Life with Nat - EP260: Body Image with Alex Light

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Nat was joined by the very wonderful Alex Light who many will have seen on social media, a tonic to the awful body image negativity in the media and society. She is also FRESH out of the hospital with her second child, so plenty of chat about motherhood too.Alex Light on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/alexlight_ldn/Get in touch with Nat, buy tickets for upcoming live shows and link to Patreon, all the family's Instagrams, and more: ⁠⁠lifewithnatpod.komi.io⁠⁠ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Life with Nat. Today I am joined. I'm really, really excited by the wonderful Alex Light. I've followed Alex on Insta for a very long time, and her posts and conversations have always bolstered me up when I feel low, and she talks so beautifully and eloquently about body positivity. She has a wonderful book called You Are Not a Before picture, which was a Sunday Times bestseller,

and she has two beautiful children. one of which wasn't born long ago. Alex, thank you for joining me. Hi, I'm so excited to be here with you. Thank you so much for having me. Can I just say thank you so much, how you are on time this morning with two small children, I will never know.

I don't know either. To be quite honest with you, it's been hectic. But I'm here, and I'm excited. I made it work. I was like, Dave, my husband, like, you've got the kids. I'm doing a thing, okay? Thank you so much. Congratulations.

How are you? Thank you. I'm okay. I'm okay. So seven weeks the baby is now. Wow. So I still feel like I'm in the newborn trenches, you know? Yes. Yes. And like what is sleep, but things will get better. I will sleep again. I know that. I don't know when, but I will. You will. It's a wonderful, wonderful feeling, isn't it, that newborn stage? And it's so magical. But that tiredness, you just cannot explain. It's constant sort of jet lag really. It is, isn't it? And it's just the anxiety around sleep, you know, when you're, when like four o'clock hits 4pm and you're like, oh God, the sunset's scary setting. And you think, oh, I've got bed red and it's coming and stuff's coming. But, you know, that's what nice about having a second is that you do know that that time passes. It does pass and it does get better.

And so just saying it to myself all the time, like this time will pass and it will be better. And at the same time, you also want to enjoy it. So you have that awful, awful guilt of wishing time away. I know. And you see all those things on Instagram that make me feel bad all the time that says, you've got to enjoy every single second. You only get 18 summers with your kids so enjoy every single second. I'm like hit with these emotional reels all the time.

And I'm like too hungover. I wish. I'm too hormonal for them. How old are your toddler now? How old are your little boy? He's two and a half. Wow. So it is, you're in the trenches there.

That's big time. But beautiful, beautiful to have them close together. It'll be lovely in a few years. So nice. Just get it over and done with, you know? Yeah. I don't want to get out of the trenches and then go back in. So, yeah.

Fantastic. Alex, I've followed you, honestly, I've followed you for years and years. And just once, really, I genuinely mean it to say thank you. I feel that you are so down to earth and real and you speak about things that we all think about. And I just wanted to go back to the beginning. We're here, my pod is very, you know, you can just talk about whatever you want.

But I'd love to know when you first started to feel comfortable to talk about those things, how social media became such a big part of your life and, yeah, just how it all started really and where you are now. Gosh, so I have had disillard. ordered eating really since a very young age. I started dieting when I was, I think, about 11, 10, 11, doing like Weight Watchers groups and Sliming World groups. And I was just on and off diets for a really, really long time for probably a decade. Yeah, I was about 14, I think, when I first did my Weight Watchers

diet. Were you? Yeah, I think so. We're 80s kids, aren't we? we should. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I think it was like half of the course, unfortunately. And then, so just so much disordered eating followed because I'd been on diet for so long, I just didn't know how to eat anymore. So my eating was just completely disordered. And then I moved down to, I moved down to London. I got a job in magazines. And some, for some reason, somehow, the disorder of eating kind of turned into an eating disorder. And I just got really unwell and just sicker and sicker and sicker until my mom intervened and said, we need to get you some help. And I went to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia. And that then started a very long road

of recovery for me. And it really was long. It was like years and years and years. Yeah. Something that I think is important to talk about as well because I think you often hear that people are sick and then they get some help and then they're just like better, you know, it takes them six months and then they're recovered and it just wasn't the case for me. Those, eating disorders kind of morphed into binge eating disorder, which I struggled with for a good few years as well. But kind of around that time, I was on Instagram and I was just sharing fashion and beauty content and I was sharing my outfits and some of my makeup. And what I was doing at the time was I was face tuning. Actually, it was before FaceTune. Before FaceTune and the editing apps existed,

I downloaded Photoshop so that I could slim my body. Okay. And I would slim my waist and slim my legs and and slim my jawline and just essentially make myself into like a completely different person, but one that I thought was more socially acceptable. But then while I was going through this recovery, you know, concurrently, I started to realize that the things I was putting out really wasn't aligned with what I was learning sort of behind the scenes in my recovery. I was starting to learn about diet culture and about the pressure on women's shoulders to be thin and stay thin and just to just be small at all costs. And I realized that what I was doing was really at odds with that because I was putting out all this content to women. It was only women who followed me.

