Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Ghosts of Christmas Past, Part 2: Shame

Episode Date: December 11, 2016

For many, the most wonderful time of the year isn't so wonderful. A painful past or our own insecurities can overshadow the joy we're supposed to be feeling. What if this year could look different? It’s time to let God heal the Ghosts of Christmas... Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for joining us here at Life Church, where we are one church meeting in multiple locations and reaching around the world with the help of Church online. If you have any questions, you'd like to learn more about us as a church, you can always check us out online simply by going to life.church, or you can stay connected throughout the week and everywhere you go with the all-new Life Church app available wherever you download your apps from. You know, it's Christmas time, a time that is filled with great memories, but for many of us, we seem to be haunted by the mistakes we've made in our past. And those memories keep coming

up. But those memories don't have to linger. In fact, there's freedom in Christ. And today, our senior pastor Craig Rochelle will help us find that freedom in part two of the ghost of Christmas past. Well, it's great to have all of you with us today at all of our life churches, our open network churches, our church online family. We're actually today in part two of a three-part message series called Ghosts of Christmas Past. We're talking about some of the painful things that often emerge this time of the year, and we're letting God's words speak to those painful things in a very real way. In fact, next week I want to tell you is my favorite of all three weeks. We're going to talk about overcoming the labels that tend to bind us if you've owned internally an outward

label that becomes a ceiling in your life. Next week, I believe, is a message that could impact so, so many lives. Today, I got to warn you, it's going to be a little bit heavy. So I want to just tell you on the front side, be prepared. We're going to talk about the deeply painful emotion known as shame. What's so interesting is this time of year around Christmas time and the holidays, a lot of people seem to battle shame from the past even more than other times of the year. In fact, I call shame this. I describe it this way. Shame is a soul-crushing, identity-warping emotion.

It's a soul-crushing, identity-warping emotion. In fact, I bet most of you, if you think back in your childhood, you can probably remember some of the first times when you did something and experienced a feeling of shame. I can remember the very first time I really, really remember feeling shame. I was a little bitty kid. I was at my buddy's house. His name was Alex.

And during this time, we loved whenever the ice cream man would come by. Did anybody have the ice cream truck come by at your house when you were a kid? I mean, when you heard the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, man. It was like game on, get out there and get some ice cream. Now, the problem is, as a little kid, we didn't always have money around for the ice cream man. And so I was in Alex's house. And Alex's mom and dad had the biggest bowl full of change. just like ice cream chains just sitting right there in front of me

and if you're kind of thinking ahead you can probably guess what I did I reached in and grabbed not one handful but two handfuls of someone else's money put them into my pockets and this was the day when I grew up we had blue jeans shorts we cut off our blue jeans and like really really short you may remember that if you're around my age and the problem is when these shorts they were so short that if you put a pocketful of change in there was a white bulge that would stick out by your blue jeans shorts. And so I put this change in my pocket, and I was trying to get out the door as my change was jingling.

And Alex's mom stopped me and said, Craig, what's that you have in your pockets? And I just kind of froze, and she said, shame on you. And I never will forget that moment because I felt shame. I'd stolen something, and I internalized that emotion. In fact, if you're taking notes, there's a distinct difference between guilt and shame. Write this down. What is guilt? Guilt is the feeling that I did bad.

Shame is the idea that I am bad. Guilt is I did something bad. Shame is the emotion that says I am bad. What do we do? We connect the what with the who. We connect what we did with who we are. I did bad, therefore I am bad, we believe. He rejected me, therefore I am nothing.

After what I did, I am worthless. And years went by and I continued to do things that convinced me. I am a bad person. Fast forward to the fifth grade. I was over at Stephen's house and Stephen found his dad's playboy magazines. and I studied and memorized Miss February. I came home and I saw my mom, and my mom looked at me and said,

hey, what are you been doing? I was like, she knows, she knows! And I had this massive, overwhelming sense of shame. The rush of adrenaline followed by the hangover of shame. Fast forward to high school, you know, a straight-age student, and guess what? I got caught cheating on a test. And everybody knew it.

