Lifeline - 114. Eat My Shorts

Episode Date: June 16, 2024

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. I've never really noticed that. You never thought about that? No. If you're eating something.

Oh, in general, yes. I never noticed squirrel smells bad at all. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying the place we go to. I'm just saying. Now we're talking. In general, if you're not eating and people are cooking, unless it's like, you know, something really user-friendly, like what?

You know, pizza? Popcorn? Yeah. Coffee? you know something really user-friendly like what you know pizza popcorn yeah yeah yeah coffee uh then it's then it's like you're like oh i don't want to smell that you know it's like gross you know yes yes i do but i do know that but more often than not smells of things make me want it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not when you're hungry, though, right? Not when you're not hungry, right? Sometimes I won't be hungry or won't realize I'm hungry,

and then I'll smell a thing, and I'll be like, okay. I say so, too, yeah. You say so? I say so. So anyway, happy Father's Day, episode 114. Happy Father's Day. Yay, happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day. You can go on Happy Father's Day. Yay. Happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day.

You can go on to patreon.com slash life and luxury. Still watch that Lifeline, the live Lifeline that we have on Lifeline Luxury, which is awesome. Yeah. It's so good. It was really good. I want to do more of it. We got to do more of it. Did you watch the whole thing?

No, I did not watch the whole thing. Okay. But I lived it, baby. And let me tell you something. I lived it. I lived it. I lived it. I loved it. I lived it. I loved it.

And I would love to live it and love it again. Okay. I'm going to be in Duluth, Minnesota. Go to my thing. Nice. I'm going to be in... Check these places out. Well, first of all, I'm doing Torrance with Brian Callen.

Oh, really? Yeah. Nice. You don't look like that's fun. No, no. It'll be fun. Okay. But I don't know where it is.

You said Torrance? Torrance, yeah. St. Louis, Memphis. I added all these. W. But I don't know where it is. You said Torrance. Torrance, yeah. St. Louis, Memphis. I added all these. Wichita. Going back to Wichita. Look at these good places. McAllen in Beaumont, Texas.

I don't know if that's good, but I'm going. Hey, Willoughby? Peterborough, Ontario, which is great, I guess. London, Ontario, which I've been before. Lexington, Kentucky. I've done that once before the opera house dude they got your boy at the opera house that sounds sick the opera house that's me you know you know some wild stuff has happened at the lexington opera house over the

years you know like probably it's established in like 1781 or something a lot of racist stuff a lot of a lot of fondling a lot of like oh my darling when when a guy's like going too far oh my darling my darling let me you know wiping his with a handkerchief yes my darling a lot of people like so overwhelmed with the show that they're watching that they just broke into burst into tears that's yeah broke down um and uh and i'm gonna be in australia and auckland new zealand nazeelan might damn you're all over i know i've been so many different places dude he's going all over johnny cash i mean been so many different places so what it is is it's happy

father's day what it also is sign up for our patreon at patreon.com slash lifeline luxury you didn't say set it the website patreon.com slash life on luxury. You didn't say the website, patreon.com slash lifeline luxury. What it is is happy Father's Day, he says. What it is is happy Father's Day, okay? What it also is is subscribe to my solo podcast, The Private Record. It's on and popping. It's on and popping.

All right, Matt, you know. And you know what? If you have a question, you want to be on this show, click the link in the description below or just go to watchlifeline.com. Or you can also leave us a message on the hotline. I'm not saying a question, you want to be on this show, click the link in the description below. Or, you know, just go to watchlifeline.com. Or you could also leave us a message on the hotline. I'm not saying the number, but you can find that.

And then you want one-on-one, one-on-one, one-on-one, one-on-one advice sessions with me, go to mattdalia.com. Matt, if somebody was listening to this podcast for the first time, they wouldn't know what was happening, and they'd turn it off. No, they would say, this is my new favorite podcast. All right, Matt. Okay, get the Lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com with the t-shirt how do you like my hat i i like it i got it you got it for me yeah but i got it i did it

seems like i'm a nice guy for getting it for you it does seem like that yeah but i didn't i wasn't nice about it just what you weren't nice about it would you put anthrax on it no you know what happened i know but it was a mistake i'm pretending I don't know. Oh, yeah, I got that from him. Let's tell him. Want to tell him? Why don't you explain? Because it doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe this time explaining it, you'll make more sense.

So Kristen, my wife. My wife, I do a great poor appraisal. But she orders too many things from OfferUp. Oh, is that right? A round of applause for Kristen for ordering too many things on OfferUp. A standing ovation. OfferUp is sick, though, and it's easy to get lost in it. So, Kristen, I understand.

Yeah. So, she'll put like, you know, she'll be like, I found this. Literally said to me, I found this amazing couch. And it's usually, this is not even a joke. Okay. And it's usually like $2,500. But I got it. I got it for $85.

What? That was my reaction. That's crazy. Then she says from china and i said oh but then it it's not it's gonna break isn't it's gonna be this big you know you bought yeah it's on and so this but she's like but she's like i figured i figured you know even if it is bad it's worth a shot i'm like no they just fucking stole money from you. Yeah. $85.

It's not a lot. They don't even. It's too much. Hurry up. Make the Chea now. Hurry. You know? They never made it before.

The voices. No, make the Chea now. They're speaking their language, though, not English. Yeah, but it's like when you watch Gladiator, you know they spoke traditional Latin, but they're still speaking English in it. I hate how in movies like that, they speak English, but with the accent. I want them to see bro and dude. Either speak English or do the language and do subtitles.

But also just speak English. You're not fooling anybody. Are you going to do a French Revolution story and everyone's going to have a French accent? Nick Nolte's going to have a French accent. It's really stupid. It's really stupid. He he's gonna work on his dialect as a french accent no i want there to be a movie where they're they do a a a period piece in like italy or or or you know china and it's literally people are saying bro and dude how we talk now until you said the bro and dude part i was gonna say i think that exists but yeah not the bro and dude part obviously well they did it

my favorite one that they did it with was and they they didn't uh was the uh the one with that tom cruise did about hitler valkyrie yeah and and everyone had an accent but him really yeah i don't remember that are you sure no no i mean i believe you but just remember that. Are you sure? No. No, I mean, I believe you, but just say yes to are you sure. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. I need to watch it again to see that.