I was putting out of this content to women that was completely edited, that was completely unrealistic beauty standards, because it literally wasn't real, wasn't me. And so one day I just decided to share a post about all my eating struggles. And it was a big deal at the time because really not many people in my life knew, or they knew because of how I'd looked for a long time, because I'd gotten so thin, but I hadn't opened up to anyone, apart from my immediate family and boyfriend. Yeah. But I kind of just took this leap and was like, I'm going to talk about it online. I'm just going to share a post and see what happens.

And so I shared this post about, and I just detailed what exactly what I've been through with eating disorders. And the response was unbelievable. The response, not just from people that I didn't know, people that followed me. but from people that I knew in real life who I had no idea, struggled with anything to do with body image or disorder eating or eating disorders

and I kind of just realized, like, this is an even bigger problem than I thought it was. This is huge and it affects so many of them, especially, you know, like we said, those of us who grew up in the 80s and the 90s, you know, like it was such a brutal, it was such a brutal time.

It was brutal. I was looking back and flicking through some of your posts this morning, you know, just to refresh my memory. And when you look at, I love that post Well, I hate that post, but that post where you're showing all the women that we were told of fat,

i.e. Bridget Jones, Britney Spears, Ugly Betty. You know, it's absolutely absurd. It's absurd. I'm Bridget Jones. I remember distinctly them showing her weight in the film, and I think it was nine stone four. And, like, we were supposed to think

that she was, like, fat and dowdy and couldn't get a man because of that. It's just crazy. Like in no world of my nine stone four. My God, that is so slim. It's so slim. So slim. Yeah.

Yeah. And when I watch Bridget Jones now, I put it on the other day. It was on the telly. And she's so sexy and so gorgeous. I know. She's so attractive. I know. This whole thing about the, you know, the actress herself, René Zellberger,

who she put on weight for it and then lost all the weight for it. And we were totally obsessed. Like the media was obsessed with this transformation. So, but yeah, going back to then, so basically momentum just built from there because so many of us suffer with our body image. And then I started to explore why and I went back to like everything that we'd experienced, all this stuff, you know, the media, the tabloids, which I imagine you have had, you know, you've got your own experiences with as well, sort of being in the public eye during that time as well. Very much so. I mean, throughout the 90s, I was 10 in 1993 when I went into EastEnders. But even when I was sort of 13, 14, that you'd have TV critics writing about me as a beached whale.

And when you look back at, yeah, it was all about the shape of Sonia as well as her comedic value. But she was funny because she was plump and all of those sort of stereotypes that go together. And at the time I didn't think it bothered me. And I have got a very thick skin. But when I really did deep now, you know, very much like the beginning of your journey, I was definitely that diet culture, the cabbage soup diet, then the Weight Watchers, then the Sliming World and then this and that, and, you know, all of those things happened. And I think you're right.

I think when you, I don't know if I know a woman, genuinely know a woman who doesn't talk about what size they are, how fit they are, what size dress they fit into. I don't think I know someone. Same. I can't think of a single woman. who doesn't have at least one hang-up about her body. But going back to what you went through, that is so brutal. And there's no way that that wouldn't have affected you

because you're at such a formative age as well, you know, that 13, 14, and you find yourself suddenly in the public eye and on TV. And that is, and then for people to be, for the media as well, to be talking about your shape. Like, I'm just so sorry that happened because I can't imagine. And I don't know if I would recover from that, you know, that's really brutal. I think, again, it was that age. It wasn't right, but that was the sort of decade we were in.

