Lifeline - 125. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman

Episode Date: September 1, 2024

LIFELINE ✨LUXURY✨ is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. Extra episodes every month, no advice, all for $5. Also has a full live show. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline Today, we're talking about pursuing multiple careers, whether to go for a girlfriend or dog first, estranged birthday texts, and being unreasonably angry. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Thunder Bay, Ontario, come see the Multiverse straight out of the multiverse tour all my my new stuff Chris Leah comm I'm being Toronto I'm gonna be in a bunch of different places. So check it out and thank you What episode number is this 125 125 and it's September 1st. It's September 1st well, that's insane and the thing about September 1st is that I love is that it's coincide. Jungkook from BTS and it coincides that with Dr. Phil's birthday. Well, no, you said that so wrong. I know. Both of their birthdays.

Both of their birthdays. So Jungkook's birthday coincides with Dr. Phil's birthday. You can say it like that. Coincides, you know, yes. I wanted to say coincides. Both of their birthdays are on September 1st, which is today. Happy birthday, Dr. Phil and happy birthday, Dr. Phil's birthday. You can say it like that. Coincides, you know, yes. I wanted to say coincides. Both of their birthdays are on September 1st, which is today. Happy birthday, Dr. Phil,

and happy birthday, Dr. Jungkook. Two of my favorite doctors. Happy birthday, Dr. Phil, happy birthday, non-Dr. Jungkook from BTS. I don't know which one Jungkook is. It doesn't matter. Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. You guys sign up right now.

We do, we have fun over there, dude. Yeah, we do. Actually a lot of fun. No submissions, just raw brother stuff. Raw, I mean, to guard the Brooks. So. Raw stuff, real stuff. So go to life.

Go to Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. And it helps the show, it helps us. So thank you. We have a live Lifeline Luxury coming up. It'll be on that. We have a live Lifeline Luxury and it helps the show, it helps us. So thank you. We have a live Lifeline Luxury coming up. It'll be on that. We have a live Lifeline. Well, it'll be in person live. Yes.

And then it will be on video on the patreon.com We also have new drops coming from the merch. So let's get that going lifelinemerch.com. So yeah, thank you for the good submissions lately. We've been getting some good ones apparently. We don't get to see them. Well, not like we want to, but we don't see them before. Everybody always asks, do you see the submissions before?

We don't. No, answer is no. I'm saying thank you. Answer is no. I'm saying thank you for the good ones that we have had lately. And I think what it means, because he's asking us to say that,

what that means is the ones on this episode are gonna be good. And if they're not, No, it doesn't matter. Send them to the guillotine. Oh, I see what you're saying. But what I'm saying is they have been good lately. Yeah, they have been good lately.

So you don't have to say that other part. But we'll see about this episode. We will, but we don't know, right? Cause we're us and we haven't seen them yet. And I'm not even trying to be a I know that. BISK. Obviously.

Okay, well, I know, but I'm just saying. I am 10. Let's be the, let's let me change it up. But yeah, look at it. Cause I've been in the pool three, four days in a row. Oh yeah, you are pretty, hell yeah dude. AC went on right when I said, yeah you are pretty 10, piss me off.

Yeah, I don't like how there's two things to do, start the cameras and turn the air off, besides all the other things to set up. And you just, Marco just always forgets to do the air. So that's cool. But I will say that it is, everything's cool, man. You having a good time or what?

So far, we're four minutes in, I'm having a pretty stellar time, man. You having a good time or what? So far, we're four minutes in. I'm having a pretty stellar time, yeah. What's with that shirt? It's nice. Is it? You like it? It looks like a good color and it looks like it's comfortable.

It's cool, yeah. It's John Elliott. I like John Elliott. Although I got John Elliott shirts. Elliot. Elliot. I got John Elliott shirts a long time ago. I got like five of them.

They're kind of expensive, you know, for a shirt. It's like 90 bucks. It looks kind of expensive. But like, that's very expensive for a shirt actually. But I got them years ago, like years ago, like, I mean, nine year, eight, nine years ago. And they're like my favorite shirts. I love them.

And they go, they're, they have different sizes, one, two, three, four, and five. It's not large, extra large. So it's like, you go online, you're like, what am I, a five? Wow, that's annoying. What am I, a three? I'm not a five, am I a three, four?

So I'm a three, okay? Who the hell's a five then? This is a three, I don't know. And I'm a big guy, right? So like so so now Years later. I'm like, you know what? I love those John Elliott shirts Why don't I get more? I'm gonna get

white t-shirts and Gray t-shirts dude. I got a five-pack. There's like a deal from John Elliott. They weren't 90 bucks each it's like a five pack and I got a five pack. There's like a deal from John Elliott. They weren't 90 bucks each. It's like a five pack. And I got gray and white threes. And they are mini. Oh, you grew. No, it's the sizing changed. Or like it's a different style of shirt.

You grew. Well, then why do these still fit? You stumped me. I did stump you because I'm, you know. Yeah, you didn't finish that thought. I'm real, I don't know. Oh, okay, you don't. I'm real as a heart attack.

But like, it's just like annoying. So anyway, I know I have 10 shirts that just don't fit. Oh, dude. And I just still have them in my closet. I wonder what I would do in that situation. You just keep them? That's the thing. I know what you do is you find somebody that they fit.

Yeah. But who? I don't know. How well, how are they small sleeves in the all around? Oh, that sucks. Yeah. So I got like you can't wear them. So anyway, that's not interesting. But it's it. Well, it kind of is interesting, right? It's a little interesting.

Yeah. What's going on? You got a lot of stuff going on. Why don't you talk about it? That I'm moving? That? Yeah, of course, yeah. I did that and we're there

and there's about 10% of the furniture in the house. And the other stuff is still in the house. It is still in the old house because we have to sell it. So we have a couch, two beds, and then just, well, I'm so happy. I'm so happy that we live there now. I'm so happy. You like it a lot better, huh?

Oh yeah. That's such a good feeling. I mean, Calvin and Billy just running around and shit in the backyard. And it's just so beautiful, man. Like I saw Calvin running around in that backyard when we were looking at the house and I just go, oh, we gotta get this house.

And I don't believe in stuff like this, but I was like, I saw him running in this house and I was like, oh, this is his house. I can see him running here. Don't believe in what stuff? Premonition stuff. Like, it's not really premonition. No, but the way it felt was like,

oh, this is supposed to happen. Have you ever seen a movie premonition? Oh yeah. It's one of the worst movies ever made. Oh no, I was thinking of, what's the John Travolta one? Phenomenon. Phenomenon. With the Aaron Neville song?

Yep. Oh wow. If I could change the world. Right? So many notes. Not only if I could change the world, right? So many notes. Not only if I change the world. Always busting. Baby if I could. Aaron always busting Neville. Why does it, what is this?

That's Eric Clapton though. Oh yeah, but that is on that. That is on that. Yeah, but what's the Aaron Neville, Neville Lee, Neville, Neville, Neville, Neville, Neville, Neville, Neville. What's the song from Phenomenon? Whatever. One day he's got a fucking cookie.

