Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Love Song, Part 3: God-Honoring Sex

Episode Date: November 8, 2014

God knew what He was doing when He created love and sex. In fact, He wrote the book on it. You’ll be amazed at what God had in mind when He wrote the ultimate Love Song. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Just a reminder, due to adult content, this message is rated PG. If you're concerned about your children, we'd love for you to take them to life kids right now. Sorry, I don't know if I can teach you after that. So, glad to have you guys in church today. We are in part three of a message series called Love Song. We've got two more weeks following this. And we're actually going through the Old Testament book, Song. Solomon. If you missed previous weeks, let me kind of catch you up and then tell you where

we're going next week. Week number one, we actually talked about how did Solomon and the Shulamite woman build the right qualities within themselves to attract them to the right type of person? Next, last week we talked about pursuing. How do we pursue a potential spouse and how do we continue to pursue our spouse in marriage? Next week is probably the most important week for so many relationships. We're going to talk about how do we fight fair, how do we overcome our differences as we're going to watch these two lovebirds get into a massive fight and see how they work through it. Today, though, I want to talk to you about a subject that impacts all of us to one degree or another. I want to talk about the gift of lovemaking,

and I'm calling this message God honoring sex, because let's be honest, all you have to do is turn on the television, look on your mobile device, walk out into public, go into a movie, walk down a grocery store aisle and look at the magazines on the sides of you, and you will find that there are messages everywhere about sex. The problem is almost everything that our culture is saying today is not only dangerous, but it is destructive and it is godless in its teaching about how we relate and sharing the gift of lovemaking in the context of marriage. So I want to do is look at it from this story with Solomon and the Shulamite woman and pull out four different principles about God honoring sex.

It's not something to be embarrassed about. This is something that God created. It is beautiful. It is good. It makes babies. And it's fun. Can I say that in church? It's fun.

If you want to say amen, anytime you want to, you will not hurt my feet. It is fun. Okay, so both of you have good sex lives out there. We'll work on the rest of you, all right? So four different qualities of God honoring sex. Number one, if you're taking notes, we need to understand this. God honoring sex starts long before the bedroom. God honoring sex starts way before any physical intimacy ever begins.

And the women intuitively know this. The men need a little work in this department. Women just know that, I mean, they're men are microwaves, women are crockpots, right? You know, when is a man ready to have sex? Anywhere, any time, any position, you know, that's just the way men are. Men have a gift. They can turn any comment into a sexual comment, okay?

If your husband, you know, if you say to your husband, hey, could you come stir the pot? He's like, I'll stir here. pot. It's just as a gift. Hey, you know, we need to get the oil change on the car. I'll change your oil, right? Pass the salt and pepper. I'll give you some salt and pepper. You know, it's just the way guys are. They can take anything and make it sexual, but we need to understand that especially for the men, that God honoring lovemaking starts long before the bedroom. And I want to watch and see how Solomon actually honors his bride, how he compliments her, how he builds her up, how he shares in conversation with her, how he pays very careful attention to the details in her life.

And this is what he says in verse one and two. Watch this. He says, how beautiful you are, Song of Solomon four, my darling. Oh, how beautiful. Your eyes behind your veil are doves. So she's got a veil on. We could argue this is perhaps their honeymoon night. And he starts, where is he looking?

Gentlemen, he's looking in the eyes, right? Your eyes are beautiful. He says, your hair is like a flock of goats. Descending from the hills of Gilead. This needs a bit of interpretation, just so you don't try this on your wife tonight. Okay, a Jewish woman would have always had her hair up. Now, she's got her hair down, and he likes what he sees. I can't speak for all guys, but when Amy has long hair, I like it. All she has to do is take that long hair and go, that one move, and I am so hers, she can have anything she wants.

Just both ways? I just love that. Okay, there's something about this. You're like, you're a hair, It's down, and I love everything about it. Now, you think that's funny. You haven't seen anything yet. Verse two, he says, Your teeth are like a flock of sheep, just shorn, coming up from the washing. In other words, you have really good breath.

