Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Keep a Good Marriage From Drifting | Love Killers: Part 3

Episode Date: May 17, 2026

NEXT STEPS Have you made the decision to follow Jesus? You might be wondering what’s next for you. We want to help! Check out these resources to ​​discover what saying yes to Jesus means: https://go2.lc/podcastcommittochrist ABOUT THIS MESSAGE No one walks down the aisle expecting divorce. No one says "I love you" hoping to end up as strangers. We don't plan to ruin our relationships. But small patterns repeated over time can quietly destroy the connections that matter most. In Love Killers, we'll learn to identify these patterns and replace them with ones that make love last.  7 Prayers for Couples Seeking God Together: https://finds.life.church/prayers-for-couples/ 3 Tips for Better Relationships: https://www.go2.lc/love ABOUT LIFE.CHURCH Wherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.church Find locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/app/download FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/life.church Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/life.church TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifechurch YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@life.church CONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIG GROESCHEL YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/craiggroeschel Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschel Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschel TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@craiggroeschel LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/35447748/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Let me see a show of hands today. If you are not married and you hope to be married one day, would you raise your hands? Just raise them up. Leave them up, if you will, leave them up, leave them up, leave them high. Scan the room for a minute. Just look around. Look around, look around. Look around.

Look around. There's a lot of potential here. Come on, just saying, look around. Hey, if you make eye contact with somebody whose hand is raised and you feel the Holy Ghost tingle, congratulations, we'll do your wedding. Hey, I'm not joking. I actually did that before at the Global Leadership Summit. Let me introduce you to Nathan and Natalie.

Nathan looked across the room, saw Natalie, felt the Holy Ghost tingle, said, would you like to lead with me? And they've been married since 2021. I'm not kidding today. You never know what might happen if you're open to what God might say. Now, to those of you that are married, raise your hand. Raise your hand. You are married?

Okay. Most of you, what I know about you is you are probably committed to your marriage. you probably love each other, and you're probably like most people, you're trying your best in this crazy world to like manage your schedules, pay the bills, keep the kids alive,

and most of you, you are busy together, just not close. That's our world today. It's not your fault. It's kind of the way culture is. You're busy together. And because you're so busy,

busy together, you're often distracted from the things that matter most, you're busy but just not close. And on paper, a lot of times, if you looked at your relationships, like it looks solid on paper. But it still feels like something is leaking. Connection might feel like it's leaking. Intimacy might feel like it's leaking. From the outside, it looks okay, but when you look up close, it feels like something is leaking. And what I know about most of you, not all of you, if you don't believe in God, you're absolutely welcome here, but most of you probably do believe in God, and you wouldn't be here consistently if you didn't. And so most of you, if you are married and you believe in God, you probably assume that you have a pretty good Christian marriage. Like,

you're a pretty decent Christian couple. But I want to show you today there is a big difference between being a Christian couple and having a Christ-centered marriage. A big, big difference. In fact, I describe it this way. A Christian couple believes in God, but a Christ-centered couple builds their life around him. There's a different between just believing in him,

yeah, I believe in him, you believe it, and we go to church occasionally, and saying that Jesus is the center of our lives, the cornerstone of our family, and we design our entire lives, including our kids' direction and priorities around him. And the problem for most people today, most so-called Christians, is that you don't have bad beliefs. The problem is that you just haven't built your marriage around what you believe. We could say that God is like a part of your life, but maybe not the true center of your marriage.

And it's not because you pushed him out. is because life just slowly filled that space. So we're to look today in the Old Testament at an unusual text. We're going to look at the prophet Haggai. If you want to look in your Bible, you might need to go to the table of contents to find Haggai, or better yet, pull out your Bible app and type it in. It's very, very easy that way.

It's an Old Testament prophet that not a lot of people preach on, but there is a portion of this book that describes exactly what we're talking about. Haggai chapter 1, verses 2 says this. The people are saying, the time has not yet come to rebuild the house of the Lord. So the Lord sent this message through the prophet Haggai. And he asked the people,

why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? Look at what is happening to you, God says. He says, you have planted much, but harvest little. You eat, but you're not satisfied. You drink and are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you are putting them in pockets filled with holes. Look at all the metaphors we see here.