It was a bang, dude. Can you plug your thing in? Aaron Cookie Face? He's got a cookie on his face. Wow, this is gonna bring me back. Oh, oh, oh. You gimme love, love, love, love, crazy love. Wow, you know.

So bad. Dude, Nate Dogg's dad, how he looks. How about Premonition the movie though, huh? But why does Erin Neville look like, Erin Neville look like, oh, the poster's the worst poster I've ever seen in my life. That's crazy, huh? That's like a bad tattoo that you'd get.

I kinda like that poster. Ah, it's terrible. I like it, dude. Oh, really? Oh, it's terrible. You're not into that? The fucking face leaves? Conceptually, it's good.

It's not well executed though But you think conceptually it's good. Yeah, cuz like your face is nah in I I get it Oh, I get it is in the ether conceptually. It's a corny idea It's a corny idea, bro Okay. Well the movies are just bent over dude, dude Aaron Neville is, convince me otherwise, he's Nate Dogg's dad, convince me otherwise. Convince me otherwise, he has a bakery on his face.

I mean, you know. His face is a bakery. Just so not even funny, you know. Dude, his face is a bakery. What's the difference when you say he has a cookie on his face and you say his face is a bakery. Because it looks like a cookie,

it doesn't look like a shop with a door on it. Where are their cookies, dude? Yeah, I understand, bro. I get it. Why wouldn't you get that thing removed? Dude, I'm telling you. You probably tried, dude. The thing about those is they grow back.

No, not if you get them done right. I tell you what, man. Some of them you can't go deep enough. The people who have beakers on their face like that, the people who have just straight up big brown, just, and I'm gonna say it, messes on their face and they don't get them removed? That's nuts. And I'm talking about, oh, I'm talking about all of them,

even the beautiful ones, like the Cindy Crawford. Dude, you have a big brown piece of shit on your face. You know? No, no, no, no, take it off. You can. I don't agree, though. It makes the person more the person. Yeah, I understand. It makes the person is how they are.

It's their it's their makeup. And take it off. Cookie like Aaron Neville. If it's a full if it's Cindy Crawford, that is like it's adding something. I get it. It's character. But you know what? You know what? You know what? You know what people say instead of ugly is you got character. Right. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. And of course

Cindy Crawford is absolutely gorgeous yeah but cut that beaker off and you look way better cut the piece of and I don't want to be I really like her she's nice and you know she's nice we've always been nice but like she but I'm just saying not her but everyone else who has a big fat piece of shit on their face cut it off dude. Disagree I just don't agree. Alright cut it off if you have it anywhere in your body. I also disagree with the premise that their big fat pieces of shit on their face. Cut it off, dude. Disagree. I just don't agree. All right. Cut it off if you have it anywhere in your body. I also disagree with the premise that they're big fat pieces of shit.

Now, we can put that aside and get to the show though. Big brown Play-Doh just under your eye, you know, somewhere. Big cookies. Should we talk about how Anthony's not here? Anthony's not here, dude. What the fuck's he doing? He's just not here, like just cause, you know? What do you have, jury duty?

Every time we start the show, within five minutes, Anthony stands up from his station and goes to the bathroom. Talk about big pieces of shit. Nothing bothers me more. You know, that's crazy. Go to the bathroom before. Well, yeah, I guess that is pretty annoying.

Imagine him doing jury duty though, that would be fucking insane. In the, during opening arguments, he'd be going to take a shit in the middle of it. You can't keep going to the bathroom. Yeah. Actually, what happens in the yard of the jury you have to go to the bathroom, can you?

You have catheters, yeah. You just go to the bathroom. You have colostomy bags. They're all toilet seats? Yeah. All right. They're all toilet seats, yeah, you just keep hearing flushing.

There's like 12 angry men, they didn't get to go potty. 12 shittin' men? No, 12 angry men because they had to go to the bathroom. That's the joke Not 12 shitting men, dude. I was just two jokes the bakery one and that one are just crazy right now. I was just proposing an alternative No, they got Tyson Proposing its alternative. All right All right. Well, then let's go dude

Let's get into it. Hey Chris and Matt love the show and love you guys So okay, I got this roommate and he's in this pretty goofy relationship back his girlfriends here more than anybody else in the houses Like I'm here right now She's here, but our roommates not here. So and she'll be here while we're gone at work and everything She just hangs out like like the place is we're gone at work and everything. His hand is up there the whole time. She just hangs out. Like the place is hers. She uses our utilities and everything. He moves it, his head falls off.

Anyways, she's not even cool. So like, I'm not okay with it. Dick. Oh, there we go. Like she uses our utilities and. She can't stop saying you to us. But she won't even say hey to us. Like she'll walk through the back door

just so she can avoid us. She better be hot. What? And where it gets really weird is like, she even brings out the worst in our roommate. Like, basically the guy turns into a zombie. He'll come home from work. He goes, the arm's out front of him.

They'll like smoke a little hot. And then she'll watch him play video games until he goes to bed. His arm's in there again. And then the cycle repeats the next day. We used to joke about this, but now it's getting to the point where we need to address this.

So what do you suggest we do? I mean, do we tell them break up? Do we just tell them like, hey, fix whatever this is? How much does that guy have the best smelling breath? But love you guys. Thank you, let me know. Do you smell him? He goes, fuck, God damn, it smells like roses.

Wow. You don't tell him to break up with her because that's not gonna happen and then it's gonna be like my roommate's a dick. Hey dude, I've been thinking about this. She's always here, you gotta break up with her. It's the kind of thing that if they owe, I don't know, man.

It should knock your rent down a little bit if she's always there, I think. Damn, really? If she's always there. That's intense. If there's three people always there instead of two. She did say she's there more than anyone else that actually lives there even. I think there's three of them anyway.

And she's a four. She's, you know. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I think it dilutes the... Yeah, it's like when you're an investor and then they go for another round and then ask for more money and then use, you know, your stakes aren't as much anymore. Your thing gets watered down.

That's true. I actually wouldn't, yeah, no, that's a good point. I mean, you know, it doesn't have to be much, but like, there needs to be some sort of, what do you call it, repercussion? Yeah, I think you stick with like the actual concrete stuff. I don't think you say like, and she sucks and turns into a zombie

and leave that aside and say like, if she's gonna be here this much, then like. Yeah, don't open it like, hey, what's up with the zombie stuff? Don't open it like that. But definitely you are, I don't know, man. That sucks when somebody you live with has like a,

just a piece of shit, you know, I don't know, man. That sucks when somebody you live with has like a just a piece of shit, you know, boyfriend or girlfriend. Well, somebody's allowed to have a girlfriend. Totally. And so it just comes down to like, I don't know how long have they been together and can you trust that person to be around when nobody else is?

Like you signed a lease with two people. Yeah, but it's a time. You signed up to not live with four people. Yeah, it's a time thing though. Like if they're there too much and they're eating food and they're like messing, making a mess, or using the toilet, you gotta wait, you gotta wait to go pee cause they're in there.

You know, stuff like that is annoying. I guess monetary is the way I think of handling it. But you know, there's other ways. You can go on the dark web and hire an assassin. You can, you know. You can do it yourself, kill yourself. Yeah, get the Tor browser and just go on and just go deep, deep, deep into the dark web.

