Lifeline - 119. You Don't Own Life

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

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Hello. Hello. Hey, what's up guys? It's episode 118 is July, it is July 14th and I am in Australia. Oh, hello. I'm in Australia at the moment, but, but we recorded this earlier. So go get your tickets at chrisley.com. I'm going to be in Perth, Brisbane and Adelaide and Melbourne and Sydney.

Oh, is that right? Go. Yeah. Wow. and Adelaide and Melbourne and Sydney. Tonight you're gonna be in Brisbane. Oh, is that right? Go. Yeah. Wow. Tonight, folks, this man. I wonder if the show will already have happened because Australia is in the future. This human being is in Brisbane tonight.

So go to Melbourne at least. But anyway, oh yeah, Adelaide will be passed. Anyway, I'm in Australia. Anyway, anyway, I'm in Australia. So have a good time there. I'm also in Americans., sorry, so uh so have a good time there, and I'm also in Americans I'm also in a but I bought a bunch of dates out Chris Leah calm go check it out Nice, you know I'm saying Duluth, Minnesota Nice Memphis, Tennessee Dallas, Texas

Wichita, Kansas go get tickets. Oh and San Diego Chittau, Kansas. Go get tickets. Oh, and San Diego. Shit. We got another banger here of an episode and you can check out Matt's podcast, Private Record on his, subscribe his thing. And also mine, congratulations.

And then also go on over to our Patreon right now and get exclusive stuff. You get the exclusive episodes, you get the live show, you get everything, patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. If you got a question, click the link below and this is the merch right here, Lifeline merch. You still got the old school spin move mentality. People still come up to me at shows

and they say the spin move mentality stuff. Yeah, that really took off. You know what's crazy? That was, you literally said that in the first episode of the show. How do you know that you just remember? I remember your long-term memory is good It's so is it the short time gear. Is it the short-term memory? When does the short-term memory become long-term memory? That's the thing That's a good course. You'll forget it for a while and then remember it again after I guess I mean I don't understand how that's possible. But that is how my brain works. I think long-term memory is important.

It's like different parts of your brain, right? But it's also important things. You know. And not always in my case, you know. Well, important to you, maybe, I don't know. I don't know. It is what it is. It's just like, dude, good soap, man.

You have good soap in the studio. What's it got? I don't know, it smells nice. I had a bad soap at home for a while and you got to go through it, you know, and you wash your hands and it's like, what is that? Like bad scent? Yeah, it didn't smell good to me. That's not good. It's good to people, I guess, but not to me. I did not like it. Yeah, I don't like like scent. I guess it's fine if it's muted. It's just too strong. Yeah, when it's too strong, it's never good. Yeah. And it's usually cheap when it's too

strong. It's just like cheap basic soap. It's like soft, soft soap. Soft soap is good though. Inuit. Hey dude, Inuit. Soft soap is the stuff you're, anytime you're in like a major chain, that's the way to go.

Method is good too. So just so everybody knows. Inuit. What are you saying? Inuit? Intuit. Intuit. Method is good.

And there's another good one that I don't remember, but I'll tell you maybe next week. Who knows? Wow. I don't remember it. I saw good and there's another good one that I don't remember, but I'll tell you maybe next week. Who knows? Wow. I don't remember it. I saw it the other day. Oh, it's Myers, right? Isn't that so?

Yeah. In a way. Myers. It's so annoying. It's like the old fashioned bottle. Yeah. I love it. In a way.

Yeah, I like it too. Oh, so it's annoying. Now you're doing it though. Yeah, I like it. I took five, the, what do you call it? The psyllium husk. Do you ever take that? Do I take that?

Let me think about it. I'm. You know, such a little brother. There's your answer. Let me see, do I take that? Let me think about that. Don't. Imagine doing it in a business meeting.

Ha ha ha ha. And no, as like a contractor, like if you're building someone's room in a business meeting. Ha ha ha ha. No, I was like a contractor. Like if you're building someone's room in a house and you do that. I took psyllium husk yesterday. I took a little bit extra than I normally take. Wait, how long have you been taking it? And what is it for?

So it congeals your poop. Your crappings? It congeals your crappings. Okay. And it works, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. They sayppings? Congels your crappings. Okay. And it works, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I don't- They say put a teaspoon in your water and just drink it.

I put a little bit more than a teaspoon in it this time. And did it extra congeal? It's better. They should tell us to do more. Maybe you just need a little bit more than most people. Probably. Cause your crappings need extra congealment. Uh-huh.

It's great, dude. It's great. Okay. And I don't, I don't know. I go a lot though. Oh, give up. I go four, five times a day. What?

No, you don't. Yes, I do. That can't be right. What, dude? That's correct. That is crazy. Never even heard of that. I saw somebody post, the other day was like,

first time I went all week, thank God, finally. And I was like, all week, bro? I've found that that is much more common with women. Well, that's bad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. Why is that? Well, I don't know. Who knows? That's just us thinking that. Well, it's anecdotal. It's women I know.

It's anecdotal. Wow, you know, really didn't want to throw that one out there. It is anecdotal, though. I'm's anecdotal. Yeah Wow, you know really didn't want want to throw that one out that is anecdotal though I'm an anecdotalist. No, okay. So um Yeah, anyway, he laughed I know you said no, but he laughs so take two kinds You know to remember when you know what I was thinking, you know, I was thinking of is how hard our cousin laughed At the me doing that. I don't I think this is kind of funny. Show everybody. I will. Here I'll just play. I don't think it's even funny honestly. You really

don't. Oh no. I think it's funny. I don't think it's not funny. Yeah yeah yeah. It's not something I like laughed at. Okay so I just wrote I was watching a movie. Yeah. And I this person did this in the movie and I said, I recorded it and I sent the video and I said, me getting head. Yeah. So send it to them now. And left two millimeters.

That won't work. You got to send it to them so they can play it and we can see. Okay, okay, oh, you're right. No, he's not gonna be able to do that. He's not gonna be able to do that? No, that computer's not connected. Remember we've been over this.

What about FireDrop? Hey. It's too old to get AirDrop. Put it in post. Text it to me. Yeah, yeah. Nah, that computer's not connected. Remember we've been over this. What about FireDraw? Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy could see the lady say head left two millimeters and if somebody said that what you were doing it I don't really I obviously I get it like I'm so specific I want you to be doing what I want oh dude I didn't get it oh really what did you think I thought it was talking about the smallness of your crank it's two millimeters yeah no so you saying head left two millimeters yeah right right right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. I get it now. Anyway, I thought it was-

That's funnier than I thought. I thought it was pretty funny. Yeah. I didn't think it was like a riot. Right. Jordan straight up said, that's the funniest thing that you, that's the funniest joke you made

since Tony Lupica said hike. But now explain that. When I was in high school I had a singing teacher his name was Tony Lupica. Crazy that you did that but okay. I wanted to be a singer bro I fucking love I love it I'll sing hard I'm not that good. We know. But and Tony Lupica sounded like this and somebody said I don't even really know what set the joke up but it was something where like, yeah, it's like, yeah, that was like Tony Lupica on the football team or something. And I, and I, and I just said, hike. That was it.