He says, each one, each tooth, has its twin. Not one of them is alone. Hey, this was probably a pretty big accomplishment before dental floss and dentist visits. You know, hey, you got all your teeth, and I like it. Your hair's down, and there's teeth on every place there's supposed to be one. Notice he's paying very careful attention to all of the details. Before there is any physical intimacy, there is emotional intimacy. being built. And we need to remember that as men. In fact, one time I was in my life group,

and we were talking about this subject, and our group is really, really close. So we talk about things like, wow. And one of the wives said, you know what? The sexiest thing my husband ever does is. And we're like leaning in, you know, ready to learn. She says, it's when he gets the kids ready for bed at night and puts them in the bathtub. And we're like scratching our heads and all the other women going, yeah, yeah. And another woman said, I just love it when he goes, like, helped with the dishes. And another one said, oh, and when my husband cleans out my car, I just can't resist him. It's so sexy when he does that. We're sitting there thinking, I thought it was when we got out of the shower.

You know, no, that's not it, they said. It's when you're helping and you're ministering to us. And what we need to learn is that God honoring, love making stars long before the bedroom. It may be when you just send a no-reason text in the morning, thinking about you, missing, you, you're my dream girl, you're my dream guy, and you're building them up. It could be when you just have intimate conversations and you pay attention to the details of her day, or you ask him about how he feels about something, and you just have ongoing conversations. It could be simply one wife said, I love when my husband uses his gifts to minister to other people. When he does

something that's godly, oh, he's so sexy when he does that. Listen to me. If you want to improve your physical romance, you can also start by improving your spiritual relationship with God. When you pray together, oh, man, that makes you closer to God and closer to each other. And when you are spiritually intimate, it's more natural to be emotionally intimate, therefore more naturally to be physically intimate. You want to improve your romance. Man, start by praying together.

But don't do it for that. Do it because you're seeking God. And the byproduct, I promise, will often be that. Gentlemen, there's one other little tool you can use that's really effective and out of the purity of a heart. And it's called NST, that's the initials. NST stands for non-sexual touching. Now, some of you are looking at me like, what is that?

What it is is it's non-sexual. touching. It's touching without an end goal in mind. It's just a caress, a back rub, a touch on the cheek, and all of these things build the emotional and fill the emotional tank, and so that later on there is an outlet of physical intimacy. God honoring sex starts long before the bedroom. In fact, watch as Solomon goes on and on about the details of his bride. He doesn't just say, you know, a hot mama come get you some. He's into the details, and watch what he says. He says this in verse three.

He says, your lips are like a scarlet ribbon. Your mouth is lovely. What's he doing? He's starting at the eyes and then the cheekbones and the teeth. He's working his way down. Buckle your seatbelts because he continues. to work his way down. Okay?

He says this, your temples behind the veil are like the halves of a pondergranate. In other words, your cheeks are rosy. Then verse four, he says, your neck is like the Tower of David, built with the courses of stone. That kind of sounds like an odd compliment. But when you think about this season of time

when women were often mistreated and not highly esteemed, they didn't have a great self-image of themselves. And he's likely saying, the way you carry yourself, you're confident, and you're secure. I like the way you carry yourself.

It really means a lot to me. You are obviously secure in who you are, and he's building her up because God honoring lovemaking starts long before the bedroom. The second thing we're going to see from this story is that God honoring sex is passionate. Get ready to see some passion. He continues to work his way. down her body. When he says in verse five, your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fons of a gazelle that brows among the lilies. Gentlemen, if you're going to approach twin fawns, how do you do it?

You're going to be gentle and tender and caring and careful. If you come just dive in the angle, hey, you twin Fonds, you know, hunker, honka, the Fawns will no longer be browsing among the lilies. They will be fleeing for the forest. And all the women said, amen. That's why gentlemen, we need to learn. to work on our approach. Approach matters. Approach matters. Start long before the bedroom details.

