Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Relationship Goals, Part 4: Covenant Keeping

Episode Date: March 3, 2019

The #perfectmarriage isn’t always as easy as it looks. Sometimes a #lovinghusband forgets an anniversary, and an #amazingwife might occasionally set the thermostat too high. There’s a lot more that goes into a healthy relationship than what shows ... Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, Life Church, we're so excited you're here with us today. We also want to make sure you know how to stay up to date with all the things God is doing through Live Church. And let me just tell you it's a whole lot. It's simple to do. Just download the Life Church app. You can do that wherever you download your apps from. But for now, though, we want to get you to Pastor Craig Groschell's message for this week. Hey, it's great to have you with us today at all of our Life Church locations.

We're in week number four of a message series called Relationship Goals. If you've been with us in the previous weeks, I've told you how I love to post photos with my bride, Amy. And when I do that, I use the hashtag my bride. In case you're wondering, there's been about 91,000 different people who've posted photos with a hashtag my bride, but I want to show you, we actually dominate that hashtag. If you'll notice this, my bride and I have the top 10. photos of 95,000, just saying,

and any time I put a picture up with Amy, it's always fun because somebody will put hashtag relationship goals, hashtag relationship goals. I want something that looks like that. If you ever click on the hashtag relationship goals, which I do not recommend that you do because there's some weird ones, but there are some amazingly beautiful creative photos that people have done with professional,

professional photographers that show just how amazing their relationship is. In fact, I want to show you that Amy and I actually have relationship goal games. Let me show you a few of the photos that are really, really good people made. There's a couple in the back of some type of an SUV kissing very romantically. In case you're wondering if we have game, this is actually Amy and me in the back of our suburban kissing. The thing you might not realize is it's really difficult to get in the back of a suburban like that with somebody else when you're got boots on. Let me show you another photo. This is an adorable couple flying through the air.

Notice he has no socks on. This is the upgraded version taken from my house. But you might notice I do have socks on, and that is because I love you and did not want you to have to see my feet. This next one is my favorite. This is some guy that doesn't really love his girlfriend or wife, whoever she is, because they're hanging off death-defying feet. This is all I could get Amy to do. It was the best I could do.

She does have her coffee, and there was at least a two-and-a-half-foot drop. She could have twisted her ankle or something if I had not held on to her with such great love. It's funny when you look at the photos. You're, oh, I want something like that, and then you get married, and you realize I don't have something like that. sometimes things don't end up exactly as you hope they would in relationships. In fact, those of you who are married, how many of you married someone very opposite from you? Raise your hands of all of our churches, all of our churches. It is interesting how when you're dating, opposites tend to attract, right?

Then you get married and opposites tend to attack. Have you noticed what's cute and adorable when you're dating becomes incredibly obnoxious when you're married? It's so sweet and great that he's like so laid back. I just love him. He's so lovable. Then you get married. Like, get a job. Get off the couch.

How many of you, like when it comes to money, you're a saver. You're tight, you're wise with your money. How many of you didn't know that saving was actually an option when it came to money? It's opposite. Some of you, you're very punctual when it comes to being on time. Punctual? Those of you who are. more flexible at arrival time, you often are different, your opposites when you're married.

Those who are very organized, I'm very organized, everything has a place. How many of you, you're more creative? You can put things in different places and it's absolutely okay. It's funny how opposites will attract. Then one day you get married and you realize how come we're struggling so much I never thought we'd end up there. I hope you have some relationship goals. As followers of Christ, we have some goals that are different than normal. If you've been with us for the last few weeks, what are our goals? We have goals to be Christ-centered in all that we do. Being Christ-centered is different

than just calling yourself a Christian. It takes effort to follow Christ and to be Christ-centered. We are Christ-centered. We are mission-driven. We are devil-kicking, and we are covenant-keeping. I need all of our churches to work with me today. What are we? We have some goals. Our goals will be to be Christ sinner, mission-driven, devil-kicking, and covenant-keeping. Today, I want to talk to you about being covenant-keeping in our relationships. What does that mean?

