Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Relational Vampires, Part 3: Needy People

Episode Date: June 17, 2018

They drain your joy, eat up your time, and rain on your parade, but there’s a better way to deal with Relational Vampires than stakes, garlic, and pitchforks. Let’s learn how to love the people who suck the life out of us. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, welcome today to all of our life churches, our open network churches, our family all over the world at Church Online. We are in part three of a four-part message series called Relational Vampires. What in the world is a relational vampire? You know what a vampire does. A vampire sucks your blood. Well, we're talking about relational vampires. How do we love the people that suck the life out of us? Week number one, we talked about controlling and manipulative people.

Last week, we talked about those who are very critical. Next week, we have a very, very powerful teaching on how do we deal with hypocritical people? Those people in our lives are around us that claim one thing, but their lives actually are something else. What do we do? Do we have a right or an obligation to speak into the lives? We'll talk about that next week. Today, what I want to do is talk about how do we love the people that can be overly needy, the people that we really do care about them, but they always need a little more than we're able to give them.

In fact, there is a spiritual principle, and I've told you before, in every group, every family, every small group, every sorority, every team, there is always at least one needy, crazy person. In fact, the Bible says that wherever two or three are gathered, at least one of them is crazy or something like that. How many of you would agree there's always a crazy person, raise your hand? Leave your hands up, leave them up, leave them up, leave them up. I want you to look at the people that do not have their hands in the air right now. Just look at that person and tell them there's always a crazy one.

How do we deal with those people who are always, in need? How do we love and care for? Those who are hurting that need a little extra attention or are always in need of help. You know when you see them, the conversation is going to take a little while longer than some of the other conversations. You know, they'll often kind of dominate and it's often, you may hear the same story that you heard the last time. Sometimes they're negative. They're always a victim. When you do something for them, you do it out of the kindness of your own heart, but it's often not enough. You give, and they seem to want even more. It could be your relative that you really do love, but this person's mostly all alone and really

needs more support. It could be the guy in the life group that just doesn't have a whole lot of friends. Or your buddy, there's always a need of more money and more money and just a little bit more money and a little more money, or the insecure person at the office that's always a lot of fishing for compliments. Do you like this? Did I do good? And always needing a little more. It could be your friend who is the hot mess or always on the struggle bus. If you know somebody right now, do not point at them, just look forward and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. It's complicated. Because as followers of Christ, we really, really care about these people and we want to help. But whatever we do doesn't seem to be enough. Then, if we're a lot of

if we start to pull back to regroup, then we feel guilty because we're leaving them stranded or in need. We want to help them. But if we help them in the wrong way, then it ends up actually hurting them and can hurt us. How do we love those who are always in need in a way that actually does lift them up without hurting them? And that's what I want to talk about today. We're going to look three big thoughts on how do we help others without actually hurting them. The first thought, if you're taking notes, is this, and I pray this will sink into your spirit. Number one, when we give, we want to give strategically. We want to give strategically. We want to help them strategically because most of the time we give not strategically, but most of the time

we give emotionally. We see a need, and because we care, we just react and do the first thing that seems easy, convenient, or something that actually makes us feel good when we help them. Because emotionally we engage, when someone's in need, we do what feels good or even relieves our guilt. What do we want to do? We want to give strategically.

So instead of focusing on just what they want, or what gives us relief, relieves our guilt. Instead, we want to ask, what do they really need, what will genuinely help, not just in the moment, but what will help them long term. This isn't emotional giving. This is prayerful and strategic giving. We want to give prayerfully and strategically, not just emotionally. In fact, Peter and John really did, this in a brilliant way when one day they were walking by the temple gate and there was a man there that was in serious need. He was unable to walk. And so every day, perhaps some friends or family members would help carry this guy down to the gate so that he could beg and people would

give him money and that's what he wanted and people would give them what exactly what the guy wanted. When they came along, this is what happened. Acts chapter three, starting in verse three, scripture says this. When this guy who was in need, when he saw, Peter and John about to enter, what did he do? Let's all say it aloud. What did he do? He asked them for money. Peter then looked straight at him, as did John.

