Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Time to Define the Relationship | The Book of Ruth | Part 4

Episode Date: August 27, 2023

Every relationship reaches that point. The one where it’s time to define the relationship, and getting on the same page isn’t always easy. Are you just friends, dating, or heading for something more? It’s that time for Ruth and Boaz … and things get awkward.ABOUT THIS MESSAGEWe often define our lives by the big moments. But most of our lives consist of ordinary chapters. They may not feel significant, but ultimately end up changing everything. In our new series, The Book of Ruth, we'll discover the hidden beauty of life’s small moments. NEXT STEPSHave you made a decision to follow Jesus? You may be wondering what’s next on your journey. We want to help! Let us guide you to the next steps in your walk with Christ: https://www.life.church/nextCONNECT WITH A PASTORDo you need prayer? Would you like to find out how you can get involved at Life.Church? One of our pastors would love to meet with you. Schedule a video call with a pastor: https://www.life.church/meetwithusABOUT LIFE.CHURCHWherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.churchFind locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/appFIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIAFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/life.churchInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/life.churchTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifechurchYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LCNowCONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIGYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/craiggroeschelFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschelInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschelTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@craiggroeschel#lifechurch #craiggroeschel #thebookofruth Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We're going to continue our study through the book of Ruth today. We are in chapter three, and like I promised you, things are about to get weird. Do you think you can handle some weird? Yeah. Online, just type it in the comment section. I can handle some weird. Let's look back in review where we've been, in case some of you are new, we want to catch you up on the context of the book of Ruth. If you remember, Ruth was a poor widow who just so happened, is what the text says,

according to the providence of God. What is the providence of God? That's when God uses natural circumstances to accomplish his supernatural will. She just so happened to work in a field belonging to a godly landowner, a guy named Boaz, a man of standing, who asked her on a date. and if we look at the text on their first date, I'm going to read a little bit into it, but it really looked like they connected.

They talked for a little while. He offered her more than she needed. The conversation looked good. If I could kind of modernize it, I would say, the sparks were flying. He made her laugh. She made him feel special. There was no awkward silence.

They started finishing each other's sentences, and they both had butterflies. Then, after a great first date, there was nothing. Boaz ghosted her. No follow-up call, no courtesy text. Did you make it home okay?

He didn't even follow her on the gram. She's confused. Seven weeks of harvest go by. And the harvest is almost over, and now she's scratching her head going, I think I read something into it that wasn't there. Maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I was too forward.

Maybe I didn't shower. I was working in the field all day. Maybe I gave him the ick. I should have taken a shower. I just kind of blew it all together. What did I do wrong? And so her mother-in-law, Naomi, who was always opinionated and not always wise, steps into the conversation and says, Ruth, it's time to DTR.

It's time to define the relationship. Who knows what I'm talking about? You know, I'm talking about define the relationship. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this is the dreaded official talk where a couple determines the level of commitment in the relationship. What are we? Are we just friends?

Are we more than friends? Are we casual dating? Or are we dating exclusively? Then the very important follow-up question if we're dating exclusively, do we go public on social media? And if we do, is it a soft launch or a hard launch? What is a soft launch? A soft launch is a story with some flowers, a hard launch is,

here I am, I tagger, and we are public, baby. Then we just pray we don't break up, because then we've got to clean up our page later on and delete all the photos. DTR. You've got to define the relationship. And every relationship hits that point, the decision point. And what I want to do is show you through this story how to navigate that season wisely.

We're going to do it in chapter three, starting in verse one. And here's how the story goes. One day, Ruth's mother-in-law, Naomi, said to her, my daughter, I must find a home for you where you'll be provided for. In other words, in the Hebrew, that means we got to find you a man. That's what it means, okay? She said, now Boaz, this guy that provided for you, he's a relative of ours. Tonight, he'll be winnowing barley on the threshing floor.