Bro, Jordan thinks that's so funny. I love those things though. Hike. You love what things? The things that you don't know are coming that happen and then legitimately change your life like in your family. Like the jokes that happen. Like when dad went, look at this. Yeah, who knew that was going to happen right then and then it happens and then it sticks with you forever. So you like life. You know it happened the other day when dad said bumpy and shit. It's bumpy. It's all bumpy and shit.

That's going to be for the rest of the life. Yeah, the life. It'll be for the rest of the life. Yeah, no, I get it, man. Hey, but you're just describing life. I know, but things that are unexpected that people remember forever. But people don't relish it enough. I do, I don't take it for granted.

I love those moments. And I would say arguably, I live for those moments. So does everyone. That's what life is. That's stupid, dude. No. People do not live for those moments, dude. People do not care and appreciate those moments.

Enough. Maybe. OK, OK, OK. OK. It's OK. I was about to get pissed, but I wasn't, because I knew that you thought you didn't think about it enough.

Once you came around, see now I don't like what you're doing, saying as if you knew better than me. I know you don't. I don're doing. I know you don't. Saying as if you knew better than me. I know you don't. I don't like that. I'm gonna break your finger if you keep pointing at me. But let's just say something for this instance. I did know better than you and that's okay. Sometimes people know better than each other.

It's not okay. I don't accept that. Anyway. And I refuse to ever accept. Hutt, hutt, hulk! That's what I did. I think I did hutt, hulk, hulk. And Jordan just said, and I was like, man, no.

The hutt, hulk, hulk is very funny. That is funny. But that one is not that funny. I did Hutt Hutt Fur. And Jordan. Well, all right disgusting, you know begin of Incest let's get to the first question. That's not speaking of incest Hey guys Joel from Jacksonville. Oh, yeah, I had a question about pets Me and my wife got a dog about a year and a half ago And he seemed super cute from John Fenton well outside of the road and he was like half near death got him back going and Once we got him going we realized he was terrible and he had huge behavioral issues Like fighting other dogs. He bit me multiple times that like all stitch worthy bites What and we came to the point where we got to get rid of him

Yeah, couldn't get rid of him just like emotionally stayed with him And now he's actually kind of like a good dog. Oh foggy stayed with him and now he's actually kind of like a good dog. Oh. Foggy. It's stuck. Ha ha ha. Yeah, so do you think you just get dogs that are like perfect and ready to go or stick with like the mutts

and work through them through the trials? Yeah, let me know. I mean it's definitely possible, but the bites are crazy. Like if that, yeah. Normally I would say stick through it. You got the dog, you made a decision. It was a big life decision.

You shouldn't have taken lightly if you did. But if you did take it lightly, that's on you. You got to keep the dog. I don't understand these people that are like, well, we decided we're moving and the new place doesn't accept pets. It's like, no, you find a place that accepts pets. Pets aren't lamps.

Right, right, right. You don't just get to trade one in or throw one out when you don't fucking want it. It's a living thing. Anyway, obviously what you did though is above and beyond. Dogs biting you and that stitches multiple times. People put dogs down for that. Multiple times.

I mean, that's crazy. Obviously you ended up making the right decision, but you wouldn't have been in the wrong if you were ultimately like, we can't have this dog. It's literally biting me. The medical bills are, are adding up medical bills. And I need my arms. Yeah. You do need your arms, man. But that's, that's awesome. That that worked out. The dog's mad cute.

Yeah. It's so far, you don't know when he's going to bite again. It's not like dogs are biting 24 seven. Oh dude. I read a story the other day. Read a story you said? Yeah. I thought you I read a story the other day. Read a story you said? Yeah. I thought you said wrote a story. I wrote a short story the other day about a family that just had a baby.

Tat. No. We won't talk about it. It'll make me sad. Don't care. They had a baby and the family dog they've had for like seven or eight years, not one incident with even another dog, let alone a person.

Dog, dog mauled the baby in its crib, killed it. Bro, I, I mean, you know, I went, Pat, no, dude. You don't own life. I know, but bro, it was obvious where that story was going. Why do I want to fucking hear about that shit? You don't own or control life. Of all the fucking things to fucking not, to, to, to, to, to, to blow through the tat nose. You don't own or control life.

Life happens and sometimes we don't like it, dude. The worst romantic comedy, Life Happens. I guarantee you there's a movie called Life Happens. I would bet. Yeah. And I guarantee you it's a romantic comedy. It's a romantic comedy, Life Happens, and it's with Harry Connick Jr.

No, Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. Oh, whoa. Oh my God, it's a Kristen Ritter movie, we should have known. Oh, I love her. 2012? Oh, I know a lot of the people in this movie. That's so random.

Wow, 2011, huh? Wow. It was in Indy. I should have known it was in Indy. What was I thinking? Nah. Saying it was a Gerard Butler movie. Stupid. Stupid of me. But I said Harry Connick Jr. Yeah, you did. You were wrong too. I was close. Although Harry Connick might even be in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In lower billing. Alright. Anyway, the eye is upside down, you did it. You were wrong, too. I was close. Although Harry Connick might even be in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lower billing. All right. Anyway, the eye is upside down, you know, got real creative with it. Oh, wow. Because life isn't as it seems. Exactly. Every movie you could watch, every single movie you watch, you can say this and it makes sense in 20 minutes in. You go like this.

Man, I don't think things are as they seem. I think they're in over their heads. 20 minutes in, you go like this. Man, I don't think things are as they seem. I think they're in over their heads. Okay, not every. The tagline on this is a comedy that's a real mother. Well, she obviously gets pregnant and keeps it. Yeah, and life happens. Life happens, literally life happens, right? That's what they meant, okay, I get it.

Well, there's no way around the fact that life does happen. So the title is just broadly true no matter what. And I go, but that's crazy that you fucking, I don't like that story you told and I wish it to be struck from the record. Oh, life happens. Struck from the life record. All right.

And that happened and that's life. Next one. I mean, you know, can't get over it. Can't stop listening to Tony Bennett. Life happens. Hey guys, so I just moved two years ago. That's not just perfect. From New Hampshire to San Diego because my parents are from here.

And after I graduated high school, they were like wanting to move back. But I still go to college on the East Coast. Oh, boy. So I don't really know anybody in San Diego. I've been here for two years. I have like one friend, but we're not super close. Okay. And it's been really hard to meet people.

Like all my neighbors are older. You know, I don't, I haven't really connected with anybody from my work too much. So I guess I'm just looking for, if you have any advice on like how to meet people in a new place, meet up, any mutuals and even grow up there. So yeah. Well, you can meet people at my show in San Diego, July 20 something, chrystalthea.com. Yeah, this is hard. I've been... So let's just break this down just before you even get into it. She goes to school on the East Coast.