Then Peter said, look at us. Look at us. So the man gave them his attention, and what was he expecting? He was expecting to get something from them. What he knew was what those who are really needy know. that if you ask long enough, if you are consistent and persistent, eventually there's someone who will emotionally respond to you and they will give you what you're asking for, even if what you're asking for isn't really what you need. Because this guy had learned every

single day that if he just relied on others, they would carry him to the gate, where he would sit there and he would ask, give me what I want, and someone would come along and they would feel guilty, and so they would do what is easy, which is give him a little bit of money, and that would help relieve their guilt, and that would give the guy what he wanted when it was never really what he needed. What did we do? We just kind of do what's easy often and helps us feel better. Think about it. What did the guy want? The answer is easy. The guy wanted money. What would have been easy? to give. The answer is money. Toss them a little loose change. We feel good about ourselves. Look how holy I am. I just gave him what he wanted and we go on our way feeling emotionally better.

But what Peter and John didn't do is they didn't respond emotionally, but led by the spirit under the power of God. They didn't give the guy what he wanted, but instead they gave the guy what he wanted. he needed. And this is how the story goes. Then Peter said, silver and gold, I do not have. But what I do have, I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk. Watch the miracle. Taking him by the right hand, what did he do? Scripture says, he helped him up and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. What did he do? Instead of giving a hand out, what he did is he gave the guy a miraculous hand up. It's so easy to give a hand out, but what may take more time, may take more faith, may take more effort, may take a little more prayer, may take a little more sacrifice,

is not just to give a hand out, which is easy and feels good, but to give a hand up. And rather than giving what somebody wants, we actually offer them what they need. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I could give you what you're asking for, or I could give you what God wants you to have, which is far more than you ever even dreamed of asking. And that's why we want to be led by the spirit. God, show me what it is that you want me to do, and we're going to give strategic, as God leads us. Now, what a needy person's going to do, the moment you start to try to give them what is really, really wise, is they're saying, if you really loved me, you'd give me blank. If you really loved me, you'd give me attention. If you really love me, you'd give me time. If you

really love me, you give me money. Because that's what I want. But what we need to have the wisdom and the real love to do is to say, because I love you, I'm not just giving you what you want, but the spirit is leading me to give you what will really help, really get what you need. We're giving strategically. What's a person going to say? Well, I really need, I need $300 to make my car payment. I need $300 now to make my car payment.

And you may know, well, you actually just bought an Apple watch, a pair of Yeezys and you're playing Fortnite instead of getting a job. Right? Anybody know the person I'm talking about? What we may say is that's what you want, but I'm going to help you get a job instead of sitting on the couch all day long. Well, you want me to validate you.

But what you need is to learn who you are in Christ, to love yourself and to accept yourself so I'm not going to continue to meet a need that I was never designed to meet. I'm going to help you find out who you are in Christ. You want more time with me, but you need to develop your own identity. You need to see that you are valuable to God and that I'm not the only one that can meet your needs. He meets your needs and uses his broader family to meet your needs. This may be what you want, but God's leading me to give you.

give you what you need. I'm not just going to do what you want. God, give me wisdom to do what's right. I'm not just going to tell you what you want to hear, but God give me the courage to lovingly say what they need to hear. I give you an example of this. I'm not proud of this story, but you can probably relate. You've probably done something like this out of the goodness of your own heart. There was a family that we heard about that fell on hard times. The dad was unemployed and they had a number of kids and Christmas was coming. And so years ago, Amy and I thought, well, we'll just bless them and take care of their Christmas. And so we went out and we got some really nice gifts and we wrapped them up in a really great way. And with a good heart, we drove the

