Life.Church with Craig Groeschel - Why Am I So Lonely? | Book Club | Part 4

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

Between busy schedules and past hurts, it can be tempting to do life alone. But God created us to know one another and experience meaningful friendships. How do you do that? How do you find your people? Let’s learn how to overcome loneliness together. ABOUT THIS MESSAGENo one has all the answers. That’s why we need a variety of voices to help us grow. During our series, Book Club, we’ll get fresh perspectives on anxiety, relationships, generosity, and more from people who have been there and wrote the book on it. NEXT STEPSHave you made a decision to follow Jesus? You may be wondering what’s next on your journey. We want to help! Let us guide you to your next steps in your walk with Christ: https://www.life.church/nextCONNECT WITH A PASTORDo you need prayer? Would you like to find out how you can get involved at Life.Church? One of our pastors would love to meet with you. Schedule a video call with a pastor: https://www.life.church/meetwithusABOUT LIFE.CHURCHWherever you are in life, you have a purpose. Life.Church wants to help you find your next step. Our hope is that your journey will include joining us at a Life.Church location throughout the United States or globally online at https://www.live.life.churchFind locations, videos, and more info about us at https://www.life.church or download the Life.Church app at https://www.life.church/appFIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIAFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/life.churchInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/life.churchTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifechurchYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LCNowCONNECT WITH PASTOR CRAIGYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/craiggroeschelFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/craiggroeschelInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/craiggroeschelTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@craiggroeschel#lifechurch #craiggroeschel #jennieallen Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Do you believe we can change the world? Good. I do too. I do too. And if you do believe that, how do you think it happens? How do we change the world? We all know the world needs to change right now. The world needs to change right now. And as believers, we know we have the hope of the world, but it's not really changing in the right direction. And we want to see it move in the right direction. But how does the world change? I want you to think about your answer right now. What would you say the answer is to that?

How does the world change? Because when I ask that question, everybody has a different answer. And yet God has a way for the world to change. Are y'all Marvel fans? Have you seen Marvel movies? Okay, good. I am their biggest fan. I have watched it in every type of order it comes in. Like, I have seen it all beginning to end. It was my COVID activity. Me and my kids watched it

multiple times. And if you know the story, the movies began with Iron Man. And an Iron Man, if you've seen Iron Man one, he was a jerk. He was an arrogant punk. And in fact, I had to shield my kids' eyes from a lot of his behavior. Like, he was a jerk. He was an arrogant punk. And in fact, I had to shield my kids' eyes from a lot of his behavior. Like, he was not in a healthy place. And yet, the movies go on and on. And by the end, I'm sorry if I'm about to ruin this for you guys, but in game, he lays down his life for everybody, for the world.

Now, how does an arrogant punk in movie one go to someone who would lay down his life willingly for the world? What happens? How does someone change? change. And I'll tell you the answer. The reason I love Marvel movies, I actually didn't fall in love with them until a few movies in. It was boring. It was like the Hulk. That was not worth watching. There were several characters in the beginning that were amazing and Captain American and they show you all of these great characters. And I liked it. It was fine. I took my kids,

but I wasn't in love with it until the Avengers. And when the Avengers came out, I started to go, this is something special. This is different than other superhero movies that I'd seen. And so the Avengers came together and they began to do things where they had independently worked alone. They began to do things together. And they began to change. Now, it wasn't easy. It was really messy.

In fact, there's a little movie in there called Civil War where Captain American Iron Man get after it. But when you think about how Ironman became who he became by the end, it was because of the Avengers. It was because he had to serve on a team. It was because he had to set aside his own agenda and look to his left and to his right and think about, how am I going to do this? How are we going to work together? How are we going to do this? He became less selfish.

and a lot of the things in his personality got worked out. And so it is with us. Yet we are the loneliest generation that has ever lived on the face of the earth. We are the loneliest generation that has ever lived on the face of the earth. If you look back in history and you see how everybody has lived since Adam and Eve,