Everybody knew it. And once again, I am bad. I am bad. Went to college, was not a follower of Jesus, and I actually got caught and arrested for shoplifting. Once again, confirming deep down, I am a bad person. Not I did bad, but I am a bad person.

There may be those of you today that you have some kind of secret. You're carrying a secret addiction, and you don't want anybody to know. And internally, because of that, you would embrace, I am a horrible person. Maybe you told a lie about somebody, and you're carrying that lie. I am bad because of what I did. Perhaps you're looking at something you shouldn't be looking at. You're a Jesus follower, and yet you're engaged in a secret world of lust, and because of that, you feel I am a very bad person. Maybe it's your past. You've got a sexual past and you're like, man, if they knew about my sexual past, I couldn't even be on the host team at church. They wouldn't let me at the front door if they only knew what I did. And you're consumed with this idea of shame. It could be

any number of different things and you internalize, you connect the what with the who. I am not a good person. And before long you put words on it. What do you say? I don't know. But here's some different words that you may identify in your own identity. I am defective. I am damaged. I am broken. I am flawed. I am dirty. I am ugly. I am impure. I am disgusting. I am unlovable. I am weak. I am pitiful. I am insignificant. I am worthless. I am unwanted. it. After going through all that, it makes me want to have a drink. And I don't even drink. Not at all. Not at all. Where are you? It's depressing. Shame. Shame. Shame. Very real emotion. I told you it's going to be a little heavy, and I want to allow it to be heavy for a little bit more.

When I was in seminary, I took a couple of, they called them biblical counseling classes. And one of the things I remembered, I brushed up on it just to kind of refresh my memory. was how real the idea of what they call shame-based thinking is. When your identity is colored by something that you did and you start to embrace a negative view of who you are, you adapt what they call adopt a shame-based mindset. And I put in your notes the three big ideas of how shame-based thinking impacts us.

The first one is this. When we have shame-based thinking, we're vulnerable to perfectionism. We're vulnerable to perfectionism. We attempt to silence our shame with an error-free performance, and we find it difficult to ever admit failure. We want to silence the shame by performing it the highest standard to say, look, I'm not that bad.

I did it. I achieved it. I got it just right. And we're very vulnerable to perfectionism. The second thing is that we're critical of ourselves, making us critical of others. We're very, very hard on ourselves. and that in turn makes us hard on other people. What happens? We see our own faults mirrored in other people. And when we see our faults in other people, we become judgmental of them, and then they perceive us as

arrogant or self-righteous. And that's why you may observe sometimes when you find someone who's an angrily critical person, oh, this, that, this, that, this, that. So often that person is dealing with a very dark, very real, very secret shame. Why? They reflect their own weakness and see it in other people and lash out because they hate the very thing that dwells within them. The third thing if you're taking notes is this. We use self-defeating thoughts as a form of protection and escape.

What do we do? We focus on the worst possible outcome saying, this bad thing's going to happen and they're never going to like me and I'm never going to amount to anything. and we'll never have a close relationship. And through our own self-defeating thoughts, we end up sabotaging opportunities and relationships. And that's why Christmas can get so crazy. What happens?

You're around the table and your mom lashes out at you for no reason at all. Like, where do that come from? And you don't recognize that she's dealing with some internal identity-warping shame that causes her to say something, harmful. Your dad goes off and gets drunk and disengages from everyone like, oh, there he goes again. And you don't recognize that it's unhealthy and unproductive way of coping with a very real and internal shame. Your in-laws pickets you about the way you raise your kids. Like, why would they do this? And the reality is perhaps they feel inadequate like they didn't succeed in doing everything

they wanted to, and they mirror that in you and pickets you. Or what do you do? You become hypercritical of everybody else. Why? Because deep down, you're very critical of yourself, reflecting an inward, warped identity battling with shame. Today, it is my deepest prayer that our God would do a healing work. and set so many people free of the dark and devastating emotion of shame.