And obviously you had the pink tops, and the pink tops, as I like to call them, your closers and your nows and all of those. And as much as you'd do an interview and they'd be really nice, you'd have a fun day at heat, you know, I really did. On the other breath, you'd have an award ceremony and you'd have your ticks and your crosses. And, you know, I was always in the cross section. Yeah, it's just, yeah, it was crazy when you live. look back, it was. But I then did a fitness DVD to my detriment because that was the worst thing

for me to do where I lost a lot of weight. I was seven stone 12 at the end of that. Oh my goodness. Wow. I lost four stone in three months. Wow. I put it all back on again. Yeah, very quickly. Well, it's no surprise if you lost it that, you know, lost so much that quickly. Yeah. Were you just starving yourself essentially? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Very, very low. diet and exercise and what have you. But as you say, that's why you're such an inspiration to me because, yeah, I have really been through it. And I've actually just done a podcast where I went really into detail about what I went through

and I found it really cathartic actually. Good. Because I don't really talk about it anymore. But I think it's really important to talk about, you know, because like you say, I think sharing our experiences, it really helps people. They know that they're not alone. Yeah. I guess what you went through, like talking about it will help you and also help the people listening who consumed all that content at the time.

Yeah. Because we looked at those photos of women that, you know, the magazines and the newspapers were saying, oh, she's fat, or she's got cellulite, or she's got this or that. We weren't looking at those women and laughing. We were looking at them thinking, oh, God, if they think that about them, what would they say about me? And, oh, they think she's fat, but I'm much bigger than her. You know, we weren't laughing along with them. It was shaping how we felt about ourselves as well. So I think it's really powerful that you talk.

I completely agree with you and it's good that we do talk. But something, like you say, I feel that we didn't laugh along. We read things. We couldn't comment on them. And then I looked at another post of yours, which you're absolutely right about, this comment culture and how many people are being so rude on and are very, it's completely normalized. They don't care that it's public.

They're writing about people, you know, I wish she'd, you know, blow her up or she's really fat or she's really ugly. What do you think about that? What can we do about that? Because obviously, Instagram has become your career. Social media has been fantastic for the both of us. You know, I get lots of work from it. I find it a really positive place.

But when I see that side, I just want to chuck my phone in the bin. How do you manage that? it terrifies me when I see the and I think the post you're referring to was comments about Northwest. So, in Kardashian's daughter, who was a 13 year old girl and the comments about her, I don't think I've ever seen such disgusting comments on social media and that says a lot because there are a lot of disgusting comments on social media. But it terrifies me how comfortable people feel to comment on women's bodies in such a

disgusting way. And like you say, they don't care that it's public and people can see. I feel, which is also quite scary, I feel desensitized to it. I don't know if you do too. Like, I've been on social media for like 12 years now, I want to say. I don't even know, but a long time. And I'm just used to like people saying things to me or people writing in the comments section or DMing me. That's really, really scary though. It is, isn't it? It's really, really scary. It's a bit like the time where we were talking about computer games for boys

and then being desensitized because they're blowing people up in a computer game and then young culture and all of that sort of stuff. Yeah. I'm really lucky. I don't get many. I don't know why. I don't get a lot of hate, which is really lovely. But when I read it for other people, I find it really scary.

and I don't know what you do about it really. I just feel that we had it bad in the 90s because of the images and the magazines and the films and all of those things. But when I've got a 15-year-old, she'll be 16 in a couple of weeks and it perpetrifies me what children have to go through.

Yeah, that must be hard. Because I feel for parents who have older kids now because what do you do? Do you limit their use of? social media, or do you take it away completely, but then knowing that all their friends are on it, it's just, it's really hard. Yeah, it is. But I don't know what the answer is. No. I think that if people, actually, I do know the answer. I think that Instagram and TikTok and these social

media platforms should have more guidelines in place. They should be more vigilant and they should be looking out for abuse, because that's what it is. It's just abuse. It's online abuse. But unfortunately I don't think they care enough. Well, we know they don't care enough because there are a whole ton of ethical problems with Instagram and Facebook and TikTok and it's been shown time and time again that they just don't do anything about it. So unfortunately, I think it's in our hands. Yeah, and I think, you know what the biggest shame is? They can sit and say, well, there's just billions and billions of people commenting all the time. We know the tools and the power and the technology now of AI. Right. Right. I believe if they put

a program in place with keywords in, then those comments could just disappear or not be posted. There's got to be technology now to be able to do that. Definitely. Definitely. The power of AI is unbelievable. But it would cost them manpower and a lot of money

and they don't care essentially. It doesn't line their pockets at the end of the day. Making social media more, you know, addictive, making the algorithm sharper and more sensitive so that you stay on for longer and you see exactly like all of that stuff keeps you on the out for longer and that's what they care about. It is a real shame but I think it has to be in our hands and I just think people have to be more accountable for what they say online and I think more people need to talk about

the abuse so that it's given an open forum and people can do their best to shut it down when they see it, report the comments, let's not become desensitized to this, let's not normalize this, this is not okay. You would never speak to someone like this in real life. You wouldn't have the guts to say more than things. You really wouldn't. You wouldn't walk up to somebody with you and say those things. It's an interesting point. Here's something I wanted to show you. I've been waiting to see you. I saw this in a card shop. And I thought I'm going to save this for Alex, okay? So I walked into a card shop up the West End the other day. I was buying some birthday cards and I saw

this card and I was so furious. I thought, right, I'm going to buy it as much as I didn't. I want to spend my money on it. And this is the card that I bought, right, which I just couldn't believe. It says, Hello, 999, I can't stop eating. So I just wondered, who is that for? Who are you buying that card for? Who has designed that? Wait, who are you buying that?

