Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Rip Up Your List | Modern Romance: Part 3

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

We all want to win in relationships, but it’s not always easy. During Modern Romance, we’re going back to the basics and learning three principles of relationship goals.ABOUT THIS MESSAGERelationships are complicated, but do they have to be? How do you know if your one is "the one"? Can a book as old as the Bible help relationships today? We’re talking about being single, dating, marriage, and more in our new series, Modern Romance.Learn more about Modern Romance: www.life.church/modernromanceStart the Modern Romance Bible Plan: www.go2.lc/modernromanceWE’RE OPENWe’re continuing to monitor guidelines and best practices for gathering in a safe way. Learn more about everything we're doing to keep you safe and how you can help by using hand sanitizer, washing your hands often, and more: https://www.life.church/updatesFind a time and attend a service with us: http://www.life.church/locationsNEXT STEPSHave you made a decision to follow Jesus? You may be wondering what’s next on your journey. We want to help! Let us guide you to your next steps in your walk with Christ: https://www.life.church/nextABOUT LIFE.CHURCHWherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.church. Find locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/app. FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIAFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/life.churchInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/life.churchTwitter: http://www.twitter.com/lifechurchCONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIGYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIIdiIO-Y20hRW9niR0CA8AFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschelInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschelTwitter: http://www.twitter.com/craiggroeschel#lifechurch #michaeltodd #winninginrelationships Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

All right. Now, they gave me an assignment today and only 29 minutes to do it in. So I told them they got to give me two weeks. So I'm going to be with you for this week and next week. Because, oh yeah, because I want to help you win in relationships. And I really do believe it is God's intention and idea for every one of us to win in relationships. Now, for us to do that, we're going to have to stay. back and we're going to have to not make social media our bar for relationship goals. We're going to have to step back. I'm going to step on some toes right here and the bachelor cannot be the bar for relationship goals. Some of us have come from broken relationships, from broken families, from situations of hurt. And I want us to leave all of that right here. And I want us just for the next couple of weeks as we've been doing through this whole series. to make the Word of God the standard for all of our relationships, okay? And so as we walk through this, I'm going to be very direct, I'm going to be very funny, and I'm going to be very, very intentional, and letting you know that God designed relationships.

And no matter if your relationships are broken right now, God can fix relationships. And if you're in a season of preparing to be in a relationship, God can make sure you walk into right relationship. So this series is for everybody. On Father's Days, this series is for people who are single. This is for people who are married. This is for people who are divorced. These are for stalkers. Some of y'all are stalkers.

It's for the people who is complicated. It's for everybody today. Because God wants you. Everybody say, I will win in relationships. It's crazy that over 1,300 days ago, I spoke a series at my little church in a converted grocery store in North Tulsa called Relationship Goals. And for some reason, it went viral. And I preached eight messages. And the truth in those messages, it was like people drinking water for the first time.

They had never heard this. And I was like, y'all, this is in the Bible. Like, I didn't know that this was. But I found that there was a void because many of you may be, were raised. like me, who only got very minimal instructions about relationship. The one relationship, raised in church, parents love God, all of these different things, the only instruction I had, don't have sex before you marry. Is that it? Like, nothing else, like, do not have sex before you get married. What happens when you miss that one? Oh, y'all won't be fake today? What happens when you

missed it several times. What happens when you were introduced to things at an early age at a hotel room with the basketball team where it went from the Flintstones to something else? What happens when you were exposed and illegitimately touched or what happens? And it's like, pray about it. Ask the Lord. He ain't saying none. What am I supposed to do? And what I decided is, If I ever got an opportunity because of the hell I went through trying to find out how to do relationships, that I would honestly, openly and transparently, hot. I would honestly tell people the truth about relationships. And the truth about relationships, after 20 million people have watched this and tons of people have bought the book,

I found that it comes down to a couple of truths, and I only got two weeks to do this in. So I'm going to dive right into this whole thing. But there is power in the Word of God. I want everybody to say that. There is power in the Word of God. And that's why you need to go there first before you go to anywhere else to find out about how you're supposed to do relationship. I see you clapping, but you didn't read it. Well, let's be honest, you'll read a Facebook post and an Instagram post before you go to the Word of God about relationships.