And how do we live this out? Matthew's Gospel, Chapter 19, will start in verse 3. A conversation some Pharisees had with Jesus when Scripture says this. Some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Sounds like these guys were looking for a loophole in their marriages, if you ask me. Haven't you read Jesus replied that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female? And he said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his.

wife. And the two will become one flesh. Look at what Jesus said. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. If you were with us in previous weeks, we looked at the truth that our God unites. What God unites, our spiritual enemy schemes to divide. What does it mean to be covenant keeping in our relationships? Well, before we dive into that truth, I want to bring up three different approaches to marriage. You'll see these all around you when you look around in culture and the relationships that you have. Let's talk about three different approaches to marriage. The first is what I'll call a casual approach to marriage.

Marriage isn't that big of a deal. It's really just a piece of paper. A casual approach to marriage. Then there's what I'd call a contractual approach. Marriage is a contract. We sign on the dotted lines, and here is our agreement. There's a casual approach to marriage. There is a contractual approach to marriage.

And then there is a third approach, I would call a covenantal approach to marriage. And this is the idea that marriage is a... a holy covenant established by God. Let's talk about these three and unpack them for a moment. What is a casual approach to marriage? Marriage isn't that big of a deal. I mean, I might get married, I might not, I might get married somewhere in the future.

Marriage is just a piece of paper anyway. It doesn't really, really matter. Whenever we have a casual approach to marriage, it also generally leads to a casual approach to sex. Right? If you look at someone with a casual approach to sex, they would probably say something like as long as two consending adults agree. It's really nobody's business anyway. We're not hurting anyone. Last time I checked sex feels pretty good, so we might as well do it whenever we want, with whomever we want, because after all, it's really no big deal. Then the thinking tends to evolve, since marriage isn't that big of a deal, and sex. isn't that big of a deal. If we love someone or at least like them a lot and it's relatively convenient, we might as well just move in together because after all, none of it matters that much at all. It's interesting they've done some recent research on living together and

Barnah studied this in 2017. The reports are that 57% of people said they've either currently or they're currently or previously have lived with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And it kind of makes sense in our culture today if you talk to people. Because if you're kind of with somebody, it's really easy to say, well, we might as well move in together because it's incredibly convenient. And we can save money. It seems to make sense. And we're testing things out.

Now, if you're living together, my goal is not to bring shame upon anybody, embarrass anybody, or make them feel like running out at the door and saying, I can never come back to church again. Let's just kind of call it what it is. You have to some level made a commitment to someone enough to share an address together, but let's just kind of talk it through what it could end up meaning if we really think marriage is no big deal.

Let's say we're going to live together, and let's just say we're going to do some things that are typically reserved for married couples. You move in with somebody, you put your toothbrush in a little toothpaste holder, you put your clothes in the little drawer, You share the bills, you share an address, you might share a sandwich, and you might share the bed. Essentially, you do married things even though you're not really married. If things don't work out, you take your toothbrush, your clothes, and you're half of the sandwich,

and you break up and you go along with somebody else, and if things work out with them, you might move in with them one day. then weeks, months, years from now, you meet that perfect someone, all the love songs on the radio makes sense. Do you realize this is finally that special someone you want to settle down and get married? And you do. Opposites attract, and then you get married. And suddenly things get complicated. She squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, he leaves the toilet lid up, and he doesn't put the ketchup up back in the

right place and he doesn't breathe right had to be at church last week to know what we're talking about so i just stopped breathing that i'll teach you and so when things get difficult so many people today say let's just break it off let's divorce why is divorce so common because a lot of people played house, pretended to be married, and practiced divorce on person after person after person. And so if marriage is only a piece of paper and sex isn't that big of a deal and we can live with multiple people as we go through life, why would we not end up divorced? This could be a consequence of a casual approach to marriage. then there's what I'll call the contractual approach.

And admittedly, if you get married, I'm assuming in most or all states, you sign a marriage contract at the end, you put your signature on it, which I think is a good thing. The problem with a contract, if that's all that marriage is, is this. What is a contract based on? A contract is based on mutual distrust. Think about it. If we're going to enter into a deal with each other and we trust each other, we might shake on it,

we might elbow bump on it, we might just give our word because we trust one another. If I don't trust you, we're not shaking on it, you're signing on the dotted line. What do we know about a contract? Well, a contract is generally temporary, meaning until you pay up or until a certain amount of time expires, and a contract is almost always to protect the rights of the person signing and to limit their responsibility. For example, I started doing rental properties back when I was in college, and so for three decades, I've had rental properties that I've rented out to people that I do not know. And essentially, since we don't know each other, we don't trust each other.

