Lifeline - 102. It's So Changing

Episode Date: March 24, 2024

✨ LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Get your tickets for the Lifeline LIVE show May 14th at the Irvine Improv! Today we talk about the dreaded word fumble that you'll never forget about, romantic money spending, being harrassed while shopping (why are they sucking the cranks of Big Grocery?), and when a good start to a relationship falls victim to unfortunate circumstances. Also, wiping before a shower? 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I didn't even prepare a speech. I'd like to thank my family for always needing stuff. Also, Sam, my delivery guy, for bringing all my awesome deals so fast. You're the man, Sam! Shop deals on electronics, home, and more this Prime Day, July 16th and 17th. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? hey hey we're here and albert well lazy fat albert oh dude we have an announcement though the lifeline oh yeah uh live show in irvine tuesday may 14th tickets at watch lifeline.com or you go to my website if you're used to doing that but it's our live podcast we are doing in irvine

um so we're going to do that and matt's going to you know we're going to be there our first ever yeah uh yeah yeah and um we're going to be doing um could you know taking questions come with your questions for advice you know and we'll have a good time um yeah or you can come see me on the road chrislea.com i got a bunch of places i'm doing uh you know like saginaw grand rapids and just having a good time chattanooga des moines a bunch of places i've never been to but anyway go to chrislea.com oh and uh durham i'll be there uh next week durham and uh where's the other one I'm going to be? Norfolk.

Yeah, Norfolk. All right, cool. Is Durham your birthday show? Yeah, that's my birthday show. March 29th. Happy birthday. At DPAC. Your 28th birthday.

Durham, North Carolina. What's DPAC? DPAC Chopra? No, it's DPAC. I don't know what it is. You're going on tour at DPAC Chopra? No. No, that would be a weird tour.

That would be the craziest tour of all time. Give it up for DPAC Chopra. Comes out'll be that'll be the craziest tour of all time for Deepak Chopra comes out with rhinestone glasses um so yeah and then if you want to do our Patreon which we love we love you for that on patreon.com slash lifeline luxury you're the reason the show exists uh and we appreciate you I've been dipping in the comments there lately and you guys are the best usually comment sections are not the place to be but on lifeline luxury yeah that's what's up so i've been i've been mingling with you guys in there lately and it's a good time it's a good time also of course check out my solo podcast the private record uh subscribe to the youtube channel

here on youtube at the private record and check out all the episodes they're all great they're all great they're all great and they're gonna keep being great trauma product trauma product how about our aesthetic right now yeah you you commented on it you like this you like what's going on it's cool because i didn't know you're gonna be wearing red and i'm wearing red glasses yeah did you were those here you brought those no i brought those you know what i had these glasses and i like them a lot okay so far i'm with you and then i put them in my car and i don't know what happened maybe something was on them or something and it was hot and they warped okay that sucks have you had that happen yeah okay so it was they were very crooked. And I was really annoyed.

I brought them into a place. I don't know, like some sunglasses place. I was like, hey, you know, I didn't get these from here, but can you do anything about this? And she's like, well, you'd have to melt down the, you have to like heat up the glasses and twist them. Oh, right. Yeah, I've seen them do it before.

Yeah, so I'm like, oh, okay. And then that was it. I kind of walked out. She obviously didn't want to do it. And I was just like, okay. Well, they don't have to, but seen them do it before. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, okay. And then that was it. I kind of walked out. She obviously didn't want to do it. And I was just like, okay. Well, they don't have to, but they all do it for free. So they don't care. Right.

It's free. Right. Right. So, and I was like, I have other glasses. I don't want to fucking make this person do it. So, because they didn't buy anything from there. So I kind of felt bad. I didn't know if it was a quick fix or whatever.

So then I brought them into, when I got contacts. To get prescriptions. Yeah. And I spent a lot of money was a quick fix or whatever. So then I brought them into when I got contacts. To get prescriptions. Yeah, and I spent a lot of money there to get contacts. So I was like, they got to fix these glasses. Right, right, right. By the way, Marco, I have your glasses in my car if you want to come down and get them afterwards. Going to kill them.

And it'll be fine. It'll be fine. But you come around the side and I'll... And so I went there and they take out the lenses and they put them in a machine and yeah okay he just goes pop pop i'm like oh and then you turn it and fix it he's like there you go try that and i put it on and it was way better it's it's like maybe like five percent off now but he fixed it and then he-Ban makes the, they change their plastic and it's way worse now. And that happens all the time.

Oh, got cheap. When a company goes cheap, it sucks. Don't do that. And so I didn't know that. And I don't know if that's true or not, but that's what he said. And he knows his business. Yeah, he knows his business. And so that's that.

But how about the fact that Ray-Ban also also it's ray-ban that has the the glasses with the video right what i don't know yeah dude it's so changing it's so changing guys you heard it here first it's so but it's scary but i guess it's fine i don't know it's scary as hell but it's scary to everybody though change in general is scary the rapid pace at which we're changing now scary scary scary here's the thing though i went to get a pair of my glasses not these ones a different pair they do the heat up thing yeah yeah and it took it was at first he was like come on yeah i can cover that for free whatever he takes the glasses does the heat thing gives him back he's like how's that put him on my face they felt exactly the same oh they still feel

a little tight yeah yeah let me get him back does it. And I'm watching him do it. He's not not doing it. Yeah. And he gives him back nothing. And I say, maybe a little bit, but I think it needs to be a little bit more. I give him back. He does it again for even longer. The most minor difference. And I got to a point three, four times where I'm like, oh, yeah, that's all better.

And it wasn't. And I was like, I'm making you do free labor. I don't like. This is a bad. Yeah. It's a bad vibe. Yeah. Yeah.

I keep making a guy do things for me for free i don't like that well yeah no that's what i was saying like i didn't that's why i walked out of the place and i couldn't be like well here's 10 bucks you want to do it again like that's insulting of course yeah so you're fucked i walked out with a very tight walked in with a very tight pair of glasses walked out with a very tight pair of glasses but a little bit still have like the tiniest bit better those no not these dude how about do you remember i told you i mean i just was i remember this story and i speaking of too tight this beanie's too tight check this out though i remember this story and i just remembered it for the first time in a long time is that a different one yeah you know i come prepared

that's throughout the show i'll model all of my beanies red beanies yeah different shades of red though this is exactly that no keep going okay i went in i was in new york it was when i was in college for eight months quarterback every time you cough like that i think and so i i brought my glasses in because they were kind of like crooked and i said hey these are crooked do you think you can fix them and the lady straight up said yes but just so you know read the sign i read the sign and it said we are not responsible for oh boy during the fixing of glasses if they break so i said okay i said did you ask how often that happens or exactly of course i did i said have it because I'm like, they have a sign for it. How common could it be?