Okay, I'm going to be your friend. You ready? But when God wants to do something, he writes it down for longevity's sake. Can I help you understand the power of the written word? See, there's power in the spoken word, but there's longevity in the written word. When the founders of this country wanted to come up with the things that would hold our country together, they didn't just say it to each other. They wrote it down so it could have longevity and hold us together in the Constitution. When Martin Luther King was inspired or troubled by injustices, he didn't just say it. He wrote it down and they became eloquent speeches so they could have longevity.

When God wanted humanity to understand his heart and his love towards them, he didn't just say it. He inspired men to write it down so it can have longevity. And the grass will wither and the flowers will fade, but the Word of God will remain forever. Can somebody give God a shout of praise right there? Now, Pastor Mike, why are you going this hard? Because if we don't establish the word of God being the principal thing, you'll think it's just a suggestion. And many people today, when it comes to relationships, they think the Bible is a suggestion in the lineup of other things that probably could work out from our relationship. It is the blueprint.

So I want us to look at the blueprint and learn, watch this word, principles. See, God builds everything for a believer on principles. He doesn't build them on feelings and trends. Because right now we're in a society full of trends and feelings and what's. God builds his kingdom on, everybody said, principles. And write this point down, the more principles you learn from the word of God, the less you have to pray about what to do. Yeah, yeah.

When you learn the principle, you don't have to pray about it. And some of the, uh-uh, that's sacrilegious. I know Susan, he's wrong. Well, let me help you. All of us that drive cars, most of us, understand the principle of gas. If we're on E, we don't call a prayer service. Oh, God, I just need you right now, Lord.

Don't know if I'm gonna make it home, God, but I thank you that your warrant and ministering angels will get us to our desk. You don't do that. You don't fast. Why? Because you understand the principle of gas. If you understood the principles of relationship, you wouldn't have to pray. Is Jaquaz the one, Lord? Is Sally the one Jesus?

Because you would see by how they lived their life. You would see by the principles they've decided to display that maybe I don't even need to pray about this. Maybe I don't even need to do this. I need to know, everybody say principles. Principles simplify your life. And when it comes to this thing about modern dating and modern relationships, what people are trying to do is live without the principle of God's word. And today, I want to bring principles to help simplify your relationship journey. No matter if you're married and you got 15 kids, God bless you if you have that many kids.

And some of you saying, well, what qualifies you to even talk about relationships? Could you go to Exhibit A? I'm going to show you my family real quick. This is my family. This is the Todd Squad. It's my beautiful wife. We've been high school sweethearts. I met her when I was 15 years old, and she was 14, and now that I have three daughters,

that is incredibly too young to be dating anybody. And I have a son in the middle, his name is N.J., and I said three daughters, because we, in just a few days, are about to have our third daughter and our fourth child, Gia Simone. I know a little bit about relationships. I almost messed this one completely up. I almost lost the greatest thing that God gave me. Because I was going off of principles that culture taught me.

I was watching my big cousin and MTV and BET. And I was watching the people, the jocks at my school, and I was watching the people around me. And I started to destroy my life based on principles that could not hold it up. And today I just came to challenge. you in this first message that I'm speaking to you, what principles have you built your relationships on? I can't I don't know, but some of you have principles that are actually eroding the love you want in your relationships. And today I want us to go back to the greatest

principle giving tool that we have is the Word of God, because I don't want you to be ignorant. I did not say ignorant. I said That's when you have a lack of understanding of something. And you know what the truth is? As much as we praise and sing worship songs, so many people that are sitting in our churches today are ignorant. They are void of truth. When it comes to our relationships, you've been married 42 years. Y'all don't like each other.

