Life with Nat - EP66: JOE WILKINSON - a Christmas Cracker

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Nat and Joe chat all things hair, adverts and luxury advents Please subscribe, follow, and leave a review. xxx You can find us in all places here; https://podfollow.com/lifewithnat/view INSTA: @natcass1 We're also on Facebook now too: https://www.facebook.com/lifewithnatpod A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] SHOW INFO: Life with Nat - it’s me! Natalie Cassidy and I’ll be chatting away to family, friends and most importantly YOU. I want to pick people's brains on the subjects that I care about- whether that’s where all the odd socks go, weight and food or kids on phones. Each week I will be letting you into my life as i chat about my week, share my thoughts on the mundane happenings as well as the serious. I have grown up in the public eye and have never changed because of it. Life with Nat is the podcast for proper people. Come join the community. ♥️ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

oh hello joe what happened then i don't know what's going on with my technology it's really bad oh let's just do it the old- fashioned way Get on a train See each other Have a coffee Meet up somewhere Maybe go for a walk A lovely walk Let's just not pod Let's just have a walk

And a chat I'm really up for that Should we pod though I don't know It's your pod isn't it None of my business I was taking my headphones I just don't want to hear me

I can't hear you Through the headphones I give up Okay they're working headphones are working all right we're halfway there she's such a hard worker joe i know what a lovely backdrop she has as well it's like um kaff kitson or something mostly lego and mad mostly lego wow a lot later love lego my friend friend James from work, he visited Denmark and he took his family to the Lego Hotel. He said it was amazing. Lego Hotel?

It was a hotel. He said that he went to the Lego restaurant and they served up a little tray of Lego and you pick the blocks and put it on and then a robot, a Lego robot served the food and stuff. He said it was amazing. Wow. Is Denmark the home of Lego? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right. I thought it was amazing. Wow. Is Denmark the home of Lego? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right. I thought it was. Brilliant. I'd love to do that. I did a similar thing. Well, not a similar thing. Me and David, when we were in Manchester, stayed in the football hotel.

Oh, yeah. Which is owned and run by, like, I think it's like Gary Neville, Nicky Butt, Ryan Giggs. And it was the only hotel, something was happening, it was like a big concert or something, it was the only hotel we could go and get in and it was too much football and I love football. You do love football. I love football but it was too much.

It was like the burger was like Ryan Giggs burger with bacon or whatever and the soap had like Gary Neville's face on it and stuff like that and it was just too much i was like that's too much isn't it when you're washing your bottom yeah you don't need gary neville up your crack no well pillowcases and bedding as well i don't think there was a bedding but it was like on the wall and stuff there was and i was like oh i didn't think i'd ever say this but this is too much for me wow i think i could i don't think i could over overload on lego though oh i could i could you know what i think lego is really great when it used to be old-fashioned in a box you're going to build stuff yeah but now you buy these castles or houses you know themed from different programs what have

you and once they're built it i just think what's the point yeah because the whole point is you go i've got a bag of bits that don't really do anything now essentially you should just build what did you build thinking about well you just built it was imagination wasn't it yeah but i didn't really looking back i didn't really build anything i think i just maybe maybe road like i don't know i just build them in stacks i think am i simple i think i remember building a house i remember having a green square and doing a garden did you have windows i remember i only had a couple of windows a couple of yellow windows i remember yeah i didn't have enough bits to make a house so definitely Did you have windows? I remember I only had a couple of windows, eh? A couple of yellow windows, I remember, yeah. Yeah, I didn't have enough bits to make a house, though.

Definitely, the tiles annoyed me as well. Do you remember the angular tiles? They never stayed on with the little circular bits to put in. Yeah, and you didn't have enough to do a whole roof. So they were just, you should just stick them on the base as like a little ramp. It's all pointless, actually, isn't it? Do you know what? I said I love Lego.

I'm not sure I did. No. We just shattered part of my youth. Oh, I'm absolutely gutted. that's a shame. I'll have it.

I'll have it, guys. It's all right. Sorry, now I've brought it right down. Sarah, ever so sorry. Someone bought me

a really beautiful thing, which was a Lego bouquet of flowers. Oh. Now that you can keep. That's nice. That is lovely.

That is lovely. Who bought you that? Can't remember. Oh. Wasn't an old bow before, Mark? Oh, no, no. No. Might have bought it for myself, actually, in lockdown.

Oh, yeah. You've changed the story in your head, haven't you? Yeah, I think so, yeah. I think I bought it. Most things I want are by myself. Oh, you're breaking my heart here.

Well, Christmas is approaching, Joe, you know, and people say I'm hard to buy for, but. Oh yeah.

