Lifeline - 124. Thanks, Dad

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 Today, we discuss voice note etiquette, some insane male vs. female shenanigans with an apartment elevator, people who say "not gonna lie" or "to be honest", and an adversarial workplace relationship. 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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finishes. Dyson On Track headphones remastered by from DysonCanada.ca With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage accessories sold separately. Hey, I'm gonna be in Toronto on Bismarck. Hey, I'm gonna be in McAllen, Texas. Hey, I'm gonna be in Balmont, Texas. Hey, I'm gonna be in a bunch of different places. Oxnard, California. Hey, hey, he's gonna be everywhere. Go to chrislea.com. Got a lot of great ones. You know, got a lot of great ones coming up. Got a little bit of a face rash.

My hair on one side of my head's way longer than the other side. Just realized it pisses me off. Well, why don't you, oh, I'm being McAllen and Peterborough, Ontario. Why don't you, why don't you, oh yeah, it is longer, huh? Yeah, like this side, look.

Why? I don't know, just realized it. Didn't like it, didn't want it, just happened. So it's been like that though. I guess so. Unless one side of my head is growing longer, but faster, that's not happening, obviously. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen.

There was one other thing I forgot that's physically bothering me, but you know what? There's so many maladies going on, like little ones that I don't even know what it was. Oh wow, really? Yeah. That's right. It takes a magic mind. Alright, so I'm gonna be in Duluth, Minnesota. Just go to chrisley.com, get tickets, but listen, okay, we can get out of that. Lexington, Kentucky. Get our Patreon, patreon.com

slash Lifeline Luxury. Yay! You know? Send this. Wow. I mean, Ken, send this. That let me tell you this, man. If you're watching this, Matt has on a, if you're, if you're listening to this, Matt has on a blue cowboy hat. That's too small. Way too small. That hat looks like it tastes like something. Like it's candy. Yeah.

It is a, that, that look right there. It's up there for worse look of all time. Let's candy. Yeah. It is a, that look right there. It's up there for worst look of all time. Let's see. The side of it though is out of control. You're not gonna be able to see. That's what video's for maybe. Yeah, sure. So, it's a terrible, you know,

it's just terrible that it's happening, honestly. That that's placed on your head. I brought a few hats so. Mm-hmm, many many hats. that it's happening, honestly. That that's placed on your head. I brought a few hats, so. Mm-hmm, many hats. We'll be in rotation. But yeah, get our Patreon. It's, as our mom would say, da bomb. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury.

We got one live up there. We got more lives coming up later in the year. They'll be on there, exclusively on there. Also, we do two, oh no, three a month. And it's just really good. It's What's Up? And if you like this show, you're gonna love that show. Thank you very much. You know what?

Stop what you're doing, subscribe to my solo podcast, The Private Record, and Chris asked a question, you know what? And what is it? I don't know if, like, dude, does that work? Like, if I say, hey, well, I guess it does, I sell tickets that way. If I'm like, I'm in Duluth, Minnesota, go, go,

you know, go get tickets. Then you'd be like, go check out my podcast. People would check out the podcast. I always feel like it's hard to promote. Of course it is. Yeah. Okay. But no one will know about a thing unless you say it. So that's why you do it.

That is very true. But, so yeah, and get the merch. We've got new merch coming, actually. I just said it. Oh yeah, it looks really good. So we got it soon. I am the most, I am so tired. I'm not gonna say the most tired I've ever been because there's no way.

You were here when I got here already and you had your legs up on the table, spread wide open, could see your balls basically. With legs wide open. From the window. No. To Chris's balls. Gotta bleep it, okay? You can't say balls, dude? What are you talking about? from the window to Chris's bum.

Gotta bleep it, okay? You can't say balls, dude. What are you talking about? You can if you're talking about baseballs, basketballs, but not Harry balls. Anyway, who's Harry balls? And you were sleeping basically, was the reason I said it.

I had my, I had a nice, what would you call it? A nice angled position. And I, I, there was a, I, I could fall asleep so quickly right now, but I'm not gonna, but I was in that angled position and I, and there were a few moments where I go, Ooh, I was out for a second. Right there. That's great. Yeah. I, uh, haven't been sleeping. You know that. Yeah. Um, I finally slept last night. Oh, did you? Oh, good. So you feel good? You look like you look way better than. And I finally slept last night. Oh, did you? Yeah. Oh, good. So you feel good? You look like you look good.

I feel way better than I have in the last few days. Well, that's great. So let me ask you a question. Wait, was it last night, the night you said, oh no, that wasn't that night. That was the night before. So I got no sleep. I got not that much sleep

because it's Calvin's first day of school. Today? Yeah. Oh, I knew he was at school. I didn't know it was the very first day. Those pictures were the first day of school. Whoa. It's unbelievable how it makes me feel. Hi, how you doing? Okay. I think you got that in reverse, but okay. Why don't you tell us? is it's just so much and it's so full

and he's excited to go and I wake up with him. I woke up at 6.40, he was just awake already. I don't know why. So he's excited to go to school. Yeah. Oh good. We get in a car, we get there, he's excited and then I go to leave him there

and he's like, cries a little bit. Oh, of course. And I'm like, it's okay, buddy, go, go, go. I mean, I'm with Kristen too. She's really good at that stuff. Really good at that stuff. She's like, I gotta let them figure out themselves. I wish I was better at it, but.

Oh, dude. Yeah. And, like she'll just put Billy on like a kayak and give him an ore and be like, go ahead on the lake. We'll figure it out. And so, but like I, I'm like looking through the window and I see him crying and then I see him see me

and he's like, you know, yeah. And I go, and I'm like, nah, buddy, you got it. Good, got it, you know? And then Chris is like, well, don't be there. It's gonna be worse. And I'm like, is she though? Because let me tell you something though. When I was a kid, that's not worse to me.

It's not worse to not to, okay, bye. Then your dad, mom leaves, you don't see them ever again. That's worse to me than, oh, they're right out the window for a little bit, okay. Oh yeah, well, no, I think what I meant was it's worse for you, but you might be right about that. Oh, it's worse for me. Yeah, that's what I meant.

Right, but I guess. Yeah. I guess you're probably right. Yes, it's worse for me, yeah. It's better for Calvin to see you say bye is gonna be okay, yeah. So anyway, I did that and I got like four hours of sleep and man, but it's so cute.

And he gets, she's actually going to pick him up right now. She's waiting for, I'll keep you updated. She said, just got to school in park. I'll keep you updated. Picking him up. And I'm so upset that I'm not there picking him up, but I'm gonna pick him up tomorrow. So it'll be all right.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Oh, it's awesome, dude. We took a splinter out of his foot the other day. And he was like, I want dad to do it. And I was like, wow, that feels so good that you trust me with that. I couldn't get it out. Mom got it out.

But anyway. I'm 44, dude. My eyesight finally is, OK, I got gotta hold it a little bit further back. Really? Yep. What is that? I never understand, I still don't, I'm sure I'll experience it. Everyone told me it happens in your early 40s,

early 40s, early 40s, early 40s. I'm like, really? Did not happen to me until 44, which is kind of early 40s, but arguably mid 40s. So I'm like, okay, you know, I'm happy I made it that far. I wonder if that'll happen to me. I'm just really young. No. So it will happen in the next year or two. I'm crazy young. I'm just really young. No, it will happen in the next year or two.

