Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - #Struggles, Part 1: #Struggles

Episode Date: October 24, 2015

When our self worth is measured in hearts, likes, and comments, we’ll never be enough. We’re living to be liked, but longing to be loved. Let’s learn to find our meaning beyond the #Struggles of our selfie-centered world. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, I'm so thankful to have all of you with us today at all of our churches. And as you might imagine, I'm very excited and passionate about the impact I believe my new book is going to have. It's called hashtag struggles following Jesus in a selfie-centered world. And we really talk about how to be passionate about Jesus in a world where technology seems to be taking over. Now, we all love technology. I love social media. Our church is crazy passionate about leveraging technology. technology to make a difference in this world, the church online, the free U-Virgin Bible app,

and so much more. So while we can all embrace the benefits of social media and technology, we also have to recognize that there could be some unintended negative consequences as well. So today, I want to show you a message I believe will really interest and minister to you, but we're going to do it in a bit of a different format. I want to start with a clip talking about how social media and technology is changing relationships. How is technology changing relationships? The first thing if you're taking notes is the term friend is evolving. The term friend is evolving.

For example, a friend used to mean somebody that you did life with. We were together doing life. Now, a friend can be somebody that you've never met in person that follows what you say on Facebook. And so the term friend is evolving. For example, the average American Facebook user has 328 Facebook friends, but the average American says they only have two close friends, which is down from six two decades ago, and yet 25 percent of Americans say they have zero close friends. So the tension is real. You may have 328. Facebook friends, but say you've got no real and close friends.

And so we can argue all day long. We've got lots of online interactivity, and yet we may have very limited personal intimacy. The term friend is evolving. The second thing, if you're taking notes, and this is really interesting to me, is that we're becoming addicted to immediate affirmation. We're becoming addicted to immediate affirmation. In other words, if I'm thinking. feeling a little bit lonely and I just want a little affirmation. I can, I'm going to just take a

selfie real quick here. Hang on. I'm going to do this. Okay. I'm going to do a better one. Hang on. Oh yeah. Now, I could immediately, just right now, upload this to Instagram, and if I came back a minute later, I would have some likes. I may even have a comment, oh, Pastor Craig, you look so good. Like that shirt, where'd you get that? You know, you're rocking a new hairstyle or whatever someone might say. I could get some immediate feedback. And what's happening is we're becoming addicted to this immediate feedback. In fact, scientists will tell you that it releases a chemical in our brain called dopamine, and we are becoming so addicted to that.

What did they say? Did they like it? Who liked it? How many people liked it? Why didn't she like it? She never likes my pictures. I'm not going to like hers anymore. And we are addicted to this immediate feedback, okay?

and what this is doing is it is meeting a short-term need, but we are deferring a longer-term and deeper need. In fact, sociologists now have phrased what they call deferred loneliness. We feel lonely, so we post something, we say something. We get immediate feedback, and it meets a short-term need, but we are deferring a longing for intimacy into the future, and the loneliness we feel we are deferring to another time, we are living for likes, and we're longing for love. We're hooked on this instant gratification, and it's changing the way we do relationships.

How is technology changing relationships? The term friend is evolving. We're becoming addicted to immediate affirmation, and number three, perhaps most important, is we have the power to do friendship on our own terms. We now have the power to do friendship on our own terms. In other words, if Richard, Texas, me, I have the choice to read his text, respond to it, not respond to it, get to it later.

I am in control of what I do or not do how I respond to his text. If Sam posts a picture on Instagram, I have the power to determine, is it likeworthy or not? Is it worth a double tap of my fingers? Or do I scroll right on by another stupid cat picture that I'm so sick of? of him posting all day long. In fact, if he posts another cat picture, I may just unfollow him because I am total and complete control

of this friendship. I manage it from a distance. I will show you what part of me I want you to see. I will tell you what I want to tell you, and if I don't want to respond, I'm not gonna respond. And if you post too many pictures of your product or too many duck face selfies, I will unfollow you because I am in control

of this friendship. So we know that social media and technology is changing relationships. Many ways for the better, and we can thank God for that. But honestly, there's some ways it's probably for the worse. I sat down with a group of very sharp young adults who are immersed in social media and technology, and they agreed to open up honestly

about some of their struggles. I'd like to know maybe some honest dark sides of where you find your heart with social media and technology, so maybe Catherine will start with you? I feel like one big problem that I have is social media is maybe I'll go in and look at someone's pictures and see like pre-existing things. I'm like, ooh, I don't like that person.