What's a Tor browser? I don't know. It's instead of Safari, they have Tor. And it's the deep web, it's the dark web. You can get assassins. Oh, I'll never know what that is. Well, I mean, I don't know what it is either. That's the deep web, it's dark web. You can get assassins. I'll never know what that is. Well, I mean, I don't know what it is either. That's all I know literally.

Oh no. Cocaine and you kill people and you know, get a bunch of crazy fucking, you know. You can do all that? Some snuff films, but yeah, yeah, yeah. You get cocaine? Not anymore. Can you get cocaine?

Not anymore what? I mean. Not anymore what? The dark web used to be readily accessible. The devil's playground? I'm sure that it still exists in many different ways, but like it's not as readily accessible. Yeah. It used to be you would get a browser called the Tor browser.

Oh really? It's not like that anymore? No. Why? Well because they're trying to crack down on it. Damn it. Because you can kill people on there. Well that's no good.

Kill someone? yes, no. Oh, picked the wrong guy. But don't you also think that when you move in somewhere, it's like a given that somebody, one of the roommates, perhaps all of them are gonna end up with a significant other. So what are the ground rules? Yeah, maybe work that out next time.

You have to have like a thing set up. Well, why isn't he staying at her house sometimes if maybe she doesn't have a good house, but like, that's annoying. It's annoying either way. It's just gotta be careful. You do have to be careful. The breaking up thing is not a, you can't,

it's up to him. No, obviously not. You also kind of gotta be like, he's gonna be like, well, what am I supposed to do? Like I pay rent here, I can do what I want. Gotta be careful, dude. Yeah, but no, you definitely, if there's one more person living there,

then there should be. Then you should be paying less. Yes, that is. Period, figured it out. That is right. Yeah, that one. All right. Also, you should look into having,

how your hands always on the back. You know? All right. Also, you should look into how your hands always on the back of your head. Hi Chris. Hi Matt. Hi. Day one baby, since like Vine days. Mwah. Chef's kit or French kiss. Love you both.

Oh, French kiss. Oh yeah. You're the best. Here's my question. Maybe start it over, but yeah. So, Anya's person, you think a bridezilla is so drunk. So drunk. Bad, the worst. So drunk. Have you ever a bridezilla is bad, the worst.

Have you ever heard of a person who, let's say they're getting married, whatever the fucking day, it doesn't matter. A day, they're getting married. This person is saying that no one, friends, family, whatever, no one that they know of can get married six months before or six months after their that is not. Or six months after. Come on, dude. Their wedding day, because that's their time.

A year? No, that's my time. A year? If someone, God forbid, gets engaged, tries to have a baby, tries to do anything, within apparently a year's span of time. Tries to, by mistake you have a baby. That, you can't do that.

Or what? Her time. It's her time, dude. No, that's Please tell me what do you think about that? Oh what anyways, love you. That's this happen. She's saying yeah I guess dude that I go like this or well, well, no, hold on a second or what happens Oh, and then I go like this. Okay, and then if I want to get married I still do it because that's She the point she's making would imagine what that person must be like, yeah I own the year gonna make a blanket claim that person no matter who they are what they are in relation to you

Sucks no matter what it no matter what else she is like She's really, really weird. To say that even in about one week is weird. I own the year. Yeah, is what she's saying in effect. Bro, it wouldn't even matter if somebody got married that same month. I mean, maybe if it's the same week and your friends,

okay, I get it. It's like, why get married the same week I am? But like, there's like desirable times to get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Se to get married. Yeah, yeah. Seasons and shit. Wow, dude. That is nuts. No, you say, yeah, you know what you say? No, say nah, nah, that's crazy. Even if you don't plan on getting married, be like, nah, you actually, maybe I might be getting married around then now because of what you said.

Even if I was single, I would find a partner, get engaged to them and specifically marry that person as close to their wedding as possible. Ah, you're pissing me off. When is it? 2026? Shouldn't have told me. Now I'm gonna look for a fucking mate.

Dude, that's annoying. And matter of fact, where you doing it? I'm gonna try to book that place. Yeah, or right next to it, yeah. Dude, that, next to it, and only play Rob Zombie. Dude, that is so annoying. That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard somebody say about someone else on these submissions.

Well, you don't control other people though. You don't control other people's lives. Again, it's one thing to be like, please within a week try, but even that is so crazy to say. I mean, within a week. But it's so crazy to say, cause it's a given.

Look, here's the deal. If you were getting married on whatever the fifth week, you know, say the second week of June or something, okay, that's when I got married. And then I found a I was gonna get married too and I found a really great place the first week of June. I would be if I I would probably be like, I shouldn't, we should try to find another place. Probably. Another time. Yeah. But if that was the only option,

I would definitely come to you and be like, yo, Matt, it's the only time, I know it's kind of weird, but like, it's like a week before you get married, it's probably too much, right? Or is it, you know, like, I think that that's, that's it, that's wild. Two weeks, okay. Yeah. Anything beyond two weeks is, you know, you don't own the month, dude. And she's talking about a year,

one decade, anyone from a decade either way. Six months either way is the most control freak. Like how spoiled was that kid? Yeah. And how's that person getting married? Who's he getting married to? The biggest bitch alive, you know? Yeah, wow. But it was the guy that was like that. Nobody's getting married within a year. All right, bros?

The fact that we just knew... She might have specified, but we also knew. She's a girl. She's, you know. You know why? Because if any guy even said it to another guy, they'd go like this. No.

Yeah, they'd just laugh. They wouldn't even have said it for real. Women always want to keep the peace and make other women feel okay and like shit Like that, you know, they hate them secretly. So it's like, you know No, it's fine. It's just women are only friends with each other for two years and then they hate each other They call each other wifey and then they want to fucking kill each other and it's fine But I'm just saying after two years. Yeah have been secretly long-term friendships way less frequently. Yes

Yes, you know why no succubus is and that's fine, you know, but no, Do you know why? No. Succubuses. And that's fine. You know? But do you know why? Why what? Because hell hath no, what's that thing? Hell hath no. Fury like a woman scorned.

Like a woman scorned. Yeah, but I think this is true even when the women aren't scorned. They just kind of go through. Hell hath no fury like a woman. Ah ha ha, so stupid. Ah ha ha ha. Yeah, that person's terrible.

I would advise you to not be friends with that person. That's a terrible person. They're vindictive. I mean, you know. Stop. Next. What? Next? Sure, next. Yeah. The collab that you always wanted is finally here.

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Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you. For more information on the UBRA Well, well, well. Stop eating. There's an old Christian mat. I mean, you know. My question to you is, you have so many things that you want to pursue in your life. How do you just decide on one? Oh, dude. Is it better to just decide on one? Or is it better to just pursue all of them with like 25% effort?

That's a good question. I don't do that. The framing isn't great effort? It's a good question. I don't do that. The framing isn't great, but it's a good question. I don't do that. Ew. No, okay. Oh, okay. I guess I kinda like that.