And I've looked at it. There's actually charts that document every people group all throughout time. It's a really long chart, really long. But when you look at all the people groups that they've all lived in what we think of as a village. A little village, max 150, because that's about how many a school could handle. And so most of these villages after that size would launch a new village. And so all of these people would know each other. they would do life together, they would grow old together, you would rarely leave a 20-mile radius all of your life. Most everyone on earth lived within 20 miles of where they were born. And this is how God assumed we would live. It's how he assumed we would live. In this book, I did the work and I researched how the world has lived and what has worked and where happiness been found, and I researched what the Bible said. And what the Bible said was minimal

because it assumed all of it was written to people, people groups, together. See, when God set humans on the earth, the first thing he said about Adam is it is not good for man to be alone. It's the first thing he said about man. And I would argue that it isn't just about marriage. it's about life. It's not good for you to do anything alone. Nothing. Like we are supposed to be living this out, becoming better versions of ourselves and knowing God better. We're supposed to be doing this in the mess of community. This is the way that God moves throughout history. He started with a family in Adam and Eve. He moved to a community, a nation. And then in the New Testament, you see him talk about the local church. That is just assumed that if you are a Christian,

you are part of a local church. And that local church is supposed to reach the world together. You're supposed to love new people in. This is the plan of God. And between Jesus' days when he was on earth and today, that is how every generation has lived. And it's a given. It's the way that everyone on earth has always done life. And it is the way 80% of the world does life today. 80% of the world still lives in small villages, and they're known by people around fires, around wells. I remember every time I go to Africa, every time I go,

we will go into a little village, and we will sit around a fire, and all of the women will be washing their clothes together and cooking their food together, and all the kids will be playing, and they'll be scolding each other's kids, and this is the way it has always happened. And yet we are missing the best parts of life. And we wonder why we're so anxious.

And we wonder why we're so afraid. And we wonder why we're so angry and why everything feels so broken. And we are missing the way we were built to live. See, God is a communal God. He is a God who exists prior. For all time, he has existed together with himself, father, son, Holy Spirit.

See, he isn't just a singular God. God who got lonely, and so he created all these people. He was perfectly content in this incredible relationship, Father, son, Holy Spirit. I know, it hurts my brain too, and I went to seminary. I don't understand it. But it is how he is. It is what we know that he is. He is three, and he is one, and he is a communal God. And can you imagine, I mean, just think about when when God decided to create humans. Like father, son, Holy Spirit, hanging out together, like, you know, let's just, let's, let's have some fun. Let's reproduce, you know, we like it. This is good. Like, we are awesome. Let's go and make some more

people to enjoy how awesome we are. And so he sets Adam on the earth and then he says, it's not good for him to be alone. So he gives Adam Eve. And they make a family. And a family makes a community. And a community makes a nation. And a nation later will become the local church. It was a plan. It was a plan. And see, we are not just supposed to be communal. Some of you are listening to this message. And you're like, I've heard this before. I don't have time for this. I am so busy. Guys, this isn't about adding something. to your schedule. It's who you are. You are communal. It's not something that you should do. It's something that you are. And so the plan was that in Act 17, we see that there was a beautiful plan.

He said, I'm going to set the boundary lines of the places that you're going to live, and I'm going to choose the allotted time periods that you're going to live. I'm going to set you in your places. And then the scripture says this, so that perhaps people may feel their way to God. It was a communal plan that would spread and be contagious. And throughout the ends of the earth, people would know our God because he sets you in your neighborhood, on your college dorm, wherever you live, he sets you in your workplace, he sets you in your place, your allotted time and your boundary lines were johns. drawn so that perhaps people may feel their way to God. It is an awesome story. It's better than

Marvel. Like they were saving the world. Guys, we actually are saving the world. We actually are doing that. That's the call. But let me tell you what people are drawn to, whether they're in a junior high lunchroom or they're in a church, they're drawn to people who love people, who love people, who love people who love people. And I know some of you introverts right now are like, I am out. This is not for me. I get it. I get it. I love my robe and I love Netflix too. But there is a call on our lives for things beyond we can imagine. And they happen with humans. So we got to get with humans. to change lives, you've got to know people. Because I appreciate the internet, and I'm grateful to many of you that are using the internet to be able to listen to this today.

But guys, the five people that have most changed my life are five people that have set across from me, known the names of my kids, spoken into my sin, and called me to greater things. And we've forgotten that that was God's means to change the world. across from tables in living rooms. I remember my friend Michelle Boast, she was a leader for a parochurch ministry when I was at the University of Arkansas. Go hogs.

