Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - How to Neighbor, Part 4: Loving The Lonely

Episode Date: May 21, 2016

As the world grows more connected, our neighbors are closer than ever. But how close are we to our neighbors? You might not share a fence, but you can still share their burdens and joys. Now’s the time to show the world How to Neighbor. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We are Life Church, one church meeting in multiple locations and reaching around the world through church online. If you'd like to learn more or see if there's a location in your area, all you have to do is go to life. Coming up today, we'll learn how we as a church can care for and love the lonely in our communities as we complete our message series called How to Neighbor. Hey, welcome today to all of our churches. We're in part four of a very important message series called How to Neighbor. If you are with us in the past weeks, we've talked about the very important subjects, races reconciled. Week two, we talked about orphans embraced.

Last week, we talked about the poor empowered. Today, I'm going to ask our campus pastors, your pastor, to help me team teach the final message as we talk about loving the lonely. We want to see the lonely loved. What's really interesting to me when we look at the Bible, when God created the world, He said, it is good. Over and over and over and over again, God said, this is good, that is good, this is good, that is good. It wasn't until God looked at Adam all by himself that God said it's not good that man be, you know it.

It's not good that man be what, be alone. Everything else was good, but the very first thing that God said was not good was when he looked at man and said, it's not good that you are alone. I want to talk today and ask our pastors to help me talk about the idea of loneliness. Now, if I raise the question and asked you, who do you think is lonely? Who do you think is lonely? I'm guessing that most of you would probably be like a lot of other people. You would tend to think that those who are lonely are the older people, maybe someone who's been

widowed or a widower, and your line of thinking might go something like that. What I want to do is expand your thinking for a moment on who actually might be lonely. Who battles with loneliness? In fact, there's a newer term that's really intrigued me. I've done a lot of study on this term. It's the term relational poverty. Relational poverty. Last week we talked about material poverty, and most people know what that is.

But there's a new and growing problem, especially for those of us in the West, known as relational poverty. In fact, the reality is that you can be with a lot of people and yet feel very, very alone. You can sit in a crowded church building and feel very lonely. You can be a stay-at-home mom and feel a deep, nagging sense of loneliness. You can work around a lot of people, and if you don't feel close to any of them, even though you may enjoy what you're doing, you don't really like it. Why? Because you're plagued with this sense of longing for something more.

You may be a college student and you're surrounded by people in your dorm or on your floor, and yet if you don't feel like you can open up to someone, there's no one that you can really trust, what do you feel? You feel desperately alone. If you're in a dysfunctional marriage, what do you feel? You may be sleeping next to someone and yet you feel very, very alone. You might be a successful business person. You've risen to the top and yet you don't have anyone you can open up to.

You feel all alone. What is the difference between material poverty and relational poverty? Well, material poverty is lacking the essentials to get you through the day. What is relational poverty? Relational poverty is lacking the intimacy and the connections to live a meaningful life. You may have people all around you, but you don't feel like people care. You may have people around you, but you don't feel like you could open up to anyone. You may feel like you've got people around you, but you don't feel like you can really trust.

You've got people all around you, but you don't feel like anyone really cares about you. And you can be in a very crowded place, and yet what do you experience? You experience what so many others do, a nagging sense of loneliness. Why is it that this is such a growing problem, especially in developed nations? I'll give you four theories from social experts as to why relational poverty is such a big issue today. Number one, if you're taking notice, it's the breakdown of families. The breakdown of families. In fact, some of you unfortunately experienced this.

You went through a big divorce and what happens? You know, he gets possession of the church and you have to find another church. Or in some cities, at least you have to find another life church campus, right? She gets these friends and he gets those friends. And suddenly, you've got a breakdown of relationships. Number two, there is the increased mobility, meaning people don't stay in one place very long. There's not roots. We're moving around and around and around years ago.

Generations would stay in the same community. Now people don't stay very long. Number three, there's the heavy workloads. We're all so busy. How are you doing? Busy? How are you doing busy? How are you doing busy?

