Lifeline - 10. Addicted to the Life

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

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Hello. Will you please. Hello. Hello. thank you thank you very much thank you you know go get a job as an accountant you're not coming to los angeles california fucking thanks no that was though because we were doing american idol i know but i was just doing a guy well you wouldn't turn british but i did a british guy wouldn't sing fucking link what is it not like a park uh limp biscuit yeah limp biscuit worst band name ever limp biscuit b-i-l-p biscuit was the shit in 1999. Was it 99? Were they, though? Yeah, they were the shit, dude.

That was exactly what the world needed. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Okay. Exactly. Think about the music now, where he's like, I did it all for the nookie. Now that's literally every song he's basically saying. I think that the world didn't need it, though, ever. No.

Limp Bizkit wasn't good. No. I love Fred Durst, and that's it. Okay. As a man on Earth? Yeah, and as a person, too. You know, he directed a movie that I saw. Okay.

It's called The Fanatic, and it stars my main man, the one and only greatest man alive, John Travolta. John Travolta can be a very bad actor and a very good actor except that's totally true except the first part no he's he's been bad so much when was he ever bad okay well he was bad in uh that i believe he was bad in that oj i knew you were gonna say that he's the only good thing in that. No, dude. Yeah. No, he was so bad in it. The whole thing is bad. He's a standout good thing. It's very bad and he's very bad.

No. And he adds to the badness. No, no, no. When a thing is that bad and someone's being that ludicrous and over the top and fun to watch, they're the only good thing. I agree with that logic, but this time it was not like that i don't know dude he like me he just like made faces for no reason like like robert shapiro wasn't like that at all yeah he was so low-key and chill in the box in the lawyer's box but

john trumolto was like nah what about goddy oh what about that other one where he's the guy who is the fraud that has a boat i saw that i don't know what the fuck it was called probably something like fast lane oh he does the thing nick cage does which is like movies pre-financed by a foreign country because the person's still famous there oh yeah they get like 20 million dollars before they even roll a single i do that i do those movies nope i just haven't done any yet, but I'm saying I do those movies if you're out there, Finland or whatever the fuck,

you want me to do some shit. No, it's like Germany. These people are still huge stars there. Apparently, I'm big in Berlin. You're big in Berlin? That's what I hear, so let's go. Berlin's fucking great.

Well, there's only like 9 million people in all of Germany though, right? Something like that. I don't know if that's true. I have no idea either. I just say shit. what i hear so let's go berlin's fucking great well there's only like nine million people in all of germany though right something like i don't know i have no idea i just say shit but that doesn't make it less important it's fucking cool no i know but i'm like if you're famous it's easy to be famous in germany is what i'm saying no that's a bad logic that is a bad logic i never thank you for all of all of you guys out there i really appreciate you guys you're so great do they like you more because you do an accent? I don't know why they like me, honestly.

Me neither. I don't look German at all, right? I look very Italian. And also- You don't look that Italian. I look Italian. I look Italian. You don't look that Italian.

What do I look, Greek? I look Greek. You look a little Greek. You look like- Careful now, though. No, I'm like Scandinavian because you're so pale. I do look Scandinavian, yeah. Yeah.

But I'm Italian, and I'll tell you this much, dude. Elephant in the room, I'm like Scandinavian because you're so pale. I do look Scandinavian, yeah. Yeah. But I'm Italian, and I'll tell you this much, dude. Elephant in the room, I'm a little bit more tan, right? Are you? We should mention it, yeah. Let's see. Hang on. So I'm a little bit more tan. First of all, you couldn't look more like Weekend at Bernie's with those glasses on

and the hat. I know you didn't wear a hat in the fucking movie, but... Oh, you're a little more tan. Yep. How'd that happen? I was outside. It was Eric Griffin's wedding. Oh, Eric Griffin got married?

Yep. Hell yeah. Yep. To that girl he's been with for a long time, right? Yeah. Oh, cute. Not a new girl, yeah. A new girl?

Yeah, it was very cool. No, not a new girl, no. Yeah, the girl that he's been with. Congratulations, Eric. I love you. Eric Griffin, I don't like comics, you know? You don't like comics. He's one of the few that I truly, really love very much.

There's something very cool about him. His energy is amazing. He's a great guy, too. He's just a fucking good dude. Yeah, really love very much. There's something very cool about him. His energy is amazing. He's a great guy too. He's just a fucking good dude. Yeah, it was really special to see him get married. And it was a nice reception. But elephant in the room, I just had to address it. I'm a lot more tan than I am.

Because you were at the wedding. I was outside. Yeah, I was outside. Dude. And I turned. I was like, let me get the... Krista was like, where. I was at the... I was like, let me get the... Krista was like, where do you want to sit? I was like, let's sit over there at the end because I didn't want to be in the front.

I didn't want to be in the back. I was like, middle is great. So we go and I say, keep going. We'll go to the end. So we're at the end. Okay. And the outside of the thing, I get the last chair in the middle. I'm in the middle, but I get the last chair.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the outside right so so then um i get this fucking uh it goes you know the music happens and then the people start walking the music happens yeah okay because i don't know it's not the bride music yet it's just the beautiful violin music yeah yeah yeah makes you cry you in the mood yeah the mood bro i thank god i had sunglasses on you cry dude i i it's not even like i'm like it's it's unfair like i don't know if it's i think it's a lot is because of calvin and then a lot is because i do

like bro i did therapy the other day and legitimately cried the whole fucking time and then i'm just crying a lot more lately i cry it's a lot but you're just turning into that i guess i know dude i haven't caught that fucking wind yet i don't cry that much i cry it's a lot but you're just turning into that i guess i know dude i haven't caught that fucking wind yet i don't cry that much i caught it hard the past two years man like i definitely don't cry at weddings i only cry at weddings because i don't want to fucking be there yeah i'm so miserable at weddings and here's the other thing dude i actually had a good time at his wedding i know well weddings are a lot of them are horrible but this one was great anyway so i'm at the outside of the thing and the music starts and violins are just like fuck violins you know they just make you

that's why they're great get you emotive emotion i know i know so uh he comes walking in with his mom and i'm just like forget it that's cute yeah and uh and i i take my chair and i'm like i got the outside chair i can literally just kind of like turn it oh because everyone's like this yeah yeah yeah that's like bitch shit so you did that i just go i literally you know it was like this so i go like this and i'm like on the outside yeah yeah and i'm doing it and and kristin is next to me on this side and she's just like this and she looks back at me she's like you can't have your chair like that and i was like oh really i guess it messed up the fucking thing and she's like, you can't have your chair like that? And I was like, oh, really? I guess it messed up

the fucking thing and she was like, yeah, you gotta put it regular. I was like, oh, I just figured I was on the outside or whatever.

It didn't affect anybody though. Well, it might have meant effect, maybe in pictures it was gonna look bad I think she was saying. I think it was okay what you did.

Well, whatever, but I, you know, I acquiesced and I didn't want, I hope I didn't ruin his wedding but it was beautiful.