I was kinda, I was all right. It was way less bad than I thought it was gonna be when he started it. You don't, you didn't say it right. You know what I mean. Yeah, no, but he specifically said, pursue all of them with 25%. No, if you're gonna pursue several things,

you pursue them one at a time with 100%. You don't just like divide up your energy. But it depends, it's like, look, I, technically there are a lot of things that I have wanted to do throughout the course of my life. Not me. But like, there's a natural order to the things that you wanna do.

It's not like you wanna do them all equally. So I would say establish some kind of order and whatever's at the top, pursue those the most intensely. And then the rest of them obviously still try in whatever capacity you can. but you can't do everything Yeah, I mean when I was in my late 20s, it was Get coffee bust a nut do stand-up, right? These were my things that I wanted to do in that order Well, no, they know, you know, I'm stand-up was number one bust a nut number two get coffee was number three

So I would be like, let's get some coffee sit down Think about how we're gonna bust some nuts before the show I have. Right. So I would be getting coffee, drinking it, thinking about like, I could bust a nut here. I could do this. I can maybe call her. I can do this and that. You know what I mean? Maybe I'll just fucking do it myself, whatever. And then I'll do my show at the, you know, at the improv or whatever. And then, you know, maybe maybe then after that, I would bust a nut and you know. Interesting.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I get it. So if for instance, those are the three things that you're interested in, coffee, busting, nuts, and comedy, then you could take a page from the playbook of Crystal Lea. But don't just pursue busting nuts 100%. That would be all.

You're not gonna have a great life. You would have a fun life, but it would be really tough. You'd die early. You'd get burnt out real quick and not enjoy your life very quickly. But yeah, if it's like you wanna do music, you wanna do movies, I don't know, I'm guessing. But like those things are also in the same realm.

So what I would say is there's some overlap. So in a way you could, if they are kind of clustered together like that, it's not like you want to be a firefighter and a musician, right? You probably want to do things that are relatively similar. So like one door opens and you can kind of pull along the other thing.

See what I'm saying? Like if you want to be an actor, and a musician, those two things are related. If you do well in music, you can kind of pull in the acting afterwards. Dude, a firefighter and a musician are the two funniest jobs together.

Like to, you know there are some though, to fight fire in the day and then to be a lounge act at night, like so tired and burnt, you know, literally burnt, there's no way to do it. Well, Zach Brian, that popular singer, was in the army and then... That's different. A lot of people go to the army and then do big things though. Nobody's like, all right we got a back draft, we got a fucking don't touch your doorknob, and then strangers in the night. That would be incredible actually.

Amazing dude. I wonder why he brought up only Zach Brian when he talked about the military thing, because a lot of people did that. And he just did that. What are you doing? Yeah, that is actually super weird, honestly. Now do we know why you brought up Zach Brian only? A lot of guys are in the military. Because he's very contemporary.

What about cannabis? Well, cannabis was in the military after he started rapping. The rapper? Yep. Wait, what? In the military after he started rapping. Is that true?

Dude, he just goes like this. Fuck it. The guy, well, he's, I mean, and this is nothing wrong with it. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think it's kind of fucking cool when some people are. He's absolutely autistic. And he's just like, he does everything so much.

And he rapped, had that battle with LLJ, kind of fell off, and then joined the fucking military. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, I haven't thought about cannabis in forever. Can I bust? Yes, you can. That's him, right? No, that's actually LL Cool J. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, wait, what? Oh, oh, there was the beef going on? Oh, yeah. Oh. LL Cool J murdered him. Which sucks because cannabis is awesome. Look how many musicians were in the military. Okay, so a lot of the older ones were drafted. Right, right, right. Look how many musicians were in the military. Okay, so a lot of the older ones were drafted.

Right, right, right. And how many musicians were firefighters? We don't know, I guess. He's actually gonna look it up, let's find out. Only one. Jason Byrd. Who's that? I don't know. Third generation firefighter that also is a lounge act.

Page not found. Boo. All right fun oh well didn't exist whatever yeah cannabis is the shit look up cannabis's stuff he didn't make good songs but he was a good rapper man what did we mean there right there well look at him dude yeah he's intense look yeah I know yeah those hollowed out cheeks. And he's so skinny. Yeah. Remember that? He's only 49, dude. No, I don't. Sounds cool though, right?

Yeah, it does. Mike Tyson, who was on it? Yeah, yeah, right here, here how it is. You don't remember that shit? What? Mike Tyson rapped on a Canada song? No, no, no, no, no, he was in the intro. Oh, it's called second that round knockout damn Give me your vanguard award then by the ball ball or whatever the hell you know yeah gave up

Yeah, whatever the hell, so insecure whatever um so anyway Okay, well let's do another one okay. That was a fruitful submission call me Mr.. Ferric on Let's do another one. Okay. That was a fruitful submission. Communist-o-fer-o-con. Dude. So, I'm up here. I'm out of his mind.

Watching Son-in-law with Polly Shaw. That's great. And you're never in that lighting and not on Coke, right? No, he's totally, he's been awake for three days. There's no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. And he's loving life. And you know what it is?

It's 3 p.m. right now, too. Ha ha ha. All right, go ahead. You're gonna tell me that part of your personality and all of your jokes dude are not based off of Pauly Shore's famous films such as Sun and Loss, Bio Dome, Xenomania, Deeper, but No one's ever been on a bender. No man under. No one's ever been more fucked up. It's a deeper, but I'm telling you, you guys are a bit of some Polly Shores. We are, he's saying?

I think so. I'm a fan of it. Life fucking rips, I love you guys. Matt, Chris, and no order, you guys are my dudes. Lates. Thanks, dude. I mean how? The guy just does Coke like this,

gets the Coke, puts his face in it, and goes, like doesn't do lines, fuck lines. He goes like this, gets the coke, puts his face in it and goes like doesn't do lines. Fuck lines. He goes like this. Fuck lines. Just keeps dipping his face in. Put it in a thing. All day. Does it alone. Only alone. Whole week. Yeah. He'll hang but he doesn't care. He doesn't need to be with people. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha A lot of people have said I sound like Paulie Shore.

What? And I don't know what that, I genuinely. I've never heard this. I genuinely don't know what that means. I don't know what it means. Because I. Let's get this out of the way. I love Paulie Shore.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm not saying, yeah. I just, I don't know. It's just like, dude, I love a lot of guys. I just, I don't know what that means. How do I sound like Paulie Shore? But people do say it. It is a comment I get. How odd. It must be comment I get. How odd.

It must be something I do. Yeah. But humor based on it? No. No. Those moves were so long ago, I don't even remember them. I mean, I love Son-in-law.

Don't get me wrong. I watched it a ton when I was young, but I don't remember being influenced by his sensibility. What? I dress like him with the bandana around my neck and stuff. I'm so confused, dude. being influenced by his sensibility, what? I dress like him with the bandana around my neck and stuff. I'm so confused, dude.

No, people say that, yeah. Nako, can you like translate this? I can't really. Or do you not know either? I put this in because I thought it's such a outlandish claim. Oh yeah. And there's no, this guy is, It's a testament to how much drugs he's on. Well, no, because sometimes people leave it on my Instagram,

they'll be like, yo, this sounds like Pauly Shore. Really. What? Yeah, for real, they've been doing it for years. I don't understand it. About like what stuff? I don't know, dude. I don't know, I don't know.

