Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Inside Pastor Craig & Amy’s Marriage | Q&A With Rachel Cruz | Save the Date: Part 5e

Episode Date: November 27, 2022

Pastor Craig and Amy have been married for 31 years and have learned a lot about marriage, relationships, and intimacy. In this interview-style message, our pastors are answering relationship questions and sharing what makes their marriage strong so you can set yourself up for success in your relationships. ABOUT THIS MESSAGEHow do I know if they’re marriage material? How do I know if I am? What does a healthy relationship look like anyway? There are so many questions to consider for lasting relationships. It's time for some real talk about relationships, marriage, and sex. You’re invited to Save the Date. Find guides, stories, and wisdom to help you find confidence, peace, and direction in any relationship here: https://www.life.church/betterrelationships/NEXT STEPSHave you made a decision to follow Jesus? You may be wondering what’s next on your journey. We want to help! Let us guide you to your next steps in your walk with Christ: https://www.life.church/nextABOUT LIFE.CHURCHWherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.church. Find locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/app. FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIAFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/life.churchInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/life.churchTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifechurchCONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIGYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/craiggroeschelFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschelInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschelTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@craiggroeschel#lifechurch #craiggroeschel #relationshipquestions Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I am not the smartest person in the room, but I do have a lot of experience when it comes to being married 31 years and Amy and I've been honored to work with countless marriages throughout three decades of ministry. And I wanted to try to share some wisdom, some lessons we've learned maybe the hard way that might be beneficial to those of you who are preparing maybe one day to get married or to be single in a way the honor's God or to help strengthen existing marriages. So to do that, I invited a very, very close friend to our family, Rachel Cruz, who is the number one New York Time best-selling author of the book. Know yourself, know your money. You can clap for that because she is a very dear friend.

This is an incredible book, incredible resource, and she also has several top-rated podcasts. You'll want to listen to Smart Money Happy Hour, the newest one. and she is one of the teachers on Financial Peace University. Of course, at Amin and I've been through three times. If you want to become a good steward of financial resources, you will want to do Financial Peace University. I promise you it is life-changing. She's going to interview us, and the other part of us is my better half.

The one who's really wise, the one who's really godly, and the one who makes us much better in all that we do. I want to also welcome my best friend, Amy, the mom of six kids, five grandkids in counting. Would you all please help me welcome, Rachel and Amy. So we are really honored to have you. It's like you're a part of the family anyway. And we want to hand this off to you to ask us easy questions, hard questions. You can throw some zingers at us and this time is yours, and we're really honored to have you with us.

Well, thank you. I really do. I so appreciate it. husband and I, we've been married. It'll be 13 years next month. And, you know, oh, well, thank you. Yeah. But it's marriage is, it's a fascinating relationship that you walk through with this person on a day-end basis. And, you know, gaining wisdom, like you were mentioning from the earlier scripture, I'm like, we have found such a gift. So thank you guys, honestly, for opening up your story and your hearts so that we all can learn, because I'm just selfish up here, just gaining

everything, asking you all the questions I want to know. So I want to start out first by kind of going back to when you guys started dating and if there's someone that's watching right now who maybe is in a relationship and they're dating you know what what are pieces of advice you would give them things that you guys did that you said gosh that was a win and I feel like every dating couple needs to do this for the future of their marriage you want to start I'll start yeah um when Craig and I started dating it was so massively different from our previous dating experiences like we basically had never had a Christian relationship. And so it was new, and we were so in love with Jesus first as our primary relationship

that we really just let him, the spirit of God lead us because we did not understand how to have a Christian relationship except to follow God. And so the thing that made it so special was experience. experiencing Christ as the foundation, as the center, not just in theory or as, you know, some this concept that's, you know, out there somewhere. But it was it was Christ who led us to serve one another, love one another in a relationship, just set that foundation. It was really special.

