Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Dealing With “Those” People | No Offense: Part 2

Episode Date: September 26, 2021

Description: Chances are, you know some of “those” people—the ones who know everything about everything. How can you stop being offended by difficult people? How do you know if you are one of them? We’ll find out in this message.ABOUT THIS MESSAGEFrom the latest headline to social media comments, to the person who just cut you off in traffic—there are plenty of opportunities to be offended each day. But what if we decided to respond differently to those around us? Together, let’s learn how to live with No Offense.Learn more about No Offense: https://www.life.church/nooffenseWE’RE OPENWe’re continuing to monitor guidelines and best practices for gathering in a safe way. Learn more about everything we're doing to keep you safe and how you can help by using hand sanitizer, washing your hands often, and more: https://www.life.church/updatesFind a time and attend a service with us: http://www.life.church/locationsNEXT STEPSHave you made a decision to follow Jesus? You may be wondering what’s next on your journey. We want to help! Let us guide you to your next steps in your walk with Christ: https://www.life.church/nextABOUT LIFE.CHURCHWherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.church. Find locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/app. FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIAFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/life.churchInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/life.churchTwitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifechurchCONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIGYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIIdiIO-Y20hRW9niR0CA8AFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschelInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschelTwitter: http://www.twitter.com/craiggroeschel Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, today I want to talk to you about those people. Now, just for fun, raise your hand if you think you might know who I'm talking about when I say those people. Raise your hand? Yeah, don't point at them because they are crazy and they're everywhere. If you don't know who I'm talking about when I say those people, I'll tell you. those people can be challenging. Those people are often critical. They can be controlling.

They're often incredibly arrogant at times. Those people can be really, really mean. Those people, they know everything about everything, and they're going to tell everybody, every chance they get. Who knows what I'm talking about when I say those people? You'll see them shouting up a storm where we can have it on social media.

You'll see them spreading the rumors at the office. There's almost always one now at every big family gathering. It's almost like a spiritual principle. You get all the relatives in there and there's going to be one those person in the house. And if you say there's not one in your family, it's probably you. They're everywhere. They're everywhere. In fact, years ago, I did a message series called Those People.

And we have the artwork from those people. And true story, there's a lady that just went off, upset, furious, ticked, ridiculous. Like, what are you doing, preach? They're talking about those people. That's not a Christian thing to do. Those people, who are you trying to say? What do you mean by those people? You're supposed to be a man of God.

Man of God wouldn't talk about those people. I don't want to hear it talk about those people. Who are those people? Anyway, you shouldn't talk about those people. And I just looked on and smiled and thought, you're going to be a sermon illustration one day. You are some of those people. And so that's why today I want to talk to you

about dealing with those people in a way that honors who they are and shows the love of God. And so if you join me today in prayer, that would mean so much. Father, we thank you for your grace for all of us. And we recognize that we all need your love and your mercy in a world that.

in a world that's easily angered and easily offended. God, may we be a light, may we be a voice of love and hope and compassion. We pray that you would equip us with your word, bring healing where there's hurt, and that we could show the love of Jesus and all that we do. All God's people said today, amen, amen. We pray this in Jesus' name. As followers of Jesus, we know that we're called to love. We're called to love everybody.

and we're called to love those people. Admittedly, some of those people are a little more difficult to love today than ever before because there's so many complications in the world and there's so much tension. And so if you find yourself like I do easily frustrated or often angry or even offended, I want to let the words of the Apostle Paul

in Ephesians chapter 4, starting in verse 26, speak into your heart today. We'll read through a long portion, of Scripture and then we'll come back and read verse by verse. This is what Paul said, inspired by the Holy Spirit. He said, in your anger, do not sin. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. And do not give the devil a foothold.

Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Scripture teaches us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you. Let's start at the top and work our way through this text.