Approach matters. Approach matters. Work on the approach. You care about her. You build her up. You care about the details of her life. Work on your approach. Ladies, make an approach. Any approach. Make an approach. Make an approach. Whatever you got, whatever it is. It looks better in satin than in flannel. Throw that old junky thing away. Put on something sexy. Make an approach. I'm telling you, he wants you to want him out of desire, not to give into him out of duty. When you make a move, oh my goodness, that's sexy. I've got to just tell you, and I tell you this with full permission of Amy. And I tell you that I have permission because sometimes I don't. And she was in.

actually in the service yesterday when I was teaching, but she is not here today, giving me complete freedom in the Word of God. Okay? So anyway, I tell you this with permission from Amy. She gave me about a week ago this card, and it was the coolest card ever. It was just, it's like a card, and on the outside it said, you and me tonight, boom chica boom, all day long, I'm walking around. My wife made a, she came on to me.

She wasn't boom chick a wow wow. She wants it tonight. It's in writing. I've got a contract. Her name is on it. It's right there. There's going to be some action tonight. And she initiate.

I mean, there's something about that that just makes a man more of a man. Okay. Tonight you and me, boom chikelow, wow, wow. Bring it on. Work on your approach, guys. ladies make an approach. Admittedly, life is complicated. So sometimes you might just have to even plan it.

You know, set a date, get a babysitter for the kids, have a bring in dinner. Put candlelight dinner at home. Draw a bath. Put candles in the bathroom. Put on some Marvin Gay. Let's get it on. You know, I mean, literally, sometimes life is so crazy

that if you don't plan for it, it won't be a problem. priority. For example, all of you are busy. Here's my weekend. This weekend. Five soccer games, four extra kids staying at my house on top of the kids already have, priest three times, two hospital visits, attend one funeral, a partridge in a pear tree, or something like that. Okay, that's our weekend. Very, very busy. So, you know, even tonight, I might be too tired, okay? Rarely happens to the guy, but I might be too tired, okay? So when your life is like that, And it's just chaotic because it gets that way for all of us. Sometimes you just say, hey, this is going to be passionate.

We're planning for it. And you may put it on your calendar. Sunday is fun day. Okay? Or put it on your calendar. Monday morning madness. Okay? Or two for Tuesday. Or wow-wow Wednesday.

Somebody better stop me because I've got more. Or throw down Thursday or freaky Friday. And if you get through all six of those, then it is Saturday. Saturday is a Sabbath because you need to rest your body, at least on Saturday, if you just had freaky Friday, okay? So it's just all right if we have fun at church because, listen, if you don't have fun, I'm going to do it. I'm going to have fun up here by myself. It's just the way it's going to be. It's going to be passionate.

Your twin fawns are browsing in the lilies, and I like your fons. Watch this in verse 6. He says this, until the day breaks and the sheds. shadows flee. What did you say? Until morning time. Okay. What do you say? All night long. Here's what I'm going to do, woman. Listen to me. I will go to the mountain of myrr and to the hill of incense all night long. I'm not even totally sure what that means, but I think I like it. Okay. What does he say? He said, I want you all night long. Hashtag, that's a That's in the Bible.

That's in the Bible. You should read your Bible. This stuff is amazing. Okay. You read any other historical document from this era. And every time sex is mentioned, it's for procreation. It's for procreation. You look in the Bible, yes, obviously it is for procreation, but it's also for recreation.

This is in the Bible, okay? This is the Word of God. Thanks be to God. I want you all. That's passionate, okay? Godly love making. It starts long before the bedroom. It's incredibly passionate.

Number three, this is really important. God honoring sex is built on absolute trust. Absolute trust. Here's what he says. You are all together beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you. A woman will love that. To me, you are absolutely perfect in every single.

