Lifeline - 107. Reverse Plummet

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

Tiege Hanley: Get your first box 30% off (+ FREE gift), and 20% off for life, at tiege.com/lifeline ✨ LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advic...e, all for $5. May 14th! Come to our live show at Irvine Improv! TICKETS 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 Today, we're talking Rod Smart, people who out other peoples' Tourette's, theories about Aaron Eckhart, strategies for resting bitch face, the appropriate and acceptable distance to say hello to someone else, and how to be friends with weirdos. 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Honestly, we're going to say the same color? I't know i looked on the tv and it kind of were you outside recently yeah calvin is in t-ball got caught doing something so bad the way you're looking right now go outside uh this episode is brought to you by tige hanley we'll talk about their amazing men's skincare products later on in the show. Yeah. But yeah, I...
Starting point is 00:01:05 Which I have on right now. I got some on me right now. I'm just saying. Oh, Australia. I'll be there. My dates were announced. I added Adelaide, chrysalia.com, Melbourne, Sydney. And then I got also coming up North Charleston, Augusta, Des Moines, Chattanooga.
Starting point is 00:01:23 And then, oh, we have our Lifeline live show in Irvine so go to chrisley.com but there's a bunch of different dates I got solo dates too go to chrisley.com check that out our thing is May 14th is that right May 14th at the Irvine Improv
Starting point is 00:01:38 get your tickies yeah we sold a bunch of tickets already which is nice better get in there better get in there you can also subscribe to our Patreon, patreon.com slash lifeline luxury. That's where to be, honestly. Honestly, let me tell you something. It's been on and popping there for a few months, but now we're doing, I think we're doing three episodes a month now instead of two, which is bang for the buck, baby.
Starting point is 00:01:59 And also, we'll probably end up releasing the Lifeline live episode on our Patreon. So anyway. And you don't want to miss it, okay? No, but so yeah. You don't want to miss it. Also, obviously, subscribe to my solo podcast, The Private Record. Got a new binging and bonging wild episode this week. Dude, you know what pedestrian s**t is?
Starting point is 00:02:21 Yeah. You know what it is? Dude, I didn't know what it was. Well, it's definitely self-explanatory. No, I don't think it is because i was like what is that oh okay someone uses you to yeah oh i'm sorry pro but that's what it seems like officer delia no no hold on what else would pedestrian i'd be i i would have to like guess i don't i mean i think we can't say side probably okay well okay so well that's great well anyway yes yes yes we can but okay but limited though youtube was uh bleep it yeah bleep it you could say slewer side anyway somebody
Starting point is 00:02:51 was a victim of that and it's super messed up i was gonna say effed up but you know what i learned in your in your uh yeah in the pocket yeah that's gotta be just so yeah so terrible how that happened hey uh anyway can you use somebody car car oh somebody just ran in front of her car on the freeway dude oh god have you heard death by cop yeah yes yes i mean kind of like that only the person's not a cop well if it was going to be super self-explanatory explanatory be death by random person. Death by random person. Yeah. It's wordy. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Yeah. I keep going to say the word, but I'm not going to say it. Yeah. So subscribe to The Part of the Record. Thank you. What else? What else?
Starting point is 00:03:36 What else? What else? You got a question? You want to be on this show? Got to watch lifeline.com. Remember? You can leave a message on the hotline too. We don't really get a lot of those lately,
Starting point is 00:03:43 but those are cool. If you want to be super anonymous. I don't prefer those. I like it because they get really grimy and weird sometimes. They get confessional. I like when they send videos. Okay. Well, you already said that, which is what's interesting.
Starting point is 00:03:56 You want a one-on-one session with me, go to MattDelia.com, book it. I'll save your life or make it demonstrably better. And of course, get the Lifeline merch at LifelineMer.com do you do you know the song hurricane wow i can't how i have to think about this more i i i really like this song hurricane they used to um but oh no hurricane but you could call me slurricane those are the worst lyrics i've ever heard in my heard it's e40 oh e40 is the man i wish i was 40 i wish it was water yeah that's great um i wish it was fatty i wish it was water just like losing his mind but uh so anyway it's lifeline and uh here we are i'm going to stagecoach this weekend uh no well hardy invited me and i actually he got me these shoes too he sent me these shoes
Starting point is 00:04:46 which got his uh um they're flofers they got him on the back and look at they got his like little uh what do you call it oh you can see it on the bottom yeah his uh what do you call it like not silhouette but whatever it is the glasses and the hat he's a cool dude so i'm gonna go watch him at at uh stagecoach with with wifey okay do you think it's okay to say wifey no i know it's not it's not really okay it's it's annoying i guess do men say it i thought women said it about their female friends no it's mostly it's mostly women who say it about their female friends and then also black guys will say it about their their significant other you know wifey got me at home tonight well i got this hat for free so you're not the only cool person okay somebody sent me a bunch of hats and this is one of them yep okay
Starting point is 00:05:31 yep um i it's been two weeks since we've been in here right yes that's good how about the fact that i was sometimes you get sick and it goes away and you're good yep and then sometimes you get sick and you're just sick for two months the latter has happened to me the last two times i'm sick including this time i i got better over two weeks ago same and i'm just still blowing it out of my head and i stopped dude same but you were sick for a really short period yeah which makes it even more hardcore sick yeah for very short like a day and a half yeah and then you were sick for a really short period. Yeah. Which makes it even more hardcore sick. Yeah. For very short, like a day and a half.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah. And then I was sick as a dog for like a week, eight days, something like that. My body does some, I don't know. It does like, it doesn't stay sick for long,
Starting point is 00:06:16 but, but I, it's been lingering. Yeah. And that's so annoying. You got lingering itis. No. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:22 You got, oh, you got lingering itis? Itis? No. Okay. No, I don't have lingering itis. That's good. And got lingering itis itis no okay no i don't have lingering itis that's good and i'll tell you what that's not going to be the episode name so don't even think about it i wasn't thinking about mako was and so it was you know and anthony wasn't listening but um anthony definitely wasn't i almost made a joke because he was like earlier
Starting point is 00:06:38 he was like oh what'd you guys say i wasn't listening i said oh are we recording i almost said that what about you know i mean that would almost said that. What about when people bring up jokes that they almost made? Oh, no. I am all for that. Okay. Yeah. I'm all for that. Why?
Starting point is 00:06:52 Because it sucks when the moment passes, and I want you to understand that this is what I was going to do, and how funny do you think it was going to be? But what about the potential to lie? People have the potential to say they were going to say something, but it really took hours to think of it. I'll tell you right now, I've never in my life ever done that once, and I will never do that. What about the potential for other people to do that?
