the other night, and it's exactly what I said.

I said if it was a really amazing job and you did it and it was 250 grand a year, every single person would be wanting to do it. And you'd have people with no empathy, you know, the people that haven't got the caring gene inside them, and they would be doing it and it wouldn't be right. But that doesn't mean that the people that want to go into care should be exploited because of their kind of. kindness and how empathetic they are.

So I don't know how that changes. I don't know how you make that change. I wish it changed. I really do. Maybe that's the next series. We can delve a bit more into that. What do you reckon? Oh, fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed. I would absolutely love to do it, you know, continue the journey. And if it were to continue, would you definitely, would you join me? Would you help me? Natalie, I'd be there 100%. Oh darling So tell me Family wise

We've got the summer coming up Do you have a rest now I don't I can't remember how it works So you have a rest Good I have a nice rest The carer's coming in

And me my best friend I go on holiday Oh that's lovely So you get some rest by it Which is so important As we know Yeah Nice refresh

That's really good Where are you going I'm going to New Yorker Oh lovely That'll be fantastic I'm so pleased to hear you're going away. What are you going for a week, two weeks? What are doing? I'm going for 10 days. Fantastic. Brilliant.

Lucky, you are lucky, but you deserve it, Tilly, because you work very hard. You're caring all the time. You've got jobs, left, right and centre. You do your dancing. Honestly, for my listeners, this girl is unstoppable. You really are. That's all right, darling. But yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for being a part of the series. I think you're amazing. And we'll keep in touch anyway because, yeah, you're just great. And I just wanted to have a little chat on the pod so everybody could just say hello to you. Oh, thank you so much, Natalie.

That's all right. Have a lovely day. It's so good to see from you and hear from you. Absolutely, darling. It's so nice to hear from you and keep in touch, all right? I will. All right, darling. Thank you, Natalie.

Love to your mum. I will. Bye, darling. Bye. There you go. Lovely Tilly. 18 years old. knows what she wants to do

and it's not right, is it? It's not right that these carers are not getting paid more money. It doesn't make any sense to me. But I think that's, if you just to hit the nail on the head there, our conversation. If it was loads and loads of money, everyone would want to do it, and then it just wouldn't be the same. Anyway, I think that's a bigger conversation.

I don't have any answers to it. I don't want to get political. But yeah, something's got to change. I'm going to give Vicky a call. Vicky sent me a lovely message and she just said it really resonated and she loved the doc. So let's give Vicky a call

and see why it resonated. I hope you're all having a lovely week, by the way. Some people might not listen to this because it's very different, but if you are, happy hump day. You've got a nuts and niece's tomorrow to look forward to, so there you go. Let's have a chat with Vicky.

Hello. Hi, Vicki. It's Natalie. Hi, Natalie. How are you? I'm all right. How are you? I'm good, thank you. It's raining here. How is it your end? It is absolutely whaling it down here, yeah. You know when you're getting old when I'm like, oh, it's good for the garden, good for the garden.

Yeah, that's right. I just said that I had a lovely message from you and we didn't really go into much. when we messaged, and I just think it's lovely to just pick up the phone, phone you up and say, what resonated with you with the series and why did you feel compelled to sort of message and say you enjoyed it, really? Well, I mean, I enjoyed all of it. Your whole journey was really interesting and eye-opening. But the main thing that resonated with me was the dementia.

Yeah. You know, you went into that trailer to experience what dementia case. Patients, God. Yes, that's it. I had no idea that they went through all that. It's awful, isn't it? To think that you're talking to them as if they've just lost their memory. In actual fact, they could be through so much more.

When I stepped onto that bus, Vicki, exactly what you're saying, I was so scared. I wasn't acting. I promise you. I had spikes in my shoes. So for the listeners who've not seen the dock, I went onto a bus. It's this amazing work that these people do.

They have a dementia bus. They take it around, and it's a whole kind of 10-minute thing where you get on the bus. Someone puts you on the bus. He's very, very rude to you. You think, what is going on? He's quite sharp.

He doesn't look at you, so they put you in a very uncomfortable position. I got onto the bus. I had spikes in my shoes, kind of plastic spikes, so permanently uncomfortable. I had headphones on, which made buzzing noises, kind of radio waves, then music continuously in your ears. I put glasses on so I couldn't really see. It was very blurry. And then you're in the dark,

and you have orders being shouted at you. So find a yellow cup or write a letter. And as you're trying to find these things, oh, huge gloves, sorry, massive gloves where you couldn't pick things up. And as you're being shouted in order, you're trying to find things, and then they go on to the next thing. And yeah, this is, it sort of emulates how it is for someone with dementia. Not all of those things, perhaps, at the same time,

but some people have all of those things at the same time. And as you said, I got off of that bus, and I thought, I just thought someone was a bit confused and have forgotten your name. Yeah. Same here. I, you know, I watch my nun go through it. a few years ago.