Y'all are business partners that happen to have kids. now the kids is gone and y'all live totally separate lives that's not what god wanted can i challenge you that the instagram picture of your relationship does not mean there's substance in it if you're going to find the truth of the word of god you have to build it on what principles that are found in the word of god and i need to say this to you that this is free i didn't mean that i didn't mean pastor craig i don't know if this is okay, but I'm a challenge some of you. Your greatest enemy is not sin or Satan. It's ignorance. Because wherever you're ignorant, that's where he can have control. Wherever the enemy, the word in Hebrew, literally, darkness in Hebrew means ignorance. He's the prince of darkness or the

prince of ignorance. So wherever you don't have vision and light and the word of God, that's where the enemy is kicking your blessed assurance. And it's time for you. the church in the area of relationship when divorce rates are the same as for people who are outside of the church, as people who are inside of the church, singing worship songs, going a Bible study in a life group, and we're still getting divorced at the same rate. We still don't have light in that area. And that means we have to go back to the Word of God. The less ignorance you have, the less destruction you experience.

So what are you saying, Pastor Mike? We need the light of the world to come in this area of our relationships. John 8.12. Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, I am the light of the world. And if you follow me, if you do it my way, if you follow my principles, you won't have to walk in ignorance. You don't have to walk in darkness in relationships. You don't have to fail, fail, fail, fail, and then get it right. God says if you would do it my way.

If you could redo or unlearn some of the things you learned growing up, you don't have to walk in darkness because you will have the light. Watch this. This is a good scripture, Pastor Craig, that leads to life. I'm at Life Church, Anna. We should have life in our relationships. People should look at your relationships, your friendships, your business partnerships, not just romantic relationship, all the ships.

They should look at every ship of yours. And that should attract people because it's full of life. But you cannot have life where there's not light. Ooh, that's nasty. You cannot, I like that. That just came from the spirit. You cannot have life where you don't have light. And today, I want to give you light in your relationships.

So I got to tell a transparent story. Can I be honest with Life Church today? No, y'all gonna make me, can I be honest with y'all today? Okay. So, I told y'all, my wife, beautiful girl up there, known her all my life. We were doing these interviews around relationship goals because for some reason, that book, we released it in the middle of the pandemic, and it went number one New York time bestseller.

That's crazy because I failed English class twice. And so we were praising God, and somebody was doing an interview with me and they asked, they said, so Natalie. And I was like, I thought this interview was about me. And they was like, so Natalie, was Michael everything you ever wanted? And I heard a pause in her voice. And I said, yeah, babe, was I everything you ever wanted? And she said, actually, no. I thought I was going to marry somebody that was Hispanic, a little Puerto Rican, nice little wavy hair, six-pack body. And she just starts describing me. this Enrique and Glacius A-Rod type of figure.

I mean, I'm literally stunned. And I said, oh, really? And I thought I was going to marry J-Lo. And I just, you know, I just, I was just saying stuff. In that moment, I started thinking about, did I think I was going to be in relationship with somebody like her? And honestly, what I had in my mind versus what God had for me was different. And what ended up happening when I found out that Natalie wanted Derek Jeter or somebody and she got this big piece of Hershey chocolate?

What I found out is something that is a principle that I want to help you get today. That you need to rip up your list. This is a principle that I'm going to teach you that will apply to relationships and every other thing that is a part of your life. you have a list whether you wrote it down or not. In relationships, in family, in business, in timeline, all of us have a list. Something that we want to happen, we thought was going to happen, what it was going to look like, what it was going to feel like, what it was going to sound like, what it was going to taste like. All of us have a list.