And my prayer for you comes out of Psalm Isaiah 54 verse 4, and this was God speaking to Israel, and I believe this will be God speaking to many of you. God said, fear not. You will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid. There is no more dismal. disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth. Let me read it again.

Internalize this. Feel the power when God says, fear not. You will no longer live in shame. Don't be afraid. There is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth. Why is it that if you're a Jesus follower, we can be completely free from the shame of our past? 1. John 1-9 tells us this, the amazing promise, that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Here is the good news. If you are in Christ, you're a new creation, the old is gone, God separates your sins from you as far as the east is from the west. He does not hold them against you anymore. You are free.

therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Our good God forgives you and remembers your sin no more. If anyone calls out on him, he is faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If our God is that good and his forgiveness is that real, then why, do we often continue to live in shame? If there are those of you, maybe you've been a Jesus follower for a long time, and you know that truth up here, why do you not feel it and embrace it in your heart? The truth is it can be very, very difficult to overcome shame because, again,

it becomes a part of our identity. And I want to explain how this works using a story from the Bible, and then I'll explain how it worked in my life, and we're going to see how Christ can set us all free in all of our lives. A biblical example is this. If you know, in the Old Testament, God's people were actually in bondage as slaves for 430 years. 430 years. So you can imagine if you were a slave at the end of 430 years, you were a slave, your parents were slaves, your grandparents were slaves for literally week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decades, century after century. Your identity was, I'm worthless.

I'm nothing. I'm just a slave. I am not important. My life is not valuable. I am simply a slave. And if you know the story, God raised up Moses. And Moses went before Pharaoh and said, let my people go. And God gave him favor in this way.

And Pharaoh released God's people. and they were finally, after over four centuries, freed from slavery. What happened, though? Though they were free outwardly, most of them were still slaves inwardly. They were a slave to the shame of their identity from the past. Let me say it this way. Though they were out of slavery, slavery was not out of them.

Let me say it this way. Some of you can nod, work with me a little bit. though they were out of Egypt, Egypt was not yet out of them. Though they were free in person, they were not yet free in their hearts. And this is the problem that so many of us have. We may intellectually know, Jesus has forgiven my sins. Jesus has made me new. But in our hearts, because our identity is not yet grounded in Christ,

we still are polluted by the past shame that holds us hostage and keeps us from living the life that God really wants us to live. Here's the bottom line. You can jot this down. Is you're still believing that you are something that God says you are not? What's the problem? Let me say it again. You are still believing that you are something that God says you are not.

Shame-based thinking. that warps our identity. So, I told you it'll be a little bit heavy. I want to take it to another level, and I want to tell you how this is played out in my own life. And I'm going to try to be really transparent and tell you how God has been taking me on a journey to overcome shame-based thinking.

To be real honest, I am not ashamed of the stuff I told you about in my past. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that stuff is forgiven, and that doesn't hold me down. But what does continue to hold me down is a distorted view of my identity that I've been working for years to find healing in, and in recent years have made significant progress in this. My distorted view of myself is this,

and I'll just kind of unpack it as best I can. When I am living in a shame-based mindset, here is my unhealthy and distorted view of myself. And that is, I am, remember you, I did bad, so I am bad. I am, this is what I believe, I am not enough. That's my shame-based mindset. I am inadequate.

No matter what I do, it's not good enough. I am always going to be inadequate. I will never, ever be enough. That's the distorted, shame-based identity that often holds me back. And part of the way I discovered this was working with a counselor for a number of years, and the counselor, not going to go into details, I don't respect for a lot of people, but it helped me to understand that the environment

that I was raised in, I was vulnerable to trying to fix things that were not mine to fix. And because of that, being an oldest child in other situations, I became very overly responsible. And since I couldn't fix them, no eight-year-old can, no 12-year-old can, whatever,

and no family's perfect, and we all have our issues, right? Does everybody have issues? You have issues in your family? and if you're your family, just making sure, just making sure if you don't, wow, okay, we all do. And so since I couldn't fix those things, it kind of confirmed the, well, I am inadequate. I can't get this done. And so, as one vulnerable to perfectionism, I will perform my way to acceptance.