Is it a birthday card? It's just a blank for your own message. Okay, so what kind of card is it? Like, what are you giving up to someone for? Is it a thank you card? Happy birthday. big card, it's stupid. It's the most ridiculous.

And it just, it really got me. It just got me. Yeah. I thought, why are we in 2026 and that card's allowed to be on a shelf? I just found it really triggering. And, you know, for anybody like yourself, you know, been through eating disorders, still in recovery from that sort of thing. This shit shouldn't be on the shelf.

I just wanted to. Yeah, that's it. It's just pure, pure shit. You know what? Actually, I thought you were going to show me is a, because I've seen it a lot recently, I think it's a card for a child to give to their mom and it says,

happy birthday, mom, sorry I ruined your body. Oh my God. Wow. Of all the things that we're going to put on the front of a card about a child's relationship with their mother, that is what you're going to choose. That feels like the most important thing to choose. And of course they didn't ruin your body.

I mean, it's the most amazing thing ever. Isn't it? Isn't it? I mean, we are so lucky and so blessed to be able to grow children. I mean, it's just a miracle. Every time I see a pregnant lady, you know, it's a miracle. Every time I see a newborn baby, I just weep. It's amazing, you know.

I look at my baby every day and I'm like, I can't believe you've got eyelashes, and I did that and like toes and eyes. And it's just, it's, and my toddler's obsessed with my secession scar. because I can't believe that that's where he came from, you know. He thinks it's just magic. And he gets me to tell the story every time and just the idea that we will pass this on to our kids that somehow you ruined my body is just...

I had both of my girls, Caesarian. Did you? Sometimes Joni will say, well, you know, when I came out of your Fafalina, whatever, as she calls it, and I say, no, no, no, no, no. I said, you come out of the sunroof, come out the tummy. It's all right about that. You came out perfect.

It's like a little Lion King moment. I've got that photo of him being lifted up. It was like, Simba. But again, all of those things, we are very similar. I don't know if you felt guilt through that. I don't know if you've had two C-sections, but I have. You have. So you feel, am I all right?

Am I normal? I haven't done it properly. And then I struggled with breastfeeding. And that didn't really go to plan for me. So all of these things, I do think they shape us. You know, they're hard to deal with. But they do make you stronger, Alex, in the end, I think, you know. We are so similar because I felt a lot of guilt about my C-sections,

especially because I chose the C-sections. My sister had birth trauma, so did my mum, and I didn't want to experience that myself. I know C-section moms can experience birth trauma, but I just wanted to have the control of a C-section. So I chose a C-section. So there was like internal shame around that. And I also haven't breastfed either of my boys.

I got a breast reduction like 12 years ago. Yeah. And I think it's for that reason that I just didn't get any milk by the time. And there's so much shame around that as well. There's a lot of shame around that. And it really angers me actually. Because the people that can breastfeed really well, and they're like Daisy the cow and it just comes to them

and they're filling up bottles left right and center. They're very quick to say, no, you have got the milk, you just need to try. And I used to think, how dare you tell me, I've sat crying, with a pump and a baby on a breast, and get 10 milliliters in two hours. There isn't anything, you know? It's hard that.

It's savage. It's really hard. It's really hard. And especially, you know what it's like when all those hormones, those postpartum hormones are flying around, and you just feel useless? Like, I should be feeding my baby from my body, and I can't. And it's not like, I think people think that you just, that a lot of women go, ah, I can't be bothered, stick a bottle in. And for a lot of us, it's just not like that.

It's a really, it's a hard decision, you know, and it's on a tangent. But let me know what you think of this, right? Because my youngest, he's seven weeks old and he's been, since he's been born, he's been like crying so bad and we've had loads of feeding issues. So we took him to a a consultant, a lactation consultant. This is an amazing charity near us. Yeah. And she looked inside his mouth and said he's got a tongue tie, which will be contributing to a lot of this. And she said, I can refer you to the NHS, but they prioritise breastfeeding babies, so you won't be seen for a long time. Wow.