I'm sorry. Then one of my close friends, her mom went through it just recently. And the way my friend spoke about it was, is if she had the hallucinations, which is awful. And they didn't know how to react to her because she kept saying that somebody was there,

but they were saying no, they were correcting her. But then actually what we learned through your series, He says, no, you don't correct them. You just let them go along that path. So did you feel angry when you watched the series that you didn't know that before your mum had it? It was my friend's mum. No, I wouldn't say angry. It was just, I think if more people knew what was going on in the patient's mind and how they were dealing with it, maybe the carers and, you know, the family carers I'm talking about. Yes, yeah, that won't care. And that, yeah, maybe they, they would have more of an understanding how to deal with their loved one.

It's not taught, is it? Caring profession isn't taught to anybody unless you directly go down that route yourself. Yeah, and the thing I find strange, Vicky, when you think about it, in a family, you're going to end up caring for someone, aren't you? You're always going to end up caring for somebody along the line. Someone's going to have an album. Yeah. Unless you're really bloody lucky, someone's going to have something. I mean, it was like the couple I went to see Lisa with MS and Gary, the home carer.

You know, their life got turned upside down and he's just... Aren't they amazing? Oh, they were honestly incredible, absolutely incredible. Yeah. But you don't ask for it, do you? You don't ask for that life and then you just have to get on with it. It was the same as my friend Abby. Her, you know, Joni's best friend, Ariana,

when she got diagnosed with cancer, within about 48 hours, Abby had to have all this knowledge. Just, you know, you're learning it as you go. You've had the worst news of your life. And then suddenly you've got to know when to have administered this and medication and then you think, I don't know, I haven't got a book for this.

Yeah, yeah. I know we had a work colleague, young, he got diagnosed with M&D and he only lasted a year, bless them. Really? It was a very rapid thing. And again, nobody knows about that illness. Well, it's a horrible disease. Yeah, motor neurone disease for the listeners.

Yeah, yeah. It's awful to watch somebody go through that. And you're just helpless. You just don't know what to do. So your programs, you know, programs like this, they've always interested me, but your documentary really brought a lot of points out that are so helpful.

Well, I'm hoping so, thank you. So honestly, because when we made it, you kind of go, obviously it was my story of going back to college and doing the placements and what have you. But honestly, every time we went somewhere and we met someone, we do the filming and we come away and we go,

I can't believe that. It's so special. And then you don't really know it's because you're in it and you're doing the program, is it special because you're there? But the amount of people have said what you've said about they've learned something or taken something away from it,

I'm just thrilled about it. I really feel very proud of it because I feel like it can make a difference. Yeah, it certainly will. I mean, it's hit me in different levels, you know, for different conditions. And you think, wow. Yeah.

Do you have children, Vicky? I do. My two are grown up. I've got a granddaughter as well. Oh, lovely. Lovely. And what do your kids do? Would you want them to go into care, the sector? Well, one of them did want to go into care, but then she can't do with bodily fluid. Oh, okay. So that put her off.

Yeah. And the other one's gone into the policing route. Oh, amazing. Amazing. So yeah, I mean, I'm proud of what they do And obviously my oldest daughter, she's become a carer because she's a mum Yes. So you never know what's thrown at you with children as well, do you? It's so true.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, it was lovely to have a chat. Thank you for picking up the phone. Thank you for your lovely message. And I'm really pleased you like the series. And yeah, thank you. Keep on listening.

Lovely to speak to you, Natalie. Take care. Take care. Thanks, Vicki. Bye. It's really nice, isn't it? Nice. It's made a bit of a difference. So what I wanted to say was there are lots and lots of support and resources online for carers.

So this week is Carers Week and you can get lots of different support through organisations. There is Carers UK. Offers Comprehensive Advice on Support and Financial Security and balancing work with caring. You have Macmillan Cancer Support, dedicated information, local event listing, specifically for carers looking after someone with cancer. And you have carers first also. I shall pop all these bits and pieces in the little link below, but there's thousands of places for support. And it's really important as a carer, a home carer when you're at home, when you're dashing around, when you're really busy and you're sandwich caring, which I was doing. which I didn't know with my dad.

I had two young children. Joni was two. Eliza was six, seven. Six, seven, as the kids say. I had a full-time job. I had my dad ill. And I don't know how I got through it. Genuinely, I don't know how I got through it.