Straight A's, scholarship offers in two different sports. You know, I'm going to be the best, I'm going to be. So fast forward to today, and here's where I get into trouble. I am the husband to Amy and the father to six children. You think your world's crazy with three, double it, okay? Two son-in-laws now, first grandbaby on the way to be delivered very soon. And I am honored to be the pastor of an amazing church that just happens to meet in a lot of locations and a lot of states. And here's where I get into trouble.

Every single day I disappoint so many people. Every single day. Every single day, day after day, I can't meet, I can't be there, I can't speak at this thing, I can't do that lunch, I can't do, I can't do, I can't do, I can't do, as much as I want to and I don't want to whine and be a big baby or whatever, but there's simply too many can use for me to say yes to all of them. And so it reinforces this shame idea that I'm not good enough. unhealthy, what I do is say, I'm going to dig in, I'm going to prove it. And where I get very, very vulnerable is that I'm going to work myself into the ground to prove I am enough. And that's how my shame-based thinking takes me into a very, very unhealthy place. And if you're really, really honest, a lot of you would say, well, here's where my shame-based thinking ends up taking me.

What's the solution? All this leads up to this solution, and this is what really, really matters. jot this down if you want to. The only way to heal from shame is to move the focus from what I'm not to who Christ is. Let me say it again. The only way to heal from shame is to move the focus from what I'm not to who Christ is. Whenever you're focused on yourself, you're going to come up short again and again. because if you think something bad about yourself, it might actually partially be true. I'm getting your business right now. If you think, well, I'm a bad person. Can I just say respectfully?

Yep. You kind of are. You're kind of a sinner and so am I. If you think I'm inadequate, guess what? Right again. You're not designed to do life on your own. You need help and you are inadequate and so am I. If you think I'm pathetic.

I hate to be rude, but some of you honestly are. You're kind of pathetic, I hate to tell you, but you kind of are. If you focus on yourself, you're always going to come up short. And that's why we have to move the focus off of, this is not who I am, but move the focus on who Christ is, and he is the solution to our shame. If you look in your notes, I put a little sentence with a little sentence with a couple of blanks in it, and this is where you've got to get to work. This is where you've got to be honest. This is where you've got to get over your shame-based identity to never admit to need

and to have the courage, to be transparent, to open up to your life group, to let the guard down, to let somebody in, to be honest with God and say, I need your help and I need healing at this place and my life. And what I put there in your notes is this is, I am not blessed. Whatever it is, I don't know what will go on your blank, but then you fill it in with the truth. Because of Christ, I am what? Let me give you some ideas. You might say this, I'm not bad, I'm not going to focus on that, because of Christ, I am forgiven. I'm not sick.

Because of Christ, I am healed. I'm not broken. Because of Christ, I am a new creation. in Christ Jesus, the old is gone, and I become new. I'm not disgusting because of Christ. I am loved. I would say it this way. I'm not just inadequate because of Christ in me.

Christ is more than enough. Christ in me is more than enough. And we move the focus off of ourselves and onto Christ, and that's when we start to find healing. Now, remember the Israelites, 430 years. 430 years. God sets them free. They're out of Egypt, but Egypt's not out of them.

They're out of slavery, but in their minds and their hearts, they're still in bondage to shame of the past. And God says something in Joshua 5, 9 years after they're actually free. And I love the way that God says it. The Lord said to Joshua today. All of our churches say today. He said today. Not tomorrow, not after three years of counseling,

not after you paid your dues, but because of our good God in his presence at this moment by his grace from his power through his spirit. Today, God says, I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt. Today, I've rolled it away. away today at this moment there is no more shame someone may have said to you shame on you shame on you i hope none of us ever say that incredibly hurtful phrase but maybe you felt that shame on you