So we're going to document the contract, which limits my responsibilities. I'll fix this, maybe, and not that. and if you don't pay, you don't get to stay. What does it do? It limits responsibilities and it defines responsibilities. So if we enter into marriage and say it's a contract, then as long as you live up to the agreed upon terms, we have a deal.

But if you don't live up to the agreed upon terms, meaning you call me a name, you betray me in a certain way, or perhaps do you don't make me happy, then I feel like since you broke the contract, now I'm not bound to the contract and we will go our separate ways. There is a casual approach to marriage. It's not that big of a deal. There's a contractual approach to marriage. I'm in as long as you're in. We sign on the dotted line and as long as we live up to the standards, agreed upon terms, then we're in this together. There's a third way to approach marriage and that is a covenantal approach.

to marriage. A covenantal approach is not based on mutual distrust. It's not temporary, and it's not motivated by selfish preservation, self-preservation. Instead, a covenant is based on mutual commitment. It's unconditional commitment motivated by a sacrificial love for the other. Let's talk about what a covenant is. Most of you don't go around and go, hey, I'm entering into a covenant today. It's not a commonly used word, but it's a very important and spiritual word that we need to understand when we talk about marriage. The word covenant comes from an Old Testament Hebrew word brief, brief. And brief, it means a cutting. When you see a covenant established, there's always a shedding of blood. In the Old Testament, if two people were to enter into a covenant,

there would often be a shedding of blood of a bull or maybe of seven lambs. If two people were entering into a covenant with a bull, they would kill the bull, cut the bull in half. This is gross, but just stick with me. This is what they do. There'd be half a bull and half a bull. And then the two people would walk around the bull, both of them, seven times. I'll do it two because if I do it seven, I'll get dizzy.

seven times and essentially saying what happened to the bull should happen to me if I don't live up to my oath. This is a covenant, a shutting of blood, giving my word that this is a commitment that I will stick by. If you go to an Old Testament Hebrew wedding, what you would see is you would see a powerful covenantal ceremony. Occasionally what the priest would do is ask for the hand of both the groom and the bride. And the priest would occasionally take a knife and cut, nick, the hand of the groom and the hand of the bride so that blood would emerge from their hands, a shedding of blood. Then the priest would join the bride and the groom's hands together so that the blood would mingle. This was signifying that what Leviticus says, the life of the priest,

person is in the blood. We are exchanging life. Then the priest would bind their hands together, showing outwardly that the two are in the process of becoming one. Then they would share their covenant vows both before family and friends and before God. Then what the couple would do is they would depart for a time. They would go to a place called a Hapa. Everybody say, Hapa. You kind of have to sound like you're getting a lugy out of your throat when you say it. C-H-U-P-P-A-H. H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H. We get our English word, Hapa, Hapa, not really, we don't, but that's, we could, maybe. Hashtag Dad joke, there it is. It just happens when you turn my age. It comes out of nowhere. You can't help it. Dad jokes everywhere.

The Hapa was like the bridal suite. It was kind of like the honeymoon room. And the couple would leave the wedding ceremony and everyone else would wait while they go to the Hapa. And in the Hapa, they would hopper. In theory, the virgin groom would enter into the virgin bride

and there would, I'm not going to use hand signals anymore. And there would be a shedding of blood, and physically they would become one flesh representing what has happened in the spirit. Then, once they've sealed their holy covenant, they would come back to the party that was waiting for them. Imagine how awkward that would be. Good thing is, if you're like in a wedding party and they're like 22-year-old and they're virgins,

they'll be back in like four or five minutes, you know, like, they're back. So I'm just saying, you know, oh, you're back already. Welcome back. Hang in there. It gets better with time. No hand motions for that either, just saying. What I hope you'll understand that you will embrace and you will take to heart is the truth that marriage matters. Marriage matters to God and marriage should matter to us.

So does the gift of lovemaking, which is a gift from a good God to his children. Hebrews chapter 13, verse 4 says that marriage should be honored by whom. Can I get somebody to help me out today? Marriage should be honored by all. And the marriage bed should be what? It should be kept pure. Marriage should be honored by all. Who does all mean? In the Greek, all means all. It means if you're a kid, you honor the covenant of marriage.