I like that phrase. Last night, I happened to be winnowing barley on the freshening floor. You never say that, right? What in the world does it mean to winnow, borrow barley on the threshing floor? I'll show you a photo of a threshing floor. this would be a place that after the harvest, you would go and you would take the harvest and all that you had to a platform in the field, and then you would take everything and throw it up in the air, and the westward wind, in this case, would separate the wheat from the shaft. This would

basically determine here's how much good stuff you have. Here's what you can eat. Here's what you can sell. Essentially, they were determining the profit. So you're at the end of harvest, and you've got Boaz at the threshing floor about to gather all of the workers and what are they going to do? They're actually going to have a payday party. Everybody gets paid. It's going to be a big party. So Naomi is thinking they're going to have a party tonight and she starts to strategize. She's thinking, okay, Ruth Boaz is going to be there. He's going to be in a good mood. So here's what we're going to do. Verse three, watch this. It's actually kind of funny.

She says, wash. That is a very good place to start. If you're wanting to have any kind of relationship whatsoever, you can just write that down. Step number one, take a bath. That's just, this is in the Bible. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. What's she thinking?

She's thinking, last time he saw you, girl, you were a total mess. You had dirt in your fingernails, your hair was all ratty. What I want you to do is I want you to show them your glow up. I want you to get on your best fit. I want you to get some Bethlehem Bloom perfume. I want you to show up looking good. Take a bath and put on some perfume. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you're there until what?

Until he's finished eating and drinking. This is kind of funny. let him finish his chicken wings. Because we know all men are happier after they finish eating. You can see the strategy behind this. What I want you to do is I want you to get all dressed up. I want you to wait until he's had a few drinks, and then here's what I want you to do.

Warning, this is where it starts to get weird. Verse four says this. This is in the Bible. When he lies down. Okay, Ruth, here's your strategy. When he lies down. Note the place where he's lying. Now, why is he going to lie down?

He's going to actually do that because he's going to sleep by the prophets because he don't want anybody to steal it. So you're going to sleep by the stuff. And then, when he's asleep, go uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do. So Ruth is listening to her wise mother-in-law and says,

I'll do whatever you say. So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. One of my daughters is in this service right now, and I just want to tell you point blank that I have never, ever given any of my four daughters this advice. Right? Go to party. Wait for him to catch a buzz. When he's in bed, sneak in and whisper him. Whisper, tell me what you want me to do.

I have never, ever, as a dad, ever given any such advice. What in the world is Naomi doing? What's she advising? Sneak up by the bed, uncover his feet, and wait for him. So, as your pastor, I did a lot of research on this. text to uncover the real spiritual meaning. And what I found is there are differing opinions. I'll give you some of the theories. Do you want them? One theory is when she said, uncover his feet, that was a euphemism saying uncover more about

him. Find out a little bit more about him. Find out some more about him. That is a theory in my seminary graduate opinion, that one's dumb. But nevertheless, that's a theory. It's my opinion. Another theory suggests that Naomi is actually telling Ruth to be aggressive. To do whatever it takes to get his attention. Not Ruth, no, no, like whatever it takes to get his attention. That's just a theory.

No one knows. maybe that was it, maybe it wasn't. Other people would say that Naomi was saying, hey, trust God's sovereignty and trust Boaz's integrity. We know he's a man of God, we know he's a man of standing, we know that he loves God,

just kind of put yourself in the right place, at the right time, and the right God is going to bring you the right man. Those are essentially the theories we have to work with. You can do with them what you will. What we do know is that Naomi is suggesting that Ruth be a little bit forward. Because why? Because this is her potential guardian redeemer.

This is potentially the man that can help provide for her and protect her and be a spiritual covering. And so her mother-in-law is saying, hey, you might want to kind of give him a little hints along the way. And I will go ahead and say this for the benefit of the ladies is that some men need a little encouragement. Some of them need a lot of encouragement. And the reason is I'll let you in on a little secret. The secret is that most of us as men are very insecure. And some of you would say, that ain't no secret. Let's just pretend like it is because it makes us feel better. Some of us are insecure.