It was special. And like Amy said, you know, this was my first time to date in a way that we, would be more God honoring. And she had recently renewed her commitment to follow Jesus. And so we know that not everybody is gonna start with that same foundation. And a lot of people start in all different ways. But what we wanted to do is Rachel,

we wanted to create a foundation. If life that's built on the sand, scripture says is not solid, but one that's built on the rock is solid. We wanted to try to create a friendship that was based on Jesus. And this one was really different is, instead of trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend,

which I was not opposed to at all, but what I wanted to do is really create a foundation that was based on something that would last before there was any kind of kissing or even hand-holding is we really tried to create boundaries, to push that kind of stuff way off, and create a spiritual foundation. And so some things that we had did together

that we had not done in previous relationships, is we prayed a lot together. We read scripture. Going to church was not an option. It was just a part of kind of what we did. And then we really got involved in Christian community. And so it wasn't like we're off alone having this get to know each other time by ourselves. A lot of it was based in kind of a broader group of fellowship.

And what that did, I think, is it gave us a stronger base to build on. And that really made a difference in the years to come. And to add to that, it wasn't like we were following a checklist. It's like Christ is our life. And so we wanted to, you know, here, come to my Bible study. You come to mine and let's go to church. And then we would go to a worship night. We were just always wherever a church door was open.

And like the praying together, that was, again, just a natural response of who we were. And so it wasn't like we had to check it off or manufacture it. It just was overflow. Well, I think what's so encouraging hearing that, honestly, is because that stuff, that's timeless principles. Like, that is a truth that you can stand on regardless of what generation you're in when you're dating, because dating in 2022 is a whole lot different. So someone that is dating out there, you know, how do you navigate the noise, whether

it's through social media, dating apps? I mean, there's just so much more noise out there. How do you navigate that in the world of dating today? How can you get to those heart issues, maybe even quicker, because maybe there's more of a facade through this technology that a lot of people, you know, are engaging in and starting a relationship? I'll start and you can join in. So we have six children, and we've helped three of them navigate their way into great marriages, and we have three others that are beginning, you know, friendships that could lead to who knows where. And so one of the things is because of technology today, it's actually, in my opinion, crippled the way people get to know each other because it's often more screen to screen rather than face-to-face. face. And so this sounds really old school and it is, but I would just say, as often as you can,

don't do screen to screen, but do face to face. And, you know, like, if you can, some people are even afraid to ask someone out in person, but that's way better in sliding up into the DM going, yo, what's up, you know, that is, as often as you can, let's go face to face. And then there's so much temptation now to like go and just let's go to a movie or let's go watch Netflix or whatever. And I would say get in environments where you can talk and as often as you can, as early as you can, broaden it from just the two of you to your communities. This matters so much because when you've got a foundation broader than just the two of you, but I'm getting to know her friends, I like them, they're strengthening us.

That can go a long way. And I think everything in culture pushes back on that. And I think that's one of the ways we can push back and create better foundations. That's so good. Okay. I'm going to touch on something you mentioned earlier. You kind of flew past it because you were like, oh yeah, this is so normal, praying together. This is something I think dating couples and gay couples, even married couples can struggle with

because it is a very vulnerable thing. If you're not in the rhythm of it, starting it can be awkward doing it. So give some encouragement to people that are out there again. They can be dating or married and they're like, man, praying together. As believers, I'm good on my own. But coming together, that feels really vulnerable. That kind of feels like a mountain to climb. what would you say to a couple, the importance of it,

and kind of even how to start that. Yeah, I think that's such an important question. You should talk about it. Talk about, hey, what would it look like if we began to pray together? What would be your expectations? What do I think my expectations are? But I think just starting with a conversation

and then just starting, like, what do we want to pray about? You know, how long are we going to pray? There's all those expectations. Yeah, the whole, how long? is a good question because for Amy's expectations were much broader than mine. And so, but I like that because a lot of times there's insecurity, I'm not going to do it right.