No, I don't think you did. Yeah, so I don't know and I acquiesced and I didn't want to. I hope I didn't ruin his wedding, but it was beautiful. No, I don't think you did. Yeah. So I don't know. And I'm nauseous today. Why are you nauseous? Woke up, two burgers, ate two burgers last night. Why'd you do that?

One didn't have the bun on it, so I thought it was okay. Such an idiot. Hey, dude, I ate a burger at In-N-Out. Dude, we wanted to go to In-N-Out. Chris was like, let's go to In-N-Out. Didn't want to go. What time? 10.30. Too late. ate a burger at in and out dude we wanted to go to in and out chris was like let's go to in and out didn't want to go what time 10 30 too late dude didn't want to go uh it was i wanted to go she was like well let's go to in and out and i was like all right cool let's go and then uh

didn't want to go but then we went on way to in and out she goes like oh go there points to taco bell i'm pissed oh yeah i don't want to go to podcast like i don't want to go to taco bell and she's like oh come on i want to go talk. Oh, yeah. Don't want to go to Paco. He's like, I don't want to go to Taco Bell. And she's like, oh, come on. I want to go to Taco Bell. I was like, I didn't want to go to In-N-Out, but can we compromise? And she was like, fine. And I was like, no, you know what, dude?

I was like, let's do this. We'll go to Taco Bell for you, and then we'll go to In-N-Out. Whoa, you went to both? You guys are fucking disgusting pigs. I didn't go. I didn't eat both. She ate both? No, no, no.

Nobody ate both. But just going to both is like disgusting. It's like a disgusting parade. But Taco Bell is disgusting as shit. And In-N-Out is like okay. But then if you eat two of them, it's disgusting as shit. Also with the cheese fries that I ate. Oh, you guys had an impromptu disgusting parade.

It was a smorgasbord, dude. I don't know what we're going to eat together. She ate in the car and then we went home. And then I fucking, she went to bed and I was sitting there eating a fucking eating eating uh burgers watching a game stop a documentary on the on the game stop stop uh travesty that happened in the fucking thing so dude i was a piece of shit just eating that stuff fat yeah it was fat as shit yeah watching a game stop documentary yeah that's anyway fat but it was uh it was good dude game stop well you know i should we should have got in on that, huh?

We really should have got in on that. Imagine how much fucking loaded cash we'd have. What? You know? Imagine how much loaded cash we'd have. Blue chips, dude. Yeah, the movie. I remember the movie, dude.

Who's in it? Shaq. Who else is in it? Fuck, dude. I don't know. Allen Iverson. Wow, that went from so happy to so good. Christian Lehner's in it.

No, no, no. Anthony Hardaway. Yeah, yeah, Allen Iverson. Wow, that went from so happy to so good. Christian Lehner's in it. No, no, no. Anthony Hardaway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little Penny. Penny. Penny Hardaway. And fucking Nick Nolte. Nick Nolte on your ass.

Oh, yeah, that's right. No. Is the coach, yeah. Nick Nolte on your ass. William Friedkin directed it on your ass. What a dork, dude. Shaquille O'Neal on your ass is in it. I already said that.

Penny Hardaway on your ass is in it i already said that penny hardaway on your ass is in it dude the worst reviewer welcome to on your ass with leonard malton yeah dude uh i saw it in the theaters with dad when it came out that's really oh yeah why because you like basketball i can't imagine dad going to the movie theater to watch blue chips dude it's a freaking director the guy that directed the exorcist and french connection is just like it's just a fucking on your ass movie. It's just an on your ass movie. I mean, The Exorcist, French Connection, blue chips. Yeah, dude.

He's mixing it up. Hey, dude, Gene Hackman, other good actors in The Exorcist, and then Shaquille O'Neal. But Nick Nolte on your ass. Dude, I had a kid when I was in high school and he would say like, Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, I was thinking about that. And it made me mad. And it made me mad. Shaquille O'Neal. No, remember when you would come into my it made me mad. And it made me mad. Chuck Gillian, Neil.

No, remember when you would come into my room late at night and do impressions of all the different guys on your basketball team? Yeah, in my high school, yeah. Chuck Gillian, Neil. That was Derek E, right? Derek E and he would go like this, John Kemp, John Kemp. Dude, this pissed me off so much.

Man, this pissed me off so much. He goes like this. We were talking about basketball players. He was like, John Kemp? No, John Kemp. He is the most entertaining player in the NBA. That's what he said. And I was just like just like dude the fact that like he thought of that already and then used it for this conversation i didn't like the fucking methodical shit that he did you know

what's interesting about that if somebody said that now i'd be like oh you just watched some stupid youtube yeah it's like 11 minutes but back then he thought of that shit on his own he went through it he got or like his dad or uncle yeah yeah you know yeah yeah definitely but it sounds like you're saying sounds like he was saying john kemp john kemp and chuck gillian but it's sean kemp oh i know and it's shaquille o'neal and he was one of the most entertaining players in the nba at the time yeah jack willie o'neal was one of the fucking tallest jamiroquai o'neal jamiroquai walls and shit jack jack willie o'ne shit uh what's that song uh the jamira song yeah oh no it's so good though remember the video what's the name of it uh virtual insanity the worst fucking title in any song ever okay the video was the shit though yeah it was good dude all right um thank you yeah let's do it

what we got hi kristen matt my name is cassie hi so nervous but i'll relax um i'm calling in first to say love you both uh i'm a baby and a log cabin member um i'm here in Savannah, Georgia. And I'm calling to ask you both about how to propose to my boyfriend. Whoa. We are three months pregnant. He's the greatest guy I've ever met. And I want to do something special and big and wow him. And I know him well, but I don't know what guys want when it comes to a proposal, whether I'm stealing his thunder. If a woman were to propose to you.

Wow. How would you guys expect it to go down? Would you want it to be funny or over the top or very, very public? Maybe I do it at Chris's show in Savannah here on October 22nd. Wow. Good plug. I am doing it. But I would love to hear your thoughts

and maybe chris you could tell us how you proposed to kristin um that would be cool to hear whoa okay you're awesome thank you bye uh you're awesome even though that was like that question was like slanted towards you i think she's awesome even though she did that okay well yeah that's okay to think that she's awesome even though she did that you didn't even know you know what she said that it's so hard towards you why don't you fucking take me so dude first of all well congratulations she said she's three months pregnant right oh really that's what she said right okay yeah yeah um i i have never known a woman that has proposed to a man. Personally.

Have you? I bet I have. I just didn't know that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, maybe. I've heard about it many times. Well, I've heard about it. I don't know.