Yeah, and he was just like, nah, he didn't do it. And I was like, that's awesome. How much of a mess was that set? Oh, what do you mean? Like just the way it was every day making that movie. How chaotic was that movie? It's a Nazi movie. Bryan Singer directed it. He did? Yeah. Wow. A notorious crazy man criminal. Yeah. every day making that movie how chaotic was that movie you know it's a nazi movie brian singer directed it he did yeah wow a notorious crazy man criminal yeah uh tom cruise is a notorious

crazy man non-criminal but crazy and he played the guy he plays the guy who tried to kill hitler from within the army right like what's that guy's name again uh dave dave smith no it's like schellenbacher or some shit like that oh really it's not dave schellenbacher no it's not dave it's cool it's cooler than schellenbacher but what's his name tim von it's oh dude it's tim valkyrie von something tim valkyrie von stoffenberg i was close schellenbach stoffen Von Stoffenberg. I was close. Schoenbach, Stoffenberg. Stoffenberg, dude. A lot of Tom Wilkinson's in it. He's so good. Oh, he's a man, dude.

He died, right? He died. R.I.P., dude. Colonel Claus Von Stoffenberg. Oh, this cast is amazing. Yeah. Terrence Stamp, Eddie Izzard is in it. I don't remember.

Maybe I didn't even see this. Kenneth Branagh has no lips. Yeah, we've talked about that. We've talked about that. Okay, okay. Dude, Bill Nye, the science guy, he is in it. Bill Nighy, the science guy, he. God, nobody knows how to say his name, you know?

Is it Nighy? Is it Nighy? Is it? Well, we know what it's not. Is it Nighy? We know what it's not. What? Oh, yeah.

No, it's not that. Okay. So, anyway, that's it they need to you know what they didn't do this movie if they do this movie now oh could well first of all they wouldn't make it now but second of all there would be there would be like so many non-white people in the in the german parts which would be hilarious non-white would you think they cast a black guy in the nazi army poc yeah that is so not true because the hollywood you can't hollywood that would be so crazy to do it's going down a black nazi in the german army guarantee it'll happen what will happen hollywood will make a movie where a black guy will be or an asian guy will be in a german nazi yeah 100 i%. I disagree, dude. That's just too much. Eat my shorts. Eat my shorts.

That ship has sailed, dude. Maybe in 2022 or something. But no, nobody, nobody, no. That's not a thing that's going to happen. Okay. That ship has sailed. That ship has sailed and eat my shorts. You know, they did? They made the...

Who cares? Guess if this hat is extremely uncomfortable or not. Oh, I already... Guess if it already gave me a raging headache. Yeah. And cancer. It gave me cancer. If a hat has lights in it, it's uncomfortable.

You know what I'm saying? So anyway. That's definitely true. But yeah, so that is... So yeah, get the... We got to do another Lifeline live the we got to do another lifeline live we got to do another lifeline live yeah um definitely the most fun i've ever had making this show and most fun you ever had in your life it's gotta be i don't remember every single episode but

it's got to be the best episode right yeah of either this it thrives on patreon it thrives thrive live right yeah that's what you're saying it thrives live um so it's summer okay worst hype man worst hype man so got molested in summer so it's summer yeah uh all right and uh we're in lifeline and we're doing some stuff you want to yeah let's start videos cute hey guys uh we need your we need your advice watching the show looking for some inspiration so you're in a fast food pickup situation coffee maybe okay uh four or five people in front of you in the queue you You get to the front, get your order. Back to the car, something's missing. A critical part of the order. The syrup for your pancake, the certain type of milk for your coffee.

Yeah, you get to cut. The dip or sauce or something for your food. Key part of the order. Can't go home without it. Back in. Is it okay to go straight to the front of the queue? Yes. Back to the person that served you.

Say, hey, forgot this, whatever. Good question. My wife is American, very good at this. Straight to the front, no problem. I support this. I feel a bit weird doing it. Really? You have to address the people in the line,

explain what happened. Everyone thinks you're being a dick. What's the move here? Need your help. Thanks, guys. Yeah, but am I wrong am i wrong if i say like uh hey you forgot the syrup can can you give me syrup everyone knows you're you're that you you know i mean that you they messed up so it's not like you're being nobody thinks you're

being a dick right well people might think it but the bottom line is that you are not no so that's what matters whether people think it or not doesn't people think really well yeah people think shit all the time might think like oh that that guy's stalking me and you're right there's nothing you can do about it and they might think that guy's a dick but right they'd be wrong about that too right yeah no that that's nothing wrong with that no i i've thought about this before because that happens and i and i go, thank God I'm not somebody who... I literally think in my head, thank God I'm not somebody who feels bad about doing this. Excuse me, you forgot the thing.

Can I have it? Yeah. I mean, this is... Politeness, obviously, is a good quality. But in some people, it's just... It runs roughshod over them. And they're just like... What does runs roughshod mean? Like it owns you. You've never heard the term runs roughshod over them. And they're just like, eh. What does runs roughshod mean?

Like it owns you. You've never heard the term runs roughshod over you? Like it takes control over you. Oh, I like that term. I'm going to say that on my podcast next time. Stealing it. And people are going to think that I said it. And people who haven't listened to this podcast are going to hear me say it.

And congratulations are going to be like, Chris kind of talks cool and you know what everyone will have already heard the term so they'll know what you mean and no one will think that a lot of them are going to be like oh I remember that term yeah I got to bring the term back okay so that's the kind of stuff that I fucking busy my day with honestly

don't let politeness run roughshod over you well stop saying it because I want to don't let politeness control you yeah because honestly it will run roughshod over you. Well, stop saying it because I want to act like it's my thing. Don't let politeness control you. Yeah, because honestly, it will run roughshod over you. So, yeah. Also, it is so – that baby was so cute. That baby was really cute. It's funny, though.

It's going to grow up to sound like that guy. Was it a – I wonder if it was a girl or boy. Oh, yeah, it might be a girl. It was pink, right? I thought it was a girl. It had a pink thing on it. But it's so not possible to tell. That looks like.

No, no, no. You mean boy or girl? When they're babies. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. Oh, okay. No one was talking about that.