way. We must learn in the intimacy of marriage to always respect one another's bodies. You never come in and say, whoa, must have been a sale on Twinkies today. You do not do that. Okay, that was bad. I'll edit that out the next time I do this, all right? You never make a negative comment about your spouse's body. Never. Under any circumstances, do you make a negative comment about your your spouse's body. The reality is, chances are when you get married, it's probably about as good as it's going to get, okay? Because over, you know, you generally look better at 25 than you do at 45 or 55, and that's just kind of the way it is. You know, the twin fawns, the gravity, become the twin falls or something. I don't know. It's just bad. I shouldn't say that. You know, I'll find something to

say about the guys, you know, the hair falls out or things don't work as well or whatever, you know, and, you know, you're all going to feel insecure about something over time. You've got love handles or stretch marks or whatever, and you never ever do anything but respect and honor your spouse's body. It's built on absolute trust. There is no flaw in you. This is an incredibly intimate moment when you're sharing everything about yourself, you're never more vulnerable, and you will only honor and lift up your spouse's body. And the reality is, when you think about this, it's built on absolute trust. It's really an amazing thought to think about all of us have different needs. We've got emotional needs, we've got spiritual needs, we've got physical and

sexual needs as well. And when you think about it, you as the spouse are your spouses only legitimate outlet to meet that sexual need. You are the only legitimate way that your spouse can have that need met. So if you pull back and if you start to put distance between you and your spouse, your spouse has no other God honoring outlet for that need to be met. In fact, if Amy were teaching today, ladies, what she would say, and I've heard her say it again and again, and it sounds much better when it comes from her than when it comes from me, she would say one of the most ministering things a woman can do is be available to her husband and not just available, but to be involved in it, to be very, very involved. And she would say, ladies, this is so, so important. Be

available to your husband. She would say, ladies, your emotional needs are just as important as his physical needs, and his physical needs are just as important as your emotional needs. And sure, sometimes even women may have a higher drive than some men. You hear about that nowadays. And the bottom line is you recognize that God has wired you, put you in this relationship to minister to your spouse. And one of the greatest things you can do in whatever area of your life is lay down your own more selfish desires and say, I will listen and meet these emotional needs. I will pray when I don't feel like it so that we can be spiritually intimate. And sometimes when I don't feel like it, because I love my spouse, I will give my body to my spouse in a way of honoring my spouse because I know I am the

only legitimate source for that physical need to be met. So therefore together, we will minister to one another. What's amazing is when you give of yourself like that, it's amazing how we naturally then want to meet the other needs. And there's just a positive spin when she ministers to me and I minister to her. And suddenly our love grows more and more and we're not as self-centered, but we are other-centered. There is absolute trust in lovemaking. God honoring sex starts way before the bedroom. It is very, very passionate,

and there is absolute trust in God honoring sex. The fourth thing, and this is the most important, in my opinion, for our time, and I'm going to spend a little more time here, and that is this. God honoring sex is holy. It's holy. What does holy mean?

Holy simply means to be set apart, to be different, to be pure in a way that other things are not pure. And this is what he says to his bride. He says, you are a what? Let's all say this loud. He says, you are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride. He says, you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. What is he saying?

You're a virgin. This is our wedding night. You have saved yourself for me. You are a garden locked up, a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits. God honoring sex is holy. Now, in the last couple of weeks, we've talked about this, and a lot of people pushed back, and they kind of argue,

that is your stance on waiting until your married is so outdated. I mean, don't you know when we live? Okay, listen, it doesn't matter what year it is. God's truth stands forever. What I want to do is explain why, before we are married, we save the gift of lovemaking until we are married. The reason is because it is holy. When you get married to someone, you do not enter into a contract.

We as Christians enter into a covenant before God. A covenant is a binding spiritual agreement. That's why in a covenant we say, till death do us part. Not until I'm not happy anymore, or you're not meeting my needs, but it is till death do us part.

And any time a covenant was established by God and God's people, there would be a shedding of blood. You look in the Old Testament, and they killed the bull, and they put the bull in half, and they walked through seven times. They were creating a covenant,

and there is always a shedding of blood. We live in a new covenant, where we're not under the old covenant, but the new covenant. And what did Jesus do to establish the new covenant? He was without sin, and he shed his blood on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins.

He died, and he rose again. If you ever take the Lord's supper, which you can at any time every week at all of our campuses, there is a table for you to go, and you take the bread and the juice, which represents the body and the blood, because he shed his blood that we could be not under the old covenant, but the new covenant. Now by grace through faith, our sins are forgiven, and we are made whole. So in God's perfect world, here's what happens. Jesus said this. A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. The two will become one.