You plant but you don't harvest. You eat but you're not satisfied. You drink, but you're still thirsty. clothes, but you're not warm. You earn money, but you put it in pockets like there's holes in it. And these images are really good picture what so many relationships feel like. You keep pouring in, but whatever you put in seems to drain out. And it's not because you don't care, and it's not because you're not trying, but because the center is missing because there's a leak in the relationship.

It's important to understand who the prophet was talking to when he's saying, like you've forgotten about the priority of the house of God. For context, the evil empire, Babylon, had conquered Israel and taken the whole nation into exile. These people he's talking to, they were the ones that actually came back. They were the ones he would say are, like, most committed. They were like, you all graduation weekend and you're still in church. That's pretty amazing.

They were faithful, and they said, we're the ones that are going home. Now, what they did is what a lot of us do. They started out strong. They said, we're going to worship God, and we're going to build his house, and we're going to prioritize God. And then suddenly, life happened. Anybody ever get there? You got really, really good intentions, and then life just knocks you off of your priorities.

And what's interesting is they didn't stop loving God. They just slowly stopped building their life around him. And you can kind of almost imagine. I'm just, I'm making this up, but you're going to kind of imagine. They're like, they get married and get a little bit distracted. And then they pop out a kid, boom, and another one, boom. And another three kids in diapers, and they're a little bit more distracted. And then they get the mortgage payment and the yard.

and one of them does yoga class, the other one does golf lessons, and then somebody puts little bin in the traveling Judean team. Right? And now they're going every single weekend. Life happened. They didn't rebel against God.

They didn't reject God. They just got busy. And slowly, God's house, what he called, them to rebuild. It went from their very first calling to an afterthought. And if it sounds familiar, it's because it really is in our culture today. And some of you would say, like, that's exactly me. That's us. What'd you do? Well, you built everything that you wanted, but you forgot the one who holds it all together. And this is how spiritual drift happens.

You ever been to the beach and you're playing in the water and you're having fun and you're just having fun? You have no idea the whole time. You're drifting and you're drifting and you're drifting and you look up for your family and they're way over there. What happened? They didn't move you did. A little bit at a time. Spiritual apathy. And this is like rampant in our churches today.

And I always say this. Spiritual apathy generally doesn't look like rebellion and what I would call cultural Christians. You know, we're Christians. we believe in God and such. It doesn't look like rebellion. Spiritual apathy looks like a normal week. Just a normal week. Like two people who love God individually.

I love God and she loves God, but we just don't pursue him together. It looks like people who go to church on the weekends, but don't really bring God into their everyday normal. conversations during the week. It looks like a family who works really hard to know each other's schedules, get them there and go here and go there and go there, but not knowing where each other is spiritually along the way. It looks like working really hard to make good decisions about, you know, what are we going to do financially and wherever we're going to go on vacation, can we afford it,

and where are we going to go, and what are we going to do with the education of our kids and and where are we going to live. But never stopping to invite the one who joined you together to be the Lord or the one who actually directs the decisions that you're making. It looks like calling yourself a Christian couple and knowing that you should probably pray together at some point. But not doing it, and not because you don't think it's important, but because the kids need baths.

and the dishes need doing, and you're tired, and he's got something on his mind, and you're not sure what that is, or even if you're up to it, because you know what it is, and you're tired. And so is he, and so he's not sure, and there you are. You guys are so quiet, like, is he talking about? No. No. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in a relatively good mood this week. Yeah, really good mood, high risk. This is moderate risk. Yes, I was talking about that.

So what happens? Life happens. Like, we believe in God, but we just get busy. Because I don't know any of you, like, if you genuinely want to please God, nobody ever says, hey, today is the day we're leaving God out of our marriage. Today's the day we're going to claim him but abandon him. Nobody does that. But what happens?