But you have to give yourself a little bit of rest bite. You need to have a break. It's really, really difficult. if you're exhausted and you're permanently caring for somebody, you need to let someone help speak out, say, I need some help, I need half an hour nap, I need half a day where I go and see a friend, I need a holiday even, don't be scared,

don't feel guilty about needing to look after yourself because if you're not well and you can't function, you're not going to be able to care properly for the person that you love. So you have to give yourself a break and it's really, really important. I think as I've got older, I'm more selfish in that way. And again, I don't even know why I'm calling it selfish. I take care of myself more in terms of, yeah, I always laugh and joke,

but yeah, having a nap, having a sleep when I need one, or thinking, no, I'm going to go out today for myself, and I'm going to go and have a walk and I'm going to go to an art gallery, or I'm going to have a bit of lunch with a friend, or take my brother out, or whatever it is, I don't feel guilty for that anymore. Life is very short. And I'm also doing this documentary that I've made.

And I'm sorry if you haven't seen it and you're listening to this, but you'll have to go and watch it on Eye Player. All episodes are available now, the eight of them, half hours. But since doing this program, I've just met so many people whose lives have been turned upside down by illness that, again, got to go out and do what you need to do and what you want to do. It's really important. I'm going to give Emily a call now. Emily is a carer for her mum who has dementia and she has an 11-year-old daughter who has severe

autism and epilepsy. And she also has an 8-year-old little boy who has been born into this kind of caring life, bless him. But she messaged to say she enjoyed the doc. So let's give her a call because she sounds like an absolute hero, to be quite honest. Hello. Hello, darling. How are you? I'm good. Yeah. I'm hiding. I just run up the stairs to hide from everyone. Oh, bless you. I've just said to the listeners,

the situation you find yourself in at the moment with mum and your daughter and your lovely son who's eight. You sound like a hero, to be honest. And I just thought I'd give you a man to see how you're coping, what your life is like. And just how brilliant you are, quite frankly. Oh, I don't feel like a hero. I just feel like a mum and a daughter.

I think anyone would do the same, you know, in this situation. Everyone always said, how'd you do it? But you don't really have a choice, do you? Just get on with it, don't you? Yeah. I think it's so different. So I've been, I've been,

your series, I absolutely loved it. Oh, good. And I think you're going to inspire so many people to get into that. Even, like, me watching it, I was like, and I am a carer at home, but it's so, the thing that's experienced, and it's so different. Do you know what I mean?

It opens, like, it's like a new view into what other carers do, was lovely. Yes, yeah, thank you. I know that you're saying, oh, you just get on with it, but, I mean, you are, that's a really, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot, it is a lot. Tell me your day what you do. Oh, gosh. Well, my day don't really end. It goes in tonight as well. So Ruby has had, so Ruby's my daughter, she's 11, so she's nonverbal, severely autistic. She has epilepsy. You can probably hear her in the background, actually. Sorry. No, do not apologise.

She's pretty full on. So the minute she doesn't sleep well, so the nights can be quite long if she's up. And then she's normally up around six-ish latest. Yeah. And then you have to be on the ball. So that's pretty hard. She does go to a, she's in a special needs school. So that's a massive, massive weight of my mind.

So I know that she's happy and safe there. Yeah. So I get that time. My son goes to a mainstream school. So they both have to go to the situation. school at the same time. So it's the case of getting him to school early, getting back for her bus,

she gets a bus into school. And then the same when they get home. So yeah, he has to kind of alter his school hours around Ruby, bless him, but he's good as gold about it. Oh, bless him. And then, mum, I'm just here with mum all the time.

At the moment, you can leave mum so I can pop out and, you know, if I need to go shopping or I go to the gym just to get a bit of, space. I can do that at the moment. Obviously, I know that will change over time. Yes. But at the moment, I think it's important to get that bit of time when I can. Well, I kind of need that bit of time. Otherwise, I'm so pleased. I'm so pleased you. Genuinely, I'm so pleased that you give yourself that time because if you didn't do that. It's only a recent thing. Yeah. You'd go mad.

Burnout. Yeah. You would. You completely would. And I was starting to go mad. Right. It was only until like the last. last year. I've suffered with really bad anxiety now, which I never have. But because Ruby's got epilepsy, it just triggers me. So I're constantly watching out for a seizure or through the night, is it going to happen? And I'm not watching her like a hawk. And so that's been a real struggle. Mum, I don't find too anxiety inducing. It's a worry. It's a constant worry. Is she going to fall over? You have to listen out all the time. You're always on guard. How old are you, mum? She's 72.

Oh, okay. Yeah, she was diagnosed two years ago. Gosh. Yeah. It's a stranger. I'm 37 and all of my friends are like just having more kids or they've just been married, you know, and they're getting their houses and they're just doing normal things that people my age would be doing. And I'm like, oh, do you know what I mean?