I've never known about it, though. That would be good, though. Definitely do it. Yeah, fuck it. Why do you think that? I think that because there's so much stress on the guy to get it right. Anything she does is going to be fucking fine. There's no version of him that would be like,

you know, I wish she really did it like this. It would have been so much more romantic. That's true. It's just like anything you do. The only thing that is possible is that if he's like- Got the macho- He's like, what the fuck? And he's like, I just wish you let me do it now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do- That's what i wonder i wonder if but it sounds like they have the kind of relationship if she's right she doesn't feel like an insane person barring that it's like you're almost doing it in my favor i think but if she's three months pregnant maybe her brain's doing some crazy shit but i would also suggest the one thing i do know for sure don't do public that's never good no you know what you should do i i she asked i think she hit it on the head i think it should be light and fun if it's a dude yeah if you're doing like really romantic

shit and pulling out all the stops yeah that guy's gonna feel emasculated i think maybe but i don't know the guy yeah but like even if he isn't though i think a guy would appreciate it lighter little humor and lighter stuff yeah like yeah like remember in the remember in the fucking um uh goodwill hunting when uh rob what's the robin williams is like it's not your fault yeah and matt damon is like i know yeah he's like it's not your fault he's like yes it's not your fault he's like dude that's uh i know that like that's where a guy is if they're they're always have that much emotion right behind the emotion, and he's not going to want to fucking crack hard. Like, I felt like a bitch when I was crying at Eric's wedding. I got to be good with that, right?

That's got to be my thing. I got to be nice with it. No, that's like a place where people cry. I know, but I'm saying if you do it in a lighter way, it's less like that. And the guy is less. I don't. You know, I don't. I don't, you know, I don't.

Because if a chick was in the fucking Goodwill hunting thing and Robin Williams was like, it's not your fault. The girl would be like, I'm so glad that somebody actually said that. And that's actually five hours long. So what I'm saying is, right, sit deeper. And it's fine. But what I'm saying is, keep it nice, jovial. Hey, how's it going? Want to go to Starbucks? By the way, what's this?

And he goes, a ring. And you say, it's yours. And then you say, yeah. By the way, also, do you want to marry me? And then you say, here's your macchiato. Spin out. Terrible idea. Do not do that.

But I agree about the lightness. Yeah. I also think the therapy with the woman would be shorter because he'd say it's not your fault and then there's no like barriers so the barrier of him being like no i know it makes it take longer i don't know the woman would just be like talking oh i'm talking yeah but it'd be like there's no barrier so it's instantly like the water works yeah but water works for so long right because. Because not just because, you know. Oh, I see what you're saying. Because women cry so long and then they talk so much and then they add that to deeper.

But fine. Staper. Right. Yeah. So. Yeah. And congratulations. You know what?

I don't. I've never had people come up and on stage. The guy's obviously not a fan of mine because he doesn't watch anything I do because, of course, you would never fucking do this so thanks a lot guy but um but uh she i think that she i've never had anyone uh do ask them to marry me that would be wild if i had a female ask a man you know i think men probably are like nah that's my job but then if it actually happens it's like i'm saying at my show sorry i didn I didn't say that. Oh, no. You left out the main part.

Yeah. Yeah, but she said that. I know. But you didn't say it. I know because I got ahead of myself. That would be crazy. I don't know. I know comedians have done that and stuff.

Like, Joe Coy probably does it every fucking... He probably does act breaks and does it. But, like, guys, you know, before we go for our third act break, I just feel like the guy's always doing different shit. But thank you, boys to men to men now we're doing it it's like people are like oh can you talk about your son um so uh so yeah so i just um i don't know if i would ever do that on my on my show i always felt like the actor was the act and comedians that did that it's like it's nice and it's sweet i guess it is nice they incorporate you like facilitate yeah

you would be like guys i gotta come up oh yeah i guess that's how it would be i don't know i've never done it but that's not good yeah i don't think that's good either yeah don't do it not public yeah just that's my only keep it light keep it nice keep it make a dinner at home very it could be very sweet at home go to a place where you might have gone like your first date if it's private some like lookout spot some like romantic spot as low-key and then bust it as for me kristin said she didn't want to do she didn't want to make a big deal about it at all that she was like literally i just want you to like roll over when we're gonna go to sleep and do it i was like really and she's like yeah i was like okay and then i i did it and i was in a like a hoodie it

was just some i was so nervous you know i was in a hoodie and then and like pant like pajamas and she i said come outside and went outside and i asked her in the on the patio and then she was and then i did it and then whenever she told the story she was like yeah he did it in pajamas it was really cute and then i felt like man maybe they don't like they think that i'm being like not and so then i redid it well you did yeah i redid it wow i read that fucking mulligan i'm asking i redid it because i said no the second time i redid it and i did it with calvin and um in front of our friends when we were taking pictures for her friend i think her friends they were taking pictures or something

for something which one does she like more of the friends of the marriage proposal i guess the second one i don't i don't know i did it twice though you get two two bang for your buck more bang for your buck so all right anyway uh good luck and congratulations on the pregnancy that's fucking awesome let's go hey mark hey chris my name's lewis i'm from the uk i'm 24 apology for the unhinged shirt i'm just chilling at home um i love the podcast i love congratulations what's like every episode i love it anyway my question is right so i'm on a career path i know what i want to do um but i just love going out and partying and chilling with my friends and having a good time so my question is like how do I get off the path of going out every weekend

and just ruining my life I love it and just focus on that career goal like how do you just focus on it probably a simple answer but i'd love to hear your guys opinion thank you peace out guys oh fuck yeah dude he's a dick you know what he's addicted to the life dude he's addicted to the life that is so fucking ill you got to get over that though dude but he's addicted to the life dude and he fucking goes out bro that i guarantee you you see him look at his face he was partying all night that was in the morning he had a hair coming off of his chin he didn't even redo the video he probably didn't see it he's so hungover but my point is dude he is addicted to the life that guy more than like i would say how what percentage of the time are your hands

below your shoulders oh geez 98 nine yeah yeah this guy's probably half and half half and half i mean that guy bro half above come on man that guy's addicted to the life, bro. I think, though. His fucking shit is 15% of the time. Right, yeah. So his hand, 85% above? Dude, addicted to the life right here. That's the strongest fucking shoulder muscles. And then fucking, yeah, addicted. That still counts.

With the drink. If you have just one. Still counts, dude. Addicted to it. Fucking coke. Molly, still up dude 15 dude and from the time 11 30 to 2 a.m 45 of the time it's like this wow getting his dick suck his uk dick suck i love it so my shirt ain't on that but like holy shit i'm about to boss off on time i'm about to boss off i'm about to empty me nuts aren't i why do british guys when you do sound a little bit like kermit

i want to come over to me lily pod and fucking finish it off in the back she's just like your hands are above your head a lot. He did say weekend, though. So, like, he's burning it on the weekends. And then during the week. He means Wednesday through Monday. The advice is keep it on the weekends and have it be something to look forward to. Monday to Friday, focus on the fucking, as you call them, career goals. Also, what did he say?

He's 24 years old? Is that what he said? He's young as fucking shit. Oh, wow, dude. That fucking sweet life is catching up to him he looks fucking 29 but that shit will slow down the desire to be a fuck

dude and be fucked up all the time will burn out on its own but just keep it to a minimum in the sense that keep it on the days that it's supposed to be

for burning away on the weekends on the weekdays you keep it about the career this is like a fucking state. He's like a New York. If this was even America, he'd be like a New York stock dude.