She grew up in the East Coast. Her parents moved to San Diego. She moved to San Diego. So she's probably in San Diego's during the summer is what she's saying, right? Probably, yeah. Because she's still in school, right? Yeah.

So she's in San Diego during the best time to be in San Diego during the summer. It's nice beach stuff going on. So how does she meet people? OK, go ahead. Well, all that was what she said. I delineated when. I delineated the type of season.

And I delineated. And I did a lot of delineation. OK, yeah, the season. OK, it didn't really apply because it doesn't really matter if it's summer or not though, right? Go to the beach. Go to the beach. Oh, but it's December 25.

Oh, OK, so you don't go to the beach and meet somebody then you go to Christmas party. Wow. I do a lot of delineation. Respect the delineation. Okay. So I, this is hard. I think people right now,

definitely now more than any other time, people are like having a hard time making and then keeping friends, which I guess is cause the internet and social media, but I don't know. It's kind of like if you didn't have friends up at the point when social media became super popular, then you're like kind of fucked.

It's like hard to get friends because everybody's, even when they're out, they're just doing this, you know? But I don't know, I feel like since there are enough people in the same boat that you would think more people are open to making new friends, because nobody has friends anymore. Everybody wants friends, nobody has any friends.

That would lead you to think that it would be easy to make new friends, but something's going on with people where they're just like seeming unapproachable or unavailable to other people. Actually, she does seem unapproachable, to be honest. Her? Yeah. Well, maybe that's her first, I didn't get that, but if you did, maybe that's the first thing to consider.

Maybe- I know I'm unapproachable, so I can't talk, but like- That is a tough thing to work on though. Such a bad feelings being like, okay, I seem unapproachable, I'm gonna try to seem, it's like, it feels so fake. She seems like she rolls her eyes a lot. She may not, but I'm saying like,

oh, I don't wanna get my feelings hurt. I didn't get that by far at all. But I'm not, I felt the opposite. I felt like- But I'm not a pussy though. You can't say I'm a pussy. Okay. It's not cause of that. No, it's not, I guess.

You're right about that. I didn't really- Probably have to bleep that out. Didn't come in at all in at all in any way. But yeah, I don't know. How do you meet people? It's hard because anytime I've met someone that I maintained a friendship with,

it was just like accidental. It just happened. Whoopsie, what are you doing later? Yeah. Whoopsie. Whoopsie, you are you doing later? Yeah. Whoopsie. Whoopsie, you want to come over? Whoops, let's do a sleepover. Yeah. But I don't know.

I don't know. Whoops, what's your favorite color? What do you say? Yeah. I mean, look, it just takes time. And unfortunately, here's a good thing. I mean, look, you probably love New Hampshire. I don't know.

Maybe you don't. But it's probably beautiful out there, a lot during certain seasons, too. I know Matt look, you probably love New Hampshire. I don't know, maybe you don't, but it's probably beautiful out there a lot during certain seasons too. I know that Matt didn't like when I bring up seasons, but you're in San Diego now and you're in there in the summer, which is really awesome. It just takes time and it sucks because you're not there long enough.

But that's the thing. It's like, if it's true that you're only there in the summers, dude, of course you're not going to make friends. How about get a summer job? What? Get a summer job. She has one. She said she doesn't really make friends at work. Okay.

So which makes me think it's not just she's there for the summers, but I digress. Or but maybe she, no, maybe she Maybe she has a job online. Maybe she also works in a job that doesn't deal with people, you know for the summer I think she implied that there were people at her work that she's had a hard time making friends with, making friends at work. Okay, but also wait, she could be done with school. Does she say she's still currently going to school?

Like maybe she's done and now she lives in San Diego. Here's what I think, either way, you're new there two years. At most you've spent, at most you've spent, what, half, if you're still in school, half of that time. And that's not a lot of time. Right, yeah. To make new friends, give yourself some time, be easier on yourself.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Yeah, I don't think that's that long. I agree. Yeah. And I think also it can be so overwhelming to be like, everybody has friends except me. That's what we always tell ourselves. When we're not doing something that we wanna do, you look out at the world and it seems like everyone else has that thing figured out, everyone besides you.

That's not true. So many people in the country right now are suffering from some version of loneliness or friendlessness. And just, I think just knowing that will not only make you be easier on yourself, but make you feel rightly, automatically, like you have something in common with people that you might be coming across.

And if you think of it like they want, don't think of it like I want a friend, I want this person to be my friend. Think of it like they want a friend too, because the chances are actually quite high that they do. So it's kind of like a mindset thing. Also, you actually really do have to put yourself out there. Friends are not gonna come to you.

But I understand it's like the thing, nobody wants to be friends with someone who's like, hey, wanna be friends? So there's like this balance that is tricky. But again again just two years not not that long of a time yeah yeah I agree you're young you're gonna make friends a lot of friends at my show July 20 something Wow San Diego Chris Lee comm and send her tickets Marco reach out to her give her one

ticket she has no friends no give her tickets yeah bring a friend yeah I know and however invite someone to the show. That's a friend. There we go. You could only come if you invite someone. How about that? There you go. All right.

Figured it out. All right, cool. Nice. He literally just got you a friend. I was at the gym the other day. So quick. I was leaving. And some guy walks in,

shoot the shit for a little bit. I hate this. I'm just trying to leave. Say, have a good workout Leaving and he says behave Why Why is he telling me to behave this guy this guy is fucking i'm 31 years old he's probably 32 years old Yeah, why is he telling me to behave?

He's not anyone Why do I need to behave if If anything, this fucking guy needs to behave. And so, I... That's funny. It fucking drives me crazy after the fact. Obviously, I'm in the moment. This guy, I'm just trying to leave.

So, I'm just as bad. I say, oh, you too. Yeah, but... Well, yeah. What are you gonna do? Dude, that's funny. The last, you wanna hear, there's a name drop, the last person that told me to behave, Josh Duhamel.

It's a thing people, this guy doesn't understand, it's a thing some people say when they're saying bye to somebody. It's like, be well, take care. It is a little different, because Josh said, behave yourself out there. That's a little different than behave. It's a little Austin Powers-y and like a,

I'm your dad. Behave yourself out there is like a chummy thing. Behave, but it's the same thing. This guy's taking it wrong. Also, I was on a murdering spree and I was completely bloody. And he goes, oh, Chris, behave yourself out there. And I go, you're right.

And I stopped killing. Yeah, well then, yeah, he saved lives while he did that too. It's really impressive, Josh. So he's not just a hero in Transformers. Thanks, Josh. Okay, so yeah, that's something that somebody say. What's the thing that people say where they're like, behave or don't do anything I wouldn't do.

And if you do name it after me, what's that one? I don't know that at all. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do name it after me, what's that one? What's that one? I don't know that at all. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do name it after me, that's not something just made it up. You've heard that? I've never heard that. Yeah. OK. Nobody has except him. OK. Well, I made it up then. I thought it was something out there.