The Word of God says this, in your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold. This verse is power-packed. It starts by saying, in your anger, do not sin, which implies the fact that it must not be a sin to be angry, which is really good news if you find yourself angry.

And chances are that you might. If you go out anywhere and interact with people today, if you go online and interact with people today. If you open up a news app and read the stories today, chances are somewhere, somehow, you will be offended even today. And I try to remind myself over and over and over again that there is simply no win in being offended. There's no victory.

There's no win. I've never found my life to become more joyful when I'm ticked off about what somebody said to me. My marriage has never gotten better when I'm angry at some injustice in this world. I've never gotten closer to God. I've never had more intimate conversations when I've walked around with ongoing unforgiveness towards someone who hurt me in my life. And so I need to remember that there is no win in living offended,

but I'm likely to be offended. So what do I do? Well, I tell myself this. that being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. Being offended, it's going to happen. I'll probably offend you. Someone else is going to offend. You may not get out of the parking lot today

without some other Christian offending you with their driving. Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. It's going to happen, but you can still choose how you respond to an offense. And so that perhaps is one of the real. reasons why the Apostle Paul is telling us, you've got to be really, really careful. Because if you hold on to anger, and if you're always nurturing an offense, and if you're rehearsing the hurts, what you're actually doing is you're giving the devil. You're giving Satan, the father of lies, and the prince of darkness, you're giving them what scripture calls a foothold in your life.

You're giving you a foothold. I did some research on the word foothold. I always thought of a foothold kind of like if you were walking into a room and there was a door and you put your foot in the door and that keeps you a foot in the door. Or I thought of like maybe if you're rock climbing, a foot hold might be when you throw your foot up and you put it in a little crevice. It's like a little crevice.

The word in the Greek is different. The word in the Greek is topos. And this word means, it literally means a place or a room. In other words, if you go on and live in your anger, you're giving the delus. a place in your heart, or you're giving him room to work in your life. I don't know about you, but I don't want to give the devil any access to anything that matters to me. I don't want my anger or my offense or my sins that that's wrong in this world

to give the devil access to attack anything that's close to me. I don't want to give him access to my marriage, to Amy, I don't want him to attack the intimacy that we have. I don't want to give the devil the ability to attack my children and come into their lives and maybe even divide us. I don't want to give the enemy the ability to attack my friends, the people that I do life with. And I don't want to give the devil access to my church. If I live in anger and harbor bitterness and live easily offended, Scripture says you're giving your spiritual enemy access to your life. So I got to thinking. Sometimes I like to try to figure out what our spiritual enemy might try to do to attack us.

Because scripture says that the devil and the demons, they actually have schemes against you. And I started to think, what would I do if I were in a brainstorming meeting in hell? So like, I know that's kind of stupid, but let's just say, we're in. in there with a bunch of demons, and the assignment is to break the heart of God and hurt God's people. What would we try to do as the forces of darkness to break the heart of God and to hurt God's people? And so I came up with what I call the three Ds of destruction. If I were a demon and trying to scheme against God, I would try to divide families, friends, and churches. I would try to bring division as much as I could into families and friends and churches. And honestly, if I were a demon,

it would be easier to do that today than ever before, right? All you got to do is get them talking about politics or you got to throw in there some racial division with people with misunderstandings and very toxic opinions. You might throw in there some vaccine stuff or some mass stuff and have great misunderstandings. And before long, if you did that, you could actually destroy friendships and you could have family members that stop talking to each other and you could ruin marriages and you could split churches if I were a demon I'd try to divide Christians because when Christians are united they're unstoppable but when they're divided they are weak and ineffective I would try to divide the body of

Christ the second thing that I would do is I would distract Christians from their mission I would try to distract them I'd get them arguing about anything Just anything. Anything in culture, I'd get them to boycott some business. I'd get them angry about some sin. I'd get them complaining about the latest Netflix series that all they hate. And then if other people don't hate it as much as they do, I'd get them complaining that other Christians are complaining about that horrible Netflix series that has all that bad stuff in them. And if I couldn't get the normal stuff that gets them distracted, I would just use like Instagram and get them, you know, comparing with everybody else and arguing over senseless stuff. and sending conspiracy videos one to another. Do you have that guy in your life group? I don't know. I think they... I would try to distract Christians from their mission.

