Lifeline - 1. It's In The Way That You Use It

Episode Date: April 10, 2022

🎧 Subscribe on iTunes: https://apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. In this week's episode, we get questions about pursuing love, the awkwardness surrounding breaking up with friends, letting friends touch your phones, infant parenting, and hooking up with your ex. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: https://forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

and we're here this is the first episode of lifeline we did it a lot of you guys first of all i'm chris delia i'm matt delia a lot of you guys, first of all, I'm Chris D'Elia. I'm Matt D'Elia. A lot of you guys really, really loved the episodes of Congratulations where Matt was in. And you guys kept begging me to have Matt back. But by design, right? We didn't do it. By design, yeah. Because one day we were going to do a podcast and today's the day. Yeah.

Today's the day where the first podcast comes out. It's called Lifeline. And it's the first podcast about you because you call in and you ask for advises and and then we help you advises and we help you because we're we're both what really good at giving advice i'm really good at giving advice thank you so i've been told i don't mean to toot my own horn don't say thank you when i say something about myself you're saying both of us mostly i think i based on what people have told me throughout the course of my life and how much people have sought specifically my advice, I have the feeling. I have a feeling, a strong feeling based on past what I would say is evidence that I am good at giving advice. Okay.

And I don't know if that's true about you because – What have people said about me about any – I don't know because I don't about you because- What have people said about me about any- I don't know because I don't ask you for advice. Okay. Well, nobody's told me. Well, you probably have asked me for advice in the past, but also people probably have told you that they've gotten advice from me. I don't know what they said. And honestly, I can't remember a time where people said that to me that, hey, your brother's really good at giving advice. I'm not saying you're not, but I'm saying institute your own horn right yeah and then also like well no one's ever talked to me about seeking advice from you because that would be such a boring fucking person what why would

they do that because exactly brother that's my problem why would they do that yeah because you brought it up as if that would be a normal thing but it is not it would kind of be boring to just be like hey man i got advice from somebody. And then wherever that conversation would go would probably be a boring conversation of what you're saying. Yes, correct. Yes. Okay, cool. But that's what this podcast is. It is, yes. It's an advice show similar or at least in the spirit of what we grew up on, which was, well, whoops that you cut me off. No no but an ode to because you you could have just summed that up by saying an ode i wanted to do it the way that i did it and i think the way that i did it was great but what it is an homage to an ode to right is the old show love line right dr

drew and adam carolla that we love used to be on late at night i think k-rock right yes right and it was all like weird sort of secretive sex stuff that people could anonymously call in and seek their advice on sex stuff. This, while it can be about sex, it's about anything and everything that might come up in your life. But, you know, the title of the show, Lifeline, is sort of an ode. Or an homage. Or an homage. So what happened was you were saying all the words then i said ode or homage you got mad at me for cutting off and now you're only using the words

ode and homage which is doing that to highlight how annoying it was that you did it i'm i'm no i'm not like it's not like i'm being facetious but i'm yeah underscore i'm underlining i'm highlighting it in the way that i'm saying it is to sort of not belittle you as much as it is to point out how annoying it was that you tried to tell me how to talk i have a huge cock i'll say it okay so no one was yeah no i know but i'm saying when you come at me in that way i have to make it even by talking about stuff that's good about me anyway it's okay who cares right that's a really really really dumb thing in general and also not a good way to argue okay well no one even gives a shit anyway because we're not fucking 12 do you think

people don't care about um penis size guys do for sure about that's the thing heterosexual men do seem to care about penis size but what i hear from women when i talk to them is that they actually don't care it's about the way that you use it it's about the way that you use it tone deaf but yes same note all the whole time yeah it goes it's in the way that you use it but you just went it's in the way that you use it like a fucking robot one i like this second no no but wait so i did it on purpose but here's how you know that actually uh huge cocks matter okay because you haven't aren't taking into the fucking gays you aren't taking into the gays the gay guys will always tell you what's up, right? And you're saying gay guys care about dick size.

Right. And you know that- But here's the thing. If you're a heterosexual man, then when you talk to women about penis size, they say that they don't care. So you can't say because gay men do care that dick size matters because it's not true in a blanket way for everyone. Women are saying in their vag vaginas it doesn't i mean

obviously there are some women that say it does matter but i think in my experience the vast majority of women that i've spoken to about it say it's not about the size as much as it's about it's in the way that you use it i think mostly the it's the thing it in that song is your personality because your personality is the sexiest i know it's not about dick size but i'm saying when you i mean i wasn't it's in the way that you use it and then the fucking your dick right no it's not that it's not that it's i'm saying it's in the way that you use i know the song isn't about that but i'm saying it's in the way that you use it what we're talking about is we're talking about the personality because if you're trying to i think that the opposite sex for you know for us female they like the way that we use it the personality no no no no no it's in

the way that you use your dick no i understand that's what you're saying okay but what i'm saying is if your personality is really good you have a higher chance of being banging in the bedroom. Oh, I don't know. Because foreplay is about everything up until you have sex, not just when you're in the bed. Yeah, but a lot of women will talk about how, oh, he's such an asshole or he's an idiot or he's such a fucking lunkhead, but the sex is so good. You hear that all the time.

But that's why it's so good because that is his personality and that is it and she doesn't know she's attracted by it which is him being an asshole having a leather jacket and smoking around his head like this no no because if he was bad at sex she wouldn't be having sex with him no so the bottom line is it's in the way that you use it the reason why he's good at sex is because he's unlocking the secret part and doesn't and she doesn't know that she likes bad boys. And this bad boy comes along and she's like, oh, he's such an asshole. But really, he's a fucking he's awesome in the sack. And the reason why he's awesome in the sack is because she secretly he unlocked the shit about how she really likes bad boys.

No, it's about the way that you move around. You got the rotation. It's about the way that you move around. You can use your hips in a certain way no it's like dancing it's like are you good at dancing do you have rhythm are you in tune with the person's body things like this not about how you fucking smoke a cigarette around your head no it is honestly about okay it is about also the way you do circular motions and yes right but also that's like 10 of it 90 of it is how you show up to

dinner no way you're holding your drink yes how could that possibly be the case and the way you when you're having sex no one's thinking about oh he was so cool at dinner the way he used his fork they're not thinking about that in the way that he used his fork no i mean it's nothing to do you're so wrong nothing do you think honestly it has nothing to do with it no but to use the 10 that you use i would say that's for that. That would be at the top. If I show up. The most that could count is 10%.