I don't like what I see and maybe have this judgment of them before I've even met them. And so when I meet them, I'm like, I already don't like you because you've this, this, this, this, and this. When people make an assumption about you based off of your Instagram page or your Facebook or your Twitter, you want to present the best. And so finding the right filter and the right caption to put and make sure you have the right hashtags and make sure it's witty. that people laugh at whatever you post or make sure you have so many likes.

I think that's kind of where I struggle and making sure that I present the best. And so how does that impact you spiritually in a negative way? For me, it's kind of the question of who am I following on Instagram. And when I'm scrolling and I see these maybe like gorgeous women that I want to look like or I want to be like, I have to ask myself, am I following them for the right reasons because I'm envious of them or because that's what I want? And it takes me away from my relationship and my intimacy

with Jesus. Who would say that comparing with other people on social media brings out kind of negative emotions for you? Yeah. I think comparison, the comparison game is a terrible game to play because there's no winner. And I think that it can just bring out the worst insecurities. I think also that it brings out the worst in me. My self-image just shrinks. And I begin to lose side of my self-worth founding Christ, and eventually it just goes down continuously, and I'm eventually just on myself all the time for how terrible I look, or how I'm not Christ-worthy, or Christ-like enough, and how I don't have enough friends, followers, likes. And so I looked back actually at all my selfies I'd taken, which is extremely embarrassing in the first place, and I looked back at the

selfies, and I started seeing a recurring theme. That there were selfies. of me outdoors or like hunting or like gym type thing. And I saw myself trying to reaffirm my identity as a man. And I was doing that through posting something. It's a direct science for a lot of us our age. You know, you spend the time, you know, preparing the picture, setting the perfect scene, you know, creating the perfect, you know, hashtag. And, you know, when you spend so much time doing that, you don't get the response that you want or you expect it to get. get, it's kind of, it hurts you, and you feel like, you know, what am I doing wrong? What do people not like about me? I have noticed that sometimes I'll post something that is made like inspirational.

If there's just a quote with words, and I do not get the same amount of likes that I do when I post another picture of me doing something maybe really cool in my opinion or the opinion of other people. So I think that also adds to it. So if I'm not getting the same amount of likes as I would if I'm doing something cool, then why would I ever post something that is maybe a scripture or something that is truly food for the heart? But now I'm just giving food to the eyes, and that's where I get my affirmation. So it's interesting that for many people, social media is changing how we seek and receive affirmation. Did you like my post? Did you like it? Did you like it?

Recently, I was with a good friend of mine, Pastor Stephen Ferdick, and I asked him how social media is impacting the people at his church. So Pastor Stephen, you lead an amazing church, Elevation Church, one of the youngest churches in the country, which is really cool. So I know you see the benefits of social media with the people that you pastor. But at the same time, what are some of the negative consequences or challenges you see in the people that you love and lead? Well, just a culture of comparison that it creates. You know, that's one of the big things you talk about in the book. And I love the way you put it.

I put it this way one time. It's like comparing your behind the scenes to everybody else's highlight real. And I quoted you in the book. Yes, and that was a good move. That's one of my favorite parts of the book. Yeah, say it again. Yeah, we struggle with insecurity because we're comparing our behind the scenes with everybody else's highlight reel. And so we're really not comparing our lives in context anymore.