I would try to divide them. And finally, I'd try to discredit their witness. I try to discredit their witness. And this would be relatively easy to do. I'd get them focusing on what they're against, and I'd get them arguing about whatever they're mad about. and my goal would be to keep them angry, critical, judgmental, hypocritical, self-centered, self-righteous, easily offended, and ticked it the entire world.

That's what I would do. And when I look at that strategy, and when I look at what I see in the world, I think that the forces of darkness are active, using anger to discredit and weaken the body of Christ. If I were a demon, I try to divide, discredit, and distract. And we see that happening all the time. And it's not just like out there, but we actually see it happening close to home right now. We see it happening in family members.

We see it happening in the church and the body of Christ. We see some of the people that should be the most loving being incredibly mean and harsh in ways that, hurt so many people. And that's why there's a part of this verse that I don't want you to miss at all. Ephesians 426 tells us this. It tells us not to let the sun go down while you're still angry. Don't let the day come to an end when you're still harboring an offense against. someone, don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. In other words, this verse implies something powerful that the day of your hurt should also be the day of your healing. The same day that someone

offends you should be the very same day that as a follower of Jesus, you're working to bring reconciliation into that relationship. And this honestly has been a principle that's helped our marriage of over 30 years be strong in the way it is. And I give my bride Amy credit for this because early on in our marriage, she just said, we're not gonna go to sleep mad ever. Now notice I didn't say we're not gonna go to bed mad

because we'll go to bed mad, but she won't let us go to sleep mad like ever. And it can be annoying. Like let's just sleep, we'll deal this tomorrow. Now! And this is help. Now, what's interesting, and this is a side note, I don't know how this is possible,

but those of you that are married, you'll know it's incredibly true. No one ever trains you in the rules of warfare. You don't learn it in a premarital class, but the moment you fight in bed, there are unwritten rules that you all intuitively know and live by. There are ways that you gain points, and there are ways that you lose points.

You gain points by being back-to-back. You have to be back-to-back. You gain a point by huffing. You gain a point by throwing your shoulder violently away from the other person. You gain an extra half point by bringing the covers with them. You lose points if your feet drift into enemy territory. You ain't touching my toe. You ain't getting tow for the next rest of your life.

You need no toe. And then you lose if you do something godly like talk first. Right? These are the rules. How do we know them? I don't know. but you intuitively know them when you get married. So when we first got married,

we had been married for three years when we got in our first fight, and then we made up for lost time. And it was a big, big fight. And Amy said, we're not going to go to sleep until we settle this. We got in a fight on Sunday. We didn't sleep until Thursday. I was exaggerating a little, but not by much. How different do you think our friendships would be?

and our families would be, and the body of Christ would be, if on the day that I offended you, I owned it and apologized and said, would you please forgive me? Or the day you offended me, I had the grace as I've been so often forgiven to choose to forgive you. Or the day that we had a misunderstanding or an agreement or a hurt that we both said, hey, let's just let that thing go.

How different do you think the world would be that if on the same day of the hurt, as followers of Jesus, we worked toward the healing? Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. Because you don't want to give the devil access to divide, to distract, or discredit you from being who God is calling you to be. Let's read on in scripture. Verse 29. The Word of God says this. Don't let any unwholesome talk

come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. How you doing with that? Don't let anything unwholesome come out of your mouth. No, belittling. No bad-mouthing, no criticizing, no gossiping, no name-calling, no, they're a bunch of idiots. Don't let anything come out of your mouth except for what is helpful to build others up, to encourage, to be a blessing. I'll give you some rules that we've tried to live by, not just in our marriage, but certainly in our marriage, but with our family, with our small group, with people that we don't,

get along with well. And I give you six suggestions that I think might be helpful in your relationships, not to let the wrong things come out of your mouth. The first thing is this, we're going to never call names. There's no reason, no excuse to be dishonoring and to tear anybody down by calling names. Another suggestion would be never raise your voice. No one has ever been changed by someone who's yelling. People are changed when we're loving in our voice. And by the way, if you're sending a text to me or commenting online, don't use capital letters. because I hear that as yelling. Stop yelling at me.