Starting point is 00:07:13 The reason why telling someone you were going to do a joke and didn't get the chance to do it is only for me. If someone else does it, I don't care. Yeah? Yeah. So you don't care about other people just yourself no i i i i don't care if they're lying or not i i want you to know i was going to make that joke what about when other people do it though do you just not care yeah okay so then you do only care about yourself no i don't only care about myself in that fashion i only care about yeah that fact that i get to do it i get what you're saying yeah wow that's a pretty pretty you had huh yeah this one was custom made for me oh really yeah yeah yeah oh that's weird you don't
Starting point is 00:07:54 get that at bing bong limited okay that could be the episode name if you want but so selfish dude why just because you said it i got one in me it's your saying. But Bing Bong Limited, though, that's different. I mean, Bing Bong Limited is a great title. All right. Just argue with me. Hey, name a better title. I'll wait. Wow.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I'll wait. Dude, I hate I'll wait. Yeah, I don't like I'll wait. That was a good usage of it. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. I don't like to do that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Do you like this hat? Which one's better? You just don't like trucker hats they're both very bad yeah on that note uncle becca's inappropriate trucker hats you get your custom ones i don't dislike trucker hats oh really yeah and you cannot obviously make whatever you want with that guy so i like that one better i'd say because that one makes it people will take that wrong and be like that guy thinks he's knows stuff that i don't yeah i don't like that yeah fuck this one okay but the bing bong one's cool i mean that one's cool yeah we're gonna roll with this oh i hit the dog june i'm sorry she hates me now she hate me
Starting point is 00:08:54 uh he hate me what was that no it was she hate me right no he hate the the the he hate the jersey yeah he hates fl guy Yeah. That was awesome. Then there was a second one. He hate me too, right? Yeah. Yeah. T-O-O. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Not the sequel. Oh, really? It's not a sequel? It's not he hate me the prequel and then he hate me too? No. What was the guy's name? His real name? He hate me. Rod Smart.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Bob Smart? Rod. Rod. He hate me. What a great name rod smart dude yeah i mean 100 a character in 1950s show wow that's rob smart you see rod i'll figure it out rod smart and he says he's smart wow yeah i want that to be my name i'm rod smart rod smart I'm Rod Smart. Rod Smart, the PI. Where were you the night of the 16th? What are you laughing at?
Starting point is 00:09:48 Rod Smart. Where were you the night of the 16th? Oh, you were, huh? So if I ask them, they'll confirm that story? Okay. Rod Smart. Here's my card. Let's take a picture, huh?
Starting point is 00:10:00 Hey, I noticed something funny about that picture a few weeks ago. You know? Cool. Later on. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Look at this here. He's loving it, dude. Chris is loving it. You notice something funny about that picture a few weeks ago you know cool later on cool cool cool look at this yeah you know he's loving it dude chris is loving it you notice something different about this here what what you know i i pay attention to detail i'm rob schmott look at this what is it i don't what do you notice oh well i see a see a guy i see a guy's i see a guy's i see a guy's wrist yeah and once i put that wrist oh there's a tan line he used to have a watch yeah
Starting point is 00:10:22 it looks like maybe somebody stole his watch. Hmm. Rob Schmatt. Why do you keep fucking up when he says his name, dude? Everything else you say perfectly. You go, Rob Schmatt. I'm saying Rob and I need to say Rod. Because Rod, straight up, it's crazy that Rod is a name. Okay? And I'm not saying it's good or bad, but Rob is a name.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Okay? It would be like somebody named, it was named Crin. Okay, so- Or Map. Rod, anyone named Rod- Is really named Rob. Absolutely. Always. Without question, 100% of the time, an adult male named Rod-
Starting point is 00:11:01 I mean, they're really- Has affairs with married women. Rodley? It doesn't matter women rodley and it doesn't matter rodrigo it doesn't matter just go by rod you sleep with married women and you're a shit shit bag for it oh well i mean so like that's his thing no he just it's just rods fall into that thing yeah they end up doing do you think uh it's bad to sleep with married women like for a guy if a guy so obviously it's not right but morally speaking right right right but but do you are you the kind of person that thinks it's on both of them or mostly the the person in the relationship like there's a lot of guys are like fuck it you know yeah i don't think that's right i think that's bad yeah yeah okay that's pretty bad it's not as like and it you know obviously goes either
Starting point is 00:11:50 way like if whoever's doing the actual duplicitous thing is doing the worst yeah yeah yeah yeah you know but obviously someone shouldn't be yeah yeah bangerang and someone who's in a skit relationship yeah you could say bangerang and that's the. We should come up with words that we could say, like sluerside. So YouTube. Right. You know what I'm saying? Right. Bangerang and sluerside.
Starting point is 00:12:12 What else? Hurricane. But you can call me slurricane. It's good. That's good? Yeah, it is good. It kind of put them on the map a little bit. Oh, it's old. It was 40. It was water. That's good? Yeah, it is good. It kind of put him on the map a little bit. Oh, it's old.
Starting point is 00:12:25 It was 40, which was water. Yeah. Our producer almost just threw up, by the way, just so everybody knows. Oh, yeah. Definitely looked like it. So I want, it's getting warmer out. It's great. I want to, I'm going to, you know, I keep telling Calvin, hey, this is the summer we
Starting point is 00:12:44 got to learn how to swim. We've tried a few times. And he was like, okay. So I was like, so just be ready because I don't want him being... I thought he was always in the pool. He's always in the pool. He's always in the pool, but he's got swimmies on.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Oh, okay. So we're going to teach him how to swim. I'm going to teach him how to swim. Cool. Yeah. Have you started? No, not yet. It's not...
Starting point is 00:13:00 I mean, it's... Oh, summer you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Have you been doing your cold plunge thing? I've done it's a summer. You said, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Have you been doing your, uh, cold plunge? I've done it twice, uh, three times. Maybe that was all like in the first, I do it once. Did you get it a long time ago?
Starting point is 00:13:13 It's like, I do it once every two months. Is that what you're supposed to do? I'm on a once every two months, uh, schedule, but it's really cool, but I got to do it. I'm going to do it. I don't want to do it when it's cold. I know people do it also when it's cold, but that's crazy. Well, that's cool about it. You said it's cool. It feels crazy. Yeah. I'm going to do it. I don't want to do it when it's cold. I know people do it also when it's cold, but that's crazy. Well, that's cool about it. You said it's cool.
Starting point is 00:13:25 It feels crazy. Yeah. It wakes you the F up. That's probably the good part about it, right? It wakes you the F up. And you know what I really want to start doing is waking up and going and getting sun immediately. They say that that's really good for you, you know?