Stock exchange. Like a fucking Wall Street dude. That's what we want though. We want the hard working during the week and then on the weekends, just burning it out. And then one day coming in like a zombie, but by Friday,

you feel kind of healthier and refreshed for the fucking weekend. You're living for the weekend like fucking every other song says. But he says he knows what he wants to do so maybe he likes his job too. I really wonder what his job is. I wish he said that. Yeah, he didn't fucking say. What's your job? He's just like DoorDash. Right. Yeah.

Well, then that's kind of kind of. I love throwing burgers at doors. What's with you and things being thrown by DoorDash? DoorDash is a fucking piece of trash. Why do you insist that they throw the food at the door? They don't give a fuck. They drive by, they go. What happened to you with DoorDash. DoorDash is a fucking piece of trash. Why do you insist that they throw the food at the door? They don't give a fuck. They drive by, they go. What happened to you

with DoorDash? Why do you insist that that's true? I don't use it. You don't even know. Postmates is the worst. You literally don't even know. I don't know.

No, I saw memes. Dude, the worst way to learn shit. On the stand, I saw memes. Dude, no. Postmates is the worst, no not the same thing they bring the food to your fucking door bro they deliver it in wrong places and i go nuts i actually like not

at your door where do they go oh bro they don't even put it at a door sometimes so where do they where do they put it like i fucking got once. It was like on someone's lawn. They don't give a fuck, dude. They put it in one of those fucking tree holes that the people I was living in. You've got shitty, shitty, shitty door dashers and postmates.

Bro, do you think... And no knock, dude. I mean, it's hard out there. You got to get hard getting a job. But like people who do Uber Eats, they don't want to be doing Uber Eats. So they're just like, you know what I mean?

Well, they're not going to be doing it long if they do that shit they're going to complain and they won't be able to do it anymore bro and then i try not to fucking complain and i don't want to fucking i want to still tip them but it's like i try real hard not to do that too yeah i don't have to a lot usually they just do it right some and then you call them and then they're like i don't actually you're like where's my food and you see the picture you know they leave it with the picture oh yeah yeah and you're like this is's my food? And you see the picture. You know, they leave it with the picture. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you're like, this is not a place I've seen. Wow, weird. That's never happened.

That's not a place I've seen. I went up and down. The last one, I went up and down my street. I looked at every place. Oh, that's so annoying. The food was not there. Oh, bro, I was so mad. I ordered it again.

You don't know where it was. The same thing, I ordered it again. Okay? I go downstairs. When the second time comes, they're both there second time comes they're both there yeah they're both there the fuck i was so mad i ate them both i ate them both i was so fat yeah like shit the next day yeah it was two salmons that's kind of a mystery case yeah it was annoying as shit anyway weird you want to do another one

hey matt and chris love the show i'm gonna cut to the point because i've made this video That was annoying as shit. Anyway, you want to do another one? Hey, Matt and Chris. Love the show. I'm going to cut to the point because I've made this video so many times and I keep spelling it out. I recently discovered that my husband chews on his own dead skin. It disgusts me. His hands were peeling. He was biting it off, chewing on it between his teeth.

Chew, chew, chew, chew, spit. Do it again. He also, if he has a cut, he licks the blood and says he's putting it back in his body it very much grosses me out i mean i told him it's disgusting not to do it in front of our children and he said that it's normal everybody does it no and basically that i'm being dramatic i I guess. No. So I'd like to know, is it normal? Does everybody do it? Is it a guy thing or is it disgusting? And how do I get this out of my brain to save my marriage? Thanks, guys.

It's not a guy thing unless they're under six years old. Yeah. It's definitely not normal. No, that's not. It's completely abnormal. Yeah. And I would say get a divorce. I would say get a divorce. I would say get a divorce.

That's pretty harsh. Yeah, but get a divorce. That is- It would teach him a lesson. Not okay. Pretty harsh. Why is he trying to gaslight you about it too? Like, it's totally normal.

Everybody does it. Like, what? Like, you're not alive? Maybe he thinks it is. Like, you're not alive in the world? Why does he think that? No one does that. I don't know.

There's fucking Reddit groups. You know what I mean? I guarantee there's a Reddit group of fucking skin chewers.wers yeah but they're not normal members of society out in the world eating their own dead this is like a fucking stephen king novel that's disgusting dude that is not only not normal that is fucking disgusting uh it's it's gross i don't find it that disgusting. I would borderline throw up if someone did that in front of me. Eating their own,

chewing on their own dead skin? Not even eating it. Digesting it is one thing, just like getting it down and fucking gullet. A whole other thing is just like chewing, like it's gum? Well, I don't think she said he swallows it.

That's even worse. He should swallow it. He's chewing on it. That's pretty weird, dude. Maybe, you know what? Honestly, look at him and be like, eat mine too. i'm your wife yeah if i have dry skin i want you to eat a bowl of mine with milk otherwise stop doing it it's not fair he'd probably get a fucking hard on he just goes he's got a weird thing going on get the get the two percent yeah just with the

fucking dead skin oh god yeah yeah i mean with frosted flakes just thinking about it makes you want to fucking throw up um i'll tell you something okay putting blood back in your body by yeah licking is not a thing no no it doesn't work obviously he's just making stuff up that guy's a vampire he's just totally making stuff i'm putting it back in my body i'm eating my skin because i'm putting it back in my body i'm eating my shit because i'm putting it back in my body i'm eating my shit because i'm putting it back in my body thing yeah it's not in your body because it's supposed to not be in your body maybe the bleeding thing also dude how many cuts is this guy having like what's this guy doing i'm fucking 42 i have zero cuts i haven't had a cut for years he's just constantly walking through those fucking skinning his knee and shit always

constantly walking through rose bushes what's going on with this fucking guy? Send me rose bushes is basically the advice. That guy, that's so gross. Does he do it out? He's got to stop. You know what? Here's the advice. Don't do it around the kids or me.

Yeah. Do it in private. If you want to do it in private, you're not hurting anyone. Don't do it around me. And don't let him even go an inch further with the, oh, it's normal. Everyone does it. They do not do it. Guys do not do that.

Listen to me. No one does that besides fucking serial killers. Eating your skin is not normal. That's Chris D'Elia said it. So just show him that, dude. Eating your skin and drinking your blood, it's not normal. Yeah. Vote for me.