We need a little bit of help. We need a little bit of signal. And this might have been me when I was dating Amy. We were about six weeks into our relationship, and I was like really insecure. Like, does she like me? Does she like me? I don't know. I mean, I can't believe it.

I mean, maybe she does. Maybe she doesn't. And I was completely unsure. until she gave me a graduation gift. What do you think she gave me? She actually gave me a puppy. And the moment she gave me a puppy, I thought to myself, a puppy is a long-term gift. I looked up cocker spaniels. They should live about 13 to 14 years. I thought she is interested in me for the next 13 or 14 years. And that gives me some. time to potentially went. I was so excited that that was a signal that she liked me.

At graduation, I carried the dog across the stage at graduation, just so people would ask me, where'd you get the dog? I got it from the girl! I got it from the girl! I think she might like me! All that to say, ladies, sometimes he needs a little bit of encouragement. So, Ruth goes and lies down at his feet. and she's waiting by his bed. I want to be very, very clear for a moment. This is descriptive, not prescriptive. In other words, this is what happened in the Bible.

This is not the Bible telling you to do the same thing. In my pastoral opinion, this is not always the best plan. But I actually like that it's in the Bible. because the Bible puts the real stuff in there. The Bible puts the stuff in there when people don't always get it right. When sometimes they do dumb things or really, really dumb things.

And I like that that's in there. For example, I've told you a lot about what Amy and I did that was right. We prayed together. We waited to have sex until we were married together. We built a foundation around Jesus together. Would you like for me to be transparent and tell you something we didn't do right? Good, I'm glad someone's excited about it.

And this is not something I'm proud of, but when we were dating, she lived about 40 minutes away. And one night, we had literally, we were up talking and praying, like really sincere, spiritual, God honoring things. And somehow we just fell asleep. And we both woke up in the morning. She was there. I was there. And we're like, and she said, we can't ever let that happen again. like, no, no, no, no, no, we can't, we can't. We stayed the night together, and we didn't mean to.

Well, about a week later, it was about two in the morning, and she had to drive home, and I was thinking, well, I don't really want you to drive home. It's too far and is too late, and nothing bad happened the last time. And I said to myself, well, we're not sleeping together, so why don't you just stay the night over again? And there were multiple times when I put ourselves in a situation that one didn't look good, two, it wasn't wise. That was not the best thing to do. And I'm telling you that for multiple reasons. One is just to say that we didn't always get it right, but also to show you an encouraging truth is also found in the book of Ruth, and that is this, that even if you don't get it right, God can still make it right. Even if you don't do everything

by the book all the time that our God is still working. So some of you right now, if you're in a relationship and you're like all jacked up, you serve a God who is a redemptive God. He's a forgiving God. He's a gracious God. He works in all things, and he can take the places that we break things

and can actually make them better than new. This doesn't give you permission to be dumb, but it is an encouragement that God is still good. Are you encouraged? Online, are you encouraged? Type in the comment section, I'm encouraged. If you're encouraged, type it in there, I'm encouraged. Because the story's about to get weirder.

Here we go again. Verse 7, 8, and 9. When Boas has finished eating and drinking, he was in good spirits. What do you think that means? He was in a really good mood. Good chicken wings and good beer or whatever. He's in good spirits. He went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile.

And Ruth, smelling good and looking good, uncovered his feet and lay down. In the middle of the night, something startled the man. Probably a woman at the foot of his bed. He turned, and there she was, lying at his feet. Right in the middle of this, he said, who are you? And she's, I'm your servant, Ruth, she said. spread the corner of your garment over me since you're a guardian redeemer of our family.

Spread a little bit over me since you are the guardian redeemer of our family. What is a guardian redeemer or a kinsman redeemer one more time? It is a relative who had the responsibility and privilege to provide for a family member in time of need. What happened is if there was a widow, her husband who would have died would typically have a brother. And that brother would have the spiritual responsibility to provide for and protect that widow

that was the guardian or the kinsman redeemer. Who is Boaz? Well, he has a potential guardian redeemer, but this is very important. He is a distant guardian redeemer. He is not anywhere near the closest one and did not have the legal right or obligation to provide for her. And so here we see what's going on.