How common could it? So I said, oh, well, does that happen a lot? And she said, no. And I said, oh, do you anticipate that happening? She was like, uh-uh, no, no. But I just, if it does, you know, it's not our fault. It's good to have you have read the sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I said, okay. Cover their rears. Sure, I guess. Here. Dude. I knew that was coming. Here. Dude, they just handed it back.

I go, oh, thanks. That's really funny. Dude, it was so funny that I couldn't be mad. Yeah, that is absolutely hilarious. She had them in her possession for 20 seconds and they broke and then she just handed me two pieces what did she say oh sorry told you i go oh yeah good thing i read the sign she said she says good thing i made you read the sign yeah yeah i think i'd rather yeah do you know what they made me think of though remember that i mean i know you remember the

show the critic the oh yeah cartoon oh yeah the john levin did the voice such a funny show yeah anybody that doesn't know it i'm sure it's all free on youtube right now but uh the one there's one joke you and i used to watch it that we laughed at so hard yeah what was it and it was it involved a sign do you remember no he gets in a cab yeah he says all these different directions real fast and then the cabbie turns around and he's clearly foreign i don't know what russian or middle right right and he just goes read the sign and it and it and it says driver only speaks three words of english uh-huh and the joke was read the sign okay yeah and it killed me

i don't remember that and that's also somewhat funny it's not funny but it's definitely somewhat funny we were kids the show is funny but that's not not funny true yeah no yeah but at whatever we were eight years old i was i thought it was it's a yeah that's funny wow okay but you came around on it that's good you love me yeah you said at first it wasn't that funny no no you said it wasn't funny i said it was funny the whole time i was saying it was funny you did yeah dude all right how many red beanies do you have um oh that has a stain on it that one this one doesn't feel right either well why do you have a stain on your beanie i didn't even know i didn't even know it had a stain oh

well that one's better this is the best one well because oh it feels the best and it matches though the other ones don't match thank you i. I mean, it's a little off, but that's fine. Thank you. Okay. I have a few more, but this is the right one. Are they all red? The rest are- Why do you-

One is orange, one is pink. Now, why do you have five beanies on you? I do this. Everybody that I've ever lived with makes fun of me for it. I throw all possible things I might wear in a bag or just in the car. That's so weird, bro. Anthony used to always bust my nuts about,

I come with a big bag full of clothes here. Even if we're just doing one episode. But why? Dude, it makes me feel, because I don't like thinking about, well, what if I want to wear that? What if I want to take that off and put shorts? I always put shorts.

I am so the opposite. And I don't know how people live like that. I am so the opposite. They go dressed in one outfit. What are you guys, crazy? What if you want to change? How about this? How about this?

I hate bringing a gym bag to the gym. I wish I could just work out in my jeans and not look like an asshole. Wow, that would be hilarious. Dude, just jeans and no shirt would be the funniest thing. There's a guy who wears work boots and jeans at my gym. Every time I see him, he has work boots and jeans and a tight t-shirt. And he is 60.

Oh, that makes it amazing. It makes sense, right? But it's just, I'm like, the first time I saw him, I was like, oh, this guy will never be back here again. Because I go to a nice gym. I was like, this guy's a crazy guy. He goes every day. All the time with with with jeans dude and he was on the machine

next to me the other day and i was like oh do you mind am i crowding you and he was like nah you know i think i'm done anyway i was like oh well i don't mean to push you out and he was like nah i got i got this elbow problem and i'm like you got a jeans problem dude yeah you got it he's got a few problems working out also there are so many people who work out with sunglasses on it's crazy at my gym there's well there's always one it's like going to starbucks there's only one crazy person there's always one person with sunglasses on in my gym but not the same person no no different yeah yeah that's or you know it's a rotate speaking of sunglasses it's a little bright in here now how many do you have how many sunglasses do you have one pair of sunglasses two pairs of regular glasses. Including the one-

Oh, dude. Oh, you're crazy, bro. I know that. This is not news. Okay, what if you didn't bring the bag? There's one pair of glasses? Then I wouldn't have been able to change my beanie. But how would you feel on the inside?

I would feel like I left my phone at home. Whoa! Or my money at home, my wallet at home. Whoa, bragging so much. Or all of my money at home. All right. All right, well, let's get into it you have too many clothes but um let's get the start yeah although the good thing about it is if you

ever like rob a bank you're one step ahead of the game yeah dude you know you drop the you turn the jacket inside out and you've you don't even have to have other clothes i got all these other clothes he had a red beanie on but now he's got a red beanie on a darker red beanie yeah all right all right cool hey chris calling in from vancouver canada she looks so love the show i need some advice from you guys thank you for loving the show gonna keep it short and sweet there's a guy in my gym that i have a huge crush on and he looks like a latino version of adam driver so i'm obsessed needless to say after i met him i found out that his personality is also a 10 out of 10 and i'm just like i i'm falling for this guy so hard so fast and he has told me that he's

falling for me what and that's the kicker is that i'm moving to Europe for two years and I'm leaving in a month and a half. And the kicker for him is that he's in an on and off relationship and he has been for the past eight or nine months. And so neither of us are in a place to be with each other, but we both feel a strong connection. So my question for you is,

do you believe in fate do you think that if you meet somebody at the wrong time that you'll wind up with them down the road high likelihood of that and to try to just hold on to that or do you feel like wrong place wrong time like move on the other fish in the sea uh geez what i feel like is if you fall in love with someone or not necessarily in love it's early if you really hit it off with someone and sparks fly for both of you it's never a good idea to let that pass by really without at least moving forward in whatever capacity you can you probably know a lot more in she's leaving in two months that's what she's you know so you know for the next two months exactly maybe you

don't you know i i well what would i do i know exactly what i would do i know what i would do i would go forward with the relationship as i normally would which is dive headlong crash and burn if like just go straight headlong, crash and burn. Just go straight headlong into it. What do you have to lose? You're leaving in two months anyway. If it doesn't work out, then you go knowing that didn't work out. If it does work out, then you have what I would call a good problem.

You're in love with somebody and you might need to make it work long distance, but so what? People make things work long distance all the time. I wouldn't recommend it to someone if it was an option but if it's not an option to stay there you have to go to europe whatever then like make it work you already said it's finite you said she said she's going for two years that means she's coming back in two years or can go wherever she wants after that true so i guess just explore your feelings there that sounds like you really really like this guy and he really really likes you how you could possibly pass that up why you would pass that up is absolutely beyond me if this guy said look that my last chick's out of my life completely I don't

want to go to Europe yeah well that's the other thing he would probably she would probably stay right wait say it again if he said yo I'm I'm done with the girl in and out of my life i don't want to be with her i want to be with you stay here and yeah you think she would stay i don't know maybe it didn't sound like that was an option no it didn't but maybe but i'm just saying if you live the rest of the two months yeah right and that becomes an option that's good i mean you can learn a lot in two months exactly yeah yeah don't don't do anything until you gotta go and and you know i don't know why you're going or what but like make a decision then or maybe he makes a decision then maybe he

goes with you i don't know you know i'm just saying i mean one decision he has to make is if it's on again off again anyway yeah turn it off for the next two months or on then you then you then you know decisions may go to europe but yeah some kind of decision on his one why she's going to europe why do people go to europe you ever thinking about leaving the country and just moving? Not actually. Never coming back? No, no, no, no, no. But just like that's your home now.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Moving somewhere out of the country. Are you asking if I've thought about it? Yeah. Yeah, I've thought about it. Do you ever think about it hard? Yeah.