Let me give you a definition of the list. It's a set of predetermined, self-fabricated ideas of a specific person, situation, or outcome. written down, continually thought about, or verbally communicated by which erroneous expectations become goals for achievement. What's your list? That God was nowhere a part of, but you just felt. What is the list? Because some of you have it when it comes to a person or a relationship, but some of you

have it when it comes to business. Well, when I get 26, I'm going to own my own business. And when I get 27, I'm going to have two kids. And 27, okay. And when I get 35, I'm going to retire as a millionaire. Where'd you get that from? Where did that come from? And some of you are sitting in this service today,

frustrated about your whole life because your life doesn't look like your list. And I came to tell you today that this is a principle you need to adopt as far as your relationships and everything that concerns. Your life. God is not a God of your list. And the reason I have to help you with this is because when we make lists, I need you to write this point down

your list for you will never look like God's list for you. Never. PC, you didn't see Life Church being this. There's no way I saw myself doing this. I was a music producer. I was supposed to be producing for Beyonce and Justin Bieber and everybody else. I was going to be in the music videos in error I was there. God said no no no no no no no no no no your list for you your purpose for you your relationship for you your impact for you looks nothing like what I have planned for you see this is the key I need everybody to understand I'm trying to give you principles to build your relationship on your list factors in what you want God's list

factors in what you need see when Natalie was thinking about the man she wanted she didn't know she needed somebody that would pray for her in the middle of the night see she was just looking at an exterior but she didn't know she needed a man that if god said he'd fall on his face and give everything away she needed me you hear that baby you needed me do you hear that no she needed me even when she wanted something else and what i'm telling you is the list that you have created you may not say it to anybody. You may not talk about it publicly, but silently on the inside, some of the things that would be considered a blessing if they weren't up against this fabricated list, you need

to do what I had to do in my life. I had to take everything that I thought I wanted, and I had to rip it up. And why are you doing that? This is a prophetic sign of what I believe many of you need to do to get to the relationship you want, to get to the marriage that you want to get to the person you need to be before anybody else comes into your life. You're going to have to go through some of the things you've said, promised, and inner vows you've made, and you're going to have to rip up the list. You see how quietness like, oh, pass a mite. Let's get Bianca back. I'm trying to give you a principle that will save you frustration. Because what if God wants for you looks nothing like what you want for yourself?

Oh, that's a dangerous one right there. See, because so many of us are living in the formula of frustration. Can I give you the formula of frustration real quick? It's fabricated expectations plus failed realities equaling feelings of frustration. You're fabricated. You made it up. You just made it up. No, no, no, I'm going to graduate.

And when I graduate, he's going to be six. He's going to have six figures. We're going to have six kids. And I'm going to drive a Mercedes 600. Like, like, and then when you living in a one bed apartment at 34, no kids, and the Toyota Camry, which is exactly where God wants you right now because he's developing something in you. You're so frustrated because not that God left you. is your list doesn't look like your life.

And today I'm just, I'm begging you, whoever you are that's watching this. You came to this service today because you need to know that your list is less than God's best for you. God's lowest thought about you is higher than your greatest thought about yourself. Oh, y'all missed that. Can I say it to you in a different way? God is more committed to your destiny than he is to your desires. He wants you to reach destiny more than even what you desire. I'm a living witness that God will upset your plan to give you his purpose.

And that's why Psalms 37-4. See, we quote this wrong all the time. This is just the precursor. Next week, I'm about to go off on y'all. I just need everybody to know. I just needed you to understand the Word of God has to be. the principal thing and that we need to rip up our list. Somebody say, rip up your list.

Some of y'all are going to get paper today, and you're going to be like, I'm putting Johnny on the list, I put on the list, I'm putting the house on it. And you're going to do that, and it might be the most spiritual thing you did all year. God's been trying to get something to you that you've been so against, because it didn't look like what you said you wanted. Psalms 37-4.

delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Can I passage remix that? Because y'all, all my life I've been quoting this wrong. God's going to give me the desires of my heart. He's going to give me the desires of my heart. That's why I made the list. So he can know exactly like Santa Claus, exactly what I want. He said, you missed it.