Maybe something I could coin. Behave is just a shorter version. I'm gonna start saying that. Of an annoying, of the kind of annoying thing people say when they say bye to someone. It's fine, dude. I hard disagree with this guy. He doesn't actually mean don't be,

don't do anything bad out there. Yeah. It's the same thing as saying take care. It's literally the same thing. It's two syllables, behave, take care. I mean, the guy has such issues with his parents, you know? Yeah, dude. You know two syllables, behave, take care. I mean, the guy has such issues with his parents, you know? Yeah, dude. You know my mom, actually.

So don't do what to do. Yeah, that's what it seems like. It seems like you need to go to therapy, dude. You got so mad at somebody saying behave in like a colloquial sort of just like. Yeah, but I get it though, dude. Why? Because it's like, bro, stop trying to be different. Just like bro. Stop trying to be different just fucking say I know I know but he's trying to be a little quirky

It's like just say bye, dude. Dude, who cares? I get what he's saying. Who cares ultimately? Yeah. Yeah It's nothing dude. I'm gonna start saying behave just say thanks Austin powers I'm gonna start feel stupid saying behave to everyone just to spite this fucking dickhead. Okay well he's my enemy. You're my enemy. That's all in your head it doesn't matter although it probably bothers him now too because. No I'm just kidding you're not really my enemy I still like you. All right next one. Next one. Oh yeah. Look at the kicks. What's up man Chris it is your favorite sneakerhead. It's been a minute when I'm back and no I am not Fred Durst. So both you guys are very stylish you have your own unique Look at the kicks. What's up, man? Chris, it is your favorite snakerhead. It's been a minute. Oh, yeah.

And no, I am not Fred Durst. So both you guys are very stylish. You have your own unique styles, which I appreciate. I feel the same way about myself. What's your guys thoughts though, when it comes to the panda dunk? Chris, you know what I'm talking about. Everybody has the panda dunk. Do you guys purposely try to get items that you wear that are very limited or rare?

Or do you not care if it's something that you like if everyone else has it Yeah, I'm just curious what you guys thoughts are on these things and uh, it's a good question. Yeah, that's a good. That's a good What is a lot of money right there? I love the zombies right answer The panda dunk he doesn't have there. Well, it's a kind of shoe. Yes. Oh, what did you think it was? I had I thought it was an expression. Oh, the dunk is the black and white. Don't you have them? Marco? Yeah, I love them.

I think they're great. They're a great user-friendly shoe. God, he's got nice shoes. Everybody has them. I mean, user-friendly. Yeah, they are. You can wear them with anything. You know?

Like you could wear them with everything. I like a lot of his shoes. Yeah, he's got those. I would never wear shoes like that. No, I know. That's not my style. I love the zombie ones. Which ones are those?

The one with the eyes in the middle, the gray ones, the dunks, the bottom. The second to the bottom. Oh yeah, I see them. Oh yeah. Wow. Yeah, this is good. And then, yeah. So I think you wear, I think the bottom line is you wear what you want and what you think looks good. It doesn't matter if other people have it.

It does not matter what other people have. I understand when it's a thing like the panda dunks that just explode on the scene and then everyone gets them and then all white chicks have them and you're like, oh, this is so annoying. But I mean, dude, there was, I don't even know if it's still in, we're still in that moment, but there was a moment where you'd go to a mall or somewhere. Like if you went to a amusement park, you'd see panda dogs. It was ridiculous. Everybody had them. Pull it up on the thing. Maybe you recognize them, but they're good. They're black

and white shoes, which means that people use them. I guess I wear them a lot and they're Nike and they're normal and they're, you know, they're dogsks. So that's the- I guess I can relate. Yeah, I mean, I've seen them. Yeah, I'm sure you have. They're nice. Yeah, I can relate to, let's see. I can relate to the kind of thing where it's like, if I've liked something for a long time

and worn it for a long time, and then suddenly everybody's wearing it, then sometimes I'm like, I can't do this anymore. It seems like I'm just another motherfucker who did this, but I liked part of what I liked about it was that it was more my thing, not everybody's thing. Well, it's like Ed Hardy, you know, like that, if you never saw Ed Hardy before

and you saw an Ed Hardy design, you might think like, oh, that's a cool hat. Of course I would not. It's Ed Hardy, dude. I know, but now you see it go, that's Ed Hardy. You can't divorce it from him. But you just happened to pick the wrong brand because Ed Hardy sucks balls.

Yeah, maybe. All right, fine. But again, point taken though. Obviously I understand what you're saying. And I agree, but yeah, it's hard to, that's the only thing like that for me though. If everybody's doing something and I like it, I'll still do it. I'm not the kind of person.

And I don't like when people are like, oh, everyone's doing that, I can't do it. Dude, if you just by default or like, other people are doing a thing, I can't do it. To me, that is the only thing more annoying than, oh, other people are doing this, now I wanna do it too, just because other people are doing it. That's funny.

But either one sucks. I definitely though am wary when everyone is telling me something is awesome. I am, my default is like, what the fuck is going on here? I'm wary of it. I am not, oh, they're probably right. That's my default. And then I might give it more time to try it

because everyone's coming at me and I'm like, let me do my stuff, you know what I mean? But like, you know. Yeah, I get that too. But I just, yeah. I don't like when people decide what to do based on what other people are doing in any version of it. Remember when Grandpa Bam said,

never volunteer for anything? No. Isn't that hilarious? My dad's dad, our dad's dad. He said that, never volunteer for anything? No. Isn't that hilarious? My dad's dad, our dad's dad. He said that? Never volunteer for anything. To us? He would tell that to dad.

Oh, to dad. Yeah. Wow. Never volunteer for anything, which is fucking hilarious. And I love him for that, dude. He was the shit, man. Yeah, he was great, but that is not the right advice to be.

Different generation, bro. The guy came, he had a chair, he had his chair. How weird is it that dad has his chair now? Did we talk about that? Yeah, we brought it up to him the other day. Yeah, he has a chair now. Yeah, but this is what old people do. I know that, but like, Grandpa Bam had a chair

that he sat in, only him. I sat in it once and I was like, this is so weird. And he came directly in and goes like this. Oh, really? Yeah. That's amazing. I didn't know that. And I got out and I always think about that. Oh, interesting. Yeah. They're both similar chairs too. Are they? Yeah. Uh, I don't, Grandma and Grandma Michaelina had a chair. Grandpa Greg had a chair. That's a little different. Well, no, no, that's not really different actually. Yeah, it grandma Michelina had a chair. Grandpa Greg had a chair.

That's a little different. No, no, that's not really different, actually. Yeah, it is. Chair is a chair. Chair is a chair. A chair is a chair is a chair is a chair. A chair is a chair. Poetry.