Drift happens. spiritual apathy happens one Tuesday at a time and you don't even plan it so before you're sitting there going well we suck wish we were like pastor Craig and Amy I'll tell you we suck too okay relatively good mood moderate risk so just work with me I'll tell you a story that happened Amy came from a family she had one brother so there were two kids I came from a family had one sister so there were two kids so when we were getting married beyond a shadow of a doubt, we knew we're going to have two kids, two kids, two kids, a boy and a girl and a girl, and we're going to be done. Well, we had a girl and a girl, this was Katie and Mandy, but we had two kids and we were done, two kids and done, God's will and done,

two kids and done. Except, Amy didn't really want to be on birth control, two kids and done, but my wife's not on birth control. Now, I'm not a genius. But where I come from, that means you're not done. Okay? And so we debated it, and she was more emotional in her approach. And I was more logical in my approach. And we were both wrong. Back and forth.

I'm talking like probably three months or so. Well, you can't do that. We can't do this. We can just trust God. Well, how many you want to have you? And on and on and on and on. And what I realized is we hadn't prayed about it one time. Pastor Craig, your fearless leader,

your shepherd who will lead you into green pastures and teach you to pray and seek God, who did not do it about having more kids. Didn't ask God for his wisdom, his direction, his will, for one of the most important decisions that we will ever make. So we prayed about it. And God answered. And we have six kids.

A basketball team and a sub right there. Six kids. Some of you, listen to me. Some of you can relate. Not to the six kids, but to not praying about important stuff that God should have a voice in if you truly want to be under his lordship. You didn't reject him.

You just did what we did. You got busy. You left them out. He started doing things on your own. Haggai, the prophet, he gives us several pictures of this. He says, you plant, but you don't harvest. You eat, but you're not satisfied. You're earning, but you're putting them in pockets with holes in it.

Same feeling, but different words. You keep putting something into your relationship, but nothing stays. And some of you can relate right now, because you do care and you're both trying, but it's still not working. And it's not because you're not putting something in, it's because what you're putting in is leaking out. There's a hole. And I'll tell you right now, the hole is not your schedule.

It's not the season you're in. and it's not that your spouse is the problem. The whole is a God-shaped void that only he can fill. And there is a big difference between calling yourself a Christian couple and living a Christ-centered life built on the truth of his word,

directed by his spirit, seeking him to do his will on earth as it is in heaven. Without him in the center, there is a hole. And the principle is this, if you don't fix the whole, it doesn't matter how much you pour in, your marriage will always leak. So that's a long setup to the problem.

What does God's word say to do? How do we fix it? How do we put him back in the center? Well, Jesus in Revelation wrote a powerful letter to the church at Ephesus, who in many ways, they were kind of like a model church. They were doing so many things right on paper. They looked amazing. But he said, I had this one thing, one thing, one thing against you.

And here's what he said. He said in Revelation 2 and 2, he said, I know your deeds, your hard work, and your perseverance. In other words, I know you're doing a lot of the right things and I know you're trying really, really hard. Yet I hold this against you. He says, you have forsaken the love you had at first. He goes on to say, consider how far you've fallen and repent. Turn back. Go back to it. Repent and do the things that you did at first.

He's saying, hey, remember where you were. And consider how far you've fallen. He doesn't say, consider how bad you are, but consider how far you drifted. Because most of you, you didn't plan to drift. you just actually did one little decision at a time. And now you ended up somewhere that you never, ever planned to be. If you had a life centered around him at any time, not everybody did, but if you did,

go back and do what you did before. Like, repent and do those things again. Like, if you used to pray together and you were close to Jesus, then he was drank, didn't pray together again. If you used to talk about the things of God, like what's God showing you, and you talk about what's in the word, and you talk about God at the table around your kids.

If you did that before and it was working in it, then do it again. If you used to try to make decisions, and what do you think God would think about this? And what does his words say about this? And you go to your life group when you say, would you all pray for us for wisdom? We're trying to make a decision together, and we're seeking the will of God.

If you did that before and it was working before, then do that again. And if you never had it, Then you've got a great opportunity. Haggai says, start building it. If you didn't have it before, start building it now. Here's the way he said it. He said, give careful thought to your ways.

Like, just think about it. Use your brain. Think. Give careful thought to your ways. Go up to the mountains and bring down the timber and build my mind. and build my house. If God wants you to build the house, go up to the mountain,

bring down the timber, and build my house. Think about it. Do what works to build the house. Take pleasure in it and be honored. I love it. His word just says, give careful thought to your ways.