We're comparing our lives in the context of what other people want us to think that their life is like. And so it breeds pride or on the other hand, it breeds discontentment, which is another thing you talk about in the book. So I think that the idea that who I am is not enough, what I have is not enough, is not enough is not that, is not that that's a new kind of stream that that that is is is is just prevailing in culture it's just that it's more immediate now is amplified and so I don't think that there are new virtues or vices that are going forth from it it's just making them go a lot faster that's my opinion on it it's the same struggle which would be a great book title by the way but it's just it's just on a different stage and and now there's a lot more lights to it and also it trains a lot

of my younger people in my church to think that every opinion they have is valid and worthy of a printing press, you know, without refining it. Right. And we feel pressure to put the right filter on, so I'm going to show you the me that I want you to see, and then suddenly my identity comes from your likes. Did you like what I showed you? Right. And so it really creates almost a false self. Yeah, because if you live by people's affirmation, you die by the absence of it. Right. And so it's this constant feast or famine. And it's really creating the need, more to know that every second of every day, that I'm the center of the universe.

I love what you've done with the book, though, because you've not put that in a totally negative light. It's more in terms of how we digest it, when we digest it, like a diet. There are certain things that aren't bad, but how we, and I appreciate that because I think if we just give up on the medium altogether because it has destructive capability, we've missed the whole point. We're not doing that. So what advice would you give to people if my identity is coming from the wrong places,

is what you think about me, how many followers I have, how many likes I get. What advice would you give someone to say, hey, let's put our identity in the right place? As a pastor, what would you say to somebody who's struggling with that? Even more than my advice, my own experience, I had a time for about a year where I had to completely go off social media. Even now, I'm only on it about 20% of what I was. And there was a time where my emotions were rising and falling too much by it. So I'm not scared to be drastic.

And even though it was costing me some in connectivity, I think, like what I gained in real connectivity with God, with the people whose opinions and assessments mattered was worth it. So you may want to consider something drastic. You know, Jesus say cut off your hand if it causes you to sin, gouge out your eye. I don't think deleting Instagram off your phone is too radical of a step to take if you need to. At least for a little while. For a while. Yeah. So cut off your arm, but not if it's that big. Whatever. Whatever. We're going to be talking about struggles. Comparison. Highlight reel. Keep that in the video. We're going to kill comparisons. Why? James 3, 14 and 16 says this. I want you to see how

dangerous this is. If you harbor bitter envy, okay, listen to me, those of you who are envious, watch what this does. If you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. James is being a bit sarcastic. He says, such wisdom, in quotes, such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but what is it? Let's say it aloud. What is it? It is earthly. It is what? It is unspiritual. What is it? It is demonic.

Envy is demonic. It is unspiritual. It is not from heaven. It is earthly and demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder in every evil practice. We're going to kill comparisons because it is demonic. This is one of the top ten commandments. thou shalt not come. It's not just unhealthy. It is sinful in the eyes of God. Therefore, we're going to kill and crush comparisons. Now, I don't know how practically this will play out in your life. Some of you, you may need to take a social media break because this is feeding the sin of envy.

I do this occasionally for a multitude of reasons. I'll just for six months, six weeks or so, I get off of social media because I don't like to be addicted to it. And I just, I do that for just a couple times a year just because it's helpful to me. You may need to do so. You might need to hide the feed of certain people that trigger the sin of envy in your life. Let's take it beyond social media. You may need to stop ordering certain catalogs that come to your home, cancel the subscriptions when you're always wanting something more, or delete shopping apps on your phone, or stop watching home and garden TV because all you can do is sin whenever you're watching someone else's nice house and looking at you're a pathetic little shack, you know.

And or not go to the boat show or the car show or the hunting show or whatever the show. We're going to kill comparisons. Why? Because this envy, it's demonic. Every evil practice comes from within this lust and longing for something more. So with all these challenges, do you love social media or do you hate it? Love, hate. At the same time, I hate what it does to people.

I've seen girls in my own sorority on campus, my own siblings, who struggle with the comparison, with not feeling good enough, with the worst insecurities who develop eating disorders, who just all sorts of things that come just from looking at social media. And I hate how much it just distorts what, you know, self-worth is and where we find it. Do you ever find yourself becoming depressed because of social media? In a relationship with my girlfriend, I compare other relationships and I find myself looking at the guy, clicking on his profile, and, you know, seeing where he is in life. And when he's a lot farther than me, I'm like, man, what is he doing?