I'm crazy young. Right. But it'll happen in the next year or two. No, if it happens at 44, it'll happen in like 12 years. It'll happen to me at 44. 12 years for me. No, no, no. Anyway, your hat looks terrible, but we-

I'll try a new one. We are, so I'm in full on dad mode. It's wild, man. It's really sweet. That's, oh. What about this one? This one fits better for way, for way. Yeah, it fits better.

For the reason that it fits better, it is better, but it is worse. But what about this? Oh, really? I gotta tell you, the blue one's worse. The blue one's worse. I like the vibe of the blue hat better, but this one fits and feels way better. It's all bad. And I can go like this and it won't fall off because there's a strap. The number one is the, the blue one's worse. I like the vibe of the blue hat better, but this one fits and feels way better.

It's all bad. And I can go like this and it won't fall off because it has a strap. The number one is the fit, getting a bukkake. And I can ride my horse and it won't fall off. I mean, everything's gay about this. I'm so dizzy after doing that. Well, you know.

You know what I noticed as I've gotten a little older, even though I'm really young still, is that I get dizzy so much quicker than I used to. Like two spins and I'm like, I gotta sit down. I used to be able to- I found that out when I told my kids about spinning. My ex-girlfriend was just twirling around. They start twirling, I go, you dizzy, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is what you do. I go, wait a minute. Oh, yo, yo, actually I can't do that. Wow. Yeah, and you, yeah. Dizzy so much quicker. What's with that? I don't know, man.

That's a weird one. It is weird. That's a really weird one. What else is the hidden thing about getting old that nobody talks about? Ah, you get less horny. Oh, nothing could be more true, dude. Apparently that's not, it's the opposite for women.

Women get more horny from 18 to whatever, their middle age. Yeah. And men obviously get less horny. Dude, I'm like, you know what they call me is Mr. Never Horny now. Oh. Yeah. Who is that?

Well, it started with my mom called me that. Oh, that's disgusting. And then my doctor. And then some other people on my street, some of my neighbors called me. Hey, it's Mr. Neverhorny, look. Hey, sweetie, sweetie, say hi. Mr. Neverhorny, hi.

But dude, I'm Mr. just, that's a good title for the episode, eh? Nah, it's a terrible title. Mr. Neverhorny, dude, come on. Well, it's a great title, but it's not gonna, we can't do it. That'll be click central. But I will say.

Why is YouTube all like religious now with the things you can't do? You know what's weird is that it used to be this, it used to, it's just once money gets involved, everything gets fucked up, man. It's true, man. It sucks. Isn't there inevitably gonna be a new YouTube?

And where is that? Well, that's like saying, is there gonna be a new network? You know, like network, TV know, like network, TV network, like not actual individual network, like there's always new networks. And there was though, it was streaming platforms. I know, but that's. And then those became too big,

and then like 2B came along and everybody loved 2B, and now 2B is getting too big. Where's the next thing? Where is the next, what was the thing I said? I don't know. Well, yeah, where is the next YouTube? Hey, some smart people out there, do it. Thank you.

I mean. You know. You've got a bunch to pick. What, go ahead. Maybe you have a ton of them. There's rumble for one. I know, but that's a politically aligned, it's already a thing, it's too much not for everyone.

They're not trying to be political. They're just saying you can do whatever you want. Yeah, so do it. So then that makes right wing people go like, hell yeah, rumble you know, right? Which is great for that, but like I agree. Where's the one that's not political? We're gonna set up a rumble channel That's what we're gonna do. Okay. Well, that wasn't where but okay. Let's set up a road channel. Why not? I mean, you know, I I'm not opposed to that. I just should we should do YouTube at okay

We don't have to be up bleep out this part. We're gonna be about free to but not not rumble and from the window. No, no, no. This is. All right. Well, look, this is lifeline and we're having a good time and I'm really tired because of how, I have a, you know, my schedule, I'm a comedian and all. Kristen was like, you know,

you gotta take Kevin to school sometimes. And I go like this, oh no. No, you got to. I know, no, I know, I'm going to, but don't tell her. But you'll like it is what I'm saying. I do like it. Oh no, I got up to this morning to do it. I know, I'm going to, but don't tell her. But you'll like it, is what I'm saying. No, I do like it. Oh no, I got up this morning to do it. I know it's only once though, it's the first time.

Yeah, but I'll still want to do it. Yeah, but okay. All right. Start me up. Hi Chris, hi Matt. Hi. I'm the girl that wanted to manifest a 72 degree wedding on July 6th, Houston, Texas.

Did it work? And I wanted to give you guys an update. It actually dropped, oh, it was was a bug it actually dropped to 75 but not exactly 72 and I will take it I still got to have an outdoor wedding beautiful wedding got to have my fireworks my llama my mariachis the whole shebang and even a little Troy Houston rapper not exactly 72 I mean cost nine But it's probably because we had a hurricane coming to Houston. I thought so the winds of the hurricane made The temperature drop now did I manifest a hurricane that left Houston without power for a week a whole week

I hope not. Mm-hmm, but the people have swan ass still with a 75 degree wedding? Yeah. Yes they did. It was an outdoor wedding and they did have swamp ass. So, that's my update. Swamp ass, dude. Love you guys. Love you too. I'm gonna keep on manifesting the weather.

Swamp ass. What day did she say it? July 6th or something? Yeah. Did she had Lil Troy? What? It said high of 90 and a low of 84. All right, well.

Good for her. You know, he's fact checking her, like we give a shit, you know? There's so many little people. No, we want to make sure that she's telling the truth about the weather two months ago in a city that we aren't in. There are so many little people.

I don't even know who they all are anymore. Well, Lil Troy dressed up for the wedding. That's cool. Who is Lil Troy? Dude. Which one is Lil Troy? I'll guess, the one on the left. Oh no, there's one on the right. I didn't even see him. The one in the blue is what I would have guessed.

No, it's left. Little Troy. And this is very weird. I thought about Little Troy two days ago and I haven't thought about it in a decade. I want to be a Polar. Oh, that's him. Shot Cola. 20 inch rams on him. Polar. That's a cool song. I think it's him, right? Is that him? I have no idea.

Yeah. That is him? Pastor Troy. Or no, no, no, no. Oh, I'm Pastor Troy! Oh, that's- Wait, what is Pastor Troy? Lil Troy is the rapper you're thinking of

and you're mixing it up with the guy from Facehoff. Yeah, that's- In this cage, is it? That's Castor Troy, yeah. I wanna be! Anyway. What's his name? What's his name?

Lil Troy, dude! It's easy. He's gonna spell it with a C-H-R-O-Y. Little, L-I-T-T-L-E. Bro, you put in little? No. Oh, okay. Oh, it is Lil Troy.

Yeah, there it is, see. Who's Pastor Troy? Nobody. Caster Troy is the first. There is a rapper named Pastor Troy. No. No, there isn't. That's from Face,

so they took it from Face off, obviously. You're saying Caster and I'm saying... Castor. Yeah, he's a real guy. There he is. Wow, look at that. He's from the south. There's no way that one on the left. That's such a dirty south... 46? He is a pastor.

I mean, look at the song titles. Not a pastor, you know? Vise versa. Fuck them. Mm. Wait, wait, wait. This is my favorite one. Shark in the water jaws. That's a good title, dude.