god says i've rolled it off of you shame was on you now because of god's shame is off of you feel it shame was on you but now shame is off of you shame is off of you shame was on you, but God, by his power, by his grace, by his goodness, today, not later today, today shame is off you. Your enemy tries to tell you, shame on you, you're not good. No, no, no, no, no, no, I may not be good, but because of God, I am forgiven. Oh, you're pathetic, you're no, no, no, because of Jesus Christ, his power is what I need. Any time the enemy says, shame on you, no, God rolled it off of me. Shame on you? No, by God's power, it's no longer on me. He rolled it away and the shame was no longer there. Understand this. Embrace it. You are not what you did

in the past. You are not what others say you are. You are not who you think you are. You are not what somebody did to you. Who are you? You are who Christ says you are. You are who Christ says you are. And if you are in Christ, who are you? You are free, you are forgiven. You are changed. You are redeemed. You are healed. You are blessed.

You are chosen. You are complete. If you are in Christ, you are a child of God. The old is gone and everything has become new. You're out of Egypt and Egypt is out of you. You're out of shame and shame is out of you. Why? Because today, today, by the power of God, he's rolled away the shame. No more condemnation, no more condemnation, no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

So what is it for you? What is it for you? You carried a secret. You made a decision. Something you regret. You hurt somebody. You failed. and your enemy has tried to connect the what with the who.

You're bad, you're dirty, you're nothing. Take the focus off of you and put the focus on who Christ is. We are Christ-centered in the way we live. I might be a little bit inadequate, but Christ and me is more than enough. Christ in me is more than enough. I can do everything he calls me to do. I have everything I need to do everything he calls me to do.

Today, may the shame be rolled away. Let me close it out one more time with this verse and my prayer for you. Fear not. Fear not. Fear not. Your enemy tells you you'll never be. You're never going to amount. If they only knew you, they wouldn't love you.

You could never make a difference. Fear not. Fear not. because of God's power, because of his grace, because of what Christ did, you will no longer live in shame. Do not be afraid. There is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth. You are not what you did. You are not what others say you are. You are not even what you think you are. You are who Christ says you are. And if you are in Christ, you are a child of God. The old is gone. And the new has come. And because of that, you are.

you no longer have to live in shame. All of our churches, let's pray together. Father, we thank you for your goodness. We thank you for your grace. And we thank you, God, that at a very difficult and painful time of the year for so many people, we can meet the goodness of Jesus

and find healing in his presence. At all of our churches, as you take a moment, you reflect today in prayer, I want to just pray for those of you who would say, yes, Craig, I'm kind of like you. If I look at my life,

I've got some shame-based thinking that can pollute the way I live, can warp my identity, and I want the healing of God. I want to take the focus off of me, and I want to put it on Christ. All of our churches, if you say, yes, I do. My identity is not what it should be because I have a shame-based mindset at times. I want Jesus to help heal me. You lift up your hands right now, just all of our churches in a moment of honesty, all of our churches. God, today I pray, I pray especially for those who maybe even crying quietly and silently right now,

those who are breaking down on the inside. God, we thank you for the grace that we have through Jesus. God, we thank you that as we confess our sins, you are faithful and just, God, to forgive us from all of our sins, God, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Father, may we not just embrace this in our minds, but may we believe it in our hearts. we are not what we did in the past. God, help us to be who you say that we are. God, I pray especially for those who are in deep bondage to a shame-based mindset

that you would give us very powerful words to place in those blanks. I am not, whatever it is. Because of Christ, I am healed. Because of Christ, I am new. Because of Christ, I am forgiven. Because of Christ, I am changed. God empower us to take the focus off of ourselves and to put it on your son who changes and sets us free. As you keep praying today at all of our different churches, there are many of you that you're going to experience the forgiveness you've never, ever known before.

I told you about some of the things that I did that I remember and I carried those for years and years. I remember being in college and just feeling the weight of my sin. I felt so dirty. I felt like God could never ever love me after all that I did. Spiritually, I thought my life was completely over. And I didn't understand the reality. This is how good God is. That he loved me and he loves you.