If you're a teenager with raising hormones, you honor the covenant of marriage. If you're 22 and single, and you still have your needs, you honor the covenant of marriage. If you're 31, waiting, dating, and the deep desire for mating, you honor the covenant of marriage. If you're 47 and divorced, the marriage bed should be kept pure because marriage matters to God. and the gift of lovemaking matters to God. And that's why I believe with all my heart that the way we talk about sex in the church needs to change because so often the messages to the kids, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that.

Said, don't do sex, no, sex, no sex, go on your honeymoon. You're supposed to go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You would say, no, for your whole life. Now we're supposed to party. And it's really not that easy. It's a little bit like my boxers. Not my boxers now, but the boxers that I got when I was engaged to be married to Amy.

We were waiting. We were honoring God. We were not sharing in the gift of lovemaking until we were married, which is why we moved our wedding date up 17 times. And the boxers that my groomsman gave me had the letters, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, printed all over the outside. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Until you turned the lights off, then it would glow in the dark.

And they say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No. Dark. Okay. Instead of telling our kids, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. What we say is wait, wait, wait, wait. Because something holy is coming, something God honoring is coming,

something special is coming, something holy is coming. Now, for those of you that are saying nothing but yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. right now, and suddenly you feel a little bit of that conviction, what do you do with it? What do you do if you're not married or if you are married, you're living in a lust-filled life that's displeasing to God? Well, the good news is Christ makes us new. And my past before Christ was not clean in this way. When I was born again spiritually, I would argue I was also born again sexually. In other words, my past was forgiven. It was transformed. Now who I am is different. And no matter what you've been doing in the past, no matter what you did last night.

With the grace of Jesus, you can be forgiven and you can decide from this moment forward. I will honor the covenant of marriage. The marriage bet should be kept pure. Then if you're not dating anybody if you're not married today and you hope to be married one day, you just decide, we're going to wait. We're going to wait. And then one day you will stand before God and before your closest family and friends. And the two will become one flesh both spiritually and then physically. You will honor God. This is a story no one can take away from us. No one can take away from us. no one can take away from us. We waited and we honored God.

And you seal that covenant and it is holy and right. Or let's call it what it is. You can just do you a thing and then get married, just a piece of paper, and then go on your honeymoon, and it's just another day at the office. Business as usual. Just another round in the sack. Choice is yours.

The choice. You choose. What do you want to be? I want to choose to be Christ-centered. There's a big difference between calling yourself a Christian and being centered around Christ. I want in our relationship to be mission-driven. We are united for a higher calling.

I want to kick out all of the forces of darkness. We are devil kicking. Why? Because we are covenant keeping. This isn't a casual approach. It's not just a contract. It's so much more. Some of you might say, well, it's easy for you, Pastor Craig.

Married to Amy Miss Perfect. You have no idea how bad my marriage is. And I just want to acknowledge that I know for some people it's incredibly complicated. I know that some of you are dealing with massive betrayals, hurts beyond measure, dysfunction, pain, perhaps different levels of abuse. And I just want to acknowledge that it's complicated. I'll tell you right now, it complicated in our world too. We've got crazy people around. Nothing easy about raising six kids.

I promise you, our schedule is as difficult as anybody's, and I can guarantee you there are as many spiritual attacks on our life as there is on anybody else's. It's not easy. It's not easy for any of us. But years ago, what Amy and I decided is something that we lived through to this day, we decided this, and we say it often. our marriage is as good as we want it to be. It's right there.

Every word's important. Our marriage is as good as we, not me, not her, but we choose for it to be. I'll tell you there are sometimes, we don't feel like being loving. We don't feel like forgiving. We don't feel like working on it. You mean that feel? Like expressing love? I mean, Christ's center?

Let me ask you this. How many other areas of your life can you not do what's important when you don't feel like it? I'm not going to feed my baby today. Not in the mood. I don't feel like feeding my baby. I'm not going to work for the next three months

because I don't feel like going to, I'm not going to pay my taxes. I'm not in the mood to pay my taxes. No, you just do it because it's right. It's right. We choose to be Christ-centered. mission driven, devil kicking, and covenant keeping. The big problem so many of us have that throws everything off

is we have a misunderstanding of the character and the nature of God. Here's the root. Many of us think that when we go to God, it's a casual deal with God. Do whatever I want, doesn't really matter, he's going to forgive me anyway. It's a casual approach to God. Some people, though, they think it's a contractual approach to God. If I live up to my part, then he'll live up to my part. then he'll live up to his.