Not like as a potential thing I'm going to do, but I've thought it all the way through. Really? To the extent that I can, yeah. How's it go? I want to come back yeah you know my i don't want to mine is never you know i don't want to not live in the united states yeah i would love to also have a home elsewhere but i don't want to never like not at all i think about sometimes going to Europe and being there and living there and growing up with my kids and having them be that nationality now. And I guess we just live kind of like on the outskirts of Paris or something.

I mean, so specific. And I get coffee all the time. And it's so dope. And I learn French and my kids learned french and my wife learns french and then we're just kind of like good you know we eat good and we i work out really hard all everything is the exact same except in this scenario you're in the outskirts of paris and in when you don't go to the outskirts of paris you're here but i have a place outdoor outdoors in my house where it's like set up with like everything i need for working out that's the difference

in paris in the outskirts of paris you have an outside gym at your home i guess yeah i mean it's like an indoor outdoor gym you don't need to go to the outskirts it's not really a gym it's just like the stuff i have have the stuff. Right. Well, yeah, no. A workout area with all the things that you need. Yeah, but also it's unorthodox stuff like bags of stuff. And I carry them places. And that's my workout. Like that kind of stuff.

And I have great neighbors. And it's just awesome. Well, good for you, man. Are you going to – it sounds like this is a thing you want to do. Part of me, but I don't think I can do it you would never move away from america yeah no way you would not i mean i don't think i would either but i'm more likely to than you yeah yeah you're very very american i have been known to do some crazy shit though you know what i mean like i could go to where else i don't know i don't think you would like Paris. You would like Italy more.

Italy. You've never been to Paris? I thought you had. Nope. I remember. You guys went. I went to Texas instead. Yeah.

Well, I remember when we went to Italy. Yeah, I do. And we ran into your ex-girlfriend. Oh, shit. And she said, what are you? Yeah.

It was crazy. It was like, what are you all doing here? And she said, what are you doing here? And you said, we just got on a 210 and kept going. Oh, yeah.

That is funny. That was a good joke. Yeah, you are funny. How do you said i just we just got on a 210 and kept going oh yeah that is funny that was a good job yeah you are funny how do you remember that because i thought it was so funny oh that's funny all right cool all right next one so close hello chris and matt oh my question for you today getting closer is let's say you're about to have a shower okay and you turn on the water so can you go you're about to have a shower. Okay. And you turn on the water. So can I. And you go to sit down to have a poo. Oh. And so you have your poo.

No. Say it back. And then. Potty. You go to get in the shower. Now, do you wipe with toilet paper? Yeah. First? Yeah.

What kind of animal is this? And then flush it, obviously. You know, this is something that people say, though. What else are you going to do? Or do you just get up like a caveman and wash your ass in the shower and you save paper that way so there's there's two pros and cons to each my theory and let me know if i'm right i think i'm right but just let me know your thoughts is if you get up and you just wash your ass then you're you're saving the planet one poo at a time don't say poo but if you wipe and then go in the shower you're civilized yes because

it's 2024 you know what i mean that part yes so yeah let me know let me know dude i don't like when people say poo i also more than that i don't like when people talk about shitting i it's not like it's not my thing dude yeah it's just like it'd be weird if that was your it'd be weird if that was your thing my thing is talking about shitting people think it's like funny nah to talk about shitting dude it's not funny no it's not it's not even that it's so gross i don't want to talk but it's like it's not funny enough to overcome its amount of grossness. Right, I get that, but I don't think he's trying to be funny. He's being funny.

He's saying poo. He's talking about – But it's a very valid question. It is, dude? No, no, not to me. To me, that is so gross. That's disgusting. But people do that.

People go – people think if you're going right into the shower, you don't have to. Now, I don't know what your bowel movements are like, but sometimes mine, that wouldn't work. It's just too messy. Oh, God, really? No, not me. I have the most streamlined, pinched off, non-messy. George Brett.

I shit my pants last night. Rear end activities. Why don't I? It's just so clear cut. Why don't I? I don't i it's just so clear why don't i i don't know i drink a ton of coffee i don't know is it i have to take the psyllium husk you we have a very different diet though i eat way worse than you though i don't know that's what i'm saying yeah no it doesn't make do you what'd you yesterday uh salmon rice and shishito peppers so lean so lean and uh like chicken so lean nothing bad at all chicken and like whole wheat pasta and one thing i didn't have was anything bad for you and a couple eggs in the morning come on you're kidding me no. No, I'm not kidding. The way he fucking says eat, that's better than ever I ate ever.

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. And that is a normal day. No, I guess what I'm realizing now is how much I've changed. I eat pretty well now, huh? I never really stopped to think about it. But I don't eat like an idiot anymore. I don't eat anything bad anymore.

I mean, what the fuck, Matt? No, you know what i do why i said that because i i eat like way too much sugar at night oh i mean not every night but often i mean never really no i do lately way too much way too much so did you last night i have too much sugar yeah no but i do usuallyately. I ate fucking protein pancakes yesterday. That's good. A salad. That's even better than me.

Hold on. Okay. Salmon and rice. So better than me. We ate the same thing, kind of. Yeah. Good. All right.

Well, I don't know why the rear end activities are different. Yeah. Okay. I agree about poo. Don't ever say poo. It's just like- Poop is better. Poop is better.

Shit is a catch-all. As a catch-all, shit is fine. Catch-all shit. It's not a gross word because it has other connotations. Excrement. You don't immediately think of- You don't say excrement.

What it is in your mind. Bowel movement. You say shit. Number two. Disgusting. Number two, bowel movement are both out as well. Number two,

you think that's the least gross. It's like a little kid you're like a potty yeah yeah no it's it's infantilizing okay but the answer to your inquiry is absolutely do not shit and then hop right in the shower no it's disgusting i can't take care of yourself and then get in the shower like a civilized adult in the world let me actually say something though you don't just think it's not funny to talk about shitting you do think it's gross you do think it's gross i do but it what the reason it's not funny is because the level at which the humor is not higher robot than the level of the grossness. I get it. A fucking I, but I get it. Yes.

I am AI. The grossness. All right. Let's do the next one. A bear. Hey, man, Chris. Big fan. Chris, I saw you here in Vegas last summer.