I wish I knew, I don't know. If you know, leave, drop a comment, why? Why would people say that? No? I mean, I've been around you guys for so long and I've also I loved Polish. Yeah, I don't really see the Connection. Yeah, we're happy to be associated with Polly but no. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I mean nothing. Yeah, I think Vince Vaughn is valid Yeah, but people don't people say Polly sure more they do He's saying that I've never

Yeah for me, it's more like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, like in earlier when he was hotter and stuff. Like for what? Denzel Watt, like the way I- They say Denzel Watt. The way like I am and the way I look and stuff. Not how you look, obviously. No, how I look, the way I am, cool.

Okay, so you're saying they're so coolness? Like seductive, like just like coolness like seductive like just like Seductive very very cool. Yeah And look seductive Um, yeah, dude, I uh, you're not like you're not like them No, it's like it's like on a different level. You don't get no no, but people say it all the time Whatever dude, I saw this. Yeah, whatever No, yeah, because you seem dead time. Whatever, dude. I saw this, eh, whatever. Paul Newman. No.

Yeah, because he's dead. Robert Redford. He seemed dead. Robert Redford, et cetera. Seemed dead. Oh, he's alive still, huh? Yeah, he is. Wow.

He had the worst eye work ever, dude. It's crazy. Really? Pull up Robert Redford now, let's look at his eyes. Okay. Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes. What's that? Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

What's that? It's from Bad, Harvey Keitel. He's so caught out of his mind, he's talking about a badder, a bad, he wants him to hit on him, run on him. He's saying, like, he didn't swing, and he's like, eyes, eyes, good eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Look how bad his eyes look.

Oh, okay, what is that? Well, it's not just his eyes, though, dude. No, it's not. He's old. Well, yeah, but he had face work, and his eyes look all fucked up. Eyes, eyes, eyes. When, when you're old, it's just, it sucks.

Look at, did you see Gene Hackman recently? Did you see Gene Hackman recently? Well, no. Why would I see Gene Hackman recently? Oh, because he's a recluse and they spotted him out. He's 94 years old. You won't even recognize him. Is that right?

Look up Gene Hackman now. See, look at his eyes. I don't mean do it now. I mean look up, like put Gene Hackman now, Google that. I knew it. I'm not being, you know. Ordering around and shit. There it is. Up.

There it is, up, all the way. This? Up, yep. 94. That's him. Whoa. Zoom in. Not crazy. Go away. Oh wow. Not crazy. Go away.

Oh wow. Not crazy. That is crazy. I would never think that's him. There's no way. What is this? Only his ears grew, everything else shrank? Well, that's what happens. Your ears don't stop growing, you know what I mean?

Is that right? Yeah. I thought that was like a fake thing. Uh-uh, ears and nose and cock and my, for me, it's cock. A children's song, a children's song. Ears, nose and cock and cock. No, but for me it's cock. A children's song, ears, nose and cock and cock. No, but for me it's cock. For me, my cock keeps growing.

It keeps growing. It's so fucking annoying. How do they even know it was him? Well, for me, it's like they noticed because it's dragging on the ground, but. No, man. Gene Hackman, not you. Oh, I don't know about his cock.

You can kind of tell. You can tell. Yeah, you can tell a little bit, but it's hard to tell, yeah. But for me, it sucks because you'd think that the scraping comes from under your cock, but it doesn't, it comes from on the top of your cock. So painful.

Because when you're walking, your dick is dragging under your legs, and so the tip of it, the top tip of it, is scraping against the concrete. So painful. And that's why the tip of it is red. So painful. The tip of it is red, you know?

Dude. Sensei, the way he's standing. Yeah, really. Bitch. Oh no, dude. Play the Robert De Niro fucking thing. That's crazy. That, that's crazy.

It was unreal, dude. Robert De Niro jumping from a boat was the most bitch shit. I have, first of all, if you're 81, that's crazy to jump off a boat. It's nuts that he did that. It's crazy to jump off a bus that he did that It's nuts. It's really nuts that he did that. We gotta watch it though. It's so funny and then we get another submission I mean so road, okay I'm okay the Oh, dude. You sick. I'm okay. The way he jumped in.

Oh my god. I mean, who's laughing? A villain? His 28 year old girlfriend, you know. That's a guy. That's not a guy. I'm not. Woo!

It's like, that's not even diving, you fell. He goes, hey, arms, legs, you got the day off. I'm jumping in. I wish there was two more seconds at the top of that video to see. You know what, I do too, except I wonder if that's actually best case scenario is what we saw, because of the way it was cut. Anyway, yes, I do agree. I want to know of how he, like the fact that it's cut makes me think it was cut anyway. Yes, I do agree. I want to know of how he like the

The fact that it's cut makes me think it was fucked up before and that's why I want to see it. Oh Yeah, released as like a PR thing. I must they can't see that part right? He looked all fucked up before you know Alright next submission Hey, Kristen Matt, how you doing? I'm John John from New Jersey. So Jersey. I knew it. Of course. Let me give you a bit of context before we jump in. I'm 28, I'm single, I've been living by myself for about two years now, and I'm ready for our next step.

So my question is what should come first, the dog or the girlfriend? Wow. I like taking care of things. The dog. It makes me feel good. The dog. I think having a dog will help me get a girlfriend.

Let's pause there. I know that's not necessary. Yeah. There's many other things like confidence, going out more. I'm not that big of a drinker, so I'm not going to find my girlfriend at a bar, nor do I want to. On the other hand, I think having someone else to help me take care of a dog will make me feel good.

It will make the dog feel good So yeah, what do you guys think which should come first the lady or the dog? I mean, thanks guys. So sexist How about how should I get me first a bitch or a bitch? How about how the way some guys think I know it's It's unreal. It's crazy. It's unreal. It's unreal. It's actually that is, if that's actually what he's thinking, it's nuts. It's nuts. It is. That's what guys think. You know me. There's nobody I'd rather hang out with more than that guy. Of course. That guy already is your friend.

He's my friend. Even though you never met him. Dude, that guy, I would, what the fuck, I would love to hang out with that guy but that is in It is it is I'll just go ahead and say this it's insane to think Just this Should I get a dog first or a girlfriend first? Yeah

Just that is insane and he went on There's levels to the insanity about what he thought that is wild like And he went on, there's levels to the insanity about what he thought. That is wild. Like you do, you, hey, man, life is just life. It happens. You get a dog or you get a girlfriend and none of them have to do with each other.

They're not related in any way. What should I do? Put on socks or make a cake? That's how related they are. Should I put on socks first, make a cake or make a cake and then put on socks now if the question is I? Nothing I want a dog Yeah Should I wait in case I get into a relationship to get a dog together with the person? That's a different question

That's also a crazy question it but it's it's of a piece It makes yeah sure I. Get the dog anyway. Because you don't know when you're going to get in a relationship. You can control when you get a dog, you can't control when you get a girlfriend. So get a fucking dog, you might be waiting three years. There's nothing more guy from New Jersey to think, if I get a dog, how am I going to get a girlfriend? You know what I mean?