gifts over to their home and we came in and we presented the gifts. And I thought we were going to be a real blessing to the family. And don't get me wrong, the kids loved it. But the dad went off to the and sat on the sofa and kind of put his head down like he was ashamed. And what I realized was in our effort to honor him, what I really did was dishonored him. Instead of helping him win in front of his kids, we unintentionally shamed him in front of his kids sending the message that your dad wasn't capable of doing this so some other people came in and got it done in his place. It was done out of a good heart, but it wasn't truly helping. What would have been so much better might have been to say to the dad, hey, you know, what do you have saved up? And so if he said,

you know, I can come up with $100. Well, I'd like to match that and give you extra money to go shopping for your own kids. Or to say, what kind of work can you do? You know, I can do stuff around the house and maybe say, would you like to come do some work for me and blessed him generously for a good day work? What the guy needed was dignity. what I gave him was toys. And we need to be very, very prayerful and say, God, lead me. It's so easy when we see someone need

is to do what's easy and makes us feel good. But what's right may take more wisdom, more discernment, more time, more sacrifice. But because we're followers of Christ, we don't just want to relieve an immediate need. We want to give a hand up, not just a hand out. If this is speaking to you, can somebody say amen at our churches?

We have to get this right. We're followers of Christ. We are the family of God. How do we minister to someone who's always in need? Number one, we give strategically. Number two, we serve wisely. We serve wisely. Look at the way Jesus cared for people.

What did he do? He served selflessly. He loved authentically. He gave generously. He taught faithfully. He listened compassionately. Then he would step off, go aside to reconnect with God, to recharge spiritually, and then go serve faithfully again.

You see this rhythm over and over and over again in the life of Jesus. I give out, I give out, I give out, I give out, I give out, I give out, I unplug, I go and then receive from my father, so I'm pouring out of a full cup, not an empty one. This is God filling me back up, so I continue, can continue to give. Well, what do we need to know? in order for you to keep giving out, at some point you have to stop to fill back up. Here's the way it said in scripture. Mark chapter one, starting in verse 35, very early in the morning while it was still dark. Jesus got up, left the house, and went off to a solitary place where he prayed. Just me and God, just being God. Simon and his companions went to look for

Jesus. What I'm about to tell you is exactly what happens to moms who go to the bathroom for a break from the kids. Am I talking to any moms that know what I mean? He went off to the place and Simon's like, Jesus, where are you? Jesus, well, we need to Jesus. We need to Jesus. When they found him, they exclaimed, everyone is looking for you. What do you do? You go in the bathroom? You shut the door, a moment of privacy, and the next thing you hear is, Mom! Mom! Where are you? You're quiet. You don't breathe that loud. The next thing you know, fingers go underneath the door. Everyone's looking for you, Mom. Everyone's looking for you. What do you need to do? You need to unplug a little bit. What happens when you're on an airplane? What do they always tell you? If the plane loses altitude and you need oxygen, the oxygen mask drop down. What are you to do first? You put the mask on you and then you choose which kid you want to put it on next. Oh, leave you for last. You get the oxygen, right? You put it on your face first because if you're not healthy, you can't keep your children healthy. Think about the story that Jesus told is known as the Good Samaritan.

there is a guy that gets beat up and he's left half dead. And a Samaritan comes along and he's helping this guy, which is kind of extraordinary story. Nobody could believe a Samaritan would help a Jewish guy anyway, but it's a beautiful story. And the Samaritan then bandages up the guy who's in need. He cares for him. And then he puts some oil on his wounds.

And then this guy puts the injured man on his own donkey, travels across town and takes him to a hotel room. He says, you take care of this guy. I'll pay you the money, and then the Samaritan says, I'll come back later and help in any way that I can. Think about this. Where did he go, and why did he leave? The answer is, I'm not sure because Jesus didn't tell us in this story, but I can assume one of a couple things. Either he went back to mama or his wife, his kids, or he went back to work.

because when you work, you get paid. And when you get paid, you can pay someone else's hotel bill when they're in trouble. What did he do? He went back and in some former fashion did what he had to do to keep his health moving so that he would be in a posture to help someone else when they were in need. Every now and then you have to unplug. I had a person tell me this one time. I never will forget it.