Starting point is 00:13:40 Yeah. And I don't do that. And I think about it a lot. And that's the first step. Well, that's kind of hard to do if you wake up at a normal person hour but you you wake up at noon it's possible no you can i think like well what's a normal person hour i mean if most people are on a nine to five eight to five nine to six something like that like seven a.m so well there's sun out then well yeah you can't like get sun god i'm going to get a tan 6 30 in the morning yeah
Starting point is 00:14:06 uh anyway i i started watching yellowstone oh good segue dude well what do you have dude you know what's up with yellowstone i know what's up with yellowstone yeah okay then go ahead writers just made a show and they decided what would happen in the show and and that's and they're just like they chose it and then that's all it is it's the most show like that i can't even believe so you're saying writers like all of the writing is just to get it to the the place where they already decided it would go to no i'm saying the exact opposite oh the writers just are writing and decide hey why don't why didn't that happen and they go oh okay and they go to that isn't that what all writing is no because there needs to be some sort of plan
Starting point is 00:14:58 oh you actually think it's completely unplanned i mean obviously it's a plan but but it's just like it like stuff happens to where like the the lady in it will is a teacher and you've never seen her at school and then one day she just drops her kid off at school breaks up a fight and gets punched in the head falls down and like gets hit on the ground when she her head smacks the ground and then she forgets who she is whoa and then you're like oh i guess the show's about this now i see and then we're like seven episodes of her just being a person and do you like this i mean that's you made it sound good it's it's interesting but but uh i it's the show's not for me but it's it's like also very very written it's very like you're the you're the craziest person i ever met or the smartest like that kind of thing you know you know the
Starting point is 00:15:54 guy that wrote that right he's got like 80 000 shows now offshoots of that yeah i know yeah so weird dude my buddy la monica is in one of them. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's in the super far back in time prequel, right? God, dude, people love universes now. Yeah, I know. It's crazy, dude. We are going to have the Lifeline universe. Yeah, let's do the Lifeline universe.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Oh, dude, we should get into it. Yeah, let's get into it. It's been 15 minutes. Speaking of the Lifeline universe, maybe this is our first spinoff. Damn, look at that ledge. Phoenix, my name is Trey. Backstory, I have Tourette's.
Starting point is 00:16:27 You would never probably guess if you just had like a normal yeah interaction with me it's pretty minor i got it when i was like 10 anyways my question has to do pretty much with friends and people out in public like i love my friends obviously but you know a lot of times i'll be out and i'll notice that they'll make comments about like either my tourette's or be like – if, say, a scenario, I'm around some girls or at a bar or a club or something, and they're like, oh, yeah, this is Trey. He has Tourette's. Oh, my God. No. What made you have to say that?
Starting point is 00:16:57 Why did you have to just throw that out there? If I wanted to say that or bring that up about myself, I would have. Anyways, I'm looking for comebacks or things I can say to kind of get back at them or i don't know help me please just say sorry he has Tourette's and that's his tick yeah dude throw it back that's crazy yeah but also beyond that ask them what the fuck their problem is dude they're just trying to make it normalize it you know but he doesn't like he said there's no signs that you would ever guess. Like if he was just saying like... No, I know, I know, I know.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Dwight Eisenhower! Dwight Eisenhower! The best... Boner Dwight! Boner Dwight? You know? The best tick. I'm saying if that was the case...
Starting point is 00:17:34 Sluricide! Boner Dwight! Boner Dwight! Boner Dwight! How are you? What's your name? Boner Dwight! No, all right, you know?
Starting point is 00:17:43 Like then it would make sense for them to be like hey this is our friend he has hurricane they used to call me slurry cane he has Tourette's we should do a counter on how many times uh chris uh hurricane but you can call me slurry cane hey how's it going nice to meet you i'm chris dude by now it'd be number around nine or ten but um but yeah dude that's dick dude yeah yeah it is it. That is a condition that sucks to have. Why would they do that? Yeah, I actually think I might have a slight Tourette's. Really?
Starting point is 00:18:13 Yeah. Why do you say that? Because I have OCD, and OCD and Tourette's are commonly linked. Oh, really? Yeah. That makes sense, actually. But I'm afraid to get diagnosed. But what makes you think that?
Starting point is 00:18:27 I don't want to get into it. Anyway, I mean, has it? No, that's not the thing. That's the. Oh, no shit, man. Yeah. That wasn't you exhibiting Tourette's, Scott. That would be absolutely incredible if that was your.
Starting point is 00:18:39 I would get so, I would, I would be, I would be dead because I would have died from full-blown AIDS because I would get so much play. If that was your- Are you kidding me? Do it. The guy who gets the most play is the guy who can own the craziest shit. And if I was out there going, I'd have to own it, ladies would just be in droves.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Here's the problem though you'd also be doing it during sex and everything i guess that's a good thing too that's why you that's pretty much why it works and you do it with me i'm gonna disagree but i i i would like it if that was the case i'd have families everywhere well i'd have families everywhere so aspirational you know i i'm glad i would be glad i would die honestly not saying that people with Tourette's should but I would be like I can't all I do is and I don't even want to die because of that I want to die because of how much play I get that is and I have so many families maybe honestly the craziest take you've ever had ever and that is truly saying something wow to have that as your Tourette's tick and you think
Starting point is 00:19:46 that would lead to you getting the most play as you put it and then having families quote families everywhere and you'd die early because you'd get contract full-blown AIDS yeah that's your craziest take in history for sure yeah absolutely well question i mean that's you know nobody comes to me because i'm a mathematician wow uh was this guy's name trey it was trey right yeah uh yeah in phoenix yeah trey from phoenix so that's that's the two things one is make the joke that my brother said because that's a really good joke thank you very much and i kind of elvis i know you were going there anyway but i kind of i kind of arrived at it first you know but it's all good you did but yeah you said i was gonna you literally
Starting point is 00:20:29 the words you said oh yeah yeah so loud so loud doesn't modulate your own voice and also you you have to be like hey why do you guys do that like would you do that if like yeah you had if i had something that you perceive to be exactly yeah like don't do that if, like, if you had, if I had something that you perceived to be, exactly. Like, don't do that to people with things. Full-blown AIDS, which I would have if I had Tourette's. Of the amount of times you've uttered the word AIDS. Well, you can't say AIDS, you have to say full-blown AIDS. So I was going to ask, what percent of the time have you put full-blown before it?
Starting point is 00:20:59 60. 60% of the time. So you said just AIDS, 40% of the time. Right. Full-blown. I'll say just age when i'm talking about it in a serious way but if we're having a comedy conversation i'll say full-blown full-blown that's a really good answer and most of the time i'm congrats man no no i'm uh
Starting point is 00:21:15 hurricane you can call me slurking okay um anyway uh that's threats yeah just do that it's fucked up that they do that by the way but. But you're at the age and the bro-ness you got. That's what they're going to do. He's the man. Trey's the man. Don't fuck with Trey, dude. That's not good. Trey's a cool name, actually.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Trey's fucking cool. Well, I have a thing. I don't like names that are also something else. Walking it back. So? Wait. Oh, Trey. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:21:40 I wasn't even thinking about that. Yeah, like a trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt is that way, though. But it's Matthew. So, anyway. Insulting me, yeah. Yeah, so it's all good. about that. Yeah, like a trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt is that way though, but it's Matthew. So anyway. Insulting me, yeah. Yeah, so it's all good.
Starting point is 00:21:48 All right. Well, that was easy. But that was a good, good, good, good, good. It was a good, good. Okay. That was a good, good? Yeah. Hey, let's take a quick break and give some advices about skincare.