And so when you kind of put it out on the table of what are we going to pray about, there's a lot of things that you may not think about to pray about. And so once we get, even especially outside of our own little circle where we're just praying for each other, but we're praying for loved ones, people in our community,

people to come to faith in Christ, then we find out there's a lot of things to pray about. And here's the interesting thing is we also find out what we're both mutually interested in. And so it's not only joining us to the spiritual things, but it's joining us to each other. And then what I would say, too, oddly enough, this is kind of crazy,

I found it easier to pray with Amy when we were dating than when we got married because life started taking over when we were married. And then, honestly, I couldn't want to pray for a long time. And so what I found is that consistency matters a lot, and it doesn't have to be that you pray for a long time. So our prayers like this morning, how long did we pray together this morning? Under a minute. Under a minute.

But it was literally, you know, God today we devote this day to you, help us to honor you and the question that we answer, give Amy wisdom, help me to share your word in a way that honors God. Bless this day in Jesus, name and then. And so it was, it was, but it is a touch point. and doing a very little bit is indescribably more valuable than doing nothing. And so if you can start with a little bit and be consistent, then it kind of breaks the berry and then you can do a lot more when the time is right. I just wanted to throw out something that I remembered as I was listening to you. When we were dating, we actually had a prayer list of people that we were praying for.

So it was like here, so we were, you know, prayer partners, even though we didn't call each other that, because I had, like my grandmother was battling cancer, and we had her in friends we were praying for. And the thing about it is that we, like we were saying about foundations, we're laying a foundation in this relationship where that Christ's the foundation, the foundation is, you know, just sounds like, well, what does that mean? Well, this is what it means. Like he enters into our conversations through the things that matter to us. and it gives us this common vision.

And, you know, every relationship, whether you're a believer or not, you need common vision, you need common values. And we walked into a relationship together with common vision and common values. Really, the vision was not a vision for, you know, how are we as a couple? And what do we want our, you know, kids to look like? Our vision was how can we serve Christ together? It honestly was. And so.

But not everybody's there, but you can start wherever you are. Well, I love that, because I feel like that, how you guys just answer that even, it brings a level of humanity even to your own prayer life. Like, if you feel like you're going to be stumbling and it's like very intimidating to sit down with your spouse and do it, that's a posture of your heart, even with the Lord. Like, it's this practice that you get in in a rhythm with another person. And it just brings this level of, you know, humanity and humility too, which I think is beautiful in bringing that to the Lord.

Even if it's one sentence, meaning like, God guide us. today in Jesus name. And start there and you can you can build from it. And we used to actually pray not just together, but we called it together apart. So we would set like at noon today, we're going to stop wherever you are, wherever I am, and then we're going to pray for this together. And so it's just, it's a little bit of a, we're learning to connect with Jesus, but it's also bonding us. And it was an irreplaceable part of us growing together. Love it. Okay, so our next question actually is a video that comes from someone who attends Life Church Online in Columbia. So we'll check out her video.

Hi, my name is Lucero. I'm from Managing Columbia. I attend Life Church Online. And my question is, how do I set God the boundaries? Healthy boundaries. Okay, can I, that's such a good question. Can I extend it maybe to a little bit more? Okay, healthy boundaries.

It can be emotional boundaries as well. Is there spiritual boundaries that you need? and also the physical boundaries of a dating relationship. So if you can kind of hit on those, I'd be curious what you have to say. Yeah. So let's start with emotional boundaries. What we want to do, I always consider it like if we're traveling together to a destination,

let's say we're building a bridge together. If the foundation isn't strong enough, eventually the bridge is going to collapse. And what happens is some people move too fast and emotionally they haven't created the foundation and so the relationship crashes. So what we want to do, in my opinion, is we want to go. really, really slow on expressing deep emotions. Sometimes people will meet someone, they'll go like, oh, you're pretty and you're fun.

I love you. And there's just, there's too much too early. And so. Share too much of the story too early. Everything just so gets emotionally entangled too early. Right. So like with our kids, we talked about gears in a car. So first gear, what we want to do is we want to stay in first gear as long as we can.

Because in that, what we're doing is we're developing a friendship without emotional pressure, without sexual temptation, without external pressure. The longer we can stay in that gear, the stronger we are. And then when we agree that we're actually moving towards something more serious, we shifted to second gear. And for us, it was a very serious conversation of now, let's move toward pursuing marriage.