It just felt like a slap in the face, you know. Very much so. We went private because I was like, I want to, my baby's in pain. I'm going to sort this out. But the fact that we had to go, you know, luckily we can afford it. We've got the means. But like the fact that I had to go private and like, what about the bottle feeding mums who can't afford to go private?

And yet they're made to wait because, you know, it's not first come, first served. It's food's breastfeeding. Yeah, that's very sad, actually. Because there shouldn't be a difference. Your child needs to be fed. And in this day and age, the formula that we have is absolutely fantastic. It's got everything in it a child needs. I say it all the time to people.

Yeah. You know, my children are all right. Your children, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm bottle fed. Yeah, I'm bottle fed. All my sisters are. Yeah. We're all okay.

Yeah. But one last thing on the shame, I want to say, is that if we were men, we wouldn't feel the shame around having a C-section or bottle feeding. No. You know, it's very much a female thing, you know. It's like internalized in us that we need to suffer and we need to do things the right way. If not, we've failed at being a mother or being a woman in some way. There is so much pressure on us.

But from ourselves, of course, but from society. From society, and I think it starts so young, the pressures of life. Yeah. Even at school, what boyfriends is you in primary school? Are you the pretty one? I was never the pretty one in the playground at 10, 11. You know, and then you've got the, are you growing boobs?

Do you look like a teenager? All of those, you know, is it unbelievable? And I know, absolutely, of course, boys and men. they experience a lot. But I just think for us, with motherhood especially, the guilt of everything, you know, even now, you know, you think that, sorry to tell you this, but you think it might get easier.

It'll get easier as they get older. I don't, I think it gets harder personally. I mean, it's beautiful, but the emotions and they need you more, they need you around, you know, I'd say to you, once that baby's six months, get on, get your. yourself on holiday for two weeks. They don't even know, you know, they don't know at that age. You know and you feel the guilt. I never, I never left my kids when they were little, but now's even worse. I'm trying to, I said to Mark, should we go away for a couple of nights and I'm thinking, oh, they're just back to school and is it really bad? Maybe that's my thing. Maybe I'm a bit mad and just don't like leaving them, but, yeah, I just don't feel like it gets any easier at all. Yeah, I will be like that as well. I will be like that. I always. I always, I'm having nightmares about my son going to university.

Or just leaving home at 18. I'm like, oh God, he's two. Don't worry about that at the moment. And also, no one's leaving home. I think the average age child is leaving home is about 34. Is it really? Yeah, because of, you know, people not being able to afford stuff. So I think we're all right.

They're at home now. I've probably got bigger fish to fry right now. Yeah, absolutely. So you're at home at the moment and you're resting. but obviously with your work, are you just sort of working straight away, I would imagine. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great thing about social media, isn't it?

And I forgot how much baby sleep in the day. It's great. I hope you're sleeping while they're sleeping, but you're not, are you? No, no. You know, the postpartum naps give me this sense of, like, anxiety when I wake up. I don't know if you remember that, but like, oh, I just, I don't feel right, when I wake up.

Fair enough. Not to even nap. No. I'll just be tired. Yeah. And then be awake all night. And then be awake all night. I love my life right now.

Oh, bless you. Bless you. It does get easier, like you said. Yeah. Until the teenage is, right? Yeah. Well, yeah. I've not had too bad a time.

I have to say touch watch. It's not been too bad. For me... I'm one of five girls. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. So you can imagine my, and we're really close together because there was twins.

So we are, we were, I was, I'm the eldest and I was, we were five under six, basically. Wow. I know. I know. And I never really thought about it until I became a mum. And now I said to my mom, I don't say how. I just say why, like why? Why did you do it?

And what does she say? You had the choice not to. I don't understand why you just did it. She's like, I don't really, I don't really know. But we're all very close now, so that's good. but the teenage years in my household were a lot. I can imagine. It goes together.

Goodness me. Chaos. Yeah. I've got a six-year gap between my two. Have you? Okay, that's nice. It's nice. So, Joni's just turned 10.

Okay. And now I can feel her hormones and moods coming in and the other one's sort of getting better. And it's just going to start again now. So, you know. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, nice though. It is lovely. It is lovely.

Yeah. Yeah. So in terms of your, the stuff you're doing now, obviously you're going to concentrate on just having, you know, looking after your baby, hopefully getting some soon and what have you. You've obviously written, how many books have you written? Two.