Message paid for by vampires yeah do not do not let him you really want this you really want chrystalia's mayor he says drinking drinking blood and eating skin isn't good paid for by the vampire association paid for by her husband yeah yeah he's there yeah just like he's running against you hello hello wife why is he serious have you been eating does he kill people also have you been eating your blood again no what makes you ask that collar's so fucking high skin banging off of you have skin hanging off of that's frosted flakes come on make you want to throw up so bad okay hey guys so relaxed so handsome bring out all

this great content uh Love your work. I'm a big fan here. So I've had this date a few weeks ago. We went to a wine bar, ended up drinking, laughing, having a really good time. What if he's getting a BJ drink? And then the check arrives and we both put out our credit cards. And she looks at me and says says should I put my credit card and I'm like do whatever you feel like that was my honest response boy honestly and

then the waitress approaches and she elegantly kind of takes her card back means she likes you and she's a help the end of the date I was like that sucks it really turned me off you know yeah that would certainly off too but also I how uh you guys would have handled it or if you have any thoughts about this piece this guy why would that turn you off and because first of all this guy this guy he i love how he is so where do you think he's from eastern like like wherever he's from he's so from there i think he's fucking algeria that he's like he i just speak my mind like i say do whatever you feel and he was probably like this guy like just i get the sense that this guy was just like i don't um i don't i want i would love to pay you because i a man, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

Like that's probably what was going on in his head. So he was just like, do whatever you like. And then she took it as, oh, the problem with that is he's putting it on her. Yeah. So he's putting two things on her. That and also that he's not paying as the man, which I understand that's traditional.

It doesn't always have to be that way. It's fine if you want to go Dutch. But he fucked up by speaking his mind. This is one of those times where he should have just said, I got it. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Yes. And he didn't do that.

And that made it a little more awkward. So now when she took... And here's why it turns me off. So my instinct... Okay okay what are the i by the way i would always pay for dinners if i was on a date like i just that that would be my go-to right yeah that's not he didn't say the right thing yeah right but i like how he was being him and i like how he reacted to what he said he was like that was just what i said it was on my mind like yeah if she but um he i think i fuck i forgot i lost my train of thought go ahead i forgot

yeah i mean i i don't know why that turned you off oh i think that okay go ahead i it it turns me off when i will not saying it she's being cheap because she very well may have been like this is a date i don't want to pay because i you know what i mean um and the fact that she took it out in the first place anyway was actually thoughtful right yeah uh but maybe it turned him off because i don't know why it turned him off but for me if somebody if i sent somebody is cheap it's a turnoff but that doesn't mean it's cheap you're right you're right it could have been a number of things you're right the more i think about it he her asking him that is he's basically her asking him what is this what are we doing yes

yes yes yes and yes we figured it out together it wasn't just you and him saying i don't know whatever you want is like not it's deflecting the question she's asking him what is this where are we are we on a date or what is this and he said i don't know whatever you want and that's like and then even more like she could have been saying no no this is a date i'm taking my card back so she could have been doing a number of things correctly. And he is not only getting it wrong by fucking not saying the right thing in the first place, but then being turned off by the fact that she's saying, no, no, this is a fucking date. I don't think she's saying, I mean, maybe she is, but the guy's fucking so handsome. I don't think she was like, oh, I'm going to get a free drink out of this or whatever it was.

Right, right, right. I mean, she could be a fucking. Yeah, if she was a hoe, she wouldn't even take the thing out at all. Right? The card out at all. You mean if she was an actual escort yes she would not just like no not that but like a hoe that's just like trying to go get free food dinners and shit who the fuck does that you mean a hobo oh dude have you ever been in la yeah oh just trying to get you you mean there are people out there who go on what otherwise appear to be dates with people they

are not interested in just to eat? Yeah, I don't know why he doesn't get it. Okay, I'll call you guys back. Sorry, Guinness World Records just called me. Dude, why would they do that? That's so boring and not like- 100%. Just fucking be like you the other night

and get Taco Bell. Dude, that- Save yourself a night. Because of hoes want to be out and they want free meals. Hoes want to be out and they want free meals with- And they want to be seen in dresses and shit meals hoes want to be out and they want free meals with and they want to be seen in dresses and shit dude have you been in la have you met hoes

guys i'll call you back dude i know he's never met one hoe yes unbelievable it was guinness book sorry i don't i don't know anyone like this i'll be perfectly honest i have to have to say i don't know what that person is. I'm learning now. Some of them, they don't even know they're doing it. They're just like, I think maybe I like him. And they're just like, oh, and then eating and shit in her fucking gold sequined dress. Okay, bye. Dry dick gets in the Uber he paid for and fucking hits on the Uber, dude.

Just go to fucking Taco Bell. Get like a thing for $3. These fucking homes don't want Taco Bell? Why do they want to go and be somewhere? I'm sorry. I'll call you back. Two hours, dude? Two hours with someone they don't give a fuck about just to eat?

Yes, dude. If they're rich or if they're fucking handsome. What is that, dude? That sucks. Those people suck. I don't even know what that is. Oh, hoes suck? But that's not a hoe.

Hoes literally suck. Doesn't a hoe imply there's some kind of like sex involved no this is like this is a hobo this is a hobo this is a hobo hoes want free shit hoes want free a ho this is the common misconception with a ho dude hoes don't necessarily fuck we don't nobody gives a fuck you're using the wrong word no no i'm changing the lexicon you can't you're not allowed to do that you can't just make up a meaningful word i mean i've kind of done that over the past few years but i'm saying one is no one should be allowing you to do that because that's just confusing if a girl say oh i think that's

shorthand for like escort it's like it's like if a ho okay if a ho is like if a girl is like if a girl has so many like they say so many's like if a hoe is like, if a girl is like, if a girl has so many, like they say, so many bodies, right, this year. If a girl's had sex with 30 guys this year and it's fucking April, right? And you're like, whoa, you fuck a lot. You're a hoe, huh? And you're like, I just fuck whenever. I fuck a lot. You know, I fuck a lot. Yes, I agree.

That's not a hoe. A hoe is like, I don't know. No, not really. And then fucking hara, hara, hara. And they fucking, you know what I mean? Nope. It's a lie. A hoe's lie is I don't know. No, not really. And then fucking hara hara hara. And they fucking, you know what I mean? Nope. It's a lie. Hoes lie is what I'm saying.

Hoes lie about it. So they're liars and they're hobos. Yeah. Okay. I mean, this person you're describing acts way more like a homeless person or someone who's just completely broke. That's just trying to fucking eat for free. They have homes, but they're fucking often paid for by dudes like this that's a girl i guess a girl that fucks a lot is not a hoe but my problem is that a hoe is something in the world sure i get what you're saying but i'm

changing that okay because escort is escort that's what i thought you were describing that's not what i'm describing okay uh anyway what the fuck was this person talking he should have said honestly when she said when she said do you want me to pay with my credit card too he should have said how wet is my dick going to get tonight no he should have just said yes if he wanted her to and no if he didn't want her to that's it him saying anything wishy-washy is a fucking shitty response no or yes that's the way to fucking answer that question because you're answering is this a date or is this not a fucking date can i put my dick in half hard does that work yeah i mean that would have answered you some questions

as well then she would and then she said right out yeah and then she takes it right out it takes right out and it goes like this good then it will be fully hard okay you want to have her dick pay okay you want to have hard dick pay we will not be having sex fuck who does that sound like that sounds like uh uh that fucking tony shalhoub and something what is that shit i don't know man okay cool monk i was no no no i'm not monk all right cool what's the next one let's do it maybe stud wow how much this guy peaked in high school no doubt i can't see a more high school guy chris big fan been listening to your podcast since day one been to a bunch of shows hell yeah um he's not wearing pants matt it's been awesome to get to know you more

um i've been living with my best friend, which has been awesome, except for one major exception. He's got into a relationship recently and they have no boundaries. They literally spend every second and minute together. And being his roommate, it affects my life and interferes with my life a lot. And that hasn't been great. I'm just wondering what you guys think of how I should be dealing with that. And I can also tell, you know, he's not 100% himself. He's not really taking care of himself. And, you know, I just want to know what a supportive friend should do in this case. Wow, what a nice guy.