But that's very, we distinguish. What are you laughing at, Marco? Oh, boy. I'm laughing at a chair is a chair. And he's laughing at the way I said it, not the way you said it, correct? Not the way I said what? Well, no, I know, but I'm just saying it could,

I didn't, so much was said, I wanted to know. It wasn't- He laughed at me. All right, well, just- I think it was also partly what Chris did afterwards. I don't agree. The setup was entirely me. Look, I understand your point,

but I don't agree that that's what you laughed at. I think you only laughed at me. I made the bed, slept in it. Do you guys remember the made Facebook chairs commercial? Oh vaguely Directed by fucking Spike Jones or something. No, oh in your e2. It was like in your eat. Yeah. What is it again? What was it? I hated the fact that he directed it for some reason it bothered me so much I don't really remember also. This is like Facebook's first commercial. again? I hated the fact that he directed it for some reason it bothered me so much. I don't really remember. Also, this is like Facebook's first commercial.

Yeah, I remember. They spent like 88. But was it a joke or real? No, it's a real commercial. No, it's a real, it's a Facebook ad directed by Inu Ritsu. Right, I remember this, yeah. Are we allowed to play this?

Yeah. ["The Last Supper"] Wow. sit down together and tell jokes or make up stories or just listen. Chairs are for people. And that is why chairs are like face. Oh, doorbells, airplanes, bridges. Oh, these are things people use to get together so they can open up and connect about ideas and music and other things that people share. Dance floors. Basketball.

What? A great nation. What was this, an hour and a half? A great nation? A great nation is something people build. Jesus Christ. Mars. So they can have a place where they belong. A great nation Jesus Christ build Mars so they can have a place where they belong

The universe it is vast and dark and makes us wonder The commercials over after the chairs thing by the way, what yeah So maybe the reason we make all of these things I mean is to remind ourselves That we are not. No, we make all these things to sit our lazy fat asses down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no country and then they're that nation. Dude and- That commercial is the biggest hock and honkin' crock a crankin' horse shit. You think it sucks on the teat of a- Sucks the, I mean, nothing could suck the crank of a corporation more than that commercial.

The teat, dude. Suckin' on the crank that one thing. All right, so hold on a second. Suckin' on the crank of that thing. Tuh, tuh. Yeah. All right, so that on a second. Suck it on the crank of that thing. Tuh, tuh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Alright, so that commercial, the reason why you hate Inarritu did it is because he doesn't need to do that commercial. Anyone could do that commercial. It wasn't that hard to achieve. Sure, but also because he had a bulky scarf on the whole time he was doing it. And he made $8 million for doing it.

And they could have literally gotten the homeless guy past walking up to the building today to record this episode. I don't like that commercial. That's such a commercial that would be in 2010. It's unbelievable, dude. Ban-o-nan- would be the viral laughing stock of the day it came out. Like that Pepsi commercial with Kylo Renner or whatever her name is. I mean, dude, the Star Wars guy?

No, the girl in the family. Yeah, the fucking Kardashian family? Karlo Jenner, yeah, whatever. Karlo Jenner, dude. A runner in the 80s. And there goes Kar Carlo Jenner. Dude. A runner in the eighties. What's the fucking. And there goes Carlo Jenner. Carlo Jenner would be a fucking runner that absolutely murders in the eighties. Like Bruce Jenner.

No. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was thinking Carlo. Ruined it. Yeah, you ruined it. Sorry, sorry, I'm just saying. Thanks for ruining it.

Why do you think that? It was gonna be so fucking good and we were gonna have a laugh. His fucking life. Destroyed me, dude. I'm having a laugh, I'm having in it. Sorry. Sorry. I'm saying it. That's where it's gonna be so fucking good. We have a laugh It's fucking life I'm gonna laugh. Sorry. I mean it was I was gonna say he got tested and then he fucking had a huge conspiracy I mean, you know, I mean, it's gonna be so good, dude And he had fucking in the derail got divorced from his wife and shit. I mean, this kind of is Bruce Jenner though, too You became a female Yeah, Carlo.

Carlo Renner, dude. Fucking whatever their names are. Renner? Carlo Jenner. It's Jeremy Renner's brother. Ha ha ha ha. Um, Carlo Ren, you know? Kylo Ren, yeah.

Kylo Ren. Kylo Renner, yeah. Stop saying something different after what I said. I said Kylo Renner is what I said. In the beginning you said Kylo Ren. Oh, I did. That's the Star Wars guy, right? I don't know, I think so. Anthony, you're a dork.

Yes, it's you. Kylo Renner, what's her name actually? Now I have no idea. Carlos Jenner. Kylie Jenner. Kylie Jenner, thank you. Kylie Jenner. Do you remember that Pepsi commercial with Kylo Renner?

Yeah, I remember the Kylie Jenner. It was Kendall. Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner. Jumbo Slice, Kimbo Slice. That commercial is tone deaf. Oh, totally.

That would have been the same level of like, oh my God, you guys see this dumb commercial, but maybe not that bad. Maybe not that bad. No, the Carlos Renner one was worse. Carlos Renner, dude. That was embarrassing. That's right, It was about race.

Oh, my God. Have a Pepsi. Just co-opting Black Lives Matter for Pepsi. Dude. Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah, crazy. Crazy. They thought that was OK. That's so true. It is weird. Those kinds of things slip through the cracks. Plus, you know how many people have to agree on it. Hundreds of people at Pepsi were like, this is good.

Yeah, it is hive mind. Hive mind. Hi. This is mind. Yeah, but no, also for me, I would be like this, no guys, this isn't gonna work. Everyone's afraid they're gonna lose their job. Oh, you all like it?

Oh yeah, me too, same. Yeah, at a certain point, you're so right, dude. People just say yes, cause they're like, everyone else is saying yes. It's just like we're talking about the guy with the shoes. Exactly, dude. It's all coming full circle now. Look, if you're walking down the street and I'm going like this and I see you, do you

think I'm gay? No, I think you're really tough. It's like West Side Story. It's not like this is phallic? I wouldn't think that. Well, I wouldn't do this if we were going to have sex anyway. That's okay. Great.

That's good to know. So I guess you're right. It's more like the Warriors. Yeah. Okay, next one. Hey guys, so for the past week my girlfriend and I have been super sick with it. Which has led us to debates about the correct way how to blow your nose. Oh boy, here we go. So the way she has been doing it is she takes the napkin and places both her hands like this and blows.