Two books, yeah. So have you got any more sort of ideas for books in the pipeline or any other ideas? Definitely not right now in terms of books. No, no. But I do think that I've got a lot of work in the body image space because as much as the 90s and the naughties were brutal for body image and like just telling women that they needed to be thin.

And it was the heroin chic era, which is a horrifying phrase, isn't it? And it was a nothing tastes as good as skinny feels era. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But we're kind of back now to this, you know, this like ultra-thin celebrity. becoming very thin, losing a lot of weight. And obviously we're in the era of GLP ones now,

which are just so commonplace. You know, you'd be hard pressed to not know someone who was taking one. So I think there's a lot of work to do in the body image space still. And I think it's a really hard time for women and girls right now. I completely agree with you. And I think it's, I'm finding, I'm having to really, I really think about my body at the moment and I'm very honest, I always have been

but over the summer I've definitely you know, trousers are a bit tight and not feeling 100, you know, and it's not about, for me, it's not about being a certain exact target but I have really, I don't want to throw all my clothes away. I know, I know, you know, it's that as well, it's money and it's waste and it's,

so I just want to get back to that, but without feeling annoyed at myself, I need to go, actually, I've had a beautiful summer. I've had such a good time. Yeah. And we've just had a really, what we've been so fortunate. We've been on holiday a couple of times, which we don't usually do, but we've travelled and we've explored and we've eaten and we've drank and it's been absolutely amazing. Gorgeous, I love that.

So there's a part of me that goes, I don't want to worry about losing weight again. It's really, I'm at a real big stage at the moment in my head where I'm sort of fighting with myself but part of me is like I feel really good just go and buy some new clothes it's not a big deal, go up a size and be all right but the other side I know that I feel when I wake up I feel a bit lighter

and I feel a bit more energetic when I'm not 10, when I haven't got these 10 pounds on do you know what I mean? And I'm sorry if that's, please, it's triggering for you or you can talk about the weight but I'm just asking you your opinion really because again I think all women have this constant battle. But when I get ready and I put my makeup on and I put something on,

or even this morning I chuck my leggings under my t-shirt, I know that I think actually I feel attractive. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I feel good, I look good. So why am I always harping on back to that sort of weight that I know that I should be? Why should I? You know, I'm really glad you brought this up.

and I think it's something that's really important to talk about. And I think that this sort of is part of the reason that the body positivity movement didn't stay, didn't last and that it was, you know, so many people sort of turned their backs on it, was that it was really prescriptive. And it was like, you can't talk about wanting to be thin. You don't want to be thin. You don't want to lose weight. You have to be exactly happy as you are. and it didn't leave room for much nuance. And there is so much nuance in this conversation

because it's all very well and good to say, I want to love myself. I am exactly happy as I am. But we have grown up in this world that tells us that we should never be happy enough as we are. There's always something to fix. There's always some way to be better. There's always pounds to lose.

There's always a size to go down. And so to just accept ourselves as we are is really difficult. And also it doesn't leave room for people that do want to lose weight for reasons that don't have to do with diet culture and don't have to do with, you know, outside pressures. I genuinely, Alex, honestly, I feel like mine isn't to do with outside pressures. It's to do with exactly. I know it's really basic. It's to do with really love, I like my wardrobe.

I've got some nice trousers. I want to fit into them. and I also do definitely have more energy if I'm about half a stone light than I am. I definitely just feel better within myself. And believe me, we're not sitting here talking about seven and a half stones, eight stones. We're talking about being ten stone and feeling good, you know,

and I'm only five foot three. So I'm not talking about being size six is eight. I feel, you know, a normal size. Do you know what I mean? And I honestly just, I really, and I know people will disagree with me, but I think it's okay to say that. and to feel like that.

And I think what's really important, and it sounds like you have, is that you interrogate why you feel like you need to lose weight. Yes. You interrogate that and, you know, question it, why, and see where that why comes down to. Is it because I think I will, I conform more, is that I think society will accept me more?

Is it that I think I will fit the beauty standard better? And, you know, those reasons, and they're still valid, you know, I don't want to dismiss anyone's feelings. No, they are still valid. But I think maybe they're not the best reasons to throw yourself into a diet or throw yourself into intentional weight loss, which can be harmful, you know. Yeah. I think just questioning your why and questioning the reasons, but ultimately, everyone has bodily autonomy and knows what they need to do with their body. And I think that the body acceptance movement needs to make room for that

and needs to accept people where they're at. You know, I think for me, that's really important. That's an important part of us all moving on from this and just accepting ourselves. And just to not have that shame if you, because then as you say, that body positivity movement, they'll feel frightened to think, oh, but I would like to lose a couple of pounds.