We're so busy that we're not connecting intimately with one another. And then number four, interestingly enough, with all of its benefits. it's what also can cause loneliness. Number four, the rise of social media. The rise of social media. While we still may get a glimpse into someone's life, we're not getting that deep sense of intimacy. What do we do when we feel alone?

We may post a selfie of ourselves and then go back and look. Who liked it? Did anybody say something? When they don't say anything, we feel even more alone. Why do we do this? It's to meet that longing need we feel for intimacy, but experts say what we're doing. is we're actually deferring the loneliness to later. What I want to do is I want to ask you to

help me and welcoming your pastor to finish the message on how do we love the lonely. Please welcome your local pastor. Well, I love you. I'm honored to be able to help Pastor Craig wrap up this amazing series, How to Neighbor. And if we have not met, my name's Chris Beal, and I'm the pastor of this location of life church. And I'm so proud of our church. As Pastor Craig, he has done an amazing job with the last several weeks. Mobilizing, or his heart, really,

is to mobilize us to be the change in our community. And this weekend, as we grapple with the pandemic of relational poverty of loneliness, I just want to pray. I want our minds and our minds and our lives. hearts to completely be in tune to what God wants to show each of us and the part that he wants us to play in the people he's put us in our lives. For some of you, God's going to put it on your heart that someone sitting two seats down needs a hug today. That there's someone that you

work with that gets often overlooked and God's going to put their mind on your head today for others of you, maybe it's the 15-year-old that feels completely discreet. connected and left out. But as God begins to reveal people in our own circles of influence, then our job is then to say, okay, God, this is my assignment. So let's all pray together and just open our hearts to God. Father, we love you. And this whole moment is yours. The word is yours. The worship is yours. And God, I pray that every single one of us would have a mind to understand and a heart to perceive how you want to extend hospitality and care to us that we then pass on to someone else. Put those people, God, on our minds and help us be the hugs and the

handshakes of Jesus. We prayed in his name. Everyone said, amen. So how do we love the lonely? there are so many different ways that we can do this, but we're going to look at three today that Jesus himself modeled for us. These are the primary ways Jesus chose to love those who are forgotten and left out. So if you're taking notes, how do we love the lonely? Number one, we are going to love with touch. Write that down. We are going to love with touch.

All the husbands said, what's wrong with us, men? We love this. What's your love language? Love language is physical touch. Your second one, touch me again. That's just the way we're wired. We love to love with touch. Sorry about that.

The Gospel of Matthew chapter 8, amazing story. Verse 2. Check this out. A man with leprosy came and knelt before Jesus. And he said, Lord, if you are willing, now watch this. He doesn't ask a question. He makes a statement. Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.

Isn't that faith interesting? No questions, just belief. If you're willing, you can make me clean. Now, let's understand a little bit about this disease. We don't really deal with this a lot in our culture, but in the time of Christ and before, this disease was rampant. In fact, there were laws in the Levitical law

about if you had this disease, you had to do this and this and this, and if you were around somebody with this disease, You had to do this, this, and this. At the onset, leprosy probably had a period of about 10 years before it killed the person infected by it. It started with aches and pains, fatigue, joint pain, and before long, there was scales, like a scaly rash on your skin.

From that, it became whelps filled with pus. Everyone say, ooh, nasty. From there, it goes. the vocal cords and begins to alter the very sound of the person's voice. From there, it begins to contort and change the facial structure of the person so they don't look like a human anymore. They literally look like a large animal, like a lion or something like that. When it gets really bad, their body, just picture this, their body begins decomposing while they're living. And this is the man who put himself in the body space, proximity of God.

And he said, if you're willing, you could make me clean. And look at what Jesus did. In verse three, Jesus reached out his what? Everybody said it out loud. He reached out his. Isn't that interesting? He reached out his hand and he touched the man. He said, I am willing be clean. Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.