The kind of thinking though is bonkers. It's truly bonkers. And many guys think this way. Oh yeah. Or a version of a different way like this level. It's just really wild. You know what it is? You're thinking too hard in a bad framework.

Yup, I agree. In a completely faulty framework that you made up. You made a thing up. Like what kind of girl is gonna like a guy that thinks like that? They don't care. They like a guy that thinks like that? They don't care. They like the guy that don't give a fuck how he thinks, you know. Yeah, they're vindictive. It's just crazy.

Chris, you know? Well? You need more therapy. I know, I have a lot of it. More? I had it last night. Was it enough? Uh, no.

Answers no. Was it enough? Uh, no. Answers no. Ha ha. All right, yeah. So guys think like that and that's fucking absolutely insane but the answer's a dog. Because you can control that and not when you get a girlfriend.

Men can be vindictive too. So you can't just go get a girlfriend, you know? Exactly, yeah. You can't just go to the girlfriend store. Or like they're at Radio Shack or something. Yeah, yeah. I'll take a VCR and a Heather. Ha ha ha.

That's such a fucking bad joke. would be a stand-up 1990. I'll have a VCR and a Heather like Paul Reiser would say it. I liked it. Okay? I liked that joke. Okay. And I like Paul Reiser. How about the Sony leaks? Paul Reiser Sony leaks? What was it? What did he say? He's asking for residuals about Mad About You. Oh yeah dude. Sick. Well he should have it. I agree. He's like what happened to Mad About You. Oh. Yeah, dude, sick. Well, he should have it. I agree. He's like, what happened to Mad About You? The DVZ sold really well and I never saw Penny From It. Well, he should get that money. I agree, but it's sad.

And don't even get me started with Fuck A Three-Minute Baby. Wait. Oh, fuck, he's in that. Is he in it? He is, right? No, he's not. Don't even get me started with Diner.

No, Diner he's in. Three-Minute Baby is Goodenburg, Danson and Selick. So don't fuck around. Oh, yeah, I recently want you it's Crazy, dude, do you know the plot of that movie? It's crazy what they think the package that the bad guys are looking for a case of heroin that the baby was like under or something and that the baby was like under or something. And like mixing those themes is so weird, you know? It's like a cute baby. And there's like drug dealers looking for heroin.

It's out of control. It's a great movie. It is? Yeah, I loved it. Wow. So 80s though. What's 80s? Yeah, it's so 80s.

I really liked that kind of stuff though, man. Like I was thinking about babies and heroin. No, I was thinking about music and like from the 80s and just how much I like it. And it's only nostalgia really that was why I like it. It's crazy. But like Susu Studio, all that shit. I'm just like, oh, Calvin loves Susu Studio.

Really? Yeah, cause what the fuck, it's for a kid. What's Susu Sudio? It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. That's really weird actually. I'm playing Susu Sudio and I look back and of course he's just like this.

Ah ha ha, so high. Yeah. That's a great song though. Oh, it's great. You think you only like it because. Well, no, that might not be the only reason why I like it. If Calvin likes it. No, no, no, it might not be the only reason why I like it. If Calvin likes it. No, no, no. It might not be the only reason why I like it.

But it for sure. Yeah, it twists the knife. All right. It's a violent. It's deeper. Next one. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. When you drive a Mazda, you'll find out

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Hello, fellas. I've already tried to shoot this a couple times. Oh, yeah. Been taking too long, so I'm going to do it on as much cocaine. Another cocaine. It's about a relationship. I've already do it on Eh, so much cocaine. Another cocaine. It's about a relationship. I've already reached out to a bunch of comedians in the industry, and no one's really getting back to me.

So maybe you guys will. I dated this girl for four years. We bought a bunch of stuff together, a bed, couch, car. When we broke up, she wanted to keep everything. So I move out, she keeps the apartment. I leave. Predictive. I give her time to get financially steady again, whatever. I reach out to her after six months.

Doesn't feel comfortable yet. After a year, she sends me $500. Why? What is that? Then I find out a year after that, that she sold the car, kept the money, didn't tell me about it. Oh. Just wondering what you guys would do in this situation if I should let it go

or take it to court. I sometimes have dreams about it. Sadi what you guys would do in this situation if I should let it go or take it to court. I sometimes have dreams about it, so deeper, I know, whatever. Anyway, also ever since you guys said runk, me and my roommate can't stop saying it. We do it a little differently around here. We like to go, here, I'm crazy.

Oh wow, dude. Absolutely insane. The Ace Ventura, dude, dude also you are in Ontario and you've never left Ontario. So um. Ace Ronkatera. I feel like. Don't go to court.

No. And it's obvious. You could cost you money. How much are you going to get back? Sell your chain, you know? Sell your chain. It's gotta be worth the same. Wait, so did he say he bought the car with her? They bought it together? I don't know, but she fucking took him and that's dope.

Good job on her. But, you know, that's the game. That's one of those things. You know what that is? That's a straight up charge it to the game. That is a charge it to the game, dude. Busting. But that is just so, a mind bending orgasm you have. Just like,

uh. Dude, um, no, I just think that, um. He's upset about it though. So what does he do like that? Yeah, but he's upset about it because he's in his feelings about it.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So therapy. Not about the money, therapy, yeah. Yeah, therapy. Was he just fart? Wasn't me. That was a crazy fart, dude.

So therapy and don't go to court, you know, whatever. It's gonna take too long. You're gonna spend money getting the money. You're gonna even out. Yeah, you might make like 800 bucks. And either way you're still in Ontario no matter what so. That guy's so Canadian he can't leave.

She took him, huh? He's so Canadian he can't leave. If he goes to the border he goes, what the fuck? Yeah, it's like a force field, yeah. What the fuck? How did you know he said something before? Nothing, you just can tell. Wow, that's crazy.

That was so fast. You knew the guy from New Jersey, right? Yeah, but I'm from New Jersey so it's easier. Yeah, that's crazy. That was so fast. You knew the guy from New Jersey, right? Yeah, but I'm from New Jersey, so it's easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, gotcha. I think honestly, touring helps. But just, he's so Canadian. I mean, that's just crazy. It was the niceness of the beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The black tank top, obviously.

The black tank top, forget it. The chain, the the spike, a little hair and then shaved real nice. And then the just the placed tattoos that were like a little too dark on his pasty skin. So Canadian. So Canadian. The guy is from fucking Saskatchewan. Yeah, the guy is from fucking North Battleford. The guy is from fucking Ontario. He's from Ottawa. He's from London, Ontario. Dude, the guy is from fucking Ontario he's from Ottawa he's from London Ontario dude the guy is from literally Kitchener he's from fucking you know where he's from those are the ones I know

from so many places I mean just from so many you can't be from that many places but that's cool Hamilton Ontario that's where he's from dude okay Thunder Bay no you know where he's from Thunder Bay Ontario nope Peterborough that's where he's from? Thunder Bay, Ontario. Nope, Peterborough. That's where he's from. The worst psychic ever. Dude. I'll be in Peterborough, chrisley.com also. Logging himself. Dude.