They said, Craig, you can't. can't say yes often if you don't say no occasionally. This is so good, Amy. I'm going to say it again because this is good. You can't say yes often if you don't say no occasionally. How do you help someone who's in need? You want to be able to pour out of a full cup because once your cup is empty, you've got nothing to give.

So we're going to give strategically and we're going to serve wisely. And then number three, we're going to trust completely. We're going to trust completely. God, we're going to do what we know you lead us to do. Then we're going to trust you, God, with the results because you are always faithful. God, you lead us and we'll do what you prompt us to do. But God, we're trusting the consequence. to you. Here's the problem. It's insulting and dangerous for me to ever think I am someone else's

answer. It is insulting and dangerous for you to think that you are the source that meets somebody else's need. It is dishonoring to God to say that we are necessary in every case to see that every need is met. We are not someone else's answer. Jesus is the answer. We are the delivery system. He's the power. We're the conduit. He's the power. The problem is, if you think God needs you to fix everyone else, your God is too small. If you think you're necessary in every way, you might be short-circuiting the process that God was already doing because you keep rescuing someone when he set up natural consequences to teach them that you will reap what you sow.

How often do you think we might interfere with the very thing that God is doing? Let me say it again. If you think God needs you to fix everybody else, your God is way too small. Paul said it this way. He was teaching about our actions and the spiritual consequences in Galatian 6, verse 7. He said, don't be deceived. God cannot be mocked.

And then he said, a man reaps what he sows. A man gets back what he plants. Whoever sows to please their flesh, their sinful nature, from the flesh will reap destruction. This is God's principle of the flesh. harvest. Then he says, the good news, whoever sows to please the spirit from the spirit will reap eternal life. We do what's right. We help prayerfully, and then we trust the consequences to God in the lives of the people that we love. This is a principle that is true all through Scripture. There are consequences to behavior. In fact, I love the story that Jesus told in Luke's gospel,

Luke 15, it's known as the parable of the prodigal son. What happened is there was a dad that had two sons. The younger son said, dad, essentially, I'd rather you die, but since you're not going to die, I just want what's coming to me later, and I want it now. Give me your money. I want to go party. And the dad ended up granting the son his request. The son went out and broke his father's heart. He dishonored every value that the family had. He lived a wild, sinful life. I mean, if it was today, he's out there smoking the funny weed. You know, he's dancing late in the parties with the wrong kind of whatever, you know.

And I mean, he's getting after it. And the father prayed every day. The father watched every day. The father hoped every day. You know what the father never did? The father never read. rescued the son. He loved him enough to let the son end up in the pig pin, eating the stuff that pigs eat. When the son finally went, hmm, is it working very good? And scripture says he came to his census.

His sinful decisions took him to a place that made him realize, even my father's servants have more than this. Maybe I should go back and apologize to Dad and see if he'll take me back, even as a servant. I know I'm unworthy, but he came to his senses. The father loved the son enough to let the God-given consequences actually play out in his life so the son would come to a place where he could come to his senses.

What we need to understand is this. Rescuing is not always helping. Mama, I'm talking to you. Daddy, I'm talking to you. Rescuing isn't always helping. Sister, you're helping her all the time. Rescuing isn't always helping. Listen, if she's always late to work every day

and you are the alarm clock, they may need to lose her job. that's how they're going to learn to get up and be responsible on their own. Listen, if somebody's partying their brains out all day long and they may lose their scholarship, they may need to lose their scholarship to recognize there are consequences to this type of behavior. If someone continues to charge up debt, you know, the vacation, and then the purse, and the outfits in the car, and then they can't make the rent payment, there's one way to learn to make a rent payment, and that's not to buy Gucci purse, you know, in the first place.