Okay. If I show up in a beat up old classic car that it looks like I kind of am working on. I didn't really take care of it yet, right? It's not all of what my personality is, but I sure like doing it in the daytime. I like getting the parts every now and then. Some of them I get shipped over from Amazon. Some of them I go of them i go to fucking you get your car parts on fucking amazon i'm just saying you can inside you can get the shit inside if you want to get like a fucking handle for the thing whatever it is dude i'm a guy who doesn't really think about my car that much but i do like it as a hobby in the daytime i'm fixing up my old car i

also guess what take care of my mom i take care of my mom who's in a fucking assistant that's what that's what people want to think about dude i take care of my mom in who's in an assisted living home i don't know if she's going to be alive for that much longer but i fucking love her and that's what's up and then when i come to dinner we're hanging out having a good time i tell you about my mom and her assistant living how she's my life and how i fucking take care of her i also tell you about my car that I fucking get parts from. And it's not my whole life, but I'm working on it. And one day I'm going to get the car really nice. Dude, and that's why when you hit the bedroom, it's much better because you're interesting and you've unlocked all that mystery.

But no to all of that. And she would immediately be thinking about how do I get out of here? Should I say I'm going to the bathroom and just fucking dip? immediately be thinking about how do i get out of here should i say i'm going to the bathroom and just fucking dip if you talked about your fucking mom and assisted living and then how you take care of your car in the daytime yeah she's fucking gone why because that's so boring that's so nice though if you're like yeah my mom's in assisted living and i just take care of her dude and oh that car no i know it's fucking a little rusty but i gotta get the panel fucking refurbished because everything got fucked up and I got some parts on Amazon.

You're on the worst date. You are providing whoever you're on a date with with the worst fucking date. I'm just saying, dude, foreplay is all up until the actual moment in bed. The point. Sex is not about sex. It's the way that you use your moves. It's not just your dick anyway. It's not your moves. It's the way that you use your moves. It's not just your dick anyway. It's not your moves.

It's your moves. It's the moves. It's the moves. It's the moves. A big dick helps. I'm not saying that. If you move it slowly. If it will also, everyone's different though.

Right, everyone's different. So it's in the way that you use it on the person you're having sex with. Okay. Right? Yeah. I'm just saying sex is all about everything except for sex. So that's some advice that I would give to somebody if they were calling, but let's take the first call.

You want to take the first call? Yeah. Don't forgot to do the disclaimer. Oh, right. Okay. Let's do the disclaimer. That's important. So basically this is an advice show and that is the idea.

And we will always be taking the advice of people who send in their videos and submissions and all that. and we will always be taking the advice of people who send in their videos and submissions and all that. That being said, it should never ever be mistaken for as good as or some kind of replacement for actual professional medical psychiatric advice.

If you have a real problem, you should see a real doctor and basically not us. This is basically for entertainment purposes only and if you have a real problem go to therapy i go to therapy i've been going for fucking i don't even know 12 years i have five therapists and chris has five therapists and as we just learned he fucking needs every last one of them right and uh but yeah if you have a real problem please seek out real actual professional help yeah thank you now i also have five therapists and you don't need to say every last one because there's only five

it's not like 150 but anyway five is more than anyone i mean like fucking ed i mean would need five therapists i think honestly i mean is he alive still i don't even know actually that's the craziest fucking name there is you know i mean i mean we're alive still i don't even know actually that's the craziest fucking name there is i mean i mean we're talking about that name i hate the guy don't get me wrong yeah you know i mean you're talking about the guy the guy in the outlaws the tupac's group no i'm talking about i mean right okay dude the guy there was a guy there was an outlaw guy in tupac's group called i mean anyway for real yeah you didn't know that that's terrible you know i mean you know rappers they do that shit fucking going by pol pot joseph stalin the rapper you know they'll be fucking gucci castro like there will be

yeah okay so let's go let's go let's get our first caller oh hey guys so i have a conundrum that really can't go unaddressed um i mean i've been friends with this guy for a really long time i trust him with my life we've been through thick and thin together but here's the situation i start talking to this girl right and because i trust him i gave him my phone so he can look through her pictures on facebook why now the thing is we know that there are unwritten rules when it comes to this exchange and absolutely under no circumstance can you like an old picture from a girl's facebook not even instagram where a double tap is something that can happen so it's to a point where i just have to trust that my good friend knows these rules but this is a type of blunder that really can't

go unpunished so my question for you is what should his punishment be to fully recompense for this abhorrent offense so he did it so he did that his friend did that yeah his friend went back into first of all thanks for thank you for your submission yeah great shirt too yeah and i mean it's an ace ventura shirt pretty much but but it's a great shirt no i'm not saying it's not good i love ace ventura but so hold on so his friend don't first of all don't ever give your friend your phone. Well, that's what I was going to say. I would lead with this is 100% his fault in the first place.

His fault. His own fault. Yeah. It's one of those things where you're like, you made your bed. What did you expect? You gave your friend who you would trust with your life, who you said you would trust with your life. who you would trust with your life, who you said you would trust with your life,

but also just because you would trust somebody with your life doesn't mean you should trust them with your phone. As a matter of fact, I would say I would trust a stranger more with my phone than my friend because my friend's going to be like playing a joke. My other question, if we had him on the phone, would be is did he do it as a joke

or did he do it by mistake? I think he's implying that he did it on purpose and I guess as a joke or as like a, I don't know, a prank. I don't know what the word would be, but he did it to like needle his friend. I don't know. That's kind of funny and I don't fault the friend. I fault him. No, no, no, dude. Hold on.

I've done both. I've given someone my phone to look at it on whatever i'm looking at i don't think i've done it with like a a girl that i'm interested in yeah but i've done that and and and i've also been on the other side of like let me see your phone yeah and i i i i agree with that unwritten thing You don't fucking click things as someone else on their phone. No, I agree with that too. But it's still his fault for giving it to his friend. Right, right.

But that being said, just because that is true, what can be separately also true is that the friend doing that isn't funny that's not funny who's laughing no it's not funny well the friend did it that's it though but you don't things that you do to only make yourself laugh at the expense of one or more people that's never funny that is not funny interesting so the way to get back at him if first of all i fully truly and i'm sure you disagree i fully truly don't believe in getting back at people i don't like that i don't think that's the right way to think about stuff that being said this motherfucker seems how bent on getting right right right and i i wouldn't fault him for that just because i wouldn't do

it doesn't mean that if he feels the need to do it then fuck it in a way it's like you him hitting the like button on that facebook post or picture is the same thing as this guy giving him his phone it's like well dude you kind of fucking you should expect him to be retaliated you should expect retaliation now right the way to retaliate if that's what you are bent on doing as this ventura shirted guy seems to do seems to believe is i think that he should do the exact same thing when it comes to like revenge or getting back at someone i think people do it wrong i think if you're going to do it you got to do the same thing yeah otherwise you escalate into a war that nobody fucking wants right and then you know look

at what happened in ukraine and russia yeah well that's a real war i'm using the word as like a i'm saying it started it could have started with something really minuscule like this so like you think zelensky took putin's phone no and liked a picture of some russian girl and that's how that's how we ended up where we are in ukraine no i think that well this started probably way before facebook but it could have been something like you know it did yeah you're you're encroaching and the guy's like oh i don't mean to and he's like yeah but and then he goes back and he's like son of a bitch encroached well so has no fucking idea what's going on in ukraine you know what i mean i do and he's like i know that's but you know and then he's like i should encroach back you know fuck this yeah right i mean this is not how it worked no i. And then he's like, I should encroach back, you know. Fuck this guy, right?