Like, how is he, you know, living this type of life? How is he, you know, having, you know, this amount of followers? What is he doing that I'm not doing? And I do value my relationship. And I feel like I'm not as good as they are. I look at other girls and even guys who I know are Christians, believers, and who will post things. And when you see them for a short amount of time, they just seem like they have it all together. And so whenever you don't have it all together and whenever something in your spiritual life or you're struggling with a certain sin or temptation, it makes you feel like you aren't doing something right and that maybe your spiritual life is just shot. Can you be friends with someone who doesn't follow you?

I can. I actually, I actually have an app. I have an app that tells me when someone unfollow me. So I'll go in there, see you unfollows me. I will unfollow them because my ratio has to be certain. Oh, no. Yeah, it's, yeah. The racial is it. It's like, you don't want to like my pictures, I don't want to like your pictures, you don't want to see mine, I don't want to see yours.

Do you feel like there'll ever be a time in your life where you regret as much energy and emotion as you put into social media today? I think when I get to maybe a certain point, I'll think back and think about how many times I missed sitting across from somebody at dinner, how many times I miss those conversations. And I think when you get a little bit older, you start to value those things a little bit bit more. And I think I'll regret that a lot. So help me understand why likes matter so much. Like in reality, what does that give you when you get a lot of likes? Affirmation. Affirmation. Yeah, all of it. I like, I found myself yesterday. I posted some of it on

Facebook and I didn't get as much likes as I wanted to. And I hid it from my timeline. And I was like, what am I doing? Unhide. I like them. I don't know. It's like affirmation. Like, You don't like it? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have posted it. Take it down, take it down, quick. Even I found at the end of every year there's some app that you can get, and it ranks your top five most liked photos throughout the year. And so it's just, there's all these things that feed into you have to have likes. You have to hit this many likes. Is there such thing as enough likes? No, no. You're never satisfied. You never will be. It is such an interesting response.

There's no such thing as enough likes. You will never be satisfied. I love and appreciate their honesty because so many people aren't honest enough to talk about how social media and technology is impacting their lives. I also love and I'm thankful for the honesty of this young mom named Michelle

who talks very frankly about how a break from social media impacted her life for the better. I would wake up, check my phone, look at any my messages, check Instagram, usually before I'd even read my Bible. And I just started thinking, man, that's a little bit of a problem. But I didn't really pay much attention to it. I tried to change my habits, but sometimes I would. Sometimes I wouldn't change. And it really got my attention the day, true with my son. He's three, came up to me and he's like, Mom, Mom. And I guess I didn't hear him several times. And he walked up and he just put my phone down and he's like,

Mom. And I thought, what am I doing? I'm missing. his childhood because I'm trying, because I'm looking at other people's lives. So Pastor Craig really challenged me in a lot of ways to not look to social media for fulfillment. And I just thought, man, that's kind of true. Like I really, really like when people like my pictures. And maybe that's not awesome. So I'm just going to give it up and see if I can do it. Because this is just like a really small thing. Like nobody really has problems giving up social media. Anybody could do this. This is kind of silly, but I'll try it. So after about four days, into this fast where I deleted all the apps off my phone and I just went dark on social media.

I started to feel depressed. I felt like I was missing out on life. Like I didn't have many friends and I was just stuck in this dark hole and no one knew my name. No one called me. No one missed me. My kid was used to playing alone so he didn't need me either. And I just thought, what have I done? Okay. That makes me sad. I pray God would start healing my soul. in my heart to understand fully who he made me to be and why he made me that way and to fully accept

the person that I am, regardless if other people see my life, regardless if I get any likes ever get in my life, at least I know who I am and I accept me. So I decided I was going to

change. This wasn't okay. I went on walks with my son and I called people I started playing the piano again. I haven't played in 10 years, but I started playing, and it was really fun. We went outside and we set up a tent in our backyard, and we laid and we read books under the stars. I've always had time to do things like that, but I'm just now realizing where I want to put my efforts in my time

instead of spending it looking at a screen or online. I still like social media. It just doesn't have a grip on my heart like it used to. He says, even to this day when Moses is read, what happens? Let's all say it aloud, all of our churches. Even to this day when Moses is read, everybody, a veil covers their hearts. Don't miss this. If you're taking notes, a veil that first covers the face eventually covers the heart.