Wow. Lion about her crib is good. All right. Make him get that money. Are we cutting? Ha ha ha. So it's OK. Anyways, you didn't do anything. I love you. You're such a cool woman., you didn't do anything.

I love you, you're such a cool woman, but you didn't do anything. You didn't manifest the hurricane. You didn't manifest good weather. You didn't do anything except get married. Imagine that day she was just like, oh, I didn't mean for it to cause a hurricane. Look what I've done.

I mean, this is great. It got down to 75, but oh God, it sucks. Like people's houses are underwater. It got down to 75 but oh god, it sucks. I Peel those houses are underwater. It's like watch what you wish for watch what you manifest. You're not storm. No, you're not. Hey, hey you're You're not storm. You're Just a wife Nice, hey, that's really right. Yeah Let's do a new one then congratulations on that success. That's cool right, yeah. All right, well let's do a new one then. Congratulations on that successful thing.

Yeah, that's cool. Matt and Chris, I need your opinion on something that has been bugging me for years now. And the issue is voice messaging or voice notes. Glad you brought this up. I use WhatsApp, which as many other apps has the option of sending voice clips, voice notes. I understand when you're busy or you can't type

and it is easier. However, 30 seconds, I understand a quick note because you can't type, that's fine. Now, people send one, two or more minute voice notes. I think it's kind of rude. It is. To the person receiving the message because you clearly don't value their time.

You're gonna be talking away and saying a lot of filler stuff like. Of course, like you're doing right now. Yeah. Which just ticks me. I don't need to stand with my phone in my hand listening for over a minute. Yeah, which just ticks me. I don't mean to stand with my phone in my hand listening for over a minute's worth of nothing.

Just ticks me. Are my nuts? Is it wrong? Are my nuts? Is this all on my nuts right now? Are my nuts big? So you did it while you were doing that submission and I would like to point that out.

Now, what I would also like to point out is this, when he made his point finally, you went, oh, as if like to agree to concur, to share in his, right? It's too long. You do that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on a second, hold on a second.

I was gonna say this right after- Ravi Simo, I'm doing it too. I was gonna say this right after it happened. I was gonna say this right after this thing. I did do it recently, but I always try to make sure to not do that. But I did it recently because you guys, didn't you ask me?

Yeah, you did, you asked me. You said I'm gonna need an example or something. All right, whatever, I talked about it. And then he was like, what happened? And then so I was like, all right, I got a voice note. There was no way I could have told that story in only text. There's no way. I don't like.

And here's what I did do. When people do voice notes. But here's what. Unless they have to. But here's what I did. Here's what I did. Yeah. I broke it up.

None of them were over a minute. No, that's fine. And I appreciate that. What I'm saying though is slightly adjacent to this, but on the same topic. I don't like voice notes. I'm texting, I'm probably around someone, right? I don't want them to have to hear some bullshit.

Or I might not even want them to hear it. Or it might be something that they don't wanna hear. Yeah, I get that. There's too many options. Yes, I understand. I would never voice note something that was not okay to play around somebody though. Ever. No, that's crazy. But also, uh, the worst part about the voice note is saying when you're in the car

And then it's like, dude, figure it out. Figure it out all cars. The bluetooth. What is that? It needs to connect. How could that still be a problem? It takes two seconds or whatever, right? What is it? Yeah, and it's like you I never hear the beginning of it. Yeah seconds or whatever right what is it yeah and it's like you I never hear the beginning of it yeah which is arguably the most important part because you can miss the entire everything of the whole thing now it writes it out though at least a little bit so you can read the beginning true yeah the transcription that does help but cars figure it out yeah it's such an obvious problem have it pick up quicker or have it pause after it picks up or have it only start playing the audio

once the connection has been made. Thank you. Vote for me. Oh my gosh, you just sent me a video of Calvin. Oh my God. Oh, I guess we're gonna. Oh, that's so cute. No, you know what?

And you know what I will say? Yeah. I'll look, I'll do cute. No, you know what? And you know what? And I will, you know what I'll just say? Yeah. I'll look, I'll do that. And I will think about my kids. I will talk about my kids. I will watch videos of my kids in the middle of anything I ever fucking want, dude. Go for it, go for it.

I did, I just did. Oh, that was a short video. It was a short video. She doesn't love you that much. If she loved you more, she would- She loves me. Man, you. And I rock out when I watch those videos.

Like what do you do? That's not really rocking out. I don't think that that's right. I mean, it's a state of mind rocking out is a state of mind what's rocking out, like throwing shit. I don't throw shit. Yeah, you're watching your side. I don't do that when I watch my kids.

But anyway, we moved, so we're in a new place. I don't know. Okay, well you gave up on that. Anyway, the guy, you are right, you are not nuts. You are not on my nuts. The father, you are not the father. You are correct. That is annoying.

Yeah, it's annoying. Okay. Most, don't voice note unless you have to. Yeah, right, yeah. If you have to, if you, this is what I do, if you have to tell a story, because it's gonna be Way better or it's just too long then you break it up

Minute minute minute you don't I got a buddy Michael McDonald What do I say minute minute minute? Why is that? You know, it's like minute by minute by Probably but not the way you're singing it. Yeah, you're right, I'm tone deaf. So anyway. It's the best song ever, so it's all good. Really? Yeah.

We could play it, if you do, didn't suck, though. Okay. Yes, no, I do like Mark McDonald, but anyway, you can't do, I have a buddy, he'll do like a four and a half minute one, and I just, I don't listen. I don't listen. Me too, actually. I don't listen.

And it's just boo from the rafters, boo. I have a buddy that sent me one about, it was a story that he had about Vince Vaughn. When he met Vince Vaughn, you know how much of a big fan Vince Vaughn I am. I was like, I can't wait to listen to this. I saw it was like four minutes. I was like, I can't listen to this.

Damn. That's how hardcore I am. I put the voice notes. That's pretty hardcore if I'm being honest. Yeah. All right, yeah. Well done. Next.

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to register in Canada. So beautiful. Hey guys. So beautiful with the hair. I've actually been on the show before. I was the window tint girl. If you remember that. Window tint?

It was forever ago and I no longer work at that job as you can probably tell by the scrubs that I'm in. Anyways, I have a really quick question and it's been a debate in my relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now of whether or not Chris actually responds to YouTube comments because I've gotten a couple of likes and responses

from Chris and I get so excited. I'm like, look, honey, like we're friends. I tell him all the time that we're besties and I've been to two shows and next time I'm gonna get a VIP. I swear to God, because I just wanna like, high five you, you know what I mean? I know what that means.

Um yeah. But what's the- Basically please solve this debate between my boyfriend and I because I'm getting so sick of him being like it's definitely not him he has a media team and I'm like no. You don't understand. Let me answer it. It's definitely like I can tell I just know and we're besties and it's fine. Okay well now we're getting scary Anyways, sorry Matt, but it doesn't really include you and the question

but you know six six six hair and I just appreciate you guys and I love everything you do. I mean Johnny Bravo Johnny fucking being the person that I am. I am also an addict in recovery. I got 18 months. Hey! And it's just being able to giggle and laugh and relate with a lot of the things that you guys share makes me feel like more of a human being and not crazy. That's sweet.