I mean, that's not how it worked. No, I know. And the guy's like, he encroached. And then the guys are like, he encroached, but he didn't mean to. Maybe just encroach a little bit, not in same amount, right? And then they were like, yes, maybe same amount, but also we have to take it a step further. And so he took it a step further and encroached a little bit more because to also with interest. And then later on, now there's this huge fucking war and it's like genocide first of all encroachment has

nothing to do with what's going on in ukraine or the video always has to do with what's going on you just learned what the word encroachment means earlier today and encroachment honestly and i and i mean this 100 has to do with mostly every problem in the world. Okay. Name one problem that doesn't have to do with encroachment. Name one problem. And don't say cancer, of course. Well, no, I don't see cancer encroachments in your body. Okay.

So there we go. A problem in the world. Homeless? Hunger, world hunger. How does that, what does that have to do with encroachment? Hunger is, well, yeah, that's one of those ones that's probably not. Okay. Well, that was very easy.

And it was the first one I thought of. So between cancer and homeless and hunger, there's one that's one of those ones that's probably not okay well that was very easy and it was the first one i thought of so between cancer and homeless and hunger there's one that's not the homeless and the cancer thing does have to do with encroachment anyway how does cancer have to do with encroachment because it encroaches in your body and it's fucked okay that's such a fucking stretch okay so anyway back to the issue in this world i think if you insist if you must the war on encroachment retaliate stop saying encroachment if you biggest problem in this world. I think if you must- The war on encroachment. Retaliate. Stop saying encroachment. If you must retaliate, the way to retaliate is just to do the same thing back. But again, that's going to be tricky. The guy's not going to give you his phone. You got to get smart about it and got to figure out a way to get his phone. I don't like it. Look, my advice to you is to let it go and learn the lesson. I don't think you should go back and try to get- He gifted you a lesson.

You learned a lesson. You learned a lesson. You were too innocent. And this is honestly not even the thing. It's like you didn't, you know, you just learned, oh, oh, you know what you did? Oh, you gave him the phone. Oh, he liked the thing. You go, you take the phone back and you say oh i just um i just

learned you're an enemy you go like that i just i just oops oopsie daisy my enemies are exposed now right and you're one of them that's what he did right yes so so we go okay and that's fine and i want you to understand that now i know that and that is terrifying to that dude yeah right now i'm not going to get you back or i am going to get you back but guess what if i am going to get you back it's not going to be today yeah it might be another day yeah and you live with that dude yeah and you mess with his sleep patterns moving forward yeah he doesn't know what to do he tries to sleep with one eye open which is as we all know not possible but so um i think honestly uh you just basically uh you fucked up by giving the guy your phone. You never give anybody your phone, period.

That's like giving, literally like giving somebody. You know what it's like? It's a, I mean, dude, when somebody has your phone, what do you feel like? Weird?

Depends who, right? Depends, yeah. Yeah, okay. I was going to say that, yeah. But like a friend, I would feel like they're going to fucking do something. Look, if I gave you my phone,

I know you would do nothing with it. I would do nothing. I think, actually, honestly here actually here this is interesting i just realized this if you have friends that you believe would do something if you're an adult let's say if you're over the age of 25 and you have friends that you worry would do something like that while they're holding your phone i don't know that shouldn't be something that a friend you worry would do something like that while they're holding your phone? I don't know. That shouldn't be something that a friend of yours would do. Unless it's like, ah, whatever.

Fuck it. Life. If there's these Tom Cochran kind of dudes that are just driving into the sunset, it's like, who gives a fuck? This is what life's about. Tom Cochran? The highway guy? Yeah. Okay.

I'm saying if you're just like this guy who fucking listens to life as a highway on loop and you're just like, whatever comes my way, I'm going to deal with it. I fuck with these friends like they fuck with me. They live by the golden rule, which is absolute bullshit, by the way. Because you shouldn't treat people the way you want to be treated. That's so self-centered and egotistical. You should treat people the way you think they want to be treated. Yes, correct. Right?

So you can't be liking people's pictures if you know. If you're such good friends, you should know that about your friend. Yeah. You should know that about your friend. Why did you give your friend your phone? No, no, no. But here are you on facebook dude get off of facebook get off of facebook but also if i have friends and they give me their phone i would fucking not do that but i might be more likely to do it to another friend i would not do that but i might be more likely to do it to somebody it depends on the relationship so you're gonna know your relationships bro this guy needs to know his relationship

here's the advice from us. And then we should move on. I think moving forward, we generally won't actually agree that much. But I think we agree in that you should right now reassess your friendships. Yeah. There you go. And figure out who things like not just this, but things like who you would trust with holding your phone. Also, don't be on Facebook.

Yeah, yeah. Facebook is terrible. Because it's not 2008. It's not 2008. I know. That guy looked young. He didn't look like he was fucking 70 years old. Yeah, which is the only people that use Facebook anymore.

All right, let's get another one. What do we got? Glad we could help you. What's up, players? Oh. How do I tell my friends I'm doing a sideways mambo with my ex? How do I tell my friends? First of all, what's up, players? That's How do I tell my friends I'm doing the sideways mambo with my ex? How do I tell my friends? First of all,

what's up, players? That's us. Yeah, it's amazing. How do I tell my friends that I'm doing the... It's a horizontal mambo. Yeah, he fucked it up. Yeah, he fucked it up.

It's a horizontal mambo. Sideways mambo? But that's okay. Maybe he does his own mambo. It's fine, yeah. He said sideways mambo, right? Yes, he said sideways mambo. How do I tell my friends

I'm doing the sideways mambo with my ex? Which, for those who don't know, that means he's having sex with his ex yeah uh well why first of all why do you need to tell him i mean i think he's i because he wants to live honestly yes he wants to live honestly and his friends what he's what he's doing doesn't want to be duplicitous and shit yeah okay yeah he wants to be able to do it out in the open and be able to talk about it free and not be like right being secretive right totally get write it out on a scroll put it in a pigeon's fucking hand and then send it over down the street to your friend no i look i actually get here's the

deal we didn't get much details because i was like a fucking five second video it was on the plane hilarious was he on the plane was he no okay well whatever that would be great if he was just doing it in the fucking middle in the middle seat seat. Hey, so I'm doing the horizontal. What's up, players? I'm doing the horizontal mambo with my ex, and then like this. So, going to Tucson? Sideways mambo, but yeah. Okay, so I think what I'm...