I don't, I've got hundreds of ideas for you already. Have you, Joe? Yeah, I've got two maybe. Well,

you can let Mark know. Every year I send him ideas, does he do them? Don't think so He might be good at DIY and what not But is he a present buyer? Is he balls? He does not like shopping He doesn't like it at all

Yeah, blokey bloke aren't they? Well He seems to do okay on the railway websites. Seems to do a lot of shopping on there. Okay, let's unpick this. So that's where he's shopping.

He'll spend hours on that. Hours. But can you get him around Asda? Can you balls? No Asda, no Sainsbury's. He does a bit of food shopping.

I'm not going to have to get him for that. Enough? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well,

okay, good, good. I've been super busy working lately and he's, yeah, been knocking up a few nice dinners. Has he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, okay. Good, good, good. I've been super busy working lately and he's, yeah, been knocking up a few nice dinners. Has he? Yeah, chucking stuff in the freezer. Whenever I see, because I see your videos and stuff,

I see Mark on there and I always, I don't know, I always sort of, I always gaze at him and go, you can do so much. I do. And I'm not joking. I go, God God you can build things And you would do I was just looking

In the middle of doing nothing And I'm just sort of In awe of him You say that But You create magical moments For people to watch Who cares

I want to be able to Do a fence We've got a massive fence job Next year Have you yeah what he's preparing he's and he's looking at that for next year yeah we're looking at it because of the timing and we're going to rip down the whole of our fence and we're going to lower it so you can see the field oh when you say we do you come up with the ideas and then just sort of hand it over to Mark? When I say we, I do mean Mark.

Yeah, because my friend Anna's got a doer of a husband like you, and she says that, and I just look at Petra going, I'm so sorry. I can't do anything, can I? And it's funny, if you've met someone that can do stuff, your life sort of goes that way, you know, like, oh,

we're going to lower the fence and we're going to have an extension and stuff. And if you meet someone like me, your life goes the other way. And you go, well, we're going to have to save up to have that done, aren't we? We have to,

because he's not getting off his ass, is he? Petra would not want you any other way. Oh, I beg to differ. She's got an improvement list somewhere, I'm telling you. Do you reckon? Should have. Bloody should have.

She cannot settle for this. It's not good enough. I'm 50 next year. I've got to. 50 next year. That's exciting. First time I've said that without being prompted actually you brought that on me well it's lovely look how well you look do you think absolutely i want to cut my hair i feel like a prat with long hair oh really for an absolute prat with longer. Only because I have to put it up in a bun, and that's a bit...

I bet it looks good in a bun. Now, I only see you with a hat on, but I bet it looks really nice with a bun. Do you want to see it? Shall I do it? Yes, please. Here we go. I bet you look like a footballer. If you say I do, I will literally cry on your podcast.

Okay. Here we go. Yeah, he's your podcast. Okay. Here we go. Yeah, he's taking his hat off. Here we go. I've learned to do this as well now, to be shown to begin with, but now I can do it on my own. Petra had to do it the first few times. Here we go. That's got really long, hasn't it, Em?

Yeah. I can have it cut in January. Is it longer than the beard? Yeah, continuity and all that. Yeah, I know. Let's have a look turn around for me oh it's not bad not bad do you know who you look like you look like there's a friend of mine who drinks in the pub and he's the gardener of the village um and his name's ricky and he's got hair like you're in a beard yeah Yeah, you look like him. Do you ever glance over to him and go, gosh, sorry, I fancied him for a second there?

No, not really. Okay, well, fair enough. Not like properly, just go ahead and all crush on him there for a moment because you don't do that. Not really, no. Okay, fair enough. And I look like him? Yeah.

How old's he? He's a nice guy. He turned 40 a little while ago. Oh, he's a nice guy he turned 40 a little while ago oh he's younger than me that's alright that's good yeah

okay I can live with that thank you I like this grey hoodie that you're sporting oh yeah the Chatterbix I only found I hadn't worn this for months

really really nice because I've got my green t-shirt that I wear all the time my Chatterbix t-shirt you said it's a lovely cut oh it's beautiful so I'm wondering about that t-shirt. You said it's a lovely cut. Oh, it's beautiful. So I'm wondering about that. That looks like a thin,

comfortable... It's a really good top. I'm not just saying it because it's hair merch, but it's a really lovely fit and I love it. I really need to get myself one of those. I'm going to go online, grab one. Get it on your Santa list. He'll sort you out. I need to put that on your list

actually. That's it. That's a lovely one to go on your... Yeah. He'll sort you out. I need to put that on your list, actually. That's it. That's another one to go on your list. Yeah, that'd be lovely. Come in different colours, Joe, not just grey. Yeah, oh, all sorts. Blues and whites and blacks. Oh, you'll love it. Fantastic.