Thanks a lot. Well, great head of hair too. Handsome dude. Nice low angle looking strong. Yeah. I don't know, dude. I think definitely bring it up with them i mean this is your home and something's going on that is bothering you and making you feel like you're being smothered or sort of your space is being pinched a bit and so just bring it up with them

and be like can't you guys guys go to her place or something? This is kind of annoying. The second thing he said concerns me a bit more. What do you think he means by the not being himself? Yeah, he's not being himself. I don't know. I got the sense that maybe he's- And then he said not taking care of himself.

Yeah, well, maybe he just meant his friend is not obsessing, but letting his other priorities fall by the wayside because he's in love you know if it's a new relationship it might even out though dude you know what i mean like yeah if i love someone it's like fucking the whole time and then yeah but uh yeah i think that uh you bring it up but i also think that you know if he's encroaching boundaries then fucking you got to do the same bro it's all that work yeah in an apartment dude it looked like an apartment it was yeah okay well all that warfare yeah all that warfare and what does that mean to you uh you walk around with a towel on you you know you pop in you sometimes they're fucking and you know and you open the door like you're trying to get oh i'm

sorry i had no idea you know what i mean sorry but you know you're you're always here and it's just anyway i'm gonna grab toothpicks. Or walk around without a towel on. That is... Yeah, it is your house. It's your fucking house. It's not Starbucks. That's what you should do.

Do shit that's like borderline. If you were to have guests. Yeah. But then if it's like... And then the roommate or his partner could just be like, Hey, why are you walking around with no pants on? He's like, I'm home. Oh, you know what the perfect thing is? walking around with no pants like i'm home oh you

know what the perfect that's not my guest i'm home that's great but you know what the perfect thing is you know that thing that people do in the backyard or on their patio where they fucking they they let the sun in their anus where they oh yeah oh yeah put their chest on the ground and oh yeah do that a lot yeah receive the sun in your anus yeah and when and don't draw the blind let them see out into the fucking patio if it's an apartment even better dude yeah there's just like a little patio and he's just out there trying to receive the sun with his anus yeah dude and that uh will very quickly you'll have way more of a boundary because they won't be there a lot i think that that's great

receive the sun with your anus on on that note i I actually knew a guy who went on Craigslist and for $3, he would allow people to come over and stick their ass toward the sun on his property and have the sun pour into their anus on his property for $3. Seems like it should be more than that or it's free. Regardless of the price, he should start doing that. property for three dollars seems like it should be more than that but what i'm saying is regardless of the price he should start doing that and then when the roommate complains yeah when the roommate complains just be like well you always have your partner over i'm just trying to these are my son receivers these are my friends yeah i'll make a little money on the side this way oh you don't

like it okay well then let's talk about etiquette well i made nine dollars how much and how much did your fucking right and that's going towards rent yeah right right right yeah um he also would charge five dollars if they wanted to come shit in his yard hmm so it's it's definitely sexual because he's not charging enough you know he's not even close to enough yeah no no dude i'll suck your dick for a dollar. Those things should both require more money. Wow, dude, I've done it. Done which one? Receiving the sun with my anus.

Oh, yeah, me too. It feels amazing. Yeah, it does. It really actually does. Really oddly feels amazing. Yeah, it does. To take your pants off, offer the sun your anus, get the right direction to the sun, and you feel so warm. Yeah, like warms your whole body yeah it's crazy weird yeah it's like it's neat the sun sneaks into your butt and warms you

from the inside i also have shit in my friend's uh uh yard well i've shit in so many yards okay well don't one-up me like that all right i'm I'm the yard shitter. Yeah. On the way to see Eminem, I shit in fucking someone's yard. You mean his yard? No, not his. Oh. Oh, yeah. I remember that story. Yeah.

I mean, fucking, it was brutal, dude. I've told him plenty of times on podcasts. Sounds brutal, yeah. The fucking worst with the drive. Oh, fucking God. I still get mad about it. The driver that was driving us, I was like, you got to pull up right now. I got to go to the bathroom.

Dude, and he pulls off. He was going to go right or left. There's a hospital to the right an open road to the left he turns right he turns left and i was like okay well you got to pull over now i'm using the yard yeah i mean it was imminent dude yeah mountain lion open road you mean what just like houses and too many things like where are we going it's a fucking hospital like a residential street even if i shit my pants on the way into the hospital, we'll be able to clean it up. They have all supplies.

And you won't get arrested, et cetera. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Let's do the next one. Hey, Chris and Matt. What's up? I absolutely love the show.

It's hilarious. It's probably one of the only shows I listen to that I'll actually laugh out loud from. Hell yeah. But I have a nine-month-old baby. She's amazing in every way. We love her so much. Um, but my husband and I are at a point where we're like, okay, she going to be our first and our last baby. Um, are we going to have another baby or, you know, are we going to be

one and done? Um, you know, kind of don't want to go through the newborn phase all over again and kind of start from scratch. We're finally like starting to get our life back on track here. So I wanted to ask you guys, you know, do you think it's important to have a sibling in your life? Or, you know, what are the cons of being an only child? We're already getting the comments from people saying, oh, you know, she would be so lonely or she'd be spoiled and, you know, she'd resent you guys, you know, in the future or whatever. Um, I think there's tons of perks to being an only child, but then I see your guys' relationship and I think you guys

balance each other out super well and you guys obviously have a great relationship. So I wanted to see what you guys thought, you you know are we being selfish for not giving her a sibling or you know for her to be an only child what do you think thanks i mean not being selfish you're absolutely not being if you don't want to have another kid don't ever do it do not listen to people who are like they're gonna be that what the fuck yeah do other people know about what your kid's gonna be like yeah do what you want to do do not get pressured into having another fucking kid don't do that if the one kid feels right then that is right period the end your kid's gonna be fucking fine if you love her is it a boy or girl i forget i don't think she said anyway yeah your kid's gonna be fucking fine if you're good parents