Look, if it was just like they just broke up, and now they're back together, he wouldn't be seeing advice. What I'm sensing is they had a bad breakup, or somehow the ex was toxic, right? In a way. Maybe. And his friends know better and are like, this guy shouldn't get back together with his ex. So I think the source of his concern or worry about telling his friends, I think baked into that is what's implied is this idea that he probably

shouldn't be doing it in the first place yeah right because if you just break up with somebody and it's just like it was a decent fine breakup whatever and then like a few months or years even later you're like oh you know what why did we break up it was such a good relationship and i still have feelings for her or him whatever uh i don't think telling your friends would be even an issue at all but what i'm getting is that there's some problem with their relationship or the ex herself or himself. I don't know. That was a six-second video. Again, it should have been longer.

No. Six seconds is good, honestly. Six seconds. I mean, we didn't get enough detail. So fast how you said it. Six seconds. All right. So, no.

You're supposing a lot, though. You don't know. Okay. You just got to take what he said. The advice there is just tell them. And don't be like, look, I know I shouldn't. No a lot, though. You don't know. Okay. You just got to take what he said. The advice there is just tell them. And don't be like, look, I know I shouldn't. No, no, no. Just you do what you're doing.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Tell your fucking friends, and that's that. All that shit should be on a Hallmark card. You walk into your friend's house. You say, guys, I'll go over to Jim's house. Everyone gets over to Jim's house. I'll be there at 3.30. At 3.30, you show up.

You open the door, and you go like this. Guys, I'm doinking her again. And then spin out and walk out to your car and leave. And then they know, dude. And you let them deal with it. Then they know they have one less friend than they did right before that because that would be the strangest fucking thing ever. Fuck that, dude. That would be amazing.

And you know it, dude. If your friend got all your friends together and he had a horrible ex and a month later he, he said, you guys all get together and then get together at fucking Matt's house. And he shows up and he goes like this, guys, just want to let you know, I'm doing it again. And spun already had his legs crossed so he could do, I'm doing it. So he could spin out and go to his fucking car and leave. That would be amazing. I think a lot of them would be. Have fun with life is what I'm saying.

I think a lot of them would be confused. Those aren't really your friends. You need to know me, bro. If they're confused because you said doink in her and spun around and moved, I don't think that means they're not good friends. Yeah, it does, dude. He should know them. Look at that guy.

He's got long hair and no beard. I don't trust anybody like that. He's obviously worried. Good point. But he's obviously worried about it in some way. And I think because he's worried about it, he should just tell them. And if they don't like it, it's their business and it's on them to tell him yeah but he shouldn't fucking stress about it though but the heart wants what the heart wants i know but are you being too a

little bit too much dr phil about it and not having enough fun with it because what he could do is be unapologetically himself move into a fucking house with a bunch of his friends there and do a crazy snap spin move say i'm doiking it and then spin out and it's like he's being unapologetically himself but also having fun with it how do you know that's an unapology that that is specifically how do you know that was an honest thing to do to do that i don't but i'm saying figure out how to have fun with it because it's a fucking you know what i mean it's not the end of the world dude you're gonna do what you're going to do anyway. Your friends aren't going to stop you.

Yeah, well, that's my point. So be unapologetically you, which is unapologetically he wants to doink his ex. So tell your friends in a fucking, in the way that you want to do it. Right, but he's asking for advice. So therefore, I think he doesn't know how. And I think the way to do it is to just say hey you know what i'm i've got i'm starting to consider getting back together with my ex and if he wants to he can add something like i know you guys don't like her i know you guys are whatever whatever whatever but the heart wants

what the heart wants stop saying that why you keep saying it's so annoying to say fucking these coin terms it's just it's true though okay the heart does want what the heart wants but we all know that though no we don't yeah we know that the heart wants what the heart wants he's worried about what his friends are going to think but the heart wants what the heart wants yeah his friends know that i agree i agree he could walk in and say hey friends you know that the heart wants what the heart wants no you shouldn't do that but no but i'm saying all of his friends would be like yeah that's the thing about the heart they wouldn't know not one of his dudes would be like no actually

i don't know man sometimes it's actually more what the head wants but he's getting ahead of it by telling by prefacing it with he's saying the heart wants what the heart wants so that they can't sort of get at him from another angle because he sort of covered himself in the safety of the heart wants what the heart wants i guess so so, man. Yeah, I guess so. I think he's making it too much of an issue already by asking for advice about it. You just got to do what you're going to do, which you're already doing in your ex. So just tell your friends and do it in the most unapologetic way you want to. Because you're you, bro.

And if you want to doink your ex, your friends aren't going to stop you. So continue to do that horizontal mamba with her as long as you want. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think you're stressing the unapologetic thing too much. What if, what if, what if, what if? You never know. Right.

Just saying, be straight about it. Tell them what's up so you don't have to live in the shadows. You fucking say what you're going to say. Clear it up. Get it out. And that's it. Okay, cool. And when you doink her, just remember, it's in the way that you use it, your personality.

So go ahead. Next one. What do we got? Hi, Chris and Matt. My name's Meg, and I'm pregnant with my first son. Hey. And I cannot believe it. And I need to know, borrowing a little bit from Chris's language here, but I know, Matt, you'll be very familiar.

Unfortunately. know borrowing a little bit from chris's language here but i know matt you'll be very familiar what are the like top three things i need to convey to my son as early as day one to ensure that he has a life that rips that is my question for you i know that you'll have some great advice appreciate you guys thanks cute wow that's awesome you're a fucking dad so you should take this one i although let me just say real quick and so you didn't mean it i didn't yeah there's really only one fucking respect the kid it's a deeper for whatever the fuck he is he wants don't try to put your shit on him take what he gives you and respect that and try to foster that nope it's a deeper yes and it's all good but it's a deeper issues and that's fine okay but what i'm saying is yes you do

obviously need to respect your son or otherwise he won't he'll grow up and learn to not respect you right deeper no i'm just adding what you said so deeper and by the way if it's so deeper for you it's so deeper for me but i retaliated on you same childhood but um just like i advised the first guy to not do i retaliated on you because you deserved it exactly but i didn't deserve it you did why because it's deeper yeah i didn't like it okay well so look uh you gotta fucking said three so i know and that's all that's a lofty i mean she's asking you know let's do what we can no she wants three i know three take the one and use that one and then okay two okay so i have one so far okay so far i have one and we might have more but what i'm saying is absolutely you gotta you gotta talk to him a lot in the beginning talk to him like a person