It's not my time yet. Do you have a partner, Emily? I do, yeah. So I'm not with my children's dad anymore. We broke up when they was young. Yeah. And then I met my fiancé seven years ago now. Yeah, and he's honestly incredible.

Yeah, he's the best thing in the whole entire world, what he deals with, why he even, why he's put himself in this situation. I ask him every day, what are you doing here? Because he loves you. Yeah, that's his answer. He is my rock. I don't know what I would do without him, to be honest.

That's lovely. Yeah, even that situation is so hard because he has two children as well. and obviously where I've had to move back into mums to care for her, there's not room for everyone. So he's had to keep a place as well. We are together a lot, but it's still not that home life that you would expect us all to have, you know? It works.

It works for us. I mean, no, it's not going to be it for everything, but it takes a toe on him as well, you know? Yeah, it sounds like you have got a lot on your plate. And obviously this little episode, it's just a little bonus to highlight its carers week. and I'm pleased that you must, you must always ask for help.

You must say, I've got to have a break. I know, I'm useless at that, you know. I am useless at that. I very rarely ask for help. And is that, do you think through guilt? Do you think that's guilt? Probably. I remember with Dad, if I was tired and, you know,

I was very, very lucky, because my dad was very independent, actually. I was very, very lucky. But right at that end stage, I think it's something within you that just goes, I need to do it on my own. I'm going to do this. Yeah, you kind of take over.

Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Why do you do that? But yours is lifelong. It's very, very different. Yeah. It's not a small amount of time. It's not a small window. Do you need to make sure you pace yourself and you look after yourself?

Yeah. So Ruby goes to her dad's every other weekend and a couple of nights through the week. So that again gives me a bit of a break from... That's good. From thinking about her. So I can just concentrate on mum or having a little bit of free time, you know. but yeah, I find it really hard to ask for help. And I'm not one to put her in respite or anything like that,

which I don't knock anyone that does. I just personally, I've got too much anxiety built around that. Yeah. Especially as she can't talk. I think that's my main thing. It's not like she can come home and say, Mom, I didn't like this today or this happened to me, you know? Yes, yeah, I can understand that.

It's an added worry, so I'd rather take that on. And with mom, I don't know. Sometimes I think it's just easy to do it myself. by the time I've explained how to do something or set up for people to cut. Do you know, I just think, oh, I might as well just do it myself. Right, so I'll just do it, yeah, the stress of having people in. And it's done, yeah. Yeah, I know it's going to get to that stage, obviously.

We all know that, but we just got to take it each day as it comes. And when that time comes, it will come, I suppose. Yeah, well, you sound very level-headed. You sound extremely sort of calm and getting on with it. But, you know, you're amazing. Sometimes might. Yeah, my kids might. say otherwise sometimes.

Well, I'm sure they would. But we're all like... Yeah, well, we're all like that. It's irrelevant, isn't it? It doesn't make, you know, we all lose our patience. We all all do things. We all get emotional. We all can be tired.

So with what you've got going on, I think it's, you know, it's quite acceptable to every now and again, drop the ball, so to speak. Well done you for your pass as well. Thank you. Thank you very much. You done amazing. Yeah, I'm...

Well done. Yeah, it's really. good. I'm really pleased. I took it really seriously. You know, I worked hard. Yeah. It is a hard one because I think, you know, people have really enjoyed it, but then you get the odd comment of, oh, you're only doing it because it's on the telly and, well, what are you going to do now? And it's a really, it is difficult because, of course, I have done it. I have done it as a television program, because that's my, that's what I do. I don't think anyone would put themselves in that situation if they wasn't serious about it. And also, well, why would you, you know? It's a very

niche thing to go into, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. Being a television program or not, it's... Yeah, well, it's not... It takes a lot. It's not, you know, all glamour, is it? Or sort of travelling around the world. Oh, God, no.

You know, I'll leave Alan and Amanda to do that. They can go and build ours in. I'm going to be an elderly care homes. It's about right for me. Yeah. How dare you do that and take them liberties? It's a strange thing for people to... You're never going to please everyone, are you?

You're not going to please everybody. I'm sure. Every carer that's watched that has smiled along and thought, good for you. Yeah, well, I hope it shines a light on just what everybody's up to. And there are so many roles as well. The other thing is I want people to, I really hope kids watch it because I think it would be great for them to go, oh, I didn't know there was sort of an occupational nurse, or I didn't know that there was a therapist or, you know, nurses, home nurses. And I just think it shows.