And she invited me over, she wasn't super cool, but she invited me over to her house and she fed me chocolate chip cookies. And so I came every week. And she taught me to love this book. And she taught me to love the people that don't love God around me. And I remember praying daily by name for so many of my friends in college because she taught me to pray for them. And guys,

she changed my life. Everything I do today I would not be doing without Michelle Bost. Without someone saying, Ginny, I see you. You're a bit of a punk. You're certainly arrogant. You need to chill out. And here's how you do that. Here's how you follow God. This is how the world is changed. God has a plan and it's a great plan. And it's worked. It's worked. If you know God, it's because somebody loved someone who loves someone who loves someone to God. If you love God, it is because people loved people, and they loved people, and they loved people, and the gospel ended up in your life because of them. So Matthew 28, 18 through 20, this is what it says. Jesus came to them and said, all authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore, you go and you make

disciples of all nations, and you baptize them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And I'm going to be with you always to the end of the earth. I'm going to be with you. He's ascending into heaven and he says, team, there's a plan to change the world. This is what it is. Go love people to me. And we are equipped to do that.

We are equipped to do that. And it's a beautiful plan. And it works, except people are jerks. People are jerks. Not all of you, but most of you. See, people are the very best parts of our lives, and they are the very most difficult parts of our lives. If you look back at the moments that have meant anything to you, it was not watching Netflix. I promise you. It was in a relationship. The best parts and the hardest parts. there's a reason we don't do this. There's a reason we choose our robe and Netflix.

There's a reason we don't knock on our neighbor's door and borrow something. Instead, we Amazon it. There's a reason that we try to build enough resources so that we don't need our neighbors. There's a reason that we don't knock on our friend's door around dinner time and say, hey, are you cooking? Y'all, that's what Jesus did. Jesus did that all the time. He'd show up in a town and be like, like, guy, and a tree. I'm coming to your house to eat. He's out of control. Zachias is like, okay, all right, cool.

Need some food, groceries. He wasn't afraid to bust into people's lives. He wasn't afraid to show up and say, hey, let's spend some time together. See, Jesus was only here for 33 years. 30 of those years, he was an obscurity. Y'all, he built furniture for his first. 30 years. He learned to build furniture and he built it. Like, that's what he did. Greatest superhero of all time largely built furniture. But for three years, what did he do? He preached a few sermons. He did. He healed people. But largely, he ate with people. Largely, he walked with people. Largely, he told stories with people. He asked them questions. He got to know them by their family names.

Like he knew Peter's mother-in-law. Like he would stay with them. He spent time with people. He knew that nothing, nothing invested in the lives of a few people would be wasted. He doubted the public ministry. He doubted the thousands because he kept pushing him away. But he stuck with his people in his inner circle. and he said, I pick you to change the world. It's how the world changes. It's how it's always changed.

Why don't we believe it? Why don't we do this? Why don't we live this way? And I'm going to tell you it's really simple. There's several barriers. Of course, there's cultural barriers. We live in a unique time with unique barriers there. And then we'll talk about this in a minute, but people are hard and that's real. But there is an enemy that hates this. If this is God's plan to change the world, is to mobilize you and your places to love people who love people, even the introverts, to love people who love people. If this is his plan, then the enemy hates the plan. And the enemy wants to destroy the plan. And so we know there's an enemy. And what does the enemy do? The enemy has something that he is very well known for, and it is called lying. And so I want to talk about

three lies that we see the enemy tell us regularly that causes us not to pursue people. The first slide, I don't have time for this. Guys, it is the number one. When I did the research, it is the number one thing I heard from people. I am too busy for this. Hmm, okay, it is not supposed to be like this. See, it is supposed to be that alongside of us, whatever we are doing, are humans. It's not something you add to your life.

It's something that just participates in every minute of your life. Now, I know this is foreign to many of us because we haven't lived this way. but when I was a little girl, like you would just look around and see where all the bikes were and you knew like that's the house you go to. You don't have a cell phone. Like you just look for the bikes and you go to the bikes. And it's a little bit the same way is we've got to be people that say, come on over. Come on over. In fact, will you run to Target with me? I need to run some errands. Go with me. Y'all, half of the people that I have disciples effectively have done laundry with me and run my errands with me. That's how I disciple them. So you're not too busy. You're not too busy. The second lie,

I'm not safe. Now, this one's a lot deeper and this one's a lot harder because you know what? Some of you, it's true. You have tried this. You have tried to bring in people close to you and you have been wounded and you have been hurt again and again and again. And I'm so sorry. know I'm a leading culprit, if anyone that knows me is watching right now. And I'm so sorry. And I'm going to say something that is incredibly difficult to hear. I want you to do it anyway. I want you to love anyway because we isolate and we insulate and we pretend and we call someone after we're done crying. We never call someone in the middle of a cry. And yet the primary way people feel loved, this is going to blow your mind, is that they feel needed.