Yeah, I get it. But in my opinion, that's the wrong way because... You're blocking your... It allows all the snot to exit from beneath the napkin. The way I have been doing it is I grab the napkin with one hand and place my hand above my nose. Someone's shooting at them. Like this. So good. So it ensures that if there is any leakage of the snot,

it's not gonna drop on my clothes or on the couch or on the floor. I'm gonna try it like that. But safely drops here. Yeah. So, very nice way how to blow my nose in my opinion. So far, I'd just say very nice way. As you guys have always issues with your stuffy nose,

I am sure that you know how to settle these debates. Let us know, we love the show. Thank you. I love you too. I'll tell you something, that opened my eyes. Cause I always go like this. Are you kidding? Dude, I thought while he was doing that,

I was like, this is the most obvious thing ever. You do it like this, you maniac. It's not, I'll tell you why it's not maniac. Why? Because it doesn't shoot so far It just I know right under your nose, but that's still maniacal dude Just go like this It's all enclosed in one thing and then you throw it away and nothing gets anywhere. No matter what nothing gets anywhere

They also the algebra is all under face I also said I put a tissue in my mouth and then do it Yeah, you blow make sure it's flat out and go. I don't, yeah, I think so. I think you do, I think I've seen you do that. I do do that. What an idiot. Okay, well you're calling his wife an idiot. Yeah, I am.

Well, I don't, you know. Your wife's a fucking idiot, man. I've never had a problem doing it. I've never had a problem doing it. I mean, it's fine. I still get the nose blown. Sure. It's not like... I know, but it's still...

What do you guys do? One hand? Two? I do a combination of both. I do both hands, but I kind of... You enclose it and... Okay, Anthony? I did the same thing.

What? As what? I mean, dude, there, Matt. I did the same thing. What, what, as what? I mean, dude, there were two options. There were three options. Three options, I'd do the same thing. I used both hands. I mean, I'm over here, I can't like this. Yeah, but you could say which one, was it the one Mako did?

Yes. Yes, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ, bro. So I'm the only one that's right out of the four of us. The reason it's better with one hand is because you can also drive sword fight. You can high five someone. You can do a number of other things while you're blowing your nose.

I have a noseblower where I have a guy, he works for me and he comes over and he just puts, you know, a Kleenex up to my nose. I go, hmm, and I say, thank you very much. And he says, you're welcome. So you have to blow your nose. You call him, he comes over. Takes so long.

My nose is really running. That would suck if you had to wait that long. Finish it. Ha ha ha ha ha. Finish it. All right, all right. Yeah, we settled that. Okay, next one.

Hey Chris, hey Matt, just Jared here. I need a bit of advice. You have an amazing voice. I have the need, I have a compulsion to make a joke of everything. If I'm talking to a bunch of people or just in conversation with one other person and it's not particularly interesting

or it's a bit boring, I feel the need to like twist their words or add something on extra to make the situation funny. I think I'm known as being a funny person and I love telling jokes, but I also have an insecurity about potentially not being able to add something to the conversation and Just falling back on the humor because that's all I have to offer Do you guys finally do this Chris? Do you find you need to do it? I know it's your profession

But how do you feel about let me know well, it's different I can't get through a fucking anything serious without making 80 jokes and ruining the entire fucking serious conversation. Go ahead. It's deeper. Go ahead. I like making jokes. It's really hard for me to not make jokes. It's so fun and I always want to be having fun.

There's nothing wrong with that. No, there's something wrong with that. To always be wanting to have fun. That's true. I don't, okay. Sometimes you gotta have deep conversations, but it's nice to sprinkle a little humor into the serious conversations if you want

without your wife getting mad I agree in this case with your wife Sprinkle my mind It's good to be funny a lot of the time, but you have to be able to stop So I know and I do do that But I also sometimes if a perfect thing is coming it's gonna be so funny I will say it and you are like my wife shouldn't get mad. So you are like this guy Yeah, yeah, I do it mostly all the time yeah, if it's there I'm gonna do it And my wife shouldn't get mad. So you are like this guy. Yeah.

Yeah, I do it mostly all the time. If it's there, I'm gonna do it. But one time I didn't do a joke and I still think about it. See? I was fucking honestly, I was in high school. What was it? So we did a play. It was a murder mystery play and it was in the cafeteria.

And it was fun. And at the end of the run of the play, we were gonna give flowers to everybody who helped with the play. The moms that did the extra work, the teacher, the... It's a lot of flowers. There's like six different bouquets. Oh, okay.

It's not everybody, but okay, yeah. All right, well, there's a lot. I didn't say it was everybody. You said everybody. Everybody that helped majorly. There were about six people who helped majorly. The majorly helpers. The six top major helpers got bouquets.

Okay. And there was also, to help fund it, a raffle. Okay. Uh, fund the bouquet buying? No, no. There was also a raffle. There was, there was, there was, there was also a raffle. There were people giving bouquets and also a raffle.

Okay. You shouldn't have said it that way. No, I, that's exactly how I should have said it. To help pay for it. You said to help pay for it. There also a raffle, okay? You shouldn't have said it that way. No, that's exactly how I should have said it. To help pay for it? You said to help pay for it there was a raffle. To help pay for the production. Okay. Okay.

At the end of the thing, each play, you would say the raffle winner is this, okay? At the end of the weekend, they go, and we also have bouquets for the people that really helped, like to surprise you. Yeah, yeah. I was standing with Jason Mallett. Wow. And Jason said, hey, I got the last bouquet to give to Mrs. Caswell, the teacher. Yeah. He said, do you want to do it or do you want me to do it?

And I said, eh, it's up to you, man. Whatever. After I said that, I thought, I want to do it or do you want me to do it? And I said, eh, it's up to you, man, whatever. After I said that, I thought I want to do it because I want to give her a great speech and say, I'll be holding the bouquet. And then after the great personal nice speech, say, and the bouquet goes to and pick out a ticket and read the ticket number. Okay. Everyone would laugh.

Okay. But Jason Mow said, no, actually I want to do it. I want to ticket number. Okay. Everyone would laugh. Okay. But Jason Mow said, no, actually I want to do it. I want to do it. I think it's nice. So I let him do it and I never got to do the joke. And I said, I said afterwards to, I think dad, I was like, I'm never going to be able to be in a situation like that again, where I can do that joke. And I miss the opportunity.

And I always think about it. And now the only thing I'm going gonna get is maybe somebody listening to Lifeline being like, yeah, that is funny. When it would be fucking riotous if I did it. And I'm never gonna be able to do it. And even if I get to do it now, they'll be like, yeah, I know that from Lifeline. Yeah, you ruined it for everybody.

Jason Mallett ruined it for everyone. No, I think you did. You let him, you should have said yes. It's your fault. All right. It's seething your fault, I mean It's not your fault it's your fault battle hunting. All right. Um, all right. Okay bad Steve looking Okay, that's Steve looking

Hi, I'm a increased Nina from Rhode Island, you know, I work in insurance not very fun to talk about Oh fuck that I have a lot of people high net worth clients that call me bragging every day and Sort of make it seem as though I've chosen what they pay for insurance and I'm responsible for the increase that Everyone is seeing right now Obviously very tactful about it But I'm dying for some type of funny or witty thing to say because I've now said My spiel for the hundredth time and feel like I could shake it up. Anyone can make insurance somewhat funny or interesting

It would be you guys. Love the show. Thank you. Thank you, Nina. Hey, Nina. That's annoying. That's so, that must be so annoying. Well, cause it's like.