like have full sentences with him i did that with calvin and this motherfucker won't stop talking. I know all about him. And the quicker you can know about your son or daughter, the more you can learn about them. And the early on experiences with them will help shape them into who they become. And that's only a good thing. If you can have communication with them from jump, and it will be one-sided because you'll be saying something like, do you want a banana? And they'll just be doing like that or that. But if you can then understand

that, if they understand you're talking to them, that's the first step into them communicating back to you. Right. So I think that that's a number one thing is communication. I think that probably a lot of people would say that the respect thing. Yes, of course you want to respect it, but also, uh, you need to, to you know respect kind of comes later like they're just yeah but a lot of parents want the yeah sure obviously in the first three months they don't want anything because they don't even have a fucking brain yet really yeah i'm just saying so many parents that i've encountered in my life want their kid and i don't mean like in terms of morality or ethics obviously you have

to instill morality and ethics in your child to be a good person yeah but i'm just saying what they're what their interests are always like allow them to guide you not the other way around oh you know oh yeah and here's another thing too um it's a deeper but yeah so here's another thing um is another thing is um when you like like like when i say to you hey let's go get a pizza and you're like i don't want pizza i could maybe say like nah come on man right you're a fucking 30 something year old man yeah and you'd be like nah fuck you i don't want pizza right i mean that would be so rude no but not not if we have a certain dynamic ask me if i want pizza you want pizza fuck you no no no that's too quick if i'm saying do you want pizza you say no no ah come on fucking let's get pizza i'm not i don't want pizza okay you do it to me this is okay too do you want pizza i'm i don't

want pizza come on you love pizza come on man get the fuck out of here let's get a bagel that's not that bad. I mean, if you're my kid, that would be- Oh, no. I'm saying as an adult, though. Okay. Yeah. I'm not saying as a kid, okay?

That's okay to do as an adult. As a kid, obviously, you're not going to do that. But say, like, when I go to hug Calvin, he's two. But sometimes he hugs me. But sometimes he goes, no, no, no, no, no. Right? And then if I go, come on ah that's not respecting yeah what he wants right yeah yes yeah so so i'm adding to what you're saying yes so

at a really early age that can that can affect it like even eye contact shit my therapist was telling me this like if you're looking at the baby and the baby's not looking at you and you're like hey i'm over here and then it looks away you're like no i'm over here that that can fuck a baby up right that could fuck him up right yeah yeah yeah i think the other thing is too my therapist actually had a while i was had a baby well actually i'm telling a story so wait for the part that i'm gonna say and then ask questions that is what it is though then in the middle like i think four or five years in she had a son so that is what it is though then in the middle like i think four or five years in she had a son so that is what it is okay but i was telling a story and i didn't want you to fucking interrupt and

it's fine and when she came back she was obviously a mother now and she was very excited and i was very happy for her and i was asking her questions usually obviously you know it's it's about me but i was interested in turning her experience on the therapist and i was like aren't you worried about uh holy shit that was close yeah aren't you worried about we have andre rising works for us and you just uh aren't you worried about like especially as a therapist all the ways that you can fuck your son up and she actually said something that i think about all the time which where do you get off she said well i'm going to it's just a matter of a not making it worse once i do it and b being not so hard on myself when i do it and understanding that all i can do is try to be better moving forward. I can't undo what I've

done or try so hard to not fuck him up that I'm sort of like fucking up in a new way that I'm creating on my own. It's like walking around on eggshells so much can be its own way of fucking him up is what she was saying. Yeah. I hope that when you were saying saying that the edit just slowly zooms in on my face the whole time you're saying on your face yeah oh well that's selfish um because i get that but it's also like you can fuck your life up like that it's really interesting um it's really interesting that there's really like life is just hard and being a mom or dad is hard yeah and you're going to fuck up yeah what if you when you said to your therapist what do you think about that she said i'm going to and she and she goes like this that's all the time we have um but yeah so you're gonna fuck it up and uh

and that's sad but it's also beautiful right yeah i don't think it's sad i think it's just reality it's like you're gonna how could you possibly be a perfect parent what would that even mean that would be its own way of fucking up right you know right that was too loud the crinkly paper thing i didn't like that but but what you said was loud so i i did it while you were talking this way you wouldn't have heard it so now you just addressed it no it threw me off and i didn't like it at all so i'm you should have done it when you were talking so i think that that's great that's about three things we gave her congratulations though i think that that's awesome you look like she's gonna be a great mom you could tell she's got a mickey and company shirt on she seemed i

don't know what that is but she seemed very excited yes she's very excited that's very cool god bless man i love be i love being a dad as you know if you listen to congratulations and it's just the best thing man it's just so wild all right let's go to the next one. How long have we been, by the way? Hi, Chris and Matt. I love the idea for this podcast. I'm super excited. Thank you. So something that I think people need to hear, or at least for myself, advice that I would like is how and what do you think is the most effective way to get over like a friendship breakup like when you're so close to someone and you get so used to like talking to that person every day and sharing parts of your life with them and then you stop but then there's

like mutual friends involved and it's just awkward and uncomfortable like you used to be so close to that person and now you're not like how do you handle that like how do you cope with that i know some people would say like oh it's nothing like just move on from it but for me somebody who struggles with anxiety i get so anxious about stuff like that like just knowing i'm gonna walk in the room and see those people like what are some ways to kind of combat that i don't know um i appreciate any and all feedback because life consistently rips. That's a good fucking question. Judo. Judo.

Judo. You can do judo. Physically? No. Interesting you should say that. No, not physically. Okay, then fucking explain that. Emotional judo.

Because when people think about judo, they think about the martial art. But I'm Mr. Beyond the Box and I'll tell you this judo is a thing where you use your enemy or whoever you're fighting in a friendly way uh you use their energy and momentum uh in combination to thwart them right give me an example so she walks in her room her ex-friend is there. I'll give you an example. With judo, you throw a punch.

I don't fucking stop it like this, like I'm Batman. I move with it. You know what I mean? You throw a punch and I go, oh, the punch is coming. Well, let me go in the direction of the punch. And by the way, let me redirect the punch like this and catch it like this. And whoopsie daisy, I fucked your elbow up. Right? Be Steven Seagal is what you're saying.