I'm preaching so good. I don't know how you guys are standing it, but I think I'm starting to glow. A veil that first covers the face eventually covers. the heart. You see, what starts out as a superficial covering became a spiritual condition. And now today, we have a generation that has been so conditioned to filter everything that now they do not know how to open up. I've talked to so many of them. There are dozens in my home. And I ask them, is there anybody that knows the real you? No. Is there anybody that you share the deepest parts of your heart. Well, no. Well, why not? Well, I really don't know how to open up. And then when we get a

little bit deeper, here's the key. But if I really did show them who I am, I'm scared to death that they wouldn't like me. A veil that first covers the face, eventually covers the heart. And this is not just a 20-something-year-old problem because there are those of you much older and you know it's a problem in your life as well. How are you doing it? Oh, we're fine. How's your marriage? Oh, it's fine.

How are you doing in relation with God? Oh, it's going great. And the reality is there are so many parts of you that you have not shared in maybe decades. You've got the veil on. You're playing the part. You're playing the role. You're play acting.

What is that? Jesus would call it hypocrisy. The veil that. covers the face eventually covers the heart. And some people are so used to showing the fake self, they don't even know who the real self is anymore. Because I'm this person for that group of people and this person for that group of people and this person for that group of people. And suddenly, we're just living for likes. Do you like the me I'm showing you? Do you like this picture? Did you like the filter? Did you like the caption? Did you, do you like the caption? Do you, do you like the

like my shirt? Do you like these earrings? Do you like my new hair? Do you like my car? Do you think my kids are good enough? And all this time, we're living for likes and we're longing for love. Because until we show who we really are, until we know and are fully known, we're always going to be longing for something more. What do we do now? We've got literally a generation that's being trained on filtering their image. Image management. Here's the me I want you to see it. This point, normally what I would do

is give you some practical suggestions. Like try to be yourself. Good advice. Don't use a filter every time. Good advice. Try not to care what people think. Good advice. If your toes are long, wear sandals,

and we'll go out together. Okay? Whatever. That's good advice. But more than good advice, what I want to do is I want to give you godly advice, and that is this. And do not miss this. Here is the whole message.

This is why you're here to hear from God's word today. Only Christ can remove the veil. Only Christ. Only Christ can remove the veil. 2 Corinthians 316. But whenever anyone does what, I need everybody to help me here. But whenever anyone does what? Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, what happens?

then the veil is taken away. Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Whenever you turn to the Lord, there are some of you, you are here for this moment because you've been turning to everyone and everything else for affirmation, and you still don't have it. But when you turn to the Lord,

you don't even have to remove the veil because he does it for you. When you turn to the Lord, the veil is taken away. And suddenly, you're not getting your approval. from their likes, but you're getting it from his love. Oh, that's so good. You are no longer living for the approval of people, but you are living from the approval of God.

You recognize, I am acceptable to God through Jesus. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. Christ is sufficient all in all. When I realize he is all that I have, suddenly I realize he is all I need. and I don't need approval from someone else because I've got approval from him. Dwelling within me is the same spirit that raised Christ from the grave. My identity is not in how many followers I have.

My identity is who I am following, and I am following the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, I have no need of the veil. The veil can be taken away. And verse 17 says this, where the spirit of the Lord, is. And let me tell you right now, the spirit of God is here can you sense him. Where the spirit of the Lord is, what is there? Say it with me. There is freedom. Where the spirit of the Lord is, what is there? There is freedom. Come on, church. Be the church. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all who, watch the beauty of this. With unveiled faces. This is who I am, warts and all.

this is who I really am when I show you with unveiled faces. We, not me, but we, because life is always better together. We contemplate the Lord's glory because it's not about me. It's not about a selfie-centered world I exist to give him glory. And we contemplate the Lord's glory. And then when we do that, guess what happens? We are transformed, not into the person that we think they want us to be, but we are transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory,

because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we with unveiled faces. How do we get unveiled faces? When you turn to the Lord, the veil was taken away. And we with unveiled faces are being transformed into the image of Christ, not for the approval of people, but for the glory of God. Because we are not called to elevate self, but to die to self and follow Jesus, to give him glory in all that we do.