But I get it, dude. Insurance rates are going up so much. Yeah, I'll say. What's going on? I just fucking got a house. Braggen. Ah, it's all good. I mean, it's huge.

A lot of land, but. What? Is the why is why is that happening right now? Because, dude, that's not an answer. It's because back in the 50s, you could go to the grocery store and spend like 20 bucks and feed so much. But now people can even buy houses. I don't know. I saw a meme.

Wow. Straight up. The dumbest thing anybody's ever said. To say all those things in a row and then say, I don't know, I saw a meme. It was a picture of a fucking woman shopping at a grocery store in like 1980 and she had like so much shit and they were like, this is $20.

And then they were like, now this is where people live. And it was like in an apartment. Those things aren't even the same thing. The picture also was definitely from earlier than the 80s because of her hairdo. I could tell it was completely wrong. So missing the point. Wow, that sounds like the worst meme in history.

It was bad. It was stupid. But I still looked at it and go, huh. Oh, it got you. Well, it got me in a way, you know, you know what it is? It's a thinker. Because it's not true, but it is true in a way,

but it makes you think about how is this true, you know? Anyway, let's stop talking about the meme, let's talk about the lady. Okay. What was her name again? Cat? Nina. Nina. I am not sure.

So she works for somebody. It's not like her insurance company, right? It's not Nina's insurance, yes. So then it's not her fault at all. It's like getting mad at the waiter for the food taking too long. That's her point, I think. Yeah. Yeah, right.

No, I understand. I'm getting clarity. So, so say that. I'm sorry, you're getting mad at- But that sounds- The Maidardee. Caddy and shitty. With sorry, you're getting mad at. But that sounds. The Maid or Dee. Caddy and shitty. Put the food being late. My bad.

But no, that, she wants something to say that isn't going to sound snide. Do you think my name is Morton's? I don't, my name isn't on the sign of the restaurant. Is my name. How confused would the guy be in the back? Am I Mrs. State Farm? Yeah.

Yeah. I just, I mean. State Farm? Yeah, yeah. I just, I mean, dude, I don't know. I think with stuff like this, I get what you're saying, Nina, but like when the industry you're working in, when rates go up across the board, people are just gonna be pissed and they want to, part of, they think, part of what they're now paying for,

what's baked into the price hike, is the license to be shitty to the company that they're paying to. Oh, wow. And you happen to be the representative of it. So think of it almost as now part of your job. When the numbers start going back down, all those who are gonna start being nicer

are gonna, you're not gonna have to worry about this at all. Obviously it sucks, but so does a lot of stuff for a lot of people right now with jobs. This is just kind of one of the things that happens to suck right now. I wanna know why insurance is going up across the board. I wanna know why insurance went up across the board. Born the musical, born the musical.

Insurance the musical. Yeah, I wanna know why though. I've heard about this recently from many different people. Insurance is like 10 times higher than it was just a couple of years ago. But what is that? That shouldn't even be legal. Fire insurance is crazy.

Oh brother, oh. What is that? It's that meme. I'm smart. I'm smart. So many memes. Actually, I think Matt would think that that's funny, that meme.

You should play it. Pull it up. But fire insurance is great. Everyone's all backed up. Nobody wants to give insurance. Nobody wants to do it because it's, you know, they don't want to have to pay out. But insurance companies make,

yeah, I know. They still do it. Hand over fist, they make so much money. Yeah, I know, that's true. What's this? Right there. That guy's on a meme? Ew.

Brother, ew. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. What's this? Right there. That guy's on a meme? Ew. Brother ew. Oh wow. Oh wow. What's that? What's that brother? Wow. Don't you like that? How many views?

I mean, yeah, it's fine. It's funny, I guess. 2.6 million, but that's nothing. On Instagram and Twitter, forget it. I've never even seen that. This has to have over a hundred million views by this point. What? No doubt.

Brother, ooh. Ooh, brother. This one. Brother. Yeah. What's that brother? I wonder what he was talking about. I don't know.

I mean, yeah, who knows, honestly. Probably honestly same sex marriage. Something like that. Definitely something to do with religion. Yeah. Mm-hmm. We all know what he was probably talking about. Right.

Not gonna say anything, but we all... Oh, I said it. No, you didn't say it. Same-sex. We all know what he's probably talking about. You're talking about, okay. Probably... I don't know much about that.

Certain kind of person. I don't, it could be anyone. Well, not if you know anything about... Could be talking about whites. Okay, I'm not gonna say it. So, all right, next one. Not getting political. Hey, Chris and Matt, thanks for everything you guys do. Man, dude.

So my question revolves around this fucking dog that keeps coming outside my bedroom window at like 5 30 6 in the morning. What? He keeps waking me and my girlfriend up and our dog who loses his absolute mind when there's a dog scratching out her bedroom window. That sucks. Who loses his absolute mind when there's a dog scratching out her bedroom window The second time it happened I saw the the owner. Oh come Walk by our bedroom window at like 7 in the morning And I appreciate he was trying to get the dog back Oh, yeah

But you can't let your dog fucking roam around our backyard taking shit some pisses everywhere and also like digging holes and and Tearing up the flowers my mom's a lot of time on the garden here and yeah it's just a pain in the fucking ass I saw the guy at the beach this morning what and where do you live he when I confronted him about it he goes I'll make sure to fire the dog like like it's always joke or something so yeah I think it's gonna happen again probably. I don't know what to do about it. If you guys can give me any advice,

I'd really appreciate it. Chris, I saw you in Kitchener and it was amazing. I hope you come back soon. I will, I'll be in London, Ontario and Peterborough, Ontario. I don't know if that's close. I got a fucking banger of an advice piece for you right now, dude. Woo doggy.

Oh God, dude. Now that hurt my insides when you said that. Woo doggy. Oh god, dude now that hurt my inside Woo doggy you guys ready for this one? Woo doggy. Oh god Something fucking terrible Right where the dog puts his paws when it jumps on a needle a bunch of needles with no not something violent something that will Be hard to another dog a scent that'll be hard to get out of the dog's paw. Shut the fuck up!

Okay, okay, okay. Okay. All right. I mean, just talking over every fucking word I was saying, dude. Because you said the violent thing, and then don't do anything violent to the dog. That's what I said.

You said the violent thing. I know, I'm saying. While I was talking. So go ahead, so put something shitty, but not violent. Right, something like that smells like fucking absolute fucking filthy person butthole. I don't wanna interrupt, but. Go ahead.

You're gonna smell that when you're going to sleep and it's gonna be awful. So don't do something smelling or violent. No, you want, or how about this? Something where the dog's gonna slip and go, and fucking hurt itself. That's violent. That's okay though,

because you can say, oh, I was just putting oil on the thing because I was fixing my house. Oh, so it's not about moral, it's about being able to be caught. No, it's about culpability. Yeah, exactly. So you don't, you...

Okay, let me go backwards a little bit. That whole story made me so fucking mad. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. The guy at the beach saying, I'm gonna fire the dog. That's like the most... Fuck that guy. Hold on.