Sometimes you have to let people, and this sounds cruel, this is not cruel, this is actually a very loving thing to do because rescuing is not always the same as helping. My mom did this. She'll tell you the story. Oh, she'll tell you the story. She'll tell you some stories I don't want her to tell you. But she'll tell you, when I was in college and fell into the wildlife, I went out with the guys from my team, and we shaved our head, and I got my ear pierced. Yes, that's right. And there's still a little hole right here.

and I beer bonged so many beers that it was ridiculous. Then I drank hard liquor. Then I got arrested. And the list goes on and on. And what she did was she wrote me a note and drew a line in the sand. And she said, this breaks my heart. I'm so sorry, but you cannot act this way. And receive the blessings and benefits of being my son.

The $200 a month that I was sending you, you're not getting anymore. I will always love you. I'll always pray for you. Then she said, if you get arrested, I will not be there. I got arrested. She was not there. And she went on and on and on. And she said it was really, really hard for me.

But what she did was she loved me enough not to rescue me out of my bad decisions. I hit the bottom. I came to my senses. I was so low. I could only look up. I looked up to the one who was above all, called on his name and said, if you're there, I need your help. And because she let me hit those consequences,

I came to a place where I recognized my need and the only one who could meet the need that I had for life and forgiveness. was Jesus, and I called on him. So thank you, Mama, and I hope you're proud. Because we got there. There's a long road there, but we got there. We got there. What I hope you'll do is you'll always help from a posture of humility. Never arrogance. I'm here to meet your need. I'm here to save the day. I heard one guy say, well, this is my project person. You're always going to have a project person. Now, listen to me. Listen to me. People in need are not projects we. help. They're people that we love. They're people that we love. We love in the name of Jesus.

They're not projects that we help. Because ultimately, one day you're going to realize you're in need too. We're all in need. We're all in need. Oh, I love to see the different types of need because when I'm exposed to one type of need, then I see the other type of need in my life. like when I go to a very, very poor nation where they don't have anything, running water, electricity, a sanitary place to use the restroom. And I sit back there and go, oh, I'm going to help them.

You know, I've got so much to bring to them. And then I start looking going, wait a minute, they've got something I don't have. There's like peace. And there's joy. And there's this contemptment. And like, wait, they may be in material need, but I'm in some sort of spiritual or relational need.

And then instead of seeing myself as the one who meets someone else's need or someone else who meets my needs, suddenly I start to realize as part of the family of God, we just continue to point each other to Jesus, to Jesus, to Jesus, to Jesus. And then Jesus is the one that meets our needs. And suddenly I realized that I can't really experience his presence as well on my own as I can when I'm with you. you because a personal relationship with Jesus is good, but I'm convinced a shared one is even better. Whenever two or three come together in his name, he's there in a different way. You can pray for me from a distance, and that's powerful, but if we lock hands and pray together, there's something more that happens. Suddenly, we're mutually in need. We're mutually broken sinners, going before the Savior, and suddenly he's lifting you and he's lifting me, and I'm not

better. I'm just helping give you a hand up at this moment and you're helping give me a hand up in some other moment. And there we are as the body of Christ, mutually needing the healing power of our God and finding it and enjoying it together. This is what David said. He said, as for me, I am poor and needy. Come quickly to me, God. You are my help. You are my deliver. Lord, do not delay. So in any moment we look at someone else and say, I'm here to help meet their needs. No, I'm just here to point them to Jesus in the same way they might help me find Jesus. And when Jesus uses me to give them a hand up, I have the blessing of knowing that God used me as an instrument in the same way that he might use them as an instrument in my life

to bring a voice of encouragement to me, a word of hope, or a sense of being a part of a broader family, broken people in the presence of a good God. And that is how you love. and care for needy people, and that's how we want people to care for us. Equally broken, equally needy people, and that's how we make Jesus known in the way we love. Because when the world looks on, they're not going to believe that we're followers of Christ by our theology. Oh, they've got perfect theology, and it won't be by our style of worship. I want to be a Christian because they've got contemporary worship. No, they will know that we're followers of Christ.

by the way we love one another. The best witness we have is always our love. So Father, today we ask that in the name of your son, Jesus, you would meet, needs God, and help us to point one another to Christ and all of our churches today. Those of you that would say, help me be better at pointing people to Jesus, help me love those appropriately who are in need. Would you lift up your hands right now, all of our churches?