And there's nothing you could do to make him love you more. And there's nothing you could do to make him love you less. Even when you've sinned grossly against him and hurt so many other people, God still loves you. And what makes his love so amazing is that he, He actually sent his son Jesus, who was perfect in every way. And Scripture said he scorned the shame. Jesus became sin for us on the cross.

He died for the forgiveness of our sins, but he didn't stay dead. He was raised from the dead. Why? So that anyone who calls on him would be saved. Anyone who calls on him would be changed. No matter what you've done, no matter how dark your life has been. The son of God gave his life so that you could live at all of our churches. is there those of you.

You recognize, yes, I'm carrying the shame of my past. I want to be forgiven. Today, when you call on him, he will forgive every sin that you have ever committed. You won't be a better version of you. You'll be a new version of you. Transform by the grace, the love, and the power of Jesus Christ to all of our churches, those who say, yes, I need his forgiveness. Yes, I need his grace.

Yes, today I surrender to him. That's your prayer today. Lift your hands high right now and say, yes, I surrender, Jesus. take my life. Those of you at church online, you click right below me at all of our churches. Would you simply pray aloud together?

Pray Heavenly Father, today I give my life completely to you. Jesus save me, forgive me, make me new. Fill me with your spirit so I could follow you,

live for you, and show your love for the rest of my life. for the rest of my life. My life is not my own. I give it to you. In Jesus' name I pray. All of our churches, would you worship big right now?

Worship loud. Welcome those born into God's family today. It's our honor as a church to play a small part in all that God is doing in and through your life, and we would love to continue with you on that journey. To find out what your next steps could be in your relationship with Christ, all you have to do is go to life.com church,

Next. You know, here at Life Church, it's our mission to lead people to become fully devoted followers of Christ. We've been sold out to that commitment for over 20 years, and I've had the honor and privilege of seeing life change in communities around the world. And one of those people that's had their life incredibly changed is Paul Karate from Life Church, Albany. He's got an incredible story, and I'd love to share it with you. The best way I can describe to old Paul was, on face value, it would look like I had everything. And I had a beautiful house, beautiful vacations, beautiful cars. I have a beautiful wife, beautiful children.

And I was still unhappy. And I wasn't unhappy in my relationships. I was unhappy myself. I've always worked in a restaurant business. I started like a 12 years old, washing dishes and worked my way all up to chef. So, ever since 12 years old, non-stop cooking. 21 years now we've been in business as a peachery catering. I have a very successful business.

You know, on face value, you would think I had everything, but I didn't have everything. Because I was an angry person. That's my brother-in-law, Louis, the new guy. Yeah. This guy right here is the guy who taught me how to cook. I have no fuse. That's a standing joke. I had no fuse.

Everything used to make me mad. The one, six subplatters and one veggie supple. So that would be 37 sups. It's rushing a little less we put it on the side. So God brought some people into my life who were, they helped me to see the person that I could be. They helped me to deal with the anger that I was holding on to. So they really helped me to see what I was missing. And that was a relationship with Christ and what all the joy that I could bring into my life.

It used to be a very angry man. They found God. Something. I have employees been with me 18, 19 years. They're going to say the version of this Paul looks much different. Post-Christ-Paul looks much different than pre-Christ Paul. How's that frown today? Upside down, you better smile.

Turn a frown, upside down, Douglas. How's school today? Fantastic. Port-A-A-Spectacular? I don't know what kind of Christian I hear. I'm trying to be the best Christian I can be. All right, Brock, make me proud. Keep your chin up. Thank you.

I just know that he's moving me to do things I never did before. And it's exciting, and it's a little nerving, too, because it's a different, you know, prior to coming to Christ. Prior to coming to Christ, it's a different version of me. I'm not used to, but it makes me happy, and that's as best I can say it. We love and never get tired of hearing stories of how people's lives have been changed all over the world. In fact, you may have a story to share, and we would love to hear about it. All you have to do is send us an email to Stories atlife.church.

You know, like I said, it's our mission to lead people to become fully devoted followers of Christ. That statement has always driven everything we do as a church. all because we believe and we know whoever finds God finds life. See you next time.