And when you get into some of the later gears, like you are pursuing marriage, you try to stay in them a little shorter because the temptation is very real. And so you're slower and more intention. at the beginning, and then once you know it's strong, you start moving a little faster. And so emotional boundaries, we're not gonna share too much.

That puts too much pressure on it. You can speak to that or the other, like, how did I keep you away from me? Because it was so hard in the early years. Like, yeah. Okay, I'm so used to him teasing like that. Clearly, it just rolls right off. Yeah.

The answer does. She hated, and yes, she does, but she loves me enough to put up with it. So, Rachel, I love that you created the nuances of boundaries isn't just physical boundaries in dating and how Craig spoke about emotionally. So physical, that's obvious, right, but I'll get to that in a second. But the spiritual boundary, I would just say it is going back to this, what do we value? And so what do we value spiritually?

So boundaries is kind of like, what are the non-negotiables? Are we a relationship where we believe in the gathering of believers at the local church? Do we believe in community that we need each other, more better in community? And like Craig was saying, we need others around us. And so those are kind of our spiritual boundaries. And I value time with God, and I need time with God, you know, more than I need time with you. And so anything that you think is taking the place of God, you don't want your relationship to take the place of God. So there's a boundary there of like God is first.

And so just communicating things like that gives you that spiritual, you know, these are our priorities and the boundaries have to come around that. And physically, you know, we weren't perfect in our dating relationship with this. and so from learning from some of our mistakes as well of having too, you know, sometimes too much time alone and things like that, we've, we have learned to guide our girls and guide our kids to say, look, you need to put yourself in a public place when you have those one-on-one times together more than, you know, really guard the time that you would have alone. Don't be alone too long in a car. We talk about how it's important to emotionally and physically, you know, guarding the person's heart to not go too fast with their emotions when you are together in a public place, but privately, just one-on-one, to maybe cut it to around an hour, you know, because if you're just getting to know them, you're going to over-share if you go two hours. And you kind of can feel when it hits that, you know, the longer you're together, time can create intimacy, right? And so you want to make sure that, you know, what if you're dating someone, but you aren't sure if you really like it that much? But if you spend two or three hours together, maybe they're falling for you.

And so you're, you know, not protecting their heart when you're not cutting it off and you go too long. But physically, you know, I just think that's obvious. You can't, if things are tempting you, then you need to have a boundary to say, it's time to go. It's time to get in a public place. It's time to, you know. Right. And when you say we weren't perfect, we weren't, but we did wait to have sex, but then we

did other things that were less than that, but we wouldn't have done it if we had it to do over again. And so one of the things I recommend is that you just agree up front. And that is we agreed, here's our boundaries. and then let's say you do cross one of the earlier boundaries, that doesn't mean you just keep on crossing, that you regroup, you confess it, and if you even, and then let's say you fail massively,

that doesn't mean you just keep failing massively. You confess, you repent, you take a step back, and having accountability really matters a lot. We just were open with people, and like Amy said, we weren't perfect, but we did wait, and that's a really special thing, because now she knows that I had the discipline to wait. know that she did and that creates an intimacy and a trust. If you mess it up, it doesn't mean

it's you're recoverable by any means, but it is you have an opportunity to create something special. Yeah, okay, if you don't mind, go even a little bit deeper with that because, you know, I think people even can look into the Christian community and they're like, oh, well, it's just this hard and fast. You don't have sex before you're married. Like, it's just this rule, right? And we all know as a relationship when you walk with Jesus, it's not a relationship of rules. There is reason and wisdom behind why you choose to walk. these things out. So talk through the wisdom of waiting. What is the benefit of that? Once you are dating, you get engaged, and then you get married and you experience

that with the other person for the first time. You look like you're ready to talk. Well, you're probably gonna say something better, but I think the wisdom thing is so key and that's really the way that we began to speak to our kids about relationships is we never made it about a rule of like you have to be this. age and you have to, you know, even the thing about the time, that's just a gauge of wisdom. And so wisdom is the key. That is it, you know, wise to even begin kissing. Now, it wasn't a, you can't kiss that's off limits.