I know, but we're talking and then somebody says one thing. And then somebody says a new thing. So you just brought that up now? Just like everything else. That's fine. No, I know, but it was, I thought it sounded like it was in reference to something before that okay and so defensive even about things that didn't happen you know bro let me tell you something people love this podcast okay yes they love it they they love it and they love the dynamic the brother dynamic that we have now i get it i love this

podcast yeah now not enough people love it yeah that's true yeah so guys get it out there tell people about it this is the best podcast yeah i mean you know unless you unless you're not into brotherly stuff or unless you hate brothers do you not like banzas sick and if you don't like banter if you want it more a podcast about like you know if you're like you know want like self-improvement or something this is you know i get it but it teeters into that sometimes it does actually it does it is that but my but my my wife will watch just like a fucking oh you know what if you like true crime podcasts this isn't it this is not for you so there we go but i like true true crime podcasts and i would also like this i also like this one yeah same so just because you like true crime doesn't mean you won't like this basically this

is for everybody including true crime fans including self-improvement fans including being so inclusive inclusivity fans including including blacks gays uh asians transgender non-binary uh whites too but only uh because we have to because you know down with the whites uh yeah all those people politically correct so nervous all those people that chris listed this podcast is except for whites for you except for whites it's not for white and honestly it's for whites wink but it's not for whites to be like politically correct whites no what if joe biden said that um so wait but uh he basically does you know yeah he he really does oh dude did you see the thing where he smiles at the camera at the they say, what do you think about Trump getting convicted?

You must have seen it, right? Yeah. And he just goes. Bro, it's. I didn't see that. The most balling thing. And it's so funny. And he has no idea he's doing it.

So there we go. It's funny. The one thing he's still good at, because obviously, even the greatest defender of Joe Biden has to admit. Yeah. Guy's lost a few steps. of joe biden has to admit yeah guys lost lost a few steps uh it's funny that the last thing to go is like that baller winking winking baller instinct you know what i mean like you can still do it even if he doesn't know really funny what's going on that's a great way to put it it's always

been his thing i'm gonna say that on my podcast you know uh all right next one next one yeah chilling guys josh here from victoria bc what i need advice on is my friend instead of listening to a podcast or music or audiobook in the car she will take her phone put it on netflix connect it to her speakers in her car and then she will put the phone into her purse and just listen to the audio oh of a netflix show. And she says it's usually like Suits or Grey's Anatomy. And that's the fucking craziest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

So I need to know if I need to call the police or if I should just fucking kill her. Because obviously she's a serial killer and she's days away from just going on an absolute rampage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, guys.

Keep doing what you're doing. Well, one thing about this guy just real quick before we do this. Nobody's ever loved his own mother more than this guy. Sends her flowers every week. If he doesn't bring them to her doorstep. And she lives three hours away.

That's not true. That's not true? And I'll tell you why. What? Oh, man. Okay. Because although he probably loves his mother so much, the person who loves their mother the most in the world is a black guy.

And you know that. Okay. Okay. So of all the white guys. Right. Okay. In the world, this guy loves his mother the most. Like the most hardcore, like, you know, like that's my mom.

Yeah. No, I totally get what you're saying. Okay. Now about this, I have something to say. about this i have i have something to say uh is it weirder that she's you putting on a show that doesn't necessarily isn't hard to follow like if she was putting on you know mind hunter i think that would be bonkers but here's the thing what you know what makes it hard to follow that you can't see anything. It doesn't matter what the show is.

It's not like it's a single person giving a monologue to the camera or, like he said, a podcast. Except for she's doing it for background noise, obviously, at that point. She has to be. It has to be. Yeah. If you're going to play devil's advocate, I get. If it's not about following the show at all all if it's just about like it's her preference for white noise then that's different but that's not what he said let's assume she does

it to quote-unquote watch the show yeah well then she's absolutely fucking crazy and he's totally correct true good point uh but yeah if it's just white noise i mean people listen to weird weird weird shit i know i used to know a guy who literally used to listen to whale sounds. That's fine, though. It's just background noise. I mean, that is a thing that people make and sell as audio. So that's still way less weird than watching Grey's Anatomy. Also, Grey's Anatomy, it has like 12 main characters.

How do you ever know who's talking? They definitely all sound the same, too. If you're not watching the show. It's always that music maybe it's that dude did you guys hear the story about the gray's anatomy writer who said she had cancer and all that and it turned out was lying no oh man i don't know if that's for this show maybe we should save that for later but that's something worth talking about for sure cool way to bring up something and not talk about it,

but that's fine. Let's go to the next one. Sorry guys. Oh my God. What's going on Chris and Matt? I hope you guys are doing well. I hope the family's all good. Question for you.

Actually, before I start, there is definitely a tree that smells like cum. I remember in high school, every time we walked past it, everyone was like, oh, that's the cum tree.

And so everyone knew it as the cum tree. So there's that my main question is I have been asked to officiate a wedding for one of my two best friends

in next year February and would like to ask you guys for a couple tips I am thinking of starting the reception when they come in

I'll be dressed as a full pope you know full pope outfit that's good everything just you know rocking it

taking the piss a bit can be a disaster any tips would be great there's going to be about over 300 people there so I'm shitting myself a bit but they've asked me to do it

because kind of funny not really but I mean that they think I'm kind of funny so that's good and I can be a bit rude

and all that because they're not very churchy people. So any tips would be great. I love you guys. Love the podcast. All the best. Well, 300 people isn't that much. It's not?

No, it's like a Brian Cowan show. I mean. So dick. But yeah, no, it's a lot. Especially for somebody who doesn't do that. It's a lot. 300 people is a lot for a wedding. No, 300 people is a big wedding.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm saying i was making a joke about an audience size yeah no like to talk in front of 300 people that's no problem hey dude just get up there and just fucking wing it okay just get up there and just throw out a few jokes it's great if not you know what you're working on them or you start doing different ones or whatever you learn you live and learn dude it's not a big deal wedding isn't the place for that. Right. You wouldn't work on your material. You don't work on material at a wedding when you're the officiator. Uh-uh. Yeah.

Remember Nokia? So I have no tips. Just- Not even a penis one. Not even a penis tip. So dumb. Just don't bore anybody, dude. That's it.

Yeah. Don't do it too long. That's it. And you're not a professional, so too long that's it and and here's you're not a professional so too long is boring yeah it's gonna but you know at least you're not a chick though chicks make the boringest you know like guys are just dumb when they're bad at speeches you're like a dumb guy's bad at speeches a woman can be the dude a woman can be like so smart and great and fun to be around and then they'll give a speech they'll be like and that was the moment that we met and you're like oh i'll stab my eyes

up you know what i'm realizing right now i don't think i've been wrong ever listened to a woman single speech at a wedding oh i don't know if i've ever heard a good or a bad one and i'm going through my mind i'm realizing it's because i've never ever ever listened when people are talking stand when they do the standing up and talking at a wedding i'm out even if i'm sitting there, I'm just checked out. Take out my phone. Wow, so rude. It is rude. But I just, I'm thinking there's no version of me that would listen to that shit. I don't care. That's so rude.