Evil. Evil. Coming. Coming. So anyway, dude, it's just crazy when you can tell someone who's Canadian like that. You're good at telling people where people are from, huh? You should be, we should work at a carnival.

Yeah, I should. I'd probably make a lot less money, but we need to talk to you. You're giving away too many bears. All right. So stupid. Next. We're in the hole. Hey guys, my name is Rachel and I have a quick two-part for you.

One, I'm the kind of brain that does not shut up and let me fall asleep at night. But there are some things that can kind of distract me and help me fall asleep. One of those things is a soothing voice. And Matt has a voice that I think is very soothing. I don't know if anyone else has this weird quirk like me, but if they do, I think it'll be awesome if you started a podcast where they're like 15 to 20 minute episodes and you talk about nothing so it doesn't provoke Overthinking and so you could just talk about like that one time you made a sandwich or something, you know I don't know just throwing it out there to get four views part two is an unrelated question So you see two garages one is floor-to-ceiling wall-to-wall full of crap and the other one is completely bare white walls sparkling clean floor maybe a car but nothing else which one of those

people do you think is crazy I think about it every time I see an open garage and honestly the bear clean one kind of gives me Dexter vibes let me know what you think guys I think if your garage is spotless and clean, it's really weird. Because where do you put your stuff? Yeah, but then I have a neighbor that I finally saw their garage open. I noticed that their garage is,

there's this big like hill of like almost wood chips in their garage and I'm like, but it's blocking their garage, how do they use it? Then I realized, well, they don't use it obviously because it never moves this pile of wood chips in their garage. And I'm like, but it's blocking their garage. How do they use it? Then I realized, well, they don't use it obviously because it never moves this pile of wood chips. Then I finally saw it open. It was, you couldn't get a garage more full. Damn.

There was not a centimeter of space. That's really upsetting. And so that I think no matter what, will always be weird. That's the way we are. But I understand how that happens. I actually don't understand how it's, garage has nothing in it.

I don't understand that. Like what about your pressure washer? You know what I mean? Like rope? A hammer? You know? Murderer. Risen?

Like where are you putting this stuff? Yeah, no, I understand what you mean, but I wouldn't think twice about a pristine clean perfect wrapping empty garage M&M I would Be so freaked out and weirded out over the garage that I saw yeah true true So so the first one I got a girl. I got some girl. I just opened up my garage for the first time oh Yeah, in the new house. Oh, yeah. I had it for five days, but we couldn't open the garage for five days. Really? Finally I got it open.

Congratulations, man. What are you doing with it now? It's just open, there's nothing in it. Well, see, so that's not that weird. Maybe they just moved in. Because all this stuff is already in the other garage that we opened. But like maybe the person just moved in

if you saw a garage like that is what I'm saying. So it's not weird. There's a potentially plain regular reason why garage would be perfectly empty There's not a plain simple good sure why it would be packed to the gills right fucking everything just fucking Can we now a coroner the other thing that she said I've heard? Many times that I have a voice like that now the question is what do I do about it? People say I have a great voice. Okay, people say one Brought that up. I know we're talking about me. Okay, so now that we know that and then we'll get to you

nice Yeah, you don't You you you you're, right now you talk. So that's good. You talk on a podcast. So that's good. That's what you do. I know, but I think what she's saying and I agree.

Yeah, there's something. It's like the, it's like that app, um, calm, which I love. Not me. I think I should start a podcast or I just talk. You know why I don't like calm why Because you get interested in don't want to fall asleep No, okay, because they take too much time in between sentences Here's what happens they go the rain is on are on the leaves and then you go like this

You get used to the quietness and then they're like, there's a bridge and you're like, what the fuck? Oh. You can speed it up. You just listen to a podcast, it's better. Got it. Got it, I like calm, what were we gonna say? You could get calm to pay you to have a thing.

Like LeBron James or? Yeah, calm's cool, LeBron James or? Yeah, Calm's cool. LeBron James. Chibs O'Carickay? Oh, Chibs O'Carickay. What are you saying? Hi there, I'm Chibs O'Carickay. Who the hell's Chibs, whatever?

Well, you obviously know nothing about Calm. I, I, I just. Hi there. Hi there. Chibs is the name? I'm Chibs O'Carickay. Dude, Chibs, don't be named that. And I talked about it on congratulations once.

So did I? And he followed me on Instagram. Chibs, don't be named that. And I talked about him on congratulations once. Sit around. And he followed me on Instagram after that. Chibs. And when he followed me, at the end of it I was like, hi there. What does he do? Who is this guy? You sent him a voice note?

No, I didn't. I mean, you know, I bought a hook line and sinker. A hook line and sinker just fucking got him. Hi there, I'm Chibs O'Kerrikay. He's got one of those names, I don't even know where it starts or where it ends, but it's Chibs O'Kerrikay. So he's Irish. No, he's black. O'Kerikay. He's got one of those names, I don't even know where it starts or where it ends, but it's Chibs O'Kerikay. So he's Irish.

No, he's black. O'Kerikay? Yeah. Oh, Kerikay. He's like African or something. Got it. It's not O apostrophe. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it,

got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Okay, next one. Okay. Hey guys, big fan of this show. Chris, I remember finding you on Vine way back in the day and I've been a fan ever since. Matt, I love you, say it back, you know what I mean? I do, I love you too.

So I wanna ask you guys, okay, I got into a conversation the other day about birthday texts, like the fact that people feel the need to text you on your birthday, even though they haven't talked to you in so long. For instance, me and my older sister and my biological mom, none of us get along. Like they cause too much drama, I don't trust them. But today is my mom's birthday.

And a couple days ago was my oldest sister's birthday. And I haven't said anything to them. And somebody called me petty for doing that. And I was like, why should I pretend that everything's okay? Just because it's their birthday? Like, why should I pretend that everything's okay just because it's their birthday? Why do we feel the need to text people on their birthday, even though we haven't talked to them at all? We don't have a relationship really with them. But I feel bad.

A part of me just feels like I should say something, like I'm kinda being an asshole, but anyways, let me know what y'all think and why people feel the need to text other people on their birthday, even though there's nothing there. Anyways, let me know what y'all think and why people feel the need to text to the people on their birthday even though there's nothing there Anyways, let me know I think like no it doesn't who cares I think I think people are weird about birthdays

Yeah, and the one way that I which is annoying, but the one way I understand people are worried about birthdays is which I've only come really to Agree with as I've gotten a little older It's like the one day everyone agrees is the time that you let someone know that you care about them at all. Now, if you have a bunch of baggage and drama with someone, I agree with you, there's no reason to just like overlook that and pretend that's not there and say happy birthday. But if you wanna let someone know that you care,

and it's just weird to say it out of the blue in the middle of fucking October when their birthday's in March, birthdays are a good day to do that. You're not petty for not doing it though. No, yeah, I don't think you're petty for not doing it because that's the norm. You'd be petty if you were doing something actively,

but you're not, you're just like, oh, this is kinda, well, I don't wanna talk to him, so fuck it. So you're saying you can't be petty if you were doing something actively, but you're not, you're just like, oh, this is kind of what, well, I don't want to talk to him, so fuck it. So you're saying you can't be petty by inaction? No, you can, because inaction is action sometimes. But it sounds like in this case it's not. She's just like, I don't really text them. We don't get along, fuck it, it's their birthday.