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Starting point is 00:23:21 and staying up with it. Sometimes I start this kind of thing and never do the upkeep. They make it so easy to do that, that I've been doing it. And thank you for saying I look better, but I also feel better. So, you know, don't just take my word for it. Because when I go back and I look at the podcast, the old podcast, you look way worse. Okay. Well, don't just take my word for it. Okay. Cause I'm just an anecdotal guy. There are tons and tons of five-star reviews up on the site that you'll want to check out. This isn't something you want to put off because prevention with skin is key. Go ahead, get ahead of any signs of aging right now.
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Starting point is 00:24:21 but everywhere all across your body. It feels incredible, but the grooming kit is incredible as well. You can't go wrong. $20 value. Bing, value bing bang booyah okay so don't wait what are you doing go click uh don't wait any longer click the first link in the description start your skincare journey today what's up chris what's up matt hello chris i've loved you since drunk girls no you're hitting people say that but that's just no i don't need that matt let's be friends i love you yeah so let's get into it i think there's a big difference between a trip and a vacation and thinking that
Starting point is 00:24:50 it's going to be one thing and it ends up being the other is going to ruin the whole thing for you that's good vacation you chill the destination are is the plans today we're going to the beach that's the plans we're going to the beach we're going on a trip that means we're planning things we're going here this time we're going there that time and if you think it's going to the beach. We're going on a trip. That means we're planning things. We're going here this time. We're going there that time. Oh, wow. That's great. And if you think it's going to be a vacation and it ends up being a trip, the whole thing's ruined.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Whoa. I also think some people are trip people and some people are vacation people. Yeah. I'm a trip person. Those people aren't compatible. No, I'm a vacation person. Let me know what you think. I need-
Starting point is 00:25:17 I don't know if you got into this fight before, but I certainly have. So let me know. Thanks. I need to implement this. That's really well put. I like this theory. I just have a question. I'd like to further the theory, which is, is there one that's shorter?
Starting point is 00:25:30 No, I don't think so. I don't think that that matters. But that's what I thought when she first said it. That's what I thought. That's why I have it in my head. But what she said is better. Yeah. Trip, you think quicker, I think.
Starting point is 00:25:41 That's why I thought that. Yeah. No, but she's saying vacation is, a trip is you have a bunch of plans and you're going there to do the thing and the, you know. Yeah. Or see somebody that you're related to, like a trip to go visit.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. I think that she's fucking bang on, dude. Yeah, this is dead on. And I don't want to go on any trips. I just want to go on vacations. Well, we've talked about this to a degree,
Starting point is 00:26:04 but specifically- Here? The kind of person, yeah, the kind of person that plans the whole trip and is like, okay, we're going to do this in the morning, this in the afternoon, and then they have like guides. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have like the list of restaurants they have to go to and the best times to go there. And it's just like, dude, you're sucking the fun out of this.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Yeah. So I'm obviously a vacation person. It's weird. That is weird to me, but there are people like that. And, you know. Oh, so many. I know, I know.
Starting point is 00:26:32 It's crazy. It is weird. I don't know. Everyone's stepdad is like that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every stepdad in history does that, dude. Yeah, and every woman. And so I don't know why it would be,
Starting point is 00:26:44 I guess people want to get it all in you know that's a whole bucket list mentality like the whole we gotta you know you gotta live life to the fullest and it's like it's also they don't want to go somewhere and have there be a thing that is cool to have done and not have done it because they don't know if they'll ever be back i hate that that goes against my main one of my main things that i that i talked about recently i think on congratulations but uh if you have a thing that you bought tickets to and then the thing is coming up and you decide you don't want to go there are people that would go anyway because they bought the tickets yeah yeah yeah and i think that that's doubly worse because you just you just eat the money and you don't go because you don't want to go couldn't agree more i mean i'm not even getting into selling reselling tickets of course you can
Starting point is 00:27:34 do that but yeah couldn't agree more and concurrent to that a way that i have always felt and people my friends think i'm fucking crazy for this. I get in this argument with one friend in particular all the time. If you go to a movie, right? Obviously you pay for the ticket. You go. If I don't like the movie,
Starting point is 00:27:54 if I'm really not vibing with the movie, I don't care if it's eight minutes in or 80 minutes in. You pay your friend back. I'm out. I leave.
Starting point is 00:28:01 I walk. I'm done. That's it. My friend and most of my other friends, but this one specific friend is like, no, I paid. Why would I leave? I'm out. I leave. I walk. I'm done. That's it. My friend and most of my other friends, but this one specific friend is like, no, I paid. Why would I leave? Oh, yeah. No.
Starting point is 00:28:09 I'm staying no matter what. That's kind of what I'm saying. I know it is. That's why I called it concurrent. You know what I'm saying? So it's an I paid thing? It's the I paid thing. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:28:15 That's crazy. And I'm like, dude, but you also paid for the fucking luxury to get your time back. You don't pay and dig yourself into a hole so you can not enjoy something. You're losing your time, dude. I agree. Get your time back you don't pay and dig yourself into a hole so you can not enjoy something you're losing your time dude i agree get your time back i i agree that's my advice to everybody get your so you leave movies you've done it oh dude i left first man in six minutes well but that's that's so early i left early i knew what was coming i wasn't into it oh no you hear mac and the opening sequence was even kind of cool so it was like three minutes of i was like no I left early. I knew what was coming. I wasn't into it. Oh no. You hear Matt go like that in the theater. And the opening sequence was even kind of cool.
Starting point is 00:28:47 So it was like three minutes of, I was like, no. Wow. It was Kyle Chandler walking around at NASA with blue walls, everything's spinning. It's grainy, it's handheld. I'm gone. Then after that, Ryan Gosling knocks on someone's door. It's all a shade of like gray, blue.
Starting point is 00:29:00 And there's like some woman and he's like looking down and I'm like, I'm gone. Oh, you're being Buzz Aldrin or whatever? I'm bored. There isn't, I mean, that's what it's about, you know? But it doesn't have to be muted. Oh, it's all Buzz Aldrin? No, that's not why I left.
Starting point is 00:29:12 King Kong. Oh, is the monkey in it? Ryan Gosling being Buzz Aldrin, knock on the door, it's all slate and grainy and blue and he's just like looking down like, you know, like, oh, with his ex-wife. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, that's so hardcore, you know?
Starting point is 00:29:23 I'm gone, dude. Oh, Buzz Aldrin, get the fuck out of here, dude. I'm gone, dude. One small step for a man, one small journey for mankind. I'm going to get the fuck out of here. I mean, that's so hardcore. I'm gone, dude. Oh, Buzz Aldrin, get the fuck out of here, dude. I'm gone, dude. One small step for a man, one small journey for mankind. I want to get the fuck out of this movie theater. Basically.