When you put everything you are in the Lord. When I put my relationships in the Lord, when I put my business in the Lord, when I put my feelings in the Lord, when I submit my plans and I put it what? In the Lord. When I take my family and I put it in the Lord, then God will give your heart what it's supposed to desire.

See, he's not going to give us the things that we desire. What I desire by myself is nasty. The Bible tells us that, The heart is the most deceit, like just what I want. But when I put it in, he'll change the desires. And before we start talking about the relationship you want, maybe we need to talk about the person who would be in the relationship, which is you. And if God gave you everything you needed right now,

some of us would say no thanks because it didn't look like our list. Today, Life Church, I'm begging you. I'm pleading with you. I'm asking you. Take whatever you have made a watch this an idol. Anything that would take the place of God. God, I know you know what's best, but uh, don't need an email, FaceTime AirDrop you. How do you want my list? And God's saying the only thing I want you to do with your list. Rip it up. What can I? Proverbs 1921 is where I'm going to end. This is just a warm up. the plans in a person's where heart oh that's nasty bible but it is the lord's purpose that will prevail do you know

god has a purpose for your relationship he doesn't just want you to take good instagram pictures he wants you to take kingdom territory with that partner he doesn't want you to just just have a kid He wants you to raise arrows in the hand of the Lord. He doesn't want you to just have a good business partner. He wants you to subdue, rule, and dominate on this earth and be a blessing to other people. He said, you got a plan, you got a list. But I got a purpose. Fight me if you won't.

But it was at the moment I did this. And I ripped up my list. Like I said, good. finally you can you can keep running if you want to you can keep jumping from bed to bed if you want to you can keep chasing after every get rich quick skin you can keep thinking that because you have a bunch of zeros in your bank account you're better than somebody but when I look in your heart it's hollow you can keep doing that if you want to but at some point my purpose will prevail. And today when it comes to this thing about modern romance, I think one of the biggest

principles that we need to learn according to the word of God is that your list is not the life that God wants you to live. He has plans for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a what future. There's an expected end. His purpose will prevail. But I think the most spiritual thing you can do is write down everything that you made up without God. Right down, come on.

I'm not even like all of the things. Some of y'all said, they're like, I have no idea what he's talking about. I do not know. But if it was just you, If it was just you and you've been comparing yourself to other people's vacations, oh, I want to get petty with it real quick. You've been looking at how their family is doing this.

And you've been looking at, well, it's wedding season, and they're in a marriage, and they're getting pictures, and they're going on a honeymoon. And why am I still single? God said, I'm preparing you. I'm working on you. I'm building something in you that will last forever that you're going to pass down to your children's children. I have a plan for you. Why am I still working this job?

It's because the one I have for you, you're going to own that, but that's five years away. I still got to build your character because there'll be a test up there that's going to test your integrity. And I need to know down here where you're making minimum wage that you'll still do the work at the same level that you would do if you were in the pit house. I need to keep making you. So what do you need to do? be frustrated, not think that God has forsaken you, not think that you're alone. You need to take everything that you made up erroneously outside of God and you need to rip it up. I'm challenging everybody this week. Take 30 minutes. Put on some worship music and write everything that has been

frustrating you in your life and try to see if you can connect it to a time in a moment that you said this is going to happen. I'm going to make this happen after I get these degrees and do you know what's happening with your list? It's robbing you of your current life. This will take you away from enjoying what God has given you right now. I believe that God is going to do a work in you. Yeah, we're going to talk about relationships and all that other stuff, but you wouldn't even hear it because you would hear me talking and you would be putting up against your erroneous list. And I came all the way from Tulsa, Oklahoma, to tell you, could you do something real spiritual this week? Write it down and rip it up. Would you lift your hands everywhere? Father, I thank you