But let's think about the wisdom if you begin and how soon you begin. Because we would tell our kids, well, if you begin to kiss, then what? How often are you going to kiss? How long are you going to kiss? What do you do after you kiss? What do you do with your hands when you kiss? Where do your hands go? Yes.

You start to, like after a while that is going to, you know, that's going to stir things up. It's going to move you to something else. And we had one of our daughters actually, you know, have that experience and go, I see what you're talking about. You know, and they were very open with us to say like, okay, yeah, that. So you even have to think about, that sounds so prudish and silly like kissing. But the wisdom is if we want to guard our sexual purity, then don't start with something that you know will be a gateway to other things, or make it a quick peck on the, you know, cheek on the way inside the goodnight kiss.

You know, I don't know. But it's not a rule, right? It's a relationship. And you need to honor marriage, even like Craig talked about in the series, before you're married. If I'm not married to this person later, I want to behave in a way that honors the person that they do marry. That's good. I got nothing to add. Perfect. Okay, so I'm going to skip ahead if that's okay and hit the married couples in the room. So for you guys, what is one word that you would say probably just describes your marriage,

your relationship overall? I would say if there's one word that sets our marriage apart, that makes it what it is, I would say it's the word intentional. That what we found in working with a lot of couples is that you never accidentally have a great marriage. There's just no such thing. And it's not necessarily that we intentionally do things that everyone else has to do to create the right marriage, but we intentionally do the things that we need to do to have the right marriage. And it's just, it is intentional meaning. We have to work really, really hard at it. And if we intentionally do the right things, we end up having the intimacy, the trust, the spiritual momentum and when we don't and there are times when we haven't then our marriage suffers and so what are

those things I think they would vary for different people but for us it would be like amy said is she has to have her own relationship with God and I have to and those are separate we have to intentionally do that secondly we need to do this together for us one of the things that we learned early on is we were not going to be child-centered parents and this is one of the biggest mistakes that a lot of people make. And so now we have these amazing kids that we love so much and so our life revolves around them. And we think the best way to love them is to love them, but the best way to love them is to love our spouse. And so we were really, really intentional, all the way down to symbolic things. Like when I would come home, the kids would run up and try to hug me. And I'd always say,

nope, mama gets the first hug. And I'd walk across the room and give her the first hug and maybe a little kiss, not a peck on a cheek. And then I would hug the kids. So we'd always say, you know, were symbolically telling them. And so it's just it's intentionality and what couples do to be intentional will vary. But what would you add to that? Gosh, I was so intentionally listening. I was not thinking. I would have had the same answer that we are intentional and intentional with our time. I think we're intentional with being a person that the other person would enjoy being married to. Like we're intentional to be thoughtful and kind and nice because, you know, I want to be a wife that you want to be around. And so I intentionally try to.

You do that better than I do. Well, you do. I don't think so. And then another little thing in intentionality that we learned is to work on our marriage and non-conflict times. Because when we're not happy with each other, you start saying things that you regret and you rarely make forward movement in conflict times. So we do, we work, we call it a marriage checkups where it, you might be in bed, having kind of pillow talk. And I would say, like, what are three things that I do that would be a blessing to you?

And what's interesting is the things that she likes are often very different to things that I thought she'd like, meaning I learn what really blessed her. And then I'd say, what's one thing that I can do to love you better? And so what you'll notice is there was positive feedback, positive view at three times. And then basically I gave her permission to say, what am I doing wrong? But we couched it in a positive. What's one way I can do to love you better? And then she'll tell me, and I'll try to listen during a non-conflict time,

and then I try to apply it. And then we'd do it the other way. And that we made a lot of progress in our marriage by those kind of conversations. Rarely do we make progress in the heat of the moment, but we often make progress when we're working on it in non-conflict times. Right. And, you know, we can get, as the years pass, you could get complacent and take each other for granted. And now talking about living in the day and age of cell phones