Lower case is loving. Capital letters send you to hell where the worm never dies. There's weeping and gnashing of teeth. There's forgiveness at the foot of the cross just come and repent today. The next suggestion is this. Never get historical.

Not hysterical, but historical. We're not going to go back in time and say, remember what you did and back and then that, then you did this, you did that. Never call names, never raise your voice. never get hysterical, and then never say never or always. You never do this, you always do that. That's just not true and it's not helpful.

And for those of you that are married, I would suggest this, never threatened divorce. That's not coming up in our house. And most important rule is this, never quote your pastor during a fight. Just don't do it. Just leave me out of it, okay? I know my quotes are done.

good, but don't, please don't quote me in a fight. To summarize my helpful tips on relationships, I would summarize it this way. Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only that which is helpful for building others up, speaking directly into their needs. Now, if you're like me, when you find yourself angry, I'm tempted to justify my,

anger. I'm tempted to defend it. And I would say this, well, they hurt me and so they're wrong, and I'm right. They betrayed me, and so they're wrong, and I'm right. And so I'd say, my anger is a righteous anger. And I've used that word before, and you could probably argue there's a time, argue there's a time to be righteously angry. But let's just unpack it for a little bit and ask ourselves, do we want to stick with the metaphor of righteous anger? For a moment. Is there any other destructive force, because anger is a fire, anger is a rage, anger is destructive. Is there any other destructive force in scripture that we like to call righteous? Think about other sins. Does anybody ever brag about their righteous greed? Oh, I've just got righteous greed. I just want more,

more, more, offer me, myself, and I. It's a righteous greed that God gave me. They don't do that, right? Does anybody ever talk about, I'm just battling with righteous lust. I mean, it's just a righteous lust. I mean, God made me this way. Right? Because he might even do that, no. Have you ever heard anybody talk about their righteous gluttony? I mean, I'm just going to eat the whole thing for the glory of God.

It's a righteous gluttony. No. So do we want to justify our anger and try to say it's righteous? If we do, and you can make that decision for yourself, here's what we're supposed to do with all anger, even righteous anger. Verse 31 says, get rid of all bitterness. Get rid of all rage. Get rid of all anger and brawling and slander.

It's almost like Paul's like God. I'm going to name everything I can just to get through to you. If you're trying to give me a loophole, I'm going to fill in your loophole. of all along with every other, if I left anything out, every other form of malice. And then in verse 32, he says something profound. And let me tell you what he doesn't say. You ready for what he doesn't say?

You're ready? If you're ready, say I'm ready, are you ready? He doesn't say, be arrogant about your moral superiority. He doesn't say, be critical of everyone who thinks differently from you. He doesn't say, be harsh because you're dealing with idiots. what he says is be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you.

Can you let this sink in for just a moment? What are we to be? We're to get rid of anger and slander and malice, and instead we should be kind and compassionate and forgiving. question where can you be kind, compassionate, and forgiving? And the answer is, you actually have to be up close. It's almost impossible to be way far off and be kind. I'm being kind to you over there. I'm having compassion for you. I feel for you. I really, really do. I forgive you, but I don't want to be close to you. You actually have to be close in proximity. One of the challenges I see with the church

at large today is it's really easy to shout truth from a distance. And here's where you're wrong, and here's where I'm right, and I want to make a difference. It's easy to shout truth from a distance, but it takes time to love up close. It's incredibly ineffective to shout and to be angry from a distance. It's incredibly effective to be slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to become angry, to get into someone else's world, to understand their hurts, to understand their fears, to have compassion for a different way of thinking, instead of trying to be right all the time

and forfeiting God's call to be loving, are we not better than that? Get close. Listen. When's the last time you just listen to someone who's incredibly different from you and love them, even though they're incredibly different from you?