I appreciate everything you guys do. You have a great day. What a great sentiment, beautiful thing. Recovery, congratulations, 18 months, that's really impressive. Keep going. That is 100% him. And I know that because it fucking annoys me

that he's on his phone a lot. Okay, go ahead. No, no, no. I think sometimes it's you guys with the super good. I don't, I see comments on there that I didn't post. If it's from Chris D'Elia though, you wrote it. Oh, if it's, oh yeah, yeah, I do sometimes. Now this is completely obvious.

Well, no, no, because they're both my accounts. Because they're both my accounts. But no, if it's a Christmas, no, you know what? I think, I do reply very rarely to, I'll go, I'll reply to a few. Did she mean only YouTube or also Instagram? No, she said YouTube. She said YouTube.

She did, but I'm assuming she meant everything. Oh, I'm taking it as YouTube. Really, Instagram, I- Answer this, do you have a media team that responds for you on social media? Well, their job isn't to respond for me So I don't I I don't well, I can't have you ever hard to get a fucking answer you yeah He's written back as super as super good. Have you ever written back as Chris to Leah?

Not really. I don't I don't think you guys are being unbelievable right now well It's either it's either yes or no because because well because I'll tell you why because YouTube Other people have access to it because I need to do things like upload clips So I think it's pretty much only me doing it works So I think it's pretty much only me doing it But I guess I don't know because I have another guy who makes the clips I have another guy who makes the clips They all upload the thing so you think a guy that makes clips for you is going in under your name and saying ha ha

Thanks for the cool comment. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, that exists. Yeah, that does exist. What are you gulf of talking about? What do you mean it exists? Why are you all being like this? You either do it or don't do it. Well, no, no, no.

Don't do it. You can have both. I do it, I do it, and I have a, I think it's probably me. I think it's probably me. If somebody says something nice, I'll look at it and I'll go like, oh, thanks very much, appreciate you or something,

or I'll like it. I do like comments. If you're getting any sort of long thing, it's not, I mean, it's just, it's a humhack. But like, I don't even know, honestly. I know you can comment back on YouTube. I don't even know if you can message somebody on YouTube. I've never done that.

I don't think you can, but maybe, I don't know. So anyway, yeah, you know, it's it could be me. It's probably me. Can't believe how you guys are all being... No, because I have a lot of people who have access to my YouTube channel. I understand that. I just don't think any of those people are posing as you. I'm super good on the channels. Yeah, super good they do that. Yeah, of course they do. But that's not even what she's asking. I thought it was because that was a Chris,

that was literally the Chris Leach out of first. So, so. Now, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Now I get it. So, you know, yes, I think it's probably me saying thanks a lot or whatever. Thanks so much. Appreciate you.

Congratulations on 18 months sober. Keep it up. Now the question wasn't for me, but I also have people who manage specifically on the private record. Never has anyone else used anything under my name to comment, even though other people have access to it. I guess you don't know that though is my point.

Sure, but like I'd be fucking stunned. It's like have, you know, I don't know. My point is if my guy who cuts my clips and uploads my clips wrote back to somebody, thank you so much, that wouldn't bother me. Ivan? You talking about Ivan? That wouldn't bother me.

No, no, no, not Ivan. That wouldn't bother me. I don't like, that's fine. Cause I, cause you know what? Cause thank you for it. I do appreciate it bother me. No, no, no, not Ivan. That wouldn't bother me. I don't, like that's fine. Because I, because you know what? Because thank you for it. I do appreciate it. Sure. No, that, yeah, okay. But yeah, but it's, you know, I do comment sometimes though.

Yes. So it's probably me. You know? This is unbelievable. Did she ask specifically for YouTube? She did. If it's anything else like Instagram, that's me. Right.

Okay. Okay, cool. Next. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? How you guys are both doing well? A cartoon character in 1995. Getting to my question here.

The lead. Is why do you have 100 megabytes to upload a video here? It's way too small for these cameras these days. Change it. Anyways, my question is, why do people say, not gonna lie, or if I'm being honest, before sentences even start? To me, it's like, are you lying to me every single time you talk to me,

except for this one time when you say, not gonna lie, or if I'm being honest? It just drives me nuts. And I wanna see what you guys think about it. Love the show, keep it up. Thanks dude. Dude, somebody just said, dude, I thought of this today, bro.

This? I thought of this today. I was talking to a guy that has a, his father-in-law is also his boss. OK, you get it? Yeah. So I. So I said, how is it working for him? How is it working for your father-in-law? I'm not going to lie, but he said, you know, I'm not going to lie. I love him lying.

And it's like I expected to say I'm not gonna lie. I love him. Lying. And it's like, I expected him to say, I'm not gonna lie. He's a dick as a thing, but as the thing, you know, or something, but he says, I love him. It's only good. And I was like, oh, oh cool. Why would you lie? Well, here's the thing. But that's what he said.

I'm not gonna lie. I love him. Now, is it annoying that people say this? Yes, it's always annoying to me when people say I'm not gonna lie before they say it. But it is a matter, it's a figure of speech. It's a colloquialism. All they're doing is stressing how true it is. And sometimes what they're doing is saying,

sometimes less frequently, but it's like a lot of people lie about this shit. Sometimes I even would lie about this shit, but in this case, I'm not gonna. But that's even way more literal than it usually is. It's usually just stressing how much it's true. I don't say either of those things, but here's what I do say.

I say, now, whenever I talk it's the truth, but here what I'm about to say is really the truth. This is super truth. And then I'll say it. You do do that, yeah. I'll say it. And then people go like, oh, why don't you just say I'm about to say is really the truth. This is super truth. And then I'll say it. You do do that, yeah. I'll say it. And then people go like, oh, why don't you just say I'm not gonna lie?

And I say like, because that's not, I don't do that shit. You fucking stupid ass. What am I, a sheep? Yeah. I jump off a bridge. How do you feel about the shirt you're wearing? It's cool.

It's good, yeah. It's a Kanye West shirt. What does that mean? Oh, he makes it. Kanye West made it. Just for you? Just for you? Just for you? No. Okay.

And dude, there was a clip I saw on Instagram of a guy jumping off of a bridge onto a party and it was too high. What? And the guy just didn't know it was too high. Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Should I not be confused? What is a bridge onto a party?

What is this, a dream? I think I was sleeping. No, wait, for real. It was a river, a big river. I mean, what? What, what? Noriega. On a bridge.

What? Onto a party and it was a river. Oh, okay, I see where you're mixed up. Thank you, yes. Okay, I see, I didn't understand. It was like one of those like Havasu friggin' things where everyone had their boats out. Guys wearing board shorts with spiky hair.

Yeah, and the inner tubes and shit. Sure, yeah. All right, there we go, we're at the bottom of it. So, it's too many hats. So, these two guys were on the bridge and this guy goes like this, oh, and everyone's like, oh, and then one of the guys gets down

and the other guy goes over to the front of the bridge and people are like, oh, dude, no, dude, no, no. And the guy just goes, huh? And maybe he died. You think he died? I don't know, it was too high. It was too high. And the guy just, man, went.

Yeah. It was really fucked up to see. So there we go. Wow. Isn't that nuts? That's really nuts. It really is, yeah. Is it a good story that I told?