and such, that's such a competing of your time tool, resource that we have. And so creating boundaries there so we can be intentional to have time together instead of, oh my gosh, a whole hour has gone by and we've been, you know, working through our devices. And so, you know, to have, you know, to have, intention you have to create boundaries so you have time together so that's big I'd say yes for some people that number one thing you could do to help your

marriage is put the dang phone down like just put it down put it aside like look that that simple and look at each other in the eyes that's right in the eyes yeah there's a verse in first chronicles that says put the phone down somewhere I'll find it so I shall put the phone down I shall put the phone down okay you as you guys were answering I was just selfishly in my seat thinking, okay, what are Winston and I? What are we doing? That's intentional. That's kind of new. And one thing that we've created a habit of this probably in the last, probably 24 months, is asking what we need from each other? So even coming here today, I'm like, hey, what do you

need from me today? And he's like, hey, this and this. I'm like, okay, great, here's what I need from you. Like, you know, and I found, though, for me personally, I can be such an independent person. And I think we live in a culture in a country that celebrates and applaudses like independence when you just do it on your own that is celebrated and within marriage you are dependent you are becoming one with someone and so when i talk about money even you know combining your accounts you are one even your checking account your money you are one and i get such hate on social media for that but there's such truth in that and then in the same way emotionally i have found needing each other and even communicating that need and not feeling like i'm needy or something like that and so that's kind of

been a hurdle i've personally gone through so talk about that if you don't mind of saying, hey, how do we talk through and be okay with, you know, I need something from you when the world is saying you can do it on your own and you're awesome if you just do it on your own. That's so good. And I wanted to raise my hand and go, I am guilty of being too independent. I do that. And Craig's always got a servant hard.

And that's such a big part of this that, yes, we're one and there's a union here and we should serve one another. And such a big part. if it doesn't come up in an answer later, it's like humility and servicthood are so huge to have a good marriage. And I find that anytime I want to point the finger, but I go to God in prayer, and I know I'm in my flesh and not my spirit working out of that, then I, in my time of prayer, the wonderful counselor convicts me. You know, I have to humble myself and become that servant, you know, but talking to each other about, you know, what we need,

like Craig was saying about during those non-conflict times, so much better than in the conflict when you can get defensive and everything. And so really try to communicate in non-conflict. And I love what we were talking about earlier this morning, Rachel, where you were saying it's so important to be emotionally self-aware. And so when you have emotional things that something's true, and you're and and you have this this crazy emotion going on identifying you know not just the emotion but where is that coming from what god given desire am I wanting fulfilled right now and

and and that's where we have to even be self-aware it's not just I'm angry because you're clueless and you're you know you're not paying attention to me and you know all these things you you you but it's like I think I just need some time with you to connect with you and and I told Craig that recently. I said, you know, I know you love me. There's no question there, but I don't feel connected right now with you. And, you know, we were just both in just crazy work seasons. Right. And here's what works well about that is that Amy likes, you know, look at me in the eye and like, I can't even see up close now, so she looks blurry without my glasses. And it doesn't work real well for me. And so most men, not all men, but most of us,

we have connected with other men doing sports together, side by side, working on a truck together, whatever, something side by side. And so when Amy and I are doing something together besides staring deeply into each other's eyes, I tend to open up more. And so for us is walking together, which works really, really well

because she has that real emotional connection time, and I get to walk and do something else, which helps me to open up. And so she said, I don't feel real connected with you right now. And I was like, going, but I love you so much, I love you so much. But the reality is I was so into solving some problems and dealing with issues at the church

that I wasn't processing with her. And I didn't let her in. I was present, but not present. I was with her, but I wasn't emotionally connected with her. And she was able to tell me that, and I acknowledged it, but if we didn't have that kind of time together and we weren't in an environment where I was actually walking along so I could hear it,