Oh, it opens up. Doesn't it? It shows sort of so much. There's so many jobs that I don't think at sort of 14, 15 people know about and also not all kids want to, we've got this thing, haven't we in this country

you've got to get nines and you've got to go to university and going to college is a bit of a fail, like as if you've failed and it's pathetic because these colleges are unbelievable they're fantastic. Yeah, and people can go to university for years and come

home and not get a job in the thing they've just done a degree in this Absolutely right. But even I was watching it going, oh, I wouldn't mind doing that aspect of it. Yeah. No, I don't. But when my time of peace comes, I'm not stepping back into that role. Let me tell you.

But I can, yeah, I can completely see how, yeah, it would inspire people. And I do think it's going to do that. So I think it's excellent. Thank you. Well, I hope so. Every single, yeah, every episode I loved. I thought it was brilliant. It was brilliant.

And even the dementia one, just completely open my mind to how my mind. to how mum must feel sometimes, you know, and like the lovely Scott, what he was saying, it was so, could really relate with him. He wasn't he lovely, in it? He was so good, wasn't he, my Scott? Oh, so good. Yeah, it was really, really good. He's such, so honest about it all, you know.

Yeah, and yeah, just a lovely, lovely man, isn't he? He really is. I'm very lucky. He's my friend and my agent and, you know, looks after me. So, yeah, I'm super lucky. I feel very grateful to have him. Yeah, it's a lovely, lovely man. and I'm going to take on when he was saying it's their story.

You just got to be in it for that moment. And it's so true because sometimes you do, like he said, at the beginning you just want to correct them and say, that's not right. What you're saying that for, you know, but I'm going to take his advice and just step back and, yeah, let her live in the moment and just join her there. Just nod, nod and smile and agree and say, yeah, you know. I loved it.

I loved to be in the dementia. home. I know that might sound a bit weird, doesn't it? But it gave me so much to, I came away thinking that is so, so rewarding to sort of be a part of their world or make them smile or just make them feel safe for that little tiny pocket. Yeah, because they revert back to being like the younger self, don't know? It's like you feel like you need to nurture them a bit more. Yeah, I can imagine how rewarding that is. Interestingly, I think there's an element of role play there because of it's. of being an actress. Yeah.

You're kind of pretending with them. So I like that, you know, that was, I like, I enjoyed that sort of. Yeah, that's very true. Constant, um, role play, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, constantly. And also, I think with carers, I think you see a lot of care. There's a lot of humor in care.

Although there's dark moments, there's a lot of laughter. You've got to have a lot of, oh, you have a lot of, you know. I think you've got a laugh, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you do. And you're there to cheer them up, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it is a, it is an acting role. you're right. There we go. There's your perfect next job for you. I don't know. Well, let's hope we get us, hopefully, fingers crossed, we get a series too so I can delve into it more, you know? That's what I'd love to do. I hope so, yeah. Really like to. Yeah. All the other people that you was on there with was incredible as well. They were lovely, aren't they? Yeah, they were so good and so young and just so headstrong on what they wanted to do. Really, really good. Impressive. I think people should watch it in schools. I really do.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Well, Emily, thank you. It was so lovely talking to you. I let you get back to your day. Thank you. But just remember, it's your week this week. It's carers week and you're doing a grand job.

I'm going to lop it up. Good. There you go. All right. Thank you very much. Cheers, Emily. And you. Bye, darling.

Bye. Lovely Emily. I can't imagine having that life. And I know there will be so many listeners, so many people that care for people continuously, especially with children. And the next caller is another Vicky, actually. And she watched the doc and she sent a message because the stuff I did with a charity called Space, which isn't far from me, incredible charity.

And they are specialising in different things to do with neurodiversity and supporting families. And it really resonated with Vicky. So I'm going to give her a little tinkle now. nice this nice little one to highlight people who are fantastic and get on with their days you'd never know what they're you know you never know people's stories do you just remember that when you're out and about you need to remember that i'm i'm the first one i know i've said it before you're in marxies or wherever you are and someone looks a bit miserable and i'm the first one i think oh cheer up would you might never happen but you don't know what they're going through i've got to stop that i've got not everybody is as lucky as me. Not everybody can be as happy all the time. Hello. Hello. Is that Vicky? Hello, Nat. You're all right. I'm good. How are you? I'm good, thank you. I'm literally just going out to my car to actually get to have a decent conversation with you. Oh, okay. And this is what I'm

talking about whilst you're doing that, you do that. But again, you don't even think of those things. I would never ever think, oh, you can't even have a conversation without being interrupted at home. Exactly, exactly. And that's just one of the, exactly what you said. It's one of the things people don't even think about. They just think of ADHD as somebody who's just completely hyperactive, doesn't sit down for five minutes. And there's just so much more to it. Yeah.

Tell us your story because it's Careers Week, and I'm highlighting wonderful people like yourself. So tell us your story. So our little boy is six. From a very early age, I would say, and maybe around two, we were told, oh, you could have possible ADHD, it's pretty because he just wanted to be on the go all the time. But you get the things of, oh, you know, he's only little.