Yeah, I think it could use a little bit more detail, but yeah. I didn't have any more detail. It was like an eight second clip. When did it cut like when did it end right after he went in? That's the thing so you don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. There was no sequel. I don't like that I'd love to see the prequel When a video is online and you know, the person recorded longer and The clip you're watching ends before

what you need to really see is seen. Okay, are you saying that there's a thing that is a style of video where they cut right when the joke happens? That's not what I mean. You know who created that? Me. Who created, what?

I created it. What does that mean? I created it. I was the first one to do that on the internet. I would do it all the time, and now people do it, and they think it's theirs, and I created it. What does that mean? I created it. I was the first one to do that on the internet. I would do it all the time. And now people do it and they think it's theirs. And I created it. I don't think anybody thinks it's theirs.

Okay. Well, they should think it's mine is what they should think. Well, maybe, but it's like- They did the crystal Leah is what they did. Right. I did that on Vine. I did it so much and I thought it was so funny and they took it and ran with it.

And hey, who doesn't get any credit for it? And it doesn't matter, dude. I'm not the bigger and better things, but still. Sounds like it matters to you. No, it's fine. All right. It's great. But do you know what I mean? You made it about you.

Yeah. In your creations. Which I never do, but I, you're saying it just cuts and you don't get to see the good part? You want to see, yeah, of course. I hate that. Not just the good part, but like the aftermath. Yeah, you want to see the denouement. Yeah. Yeah, I get it, I get it. You want to see how it played out. I get it, you want to see the good part? You want to see, yeah, of course. I hate that. Not just the good part, but like the aftermath. Yeah, you want to see the denouement. Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

I get it. You want to see how it played out. I get it. You want to see the denouement. It's like, what's another few seconds? Just let it roll. I get it. I get it. You do want to see that, but you, everybody's too like, it's gotta be short.

It's gotta be short. It doesn't have to be that short. I know, I know, I know, I know. People just cutting before the thing even happens. As a matter of fact, how about, how about this? Start it later. Start it later rather than cut it too early. Start it later. Always start as late as you can. Always start as late as you possibly can, because than cut it too early. Start it later.

Always start as late as you can. Always start as late as you possibly can, because that's when the story is so rip and good that it's unbelievable. People like to be like, all right, so these two grandparents met in 18, you know what I mean? And then they had kids, and then they had kids, and then the story's about the fucking eight year old.

And you're like, dude, start it when he's eight. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, dude, I think that guy died. Sounds like he might have gotten bad. He really got really hurt. Gotten really bad. And I don't even do this, but when I look at it, I go like, is it back flop much?

Oh, God. Terrible. Okay, next one. Yeah. Hey, Matt, hey, Chris. Thank you guys for everything that you do. We love the podcast. Oh, crazy person, we, she said. We love you. Really appreciate it. We have a question for you. Lost everything that you do. We love the podcast Oh crazy person we Appreciate it. We have a question for my husband and I are in an

ongoing debate about our car complex in our elevator My husband is of the mind that when we come up from our parking garage up to our Apartment we live on the third floor of a four-story building that it is courteous to send the elevator back down to the parking garage level because the chances are highest that people will be I get that using the parking garage or coming up to their apartments from the parking garage so he always sends it back down we reach three and then he hits P and the elevator goes back down I I get how it works. I think that's fucking insane

and that most people live on the other floors. And so you're just sending it away from most people. Yes, everybody uses the garage, but like the chances are probably 50-50 that somebody's coming from the garage or coming from their apartment. And you're kind of just guaranteeing that it's not gonna be on your floor

whenever you wanna use it next. You're definitely guaranteed. So we have been split on this. I can't even tell you the amount of conversations we've had about it. And we would love to get your take on it. Do you think it is worth sending the elevator back down to the parking level because you're helping someone

down the road or do you leave it where you have it because the chances are even across the board. I just think it's- Anyway, love you guys. Like I said, long time babies forever man. That's her husband. And we're excited to hear your take on this. Thanks.

Dude, that's the most unnecessary thing you can possibly do on earth. It's just why are you meddling with it at all? You don't, it's not, it's not definitely helping. So don't do it. Yes, exactly dude. If it was definitely or even probably helping. Guys crazy, huh?

But that's a crazy thing to assume. I gotta divorce him, right? To that degree. Dude, that's just bonk. Oh, hold on honey, wait, hold on. Okay, good, now it's going back down. Someone right on the floor above it, just like where the fuck's this elevator?

Right, right, right. Also, God damn, yeah. Here, husband, check it out. Yeah, that's naughty. Okay, yeah, it's a very naughty thing to do, niche, niche. Now- That's a naughty, dude. That is the kind of thing, though. It's pretty naughty to do it.

Not this specific thing- That's such a guy thing to do, dude. It is. Is that what you were gonna say? No, a woman would never do that. A woman would never do this, dude. It's the kind, it's weird. This specific thing doesn't piss me off, but this is so the kind of thing

that drives me fucking crazy. I agree. It makes me a little bit. Stop meddling with shit. It makes me a little bit annoyed. Let it exist. It's a fine system, unless someone's like, hey, just so you know the way this works in this building,

it's always better to have the elevator on the bottom. Leave it alone! Which I guess is kind of weird. It's working, it's fine! It's fine, you're fine, it's fine. Dude, that guy needs to, hey, cut off his fingers. Well, I mean that's a bit. Like this.

It's a bit much. On the way out. You know, wouldn't be the next option, the tongue. Well, what would it be? The elbow? Your nub, just, your nub hand. Maybe, not right when you cut it off It'd be really painful also when you go to hit P you probably hit one also exactly so you use your tongue. Thank you very much

Disgusting. Uh, why is this wet the ground floor of a button? Oh, there's a wet Yeah, that's that's crazy, dude. You're right about it. You're you're right about it right? Yeah, and he's just it's not that he's wrong. Oh, yeah, it is. Oh, I don't even want to give him that it's here You're doing something that doesn't matter in the least. Well, potentially even worse. You're doing, you've made something up. To a fault, yeah.

You've made up a thing. Right. That you're now assuming is just a fact of living in your building. But here's the other thing too building and it's not accurate. It's okay to make up things, but you're inconveniencing other people with it. You know what you are?

You're a son of a bitch, dude. He thinks he's conveniencing people. Son of a bitch, dude. Which is even worse. God, now I'm getting really mad, dude. He's not just being like a prankster, like, ha ha, gonna send it back. You know what?

He's being like, I'm helping people. Think of him as an old man, makes it even worse. Like, he's gonna be that age, he's gonna be like, oh my God, oh my God. When he's an old man, he's gonna make sure it's even twice as bad. Yeah. You gotta watch out, this guy, watch out.

Wife, watch out. This guy's gonna be so awful when he's old. Wow, I mean, I wouldn't go that far, you know? He's gonna be the worst man alive. No, listen, saw off his fingers, he'll be fine. By the time he's 65, he's gonna be the worst person in the world. He saw off his fingers. He's gonna be worse than EDM-E.