I don't care. The person's nervous. They wrote it. It's probably bullshit anyway. What? It's deeper? Dude, I- It's just like, come on with the speeches at weddings yeah let's get it going

get it going everybody wants to go to sleep yeah everybody wants to go home let's all get in bed it is weird that everyone just wants to go home everybody wants to go home the older you get too when you're young you do not want to go you don't want to go home yeah you don't want to go home and then you get to be a certain age and you're like all i fucking want to do is go home i mean dude it starts when you're young calvin's four and he's like i don't want to go to bed i don't want to go to bed right well yeah and then and then that turns to let's not go home let's stay out and then what what is it where you're just like oh dude i came out this is a big mistake i gotta go home turning 30 it's different for everyone but yeah maybe 30 ish bro i mean because yeah my 20s i always wanted to be out how about this partying how about this i still have it in me to be like

at at at 3 p.m i'm like dude i'm gonna go out tonight i'm gonna go out i'm gonna go to the clubs you not not like but like yeah yeah or or even i'm gonna go get a coffee at nine i'm gonna go to coffee bean or as calvin calls it coffee beans and i'm gonna go at nine calvin's mom now just adding essence to things our mom just adds essence to things and so and um and i go and i and then i and then at like six i'm like oh i actually don't know and then at eight i'm like there's no fucking way dude it's so funny how we just like straight up don't know ourselves i know like i still think not that but stuff like that and by the time when the time comes around yeah i'm without fail i'm like i don't really want to do that at all i know who do i think i am i know i know you say yes to something two months out

that'll be fun time comes why would i ever say yes to that i don't know me what's going on here anyway that's gonna end up having this guy for officiating the wedding you can say yes now and then when the time comes you'll be like what did i say yes for i don't know what the pope thing is that he was thinking about it's a joke he wants to dress like the pope for the to officiate a wedding disaster so yeah but that's good yeah i mean that would be actually funny do that for what the Pope thing is that he was thinking about. It's a joke. He wants to dress like the Pope to officiate a wedding. Disaster. So yeah, but that's good. I mean, that would be actually funny.

Do that for sure. Disaster. So yeah, dude, I think you have to be able to like take the Pope thing off. Like you could come out like that, but then yeah,

yeah, yeah. Pull it off. Totally. You don't want to be given a serious speech time. Just like naked gun. Yeah.

The mouth just comes off. Dobby dub. And he's just naked. Well, that would be less whoops anyway get married whoa and runs um all right next one

hey you guys um laura from canada here hi laura the thing that i need advice is on is that is she saying i spontaneously like to talk in a british accent from time to time.

It's pretty spur of the moment. Just kind of comes out here and there. And my fiance absolutely hates it. He thinks it's the most annoying thing in the world. Sure. I think it's hilarious. As it would be. And I think it's so much fun.

It's probably fun. Am I in the wrong? Like, do I need to stop doing that because he thinks it's annoying? Or does he need to lighten up and get a better sense of humor? Here's what I think. It's not about. Let me know. It's not about.

Love you guys. Love this show so much. Thank you, Laura. Thank you. It's, you need to, you need to do it better for him. You need to do it better if you're going to do it. You think the solution is getting a better English accent? No.

Do you think he's going to turn around for that? No, no, no. No way. You need to do it in a better way. You don't need to actually be sounding British. Okay, so what constitutes better in this instance? It's like when Kristen is annoying with my shit, annoyed with my shit,

I think, okay, that's not working. I'm going to figure out how to make it so she starts laughing again and then i go for it and i keep going and i keep working it and i work it and then finally she laughs or she doesn't poor kristin you know yeah and um just and honestly you know who's who's getting worked on but you know who's you know who's awesome what's awesome for this you know what's awesome for this here's my advice have a kid have a kid yeah dude i do everything now just to calvin you know i'll do it to billy too but he's not old enough yeah yeah yeah but for calvin sometimes i'm in calvin's bedroom with him and i'm just like Calvin, sometimes I'm in Calvin's bedroom with him and I'm just like, oh no, what are we going to do next? And I'm like, this is, I'm like, I am a, am I making him a crazy person?

Yes. Like I, I, I, the other day I was just, he likes when I be this Italian guy. When I be, yeah. We call him Billy Bolognese. Yeah, I've seen that. Dude. I've seen, I've seen Billy Bolognese before, yeah. Why do you think Billy Bolognese?

I like that Calvin likes it. You don't cross him though. No, I don't. I don't do that. He loves it. He loves it all the time, always. He never wants me to stop doing it. So I just do it to him now.

So honestly, that's great advice. Have kids so you could do a British accent. Or. Hello. Hello, El Baga. There's a lot to consider when having a kid. You got to get pregnant. You got nine months before the kid comes.

And then right when the kid comes, you still got to wait at least two years. Yeah, you do have to wait two years. Even more than two years, right? Yeah, yeah. So in the meantime, maybe become a preschool teacher. Why? For the same reason. Oh, I see.

There's 20 kids around now. You can't just become a preschool teacher you can in less time than it takes to have a kid that was three years yeah dude it doesn't take three years to become a become let's go to the park find some kids and be like what's going on that's possible you might get a job for that or at least get suspicious looks yeah but but you could also break up with that guy find a different guy who has a kid already, but is divorced or separated. Yeah.

Or you can find a guy that likes it. Maybe it's not that funny or good how you're doing it. Well, I think even she might, it seemed like she might be kind of conceding that. Oh, really? Or the possibility that it's not that funny, but she likes it and she thinks it's funny. So if I do a British accent to my wife, I won't concede that it is not funny. No. But it is not funny. No. But it is.

It's deeper. But it is for sure highly annoying. It's annoying no matter what. Even if it's funny. Oh. When you're in a certain mood. You know, hurt me to the core when you said it. Not when you do it.

No, I know. I know. I'm saying, I know. Even when something is good and funny, if you're their partner and you see it all the time you're just like tired you want to read you want to focus on something and they're just like hello you're just like shut the fuck up dude i was doing it to calvin i mean i there might be i mean the percent of the time i'm doing something silly or a voice to him is like

he's gonna grow up with an accent like it's like it's so it's so much that I'm often like wait I gotta be a real dad actually hold on

what else do you do besides Billy Bolognese what else you got Billy Bolognese I got Nigel I got Frank Jansen oh yeah who's Frank Jansen

he makes a face yeah he just makes a face what face is Frank Jansen that's all he does that's it dude imagine knowing Frank Jansen that Oh, yeah. Who's Frank Jansen? He makes a face? Yeah, he just makes a face. What face is Frank Jansen? That's all he does? That's it. Dude, imagine knowing Frank Jansen. That's all he did. He would have no friends.