Starting point is 00:29:32 You have a fuzzy in your hair. Okay. I mean, died. Hold on. I didn't get it. You know when I'll get it because I'll be done. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:41 That's good. So, yeah. All right. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's great. I'll be done. Okay. That's good. So, yeah. All right. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's great. I don't like to go on trips. It's too much.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I don't ever want to do that. I think what she did was a great service to humanity. I would like it if everyone in the world saw her say that. I agree. Because the world would literally be an actually better place it's one of those things that you put on like twitter or whatever and you pull it and it would become viral yeah you're a person or a big hit or yeah yeah you've done really good so do it we're
Starting point is 00:30:14 proud all right next one hey matt and chris uh matt done the matt d'alia sessions a couple times tremendous and uh chris big balls chris seen you in dc a couple times. Tremendous. And Chris. Big balls, Chris. Seen you in D.C. a couple times. We're going to see you in West Virginia in a couple weeks. How do you know my nickname? Front row. Stoked about it.
Starting point is 00:30:34 I want to talk to you guys about resting bitch face. That's a great shirt. I got resting bitch face pretty bad. My family will often ask me, yeah is everything okay how are you doing what's going on what's wrong how do you alert the world i'm cool i know dude this is as good as it gets i'm doing great i literally just have resting bitch face uh appreciate you guys thanks bye anybody that's ever known me will vouch for what I'm about to say,
Starting point is 00:31:06 which is that this has been a problem for me my whole life. I've had to explain so much of my life has been explaining to other people that I care about that I'm, no, I'm really actually not angry or in a bad mood. I just look like, this is just my face. Yeah. Yeah, you do. But you've said you have that problem too, right?
Starting point is 00:31:25 Less than me? It's got to be less than me. Probably, yeah. But here's the worst part, dude. Oh, the worst part. It makes me mad. And then I'm mad. And then the person is like, no, but you sound mad.
Starting point is 00:31:38 And I'm like, well, okay, now I am. Well, now I am. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, exactly. You made me mad. Very cool. You fulfilled my prophecy. Great. Yeah, exactly. You made me mad. Very cool. You fulfilled my prophecy. Great. Yeah, great job.
Starting point is 00:31:45 You literally, out of thin air, for no reason, chose to infuriate me. Thank you. Thank you. So thank you for fulfilling my prophecy. Thank you very much. Jesus. Dickhead Jesus. Oh, man, going to hell.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Now you're going to hell because you said that. So now how do you feel about that? I feel fine. Until hell. Yeah, I feel fine. Until hell. Yeah, I feel fine. Until hell is a good title too. Until hell is so a movie that Aaron Eckhart
Starting point is 00:32:13 would have thought would have fucking plummet him into the next stratosphere of stardom and it did. In 2007. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Like right after Aaron Brockovich they were like, we got it. It's until hell and it's going to plummet you into fucking absolute stardom you can't say plummet when you want to go well but it's a reverse plummet right blast you in so a reverse plummet we are going to reverse plummet dude just choose a different word really sticking sticking with plummet you know god have shares in the word plummet um so so yeah. And that stock is going to reverse plummet.
Starting point is 00:32:46 So, but anyway. Reverse plummet. I couldn't think of the other word. I knew plummet was going down. Well, there's an array of so many words you could choose. Skyrocket. Skyrocket into. Skyrocket into.
Starting point is 00:32:57 But that's not cool. It's reverse plummeting. Reverse plummet is absolutely awful. It's nothing. Anyway. It's not something. You know? You know what it is. If I You know? You know what it is.
Starting point is 00:33:07 If I say it, you know what it is. Dude, honestly, maybe I wouldn't have known if we didn't have the lead. Like, if you just out of the blue said, this is going to reverse
Starting point is 00:33:15 plummet me into whatever, I'd be like, what do you mean? You know? But because of the context, I do know. But Until Hell is so a movie that Aaron Eckhart made in 2007. And his agents were like, we got it.
Starting point is 00:33:32 This will skyrocket you into the next stratosphere. People are going to be using your name synonymous with Tom Cruise. Yeah, right. It came out. It made $11 million opening weekend. And it was- And Limitless with Bradley Cooper made $20 million. And no one expected it.
Starting point is 00:33:46 And it was just, he was so mad. He locked himself in a room that entire Monday when the box office came in. And no one, not even his wife, kids,
Starting point is 00:33:58 nobody was able to reach him. And then he came out. And the first thing he did was he took a big deep breath through his nose. He grabbed the pen and wrote a letter to his agents
Starting point is 00:34:08 firing them and literally brought it to CAA brought it to his agency you guys convinced me
Starting point is 00:34:19 of this and you should have you know until hell I knew it had a weak you know thing the script wasn't ready
Starting point is 00:34:23 and I knew it you convinced me it was. You told me not to go to the producers and say the thing. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. So I'm firing you.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Yeah. Yeah. And you are, from here to forth, you are fired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Using words that are kind of archaic,
Starting point is 00:34:39 but he thinks he knows the meaning and the kind of rough. Right, right, right. The meaning is clear, but they don't really fit. We thought I was going to reverse plummet into startup.
Starting point is 00:34:51 Your exact words, reverse plummet into startup, and you were wrong. Oh, man. Aaron Eckhart, you know what? Oh, fuck, man. You hear a lot of stories, obviously, about this guy being a dick, this woman being terrible to work with.
Starting point is 00:35:07 The most stories I've heard about anyone being a dick is Aaron Eckhart, and there's a way to know. He's blonde and has a cleft chin. Yeah, yeah, true. If you're blonde and you have a cleft chin, the rage inside you is just unleashed on so many people. So what I want to ask is, before you just said the thing
Starting point is 00:35:25 about how you've heard he's a dick if aaron eckhart heard everything we just said like the the joke about until hell and the writing the agents what do you think his reaction would be i i think i know okay go ahead wow these guys but what way? That's what he would do. Wow, these guys, yeah. Oh, okay. I think he would be like this. His arms would be crossed? Well, no. He would want to, he would be looking at you for like whoever was with him.
Starting point is 00:35:56 He would be like, this is a kid I like, right? But I don't really know. You know? Like, these guys, huh? It's funny, right? Like, he'd want confirmation that these guys are just joking, having a good time because he would, he could in any moment, just be like, yeah, fuck these guys. Right, right, right, right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:36:11 I think his arms would be crossed forward like this and be standing and his legs would be about shoulder width. And he would just be like this. Oh yeah. That's good too. Like that. Yeah. You know what?