He can't hit the thing and he can't tickle. There'll be a few things he can't do, but... Play piano. Okay. Terrible guy. That's a little bit overrun. Matt, Chris, sup, I love you guys. Chris, I bought your tickets tickets go see you in Duluth

They didn't know you're coming to Thunder Bay until oh two weeks later I'm in Thunder Bay and there's trains and my dog and anyways, I bugged you about this before it didn't make it on the air But I still say Chris you need a show or or a board game or a game show Called yes got out of Out of That One. I think it would be amazing. I think you know what to do. And Matt, you need a fragrance called Ostensibly by Matt DeLeon. Why? Because I say it a lot. Alright that's it. I'll probably see you in Duluth by Will and I might see you in Thunder Bay the next night because I want to hear you make fun of my sick.

Yeah, come both, dude. We don't even know what he wants him to make fun of. Come make him a fun of my sick. He died. My sick fantasies of necrophilia. I know you don't like when I do this, but this is a good looking guy, huh? Matt. Why am I not allowed to do that?

What is the thing? You are allowed to do it. Why does it bother you? It's? You are allowed to do it. Why does it bother you? It's because of the amount you do it. But I think a lot of, I said about the men and the women that call into the show. I understand.

I'm not saying it's not, I know. It's not, by no means is it a pervy thing. It's not. Oh, I know that. No, but I'm just saying like. That's not your grave? I thought that that's why you're saying I do it with men and women. You know what I'm saying? Oh no, that was separate. I'm just like like that's not your grave. I thought that that's why you're saying I do with men and women

I'm saying oh no that was just like I do it for them. Yes beautiful men and women who call him the show Yeah, here's here's why it's annoying you do it too much and What about when you don't do it? They're all fucking ugly. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? How about that's all in the middle of Duluth and Thunder Bay? How about, wow. Oh, he lives in Thunder Bay, I guess is what he said. But yeah. He lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario and Duluth is Minnesota.

Yeah. So he's just like in a lake somewhere. No, no, no, he's in Thunder Bay. I announced Duluth first and then he got Duluth tickets because he was like, oh shit, he's coming like two hours away and then I went to some Thunder Bay and he's like, fuck, I could have waited. You get it? Yes. Got out of that one.

And dude, I don't know. What I don't understand is how what would the show be? You know, no one knows. He needs to call back. Call back. Tell us what the pitch. I didn't even call the first time. Pitch us the show. Send a video pitching the show. And what was his question anyway? He didn't. I don't think you had one, right?

Sometimes people don't have them, it's okay. I know, but that was submission was, I should kick a bunch of stuff over. Oh, wow. I mean, I don't agree. I should, what do you call it? Flip a table? Yeah, but there's a better way to say it.

What do you call it, you know? Upend the... There's no thing you call that. Flip What do you call it, you know? Uh, upend the... There's no thing you call that. Flip a table, I guess is fine, yeah. Oh, I should upend a lot of things. Sounds a little more poetic. Okay, next. All right, next one.

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We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. Wow, there are so many pans at HomeSense. These are non-stick, made in Italy. It's a sign. We need a new pan. We already have a pan. It works. What we have is an extra stick pan made of, I don't know what, everything sticks and burns. Do we seriously have to eat burnt food to save 20 bucks?

It's 20 bucks? 20 bucks. Need I remind you, made in Italy. You don't need to tell me. We're getting this pan. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Hey man, Chris. My name is also Chris. Lifelong baby, lifelong Lifeline listener. I've listened to every single episode every single week. And there's a theme that I've noticed that I have to ask you guys about and get your guys' take on this. Because at least once an episode,

there's a submission where I think the submission explains everything perfectly. So where I understand exactly what they're saying, but for some reason, one of you will also understand perfectly and know what's going on. The other one of you will have absolutely zero idea that's what's happening or what that person is saying. We're autistic. It goes back and forth, you're each guilty of it, so I have no idea what is actually

happening. Is it a lapse of listening to where you just zone out for you know a minute and not really hear what they're saying? Or what exactly is happening to where one of you just has zero idea what's happening? Even though I think it's seemingly explained perfectly, clearly the other one of you does too, because you explain it to the other person. So I just want to know what the reason is. I love you guys both. It's an awesome podcast.

I listen to it every single week, like I said. Keep doing what you're doing. Peace out. Thank you. Great, great, great question. Go ahead, you feel like you know the answer. I do it because I am honestly, I am so smart. I mean, Donald Trump.

Wow. I want to get, I want to understand fully what's going on before I respond. And if I can't, I need to take a beat and say, hold on, what's going here? Because I'm a smart, open-minded, fact-getter. You understand? And when people are like, you know what he's talking about,

you're assuming. And that makes an ass out of you. Wow. Cracking. Out of you and I. Cracking, just absolutely breaking down. Yeah. Oh yeah.

No, you are dumb. No, him? No, you. And that's why you need to be explained. I'm smart. Sometimes you're just not listening. When it happens to me, I'm simply not listening. Not me.

I'm simply thinking of something else. I'm listening, I'm hanging on words. When that happens to me, I am simply thinking of something else. I'm hanging on words. When that happens to me, I am simply thinking of something else. I'm hanging on words and I'm thinking of what you're talking about and I want to make sure that you, that I know what you're talking about. So when I'm lost, it's because you didn't use some words. Okay.

I mean, dude, so many people do that in the group chat. It's unbelievable. I have a group chat, five guys were in it. The whole joke is, oh, here we go. We got to explain it to Chris again. What do you mean that's the joke of your group chat? That is a joke of your life. That's true of our family. That is true of any group of friends you've ever had. That is true of our fucking group text.

That is just true of you. God damn it, dude. You know what it is, dude, sometimes it takes a real crazy person to just drive the world forward and change it the way it needs to be changed. Yes, got out of that one. And that Einstein was wrong more often than he was right.

But when he was right, he goes like this, E equals MC squared, yes, got out of that one. That's what he did. Einstein did that. I mean, he didn't say that thing. That's my thing. What if he did? What if he did?

Just on the whiteboard. E equals MC squared, yes he didn't say that thing. That's my thing. What if he did? What if he did? Just on the whiteboard. E equals MC squared. E, let's get out of that one. But dude, you were closer the very snap first thing you said, which is that you're fucking autistic. That's probably more accurate than any of the other things that you said. And that doesn't mean some,

it actually doesn't mean there's something, that's not even a bad thing. No, I know. It means that you listen in a way that you like- Helps the world. Need, in certain context, you need like more complete entire information. You know who's like that?

And it's so fucking annoying. You know who's like that? You. Dad, thanks very much, dad. Is he? I don't get jokes sometimes because of it. Do You know who's like that? You. Dad, thanks very much, Dad. Is he? I don't get jokes sometimes because of it. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course I do.

Yeah, so there you go, thanks Dad. I don't understand, he does that? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Okay. Matt, how much does Dad not understand his whole life? He goes, wait, hold on, what?

So you said he said this and then what happened? Yeah. He'll come back to it a day later. Yeah, yeah. So hold on, when he was saying this, you're like, why we already talked about this? Yeah, you do that, yeah. Yeah, I do that too now.

So thanks dad. So you have no, that should be the title of this episode, thanks dad. You have no right to get mad at him then. Because you do it. Yeah, but it's like, dude, you know, the stuff that you get most annoyed with is probably has some version of yourself in it.

You know what I mean? It's like a mirror. It's like the mirror match, right? Mirror match, yeah. It's very true. No, it's like a mirror match. It's like, you know, you know, silver surfer fighting silver surfer or whatever.