Met you after the show. You're very cool for taking pics with everyone. Cool. Hell yeah. And after you put your arm around me and my wife and I was like, oh no, he's going to feel how sweaty my back is. And then afterwards, my wife told me that your back was also sweaty. So thanks brother for sharing that with me. Solidarity. Thanks for exposing me. I am a delivery driver. You don't say. As you can tell. I was working today and ran into someone who I

know from work and was excited that I'm almost done. So I was like, hey, man, I'm almost done. My truck's almost empty. And my brain, I think, was trying to say, oh, either let's go or let's do it. And what came out was let's do, which, you know, is awesome. Let's do. And that's just going to add into the repertoire of embarrassing moments in my life i don't want to think about forever once every i don't know seven or eight days so um you know

what do i do do i just keep rolling with the punches and and accept them as as funny stories or do i just stop talking no to people just start saying let's do all the time that's that's probably what i'm going to do. But any advice or do you guys have funny moments in your life that you can't let go of? Chris, I know you do because I've heard some of your stories. It happened yesterday. Talk about me, brothers. Thank you. I appreciate you.

I mean, here's why every movie and TV show is a crock of shit. Everyone ever made. why it happened every movie and tv show is a crock of shit everyone ever made because life is more than half the time full of instances where every single person won't weigh more than i know but i'm just saying it just says like a low bar like every single person says that something they don't mean and says it wrong yep so what and no so no movie could ever oops could ever say it's realistic because every it's bullshit everybody in every movie and tv show no i know it says exactly what it is i know but i don't like it especially is it real no it's not real nothing's ever real no no no no it's not real yeah people don't talk they interrupt each other they talk over each other you know i'll do

shit like i'll say how you doing somebody will say i'm good how are you and then i'll say good how are you like yeah yeah yeah yeah say, good. How are you? Like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just asked you that. I'm an idiot. I was in the gym locker room yesterday. You know, I work out really hard. Right, right, right.

But to be in Paris, it would be crazy different. So I was in the gym locker room, and I took off my shirt. I looked in the mirror. Took off my shirt. Okay. Took my shirt off. And was looking in the mirror. Took off my shirt. Okay. Took my shirt off. And was looking in the mirror. A dude I know said behind me,

come on, you're big enough. You've achieved what you need to. You don't need to look in the mirror, I guess. Oh, God. A joke, right? I know the guy. Okay. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I know him from the gym. Right. And I said, and I, and I, and I, that's fine. He said that that there's no but now i'm like what do i say i have to say something to let him know i'm listening or everything's okay or whatever yeah you're weird but i am weird like that right you don't need to think so what would you say before i even say what i said i would have just said ah i know that's not enough right right? No, that's plenty.

I want him to know I like him though. That's enough. I feel bad. That's what you do. You go, ah. What did you end up saying? No, not yet. You said no, not yet.

I'm not big enough. Oh. And I don't even care to be bigger. Yeah, but you were playing along with the joke that he was starting, right? I didn't like it. And then I left and I was like, that was the stupidest joke he was starting right i didn't like it and then i left and i was like that was the stupidest you know why you didn't like it why because you felt like you were cajoled into saying something and so what the solution isn't don't say anything oh no just don't say anything no one's gonna be mad but if i go ah then i'll think oh maybe he

thinks he yeah wow i'm fucking crazy yeah no no one i don't want him to think i offended he offended me wow i'm a crazy person bro I'm so codependent I need everyone to like me all the time that's good yes dude well good luck with that man it's terrible man

I gotta drop that shit yeah no one likes no one there is no one that is liked by everybody first of all Keanu Reeves

okay but besides Keanu Reeves like there's a unicorn for every kind of like Tom Holland there's always like a fucking Tom Holland no no he's a little so fucking boring yeah a little bitchy but keanu reeves like there's a unicorn for every kind of like tom holland like that there's always like a tom holland no no he's so fucking boring yeah a little bitchy but keanu reeves is the best but that sucks though dude why does that suck well no it's great for

him but i'm just like it's great for us too we all get to like him yeah but i'm sure everyone like me though well it can't be that way it is is for keanu i know what is my name t keanu it can't be that way for you or anyone who's not keanu all right is my point what if that's okay fucking well that's the thing we don't know i know well we do know we've heard stories he's a great guy but like he gives up his there are definitely people i gotta get my seat hung out with keanu and been like that's so boring or that guy's so annoying or whatever i gotta start giving up my seat for people, honestly. Okay. Old ladies or any ladies or anybody, really.

Yeah. You're talking about the video of Keanu giving up his seat? I don't know. I just heard he did it. He did it. And the person wasn't- And then I heard also he donated a bunch of his money from the Matrix, which- Well, he's got enough money to give away.

It's fine, but it's like, you know, I'd buy a plane. So, I'm not a good person. So, okay. If you had as much money as Keanu, I'm sure you'd give a lot away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so rich. It's crazy. True, true, true. All right. all right all right next next one yo life i'm fresh are you in a house

say chris saw you in philly i wrote that gotcha you saw my arm got that shit tatted super dope love y'all both that's a big cabin big cabin whoa look at that that's so much whoa dude look at you i got a question um for you i just started talking to this girl like a month ago she's super dope uh definitely like the most mature talking stage i've been through i'm on the e-team but she's got her money right she's got a plan for life like she's super dope yeah she wants to go to this um event in june uh with me she wants me to go uh we've only been talking for a month but it's like 250 um is it smart to push this money out so early in this

stage uh and and and like set that goal or not i'm probably gonna do it anyway because i'm a dumb fuck but just let me know if i'm a dumb ass you're romantic wait hold on so he wants it's an event that costs $2.50 and it's in June and he's saying is it too early and she wants you to go she wants to go with him well I mean

what is the event fucking three months long like what is it Edinburgh like I don't know no it's you want to get tickets ahead of time that's all

and it's in June the event is in June I'm just saying if it's one night yeah so is he talking about it's a money thing? Yeah.

Oh, okay. That's what he's talking about, yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. If we don't spend our money on things like that, what are we spending our money on? Well, also, he bought a bunch of merch. Like, you know, you spend money on stuff you want to do. That's. So, yeah.

Even further to my point. Yeah, yeah. If you are the kind of person that spends money on things that you like. Dude. I mean, we may not be the best people to talk to about that but yeah i don't know i mean you know go also how do you have a fucking beard you're 18 he looked like he was 28 well he also acted all like mature yeah you're beyond your years so so just do that do what you want have a good time dude life's about memories right it is i guess that's it that's all there is but i forget a But I forget a lot. Life's about two things.

What? Memories, obviously. Making sure you have good ones. Everyone has bad ones, but make sure you have good ones too. And always, always, always make sure you have something to look forward to. This checks both boxes. Something to look forward to in June. You think?

And something you will always remember for the rest of your life. Why do you think you have to have something to look forward to? Think about the times in your life when you've been the least fulfilled, happy, whatever you want to say.

It's always when you got nothing on the horizon. I don't mean like massive, crazy, life-changing events. It can be just like

a getaway for a weekend. It can be an event in June. It can be anything. But always, even if it's a little thing, have something to look forward to. It's important. Right in my hair.