What even is that face anyway? Is it like disgust or surprise or what is that? Like, what the heck's going on? Oh, okay. Anyway, and then there's other ones too. I can't think of them right now. They escaped me at the moment. Okay.

Anyway. Well, yeah. I mean't think of them right now. They escaped me at the moment. Okay. Anyway. Well, yeah. I mean, we gave you a lot of ideas, but I think the bottom line is for the sake of your love for this guy, maybe cut down on the British accent around him. Because if you love him, you got to understand

he's not always going to want to hear it. Just trim it around him. Do it around other people. I also did a thing where. And have a kid. I also did a thing where he's in his foam pit. He's like, come in the foam pit. And I say, well, Calvin.

Loves himself so much. No, it's so funny to see him do it. To see him like it. But I say, well, Calvin, I think I'm a little too cool to come in that foam pit and then i turn around and hit my head on something oh that's good dude that's always good yeah it's like jerry lewis is back alive yeah he thinks it's so funny and that's comedy babe but he thinks it's so funny and then he says the other day he made me he was like come in the foam pit and he wanted me to do it and i go like oh yeah i think i'm a little too cool coming to pump it and i just go like this and i fall and he says

no no i want you to do like like this and then he goes up and he's a little too cool to be in a foam pit and then goes and hits his head on the thing so now i have to beat the shit out of myself how about when kids just like boss you so hard and you have no choice boss you dude calvin will go look look yeah he does look like like he's like look this is what you did this is what you did mobster yeah billy bolognese exactly dude billy bolognese so racist against italians but but i'm italian so i was just thinking though when she said this you know how people say it's racist to do accents why is it not racist to do english accents it's not racist because it's not racist to do accents but if you were not racist to do English accents? It's not racist, because it's not racist to do accents. But if you were to pose it to people who think it is.

Yeah, because of the way that it, the history of it and how it's been portrayed. It's like, why is it not racist to put on, only black face, not like, you know, if you put an Indian face on it's not racist. Well, that would be brown face and still bad. Right, right, right. But you know what I'm saying. Yeah. So walking it back, you know if you put an indian face on well that would be brown face and still bad right right but you know what i'm saying yeah so walking it back you know all right

a couple episodes ago you had a guy on asking which of these cakes you would pick first a or b to as you guys said there's only one to take it's the one you were going to take i would frankly question everything yeah the lopsided that she wants to take one if you take the fucking other one yeah then shared this poll on your instagram story from a guy called brandon who i had an in-depth discussion with on facebook and i'm here to tell you why yous are all wrong okay as you can see the cake box is separated into three different sections with each section having three cakes. Let's say this is O-A, this is O-B, and this is O-C.

In this case, all the cakes in row C have been removed, and the first cake in row B has been removed. So therefore, logically, the next cake he would take is B-2, and then B-3, and so on. Now we need to discuss what happens if the cakes are in transit. Because three cakes are in their own section, they are protected from any potential movement damage. Yeah, right, okay. Whereas the cakes in row B aren't.

Fair enough, yeah. They can roll and damage each other. So by keeping row A intact, you're essentially protecting those three cakes from damage. I'm going to use this cake box as an example. Wow. Now, 90% of the world are right-handed. So if you were to pick this box up and hold it,

you would hold it with your left hand, putting all the weight to the side, and you would open the box using your right hand. You would take cake B, leaving all the weight to the left hand side. I get why he likes our podcasts. Yeah.

Well, that's the most boring video of all time. No, it's not. Thanks, Rob. Rob does all the... Rob does so much of the editing for like the joke stuff that we do like on Instagram.

His last post, he really proved me right and I'm really happy about that. I'm still shocked. I can't believe you thought otherwise. I honestly think that it was rigged but um i was so right to 55 percent of the words well yeah i mean so right would be 70 but but um i didn't i i didn't see there was a zero it looked like i thought there were just two did guys? To me, it looked like six cup spots,

six cupcake spots, and one was removed, not nine. And I got to say, that does change it a little bit. It does. Yeah. I still might, without thinking it through,

I would still take the one I said I would take, but this is a fair point. My thing is the balance in transport. You want to keep enough balance. So a square is more balanced than like an L. Right. And that's why I would take still take zone. But he makes a great point though about the,

and then the right hand thing makes a lot of sense because if you take that one, then that'll topple. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's good. It's good. It's good. We should, yeah. I feel less like absolute,

like you're a crazy person if you don't agree, but I still would choose what I would choose. Yeah, same. He's making points about who's transporting cakes. That's also a good point, Marco. I think that went into my thought process as well. Because you pick it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You pick it up. Even if you're going to move them. Exactly. Yeah, even if you're going to move them to like the island or something. These things matter, yeah. The island, like Epstein's Island. If you bring the Epstein's Island. If you bring it to Epstein's Island. If you're bringing the cupcakes to Epstein's Island, then, you know, you want to have a

balance so they don't fall all over each other. If you bring it to the Camden Islands, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. That's good. That was a good one, Rob. Thank you. That was not boring.

And you know that. And I get why you like the podcast. Well, that was a joke. He didn't mean it was boring. If you really thought it was really boring. No, I know that. Yeah, I know that. But I'm saying. It's going to that but i'm saying it's gonna fight afterwards it mean you yeah all right i mean the worst angle hey man chris joel from canada here joel uh chris on con congratulations the other day you said how it's so bitch to sit in the passenger seat while uh your girlfriend or your wife drives i mean i could

not disagree more i don't need matt to chime in on this i'm curious what he thinks what could be more alpha than having like yeah a hot woman chauffeuring you around while you sit in the passenger seat doing whatever you want messing around on your phone sitting looking out the window like this creeping people out on the highway whatever you want i think it's the best so i'm curious to hear what matt has to say thanks so okay i i get what this guy's saying and he makes a valid point i ranked them though i ranked the most bitch to least bitch of Of what? It wasn't saying that that was so bitch necessarily. It was saying two guys, a guy and a girl in the front seat and the driver's seat. Passenger seat and driver's seat.