Now think about this with me for a minute. Why did Jesus, highly contagious disease, why did Jesus touch him? All throughout the four gospels, we see accounts of Jesus healing people and all who was required was his spoken word. even Lazarus, right? Lazarus is dead, in a cave. Jesus says, Lazarus, come out, just speaks, and the dead becomes alive. But here, it wasn't a word. It was a touch.

Why? What if the disease that this man so desperately needed to be healed of was not the leprosy? What if it was a relational poverty? What if it was the rejection that has placed? plagued him his entire life. And with a touch, both diseases were healed. Do not underestimate the power of a touch from someone who is hurting. When I was 16 years old, I got one of my first jobs.

I grew up in South Texas, and I was a cashier at a grocery store called H.E.B. Now, we don't have those up here, but if we did, you did. doll shop there. And I'm, I'm, I'm pretty good at my job as a pastor. I was awesome as a cashier. Like, I was the man. I, I had the tie, the white shirt. I could scan the items with incredible speed. And I was good. I was straight up awesome. So there was a lady that came through my checkstand. I met her for the first time. Her name was Ruth, about 65 years old, quick wit, a amazing woman. And so we just started up a conversation. She was awesome and we just enjoyed having this conversation. I checked out of groceries with extreme efficiency and incredible like hospitality,

because I was great. And when she gave me the money to pay for the groceries, I put it in the register, I got her change. I counted the change back in her hand. And when it was in her hand, I just put my hand on top of her hand. I said, have a great week. And she left. The next week, exact same day, exact same time she was back in my line. And what was crazy is that for the next two years, every Thursday at 4.30, Ruth was in my line with her groceries in her basket. Even when there were shorter lines next to me, she was always in my line. Right before I went to college, I said, Ruth, I'm just curious. For the last two years, every day, every Thursday at 4.30, you come through my checkstand. Why? And she started to cry.

And she said, because every time you count the change back, you put your hand on my hand. And that is the only time in the week a human being touches me. A human touch can change you. And I am utterly convinced there are people in this room who, who love coming to life church, they love hearing Pastor Craig's messages, they love worshiping with other believers. But I am convinced that the reason you're here every week is this is the only place you get a hug or a high five or a handshake or I am so glad you're here. And that is the church that God has called us to be and that is the church that we are going

to continue to be. Amen? We are the environment that God has chosen. and to be a safe place for those who are hurting to come and just say, you know what? I don't know or care what your story is, but I do care about you. How about a hug? God, we love, just like Jesus did. We love the lonely with touch.

The second, write this down. We love by listening. Write that down. We love the lonely by listening. Now, most people don't listen to understand. most people listen with the intent to reply, don't we? We're formulating our response. That's what we do.

Jesus didn't do that. I want to set up some context of this story I'm about to tell you. Jesus has just been crucified. All of Jerusalem, those who were believers that this was the Messiah, none of them know that he's been resurrected. And so their eternal hopes have been completely. dashed, totally destroyed. Two men are walking down a street together, depressed, lonely, completely dejected, Jesus walks up to them. Luke 24, verse 17. Watch this. Jesus asked them. He starts with the

question. What are you discussing together as you walk along? They stood still with their faces downcast. One of them named Cleopis asked him, are you the only one visiting Jerusalem? who does not know the things that have happened there in these days. Now here's what's awesome. At that moment, Jesus was the answer for their depression. He could have just said, Tadda! It's me!

Here I am. He could have done that. And I'm like, that would have been awesome. Like, why didn't you do that? He didn't do that. Look what he does. He asked a second question. He said,

hmm what things he asked and he listened why why why the questions and not the ta-da moment maybe Jesus is teaching us that loving us isn't always fixing things loving us is being with us when things are broken because in the context of all of us in this room there's a lot of brokenness. And isn't it good that Jesus is willing to be with us, to hear us in these times? I've been married to Cindy for 23 years. And all throughout our marriage, every quarter or so,

she'll come up to me and say, hey, babe, you got some time for us to talk? And in that moment, here's what I'm thinking. Dang it. I'm about to find out how I suck as a husband. Every time. Okay, babe, I'm ready. One more way.