Not try harder, not do more, just think about what works and do what works. Think about it. And I would just ask you this, like, what gets your first and best? Think about it. What gets your first and best? For some of you is easy. Them.

That one, that one, and that one. The kids, it gets your first and your best. For some of you, it would be your career. you're all in, your bank account, your appearance, whatever it is. Give careful thought to where your mind drifts, to where you put your time. If you want to call yourself a Christian couple, you can blend in and kind of look like the rest. If you want to be Christ-centered, think about it and put your first and your best to him and build your life around him.

How do we do it? Like, where do we start? Lots of good ideas. Be in the presence of God together at church. You're doing that now. Very good. Be in Christian community together. Commit your life group.

Very, very good. Use your gifts somewhere. Very, very good. Read the word. All those things. Lots of things I could give you. I'm going to give you one that has the biggest return in marriages. if there is one thing you can do, one habit, just one, that kind of becomes like a keystone

habit, something that propels other good things. If there is one thing above anything else, according to studies and just my experience, I would tell you that any couple can do, and you can do it today, now, easy, is simply pray together. Pray together. Just like, pray together. I know you're freaking out going, I don't know that's too intimate. Like, you get naked together. You can probably pray together, just saying. I mean, I wouldn't plan on saying that, but if you're married, I hope you get naked together. Sometimes or often. Whatever your rhythm is.

I'm not going to judge. But I hope you do. If you can do that, you can probably pray together. Can I get an amen somewhere? If that's kind of intimate, yes, praying together. In fact, a Gallup study found, get ready for this. What percentage of Christian couples pray together? The answer is, are you ready?

Only 4%. only four in 100 Christian couples pray together regularly. Of those four percent that pray together regularly, of those who do, fewer than one percent divorce according to a Gallup study that you can look up. I'm going to tell you right now, I do not know any other single habit in any area of my own.

life that has that kind of return. And you can do it now, immediately. And you don't have to be great at it. That you can just like just start. You don't have to be pastoral. You can just try. And I get it. And this will surprise some of you. But Amy and I didn't pray regularly together in the early years. Why? Because I was dumb. I thought, I'm doing it all day at work. I don't want to do it at home. And so I didn't. And secondly, because she takes a really long time to get warmed up. She really does. Like, let's pray. And there's like, there's like a lot of stuff that goes into it.

And I'm kind of like, let's get it done. And she's like, let's make it last. And anyway, yeah, you pray together. Just, that sounded weird. Hey, I moved on from that. I moved on. So come on, y'all. Medium mood, moderate risk.

And here's what's amazing. is when you're praying with somebody, it's hard to be mad at them. You kind of got to work through some things you're going to pray with them. When you're praying daily with someone, it's hard to drift spiritually from then when you're joining yourself spiritually.

When you're praying daily with your spouse, like it's hard to let spiritual apathy win whenever you're asking God to be the center of not just your marriage, but of your family and your children's lives. I'm going to tell you right now, it does not have to be 30 minutes a day. It doesn't have to be pastoral.

It literally can be really, really short. I've taught this before. I'm going to say it again. The three rules of praying effectively is keep it short, keep it consistent. If you miss one day, don't miss two. Keep it short. Do it every day.

If you miss a day, don't skip two. Now, some are you going to say, but Craig, do you have to keep it short? No, that's just part of my strategy. Like, just start short. You don't have to stay that way. But if I say, like, pray long, you're not going to do that. So just keep it short, start there.

And what's going to happen is when you start praying and you get a little bit more comfortable without it, you might pray a little bit longer, but the goal is not to pray long. The goal is to pray faithfully and watch what God does. 30 seconds. Start there. 30 seconds.