And we're so afraid of being needy. We're so afraid of appearing needy that we don't bring our burdens to each other. We don't. Lie number three, I'm going to always be alone. I can't tell you how many people have told me this. I talk a lot about this issue and I share a lot about it. And I get it. There have been seasons in my life that feel so uphill where I feel so isolated.

I was a pastor's wife for years. And guys, that is a lonely gig. And I believed that lie too. I get that lie. But if God is real and this book is true and it is the calling of our life to live day in and day out in community, then it has to be possible. Now let me tell you why sometimes we, we really do feel like there is a barrier to this. And it's real because it is messy. But the call is very clear. And I want to read you several scriptures that kind of lay out how this is supposed to look, how we're supposed to do this together. And they sound beautiful. You ready? These are lovely. Colossians 316 admonish one another. be at peace with one another mark says forgive one another ephesian says be of the same mind toward one another roman says give preference to one another bear one another's burdens galatian says be subject to one another love one another confess your sins to one another it sounds really beautiful beautiful but this is horrible like these verses are awful in fact i rewrote them how they actually play out in our lives

look at your friend and tell them what they're doing wrong. So fun. Love so completely that you're willing to be rejected by someone. When someone ransacks you, let it go. When you mess up and you feel so ashamed you want to go hide, instead, say it out lot, when you mess up and feel so ashamed that you want to go hide, instead say it out loud to someone who might use it against you. someone is selfish and horrible to you, treat them with love. When your person is crying on the bathroom floor, get on the floor and cry with them. This is the Bible. This is the church. This is the hospital where we come together and we fight for each other and we get in the mess and we have the fight and we make up and we forgive the person that absolutely treated us like

trash and we love them no matter what, even though they don't deserve it, even though they've done nothing to deserve it. You fight for them and you don't quit them and you don't run when it gets hard. You stay, you stay, you stay. And I'm not saying there's never a time to set boundaries and go, but I think we've gotten so good at boundaries that we've forgotten how to forgive and love. So who do you need to forgive? Who have you pushed out of your life too quickly or too easily? Who have you given up on? Because that person might be your person. That person and that restoration might be the strength that that relationship needs to grow it and to change it and to make it actually better than it was before because that's what conflict is supposed to do. We don't give up on people.

y'all have the worst news you aren't the only one that's jacked up all the other people are too all of them said for one and he calls you friend he picked you he likes you and because you have him you can be hurt by other people because he has loved you so perfectly and so fully and so well so beautiful so beautiful so beautiful all the other people can let us down. And we can forgive him, even though it's so goddamn hard, we can do it. God built a plan to change the world. And it was effective. It was effective, and we know it because the church has grown better than any other living organism or organization ever in the history of the world. The enemy has not won, and he will not win.

Because the gates of hell cannot stand against the church. And the church is you. You in your place. You with your people. You with the people that need God around you that are feeling their way to God. The church is you. And he sets you there not to watch Netflix for the rest of your life, but to go into the story.

and the college campuses and into the workplaces that he's set you, and he's called you to go there so that people know him. And some days, guys, that looks like buying pizza and paper plates like my friend Gail did for me and showing up at 5 o'clock at your friend's house unannounced and bringing dinner and covering the dishes and just showing up and being with your people for a few hours unannounced. I know that sounds absolutely crazy right now. But we're going to. But we're we could use a little more crazy. We could use a little more love. First John 419, we love because he first loved us. That's the reason we love. That's the reason the plan works. It's the reason the plan works. Y'all, this is supposed to be messy. It's supposed to be messy and we're supposed to choose

to do it anyway and we will get hurt. I can absolutely promise you great sales pitch. You will get hurt. But this is how the world changes. Love people. Love them. Love them for the mess. Get in there and fight for them. The good news is most of them are lonely. It's not good news. It's terrible news, but they need a friend too. Most people are lonely. 60%. Three and five prior to COVID. admit to being lonely. We have an epidemic. And this is what begins to change the anxiety and the fear and the suicidal ideation and all the things

is we fight for people. I remember when I moved to Dallas, I didn't have really any friends. And this crazy girl named Lindsay picked me. She picked me to initiate and invite and to encourage and to fight for. And she was so annoying. Really, there were times I was like, I'm going to kill that girl. She just show up with all her kids and need snacks, you know? That's real. She showed up and she stayed and she fought for me and she brought me out of my shell. and she has been a more incredible friend than I have ever had. You want this, don't wait for a Lindsay.