You know why I'm wearing this? Because I went to the other end of my cupboard. Oh. I was going one way to take a jumper out. I know exactly what you mean. So you end up using two jumpers, don't you? Went to the other end of my cupboard oh i was going one way take it i know exactly what you mean so you end up using two jumpers don't you went to the other end and i was like look at all these i've got three or four jumpers here that i never wear that's what i did today no i've done the thing where because i've just moved flat i've put the hangers in the opposite way so that you can see what you've used so when you put clean stuff back

into the wardrobe sorry explain that to me I don't understand what do you mean the opposite way so you put them all in reverse you know where the

hook over the rail so you have to cook it behind under it under it yeah and you can see then it's easy enough

oh no thank you then you can see in a few months time all the stuff you never ever ever have touched i don't understand what and so because because they'll be facing the other way the ones you haven't used everything you've used you put back in the right way and you can see just across the top that is good obviously that's good i like that stuff hasn't been touched and which has been yeah you go why am i not wearing that was that your idea i've seen it online somewhere i think

it's very good and it's yeah really good for going oh i've just not worn that and then try it and you go i really like that why have i not been wearing this jumper today yeah do you know what i do in the cupboard i hang things and then i have to push it and squeeze it in when it's and it's ironed and then it all goes funny i've got too much in my wardrobe i have i've got four or five pairs of trousers on one hanger oh yeah that's terrible is it a nice wooden strong one though robust yeah it's a strong one that's why there's four or five on there yeah I bought some right I bought a pack

of 20 hangers gone don't know where they've gone four got put in the airing cupboard for hanging things on there

four or five maybe six and I maybe I had when I first put them in I was like I've got loads of

spares all the spares are gone I haven't bought any more clothes they get moved don't they round the house washing petrol might pop spares all the spares are gone i haven't bought any more clothes they get moved don't they around the house washing petrol might pop up grab a grab all the spares out of the yeah i mean i don't really like spares in the wardrobe i take all of mine out and chuck them in my

washing basket so when i'm ironing then i've got hangers downstairs i love that you iron when we first met we spoke about you because you said you listen to the pod nine i do and you're in my washing basket a lot aren't you when i go around the house i love that yeah sat at the top of the yeah my little names just hear you both yeah chatting away so lovely i love that where do you iron because my mum used to be in our house my mum used to sit in the corner ironing my brother and my dad on the sofa and me on an armchair, turned around under the telly. Brilliant.

That was every night. Just sat there ironing and terrible, wasn't it, really, when you look back. We were just the three of us like that. I don't mind it. I sat up in the second, my dad's, we call it granddad's the annex yeah and i set up in there and put the telly on oh so you do it away you away a little bit of time ironing time yeah mostly because if i do the off the telly thing and i've got loads of telly to watch

sometimes the telly's not appropriate you know for the kids and stuff. Naughty Telly. So I'll go in there. Naughty Telly. Can't have the rivals on, can I? Bums bouncing around. Is it good? It's really good fun, actually. I really enjoyed it. I got an email about it a couple of years ago. About a part.

To play who? I don't know. I can't remember. Oh. I can't remember what happened. But I remember thinking, bloody hell, I'm making Jilly Cooper. And then I've heard Danny Dyer's great in it. He's really good in it.

He's not playing his usual sort of role, is he? That always excites me when you hear someone's playing against their norm. He's really sweet. Kind of, yeah, really sweet, like businessman, but sort of real-a-dealer-ish. He's got that naturally anyway, hasn't he? Do you know what I mean? He's warm.

Yeah, he's very, very warm. I'm so pleased for him because he does get a lot of stick, and I think he's done really well with that. Very few people are naturally as funny as him. I agree. I always said it at work i used to say he said i said danny please can you not have a go at stand up or do more comedy because he doesn't know he's doing it and he's so funny it's it's um it's just everything

do you know he's walk his show you know turn anything you go oh it's just so much more i love him it's brilliant I always feel like a little boy around him though really? yeah he goes because he always goes oh here he is and I go oh hello darling hello here he is

come on bloody hell here he is and I'm sort of do you know what I got really excited about Joe what's that? Nothing made me happier because I'm a Christmas nut. And there I was watching I'm a Celebrity of a Night. And then the Waitrose ad comes on. You're in it.

And I just think it makes me so happy, so excited. It's amazing that my friends in a christmas advert well they they you know there's a very high high-end brand so they're looking for sort of hunky sort of well-to-do chaps like me fantastic what yeah what's this advert go on have you not seen it m no for us who haven't seen it yet it It is brilliant. It's Waitrose and what they've done. It's a bit naughty, actually. I don't know how they get away with it, but they've got Vicky McClure. What's his name?

The lovely Scottish actor at Line of Duty who worked with Vicky McClure. What's his name? Martin. Thank you. Compton. Martin Compton. Is it? Are we talking about the same advert?

I'm sure it's. No, do you know, fun on, hang on, hang on. Wait a minute. It is the same, I'm sure. They are doing the Waitrose. The advert that I've seen, they're not in it, but I've seen them on Instagram trying to figure it out. Oh, I see, I see, I see. So it's all linked.