He lets his dog go into your backyard, dig holes, fuck up the garden, wake you up, make your dog go crazy by clanging and banging on your fucking bedroom window fuck up the garden, wake you up, make your dog go crazy by clanging and banging on your fucking bedroom window at 6 a.m. And he's gonna make a fucking joke when you confront him about, hey, can you make sure your dog doesn't do this? That's crazy.

You have license to do whatever the fuck you want, dude. Hire a SEAL team. Obviously you don't wanna hurt the dog, but anything. That's not how it is. Literally anything short of that is fair game. Dude, how about this? Cook a fucking like six course meal every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put it out, get the dog, because dogs will never stop eating. Just make the dog fat as shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And have it and and have it be to where the guy's like, what the fuck's going on my dog? He's so big. Baby, come here. The dog competing you. Nah, maybe three weeks go by. And then and then and then and then he's like, what the fuck? Must be from the, and watches the dog come in, sees a full set up with plates, hot turkey, you know what I mean?

Like steaming, maybe a magazine, you know what I mean? Like, and the dog goes, eats it. And the guy goes, what the fuck, dude? You're putting a six course meal outside of your window. My dog come out the door, you go like this. I always do that. Whether or not you have a dog. Yeah.

Ah, shit, it's my property, man. Yeah, I can do it ever the fuck I want. Your dog's my property. You're lucky I don't fucking, you're lucky I don't murderize it. Yeah. You're lucky I don't. For eating my dinner.

Your dog eats my dinner every fucking night. And I haven't complained once, you asshole. I haven't, I cook. I put my food out of my bedroom window like my wife and I always do to eat dinner. Yeah. Your dog comes over and eats it every single 6 a.m. You have the fucking balls.

He eats my dinner every 6 a.m. With my wife, we're just trying to be a fucking family. I don't complain once. My property, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're in the right every step of the way. There you go. Now, what you could do, that's a long-term thing. You can have it be something that won't hurt the dog,

but will make the dog diarrhea like a mother fuck inside the owner's house even because it's like oh I can't keep it in fuck yeah dude and it stinks like shit because the dog gets it all over itself yeah Barry and it's dog face yeah dude so just put like a big ass bowl of cheap chili even it was laxatives in it yeah let the dog the dog just fucking get its whole head in there. And then when the dogs be on the lookout and when the dog's shitting in the house play fucking Not Like Us real loud, the Kendrick Lamar song. Like he got him. Is that the one where he goes, my stuff? So loud. What, what, what, what, what? Let gonna do my stuff. Looks like your dog's doing your stuff, huh, man?

Yeah. I think this is a good idea. Um, the only thing is you're gonna have to deal with dog outside your window. Your dog's gonna be coming back so much if there's food. And your dog is gonna be going crazy as fuck again. But it would be worth it. Um, get creative, get crafty with it, have fun. How, how is the guy, how is this guy going into your backyard and thinking it's okay, every fuck,

dude, if my dog did that one time to any of my neighbors, I'd be like, first of all, I'd be like, hey dude, I am fucking horrified and humiliated. I'm so sorry. I'd move, you'd never see me again. I'm never gonna let my dog off leash again anywhere near your home. This fucking happens every day,

and then you confront the guy guy and he fucking has the balls to be like, I'm going to fire the dog. Like as if that's just what dogs do. But no, but the fight, well, it kind of is. But also, yeah, when they're not, I know, I understand, I understand. But also the, the I'm going to fire the dog is like not even a good joke, you know? Like that's it's a wise-ass joke is what it is well that's what pisses me off the most oh yeah I guess what I'll do is I'll fire the dog

we don't know that that's what he was doing for sure but I do I know this guy you know I've met this guy that's wild honestly so funny honestly not funny but and I don't recommend this in any way yeah but you're on such solid ground that you could literally kill that dog and there'll be no recourse. As long, he's in Canada, so as long as he doesn't call somebody by the wrong pronoun, he'll be safe.

You could literally kill that dog. It's on your property, jumping and scratching at your window. Yep. You could, you could kill that dog. Well, we don't know the laws in Canada, but as long as if somebody is a man and dressed up as a woman and then comes and says,

hi, I'm a woman and you say, okay, sir, you don't do that because you can go to jail for that. Jordan Peterson. Um, yeah, you know what's bothering me that I'm not thinking of like a really good thing that wouldn't hurt the dog in any way, but I can't right now. So much food. I know, but that would be bad for the dog in any way. But I can't right now. So much food.

I know, but that would be bad for the dog, too. The dog is innocent, by the way. The dog is just being a dog. Yeah. Keep the dog on a leash, you fucking asshole. Or just trap them. Trap the dog. That's I thought about that, too. But that's again, that sucks with the dog. But not really, though.

So what do you mean? What would you do? Like, how would you trap him in a big thing? Yeah. You know, put the food in the thing do? Like trap him in a big thing. Yeah. You know, put the food in the thing, like a little piece and then it traps him. And then he's there until the owner gets him. The owner is gonna make, for sure the owner is gonna be like,

all right, I gotta fix this situation. Yeah, right. You're not harming the dog. It's just like, dude, this is my property. I don't want the dog roaming around on it. That makes a lot of sense. Oh, that's good, yeah. Or a bunch of paint on the thing

and the dog tracks the paint in your. I would get, I would as annoying. Might fuck up your garden too. Yeah, true. As annoying as it would be, I would have fun with this. Try to have fun with it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Try to have fun. I mean, you're not. Hey, a free dog on my property. Right. You like dogs, obviously you have one. You're not going to hurt the dog. So I trust you. Yeah, don't hurt the dog. But you have fun with it. Right. You like dogs, obviously you have one. You're not going to hurt the dog, so I trust you. Don't hurt the dog. But you have fun with it. Yeah. Yeah. And and make sure what

you maximize making the guy as pissed off as possible. This is the key. You got to piss off this guy as much as possible. He's being so unbelievably non-neighborly and disrespectful. It's hard to even fucking believe. Hey,, yeah. Oh, hey there was there was a Cage your dog cage me. Sorry. I'll fire the cage. Yeah, you're bram bram pain arm as you drive away Just fucking some people are just unbelievable. Yeah, they're unbelievable, man I'm unbelievable But in the dip in the other way nice in a good way because I work so much so I'm doing a lot of dates at Chris Lee calm goes to me in Duluth, Minnesota and Dallas nice and in Australia and you're in Australia right now

You're in Brisbane right now on stage. Fuck was that this episode banging it Wow, you're banging it All right, you are banging it right? Okay, you know, yeah, I'm in San Diego and Auckland, New Zealand. Go to Chris Leah calm Oxford, California San Diego Wichita Peterborough, Ontario to chrislea.com, Oxnard, California, San Diego, Wichita, Peterborough, Ontario, like I said to the guy, and London, Ontario. Go watch him bang it. All right? Go watch Chris bang it on stage.

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