What is love making? This is the outward and visible sign of the inward and spiritual covenant that when you are joined with your spouse physically, you are no longer two, but you are united as one. and in God's perfect world, the virgin man on his honeymoon night would enter into the virgin woman and there would be a shedding of blood and the covenant would be established before God, that you are no longer two, but you are one. And that is why sex isn't just great sex and just kind of naughty sex and just fun sex, but it is wholly between a man and a woman. Because every time you share in the gift of lovemaking, in a very real sense, you are renewing your covenant vows.

You belong to me. I belong to you. We are one flesh in the eyes of God. And so not only is it fun and thrilling and passionate and makes babies, but it is intensely spiritual. And that is why God created it one of the many reasons. So, therefore, we remember we are now in a covenant. with one another. The challenge is so often the way it can kind of be presented through the church or other places is like, hey, kids don't do that stuff. Don't you get, don't, don't, don't

touch those things. Keep your hands to yourself. And no, no, and then you're supposed to go on a honeymoon. Now they're supposed to go, we, you know, and there's like confusion and guilt and fear. It's like these boxers, my friends got me on my, my bachelor's party. There are boxers that said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, all over them. Then when you turn out the lights, they glow in the dark. And they said, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I thought it was really clever. I tried that on Amy.

She's like, what are those boxers doing here, you know? Anyway, that's all I'm going to say. And we tell them, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then, yes, yes, yes, yes, what we should say is, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there is something on the other side that is so holy, so pure, so beautiful, that sure everybody else may be doing it, but we're different. God has called us to be holy, to be set apart. And we are waiting on something better.

I want to show you the response of this couple. He's honored her, he's cherished her, he's pursued her, she's pursued him, she's respected him. They've waited. Remember last week, keep for us the little foxes out of the vineyards. Let's wait until the time is right. And then this is what he says to her. Man, just get ready.

Verse 15. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. Then she says this. Awake north wind and come south wind. Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and take. Taste its choice fruits. That's in the Bible.

I'm not even going to explain to you what that means because I promised Amy I wouldn't. Now, let me tell you what could be going on right now. A little bit of guilt, some regret. We didn't do things that way. I'm not doing things that way. There are those of you, you're sitting right next to your boyfriend, your girlfriend right now,

oh my gosh we're like two rabbits in spring okay and we're not even close to this there are those of you who are married that you're going you know oh my gosh you know well we didn't do that right and obviously you know there are those of you that um you willingly gave your virginity away just you know and gave it just willingly gave it away some of you it was taken from you it was you were abused um by the hands of a monster and you had you had no choice all right now there's all sorts of emotions. And go, okay, I'm not this. I'm not holy. I don't feel holy. Here's what I want you understand. Who makes things holy? Not you. Never you, never me. God and God alone. It's only when Christ touches something that it becomes holy. We do not have the ability to make ourselves holy.

It's only when we're touched by the power of God that we're holy. I was incredibly sinful in this area before I was a Christian. When I met Christ, he forgave my sins and he made me new. I call myself a born-again virgin, and from that point forward, I committed to purity. I don't know what you've done or where you are today, but the moment Christ touches you, he forgives your sins, and he can make you pure. From that point forward, I was different. I don't care what you did last night or what's going on in your mind right now. If you can be touched by the presence of Christ, he can make you holy. I don't care what the world says and what everybody else is doing and how our cake this message sounds. God has something better. It's holy, it is righteous, and it is

pure. So don't, don't you dare walk out of here feeling guilty and feeling shame because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Feel hope. No matter how dirty something may be right now, in the presence of Christ, all things become new. Because if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone, all of it gone in a moment, in a moment, in a moment, in a moment, in a moment, all of it gone. And everything can be made new. And that's why many of you are here today, because you blend in right now. But God wants you to stand out to be set apart.