Give it to me. And in the early days, that's what we talked about. In these last few years, it's been very different. She still asked the question, hey, babe, can we talk? But really what she wants to do is she just wants to share her heart. And she's married to a husband that has grown through years of stubbornness to recognize she doesn't want me to fix her problem, gentlemen. She doesn't want me to offer advice or potential solutions.

All she wants me to do is to bear witness to what's going on in her heart. And so I listen. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for someone is just be there and listen. A little over a year ago, I got a phone call, really bad phone call. Family in our church, they've been a part of our church for 17 years. And their teenage son died two hours prior to that phone call in a car accident. And I got in the car, went over to their house and sat on the back porch with them.

And I've had these conversations before, but this one was very, very different for me because their son. that they lost is the same age as my oldest son. And so I'm going through listening to their anxiety and their shock and their anger. And I'm thinking, this could be me. This could be me. And I know I said a few words, and I know I prayed for them before I left, but for the better part of an hour, they just, went through the process of grieving and I just sat and listened and then we hugged and I prayed and I left. He texted me three or four hours later and said, Pastor, you're, you being there with us,

you'll never know what that meant to us. Everything you said was exactly what we needed to hear. I didn't say anything. I didn't really say anything. I didn't really say anything. thing. Sometimes there are people in your lives right now that all they need from you, the most valuable thing, the most valuable resource you could give them is your ear. Just listen. Ask them questions. It's amazing if we all left today and found someone we didn't know and asked one of these three questions, how can I pray for you? Just get ready. Number two, tell me your story. Number three, Instead of just saying, how you doing, add one word to that question. How are you doing, really?

And see what comes. And they'd just be a willing vessel to just listen and hear what is going on in someone's life. They don't want us to fix the problem, but just to be heard and to care about them. We love the lonely through hugs and handshakes through touch. we love the lonely by listening and lastly write this down we love with time we love with time it's amazing to me how much jesus got done in three and a half years of ministry those were those are those are it was a busy three and a half years he was always going somewhere he always had something to do someone to heal a group of people to preach to food to be multiplied to five thousand and on and on and on and yet as

busy as he was, he was never so rushed that he couldn't be interrupted. Time after time after time, there was someone that he didn't expect that came along that needed to be healed or talked to or whatever, and he always had time for them. One of my favorite stories is Jesus is in a house in this town, and he's teaching. And there are people that are just eating up the words of Jesus. There's a few Pharisees in there that aren't big fans of Jesus, but yet they're all there. And four guys get wind that the Messiah is in their town. And they recognize this is their opportunity to get their paralyzed friend healed. So they pick them up on a mat, they make a beeline to this house,

people are pouring out the front door. There is absolutely no way they're going to get in to see Jesus. Some of you know this story. So what do they do? They go up on the roof to do some damage. Like they're going to have to file an insurance claim. These guys go up and they start digging claims. and mud off this roof, creating a huge hole, and they literally lower this man in front of Jesus

right before he's preaching point three in his life group. Like this is straight up distraction and frankly disrespect. And what does Jesus do? He kills point three, and he turns to the guy. And he says, your sins are forgiven. Oh, and by the way, get up and walk. He always had time for those who were in need. Do you? Do I? I mean, if I'm really honest, I operate with this idea that the urgent is always pressing on me

and keeping me from the importance. And we have to distinguish between the two, Church. the important is rarely the urgence. Six years ago, my father passed away. Incredible man. He was the closest to Jesus at the end of his life. He spent hours in the word and in prayer. And the earlier years were not that great for us.

But God did a really significant work on his life after I met the Lord when I was 19. And my mother, he had this insatiable sweet tooth, right? He loved, he loved sweets. And one day my mother bought him one of those boxes of assorted chocolates. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? You take a bite out of all of them to figure out which is nasty and which is awesome. And so she put it in his room, and about 9 o'clock she had got back from the store. By 11.30, every one of the pieces of chocolates have been eaten.