it doesn't matter how many siblings they have they could have zero or five um i would have at the end of that i looked over to you and you were in tears looking at me um i think that i think that so here's what i think well yeah i agree 100 with you there it's so funny that she's like our life is getting back on track dude that's biology man this is biology and i'm gonna fucking tell you this right now and this is crazy because this is what's happened to fucking chris this is what happens to pregnant people like the the ladies and shit uh you because kristin like she did not like some some women like pregnancy you know they love it they think it's it's great that seems so crazy they get catered to they feel nurturing you know and um

and uh kristin was just like i can't wait for this to just be done. Right. I feel like I remember that. Yeah. And so Calvin came out and he, and she was like, uh, I can't, I, I, I know I want to have more kids, but oh my gosh,

right. I don't know. Right. Right. I remember that for sure. As the months progress, it was just still, no,

no, no, no, no, no. And then once they get to be two or something like that three four you for you literally i was reading about this biology makes you forget about that so you'll have more kids yeah i don't know how fucking uh true it is because it was an fhm magazine but

no that makes sense we are wired we are wired to just produce people, more people. So here's my point is that is, I feel like, likely going to happen to you. It seems like she's a very sweet kind of nurturing. It seems like she's a good mom to a nine-month-old, right? If she's being very thoughtful, right? Yeah. But here's another thing that I think. And I was talking to my friend, Michael Batts, who's a fucking talented comedian.

I saw him at Eric Griffin's wedding. And he was like, dude, if you want number two, do it soon. Do it soon. Don't wait. He was like, think about in the future when they're 13 and 10 or 13 and 11. Think about the life you want. Think about what you want and do it soon if that's what you want. And that was a really good piece of advice that he told me because I never really thought of it that way. I just thought do it when you feel like you want to do it again well that's

what i think so tell me why i'm wrong because we're three and a half years apart i love that we're not too far apart yeah and we're not you know closer would have been fine i feel like but um i just feel like if you have a 12 year old and a six a six-year-old, that's totally fine. But it's a different thing than having siblings that are right next to each other. And if that's the life you want, fine. But if you want more and you want the siblings with what she's talking about to have that connection,

I think doing it sooner is better. I don't think she should have another kid. Well, I mean, maybe she shouldn't, but I'm just saying if she wants to to what she said about we're finally just now getting our life back is sticking in my head and i feel like but that's how the thing starts when i first said what what do you mean that's how the thing starts i would finally get our life back and then okay good our life's back and then oh i want another kid um well it's a slow thing but if that's the case if that's where she arrives then obviously they should have another kid

but it just go off of whatever the fuck is in front of you and in your own mind do not go off of what other people

what is with other people other people yeah the fact that she's saying we just got our life back together we don't know it means that that's gonna happen to her

like when you ask people who only want one kid who have one kid after you're gonna have more they go no one and done yeah i just i just think that that's where she's swaying yeah that's all and i'm sorry to not make this utterly fucking hilarious but sometimes you got to get real yeah you know me dude yeah i go crazy not with the humor but okay sometimes you got to be super real yeah sometimes you do got to be super real. Yeah, sometimes you do got to be super real. Upside down head. Wait, wait, we know this guy.

Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. This is Corey from Missouri calling in again. I don't know if you guys necessarily want people to update on past calls. Yeah, hell yeah. But I just thought I'd throw it out there. We'll find out. Because since my last submission that you guys put on the show, thank you for that, by the way. Something about a girl.

Oh, yeah. Some crazy shit has happened. The kids. If you recall, it was about my girlfriend's mom trying to undermine our parenting and take control of our family and all that stuff. And you were right. You had a good point that the term

toxic can get thrown around a lot and doesn't necessarily carry a lot of weight sometimes, but let me paint a picture for you. Since my last call her mom made up some bullshit about her being addicted to pills and suicidal and all this stuff that was completely untrue and uh used it to manage to get her committed to a mental facility on an involuntary hold cops showed up at the house and took her away from her kids and while she was in there for two days, it was supposed to be four, but they released her after two because it was clear she wasn't supposed to be in there. While that was going on, her mom also got a restraining order against her and emergency guardianship of the girls.

Claiming that she's trying to help her and that she isn't fit as a mother which is completely untrue and this judge just signed off on all of it and now we don't have the kids and so now we're having to get a lawyer and jump through all these hoops and legal loopholes and shit just to try to get our family back together at home where it belongs it's absolutely bonkers to me that someone could be so evil against their own family that's and think that they should be in control of everything when it has nothing to do with her and so the reason i'm updating you guys is you know we're taking the steps doing everything we can to get them back and she's handling it like an absolute champ but in the meantime i guess the advice i want now is uh how do i frame this in my mind how do i handle the stress of this day in and

day out when i still have to go to work and there's nothing we can do on the weekends and the legal process is so slow and and and now i'm just rambling and i understand if you need to cut this short or if it doesn't make it but I just had to I just thought you guys might want to know so where do we even go from here thank you guys for doing this show it's awesome I appreciate you doing what you're doing

and more power to you hope to see you live sometime Chris maybe if you come down to Missouri we'll see I'll be there but anyway have a great one dude sometimes there Corey dude fuck man maybe if you come down to missouri we'll see i'll be there but anyway have a great one um dude sometimes they're just cory dude fuck man whoa hold on sometimes there are just villains in the world dude sometimes there are actual real deal villains in the world whether it's mental fucking uh imbalance some kind of chemical imbalance that this woman has or whatever the fuck i don't know

but that is just an actual villain person there's no no villains. That is a villain, dude. She thinks she's doing the right thing. But that doesn't make her a non-villain. Yeah. I mean, okay. So let me get this straight. The mom called to get the daughter in a mental hospital. Correct. And then she was released in two days.

Correct. But she still has custody of the kids because of this? In those two days days she got an emergency right uh i forget what the word is yeah but emergency so guardianship of okay so and then does she still have so now they have the kids no now the mom has the kid the mom the grandma has the kids the grandma has the kids yes still yes that's what i'm saying sometimes there's villains dude well you just and eventually you will win but don't do anything fucking stupid because as you say the the law moves really

fucking slow eventually you will your wife will get these kids i know but there's nothing he can do besides do the thing that you have to do he's the same one his wife is the same one keep doing the fucking things you got to do legally properly and eventually you will get the kids back it's terrible but sometimes in this world you've got to you've got to live with the fact that there are real fucking villains out there who will be villainous and it will fucking ruin your life the the honestly this is just the shit that you have to deal with right now and it sucks yeah right that's something the shit that you have to deal with right now. And it sucks.

Yeah. Right? That's what I'm saying. Sometimes you just have to say that. It'll be over. You just got to keep showing up, keep going to work, keep going back, keep trying to see the kids, keep being with your wife or whatever it is, baby mom. And that is just insane, man. My heart goes out to you, dude.

That is such something that just doesn't need to happen and we did say toxic is something you throw around but this sounds like maybe it's a good fit i mean this is crazy dude that person is a wild piece of shit the other advice i would give you i know you're heavily involved and you love these kids and you fucking hate this woman as you have every right to do. But imagine the position, and I'm sure you have, the position that your wife is in or whether it's fiance or wife or whatever.