The guy driving is the most the shit and the girl in the passenger seat switch that that's more bitch i'd said okay now if there's two guys the biggest bitch is the guy in the passenger seat not the guy driving it doesn't make okay would you agree with if there's a guy driving you the more bitch position is the passenger seat is are either one of them though like i what i don't get is why is it why is it at all hey i'm going around i'm dry we'll go wherever the fuck i want okay you know well guys like this well i don't what if i don't want to in that case yeah then then of course but that's not typically what's happening in a car uh but i i do so wait you were saying it's the most the so i said the the third third most bitch is if you're in the passenger and your

girl's driving the fourth is if you're in the passenger and a guy's driving. Oh, so it's not the most of all of them. Okay. Okay. Well, I... Look, based on what he thought, I agree with him. I get it, yeah. But if you're clarifying, then okay. But I don't...

But there's that thing where if the shit hits the fan, you got to be in control. Now, that is... Now, you're a bitch. If the shit hits the fan and you're in the passenger seat, you're a bitch. But what is, what constitutes shitting the fan? Like, what is that? An asteroid hits Earth. Okay.

And then what, how are you a bitch when? Oh, no. Go, go that way. Go, go, go. You're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean? And the guy's just like, that guy's cool. This guy's cool.

I got it. I got it. The other guy's like, there's an opening. That guy's a bitch okay but that wasn't part of the what i understand the hypothetical you always have to go when the shit hits the fan you know because look it's not bitch to get into the back of a car that is a coupe with two doors unless the curb's in the way, unless it's too high, unless you got to precariously do it. That's the shit hitting the fan.

I think it is a bitch to be in the back of a coupe, no matter what though, honestly. Like to be in the back of like a Porsche Boxster with a top down. I mean, there's nothing more than that. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. You can't be in the back of a Boxster with the top down. You can't be in the back of anything.

I said getting in though, I said getting in though. Not being in. Oh, getting in when you gotta push gotta push the seat forward oh that's the very most bitch yeah nah nah because you're like this you're like kind of but that's the shit hitting the fan the precariousness is the shit hitting the fan if you just if you just are if there's nothing in the way and you just go like this that's not bitch but if you're in the curb and you're like this then that's bitch that's the shit hitting the fan i rest our case your honor that's not the shit in the fan that's just like no i know but i'm saying in that situation it's the shit hitting the fan in the back seat you know i got it like a bitch a curb is too high the shit hit the fan let's go go to white castle don't have just two doors on a car everybody well no do if you have two seats no yeah no that's right i have four seats i have two seats if you only have if you only have two

doors you can only have two seats that's a new law but bucket seats for us car manufacturers yeah but bucket seats are fine what's that bucket seats are the seats that are when you have two doors you got two two like bucket seats in the back is that what they're called bucket seats yeah i don't like it that's weird you never heard bucket seats and i have heard bucket seats but not in the context of the back of a car you didn't know what bucket seats was i know what a bucket seat is like in a movie theater but i never heard in the back of a car and it doesn't make sense so thought it uh it kind of makes sense does it well i don't know it should just be walking back walking back it's fine it should be okay well i got a new scratch on my glasses pissed dude these glasses these sunglasses i gave to calvin the day. And they're just. Yeah, dude. Dude, it's like Cloud City.

I know. I know what you're going to say. But I've cleaned them four times and they're still got his. I don't know how they're still on there. Calvin, when he was like eight months old, we were playing. He ripped my glasses off because baby. Babies always rip glasses off of faces. I thought it was cute.

I thought it was cute. I was like, oh, yeah, those are my glasses. I'm like, I said, he goes like this. Yeah. What's the glass? glasses. He goes like this. Yeah. What's the glass? And then he goes like this. And just a huge scratch directly in the center of my favorite pair of glasses. Thanks, Calvin.

But you said you liked it. I like it because it makes me think of him. But I don't like it when it gives me a headache because I wear them too long. That's like my shoulder pain. Because I reached back for something for him because he was crying. And then I fucking hurt my shoulder. It's been hurting for a month and a half. And every time he does it, every time it hurts now when I do something,

which is a lot, I go like this. Oh, fuck. And I go, at least I got it from doing something for Calvin. Oh, oh. Like that? Yeah. So if you're near me in public and you hear me go, oh, oh, then you know what I'm doing.

Yeah. Yep. Cool. Yeah. So that's cool. right all right all right i'm gonna do another one matthew mcconaughey yeah sleeping hey chris i'm mad i just woke up and if i mean you'll listen you'll hear why her boyfriend's like this we're doing a lifeline all right go ahead Listen, you'll hear why. Her boyfriend's like this. We're doing a Lifeline video. All right. Go ahead.

Bird. Oh, my God. Dude. Didn't we just talk about this? Hang on. That bird wakes me up every morning at the ass crack of dawn. I'd kill it. Trapping outside my window. ass crack of dawn. I'd kill it.

Terping outside my window. And my question is what do I do? I live in the south. I could Yes, you could. You know. Kill it. Sit out there one morning and

take care of it. I can't wear earplugs. It gives me headaches. I know what would happen if it was me and this bird is driving me insane and i can't believe that such a tiny little creature is impacting my life this way what would you do that's funny thanks so this this exact thing has been happening to me for the last couple weeks it's not every day it's like four or five days a week okay i so much to the point that i a couple times i went out there to try to find it to see what kind of bird it was so if i could google how to get rid of this kind of bird or whatever.

It ended up being a northern mockingbird. And obviously in LA, there's nothing you can do about that. You can't just fucking shoot a bird in LA. Well, you can't shoot a bird, but who are you going to tell? You know? What? Who's going to tell? Well, the gun's going to go off. Use a BB gun.

Yeah, I thought about that. Slingshot? Archery. Archery. So I thought about a BB gun. Poison? Then there's the possibility of missing and hitting a house or a person. No, but I came upon the solution.

And you're not going to... No one's going to believe me until it happens to you and you're not going to, no one's going to believe me until it happens to you. And you try this. You have to play Enya. Take a blanket. What is that? That was the worst sound I've ever heard in my life.

That's the Enya song. Mayonnaise. Oh, wow. Wow, dude. Just. Mic's so high, you know? Take a blanket. The blanket?

Take a blanket. Lay it. Like, lay on your side. Yours? Put the. What? It's nothing to do with the bird? You don't do. Take a blanket. Lay on your side yours put the what it's nothing to do with the bird you don't do like take a blanket lay on your side yes no the bird you can't do anything about the fucking bird it's a bird i hate when they lay on blankets on their side you lay on your side

take a blanket put a blanket over the side of your head okay so one ear is covered by the pillow the other is covered by the blanket it's going to is covered by the blanket. It's going to sound like, well, of course, you're still going to hear the bird. You can hear other things. The pitch of the sound of the bird will be obstructed by the blanket. And it will not reach your ear. I promise you. I solved this fucking problem just the other day. This is no bullshit.