Starting point is 00:36:22 You know what I'm going to say? We have, we have a, We have a fucking fantastic podcast. And this is the kind of stuff that's my favorite stuff. Yeah, I know what it is. And I know we have a legion of people that like that specific kind of stuff. Yeah, it's true. I don't know how many people like that kind of stuff. There are people, every once in a while I'll go in the comments,
Starting point is 00:36:39 there are people that will, without fail, every time there's a bit like that or a stretch like that, I hate the bit but it is a bit i guess yeah but it is uh there will be like at least three to five people that are like that's the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life well yeah and i'm like wow that's interesting yeah uh you haven't seen enough stuff but well i guess people really we haven't maybe they have and it's just that's the funniest thing in the world to them it is definitely high level advanced humor okay well according to us and it's just, that's the funniest thing in the world to them. It is definitely high-level advanced humor. Okay. Well, according to us, because it's ours. No, because we've lived humor for a long time.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Lived humor! We have, though. I mean, that's my life. So it's like, the stuff keeps, you know, it's like, same thing with kinks. If you start a little kinky, you'll get crazy kinky as it goes on. Someone out there should go through all of the episodes of Lifeline and add up the amount of time Chris has talked about kinks in one way or another. And mathematically deduce the percentage of time
Starting point is 00:37:29 on this show my brother's just talked about kinks in any context. Or just don't do that and add up all of our bits. Okay. Okay. I mean, hypnotize me, you know, into doing the other thing. Add up all of our bits. But anyway, next one. okay okay i mean hypnotize me you know into doing the other thing i don't fall over our pits what's up hey guys i'm just gonna kind of jump right in here i've been seeing somebody for about 10 months and we have been talking about maybe moving in with each other um however my only
Starting point is 00:38:00 issue with this plan is that he has a 15-year-old daughter that I have a hard time tolerating. Oh, shit. I have a son who's 17, and they act like they're about 10 years apart, even though they're only two years apart. She is super immature. Damn. I don't think she's ever been disciplined at home, and I just have a lot of panic attacks, anxiety, and things like that when she is due to come over and hang out. So what do I do? Do I wait the next few years out until she graduates and go from there?
Starting point is 00:38:32 Let me know what you guys think. Thanks. You can wait a little bit, you know, and then also, I don't know how long you've been together, but also 15 year old girl is way different than 17 year old boy. Like in what way
Starting point is 00:38:45 15 is like you were 13 two years ago okay but hear me out 15 year old girl 17 year old boy are closer kind of I think mentally or not mentally like in terms of their
Starting point is 00:39:01 maturity level I understand that except for the 15 yearold girl is very like... Don't you think that if you had a... Okay, they say that teen years are the hardest when you're a parent, okay? Okay. They say that they're just like... It's like, what the fuck did I do? Sure, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:21 That makes sense considering... Men are at least simpler. You know, you know... I don't know, maybe it's because I'm a guy, but like. It would probably be easier to come. Okay, I'll say this for sure. It would probably be easier to start a relationship with a woman who had a 17-year-old boy than it would be a 15-year-old girl for me. for me but i've also heard to her point actually even further uh teenage girls when their father engages in a new relationship are particularly difficult to get along with for the man's new partner yeah so but that doesn't help her it's just no it's just is
Starting point is 00:40:00 what it is i know uh but dude i guess maybe wait guess maybe wait a little bit because what you don't want is in the early part, 10 months is not that early, but it's still pretty early. She's been seeing him for 10 months? Yeah, she's been seeing him for 10 months. So I think that what you don't want while it's still a little like, it's not, I don't want to say fragile, but still new. It's still becoming what it is your relationship you don't want to put any potential like wrecking balls near it and dude that sounds honestly like an absolute fucking atom bomb yeah of a potential you don't want to reverse plummet into no i just feel like you can i feel like um you can wait she's 15 you know you can wait to like till she moves out
Starting point is 00:40:51 three years is a long time though three years is a long time but if you start the process in six months looking for a place and you move in or whatever you're gonna move into the same place and you know you're already a year you got it you know a year under your belt of not that and also you can just say to him you know i don't i don't want to i don't want anything to be harder than it needs to be you know i love you i want to i want to be with you moving in i'm afraid that you know your daughter lives with you i'm afraid that it might just you know we're biting off more than we can chew i'm not her her mom. Or you could even say, I'm afraid that because of whatever her feelings are about me, which are what they are,
Starting point is 00:41:33 I don't want her to change her mind if she doesn't feel like it. But I don't want that to negatively affect our relationship. Yeah, of course. You can absolutely say all the stuff I'm saying and Chris is saying, you can say that to him because it's fair and it makes sense. All of it is sort of meant to protect
Starting point is 00:41:51 the budding relationship. And anything that you say toward that is going to just, he's going to be sympathetic to that. Yeah. Also, you do want to have a good relationship with her too. Right, of course. So maybe you're doing both of, everyone a service. Right. Right, right, right. So right so yeah maybe cautious be cautious about it which would mean
Starting point is 00:42:10 i think in this case wait at least a little bit have that conversation with him i think and and and unless he's like no let's do it we're gonna make it work i promise all you know whatever then if he talks you out of it then sure obviously don't be like no at all costs yeah yeah yeah okay but that's here what he has to say about it we figured that one out good okay good next one hey chris and matt first of all just want to say i love you guys both also i have seen a kind of influx on people talking about other people commenting on their bodies or otherwise i feel like in the advices lately. So I just wanted to offer something that I live by and as a teacher, I try to have my students live by as well.
Starting point is 00:42:53 And it's the five second rule. So if it's something that the person cannot change in five seconds, it's not something that you should comment on. So if it's, you know, you have food in your teeth or you got bats in the cave or your flies down that's something that you can tell someone they can change it in five seconds but if it's your nose is too big or you're overweight or you're underweight um that is something that you should not comment on because it's not something that they can change in five seconds so just some advices there for the general public obviously doesn't help the people dealing with those comments. But and my question is for both of you guys, I just turned 27 and my boyfriend and I are still unsure if we want to have kids in the future. So obviously, as a woman, especially, there is a little bit more of a biological clock on that.
Starting point is 00:43:42 But I was wondering, Chris, did you always want to be a father? I've seen how much it has changed you and benefited you. So when did that happen? And Matt, are you childless by choice? Do you want to have kids in the future? What are your thoughts on that? I would love to know.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Thanks, guys. I basically want, I have gone back and forth with it in my life I grew up thinking like I'll have kids just because that's what was kind of like talked about but but then I you know you get with certain women and it would feel like the thing that you were going to do and then it would go and then I would get with another woman you know we'd break up and I'd start dating another woman I think like oh maybe we would we wouldn't have kids I think that I there was a time that I thought I wasn't going to have kids um and then when I got with Kristen it was just such a it was
Starting point is 00:44:40 such a an obvious thing that was the progression of what we were supposed to do i don't know it just felt too natural um and so we did and i'm so so i'm not happier about anything i mean it's the best thing ever so i feel like um for me i was for uh 39 when Calvin was born. Or 40? I don't know. I guess yeah, 39. I was just turning 40. And you know, I just think that you should
Starting point is 00:45:17 it's not something to just kind of do willy-nilly. You're thinking about it in the right way. But also, you are 27. You do have quite some time left. So depending on how long you've been with your man and what you've wanted your whole life, and also you don't... Here's the good thing. If you have a good relationship and you have kids it's going to be the best thing in your life so there you go it's just amazing um and that's that before i get into my feelings about any of that i want to not i want to make sure we don't forget
Starting point is 00:45:55 the amazing uh first part of what she said what which is that if you don't know whether or not you can comment on something about somebody yeah apply the five-second rule to it. That is – we're getting some really good takes. Yeah, the trip, vacation, and then that. The trip, vacation, and the five-second rule are both top tier. And then the Aaron Heckard thing was four major, major, major things. Okay, well, that was teetering on the line kind of. But yeah, about kids.