She says, hey, would you cover me up? Would you be my, what is she saying? Many scholars would say she was saying, would you be my spiritual covering? Would you be my redeemer? Some people would say she's proposing. Is she actually proposing to him? I'm not sure if she's proposing,

but she is being forward. You could say she's encouraging him to propose if she's not proposing. Believe it or not, and this is true, and you're going to laugh, you're going to think I'm making up. Amy actually did that to me. She encouraged me to propose

because I was raised under the traditional mindset that you have to graduate from college before you get married. I just graduated, and she had several more years left because she was changing majors. and it would have been quite some time. So I said, well, we'll get married when you graduate. And she said, well, why do we have to wait?

I said, because that's what you do. It's in the Bible somewhere that you have to graduate from college before you get married. She's like, where is that in the Bible and why do we have to wait? I said, I think that you just have to. And she said, well, why? And I said, I don't know. And she said, why don't we get married sooner?

And I said, oh, are you wanting to get married sooner? So I said, sure, let's get married sooner. Like, how about tomorrow? You know, as fast as we can. And so, again, along the way, sometimes you have to help each other out to move things forward. And so Boaz is in good spirits.

She's by his bed. She grabs the covers, and what does she do? The same thing we did a few times, and that is they stayed the night together. So, did they have sex that? night. And the answer is no, they did not, and I'll show you why in a moment, which raises one of the most important questions that people dating ask when it comes to physical interaction. And the question is, how far is too far? When I was a new Christian and Amy was my first Christian relationship, I asked my

buddy, like, give me the rules. I want to know everything I can do, everything. Don't hold anything back. Can I smell her hair? Can I lick her neck? I want to know everything. What's legal? What's legal? What's not legal. I just want to know everything. And that's what people tend to ask, and we want to know how close we can get to the line. How far is too far? Where is the line? I'll give you a verse in the Bible that really gives us some good insight to where the line actually falls. Psalm of Solomon 8.4 tells us this, promise me, oh, women of Jerusalem, not to do what? Let's say it aloud, not to awaken love until what until the time is right do not awaken love until the time is right well how far is too far if we can all pretend like we're adults here um when your body awakens right when your body prepares for

sex if you look confused i'm not going to say anymore just ask the person sitting next to you but at that point, that's too far. And so a wise person, if they want to honor God with purity, isn't going to get as close to line as possible, but we're actually going to give us some safety measures. We're going to stay away from the line. We do this all the time. I got my private pilot's license about two years ago, and one of my top goals is to not crash. It's just a, it's a goal. It's a goal. And so never once have I said, let me just see how close I can come to crashing without crashing. I don't do that. I try to stay far away from it.

Where we live, we have poisonous snakes. I saw a copperhead the other day. Same thing. I didn't say to myself, I wonder how close I can get to this dangerous poisonous snake without him striking me on the leg. What did I do? I stayed far away. from it. So if we're wise and we want to honor God with sexual purity, instead of getting as close as we

can to the line, we want to create some margin and we want to stay away from the line. To be clear, the Bible says that the time, do not awaken love until the time is right, the time for sex is in the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. And some of you will say, but Craig, that's so old-fashioned it's so out of touch. Maybe it's old-fashioned, but we have to understand that sex represents the union when two people become one flesh, not to be separated because of the covenant that God has created. So if you want to do what everyone else does, do what everyone else does. And if you do what everyone else does, you'll likely have what everyone else has. But if you want something better, you might do something different. What does Boaz do? Thank you.