for the people that have heard this message. It wasn't easy. And Father, you know the areas of our life where maybe we haven't even communicated it out loud what we were expecting and what we want it. But God, the truth that this matter is there's been even a blockage between us and you because we've been mad at you. We thought you didn't keep your end of the deal. We thought you didn't do what you promised. And today, God, we repent. Because your word says you're not being slow, as some of us would suppose, but you're taking your time so that none of us would perish. God, I thank you. That we see your hand even in the weight. God, I thank you that you would give my friend's courage,

no matter if they're single, they're in a marriage, they're divorced, they're widowed. Thank you that you would give them the courage to rip up their list and wait on you. Today, God, we trust you, we believe you, and we thank you. And, Father, we make a commitment that we will rip up our list. Come on, Life Church, you can do better than that. Pastor, thank you.

How's that for a little spiritual surgery on your heart? So there's a list up here. Here's my list. How many of you today at all of our different locations, whatever it is, maybe it was your career or your relationship or just your vision for where your life would be at this stage? You're ready to rip up that list. Raise your hands.

Raise your hands. Yep, here we go. So, Father, I thank you that your Holy Spirit speaking to so many hearts right now. And I pray you just drive this truth deep that your plan, your will. Many of the plans in our hearts, God, but your purpose. Your purpose is better. Your purpose is rich. You want to do exceedingly and abundantly more, God. Then all we can ask, think, or imagine. So help us to trust you today, Jesus. We thank you, God, for your word. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Seek first the kingdom, not our list, not what we want, but God, God,

but what you want. And then your word tells us that everything that really matters will be added unto us. So God help us to rip up that list today, putting our full trust and faith in you and all that we do. As you keep praying today at all of our churches,

some of you may have come to church, you're watching online, and you kind of had one idea, but God had another idea for you today, something even better. And when it comes to where you stand with God, some of you may need to kind of rip up your list and don't be ignorant,

you got to understand some principles. I want to give you some principles about the goodness of God. You may feel like you've done so many things wrong in your life. You feel guilty. You feel ashamed and wonder, could I even approach God? And let me just tell you the truth. All of us have. This is truth. All of us have sinned. Scripture says, and we fall short of God's standard. That's truth. But the good news is this is also truth, that God loves you. It's not just something that he does, but it's who he is. And there's nothing that you can do. to cause God to love you less,

and there's no good works you can do to cause God to love you more. He just loves you. He loves you. He loves you. So much that he became like you. He became flesh in the person of Jesus, who was without sin and gave his life for the forgiveness of our sins.

God raised him from the dead, and this is the truth. Don't be ignorant. Don't live in the darkness. Because of what Jesus did, when you call on his name, you can experience the peace of God, the presence of God,

the forgiveness of God, the forgiveness of God, of God, the grace of God. Salvation isn't just the forgiveness of sins, but it's the presence of God who's with you. Today, wherever you're watching, those of you might say, man, I had a list from my life. This is what I wanted. But I recognize it's time for me to lay that down, to step away from my old life, to step away from my sinfulness, even to step away from what I wanted and surrender my whole life to Jesus. The name that is above every name, who is Jesus, the lamb of God, the Savior of the world. When you call on him, He'll hear your prayer.

He'll forgive your sins. He will make you brand new wherever you're watching from those who say, yes. I need his forgiveness. I need his grace. I step away from my old life. I rip up my list. Today I give my life to him. That's your prayer.

Would you lift your hands high right now? All of our churches just lift them up. Somebody give praise for those today coming to faith in Jesus. And all of our life churches, and those of you watching online, man, you're a part of the family. Just type it in the check. right now. I'm giving my life to Jesus. Type that in the chat. I'm giving my life to Jesus. And today, would you all pray together? Nobody prays alone. Just pray aloud. Pray Heavenly Father. I give you my life. Rip up my list and step away from my sin to follow Jesus.

Jesus save me. Change me. Fill me with your spirit so I can follow you always. I see. seek you first, your kingdom, your truth, your life. I give you my whole life. Thank you for new life. In Jesus' name, I pray. Could somebody go crazy celebrate big welcome those born into God's family today.