Starting point is 00:46:24 The having Tourette's would also lead to full-blown AIDS. Right. But anyway, for me. Actually, I just kind of echo what you said. Depending upon who I've been with. Yeah, right? It's I want them or I don't want them. I never want them.
Starting point is 00:46:39 So it's completely contingent on who the partner is, which I think it should be i get a little weirded out when i people i've known are like i want kids and whoever i date needs to want them too it's like well what if you meet that person be open to whatever yeah i mean like you you're really limiting your yeah your potential future yeah doing that Either which way, even if you're like, oh, I'm never gonna have kids. Everyone I meet or date, they better not want kids too. It's like, don't limit yourself.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Everything changes with every new person you date. That being said, you're in a relationship now, but I would lean toward what Chris said, which is that you're 27. That obviously you don't feel like you're young when you're 27, you think you're getting older, but trust us, you're fucking young. I mean, not younger than me.
Starting point is 00:47:30 I'm the youngest person anyone's ever, literally ever met. But you are 27, that is very young. You have over 10 years to decide this, honestly. But that's not to say put it off, but take your time. Don't make any rash decisions. If you don't want kids with this person or period,
Starting point is 00:47:49 let yourself come to that conclusion. Don't rush anything. The worst thing you can do is rush. Fool's rushing. When you don't have to. Fool's rush. Wise men say. Boner Dwight.
Starting point is 00:48:02 All right. So why did you say that then? I i don't know but the fact that it came right after you said wise men say that's why okay okay okay i didn't laugh at boner dwight itself i laughed at the fact that it came out after you said wise men say i mean love saying the combo but yeah i fucked and we fucked it up with the combo we fucked him up real nice with the combo nice yeah so um alright yeah I uh I don't know it's so funny
Starting point is 00:48:27 that people who don't have kids don't they don't know they don't know what they're missing and you can't tell them but also dude you
Starting point is 00:48:36 that's your own experience that's your experience of having children is not universal it doesn't mean everyone who has kids will make
Starting point is 00:48:42 will have the same experience that you have no I know but they don't know what they're missing. Right, but they could be missing something that is a good thing to miss. There are people out there who have kids that fucking hate the fact that they've had them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:54 You know? You can't imagine that, which is obviously a good thing, but it's definitely the case. You know? Yeah. God. All right right next one okay what is going on guys so i do have a question for you i live in a duplex and right next door my neighbor's front yard it's just a clutter fest like he has cleaning bottles up front he has an old dusty pair of converse up front. He has
Starting point is 00:49:25 rags and all this shit in front of his door and it drives me nuts, bro, because it's the facade of our building. It looks like the red thing is his hair. How do you go about that situation? Because me personally, I wanted to say like, hey, you having
Starting point is 00:49:40 a garage sale or some corny shit like that? That's good. That's good. It's not bad. I don't know i i have no idea throw it all away no it all the way no and then when he gets what are you doing my stuff you say oh i'm sorry this is so obviously trash no this is so obviously belongs in a fucking dumpster then be hauled away make a bunch of signs with how much things cost and go outside on his patio and start selling it he says what are you doing say i'm just helping with the garage sale what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:50:05 I'm helping you. Yeah. Take the load off. Go back inside. There's one way to deal with this. You say to the guy, hey, this is like an eyesore. It's my building too. I really appreciate if you don't have this stuff here.
Starting point is 00:50:18 And then if he says no. Which he will do a version of, but much meaner than that. But go ahead. You think so? Oh, dude, anybody that is like that will be like fuck you right it's my property i do what i want yeah but you are sharing a building with him though i agree you agree with me yeah of course but i mean that's terrible dude yeah i'm trying to think any kind of shared space situation if you're a fucking asshole and make that shared space horrible to look at or or like you cook something all the time that smells like shit it's just like dude get with the fucking
Starting point is 00:50:50 program live in the world like there are these like unwritten rules almost everyone abides by except some fucking assholes like this guy right and it sucks dude burn it all burn it all burn it all i just the people that are doing that probably don't think they're doing it that bad. They probably don't think like, I could imagine I would leave shoes and a beach towel out, you know, and somebody would come up to me and say, you know, my neighbor would be like, hey, I don't like when you leave a beach towel out. And I would be like, what a fucking asshole. It's just a beach towel.
Starting point is 00:51:22 And there's probably, that's probably everyone in that situation. I doubt anyone, many people, there aren't many people that would be like, oh yeah, it really is a mess. You're right. Yeah. I think your level of the way you operate seems normal. So he's probably fucked no matter what.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Which is why you got to approach it in a way that's like, you don't say this, but basically you're trying to nudge the person into seeing it through someone else's eyes. Yeah, I guess. And that's not going to be easy if it's possible at all but the only way that
Starting point is 00:51:56 is going to ever convince someone like that is to try to get them to see it from another point of view. Good luck. It's so tough. Good luck. I say so tough to do that. Good luck. I say just burn it all. You could move too.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Burn it all. You could just move. Put his place up for sale. Like put it on Redfield or whatever. The other guys? Yeah. For rent.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Put it up for rent on Craigslist. People come by knocking. I'm here to see the place for rent? Okay. All right. Yo, Chris and Matt. What up? Robot. Robot. robot god put him away now what i'm calling about
Starting point is 00:52:29 what i'm calling about is i know you guys love weirdos i too enjoy a weirdo from time to time but every now and again i find myself in a situation with one of them weirdos where i don't really know what the right move is yes example the other day i was with this guy and he's the type of guy that's got the gift of gab, as Chris might say. He's going, going, going for, you know, an hour, and all you really get to say is, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Crazy, right? That sucks. That kind of stuff. Well, all of a sudden this cop pulls up to us, and it must have been just a slow day at the office, most of them lonely. I don't know. But he, too, had the gift of gab.