Be kind and compassionate. It's easy to hurl truth from a distance. It takes time. It takes work. It takes effort to love somebody up close. So, shake that off. I have a friend who is one of those people. Oh my gosh.

He is such one of those people. This guy, he's always right. I mean about everything. He's right about everything. He's right about how church should be done. He's right about what theology is right and what all those other churches are doing wrong, including me.

He knows how everybody should spend their money and they're all a bunch of idiots except for him. He's right about how everybody should raise their kids. He knows what the government does wrong. He knows the truth about COVID, and his sources are all right. They're all right. He listens to the right doctors and the right politicians.

And he is so right. Some of you say, we must have the same friends. You know him too. He's right about everything. Finally, I just told him one day, he's like, I am so amazed, I can't believe I get to be friends with you. Like, out of almost 8 billion people in the world,

you are the smartest guy this ever lived. You're right about everything. And honest to goodness, you're like, are you going to offend him? He's not going to know what I'm talking about him. He'll listen to this and just smile and go, yeah, that other idiot. Because he has no idea he's one of those people. He is totally and completely one of those people.

And he has no idea whatsoever. And then it dawned on me. What if I'm one of those people too? Because let's just be honest, like, I know a lot about a lot. I am the guy in the mic telling you how to do your life. What if I'm one of those people? And what if you are too? Because I can guarantee you there's a little bit of self-righteousness in all of us.

And that's why it's incredibly important to pray a really dangerous, really humbling, and really God-honoring prayer found in Psalm 139, verses 23 and 24, I dare you to pray, search me, God, and know my heart. Test me, God, and know my anxious thoughts. And this part really gives to me. God, see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way of everlasting. God, search my heart. God, show me where I'm arrogant.

Show me where I'm judgmental. Show me where I'm self-deceived. God, show me where I'm harboring anger against a group of people or against an individual. God, show me where I'm carrying an offense. Show me where I'm not being kind, where I'm not being compassionate, and where I'm not being forgiving.

and God help me get rid of all anger, malice, and slander. Be kind and compassionate. Because I don't want to give the devil any access to my heart, to my marriage, to my children, to my friends, or to my church. Because when you live in anger, you give the devil a place, a room, a foothold. And your spiritual enemy wants to divide and wants to distract

and wants to discredit and wants to destroy. And what I've found is this, being offended is inevitable. But because of the grace and the goodness of God, living offended is a choice. And in the same way I've been forgiven,

I want to choose to be more forgive being. Because I don't know about you, but my life has never been better when I've been angry. And I've never made a big difference when I'm in my flesh. And I've never been more loving when I've been easily offended. And what I've noticed is this, that every single minute that I'm angry I lose a minute of joy. And every single minute that I'm angry, I lose a minute of peace. And every single minute that I'm angry,

I lose a minute where I could make a difference in the life of someone else. And that's why, I know, being offended, it's inevitable. It's going to happen. But living offended is a choice. And scripture tells us this, hey, if you do get angry, don't go to bed. Let's take it before God.

Let's deal with it. Because we don't want to give the devil any room in our lives. And as followers of Jesus, we have a higher calling. We're not going to just shout truth from a distance, but we're going to get up into the lives of people. We're going to hurt with them. We're going to work through some things with them. And you know how we're going to do it? We are going to be kind.

And we're going to be compassionate to one another. And we're going to forgive others just as Jesus forgives us. And if we can do that, we can keep the devil out, and we can keep the spirit in, and we can make a difference. A divided world needs a united church. A dark world needs a church full of brightness. We're not going to let unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up.