It's all linked up. Right, right, right. But the up but the advert i don't remember it's the family and it's like a whodunit it's a whodunit with them oh nice the lovely matthew mcfadden no yeah matthew mcfadden um being the detective out of succession yeah yeah he's another man i was in awe of he's lovely i did when i met him i thought right i'm probably not going to meet him again i'm going to have to ask him lots and lots of quick questions about succession yes did you but i did we all did it must have been so overwhelming it must be constant as well do you mean people go what's when you film this and I love this. And I did all that.

And he was so, he must've been so bored, but he was so open and friendly about chatting about it. And I was like, but once you let me, once you let us in, oh, poor man. We were like, okay, he's not, he doesn't look fed up yet. I'm going to ask him about this. I'm going to ask him about Brian Cox. And then I'm going to ask him about when you filmed this scene. Were you laughing when you were doing it?

Did you notice? Oh, I'm a bit embarrassed thinking about how much I... I don't think it's embarrassing. And I think because it is such a successful, amazing show, I don't think he'll be bored of talking about it. Not yet. No. Well, I think obviously it's like...

I've got to look by the scripts look brilliant um there's four books i'm never gonna read that four though no but it's great to have yeah can i ask you something about those have you dipped into them yet yes when i watch it i always think is some of that improvised doesn't look like it no wow so that's the full script book yeah yeah exactly this i've told my mum to learn page 70 to 104 she's playing kendall exactly she's gonna and i'm I'm Brian Cox's character. I'm going to be very horrible.

Oh, that's horrible. And then we're going to have dinner, which we've been working on for weeks as well. And then she can do all the ironing in the evening. Exactly. While you watch the telly. Yeah, while I have a little sleep. Sleep off the big meal she's cooked for us all. This is an ad from BetterHelp Online Therapy. We always hear about the red flags to avoid in relationships, but it's just as important to focus on the green flags. If you're not quite

sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify those qualities so you can embody the green flag energy and find it in others. Better offers therapy 100 online and sign up only takes a few minutes visit betterhelp.com today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp.com so joe yeah i sent you a picture yesterday didn didn't I? Oh, yeah. Do you know what? I didn't recognise him, first of all. You know, because he looks well, doesn't he? Do you want to say it's your big reveal?

No, he looks really well. Emma, yesterday I'll send you the picture. I'll put it online. Oh, yes. Myself and Sir David, Jason. Man, how was it? What? It was just incredible.

I cried. I had watery eyes. How big fan of Only Fools were you then? Huge. Yeah, me too. And also the Darling Buds of May. Oh, yeah. Open All Hours, you know, porridge, all of those things.

I did a bit in Open All Hours to me. Oh, wow. Yeah. He bit in open all hours to me. Ah, wow. Yeah. He, he was very, very nice to me actually. He got sort of, I was,

what was it? It was weird. Cause he, we were talking about, he sort of came over and was like very nice and stuff. And he said, ah, he started talking about like,

he started talking about comic timing and it's that weird thing. You go, oh yeah, you can you can talk with authority on this because you are yes the absolute best at it you mean it's weird you go i don't know not many people you could go you have the absolute right to talk about comic timing because pretty much no one's better than him and Ronnie Barker. It was so amazing.

We only had sort of 40 minutes or what have you, but he was so kind and he was chatting away about different things. And then I wanted to ask him, I thought everyone asked him about the comedy. So I said, I want to talk to you about when you were left at Rodney and Cassandra's wedding reception on your own. Oh, yeah. And I wanted to talk to him about when you were left at Rodney and Cassandra's wedding reception on your own oh yeah and I wanted to talk to him about when he stopped the lift I was gonna say yeah stop the lift or when he had Damien in his arms and he was doing his speech to his mum and I spoke to him

about the emotional bits and he really liked that he liked talking about that yeah that's what you forget about that show it was it had so much warmth so much warmth it was unbelievable so much care oh hang on just stay there a sec because Mark's phoning hello darling you okay put on speaker oh I'm on just doing a pod

with Joe and Emma did he sound like a wee sorry I forgot about that I just thought I'd answer and say I love you. Oh, that's nice. All right. I'm not on it.

Am I? Yeah, you are. Yeah. You're on the pod. Yeah. I'm on the actual podcast. Yeah.

I just said I'm going for a wee. Yeah. That's all right there, is it? Oh, it's all right. Why can't I hear them? Because it's it oh it's alright it doesn't matter why can't I hear

them off of him because it's through it's an absolute nightmare don't worry you're not it's not bluetooth I've had technical

problems this morning but anyway it's all ok alright I'll speak to you at lunchtime love you too bye

yeah he didn't say that back did he Joe no he said ah that's nice she said i love you he said oh that's nice and then went on to talk about his weeing yeah it's all right he's at work he's busy where's he today um he's filming eastenders oh oh yes i forget he does that as well yeah yeah yeah yeah um has he been on it for long? Is he doing a lot of days or is he bobbing about?