He ate the entire box in literally, like, like two hours. My mom comes in, yells at him. He stands up, gets a headache, which is actually a major aneurism, and falls to the floor and dies. And as I'm thinking about this, just process this. He eats a box of chocolates. He gets a headache. He wakes up with Jesus. That is the best way to go ever. Ever. Sign me up for that plan. And I say, I think back on my time with my dad, in the latter years of his life, ministry was really, really busy for me. The kids are growing up, crazy activities.

They're busy all the time. And honestly, it was only feasible for us or so I thought to make it down there maybe twice a year to see him. And my dad was craving it. My dad was craving that time. He wanted to know that I loved him, that I forgave him of some of his mistakes, that I've become a good man. Those things matter. And as I think back, you know, I don't regret that my dad didn't have a nicer house to live in.

I don't regret that he didn't have more resources to enjoy the golden years of his life. I don't even regret the conflict that we had in my teens. But, guys, I have regrets. I regret that I didn't spend more time with him because I had the opportunity. I had the opportunity. I regret it for me and I regret it for him

because we actually love having time together. And there are people in your life right now who are still with you. And you have the opportunity tonight to call them, to text them. to take him out to lunch next week. I'm begging you. Love people with your time.

You only have so much of it. Can you think of a more valuable gift you could give someone? There is none. We love people with our time. You cannot impact everyone, church, but we can all impact someone. And if every single one of us thought through the people that God put on our minds tonight and said, you know what, I'm going to do something about that.

I'm going to reach out. I'm going to give him a hug before I leave this building. I'm going to call them up and invite him to lunch before I go to bed tonight. I'm going to take a step to love someone who is deeply hurting. if you do that, then the church, God's bride, will be the solution to this epidemic of relational poverty. So all of this begs the question, what if it's you? What if it's you today that feels alone? The likelihood is it's all of us, but there are some of you in here today that you truly feel alone and lonely.

Let me just say this, and I pray that God's spirit puts this in your heart much more powerfully than my words can. But we are a family, and we are highly imperfect people. and at times as a church we're slightly dysfunctional, but we love each other. And if you're here, that means you are family as well. And I just hear this from my heart. We love you and you are not here by accident. But even more than that, God designed you to have intimacy with you. He designed us for that purpose.

He speaks of this in Isaiah 4110. I just want to read this over you. I just want you to receive this. Don't you be afraid for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

You matter to us and you deeply matter to the heart of God. God. So guys, as we wrap up this series, I believe and pray that will not be just things that inspire us, but they will be burdens that we leave this place from and live out in our communities. How do we neighbor? Jesus said, we are to love the Lord, our God, with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourself. Would you pray with me tonight? Father, we love you, and we thank you for the power of your word. More than that, we thank you for the example of our Savior Jesus.

Lord, I pray for every heart in this room, and that in this moment of prayer, you would help us to be honest with ourselves and honest with you about where we are, honestly, really. And God, help us as your bride, your church, your people to be the answer, the solution, the hugs, the handshakes, the listening ears, the time given to those who feel alone and forgotten. In an attitude of prayer today, I'm going to ask you to be bold and honest. Not so much for me, but just to acknowledge it before God. there are some of you here that you aren't alone.

There are people in your lives. There are acquaintances that you have. You may even be in a life group, but if you're really honest, you're in a season right now where you feel a little lonely. And your prayer is, God, help connect me. Help me know that I'm loved. Help me know that I'm not alone. This is going to require some courage, but if that's you, I want you to raise your hand right now.

Just raise it up, raise it up, raise it up. Hands everywhere. Put it down for a moment. There are others of you that as we prayed tonight, God show us. God show us who it is in our lives down my street, on the row I'm sitting in tonight, who you want me to reach out to. You know who that person is and you're going to do it this week. If that's you, you know, God's put that person on your heart.