God just bless my spouse, bless their children. and guide our steps today, give us wisdom to love you and serve you well. In Jesus, name, amen, and go. Ours is like right before I leave for work. Yours might be right before bed. I'd find a consistent time, and I would do it every single day. Keep it short. If it grows longer good, keep it consistent. If you miss one day, you probably will. Don't miss two. A very short time of seeking God. We're not just a Christian couple. We want to be Christ-centered. So we talk to the one we want to center our lives around. every single day. That could change your marriage more than anything you do all year long. You say, but, okay, I'm not married. I'm sitting here. How does this apply to me? It really,

really matters to you. Because if God is not the center of your life right now, a relationship with someone is not going to put him there. And I want to talk to those of you if you're dating someone right now, it's super important. If you're dating someone and you're believing God for a Christ-centered marriage in the future. Pay attention to what you see in the person your date, not just what they say, but what you see, how they behave. If they claim to be a Christian, but they're not pursuing Jesus, they're not reading his word, they're not fighting to be in the house of God together,

hearing his word together, they're not serving anywhere, they're not asking you spiritual questions and trying to help you become more like Jesus. If you're not seeing that, that's not just apathy, that is a preview of where your relationship will go unless God does something big in that person. I told my kids this, don't expect a Christ-centered marriage in the future if you're only getting spiritual leftovers today. What do we do? What do we do?

Jesus said it. He said it clearly in Matthew 633. He said, but seek first, seek first, first above anything else. Seek first God's kingdom. and His righteousness, and then all these things will be given to you as well. Seek first the kingdom of God. And His righteousness, we seek first, God, I'm pursuing you, God, I want to know you, God, I want to glorify you. I'm seeking your righteousness.

If you're dating and you're living a sinful lifestyle, you don't build a Christ-centered marriage in the future on a lifestyle of sin today. No, you pursue righteousness today. You want to live in a way that's pleasing to God today. You seek him first. And then he says, all these things. will be added under you. This isn't a promise for an easy life.

It's when you seek him first. Your other priorities fall into place. He directs your steps and you get to live in his will. Seek him first, seek him first, seek him first, seek him first. One thing, one thing. If you do one thing, you might say, hey, we're going to pray together and seek him through prayer. Now, what I know is some of you are trying right now. And you care.

And you really do love God. and something's leaking. You're wondering like, why in the world does this not feel like enough? And what you hear me, I'm not going to tell you to go do more. What I'm going to do is if you've ever had it, I'm going to tell you to go back

and do what you did before. The Bible says, repent and do the things you did at first. Re means churn. Pimp means highest. You turn from the lower ways of this world, from the temptations of the evil one, and you turn back to the things that bring you close to God.

If you've never ever had it, consider. Think about it. Love the mountain, bring the wood, come down and do what it takes to build the house of God. Go back to your first love. Whenever God wasn't just someone that you claim to believe in, but someone that you loved and pursued and built your life around. If there's a leak, let me tell you right now, pastorally speaking, there's a leak in most homes. If there's a leak, let me tell you what about the hole, about what's missing. God didn't just identify it.

He came to fill that hole. He left heaven and came to earth and the person of his son, Jesus, and who did he come for? He came for the broken and he didn't come to condemn, but he came to heal and restore that which was lost. when I was far away, he came for me. When you were dead in your sense, he came for you.

And he's the only one who can feel what's empty. And so if you claim Jesus, you say, we're a Christian in marriage. I'm just asking you, like in your face, if Jesus is truly the Lord of your life, why is he a guest in your marriage? Don't make him a guest. if you say he's first but he's not first on your calendar consider your ways if you say he's first but you can't see him in your evenings consider your ways if you say he's first but you don't seek him for the decisions that you make consider your ways what i want you to do is just just take a moment and imagine with me a marriage that's

centered around him that when you pray you pray together and you seek him and you know he hears your prayers and directs your steps. And you know that your family isn't just claiming him, but is built on him. And when you make decisions, you ask him be the one that directs your decisions and that they would be pleasing to him and all that you do. And when your kids look at you, they see two people who truly love God. And they know that you love God first. And they know that you love each other. And they've seen you pray together. And they've seen you seek his word together. And one day when they get married, they want what you have because they've seen it, not a Christian couple, but a Christ-centered home. And there's something about that that lands in their spirits.