Starting point is 00:53:04 And so they start going, going, going. And I'm just standing standing there chilling i don't know what to do about it but all of a sudden i look at my guy he's getting out gapped by this new guy and i'm starting to see the spirit breaking him but i'm thinking to myself these guys could keep going all day i gotta get out of here what do i do what's the move when you find yourself in that kind of situation let me know um i don't think maybe maybe you don't like it as much as you think you do because i yeah right yeah yeah i thought he was gonna go with like dangerous situations like i was i met a guy at the gym once and we were just became gym buddies and then um he was he's like we went to maybe get a coffee and then and then like one time
Starting point is 00:53:48 he was like i gotta stop by my place to get something and then i went to his place and i was like this is am i gonna yeah right am i gonna get fucked like i don't know what you know like and but i was like no i think he seems normal but also he's a weirdo. And I like weirdos and I know myself. So I'm like, am I inviting myself into my death? And then he ended up becoming one of my really good friends and I still talk to him. I mean, this was like I've known him for fucking 20 years. Okay. And the chances are that nobody's going to fuck you or kill you. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Yeah. But I'm like, those situations, it's like, wait, what am I getting myself into? This feels weird now. I can't imagine being a fucking woman, you know, but like, you gotta be so much more careful. It's,
Starting point is 00:54:29 well, yeah, you wouldn't do that. Right. Exactly. But, um, do that.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Yeah. Oh, Jesus. But, um, that thing is, I would love that. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:38 I, I basically, we're calling you a liar. No, I think you're lying about what you said. I don't, I don't know. The one thing he said is I enjoy weirdos from time to time i don't enjoy weirdos from time to time i'm only around
Starting point is 00:54:47 weirdos a lot and i'm fine with it it's not a from time to time thing no yeah no but yeah but not you're not only not only no i have also regular friends but uh i still thought i was calling you out you know what you still thought i was calling you out you know you're not only around weirdos i mean come on so i mean there's other people me like you out, you know? What? I still thought I was calling you out, you know? Yeah. You're not only around weirdos. I mean, come on. So, I mean, there's other people. Me. Like in your family.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Me, me, me. So, yeah. So, I don't know. I think that... Because what I would do in that situation is fucking walk away. I don't... Well, here's my advice for someone in a situation that you don't want to be in where you're with two other people and the two people are engaged with one another and not paying attention to you. Leave.
Starting point is 00:55:31 So there's no questioning. There's no need for advice. There's no need to even stop and wonder because instinct will tell you everything you need to know. Fucking leave. I'm too. I am too sexy to be standing there. And if I don't want to be i do what i want i walk away and that's how sexy i am well none of that went together you know that was like a
Starting point is 00:55:52 mad lib that didn't quite work no no he does what he wants oh fuck that's oh you doing what you want yeah sexy that's so desirable and then i go yeah and they go oh my god my God. And I get full blown AIDS. Wow. The worst ending ever. The worst ending to a mad lib ever. And he gets full blown AIDS. Wow, mommy. No. So anyway, dude, I think that you just walk away. Honestly, man, that's the advice for so much shit.
Starting point is 00:56:21 So many things. Just walk away. You know what I mean? Leave. You know? Leave, dude. You don't want to be there? You away somebody pisses you off you walk away you gain a car accident you walk away you rob a bank you walk away well cops try to get you keep walking walk away yeah yeah that's right you get full-blown aids walk away you reverse plummet walk away reverse plummet
Starting point is 00:56:40 out you get full-blown aids reverse plummet out of that situation. Right. Dude, fuck yeah, man. Yeah, dude. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. What else? Next one. So insecure how you did it. Miffy Waves.
Starting point is 00:56:53 What's up, guys? Nick from Detroit, Michigan here. Just want to say, first off, thanks for everything that you guys do. This guy's on coke. All the content you guys put on a weekly basis, just making life infinitely better. Isn't that amazing so much coke anyway uh onto the advices uh i'm in a predicament at work uh night at the rocks in an office building with just an excessively long hallway and of course naturally there's
Starting point is 00:57:18 times where i come around one corner someone comes around the other corner and we're at the opposite ends oh no and uh take picture is just wall on one side people work on the other hallway okay um so what i need to figure out is what is the acceptable distance to acknowledge that the other person is essentially there oh wow is it more bitch from like a super far distance to be like, hey? And then you either have to still engage with them from way too far or just act like you don't see them. No, that's not a good alternative. Or the entire time, do you just be like, you're just looking around, pretending that they're not there, and then just out of nowhere go, oh, hey. Yeah, I don't know what to do every time uh or should i just quit my job and find a place with shorter hallways yeah uh that's uh any advices are appreciated and of course life
Starting point is 00:58:15 rips yeah dude i i i don't i don't know what to do in that situation hallway shouldn't be so long and i'm pissed off that hallways are that long i think stop looking at people as you're walking way way way far away yeah well my thing is i'm trying to imagine how long could the hallway possibly be you know right like it can't be like just so far you know right yeah hey hey and then it's just hey hey yeah like it's just like there's also people working on one side of it so you can't that's why i think don't when you go into the hallway be prepared and just think to yourself i'm not even gonna look the problem is though if you do look you don't know if the other person sees you until you're at a certain distance
Starting point is 00:59:02 because you can't really see where their eyes are if they're far enough away all you got to do is have a thing you do when you see people in the hallway and it should be something demonstrative but not loud yeah just be like this yeah but they don't see you they don't see you who cares i know but you but that's problem solved dude you don't know when to he's saying when do i do? If and when you think they see you. If not, you obviously don't do it. So you have to be watching them, which is the annoying part,
Starting point is 00:59:29 really. You don't have... No, dude, no. No. No. You don't do... You walk, you go. You don't do anything
Starting point is 00:59:37 unless you think they see you. I will say... And then if you do, you go like this. And that's it. Okay, fine. Then it's over. Yes, you're right. It's easy. You are right, but I will say this. Nobody's thinking about like this and that's it okay then it's over you're right
Starting point is 00:59:45 easy you are right but i will say this nobody's thinking about this in depth as much as in depth as you are so you don't really have to think about this and not you him oh right yeah like he doesn't have nobody's thinking exactly yeah oh yeah i guess the hallway is long if you think about it like you didn't even know you know so i feel like it doesn't matter and you're just overthinking yes that's correct yes Yes. Yeah. Good job. I would say, you know, yeah. He has a vibe though that he would care about that. And I get it. I get it.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Because I would think that same, I would probably think that same thing. You would think that. When the fuck do, it'd be a whole Curb Your Enthusiasm. When the fuck do I say hi? Yeah, you know and then um but i think that you just yeah i think you're right i think it's one of those things you just got you got to charge it to the game this is how it's going to be yeah and you just got to say hi when you say hi if they don't see you okay that's
Starting point is 01:00:37 it or i mean you could start from way back and just bore a fucking hole into them yeah and then just when they look at you yeah yeah you could you could do that but then you'd be missing work time at your desk it's just like here's what you'd want to avoid spending more time in the hallway than you initially had or ever would ever have to because you're like waiting for them waiting to see if they see you i know what to do okay go ahead walk backwards i know what to do. Okay, go ahead. Walk backwards. I'm waiting to understand why that's good. You'll never say hi to anybody because you won't see them
Starting point is 01:01:10 and they know you won't see them. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. It's moonwalk. Right. But what if you walk so far backwards that someone walks out of the office you just walked out of
Starting point is 01:01:16 and you're walking backwards and someone's there and what do you do now that you're walking backwards? Oh, shit. See, now you're like in real trouble. But they're right there so you can just be like.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Right. Yeah. You could also do the what's your Tourette's thing that you do you could do that yes all trouble
Starting point is 01:01:28 moonwalking moonwalking they come out full blown AIDS and then she's been around the office yeah that could work too yeah
Starting point is 01:01:34 anything like that great idea all right well listen that's it that's our show thank you for watching join our Patreon patreon.com
Starting point is 01:01:43 slash Lifeline Lux luxury we will be doing lifeline live at the irvine improv may 14th and then also my dates are up chrisalia.com so go check them out and stuff uh thanks everybody love you Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

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