I might have felt and threatened by it. And so we wanna be open to what we're not doing well but we want to do it in a way if we'd been fighting and she said I'm not connecting like well I'm here all every night you know and and we have to have we have to have those environments where the issues that we need to work on can come up in a healthy way and then we have to humble ourselves to listen yeah that's so good I so appreciate guys sharing that honestly because I know there's so many couples watching that you know marriage has seasons of it and

when you don't feel connected that can be a place that you can either go apathetic or if you actually care and you're like I want this better that have to dive in and even simple things like going on a walk. And it's just those that continual opening up and saying, here's what I'm thinking. So I appreciate you guys sharing that. Yeah, and Crick created a safe place for me to share that. Like be safe to share things. Which is a gift. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So last question. For couples that are watching, that may be in a hard time, that they feel like their marriage is in a hopeless state. And they're looking at you two and thinking, oh my gosh, you know, they've done it so well. But they're not perfect from what you guys just said, you know,

two minutes ago and it's like, okay, from your experience, what are things couples can be doing that they feel like we're coming to the end? But you think, oh, if you can insert a couple of these patterns or behaviors or habits, it could actually maybe save your marriage or help it and where it is today. You want to start? I'll start. I'll try to go quick. There's always hope with Christ. Even if you've had 20 years of a bad marriage from this day forward, which is a great title of a book. It's from today. Start now. But in marriage, you have two imperfect people that hopefully know the Lord and are growing towards him. And so humbling yourself, continually, laying down all the pride and all this selfishness and everything that we try to, and all the fear,

just laying it all down and starting with you, knowing that it does take two. But as far as it depends on me, I don't want to be a factor in our marriage, going the distance and being healthy and strong, working to build trust when I've lost trust or vice versa. And I think grace, the grace of God that was given to me that I can love from a place of grace when Craig is not meeting my expectations because I know I don't always meet his and understanding that we've both been rescued, just miraculously rescued from our sins and brought into a relationship with God, that the grace of God can cover that multitude of sins. And you can start to heal any marriage from there.

It can be so difficult, and we just acknowledge that, that there are many marriages that are hurting and hanging by a thread. And it does take two. And there's always hope that there is nothing that's impossible for our, God. I would say, if you haven't fixed it on your own, let's invite community. Let's invite a counselor to help us. And rather than pointing the finger, which is really easy to do, let's let God do a work in us and pray that God would do a work in our spouse. And we would celebrate the miracles and we would journey along through the pain and we believe that God is a God of restoration. You may

have been betrayed and there may be grounds for divorce. I'd also say there's grounds for forgiveness. and the grace of God is very real. So today, wherever you're watching from, I would just invite you to take a moment and we're going to pray and ask God to do what only he can do. So, Father, we lift up those who are not married who would want to be,

those who are not married and are totally satisfied serving you a single, and those who are broken in their relationships and need healing, do a work in us. Wherever you're watching from today, those who'd say, I want more of God in my relationship, Would you lift up your hands right now online?

You can just type it in. I want more of God. Give that to us, God. Help us to put you first. To seek you first in all that we do. As you keep praying today, many of you may feel like you're far from God. And I want to remind you that God is the most relational God. He sent Jesus, His Son, the perfect one to forgive our sins.

If you feel separated or far from God today, you're one step away from a relationship. Step away from your sin. Step into the grace. to the grace. Surrender your heart. As you call out in the name of Jesus, he hears your prayers and he forgives your sins. No matter what you've done, no matter how dark it feels, there's grace, there's grace, there's grace. Wherever you're watching from today, those who say, maybe I feel far from God, I'm going to invite you just to invite him into your life. When you call in the name of Jesus, he hears your prayers, he forgives your sins and he makes you brand new wherever you're watching

from. Those who say, I need him, I need his forgiveness, I need his grace today by faith. Give my life to him, that's your prayer. Just lift your hands high right now. Lift them up all over the place. We're going to thank God with you as we have people at all of our different churches. Online, you can just say, I'm giving my life to Jesus.

Just type that in the chat. I'm giving my life to Jesus. And wherever you're watching from, let's pray together. Just pray, Heavenly Father, forgive all my sins. Jesus saved me. Be first.

My Lord, I give you my life. Fill me with your spirit so I can know you and follow you. My life is not my own. I give it all to you. In Jesus' name, I pray. Could somebody worship God today? Give him thanks.