And they say, I want that. This is not a Pinterest post. This is not something that goes on a dream board. This is marriage as God designed it to be. So what do you do? Come on, church. Give careful way to your thoughts. Build his house. Seek him first, his righteousness. His kingdom. And then all these things will be added unto you. Holy Spirit, we pray that you would do what only you could do. God, pierce our heart today. Convict us, God, when we drifted and left you out. Do what only you can do. As you're praying today at all of our churches, if you're, those of you who are Jesus followers, I want to talk to those of you who would say, yes, I am a disciple of Jesus. whether you're married or not.

I'm going to ask, would you just commit this week seven days? If you're married, you're praying together once a day. If you're not married, pray you may even get your life group. You may get two or three people and just pray on the phone together, FaceTime together, pray at work together. Pray with someone else for seven days. I'm going to ask you to think about it. I don't want you to make an emotional decision.

Keep it short. Keep it simple. If you miss a day, don't miss two. and just make that commitment. Seven days this week, if you're married, you're going to seek God with your spouse. If someone else, you're not married, you're going to seek God with a friend, and you're going to pray together with someone for seven days, and just see what God does when you seek Him with others first.

If you'll make that commitment today, all of our churches, would you raise your hand right now? Raise your hand. Praise God for you. Online, just type in the comments section when I commit to pray with someone for seven days. Father, I thank you ahead of time for what you're going to do. First of all, that you're going to hear the cries of our hearts. God, that when we pray together two or three on earth agreeing on anything that you hear the prayers and you move on behalf of those who are seeking you.

So we thank you for the answer prayers that we're going to see. And even more than the answer prayers, God, we thank you for the spiritual unity that's going to be forged as we lock the spiritual enemy out of our lives, our families, our relationships. and God, I just pray that we wouldn't be just a so-called Christian couple, but we would create families and friendships that are truly centered on your son, Jesus. God, work and everyone who commits to pray this week, and we thank you in advance for all that you're going to do. As you keep praying today, I want to talk to those of you who, like, if you look at your life,

you just have to say, Jesus is not first, not on your calendar, not in your finances, not in your friendships, not in your marriage, not in your parenting. And let me tell you what God did for you. He went first. He did. The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God took the first step. Scripture says that God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son, Jesus. Who is Jesus? Jesus is the the son of God. He's called the Lamb of God, who was the perfect sacrifice who died on a cross for the forgiveness of our sins. Jesus was without sin and died as our replacement, our sacrifice. And God raised him from the dead so that anyone, listen to me, and this includes you, no matter what we've

done, anyone who calls on his name would be forgiven, would be made new, and would be changed forever. There are those of you. There are some of you, you were like me, you were raised in the church and called yourself a Christian. You can call yourself a duck. If you can't fly, you're not a duck. Call yourself a Christian. If you're not serving Jesus first, you call yourself whatever you want. There should be spiritual fruit. There should be evidence. If you recognize there's not, today is the day of your salvation. What we're going to do is we're just going to repent. That means we're going to turn away from our sins, and we're going to turn toward the one who is our Savior, and we're going to surrender to him, ask him to be the Lord of our

lives, ask him to forgive us. And when we do, he's going to hear your prayer. He will forgive every sin you've ever committed, and he's going to make you brand new. There are those of you God brought here for this moment. You recognize it. You're not playing around. This isn't halfway in. This isn't cultural Christianity. Jesus, I've sinned. I need your forgiveness. I want you to be first. Would you be the Savior and the Lord of my life? That's your prayer today. You know it. You're not playing around. This isn't a half-hearted Christianity. This is a full-on surrender. Jesus. Take my life. I give it to you. That's your prayer today. Lift your hands high right now. All over the place, lift him up and say yes that's my prayer praise god for you and over there as well others today say

yes jesus i surrender god bless you sir up there and over to the side praise god for you up there as well others say yes jesus i surrender be the lord of my life online just type in the comment section i'm surrendering to jesus today i'm surrendering to jesus would you pray with those around you pray heavenly father forgive all of my sins jesus be my lord and my savior fill me with your spirit, so I could know you, so I could live for you, so I could show your love. I give my life to you. Thank you for new life. You have all of mine.

In Jesus' name, I pray. Church, could you celebrate now? Could you welcome those born into the family?