Now, maybe it has to be the kind of blanket that I have. I don't know. But the kind... I tried it with two different blankets just to be like, what the fuck? Why does this work? And it worked. What?

I could hear construction. I could hear anything else. What about... Did it... It's hilarious. Every time you go... Right. But what about...

Was it hot though? I don't like that. Sometimes you put the thing over your head it's hot it it could be but if the ac is on you're fine but also it's been chilly in the morning so but yeah that's crazy it was i have no no idea why this worked i was so desperate i was like and i just took a blanket i was like wait did it stop and then i move it fast and it would just be still going and then i put it back i want to try that i wish it worked i hope she watches the fucking show because it it absolutely worked if it doesn't work

write us back and i'll find out what kind of blanket i have i promise you it'll work though um i here's what would happen if it was me i would get a gun i'd go i'd I'd get out there five in the morning ready. Get it. Time lapse. What is that? What is this? The bird became part of the earth. Decomposing?

Yeah, yeah. Time lapse. And so... Time lapse. Voguing. Voguing, dude. A flower? A flower? Flower dying?

Flower blooming? Flower then dying then now the flower's dead on the ground okay yeah that's good so um everyone knew it you don't need to no one no one nobody knew what you were doing all right right. But try it, dude. Obviously, if I heard that, I'd be like, that is bullshit. I didn't tell you what would happen if I did it. It wasn't the time-lapse thing. It was more. I got carried away.

Time-lapse thing. And then go to sleep next day, next morning. I shot the wrong bird. Right. No way that doesn't happen to me. Yeah, which is why you don't shoot the bird. Then you do what? Well, you could try to kill the right bird.

You don't have to go straight to yourself, you know? No, the blanket thing! Oh. Yeah, dude, no. Try the blanket. I promise you it'll work. Was that a laugh that you were going to sip something and then... Yes, dude.

That paparazzi fucking... The bird would like it. They're playing the fucking thing. I found out what kind of bird it was that came to my house. What? I found out what kind of bird it was that came to my house. No, I heard you. What kind of bird?

Oh, a northern mockingbird. Oh, you said that? Yeah. Well, you didn't respond. I'm getting two songs mixed up. Don't you want to know how? Oh, okay. Keep going.

The blanket thing. Don't you want to know how I knew what kind of bird it was? You saw it? I have an app for that. What? I have an app that I put it up to a bird and it tells me what kind of bird it is. It could be wrong. Give me a pound on that.

It tells you how likely it is that it's that. What percent? That was 100%. It was a mockingbird. I saw the bird and I was like, is it? And then I Googled mockingbird. It was that. Wow.

Yeah. I'm mixing up two songsbird. I saw the bird and I was like, is it? And then I Googled mockingbird. It was that. Wow. Yeah. I'm mixing up two songs yesterday. I thought so, dude. That one, yes. That one is the one that I was going to ask. You're starting doing that. Guys always play it on the park and the violin and try to get money. Yeah.

Okay. The other one is. Hey, sail away, sail away. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those are different. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. Okay. Which one did the birds not like? The first one. The annual one. Yeah. Okay. But then also probably wouldn't like the first one the annual one yeah okay but then also probably wouldn't like the other one okay all right anyway next one don't know chris mad my name is brandon raging while he does on the last episode you were talking about chris how you were waiting to turn left you're waiting for the car to pass you so you could turn left

but last minute they turn right so now you're pissed because you could have gone that whole time i get that because my scenario is one of my biggest pet peeves is when i pull up to a You could turn left, but last minute they turned right, so now you're pissed because you could have gone that whole time. I get that because my scenario is one of my biggest pet peeves is when I pull up to a four-way stop sign or a two-way, whatever. Yeah. There's another car opposite of me. They get to their stop first. So by law, by rules, by rights, they have the right of way. Yes.

Right? So they stop first, and then I get to my stop. And they start to wave me down. Go ahead. Go ahead. And I'm like, no, I know my rights. You go. I know the law.

And they're persistent. No, you go. You go. And I'm like, okay, fine. I'll go. I start going, and then they pull out, and we both stop, and now it's an awkward standoff. Am I being dramatic about this? Do I go in the first wave, or do I go by the law? I know.

When you're driving, the first wave, it's over. Yep, that's it. You don't... There's no more wave. It's too muddled and confusing. Hey, go ahead. I give up my right of way. You don't give up your right of way for someone giving up your right of way.

That's it. Okay. Okay, you give it away, I'm out. I give up my right of way. You don't give up your right of way for someone giving up your right of way. That's it. Okay. Okay. You give it away. I'm out. Right. Right. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. But that person shouldn't even give up the right of way. No. I mean, but if they decide to, okay. Well, no, it's annoying all around. If someone gets to stop the law, as he's saying, the law is whoever gets there first has the right of way. If you get there at the same time as someone else, it's the person to the right.

Exactly. But if it's just directly across from you, it's a two-way stop sign. It doesn't matter because you're facing them. So unless you're going left and the person is going straight or vice versa, in which case it sounds like what that guy was talking about, in which case the person going left doesn't get to go. The person going straight goes.

Right. And all this is entirely obvious. Now, the person that gets there first and waves, fuck that person. Just get there first and go. You're wasting your own-

I don't know if I'd say fuck that person, but yeah. It's just like, just go, dude. You're wasting everybody's time. Yeah, but you can be- You got there first

and everyone knows. Yeah, you can be polite though once, but the second it goes beyond that, you're like, all right, dude, You're wasting everybody's time. Yeah, but you can be- You got there first and everyone knows. Yeah, you can be polite though once, but the second it goes beyond that, you're like, all right, dude, these people are assholes. Both of them. Dying of fire. I mean, took it so far after saying it.

Dying of fire, go directly to hell. Yeah, dude. I hate that kind of shit, but I agree. If someone waves you, they're waving their- Whether you know the law or not, the law goes out the window if someone's like come on yeah then you're not breaking the law no no right by by right right right no i know the law they're like like they're trying to set them up you know yeah i don't trust this motherfucker like just entrapment for no reason yeah dude also i know this bothers you when i do this but that guy had incredibly beautiful

eyes why do you do it? Because he did. And it's when someone has- So did the guy before that. You didn't say anything about it. So it's like you pick and choose. I guess I didn't think that. Which guy? You don't even remember.