God, I thank you for a church full of generous-minded, kingdom-minded people who want to help. God, give us a heart that breaks for the things that break your heart. Give us eyes to see, needs. Even when we pass someone, God, who says they're okay, God, give us a supernatural sense of when someone needs a word of life, a gift of encouragement, a hand up rather than a hand out. I pray that you would give us wisdom to see all that you have given us, ways that we can meet needs, God, practically and spiritually. Give us wisdom, God.

Give us wisdom, not just to do what's easy or feels good, but God help us to give what truly transforms lives. And ultimately, God, may we humble ourselves and recognize that we're all in need. I thank you, God, for these amazing people. and we gather together to corporately lift up your name, to unite our hands, to gather together in life groups to serve as the body of Christ, recognizing that your church gathers together to give you honor and give you praise. God bless your church, bless your people.

Empower us, God, to show your love that the non-believing world would look on and say, I want a little bit of what they have, and we would help them know that what we have is your son, Jesus. so in the way that we love. As you keep praying today at all of our different churches, guess what? There's some amazing news. The amazing news is that many of you, you're going to recognize that you are in spiritual need. This is where I was. When I hit rock bottom morally, I was hurting, I was aching, I was looking for anything that would meet the needs in my life. And there was nothing, no hide, no party, no relationship, no amount of money, no experience, nothing. Because inside of me,

there was a Christ-shaped void that no thing of this earth could fill because I was not created for earth, but eat for heaven eternally. And I had to open myself up that Jesus is the one that could meet my need. Who is Jesus? He is the sinless son of God, perfect in every way. Why did God sinned Jesus? Because we are in need, all of us. We are all sinners. We've all sinned against a holy God. And the problem is we can't be good enough. We can't save ourselves. No matter how hard we work, we can never earn our way to God's favor. And that's why the gospel means good news. God sent his son, his perfect son, who is without sin, who was the sacrifice, the Lamb of God slain for the sins of this world. Jesus died in our place. God raised him from the dead so that anyone, and this

includes you, no matter who you are, no matter how much you're hurting, no matter how, matter how dark your life as anyone who calls on the name of the Lord would be saved. And all of our churches, there are those of you, you know it, you can sense it. You're not watching by accident at church online. You're not in a building because you just wandered in. You're here because God brought you here. You're in spiritual need and Jesus is about to meet that need. All of our churches, those who say, yes, I need his grace, I need his forgiveness. I turn from my sins. I turn toward Him, Jesus, I give my life to you. That's your prayer.

Lift your hands high right now. All over the place, lift them up and say yes. Church online, you click right below me. And as we have people at all our different churches calling on the name of Jesus, would you pray with those around? You just pray, Heavenly Father, forgive my sins. Make me new. Fill me with your spirit so I could know you and show your love.

My life is not my own. I give it to you. Thank you for new life. Now you have mine. In Jesus name I pray. Life Church, would you worship big right now? Welcome those born into God's family. Thank you so much for joining us for this week's message.

We're so honored that we get to play a part of all that God is doing in and through your life. And to help you on your spiritual journey, we have a website called life. Church slash next. That has some great resources for you to grow in your relationship with Christ. Be sure to check out the Live Church app. This is a great way for you to stay connected to the church all throughout the week. You can find that wherever you download your apps. Guys, we do all of this because we know and truly believe that whoever finds God finds life.