Boaz, Boaz treats Ruth honorably. She's at the foot of his bed and he doesn't push her to have sex. He respects her purity and I'll show you why. Verse 11 says this, and now my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all that you ask. You want me to be your kinsman, Redeemer? My answer is yes, I'll do this. And all the people of my town will know that you are a woman of noble character. I'm going to let them know, you've done the right thing, I've done the right thing, and we're honoring God. So this is good news. Ruth has hinted, or more than hinted, that she's available and declares her love for Boaz. And Boaz is all in, he hits full sin, he's ready to go. So what can they do now? Now they can get married, and now that now they can get married,

and now they can live happily ever after, unfortunately, not yet. And the problem we find is in Ruth chapter 3, verse 12. Here's what we see. Although it's true, I'm a garden redeemer of our family. Boas says, there is another who is more closely related than I. In other words, I'm not legally the closest one, and therefore there's someone else. So he says, stay here for the night. And in the morning, if this other guy wants to do his duty as your guardian redeemer,

then we're going to let him redeem you. But if he's not willing, as sure as the Lord lives, I will do it. What do we have? There's an obstacle. There's another relative who has the legal right to be her guardian redeemer. Now, we're going to foreshadow what we're going to talk about in the next message in this series. And it gets really, really fun. This week's weird.

Next week's fun. We're going to watch this, Boaz, schemes very wisely and very shrewdly to overcome this obstacle. And we're going to see the principle that I love, ladies, if he'll do what it takes to get you, he'll do what it takes to keep you. And we're going to watch him do what it takes to win her. And it's really, really fun. I can't wait to share it with you. Let's summarize what we've seen this week.

Let's bring our big thoughts into manageable summary points, and then what we're going to do is we're going to bring this text home. Five big lessons that we're learning this week. Let's look at them. The first one is this. It's often wise to put yourself in the right place to increase the odds of meeting the right person. In other words, if you're a follower of Jesus

and you want to meet someone who's a follower of Jesus, it's probably better to go to life group than to the pot part. that your friends are having. Right? Use your brain. Let's be at the places where the godly people will be in order to increase the odds of being with the right kind of person. Next one might change someone's life because you're sitting by someone kind of special. Don't overlook those who are right in front of you. Oftentimes, there's someone right in front of you that God may do something special if you open up your eyes and see who's there. We saw that in Ruth in Belize's case. Another principle is this. Sometimes you may have to go after what you want.

I'm so glad, Amy, that you went after what you wanted because it works, and she just pointed at me like I went too far. Let's go on to the next thought. I always like to see how I did afterwards. I either did really good or maybe not. I don't know. Okay, even if you don't get it right, God can still make it right. For some of you, this is His word for you right now. Even in your marriage right now, there are some things that are not where they should be. And maybe you built it on a foundation that wasn't as strong as it could have been. And even if you didn't do it all right, God is a redemptive God. He is a forgiving God. He is a gracious God. He's working in all things to bring them together for good to those who love him and are called according to.

purpose, he can still make things right. And finally, if you want a marriage that honors God in the future, live a life that honors God today. Don't wait until later. Yeah, one day when we're married, have kids, then we're going to serve Jesus. No, be faithful to him today. So, let's summarize and bring this home. Spiritually, we see Boaz wants to be her guardian redeemer, her kinsman Redeemer. But he was not obligated to care for Ruth in that fashion. Why? Because he wasn't a brother to her husband and she was a Moabite, not even from Bethlehem. But because he loved her, what did he do? He chose to make a sacrifice for her. And here's what's incredibly powerful. I want you to notice this. Because of Ruth,

one decision, week one, to leave Moab and return to Bethlehem. Because of her one decision, and because of Boaz's one decision to commit, to pursue her, to provide for her, to protect her as her guardian redeemer, because of her one decision, and because of his one decision that led to a covenant of marriage that resulted in, in a son named Obed. And from the lineage of Obed came our guardian, Redeemer, Jesus, the son of God,

who is our Savior, our king, and our Lord. And in the same way, Jesus wasn't obligated to give his life for you. Because of his love, he chose to be stripped of

heavenly glory and become a lamb of God who shed his blood and was slain for the forgiveness of your sins and my sins. And after he gave his life, he did not stay dead, but God raised him from the dead so that anyone, and this includes you, and it doesn't matter what you've done, anyone who calls on him would be saved. Jesus, your guardian redeemer, his door is open, his heart. His heart is for you telling you come to him now and so it's time little dTR it's time to define the relationship who is jesus to you who is he like really cool historical figure some guy you kind of read about you got a casual commitment come to church when you can when the weather's not too good and the weather's not too bad and the game's not on? Or is he your Lord, your Savior, your Redeemer, your king?