And that's how we follow Jesus in a selfie-centered world. And all of our churches, let's take a moment and pray together. Father, we thank you so much for your son, Jesus, for your presence, and God, for what you want to do in our lives today as we gather together with other believers. At all of our churches, as you take a moment, you reflect in prayer today, I want to encourage you to be really, really honest.

Think about this for a moment. I wonder how many of you would say that truthfully you have a little bit of a dysfunctional relationship with technology or social media. Perhaps you're like so many people that instead of engaging with the person in front of you, you find yourself looking down at your device, nonstop, nonstop. You might find that when you're bored, your default action is to pick up your phone.

Don't you realize that God has called you to a more significant life than your default action to be to look at a screen? And all of our churches today, some of you, you're going to recognize that you're receiving affirmation in the wrong way. It's all about who's following you. How many followers? Did they like your picture? Did they comment?

And suddenly, you recognize that you're not. you're living for the approval of people instead of from the approval of God. And all of our churches today, if you in a moment of honesty would say, yes, I might have a little bit of a dysfunctional relationship with social media or technology. And today, by faith, I simply want to declare that I'm putting God first. Above anything else, God, I want to seek you. I want to honor you. Yes, I'll leverage technology and I'll enjoy the benefits of it, but I will not let it master me. We're encouraged you to be honest because I believe this can change relationships with other people and your relationship with God. All of our churches, you say, yes,

I may be a little bit dysfunctional in this. Don't let your spouse raise your hand up. Let's do it yourself. All of our churches, you say, yes, God, I want to put you first. Help me to overcome this. Lift up your hands right now. And all of our churches, as you're saying, yes, in a moment of honesty, God, I want to put you first. I don't want this to take over. Father, I thank you today that you're going to do a work, maybe the beginning of a healing work, to transform our hearts. God, we want to enjoy all the blessings of what you've created in this world, but we don't want to be mastered by any of them. Father, I pray that you would even forgive us for times when we put something less important in front of the people that you've called us to love. God, I pray that we would never be living for likes and longing for love.

God, adjust our priorities today that we would put you first, loving you, God, with all of our hearts, and loving the people that you've put around us. As you keep praying today at all of our churches, I know there are so many of you, you're going to recognize right now that something is missing in your life. Why is it that you continue to search for more and search for meaning and search for affirmation? The reality is because we're created to receive that from God. The bottom line is that we have all sinned. We've all done things wrong against the heart of God.

And God in his goodness sent his son Jesus to forgive all of our sins and to make us brand new. Why is it that there are not enough likes? Why is it that there's no such thing as being satisfied? Someone said, we were actually created with a God-shaped void. There are those of you, you've been searching for meaning, for fulfillment, for something to satisfy you for your whole. life and you cannot find it. Why? Because you are created to need and to know God. And that's why you're here today. And all of our churches, those of you who say, yes, I recognize I need God. I need His forgiveness. I've sinned against the Holy God and I need His grace. All of our churches,

if you say, that's me. I want His forgiveness. Today by faith, I want to give my life to him. That's your prayer today. Would you lift your hands high right now? And say, yes, Jesus, I surrender to you. As there are hands going up at all of our different churches, I would encourage you at church online. You simply click right below me, and together we're all going to join our voices and pray. Would you pray with me? Heavenly Father, forgive me of my sins,

make me brand new. God, today I put you first. Be the Lord of my life, my Savior. God, transform me that I would know you, and serve you, not living for approval from people, but living from your approval. God, my life is not my own. Today I give it to you. In Jesus' name, I pray. And I want to welcome you if you prayed that prayer into God's family today.