Go be a Lindsay. You want this. Go initiate. Go fight for someone. And let's fight for this to change in our generation. I believe it can. And I know God does. So God help us. God, call us. God, us to see it how you see it, to want to sign up for that life group, to do it even if we don't want to, God, to choose it and to be vulnerable, to go first, to say the hard thing, even though it might not feel safe. God help us be brave and take the first step. Heal us from ourselves where we have chosen a way that is not your way. We're missing out. Don't want to miss out. we sure don't want to miss the plans that you have for us that I'm quite certain involve people. So help us in Jesus' name. Amen.

Come on live search. Thank you. Thank you so much. So Jenny, thank you for sharing that message. The book is Find Your People and God wants you to find your people. And what we know about Christianity is It's not just a personal relationship with Jesus. What Christianity is, it's really a shared relationship with Jesus, that we heal in community and we grow in community, and we make a difference in community. And right now, normally I would say, like, close your eyes and stuff like that. I want you to leave them open. Let's just make it kind of awkward, because what I know about many of you is you know that

there's something missing right now. You're battling with anxiety. There's mental health issues. Many of you are afraid. And when you're hurting, you don't have anywhere to turn. God wants you to have your people. These are your people. We are your people.

Are we weird? Sure, you are too. We all are. And we all need each other. those of you who would just say like honestly I need more of God's people in my life would you lift up your hands right now just lift them up high lift them up high lift up high almost everybody online you can say I need more of God's people what I want to do right now is I just want to tell you you do we do I do and the only way to get it is to step toward it to take a step toward it and your campus pastor is going to tell you today how to step toward it. And what we have here is very New Testament. We call them life groups. And they're just groups of

people that gather together. And we talk about God's word. We ask questions. We pray for each other. There's a lot, there's a big difference between like praying for someone from a distance and praying with someone. We're going to pray with you. We're going to grow with you. So, Father, I just pray for your people today that your people would find their people. God, God, strengthen us. God, give us the faith, the love. We know that the world will know that we're your disciples, not by our buildings and not by our worship style, not by our theology, but by the way we love one another, God. God help us to love, help us to be your body, your family. God, for those disconnected, I pray they would take a step to be a part of your family in a life

group using their gifts to make a difference. As you keep praying today without looking around, we're talking about relationship and the most important relationship you can have is with your Heavenly Father. You may say, like, what does that mean? Like God, how would I get to know God? God is a relational God. The very first thing God did when he created the world was he spoke and he created us because he loved us. And God wants a relationship with you. The problem is we're broken, our sin, and we've all sin, that separates us. It breaks our relationship with God. And God in his love and mercy, he sent Jesus, his son, the son of God, perfect in every way.

To mend that relationship, Jesus paid the price for our sins, so our sins could be forgiven, so we could be restored in our relationship with God. You may have never heard it this way. I grew up going to church, and I just thought God was someone I should be afraid of and try to work hard for. I didn't realize he's a relational God. And he wanted to show me his love, and he wanted me to love him. If you recognize right now, you don't have that. The good news is you can have that in one moment, one prayer.

You're one prayer away from a relationship with the God who loves you. We just step away from our sin, and we turn toward him, and we ask him for forgiveness. And we tell him that we want to know him. When we do, he hears our prayers, and he forgives our sins, and he makes us new. Those today who would say, I want my sins forgiven, and I want a relationship with him today. faith I give my life to Jesus. If that's you today, you're ready to know him and give your life to him. Would you just lift your hands right now, all of our church, and say, yes, that's me. Praise God for you as we have people today at all of our church, just calling on his name online.

Just type it in the comment section. I want to know him. Just type it in. I want to know him. And then we're all going to pray. Just pray where you are. Pray Heavenly Father. I want to know you. I know you love me. Help me to receive it. forgive my sins Jesus save me make me brand new fill me with your spirit so I could know your love

and show your love overwhelm me with your love thank you for new life I give you all of mine in Jesus name I pray somebody celebrate the goodness the grace of God new life in Christ