Is that wrong? And then you're worrying about that side of it as well. I'm thinking, oh, I can't say that because that's wrong. I get exactly what you mean. Exactly. There's another standard. There's another standard that you're holding yourself to that you can't meet. There's standard to be perfect with my self-acceptance.

You know, like, why don't I love myself? Everyone's telling me to love myself, but I don't. And it's like we don't have to be there. We can be body neutral or we can work towards the goal of like loving ourselves. But except that we don't necessarily have to be there and we're not going to be there overnight. Like we're on picking a lot, a lot of work, you know, a lot of conditions. and that takes a long time and it's really, it's really hard.

Yeah, absolutely. And some people say, you know, and some people say, you know, find this shocking when I say it, but like I still feel those pressures. You know, I have points considered, you know, thought about, oh, maybe, you know, maybe I should take a GLP one. Oh, I wonder, you know, I wonder. I've not gone, I've not gone through with it. I don't think I ever would.

But I can't say that sometimes the temptation isn't there. I agree. because we're all still operating within a system that rewards women who are smaller and thinner and, you know, we're upheld to, we're held to a beauty standard that is very thin. And that pressure affects all of us. And I think when we acknowledge that and talk about it, we just, we make everyone feel less alone. Yes, I completely agree. And I know, again, I don't know whether this is right or wrong, but if I look back on the summer, right, this is me being honest,

I'm not talking about crushed dieting. I'm talking about you can't drink a bottle of rosé every other day loads of gin and tonics have barbecues

three times a week eating burgers sausage I just mean I've over-indulged I've had a fantastic time but I'm not talking about going on a crash diet now

I'm talking about a week off of no booze moving a bit more going on a walk you know things that just are normal and that make you feel better Do you know what I mean?

Of course. I haven't moved to muscle for six weeks. Well, yeah, I didn't move for nine months in pregnancy. My God, my steps were down to like three a day. I turned everything off. It was embarrassing. I think that's what a lot of people find as well. If you do have periods where you are, you know, you're indulging more. When you go back to like your normal life and normal routine,

your body kind of does come to its sort of set point anyway, you know. where it's happy being, where it's where it's supposed to be. And I think that's the main thing, isn't it? And I know it's a cliche, but it is about being happy. But really, really sitting there and forgetting about everybody and thinking of yourself and thinking, do I feel happy and content with life? I'm not trying to just about body, with everything in your life. Your body and how it looks and that image should really be really low on the list, you know?

It's about our health and our happiness and the relationships we form and our friendships and our home life. You know, we're social creatures and we thrive on connection. That's what makes us happy as humans, not fitting it, you know, not reaching a gold number on the scales or like, or reaching a certain size. And like those things might give you an initial sense of euphoria like, oh, I did it. But it doesn't last. No. It doesn't last. and what you'll find, what people find that do reach that.

And I know because I reached my goal weight again and again and again. And just the goal weight kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller because I thought, oh, well, that didn't work. That didn't make me happy. I must need to lose more weight and more weight and more weight. And I never found that happiness. There was no like pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No.

Because there isn't. It doesn't give you that deep sense of contentment. I was probably at my unhappiest, at my lightest. Same. Same. Same. Yeah. I didn't have a life.

And also, you're terrified that you're going to put it back on. And the scales are going to creep up again. So it's a really, yeah, I was the same, honestly, the same as you. I was the most unhappy when I was at my lowest weight. Yeah. And yet everyone around me was saying, oh, wow, you look amazing. How did you lose so much weight? What are your secrets? Tell me your secrets. I was like my secrets is that like I'm on a juice diet 24-7. I'm not like I'm not even eating food and I am deeply, deeply miserable like very, very depressed. So yeah, it's a bad time.

Well, it's wonderful. You look absolutely beautiful. It's amazing that you've just had a baby and you've come to join me. Thank you so much. Honestly, I really appreciate it. So happy to join you. Honestly. Thank you. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yeah, delighted. Thank you so much. And you've got the September now, so you've got all of the burr months ahead to get all cozy and snugly. Are you a summer or winter, girl? Winter. Oh, my God. I hate summers with a passion. I hate it. Like, the heat waves have just not been my friend. And I'm not good with heat waves anyway, but pregnant.

I was, it was hell on earth. I hate it. I swear so much. Like, I am such a sweater. Like, I'm drenched in, like, seconds with any hot weather. So I've just been so happy for the burn months. What about you? I'm the same. I've tried to embrace it this year, and I have really enjoyed it. I've thought, stop moaning about it.