Would you raise your hand tonight and say, God, I hear you and I'm doing it. I'm proud of you guys. Awesome. Father, thank you for people who have the courage. to say they feel lonely and thank you for those who have the courage to say I want to be the solution to that loneliness. Lord we pray that you would draw our hearts to one another that we would be people that give our time and our attention and our priority on those who feel alone and I pray because this church is in this community God that that our town would be

one of the most relationally connected environments on planet earth. Why? Because your church lives here. And we're living out your call on our lives. God, I thank you so much for what you're doing in this place and for what you're about to do right now. As we continue to pray tonight, it is amazing to me the extent to which Jesus went to ensure we'd never have to feel alone. You have to understand that there is a problem and the problem is sin, and every single one of us have committed sin, according to the book of Romans, and that sin separates us forever from the presence of God,

from being able to be made right with him. And the Bible says that while we were still sinning, Christ died for us. He died to pay a debt that he didn't know, but you did. And so did I. And that if anyone calls on the name of the Lord, anyone, they will be saved. I think about what Jesus endured on the cross.

The physical torture, unimaginable. The mocking of men that he created, unthinkable. But when he hung on the cross, the father, for a moment, had to separate himself from the presence of his son. the Bible says God is so holy that he can't be in the presence of sin and while Jesus didn't sin he became your and my sin on that cross and Jesus cries out in that moment my God my God why have you left me why have you forsaken me listen to me listen to me Jesus for the first time experienced loneliness from his father, so you would never have to experience it, ever.

That's what he did for you. But guys, it is not enough to just know this intellectually. You have to receive it personally. You have to call out on his name. You have to ask him to forgive your sins and surrender your life. And if you do, in that moment, you will be changed, forgiven, and made new. And so in this moment of prayer with heads bowed and eyes closed, if that's you, today, God, I'm surrendering my life, and I'm saying yes to Jesus.

Boldly lift your hand right now. Lift it up. Lift it up. I want to see you eye to eye. God, I give you my life right here in the middle section, right here, right over here. I got you. Others you, I've lifted up for just a minute. I want to see you.

I want to see you. Yep, God, right over here. Praise God for you. Others of you. Jesus, I'm yours. Anyone else? I want to know you. I want to be new.

I want to be saved. Tonight, we're going to pray. with many stepping across the line of faith for the very first time, and then we're going to go crazy and worship our God. Pray this prayer out loud with me, church. Father, I need you. I have sinned.

I'm asking you to save me. Jesus, I believe you died. To pay for my sin. And I receive your grace. I surrender my life. Fill me with your Holy Spirit that I could serve you always. in Jesus name I pray

5 o'clock and somebody going little nuts tonight and worship a God that loves us we are honored to play a very small part in all that God is doing in and through your life and we would love to continue with you on that journey to find out what your next steps could be in your relationship with Christ all you have to do is go to life.church slash next

when it comes to making a difference in our local communities and in communities around the world we believe in the power of partnership which is why we work with Christ-centered organizations, both through our serving and our giving, because we believe we can truly accomplish more together than we ever could apart. On April 20th, over 100 volunteers and church members gathered with members of DHS at the Oklahoma State Capitol to celebrate the launch of Care Portal, an online platform designed to leverage technology to help meet the needs of children in state custody and the families caring for them.

The care portal allows state welfare workers to uncover and vet needs of a family and submit that request for help online. Churches within a 60-mile radius are made aware of the family's need and then given the opportunity to meet that need. And at the April 20th event, Life Church was honored to award the 111 project with a $34,000 grant to fund the project. It allows us as the church to meet practical needs for people who are fostering and the biological families that have needs. for the kids that are coming back home to them. With Life Church being on board, I believe that today is the start of a day where there is going to be no kids waiting for a family

because there's enough Life Churchers that can change that forever. If you missed any of our How to Neighbor message series or if you'd like to see any other message, you can watch them anytime on demand. Simply go to life.com slash watch or you can subscribe to our LifeChurch podcast or YouTube channel. You know, it's our mission and our passion here

to lead people to become fully devoted followers of Christ, and we do all of it, because we believe whoever finds God truly finds life.