Yeah, basically. Aikido. That's Aikido, notikido okay but that's Aikido not Judo and that's hilarious because it's unclear and it's not a perfect example for very obvious reasons give me an example bring it to her like what she walks into a room emotional Judo now here's the deal you walk into a room and she's going to be in there guess what dude guess what if you think it's awkward she thinks it's awkward yes that's a good first thought so now you know that yeah right yeah she might not be thinking that she might be thinking well this is awkward because a lot of people don't go beyond that they just think about what's going on in

themselves which is what she's doing right now that's why she's sending the video yes but i've been in a lot of these situations i've been on stage people have thrown pencils at me i've been on stage and people have said boo fuck you next you next. I know what that's like. But what I know also is how that person feels after they say it. Oh shit, I'm singled out. Whoops. Oh, oh, I'm fucking, I feel weird. Right? So now that I know that you feel weird, what I do is I use that to my advantage and now I'm the powerful one so i think what you can do is first of all there's really one step in this realize that they feel awkward right yeah and your anxiety can lessen because you know their anxiety there's only so much anxiety that can fill a room right

and if her anxiety is going up yours is going down because you're in the power position so if you could milk that that would be the most gangster shit right like if you walked into a party and whoopsie daisy Rebecca is there okay and you don't have a friendship anymore because of the falling out whatever it happened she fucked your ex whatever it is you know she stole some money from you you walk into the room and you walk into some shit

really confidently and you just go like this you walk up right up to her you walk right up to her and you just put your hand softly on the table and you say everybody rebecca's here oh my god you win yeah that's so fucking confrontational though not really you are you clapping on the way over yes on the way over you're clapping she's fucking or you could even you could even imaginary play the fucking banjo i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's not really what she's looking for i know no i'm saying she asked what she should do okay you can go in and play the imaginary fucking mandolin and just walk in and it'll be weird

because they'll be like oh shit she's here oh and what's she gonna say to rebecca and you're just like this right and you walk in and then you fucking go like this and you go like this you go like this rebecca's here everybody you could do that and that would you could definitely do that yeah i agree with judo i agree with that but not a lot of people are gonna do that. You could definitely do that. Yeah, I agree with that. Emotional judo. I agree with that, but not a lot of people are going to do that. Let's be honest. And that's a shame.

Well, whether it's a shame or not, it's the truth. Even you would agree with that. Not a lot of people would do it. I would do it. I have done stuff like that. You're not answering what I'm saying. You're just saying that you would do it.

Okay, yeah. But I think that, I actually think you're right. The first thing is to, this is a big, big, big thing that I think is always good to keep in mind. To do the clapping. Obviously, we are us.

We are only one person. We're two people, but yeah. But we know that it's good to remember that other people are also experiencing whatever we, the individual, are feeling. We don't usually go past that. It's like, we feel fucked up everyone else seems so normal trust me your friend well i don't know if it's a male or female

whatever they're not feeling normal they feel fucking weird and fucked up too so that is actually right where you go wrong i think is that this thing and then you come up and say everybody rebecca's here i don't think that's the best. Why do you think that that's wrong? Because it draws so much attention to it and I don't think she's trying to make it worse. Hit it head on. It's not going to be worse. I think the way to deal with it though is to just know that it's awkward for everybody

and don't do the thing where you're constantly averting your eyes. I think this is a big one. You don't always look away. This shouldn't matter, but it does it projects weakness yeah i think you just look at the person if they're talking the imaginary mandolin don't don't play the imaginary mandolin don't do that ever okay you look you just look at the person if they're talking Don't look at them when they're not. And even if, here's the deal. Even if it's really fucking awkward, don't let it seem like it is.

Yes. And I'm not advocating that you be dishonest. The reason I'm suggesting that is because it really is true that once you start to act like that and people are picking up on the fact that you don't seem like you're awkward or uncomfortable yeah once that is in other people's heads it will be way easier for you to act or actually feel not just act but actually feel like it doesn't matter

once you're getting the feedback the the the sort of like energetic response of other people being like oh she doesn't even really seem to fucking care then that'll give you sort of more uh uh confidence to to to to actually not give a fuck so do things like chew gum pick up smoking things that keep you active and like doing things so you're not sitting there with your hands in your pockets like this if you're around that would be would be really strong. Stillness is the strongest fucking thing. Right. Stillness is... People fucking notice that shit.

Okay. And it really sticks with people. Fair enough. I mean, also, just don't pick up smoking. Right. You know what I mean? But I'm saying Juul or vaping, but yeah. She vapes already.

You think she vapes? Yeah, for sure. But I think that the opposite of what you're saying uh you're saying uh you were saying that don't be or seem awkward because they're awkward and what i'm you're saying don't be awkward and i'm saying the opposite of being awkward is slow clapping walking up maybe playing some imaginary mandolin, looking into their eyes and saying everybody, Rebecca's here. But then you're making everyone else awkward. No, but that's the thing.

Rule it. Rule the awkwardness. You know how Batman's like, the guy's like, oh, fucking who are you? And he's like, I am vengeance. Dude, I am awkward. Okay, I understand, but you don't need to add to it or be the instigator of awkwardness it's already there but are you you want to seem like is that you don't care are you adding to it if you have none of it no there's only enough

awkwardness to fill the room guess what i'm depleting my awkwardness but it's not just about you out next one it's about the i mean next one sure but it's not just about you next one it's about the i mean next one sure but it's not just about you it's about everybody else and the mandolin thing and then looking in her eyes and saying everybody rebecca's here okay let's do another one okay so bitch how we started you guys are doing a show together i gotta make this make this quick so it fits. Basically, a year ago, I was traveling. Beautiful eyes. Costa Rica. He's a beautiful guy.

I had a hostel. Her friend invited me to travel, so I traveled with them for four weeks eventually. You know, they had to go back home to France. I had to go back home to Hawaii. And in the meantime, I fell in love with this girl. We kept in touch for a little bit. Now we talk every couple months. But I'm moving to France in the fall and

I'm going to pursue this chick. She doesn't know I'm moving there. She knows I'm coming to visit I'm gonna tell her before I go that I'm moving But yeah, she's a couple years older than me. She's French Speaks pretty good English. I don't speak any French and and yeah i'm head over heels in love with her she's beautiful she's here she is i'm gonna give her a hundred drawings i don't know if this is cute but i'm gonna do a hundred drawings and yeah so basically roast me please give me advice love you guys i wish i could give more details but i gotta go love you all and the producers and matt and everyone and chris Okay, cool. Love you back.

Hold on. Did he say in the middle of that, I talk to her now every couple of months? No. He didn't say that. Of course not. He said something like that. I talk to her now every couple of minutes?

No, no. I swear he said something like that, dude. Okay, well, he talks to her more than every couple of months. Okay. So let's start there. Let's just play it again. I'm so excited you guys are doing a show together. I swear he said something like that, dude. Okay, well, he talks to her more than every couple months. Okay. So let's start there. Let's just play it again.

Hi, I'm so excited you guys are doing a show together. Here we go. I got to make this quick so it fits. Basically, a year ago, I was traveling in Costa Rica. I met a girl at a hostel. Her friend invited me to travel, so I traveled with them for like four weeks. Eventually, you know, they had to go back home to France. I had to go back home to Hawaii. And in the meantime, I fell in love with this girl.