He's supervising a block at the moment, big block. So he'll be there right up until Christmas. So he's supervising that. Are they doing a live one again soon? They are doing a live. And what's really good is they are giving people, I'm sure this has been on Instagram, they're going to do a couple of things.

They're going to do a storyline in which the viewer gets to decide the choice. Yes. So they can see the outcome of the ep? Yeah. Lovely. So that's going to be fun. Yeah.

Are you in it? Yeah. You are? Might be. Might still be in prison who knows you'll be out in time causing havoc can I

yeah come on I'll take you all on you can't swear at that time oh dear no no it's going to be good. When are you putting your decorations up, by the way?

I have got a few lying about. Do you know what I've done, Jo? I've decided to decorate the children's bedrooms, which isn't just decoration. It's ripping out wardrobes. It's moving things around. I've done it far too close. Well, that's not decorating, is it?

That's not decorating. No, that is decorating. That's not Christmas decorating. That's decorating. No. So now the things that I usually get out, it's all sort of not in the order that I like it. I've done one tree in the lounge and that's done.

We're recording this on, is that right to say, the 26th of November. When did you put your tree up? The lounge tree went up last Saturday. So we're going for about the 17th of November. Correct, yeah. Would you say that's early? Mark would say it's really early. Would

you say it's talked about in the village that she's, that lady at number whatever's got her tree up early? No, no. Loads of people have gone early this year. Loads of my listeners are sending me pictures of their trees, pictures of their wreaths.

I've not seen any around here. There was a very decorated house on the way to the football towards the ground on Saturday. Right. And that's a few days ago. And I was like, aren't they mad, aren't they? When do you pop up yours? Well, Petra likes to have, we'll have the tree discussion about now

that's happening because I may have found, my friend may have said all trees, there's a lay-by just outside the town that said all trees, whatever size, 20 quid. So I'm back in the room. I'm back in the room because the ones at the top of my road are Liberty. I bet they're 80 quid, 100 quid.

Yeah, 80 quid. And we don't go big. No. Because we haven't got a big lounge. So we can't go, yeah. You know your footballers' hallway tree, I think of them. You know, like big ones

where they've got a wide hallway and a curved staircase. Yes. So you can have a big one. It's not one of those. Righty. Righty. Like an Ian Righty, yeah.

Yeah. An Ian Righty, really decorated, family picture in front of it in pyjamas. You know, one of those ones. Yeah. Yeah. Not one of those. Yeah, 80, 90 quid. And I will travel not to pay that money

one thing i'll say are you sure that the ones for 20 quid are kind of they're good they don't drop because you are paying also for the style you want to do you want a nordic fern is that what you're saying you want a nordic spruce i believe believe. Nordic spruce. Apologies. I don't know, and I'm prepared to take the risk for £20 a pop. I'll be honest with you. Can I add that my lounge tree is artificial, obviously? Okay. I'm a big artificial tree guy. We used to have a white one.

Lovely. Yeah, Petra won't have it all right this is the bit that drives me out the wall where did tinsel go i love tinsel i love tinsel moaning me and you like bloody tinsel the rest of the world's gone off it i put it around my picture frames i still buy it and i still put it around. 100%. Thank you. Thank you, Nat. A little bit of gold, a little bit of green, a little bit of red. Should do most of the work on the tree. Well, it used to. Do you remember?

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what else has gone out. Where's La Meta when it's at home? What's La Meta? You will remember La Meta. Your mum will remember. What is? It used to come in packets and they were

very very tiny for your strips yes yeah yeah i didn't know the name of it that feels like it was later than tinsel i feel tinsel was way before yeah i remember that phase and uh and if you didn't take your time you'd end up with lumps too much there yeah i also um are you very good at if it's your tree in the corner it's um it's central to my window at the back of the lounge i don't understand that so they're going sorry it's central it's not in a corner it's central in the room in the window so you've had to decorate All the way round No Not

I do decorate all the way round But it is rather sparse At the back Yeah I always check people's Back of people's trees When I walk in See if they've done

All the way round Oh do you That's strange Well Sometimes you It's a little bit strange It's your Christmas Why is Joe in the tree again

Joe's just peering around the tree just not in the tree just having a it's just i think that's quite nasty i think it's a bit judgmental well not nasty is it is i'm being nosy nosy yeah see because i'm and i'm i'm as bad as everyone else i don't do the back of the tree. I put a few cheapies around the back. And when I go around with my lights. Oh, yeah, that does a lot of work, doesn't it? Go around with the lights and obviously interweave at the front, get loads at the front and then around the back.

Just, you know. Yeah, whip it around. You're not, probably at a terrible angle as well, isn't it? Yeah. Can't worry about the back actually. No, it doesn't matter. It's okay. Doesn't matter. It's okay. Doesn't matter. Where do you get rid of your tree?