He has something far better than what this world offers. And when you're touched by Christ, you can experience the life that God wants you to have. So, Father, I pray that in your presence, your Holy Spirit would do a healing work in our lives today. God, knowing that for so many of us, this is an area of struggle and temptation, and that if we look back, we're ashamed. And if we look even where we are, often we feel unworthy. God, we thank you that we are not holy in our own efforts, but by your grace and through your spirit, you can make us new. All of our churches today, I don't care if you're 12 years old, if you're 35 years old,

if you're a virgin, if you're not, if you're married, I don't care who you are, where you are. I'm going to ask you just a simple question that applies to everybody. Do you want to honor God in this category? When it comes to sexual purity and sexual issues and temptation, Do you want to honor God? I don't care what you've done. I don't care what you're doing right now.

I don't care how twisted your mind may be. I don't care who you're with and what they think. I'm asking you. Do you want to honor God with sexual purity in whatever context your life is? If you do, I want to pray for you. Would you lift your hands right now? All of our different churches lift your hands right now. Say, yes, I do.

God, I thank you for those today who were under the loving conviction. of your spirit. God, I want to honor you in every area of my life, and I recognize I continue to fall short at different times and in different ways. God, I ask that your Holy Spirit would touch us all. We thank you, God, that Christ redeems, that Christ forgives, that Christ brings purity when we are impure. God, for those who are believers, I pray God that your Holy Spirit would just convict point out any areas of life where maybe we strayed away from your standard. And God, that in our weakness, your strength would be made perfect. God, we confess whatever area we send, we ask for your forgiveness. And God, we thank you even now at this moment. You do not hold

our sins against us. But God, you are going to renew minds. I pray, God, for marriages that are hurting and struggling right now. God, I pray for those that experience tension in this area. God, I pray first above all else that our spiritual intimacy would increase. God, that we would pursue you together. God, for a straying or rebellious spouse, I pray, God, you would do whatever it takes to bring them to a point of repentance where they call on you. God, I pray that as spiritual intimacy increases, emotional intimacy would abound. And God, ultimately, there would be a physical expression of love as we renew our covenant vows before you, knowing God. that you have made the two to become one flesh.

As you keep praying today at all of our different churches, many of you right now, you're going to be very aware that you have a spiritual need. You recognize that you're not right with God. I'll tell you, quite honestly, this category of things is one of the biggest things that brought me to God. I wanted to come to God, but I didn't want to give up my sinful sex life.

I wanted to come to God, but I didn't want to give it up. And suddenly I recognized I was putting something ahead of God. And so finally I just said, okay, Jesus, take all of my life. I come to you as I am. I can't fix this on my own. I come to you as I am. And guess what? He accepted me. He loved me. He forgave me and he made me new. And quite honestly, that's why many of you are here today. Maybe not because of this problem, but you recognize that you need grace and you need his forgiveness. And you acknowledge, I am not walking with him and he is not first in my life. When you call on Jesus, he will hear your prayer, forgive your sins, and make you

brand new. And that is why many of you are here today and you know it. Day is the day of your salvation. And all of our churches, those who would say, yes, I need God's grace. Yes, I need his forgiveness. Today, by faith, I surrender my life to Jesus. I give my life to him. That's your prayer.

Lift your hands high right now. All over the place and say, yes, that's my prayer. Right back over here. Others of you say, yes, I surrender to Jesus. Right over here, God bless you. Right back over here as well. Praise God for you. Right back over here in this section.

Lift them up high. Right here, God bless you as well. over here as well. Back over here, say yes. Right back over here in this section. I surrender. Jesus saved me, transform me. I need your grace. I need your forgiveness. Church online, you click right below me. Others of you who say, yes, count me in. I need your grace. Lift up your hands and say, I surrender. Save me. Make me brand new. Would you all pray with those around you? Pray Heavenly Father, forgive me of all my sins. Make me brand new. I believe Jesus died for me and he rose again so I could know you, serve you, and live for you.

Holy Spirit, fill me that I could follow Jesus. My life is not my own. I surrender it to you. Thank you for new life. Now you have mine. In Jesus' name I pray. Would you all worship big, worship loud, welcome those born into God's family today. Thank you.