Do like that. Like, look all around. Nine, nine, nine. Come on. Nine, nine, nine. Eight and a half. Nine, nine. Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine.

Dead on, it's a little lower. Because it's all the way back like that you don't like that i don't love that i don't mean i didn't mean to i just i mean i do what i do i don't i don't really think about you sounds like you think about a lot because you say right my hair all the time no no i know but it's now it's a thing you know yeah sure it is yeah okay yeah uh that's good that's good yeah do it definitely do that yep especially if you have the money just do it yep yeah if you don't have the money, different thing. Yeah, different thing.

Different thing. Okay, next. Hi, Chris and Matt. Chris, I just saw you in Vancouver with my fiance. Oh, cool. My new fiance. Hey, congrats. And I also saw you in Edmonton.

Sorry about Edmonton. That was fun. Matt, I love you so much. I love you too. I don't have a question. Okay. I have more of a response to the second last episode of the podcast

where the question was what if people get confrontational when you say you're welcome when they didn't say thank you and I'm a server and I do this all the time because people are rude as fuck and never say thank you I say you're welcome in a very polite way as if they did say thank you. That's true. I say you're welcome in a very polite way

as if they did say thank you. That's a great idea. And when they get confrontational or look at me sideways, which they often do, I say, oh, my bad, I thought you said thank you. And then they have to sit with the fact that they didn't and that they're rude assholes. That's good.

Hope that helps. She should be a host. That's good. She should be the third host of the show. That's very, very good. So wait, it would go like yeah you're welcome uh oh i didn't say i'm sorry i didn't say thank you oh i'm sorry well they wouldn't say that i didn't i didn't say thank you she said it would get confrontational oh yeah no but i would say it would probably go like this you're welcome and then they look at you be like oh i'm sorry i thought you said thank you sorry yeah i guess

that's okay but does it seem like you're doing it to be a dick? It might if you did it. I bet if she does it, it does. Why? Dude, people say I'm unapproachable. Dude, one time a person came up to me at a department store and she was like, do you need any help? And I was like, oh, no, I'm okay. Thanks.

And she's like, oh, okay. Yeah, I wasn't sure whether or not to come up to you because you look like you don't want to be bothered. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Really? Yeah. Are you that way? I mean, do you think you look that way?

Yes. People always say that about me. Really? Yeah. See, I don't think you're like that, but you're my brother, so. Yeah. Yeah. Are you that way? I mean, do you think you look that way? Yes. People always say that about me. Really? See, I don't think you're like that, but you're my brother, so. Yeah. Yeah, no, I get that all the time. People always think I'm like going to either already angry or like I'm going to get annoyed if I get, and it's just like, what?

I mean, I get why people who know me would have that idea because I'm an ornery fuck, but people that don't know me, I guess I give off off the vibe to them too you know maybe because i'm always like this yeah well that's bad with a knife in a department store yeah in macy's hula bus yeah uh all right all right we could do another one what's up chris what's up, Chris? What's up, Matt? Quick question. I have my first open mic date on April 18th, and I'm back and forth on if I want to invite any friends. I've asked another comedian if he took anybody, and he said, fuck no, are you crazy? He waited until he was more experienced.

But I don't know. Chris, what did you do? Matt, what are your thoughts what should i do thanks love you guys well nick you're gonna bomb yeah so now that you know that does that color your opinion uh do you want your friends to see you bomb or do you want your friends to not see you bomb yeah um the hope is you don't bomb but you you will and also even if you kill you'll see the tape later on and you're gonna be like this is embarrassing so uh you're gonna do bad right but that's fine that's part of the growth right so you should i i would not bring i you know maybe

one friend if you if they're gonna do it too yeah or or or just one friend to support you but anytime a group then it's going to be annoying because first of all you're not going to not that it matters at this point but you're not going to know what jokes work because they're just going to be there like so happy for you and jacked and laughing that's true and then also you're going to look like the jackass that just brought their friends yeah and other people who do open mics are going to see that and be like who the fuck's this guy it's not good for the game uh for you uh and so i would just go and do it yeah i would say go and do it and don't bring anyone yeah i mean that would be my instinct would it oh i don't

know but that sounds like i mean i i don't want my friends to come to anything i do so i'm skewed in that way but like i think in general if you're the kind of person that likes having your friends come out and see you do things that you like to do i would still lean maybe not the very fucking first time you do an open mic i didn't bring people out until at least a month in uh is when i brought friends out and then my parents didn't see me until i don't even know when they came and saw me first maybe a year i first saw you at the haha no haha cafe cafe or was it the uh ice house uh the first time i saw you was at the haha wasn't it okay yeah yeah yeah with dave miller was he there you're saying he came to my first one that's all i remember is no no i i didn't i only saw you when it was like a bringer show. I never went to an open mic. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That was a month in. Yep. Yep. Yep. Why don't you marinate on that for a while? Wow. That's what the guy used to always say, the guy that hosted. Whatever his joke wouldn't work, he'd say,

why don't you marinate on that for a while? Wow. So cock. Great guy. Great guy. I wonder what he's doing. Love that guy. He's in Texas.

He's just there? He's just in Texas going like this. Yeah. Hanging. No, he's great though. He was a cool guy, yeah. He's great. I keep in touch with him every now and then.

Really? Yep. Cool. All right. Next one. Hey, Matt and Chris, I need some spin move advice here. Every time I go to the grocery store, I use the self-checkouts. I prefer it.

It's easier and I don't have to talk to anyone. Yeah, yeah. But without fail, while I'm in the process of scanning my items diligently, mind you, a member of staff will come up out of nowhere and stand directly behind me. Yeah, yeah. What? Basically, their nose touching the back of my neck. It does happen.

I get that they have to make sure I'm not stealing. It's part of their job. That's fine. But you can do that from a distance. You don't need to be right there, like down my neck making me feel uncomfortable and also why are you sucking on the crank of these huge grocery store chains as if if i steal a toothbrush it's going to make or break your paycheck the hell yeah which i'm not stealing god you're right really defensive but anyways now is there anything i can say in that moment to just kind of break that tension or let them

know like hey you can back up a little bit it's fine i'm not going to stop something on the crank any help would be appreciated. Thanks. Just turn around and say, excuse me, I'm just curious, why are you sucking so hard on the crank of the corporation that employs you? Dude, listen, here's the deal. Okay. I think you're mistaken, dude. They're not looking to make sure you can't, you're not stealing. I think he knows that, doesn't he? He just said that. No, he thinks they are. He really does. I thought maybe he was kidding. No, they're there to help you if you need it that's right and which is still makes it annoying though it's annoying but i you know what i do when i go and i do the self-checkout and i

and i and they stand there i go what do i do here now help me do it you're gonna be all up johnny all up in my business then do it make them do it do it do it and and it's good too because the line moves quicker i don't have to wait in line for the other fucking baggers and shit yeah yeah okay so you're here so then what do i do here and but then sometimes they'll be like oh come hit that and you they treat you with an attitude and you're like well why the fuck are you standing right here but then you get to get in an argument and that's kind of dope honestly wow dude i've never ever had this happen i use a self-checkout all the time, everywhere. Well, I self-checkout sometimes.