And he's a boy. That's the one that gets my back up the most. Oh, he's a boy. Because that's all we ever hear, he's a boy. And then it was raised again at preschool that he kind of just wasn't having the attention span. And, you know, he'd get, board very, very quickly.

Yeah. Then he's gone to skull, and that's where it become really apparent. And that's where the autistic traits also started to come in as well. Okay. And his teacher flagged up a few things that, you know, he was quite, his coordination's not great. So when he eats, like, trying to get him to eat without getting messy is ridiculous. And then he eats sometimes like what you see as a three-year-old would eat. He's just very, very messy.

And again, that's an ADHD trait with the coordination and things like that. So things like this were all starting to come up and then it started to come to the friendships and then he was just not engaging with the children the same way as they were so he's not into the same things that they are and he would hyper-focus on certain things that he was interested in

and for that for instance it would be things like Harry Potter and he would be obsessed to the point of that oh so all these want to talk about with all these children and these other children aren't interested No, blessing. So it has made things like that very, very difficult. And on top of that from reception, he now has an oral sensitivity.

Okay. Which means he doesn't like the feel of saliva in his mouth. Right. So he has to try and get rid of that. And his only way of doing that when he was at school is using his jumper. Yeah. Which now is causing a lot of problems because now it's obviously the children are noticing it. It's very difficult because trying to educate them is ridiculously hard.

and even trying to educate parents is so ridiculously hard. Do you think it's changing, Vicky? Do you think something like the show? Sorry, I interrupted you then. You know, no, it's fine. When you got in touch about the documentary, why did it resonate so much the episode was space, Chris? It was when I heard you talking to the children

and you said about it was somewhere they fitted in. And even saying it now, it makes me want to well up. I know. Because that's the thing that is so hard is wanting your child, who's trying so hard to fit in, finding somewhere to fit in. And, you know, we've not been invited to many birthday parties and things this year. And things like that, he's starting to notice, but why don't I get invited to things like that?

And we've obviously telling things like, oh, you know, it's expensive, and they can only have so many people. But we know they're much more underlying to it. Of course. So when you find charities like space and seeing these amazing things they do for these children where these children aren't judged for the things they can and can't do,

you can see their regulation taking over and how comfortable they are, where they are, and even for the parents. They were so calm. They were so calm. Honestly, it was so dreamy to watch. Also, when you talk about families, the children were calm and playing or whatever.

The thing that got me the most was those parents being able to sit and have a cup of tea and talk to each other. Yeah. in the way it sounds ridiculous and I hate to using the word normal but for those parents to feel normal like they can actually just go somewhere

even for half an hour and just breathe that they haven't got to watch that child every second of the day and that you know that they are completely comfortable they're safe where they are and you know that those parents that you're sitting with are not judging you and I just personally think

whether or not it's because we've only just started our journey since January with this I am struggling to find anything like that. Oh, that's so annoying. It's really sad. I'd like to feel like it's changing, but I don't know if it's changing quick enough

for the amount of children, especially children at the moment, that are being diagnosed. Whereabouts are you, Vicki? I'm in Kent. I'm in Longfield, sort of out towards Dartford. So you'd think, kind of being near London,

we'd have quite a lot of opportunity, but we really don't. I mean, we're actually looking at moving at the moment to out towards Gloucestershire. because we think there's a lot more outdoorsy things that would really interest our son more than what he's getting here. Whether or not that's going to be something that will happen,

we don't know. No. But it's really hard trying to find... I think that was the whole thing about the fitting in, trying to find somewhere that your child will fit in without feeling judged. Yeah, yeah. I think.

And I think your program, especially just watching that, even that particular episode, it really, I'm hoping it resonated with so many more people who maybe don't live with someone with autism, ADHD, but maybe does take a moment to think about the people that do. It's just difficult. It can be really difficult. I'm sure it can. Yeah, I'm absolutely sure it can. I can't imagine what you go through. And like you say, you are starting this journey. But it's so, it's so annoying. It's really, it pisses me off that there isn't somewhere near you, like space. No.

So how doesn't it really gets us like, oh yeah, we'd like to just definitely tell you your son has got ADHD with traits of autism. Yeah. But that's great. Now what do we do with that? Well, then you're left to your own devices to go off and find out other information.

We don't know where to start because it's an absolute minefield. And it's programs then like yours are showcasing these charities that can then maybe, fair enough, they might not be in our area, but that we might be able to find something that's similar. I really think that they will be able to help.

Without knowing this information, we don't know where to start with any of this. So like you say, maybe by calling them, maybe that will be a start for us, because I'm sure they probably are things, but they aren't well known enough to help these parents out at all. No. No.