It's almost always true that stuff that makes you the most mad is because there's something in it that makes them think of themselves. Which is why I get so pissed off when I see guys winning. Charlie Sheen. Fucking Charlie Sheen. So pissed off when I see guys winning.

I see guys with big dicks. I see guys who are just like the crazy cutting up a rug. Just can dance at any wedding. And then guys who are also like talented and can sing and also just be a laugh. And most women wanna sleep with him and most guys wanna just get a drink with him. But jokes on them, that guy doesn't drink a lot of the time.

I don't drink. Yeah, I don't think those things make you upset. I get pissed off when I see that. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Fucking pisses me off right now. Fuck man, another guy, a guy's winning. Charlie Sheen.

Dude, how quickly. Fuck a guy's, fuck a guy's, oh man, another guy's winning. Charlie Sheen. Dude, how quickly. Fuck, guys, fuck, guys. Oh man, a guy's emptying out his nutsack, a boatload. Damn it. So fucking dead. Oh man, he's emptying his nutsack and it's like when the blood comes into the elevator doors of the Shining and it fills up the whole hallway.

Damn it, dude. Just fucking. Silent though, dude. Just fucking... Silent though, it's happening, you know? Diving into a pool, what is happening? The red blood in the blood? Yeah, but boatloads of what's in the balls. Gotcha. From the window.

No. To boatloads of what's in the balls. Dude, dude, and it's silent, though. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, quarterback. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh cage is a quarterback in the movie quarterback this summer blue 42 no Touchdown, touchdown. No. Fuck, dude. Just go, oh, oh. Silence. I mean, you know. Dude, silence. Dude, the mechanism of the nuts.

The mechanism of the nuts, dude. The gayest thing you could ever do, dude. To act out the mechanism of the nuts, dude. What's happening? Look, look, look, you gotta run. From the jizz? Look, ready? I'm looking! Keep your eyes. Everyone's looking. There are cameras on you.

Look. Hahaha. Why did it turn into this, you know? Stuck. Disgusting. You know? Hey, ten minutes later. A cartoon.

Fucking cartoon. Wow. Wow, dude. I'm sure a girl gets up nine months later, baby comes out, dude. Worst health class teacher. What the fuck, you know, worst health class. The mechanism of the nuts, students.

Now watch this. Today, I'd like to. Now look, okay? Okay, go over. The mechanism of of nuts. Now, what do you see when I do this? Silence. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Let's do it. So, class, class.

Texting their moms, you know? Class, class. Ha ha ha. Class. Class. Ha ha ha. Class, what's happening, class? Ha ha ha. Class, What's happening, class?

Class? 10 minutes later, class? You turn around and they're all gone. Oh, they're crying. Just the principles there. Ha ha ha ha ha! With, can I have a word? Oh, did you see the first part, though?

I could see how it looks, but. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What is it? Because we're tired or something? I guess, it's so hot. God, man. It's always fucking blazingly hot in here. It's so hot. It's worth it, dude. Which is great. Let's do another one. Love you both. Yay, Matt first, Chris second, Chris second, Matt first.

Hell yeah, I'm gonna be first. My coworker has the most annoying habits. Sniffs all day. Oh no, dude. Deep ones. I had a roommate like that last year college slammed The tissues on his debt on the desk and I said blow your fucking nose. That's the right thing to do He threw the tissues at me. Oh, that's a bit

Now his new habit is popping his gum Instead of blowing a bubble. He sucks it back in Oh, there's no day. I like that. I said nope not to do I We're not doing it to spit your gum out. Whoa. This one's a fucking boss. Look at me for this the day You know why? How do I get over myself how do I get over mouth sounds how How do I not kill him? Love you both. Oh, Jim Carrey. Yeah. Pfft. Damn.

How do you- The next submission is just talking over butt. Dude, how do you, I mean, I mean, you gotta fucking meditate or something. This guy's the most annoying coworker in the world. But here's the thing. Everybody that has a job that doesn't get to work alone or from home has somebody at their workplace that is fucking annoying as hell.

So how do you deal with that? I don't know. I've only had temporary jobs, period. You get hired for a certain period, then it's done. Usually I get to work alone though. So I can't really relate to this, where it's like a job that you have no idea when it might end, that you're stuck next to somebody who is unbelievably fucking annoying. Oh wait, yes I do know what that's like.

I'm fucking doing it right now. Oh shit. But no, really, I don't know. right now. Oh shit. But no, really, that's, I don't know. I don't fucking know. The fucking, Anthony or Chris, make sure we have an image of exactly the same. I thought the same thing, bro. That it's stuck on right now.

Her face right now is so fucking funny. It is so funny. I'll put it up on the screen. So, okay, yeah. I mean, you know. You always have good, you actually give a good advice about this kind of stuff. You gotta figure out a way to make it funny for you.

Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say. Yeah, I mean, it's judo because it sucks that you can't, you're annoyed and you're in this position where you are suffering, okay? And the other person is unaware of what they're doing or they are. And you just go, you have to turn that on. Okay, how do I have fun with this?

How do I deal with this? This person's sniffing. What, thank you, sir. Now what do I get to do because of this? You know? Like what does it give her license to do because of this? You know? Like what does it give her license to do? Exactly, exactly. So at least you have the license to walk up and say,

hey, you sniff a lot. I need you to stop sniffing. It's driving me nuts. Now that, if that's fun for you, great. If that's not what's fun for you, then you have other things that you can explore, right? But for me, dude, I mean, that gives me license, dude. Hey, thanks for giving me a license. If you sniff one more time, I mean, that gives me license, dude. Hey, thanks for

giving me a license. If he sniffs one more time, I'll have a license. Great. Got a license. That's me. That works for the DMV. If he does it, too many. Dude, wait, hold on. I think what you should... Wait, okay. Do like, sniff. Like, I'll act out what you should do. Okay. Oops. Okay, every fucking time. In the cubicle neck. He didn't even know who it is. Every time. And then eventually he'll figure it out. How about this, we're like this, so do oops. The whole thing, we're like this.

Oops. And then I got here. Oops. Yeah, exactly. Like that'll be like that. That's the game for you. And then that's how you have fun. Here's what you do.

If he does oops, so I'll say ups now. Okay, I'll sniff. And you look over, so do sniff. Oops. Who's saying that? Yeah, that would be good. But then you gotta have something in your pocket for when you do get caught,

because you will get caught. Know what I used to do? In school, I would start humming in the class. I would just go, mm, mm. Wow. I'd just start going, mm. OK. Until people were looking at me, like, what are you doing?

And I would, dude. And I would go, I will go, mm. Oh, now that's good. And then people will be like. It's you. People will be like. Would anyone fall for it? And I would go like, mm.

So obvious, you know? I know, but you can't prove it, dude. And they weren't talking loud enough to anyone could hear it, dude. Fucking got them at their own game, dude. God, it's true. Just keep denying things. So funny.

Just keep denying things. And then, and then, wait, wait, that's reminding me of something. I was gonna do that, yeah. I don't remember. Now you have to remember it though because you did the whole shit part.

Oh yeah, I got it. I got it. Wow, this is so dumb, yeah. I don't remember. Now you have to remember it though, because you did the whole shit part. Oh yeah, I got it. I got it. Wow, this is so dumb, dude. So, you know how like, people would come up in high school and be like, yo, can I get a sip if you're drinking Coke or soda or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, no, that's disgusting to me.