They don't get up on me ever. Oh, yeah. Maybe it's because I'm unapproachable. They're just like... No, they don't do that to me, dude. I'm unapproachable. Maybe you're more approachable than me. No, but they...

But yeah, and then I do it. And then sometimes they're like, you want a bat? You want to get the... And I'm just like... Jeez. Do they do it like close, like that guy's describing? No, no. I think he's exaggerating. But you know, they're like in the middle of the two i wouldn't

like that sides yeah i like you should do just turn around and say i got it you go like this since you're sucking on the crank of the corporation that employs you uh why don't you help me back yeah yeah yeah yeah no could you imagine if you said that to somebody they'd be so confused they'd be like oh crank what did you say sorry uh yeah just tell them there's a there's a way to do it to be like either i'll let you know if i need you or if they're really too close it's worth saying something that is weird oh you know what i do people get so close to me all the time okay like because of like you know fans and stuff they'll come up sure and they'll be like dude you know you're funny i'd be like thanks like no dude oh no you're funny and i'm like okay no

i believe you you know but i i go i go like this now and it's it's i go like this and i i i if they're coming in i say thanks very much i grab their thing and i right so now they're at least my arm length away and i'm talking to them like this right and sometimes that's still too close taking a selfie taking something sometimes that's still too close so i'll let go and i'll back up a little bit and test it and then they always come forward and i and i go well i mean uh an x-man stay an x-man person it's just it's it's it's unbelievable dude how many how close people get when they talk the thing about close talkers is that they don't know that they're too close well yeah but and they're so they think when that

something that happens they think i'm too far i need to get closer i understand that but how about how ears work how about how crazy that is what i don't understand is everyone knows ears work yeah they do and when you're in a conversation you don't need to be close to the person at all correct because ears were correct i have two ears you have two ears there is no reason for me to feel your breath on me hey dude are we dating hey bro are we dating because we are i have some advice for you i don't like your fashion and i'll tell you how to up you know if i'm dating you yeah we can go further than we can go further than just me feeling your breath on me right yeah yeah that's disgusting as my ears work as a rule of thumb like this make sure people can't feel your breath on them unbelievable dude and and my and my wife kristin who is like never, I mean, she has never smelled bad once.

Yeah. Her body, her breath, she is like, it's like cotton candy. Okay. She's so conscious of it. She's like, we wake up in the morning, even when we wake up in the morning, it smells fine. Yeah. It's unbelievable. But she'll be like, hey, and turn her face and I'm like why aren't people i'm not in love with like that well here's

why she always smells good is because she is conscious of it no well that's it's not the only reason something in her that's crazy different to you but dude i've dated someone who who who i actually legitimately thought smelled like a chemical bin of random chemicals all together and now she's married and has children and i'm positive yeah he doesn't her husband doesn't think that or he's just you know trying to putting up with it there's no way it fits in because trust me okay he couldn't put it or he's getting in where he fits in you know he's just he just makes you know it's a clothespin it's like this when i have sweetie you want to make out yeah yeah yeah dude um i just uh i don't know yeah you think i i always thought that if you smell if somebody smelled so good

with somebody and you smell so good to them and they smell so good to you, that you're going to have good kids. Good kids? Like that's the, that means biologically you're supposed to be together. I'm smart. I come up with theories. On the right, yeah, the pheromones thing. But the kids thing is a leap though.

Yeah, it's a leap. Okay. So, but if you think that, if you're saying that that means you go together well. Biology is saying you should be together. And the reason why is to procreate. And you know what well. Biology is saying you should be together. And the reason why is to procreate. And you know what I'm saying? It's an interesting theory.

It's an interesting theory. Guy, you're coming over to my side. It's an interesting theory. I don't know if I'm on your side, but I get it. Okay, well, what about this? We both feel that way about each other and we have great kids. And they're awesome. Not only are they healthy, but they're cool as shit. It's anecdotal though.

That's anecdotal. There's only two of them. Well, I'm saying this is my test. Are you talking about natural stuff? Gonna kick my ass the way he said it. He actually went like this. No, are you talking about like he got rearing and came forward? Are you talking about natural smell or you like the perfume that they wear?

Oh, dude, I get it. I'm sorry, dude. I didn't realize you have Dunn syndrome and that's fine. Dude, that's not something to actually say because you know perfume is just perfume it's just a and it's not breath yeah it's not or or the natural scent of the body it's not the natural scent it's fucking fahrenheit that shit smells so good what is fahrenheit fahrenheit it's cologne bobby fahrenheit no it's fahrenheit and it's so good and every time i smell it i go back to the eighth grade and i'm just like yeah well i don't even know i don't even know perfumes i don't know colognes they're all bad to me i don't mean to make fun of people i mean to make

fun of you know it's like you're going all the way back you know it's fine uh yeah no i don't i don't necessarily disagree i do think on top of what you're saying, you know those times when you're like, why am I attracted to that person? It doesn't make sense. They're not my type. They're not who I usually, whatever. Something's going on where you're smelling them and don't realize it.

The smell activates the bra-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca, right? Yes. The smell activates- In many, many, many, many cases, yeah. The bra-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca The Bracket Cack. And the smell activates the boyoing. It really does. It really does. It really does. And you're like, they're not even that hot, but you know what?

Her smell is activating my boyoing. Or if you're a female, his smell is making me got to go get towels. We really do understand ourselves so little. We think we know everything about our own minds. We don we know everything about our own minds. We don't know shit about our own minds. We don't even know when we're smelling someone. That is crazy. Pheromones.

You guys, think about that for a second. You don't know your own mind for shit. Keep that in mind as you go through your daily life. I would never wear cologne. Oh, okay. Because I want people to access me the way I'm supposed to be accessed. Okay. I mean, that's always your reason for everything, you know? What was the thing you were talking about the other day about how like you eat the last

bite because you want them to know you or something? I don't know what that is. That sounds so stupid. What did I say? Somebody called in and was like, my husband ate the- Oh, yes. And you were like, I do that all the time because I want to be known. They should. They should. They should. No, I appreciate this experience enough. oh yes and you were like i do that all the time because i want to be known they should they should

they should no i appreciate this experience enough i respect you enough that to let you know i want that last exactly right right right yeah so i'm a huge warped such a cult leader just doing so thinking that you love them and shit and there's one life and they go, ooh, and they go, ah, ah. I love you, babe. You take it. This is how you know. Oh, shit.

All right. Anyway, wow. You know, I understand. I seem like somebody that's fun and people want to be with

and then once, it's like a decade in, I'm sure they're really tired of my shit. Oh, yeah. Of course. But I haven't been with somebody for a decade yet. So, I guess we'll see. Yeah. Well, you, I mean tired of my shit. Oh, yeah. But I haven't been with somebody for a decade yet.