Well, what I'm going to try and do is definitely on the bottom of, of this bonus episode, which is going out Wednesday, I'm going to try and put as many sort of organisations as I can underneath. But, you know, it's really hard because, again, you don't know what people want or whatever. But as we've had... It's such a varied thing.

It's so varied. There's so much going on in people's lives. But because we've had this conversation, I will certainly put spaces, details in there. That's amazing. I mean, yeah, I mean, when I saw what space done, I just thought what a wonderful thing to be if you were able to go

because I saw they kind of run a few there's a few around the country I think what a wonderful, wonderful charity to highlight that are doing something that a lot of parents just would not know about and to see what you said like you said with the children and for the parents

that just that release that little moment of calm that is just so rare but also Vic what it does it's not only the calm you're sitting with someone who's going through what you're going through. A liked-minded person that you can talk to.

Absolutely. You can talk to about how you feel. And it doesn't feel like you're very much on your own with that. Exactly. You know, you don't feel like you're on your own. There are other people like you. You just don't know. I think one of the things that,

yeah, there was one of the things of one of the parents, I think, said when you were sitting there, like, it's not one time that one of them doesn't maybe cry. And it is, I can imagine, that release and the relief to sit with people that know exactly how you're feeling. are not going to judge you in what your children are doing. Yeah. Just for that moment, and that release is, you don't get that in many places.

So that will be amazing. If there are other charities out there that, yeah, can help. Absolutely. The other thing, which I found doing the documentary, right, we're banging on here about how brilliant all the charities are. They are. They're amazing. If all these charities weren't around, well, there's not enough help.

You know, it doesn't have better thinking about. Yeah, there isn't. And like, obviously, going on a bit more. Like, we had something come up in, I think, one of the government talks the other day. So they want to look at taking anxiety and ADHD out of the disability living allowances. Right, okay. Now, that's clearly, may someone have made that decision who doesn't know someone who has these problems? Because there's extra things we have to buy as provision.

Of course. That money really helps us. Yes. But everyone's in the same position at the moment with how expensive things are. But that little bit of extra money really helps. And it helps us to take him to do things where it might be a bit quieter. Yes. And we have to pay extra to do that.

That's what that money goes to all. I get it. That's unbelievable. Sorry, so what are they doing? They're going to take... They're talking about ADHD... ADHD and anxiety out of a disability living allowance. Good grief.

Yeah. And like I said, I think for the, and I think a lot of the comments I was reading, because I love to go and have look at the comments afterwards, everyone was saying, well, this is clearly been made, a decision made by someone who doesn't have to live with these problems. Oh, absolutely. Because if they did, that wouldn't even come

into it. No. It's just, I mean, admittedly, since my son's been diagnosed, he's on sterilized the amount of things that ADHD covers. Yeah. I used to think it was just hyperactivity, but it's so much more to it. I mean, all I did was, you know, very tip of the iceberg stuff,

but I learned so much with Chris. It's incredible. It was incredible. And you don't realize there's so many different. And when he was talking Chris about, I don't even know if it was in the dock, actually, whether it made the edit. But when he was talking, did he talk about the Christmas lights?

No. No. Oh, maybe he didn't make it. So he did this amazing analogy. You know, when you get your Christmas lights out, and they're all tangled, all the wires, and you've got all the lights. And he said that

Imagine that being the brain And then some lights Some lights are on And some are off And everyone's brains are so different And it's like that huge big ball Of Christmas lights And it's muddled

There's no no But it's muddled But it's not There's no normal Yes you have a neurotypical ball Of Christmas lights Which is all lit Yeah

But then you have all of the All there's so many different And that is such a brilliant analogy of what that is. It really, that is a fantastic analogy. Yeah. And that is exactly how it is. So there we go.

You know. It's not about being normal. You can be neurotypical. I don't think anyone is, I think it's very rare to have a neurotypical person. I'm not neurotypical. You know what? I'd like to say,

we call the things we all have quirks. Yes. They're our autistic traits. They are quirk. Yes. And we've all got things we like, we don't like, we don't like the taste of some,

we don't like the taste of some, We've all got them, but yet some people just have them either a lot more over different varied things, but then their class is not normal. And when they come out with the neurotypical, I thought, what a fantastic way of putting it without making it stand so negative. I completely agree with you. And again, that language, I didn't know that language. I would genuinely beforehand.

People have to learn. I promise you, before I would have gone, well, I'm normal. And then this, you know, I don't, I didn't mean any harm. by it. No, no. It's the way it is. That's how we've all been brought up. I mean, I'm the same age near enough as, I think I'm the same age as Mark.