We kept in touch for a little bit. Now we talk every couple of months. But I'm moving to France. You're living in a fantasy land. He just misspoke, obviously. Stalking. fantasy land he just misspoke obviously he is stalking he misspoke craze dude this isn't okay let's hope he misspoke this isn't okay knock knock who's there misspoke this isn't okay knock knock who's there he cries no he she knows he's coming oh i'll tell you he's coming every night dude while he's drawing those pictures jacking off ah you're drawing a hundred pictures to somebody you talk to every two months

do you really think he... You don't think he misspoke? We've got to take... Redo the video if you misspoke. I mean, I agree with that. I mean, how long has it been? Two months? I talked to her every two months.

I talked to her once. E-craze, dude. Hey, guy. I mean, dude, that's insane. You dress so much like you're in the 90s. And the fact that I'm not even broaching that topic because he craves you dropped the fucking bomb he's dressed so much like a guy that goes backpacking through europe okay well he did no i know that's what i'm saying hey guy

change no be nice okay i know be nice he's in love he's following his heart he met her he fell in love oh my god dude he missed i hope you misspoke dude this french girl is in france with her husband like yeah i uh no i didn't meet anybody she doesn't even know well now we don't know that at all we don't know anything about her he fell in love with her let's here here here's what we're doing a hundred let's assume okay that she reciprocates his feelings okay just for the sake of okay right i think he misspoke i do too otherwise i feel i feel pretty fucking certain yeah here's the thing the fact that he's planning on moving there and hasn't told her yet that's a big whoopsie daisy that's not good everything is bad about this tell her now okay no no no no no no no no wrong first of all you recorded it in the bathroom echoey record okay everything's wrong from jump no no no the the whole i mean, Chris is dying. I know. He's going to leave. You can laugh in the mic.

It's okay. Okay. Go ahead. I think the sentiment in general, the idea that he fell in love and is picking up and leaving his life behind for love, that's not wrong.

That in itself is not wrong. That is... It's not wrong. That is quite beautiful, actually. The issue here is that he's planning on moving and hasn't told her i know he said he's gonna that needs to be a conversation though is he moving for her or is he moving i mean a fucking he's moving for her what do you mean made the hundred drawings he crazy and it's all good but the thing is dude he made a hundred

drawings he's gonna do a hundred by the way that drawing was absolutely fucking fantastic i thought it was a hallmark card okay but um a hundred of them yeah a hundred of them it's gonna take some time but that's okay because he's talking and the thing is um what this is what i was gonna say about this uh you have to tell her and is also talking to her is cool do that more to make sure she's on the same page. He misspoke, dude. Come on. Okay, if he misspoke, then yes. But I'm sure he misspoke.

I'm sure he misspoke. Let's just say he misspoke. But I think that you need to really have the conversation with her. Immediately. Yeah, because also, what if she sees this? I mean, this is already one of the most popular podcasts of all time. But also, you can't trust a guy that says Hawaii. No.

Yeah, you can. He's from there. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It's like how people from people from that they hooked up. I don't know. I don't know if he did say that.

I don't know. Did he say that? No, no, I don't know. He didn't specify. You don't love anybody that you didn't do the fucking horizontal Mamba with.

I'll tell you that much. You need to be connected physically and also mentally, mentally, and emotionally mentally mentally and emotionally mentally and physically to fucking love someone otherwise and i hate to say this and you know i do but he craves he's in love with her let's just take it at his fucking word he is whether he is in the criteria the fucking rubric that you invented, he feels like he's in love with her, therefore he is.

Okay? Okay. Dr. Philbert, okay. Hawaii, he's leaving Hawaii, and he's going to Paris. Paris, yes. To reunite

with the woman that he loves. Yeah. Dude, he's going to be doing this a lot in Paris, by the way. Right. Right, right, right. Okay.

I'm saying. I'm just... He's going to just doing a lot of this in pair oh because he's stuck because he's stalking yeah right right 101 i'm only on 72 i moved too early but i think that i don't think anything beyond fucking tell her and if she is happy about it then everything is good. And if you fucking don't tell her and just do it, there should be an independent movie about you from 1998

and how you're a fucking crazy stalker and you end up killing her. Starring fucking Ethan Hawke. Nobody wants that. Ethan Hawke. Yeah, definitely. No one's ever heard of him. Yeah, definitely.

No, French woman. Like a famous French woman. Most famous French woman, yeah. No one in America. Not one person knows America. And for sure fucking gets super fat in like 10 years anyway dude uh also uh fuck i keep forgetting what i'm gonna say because i get derailed but uh blaming me if you didn't if you didn't sleep with her let me tell you something if you didn't sleep with you probably don't you're probably not in

love it's probably an infatuation. And also, if you... He said she talks pretty good English. Yes. You don't... You can't connect on physically or with words. What do you mean? If you talk pretty good English, that's like, hi, you know,

going back to the Ukraine shit, hi, how are you? We have good times here. Like, you can't fall in love with somebody like that. Yes, you can, dude. That is the worst thing you've said this entire fucking episode so far you can fall you're saying you can only fall in love you perfectly speak the same language not perfectly no i mean how many people in america alone americans alone met their wives overseas like when they were in

the fucking army british people oh no how's it going i don't know any language like fucking vietnamese women and shit oh dude that's where i draw the line these dudes these creepy white dudes who have that asian kink okay but that's i'm not talking about fucking asian kinks i'm talking about people falling in love with people don't speak perfect english because they're demure and shit and they just have a power problem okay but okay yeah most relax i know it's a deeper but yeah it's not about the language thing okay that is a completely non that has nothing to do with any all right i don't know if it has nothing to do with it but okay i'll go with it to fucking tell her that's the main you're moving to her country yes from hawaii yes that's it okay

and i do i think you're crazy or not crazy i don't think anything until i hear her fucking response i like the guy i appreciate the guy. I appreciate the guy. I honestly appreciate the guy. I think the guy's a good guy. I think he misspoke, but if he didn't, I still like the guy. Yeah. And we all are going through some shit, dude. Yeah. We are all going through some shit.

And I appreciate you as a listener. It crates. I don't necessarily agree. Look, if she feels the same about him as he does for her. That's true. She could be over the fucking moon about the fact that he's moving. One of them is going to wind up dead. Totally true.

Either way, someone is going to wind up dead. Let's do it. Next one. Okay. The shit the way you said it. Hey, Chris. Hey, Matt. My name is Aaron.