So I guess we'll see. Yeah. Well, you. I mean, I've been. Yeah, exactly. No, I can attest to that. Do you notice I have a different beanie on? You like that fucking Ray J clip.

Dude, we'll talk about that on Luxury. That is the best thing, dude. Okay, cool. All right, yeah. One more. Next one. Hell yeah. Me again. I mean, I would wear that. Next one. Hell yeah. Me again.

I mean, I would wear that in a Guy Ritchie movie. I would say that we had no problems and we'd never fight. Oh, yeah. I would wear exactly that. Just kidding. Every bit of it. But- The glasses too.

First off, to say about you guys kind of roasting my outfit. Oh. I was going to a bowling party. And I was kind of going for the like vintage bowling look. so my feelings are only hurt a little bit i'll get over it uh my question that i have is kind of just for chris as i know um but i wanted to get his opinion on like posting your kids who are like under 18 and like toddlers and stuff like that on your instagram and like privacy wise and like not getting their permission and all this stuff that people like say um i kind of want to start like an instagram and like posting like curated outfit

ironically curated outfit videos um like, just talking about how you don't have to use fast fashion to still look cool. But I also post my kids on my Instagram. And right now I'm private. Oh, I see. But I want to go public, but also I want to keep posting my kids. But what are your thoughts on kids on Instagram and that whole privacy thing?

And I obviously want to post my kids because they're cute, but also don't want creeps to see them. Yeah, it's definitely something. It's definitely something worth thinking about because we don't know. We don't know. We're not at the generation yet where kids are now 30 and I wish my parents didn't post me on it. Totally, yeah. So if you're thinking about it this much, know you know we don't know we're not at the generation yet where kids are now 30 and like

i wish my parents didn't post me on totally yeah so what i mean if you're thinking about this much why don't you just make a separate instagram account for curated clothes and be like hey if you want to follow me over there follow me over there and then they do and then that's the one that you don't post your kids on and then you can keep your account private and post your kids on your private account on the yeah i think what also she's saying though i'm assuming maybe i'm wrong is that she wants to know how you feel about it in general yeah yeah yeah she does yeah yeah well i mean you can answer too but i just like this is just for me i don't know it's scary i don't know and because i don't know my tendency is to always be like, well, if I don't know that

it's better to not do a thing than do it. But so many people do it and I don't see real world repercussions when they do. So what do I know? I wasn't going to do it. And then I saw a bunch of my friends who I respect do it and they're famous. And so I'm like, oh, I guess maybe that's just the way it is i mean look i don't i don't know you know i don't you know because sometimes you know who knows later on in life calvin or billy is going to be like where's my privacy but i think their age she said under 18

at their age it's probably not that big of a deal if if you end up stopping that's what i mean yeah but yeah well just for their age yeah but you know you're talking about 15 i could see dude if somebody posted something of me at 14 then just ask them and then i got to be 20 and i was like what the fuck is this picture of me in the world ever anywhere right right like that i could see myself even true well then just ask them if that's the age you can ask them yeah that's true um but then it's like do they even no i know do they know right can they answer and is that if they say yes or no is that even the right put it this way bro there's pictures of me when i was 25 that i wish i didn't post there's always going to be that you look like an ass if you don't look like an asshole 10 years ago you think in 10

years this lady's gonna be looking at it herself and be like wow what a great outfit and i'm not even knocking on the outfit i'm knocking on the time what happens i'm gonna look at her now and think look in the mirror and say i'm actually wearing that exact same thing i actually almost am wearing the same exact thing right now what just as she was wearing but what i'm saying is she she looks. No, I get what you're saying. She's put together. But if I look at a picture of me 10 years ago, I'm like, what was I wearing? The only difference is it's the agency thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Yeah, I get it. But my point is if you're going to feel that way anyway. Right, yeah. But yeah, I get it. I understand. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, I don't, you know, it's's definitely like there's definitely people out there there's like i saw this ad the other day that was like my it was like it was pretending it was taking place in 2035 or 40 or something and they were like my parents posted my pictures all throughout my life and now i have to worry about this and that oh Oh, like what? See, I don't even know. They were saying like their credit and their like identity theft and then like AI stuff. AI stuff is scary, I guess. And it was like this video where I was like, oh yeah, they're making really good points.

And then after it ended, I'm like, that seems like it was just trying to make me scared. Like fucking fear- It was. Yeah, so it's like, it's probably gonna be a mix of both. It's probably gonna be like, oh fuck. It's probably gonna be like, it's like, it's not, it's probably going to be a mix of both. It's probably going to be like, oh, fuck. It's probably going to be like how it is anyway. Like, oh, I wish, I wish, you know,

dude, people took pictures of us when we were seven and shit, but they're just tangible. And we wish they didn't exist or they, or, oh, this is a nice one to have. But like, you know, if it makes its rounds in school and people are like, oh, this is, you know, he looks like a you go ah it's just there's no with the digital and the internet there's no stopping it once it's in the world and with physical print photos you burn it it's gone uh all of this i think the ultimate answer is we don't know even if we do it

or don't do it we don't know but uh and so good luck with that is the but it's making me think of remember that picture mom used to have i think no she still has up i already know where you're going with this there's a picture my mom took of me and him in the bath when i was like two or three and he was six or seven yep and we're obviously naked because we're kids in a bath right Right. No, I had jeans on. Jeans and a turtleneck. Like the guy. I'm so happy.

And there's a big mirror on the wall of the bathtub. Yeah. And the camera, our backs are to it. And we're looking like back at the camera. And I was so, this has been framed in our home one home or another my parents home since she took it yeah and there was a certain age of my life where i made i was i was like very self let me just say you could see your our butt our butts but also in the mirror could you see our penises i don't know i don't know either I don't know either. I don't even remember. I think it was just the butt. It was just the butt. And I didn't, but I was self-conscious.