Yeah. And that's what we grew up with. But this is education. We need to be educated. You know, people in schools have got to be learning about the things that are really important. I really feel that they, I mean, our schools apparently supposed to be doing something on one term where we talk about how people and are different. Yes.

And what makes us different, where it's supposed to cover all of these things. I'm still yet to hear my son come out with that. They've done something like that yet. It's not come up. But I do think from a very early age, it's important. People do need to know that I would probably say near and a half of their classes. There are people who are some form of neurodivergent, maybe with or without knowing. Yes, yes, absolutely.

And it's educated and apparently. We were told one time last year, my little boy went up to him. and said, you can't come to my party because my mum says you're bad. Now, that really, I went straight to it. It broke my heart because he's not even a bag. He's not naughty. He hasn't got that neuro side of ADHD. He's just hyper.

But to hear a parent who doesn't even know him call him bad. That's a really terrible word for a child. It's awful for anybody. It's awful. It's awful. And I just think education is just going to be so key going forward. But I just don't know how quick it's happening. I think they should play my documentary in schools.

They could play an episode a week. Yes. They would learn so much. And do you know what? To be honest, I might even mention it to our Senko at school when I'm going to see her. Even if they just do the episode that resonated with you, just put that one on? Yeah. The one episode.

Yeah. Well, I've got a meeting with her next week, so I'm actually going to mention it. Yeah, I do. it really, and I'm going to say to exactly how it made me feel and what I think the benefit would be for children from such a young age and the teachers to just look at this at what's going on and it will help some of the teachers that maybe do have to do with these issues as well.

And it's hard. It's hard for the teachers. It's so hard. So hard. They've got so much to do. You know, they don't get paid at all. In all of these sectors, how often education. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we're very lucky us. they do put quite a few things in place for the Senco sector. My little boy gets to do a sensory circuit every morning before school. That's lovely. It's wonderful and we've really noticed such a difference. There are not enough schools being able to do this. It would be so helpful. But again, it just always comes down to funding, doesn't it?

And money, everything's money. Everything's money, yeah. Yeah, everything. So, yeah. Well, there we go. We've put the world to rights. We have. We've had a go,

but I can go back in down and parent. Oh, bless you. And the other thing I was going to say, because it's important, is I do hope you get a rest sometimes. Not as much as I would like, but do you know what? We try to do a little bit of self-care,

and even my self-care, that can be something as ridiculous as 10 minutes in the bathroom doing my face care skin routine of a night, but it's my time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's my bit of quiet where I don't have to think about somebody else,

which the time used to feel so selfish, but now I know how important it is. No, it's so important. Because if I'm not okay, those children aren't okay. There you go. That's it. That's it. So it's so important, and I think a lot of people do tend to forget that. I agree, and I'm pleased that you understand that, and you're not guilty about that.

Try and get a rest. Absolutely not. Try and get a rest. Although 10 minutes washing your face, I'd quite like you to have a little bit longer. I would love to have a little bit. To be fair, I can't lie, I actually was lucky enough to go out for dinner last night with a friend. That's good. That was a dream to not have to just think about anything but what I was eating last night.

It was lovely. Good. I hope you had a lovely time. I did. It was lovely. Good. Good. Well, it's been absolutely wonderful talking to you.

Lovely. And you, funny enough, my little boys now come down to the car. Well, there you go. You better get going. Send my love to all the children. Thank so much, Nat. All right. I will.

Thanks so much, Nat. Thanks. Yeah. Bye. Bye. Imagine saying I'm so lucky I went for dinner last night. I can't imagine it. We just go out for dinner whenever. Not that we do it a lot, but I'm saying I have that choice. Should we go out for dinner? All the kids, sit around the table, have dinner.

You do not realize. That's why it's good to talk about these things. It's good to open up these conversations. and I think parents of neurotypical children listen to this, listen to what people go through the next time you're in a swimming pool and maybe there's a child there that isn't like your child or you roll your eyes or you're tuck or when you're in the supermarket and, you know, have a little think about people on what they're going through, just have that little bit of empathy. I really hope everybody has enjoyed this episode.

I really wanted to do it. I hope you've watched the documentary. If you haven't, please go to BBC IPlayer. There's eight episodes on there, and I think you'll really like it. And if you have watched it and you have got in touch, thank you for all of your wonderful, wonderful messages, and I'm pleased you've really enjoyed it. To all the carers out there, this is your week.

Look after yourself, and you're all completely amazing. 0-7-8-20-1919 if you want to get in touch or leave me a message and all of the details of all of the charities that we've spoken about will be underneath wherever you listen to your podcasts I will speak to you tomorrow for a lovely, easy, funny Nat's nieces and in the meantime take care of yourself see ya