Where do I get rid of it? Well, it's artificial. I've got all artificial ones, Joe. You've got all artificial. Yeah, I do. I do. So you don't get that really bleak day of dragging your tree to the park. No, I don't like it.

Yeah, it's a grim old day, that, isn't it? It's horrible, isn't it? Or if it's grim old day that and it's horrible and it or if it's you know you chuck it out in the garden it's just laying there for a month and also there's a there's a pen there's a dead tree pen near us which people that's horrid yeah i know it's too early for this not even in december there's a dead tree pen and uh in the same place every year and you drag your tree up to it and i always look and i go there's always a couple that they're like on christmas day and you go what's happened there yeah someone's having a someone's had a falling out and they're gone christmas is over you'd hope they're going off to family and then for a week and they're not coming back.

Yes, that's a nice way of looking at it, yeah. Like they're visiting someone else. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, probably a huge argument. So they've had all of December and then we're going to America for the holiday of a lifetime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get it out before it's... Yeah, good idea. Let's hope, let's hope, guys. Yeah, that's better. No, I like that. I like that. Have you got any um traditions with your family joe for christmas is there anything that you remember remember from a child that you keep

doing now um we never did um well i don't think we're a big christmas family we never did stockings never did that um i also found out very young you know how young are your listeners if i've got the big i've got george who's eight so little spoiler alert please uh if you are listening with the kids maybe turn it down now i was very young when i found out that the big man wasn't real so i don't i'm gonna say two two pardon'm going to say two or three. How would you even know who he is by two? What were you, some sort of genius? Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe three. Maybe four. Maybe, I don't know. But I'd never remember believing in Santa. I found out too early. I can't believe this. Found out too early.

Maybe that's where everything went wrong. That's really sad. Yeah, terrible, isn't it? Can I ask how you found out? My brother is older than me. And he said, look, is Santa real? And my mum went, no, he's not real, but don't tell your brother. What did my brother do?

I'm hurtling into the room honestly don't get worse than that eliza's 14 joni is eight joni still believes lovely and i've just said to eliza if you were to ever tell her you will never get anything from me you're never getting a gift and i'll know that you've told her and i mean it you will never get anything from me. You're never getting a gift. And I'll know that you've told her, and I mean it, you will never get a present from me any Christmas. That's it. Do you mean it? Yes, I do.

Wow. Yeah. I'm a little bit scared of you. I haven't got long left with it, but Eliza likes to help me now because we've got all the elf bollocks. We've got the elf bollocks. Don't say the elf bollocks. I was getting all warm and cosy then, got all the elf bollocks. We've got the elf bollocks going now. Don't say the elf bollocks. I was getting all warm

and cosy then and you said elf bollocks. But you've got these elves now that you have to parade around the house for 24 days. What do you have to do? Elf on the shelf.

Elf on the shelf. Oh, elf on the shelf. Yeah, you don't even get outfits from and stuff, can you? I've got, I've got pyjamas, headphones,

baking kit. I've got a hot air balloon a hot air balloon that we hang in the lounge you're grinning you're loving it it's a pain though it's just an extra job

you lit up when you said about that didn't you you absolutely love it you pretended to be a grinch but you loved it yeah as soon as you said

hot air balloon you were like it is good it does look good I'm just picturing it it's really cool and they both sit in it it's quite cool It tended to be a Grinch, but you loved it. Since you said hot air balloon, you're like, hmm, hot air balloon. It is good. It does look good. I'm just picturing it. It's really cool. And they both sit in it.

It's quite cool. Advent calendars. I like them. Don't get me started. Chocolate for breakfast. Yeah, love it. Love that. But I'm a bit more like, it's not really about the chocolate.

I just like the opening and stuff. Yeah. I used to, obviously, when you're a kid, it's not really about the chocolate. I just like the, routine, the opening and stuff. Yeah. You used to, obviously when you're a kid, it's like, just give me that bloody chocolate. But now, you say that,

I, this is obscene, but I'm going to tell you, I know that also for everybody listening, I know I'm very fortunate and it is a little bit obscene, but it is kind of my hobby. Christmas is sort of my hobby, but I get chocolate ones, chocolate ones for Mark and the girls.

Just a dairy milk or what have you. Mark likes a lint one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, how much are they? They can't be cheap if you've got a lint thing in each one. They're not too bad, I don't think. Tenner, 12 quid. Oh.

And then I've bought the girls. I've bought Eliza, um, a makeup advent calendar. So each one's got like a bit of rouge in it or something. Bit of rouge, but it's really lovely. And that'll be amazing when she opens it. It's like part of Christmas, you know,

part of a present. I've got Joni. Um, each day she'll get a charm and it's, it makes a charm bracelet. Petra loves a charm bracelet. Have you got Petra a nice advent calendar this year? No, I have not.