It is happening to you, but even more than it's happening to you, it's happening to her, dude. You got to fucking be there in every possible way for her. Good point. Last time he called in, he was talking about

how do I be the father to her kids that do a put in with the mom and stuff this is how you do it dude you will be there when it matters the absolute most and nothing could possibly matter more right now and to go off of what you're saying here's a chance you have yeah these kids are young here's a chance you have to show up for them in the right way and to when they get older and when you explain everything that went down they know that you were doing the right thing and that you were being a good guy so in a way this is a gift yes dude reframing i've been trying to learn reframing through therapy and shit yeah and the other thing about there being villains in

the world is that that means also can be fucking heroes so you get to be a hero right now i mean so if you want to reframe it then there you go but i'm telling you dude just keep doing the things legally that you have to do keep going down that path because you don't want to fucking fuck up or upend anything that is going in your direction you're eventually going to get it to go your way but there are crazy people out there who say crazy shit and tell crazy fucking lies yeah and you're dealing with one right now just saw just saw batman you know no i never saw that can't stop talking about villains so what do you think about that what do you think about that i never saw it what do you think about that well it's been out for a month what do you think about that there's something you never saw it you say i haven't

what do you think about that though i'm telling you oh okay hi chris and matt my name is maddie and the issue that i could use some advice with is that i hold all my value in what other people say about me so i don't think too highly of myself i need constant like assurance that i am doing a good job that i am on the right path in life so that kind of leads to me being like this big people pleaser and not really knowing how to act around these people that I'm supposedly friends with. So I won't get into too much detail because that is for me and my therapist to talk about, but I was kind of curious

as to what you guys say and how you think that I could authentically be myself, which is something that you guys talk about a lot on your podcast so just let me know what you guys think you know I dude I what is what a question I I do talk about that a lot of my my podcast things as life moves on things become more important things become less important and it's hard for me I i realize that i do hold weight in that as well like i do care a lot about what other people think and um i don't uh i don't really like that about myself i i always go to the negative like i think i have this fucking problem i walk into a room i think it happened the other day i walked into this place i'm like oh that

person probably hates me and they came up and they're like, hey, man, I love your shit. He's a big fan. And I'm like, dude, I got to drop this shit. Right. And the point is, like, my therapist told me once she was like, do you love Calvin? And I said, yeah. And she said, why? And I said, I don't know, just because. And he was like, exactly. He's like, he's him.

Let him be him. He's, you know, he doesn't have to be anything. You don't have to be anything you don't have to be anything for people to like you she's sweet as fuck yeah i mean she's such a sweetheart and i i understand that want dude i'm a comedian you know i'm a comedian and a fucking addict like i look for it everywhere i want people to like me because i don't feel fucking i don't feel good a lot you know these walls that i've built up over the years being on stage and fucking yelling at people having convincing them to like me and and and and like trying to like you know uh just like get girls and women to like me it's just like it just

it just it's it it, you gotta, you gotta drop that. And it's so hard. And I'm glad you're in therapy because, you know, dropping those walls for me was a big thing and it's hard and it's a struggle the whole time. I mean, I still, I'm 42, you're much younger than me, but I'm 42. And it's fucking hard to, it's fucking hard to it's hard to be authentically you because you lie to yourself a lot and and and and it's hard to even know who you truly are at least for me and i do a lot of fucking thinking about that and a lot of soul searching and i can't do it all the time and i get caught up and i i i i want people to like me and then i realize i I have my family. I don't need that. I have you.

You know what I mean? I don't know. How do you feel about this shit? I think two things. One, we don't really control who we are, what we are, the ways that we are as much as we think we do. In fact, we don't at all. We are the way that we are. So for even you to have a judgment on that is utterly pointless. But for other people to have a judgment on it is even more fucking pointless you just are the way that you are yes you can control your

actions so to speak in like you don't have to do the bad thing you can stop yourself from doing something bad to yourself or to others but that doesn't that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about the way that you are nobody did that you didn't design that that just is the way it is that's the first part. Second part is everyone's dealing with the same fucking thing. Everyone's going through a version of what you're describing. And so the realization that I think for me, when I go through these things, I get so deep down in the hole that is my own mind, but everybody's going through a version of it

as well. So the fact that you're kind of doing this thing you feel like you're doing it on your own and in a sense you are because there's only one you and that is you but everyone is doing their own version of it so you're in it along with everybody else and there's this sort of like feeling of unity and this feeling it's like less dramatic and severe when you can sit back and realize oh oh, wait, everybody's in the same position. Everybody in this entire fucking room or in this entire setting or whatever the fuck is thinking about, did I do that right? Did I do this other thing right? Does that person hate me?

Does this person like me? Do I look fucking stupid right now? Did I just sound stupid when I said that? The whole fucking thing, everybody's doing it you know the people that aren't doing that tend to be fucking sociopaths so like you're you're doing it right don't worry though about uh any kind of the extraneous shit everyone's going through what you're going through their own version of it and that to me is the sort of like freeing thing that sort of gets me out of the hole that is my mind. Yeah, and other people's opinion on you, that's none of your fucking business. That's a saying that I like to try and remember. Did John Lennon say that?

No, no. It's like a fucking addict thing. Oh. But yeah, so that's what's up. Yeah, so that's good. We kind of ended on not a funny note. Did you ever see Blue Chips? I have seen Blue Chips. I saw it in the theater with Brandon Goody.

It's a fucking on your ass movie. Brandon Goody? Yep. Yep. I saw him. A sheep. All right. Well, let me just plug my dates now that I'm going to be in Grand Prairie, Texas. I'm going to be in Dallas.

So that's going to be great. Tickets are there. ChrisLeah.com. Dallas is Grand Prairie, Dallas. Wichita, Kansas. Those are some new dates I just added. So go get tickets Grand Prairie, Dallas. Wichita, Kansas. Those are some new dates I just added, so go get tickets now. Atlanta, Georgia, September 9th.

Washington, D.C. I got a lot of dates coming up. Stockton, California. Oakland, California. Peoria, Illinois. Rockford, Illinois. Raleigh, North Carolina, October 21st. I'll be in Savannah, which is where that guy,

no, it was a woman that, oh yeah, the woman that asked to be. Oh, the Madison, yeah. Denver, Colorado, oh yeah, the woman that asked to be. Oh, the Marist thing, yeah. Denver, Colorado, November 5th. Cheyenne, Wyoming. Boston, two shows at the Wang, November 12th. Lakeland, Florida, that's a new one.

And Jacksonville, Florida at the Moran Theater on December 3rd. And Super Cult, which is something that we didn't talk about. Oh, yeah. That's the new um uh studios here and uh be ready for some more content you know we got this podcast we got congratulations on the uh it's the new channel name too right the new what the new channel name it's a new channel name yeah yeah um so uh subscribe to us and there'll be more content coming we got other shows coming up

uh and if you have a question, send in a video in the link in the description below or go to watchlifeline.com. Thank you very much. Thank you. On your ass.