My fear, and I don't know how else to say this, but my fear is that there are many of you that are just like me that I was going to church, but he was not first. We were not in a relationship. He was not my Lord. He was just some guy, the guy up there talked about. I'm afraid that some of you are missing him by about this much, 18 inches. You know about him in your head, but you don't know him in your heart. Because he didn't just come to make you religious, he came to have a relationship with you. He didn't come to get you to join a church. He came to set you free.

He didn't come to make you follow a bunch of rules. He came to give you life and life to the fool. His name is Jesus. His name is above ever. He is king, he is Savior, he is Redeemer, he is Lord, he is the Lamb of God, and he's the line of the tribe of Judah. He's coming back one day and he wants to know you. He wants you to know him. Who is he to you?

Who is he to you? It's time to define that relationship. So God do a work today in a way that only you can do. As you're praying, let's start here. Nobody looking around. I wonder how many of you, it's for your relationship, it's for your parents' relationship, it's for a potential relationship, it's for healing. I wonder how many of you would like to pray for a relationship today, some significant

relationship in your life. Would you lift up your hands right now? Lift up your hands online, you can just type, I want to pray for a relationship. Here's what I want to recognize before we pray is you could be one decision away from seeing it change. one decision confessing a sin deciding to apologize deciding to start praying together deciding to make church not something you do occasionally but but something you commit to deciding to get counseling deciding to break up if your dating relationship is not honoring god or change it and and make it

honor god one decision father i pray today For the relationships that need your touch, your power, your healing. I pray for marriages, God, that are broken and need healing. We thank you that you're a healing, God. God, I pray for those longing for a godly relationship. I pray for those that are dating and need your help, your direction. Give us the wisdom to make the decisions that would honor you. And we thank you that you're a good God.

You care more about our relationships than we could ever imagine. We submit them to you. as you keep praying today some of you this this is your most important decision you got to define the relationship who is jesus if he says if he is who he says he is in scripture the son of god who gave his life so you could know him you got to deal with that your only reasonable response is to say take all of me be first be everything be my lord be my savior anything else it's lukewarm and he spits that out. Today some of you may say, you know,

I've messed up, I've been a bad place. You just come right as you are, come to him as you are. You don't clean up first, you come to him. Jesus, the Lamb of God, who died and rose again so you could be forgiven. It doesn't matter what you've done. When you call on him, he hears your prayers.

He forgives your sins. He'll make you brand new today. Wherever you're watching from, those who say, no more playing around, no more halfway. Today, by faith, I declare, my king, he's my savior, I need him. Would you forgive me? Would you be the Lord of my life? No more playing, no more halfway. You're stepping away from your sin. You are surrendering your life to Jesus. That's your prayer. That's your prayer. Lift your hands high right now. All of

the place and say, yes, that's my prayer. Right back here and over here, praise God for you back over here. Oh my gosh. Up there. Others any day say yes, Jesus, I switch. Lift your hands high and say yes. Right back here, I surrender to him. Be the Lord of my life. Right back over here. Praise God for you as well. Others today. Right back up. Come on, sir. Somebody tell God, thank you worship him.

Others today. Say, I surrender Jesus. Be the Lord of my life online. You type it in the comment section. I am surrendering my life to Jesus. Type it in the comment section. Pray aloud. Pray Heavenly Father,

forgive my sins. Today I put you first. Save me. Change me. Fill me with your spirit. My life is not my own. I give it all to you. You're my Lord, my Savior, my king.

Thank you for new life. I give you all of mine. In Jesus' name, I pray. Church, would you worship God today? Would you give Him thanks? Would you give Him praise for New Life in Christ?