Look at the eyes. No, I have not. Why don't you get her the Dip-Teak calendar? The what? Dip-Teak. Dip-Teak. What is Dip-Teak? Let's see if you can work out what this is.

Dip-Teak. It would be your guess based on the word. Probably make up because you said the way you said it. Dip Teak Dip Teak What is Dip Teak? This is to work out what this is Yeah Dip Teak What would be your guess Based on the word Probably make up Because you said The way you said it Is it make up? If you were to get Petra

Dip Teak Can I I won't giggle it yet Am I right though? Is it No Gavin have a guess Dip Teak

Something to do with smells Very good Oh really? Like perfumey Is it perfumey? Candley How do you spell it? Candles

Candles It's candles And perfumes And it's exquisite How do you spell it? D-I-P-T-I-Q-U-E Oh no T-Y.

For goodness' sake. Y. Diptyque Advent Calendar. Let's have a look at how much these cost. Right. 25 Days Scented Advent Calendar. Hold on. How much are you?

Jesus wept. Jesus wept. Jesus wept. It'll be her she will adore it, Joe. All year round she'll have perfumes in her handbags and candles for the house for the whole year. Right, this is the main present though, right?

You could get that as her mate. She would love it. Fuck her dog. Wowzers. Is it actually a, do you open the doors? It's beautiful. I can't see an actual calendar. There's a box here.

Where's the actual calendar? It's the box. It's the box and it all opens and it has compartments. You also then get to keep the box after and she can store stuff in it. It's exquisite. I've seen it. Do you know what? She's got one of these candles because I remember thinking about the letters on the front.

Don't make any sense. Just says ponder or something. Sorry, I'm going off in my own little world here. There's a candle somewhere in the house. She's got one of those candles somewhere. It doesn't say ponder. It says something like that. Don't make any sense.

Oh, no, that one says roses. What does that one say? They all say things. Dose on. Balls? No. Bales. Elf balls, yeah.

Bales. Elf bollocks. It's like, it's French, isn't it? Oh. Bales. Bales. Ombre. And then, I don't know what that one says.

M. Right, see if you can work this one out. Oh, mimosa. Mimosa. Toilet? Oh, this one saysosa. Mimosa. Toilet? Oh, this one says toilet. Toilet. Toilet. Yeah, toilet. Toilet. You can say it how you like. It spells toilet. Bouquet.

Bouquet. Bucket. Well, I'm going to have to have a serious think about that. Have a serious think about it. If we fall out in the next couple of days, she's not getting it. Otherwise, God, that's made me go cold. Have a think it come on you're doing all right have you ever had one of them yeah mark's i've had mark are you one possibly four of those and then he'll he'll change it each year so i don't know this year whether i'm getting a diptych one i had that

last year but i also get the liberties advent and that's a beauty one and that's beautiful as well. I don't know if Petra's into her makeup and stuff, but that's a little bit cheaper. Yeah, well, yeah. I really don't know enough. Diptyque. It's mad, these stuff you don't know that is general knowledge. It is well known by some people and absolute foreign language to me

is it really lovely i believe so yeah yeah lovely joe what do you do for christmas dinner um well it depends wherever because we so we've hosted a few years yeah and i'll tell you we we had but usually go to my mum's i usually go to my mum's she's you know like i'm not she does like hosting i'm not just being lazy she does like hosting and it's basically if petra's around we don't she doesn't like prawns but she's got she's probably going to go and see her mum on Christmas Day for logistical reasons. And I'm going to go up on Christmas night and join her, basically. So we're.

Sorry, hang on. What does it, where do prawns come into that? What I'm saying is on, because Petra's going to be not there, because we're going to have like a, Petra's going to see my mum and dad before Christmas, but on Christmas Day, because she won't actually be there, we'll have prawn cocktail starter. Got it. But because she doesn't like prawns,

my mum makes prawn cocktail whenever I turn up if Petra's not there. I see. I get it. Because I love prawn cocktail, so we'll have prawn cocktail starter. We're having prawn cocktail starter. Oh, it's the best. It's just the best thing. I shouldn't eat prawn.

Do you know this? I think I've told you this. They make me shit through and I have a needle, but I still eat it. Worth it though, isn't it? Yeah. Just take Boxing Day off. I've been reading this. I'm just going to finish off with this for you, right?

Because it's brilliant and I think you'll love this. I've been reading this book, A Christmas Biography off with this for you right because it's brilliant and I think you'll love this I've been reading this book A Christmas Biography by Judith Flanders oh go on and this is a menu of what they had

for Christmas in 1660 oh lovely a bill of fare for Christmas Day oysters cool

a collar of brawn. Stewed broth of mutton marrow bones. Oh dear. Now this is all fancy, isn't it? Isn't it? A grand salad.