But I get awful hay fever. I get bitten a lot by mosquitoes terribly. It's just not my, I cannot wait. I'm, clocks go back and I'm excited. Light my candle. Me too. Get my pajamas. all of that.

Yeah, I went to HomeSense yesterday. Oh. Ones of pumpkins everywhere in Halloween and stuff. And I was like, yeah, this is my season. I love it. When's your birthday? August. Oh, okay.

You know Leo. Yeah. Oh, happy birthday. Oh, Virgo. Oh, Virgo. Okay. Yeah. Now, I wondered, you're very, I'm a Taurus.

I wondered if you were a Taurian baby. But you made, is that May then? May, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay, okay. But very grounded, and you're very, very grounded down to Earth. So I don't know much about Virgo's, but yeah. No, I don't really know, but people say that I think we're very type A.

Right, okay. Yeah, that's all I know, really. I don't know much about it, but yeah. Are you a cooker at home? I don't think I've ever really seen you sort of preparing anything online or... I am the worst cook in the world. Yeah, absolutely dreadful. But food delivery boxes have changed my life.

Yeah, I started doing Hello Fresh and then you know, you get all the instructions and they're idiot proof, which is what I knew because I'm an idiot in the kitchen. They are idiot proof and that has, it's really taught me how to, because I think, sorry to make it a bit bleak, but because I've had such issues with food, but all my life really until my late, to my mid 30s probably, because I'd have so many issues, I never learned how to cook because I didn't really cook, I didn't really eat, you know? So I never learned how to cook. So it's only in the past few years I've started to discover it and like, you know, explore it through these meal delivery boxes. They are amazing actually. They're really good. Yeah. They're amazing. It's changed that for me. But I do try and baking.

It's absolutely disastrous. Yeah. I'd love to be a baker. I want to be the person that you come to my house. It smells like banana bread. And I'm like, oh, do you want a slice or do you want a muffin, you know? But I just, it just turns out like shit. Let's give yourself a break at the moment.

Yeah. You're baking. Come in later. you can't fucking bake at the moment, right? You've got too much on. You've got a point. You've got a point. Well, good luck with everything.

Oh, absolutely. And thank you. And good luck with everything. Please keep in touch. I feel like we should do something. I don't know. I feel like there's a lot of, be lovely to do something together,

be it a, I would love to know, an event or a talk or for women. I'd love to do that. Yeah. That would be amazing. Where are you based roughly? Oh, okay, not far at all. Where are you?

I'm over in Hertfordshire, not far. Oh, not far. Let's do something. All right. Let's, let's, I would love that. All right. I think we should. I think it would be really, really good.

Sorry, everybody, as usual, going off peace. Also, I have to tell you that I loved Ali Katz. Oh, yes, I was. I absolutely loved it. You know what? It was funny because I said to say my husband, we should put it on with our toddler as well because he can watch the animation.

You know, the animation will keep him occupied and then, you know, we can watch it for us. And 27th and then I was like, let's turn this off. It's definitely, definitely not for children. No, it's not for children. My 10-year-old said, look, Mommy, oh, you're in it and I want to watch it. And I do allow my 10-year-old to watch.

But, you know, people roll their eyes at me. But she does. She watches Gavin and Stacey. She'll watch, Here We Go. She watches Friday Night Dinner, which has a few sexual references in it. and a bit of swearing, but I don't mind it because she loves her comedy, which I love,

so it's fine. But I said, Joni, she said, but you let me watch? I said, no, no, no. You're not watching Mickey Chavez's comedies. Not yet, definitely not. Give it a few years. Well, it might explain one. My son, I picked him up from nursery the day

in the nursery. I said, oh, we've got a problem because every time we drop something, he says for the clock's sake. Brilliant. And I was like, I have no excuse, it's me. I've got a potty mouth, so just my husband. Well, there you go.

That's it. It's your language. As long as he's a kind and nice person, I don't care what you said. I don't care if you're using swear words. Absolutely. I'm totally with you. But I do say, look, just indoors. You don't need to do it outside.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Definitely not nursery. I can't, I can't, you can't be thrown out, please. Well, yeah. I need childcare. Yes. True. Well, thank you. Thank you, Alex, and everybody at home.

I hope you've really enjoyed this episode. 077-828-1919. I am absolutely certain that I shall get many, many messages about this one. And I shall pick up on them all very, very soon. Enjoy your day. Enjoy the rest of your weeks. And Alex, I'll speak to you very soon, I hope. Thanks so much now.

Thanks. See you.