I don't ever give people sips. Yeah, you do, but go on. No, I don't. You do? No, no, I don't. Say it to my face. No, I don't. You do. No, I don't. Say it to my face. No, I don't. Dude, I give my sons, you know?

Right. Kristen, you know? Yeah, I guess that's what I'm thinking about. That's it. Yeah, okay. So, I would say no, right? And sometimes it's annoying because we were like, you don't want somebody that does not like you,

or you're like, it's gonna because we were like, you don't want somebody to not like you, or you're like, it's gonna be tough, they're gonna argue. So I did this once, I go like, dude, there's... So somebody comes up and asks you for a sip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go like this. Like, so obviously it doesn't work with a clear one. Let's say it's not clear, right?

I go like this, they say, can I have a sip? I go, yo, there's no more. I go like right? Okay. Okay. And they go, oh shit, you know, turn upside down. And then Billy Abel was like, dude, it sucks, man. I hate when people ask me, I don't, everyone give people a sip. So like, well, don't. He was like, what? So what you do, you go, go ahead. Okay. I see where this one's going. So guys like, hey, dude, can I get a sip? And he's like, nah, no, no, no, there's no more and he's like getter is No, no, I don't have any more man Come on man. Come on It was so funny dude.

Wow that is fucking hilarious dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so funny. I'll never forget it. That makes it even funnier. Wow, I know. Yeah, I know. He's funny. An undercover, he was like an undercover athlete too. That just didn't play any sports. Oh, he's one of those guys dude? Yeah, now he's a contractor dude.

The guy makes fucking bank probably doing it. I feel like I've heard his name. I never seen him since like high school, but I feel like his name comes up sometimes. Well, because yeah, I use, I, I. Oh, you, it's you. Well, no, his brother does a lot of sound for me, the audio.

And for dad. Oh, yes, he does. You're right. Yeah, no, that I knew, but Billy, yeah, I guess maybe, yeah. And Billy, I have not worked with Billy, but Billy's great. And you named your son after him. Yeah, yeah.

Right. It's fucking great. Yeah, not dad. I named after him. Yeah. That's cool, man. Some of the face stitches from the rash on it that you can't see, which is cool.

Poetry. Can you see it? My face stitches from the rash you can't see. Speaking of things that you can see, I'm happy I fucking remembered this. So I was gonna shave my neck before the show. This is potentially the worst story of all time, but okay. It's not a story, it's just an anecdote.

I didn't, because I wanted everyone to see, how is all of the hair on my neck completely gray? That is so weird. It does happen like that though. All of it, dude. I don't. There's not a part of it that isn't gray. I don't think it looks bad.

I have to. Well thanks, but that's. That's not what you're saying? I do think it does, but that's not the point. Okay, no it doesn't. So here's what I don't like. Everything's white but my goatee dude. If you know one thing about me.

I've never even thought of that. I hate goatees. Yeah, well dude that's weird. I just posted about this. I took a picture of myself in low light. Yeah, yeah. And I posted it and I was like, look how much it looks like I have a fucking goatee. I just posted about this. I took a picture of myself in low light, and I posted it, and I was like, look how much it looks like I have a fucking goatee.

Even sometimes in full light, this is not a good, this is how my fuck beard grows in. This is how my fuck beard grows in, okay? Louis black. I have fuck hair on my fuck face. Louis black. You just can't see it as well because it's so fucking dense right here.

Dense, dense, dense, dense. Gray, gray, gray, light, light, light. Performance art. Hahaha! NYU people will be like, oh man that's actually amazing. Go see his exhibit. And I have no pants on my dicks out. Dense, dense, dense, dense.

Do you have any more hats or? Just put this one on. A hat with a button on it sucks, you know? Do you have any more hats or? I mean, a hat with a button on it sucks, you know? Does it pop through? Hey. Dude. Oh fuck, you ever look at yourself and just think,

oh, I'm so ugly, dude. Oh yeah. It's crazy, right? It's incredible. I wonder if like, fuck. It'll happen the day after you think you look good too. The same day. Like a few hours later.

Bro, that sucks. How about this? Sometimes you think you look like the shit. Yeah. Then people are out there taking pictures. You'll see a few hours later. Bro that sucks. How about this? Sometimes you think you look like the shit. Yeah. Then people are out there taking pictures. You'll see a picture from that. You look so ugly. I thought I looked good that day. I look like a fucking asshole. Dude the amount I'm just like so ugly.

I thought I was good looking but I'm like a four. I can know that the world is telling me that they think the opposite. But I'm like you're not gonna get that past me. Yeah I know dude. I'm fucking ugly dude. You cannot fucking trick me dude. I'm fucking ugly. Mom, I don't care what you say. Yeah, I know.

And sometimes when you're like. Mom, I don't care what you say, I'm ugly. Sedeeper. World, girlfriends, women I've been with. Dude, you're not fooling me. I'm fucking ugly. Sedeeper. There's no fucking way I'm gonna fall for your bullshit.

I am ugly. The least confident man of all time. What this hat on? Dude. Everyone looks at you and be like, yeah, no, no, we don't think you're good looking. He's pretty ugly. He's pretty ugly.

Yeah, we agree with you. Yeah, man, sometimes I'm like, wow. And I almost, I'll go to Kristin and I'll just be like, hey. Be honest, be honest, yeah. No, no, no, hey. How about how I look today? Meaning how awful I look today. And she'll be like, oh no, you look great.

And I'm like. That's crazy. No, you're right, you look bad in those days. No, but I know, I've done the same exact thing. It's like, dude. To Kristen? You have on your back. No, but like, be real with me.

I'm fucking ugly, stop lying. Sometimes people think they don't look good. You know what I hate? No, but it's true, because at various periods, different relationships, my girlfriend will be like, I look like shit today. And I'll be like, honestly? Yeah.

It's like one of the best you've ever looked in your life. I know, I know, I know, I know. It does happen. It does happen. I hate it in movies when people, one of the most, the worst line in a movie, the worst line in a movie is,

you look like shit today. Oh yeah. And he's always like to Brad Pitt, you know? And he's just like, well, yeah, I didn't sleep. And he just looks so dope. In the movie, The Arrival, Charlie Sheen has the best version of this. He says, I look like a can of smashed assholes.

You don't look too good. Actually, I look like a can of smashed assholes. You don't look too good. Actually, I look like a can of smashed assholes. Yep. No, I don't look like a can of smashed assholes. OK. And then we're going to see that in the edit. And I guess that should be the end of the show, because we're already over.

I look like a can of smashed assholes. Which, by the way. Best and worst line in the history of movies. Which, by the way, there's nothing in that can. Assholes are nothing. It's just not something. What is a smat, what is a smashed asshole nothing? What is a canned asshole nothing? Why is it in a can?

That's like peak 1997, 1998 humor. It's not even a joke. It's so- The Arrival. Or whatever the, and then there was a, not Arrival, which is what Anthony will look up first. He'll look up that first with Jeremy Renner and- No, that's a good movie that was made way later. This is the Arrival with Ron Silver and Charlie Sheen

about aliens arriving, just like arriving. It's a Ron Silver vehicle. All right. All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks, everybody. Love you. See me on mountchristoliet.com. Go see me on tour.

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