A potage of caponettes. A breast of veal in stafado. A boiled partridge. A chine of beef. A sirloin roast. Mince pies. A gigot of muffin with anchovy sauce a gigot do you know what any

of this is i can sort of work it out but honestly i won't read it all there are 50 50 things and that is for one sitting jesus wept we don't work hard enough nowadays, do we? Turkey. Turkey and sometimes another meat. That's when things go. Not my house, but I heard other people go, we have turkey, but we also do a beef. A gig of beef?

A gigabyte. We are going for a large turkey. I've got to phone the butchers, actually. I haven't done my meat. My mum fell out with her butcher a few years ago. Joking. No, because I'll try and say her was you were you know we've been going there for years going up to won't say his name for years well he uh he um he got the change wrong the other day 10 quid short 20 quid short whatever she whatever. She said, I think this was Christmas. And she went, and he didn't believe me. He said that I'd got it wrong. And we don't use him anymore.

Well, good for your mum. Yeah. 20 quid short change him. She's probably getting me. I'll go, anyway. But yeah, hadn't used him for another since then 10 years ago he could have been stressed out

yeah probably but who knows that's really rude really rude well I'll phone mine I've got a lovely Bridget Bees

they're called absolutely brilliant I'll give them a little call I'll order the turkey and my brother's coming over and he's doing a goose a goose never had goose

is it quite fatty it is quite fatty but it's delicious. Depends what you like. I'm not, right. No. Is anyone banging to turkey? If it's cooked the way I cook it, you'd be banging to it, Joe. Okay.

Okay. Enough said. Enough said. I get it. But we don't have it the rest of the year, do we? I buy turkey slices for sandwiches throughout the year. Yeah. But we don't have it the rest of the year, do we? I buy turkey slices for sandwiches throughout the year. Yeah, but you don't have... Do you have a turkey?

No. Sometimes a crown at Easter. I think the crown is the future though, isn't it? Yeah. Because, how big's your oven? Because it's a bit... How do you... You're doing it in your house. It's a lot, isn't it?

Right, so the turkey, it is a lot. But what's brilliant is I do all the turkey the night before. It all gets dressed. So I dress the turkey. What does that mean? I butter the turkey. Dress it. I dress it.

I put butter all over it. I put some bacon over it. Oh, that's to see in the moisture apparently, isn't it? Yeah. Get it all ready. Get it in the tray. Yeah. That goes in my fridge. I have got bacon over it. Oh, that's to see in the moisture apparently. Yeah. Get it all ready. Get it in the tray. Yeah. That goes in my fridge.

I have got a big fridge. I'm very lucky. A double one like that. Yeah. Yeah. The turkey goes in six o'clock in the morning. You're one of them, yeah. It's quite nice.

We've done that one, yeah, and it's quite nice, isn't it? Because you go, we're off. We're off. We're off. But there's nothing better than waking up. That's one of my best memories from being little, when you wake up and you can smell the turkey. My mum's undercooked it a few years.

She probably won't be saying that. I think we've not done the full turkey for a while because it's a beast, isn't it? It is big. Must have done. I just don't remember. I think I was too caught up in Harold Lloyd, watching Harold Lloyd. I think, yeah, I think I always felt, yeah,

I don't remember the, now, food, the smell of food waking me up on Christmas morning. Heaven. It's the best. And I really, really hope you have the best christmas ever joe and you well we're not spending it together i'd love to do that one time but it would be weird because i haven't really been in your company properly so to spend christmas day jumping in with both feet isn't it really yeah yeah i think maybe a walk in London And a chat first What about Over Zoom

At the dinner table If I On the day Too much still Yes I don't want laptops I can't imagine saying to my mum I've got a quickly

Zoom Nat As well She'd go what now No we're not doing that No Boxing day or something But I hope to see you for Chat a bit soon Yeah Well we're not doing that. No, boxing does, doesn't it? But I hope to see you for Chatterbix soon.

Yeah, well, we're doing a Christmas party. Really hope I can make it. Oh, because you're busy, busy. Do you know a date yet? No, we don't, actually. Oh, okay. But I'll send, I'll message David in a sec. Yeah, you're busy, busy with filming and stuff.

Yeah, super busy, but there are windows, so fingers crossed it'll work out. All right, yeah. All right? Super. All right, thanks so much. Have a little look at that advent. stuff yeah super busy but there are windows so fingers crossed it'll work all right yeah all right super all right thanks so much have a little look at that advent don't let me down get it for her yeah seems a bit anyway yeah no absolutely all right okay loads of love and you bye see you later bye hi this is chris mccausland. And this is Diane Boswell. And we've got a new podcast, haven't we, Di?

We do. What's it called? Winning. Isn't. Everything. Every week, me and Diane, we're going to be having a little catch up on the back of Strictly, aren't we, Di? We are. I've missed you, Chris. I've missed you too. We're going to talk some nonsense, so why not tune in?

Available everywhere you get your podcasts.