I was like 14 or 15. And I was like, I don't want my butt out in the picture. And it was four in the thing. That's so funny. Yeah. And she respected it so much. Which is awesome. That she painted on top of the frame,

swim trunks on both of the backs of our legs and our butts on the glass part yeah and then when i got older she cleaned the frame because i didn't care anymore and now that picture's up in her house i just saw it the other day really and our butts are out so i'm where is so i'm suing her uh it's in the so when you walk the bathroom in the far left oh in the back yeah oh really yeah i just saw i remember my bathing suit was red i think mine was green yeah really oh yeah yeah yeah yeah wow pretty cool stuff are we both standing up both standing up wow both smiling i should have painted all clothes on us i was a cute kid yeah one of your beanies a tuxedo on me yeah would you just say i was a cute kid i was a really cute kid what about you yeah you

were really cute kid you know if i was or not you looked like you do now i i was an adult as a kid you were born and looked like you were 30 yeah so weird that is weird my first word were hey i was i was six months old hey i mean calvin looks exactly like you look i go like wait why am i why am i not talking well hey yeah calvin i know dude he's so funny yeah he's hilarious he he woke up today because he's been a little bit you know oh yeah he woke up today in my bed and he said hey dad i'm all better i said yeah see what happened he said yeah but i'm still a little bit sick you know it does feel like that though when you wake up and you're like oh my god i'm not sick anymore it's the greatest thing in the world oh man it does i

know the day it's so awesome when that happens yeah you go out you get a turkey sandwich and you just fucking breathe in the sunlight take it we take full health for granted the most fucked up thing about that is two days after that you take full health for granted completely you don't even think about it that's why i think about the thing where we were i was i sent you that case file uh uh uh god i can't stop talking about case file dude where the girl got kidnapped and tortured for seven what is that well i mean so mom being so our mom right now well not talking about this at all now we're suddenly talking about somebody being kidnapped for seven years what i'm just saying that she got kidnapped who a woman give context a woman okay in california

in 1978 or something got 77 uh got kidnapped and the dude kept her in a box for 23 hours a day for seven years and i'm just like and then and then when she got out she got out she was like now the simplest things i i just love like watching a sunset how nice you know and i'm just like well of course nobody would want to go through that to get to that point. I would be willing to. Dude, I would be,

I would, I would kill myself. How could, but did she even have the opportunity to do so? No. That's the thing. You can't kill yourself.

I'd find a way, dude. I'd make my body do it. Just, yep. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Keep, I poke her. What was the other hour? Torture. Yep. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Keep eye poking. What was the other hour? Torture. Oh my God. Really? How could you listen to that? I can't listen to shit like that anymore.

I, the whole time was like, I really should stop listening to this. Right. Yeah. But I did that for three hours. It's a three hour episode? Yep. It's a two parter. What's up with Casefile?

It sounds like actual torture. After that one, I listened? Yup. It's a two-parter. What's up with Casefile? It sounds like actual torture. Casefile. After that one, I listened to one. It was fantastic the way they told the story. Okay. I listened to another one. It was very, very good. I listened to the third one, which was this one, a two-parter, and I go-

Too much. Guess I got to stop watching this. Because I was starting to just walk around just like, oh man, people get kid- I probably know some kidnappers. i probably bumped into a murderer you know i mean there's just like the like it'll be like the eyeball killer and it's like what the fuck is that and you're so intrigued and you look and he takes people's eyeballs and you're like why those things i can't deal with when it's that depraved it's like oh it was depraved dude i don't want to know about it's so weird i want to go through my whole life not

knowing about that kind of shit do you i used to listen to that kind of shit all the time i can't do it anymore i know i know i i don't do it but but but it's like what about this though you want it well i guess you just want to know at base bad things happen so stay vigilant and safe that's plenty you don't need to know don't tell me the details penis cut off and put in his butthole oh definitely don't need to know that for 23 hours a day no yeah exactly like why why do we revel in the details of these disgusting stories crime stuff is crazy how it exploded it is crazy how big it is now yeah no it's so insane there were a couple shows podcasts that i found that i was like oh this is really good really they tell the story very well but it's like after you listen to 10 or 11 you're just like this is 10 or 11 terrible you start thinking like oh if i was gonna kill someone how am i doing

wait a minute yeah well that's fun to think about i mean but uh you think you could get away with it i would like any of them if they didn't get into the details of the depravity like tell me the basics i don't want to know how many times they were stabbed and how much blood there was. A little bit. We wanna know a little bit of stuff. I don't wanna know the whole. He hung her from her.

Okay. Yeah. And dangling like a Y. I don't wanna know. Her shoulders were all fucked up. Wait, what? At the end, her shoulders were all fucked up. But what, they dangle like what?

Like a Y. Why would they do that? Is that a joke, why? Why would they do that? Because a joke why why would they do that because uh he is a fucking lunatic god any whipper and shit all right and okay but one thing though is this is crazy he said to her he was like uh i will uh stop screaming i'll cut your vocal cords out because i've done it before and and so she stopped screaming they can cut the vocal cords out okay after she got out and told the police about everything which by the way she didn't tell because I've done it before. And so she stopped screaming. Didn't cut the vocal cords out.

Okay. After she got out and told the police about everything, which by the way, she didn't tell the police until like, she felt, because the, oh, it's just so convoluted.

Anyway. She didn't tell the police right away? Well, because. She wanted to go grocery shopping first? No, because she was very hungry. So she, the person, because the guy had a wife.

Right. And the wife would do it too. Oh. with her. Torture her? Yeah. Okay. But the woman was like, the wife was like,

they were very religious and they were like, don't tell the police because I think I can change it. It was all fucked up. After that long? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Idiot. So she was like, religious too. It was all fucked up. After that long? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Idiot. So she was like,

we're just two. And she was like, okay. But then she was like, well, no, fuck that. And told the police. And when the police... But the wife helped her escape. Yes.

But the police made... When they were interviewing her, they were like, this sounds like... Do you know anything about the first victim? And they were like, this sounds like, do you know anything about the first victim? And she was like, what? And she was like,

oh, when she went down into the basement, she remembered seeing things that now she's putting it together. That was from the first victim. How fucked up is that? And that was, they cut her vocal cords. All right.

And she died. All right. It wasn't seven and a half years it was you know this is not the way to end the episode you know we have a bunch of stuff that we talk about good bad the ugly funny serious drama we do dramedy exclusively terrible is what this last part was well i you know the good thing is people who listen to this podcast a lot of people listen and then some people will turn it off just because they got Well, the good thing is people who listen to this podcast, a lot of people listen and then some people will turn it off just because they got to do something else.

So maybe they didn't hear that part. That's the good news? Okay. All right. Anyway, it's crazy. Case Files is good though. I talked to, you know. Case File?

Case File. Australia? It's Australian. Yeah, I listened to it when I was in Australia because my tour manager there was listening to it. It's a big podcast, right? I guess so. Yeah, I don't really honestly know.

Australians are cool. But I'm going to be in Australia. Go check my website. Whoa, all right. Yeah, and get the tickets to the live show. We're going to do Irvine on May 14th. Going to be good. Subscribe to our Patreon.

Oh, yeah, we're going to do a Lifeline luxury right now. Slash Lifeline lifeline luxury get it get in there that's where it's at it's where it's on and popping and everything else you know what to do subscribe to the private record get tickets to see my brother's shows oh get a one-on-one with me at medley.com get the merch at lifeline merch.com we gotta do some new merch on let's get some new merch all right thanks everybody we will, we will, we will. All right. Thanks, everybody.

Sorry that we had to end on that disgusting, terrible, depraved note that Chris let us know about. And see you next week. Unless you subscribe to Lifeline Luxury, you'll probably see us sooner than that. Thank you. If you want. Hello? Hello? Hello? Will you please stay alive? Hello? Hello? Hello?