I'm 18. I absolutely love Congratulations. I watch every single podcast. That's my podcast. I especially love the ones with Matt, so I'm really excited for Lifeline. podcast and I especially love the ones with Matt so I'm really excited for Lifeline. I was wondering if you guys had any advice on how

to deal with people with zero fucking social awareness. I work at Chick-fil-A so I have to deal with these people every day and so for instance this one time you know I'm working down a huge huge line of people and I make a terrible mistake

of asking this guy how his night is and he starts rambling about his heart problems he has kidney problems his lungs aren't doing that great he has a skin condition so this guy's organs are just fucking done and he ends up dropping this bombshell that the doctor told him he had like two months to live. I don't know if this guy was fucking with me, but I'm kind of inclined to believe him because he was in his like 70s. So I guess you guys probably have dealt with some stuff like this potentially because you have a lot of fans and you're trying to get to other shit in your day. So anyways, thank you for listening to this and i hope you have some advice for me oh this guy's cool i like you're just saying look i like him too but you're just saying that because he's wearing your fucking merch and that pisses me off thought you knew me thought you knew

me that's not true you know that's the kind of guy that i would fucking meet and be like this guy's hilarious he's got a great voice he should be on the radio you should be on the radio comb your hair a little bit but you know his hair's fine that's a good style i know bro looks like half of his head was in half of his head half of his head was in a corvette the other half was like meeting his girlfriend's mother you know what i mean yeah but it's also like dude bro you're 18 do your hair he did do his hair didn't do it you think he needs to roll out of bed and hit record i either think that or the day got the best of him and he didn't check the mirror before he sent in his submission no no no okay i'm just saying he likes her he likes his hair like that

and honestly so do i that seems cool you're being fucking you just looked at my hair i didn't like that okay well so here's the deal dude um i have okay the old me four years ago would have said, if I worked at Chick-fil-A and said, hey, sir, what would you like? How's your day? And if he said, I'm actually dying soon, I would say, wow, that's crazy. What would you like though, right?

Because I'm not your therapist dude can i add just let me just add something i think i think and i don't know maybe i'm assuming this i think this happened when he was giving the guy his food not when he was taking his order that would be amazing to hold up the line and being like i have kidney failure well he could have been waiting for his food to be done yeah no i'm saying that's what i'm saying you i hope you're right yeah right okay right so he's like hi i'll have a number two. And then he goes, great, cool, cool, got it. Yeah, anyway, got it.

And so how was your day? Well, you know, it's crazy. I'll tell you, my skin's yellow from fucking having diabetes and also my kidney's failing and I have cancer and the doctor gave me two months to live, right? Right. So that's too much information. Do you want any sauces with that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's too much information to unload you want any sauces with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's too much information to unload on anyone, period. So only do it to your really close friends and family. Maybe he doesn't have it. He's obviously a lonely guy. But I guarantee the next person that is not your best friend on your friend list is the guy you just ordered a crispy chicken sandwich from, right? So that's too much for that guy.

That guy's got major problems. And if he's going to die in two months, we understand why. That's a huge mental toll to fucking take off. Yes, right, exactly. He could be like, not unstable, but sort of fucking frazzled and doesn't know how to,

you could maybe take that into account when considering what the fuck to do with this guy. So what I think that you do is you say, well, you know know i understand why now you're eating chick-fil-a it's not good for you but what do you have to lose so here's some extra chicken sandwiches and you give it to them and then if you get fired for that for giving away free food you go online and you go on a tirade saying like chick-fil-a not only do they not support homosexuals they also don't want guys to live and have fun in their last two months of life

and then guess what dude you fucking pretty much will become famous and get money from it and get hired at a better job possibly that's exactly what i'm talking about with the judo shit he took it the momentum and turned it into fucking spun it into gold this guy's basically everybody rebecca's here okay stop talking about judo for real though because it doesn't apply here at all i think also i don't think he's specifically asking about how to deal with this guy because this guy's never coming back he's fucking dead before the next time he goes to chick-fil-a he's asking about people who are socially awkward when he can't escape the situation oh i know what to do then right. You look in her eyes and you go,

I once was a lad who served a term as office boy to an attorney's firm. I cleaned the windows and I swept the floors. I polished the handle of the sweet-toothed boy. I polished the handle so carefully and now I'm the ruler of the Queens Navy. And you say, that was from HMS Pinafore. Your turn.

And then they don't know what to do. I mean, I actually agree with that. It doesn't have to be exactly that. You do a musical now. Right. That to me is, look, that's fucking rough rough and if somebody spills their shit about them dying soon there's not really much you can do besides just wait until they fucking drive off which will inevitably inevitably happen soon but in general when people do awkward shit make you like bring up shit you

don't want to talk about that isn't so fucking heavy and tough to talk about just do like whatever they made you fucking awkward and sprung some shit you don't want to talk about do the same fucking thing to them that's fucking annoying that guy is an exception i would say but in general about annoying people fuck them dude just do whatever like say something annoying to me be like oh dude you know what are you gonna say not i'm dying but like i don't know you and you're like hey what's up with fucking you know native americans or something be annoying to me be like oh dude you know what are you gonna say not i'm dying but like i don't know you and you're like hey what's up with fucking you know native americans or something be annoying to me say that native american but what do i say i don't know anything be like hey do you like the new prius hey do you like the new prius i put a sign up right in the front window

advertisement writer in the front window and all of a sudden success coming out of the blue little shop of horror is your turn you don't know what to say i would say anyway can i have some ranch or something like that and get the fuck out of there because i don't want to talk to you thwart them yeah there you have it that's that that honestly that's the one that i agree with you on so that's great that's a good one i agree i agree with me on all of them but uh you don't agree with yourself in fact that's not even the right word you can do that and i did that well you can do that. And I did that. Well, you can do anything, but it doesn't make any sense.

Well, okay. My point is that was the show. And we did it. Is there more? We're done? We're done? We did it. We were over an hour, right? Oh, we're done? Okay, cool. And that's great. That's the show Lifeline. Dude, this was fun. This was fun. And hit the email. What's the email?

Askchrisandmatt at gmail.com ask chris and matt at gmail.com i can't believe that that wasn't taken already honestly like and subscribe to this motherfucker to the channel we're gonna have the second episode of lifeline uh next week and we're just gonna keep on rolling them out every week, dude. This is your new favorite podcast. And do you know why? Because it's about you. We discuss the advices that you need. Yeah. I mean, we do really. And this was fun. I didn't expect, here's the deal. I didn't expect it to not be fun. I didn't know what to expect, but it was fun and that is fucking nice yeah and also phoenix i'll be in your city april 30th uh get tickets at crystalia.com and i'm going to be going on more tours and shit like that and who knows if this show blows up maybe we'll do some live shows and los angeles i will be in los angeles because i'm always in fucking los angeles but you don't have a place

there for you to come see you You better not fucking come see me. I like my privacy. And come see me April 30th at the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix. And that's what's up. Thanks, guys. Like and subscribe. And dude, make friends in the comments.

And talk about the... How do you feel? What do you give advice to the people in the comments? That would be cool. What do I do? No, not you. I'm just saying to the people watching, why don't you give advice in the comments section

to the people? Because they're definitely going to be reading it for sure no but really what do i do i'm seeking your advice oh um i guess just keep doing this podcast every week okay all right thanks guys thank you