The problem is we don't always live up to ours, so we're afraid to go to him for his because we don't feel like we're worthy of it because we contractually didn't do what we're supposed to do. The truth about God is it's not casual. It's not contractual. It is covenantal in relationship. Old covenant.

They would take a lamb once a year and sacrifice the lamb. The blood from the lamb would flow into a bucket. They would take a sponge, dip it into the blood, put blood on the top of the doorpost and on both sides of the doorpost. And when they would do that, the death angel would then pass by because the home was covered with the blood of the lamb. What's so amazing to think is if you put blood on the top of a doorpost

and on both sides, what would happen to the blood on the top? It would drip to the bottom. And there in the Old Testament, you have a foreshadowing of the New Testament cross of Jesus. In the old covenant, it was temporary. But we live under the new covenant. Who is Jesus? Jesus is the Lamb of God.

Who was slain? He shed his blood for the forgiveness and sins, the brief, the cutting. So that, because of his gift, because of his resurrection, calls upon him, will be forgiven. We'll be made new. It is the new covenant.

And here's the great news. Even if we are faithless, scripture says, our God remains faithful, for he cannot this own himself. It's not casual, not contractual. It is a covenant. our relationships will be as good as we choose for them to be. We choose.

Say it with me. Christ-centered. Mission-driven, devil-kicking, and covenant-keeping. We choose to honor God, and he will always be faithful to us. I'm going to ask if I could get a little help on week number one. I invited Amy to come up and pray to start our series. I'm going to invite you to come up again. to close us out in prayer if you guys want to welcome My Bride.

Hashtag my bride. You're the best prayer warrior that I know, and it would be my honor if you would call heaven down for our church. Yes. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we come before you, and Lord, we humble ourselves just in the goodness of your love that you are our covenant keeping God. showing us by your very life, giving us everything through yourself, giving us a way for salvation

and showing us how to have covenant with one another in marriage. Father, I just pray for all of us, whether we're married or not, that we would honor marriage, that we would honor marriage at any age, in any stage of life, because you have ordained it. And it represents the beauty of our oneness with you as your bride. And Father, I thank you that the married couples have heard this message, and we have it planted in our hearts. And, Father, we commit ourselves. We commit ourselves to the covenant that we have said yes to. And no matter how hard it is, Father, or how good or whatever, we say yes to commitment, to covenant.

Because you said yes to us. We know that you empower us to do this. And we thank you, in Jesus' name. Amen. If you guys will keep praying today, just in an attitude of prayer, nobody is just looking around for a moment. There are those of you that God brought here today because it's time to enter into the grace of his new covenant. I hope you'll recognize the amazing truth that we're not made right with God by our own good works, but it's only by the grace of God and faith in the perfect work of his son.

Let me explain it again as simply as I can. Who is Jesus? He is the sinless son of God. He is the Lamb of God who was slain for the forgiveness of sins. It's not a temporary covering. It's a permanent forgiveness. We're made new in Christ. The old is gone and everything becomes new.

At all of our churches, there are many of you right now, you may be feeling a little bit guilty. You may feel the weight of your sin is heavy upon you. When you call on the name of Jesus, He forgives every sin you've ever committed. You're not just like a better version of you. You're new. You're different.

The old is gone. The new has come. At all of our churches today, those who say, I need Christ. I need his forgiveness. I turn from my sins. I turn toward him because of who he is and because of what he's done. Today, by faith, I give my life to him. That's your prayer.

Would you lift your hands high right now? Just all over the place say, yes, Jesus. As we've got hands going up at all of our different churches, Those of you at church online, if you can simply click right below me. We've got people today coming to faith in Christ all over the world at church online. Would you do the honor of praying with those around you? Just pray aloud. Pray Heavenly Father, forgive all my sins.

Make me new. Jesus save me. Fill me with your spirit so I could follow you always. Thank you for your grace. thank you for new life. Now you have mine. In Jesus' name I pray. Somebody worship big.

Somebody celebrate. Hey, thanks so much for joining us, and we want to remind you we don't want anyone to do life alone to help you with your next steps. Just go to life.ch slash next. There you'll find a ton of resources to help you grow

with your relationship with Christ. And remember, whoever finds God finds life.