It couldn't have been that beautiful. Just why do you talk about people's eyes so much? Because a lot of people have beautiful eyes and it's good to tell them about it. One time a guy had beautiful lips and you got so mad at me for saying that. But you never get mad when I say a woman has a beautiful something or other i think you're homophobic no it's because are you gay it's because why is that yeah it's worth examining right thank you i think it's because i think you're i led you to examine it. Thank you. I facilitated examination.

Thank you. Sounds kind of weird. Yeah, facilitated examination. Thank you. All right, we want to do another one? Or do you want to figure out what the reason is that bothers you? No, I think it's because it's just you do it... Well, you do it more with guys. Oh, let's do it.

Let's see. No. From here on forward, we'll see who's... Yeah, please don't go back and do a counting thing no no i won't no which is every episode you know not you yeah rob go back and count every episode i said something looked beautiful okay what's going on guys i'll make it beautiful this guy doesn't have any super small grammatical errors that get under your skin it's not enough to it up, but it's just enough to bother you. I have a friend who says, how much M&Ms are there instead of how many? Oh, that's fine.

Or, hey, how's work going? Work is going good instead of work is going well. That's a little less bad. It's just super small stuff like that that gets under my skin. It's not enough to bring it up. Do you guys have anything like that that just gets under your skin or just bothers you a little bit? Let me know. Yeah, work's going good. I'll notice it style huh uh is he luke perry the

hexagon glasses are sick no it's okay okay for him yeah not for me right um yeah i i there are like the i know i always know well not always but I noticed the work's going good. I noticed that one a lot, but it doesn't bother me. That one doesn't bother me. How much M&M's is idiotic. How much M&M's? Yeah, that would bother me, but I probably wouldn't say anything about it. I might be like, oh, so foreign, like it was you. But how much M&M's?

Bother me, no, but it's idiotic. That wouldn't bother me enough to say something, which is what he's talking about. Right, no, yeah. Right, right, right. Should of instead of should have yeah that's really common though dude super common so many but it it's it's so dumb because it's just straight up a different word well it just doesn't make sense though right too um and then there's is not something and then there anthony does it and then there's probably anthony does it and then there's- Of is not something. And then there's- Anthony does it. And then there's probably Anthony does it. And then there's- Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's other ones too.

But that one drives me nuts, bro. Yeah, there are a lot of them. But I don't know if any of them bother me enough to say something. Like, who cares? Sometimes you can tell when someone's doing the wrong two when they're saying it. What? Sometimes you can tell someone's saying the wrong two. T-Oo or t-o-o or t-o-o or t-o how can you what do you mean because you know they're an idiot and they're just like yeah

same you know me too and they're t-o and you're like i don't mean t-o the fucking idiot oh i don't know if you can do that if they're just talking because it's the same sound i got really good ears so stupid but yeah i don't know if there's any well dad would think that's funny grammatical here's the thing that bothers me enough to be like hey you know that that's wrong like that's so i'll make fun of someone before i'm likely to correct yeah but if i was saying should have people do that so or supposedly well that's just the wrong word that's not even so we should have but no i'm saying they're saying a word that that's a word that doesn't exist should of is the wrong fbi i've been telling you forever i'm not really your brother no but i just i

understand but i just um yeah i supposedly you're just trading out a D for a B. That's stupid. I know. I know. Are you saying should've isn't a word or should of? It's should have, not should of. Right. But should've is fine. Okay.

Yeah. But it's mostly honestly when it's written out. People write should OV or OF. OV. Wow. OV. Should of. Should of.

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should have should have should have should have should have should have should have should have should have should have should have should if most of the time i think if you're pointing out written grammatical errors you're being corny because who really cares it's a comment on fucking youtube you know most of the time um yeah maybe it's like the bottom level i'm losing the argument oh yeah you misspelled your but so wait so you mean when it's written out. When people are talking to me, I'm way more forgiving. Because it's like people always say the wrong thing. Even when they're meant to say the right thing. But if you say, if I notice you're saying should of.

Yeah. I would tell you. Yo, just so you know, you're doing it wrong. It's should have, not should of. And I don't know if you know you're doing it, but. You would? You're my brother yes yeah i guess i don't want you to what if somebody else sees it because i want to do business it's different for me when there's some people are speaking or when they're writing when they're writing and they say should of because what i think is

sometimes people know it should have but when they're speaking they might be saying should have shoulda is different you know yeah but yeah but yeah if're speaking they might be saying shoulda shoulda is different you know yeah but yeah but yeah if you write down should of you just well maybe you don't have a brain really yeah okay right you know what i'm saying yeah yeah maybe that one's more of a written one eating pizza eating pizza all right well okay i'm gonna be in duluth it's are you gonna be in duluth twice is that what that said nope okay chrisley.com i'm gonna be in duluth i'm gonna be in duluth it's are you gonna be in duluth twice is that what that said nope okay chrisley.com i'm gonna be in duluth i'm gonna be in lexington i'm gonna be in wichita i'm going to wichita

you know what the rest is a seven nation army couldn't hold me back i thought you meant the guitar part. Beaumont, McAllen. These are all new dates. London, Ontario, Peterborough, Ontario. Yeah. And then Australia and New Zealand. Why does Ontario love you so much? Ontario is a, yeah.

It's a good town for comedy, but I do, a good city for comedy. Or actually, it's a province. Yeah, whatever you call it. But I do well there, yeah. Yeah, I noticed. And yeah, I's a province. Yeah, whatever you call it. But I do well there, yeah. Yeah, I noticed. And yeah, I don't know. People get mad every time. Because I do Ontario so much, people are like, come on, man.

Why not just, you know, Calgary or whatever the fuck that was. Winnipeg. Yeah. You know, what about Toronto, right? Manitoba. Manitoba, right? Edmonton, right? Alberta.

Alberta. Come on to Alberta, right? All right. You know what I, right? Edmonton, right? Alberta. Alberta. Come on to Alberta, right? All right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. So get the Lifeline Luxury. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury to be more specific.

And then... Don't forget... Still doing that, huh? Okay. Well, let me know when you stop because I'll go back to liking you more than I do now. Can't. You like me already, that must. Yeah. all that shit it's over mattalia.com all that shit over it uh lifeline merch at lifelinemerch.com all that shit.com trying to

start a catchphrase gonna sell merch all that shit.com thanks everybody everybody. Dude. 18 minutes. I was recording a voice note for, for our family. Oh my God. If I sent it, imagine.

There it is. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

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