We're not here to make a point. We're here to make a difference. We make a difference with the love of Jesus. So, Father, I pray that you would do a healing work in our hearts. And I know those people drive us crazy, but I know there are times that we are those people. And so, God, we ask you to search our hearts today. At all of our churches, if you're open to the Holy Spirit doing a corrective work in your heart,

and you'll just pray, pray that prayer with me. search me, God, see if there's any offensive way in me. If you'll do that in just a moment, I'm going to ask you if you'll just lift up your hands and say, yes, I'll pray it. I'll pray it. Just lift up your hands right now. All of our churches online, you can say, I'll pray it. And then we're going to pray it right now. I'll say it and you just pray and say, search me, God. Test my heart. See if there is any anxious way in me. See if there's any offenses in me. Show me, God. Humble me, God. lead me in the ways of everlasting.

Help me to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving others as you've forgiven me. Father, we ask that you would lead us, God, you would, by the power of your spirit, help the words that we speak only lift others up.

May we be a voice of encouragement, a voice of healing. And God, when we do, speak the truth, help us to speak the truth in love, always in love. As you keep praying today, I want to talk to you about the love of God. If you look at God and look closely, you'll actually recognize he is consistent, but he's complicated. There is a righteousness of God and although God is loving, he also hates sin. It breaks us. heart, it makes him angry. And because sin is against everything that he is, God is holy. And sin,

it breaks the heart of God. It dishonors God. Therefore, he hates sin. And the problem is we've all sinned, all of us. And so God, in his love for us, he did something we could never do for ourselves. He sent his son, Jesus, the sinless, perfect son of God. And when we say, if you ever heard it before Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. We say it, but we often don't understand what that means. Jesus on the cross, he became sin for us. The one who was sinless became the very thing that God hated and God judged that sin on the cross.

And Jesus died as the perfect sacrifice. God poured out his wrath, all of his anger and hatred toward that on Jesus. And Jesus, the innocent son, died our place, the guilty ones. And that's why when God raised Jesus from the dead, he broke the power of death, hell, and the grave. And when you call it out on the name of Jesus now,

anything that you've ever done wrong, the sin that breaks the heart of God, God forgives that because he already judged it. He judged it on the cross, and now you step in by grace and believe that what Jesus did is enough, and it counts for you. And you can be made right with God, not because you've been good enough,

but because Jesus was perfect, and God poured out his rabbiased, wrath on Jesus, Jesus paid the punishment for our sin. When someone sins, someone must die, and Jesus died in our place so we can live. Wherever you're watching today, there are those of you, you may be under the burden of your own sin, the guilt of what you've done. I used to feel that. I've been too bad. How could God love me? I want you to know that God loves you exactly where you are and as you are. And the only way you're made right with him is not by your good works, but by placing your faith in Jesus, the one who is perfect in every way. At all of our churches,

or wherever you're watching, those who say, I want his grace. Today we're stepping away from our sin. We're stepping by faith into the arms of Jesus. He is enough. He is your forgiveness. He is your salvation. He is the life that you've been longing for wherever you're watching today. Those who say, yes, I want his grace.

I want his forgiveness. Today I give my life to Jesus. That's your prayer. Would you just lift your hand right now and say yes? Just lift your hands up as we have people today over here and all over our churches today. Those of you online, you just tell us right now, say, I'm surrendering my life to Jesus. And as we have tons of people at all of our churches today,

would you just pray this prayer aloud? Pray Heavenly Father, forgive all of my sins. Jesus be first, the Savior of my life. Fill me with your spirit so I can follow you and serve you. Thank you for new life. I give you all of mine. Help me to show your love in every way, in all I'm. And all I do, I give my life to you.

In Jesus' name, could somebody celebrate big right now? Welcome those born into God's family.