I mean, all right, who cares? You know? Also, I don't know your relationship. I mean, it depends. Like, I could be mad at somebody but still wish them happy birthday. But you know, if it's a different thing where it's like, they've been really shitty to you their whole life,

I just like, just because they're your mom and your sister, it's like, doesn't mean you need to fucking, Yeah. You know, if they're shitty. Yeah. Who the fuck told her she was petty for that? That's just, that person needs to shut up. Like she's got this whole thing going on. They're part of a logical mob.

I understand why somebody might think that, but they don't know the situation. What I'm saying is why would you say that? Don't shut your mouth, dude. Like we're talking about like family drama and shit. Shut your mouth. It's like so fucking like. I'm petty, me?

It's so out of line to tell someone they're petty for that to me. Come here. De Niro. Yeah, I don't. You don't talk about that? Oh, I do, I get it. Like, why are you even getting involved?

Well, because that's what fucking friends do, especially what women do, because they're talking about each other. Diaper. No, but it's like diaper, dude. Diaper, dude. Michael, what's with the fucking gas root tootin' in my face? Wasn't me shaggy dude

And it's loud and it's gross when you see me on a sofa one me Man, I don't like when people just fart you same hold it Go somewhere where there aren't people especially me same and let her out same So why do you do it because I'm me I'm not some other I'm not people now if the whole world were like work like that the whole world would suck and it does suck So the whole world does work like I'm enjoying your fart ever participating in making the world suck fart everywhere can't beat them Join them fart everywhere. That's my anvil for me. Where's bumper sticker? All right

Shit shmacks Shmacks. Hey guys, love the podcast. Don't mind my hair. I know it's a mess. I can't help it bad hair day But anyways, so I have this co-worker right that I reached out to her because we're both new on the job And I'm just essentially trying to uh, like cooperate together so then it's not as horrible. But then I saw, I texted her, I got her number, I texted her and she like straight up friends on me. Right, she was like, all right bro, all right, like you know what it is when girls start to like treat you

a certain way like, thanks bro. And it makes me uncomfortable uncomfortable because it's like am I really always coming off like that when I'm talking to chicks like generally I just want it like a co-worker. So what do you guys think? Oh, what did you say? This guy's leaving some shit out. You know it dude sent a dick pic You know what did he say sent a fucking dick pic and said if you tell our boss I tried to hit on my co-worker and she didn't respond now I feel uncomfortable. Should I report her? Like what, go ahead.

I think what he's saying is that he, according to himself, thinks that he was just being normal to a coworker. And then she started treating him like she had to friend zone him. Yeah. I wasn't even hitting. Bro, put your mind in her head space

just for a fucking second. Imagine being a woman who's new at a job and some guy that she just started working with starts texting her. It doesn't matter how cordial and professional you're being. It makes sense that she would put up those boundaries and be clear about that right away, dude.

Don't take it so fucking personal. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. Sensitive ass motherfucker. No, send a dick pic. I think honestly that's, yeah. It's normal. 100% right.

And fucking you would do the same thing, dude. Yeah, bro. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, women kind of have to do that. That's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is take it, act as if you are not involved in the situation at all. It has nothing to do with you, right?

She might wanna fuck your fucking brains out. She doesn't, because of that hair. But like, say she does, she might well want to, but she's still gonna do what she did because it's smart to do that. Because think about it, dude. Women have to do that shit all the fucking time. She doesn't wanna get fucking fired,

she doesn't wanna start drama right away, She doesn't want to get fucking fired. She doesn't want to start drama right away. She doesn't want any lines being crossed. It's obvious that she would do that. Take yourself out of it and it makes perfect sense. Also, you look like a guy that would fuck his coworker. Yes, dude. There is nobody on the planet that looks more like they would fuck their coworker than you.

Yeah, dude. Everything about you, your face, your hair. The hair of the most. The D-shirt that you wore. Like it's just insane how much you look like you would fuck their coworker than you. Everything about you, your face, your hair, the D-shirt that you wore. Like it's just insane how much you look like you would fuck your coworker. And honestly, even if they were all guys, you'd still do it because you're the guy

who fucks his coworkers. You couldn't look more like that. And you're a Simpson. So there you go. Ha ha ha ha ha. And it's okay, but there you go. All right, we'll do one more I guess. What's up Matt and Chris?

My name is Joe from Orange Dice. I forgot who he was. Sounds like. Hello, my question to you guys is, do you ever just get. Peter Griffin. Inconceivably angry for next to no reason. He's really funny that this guy's saying this.

Just really quick, I'm on my way to my cousin's Peter, you see him. graduation party. He's so close to coming. One of the flowers that I got her fucking broke. Is everybody from New Jersey in this one? I'm in the car and He's gonna cry.

I think I could kill somebody right now. So close to him Anyways, I know I know that you know therapy can help with that's crazy. That one is crazy to me Yeah, nobody's fault my god. I I mean It's like his fault. They like stop you guys have like a method or or some sort of like a phrase or a breathing technique or something of the sort. Tell me, because I might get into an accident, mom. I'm recovering from crying.

BRM. Anyways, love the show, love you guys, thank you. You wanna feel better, dude? Everybody's from your church. That happens, you notice it happens. You get blood red mad and then you say, okay, and then it's fucking over, dude. You're fine.

It doesn't matter that, so here's the deal. It doesn't matter, getting mad is fine. It's what you do that is fine or not fine. So you just got it, but that's just to break one of- Everybody has the thing. I know, I know, it's so fun, but I know that's so foreign to me. To me, that wouldn't be one of those, but.

I mean, but okay, but like, your one would. Get it figured out, bro. No, mine would be, I got so mad the other day, Jesus Christ. Not a story. Absolutely, just antithesis of a story. No, I get it though, you gotta breathe through it though, man, you're gonna waste your energy, you're gonna take years off your life

getting mad about a broken flower. Pottery. Who gives a shit? Pottery. Yeah, a shit? Pottery. Yeah, I think that you gotta just, so what do you do? Okay, and move on. No, come on.

Yeah, it feels better. It makes you feel good. It's so silly and stupid. Just fucking get mad. Celebrate. Celebrate, dude. Get mad, sit on the expression of the anger. Celebrate.

Let yourself be mad, but don't act on it yes yeah that broke whoa in a Lowe's parking lot just that would work that works yeah all right look hairs nothing matters we did it out you know cares um we did it I'll be in McAllid, Texas and Beaumont, Texas. ChrisLeah.com and then also Hit It Up in London, Ontario and Duluth, Minnesota and Peterbooter.Ontario. Hit It Up! You know and Toronto I'll be there and Bismarck, ChrisLeah.com. Thank you. Thank you very much. Go to MattLeah.com if you want advice on a change of life. New merch coming very much. Go to matthalia.com if you want advice on a change of life. Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Bye!